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Podcasts, there are millions of them.
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Some might say too many.
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I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough.
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Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it. And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
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Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man?
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Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
0:44 - 0:46
Day before yesterday, Max?
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The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
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And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:07
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
1:07 - 1:08
Ben Elton, Max.
1:08 - 1:20
He wrote The Young Ones. Like, we're just about to do this. Normally, we would record the intro after, so we know what's happened. But we haven't done that now. And this is very exciting because I would say Ben Elton is pushing on the national treasure door.
1:20 - 1:34
Like Blackadder, certainly. But then the Friday Night Live shows on Channel 4, the fact that they sort of introduced me to stand-up comedy as we know it.
1:34 - 1:43
In particular, he introduced an Irish stand-up called Kevin McAleer. I mean, it's just, it's such a huge seminal.
1:43 - 1:50
The Young Ones, I still remember so many bits. They come to my mind of that show.
1:50 - 2:03
Yes, we do have a bloody video. It's like when Vivian, the cord won't reach the video. And so Vivian goes out. He goes outside and pushes the whole house.
2:03 - 2:13
What a life, because that's only, he's written 16 novels, I believe. Stuff like We Will Rock You. I mean, are you shitting me?
2:13 - 2:23
I mean, if you put it alongside our combined achievements, it's fair to say he has contributed perhaps, perhaps more to show business.
2:23 - 2:36
Yeah, I am intrigued to find out what he did yesterday. We are doing this chat to coincide with the paperback release of his autobiography, What Have I Done?
2:36 - 2:46
And that is a name with some resonance, considering some of the absolute losers we've had on this podcast.
2:46 - 2:58
But also, if he's just writes it about what he did yesterday, we would have an issue. And I'm specifically quite interested to know how much in his autobiography and in his yesterday, he reflects on.
2:58 - 3:03
How he looks not completely unlike my cousin, Stuart.
3:03 - 3:15
If he is trying to rip off this podcast, I'm going straight to the back, the index, and I'm seeing about washing information, temperature, what spin cycle.
3:15 - 3:29
And I'll put it to him during this podcast. Maybe if the potential arises, I'll put it to him and I will come down on him like a ton of bricks. Let's find out.
3:29 - 3:42
Here is what Ben Elton did yesterday. Ben Elton, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.
3:42 - 3:52
Thank you very much for having me on. And I've just learned that this is the last non-visual podcast and I strongly approve. Podcasts should be listened to.
3:52 - 4:04
When we discovered how large David's head was, we couldn't actually put it on. We couldn't put it on video. There aren't screens big enough, apart from the only place it can be broadcast is Times Square.
4:04 - 4:07
So it is going out live on Times Square right now.
4:07 - 4:10
Maybe an IMAX, you know, that one down at Waterloo.
4:10 - 4:15
Yes, that's a good idea. 3D, it'd be like the Megalodon shark.
4:15 - 4:19
One of my comedy heroes is now slamming the size of my head.
4:19 - 4:23
I'm not. I mean, that's your man. That's your man, Max. I think you look lovely.
4:23 - 4:38
I think the fear is, though, that this podcast then gets so big. And we sign some mega deal that they make us retrospectively make video podcasts. And we have to get Ben back, pay him a huge sum of money to mime along with his own.
4:38 - 4:44
We literally have to learn off by heart what we said. Let's keep it for the radio, guys. I love that.
4:44 - 4:47
OK, Ben, what time did you wake up yesterday, please?
4:47 - 4:58
I mean, I wouldn't know exactly, but I tend to wake up relatively early. Sort of, let's say 6 a.m. And one of the reasons I think I'm more likely to wake up early now is because I have a lot of work to do.
4:58 - 5:08
I'm currently on a, is it a regime or a regimen? Basically, I have to take a pill each day for the new development in my life is age.
5:08 - 5:18
I had never really noticed it before, but I've suddenly started to get things. And one of them was subacute thyroiditis, which is basically a horrible sore throat and sort of tiredness.
5:18 - 5:32
But anyway, I'm on this pill. But boringly, not like the normal take it with food. This is you can't have coffee or tea within 45 minutes. They say that what you do with this pill is You take it the minute you wake up. Now, for me, all my life, get up, put the kettle on.
5:32 - 5:41
I mean, within minutes, there's a cup of tea and I take one up to Sophie. And I've now got in the habit of waking up, taking a pill and then trying to go back to sleep again.
5:41 - 5:54
We are, Ben, we have to be very specific about yesterday. This is the key. So yesterday, it's 6am, the pill goes in and then you stare at the clock. It's like it's making this sort of deafening grandfather clock just tick.
5:54 - 6:00
Even worse than that, he stares at a teasmaid. He's waiting for its time to shine.
6:00 - 6:09
I'm the teasmaid in our house, let me tell you. I'm away a lot, but Mrs. Elton has had a cup of tea brought to her in bed every morning of our marriage for 32 years.
6:09 - 6:11
She doesn't know she's born, does she, Mrs. Elton?
6:11 - 6:22
When I'm not here, she rings up and says, where's my tea? So, no, I'm the teasmaid. I might go back to sleep, I might get up. To be honest, I can't really remember yesterday. I'm going to say I went back to sleep for half an hour, got up, oh, 15 minutes.
6:22 - 6:37
Because the first thing I tend to do in the morning is look at emails and then look at the news. You know, I can start out without a cup of tea. And what I do is once the 45 minutes is up, I stick the kettle on and I do two things.
6:37 - 6:52
I make a cup of tea and I have decaf tea, which I recommend strongly. I'll tell you why. Because I was drinking like five pints of tea a day at least, you know, writing. And, you know, as you get older, your blood pressure. So another pill I'm on is the blood pressure pills.
6:52 - 7:05
You know, the doctor sort of mentioned caffeine and I discovered that for me anyway, decaf tea tastes exactly the same as not decaf tea. And I never got a buzz off it anyway. But do you want all this? It sounds very boring.
7:05 - 7:08
In many ways, this isn't enough detail, Ben. That's what I'm saying.
7:08 - 7:16
Okay. Well, so I make a cup of decaf tea and simultaneously I do something which three years ago I would have laughed at if anyone had said I do.
7:16 - 7:27
I make myself a big plunger pot of coffee. Now, all my life, I've wondered what it is about coffee. People go, oh, my God, I need a coffee. I can't start the day without a coffee.
7:28 - 7:39
I drink too much coffee. And back in the 80s, people did it like all day but into the night. Like, you know, you'd go out to dinner and we could because we were very successful, very young, my group of mates, my cohort.
7:39 - 7:51
And everyone would have coffee at the end of the evening. I mean, that was what people did. They'd play strong black coffee and then have cigarettes. And I never understood the allure of it, never liked coffee. I'd always have another beer. I'd say, why are you having coffee and never had a drink?
7:51 - 8:00
Anyway, about three years ago, just sort of overnight, I started to love it. I only have it in the morning, but I actually look forward.
8:00 - 8:10
It's clearly a physical, not an addiction. I can certainly do without it, but it's certainly a physical thing because I actually look forward to those two cups of coffee.
8:10 - 8:18
And I make myself a plunger. I mean, you know, that's not decaf. And I have it with oat milk. Again, am I going on too much here?
8:18 - 8:32
No, no, no, Ben. Okay, so liquidy start to the day. I do wonder, if you have two cups of very caffeinated plunger coffee, does that in many ways take away from the effect of having the decaf? Does it in many ways take away from the point of having the decaf? Are you drinking them both at the same time?
8:32 - 8:42
Oh, no, no, no, no. I drink a cup of tea while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew because my son said to me, he said, well, you know, there's nothing wrong with having a couple of cups of coffee a day.
8:42 - 8:50
But he'd read, you should let yourself wake up first. Apparently, there's a reason. If you let kind of caffeine do your startup.
8:51 - 9:02
There's a reason it's not good. You need to sort of, I don't know, let your body see the sun or something, realize it's more. I don't know. But anyway, and quite often, I'll have the tea with a bit of honey.
9:02 - 9:15
That's something my wife introduced me to. When I had the thyroiditis, because I gave up sweetening drinks, you know, decades ago. But when the thyroiditis was actually hurt in my throat, my wife said, well, why don't you have a bit of honey in your tea?
9:15 - 9:28
And it really was lovely. And I still love it. And it is a really nice thing, honey in tea. But just very quickly to finish the liquid detail, because this is another thing I've become an evangelist for, is the
9:28 - 9:38
Oat milk. I'm not dairy intolerant in any way. And I still have skim milk in my tea and on my cereal. But oat milk in coffee. And I'll tell you what I do. You froth it up.
9:38 - 9:49
Like you get the barista oat milk, you know, the slightly richer one. And you give it a frothing. And you shake it up. And it's like creamy and beautiful. So that's my cup of coffee.
9:49 - 9:54
It's a filter coffee with frothy oat milk. Hand shaken.
9:54 - 10:01
With the greatest of respect to probably the most influential British comedy writer of the last 40 years.
10:01 - 10:14
Does it not shoot through you like the Flying Scotsman? And the next three hours are spent furiously scrolling on your phone as you sit on the loo.
10:14 - 10:28
Well, I try not to take my phone to the loo. Because, I mean, I know it's tempting. But it's something we told our kids. You know, they'd be in the loo. I think the boys were watching porn. I mean, you basically, you try and not let kids disappear in the toilets with the phone.
10:28 - 10:41
And so one tried to lead by example. But I can. Yes, it can happen. I think I'm pretty resistant to stimulants. I'm quite a steady character physiologically. Sometimes I might think, oh, but I don't really notice.
10:41 - 10:51
People say, oh, I've had a cup of vodka. I feel all jitters. I don't notice it. I love the booze. I mean, anyone who knows me. I mean, I do love a drink. I try and temper it. You know, these days we have nights when we don't drink.
10:51 - 11:02
But for 30 years, I never, ever went 24 hours without a drink. But I do now. But I still love it. But I'm a very good drinker. I don't get overly pissed.
11:02 - 11:12
I can drink a lot and not become a problem. You know, I mean, I've known people who do. So, yeah, I don't think I respond hugely to stimulants. The coffee doesn't really do much to me.
11:12 - 11:24
Max, it would be amazing if Ben reveals now that after the decaf tea and the pot of coffee, he drinks half a bottle of gin. And, again, just maintaining. It's never been a problem. It's just a bit of fun.
11:24 - 11:38
I know. Well, I have a theory about the whole booze thing. I think the government should get off our fucking backs about, I do not want to be ticked off with a label every time I have a drink. Oh, my God, you shouldn't be doing this, you know. It's really bad for you.
11:38 - 11:52
Longevity is not the ultimate goal in life. I think the ultimate goal is a degree of happiness and to be a little relaxed about yourself. Clearly, booze can be a problem for some people. My theory on too much booze is never mind the health effects.
11:52 - 12:01
I don't want, as that famous quote, no pleasure on earth is worth giving up. For an extra two years in a nursing home in Western Supermare. That's a very good quote, not mine.
12:01 - 12:15
I don't know who said it, but it's absolutely true. Now, if you drink a teaspoonful of sherry a day, but you don't pay your tax and you go and attack policemen and you can't give that teaspoon up, you're an alcoholic.
12:15 - 12:23
If you drink, as I did for many years, at least a bottle of wine a day, but I paid my tax, I was good with my friends, I was law-abiding and I got a hell of a lot of work done,
12:23 - 12:32
16 novels, count them, seven number ones. I don't know whether I could have given it up or not because I didn't want to, but I never considered myself to have any sort of drinking problem.
12:32 - 12:43
Now, Ben, to the matter in hand, as far as I can work out, it's 6.50am and you've had a cup of tea and you've drunk that tea staring at a plunger of coffee.
12:43 - 12:48
I look at the emails, I don't get a lot of emails and I'm not on any social media whatsoever.
12:48 - 12:49
Okay, good for you.
12:49 - 12:59
So my time is my own and I know what would happen if I was on social media, I'd be on it all day, I suppose, like people are. It is addictive, I can see that. And I don't want to get slagged off.
12:59 - 13:09
I've been heckled and slagged off all my life. The last thing I want to do is open a direct channel to my palm of my hand. I've got better things to do with the palm of my hand in the morning. Oh, get out of here, shut up.
13:09 - 13:18
We could be our first ever wank. Who would have thought it, Ben? We've had a couple of bonks, but we have yet, apart from Dara O'Briain, who said he did it frenetically for the whole day.
13:18 - 13:31
No, I don't give a wank in the morning, I tend not to. Anyway, so I've looked at a couple of emails, and normally I'll reply to that later because I am much better in the morning creatively.
13:31 - 13:43
I used to be good all day, but now I've definitely discovered I run out of sort of creative steam as the day goes by. I sometimes have a little sleep in the afternoon these days. I never used to do that when I was young.
13:43 - 13:55
I don't waste too much time. I think I'll reply to that, oh, it's just like boring, it's something the bank wants me to do or whatever, you know, boring emails. It might be a nice one. Do my emails, start reading the papers. Every day I look at the news.
13:55 - 14:04
I'm a little bit of a news junkie. I don't listen to the news much. I might occasionally catch Today or whatever, but on the whole, I read The Guardian and The Times.
14:04 - 14:13
I bit the bullet a few months ago and I subscribed. I finally decided The Times is a good paper and I, you know, it's not all good, but it's quite interesting.
14:13 - 14:26
You've got to get a bit of balance. You can't just read The Guardian. So I used to kind of look around for my other not so lefty stuff. Anyway, I'll pay Murdoch and I read. So every day I read The Guardian and The Times, and I enjoy that and I do that with the tea and the coffee.
14:26 - 14:36
Right. So yesterday, I think, in The Times, Nigel Farage had written an article about what was wrong with society. Did you read that bit?
14:36 - 14:51
I didn't notice it, but I wouldn't have read it. I don't remember noticing that. I have no interest in reading an article. I mean, I think I understand Nigel Farage well enough. It's not like I'm immune to the voices of the right. I think that we all know that's a big mistake.
14:51 - 15:04
One of the problems of the world is that everybody's siloed and it says that liberally minded people failed to understand the pain that was happening, that sort of thing. And it's all true. But I think I get Nigel Farage. I don't need to read an article.
15:05 - 15:17
Ben, what is the essence of Nigel Farage? Is he just like a golf club bore because he was so boring, kind of like a taxi driver because you know you're getting out in 15 minutes.
15:17 - 15:30
You don't really engage, so you just let him keep going. And then the problem is 20 years later he causes Brexit And founds a political party that could take over the government.
15:30 - 15:43
Yeah, I think we have to be very beware. Unfortunately, the patriarchy still exists. People in general seem to find sort of bluff, probably slightly boozy sort of hail fellow well-met people.
15:43 - 15:52
Oh, I wouldn't mind having a drink. Boris Johnson, you know, I could see he's a bit of a twat, but, you know, you'd have a drink with him, whereas you never would with Ed Miliband or Keir Starmer.
15:52 - 16:04
I mean, that is a true thing, and it's terrifying. Because nobody would have wanted a drink with Clement Attlee. There's a very famous Churchill quote, an empty taxi drew up outside Downing Street and Clement Attlee got out.
16:04 - 16:19
And he was basically saying, this is a man who's basically kind of boring. But that man introduced the National Health Service, the single most significant piece of peacetime legislation. And, well, you could argue suffrage, but anyway, let's not make a top ten, but the NHS.
16:19 - 16:28
And he did it two years after the Second World War. I mean, unbelievable. We do not want politicians who were personally interesting.
16:28 - 16:39
I mean, obviously, I don't find Farage personally interesting, but I can see that he's got a little bit of what Trump's got, which is there's a kind of attractiveness to confident people who go,
16:39 - 16:50
I don't pay my tax. Who would? And I just, that makes me so angry because I know people are going, well, you know, I wouldn't either. Yes, you would. You would pay your tax because you know that's where your health comes from.
16:50 - 16:54
I hate to be a stickler, Ben, but I don't believe Clement Attlee introduced the NHS yesterday.
16:55 - 17:00
That's my fault. I'm sorry, Ben. This is what he does. This is what Max does.
17:00 - 17:11
You have made a bit of a straight jacket for your otherwise interesting chat. Anyway, have you ever said to yourself, Max, why did we fucking say this about yesterday? Let's just, anyway, let's keep going.
17:11 - 17:17
Okay. So it's about, we're about half seven. You've read the papers. You've had two coffers. Is that right?
17:17 - 17:19
No, we're not. I'd say we're nine.
17:19 - 17:32
Yeah, I've got to say, you're probably right. I can spend two hours on it and I shouldn't probably, but I like, you know, I like, I like it and I'm, I'm more relaxed about work than I used to be. I'm, I'm less driven. I never felt I was driven, but I've always been passionate.
17:32 - 17:44
Oh, I should mention by now, I will have rung my wife. This is yesterday. And the reason that being, because she hasn't had a cup of tea in the last few weeks, because I am in Britain and she is in Australia.
17:44 - 17:52
A piece of advice I give to any young people starting out in life is if you can avoid it, don't fall in love with someone from the other side of the world.
17:52 - 17:53
Oh, well, Ben.
17:53 - 17:56
I'm in Melbourne. I'm in a shed in Melbourne.
17:56 - 18:00
Get out of here, Max. I love Melbourne. One of my favorite cities.
18:00 - 18:08
It's great. But my biggest mistake was marrying an Australian. That's what I did because I wanted to aspire to copy you. That's why I did it, Ben.
18:08 - 18:12
But is it, is it still a good marriage? Is Mrs. Max still in the picture?
18:12 - 18:16
Going very well. I mean, she's putting two kids to sleep and I'm chatting to you.
18:16 - 18:31
If you don't mind me saying, I wouldn't advise you to say my biggest mistake was marrying an Australian. What you say is if by any chance it happens, that you fall equally in love with two women and one of them lives in Barnsley and the other one lives in Perth,
18:31 - 18:38
go with the one who lives in Barnsley. If, as I did, you happen to fall in love with a woman who lives in Perth, well, then you've got a lifetime of,
18:38 - 18:53
you know, of sorting that out. And at the moment, sadly, because as we all get older, there are a lot of health issues in Sophie's family, my family, my beloved family. I love her family, all my in-laws and everything. We were going to pivot our life a bit more back to the UK.
18:53 - 19:05
We pivoted to Oswald. The kids had their, teenage years. We were in the UK for their younger years. Anyway, the truth of the matter is she has to be there more than, you know, so I'm here working, doing this promotion and she's in Oswald.
19:05 - 19:16
So I obviously, I ring her every day or twice a day. So I will have rung Sophie by now over a cup of coffee, then gone back to the newspapers and we're around about probably nine, nine-ish. Yeah.
19:16 - 19:18
You haven't had any breakfast yet, Ben?
19:18 - 19:21
No, I haven't. I wondered whether you'd ask me that.
19:21 - 19:24
Well, I was obviously going to get there.
19:24 - 19:38
I take health as seriously, as somebody who loves a drink and loves chips and Yorkshire pudding and roasts. So I'm quite careful about sort of husbanding my fun. So in the day I try not to eat too much.
19:38 - 19:51
And I also try to put off eating because I believe there is quite a big thing to be said for leaving a long gap between the thing you, last thing you eat in the evening and the first thing you eat the following day. If you can, I mean,
19:51 - 19:55
I don't see the previous night you would had 17 Yorkshire puddings and two bottles.
19:55 - 20:05
I mean, it could happen. I didn't, I didn't because that's another part of my new regimen in that. I try and chalk up what we call AFDs. Now AFDs means alcohol free day.
20:06 - 20:15
And the reason for this is because Sophie and I are both, we both like a drink. She loves her champagne. So do I and everything else. So we, you know, the couples who both do so, you know, you enable each other.
20:15 - 20:26
In fact, Sophie calls me her Benabola. So we realized after many years, you know, we've got to try and do. So now we, we say, no, let's go for an AFD. So try and do, we do two or three of those a week.
20:26 - 20:36
I'm so glad that AFD was an alcohol free day and not the alternative for Deutschland. And suddenly this was going to turn into a far right party political broadcast.
20:36 - 20:42
Just for three days a week. We're fully AFD and the rest of the time we're pretty, pretty centrist.
20:42 - 20:50
You've done the gag, but it genuinely happened. I went over to Germany to direct a production of We Will Rock You in Stuttgart a year ago.
20:50 - 20:57
They were very, very lovely. And they always, I have wonderful experiences in Germany. I'm kind of half, German in as much as my father was born in Germany.
20:57 - 21:06
They laid on drinks for her director when I first arrived. And of course they brought me a lovely beer, which I would have loved to have had.
21:06 - 21:16
And I said, no, I can't today. I'm AFD. I'm not kidding you. I said that their faces like it was literally, I'd say can't have a drink.
21:16 - 21:29
I'm national front. You know, that's what it was anyway. So I quickly explained and it was a foolish mistake to make. I haven't had breakfast yet. And the reason I'm putting it off is because yesterday, we haven't got there yet. Should we get there when we get there?
21:29 - 21:32
I'm big on the chronology. What happens after the papers then Ben?
21:32 - 21:44
Yeah. Well, yesterday, this obviously all my days are relatively varied in that I don't have a, what you might call a regular job. I try and write each day, but you know, I might not do any writing and I might have an interview.
21:44 - 21:58
And yesterday I did have an interview yesterday at 10 a.m. So here we can get back on time table at 10 a.m. Yesterday. I did an interview with the times a very good interview. A woman called Ceci Browning, I think.
21:58 - 22:12
And anyway, I did an interview effectively promotion for the book. Of course, what you get is an eye, you give them an interview and then you get an italics at the bottom. Ben Elton's biographies. It's a very good one. It was one of those themed ones, which is something like what I know or whatever, but it's really just an interview.
22:12 - 22:22
And they, they kind of put the question anyway. I enjoyed it. I don't always, but it was a zoom interview. So it was great. I didn't have to make much bestow myself. And she was terrific.
22:22 - 22:31
So I did an interview for an hour between, 10 and 11 yesterday, after which I went to the gym.
22:31 - 22:42
Right now, I started exercising quite early on in my mid twenties. And the reason was I knew already that my tastes were fattening and generally unhealthy.
22:42 - 22:55
I love, I love beer at the time. I was totally dedicated beer man. I've since become much more of a wine person, but for decades, I was a beer drinker. And I like, as I say, I like burger and chips. I like fish and, you know, I like a pizza.
22:55 - 23:02
So anyway, I started exercising and at first it's absolutely horrible. It's so boring. Anyone who's first time you get on a treadmill, I used to do a routine, you know,
23:02 - 23:17
Einstein said, all time is relative and it's dependent. Time travels at a different sort of relative speed, subjective speed, depending on where you are in the universe and et cetera. And if you're on a treadmill, it literally stands still. Cause you look at your watch and you think I must've done 20 minutes.
23:17 - 23:29
You've done two minutes. Anyway, slowly but surely you get used to it. And I came to love exercise. I came to love the feeling of having done, a proper workout so that I could really enjoy a big roast or whatever.
23:29 - 23:41
I love, and all my life I've, if I know I'm going to have a lovely treat or we're going out to dinner tonight, we're going to go to a favorite restaurant. I make sure I had a nice run beforehand. So I was really, and then I have lots, I have lots of everything.
23:41 - 23:56
You know, I eat loads. At least 30 years, I've exercised quite hard for an hour a day. I'm lucky. I've got my own cross trainer at home, low impact, no impact on your knees. So running, I will go jogging, but it's not good for your knees and it's, it's great to get on a cross trainer.
23:56 - 24:11
You know, it's like cross country skiing, except without the mountains, the fun, the glue vine, the apres. But anyway, very recently, my regime changed because I got a lecture from, and I'm going to drop a big one here from Dame Emma Thompson.
24:11 - 24:13
Who said, when you exercise,
24:13 - 24:21
you've got a power lift. That's what she said. Emma Thompson went, you've got to just clean and jerk all day, every day, chalk on your hands. We know Emma Thompson.
24:21 - 24:24
Clean and jerk. I mean, jerk and clean is the way I tend to go.
24:24 - 24:38
But anyway, she said, because I actually was visiting her and her wonderful husband, Greg Wise in Scotland, and we went for a lovely long walk and they were going to do me a big barbecue in the evening.
24:38 - 24:53
It was my birthday actually, and I was away. Sophie was in Australia. It's only the other day. I decided I'd go for a run. The first half of the walk, I'll just do it as a run. And Emma said, this is ridiculous. We've had a three hour walk and now you want to run half of it in 45 minutes.
24:53 - 25:04
You've got to understand you're 67 your heart is 67 today and you are pushing it hard and you need to think about this because you might feel great, but you don't know.
25:04 - 25:16
You might be scarring your heart wherever. I did the run because I wanted to really enjoy the scoffing and gorging of the evening. But then I Googled it and I Googled this question. I hate AI. I hate all technology, but we all use it.
25:16 - 25:26
And I Googled a complicated question and it is amazing. I said, is it better for a man of 67 to exercise hard exercise every day or, or every other day?
25:26 - 25:39
And it came back really clear. Every other day, 100%, you need to recover. You don't feel you do, but you're anyway. Now I'm telling this story. If my wife listens to this podcast ever, she'd be furious because she's been telling me this for years.
25:39 - 25:52
He said, Oh, Emma tells you quite annoyed that I give Emma credit. No, not really, but because she's been telling me for years. So now I exercise every other day. It's only gone on for two weeks and I miss it.
25:52 - 26:04
I would like to do it every day. I got into it because I had to film. I'm a writer and it's sometimes quite hard to fill your days and that hour, you know, you're doing exercise or getting to a gym or whatever that might take up a whole two hours.
26:04 - 26:17
And you felt you'd really achieved something. And you know, at the end of it, you felt invigorated. So I miss it, but now I do it every other day anyway. So I'm not going to do it today, but yesterday I went to the gym, got back about 12 to this.
26:17 - 26:25
Well, hang on a second. Two things. One, had you had a heart attack and died on the Emma Thompson's drive? What a murder mystery.
26:25 - 26:26
That would be huge.
26:26 - 26:27
The really big story.
26:27 - 26:33
I don't know if it would have been a mystery. I think she probably would have called the police and told them what happened, but anyway,
26:33 - 26:36
She could have been a suspect. And then we don't know.
26:36 - 26:41
I would have called Stephen Fry as a sort of a detective. You know what I mean?
26:41 - 26:49
Ade Edmondson would have been a suspect then because he had a two by four of wood and just happened to be chopping in a nearby field.
26:49 - 26:53
Hugh Laurie could have been house in it. So he could have tried to bring you back to life.
26:53 - 27:00
Celebrity murder. It would, it'd be good, wouldn't it? I mean, it'd be better than celebrity traitors because with a real, with me actually dead, I mean, there's some.
27:00 - 27:07
Yeah. They've killed Ben Elton. So I need a bit more information about what you do at the gym.
27:07 - 27:13
Well, when I'm at home, as you know, I've got a cross trainer. What I do for my regimen.
27:13 - 27:16
Yeah. What was yesterday? I'm not interested in the regimen. I just want yesterday.
27:16 - 27:21
Very firm, Max. I'm finding this straight jacket slightly irritating, but I'll go along with it.
27:21 - 27:22
I know I can tell.
27:22 - 27:27
As always, I start with a plank. So I do a five minute plank.
27:27 - 27:28
Five minutes?
27:28 - 27:38
On my elbows, which is much harder than with arm extended. And then I do one on the left for a minute. Bill Bailey told me to do this. I'm slapping in a lot of names here. Then I do one on the right.
27:38 - 27:41
The Bill Bailey five minute plank. This is extraordinary.
27:41 - 27:53
No, no, he doesn't do five minutes. He did them in 10 seconds, but we were to get, and we, I hadn't been for a run. And he said, well, why don't we have a session? And he took me through some squats and things like that. He's not hugely fit, but it was kind of a fun thing to do. We were having a laugh.
27:53 - 28:02
What you do? And he said, you should do a side plank. You should go on one arm. So I do five on the front, then one on each side. I do that at home.
28:02 - 28:09
I mean, in my, my little flat that I'm renting. Then I ran to the gym, which is only 10 minutes away, check in.
28:09 - 28:23
And if there's no hulking brutes on the sort of muscle machines, I don't lift weights or anything, but I like those machines that have got arms that you can adjust the weight. And then you just push or pull. If they're free, two or three of them will be three.
28:23 - 28:35
I'll do 10, 15, and whatever. I'll do some muscles with the arms on the machines. The thing about gyms is there's this convention, which I didn't realize, but I find it deeply frustrating,
28:35 - 28:46
which is that because most people, particularly hulking brutes, but some ladies, they do a series of them. So they go hard for like, you know, 15 seconds. Then you've got to rest for like two minutes.
28:46 - 28:58
When I first started going to public gyms, which I didn't normally, I used to just go for a run and things. It used to drive me crazy. There'd be these blokes, sitting on all the machines, staring at their phones.
28:58 - 29:09
I really wanted to say like, cause I don't do any of that. I just go hard, move to the next machine, go hard, move to the next machine, go hard. That's it. I don't do any of that. I just have one go on each takes me 45 seconds.
29:09 - 29:20
And that's it. I wanted to say, can I just pop in? Well, just do 45 seconds. Cause you're going to be here for, but I didn't because somebody explained to me, that's sort of allowed, you know, basically once you've got the machine.
29:20 - 29:31
So really you go to a gym, there's very little going on. Everybody sat on a machine, staring, staring at their phone. And then there's suddenly be a burst of activity. So I'll use some machine. Anyway, that's got that off my chest.
29:31 - 29:43
I love Max that Ben Elton is secretly absolutely ripped. He's like groundskeeper Willie or RFK junior. Occasionally you get a glimpse that is splendid torso.
29:43 - 29:53
I've got a bit of a tummy. It's genetic, but I mean, I am fit and I am a sort of relatively right weight for my size, but I'm not ripped or anything like that.
29:53 - 30:06
I am. I am interested. As I said, I don't think longevity is a wonderful ambition or I want to live as long as possible, but I want to live well as long as possible. So I do exercise, but no, I'm not ripped. I can assure you.
30:06 - 30:12
Like Iggy Pop. There's an age where you don't want to have a six pack ben and I'm not saying you're there. I'm not saying you're there.
30:12 - 30:22
Old men with veiny muscles. I don't know. Or dear old ladies. In fact, one time my wife, who's Sophie's quite tough on me. And one time when I was playing pop in, we will rock you.
30:22 - 30:31
I wore a t-shirt and they did a phone call. It was a photo session and I folded my arms and you know, I'm, I said, I'm not ripped. There are biceps there.
30:31 - 30:45
And she said, you look like you're proud of your arms. Don't do that. I wasn't, but I'm not. And I'm not ripped. Anyway, so I do the, whatever machines are available, I'll do 45 seconds on, on any of them.
30:45 - 30:50
Don't need the legs or anything like that. Cause I'm about to do my main thing. The thing I do is time on a cross trainer.
30:51 - 31:04
And yesterday I did 46 minutes on a relatively, low-ish, but high enough to get up a proper sweat and a bit of a high heartbeat, you know, up and down, you know, you can program them. So I do a kind of hills and, you know, ups and downs.
31:04 - 31:17
I normally listen to pop music, but I might've listened yesterday. I think I did listen to the Rest Is Politics US, which I quite enjoy because at the moment, obviously American politics is a kind of grim fascination.
31:17 - 31:24
You know, it's almost like sort of horror porn, isn't it? You just can't believe what he said this morning and, you know, et cetera, et cetera.
31:24 - 31:34
And it's, it's quite interesting with those podcasts, isn't it? With that and pod save America, which is it's good for their business. If Trump is there being a maniac, because then I'm going to lots of people tune in.
31:34 - 31:45
And then, then when you get like four years, the Democrats, you're like, I don't need to listen to any US politics for four years. And then I can go back to it because he's going to do every other term for the rest of our lives now.
31:45 - 31:52
All right. And does anybody, when you're cross training, is anybody going next to you going, I think that's Ben Elton doing a hill set.
31:52 - 32:04
They're all young. Nobody under 40 knows who I am. And it's winnowing out quickly. There was a, it's really something quite strange. It's sort of fame happened in our, in my day, fame happened overnight. There was only three channels.
32:04 - 32:18
If you were on one of them, everybody knew who you were. It was astonishing. I mean, I'd gone to every single person in the country. It wasn't just me. It was weather broadcast. Everyone. If you were on the telly, you were famous. I mean, you didn't make so much.
32:18 - 32:30
You couldn't sell. It wasn't like that. People stayed at home in those days. I mean, there's no real live circuit or anything like that. So yeah, I became famous overnight. And for about 25 years, I remained kind of semi ubiquitous.
32:30 - 32:45
I mean, one of the reasons I irritate so many people, particularly journalists and writers was because I never shut up. So I was always doing something. So it was always around the place and I remained very well known. Anyway, then about the end of the century, I went to the BBC and said, I'd loved, I've just done a tour.
32:45 - 32:56
I'd love to do another standup show on a telly. And they basically said no. And I said, but my last show got 8 million viewers on BBC two. Yeah. But you know, there comes a moment when you kind of go out of fashion, you can't fight it.
32:56 - 33:09
Lots of comics, Mona, the BBC never employed me, but it just happens. It happens to everybody. It happened to Morecambe and Wise. Also around about that time. I stopped being recognized so much. And that it's funny. It just comes and goes almost as quickly. And I get recognized very rarely these days.
33:09 - 33:12
I mean, I don't look like I used to look, you know, I mean,
33:12 - 33:23
I don't know. I look for me. It's not that you've always been a ubiquitous, but you made such maybe because I work in comedy, you made such a huge impression.
33:23 - 33:36
And so, so many of those routines are still in my mind. And speaking to you now doing this, it's just, that's Ben Elton. And I want to shout double seat or a little bit of politics or whatever.
33:36 - 33:41
What would people shout at you? What would be the number one tiny catchphrase?
33:41 - 33:54
I mean, double C is, was the most famous routine I ever did. And a little bit of politics. I mean, I, I, you know, I found myself defined by what I suppose I could rather grandly call my social conscience because I wasn't in politics.
33:55 - 34:05
But I always felt the need to put something of what I felt into my routine. But not all, I used to say I can do, you know, an hour about, you know, my, my inadequate knob.
34:05 - 34:17
And then I do one mention of Thatcher and I'm a Thatcher bashing comic. That really was how it was in those days. But no, I honestly, people don't recognize what I mean. Look, fame was never a problem.
34:17 - 34:28
If you don't, I once met George Michael on a tueb train. It's about 1988. He couldn't have been more famous. And I was pretty bloody famous. I mean, in the, UK I was very famous. I mean, of course he was a global.
34:28 - 34:34
Imagine being on the seat next to the, you're sitting there and you go, Oh, Ben oh George Michael. What tube train is this?
34:34 - 34:49
It was very discreet because if you keep your head down, I mean, obviously for him, I think it was a risk because I mean, he was just so famous. So someone like boy, George couldn't have got away with it because unless he was in full civics, you know, and I don't know if he ever was, I don't know him,
34:49 - 35:02
but all I'm saying is his fame is a bit of a myth. If you want to be famous and you want to be hassled, that can, you, you can arrange that very, very quickly. But if you want to not be famous in a, in that sense on the whole, keep your head down.
35:02 - 35:07
I've always used public transport all my life. I regularly use the tube throughout the eighties buses.
35:07 - 35:18
I mean, yeah, occasionally, but people were always nice. You know, sometimes they'd want to talk politics, particularly in the eighties and nineties, you know, but I never had a horrible encounter in the street.
35:18 - 35:23
Never. And the only time it was a risk in our early days was school time.
35:23 - 35:34
Cause kids, they have a much less of a filter. So if you were on a tube at four 30 and some bunch of school kids got on, then you really did have to make sure you stayed away from them.
35:34 - 35:45
But I'd go on the tube with Rick Mayall all the time. And unless he wanted to, which often he did, he didn't attract attention. If he did, he'd go and everyone would turn around.
35:45 - 35:52
I suppose people didn't approach you and still don't because as you are now pecks out, just flexing your biceps.
35:52 - 36:04
I shouldn't, I shouldn't have told you about my regimen. I'm not a health freak. I'm not obsessive, but I like to drink and I like to eat and I don't want to die. I want to do it for as long as I can.
36:04 - 36:15
I do love that. You know, some people, when they, we spoke to Gary Lineker and he has maintained his exact weight from when he was English highest scoring goal scorer.
36:15 - 36:28
And he's motivated by thoughts of the 1990 world cup and what could have happened. And Ben is motivated by just a single, Yorkshire pudding, just a picture on the wall over there.
36:28 - 36:29
I love to eat hungry. I really do.
36:29 - 36:34
So we're back from the gym. It must be breakfast time now, Ben you'll fade away.
36:34 - 36:42
I'm guessing it's 1130, 12 or something. I don't always leave it till this late, but on this occasion I did, I think maybe I'd had been out for dinner.
36:42 - 36:50
I think with my daughter the night before. So, you know, I mean, if I've eaten late anyway, so I'll get back, get back to this flat that I'm renting in,
36:50 - 37:02
in common guns. Beautiful. It's lovely to, you know, you think God, if you were a young person, cause, it's all buzzing out there, but I'm trying to clock up AFDs. I'm living on my own in a flat in Covent Garden and I'm trying to clock up AFDs.
37:02 - 37:16
Anyway, I'm not succeeding that well, but you know, moderately well. So yesterday I would have had what I normally have, which is, you know, I would have got back from the gym, I'd have an orange, nice big bowl of blue, light blue owl pen. That's what I had yesterday.
37:16 - 37:28
Cause the non-sugar one isn't because I'm desperately avoiding sugar. I eat lots of chocolate and cat. I love sweet things more as I get older, never used, dude. But as I get older, well, I'll tell you something.
37:28 - 37:35
I have to resist the, the Greg's Belgian bun. They're iced white icing, thick, thick icing with a little cherry on top.
37:35 - 37:50
I mean, I'm not a big Greg's aficionado, but those Belgian buns are insane. And I quite often get myself one for a treat at the end of the night. Anyway, yesterday I had a large bowl of low sugar alpen because it's so sweet with all the currents.
37:50 - 37:56
God knows what the traditional red one is like. I've never tried it. And that was, really nice. And that was breakfast.
37:56 - 38:00
Alpen was used as a threat on us when we were children.
38:00 - 38:11
I don't always eat it. I like that one. I'm not the biggest muesli one. Obviously that granola that people have is lovely when I'm in hotels, you know, stick that on some yogurt with some fruit.
38:11 - 38:21
But of course, basically what you're eating is, is cracknel nut brittle. You know, you're eating what is effectively a toffee sweet. It's so sugared. You know, I do love a bit of granola. Yeah.
38:21 - 38:25
Are we thinking about an afternoon of writing? now Ben.
38:25 - 38:40
Well, you must be a clairvoyant. That's amazing. I have no more appointments now till the evening. And I'm in this weird situation of being alone in this rental flat. And yeah, I tried to do some writing yesterday.
38:40 - 38:54
I spent the afternoon as ever. All my life as a writer is trying to keep going at it. You know, don't refresh the guardian page. I've got a few things that I treat myself to as I'm trying to write, right?
38:54 - 39:00
I'll look, I'll look at all the front pages. If you go on the Sky News page, you can see all the front pages of the British newspapers.
39:00 - 39:09
It's depressing, but you know, it's the sort of diversion. Sometimes I might look at a mail online just because I can't be bothered with my own company any longer trying to write.
39:09 - 39:20
It's always been a struggle. And that's one of the reasons I knew right from the beginning, not to get on any social media, because I've always struggled as all writers struggle to stay at the page,
39:20 - 39:32
to keep at it. It's work. It's like any, an athlete struggles to, get out and do those practice runs, you know, but you have to do it. It's work. So yeah, I spent the afternoon. I'm trying to write a play.
39:32 - 39:43
I'm not going to tell you anything more about it because a lifelong habit has been to avoid talking about work, which has yet to see fruition because so much of it doesn't.
39:43 - 39:57
I have written far more than the public have been, been made available to the public far more. I have numerous projects that have never seen the light of day. And the last thing you want to do when doing an interview, is find somebody who says, now two years ago,
39:57 - 40:05
you were talking about this wonderful musical you were going to write with, with Bob Dylan. Not that that's true, but you know, what happened to that? Well, he read the script, thought he was shit and it died.
40:05 - 40:12
Max, it's death of a salesman too. It's the worst idea for a play that's ever existed.
40:12 - 40:15
What happened to Lady Macbeth? That's what I'm going to do.
40:15 - 40:24
So can I ask how far in, I'm not going to ask you anything about the play, but how far into the play are we? Like are you, is this early stages or are you,
40:24 - 40:37
it's early stages, but I've written a lot. I write faster and quicker than, than most people. My agent has always said, you think because of people that ask me, you know, to do something, they'll get it like three days later.
40:37 - 40:45
I find motivation very helpful. It's much harder to write without somebody wanting to see it.
40:45 - 40:48
Right. And does anyone have motivation for this?
40:48 - 41:00
I have been prodded to do this and I find I need more of a prod now. I find generating original ideas, which frankly I've spent my life doing. I mean, I think all my novels are completely different from each other.
41:00 - 41:09
You know, I mean, I've come up with a lot of original ideas, plays, novels, musicals, and I think I can still do it, but I think I find it harder.
41:09 - 41:18
I can't deny that. And so when somebody says I had an idea or this is going on, and this is one of those occasions, but I've always written very quickly.
41:18 - 41:26
The only way I can think is to write. The only way I can develop a piece of work, a story or a character, is to commit it to the page,
41:26 - 41:37
to explore it. I can't do that in the vacuum of my mind. And it is a bit of a vacuum until I start working. You know, there's a famous, I mean, I've said this before, and I know it's a misquote.
41:37 - 41:46
Stephen Fry always tells me you get that quote wrong, but Ian Foster said something like, how can I tell you what I think until I've heard what I have to say?
41:46 - 41:58
And for me, that's true. My thoughts aren't my thoughts and principles. They're all an improvisation. I find out who I am through either talking or writing, I don't meditate. I've never been to therapy, although that's talking, obviously.
41:58 - 42:07
So I write quickly. So I'm a long way in and maybe I haven't even begun because obviously you go back and then you work on it again, but you've got to get going.
42:07 - 42:21
Any writer out there don't read your first paragraph again until you've written at least 25 more paragraphs, 250 more paragraphs. Don't look back until you're so far in, you've kind of started to find where you want to go.
42:21 - 42:32
I saw an old interview with Rick Mayall talking, about the young ones and the way it was explained was that there was a discussion as to what the general idea was.
42:32 - 42:40
And like the next day you turned in a script, a pilot script, would you work at that sort of speed?
42:40 - 42:52
I wrote about 10 or 15 plays at university. I wrote my first play when I was 15. I have an ongoing desire. Some say compulsion. I think that that sounds dysfunctional. I don't do it if I don't want to do it.
42:52 - 43:04
I want to do it. And, I often don't do it, but yeah, that was a very fortunate night. I met Rick in the pub, Rick and Lisa, and talked about the idea. And I went home and I wrote the pilot demolition.
43:04 - 43:18
The first episode of the young ones and pretty much word for word. That was what the rest of the, the other 11 episodes were more painful, more difficult. It was obviously, it was a group effort and that can be challenging. I've often done that.
43:18 - 43:30
I remember going, I didn't used to go into rehearsals because they just annoyed me so much. And not in terms of the actors, they were all great, but, look, I talk about it in the book. I didn't find everything that went into the young ones as funny as I felt it should be, but that's another matter.
43:30 - 43:38
Everyone has their own opinions. It was a smash hit. I'm never, ever, ever going to be anything but massively grateful for my chance to play a role in it.
43:38 - 43:40
It was still pretty funny. I would say.
43:40 - 43:54
I know. And lots of bits that I think are shit. Other people, it was my favorite bit. So there you go. But I do remember, you know, I went in one time and they had a real problem. There's a hole in the middle of it. And I remember they all went for lunch. People used to go to the pub in those days. I mean, literally BBC people went to the pub at lunchtime.
43:54 - 44:08
I'm not kidding you. You know, people that have one or two pints and I would just go straight to sleep. Now, even then I was averse to drinking at lunchtime. So I sat in a rehearsal room for an hour and I remember writing the scene where they all go to the laundrette and Vivian socks,
44:08 - 44:10
follow him down the road.
44:10 - 44:21
So the whole laundrette scene. When I'm inspired, I move quite quickly. And of course, when you're young, you've got a lot of energy. I was so anxious to, I wrote far too much in the eighties.
44:21 - 44:33
I mean, frankly, but a lot of it was good and a lot of it was not as good as it could have been. You know, filthy is another one. Happy families, all the routines, black adder. I co-wrote three episodes of the black adder.
44:33 - 44:38
I was very busy, but I've always written fast. And if I'm inspired to do it, I get on with it.
44:38 - 44:44
So yesterday, how many hours did you write for? And how many thousands of words did you write?
44:44 - 44:59
I don't know about thousands. I'm writing dialogue. I tried to stay focused for four hours, which meant I was actually, focused for two hours. I mean, that's how it is. I can remember when I was young, you know, you get up long before the internet, you go and stick morning TV out.
44:59 - 45:10
And so you, you find yourself watching, oh, you know, I'll have a cup of tea and I'll give myself five minutes of morning TV. Every writer knows that life is a battle against destruction, which is why the internet is so dangerous.
45:10 - 45:23
I used to do a routine about homework, you know, all the stuff that, you know, if you just did it, your life would be so much better. But instead on a Sunday night, instead of just writing a bloody essay, you watch songs of praise, which was, more painful than writing an essay.
45:23 - 45:32
But for some reason, you know, cause it didn't require any effort, you know, I'm like that. So anyway, I spend the afternoon trying to write on my computer.
45:32 - 45:36
And did you have a moment going, yeah, that's a good bit yesterday?
45:36 - 45:51
I mean, I don't tend to, you know, punch the air moments are rare and rarer as you get older, but I definitely have a facility for writing funny things. I mean, you know, it's pointless to deny that. Lots of talented people don't get their breaks.
45:51 - 46:02
I got the breaks. And so my talent has been allowed to shine. I am well aware of my privilege and I'm not just being, I really am because I audition people lots for plays and musicals.
46:02 - 46:12
And I know how many very talented people don't get jobs every day because I've been the bastard not giving them those jobs. And sometimes you think I could have cast three people and I can only cast one.
46:12 - 46:25
And the other two are thinking failed again. Am I really any good? And I actually sometimes write and not many direct, but I write and say, look, you really must understand. You really were, but it just, in the end you got one job, but I'm lucky.
46:25 - 46:32
I did get a chance for my talent to shine. And yeah, I probably wrote a few good lines yesterday, but I'll rewrite them tomorrow. You go round and round.
46:32 - 46:35
And remind us the title of that play again.
46:35 - 46:39
I'm not going to talk about work. It isn't finished.
46:39 - 46:44
So Ben, what are we? We're about four o'clock now, four or five o'clock.
46:44 - 46:58
Oh, we're probably five, five, so nine at five or even six. I mean, after I'd had the, I mean, honestly, I don't really remember. That well, I know that I was going out at about six because I was having dinner with Richard Curtis.
46:58 - 47:04
Oh, there we go. Here we go. And now we know he's just, have you only had your blue Alpen?
47:04 - 47:12
I know it's going to sound like I'm some kind of monk. I'm really not. I'll have had a few rice cakes. Maybe I might've put a bit of honey on one of them, but yeah,
47:12 - 47:20
we are now looking forward, Ben, to this incredible feast. You have set yourself up to drink and feast at the feet of Richard Curtis.
47:20 - 47:31
You may feel that's the nature of our relationship. I mean, he is, he is undoubtedly a natural born head master, but I don't quite feel at his feet to be honest.
47:31 - 47:40
We've shared a lifelong friendship. We've never worked together since the blackout. Well, we actually have, we nearly wrote something together and did quite a lot of prep work and still talk about it.
47:40 - 47:53
But you know, so far it hasn't happened, but basically Richard and I, we don't really move in the same circles at all. So Richard and my friendship has been very much one of what I know, Emma, of course I know Emma, that's his wife and he knows Sophie, but on the whole,
47:53 - 48:06
we tend to meet the two of us once every year or two years, whatever, once a year, at least I think. And last night was one of those occasions. And Richard always, cause Richard's the head bar, so he chooses the venue, et cetera. And it was a
48:07 - 48:21
Nando's is lovely. And I mean, it could easily have been, you know, Richard famously did a very good joke, which I totally agreed with, which was, he did one of those back of the Metro, whatever, where it's, favorite London eating place.
48:21 - 48:30
I think he had to list 10 and he listed 10 different London pizza expresses because everybody, including me loves a pizza express.
48:30 - 48:40
I can't deny there's something special. I mean, I've had many very, very good pizzas, even in Italy, but pizza express are very specific. I love them. I can't deny my kids love them. We love going out family trip.
48:40 - 48:49
The pizza express is one of the joys. And my son's always want to order two when they were two. Can I have an extra pizza for pudding? And Sophie would say, no, it's gross.
48:50 - 48:58
And I'd say, if he wants a second piece or instead of a chocolate cake and have a second pizza, that was a brief bit of friction, but we, we all got through it as a family.
48:58 - 49:15
What I find fascinating is that in the same way for a lot of people, I live in Dublin and sort of Roddy Doyle wrote the Dublin that is still in a lot of people's minds whereby everyone's auditioning to a,
49:15 - 49:21
to be in a band. Everyone's dad runs a chip fan that, that goes around football matches.
49:21 - 49:31
You know what I mean? Somehow that tapped into something. Same with Curtis. When I go to London, even though I spend a lot of time there, we were talking about this on the podcast recently,
49:31 - 49:42
Max, if I'm in a tube station, I still half expect to see Hugh Grant sort of bumbling his way through trying to give broken flowers to some beautiful American or whatever. He is my London.
49:42 - 49:57
Yeah. I mean, of course in Sweden. It's nice and it's positive and it's uplifting. But I remember Richard quite frustrated. He doesn't often show his anger. He's a very, very, very gives off a benign vibe, but there's definitely a lot of steel there.
49:57 - 50:06
I mean, as I remember once my agent Phil McIntyre said, Ben, you don't get to be the first Australian to be head boy at Harrow without having a bit of fucking nerve to you.
50:06 - 50:19
And he, you know, he invented comic relief. He made it up. You know, he's a, he's a powerful force despite his very gentle patrician sort of vibe. And I remember him getting quite angry at the idea because obviously he's like me.
50:19 - 50:30
He's received quite a lot of criticism for his style. And, you know, lots of people love a Richard Curtis movie, a nice, lovely, warm rom-com with lots of great jokes,
50:30 - 50:43
but lots of people sneer at it. And I remember him saying, God, I agreed with him. He said, you know, it is actually so much easier to do a tough edgy scene about drug addicts killing each other or a horrible world.
50:43 - 50:55
It's actually easier. If you can fire guns and inject needles, you, you've got a lot of focus already, but if you're trying, if you're trying to get people's attention with a gentle smile and a little tear and a feeling of emotion,
50:55 - 51:04
you know, like apparently that's easy. And I really, he doesn't often get it, but he's so right. I mean, I remember feeling the same way about we will rock you, which was sort of beyond cast again.
51:04 - 51:17
You know, laughs aren't easy. There are stupid laughs. There are bigoted laughs. There are laughs that massage a prejudice and they're not real laughs, real laughs, actual genuine laughs are not easy.
51:17 - 51:24
They never are. They might, they should appear easy. The last thing you want is a sort of laughs Harold Pinter gets with people going, Oh, I thought that was very amusing.
51:24 - 51:34
Oh, that was very, a real laugh is one. Nobody's thinking about it all because you've laughed at it before you even realize you've heard it, which incidentally is how it got written.
51:34 - 51:44
Woody Allen spoke for all writers when he said, when I write a joke, I'm hearing it for the first time, that moment of inspiration where something amusing happens, you can never analyze it,
51:44 - 51:51
which of course is why some critics find it also so contemptible, because it seems to be so easy.
51:51 - 51:59
So it's like Paul McCartney's yesterday. Most rock critics will tell you that's the worst song ever written, you know, because it appeals directly to the emotions.
51:59 - 52:13
It defies intellectual analysis. It is simply beautiful. Well, the same goes for a good laugh or a scene in a Richard Curtis movie where you can't help but tear up. And if you're an idiot, you'll go, Oh God, I felt so stupid. I was even crying.
52:13 - 52:15
Why? That's his skill. His talent is, is anyway. So,
52:15 - 52:24
I mean, there was that scene in love actually, where, where Martin McCutcheon shoots up and then goes on that murder, you know, takes out the AK 47.
52:24 - 52:32
And Curtis was the originally directed all of adolescence, but then they binned that and went for the single camera thing.
52:32 - 52:40
Richard actually, you know, as you know, a lifetime in comic relief, Richard is no stranger to the wickedness and the sadness and the pain in this world.
52:40 - 52:52
He knows about it more than most people because his commitment to comic relief. Look, I mean, you can argue about charity till the end of time. And I, I'm ambivalent in, in some ways, but we all get involved because in the long run, what else are you going to do?
52:52 - 53:02
His commitment goes right down to understanding why, despite the fact that we need political solutions to the problems, you still have to try and lend a helping hand.
53:02 - 53:15
And so he knows a lot about the stuff that Tarantino or Irving Welsh or whatever great artists incidentally would explore, but he chooses to accentuate the positive in life. And it isn't easy.
53:15 - 53:26
Now here's the thing, Ben, I met my wife on a volcano in, Nicaragua, and then I followed her around the world in a sort of stalking slash romantic way.
53:26 - 53:33
If I put up a few notes, if you sent them to Richard and we could split the money, I think it would, could be a hit for him.
53:33 - 53:40
I think it'd be a good one, but he's not really, I don't think he's doing it anymore. He doesn't seem to. Yeah. Anyway, you'll have to talk to him about whether he's going to make it.
53:40 - 53:49
Well, when he does this, you know, cause we're getting him on in an hour to find out how he enjoyed the dinner on the same day. Where's Richard Curtis taking you for dinner, Ben?
53:49 - 53:54
It was a, kind of Thai modern-ish Thai in, um, bell-sized park.
53:54 - 54:05
In some ways I unleashed, I had not only a half a crispy duck with pancakes and sauce and everything, the plum sauce, but I also had the crispy beef as well.
54:05 - 54:06
What a crispy dinner.
54:06 - 54:08
But what I didn't do was have a drink.
54:08 - 54:09
Oh, right. It's an AFD.
54:09 - 54:15
And this was a shocking churn of events because Richard has never been a big drinker ever.
54:15 - 54:29
I remember him saying to me years ago when we were doing the blacadders, Oh, Benji, you and your pop, cause I'd always say, you know, I was on the pop last night or whatever you and your pop every other time we've ever had dinner, you know, he's had two small glasses and I've had five large glasses or whatever.
54:29 - 54:40
But I thought last night, cause I'm trying, I thought, well, Richard really doesn't drink. I mean, he'll have a glass of wine, but he doesn't really drink. So I, and we always have such great fun and marvelous chats.
54:40 - 54:49
So I'll have an AFD. So I did. So I had a lot of lovely food, but I drank two double zero lagers.
54:49 - 54:53
they're not as good. Are they? I mean, they just, there's something about the aftertaste.
54:53 - 54:54
They're getting better.
54:54 - 54:56
They are getting better, but there's just something.
54:56 - 55:03
No, they're really getting better. There's a few, I'm not going to tell you the ones that are much celebrated and often stocked that I think are crap, but there are some very, very good ones.
55:03 - 55:04
Heineken. Heineken.
55:04 - 55:19
Well, I'm not going to go. Well, all right. There are some good ones. It's so much better. If you get that beer buzz, I mean, there's nothing like it. Or for me now, a shamble. I've really started to love a dry martini. Hugh Laurie really introduced me to them. And the buzz you get,
55:19 - 55:20
of course he did.
55:20 - 55:32
The buzz you get. These are my, I know everyone's thinking, oh, how many names are you going to drop? These are people I knew before they were famous. I do have some friends who aren't famous, but a lot of my friends in London are the friends I made in when I was 21,
55:32 - 55:38
22 years old. I've got a couple of old university buddies, but the rest of them I made in the years when you're going out.
55:38 - 55:42
And also working so closely together, right? So those bonds are just so real.
55:42 - 55:56
I met Richard in 1983 and then we were having dinner last night. These are my old friends. Anyway. Oh my God. Starting the evening with, with a dry martini, but you know, you can't do that all the time and try not to have more than two. It will fuck up the evening. Believe me.
55:56 - 56:00
Who ate more pancakes or who had the last pancake on the little tourney ball?
56:00 - 56:13
Richard knows that I didn't want to share. I wanted to order one each. I'm a bit, Sophie finds it very unattractive, but I am definitely somebody who likes to order their own food. Well, should we share a few things? And I go, no, I want to order what I want to eat.
56:13 - 56:27
I don't want to order a kind of vaguely what we can all put up with. I've done some routines about this. I won't do them now because I'm full. I'm very fortunate, you know, and knob gags have been very kind to me. There's money in the bank. I will say, look, I will order more for you.
56:27 - 56:41
You know, instead of you having six of my chips, I will order you chips. You can eat six of yours and leave the rest. And I'll probably end up eating them. So I'm more than happy to buy as much food as everybody wants. But on the whole, I don't really like these sharing plates.
56:41 - 56:56
I like to order what I want to eat. But I will. I'm not as pathetic as Sophie thinks I am. I don't mind. And Richard said, oh, veggie for goodness sake. So we did sort, I share it. We had a full half. We had a lot of other stuff. And I probably had a bit more, but he knows how to get involved.
56:56 - 57:05
Let me tell you, he knows how to get involved. For instance, I said, well, you had that last pancake because I think I've had more. And he didn't say, oh, I don't know. No, you should have it. No, he just had it.
57:05 - 57:06
He was right in.
57:06 - 57:08
He's a slight enough guy in that he can.
57:08 - 57:15
He is, I think, watching his weight. And I said, do some more exercise. But anyway, I shall decline to speak more for Richard.
57:15 - 57:18
You won't tell us what his plank duration, what's he doing?
57:18 - 57:23
I don't think he does a plank every day or even every other day as I now do.
57:23 - 57:32
Ben, sometimes when you catch up with someone once a year, I mean, I would have a lot of my comedy friends say people I'd know from Edinburgh.
57:32 - 57:46
I would see them, but there is some pressure on the hangout. Then if you only see them once a year, do you just pick up where things fell off? Or is it someone you've spent so much time with in the past? You just fall into it.
57:46 - 58:00
It's the latter. I mean, all my, most of my friends, I mean, the last sort of new friend I made, I suppose, was David Mitchell and Victoria when we started Upstart Crow, and that's 10 or 12 years ago. I call him my newest old friend because that's how he feels.
58:00 - 58:01
That's how it feels when we meet.
58:01 - 58:11
Richard and I, we've known each other and we occasionally correspond as well. We exchange emails mainly about pop music. Richard sends me things. Obviously both went and saw the Dylan biography.
58:11 - 58:24
So we've exchanged a little email about that. We both love pop music. And so popular culture, particularly music, is something we talk about. He's much, much better versed than I am, but I know in my silos, I know my stuff.
58:24 - 58:30
Yeah. We, we fall into it very easy. I mean, most of my friends, you know, I had 10 years probably wouldn't make any difference.
58:30 - 58:33
What time do you head back from dinner then?
58:33 - 58:43
Probably nine 30. We walked, he had a bike and electric, but I'm not entirely approving. I think if you're going to have a bike, a cycle, but
58:43 - 58:44
come on, Richard, do some fitness.
58:44 - 58:54
He pushed his bike with me back to Belsize, the park tube station. And I went South on the tube and he went North on his bike effortlessly.
58:54 - 59:00
And presumably as whenever Richard Curtis leaves a restaurant, the snow starts falling.
59:00 - 59:04
He must have to live with this. He must have to live with this.
59:04 - 59:15
But Ben, you also need to know that just before we started talking to you, we did imagine that if the cable for your computer couldn't meet the plug socket in the wall,
59:15 - 59:21
you would simply go outside and push. The whole wall closer to the computer socket.
59:21 - 59:23
Is that a reference to the young ones?
59:23 - 59:24
Yeah, it is.
59:24 - 59:30
It's Vivian going, yes, we have got a bloody video. And then pushing the whole house towards the plug. Cause it wouldn't reach.
59:30 - 59:38
I don't remember. I don't watch my old stuff. People will quote Blackadder to me. And I have no idea. I never watched my old stuff. I don't read my old novels. Why would you?
59:38 - 59:45
It's not like a thing. It's just, I don't feel all I do is get irritated with the things that irritated me the first time around.
59:45 - 59:54
I listened to this podcast back, constantly on a 24 seven loop until I know them all verbatim. Okay. So what time are we getting in to our.
59:54 - 1:00:03
I probably got back to flat about 10 and I know exactly what I did. Everyone's talking about, we can't say channel five here. They want you to say five.
1:00:03 - 1:00:03
Oh yeah.
1:00:03 - 1:00:17
I know this Marina told me on her podcast. I mean, it didn't tell me directly, but told the world Marina Hyde and Richard. They like to be known as five. They were talking about how incredibly this five that everyone thought was a bit weird.
1:00:17 - 1:00:30
Naff in the Brit pop day. It was in, you know, the spice girls famously kicked it off in 98 or so. And, you know, there was this feeling it's a bit naff. It's the asshole end of, you know, you've got BBC two at one end of the row or the other end of the five.
1:00:30 - 1:00:44
You've got channel five. Well, it's clearly not true because they have become the home of British television drama. They were introduced play for the day, which is an incredible initiative. Oh my goodness. I'd like to write one. If anyone's listening, I think they're amazing. And I, I've only just started to catch up.
1:00:44 - 1:00:53
I watched the hue, the very sad, I can't say it was an enjoyable watch. The one about, you know, the newsreader, the Welsh newsreader.
1:00:53 - 1:01:06
But I watched it because I've read about Martin Clunes' performance, which is stunning. I mean, it's an incredible performance. So I've watched that and I watched one they've got called number one fan.
1:01:06 - 1:01:20
And look, it's pretty, I mean, it's not over subtle, the writing, but it's good writing. It's compelling. It draws you along. I found it really quite compelling. I mean, you know, it's simple-ish drama. I mean, you're not delving into any, great emotional truths there, but it was good diverting fun.
1:01:20 - 1:01:27
I watched the last episode of that last night and I resisted the Greg's Belgian bun that was in my fridge.
1:01:27 - 1:01:29
And so how much were you thinking about the bun?
1:01:29 - 1:01:43
I wasn't, I was full. I bought it in case I wasn't full. Cause you know, if you're not drinking an ice treat at the end of the evening, I think I did. I actually did have a couple of those Lindors. I don't much like them, a bit rich, but I got given a box.
1:01:43 - 1:01:55
I would have to get the Greg's. I would have to not just put it in the, but put ashes on top of it. Where I to try not to, you know, I would have to pulverize it into dust.
1:01:55 - 1:02:00
I don't know what they put in it. I don't know. I mean, probably some horrible forever chemicals. Who knows?
1:02:00 - 1:02:02
And what you know, Ben is it's in the fridge now, isn't it?
1:02:02 - 1:02:03
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
1:02:03 - 1:02:13
It's right there right now. So we'll have to do a whole other episode tomorrow to find out if you eat it today. So do we turn in then? Do we go to bed then?
1:02:13 - 1:02:16
Yeah. I think I probably was in bed by 11, something like that. Yeah.
1:02:16 - 1:02:20
Is there, any trick to getting Ben Elton to sleep?
1:02:20 - 1:02:28
I, I sleep pretty well. I always wake up in a night unless, you know, there's the wee thing as you get older, but I'm pretty good on that.
1:02:28 - 1:02:38
But I do often wake up and then my fine mind might be racing. And what I do, if in them small hours of morning, two, three o'clock, and I've been asleep for three or four hours,
1:02:38 - 1:02:53
that's when you tend to wake up, particularly if you've had a few drinks, that is one of the bores about drinking. Do wake up as it kind of wears off. And then I, I often, go and sleep in a chair. This is an old man, more recent thing that's developed in my, you know, I'm 67.
1:02:53 - 1:03:02
I'm clearly changing. My love of, of sweet things is definitely, I remember it happening to my father, eating chocolate and having chocolate in the fridge and things.
1:03:02 - 1:03:10
It's something I never did. It wasn't interested, you know, crispy. If I'm going to have a snack, I'll have something savory, but I've definitely got a sweeter tooth as I've got older.
1:03:10 - 1:03:24
No question. And another thing I do, I find great comfort in going, I've got one of those airline pillows and I'll, I'll change, the environment. And so forth. I mean, obviously I'm on my own at the moment, but yeah, so if I understand you, you know, she tried not to wake her up and I'd often I don't,
1:03:24 - 1:03:38
but I'll creep off and I'll go to my study or in this case, the kind of living area of this little flat. And I've made sure that sort of nest is ready. When I go to bed each night, I tend to make sure I put a couple of pillows for my sort of arms. If there
1:03:38 - 1:03:39
this is beautiful
1:03:39 - 1:03:51
arms on the chair, I'll make sure that my airline pillow is there for my neck and that's there. And so to put my, my feet on, I mean, as I say in homes, I've got it all set up in my study.
1:03:51 - 1:04:06
There's my easy chair and yeah, I often creep off and I sleep and I don't move. I might go to sleep three or four hours and that's why I sleep well on planes. Even if rare though it might be, even if I'm in the back with everyone else, you know,
1:04:06 - 1:04:09
Ben Elton in economy. I don't like it.
1:04:09 - 1:04:20
Sophie and I had the most wonderful holiday. We went to Egypt, flew from London. It's like, I don't know, four or five hours or something like that. And I can sleep sitting upright, you know, because we're tender, you know, and what is relatively short haul,
1:04:20 - 1:04:32
you go economy. So the seems a bit stupid, you know, we're talking many number of thousands of pounds for effectively what, I don't know, a free glass of beer or something. But yeah, I mean, on long haul flights, I'm not going to lie to you.
1:04:32 - 1:04:43
I definitely, definitely turn left on the plane. But anyway, so that's it. Yeah. So I'll go and get myself snuggly. And that, that happened this morning and the small hours, if it's still the day we're talking about.
1:04:43 - 1:04:51
And I snuggled down in a chair and slept in it without, without moving an inch for four or five hours, four hours, I suppose.
1:04:51 - 1:05:00
It reminds me of something like Admiral Nelson would do, you know, when he misses the sea, he'd be like, Hardy set up a chair there. Like I am.
1:05:00 - 1:05:13
It's an easy chair. It's not like an economy. So I can sleep in an economy seat on a plane. If I've got my neck cushion, otherwise your head's lolling just too much. I never have the guts to put the thing back. You know, I just know it's so horrible for the person behind.
1:05:13 - 1:05:22
Oh, I see. I would ask, I like to turn around and say, do you mind? Cause they can't say, no, but I think there's a kind of concertina etiquette as almost everyone's doing.
1:05:22 - 1:05:36
I had a horrible experience. I mean, you know, it was a tall bloke. Yeah. He was six foot, but he, he had his back, but he was kicking out a seat. I'm a tall man. You know, it was a bit weird on the whole. I think they shouldn't have them, you know, and I think they should have solid seats because they cause so many fights.
1:05:36 - 1:05:49
People are about to have their dinner and the thing jerks back. We're all considerate. We would never jerk it back. If we're going to do it, we'd do it gently. And he's, but I've had that one. I, the fuck, it literally, somebody's just banged their seat back.
1:05:49 - 1:05:59
I tell you, Nigel Farage, were he sitting in front of you in economy and the odds of this are very long. He would smash it straight back and just go dick off.
1:05:59 - 1:06:05
Yeah. And Johnson and Trump. I'm sorry, but for all his faults, I don't think Starmer would.
1:06:05 - 1:06:07
I think he probably won't.
1:06:07 - 1:06:11
Frankly, I don't think Theresa May would either. So, you know, let's not be political about it.
1:06:11 - 1:06:12
Let's be balanced.
1:06:12 - 1:06:15
I think Cameron would. Maybe he wouldn't. I don't know about him.
1:06:15 - 1:06:23
I think a little bit of politics, is a perfect way to add this. Ben Elton, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday.
1:06:23 - 1:06:33
All right. Well, thank you, David. Thank you, Max. All the best.
1:06:33 - 1:06:46
Who knew Ben Elton was ripped to shit? Who knew it? He is popping out of that t-shirt. It's like Hulk Hogan, isn't it? You know?
1:06:46 - 1:06:51
And then to top it all off, dinner with Richard Curtis. I mean,
1:06:51 - 1:06:52
that's what you want.
1:06:52 - 1:07:09
If we had scripted that day. Yeah. With like iconic, obviously Ben has done incredible work now over 40 years, but that 80s, 90s iconic person, who's he going to go for dinner with?
1:07:09 - 1:07:15
Maybe Tony Hadley from Spandau Ballet, even better. Richard Curtis. Come on.
1:07:15 - 1:07:28
He's just finished this. He's now sitting in his Covent Garden apartment, staring at that Greg's Belgian bun, thinking actually this was the Zenith. This podcast was the Zenith.
1:07:28 - 1:07:40
It wasn't the first world war, last episode of Blackadder, where comedy met tragedy, maybe more keenly than in any piece of television ever.
1:07:40 - 1:07:55
No, this was it. And in fact, what he didn't mention was all throughout the dinner, Curtis kept being, like, Ben, you're doing this tomorrow. Could you have a word with them and try and get me on? And Ben Elton was like, nah, that's embarrassing, Richard.
1:07:55 - 1:07:59
Seriously. I don't think I could just be like, can you get my mate on?
1:07:59 - 1:08:12
For the tape, it's worth saying, just before we recorded, he did say, so is it just, is it just, you just do yesterday? Like, is that just yesterday? You do that. You do the yesterday.
1:08:12 - 1:08:16
What a fascinating insight into writing as well.
1:08:16 - 1:08:24
Yeah. Cause quite, quite often your mates are wanging on about comedy and they've been doing it like three years. And this is the guy now I'm like, okay, I'm tuned into this stuff now.
1:08:24 - 1:08:36
Cause I'm obviously just about to embark on my sitcom max, which some could say is self-indulgent, but now I know how to do it. And I love his nesting chair. I love that he sets up a little nest.
1:08:36 - 1:08:46
That is, I am so ready. Okay. I'm 20 years away from that. I'm 47, but I am so ready to build my own little nest.
1:08:46 - 1:08:55
I think it's, I'm imagining the not quite gone to bed yet. Ben Elton, just fluffing the pillows for it.
1:08:55 - 1:09:04
Like should the need for it arise? And maybe he's talking to us as he inflates the travel cushion, the sort of shaped like a magnet cushion.
1:09:04 - 1:09:10
He blows that up. And he said, I might be seeing you later. You know, it's just, it's a wholesome moment.
1:09:10 - 1:09:15
A great day and dinner with Richard Curtis. This is exactly what you want. Dinner with Richard Curtis.
1:09:15 - 1:09:27
Perfect. And I, I, I agree with him. Like you would say it to him, but people are so sniffy about, I mean, I, I went on a stag do, I organized a stag do once and I told everyone to,
1:09:27 - 1:09:38
you know, bring hiking boots. And then we just went to a spa. Like that's, you know, that's sort of my set of friends, but like all you want the day after the first night of a stag do is just bean bags and a rom-com.
1:09:38 - 1:09:47
It's what you want. 15, mid 20 something men, someone saying, should we get on it? And I'm like, no, let's just watch. Let's just watch. Love actually.
1:09:47 - 1:09:58
Yeah. There was a funny moment where Ben was being kind of defensive of his mate. I'm being like, it's really hard to write those films. Like he was trying to justify it.
1:09:58 - 1:10:11
And all I could see was your little face just being like, they're the ultimate films, man. I don't like Rambo. I don't like first blood part two. I like Notting Hill.
1:10:11 - 1:10:18
And yesterday or whatever that one was called, just one more thing, Ben Elton. George Michael on the tube.
1:10:18 - 1:10:30
But yeah, buy his book. And thank you, Ben. If you'd like to get in touch, here's how to get in touch with the show.
1:10:30 - 1:10:44
You can email us at what did you do yesterday? Pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod, and please subscribe and leave a review. If you liked it on your preferred podcast platform, and if you didn't, please don't.
1:10:47 - 1:11:01
So I'm imagining. So it's Ben Elton and George Michael on the tube. Maybe the guy from soul to soul. He's just a couple of seats up. Gary Mabbott from Spurs. Daly Thompson is there.
1:11:01 - 1:11:06
Nigel Lawson with the young Nigella Lawson. It's a big tube.
1:11:06 - 1:11:17
It's an amazing. It's the first ever reality show with celebrity tube carriage, where just one unsuspecting person in 1986 walks on,
1:11:17 - 1:11:24
and Maradona is next to Joan Collins. She's looking around going, everybody, they don't say anything. Everyone's silent.
1:11:24 - 1:11:27
Is that Leslie Crowther from The Price is Right?
1:11:27 - 1:11:38
It's Gary Wilmot over there. This is extraordinary. And it's just one stop. They get on, don't say anything, they get off. And that is our new show, Celebrity Tube Stop.
1:11:38 - 1:11:40
We are in it for life.
1:11:40 - 1:11:44
Yeah, we are. Thank you.
1:11:44 - 1:11:50
Thanks for listening, everyone.