0:00 - 0:05
Podcasts, there are millions of them.
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Some might say too many.
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I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough.
0:13 - 0:20
Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
0:20 - 0:23
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
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Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man?
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Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
0:34 - 0:37
We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
0:37 - 0:44
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
0:44 - 0:46
Day before yesterday, Max?
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The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
0:53 - 0:55
And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:08
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
1:08 - 1:14
It's a great pleasure to have on today's podcast a fellow legend of Bake Off.
1:14 - 1:29
Now, some would say that Briony May Williams made more of a cultural impact going on it and being the star, basically, of an entire series that is one of the most beloved series.
1:30 - 1:32
Don't put yourself down, David.
1:32 - 1:41
My large flat meringue that Paul Hollywood said was too big to put in the oven and it would just crack.
1:41 - 1:45
Was your showstopper your own head in meringue? Is that what it was?
1:45 - 1:45
Oh, my goodness.
1:45 - 1:57
Oh, I'm sorry, David. Is it getting too much? I had a friend, Dave, who I kept talking about his big nose and he once said to me, can you stop talking about it? And so I did. And I've never talked about it since. So if you don't want me to bring it up, I won't.
1:57 - 2:02
People have traditionally mocked my showstopper. Short legs, long torso ratio.
2:02 - 2:05
But we spend a lot of time in not together.
2:05 - 2:16
A lot of our time we are just looking at each other's heads. So really any sort of like, for want of a better word, banter between us, if it's to do with appearance, it will be quite head based.
2:16 - 2:22
Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Like you could have huge feet like a clown.
2:22 - 2:25
I have the feet of a mallard, but nobody knows.
2:25 - 2:34
I don't mind the head one because it's not a traditional thing that people have mocked me for is the point I'm making, Max.
2:34 - 2:48
Okay, it's new. It's almost fun. You know what I mean? It'd be like if I started mocking you about having your ears are too perfectly shaped. Right. You know what I mean? Your ears look like they're AI, something like that.
2:48 - 2:59
They're pretty big, actually. When I'm old, these will be big old Prince Charles. I'll be like the FA Cup. Anyway, back to Briony May Williams. It's a good day, this. We just recorded it. It's a good day.
2:59 - 3:09
Yeah, it's really good. You will know her from her chef stuff, various recipe things, appearing on a litany of TV shows. She has a podcast.
3:09 - 3:11
I'm not judging, but.
3:11 - 3:25
I did make the point to her off air that if you put two Ts on that, it's a parenting podcast, but sticking two Ts on it, they are not judging asses. And they're not, in fairness.
3:25 - 3:36
It feels more like the Loaded magazine. It's a podcast from the 90s. There would be, I am judging, but it would just be, you know, ranking the bottoms of various people.
3:36 - 3:40
Do they still do Best Bottom, Britain's Best Bottom or something? Rear of the year.
3:40 - 3:41
Yeah they do.
3:41 - 3:43
It wasn't called Britain's Best Bottom.
3:43 - 3:57
Britain's Best Bottom is on all the productions of a Midsummer Night's Dream that have been on this year. Who played Bottom the best? This episode, I'm very pleased with it. I think it's a good one.
3:57 - 4:06
And it's not another of my comedy friends. That's another plus for it. Ladies and gentlemen, this is what Briony May Williams did yesterday.
4:06 - 4:14
Briony May Williams, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
4:14 - 4:22
Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here. How are you doing?
4:22 - 4:34
I'm well. I'm absolutely knackered, but that's not this podcast. I want it to be honest. It's day seven of 10 of Solo Parenting. But this is not my episode, Briony. It's your episode. How are you?
4:34 - 4:44
I'm very well, thank you. I am not solo parenting. So, you know, life is good. Got my little pooch sat next to me. He's having a little slumber. So, yeah, I'm all good.
4:44 - 4:55
Wow. Our lives are just such fun and so brilliant compared to yours, Max. Look, I know we've got something to get to now, but to the listeners, this is one of the saddest faces I've ever seen.
4:55 - 5:00
I think you look really bright and well for seven out of 10, you know?
5:00 - 5:04
It's AI. He's just AI-ed a version of himself.
5:04 - 5:17
9 Breakfast Show from 2006 where I hosted with Jo Good, who used to be in Crossroads, and she used to say, Dr. Footlights, as in when they say go,
5:17 - 5:22
when you're on air, you just have to turn it on. I'm just delivering. Right now, I'm just delivering.
5:22 - 5:25
What ring light are you using? Because it's really quite magic.
5:25 - 5:26
It's enormous. I know.
5:26 - 5:34
He's driven his Subaru into the front of the shed and he's just put on high beams and they just point directly at him.
5:34 - 5:38
None of this matters, Briony. What we need to know is what time did you wake up yesterday, please, Briony?
5:38 - 5:48
I woke up yesterday at 6.15. Well, that's when my first alarm went off. I'm one of those people who have a gazillion alarms because one just won't do.
5:48 - 5:55
So one goes off at 6.15 and then I snooze it. And then whilst that's still snoozing, another one will go off at half past six.
5:55 - 6:07
And then eventually at quarter to seven, I pull my, backside out of bed because I just, I'm not one of those people who alarm goes off and then they get out of bed. I'm, I wish I could be one of those people.
6:07 - 6:13
So hang on, your snoozes. I always thought a snooze was a nine minute for some reason. I always thought it was stuck on nine.
6:13 - 6:18
No, I think it is, but I have the snoozes as well as then another alarm 15 minutes later.
6:19 - 6:23
Just in case I accidentally stopped the snoozing. And then I have a backup.
6:23 - 6:26
A Victorian man with a stick comes up and hits the window.
6:26 - 6:39
Yeah, exactly. Because I then have to go and wake up. My daughter, who's 10, and I have to make sure she's awake around quarter to seven, 10 to seven. Otherwise the whole school drop-off is going to be an absolute disaster.
6:40 - 6:42
What's the sort of ding dong of your alarm?
6:42 - 6:43
Great question.
6:43 - 6:45
Thanks so much, David.
6:45 - 6:47
It's Radio Cambridge training right there.
6:47 - 6:49
I don't know, actually.
6:49 - 6:51
Could you try and do it for us?
6:51 - 6:58
It's like a do-do-do-do-do-do. You know, it's not like a eh-eh. It's kind of more of a gentle do-do-do-do-do. I don't like to be woken up abruptly. That's not.
6:58 - 7:13
Because I sense it's going. It's going off a lot. You've got like 15 alarms and the sound is coming back in. And so you don't want like, it's otherwise, it's a bit like that bit in SAS, Who Dares Wins, where, you know, you've got to the end and then they put a bag on your head and basically play you an alarm for 50 hours.
7:13 - 7:15
And then it's proof that you could be in the SAS.
7:15 - 7:21
Yeah, no, it's not like that. It's more like I'm waking up in like a fairy dream, you know, like, oh, there's fairies in my bedroom.
7:21 - 7:22
That's lovely.
7:22 - 7:28
That's nice. And then I just shut them up for eight minutes and then some more fairies come in. And yeah, that's generally how we roll.
7:28 - 7:40
m. at the moment, when was the last time you were woken with an alarm, Max? hat wake him up at 4 a.m. at the moment, when was the last time you were woken with an alarm, Max? Because you are asking people what their alarms are.
7:40 - 7:41
That's a good question
7:41 - 7:42
. I'm wondering, do you ever need it?
7:42 - 7:49
Well, if I've got a radio show at 10 at night or midnight, then I have to like have a nap for an hour and a half.
7:49 - 7:52
Like every time of day is in my alarms.
7:52 - 8:05
m. m. e from like 1 a.m. to, you know, 11 p.m. Like there's not a minute of the day that I haven't gone, oh, 11, 17. It's possible. When you wake up your daughter, is it just open the door and hello? Or is it like- Is it a struggle?
8:05 - 8:14
No, it's quite a gentle, gentle kind of like, I'll climb into her bed and be like, morning, darling. Oh, that's nice. She's only 10. We've only got one child. So, you know, actually-
8:14 - 8:15
Brilliant choice. Great, one and done.
8:15 - 8:24
My friends, you've all got more than one. It sounds much more stressful in the morning. So I'm like, time to wake up, darling. And she kind of opens her eyes and goes, I'm very tired.
8:24 - 8:28
But can't they, at the age of 12, can't they split into multiples then?
8:28 - 8:29
Yeah, that's what happens.
8:29 - 8:33
Come in one morning and there's six in the bed and you're like, oh no.
8:33 - 8:44
If you have like a 10-year-old, you could have two five-year-olds. If you have a 12-year-old, you might get three four-year-olds or you might really get shat on and have six two-year-olds. That could happen.
8:44 - 8:45
No, I can't do that. I can't do that.
8:45 - 8:49
That's like the worst horror movie you've ever just invented, David.
8:49 - 9:01
Yeah, that literally gives me chills. I mean, my brother's got three kids and I just look at him, I'm like, I don't know how you do it. Like three, imagine, oh, six two-year-olds. No thanks. So she's all right in the morning the 10-year-old, Nora, she's all right.
9:01 - 9:06
The dog, however, is starting to become a bit of a pain in the ass so he's going to be 12 in a few months.
9:06 - 9:08
He's a cockapoo, he's very sweet.
9:08 - 9:10
So you're going to get six cockapoos, six two-year-old cockapoos.
9:10 - 9:19
I'm going to get six cockapoos, yeah. I'm all right with that, as long as they're puppies. We think he's going a bit senile. We've taken him to the vets and they think he might be getting a bit of doggy dementia.
9:19 - 9:26
He starts howling at like half six in the morning and I'm like, oh, I still had another eight minutes of snoozing.
9:26 - 9:29
I mean, you can't with a dog ask who the prime minister is.
9:29 - 9:36
I asked him to draw a clock and it just sucks. It's just terrible. So he couldn't put the numbers inside. It was weird.
9:36 - 9:42
It's just his answers just get a bit more rambling, Joe Biden style. He's just mumbling.
9:42 - 9:46
He can't tell you the starting 11 of Charlton Athletic in 1952.
9:46 - 9:47
It's amazing. It really is.
9:47 - 9:51
So the daughter's awake, Nora's awake, the dog is howling.
9:51 - 9:53
The dog's got to do a pee, surely.
9:53 - 9:58
So you're going to have to wake daughter up and then straight down?
9:58 - 10:12
Exactly that, yeah. So I wake the daughter up, get her kind of at least in the process of waking up and then I come down, let the dog out for a wee, make a cup of tea and make Nora's breakfast because she then has breakfast in bed
10:12 - 10:15
as if she's some sort of Downton Abbey princess.
10:15 - 10:18
Is it on a little wheelie tray?
10:18 - 10:19
Yeah, yeah, a little tray.
10:19 - 10:20
Drop it. Oh, that's so nice.
10:20 - 10:29
Again, the joys of being an only child. I'm like, I'll bring your breakfast up if you want. I don't mind. I like having my cup of tea in bed. So if you want, have your breakfast in bed. I'm all right with that.
10:29 - 10:30
What's she having?
10:30 - 10:37
She will have a bowl of cereal or some toast, maybe like a little, a bit of jam on there.
10:37 - 10:40
And yesterday was specifically yesterday. I have no interest in any other day.
10:40 - 10:45
Oh, sorry. God, yeah. And you're not interested in general days. My bad. Yesterday specifically, it was a bowl of Crave.
10:45 - 10:46
Oh, what's Crave?
10:46 - 10:57
The Aldi version of Crave, which I think is called like crazy or something like it's very close to the word grave. It's like a puffy cereal with like Nutella in the middle, basically.
10:57 - 10:59
Not in any way healthy.
10:59 - 11:10
With respect, that's not very Downton. You know, it's never like ding-a-ling-a-ling. Print out the news from today from the internet and a bowl of Crave, please.
11:10 - 11:17
No, I know. She should be having like something much more respectable, like lemon curd on toast or something.
11:17 - 11:17
A pheasant.
11:17 - 11:30
A pheasant, yes. Exactly. Kedry. I can't imagine. Yeah, I'm not making Kedry in the morning. I don't eat breakfast, really. Not a big breakfast person. I just rather have a cup of tea so, yeah, there's not a lot going on in that sense in the morning.
11:30 - 11:37
I'll know in the future if I ever read one of your recipes that's a breakfast-based one, I'll be like, this is bullshit.
11:37 - 11:41
She's never made that in her life.
11:41 - 11:46
Take one bowl from the cupboard, open the Crave, add milk.
11:47 - 11:54
Preparation time, 45 minutes. All right, so she's eating her Crave. Do you sit with her with your tea and that's a nice moment or are you getting on with it?
11:54 - 12:06
Sorry, and then what that recipe needs is... The full page story of when I was a child, my grandmother would bring me a bowl of Crave every morning.
12:06 - 12:10
You've literally got to read their entire autobiography before you get to the freaking recipe.
12:10 - 12:17
I think Crave is a bit... I mean, Crave, it sort of has addiction connotations to it, doesn't it? Like, does she crave Crave?
12:17 - 12:20
She's all right with a Weetabix as well.
12:20 - 12:22
The little one should be called Binge, I think.
12:22 - 12:27
It's hard to mainline Crave, isn't it? It's hard to like... Reject sugar puffs.
12:27 - 12:29
Smash it up into crumbs.
12:29 - 12:31
Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, you could do that.
12:31 - 12:36
That would be such an edgy breakfast cereal. We have to smash it up and inhale it through your nose and lungs.
12:36 - 12:37
Just lines of Crave.
12:37 - 12:40
Great. You're just there with your tea.
12:40 - 12:42
I'm there with my tea.
12:42 - 12:56
You stand in the corner of the room like the butler in Downton. You're watching the expression on her face as the first spoonful of Crave goes in and then she just nods and you stare off into space.
12:56 - 13:07
Yeah, yeah. Does it please you, madam? No, I just leave her in there and go and have my cup of tea in bed with the dog. She's quite happy. She doesn't want to have a conversation in the morning. She needs time to wake up, as do I.
13:07 - 13:11
So it's okay. You just leave her to it. Although I might start doing the Downton Abbey thing and just really freak her out.
13:12 - 13:16
Do you start doom scrolling at this stage or are you just in bed with the tea and the dog?
13:16 - 13:18
I might put something on the telly.
13:18 - 13:21
Well, it's only yesterday, Briony. I hate to be a stickler about this.
13:21 - 13:32
So yesterday I turned on Disney+. I like to have a show where I can just kind of like not think about it. So at the minute it's 9-1-1. So I've gone through 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Nashville.
13:32 - 13:38
I'm now on 9-1-1 Lone Star. So I watched an episode of that, which is Rob Lowe. I haven't seen him in anything in a while.
13:38 - 13:39
What's Rob Lowe doing in this?
13:39 - 13:42
He's firefighting with his son.
13:42 - 13:44
A Nepo baby fireman.
13:44 - 13:51
Yeah. So I watch a bit of that, but I do doom scroll at the same time. I do check my Insta.
13:51 - 13:55
Could you tell us what happened in yesterday's 9-1-1 Lone Star?
13:55 - 13:57
Oh, there was definitely a fire.
13:57 - 13:57
Okay, right.
13:57 - 13:59
They're just back at the station.
13:59 - 14:03
They go around schools and they're doing a demo and they get a kite out of a tree.
14:03 - 14:04
Worst episode ever
14:04 - 14:16
. It was a night shift and they all just, no calls. They just slept. Rob's got a second job as a plumber. He got his rods and he's doing stuff on the side for Pimlico plumbers. Rob Lowe doing nothing as a fireman. It's great.
14:16 - 14:29
It's what you need is a bit of background telly. Yeah, so I watch that and then I check my, because basically I've turned off my notifications on my phone for TikTok and Instagram. So it means I have, I have to go on to check if anything's happened.
14:29 - 14:42
Which I kind of thought would be better, but I'm not sure it's actually helping at all. So I went on my Instagram to check notifications and I went on my TikTok and did a bit of doom scrolling whilst I drink my tea with Rob Lowe on in the background.
14:42 - 14:48
Have you gone viral during the night, Brownie? Has something exploded unexpectedly?
14:48 - 14:58
Many things. I have been doing a series recently of testing viral recipes to see if they actually taste good. Any random shit, you know?
14:58 - 15:13
Oh, I like that stuff. You know, and it's always get six tons of cheese, mince, a whole onion, skin on, a whole jar of peanut rye, put it in a George Foreman, leave it for two hours and it'll be absolutely delicious. It'll be the best dinner you've ever had in your life.
15:13 - 15:25
Yeah, basically that's it. So there's one that I did, which was you had to blend cauliflower with melted chocolate and this woman's on there saying it tastes like fudge, tastes like farts, tastes like stinky feet and farts.
15:25 - 15:30
It was disgusting. So when I woke up yesterday, I checked on one that I did about hummus scones.
15:31 - 15:32
Which is literally hummus.
15:33 - 15:43
Self-raising flour, mix them together to make a dough, cut them into four, bake it. Honestly, nicest thing ever. So nice. I think it could be good though. If you don't like hummus, it's not the one for you.
15:43 - 15:49
But if you like hummus, I'm telling you. If you like hummus and scones, this is...
15:49 - 16:00
Max, I'm telling you. I guess it is chickpeas and what? Olive oil. But I don't like the idea of loads of olive oil in a scone. But then again, I guess what is a scone if not just loads of butter? So I guess we're shooting one for the other.
16:00 - 16:03
I mean, if you're a traditionalist, then, you know.
16:03 - 16:05
Then it's not going to be the one.
16:05 - 16:14
With a hummus scone, it's cream then jam. With a bababaganoush scone, it is jam then cream. And you must not make the mistake.
16:14 - 16:17
No, God forbid. I might make a teriyama salata scone.
16:17 - 16:20
Well, I'm not interested. That is a terrible idea.
16:20 - 16:28
I know, right? And then I was reading some comments and one woman told me that I was overacting and that I wasn't like that on Bake Off.
16:28 - 16:35
So that was nice. Then a few comments underneath being like, Francis, calm down. She's making hummus scones.
16:35 - 16:48
I see. It's interesting because most of my world is football and that is quite tribal and angsty. But I would have thought the below the line scone making world. People aren't like, you plastic fuck.
16:48 - 16:51
Shove it up your arse. Shove your scone up your arse.
16:51 - 16:54
Tell you what, the world of baking is brutal.
16:54 - 17:03
People get really upset. I once got told that I should be put in jail for using a wrap instead of pastry on a sausage roll. And that was a genuine comment.
17:03 - 17:08
I would ask, what sentence are you suggesting? Is this suspended sentence? Is it an open prison?
17:08 - 17:13
It's fully rock breaking. You know what I mean? That's what they want.
17:13 - 17:21
Full Shawshank vibes to it. One of those prisons in Central America that where you have to join a gang and then you have a tattoo of a scone on your face.
17:21 - 17:22
On my cheek.
17:22 - 17:24
Of the wrap. That's it.
17:24 - 17:36
It's a bleak moment in the yard on the first day. Someone finally asks you, what are you in for? Because the other guy is in for like, he blew up a drug cartel and you put a wrap on a sausage.
17:36 - 17:45
But then, like, you become the chef of the prison and everybody loves you. And then they all become chefs.
17:45 - 17:46
I like this story.
17:46 - 17:48
Then you escape using like a tiny...
17:48 - 17:50
Like a pastry cutter.
17:50 - 17:51
A tiny pastry cutter.
17:51 - 17:55
Just a little pastry brush to gradually brush away the wall. It would take so long.
17:55 - 17:56
It would take so long.
17:56 - 18:09
And then other famous chefs, you get them to visit you. And like Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall is like shoved. He's got like a massive plastic bag of hundreds of thousands up his ass and he comes in and then...
18:09 - 18:12
They're smuggling ingredients into you.
18:12 - 18:16
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. There's Gordon Ramsay. He's got a kilo of butter.
18:16 - 18:29
This is awful stuff. So, Briony, my issue here is watching 9-1-1, it's possibly too early in the day.
18:29 - 18:47
As in, although, because, you know, breakfast television tends to be reasonably bland. But there again, around half nine, you do get those shows that are like cowboy builder type shows that are quite tense because it's the bald guy who's driving around to tell you that your extension's shit.
18:47 - 18:56
Well, we had, who was it? Was it Sooz Kempner watched like two episodes of EastEnders? Someone watched right at the start of the day, like first thing. Before she went out on a...
18:56 - 18:58
On a horse. Yeah, that was wild.
18:58 - 19:11
It didn't get my adrenaline going. I don't know if that's a reflection on Rob Lowe's acting or the fact that I wasn't paying close enough attention. It might be the antidepressants. I don't know, but it didn't sort of really get me going.
19:11 - 19:18
Do you hear Nora starting to bounce into action now, post Crave? You know, are things starting to happen?
19:18 - 19:32
Yeah, I'll generally hear a mummy when she's finished and then I go in and I'm like, right, two minutes, then it's time to brush teeth and then she jumps into action. She's very good. She does listen. I'll say, right, 7.30, 7.35, it's teeth time and she will listen.
19:32 - 19:44
I don't have to tell her again. So then she'll jump into action, as will I, although I often will drop her off. So yesterday I did drop her off in what was essentially my pyjamas.
19:44 - 19:45
Yeah, great.
19:45 - 19:45
But nobody knew.
19:45 - 19:47
Are you in the car now or are you...
19:47 - 19:53
No, I do actually walk her up to the door, but I had black trousers and a sort of T-shirt that could...
19:53 - 19:55
Right, you're not in Thomas the Tank Engine pyjamas.
19:55 - 19:57
No, no. Like, I've changed my pants and put deodorant on.
19:57 - 19:58
Bunny ears.
19:58 - 20:07
Yeah, yeah, bunny ears. And I also, yesterday, I took cakes in for the staff at the school, so everyone was so distracted.
20:07 - 20:09
Oh, the other parents must hate you.
20:09 - 20:10
Yeah, pure hatred.
20:10 - 20:16
And they're all there with their shit cakes and you're wandering in going, oh, just made some other cakes.
20:16 - 20:21
Oh, it's so hard when you're trying to get the sixth tier on the cake you've made for the principal, isn't it, other parents?
20:21 - 20:24
Nora's in the top set for French is she? Oh, I just happened to be there.
20:24 - 20:29
Nothing to do with the raspberry crumble muffins I made and handed to the headmistress yesterday.
20:29 - 20:33
She's got a place at Princeton. I don't know how that happened. She's only 10.
20:33 - 20:37
Oh, so you've got to use what you can, you know?
20:37 - 20:42
Yeah, fair enough. Okay, so nothing's happened between...
20:42 - 20:48
We're at drop-off now. That's sort of pretty seamless. Yeah, nothing much has happened in between there other than getting Nora into the car.
20:48 - 20:58
We need to check because it could be like something like you did a bank robbery on your way to school, like perfect crime, and you're trying to leave that out that's why we're as thorough as we are right now.
20:58 - 21:07
That was actually the day before yesterday so I'm not allowed to include that. No, nothing exciting. We left the house with the cakes, drove to drop-off.
21:07 - 21:12
Did you listen to the Radio 1 breakfast show? What's Nora want on the...
21:12 - 21:17
So Nora does have control in the car of DJing because we like the same music. So yesterday she put on...
21:17 - 21:20
What did you do yesterday? She loves this podcast.
21:20 - 21:22
She loves it. Literally can't get enough.
21:22 - 21:23
Think about 10-year-olds.
21:23 - 21:32
But before she put that on, she put... Oh, my God. Monster High. Monster High. Yeah. Some of the music from that, which I don't mind. I'm kind of... I quite like shit music, so...
21:32 - 21:38
You should tell them and they can put that on the album. I quite like shit music. It's a testimonial. I quite like shit music. This works for me.
21:38 - 21:47
Do you know what someone said to me once? They said, Oh, my God, I love you on Escape to the Country. And I said, Oh, thanks so much. They went, Yeah, I just really love shit TV. I was like, Cool, thanks.
21:47 - 21:58
That happens so often with this podcast. It's like I was listening to it as I had dysentery. You know what I mean? What I do... What I do love is Max's football podcast.
21:58 - 22:02
People listen to it quite a lot while they're having their tubes tied.
22:02 - 22:04
Oh, yeah. It's huge vasectomies.
22:05 - 22:08
Vasectomies are absolutely massive. And car crashes.
22:08 - 22:12
Someone had a complete write-off. The whole car was written off. It was amazing they survived.
22:12 - 22:14
But were you still playing?
22:14 - 22:24
We were still playing in this burning, you know, exploding, Seat Ibiza or whatever it was. All right. So we do drop off and now we're free, Briony. What are we going to do?
22:24 - 22:38
So I'm free. So I went for a swim because I love a swim. I only learnt to swim two years ago. I couldn't swim before then, more than sort of a few metres. And even that was a bit doggy paddle slash drowning.
22:38 - 22:42
Was it weird to have swimming lessons as an adult? Were you in with like five year olds?
22:42 - 22:44
No, you stopped me in a load of toddlers.
22:44 - 22:45
Ten metre badge. Yeah.
22:45 - 22:55
Oh no, I never got a badge. Yeah, it was basically, I went on a Saturday morning at my local leisure centre and it was me and a very eclectic group of adults. And then a 16 year old instructor.
22:55 - 23:04
So good. At any point, because we did laser tag a few years ago, we were probably all in our thirties actually.
23:04 - 23:17
And the instructor was 15 or 16 and was like, actually did a full on, y'all need to be quiet. You, what did I just say? Like fully went for it. And we were loving it so much.
23:17 - 23:20
Was the 16 year old intimidated by the grownups?
23:20 - 23:27
Couldn't care less. That was their Saturday morning job, helping these bunch of, random grownups not drown.
23:27 - 23:40
And do you know what? It was quite amazing though, because it gave me the confidence to, the fact that there were other adults, you know, that also couldn't swim. And yeah, it was amazing. So it was like over a couple of months that combined with a bit of TikTok advice.
23:41 - 23:47
And then, yeah, so now I swim a couple of times a week. So I went for a swim yesterday, which I love.
23:47 - 23:49
Are we middle lane breaststroke?
23:49 - 23:50
Here we go.
23:50 - 24:00
Okay, so I go as my treat to myself. I joined David Lloyd a few years ago. They have an outdoor pool, which is my happy place.
24:00 - 24:06
Like I really want to be one of those people who like jump into the sea or a river or something, but I'm just not that person.
24:06 - 24:20
So I want to jump into the heated outdoor pool at David Lloyd. So I go there a couple of times a week and I do my swimming with all the old ladies in the outdoor pool. Jane, shout out to Jane. She was there yesterday. And it's just one of my happy places.
24:20 - 24:23
So I swam there for about half an hour.
24:23 - 24:35
Do you have a swimming hat that's got sort of bubble wrap type stuff on it and a big pink flower to the side? Are you one of those ladies whose face somehow never gets wet and they just do this really slow backstroke?
24:35 - 24:40
I go all in. I go all in. I've got an extra large swimming hat because I have an abnormally large head.
24:41 - 24:42
So I have a hat that's normally...
24:42 - 24:44
David's head's enormous too.
24:44 - 24:45
Have you got a big head too?
24:45 - 24:50
Yeah. That's why he's sitting so far back. He's six miles from the camera.
24:50 - 24:58
We can still see his head. I can't wear a normal swimming cap because it just does that thing where it pings off and you try and pull it down and it just goes...
24:58 - 24:59
So you have to wear a hot air balloon.
24:59 - 25:12
Yeah, essentially that's what it is. It's for people who have dreadlocks. It's actually that on Amazon. And yeah, I have to wear that. And when I pull it on, I look like an alien because it just goes absolutely enormous.
25:12 - 25:12
That's so good.
25:12 - 25:16
And then I pull it down and then I've got goggles and a nose clip. So I'm fully...
25:16 - 25:17
And what do we do?
25:17 - 25:18
Breaststroke.
25:18 - 25:19
Breaststroke.
25:19 - 25:24
I can't do anything else. That's all I can do. So I can never time...
25:24 - 25:34
So a few years ago, Neil Kitson and I went for a swim. We were doing a festival somewhere and he learned to swim properly and he critiqued...
25:34 - 25:46
My strokes are a joke, basically. So with my breaststroke, I mistime the arm movement with the fish kick. And it turns out if I can time them right, I go twice as fast.
25:46 - 25:55
Whereas what I do is have them so they're basically acting against each other. You know what I mean? So I sort of two steps forward, one step back. That's how we go down the pool.
25:55 - 26:06
But that's how I always thought it was. I thought you did it at the same time, like a frog, you know? But actually that's what TikTok taught me is that you don't do that. It's like you do the arms, then you breathe, then you kick and then you glide.
26:06 - 26:12
And then arms, breathe, kick, glide. Once I started doing that, I was like, I can swim.
26:12 - 26:17
Now it's a posh David Lloyd. Has it got a sauna and a jacuzzi and all that stuff?
26:17 - 26:23
It's just been upgraded over the last few months. So we're like top tier David Lloyd now. It's very exciting.
26:23 - 26:37
To the listeners, someone opened up to me recently about this. There's really complicated stuff. To our American listeners, there is a chain of health clubs in Britain and Ireland, and you basically get a tier level in them.
26:37 - 26:43
And that entitles you to attend other David Lloyds of that tier. Isn't that the deal?
26:43 - 26:44
That's right, yeah.
26:44 - 26:48
If you only have the basic package, there's ones where they're like, this is not for you.
26:48 - 26:51
Shit David Lloyds can only go to shit David Lloyds. Yeah.
26:51 - 26:58
So we used to be a shitter David Lloyd, but now we've been upgraded I can go to all the nice David Lloyds.
26:58 - 27:04
Okay, so after our swim, what's your sauna, steam room, jacuzzi plan?
27:04 - 27:13
I don't like saunas or steam rooms. This new spa's a bit lost on me, but I will go and sit in the little outdoor spa pool.
27:13 - 27:14
Right, and you did that yesterday?
27:14 - 27:17
And I did that yesterday, just for sort of 10, 15 minutes.
27:17 - 27:21
And then I went and had a shower and then left.
27:21 - 27:22
Interruption.
27:22 - 27:37
Briony, does it wreak havoc? With your splendid hair. Once you take the hat off, does the action of the heat from the pool you were sitting in cause it to go up like a bush, a biblical bush?
27:37 - 27:42
Do you know what? It's actually not too bad. The hat does obviously protect it while I'm swimming.
27:42 - 27:48
And then the heat from the pool, I think because I'm outside maybe and it's a bit cooler in the air.
27:48 - 27:48
Okay, yeah.
27:48 - 27:54
It's not too bad. So by the time I leave David Lloyd, it's not twice the size. So it's normally not too shabby.
27:54 - 27:56
Where are we? Where are we off to now, Briony?
27:56 - 28:02
It was a day off yesterday, a rare day off. So I went to get my nails done, which is what I do every couple of weeks.
28:02 - 28:04
Oh, what a day this is.
28:04 - 28:06
Sorry, I'm so sorry. I need to go back one more.
28:07 - 28:15
How do you know you've done enough swimming? This is a problem. When I go for a swim, sometimes I put on the togs and I'm like, get in the water.
28:15 - 28:28
And I'm so happy that I've gone to the pool. I sort of slosh backwards and forwards a few times and think that's it. Whereas I know people who like, I'm swimming a kilometre and they calculate how many lengths that would be.
28:28 - 28:38
Yeah, I do 20 lengths, 20 to 30 lengths, depending on the day. And then I'm done. There's some people who get in there and they're there like for ages, but I'm like 20 to 30.
28:38 - 28:42
So 30 meter pool probably. So it's probably about 600 meters that you're doing fine.
28:42 - 28:46
And that's kind of, yeah, that's about my limit. And then I'm like, I'm done.
28:46 - 28:49
Because I don't want to do it to the point where I'm not enjoying it anymore.
28:49 - 29:03
Yeah, I do find it insanely boring. I think it's great because I haven't got my phone and this is good. I'm floating. Everything is nice. And after about a length, I'm like, it's not painful enough to feel like exercise, like running.
29:03 - 29:16
I'm just bobbing around. And there's normally like, you're trying to get a lane where there's no one in it. And like there's someone too fast in the fast lane. So that's how there's like somebody who is 350 years old.
29:16 - 29:21
Good for them. The slow lane is basically now a standstill. You know, that's just like roadworks.
29:21 - 29:23
You swim directly up an old lady's butt.
29:24 - 29:28
You're now wearing her, like a sort of mythological beast of some kind. Sorry.
29:28 - 29:34
Well, I'll tell you something that'll stress you out even more. In the outdoor pool, there are no lanes.
29:34 - 29:36
Whoa. Well, this is ridiculous. Yeah.
29:36 - 29:39
So you've just got to kind of find a space.
29:39 - 29:48
It's you just beating a man with a pool noodle and you put someone near the door to see if the security guard is coming back. It's full primary school vibes too.
29:48 - 29:51
Honestly, it's like the Hunger Games. It's vicious.
29:51 - 29:54
Dunk an octogenarian until they can't breathe.
29:54 - 29:57
Yeah, Jane. I'm like, get out of the way. She thought we were friends.
29:57 - 30:03
Waterboarded Jane. She's no longer with us, but she had a good run. Okay, so we're now getting our nails done.
30:03 - 30:14
Okay, this is good because I'm going to confess something to you, Briony. I'm not well-versed on beyond cutting my nails, which I don't enjoy, but I do do. I'm an open book.
30:14 - 30:16
Lift the lid, Briony. Lift the lid.
30:16 - 30:21
Well, I mean, I love getting my nails done. I'll show you in the camera. They're quite jazzy.
30:21 - 30:22
Oh, yeah, they are.
30:22 - 30:34
So they're like neon animal print. So I go over to a lady called, Steph, over the other side of Bristol, who is a genius in the nail department. I can literally show her any picture and she'll be able to copy it.
30:34 - 30:37
If you gave her a picture of Mel Gibson, could she?
30:37 - 30:38
Yeah, yeah, honestly, she'd be able to.
30:38 - 30:41
Different roles of different films of him.
30:41 - 30:43
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:43 - 30:46
Lethal Weapon 1, 2, and 3. They're over there.
30:46 - 30:47
Braveheart.
30:47 - 30:49
The Christ, the weird Christ one.
30:49 - 30:53
I mean, I'll talk to her about it if you guys are interested.
30:53 - 31:04
Also totally unreferenced. If someone said, what's the name of the movie? Is that Mel Gibson? You just go, yeah. Yeah. And they say, why? You just give no reasoning at all, but your nails have always got the films of Mel Gibson on them.
31:04 - 31:13
So I go in, she's basically like a therapist as well. She's only in her early 20s and I just offload all of my problems onto her.
31:13 - 31:25
Probably cheaper than therapy, isn't it? It is for me because I get a half price manicure because I've only got one hand. So one of the many bonuses of having one hand is 50% off your manicure.
31:25 - 31:27
Surely not, you don't get 50%.
31:27 - 31:34
Yeah, I mean, it probably should be like 40% because I've got a thumb on my left hand, but she's good to me, Steph. So she gives me the full 50% off.
31:34 - 31:37
If she just charged you normal rate, would you say?
31:37 - 31:45
Yeah, I have said that before. I've been, I said to one place, I went to, I was like, is it really full price? And she went, yeah, it's the same amount of work. I went, is it, is it though?
31:45 - 31:48
Wow, and like fair play to someone for sticking to their guns.
31:48 - 32:01
Yeah, she really, she wasn't having any of it. I said to one of the floor managers on Morning Live once, he said, oh, I love your nails. I went. I went, thanks, I get them half price. He went, is that because you're such a big deal? I went, no, it's because I've got one hand. He was like, oh, right, yeah, sorry.
32:01 - 32:09
Oh, yeah. The problem is it's half price nails, but it's double price hair because you've such a massive head.
32:09 - 32:10
See, you get it.
32:10 - 32:14
They have to get six barbers working on me all on scaffolding.
32:14 - 32:16
Lower the secateurs, as they say.
32:16 - 32:23
Oh, I have been in a hairdresser once and I've had like three people blow drying my hair. It's quite something.
32:23 - 32:25
How long does this appointment take?
32:25 - 32:32
About half as long as everyone else. About two and a bit hours. So it's quite, you know.
32:32 - 32:33
Two hours? Oh, really?
32:33 - 32:34
Yeah, it's quite lengthy.
32:34 - 32:36
Is that how long it takes?
32:36 - 32:40
Yeah, it is when you've got like all the nail art stuff and these aren't my actual nails. Sure.
32:40 - 32:47
Jane from the pool, you've ripped her nails off. Yeah. The first hour, the first hour is Steph denailing Jane.
32:47 - 32:49
Oh, God, that's awful. Stop it.
32:50 - 33:04
Two and a half hours. Because like my wife, the closest my wife's says, can I book a haircut on Friday? And I go, fine. I always forget that that is like the whole of Friday. And I'm like, how is this? What's happening in there?
33:04 - 33:18
It is reminiscent, slightly, Max, of for Max's birthday, his wife got him a head massage. But I walked him to the head massage place. And Briony, it looked like that wasn't the only service they provided.
33:18 - 33:19
Oh, really?
33:19 - 33:30
Like with a little too much neon on the signs outside. I just had this. It was a hilarious idea that he was going to be in there and stuff was going to be offered to him.
33:30 - 33:32
It was another kind of head massage.
33:32 - 33:33
A little head. The smallest head of all.
33:33 - 33:35
And how was it, Max?
33:35 - 33:48
Well, it was traumatic, but not for those reasons. I just find them quite unsettling, generally. What I really want is just someone to rub my head softly. As if I'm a kitten. Just somebody just rub my head.
33:49 - 33:51
That makes me sound like George Galloway, doesn't it?
33:51 - 33:54
Someone to spoon whiskas into my mouth.
33:54 - 34:01
Just give me some Go-Kat, exactly. And let me shit in a litter tray. Okay, so we all have needs.
34:01 - 34:03
You do you, babe.
34:03 - 34:08
Well, we're two and a half hours. So you really do offload. Do you tell her everything?
34:08 - 34:19
She knows the ins and outs of my life. Yeah, very much. I also know the ins and outs of hers. It's a two-way street. She also had her kitten there yesterday. Furby, who's only four months old. So that was entertaining as well.
34:19 - 34:27
Because that was lots of, you know. Luckily, I didn't take Archie. Because he would have tried to eat the kitten. So yeah, two and a half hours. Because they've got to take the nails off and then put the new nails on.
34:27 - 34:31
He wasn't given any food this morning, Briony. Have we skipped something there?
34:31 - 34:46
I have skipped something, sorry. Yeah, when I come down. How could I forget about you, Arch? I'm sorry. When I come down in the morning to make my cup of tea, I check if he's got food and water. Because he's a grazer, which is probably not how you're meant to feed a dog. But we just fill up his bowl and then he eats it. And then when it's empty, we top it back up.
34:46 - 34:49
And you haven't eaten anything yet. You've been for a swim and now two and a half hours.
34:49 - 34:54
I had a banana. Sorry, I forgot about it. I had a banana after my swim at David Lloyd.
34:55 - 34:56
You just had a tea and a banana?
34:56 - 35:01
I am also a grazer throughout the day. I don't eat huge amounts in one go. I'll like graze.
35:01 - 35:04
Is your bowl next to the dog's bowl?
35:04 - 35:11
Yeah, and when it's empty, I'll just top it back up. And then so my nails are done. And then I came home.
35:11 - 35:14
It's bedtime. You've been there for so long.
35:14 - 35:16
What time are we roughly now?
35:16 - 35:18
So half twelve.
35:18 - 35:22
So then I drove home, had some food.
35:22 - 35:28
Here we go. Please have got a... Big basket of chips on Deliveroo. Just please undermine...
35:29 - 35:33
Yeah. A four toaster toaster set at slightly different settings.
35:33 - 35:35
And a rustler's rib.
35:35 - 35:38
Oh yeah, it's got to be rustler's rib.
35:38 - 35:40
Microwaved rustler's rib.
35:40 - 35:55
Sadly, none of those. Because basically before I ate, I filmed another random recipe, which comes from the hummus scone. I've now decided to do a little mini series called Does It Sconne, where I take other random things and see if...
35:55 - 35:57
I can turn it into a scone.
35:57 - 36:05
So yesterday I filmed, so I was like, I'm going to have these for my lunch. So I filmed it. So I got some smashed avocado from Tesco.
36:05 - 36:06
Yeah, right.
36:06 - 36:10
Hacks your face. You're like, this doesn't sound good.
36:10 - 36:12
I think on a scone, you know, I love avocado on toast.
36:12 - 36:16
In a scone. I turned it into the scone. It was really good.
36:16 - 36:28
Really good, yeah. I had the scone. It was super fluffy. So it was literally smashed avo with self-raising flour until I had a dough. I fried it with a bit of milk and seeds on top. And it was so super fluffy.
36:28 - 36:32
And I had cream cheese on it and ate it. And it was so good.
36:32 - 36:36
Is that just because cream cheese is nice?
36:36 - 36:41
Yeah, great question. Also, when's the Crave scone gonna come?
36:41 - 36:43
I should do that, shouldn't I? Does it scone?
36:43 - 36:44
Does it scone?
36:44 - 36:47
Does it scone? Avocado, yes. Yes, it does.
36:47 - 36:50
It's a limitless series. You could do so many episodes.
36:50 - 36:56
If you've got any random things that you want me to try and turn into a scone, hit me up. The weirder, the better.
36:56 - 37:09
So this is interesting, like making content is a sort of interesting, I'm absolutely appalling at it, but like it's a key part of what you do, right? And so how long do you spend doing it? Like how long do you spend editing it?
37:09 - 37:15
Do you have a setup such that you can just do it or do you have to set up cameras? Are they already there?
37:15 - 37:29
I literally do it all on my phone. I have got the setup in my kitchen. We've got quite a big window, so there's quite a lot of natural light because I've done it before, right? I've set up lights, I've set up, you know, this, that, and the other. I edit it, put it out on social media.
37:29 - 37:41
It does nothing, no views. So I was like, do you know what? Let's just see if this works. So I've just done it now where I literally put my camera on a little stand that I've got and then just film it from start to finish.
37:41 - 37:51
And it's all just a bit silly and me just being a bit silly in my kitchen. I don't bother, you know, making sure the background's all super tidy and, you know, you can see the fact there's stuff up on the shelves and all that. I'm like, do you know what?
37:51 - 37:53
But do you just upload the whole thing or do you like?
37:53 - 38:01
No, I edit it otherwise. It's just it's probably a bit too long. But yeah, so filming wise, it probably took me about half an hour because it was quite quick.
38:01 - 38:16
The problem with Max's content, and we don't get enough of it for my liking, is that he doesn't edit and he generally has one joke, which is he's walking through the streets of a clearly Australian city and he pretends he's in London.
38:16 - 38:19
You know, that style, Max, where you're like, there's the Thames.
38:19 - 38:24
Two of my best were I live Instagrammed Simmering a Bolognese for three hours. I just put the phone.
38:24 - 38:25
Was that in the pandemic?
38:25 - 38:35
Might have even been before. And then once I, all my wife's like jewelry was like all tangled up. And so I spent, I said, I'm just going to untangle this live on Instagram.
38:35 - 38:46
And it took me four hours. This was before kids. Like clearly what a dream world this was. And then somebody was like, get a pin. And then if you get a pin, it's much easier to untangle necklaces.
38:46 - 38:54
And so I did that. And then I did a few DIY things, which I was so bad at with a pencil in my ear to look like a builder.
38:54 - 38:57
Did they do numbers? Max, I would say these ones may not.
38:57 - 39:01
I don't think I look at numbers when I'm thinking about art.
39:01 - 39:07
And that's the three hours simmering bolognese, that's art, is it?
39:07 - 39:15
All right. So it takes half an hour to film and then you, do you edit it straight away, Briony?
39:15 - 39:29
It depends. Yesterday I did. I filmed because then I was, then I ate the avocados gone. Then I edited it. And because of the way these, that I've started doing these, it's quite quick to edit. And I know I have to get it to around two minutes, two and a half minutes is the best one to do.
39:29 - 39:39
But like these videos have done so much better than any of my content for years. And I'm like, okay, great. So people want to see the weird shit and I'm okay with that.
39:39 - 39:51
Other people have used that exact sentence in slightly more sinister ways than making a scone. I must say people want to see the weird shit and I'm okay with that. It sounds like something somebody says to Louis Theroux, doesn't it?
39:51 - 39:53
Do you eat the scone for your lunch then?
39:53 - 39:55
Yes. I don't like. To waste food.
39:56 - 40:06
So I had two for my lunch and then I chopped up some lovely veg for a salad for my husband for him to have for his tea with an avocado scone as well.
40:06 - 40:15
It's an attempt to put a sort of superfood take on what is traditionally a slightly treat-y thing, the scone. You know what I mean?
40:15 - 40:19
Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't taste superfood-y though. It still tastes quite indulgent.
40:19 - 40:24
I need to try some sweet ones now. I was thinking maybe like Nutella I could do next, like a Nutella scone.
40:24 - 40:30
That's a superfood. I mean, my definition of a superfood is anything you can buy in a supermarket.
40:30 - 40:33
I like this definition. I can work with this.
40:33 - 40:36
Great. What are we doing after lunch then?
40:36 - 40:45
After lunch, we are taking the dog for a walk because he's quite old now. He doesn't need to go very far. I keep him on the lead because he's an asshole if he's not on the lead.
40:45 - 40:54
His recall is no more. It was so good. And then around COVID time, he started not liking other dogs and then his recall is no
40:54 - 40:58
Did he start doing his own research into vaccines?
40:58 - 41:00
And he's gone a bit right wing as well.
41:00 - 41:12
He fucking loves Farage. Honestly, I can't even tell you. I just take him around kind of the local area, around the block whilst I listen to my latest fairy smut book.
41:13 - 41:16
Have you not heard this term, Max?
41:16 - 41:18
I've not heard the term fairy smut.
41:18 - 41:26
Yeah, it's sort of like horny fantasy that is popular, particularly with. Ladies, I think.
41:26 - 41:29
Women of a certain age. Romantasy. Have you heard that phrase, that term?
41:29 - 41:32
No. Okay. So what happens in this fairy smut?
41:32 - 41:41
So the one I've just finished, or I've just finished a series that is fourth wing, and basically there's dragons in it. Nobody has sex with the dragons, just to clarify.
41:41 - 41:52
But they do have a lot of sex with each other. And they're dragon riders, and it's all a bit saucy, but there's also, I mean, there's a bit of plot in there. It's just quite easy to listen to, and I quite enjoy a bit of fairy smut.
41:52 - 41:55
What's the premise of the one we are listening to yesterday?
41:55 - 42:03
Okay, so the premise of Fourth Wing is there is a lady called Violet who has joined an academy for dragon riders.
42:03 - 42:06
Right, so she's just a normal, average human.
42:06 - 42:12
Yeah, we think she's a human. And then she joins the academy. She falls in love with the bad boy.
42:12 - 42:14
He's just a human at this stage.
42:14 - 42:23
He is also just a human, but he's a really good dragon rider. And then she has to get chosen by a dragon in order to ride said dragon. She ends up being chosen by-
42:23 - 42:29
Sorry, interruption. That is just riding a dragon as if it were a horse. That's the classic.
42:29 - 42:31
That's not where the smut bit is.
42:31 - 42:35
So far, it's just Days of Thunder, you know what I mean? Or F1 with Brad Pitt.
42:35 - 42:44
She gets chosen by a dragon who is the mate of Zayden's dragon. And then they can hear each other's thoughts. And then the smut starts.
42:44 - 42:51
Is the sexiness of it undermined by the fact that you have to pick up a runny dog shit in a plastic bag?
42:54 - 43:04
Yes, 100%. Yeah. Yeah, it is. Yeah. I also have to be super careful about listening to it when I pull up to pick my daughter from school. You know, like when someone's on the phone, you can hear it outside the car.
43:05 - 43:09
I don't want to rock up and then there's like some saucy scene on my radio.
43:09 - 43:16
Yeah. And forgive me, like, how far are they going through these? When these two are at it, are you getting everything?
43:16 - 43:20
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Think like Jilly Cooper.
43:20 - 43:21
Are there blowies in it?
43:21 - 43:23
Oh, yeah. And handies.
43:23 - 43:25
Blowies and handies. So is Jilly Cooper with dragons?
43:26 - 43:29
You've just taken horses and replaced horses with dragons.
43:29 - 43:30
Yeah. Essentially, yeah.
43:30 - 43:37
Yeah. So basically, you could just, if we wanted to make a quick buck, we could just change dragons for another animal.
43:37 - 43:41
Yeah, which they have done. There's one where they've changed the dragons to wolves.
43:41 - 43:44
Or just camels. Or we could just invent our own animal.
43:44 - 43:45
Yeah, sure. Sure, sure, sure.
43:45 - 43:46
Peregrine falcons.
43:46 - 43:53
Or how about dragons to antiques? And it's more like we're just two, sorry, me and Max are in this version.
43:54 - 44:07
And we're just two. Because we have discussed in the past, Briony, our pivot to, as we get on a bit, to being on like Bargain Hunt type show with the hosts, the sort of charismatic hosts.
44:07 - 44:10
Max in particular, I just think is made for it.
44:10 - 44:20
Get in some pink trousers and be like, I think you've picked a wonderful pot and it might make six quid if we're lucky and I'll lose my shit if it does.
44:20 - 44:29
Yeah. This is absolutely splendid. And I'm like, Max, where's this accent come from? This is bananas.
44:29 - 44:32
So David, hang on, what are you, you're making a smutty antiques?
44:32 - 44:35
I mean, I've not heard of one so far, so I think this could be your USP.
44:35 - 44:44
We put it all in Microsoft Word and we replaced the word dragon with Davenport or like oak table or something.
44:44 - 44:45
Right. Okay.
44:45 - 44:46
How would they ride the...
44:46 - 44:48
How wouldn't they ride them?
44:48 - 44:51
Through the skies. I just want some clarification.
44:51 - 44:56
One of their fantasy oak tables, these tables. Oh, moving tables.
44:56 - 44:57
Great. Okay.
44:57 - 44:59
No, I've got a better idea.
44:59 - 45:00
I fucking hope so, David.
45:00 - 45:10
We replaced dragons with bicycles and we make it more in line with my interests then. It's just a horny tale about a cycling team then, really.
45:11 - 45:18
And instead of taking performance enhancing drugs, they're just all on Viagra, which makes the Tour de France much harder.
45:18 - 45:22
But more aerodynamic in a way.
45:22 - 45:33
How did you win? Oh, I see. Right. Okay. So we listen to our porn while we're watching the car.
45:33 - 45:34
And then what?
45:34 - 45:36
And then I go and pick up my daughter.
45:36 - 45:37
Yeah. Okay.
45:37 - 45:42
But we turn off the porn before we go and pick up the daughter. So yeah, go and pick her up from school.
45:42 - 45:43
Has she had a good day?
45:43 - 45:57
Yeah, she's had a good day. She tends not to... So yesterday she kind of gets in the car. I say, you know, have you had a good day? Yeah, great. But what she wants to do when she gets in the car is just sing along to some music before we get home. And I've stopped now trying to be like, how was your day? What did you do?
45:57 - 45:59
And just let her decompress a bit.
45:59 - 46:12
Yeah, I obviously parent like everyone else now through Instagram reels. And I saw one where I just said, you know, it'll come out later with the four-year-old. The one-year-old obviously doesn't go anywhere. The four-year-old, you just go, what do you want to do now?
46:12 - 46:14
And he says, play trains. And then we cycle home.
46:15 - 46:26
Because initially you are really tempted to be like, and what did you do? And have you got any friends? And is it all fine? And is everything okay? And like, what do you think about the end of the atmosphere or the ozone? And you're like, I'm four. Shut up.
46:27 - 46:28
Leave me alone.
46:28 - 46:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
46:29 - 46:41
I too got that advice from Instagram of not asking them straight away. And it does work, I think. And then she sort of started chatting away as we came into the house about how boring her scattergraphs were that she had to do today.
46:41 - 46:43
Remind me of a scattergraph.
46:43 - 46:50
Scattergraph. It's like you get loads of different bits of data and then you put it on an axis on a chart and then you draw a line.
46:50 - 46:52
That sounds shit, doesn't it?
46:52 - 47:02
Briony's got her daughter digging into the numbers on her reels that she's put up. Like, I need three scattergraphs on my desk in 30 minutes. Stat.
47:02 - 47:04
And call it homework.
47:04 - 47:14
Yeah. Nora walks in with a sort of clipboard and saying, it seems to me that a two minute 15 scone, that is your peak performing reel at the moment.
47:14 - 47:22
And if you see 15% were non-followers, that's interesting on the uptake. And you had 18 link clicks. So that's exciting.
47:22 - 47:33
That would be so helpful. Oh, yeah. So she told me about her scattergraphs. I was also bored even listening to that story about the scattergraphs. So I got it.
47:33 - 47:37
Then she got changed. She watched a bit of telly when she gets home.
47:37 - 47:38
What are we watching?
47:38 - 47:46
She's watching Hannah Montana at the minute. She's gone a bit retro. So she's enjoying that. I'm less so. I like Miley Cyrus, but it's a bit much.
47:47 - 47:52
And then I made her some tea. She had cheesy peasy pasta yesterday.
47:52 - 47:55
Miley Cyrus is she. I could. Buy myself flowers.
47:56 - 47:59
Wow. That's quite a transformation from Hannah Montana.
47:59 - 48:00
Hannah Montana. Yeah.
48:00 - 48:01
Yeah. Interesting.
48:01 - 48:04
She's come a long way since Hannah Montana in the blonde wig.
48:04 - 48:11
And her dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, is also in it. And I think he's quite problematic now. But anyway.
48:11 - 48:15
He still has a heart problem, doesn't he?
48:15 - 48:27
Yeah. And then, oh, I made, yeah, I made her tea. Cheesy peasy pasta. The height of oat cuisine. My theory is as long as there's a vegetable in there somewhere, we're doing okay.
48:27 - 48:38
Yeah, I'm good with that. Keep it simple. And then after that, my husband got home at six o'clock. So he leaves before we wake up in the morning. So he left before we wake up in the morning.
48:38 - 48:41
I was going to say, this is where he appeared. He wasn't there this morning.
48:41 - 48:45
Max, he's Santa Claus. That's why the whole thing is shrouded.
48:45 - 48:46
I understand.
48:46 - 48:52
Oh, just doing lists today. Looking at lists today. And I have to check them again in a little while.
48:52 - 48:54
Would Santa smart work as a genre?
48:54 - 49:00
Oh, that's good. I mean, that whole song, you could start with I saw mummy kissing Santa Claus.
49:00 - 49:03
I don't want to say he's got a lot of the year not doing a whole lot.
49:03 - 49:04
Apart from Mrs.
49:04 - 49:10
Claus. Exactly. She's pleased for the day off, isn't she? On Christmas day.
49:10 - 49:11
Yes, oh, thank God.
49:11 - 49:13
That Randy bastard's off out, finally.
49:13 - 49:27
Just on the point of food for younger people. I was hanging with my one and three quarters nephew yesterday. I was in the back of the car with him because my older brother got to sit in the front with the driver.
49:27 - 49:42
He had a thing in a box, like one of these buy it at the shop food for babies. They were called like cheese maize sticks or something. And then I pulled them out and they were just wotsits.
49:42 - 49:50
They were just long wotsits. And I can't imagine they're of much nutritional value to anyone.
49:50 - 50:00
But like from the outside, I was thinking, oh, it'll be, you know, high calorie baby food like you'd get in a jar. And then it was just
50:00 - 50:01
a cheesy air, essentially.
50:01 - 50:02
It's cheesy air.
50:02 - 50:07
Literally, that's all it is. If you just go like this, it just poof into nothing.
50:07 - 50:15
You might as well just lower his head into an Amazon package that has those sort of protective little maggots around it.
50:15 - 50:16
Protective maggots.
50:16 - 50:17
Cheesy air is very good.
50:17 - 50:21
Luckily, we're beyond cheesy air now. We've moved on to cheesy peasy pasta.
50:21 - 50:25
Where are we now? We've had the pasta. We've watched the TV.
50:25 - 50:26
And the husband's arrived home.
50:26 - 50:27
He's got a salad.
50:27 - 50:33
He gets a salad, yeah. So, he, husband is a software engineer, so he spent all day looking at
50:33 - 50:34
Scattergraphs
50:34 - 50:35
software stuff.
50:35 - 50:36
Scattergraphs.
50:36 - 50:38
Scattergraphs, yeah, and spreadsheets.
50:38 - 50:39
Is he worried about AI?
50:39 - 50:41
He uses AI quite a lot.
50:41 - 50:54
I know, but is one day the AI going to be like, I'm sorry, you can go home. I feel with the things that we do, although I guess AI will be able to do podcasts like this pretty soon.
50:54 - 50:59
I don't think they'd have done the bit about Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall smuggling hundreds of thousands to prison.
50:59 - 51:11
Or shagging Santa. I mean, I don't know. Yeah, he started talking about Claude the other day, and I was like, who's Claude? Is this a new colleague? He was like, AI colleague. I was like, oh, they're coming, the robots.
51:11 - 51:15
I hate it. But I also like it if you're listening, AI guys.
51:15 - 51:17
Yeah, don't cancel us, AI.
51:17 - 51:20
All right, so he's had a nice day, he's fine.
51:20 - 51:29
Yeah, he's had a good day. He's come in. He's had a nice chat. Nora kind of grunts at him a little bit, but eventually sort of, you know, warms up.
51:29 - 51:37
And then Nora and Steve, that's hubby, they took Archie out for another walk because they do that every evening, which is a really nice thing that they do together.
51:37 - 51:47
The dog just doesn't like it if he hears anyone not speaking English, even if he hears people speaking French, whenever they pass a hotel, he's just shaking his head.
51:47 - 51:52
And then they came back and then they did Nora's homework together.
51:52 - 51:54
How are you with that now?
51:54 - 51:57
I mean, I used to be a secondary school teacher.
51:57 - 51:59
But I taught French and Spanish.
51:59 - 52:00
The dog hates you.
52:00 - 52:05
So the dog hates me. He's like, Jesus, who is this liberal, woke?
52:05 - 52:07
Five words, Briony.
52:07 - 52:23
Can you do long division? You know, up until 10, the maths is fairly straightforward. But then I feel long division is the gateway to a new realm of X and Y and all of these things.
52:24 - 52:38
I hate, I can't do it. It hurts my brain. I'm also like perimenopausal. So everything's hard. So I can't remember, you know, what I did earlier in the morning. So I certainly can't remember how to do long division. But my husband is really good at maths.
52:38 - 52:46
If it's maths homework, I'm like, you're in. Whereas if it's kind of English or I can do a bit of science, depending on what it is, like English or anything like that, I can help.
52:46 - 52:47
Perfect parents there.
52:47 - 52:51
What are you doing while they go for a walk and then Steve does the homework?
52:51 - 53:06
I make a cup of tea, watch some more 9-1-1. I posted some content of the day before when I went to see JVN's comedy night. And then I try to reply to comments quickly because apparently that's quite good.
53:06 - 53:17
Max, I've been told to do that with stuff that we put up. The first comment will just be like, you've got a massive head and I know that I have to respond to it. So I'll just be like, cheers and six emojis.
53:17 - 53:19
Is that right? I wasn't across this. Okay.
53:19 - 53:22
You're meant to respond to the first few that come in.
53:22 - 53:25
Yeah, apparently it helps with engagement or something.
53:25 - 53:27
I don't know. All right, I'll do my best.
53:27 - 53:38
I don't really know what I'm doing. So I'll just give it a whirl. And then they go back from the walk and I started getting ready for bed. I go to bed really early. As in like I'm in bed tucked up at like eight o'clock.
53:38 - 53:49
That's so great. That is so great. I mean, during this seven day solo parenting, unless I'm doing one of these, unless I'm forced to stay awake to talk to people like you.
53:49 - 53:50
Sorry about that.
53:51 - 54:01
But you're included, David. I've been in bed at, you know, as soon as Ian is down, I'm in bed at 7.45.
54:01 - 54:03
What? Briony, it's still bright out.
54:03 - 54:08
I know, that's even better when it's light outside and I'm in bed. I'm like, yes, this is amazing.
54:08 - 54:10
Amazing. This is so good.
54:10 - 54:23
I love it so much. I love bed. So I get into bed and then Steve and Nora watched, I think, some Taskmaster last night. They love a bit of Taskmaster. And then I listened to an audio book. I listened to some more smut.
54:24 - 54:26
Are we still fantasy dragons smut?
54:26 - 54:33
No. What was I listening to? Oh, it's quite a funny book by Caoimh Macdonald, who's an Irish author.
54:34 - 54:35
Do you know him?
54:35 - 54:42
Yeah, Chris Addison is making, has filmed a TV series in Ireland.
54:42 - 54:43
Is it the Dublin Trilogy?
54:43 - 54:51
I think so. Because we did Chris Addison on this a few weeks ago and he's directing, I think, a new series of it now too. So, yeah.
54:51 - 54:58
Oh, I love Caoimh Macdonald and he's got another few books. He's got a few books as well that are more kind of paranormal ones.
54:58 - 54:59
Smut. Paranormal smut.
55:00 - 55:01
No, no, no smut actually.
55:01 - 55:02
There's no smut in this, ok.
55:02 - 55:16
No smut, no. Just really, really funny. He's so funny. Like his books are hilarious. And I'm on, I don't know, the Dublin Trilogy is now like eight books long. I think this is like book number eight. So I'm listening to that at the minute and it just, it's so good.
55:16 - 55:25
And the narrator, because I'm an audio book girl through and through, the narrator is superb. So, yeah, I listened to like half an hour, 45 minutes of that. And that's, that's the end of my day.
55:25 - 55:29
I could do that. I'd be good at narrating audio books.
55:29 - 55:30
You'd be so good.
55:30 - 55:35
You have to be really good at reading is the only problem though. I can't read.
55:35 - 55:36
You can't read. Okay.
55:36 - 55:43
No, no, no. I can read, but I do, the time I have written some books and in recording the audio books of them.
55:43 - 55:54
Yeah. There's a moment where you make six mistakes in the first paragraph and you look through the little window at everyone in the room and they're like sweet mother of divine Jesus.
55:54 - 56:06
We're going to be here for three years. Whereas I think you need total, the ability to read. I'm happy enough getting the gist of sentences as I'm reading, I think, as opposed to hitting every word perfectly.
56:06 - 56:12
How do you get, what's your technique for getting to sleep? Do you nod off with this playing in your ears?
56:12 - 56:21
So I go one, I wear silicone earplugs because I hate the sound of anything, especially if my husband's breathing near me, that's upsetting. Not his fault. Not his fault.
56:21 - 56:24
No, it's important that he carries that on.
56:24 - 56:35
It is, yeah. I do quite like him. And so a silicone earplug in one, AirPod in the other, and then I listen to that for kind of half an hour, for 12 minutes, and then I turn it off and that usually will get me to sleep-ish.
56:35 - 56:45
If I can't get to sleep, I'll listen to it for a bit longer and then my husband will get into bed about half nine, 10 and be asleep within 60 seconds, which is incredibly frustrating.
56:45 - 56:51
Yeah. And the dog is just like, Britain's not working. Dog, please.
56:51 - 56:54
Yeah, look at him. Look at him with his bow tie. He's so...
56:54 - 56:55
Oh, that is...
56:55 - 56:57
Big Union Jack bow tie.
56:57 - 57:03
Yeah, exactly, yeah. It's like, you love Nigel. No, I know you do, but honestly, we need to educate you a bit better.
57:03 - 57:09
Briony May Williams, thank you so much for telling us what you did yesterday.
57:09 - 57:15
Oh, thank you for listening. It's been a pleasure.
57:15 - 57:26
Briony May Williams there. What a lovely day. And I'm a huge fan of...
57:26 - 57:41
Like, what I like about these podcasts is people don't seem to mind when it's 1 hour 41, but it's really nice to have a... And then I went to bed at 8 o'clock. Not... And then I went and played shuffleboard with Daniel Kitson at 2 in the morning.
57:41 - 57:41
You know, like...
57:41 - 57:55
Yeah, the broken-minded people that we normally speak to on this, the whole thing's only getting going at 8 o'clock. I hope we weren't too dismissive of the swim because she had just presented us as a nice thing.
57:55 - 58:03
And then we kind of went back into it. And you posited the theory that it's in fact the most boring thing in the world.
58:03 - 58:16
People are allowed to find different things boring. I don't mind that Briony enjoys swimming. I just would like to like swimming because my knees are so bad and it'd be good for me to do some exercise that isn't weight-bearing. But I do get so bored once I'm in a swimming pool.
58:16 - 58:28
Do you think it's... Because a lifetime of football, a competitive sport, means that anything that's not competitive is just dull? Like, because you don't seem to love riding your bike. I know you use it as a mode of transport.
58:28 - 58:31
No, I don't enjoy a cycle ride either. Like, I don't mind doing...
58:31 - 58:32
You hate jogging.
58:32 - 58:44
I need to be able to go, oh, fuck off, ref. And you can't do that when you're just doing, you know, one-length crawl, one-length breaststroke, you know, to the lifeguard for the 18-year-old with a whistle.
58:44 - 58:48
Yeah, you're having a mare. You're an absolute joke.
58:48 - 58:50
Use your fucking eyes.
58:50 - 59:00
If you would like to get in touch with this podcast for anything that you've listened to in the last hour or for any other reason, this is how.
59:00 - 59:15
com. get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
59:15 - 59:22
And if you didn't, please don't. Thanks, David. I'm in it for life.
59:22 - 59:26
I'm in it for life. Okay, life, fine. Yes, I am.
59:26 - 59:32
Yeah, you are. You could not be now. Like, imagine like you would, if you had to ring me up and say I'm not in it anymore.
59:32 - 59:38
So I think what I would do is I would just put a replacement in and hopefully you can notice.
59:38 - 59:39
Chris O'Dowd.
59:39 - 59:41
O'Dowd or my brother, maybe.
59:41 - 59:41
Yeah, true.
59:41 - 59:45
People would only notice after a few weeks, I would say.
59:45 - 59:53
Well, I'd say, you're not saying interruption as much, David. Chris O'Dowd was like, I haven't done enough prep for this gig. Ah, no. I'm Chris O'Dowd.
59:53 - 59:56
Thanks for listening, everyone.
59:56 - 59:59
If we got in more, yes, thanks for this. Thanks for listening.