0:06 - 0:09
Podcasts, there are millions of them.
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Some might say too many.
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I have one already.
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I don’t have any because there are enough.
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Politics, business, sport, you name it, there’s a podcast about it,
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but nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
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Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man?
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Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max.
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What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?
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That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max?
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The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden.
1:00 - 1:02
And I'm David O'Doherty.
1:02 - 1:09
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:09 - 1:14
My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
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Oh, I'm excited about this one now, Max.
1:16 - 1:18
This guest is one of my oldest.
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So this week, we have someone that for a good decade, I would say, our careers were very intertwined and we hung out a lot.
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But she has got phenomenally successful.
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You have too, David.
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Thank you. And she doesn't bother coming to the Edinburgh Fridge or Britain or Ireland where little bottom feeders like me are still nozzling around.
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Kristen Schaal, you will know her from, I guess, her breakout performance was In Flight of the Conchords years ago.
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But since then, so many things. Last Man on Earth was amazing. Toy Story, she does loads of voices.
2:02 - 2:04
So we cover that in the episode.
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BoJack Horseman, Bob's Burgers, obviously, as well.
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And she's in Los Angeles.
2:11 - 2:17
Well, both of us are in Los Angeles. So it's really, it's a very LA show.
2:17 - 2:24
David brings it down a bit because he's not LA like me and Kristen. Like me and Kristen are like, we are just 100% LA.
2:24 - 2:30
We're juicing. We're doing chin ups. And David is just, you know.
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I'm eating a pasty in the rain waiting for a bus while a brass band plays in the background.
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I'm in a Mustang. I'm in a soft top Mustang. I've got a cowboy hat on.
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I'm doing a rodeo. And there's David just bringing it down. Now she's doing Edinburgh and London.
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David, do you have the dates in front of you?
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Do I have the dates in front of me?
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You were the one. I was going to place her in the context of history.
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And you were the one who was definitely going to know why she's actually doing our podcast.
3:02 - 3:04
So you've got the details.
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I have the details. She is doing the Pleasance Courtyard in Edinburgh, 12th to the 16th of August.
3:11 - 3:14
She's doing the London Roundhouse on the 17th of August.
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I'm in London on the 17th, so I could open for her.
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No, no, no. She's found someone. She's found someone. You and Gary Lineker are going to open for her.
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It's got to be all of us.
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Mars bars are smaller than they used to be, aren't they, guys?
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This stuff is gold.
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I know I bigged up her TV stuff there and her film stuff, but one of the great comic minds, utterly unique shows, one of which I once played a part in, and that comes up in the episode.
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Oh, my goodness. This is a good one. This is a really good one.
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It's a good day.
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This is what Kristen Schaal did yesterday.
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Kristen Schaal, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.
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D. I thought you were just going to be silent there.
4:09 - 4:12
u were just going to be silent there.
4:12 - 4:17
I thought you were just going to do two thumbs up because we don't use the video for this.
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So any physical things you do will just be silence.
4:21 - 4:27
That's tough because, like, I'm using so much animation with my face.
4:27 - 4:34
My face and my hands. It's really impressive that you guys aren't using video. You're, like, smartless.
4:34 - 4:39
Like, smartless is, like, the last holdout. And then I guess this podcast I've never heard of.
4:40 - 4:46
That's it. We're the last silent movie actors. We're doing it into the 50s.
4:46 - 4:53
Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire are dancing around and singing away, and we're still just dangling off clocks in the street.
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We don't think sound is going to take off. We don't think people are going to ever look at these things or listen to these things.
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We don't think people are going to ever look at these things ever again. We want to stay analog.
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That's our dream.
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I feel so free.
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Max, I'm going to explain the podcast, and it'll be good for new listeners as well.
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Of course, yeah.
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What's about to happen is we're going to ask you what time you woke up at, and then we're going to go through every single thing you did yesterday,
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and at some point you'll be like, this isn't entertaining for anyone, and that's when it's just getting good.
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I think you are going to get a lot of new listeners once they see my name.
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Kristen, what time did you wake up yesterday, please?
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And was that an alarm, or was that your body just waking you up?
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Yeah. Great question.
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I don't need an alarm at all.
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Where does this waking up take place?
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In the wilds of Colorado, in the mayhem of New York City, or underneath the Hollywood sign?
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It's closer to the Hollywood sign in the City of Angels. Yeah.
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I'm also in Los Angeles.
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And I can tell you, it's big. I've noticed that in the last five days.
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It's a big place. If you didn't know that, Kristen, that's just a little bit of advice for you.
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It takes a long time to get from place to place, I've noticed.
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It looks like you're in a hotel.
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I'm in a serviced apartment, yes.
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I hope you're not trying to get from, like, Burbank to Culver City in an hour or something.
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God, this is so L.A., even these names.
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Yeah, I know. Well, what I did yesterday was I had 17 liters, Botox, and
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Max was drinking it, and then he had six liters of Ozempic.
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He mixes two of them into a tank and then just downs the whole lot.
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He's gone very LA.
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And then I got a tattoo of a lizard on my chest, so I feel like I'm sort of starting to fit in now.
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Yeah, you're one of us.
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Kristen, it's 6:30 am. What happens?
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Why are you waking up at 6.30?
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This is au naturel. Just the light of the Lord is just prodding you in the eyes?
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Oh, no, it's dark in my room, but I have to get my daughter ready for whatever it is.
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And usually at school, we kind of have to be in the car by around 7.45, so my husband and I are just making the lunch, the snack, the breakfast,
7:12 - 7:21
getting her dressed, getting her going. But this week, school got out last week, and this week I got her into this horse riding camp.
7:21 - 7:26
Okay, does she want to go on the horse riding camp, or do you just want her not in the house?
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She suggested the horse riding camp. She's campaigned for it. Her friend told her about it.
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She talks about it all the time. My dad grew up on a farm and had horses, so she is excited to tell her grandpa about the fact that she's riding horses.
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So I put her in her horse riding pants because she wears shorts and skirts all the time.
7:49 - 7:54
And so I had to buy some latex pants last minute on Amazon.
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They're the wrong pants.
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Oh, they're not latex, but they are kind of, they're like nylon leggings because you want them to fit close around your leg so you can get on the horse.
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But what about chaps?
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Are they jodhpurs?
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They're on Amazon. They're $14 and they come in an hour and a half.
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When you reread the website and realize that you do not have pants for your daughter to ride the horse.
8:21 - 8:25
So these are entry-level jodhpurs, would you say? This is sort of my first jodhpurs.
8:25 - 8:29
Yeah, we're not committing. Life as an equestrian expert just yet.
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Okay. It's not like a subscription service where every month you get slightly bigger jodhpurs, but you cannot unsubscribe.
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Amazon is a subscription service at the end of the day. We're all kind of kissing it.
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But I've spent a day once trying to get something pretty basic driving from store to store that they just didn't have locally.
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I'm a good person.
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And then I had to just order it on Amazon.
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Look, to back you up, David, I've been in LA for a week now and I have seen no jodhpurs shops.
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There's no one. In fact, if we were to branch out, we could open one and we could make a pretty penny in this town.
9:07 - 9:15
Do you know how to spell jodhpurs, Max? Because I'd say Kristen does because she's had to go and look them up on the website.
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Do you have any idea how to spell it?
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Okay, start me off there.
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I'll give you the first one.
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There's no H? There must be an H in jodhpurs.
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It's P-H-U-R-S. J-O-D-P-H-U-R-S, I'm pretty sure.
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I didn't know I was going to be put under such pressure today.
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A. with your robot taxis just taking you places you don't want to go. ces you don't want to go.
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I'm in Dublin, virtually surrounded by jodhpurs shops.
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Got it, I understand.
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So I know how to spell it.
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I want to visit you.
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Kristen, can I just check? Is this literally the first thing you do is put jodhpurs on your daughter?
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There's no coffee. There's no...
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Oh, yeah, no. So I roll out of bed and then go downstairs and Rich is making coffee.
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And then my cute, cute dog comes downstairs and he needs to go do a pee.
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Then I'm down there and we're making dog food, breakfast, Ruby breakfast, coffee. We're kind of getting it all done and then I'll go upstairs and Rich will make some more food and I'll go upstairs and then I'll wake up Ruby and be like, it's time.
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It's horse time. Okay, so what's for your breakfast, please, Kristen?
10:31 - 10:34
Yesterday, Rich, it was almost too much.
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He had some leftover kale and bacon and it was like three or four scrambled eggs and like a pile of kale he'd sauteed with garlic and oil and then like he chopped up all these cherry tomatoes to put in the middle just to add some color
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and some bacon on the side. It was massive. It was a massive, gorgeous breakfast that I almost like, I wasn't ready to eat it.
11:02 - 11:05
You know, I wasn't hungry yet, but it was warm and I was just like, oh.
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This was all getting a bit LA and then suddenly a big eggy bacon breakfast came in and I'm like, yes, now we've got the day going.
11:18 - 11:27
I'm sorry, can we pause for a second? You just said this was all getting LA and I'm curious what that meant because it felt like, I don't know, a little bit of an,
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insult, like it was bad. You know, what do you mean by that?
11:30 - 11:33
Yeah, why are you insulting two people from LA?
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We're only at 6.30 a.m.
11:35 - 11:50
Because if you'd opened the day up, okay, your guru had made you do some sort of future yoga poses and then drink half a liter of green juice, you know,
11:50 - 11:54
and I would have had to just sit here and be like, okay, what do we do next?
11:54 - 12:07
But instead you basically chopped up a pig, like murdered a hen house, and now we're going to take a little lady off to sit on a horse, and I like that.
12:07 - 12:13
Okay, so now you're on board. Okay, so you have some judgment for people who are into health and spirituality.
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I think we do, yeah. Yeah, that's okay. I'm going to say that, yeah.
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Me too, me too.
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Okay, keep going. So no one is submerged in turmeric before the day begins.
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It's totally fine.
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Okay. We wake up your daughter, and now we're ready for horse camp.
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Yeah, I love this.
12:31 - 12:35
Now, on horse camp, all the teachers are horses. There are no human.
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This is the interesting thing.
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My understanding of horse camp, David.
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Yeah, I mean, they're the ones who know how to be ridden.
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So yeah, they guide them. They tell them when to get off, and they definitely say it's lunchtime.
12:49 - 12:56
Is it true that the horse is, because I don't know L.A. well, but I am imagining a sort of mixture.
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Of this, you know, modern phenomenon, but also kind of frontiers, cowboy era. So the horse is just tied up outside your house.
13:06 - 13:13
All you can do is take the oat bag off, and maybe your daughter jumps from an upstairs window, lands on the horse.
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Yeah, like in Princess Bride at the end there.
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And then she goes.
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And then we tell the horse, you know, have her back by dinner. And he goes, dinner!
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And then that's yes, in horse.
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Yeah, of course it is. The difficulty is that it's also no in horse.
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And so it's really quite hard.
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It's the inflection. It's the inflection.
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Of the nay?
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Yeah, when it's higher, it's a yes. And when it's lower, it's a no. It's easy.
13:41 - 13:48
AI is not going to replace horses. Do you know what I mean? You know the way you think AI is going to replace everything.
13:48 - 13:55
I think fundamentally it'll be difficult for it to. Now, this is coming from someone who's never sat on a horse.
13:55 - 14:05
We've discussed this on the podcast. Before that, in the Irish sense, I was neither rich enough nor poor enough to own a horse or sit on one.
14:05 - 14:08
But I can imagine what it's like. I've stood beside a cow.
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Just a basic middle class bitch.
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Is that right? Is that right? Oh, you didn't like that I swore, Max?
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No, I don't mind.
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This is Max's reaction. He's like, hmm. Edit that out. Edit that out when I yell the DOD class.
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I suppose for me, as somebody who grew up on the streets and got out of central Cambridge.
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I've heard this speech so many times. Go on.
14:35 - 14:39
It's basically the projects, but in sort of East Anglia.
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So I understand David's privilege and it's difficult for him.
14:42 - 14:44
Oh my God. It's basically the projects.
14:44 - 14:52
If that project is solving the Enigma code to win the Second World War with Stephen Hawking.
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That's what it is. Yes.
14:53 - 14:55
How do we get to horse camp?
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So rich, my husband.
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My husband drove her to horse camp.
15:00 - 15:01
And I stayed home.
15:01 - 15:04
And then I gave my dog a walk, Charles.
15:04 - 15:08
Okay. So where are we taking Charles? How long is he walking for?
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And what flavor is Charles?
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What flavor is that?
15:11 - 15:15
He's a little dog. He's like a tiny little dog and he's got a lot of hair.
15:15 - 15:22
In fact, he's going to get a haircut today because it grows so fast. And he's black and white.
15:22 - 15:30
And he's got two, basically it's like having two dogs because sometimes you have the hairy dog and sometimes you have the short haired dog.
15:30 - 15:33
I need more information. What breed is he?
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I'm not telling you the breed. Not on air.
15:37 - 15:41
It's a mutt. It's a mutt. I rescued him from the jaws of a coyote.
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Okay. Move along. This is about my day.
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Is he a sheep dog type dog?
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What's the best trick he can do? If you whistle, does he roll over or does he put one sheep in a pen?
15:53 - 15:58
He can roll over. He can shake. He can. He can sit. He can come.
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He can stay. Ruby has a lizard who's super cute and he will protect the lizard when I take the lizard outside for an alfresco lunch.
16:09 - 16:16
He'll sit by the lizard and make sure no birds come get her. And when she starts to walk away, he'll just slowly follow behind her.
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He's a protective, loving friend. He's the best dog in the world.
16:22 - 16:25
What's the lizard called?
16:25 - 16:27
Zebra. Charles and Zebra.
16:27 - 16:29
Or Zebra. Yeah.
16:29 - 16:34
I'm going to say Zebra, but I'm also going to say Charles as well.
16:34 - 16:37
So we just say Zebra. I know. It's fine.
16:37 - 16:40
How long are we walking Charles for, Kristen?
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This is where my weakness as a parent comes in is I kind of let him lead.
16:46 - 16:55
So I want to walk, you know, like I'm ready to walk. But then like the wisdom for dogs is that it's more about smell.
16:55 - 17:01
Like they need to smell everything. So I let him smell everything. And then he like takes a poop.
17:01 - 17:09
And you never want to like end the walk after a poop because then they'll hold the poop because they know that that means they have to go in.
17:09 - 17:14
Oh, interesting. Yeah. So then we're just like kind of smelling and like, I didn't like where we were going.
17:14 - 17:21
I wanted to go on a hike. I wanted to go. And he was just like kind of called it.
17:21 - 17:29
And I think, I think it's because his fur is getting. I don't, I don't think I took him for a walk yesterday.
17:29 - 17:39
Oh, Kristen, come on. I'm really emotionally engaged to this walk. For goodness sake. I'm so sorry that I did it today.
17:39 - 17:46
And I think I did it, but I had to get on the road because I had to go do a bunch of errands yesterday.
17:46 - 17:52
And I think Rich took him for a walk. I don't know if I can believe anything anymore.
17:52 - 17:57
I know. Yeah. Is there a horse camp? Is there a daughter? Is there anything?
17:57 - 18:04
Was there kale? Yeah. How can we believe anything? I know, right? I don't know if I took him for a walk.
18:04 - 18:08
I think I took a shower and then like kind of got ready to go.
18:08 - 18:13
But the walk I just described happened this morning. No, that's no good to us.
18:13 - 18:21
That's inadmissible evidence, I'm afraid. It happened before this call. And I was like, I got to make it back in time because I was ready to like really go.
18:21 - 18:27
And I was like, I can't. I have this podcast. And then Charles was like, well, I don't want to go anyway.
18:27 - 18:33
And I think it's because he needs to be groomed because he's hot. Well, let's get through these errands then.
18:33 - 18:37
Did these errands happen yesterday? We have to get something for the tape. They did.
18:37 - 18:44
They did happen yesterday. And I'm disappointed because it's not what I would have picked for my podcast day to talk to you about.
18:44 - 18:56
I was even going to cheat and talk about the day before because the day before I had this beautiful thing where my brother has a fleece he's had for 30 years from college and the collar.
18:57 - 19:01
It was worn out and I got my friends to sew a new collar. Whatever.
19:01 - 19:07
That was that was Monday. So Tuesday. The fleece episode. It would have just been no doubt.
19:07 - 19:15
People would be like, I was really toward the end of my tether. And then I heard her describe lovingly bringing this fleece back to life.
19:15 - 19:20
I know. Maybe we can find some magic in these errands, though. They're interesting. They're interesting.
19:20 - 19:27
OK, so like tomorrow I'm getting today a colonoscopy. So today I'm just drinking the juice.
19:27 - 19:33
There's no work this week. There's no work this week. Can I just check? You haven't already had the laxatives yet.
19:33 - 19:38
No, it's coming. That would make the podcast difficult. I think I'm going to drink them around 530.
19:38 - 19:42
I'm going to take Ruby, pick her up, take her to the orthodontist and then come home and go for it.
19:42 - 19:56
Max, can I tell Kristen the joke? Yeah. The colonoscopy joke. I think we may have said it on one of our other podcasts, but it's just it'll tie everything together and really restart this podcast.
19:57 - 20:03
Oh, restart it? What? What the fuck, dude? Is it bad? It's been a tissue of lies, Kristen.
20:03 - 20:08
That's the problem. Sorry, it hasn't. Just the walk. I think I made up the walk.
20:08 - 20:13
But like you made it up so convincingly. You used your acting skill for bad.
20:13 - 20:19
No, no. I thought I did take him for a walk. I really now I see why people get wrongly accused of murder.
20:19 - 20:26
Holy shit. Do you not remember on day one of acting school where the old wizard?
20:26 - 20:35
Actor came in and said, we will be teaching you some skills, but you must never use them for lies.
20:35 - 20:44
Do you not remember? Why would I blow the skills on this podcast instead of like an acting job that mattered somewhere?
20:44 - 20:52
This is a very popular podcast. This is in the top seven comedy podcasts in Britain.
20:52 - 21:02
Come on. Okay. Okay. Well, I promise. I promise. I didn't mean to lie. Say your poop joke and let's just keep going.
21:02 - 21:09
My dad mysteriously put this in the O'Doherty family WhatsApp group. He's 88. There's no way he made it up.
21:09 - 21:16
So he's heard it off one of his friends, but it's still good. What movie star is best at colonoscopies?
21:16 - 21:31
You have to say who? Who? Cameron Diaz. Oh, yeah. Cameron Diaz. Finally. Yes. Max gives me nothing for these jokes.
21:31 - 21:41
That is the fifth time I've heard it, to be fair. So valuable, D.O.D., because I will be using it tomorrow for the whole staff of the surgical clinic.
21:41 - 21:46
What's your dad's name? I'll say. I'll just give him credit. I don't think he made it up.
21:46 - 21:50
I tried to then see if there was any other directions I could take it.
21:50 - 21:56
And the best I could think of is what do you call me when I'm wearing like those, you know, the Ray-Bans?
21:57 - 22:04
With the cameras in them. David Cameron, you know, like the British Prime Minister. Oh, sure.
22:04 - 22:10
Yeah. But that's it. Oh, sure. It needs work. I wouldn't give it up. I wouldn't give it up.
22:10 - 22:21
I want the errands. Tell me about the errands. Okay, so yesterday I had the big event was I had to go see the gynecologist.
22:21 - 22:28
To get a pap smear. That's when they swab the inside of your cervix and they put it in a petri dish.
22:28 - 22:34
We haven't had a smear test yet, so this is good. We've had a waxing down there, but we've never gone in.
22:34 - 22:44
We've never gone up. Actually, that's not true. We've had two sexual encounters on this, but I know that this is not a sexual encounter.
22:44 - 22:51
Thank you. Yeah, no, no. So that happened to be on the other side of town.
22:51 - 22:59
As you know, Matt. L.A. is so big. So because this was coming up, I said, oh, there's a place near there where I could get a facial.
22:59 - 23:05
I'm like, I'm going to treat myself to a facial. And I was like, heck, I'll treat myself to a mani-pedi, too.
23:05 - 23:16
So I had the day stacked. That's why I couldn't walk Charles, because I had to get over there, because I had to do the mani-pedi was at 10, the facial at 12, and the gyno at 130.
23:16 - 23:20
I mean, it was like, bing, bada, boom. They were all in the same neighborhood.
23:20 - 23:29
Is the facial. Is the facial mani-pedi to balance out? Like, is it going to be a painful gyno, or is it just having a little look?
23:29 - 23:36
The gyno thing wasn't painful. It was mainly because I had the day free to be on that side of town.
23:36 - 23:45
And I noticed that for facial, I haven't had my nails or toes done in like six, but I've given up on my body.
23:45 - 23:50
And I was like, well. You look great. Oh, no, I know. I realize I don't need that shit.
23:50 - 23:55
But I was like, well, maybe I could get the. Cuticles cut down. I don't have any nail polish, but don't they look kind of nice?
23:55 - 24:04
They look really tremendous. Did I just blow $50? Yeah, I have great nails, though. People often compliment me.
24:04 - 24:14
Oh, they are good. That's just me. That's just genetics. I know that's normally what people say when they get surgical interventions, but I've had no surgical interventions on these sweet.
24:14 - 24:21
On your nail beds. Yeah. I've never had a manicure or a pedicure. I once did put my feet in that thing where the fish eat them.
24:21 - 24:25
I was trying to impress a girl. I think that's illegal now, Max. I think you're not allowed.
24:25 - 24:29
Yeah, but I used tuna, and so it was different. It was a different experience.
24:29 - 24:36
Could you talk us through the mani-pedi, please? Yeah, so I booked a place that I've never been to before.
24:36 - 24:42
It was called Mars. Mars. And it was near the facial, which was near my gyno.
24:42 - 24:51
So it was all lined up. I go in, and they have a room. You can have a private room to get this done, and they built a whole.
24:51 - 25:07
A hole in the floor so that there's a sink, there's a chair, the sink for your feet to soak, and then right behind it, a hole in the floor for the nail technician to go down into to work on your feet.
25:07 - 25:13
Oh, they don't pop up from below. That would be fun. That would be fun.
25:13 - 25:19
This would be my question. Do you feel a bit like Henry VIII? They're like your butlers.
25:19 - 25:27
Yeah, Henry VIII. You know what I mean? With people, you know, maybe that's what you want with someone tightening your bodice, you know?
25:27 - 25:40
A hundred percent. I'm always trying to figure out what they're thinking when they're like, you know, going into my toes and cleaning them up and shaping them up and having to hold my foot.
25:40 - 25:59
It's an intimate moment, and it's also, I wanted to write a screenplay about a nail technician who mainly at the end of the night when she's cleaning up all of the nails come together and make like a nail monster that like- That is terrifying.
25:59 - 26:10
And it's like there to do her bidding because she's like been so like invisible and ignored, you know, and of course, you know, it wants to do evil.
26:10 - 26:14
Maybe I should write it. I don't know. I wasn't really sure where it was going.
26:14 - 26:20
Does anyone want to write it? Christian, Henry VIII has just reminded me of a thing from our past.
26:21 - 26:28
You had a show once where someone had to sit in the audience and pretend to be your boyfriend.
26:28 - 26:44
And you, in the middle of the show, again, using your incredible acting skills for darkness, you would pretend that you were going to propose to the person in the audience.
26:44 - 26:54
One night it was me as your boyfriend, me using my acting skill. You'd be like, and there's a special guy in the audience and because people would vaguely know who I was,
26:54 - 27:00
they'd be like, oh, David O'Doherty, Christa Shaw's about to propose. And you'd be like, will you marry me?
27:00 - 27:03
And I had to be like, Christa, I don't think we should do this now.
27:03 - 27:09
And then you produced a cake and I had to knock it on the ground and storm out of the venue.
27:09 - 27:15
The joke was you then did a sketch which was called The Many Wives of Henry VIII or something.
27:15 - 27:21
It was called Anne Boleyn on Fire. And you were crying because I had just turned you down and made you cry.
27:21 - 27:27
While you were doing it, while walking a cake into the floor of the theater.
27:27 - 27:32
Yeah, I had to go on with the show. Yes. Even though I'd been rejected so hard.
27:32 - 27:41
My main memory of that is I had to come on at the end dressed as Winston Churchill with a bald wig and a cigar and we danced to I've Had the Time of My Life.
27:41 - 27:51
Okay. And just despite that, I remember someone once coming up to me afterwards and just being like, just to say what you did in there was bad.
27:51 - 28:03
It was a much better way you could have handled it. As in like, despite me coming on as Winston Churchill at the end, I still thought that part was legitimate that you had proposed to me.
28:03 - 28:11
People are idiots. Not the listeners. No, no, we're just so good. Question, Kristen. Yeah.
28:11 - 28:16
If I was going for a pedicure, I'd be so self-conscious about my feet that I'd wash them for 24 hours before.
28:16 - 28:23
Have you gone in with very clean feet or are they honking? When you go to the mani-pedi.
28:23 - 28:30
Also, thank you for remembering my old bit, D.O.D. Thank you for participating as the plant and the heel.
28:30 - 28:39
My feet are generally pretty fine. You know, they're not, I'm not too worried. And again, they soak them in like a disinfecting water soap.
28:39 - 28:47
You know, and I know, I talked to someone who went through beauty school and they would have to do like, you know, for free people could come in and they would be practicing on them.
28:47 - 28:56
And they said they've seen some of the most grotesque feet. We're talking. And warts, fungus, nail fungus, like stuff like, so they've seen it all.
28:56 - 29:01
Did you say who, David? Are we speculating? No, I didn't say who, I said hooves.
29:01 - 29:15
I was parking back to the horses that may or may not have been true earlier that your daughter rides in on the horse and then the horse plonks its four hooves into the lower dungeon water.
29:15 - 29:21
And then it totally remembers it's supposed to be a camp. Oh no! He left all those hooves.
29:21 - 29:25
He left all those kids. Is it expensive? You don't have to tell us the price.
29:25 - 29:33
Oh, this place is expensive. Mars. Where I usually have gone before, there's like 10 chairs in a row and you sit down and everybody's doing it.
29:33 - 29:40
This was like its own room, which I didn't realize. But I wanted to pay more because it was near my stuff.
29:40 - 29:44
And also the other place last time I went, they made my nail bed bleed.
29:44 - 29:51
And I was like, you know what? Let's treat ourselves. So sorry. At the last place they made your, well, all of them bleed.
29:51 - 29:56
You come out with your fingers and toes. It was my pinky and she just kind of like got in there.
29:56 - 30:00
And then it was just, I just like looked over and I had to tell her, oh, that one's bleeding.
30:00 - 30:07
With respect to this place, when I think of Mars, nail care is not the first thing that comes to mind.
30:07 - 30:14
You know what I mean? I know. Does the theme extend? Are they dressed as sort of B-movie monsters or anything?
30:14 - 30:21
There's nothing related to the planet at all. It's so basic. There's not even like a product.
30:21 - 30:26
Maybe Mars nail polish or something. Actually, it'd be red and dusty. It'd be like a terrible place.
30:26 - 30:36
Hard to breathe. Yeah, the atmosphere is very different. But if you saw the movie, The Martian, he did have incredible nails throughout that.
30:36 - 30:40
Absolutely to die for. That might be it. Maybe that's what they're going for. Do you have chat?
30:40 - 30:47
Is it silent? Or are you chatting about life? The way I would say, there was a lady on my hands and a lady on my feet.
30:47 - 30:54
She's in a little hole. And so I took advantage of the fact that I'm not, I don't live in that neighborhood.
30:54 - 31:00
I've never been there before. I just let them do their job. And I just basically stared at my navel.
31:00 - 31:06
And at one point, I could feel a little drool coming down and both hands were like getting soaked.
31:06 - 31:11
And I was like, I had to be like, because I was so relaxed. So total silence.
31:11 - 31:16
Did they talk to each other or not? No, no. And how long does it take?
31:16 - 31:23
It only took like maybe like 30 minutes, max, I guess. Like it's short. We call it in economics, division of labor.
31:23 - 31:31
Like if one person were to make a match, it would take them hours. But if you have six people doing it, you know, someone chops the wood.
31:31 - 31:40
You know what I mean? That's what I'm imagining from it. Jesus said it takes 10 people to mani-pedi as quickly as possible.
31:40 - 31:44
Per finger. That's it. The next step up is a little booth. You can specialize actually.
31:44 - 31:48
If you go to real speed, you can just be the ring finger. You'd be like, I cannot touch.
31:48 - 31:55
I couldn't do a thumb. And that's when you get to real elite mani-pedis. Kristen, this day is really hotting up now.
31:55 - 32:05
Yeah. The next thing you do is go for a facial. Yes. So I went to get a facial and something very exciting happened.
32:05 - 32:13
Yes. You had to get undressed except for your underwear and you wear a little towel because they're slapping you up on the décolletage a little bit.
32:13 - 32:20
That's not normally part of this, is it? Have you ever had one? No, but the name implies the top part.
32:20 - 32:27
I know, but I think because you're there, they'll get this part to their and you're on a bed.
32:27 - 32:32
I was on a bed in a windowless room and the lady was just she was a little rough.
32:32 - 32:48
She was a little rough. Yeah. And then at one point. So this is why I do it because I realized I don't know about you guys, but I am forever getting zits and pimples no matter what.
32:48 - 32:55
I eat sugar too much. You know, I'm still ovulating. The hormones are still like make some pimples.
32:55 - 33:01
And so I realized when I get a facial, they squeeze out all the pus in all your pores.
33:01 - 33:13
And that helps you not get pimples as much. So that's why I was like, I need to remember this and maybe do this every few months because let's have an occasion where I don't have pimples.
33:13 - 33:18
You know, question here as well. You have to say which one of us you want the question from first.
33:18 - 33:24
We'll start with Max because he asked first. But, do you look around at the end of the facial and there is a bowl full of pus?
33:24 - 33:32
That's my question. Oh my God. I know. I am so desperate to see because I love to pop my zits, which is probably why I keep getting them.
33:32 - 33:41
And I want to see what came out. But they put these like black like coverings, like a half an eggshell.
33:41 - 33:48
Goggles? Like little goggles? Yes. And then they're using like a really bright light so they can see.
33:48 - 33:53
Oh yeah. And they're like looking through a magnifying glass like it's a real procedure.
33:53 - 33:57
Wow. And then they're wiping it on a tissue, I think. D.O.D. It's a waste.
33:57 - 34:09
Yeah. No, mine was more of a comment than a question. And it's that I think maybe we rewrite the movie with rather than a beast coming together from bits of nails,
34:09 - 34:14
but a puss monster comes out of the puss pool. You know what I mean?
34:14 - 34:20
It's obviously the puss is all going on the floor and they have drains that just runs into a sump underneath the place.
34:21 - 34:27
And like a fat bug. Yeah, it's the room like in Star Wars where people get crushed.
34:27 - 34:37
It's in there. That will be the sequel. I think for the nail monster, I really want to hear the sound of like, like when it moves.
34:37 - 34:43
Yeah. OK, so she's going at it. She's going at it. Carry on. She's done like this half of my face, right?
34:43 - 34:53
She's on my chin. She's like about to work over up this way and in the nose really hurts, but she's only gotten this the chin and then all of a sudden the power goes out.
34:53 - 35:00
She's like, what's going on? And it's completely dark windowless room. I've got orbs on my eyes.
35:00 - 35:07
I don't know what's going on. And so she's like, excuse me for a minute, you know, and she like makes her way to the door in the dark.
35:07 - 35:10
I just hear like, I don't know. I don't know. It's me, too. Me, too.
35:10 - 35:14
And then she comes in and she's like, are you OK? She's checking on me and I'm like, I'm fine.
35:14 - 35:22
I'll just chill here. And then she goes back out. Then I hear something pretty scary, which is it's a city wide power outage, you know?
35:22 - 35:30
And then I'm like, oh, then my mind I'm on the table, you know, with a towel shafty pussed.
35:30 - 35:41
Yeah. Yeah. Then my mind starts racing to all these different scenarios. Like the first thing is like I lived through 9-11.
35:41 - 35:48
Yeah. So my first thought is like, oh, I guess it's another terrorist attack. And then this is what's fucked up about the times.
35:48 - 35:54
I'm like, it's probably Donald Trump fucking with California because he like famously hates us so much.
35:54 - 36:02
Is that sad? That I was instantly like, my president's probably doing this. Potchilly is like causing harm around our city.
36:02 - 36:08
You lean out the window and you're like, Trump! Like that's shaking your face. There was no window.
36:08 - 36:16
Shit. Yeah. So then she comes back and she's like, I don't know what's going on, but baby, you should go.
36:16 - 36:23
Basically. Whoa. She's not controlled by it. She could still deep past your face. It's dark.
36:23 - 36:39
But she couldn't do it without the light. Yeah. So she takes her iPhone camera flashlight and then she kind of bounces on the light on top so it shines down and she slaps some lotion on and then she turns and the iPhone falls on my face
36:39 - 36:45
and it really hurts. I'm acting like it didn't happen because there's enough going on.
36:45 - 36:50
And then she leaves the light on in the room and she leaves so I can change.
36:50 - 36:55
And then I'm expecting like I'm getting dressed and I'm like, oh, I'm scared to look at my phone.
36:55 - 37:05
It's probably like 400 messages of like it's just going down in Los Angeles. You get out and I pull it out and there's absolutely nothing on there.
37:05 - 37:19
I text Rich. I'm like, the power's out and he's like, not here. So the Transformers on the block because there's a lot of construction like exploded, I guess, and pulled the power just for that one building.
37:19 - 37:26
So I got a free facial half and I tipped, but I tipped full because it's not her fault.
37:26 - 37:31
And then I was like, I got to get out of here because I was also like, what if it's a citywide power outage?
37:31 - 37:39
Like the main problem for me would be getting back home because all the lights would be out and like traffic would be like tough.
37:39 - 37:48
Yeah. But it was fine. It was fine, guys. I have a question, which is, do you then, because you've had half a facial, for the rest of the day, are you kind of favoring,
37:48 - 37:53
do you favor that side of your face? Have you got a puss? One puss side to your face.
37:53 - 38:01
Because I had shingles once. I had shingles once on my face. And so half my face, I look like Phantom of the Opera or the bad guy in Batman or whatever.
38:01 - 38:08
And I was on holiday with my wife in Italy. And so in the photos, I'm really looking, I'm like this, like side on.
38:08 - 38:13
So the scabs, you can't see the scabs on one side. Was it like that or not?
38:13 - 38:21
Oh, no, no. It was just, I look the same. And you know, because I like to pick at my face, maybe today I'll go in and do a little on the right
38:21 - 38:37
Do you think it might have been because the World Cup is on and Messi scored a hat-trick for Argentina and maybe one of his shots went to the side, smashed into the floodlights and the power in the whole city went down.
38:37 - 38:42
Do you think that is the power of football? Sure, D.O.D. Yeah, that's probably what happened.
38:42 - 38:50
There's every chance, isn't there? Is the gyno going to be able to do the gyno rod?
38:50 - 38:57
That was, I was like, ah, but then when I realized it was just that block and the gyno was like a seven-minute drive.
38:57 - 39:09
So, but I was going to eat lunch underneath there at this coffee shop that has really good rose black iced tea and then I was going to get like a muffin or something and they were close because there's no power.
39:09 - 39:17
So I got in my car and I was driving and I called Rich. I was like, ah, I'm so hungry and I was doing this thing where I was like looking for,
39:17 - 39:25
like I had some Mentos. I couldn't find it. Like every stoplight, I was like digging around all the junk on my, like where's these Mentos?
39:25 - 39:32
You know, I'm so hungry. And I was like, Rich, maybe we should get a draft beer and some fries at our favorite bar when I get back.
39:32 - 39:41
He's like, baby, what is the football games going on? I don't know. So then I kept going to the gyno and I'm like, I'm going to be at the gyno early now.
39:41 - 39:49
And I was like, maybe they can take me early. So I went in and they were like, I think we could take you early, which was amazing.
39:49 - 39:59
It doesn't normally happen with, with experienced consultant medicine. It's not like the barber shop where you go in and you look at the three people working there.
39:59 - 40:08
You put your name on the chalk. Yeah. Lee Reconstruction. Max, who's next? It was only like 25 minutes early, but I did.
40:08 - 40:16
Yeah, they had a room open and yeah, I was able to get in there and then I had to take off all my clothes again.
40:16 - 40:25
They give you this like paper towel dress and also, because I had a mani-pedi, I usually have socks on, but I didn't have my socks.
40:25 - 40:31
And so this was the most naked I've ever felt in the gyno. Not a scrap of clothing.
40:31 - 40:40
Are you hoping that they notice your nails and half your face? I did mention to the receptionist that I had left my socks in the car.
40:40 - 40:50
Would that be okay? Because I was a little bit like, is it gross that my bare feet are up, you know, by her face?
40:51 - 40:56
Again, like they've seen it all. Like she's about to see worse, you know, than my bare feet, probably.
40:56 - 41:14
So just the danger of walking with no shoes and socks on. A friend of mine, okay, the son of an Irish folk musician was dealing weed in the school and they called the Irish folk musician in to meet the principal of the school.
41:14 - 41:19
And my friend saw him getting out of his car to go in and meet the principal.
41:19 - 41:25
And he had no shoes and socks on. And that's a situation where it's just like, what's the fucking point?
41:25 - 41:29
Like, of course, your son is a weed dealer. You've got no shoes and socks on.
41:29 - 41:38
Am I getting that vibe from you? I'm just going from standing up, getting undressed into the stirrups.
41:38 - 41:48
Oh, okay. Sorry. Sandals. Okay, got it. Kristen, I have a question, which is I used to host a TV show with a girl called Helen Chamberlain.
41:48 - 41:59
And she told me a story once that, and it was a soccer show. And she was once in the stirrups and someone asked for an autograph, which feels like not the place.
41:59 - 42:06
So I'm wondering if you said it, is everyone, when you're in the stirrups, is there anyone there going, oh, I love your stuff.
42:06 - 42:16
Like do the Toy Story voice. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's happened. Not with this lady that I've known for a while now for over eight years, but it's happened.
42:16 - 42:29
And it's disconcerting at best. Yeah, this podcast is so big that whenever I have any sort of rectal examination, they're like, I know what you did yesterday.
42:29 - 42:33
You know what I mean? They can tell from the various things that are there.
42:33 - 42:42
Oh, my rectal examination's tomorrow. Yeah, damn it. We good? We happy with? I haven't finished the appointment yet.
42:42 - 42:49
I haven't even gotten to the smear. I feel this is about the only time in this podcast ever where I'm looking for you to lead.
42:49 - 42:56
I can't be like, and why? What happened then? You know? I know. So then she comes in and she's like, how are you?
42:56 - 43:01
We're going through stuff. She's like, are you getting a colonoscopy? And I was like, ding, ding, ding.
43:01 - 43:07
I'm getting one on Thursday. She's like, good. Yeah. Then she like laid back. She checks my boobs.
43:07 - 43:13
And then she sticks the, what are they called? Oh, no. It's like a metal thing.
43:13 - 43:18
Like a vice. A pogo stick. And it winds up your vagina. A pogo stick.
43:18 - 43:24
A penny whistle. And then she takes a long Q-tip and she swabs it and she puts it in.
43:24 - 43:30
And it was really quick. I was kind of expecting her to take like some blood just to see like.
43:30 - 43:43
I have a question. Yeah. How is she dressed? It'd be good if she had like, you know, in Formula One when they go in the pits and they're in kind of like fireproof one piece suits with a baseball cap backwards,
43:43 - 43:51
maybe something like that. She's wearing black scrubs, but they look really good. Cool. Like tailored a bit.
43:51 - 43:54
Not tailored, but they look cool on her. Sort of like Catwoman. Is it like Catwoman?
43:54 - 44:01
She looks like Catwoman. Got it. Yeah. Michelle Pfeiffer. It's Michelle Pfeiffer is doing your smear test.
44:01 - 44:09
Yeah. It's LA after all. There's a sort of a karate vibe with scrubs and your color of scrubs shows how good you are at doing it.
44:09 - 44:18
You know, the classic greeny blue is sort of entry level. And then you go right up to black and then rainbow is the one after that.
44:18 - 44:25
Yeah. She's the Mr. Miyagi of China. Gynecologist. Gynecology. Okay. And then she's like, you're done.
44:25 - 44:31
We'll see you later. So I get dressed. Super. Yeah. Yeah. Are you allowed to bring the dress home?
44:31 - 44:39
The dress is so bad. It doesn't even close. It's like basically a paper towel with arm holes.
44:39 - 44:50
Okay, fine. Leave it there. Recycle it. Yeah. Oh, Amy, my little one. I ask myself a million questions every day.
44:50 - 44:58
When will you give me your first smile? How much sleep do you need? How can I help you and your big brother to get along?
44:58 - 45:08
At the HSE's mychild.ie and in the free My Child books, you'll find the answers you need from doctors, midwives, public health nurses, dieticians, and lots of other experts.
45:08 - 45:15
mychild.ie, expert advice for every step of pregnancy, baby and toddler health. From the HSE.
45:15 - 45:25
We get back in the Ferrari. And hit the freeway with the ragtop pad. I knew it.
45:25 - 45:34
Now I'm excited too because I feel like I really scored. I mean, I got half a facial, but also just able to like do the appointment earlier.
45:34 - 45:44
Like all of a sudden I was getting back sooner to beat traffic. And then I get home and then I just sort of had some time and I wanted to do some writing, you know, because I'm so creative.
45:44 - 45:54
But you're hungry. Oh, I am hungry. I'm really hungry. So then I eat. Some turkey hungry for the Nobel Prize in literature.
45:54 - 46:09
Yeah, that's I'm hungry for my art to win awards and to be received. Do you remember when you said you rang rich and you said, like, let's drink some sweet brews, baby.
46:09 - 46:16
Let's make like we're back in school again. Is he ready there with six beers all lined up?
46:16 - 46:20
Well, in a way, he was like, I don't think we should do that. It's too early.
46:20 - 46:26
And I was like, OK, well, there's no beer at home. And he's like, why don't I pick some beers up for you?
46:26 - 46:33
And he's so sweet. And I'm like, great. And he's like, and don't worry, we'll we'll have some potatoes that'll taste a little bit like fries tonight.
46:33 - 46:39
And I was like, oh, OK. And then I said, hey, you're actually going to be right across from where I get my prep for my colonoscopy.
46:39 - 46:47
Can you pick that up for me? He said, you got it, babe. And so he had some beers ready when I got home.
46:47 - 46:53
Well, I didn't have one till dinner because, you know, you get sleepy. So lunch is turkey.
46:53 - 46:59
Lunch is just a plate of turkey. I ate some deli turkey. I ate a banana and I ate.
46:59 - 47:09
This is chaos. This is a chaos munch. It is chaos. This is the problem is that it's now it's too close to dinner because we eat at like five and now it's like almost three.
47:09 - 47:14
So what am I doing? Now you're in a tricky spot here because you don't want to spoil dinner, but you need to eat something.
47:14 - 47:17
So you're just sort of you've got lots of things in front of you. Pringles.
47:17 - 47:28
Putting them in your mouth with gay abandon. Grabbing. What about some Greek yogurt? That's what I would have had with a bit of honey in it and some fresh berries on top.
47:28 - 47:38
Something a transitional meal. No, that sounds really good. That's really good. Yeah. Instead, you have sloppy turkey wrapped around a banana.
47:38 - 47:47
That's chaos. It was chaos. I was just trying to live, you know, I just try to survive.
47:47 - 47:55
So do you start writing the script about the mani-pedi monster? Well, OK, so that's not what I'm working on now.
47:55 - 48:01
I abandoned it, but maybe I'll pick it up again. I'm working on a different idea, but I'm doing a lot of prep.
48:01 - 48:11
I'm watching this video that Michael Arndt made, the writer from Pixar who wrote Little Miss Sunshine.
48:11 - 48:16
Oh, yeah. So he's got a great online video if you ever want to look it up.
48:16 - 48:19
And it's what's it called? Oh, you know what? Can I put it in the chat?
48:19 - 48:31
How? How do you spell his name? Michael Arndt? A-R-N-D-T. Michael Arndt. Pandemoniuminc.com slash endings hyphen video.
48:31 - 48:36
The good, the bad, and the insanely great is what it's called. This is how possessive I am.
48:36 - 48:55
I'm feeling a little bit bad about sharing it because it's so good. He uses Star Wars, The Graduate, and his movie, Little Miss Sunshine, and he explains that what makes insanely good endings and really great film and stories is when you put three different stakes throughout.
48:55 - 49:02
So you have your external stake, your internal stake, and maybe a philosophical stake, I think.
49:02 - 49:12
And then all three of them are, you know, working together. And then in the last two minutes of Star Wars, for example, when Luke is about to destroy the Death Star,
49:12 - 49:20
the philosophical stake is Obi-Wan saying you can do it and him taking the computer away and just using the Force.
49:20 - 49:30
The external stake is Han Solo deciding he was going to join everyone and help him out. And then the internal stake, I guess, was him.
49:30 - 49:35
I don't know. Watch it, watch it. And then all three come together in under two minutes and it's really satisfying.
49:35 - 49:46
So in this episode of this podcast, we've got you. So the external stake, no, the philosophical stake is your daughter surviving Horace Camp.
49:46 - 49:58
Okay. The external stake is we hope you're, your ass cam is going well, like it's going to go well in the future and the fillet steak is your turkey banana.
49:58 - 50:06
Yes. And it's so satisfying when you tend to all three steaks. So you've watched that.
50:06 - 50:14
Does that inspire you to fire up your final draft and get in scripting? It's so overwhelming. I take a nap.
50:14 - 50:23
Then I wake up and I try again. It's like too much. And then I'm like, okay, I got this. And then I, I start looking at clothes online and I'm like,
50:23 - 50:29
what is Vivian Westwood making now? And then I'm like, get back to it. And then I'm like, I'm back. And then I'm like, you know what?
50:29 - 50:35
Ruby's going to be home any minute. Rich goes to get Ruby. I'm like, I don't know if I can start this now. I don't know if I can really get into it.
50:35 - 50:39
So then I start, I'm trying to read this book, Lena Dunham's Bane Sick, right?
50:39 - 50:42
Oh yeah. Which I was reading before I called. So then I'm like, I'll just read this.
50:42 - 50:48
Okay. That's interesting, isn't it? That, you know, you want to be inspired by something, but something can be so inspirational.
50:48 - 50:53
You just have to go straight to sleep is, that's an issue in the creative process. How long do you nap?
50:53 - 50:57
Because if I have a nap, I really, I go to bed, you know, it's lights off, clothes off in bed.
50:57 - 51:01
Does this nap just lying on the sofa or is it a proper going to bed nap?
51:01 - 51:17
Yeah, I was on the sofa and the whole thing too is very strange because I didn't expect that I'd be home early and that I'd have right now where everything's shifting and I have a real problem too with like allowing myself to just fucking relax, you know?
51:17 - 51:22
And so I was like, well, you did relax. You had your mani pedi and your facial, like, fuck you, like get to work.
51:22 - 51:29
And then I'm like on the couch being like, and so I was like, I just put my head on the side of the couch.
51:29 - 51:41
I was like, I'm not really napping. But the next thing I know, I'm like, Do you think Max, because so many of our listeners, Kristen tell us that they fall asleep to this podcast.
51:41 - 51:45
I think it's because they're so inspired. I think that's it. I think you're right.
51:45 - 51:53
They're like, I could never do what these people do. This is incredible. It's incomprehensible how talented these people are.
51:53 - 52:04
The highest art is happening right now. So therefore I must sleep. Like this is great because there's twice today you've been so relaxed you've fallen asleep during the day.
52:04 - 52:08
It's a wonderful place to get to. Like people search for this kind of nirvana.
52:08 - 52:14
Are you awoken by a horse whip across the buttocks because your daughter is back?
52:14 - 52:22
She's back. She's really pumped. She's been loving horse camp, which is so, so sweet.
52:22 - 52:26
So she's like in a great mood and she's tired. You can see like the dark circles under her eyes.
52:26 - 52:35
She's been like in the sun with these horses, like driving her. Yeah. And so then we just like hang out and then we have, she watches a little SpongeBob.
52:35 - 52:40
We have some dinner. What do we have? I have a beer. I have that beer.
52:40 - 52:46
So good. And then I'm also like eating like kind of a lot because I can't really eat today.
52:46 - 52:50
So I'm like, yeah, I'm going to have some cookies and yeah, why don't you make me an ice cream cone rich?
52:50 - 53:00
Thanks. There's no one finishing this wine bottle. It's going to go bad. Helen copter, my beloved had this recently.
53:00 - 53:09
And as a gift, I bought her 18 rolls of toilet paper, but then I took a photo of it and I put it in the wrong WhatsApp group.
53:09 - 53:14
I put in the WhatsApp group of a TV show that I'd been working on with some other people.
53:14 - 53:20
And like someone had just pitched an idea. And I responded with 18 rolls of toilet paper.
53:20 - 53:28
That's bad. Like it's so shitty. It's so shitty. This is what we're going to have to do to clean up this bad idea.
53:28 - 53:41
So Kristen, could we just itemize everything that you consume if possible? Oh, definitely. So I had a beer and then I had a chicken on rice and with this garlic sauce and a red chili oil,
53:41 - 53:48
cucumbers, hummus, pita. Interruption. Do you make this or is it a dinner in a box?
53:48 - 54:00
No, sir. It's dinner in a box. It's dinner in a box. Okay. So here's the thing, Kristen, David doesn't mind takeaway like delivery if it's all made, but if the food comes in a box.
54:00 - 54:05
That's what it was. Okay. So we ordered it from a restaurant. Yeah. So I think David's okay with that.
54:05 - 54:09
He doesn't like it. If you get food in a box and you make the dinner.
54:09 - 54:18
Oh yeah. Do you know the stupid food in a box phenomenon where like it arrives with a chef hat with a little ratatouille to go into it and tells you how to cook it.
54:18 - 54:27
Idiots. And I get this because I'm a chef. I'm time poor. I have two young children and it's quite useful if it's all in a box and he is not letting me get away with it.
54:27 - 54:34
And we are missing out on HelloFresh sponsorship at a huge level. I was going to say, I guess Blue Apron is not sponsoring you.
54:34 - 54:39
Okay. But yeah, down that hill, David. It makes a lot of sense. Thank you.
54:39 - 54:53
One of the most wonderful things about Los Angeles, and I will spread it's good word because it gets shat on so hard by everyone in the country, but it's a beautiful city.
54:53 - 55:04
It's got so much to offer, so many things to do here. And one of the reasons I don't think I could ever move is that there's so many good restaurants.
55:04 - 55:10
Yeah. And so like this chicken is, it's so good and it comes right to our door.
55:10 - 55:19
So I'm eating that all up. And then I had some ginger cookies. Then I had a watermelon flavored ice cream in a cone.
55:20 - 55:25
And that was so good. And then I was done. Yeah. Okay, fine. It's a great dinner.
55:25 - 55:29
And what are we about six o'clock now? Could you have an early dinner or is it seven o'clock?
55:29 - 55:32
It's like 6.30, 6.30. So we had a kind of a later dinner because we were hanging out.
55:32 - 55:39
And then Ruby and I watch, we've been watching Bob's Burgers at night and Rich, and it's been so fun.
55:39 - 55:49
So we watched two episodes of Bob's Burgers. Is that odd? So my father used to be on TV in Ireland a lot because he's a piano player.
55:49 - 55:57
And so, we would watch his work and a lot of the time he'd just be like, Oh God, like, Oh, I made a balls out of that.
55:57 - 56:02
You know, even though to everyone else's ears, you're like, this is virtuoso playing here.
56:02 - 56:11
This is incredible. When you were watching old Epps of Bob's Burgers, do you think, Oh my God, I absolutely ruined that.
56:11 - 56:19
Never. I just get more and more impressed with my performance. Like dang, that was really good.
56:19 - 56:25
I, I also removed from it more than your dad. Like your dad's piano playing is all him.
56:25 - 56:37
Yeah. It's all Jimmy, but this is animation. So that's why when people come up to me, when my legs are in stirrups and if it's about like the cartoon work I've done,
56:37 - 56:44
it's so easy to feel so much joy because it's obviously like an ensemble. Yes, sure.
56:44 - 56:49
How old's your daughter, Kristen? She's eight. How old are your kids? Four and one.
56:49 - 56:54
Oh my, God, you are in the shit. I'm here for the world cup for six weeks.
56:54 - 57:01
So Mrs. Rushden is in the shit. Are you playing? Like what's going on? I'm holding midfield for England.
57:01 - 57:05
And I also do this podcast. It's a weird mix. And one of them's got hand, foot and mouth.
57:05 - 57:13
It's an absolute fucking disaster at home, honestly. And it's like, I just checked the clock cause we, I live in Melbourne now and it's 4 11 AM and I've not heard anything for six hours.
57:13 - 57:17
And that is great. They might all be asleep or they're all dead. I don't know.
57:17 - 57:21
But if it's quiet, it's good. And my question is, is she, so she's eight.
57:21 - 57:30
So she's totally aware that you occasionally, like my kids have seen me on TV, like doing soccer shows and like occasionally point and go down there, but they don't really know.
57:30 - 57:34
But when you're eight, they know that you're doing this. Is she like, this is unbelievable.
57:34 - 57:43
My mom is in Bob's burgers. I think so. Like my attitude about it is that I'm so grateful for my job.
57:43 - 57:55
It's what I wanted. I worked really hard to get it. But when people come up to me on the street and the worst part is if she's there, I, sort of downplay it and I keep downplaying it so that I think she downplays it a little bit too.
57:55 - 58:00
But if someone comes up and she's like, do I know you? She'll just be like, you do.
58:00 - 58:08
She's done. She's got your IMDb. She's like, here's our IMDb. There it is. Exactly.
58:08 - 58:20
When I'm like, Oh, I wanted to not do that, but also, okay. So when we had a babysitter and my dad would be on the TV and we had managed to hoodwink the babysitter,
58:20 - 58:36
into telling, letting us stay up late to see whatever show my dad was playing the piano on, we would then get the fear and hide behind the couch while he was on the TV in case he could see through the TV.
58:36 - 58:43
All of the people who have to be watching. Okay. So what time are we up to now?
58:43 - 58:59
Post ice cream, post Bob's burgers. Yeah. So now it's bedtime. So it's bedtime. It's been pretty easy because she's tired and that's saying that it hasn't always been, but she was good enough to listen to her Yodo.
58:59 - 59:05
There's a British guy who does the Yodo stories at night and his name is Jake.
59:05 - 59:13
And that's all I know. But she's like, when I told her we were going to come to Edinburgh and London this summer for the shows, she's like, maybe I'll meet Jake.
59:13 - 59:20
James Acaster does the Roald Dahl stories. Do you think it might be him then?
59:20 - 59:27
Is it Jake or James? She said Jake, but I, it's these little, and maybe, you know, they're just like every night.
59:27 - 59:34
Yeah, we've got a Yodo. Yeah. He'll do a theme for 15 minutes for bedtime or less than that, even like eight or nine.
59:34 - 59:39
And it's just like, I know Friday is jokes because she's really excited. And then like Sunday is drawings.
59:39 - 59:46
You can draw with him. And then there's something every night, always. And it's pretty cool.
59:46 - 59:50
And that sometimes that's enough for her to like, listen to it and then fall asleep.
59:50 - 59:55
Do you think my dad could get that gig and do the Cameron Diaz joke?
59:55 - 1:00:02
A hundred percent. Yeah. What parents of four-year-olds are looking for is not the ass jokes.
1:00:02 - 1:00:09
It's just get them in early and they'll understand. So she's asleep. And now the evening is ahead of you.
1:00:09 - 1:00:14
Brilliant. It's LA. Go into the Viper room. Right. Hang out with John Adept. Okay.
1:00:14 - 1:00:20
So this is really sad. So then I'm like, I go into my bed and I just sort of lay there.
1:00:20 - 1:00:27
Just in case she gets, cause sometimes she's like, mom, I am 30. You know? So I'm like, I don't want to be downstairs and have to go back up.
1:00:27 - 1:00:34
So I just lay there. And then I like pull out this book and I get really excited about just reading in bed.
1:00:34 - 1:00:40
Lena Dunham to the listeners. And then Rich, my sweet husband's like, you doing okay?
1:00:40 - 1:00:46
Like, do you want to watch TV with me? He's coming out of this episode incredibly well, Rich.
1:00:46 - 1:00:53
Yeah. He's the hero of this episode. I'm so sorry to say that, but no, he is obvious to everyone and us.
1:00:53 - 1:01:01
And so then, and then I feel bad. Cause it's like right now it's only about nine o'clock.
1:01:01 - 1:01:09
I think I might just turn in like every night I've been like turning in around nine o'clock and avoiding watching TV and just turning to the book.
1:01:09 - 1:01:19
And I did that until like 10 30. And then I fell asleep. That's nice. I like how society has gone so far that you have to apologize for reading a book.
1:01:19 - 1:01:23
And so I'm like, just, I'm, sorry, I didn't watch TV. I apologize for reading a book.
1:01:23 - 1:01:31
No, because I do want to start reading more and I will, but I also am feeling very like, um, as someone who wants to support TV.
1:01:31 - 1:01:39
Yeah. Because it helped pay for her house. I feel like I'm doing a bad job right now.
1:01:39 - 1:01:47
Yeah. But you know, TV's not at the point that sort of jazz music is at now where it's like, we should go to that gig and support the scene.
1:01:47 - 1:01:56
It's not like we really should watch third rock from the sun. Yeah, you're right. Those guys look awful sad on that streaming service.
1:01:56 - 1:02:03
Thank you. I'll take away the guilt. I also, well, I just want to get more balanced.
1:02:03 - 1:02:07
I want to be more fun, but I'm going to go see a movie on Friday night.
1:02:07 - 1:02:13
I'm going to go see back rooms and I'm scared. I don't like scary movies, but this is not relevant.
1:02:13 - 1:02:19
None of this is where the future and the past do not exist. I walked Charles.
1:02:19 - 1:02:27
Charles again. Sorry. We know what that means. That means absolute bullshit. Charles doesn't exist.
1:02:27 - 1:02:34
She's not in LA. It comes out afterwards. She lives in Papua New Guinea. What the hell was she talking about?
1:02:34 - 1:02:40
What a life. Hey, do we like Lena Dunham's book? Is it good? Yeah, it is good.
1:02:40 - 1:02:49
I mean, she's an excellent writer, obviously. She's got a really clear, good voice, but it is like the first part is so exciting.
1:02:49 - 1:02:57
Cause it's about her kind of getting discovered as a young person before all the troubles come.
1:02:57 - 1:03:04
And then the troubles come and her body is, she's got chronic illness. And so it's pretty tragic.
1:03:04 - 1:03:12
Actually. I'm waiting for the happy ending. Come on, Lena, pull out, pull out on 331.
1:03:12 - 1:03:19
I'm like, get better. Like, I guess she's never going to get better. I think she's going to find a piece.
1:03:19 - 1:03:23
I mean, she, she seems to be at peace when she was doing the book tour a little bit.
1:03:23 - 1:03:33
The Yoto version of that book is much happier. Yeah. When Jake does the 15 minutes super cut of it, it's more of a rags to riches kind of a tale.
1:03:33 - 1:03:40
My friends have been listening to her read the book, her audio book. And they say it's really good because she's so expressive.
1:03:40 - 1:03:52
This is like an audio book of your autobiography. If it only dealt, with yesterday, smear tests and pass.
1:03:52 - 1:03:56
That's what it is. I feel like I should come back when I get the pap smear result.
1:03:56 - 1:03:59
Right. Cause people are going to be like, what is it? Is she cool? Is it good?
1:03:59 - 1:04:09
Are we clear? You know, you are so welcome back on this. Anytime the power cut as well.
1:04:09 - 1:04:14
Whoa. I went sort of Scooby-Doo with that. And I thought maybe they were going to steal your jewels.
1:04:14 - 1:04:18
You know what I mean? I didn't wear any. I'm a, I'm one step ahead.
1:04:19 - 1:04:27
Most people do wear jewels to the smear test, but you decided. Nope. Do you have any methods of getting to sleep or are you just head on pillow?
1:04:27 - 1:04:38
Great question. Oh yeah. I'm I'm out. Oh, occasionally if I've had too much caffeine later in the day and I'm, I kind of a bad habit of just drinking caffeine products all day long.
1:04:38 - 1:04:45
Then I will take a sleepy gummy. Do you fall asleep with the book kind of on your chest?
1:04:45 - 1:04:52
You know, that kind of a way with your reading glasses just perched at the end of your nose pass on one page, but not on the other page.
1:04:52 - 1:05:02
I can just feel it. So then I go and I turn out what, so I just have one light on so that I will, I'll only have to do one more light and then I get on my side.
1:05:02 - 1:05:10
So I'm closer to the light and then I'm like, okay, okay. Call it, call it, you know, and then presumably rich comes and he places some feathers.
1:05:10 - 1:05:18
Oh yeah. He plays the harp just so you can go to sleep. Bling bling bling bling bling bling bling bling.
1:05:18 - 1:05:23
Ruby was like, ah, she had a nightmare. And then I was like, okay, okay.
1:05:23 - 1:05:26
What's up? You know, then she was trying to find me and she was running the wrong way.
1:05:26 - 1:05:31
And she told me the dream. It was pretty crazy. It was about a killer June bug.
1:05:31 - 1:05:36
Oh, we'll talk about it later. It kind of bored me this morning when she was going on and on about it.
1:05:36 - 1:05:45
Poor Ruby. When you and her listen to this together in 20 years time, you'll be like, really?
1:05:45 - 1:05:51
That was a great dream tale that I told you. And now, I find out you didn't like it at all.
1:05:51 - 1:06:03
What else is a lie? I liked it. I liked it, but I needed her to get back into her horse pants this morning that I'd washed, you know, and then I was a little bit like just letting the anxiety.
1:06:03 - 1:06:08
It's like, who cares if she's late to horse camp? This is a moment. Listen to her moment.
1:06:08 - 1:06:13
But there's a, you just have to be there minder. And it's just like, it's never comfortable.
1:06:13 - 1:06:19
It's terrible being a parent. Oh yeah. What a beautiful, I dig to that. It's hard.
1:06:19 - 1:06:24
I love her so much. I love her so much. Ruby. I know you're 20 years old.
1:06:24 - 1:06:35
As you think that I'm a fraud. Definitely. Maybe she got too far in my career than I should have, but I'm an imposter, but listen, you are special.
1:06:35 - 1:06:45
I love you. Wow. This is an ending. We've never had before. Max, where the gas speaks to that child child in the future.
1:06:45 - 1:06:51
Wow. It's hard not to, because you're talking about, about such specific time. Yeah. This is a podcast about time.
1:06:51 - 1:07:00
It's a history podcast. Yeah. Very recent history podcast. Kristen Schaal, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday.
1:07:00 - 1:07:16
Thanks for listening and caring so much. So Kristen Schaal's yesterday there. I mean, it was a good day, David.
1:07:16 - 1:07:23
I'm pleased we had a smear test. She's not, that's something I thought I'd say when we began this, but like all human life is what we want to get here.
1:07:23 - 1:07:29
And I liked the moment where you were like, and I was thinking, I was looking at you thinking, I want to know, but I don't want to ask.
1:07:29 - 1:07:38
Yes. We were the same on that score, I think. Yeah. It was a touch of the, do you remember Angela with the pube waxing?
1:07:38 - 1:07:45
We similarly, we were just two foppish gentlemen standing with our arms folded to the side.
1:07:45 - 1:07:57
We like to skirt around that, part of the anatomy. I also liked, and I feel this is the strength of this podcast format, Max, that you've come up with.
1:07:57 - 1:08:07
Once again, thank you very much. That's okay. She tried to pull the dog black and white wool fur over our eyes.
1:08:07 - 1:08:15
Yeah. We can't escape the fact that she's a dirty liar. Yes. But we such like, what's the precision of our questioning?
1:08:15 - 1:08:23
She fell to pieces. Yeah. It was an awful interrogation. And she was just like, you got me.
1:08:23 - 1:08:27
I'm going to tell you everything. It was this podcast version of you can't handle the truth.
1:08:27 - 1:08:37
Yeah. You know, she did order a code red and she just couldn't, there was nothing she could do to be honest with us, but she hadn't actually walked the dog.
1:08:37 - 1:08:43
She was trying to convey herself as an animal lover. Yeah. Cause she was very much saying the dog took the lead.
1:08:43 - 1:08:46
I wanted to, I wanted to do something else, but I let the dog be free.
1:08:46 - 1:08:50
But the reality was, there was no dog. I think there is a dog. Hang on.
1:08:50 - 1:09:03
There is a dog. Okay. So we have in recent times launched a special extra episode every week.
1:09:03 - 1:09:07
And we should have mentioned that at the top, but we've always liked to plug things right at the end.
1:09:07 - 1:09:13
That involves being as in it for life as we are. You get a free tea towel as well.
1:09:13 - 1:09:20
You can sign up for that through no, what's the camera with the website. I'm going to tell you.
1:09:20 - 1:09:27
Yeah. It is. Well, at the time of recording, it's actually not working. So hopefully it's working by the time you hear this.
1:09:27 - 1:09:41
That's why mayhem didn't come out on time. Yesterdaypod.supportingcast.fm. And look, we are going to do the draw for the first lottery guest, you know, normal person guest yesterday soon.
1:09:41 - 1:09:45
So you have to be in. If you want. If you want to have your yesterday.
1:09:45 - 1:09:50
If you wish for that to be the case. And if you don't wish, I'm afraid, I'm afraid we are for, you know, whoever gets drawn out, we have to do it.
1:09:50 - 1:09:55
Even if you don't want it to happen. We value your feedback. This is how to get in touch with us.
1:09:55 - 1:10:01
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday?
1:10:01 - 1:10:07
Pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod, and please subscribe and leave a review.
1:10:07 - 1:10:12
If you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.
1:10:12 - 1:10:23
So, yes, thank you for listening. Even if you're just one of those people that hasn't signed up and you're just going to take the free stuff, despite all our incredible hard work,
1:10:23 - 1:10:31
it's still okay. Thank you. Especially if you have taken a life sentence with no parole, because we really appreciate that too.
1:10:31 - 1:10:36
Thank you to those people, to the other people. Thanks. You know, it's more. Yeah.
1:10:36 - 1:10:43
Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. It's important. We were told not to alienate the vast majority of our audience.
1:10:43 - 1:10:46
We also love you too. We love everybody.
1:10:46 - 1:10:48
I love you, Max.
1:10:48 - 1:10:49
I love you too.
1:10:49 - 1:10:54
And we are in this for life. Thank you. Our whole lives. All of us.
1:10:54 - 1:10:55
Thank you, David. Bye.