0:00 - 0:05
Podcasts, there are millions of them.
0:05 - 0:08
Some might say too many.
0:08 - 0:11
I have one already.
0:11 - 0:13
I don't have any, because there are enough.
0:13 - 0:20
Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
0:20 - 0:23
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
0:23 - 0:25
Why is that? Are they scared?
0:25 - 0:29
Too afraid of being censored by the man?
0:29 - 0:34
Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
0:34 - 0:37
We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
0:37 - 0:44
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
0:44 - 0:46
Day before yesterday, Max?
0:46 - 0:49
The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
0:49 - 0:53
Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
0:53 - 0:55
And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:09
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to Midweek Mayhem. From the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
1:09 - 1:15
What I am excited to hear from this one is if you've added any more enemies to your list.
1:16 - 1:21
Currently consisting locksmiths and lollipop men and women.
1:21 - 1:29
I stand by them both. The two scourges of society. Did make me laugh a lot when you said, you know, it's like
1:30 - 1:43
Richard Littlejohn's run out of people to hate. And now the lollipop men, you know. We'll find out. We'll find out in the course of the day. Now, a lot of reaction to the Ben Elton episode.
1:43 - 1:48
My cousin Stuart. If you remember at the top of the show, I said, Ben Elton looks like my cousin Stuart.
1:48 - 1:59
My cousin Stuart sent me a message saying, 1987, 88, a friend made me the official I'm not Ben Elton card, which I carried around with me at all times.
2:00 - 2:07
I was stopped everywhere and asked if I was Ben Elton. So I was right to say that cousin Stuart looks like Ben Elton.
2:07 - 2:18
It would be difficult if your cousin was on the train and found a double seat and thereby lived up to Ben Elton's most famous comedy routine.
2:18 - 2:21
Yeah. And sat next to George Michael, of course.
2:21 - 2:26
Oh, my. A few things. Now, to be honest, sometimes we record these.
2:26 - 2:36
I did listen back to that one when it came out. And what's really stayed with me, Max, Emma Thompson gives him fitness advice that he's working out too hard.
2:36 - 2:51
So that's when he gets into working out every second day. And then Bill Bailey gives him advice on planking. Maybe these are not the best people, but I do love that they are the people.
2:51 - 3:02
Well, on the five minute plank, Ace says to really immerse myself in the episode, I planked for the duration of it. Not looking forward. It's a side planking for the entirety of the Bill Bailey one.
3:02 - 3:15
When that happens, and Pat has made the point, he said, what time did you wake up yesterday, Ben Elton? I mean, I wouldn't know exactly. On the five minute plank, he then says, with the greatest respect to Ben, from that point on, all his stats are questionable.
3:15 - 3:29
David Squires, our friend, the Guardian cartoonist said, I tried to recreate the Ben Elton experience by taking my wife a cup of tea in bed this morning. And she immediately became suspicious. What have you done? She said.
3:29 - 3:34
He also ending an episode with dinner with Richard Curtis.
3:34 - 3:47
I won't say we have recorded a really nice episode since then. But I had it in my head that maybe this person was going to go for a big old celeb dinner that it's hard to know where to go after Richard Curtis.
3:47 - 3:59
Yeah, Stuart says incredible. This podcast has gone from Nish Kumar's gastric issues to that dinner. Daisy says my favorite animal is Max getting irritated by guests talking generally about their life rather than the specifics of yesterday.
4:00 - 4:13
Sometimes you have to keep these people on the straight and narrow, David. The thing is, right, the reason I started this is because I don't believe anyone's life is interesting. And I certainly don't hold famous people on a different level to anyone else. But I wonder if we get to a level of guest.
4:13 - 4:18
Let's say, who's the most famous person in the world? I don't know. Barack Obama.
4:18 - 4:29
Elon. Where did we get Elon Musk on? My God. Famous Elon Musk yesterday. We'd have to say yes, wouldn't we? We'd have to say yes. I really like the idea of Elon.
4:30 - 4:39
Elon, you know, and us going on a flight of fancy with Elon Musk when he talks about, I don't know, which one of his children he's ignored for two hours or whatever.
4:39 - 4:51
Or it would be like, what time did you get up at? And he doesn't use our clock. You know, he uses a different, he got up at tether beta alpha seven.
4:51 - 5:03
60 bing bong poo pass cat. You know, like Elon, come on, give me strength here, mate. But even then, I'm just, there's no level. Even if we got King Charles III on and he was like, well, normally I get up.
5:03 - 5:15
So I'd be like, Charles, seriously, it's only yesterday we care about. There is no level. I'm saying with Ben Elton, it was, I felt I was within my rights to keep him to the brief. I think it's important.
5:15 - 5:23
I do feel though, when we have people on, and this is not a complaint, not everyone should have listened to our podcast.
5:23 - 5:34
Ben was like, what is this? And I felt we shouldn't open it. With you just yelling at him, going like, specifically what time?
5:34 - 5:44
Now he did kind of get into it and we had the beautiful ending then. It was quite an emotional ending with him preparing his sleeping chair.
5:44 - 5:46
Oh, that's so sweet, isn't it?
5:46 - 5:55
Inflatable neck pillow and everything. But at the start, I needed to be good cop. And then you can absolutely time bastard cop.
5:55 - 6:07
Jim says Ben Elton needs to stay away from Morrisons. They do a Belgian bun that's split in two with cream in the middle. Absolutely fucking mind blowing emoji of head exploding.
6:07 - 6:13
And Russell says, I can't believe DOD used the phrase with the greatest of respects and Max held it together.
6:13 - 6:25
Because it is a phrase you use a lot, David. And now really, whenever you say it, regardless of the guest, you know, we've got Elon there and you say with the greatest of respect and I should just yell, get in my ass.
6:25 - 6:33
And if they don't understand, it's their problem. Fixers writes, why has Max not realised he has a three noun name?
6:33 - 6:43
Max, the largest possible amount. Rush, a feeling of exhilaration. Den, where foxes sleep. It was there, staring it straight in the face.
6:43 - 6:46
It's no Jean-Claude Van Damme.
6:46 - 6:53
Fantastic scale replied with David Ode Otter T. David Ode Otter T. It's tenuous.
6:53 - 6:57
Well, I would even, hang on, we go day, video.
6:58 - 7:01
So like a cassette. Or whatever.
7:01 - 7:03
Then maybe daughter.
7:04 - 7:05
Video, daughter, T.
7:05 - 7:07
Daughter, T. Yeah.
7:08 - 7:10
I've got four of them as well.
7:10 - 7:19
Georgie Bingham, who used to work at TalkSport with me, she enjoyed the postcode game. I mean, it hasn't got a lot of traction. I knew that. No one else has sent us all their postcodes.
7:19 - 7:28
She writes, 32 addresses since I was born. Am I the winner? Thanks for literally taking up half an hour of my brain space, counting when I could have been thinking about exciting or interesting things.
7:28 - 7:36
But on the Reddit page, the postcode discussion got into an excellent discussion of whether people knew where we lived.
7:36 - 7:48
And it wonders inadvertently, or advertently if I gave away my parents' postcode and my own one here, and then people worked out where you lived because you put your house up to sell it.
7:48 - 7:59
Then a couple of people went to look online at your house, and then one person said, I did feel a bit dirty. And then it culminated, Reddit is, I don't really know Reddit, but the only place I know it is this.
7:59 - 8:05
It culminated with, what he's saying, just what Max and David need, the obsessed groupies rocking up in big baths of their own cum.
8:05 - 8:17
Oh, God. Also, Georgie, reach out to me if Max ever gaffer taped you to a chair while working at TalkSport.
8:17 - 8:22
Are there any other horrific tales of Max? Throw me a bone.
8:22 - 8:27
I was sort of more emotionally intelligent by that time, I would say.
8:27 - 8:37
It's also funny about the Reddit pages. On the very rare occasion somebody posts a compliment about me, the next reply is always, hi, Max, because they know that I do occasionally look at it.
8:37 - 8:51
Bumblebee's been in touch. I saw Carrot Man on Brunswick Street with carrot and leg brace. Get well soon, Carrot Man. So that's good news, isn't it? We were there, all of us, you, me, the listeners were there at the moment that he did his ACL.
8:51 - 8:59
And there is, obviously, a bit like women's football, there is a real fear that a lot of people holding giant carrots are doing their ACLs.
8:59 - 9:10
At the moment, is it a problem endemic in the trade of carrying actually all forms of giant vegetable? And do we need to look into that further?
9:10 - 9:13
The algorithm served me up an interview with Carrot Man.
9:13 - 9:16
He's just trying to bring good vibes. That's his thing.
9:16 - 9:18
We need more people like that.
9:18 - 9:22
They're holding a big carrot in an unexpected place. Yeah.
9:22 - 9:35
Well, do we need more people like that? Because if there were more, it would take away what makes Carrot Man special, I guess. You know, if every other person was just holding a giant vegetable, it would become passe, wouldn't it?
9:35 - 9:39
You think then there's a chance that it would kick off between the different people?
9:39 - 9:42
Between him and Mange Tout, lady.
9:42 - 9:49
You know where I'm going to shove that asparagus? Carrot Man. No. What about the good vibes?
9:49 - 10:00
On Andre Agassi advertising banjos, somebody messaged you, I forget the name, with Andre Bluegrass Agassi. Bluegrass Agassi. Agassi, it was good.
10:00 - 10:03
Bluegrass-y, yeah. I mean, that really works for me.
10:03 - 10:16
Harry says, for weeks, I believed the man advertising Pants for Little was Brendan Sheeran, host of the classic mid-2000s reality show Coach Trip, not a tennis player. Thank you for the enlightenment. Everything is showbiz. Love you. Please do another London show.
10:16 - 10:25
Oh, well, we might do a London show. There's a possibility, David, isn't there? Wow. And on this, we are almost sold out in Dublin in September.
10:25 - 10:35
Look, another flaw of having Andre Agassi advertise sauce pans is that on the ads I've seen, it doesn't mention who he is.
10:35 - 10:40
It's just a bald man holding a sauce pan like a tennis racket.
10:40 - 10:44
So it could be Duncan Goodhew. And that's, there's no relevance there.
10:45 - 10:52
Yeah. Okay. I mean, this, I could play this game. Atilio Lombardo, where are you going next, David?
10:52 - 11:00
But there's no relevance. Moby might as well advertise pans, a famous vegan. He could use it. He could use it for cooking veg.
11:00 - 11:06
You know what I mean? There's no, you never saw Agassi at halftime or a change of ends, whatever.
11:06 - 11:08
You're making an omelette.
11:08 - 11:09
Exactly. Yes.
11:09 - 11:18
I think, isn't it presumed that people know, apart from our previous correspondent, people know who Andre Agassi is. That would be the understanding.
11:18 - 11:32
Yes, Max. But it's difficult when in your pomp, you had that amazing cockatoo blonde hair. And now you do just look like... You know, a fit bald bloke in his 60s.
11:32 - 11:38
No, it's a good point. We should let Lidl know and say, listen, we will happily advertise all the pans you want.
11:38 - 11:48
We are here. We all will charge. Maybe I should talk to you first off air, but between us, we will take half the money that Agassi is getting from Lidl to advertise saucepans.
11:48 - 11:55
Frankly, David, I would be the face of Lidl saucepans for nothing, just for the joy of being the face of Lidl. Are you with me?
11:55 - 12:02
Well, I have a more relevant thing that we could be the face of It's been a lot of discussion on this podcast in recent weeks.
12:02 - 12:11
People say we aren't tackling the big issues, but we have been talking about the thing that hangs from your washing line that you can put socks and underpants on.
12:11 - 12:20
Known to some as the socktopus. And I decided we need one of those for this place right now.
12:21 - 12:25
And I went to my local beloved things for two euro shop.
12:25 - 12:26
Socktopus outlet.
12:26 - 12:34
And I wondered, if the socktopus is proprietary Ikea because they didn't have a socktopus.
12:34 - 12:46
They instead had a sort of a jellyfish is what I would compare it to, whereby it's just an oval rugby ball shaped thing that you dangle the socks and undies down from it like tentacles.
12:46 - 12:55
Right. So what you're saying is it has to be a sea animal. We could have a whole selection of sea animals. What's a sea anim? Oh, sea. Sorry.
12:55 - 12:57
Yes. A starfish.
12:57 - 13:03
I thought you meant. A C animal. Sorry, Mars Bar. Can you beep that out?
13:03 - 13:07
Starfish would be quite good, right?
13:07 - 13:10
Starfish. If Ikea have the IP on octopus.
13:10 - 13:14
You can't have the IP on an octopus. Octopuses are just there.
13:14 - 13:15
Yeah, that's true.
13:15 - 13:20
Who's got the IP on a raccoon? You can't have that. That's not acceptable.
13:20 - 13:32
It couldn't be spider because so many people are scared of them. It would be a bad idea to launch or. Small laundry-based product. To the listeners, we'll put this out there.
13:32 - 13:40
What shape should Max and my smalls drying equipment be? And what animal should it be named after?
13:40 - 13:51
Look, we don't have merch yet. And like the idea of merch, we want to make millions. But I think that's a great idea. The Max and DoD starfish sock and pant holder.
13:51 - 13:53
Yeah, it's really good.
13:53 - 14:01
I think they would fly off the shelves. Sue Bishop has a guess for the David Squires quiz.
14:01 - 14:11
Oh, thank the Lord. I can't quite remember. David Squires' friend met someone somewhere. In Dublin, I think.
14:11 - 14:18
In Dublin, that's it. His dad was an Oxford fan. Sue Bishop writes, is it Michael Strachan?
14:18 - 14:20
What are we doing?
14:20 - 14:34
Love the podcast. Listen from the very beginning in it for life. That's the thing. We can do what we want because people are doing it for life. I don't actually know the answer. I think Mars Bar knows the answer. So presumably if it was, Mars Bar is here.
14:34 - 14:37
Is it Michael Strachan? Okay, right.
14:37 - 14:51
Mars Bar. So I was having a little think about this. Because it is Ireland, I would say Ireland's two most famous Oxford United players are Ray Houghton and John Aldridge.
14:51 - 14:52
Yeah, they are.
14:52 - 14:55
So could it be Ray Houghton's son, Mars Bar?
14:55 - 15:00
I'm just going to say this quiz will outlive the human race.
15:00 - 15:06
Exactly. Do you know what? I've never been more delighted in my whole life.
15:06 - 15:13
Nobody is ever going to get it. I'm going to say one clue. Max, you can choose whether this is redacted or not.
15:13 - 15:14
Okay, right.
15:14 - 15:26
But in the news recently, there was a news article about this person's dad. And I thought maybe, just maybe, somebody who's a fan of the show is going to read that and go and put the pieces together.
15:26 - 15:32
So who did David Squire's friend meet the person who had a famous dad? It was somebody who had a famous dad.
15:32 - 15:46
If they're guessing the person, that person is a civilian. And they're never, unless that person emails in, nobody's guessing that. But this person has a famous dad. That dad was also in the news recently for reasons.
15:46 - 15:49
If I give you the reason, then it's going to really narrow it. And I think Max won't like that.
15:49 - 15:52
No, no, you can't give the reason. Is it Baron Trump?
15:52 - 15:53
No, it's not Baron Trump.
15:53 - 16:05
Okay. I'm really so invested in the David Squire's quiz. And if the listeners are annoyed by it. I'm in the same boat as you. I don't know the answer, but I'm just enjoying the quizzing. So that's what you should all be doing.
16:05 - 16:08
So you saw someone in Piedmont.
16:08 - 16:10
Yes. The Piedmont quiz.
16:10 - 16:13
In whatever suburb of Melbourne that is.
16:13 - 16:14
Fitzroy North.
16:14 - 16:27
Last week, you absolutely let the cat out of the bag though. You said, this is someone who has had success, some success, but you said it in a sort of slightly wistful way.
16:27 - 16:33
And hopefully, a lot more success to come. Like that there, something's about to happen for them.
16:33 - 16:35
I didn't give anything away.
16:35 - 16:39
I had a notion, Max. Is it Danny Minogue, Kylie's sister?
16:39 - 16:53
It's not Danny Minogue. And Jackie in Cockatoo, Victoria says, I'm a day one listener to What Did You Do Yesterday? I'd firstly like to thank you for keeping me company on many dog walks and for all the laughs. I apologize if I've missed some clues about who Max saw at Piedmont.
16:53 - 16:54
No, you haven't.
16:54 - 17:04
It won't surprise you to know. You haven't. I used to tell Max, mentions the story, I get distracted as I reminisce about living in Coburg and shopping at Piedmont's on Bell Street in the mid 2000s.
17:04 - 17:19
This is a different Piedmont's to be clear. It's on St. George's Road. This Piedmont's. My guess is the actor Kim Valentine, who's best known for portraying Libby Kennedy on Neighbors. Thanks for reading. Keep up the great work. It's not Kim Valentine, but I do have a huge clue.
17:19 - 17:21
This could blow this quiz apart.
17:21 - 17:23
Oh yeah. Go on. I'll write it down.
17:23 - 17:30
For reasons that I cannot explain, this person, the person who I stood next to, buying cucumbers at Piedmont's,
17:30 - 17:44
used to give lifts on a regular basis to the Australian Olympic taekwondo osteopath, 2007-2008, in the early 90s, my friend Davo Colosimo.
17:44 - 17:59
This person used to give them lifts certainly once, if not twice a week, on a regular basis. And he said that I understated this person's fame. They are still in touch, but not, not regular.
17:59 - 18:03
But I can't give any more clues than that. That blows the case wide open.
18:03 - 18:06
Okay, great. Two quizzes down.
18:06 - 18:14
Two quizzes down. I know you don't like doing that many quizzes concurrently, but I think it's time to play They're Just Normal Countries.
18:14 - 18:16
I am the one and only. What country could I be?
18:28 - 18:34
I am the one and only. Where in the world could our listeners be?
18:34 - 18:46
Previous guesses. Northern Marianas Islands, Lesotho, Malawi, Suriname, Sao Tome and Principe, Liechtenstein, Montenegro, Guyana.
18:46 - 19:00
So if you remember the Montenegro tease, which was less of a tease than we thought it was. Rich says, he's very straight to the point, Dear Max and DJ DoD, may I please guess Curaçao's They're Just a Normal Country, Keep On Keeping On. Rich.
19:01 - 19:10
It's nicer when you have a big, nice email that says how much you love us and some sort of funny thing that's the center of the universe. But, you know, Rich is to the point.
19:10 - 19:16
I've been struck by how many of the guesses in this have had quite a lot of listens in these places.
19:16 - 19:19
We're global. It's a global brand.
19:19 - 19:22
499 listens in Montenegro?
19:23 - 19:31
Yeah. It's pretty big. It may be the biggest podcast in Montenegro. I don't know. Anyway, Mars Bar. Is Curaçao a normal country?
19:31 - 19:40
I really thought he was reaching for the ding, ding, ding. How many listens has Curaçao had?
19:40 - 19:47
At the time of this quiz, the Redux, it had had two listens.
19:48 - 19:52
Thank you to the two people in Curaçao. And I hope you're still with us.
19:52 - 19:55
We could do a gig in Curaçao in a mini.
19:55 - 19:56
Yeah, we could.
19:56 - 19:58
Presumably they're different people.
19:58 - 20:06
We'd have space for one more in a mini. Someone sit in the middle who didn't know what the podcast was. It's like, what's going on here?
20:06 - 20:21
I'm thinking though, if it's only had two listens, the two people gave it a go, but they didn't love it. So it's a tough gig. And also because it's probably a two-door mini, they are trapped in the back because we'd be doing the podcast in the front.
20:21 - 20:25
Are we stationary or where are we going? Seeing the sights of Curaçao?
20:25 - 20:26
Yeah, we're driving.
20:26 - 20:41
Like a guided tour of Curaçao while doing the podcast. The person sitting in the middle is the famous guest who's yesterday. We're going to, we need that as well, don't we? So, you know, Elis James is there going, why am I in Curaçao?
20:41 - 20:46
Speaking to one of those three people on stage and two in the audience.
20:46 - 20:48
I have a question for you, Max.
20:48 - 20:50
Yeah, what is it?
20:50 - 21:00
So last week on the podcast, you counted up individually the number of days that you had been minding two children on your own.
21:00 - 21:10
And then I do know from correspondence in the week that those days kept going because your wife had to stay in New York.
21:10 - 21:22
She had an ear infection. I mean, a lot of people said, oh, that's what they call it. So it is worth saying on the Friday. So it was the middle of the night for me, Friday into Saturday, I think.
21:22 - 21:31
And Jamie was like, I feel really sick. My ears are blocked. And I was like, oh God. And I was like, don't fly. If you're not well, don't fly. And then she was sick.
21:31 - 21:42
And I was like, oh God. Then I was buying travel insurance at three in the morning going, fuck this, fuck. I don't think this is going to cover it. Pre-existing ear infections.
21:42 - 21:52
And also the fact that she rang you from the bathrooms in Studio 54. You could hear disco music. My ears are blocked. I can't come home.
21:52 - 22:05
And I sort of timed my run to die. You know, I was going to meet her at the airport on Sunday. She lands at 8.20 and I was going to, I timed my run to be there and then I could just find a small corner.
22:05 - 22:17
Maybe I said this to you last week, but I'd be like a nature documentary where Attenborough says, and the male looks after the young and the female returns and he finds a dark place and he curls up and dies.
22:17 - 22:27
And I was ready to do that. And then on Friday, she was like, I've been to the doctor. And now it's like 2 a.m. for me. And I know Willie's waking up at four and she's like, I've been to the doctor.
22:27 - 22:40
I can't fly. I've been there for three days. And I must admit, I think the word is recalibrate. I had to do a lot of recalibrating of real deep breath and go, this is okay.
22:40 - 22:54
What was interesting was it was exactly the time where Tottenham might've got relegated and I just could not have given a shit. I was like, I don't care because I just need Jamie to be home. So that was sort of Friday into Tuesday.
22:54 - 23:07
So if the question you're asking me is what time did I wake up yesterday? If I'm to presume that it's 5 a.m. and Willie wakes up, but I stay in bed for the first time in 12 days.
23:07 - 23:14
I do say to Jamie, do you want me to get up? Because she's jet lagged and has an ear infection and is on like five different antibiotics.
23:14 - 23:23
And I am saying it and I genuinely mean it, but at the same time, I'm not really like springing up, get out of bed.
23:23 - 23:30
Jamie gets up. I don't sleep. I just lie there not having to get up and it feels like levitating.
23:30 - 23:45
It's five o'clock and maybe I should be sleeping. I can't sleep because the exhilaration of not having to get up is amazing. And I just wonder, maybe Jamie will let me lie here forever. Maybe I can just lie here for the rest of my life.
23:45 - 23:49
m. Jamie yells at me to get up. Yeah, well, that's fair enough.
23:49 - 23:49
air enough.
23:49 - 23:59
She can't hear anything. So that is awkward through the house when I say something, but she can't hear me. And then she says, I can't hear you. And so you shout and she still can't hear you. And it's sort of a bit, like a sitcom.
23:59 - 24:05
So anyway, we're in the house. Ian's in the bath. He's got a new bath toy. I'm having a Lemsip.
24:05 - 24:06
What's he got? What's his bath toy?
24:06 - 24:07
A sort of submarine.
24:08 - 24:12
It's got a little string you pull out and a propeller goes round. So it's, everyone's winning.
24:12 - 24:19
They're bleaker than you think. Submarines growing up played a larger role in my life than they do now, to be honest.
24:19 - 24:28
But I hadn't seen Das Boot then and heard of the sort of living in shit.
24:28 - 24:36
That you have to do in the submarine. And knowing that now, I wonder if I would have had so many in my bath.
24:36 - 24:49
Yes, it's a good point. And see also caterpillars that play a huge role in your life between the ages of about one and four. And then they really fall off. They really just disappear out of trace. Without a trace.
24:49 - 24:57
For years, you don't think of caterpillars. You don't think of magnets. You don't think of batteries. And then suddenly they just come flooding back in.
24:57 - 25:08
I just feel if... Ian's new submarine had... You could put into the torpedo chute, say two crew members have had a fight and one has killed the other.
25:08 - 25:23
You know the way really dark stuff happens? They put the body into the torpedo chute and then fire it out and write up a report to say that this person died of an illness. You know, stuff like that. I feel it would be more realistic.
25:23 - 25:26
If in this toy it actually had two nuclear warheads.
25:26 - 25:27
Yeah, exactly.
25:27 - 25:43
You could accidentally wipe out Pakistan. Ian's in the bath plotting the coordinates and saying, I need you to press the red button at the same time as me and we can actually launch a depth charge into the bath at number 16.
25:43 - 25:50
Well, you're right. I think it's good in a way that they've kept toy submarines slightly away from the reality of submarines.
25:50 - 25:59
That's a really good point. So I'm having a Lemsip because the last three days I've started to get deficient in everything.
25:59 - 26:07
My body is shutting down. Ian is in the bath and Willie is helping Ian in the bath, but it's not really a meeting of minds. I think it's fair to say.
26:07 - 26:07
Right, yeah.
26:07 - 26:17
Willie gets very wet, but he's dressed, so then we have to sort all that out, but that's fine. We're doing a puzzle of the planets as we've got into, Ian is now into space.
26:17 - 26:19
In a great way. Yes, David.
26:19 - 26:23
Have you found the missing pieces from the Mr. Chicken goes to Australia puzzle?
26:23 - 26:32
Well, we found one of them. I found one of them under the daybed and the other one Sophie has, made a perfect replacement of the tomato. So it's okay.
26:32 - 26:33
Whoa, Sophie.
26:33 - 26:43
Thank you to my friend Matt, who sent me a picture of a puzzle piece today, which said, is this the missing edge piece found in Falmouth?
26:43 - 26:51
It's an edge piece, not sure it's an apple or tomato. It was a corner piece, so I had to admonish Matt, but thank you to, if anyone else finds a puzzle piece,
26:51 - 27:05
do let me know. Anyway, the picture of the planets is a picture that he drew that Jamie had turned into a painting, but it's, into a puzzle rather, so it's quite difficult because there's lots of browns and blues, so we're doing that one. He's learned a song about the dwarf planets.
27:06 - 27:19
There are five dwarf planets in the solar system. We revolve around the sun. Of course, Pluto is a dwarf planet. That's in the Kuiper Belt, along with three others, Aries, Hamai, and Unky Monky, as he calls it.
27:19 - 27:32
I think it's called Maki Maki. Anyway, one of the planets goes, I'm Maki Maki. I have no atmosphere. I was discovered in 2005. I sort of feel really sorry for this planet that has no atmosphere.
27:32 - 27:40
That's such a sad thing for a planet. There's quite a lot going on in space, is my review of what I've learned in the last month or so.
27:40 - 27:44
But hang on, is Pluto back in as a planet?
27:44 - 27:52
No, no, no. Pluto was... So, Maki Maki was discovered in 2005, and that is one of the reasons why Pluto lost its status.
27:52 - 28:07
And as the song goes, so naturally we do not jive, because Pluto is a We're annoyed with Maki Maki for being discovered. It's not Maki Maki, but being discovered and people realizing actually Pluto isn't really a planet. There's loads of them, like there's five.
28:07 - 28:07
Yeah, yeah.
28:07 - 28:20
Ian has some porridge, Willie's throwing a ping pong ball around the house. Good stuff. We're going to drop Ian off kinder. We all get the tram. He's on his balance bike. It's free transport in Melbourne still. It's really exciting. So you now have to find your little Mikey card.
28:20 - 28:31
We drop Ian off, and then me, Jamie, and Willie walk to a cafe called Blonde for a coffee. I get a long black, and I order the chili scramble, the chili sambal on the side, because it's a bit too spicy.
28:31 - 28:32
Oh, right. Yeah.
28:32 - 28:44
I've ordered this before. I've made this order before with the hash brown. The lovely waitress even says, and a hash brown. And then I say, oh, I'm so boringly predictable. And she goes, ha, ha, ha, no, it's fine. But in her mind, she's going, he's predictable.
28:44 - 28:52
Anyway, the chili scramble comes back, and there is chili sambal on the side, but it's also covered in chili sambal.
28:52 - 28:53
She thought you wanted extra.
28:53 - 29:06
This is the thing. So I thought, I'll give it a go. So I have one small bite. Not enough. Not enough to go, I've eaten all of this and send it back, but it's too spicy for me. And it's the best part of $25. So I'm like, well, I'd said, I'm really sorry I asked for on the side.
29:06 - 29:20
And she said, ah, you wanted it on the side, not an extra. And I'm like, I felt gaslit because obviously if I say, can I have that on the side? I don't mean, can I have it on it and on the side? That's not what on the side means.
29:20 - 29:33
And I made, you know, I said, I'm sorry, I'm just so soft. I'm just a puny man. I can't take spice. Anyway, it was fine. I got my new one. I was delighted. I sent it back because it's maybe the best chili scramble in Melbourne and that's a big shout.
29:33 - 29:49
This reminds me of Helen Copter's friend, Laura, was recently out with the gals and the gals ordered four margaritas and Helen Copter's friend said, I'll have the spicy margarita.
29:49 - 29:54
Oh, person came back to the table with five spicy margaritas.
29:54 - 30:08
And the gals were like, oh no, we all, we all wanted the Rego ones and the server was just like, I'm so sorry. Look, you just take these and made another four for the others.
30:08 - 30:15
So Helen's friend drank five spicy margaritas and unfortunately like couldn't remember where she lived.
30:15 - 30:29
I stay at Blonde. I have another coffee. Strong to record a flat white. It's perfect. It's raining. I get the tram home and we're doing a house sorted. I kept the house so clean.
30:29 - 30:43
I really, I spent so much time and the day before Jamie got back, I hoovered everything. I changed the sheets. I hoovered under the duvet, hosed the deck. But with her eyes, I can tell that Jamie thinks the place is an absolute shithole.
30:43 - 30:46
Hoovered under the duvet, listeners. Who else does?
30:46 - 30:52
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I meant in Ian's bed, I picked up the mattress to see if there were any toys.
30:52 - 31:01
Specifically, there is a glow-in-the-dark solar system and we've lost the planets and they're quite small and I was hoping to find Venus or Mercury under there.
31:01 - 31:10
But anyway, it was a bit dusty so I hoovered under the mattress. Anyway, you can tell she thinks it's shit and I'm a bit annoyed that she's not respecting how much I've kept the place tight.
31:10 - 31:17
I've just kept them alive. I just, you know, all I want is praise for keeping my own children alive and I understand that is my responsibility.
31:17 - 31:31
I had this last night and it reflects poorly on me but Helen Copter was coming back. She said she'd be back from work. She was working late so I said I'll do a barbecue because the weather's really nice here.
31:31 - 31:41
We had a bunch of chicken thighs and then I made a sort of noodle salad type thing and she came back and went down into the garden and was just like,
31:41 - 31:59
ooh, barbecue, cool and then put on a sad history podcast in the kitchen and I didn't say the words I need you to be happier about this but every part of my being was I'd even say those coals took a long time
31:59 - 32:06
I really have to light those coals a few hours ago really to make this magical thing happen.
32:06 - 32:17
Barbecues, they're more effort than I remember actually, Helen, aren't they? So yeah, I'm occasionally dropping in things like these sheets aren't dry the clothes aren't drying on the line because it's cold now
32:17 - 32:28
and so we have a sort of issue of too much washing and the drying's not drying and we're moving the clothes sauce in and out of the house and the house is quite narrow that's just a sort of backstory that never stops through this whole day
32:28 - 32:40
and Jamie is because the house she thinks is a bit dirty she's now throwing everything out she's on a mission she's got back and she wants to audit the whole house so chuck a load of shit out and now we're off to Savers Willie's eating a carrot
32:40 - 32:51
but he's too young to eat a carrot and people occasionally on Reddit most people on Reddit are worried that I left him in the bath for eight seconds on his own should we call social services a lot of the threads are that
32:51 - 33:02
so we take the carrot off him not because I'm worried about what people say on Reddit it's like, you know I just don't want him to choke in the car he's very sad about losing his carrot. I popped to Aldi. Good value in there the dishwasher tablets wow
33:02 - 33:09
they look just like Finnish but they're not and they're like a quarter of the price there's only one till open and the man in front of me is buying the whole shop but it's okay
33:09 - 33:13
In Aussie Aldi is the centre aisle as active a thing?
33:13 - 33:26
Yeah so I thought about buying a sort of grey tracksuit and some mittens and then there were a few toys and I was like I just don't need this. I don't need this today.
33:26 - 33:36
Aldi in Ireland has Ireland USA 2026 World Cup merch if anyone's looking for merch from a competition we didn't qualify for.
33:36 - 33:45
I'd love some of that for the World Cup. I'd love to wear that during our pods, that would be really great. So I go to Aldi
33:45 - 33:58
and then I go back to Savers and I'm thinking okay Willie and Jamie are playing with the toys. So I pick up six pairs of trousers and a couple of pairs of shorts to try on. Because I like buying second hand clothes and you know
33:58 - 34:01
you gotta pick up a few because they're random aren't they?
34:01 - 34:02
Is Savers an op shop or is it?
34:02 - 34:04
Yeah yeah yeah it's a second hand shop.
34:04 - 34:19
So anyway of them the pair of shorts are just about okay and the trousers I like them okay so we're gonna get some trousers and I walk out going I wanna keep there's a woman hanging stuff up and I say oh I wanna keep these you know can I give you these and she says she's hanging stuff up
34:19 - 34:24
and she looks at me and she says well you could hang them up to help me out.
34:24 - 34:38
So I'm like I'm sort of a bit like you didn't really need to be quite that passive aggressive. Well actually not even passive aggressive just aggressive about the situation. I was just like what do I do with these you know I'm like a bumbling middle aged man.
34:38 - 34:44
you know so then I start hanging up and the t-shirt there's a couple of t-shirts I didn't want but the trousers are annoying because you've got to
34:44 - 34:56
attach them with the little you know the sort of bulldog clips so I'm doing all this. And then a woman who's in the next cubicle.. An old woman comes out and hands me four pieces of clothing to hang up because she thinks I'm fucking right there and I'm
34:56 - 35:04
and I'm too polite to say I don't fucking work here give them to her because she's already she's terrifying so I just take those and I hang them up as well
35:04 - 35:11
it's a good day. I love, and then there was Chileo all over the ones she'd handed to you as well.
35:11 - 35:24
Yeah yeah. Then I go and find Jamie and Willie and Willie's kicking a basketball around the whole place and that's quite fun he's quite good at kicking a ball so then there's a little part of me going Real Madrid
35:24 - 35:33
500 grand a week this is good Ian is going to be an astronomer now so I can't retire on his astronomy wage. We come home new neighbours are moving in next door. It's exciting
35:33 - 35:40
so I purposefully take Willie out and hold him sort of standing at the street and he likes standing on the street anyway.
35:40 - 35:45
Until she walks in with a box so I can say hello and introduce myself and she seems nice.
35:45 - 35:46
Is she an oldie?
35:46 - 35:51
Similar age I mean probably younger than me but they've got a four year old and you know this could be good.
35:51 - 35:53
This could be good.
35:53 - 36:02
I do my Jamie hates you know my sort of recurrent joke that I've done on this street for five years whenever someone new moves in or whatever because everyone is so nice on this street.
36:02 - 36:13
That I sort of say they're so nice that you're worried that they're going to invite you around for dinner and then eat you for dinner and it always gets quite a good laugh it's like and Jamie's like just stop with that one.
36:13 - 36:21
Interesting. It's a risky little joke because I thought your joke was going to be something like we don't like strangers round here.
36:21 - 36:22
Right, I see.
36:22 - 36:25
Lovely to meet you Max is my name and this is Willie.
36:25 - 36:29
No I go for the I think there might be murderers amongst us
36:30 - 36:40
but I need to stop that anyway so Willie has a nap and I have one too and I wake up Jamie's gone out to get a coffee or something so I decide to try Ben Elton's five minute plank I'm like
36:40 - 36:46
I'm in for it and also I film it even though content is bullshit to put on Instagram because fuck it
36:46 - 36:47
Oh, I missed that.
36:47 - 36:55
I manage a minute and I do quite a lot of grunting but that's day one actually I need to do today I'm meant to be doing it every day David
36:55 - 36:58
what's a plank? like I understand you lie rigid but
36:58 - 37:13
yeah so you're sort of in the you're in the press up position I guess but your your fists are on the floor with your upper arms making a kind of triangle imagine that's on the floor so you hold up with your toes and the undersides of your arms
37:13 - 37:15
and it's quite it works the core quite well
37:15 - 37:23
I could do that for ages. I'd say I could do that for an hour. All you're trying to do is stop your arse dipping then are you?
37:23 - 37:35
yeah you've got to hold yourself up your arms are going to hurt and your stomach will hurt interestingly but like if you can do it for hours good for you Ben Elton does five minutes and I'm like if Ben Elton can do five minutes I've got to be
37:35 - 37:49
in better shape than Ben Elton anyway I do a minute and I post that and bizarrely that sort of crap does better than anything I've really thought about posting it's really upsetting I have some hummus and pita Jamie's trying to think of what to do tomorrow
37:49 - 38:00
I suggest six things and she doesn't like any of my ideas so then I say I'm not going to say anything else and then she tells me off for taking it personally weird Willie is up we go to another op shop to drop off some other stuff
38:00 - 38:10
and then I go to Coles because we've forgotten to get oats which is the only thing we really need to get from Aldi so I get some oats and some ice cream and then I decide to get the flax seed hemp seed chia seed
38:10 - 38:23
Let's get fit this week. Get home Jamie goes to pick up Ian from Kinder. I put on my Discovery Weekly Spotify and play a tambourine with Willie to Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover by.
38:23 - 38:25
Sophie B. Hawkins.
38:25 - 38:31
Sophie B. Hawkins. Yeah that's a great song isn't it so me and Willie are enjoying that
38:31 - 38:43
what an inappropriate song for you two the neighbours look in as you and Willie scream Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover you stare into the neighbours
38:43 - 38:48
then Brimful of Asha comes on and Ian runs in and says I'll play music
38:48 - 39:02
but I don't like music with music on it was quite difficult to sort of square that circle so we turn the music off it's bath dinner you know etc all that kind of stuff they're having risotto for dinner like it's such a favourite Willie eats his body weight
39:02 - 39:17
it's actually sort of terrifying he becomes slightly psychopathic putting like mouthfuls of this stuff into his mouth and a lot of pesto like there's a limit of the amount of pesto any human can eat before your mouth gets claggy and Ian has surpassed Willie rather has surpassed this
39:17 - 39:18
and he's only one.
39:18 - 39:31
Max I find it curious though that you speak a lot on this podcast about making risotto but it's quite a complicated thing to make as in you have to have the ladle and you're adding more stock.
39:31 - 39:41
No you don't really you just stir it a bit anyway I think credit Jamie has made this risotto I very much regressed in this day to secondary carer it is worth pointing out
39:41 - 39:56
we get into bed and then Jamie has made a broccoli pasta with chilli and lemon zest and it's really delicious and we have half an hour left of the last episode of The Traitors season one Australia to get through
39:56 - 40:10
and we watched 50 minutes of it and we're too tired but Jamie's too tired I've forgotten actually just before we had dinner while she was doing Ian's bedtime I had a call with the boss of TalkSport who I told was my yesterday he likes the pod
40:10 - 40:22
so he said I better be interesting and I think he was I mean I wouldn't say he was fascinating but like we got to the points we needed to get to so hello Liam and then I have a team's call with an estate agent in London
40:22 - 40:34
I've got three estate agents who are interested in selling my flat and I'm but I'm just procrastinating because once I say yes I have to find some forms that are in a box somewhere and I don't know where the box is and I haven't told any of them
40:34 - 40:44
so I thought you were procrastinating about this because you've been talking about this for quite literally months you were waiting for the Straits of Hormuz to open or something like that
40:44 - 40:48
whereas instead you're just looking for a form that's in a box somewhere
40:48 - 41:01
like I'm waiting for one of them to say it's actually worth double but they're mainly all saying it's actually a heap of junk and blah we're nowhere near what you thought it was it's only going to get worse so sign up with me and you're like oh
41:01 - 41:08
but anyway it's good to have your expectations managed I think it's a first world problem David if anyone would like a house
41:08 - 41:13
Is this the one that has a bathroom that's full of glory days of Soccer AM merch?
41:13 - 41:19
I would keep that in because there's two signed shirts with my name on the back and I don't want them so
41:19 - 41:29
if you would like a two bed flat in Shoreditch slash Clerkenwell Old Street please please get in touch we could do it off the books I don't know how that works but like
41:29 - 41:43
I'm open to offers we watch Traitors for a bit but we don't watch all of it and then at nine o'clock Jamie goes to bed and I lie on the sofa for 20 minutes trying to have a 20 minute nap but I don't because I've got to hang up washing
41:43 - 41:50
and move washing inside and outside and see which is wet and which isn't and work out how if I have the radiator on all night all this kind of stuff.
41:50 - 41:55
So then I'm into the radio it's 10 o'clock and we're doing Hawksby and Jacobs on Talksport and
41:55 - 42:10
Charlie Baker a what did you do yesterday alumni and what's good on the show. So the US manager Mauricio Pochettino emailed his squad to tell them if they were in it or not so we did have you ever been dumped by email which was the best message we got
42:10 - 42:26
was a bloke saying I've never been dumped but my mum emailed me four days into a holiday in Corfu to say she'd had the dog put down. I was mainly sad because the dog was absolutely fine when I left.
42:26 - 42:29
Wow I wonder where she put it in the email.
42:29 - 42:30
Yeah that's a good point.
42:30 - 42:34
You certainly couldn't have it as the last paragraph like BTW.
42:34 - 42:35
Yeah, do you lead with it?
42:35 - 42:38
Bad news, maybe in the subject at the top.
42:38 - 42:41
Or is it a shit sandwich? You go we're having a lovely time
42:41 - 42:57
your dad's happy we've just had a lovely sandwich from M&S. We put the dog down yesterday. Your sister's feeling really good. She's got a job interview at Accenture, love Miriam I think that's how you would do yeah the show's really fun and we do a
42:57 - 43:00
two word phone in on what's the best palace
43:00 - 43:01
what do you mean a two word phone in
43:01 - 43:13
we basically come up with a two word phone in because phone in's gone for too long so it's a two word phone in and the rules are you phone up and you've got two words you can't say any more and if you do you're never allowed to call again.
43:13 - 43:20
And we might do what's the best year with the best one we ever did the one that went most successful was before England's quarter final in the Euros
43:20 - 43:36
maybe last year we said look we'll do what's the best English thing and what will the score be and someone rang up and just went baked beans penalties. It just was so funny but it's that kind of thing. Anyway someone rings up and goes what's the best palace
43:36 - 43:39
because Crystal Palace are playing in a European final last night.
43:40 - 43:44
Some people say Blenheim Palace or someone says Castle Greyskull which is good.
43:44 - 43:53
And then someone says Misha Paris and so we're like good stuff. This is great. I'm enjoying this. Okay so then it's one in the morning and I go to bed
43:53 - 43:54
yeah lovely a lovely da
43:54 - 44:04
y it's a classic it's a classic of the genre isn't it but I'm so happy that Jamie is back life is better when she is in it
44:04 - 44:14
final question on it do we see the move in terms of Ian Rushden from trains to space is that something I'm picking up on here
44:14 - 44:18
he's still very much got one hand in the train camp.
44:18 - 44:22
His dream would perhaps be a Brio train on Saturn
44:22 - 44:27
that would be yeah that would be the ultimate it is quite funny
44:27 - 44:48
that he will just turn to you and go my name is Pluto and I'm one third water in the form of ice and you go okay thanks mate.
44:48 - 44:54
Come on, let's do the cheese quiz.
44:54 - 45:05
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. I've got cheese! This is cheese!
45:05 - 45:33
Claire in Glasgow says lads I'll keep this brief because we all brackets I suspect there may be one plank addict who disagrees we all just want this to be done now.
45:34 - 45:41
quizzes have started to inbreed and we need to be all cheesed off by the summer holidays if we're to make it out alive.
45:41 - 45:53
I'm in it for life but could be doing with one less quiz in that life says Claire I see where you're coming from Claire but you know just who was I standing next to at the cucumbers
45:53 - 46:01
but also look at the other quizzes this is the prestige quiz this is the best one of the absolute rogues shit gallery
46:01 - 46:07
it's actually impressive that we've collected maybe four of the worst quizzes
46:07 - 46:28
of all time now we just run them next to each other in a sort of masochistic let's just get this over with here we go Brie I don't know how to pronounce this Epoissé Caerphilly Cashel Blue Cheese strings.
46:28 - 46:32
So good guess there stay in that lane
46:32 - 46:37
stay in your lane Claire well that's everything Dave I think we've covered everything
46:37 - 46:48
listeners if you would like to get in touch with the podcast I'm particularly interested in what you would call a hanging laundry drying piece of merch that me and Max could
46:48 - 46:54
sell what animal could it be named after this is how you get in touch with the podcast
46:54 - 47:03
to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on Instagram at yesterday
47:03 - 47:17
pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't. Thank you David I have decided to do this for the rest of my life
47:17 - 47:25
when do you think here's a question are we going to do it for the rest of our life and there will be peaks and troughs through our lives
47:25 - 47:34
and let's say podcast carry on forever I don't know reason why they won't I just think the video thing might die I think people get bored of that whatever you know but
47:34 - 47:36
the audio medium I think
47:36 - 47:37
here to stay
47:37 - 47:41
in what decade will you be up 70s I don't need this
47:41 - 47:51
yeah the technology will have moved on so much though so maybe with AI I'll just be able to get it to do my yesterday you know what I mean
47:51 - 47:58
yeah that does feel you know the ultimate phoning it in I don't think that's I think we'd be letting the listeners down.
47:58 - 48:08
Do you think they'll be able to listen to it in they won't have to listen to it they can just be like press a button and it will just have all been imparted into their brain
48:08 - 48:25
I went to one of the AIs this week because I'm writing my new show and I have always said well the great thing about doing stand-up comedy is that it'll take a good while for the AI to work out what these jokes are and I put in
48:25 - 48:43
give me some song ideas in the style of the comedian David O'Doherty it came up with six and they weren't that bad. There was one called the Lilo the song they hadn't written the whole song but it was like in this song David to get closer
48:43 - 49:01
to nature buys a Lilo and he's going to go to the beach every day for the summer but now it's the winter and as he writes this song he's looking out at the deflated Lilo in the back garden and I'm like I think they've nailed it.
49:01 - 49:13
I would never buy a Lilo to get closer to nature. But at the same time, yeah, that's my life's work. That's exactly it. Oh shit.
49:13 - 49:17
Oh fuck. I really thought we were untouchable.
49:17 - 49:20
It's a formula, turns out...
49:20 - 49:24
My days are so varied that AI could not..