0:06 - 0:08
Podcasts! There are millions of them!
0:08 - 0:10
Some might say... too many?
0:10 - 0:11
I have one already.
0:11 - 0:13
I don't have any, because there are enough!
0:13 - 0:19
Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
0:20 - 0:23
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
0:23 - 0:25
Why is that? Are they scared?
0:26 - 0:29
Too afraid of being censored by the man?
0:29 - 0:34
Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
0:35 - 0:37
We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
0:37 - 0:44
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
0:44 - 0:46
Day before yesterday, Max?
0:46 - 0:49
The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
0:49 - 0:53
Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
0:53 - 0:55
And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:08
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem from the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
1:08 - 1:18
Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem. From the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday? This week, I'm joined by the voice of football, Max Rushden.
1:18 - 1:23
Thanks so much. Very excited to be here. Love the pod. I've been listening to it since it started.
1:23 - 1:26
He's a guy. He knows a nutmeg from a draft excluder.
1:26 - 1:36
Great. That's the sort of stuff that gets written. I have to go, is this? Do I have have to say this you know just for the adverts for you know gillette or some bullshit although
1:36 - 1:46
i mean i would welcome them obviously to you know the world cup's coming up football fans listen to this pod come to us gillette now paul williams episode was great wasn't it i really enjoyed it
1:46 - 2:00
what i liked the most is after the whole thing we discussed so many things in this podcast and all the comments are about the printer and the printers are not working and rachel saying saying, I love hearing about Max's printer arrangements every time someone mentions a printer.
2:01 - 2:13
Martha says, paper jam is the most what-did-you-do-yesterday question of all time. There was a point from my friend Matt regarding gonk. This is in it, Paul, and I sent this to Paul. No response yet. Maybe you should send it.
2:13 - 2:28
Just a quick point of order on gonk. Given competitors in the plate final can then make it through the back door to the grand final, albeit with a handicap, technically, I think that would make what you referred to as the plate final actually a repassage.
2:28 - 2:53
So gonk was this incredibly well thought out intense game that editors when you're editing a tv show you tend to lose your mind because you're sitting there for 10 hours a day so they had invented this incredibly complicated game that involved throwing a
2:53 - 2:59
dog squeaky toy around. Yeah i don't know where a repercharge begins and a backdoor ends
2:59 - 3:10
no but you don't knock down the repercharge to then open it up to the garden do you although i would i'd be hardly in favor of people calling their backdoor repercharge
3:10 - 3:16
uh on the subject of backdoors how is your worming chocolate did it have the desired effect
3:16 - 3:29
oh we haven't taken it actually we haven't taking the the boys don't seem to be as itchy down there as they were and so we've moved on so i will keep you i will very much keep you and everyone in the loop and slightly aware at some
3:29 - 3:36
point i don't know what age do i stop you know like giving a fortnightly history of their entire lives i'm not sure.
3:36 - 3:37
In it for life
3:37 - 3:39
in it for life when they're 36
3:39 - 3:45
so i had a what did you do yesterday today clangs into the real world moment this week
3:46 - 3:56
i've actually had two center of the known universe moments number one was in heathrow airport the day before yesterday went for a
3:56 - 4:08
toilet break let's call it a sitting down one and the music in the toilets did someone once said this before was the music from our podcast and just imagine
4:08 - 4:22
It would have been so good if you had spoken along and the person in the next cubicle had been a listener and he'd be like what podcasts there are millions of them.
4:22 - 4:30
The sad reverb sound in just an empty heathrow podcast there are millions of them
4:30 - 4:36
and actually we should both carry like a dictaphone like separate from our phones
4:37 - 4:47
with just the other person's recording of the lines so you'd have to place the dictaphone on play in one cubicle then there's someone in the middle one and then you're
4:47 - 4:54
in the other one and then the person in the middle would be a listener hopefully and would be like Like, how the hell, how does this happen? They're either side.
4:54 - 5:05
It reminds me of, my friend used to have an LP from, I'd say the 50s, which was Learn to Act with, I think he was called Fernando Lamas.
5:05 - 5:07
Oh, sounds good.
5:07 - 5:12
It was scenes from The King and I, and you got a script with it.
5:12 - 5:24
Fernando would be like, how dare you arrive here dressed like a peasant? And there was a pause. you have to do your line.
5:24 - 5:25
That's really fun.
5:25 - 5:32
Real world clanger number two so i locked myself out of the new place
5:32 - 5:33
wow locksmith
5:33 - 5:41
it's an incredibly complicated door whereby it turns out if you have a key in the other side
5:41 - 5:44
or as i would call it reperchage but you know
5:44 - 5:46
it's a front door okay
5:46 - 5:47
Okay, forgive me.
5:47 - 5:59
Anyway, there was a key in the back of the lock, which then meant you couldn't put a key in the front of the lock. It wasn't a physical blockage situation. It's some sort of security system because it's a very modern front door.
5:59 - 6:11
Anyway, I had to phone the guy because the Helen Copter had locked herself out of the same house five days before. She had the guy's number as opposed to the company's number.
6:11 - 6:12
Cut out the middleman.
6:12 - 6:16
he said he'd do it for uh the knockoff rate
6:16 - 6:19
which is what 25 000 pounds
6:19 - 6:25
so he said he'd be there in an hour which was fine it was 80 euro
6:26 - 6:28
but i spent that hour
6:28 - 6:44
in fear that he was a listener to what did you do yesterday and he would have heard your invective of re locksmiths and he would simply arrive and just be ain't opening that mate na na na na na
6:44 - 6:49
businesses through the floor since you guys started at us
6:49 - 6:58
so get this he arrived with a device that just simply goes through the letterbox so it was like a sort of a bent
6:58 - 7:01
Was it a mouse? Was it a mouse?
7:01 - 7:17
it was a mouse in a sort of cat burglar outfit yes it was just a bendy sword and get this he didn't even he just left the car running because the door is right on the street
7:17 - 7:23
saying 80 euros that's like what's his hourly rate he's making about five million dollars an hour
7:23 - 7:28
it took two seconds to do so yeah that's five million dollars an hour that's what he's on
7:28 - 7:41
Amazing. On the subject of backdoors still, Tom in Gloucestershire writes, dear What Did You Do Yesterday team, following Max's plea for stories about people actually owning up to putting things up their bum in last week's midweek mayhem,
7:41 - 7:53
I have a story about when my mother was a nurse in the A&E department in the early 80s. A man came to the A&E desk with a large blanket wrapped around his lower half. From my mum's vantage point behind the desk, she could not see his rear end.
7:53 - 7:57
As he approached the desk, he said that he had something stuck in his bottom.
7:57 - 8:12
my mum asked what it was he dropped the blanket and turned around he had managed to put the head of a large pepper grinder in there one of those really tall ones you sometimes see in restaurants upon asking him how it happened he looked her in the eye
8:13 - 8:17
he said would you like some chilli oil or
8:17 - 8:26
parmesan he said I know how it happened you know how it happened now can you get it out or not
8:26 - 8:36
which i think is as close to an admission as you're going to get many thanks for your unrelenting quest to discover yesterday's tommy gloucestershire oh that was really really good
8:36 - 8:42
yeah it would be um a tough one because like if you get a little bit of pepper in your nose you'd be sneezing for ages
8:42 - 8:46
no but it's the other way around isn't it what he's done is he's turned
8:46 - 8:59
his whole body into the tourney bit so he could if you balanced him on the table you could walk he'd be lying if he had a good enough core lying horizontal on the table and you could spin him around
8:59 - 9:16
it's a tricky one yeah i think the lie i would have gone for with it i would have said that i'd swallowed it i tripped and swallowed it and was now trying to pass it out and i got most of
9:16 - 9:17
it out but just the last bit was
9:17 - 9:32
every time it almost comes out you sneeze because there's so so much pepper inside you. It shoots back up again. John has been in touch. This is a lovely email. Dear Banality Collective, Mars Bar and the hero of Teddington, long time listener, first time writer, et cetera, et cetera.
9:32 - 9:39
I've always felt part of the family listening to the show, but whilst catching up on the I am Poo Poo Midweek Mayhem episode, I finally understood why.
9:39 - 9:50
As someone whose childhood nickname was simply Forehead, not even the forehead, just Forehead, I felt a deep spiritual kinship when Max read Claire's letter about Dan and his big wig.
9:50 - 10:02
when i joined the army 25 odd years ago day one meant being herded through qm stores while corporals half-heartedly eyeballed your size and threw third-hand kit at you as fast as possible
10:02 - 10:11
so they could get back to reading their copy of the daily sport then it came time to issue my head gear the corporal looked at me looked at the shelves of helmets and then back at me with
10:11 - 10:18
despair in his eyes he blew dust off a measuring tape while muttering something about my poor mom and gestured me out of line.
10:19 - 10:30
30 minutes later, he'd rummaged through every bin and box and excavated headgear dating back to Agincourt, attempting to hammer each one over my ears like he was forging a medieval wok.
10:32 - 10:44
Eventually, he declared that my head was too large for the British Army and a special helmet would need to be made. This would take a month or so, stated with the confidence of a man who absolutely did not care.
10:44 - 10:53
The next three months were a delight. Every sergeant assumed I'd lost my helmet and I spent my days doing press-ups, shoveling horse manure, painting rocks white and painting grass green,
10:53 - 11:00
all because the British Army couldn't cope with a head circumference of over 62 centimetres. I was essentially punished every day for existing in three dimensions.
11:01 - 11:15
When I was told my helmet had finally arrived, I was over the moon. Unfortunately, rather than making a larger helmet, it looks like they had welded a standard one on top of an alien spaceship from a 50s B-movie, creating a structure that made me look like a
11:15 - 11:17
giant, militarized mushroom.
11:17 - 11:19
Yeah, the guy in Mario Kart.
11:19 - 11:33
This did not help me blend in. If anything, I now look like I might accidentally take flight if I ran down the hill with a tailwind. On rainy days, the platoon would be ordered to take shelter under my head. Once, I was asked by my Major General if I needed planning
11:33 - 11:44
permission to put my helmet on. On exercise, a land rover stalled out while fording a river i was ordered to stand on my head and canoe out to retrieve it hearing these tales from others
11:44 - 11:51
who also have ears in different time zones is slowly helping the trauma fade keep on keeping it showbiz thank you john
11:51 - 11:52
thank you john
11:52 - 11:55
what an insight into army life and your enormous head yeah
11:55 - 12:08
yeah also you know in battle zones you would imagine it would also be a real disadvantage i guess choppers could land on it like even doing this john i appear to max like i'm wearing normal
12:08 - 12:15
headphones but it's a giant jamaican sound system with a giant redwood bent over the top of my huge head
12:15 - 12:22
pete in minnesota says um i was listening to the most recent midweek mayhem uh when the
12:22 - 12:33
new head circumference version of the teddington quiz was mentioned i could only think this new and god-awful quiz should be called the heddington quiz in it for life everything is showbiz could happen.
12:33 - 12:40
So, Kate Kinsella was on, she left a message on my page, that I definitely put on the whatsapp group for this
12:40 - 12:41
yeah yeah you did yeah
12:41 - 12:44
she recalls you once taped her to a chair
12:44 - 12:46
yeah i did yeah
12:46 - 12:54
now we've no context for that whatsoever and i think you just responded with three exclamation marks or something like that
12:54 - 12:58
have you been able to piece it together what happened to one of our listeners
12:58 - 13:13
well when i worked with Kate Kinsella she was Kate Allen we were at bbc london i can only presume she was a travel during the travel on the weather on the radio and then she went on to do it on the TV and stuff yeah my guess is it was a late shift we're probably
13:13 - 13:24
the only two people there it was like 10pm and fuck all was happening all the roads were fine and nothing was happening in the news and we were both bored out of our minds and for some reason there was some sellotape and I thought
13:24 - 13:34
I would just wrap it around her and sellotape her to a chair and I'm sorry Kate it was a different time it was a different time I understand if people cancelled the license fee
13:34 - 13:41
the Queen Mother passed away and Kate had to do the whole thing while gaffer taped to a chair for 12 hours of broadcasting
13:41 - 13:47
i was once doing the late sunday bulletins i had a mate it was on Marylebone high street and a mate of mine lived on Marylebone
13:47 - 13:57
high street and so you know it's a bulletin at eight and a bulletin at nine so i went around his for a pint and a curry for 8 35 someone rang up going are you gonna do the half past headlines
13:57 - 14:11
i was like no i'm not i'm not doing that i'm at number 54 having a chicken tiki masala thank you kate and it's lovely to hear from you i hope you are well and i'm sorry for sellotaping you to a chair i wouldn't do that now we all change
14:11 - 14:17
has anyone else got any dirt on max please contact me directly sean in melbourne says
14:17 - 14:30
hi regarding the uh what did you do yesterday theme park i can't help but feel things such as the Moomin tunnels are simply not in the spirit of the mundanity of the podcast i need to set this right before it gets out of hand allow me to set the
14:30 - 14:39
the scene it goes without saying that entry is refused unless wearing lululemons of course you can come and marvel at the wall of 40 degree washes maybe the option to just fix and repaint
14:39 - 14:50
broken things around the park you can choose one of 18 bikes to go for a ride around the park and don't get me started on bath options but none of these are the main attraction enter the max ride
14:50 - 15:02
the max ride only opens between 4 30 to 5 30 a.m once on the ride you simply go around in a a very slow repetitive circle for the remainder of the day occasionally the ride stops and gives
15:02 - 15:10
you a coffee at which point you have the brief chance to yell at someone before going back around the circle again you must stay on the ride until the end of the day when you're given a cardboard
15:10 - 15:24
box of uncooked food and a block of tony's Chocolonelies after this you must go and sit in a small shed until one in the morning until you're finally allowed to leave to go home he says having two two small children myself,
15:24 - 15:28
I say, show me the tickets. Everything is showbiz. Thank you, Sean. That was really lovely.
15:29 - 15:33
I'm time poor. You keep having to shout while you're on the ride. I'm time poor.
15:35 - 15:45
Fiona says, Dear DoD, Mars Bar, GenericMan3, long time listener, first time emailer. Sometimes when listening to podcasts, I find myself following along with the written transcript for the 4D experience.
15:46 - 15:51
Occasionally, the transcript humorously misshoots and provides an added layer of nonsense to the what did you do yesterday experience.
15:52 - 16:02
Imagine my surprise when, according to the podcast transcript, Lloyd Langford recounted a tale of Lenny Henry walking to the stage, followed by a person coming out from behind the curtain with an auto-cum machine.
16:08 - 16:22
I have no idea what an auto-cum machine entails. I wonder whether, in light of this discovery, the previous BOC calculations need to be revisited. I'm looking forward to future yesterdays. Everything is showbiz, Fiona. Here's the quote on the transcript.
16:22 - 16:31
She sent the screen grab. and then a person comes from behind the curtain behind him with an auto-cum machine and wheels it up in front of him and then he proceeds to read jokes from the auto-cum machine.
16:31 - 16:39
Any goodwill in the room just instantly evaporates. I mean, it would, wouldn't it?
16:39 - 16:40
Oh my goodness.
16:41 - 16:46
Our correction we have from Phil discussing In the Air Tonight by Phil Collins. I was trying to make quick rules.
16:47 - 16:53
This is the first time I've cried in this stupid podcast.
16:53 - 17:16
Maybe we could go, hello dragons. We're looking for 200 000 pounds in return for 15 percent of our new device, the auto cum machine. Touker Suleyman wants to drill down on the numbers. Are you okay? I like that you're 50 years
17:16 - 17:28
old by which point at some point the idea of an auto cum machine whatever it may be should not make us descend to this level this is one of those bits where someone says i love listening with my 13-year-old.
17:28 - 17:39
You have just made that 13-year-old very happy. Phil says, Max got two parts of the line wrong of in the air tonight, only for David to follow suit. Talk about emperor's new clothes, says Phil.
17:39 - 17:41
So it's, is it, I can feel,
17:41 - 17:44
it's either coming, it is coming in the air tonight.
17:44 - 17:56
Oh no, automatically now. The new version of the digitally remastered Phil Collins 2026 version. we have a health update of carrot man
17:56 - 17:58
oh yeah great
17:58 - 18:06
during my yesterday he slipped down some stairs at a charity shop meaning that ian couldn't go downstairs to see the toys
18:06 - 18:12
we need a little bit more context for that there's a man in a certain part of melbourne who walks around holding a giant carrot
18:12 - 18:25
Yeah yeah. He's about five foot tall. There is an instagram page called where is carrot man that has not as many followers as me but it's a bit sad that it's close. Where is carrot man you You may have noticed Carrot Man sightings have been scarce recently.
18:25 - 18:40
Nathan wanted to share some information about his health to his fans and followers. He recently undergone surgery for some torn ligaments in his knee. He'll be unable to go on his walks and spread his good vibes for the next two to three months. Don't fret if he hasn't been spotted in a while. He's doing well, just needed some R&R to heal up.
18:40 - 18:47
Wishing our Carrot Hero a speedy recovery. And we absolutely echo that. I look forward to seeing Carrot Man out and about.
18:47 - 18:56
It's still such a funny image. your question of whether the carrot went with him in the ambulance to be honest just sitting leaning against a wall is
18:56 - 19:06
i mean look at least he didn't turn up at the desk and then drop a blanket and say you know how i got here and i know it's a five-foot carrot and i got here
19:06 - 19:15
Okay let's play we got some quizzes to do so let's get on with it because we do two quizzes back-to-back which is unheard of in broadcasting. We begin with they're just normal countries redux.
19:15 - 19:17
I am the one and only. What country could I be? I am the one and only. Where in the world could our listeners be?
19:35 - 19:43
Previous guesses northern marianas islands whatever you guess david malawi suriname south sudan sau tome and principe.
19:43 - 19:47
This hasn't caught fire yet for me i'm sorry.
19:47 - 19:59
It's starting to sound like the Reddit page you know that's where it goes we've reached a big moment on the Reddit page where people are now wondering if we hate each other which I think is a sort of a rite of passage.
20:00 - 20:01
For podcasts.
20:01 - 20:05
I don't know apparently we're a bit narky at some point about something I forget
20:05 - 20:18
some quizzes catch Teddington quiz obviously people still talking about it you're right they're just normal countries too I think some people might be finding it a bit similar to they're just normal countries one that might be the problem but just wait till they're just normal countries three
20:19 - 20:33
Michelle writes Hi, Max, DOD and Mars Bar. But recently, my partner Dan and two children went on a family holiday to Magaluf. We stayed in an all-inclusive water park resort, which isn't something I would have done pre-kids. But now that I have kids, not having to cook, et cetera, is a real holiday.
20:33 - 20:42
Walking around Magaluf, me and Dan made a spontaneous decision to get matching tattoos. I was a bit nervous it was going to hurt. I don't have any tattoos. And I listened to the Isy Suttie episode for comfort.
20:42 - 20:55
Turns out it didn't hurt at all. Maybe the pod has magic hurting powers and should be played in dentists, surgery rooms, et cetera. or maybe after having experienced childbirth twice, tattoos just don't hurt that much. Could I please submit their Just Normal Country entry?
20:55 - 21:02
Is Liechtenstein a normal country? Everything is showbiz, Michelle. Producer Will. Is Liechtenstein a normal country?
21:03 - 21:12
No. How many listens in Liechtenstein, Will? 273. This podcast is enormous, David.
21:12 - 21:17
Liechtenstein does get mentioned a lot for its size.
21:18 - 21:18
Oh, does it?
21:18 - 21:21
I listened to your podcast, your football podcast.
21:21 - 21:25
We talked about it yesterday. Yeah, we talked about it yesterday.
21:25 - 21:27
So that's what you did yesterday.
21:27 - 21:31
I see Liechtenstein gets mentioned, not on this podcast, but just globally.
21:32 - 21:34
Yeah, a disproportionate number of times, I feel.
21:34 - 21:37
Yeah, you're probably right. Let's do They're Just Normal Cheeses.
21:40 - 21:58
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. I've got cheese! This is cheese!
21:58 - 22:28
Maggie in London. Good evening, DOD, generic man and Mars Bar a long-time listener, one two-time emailer.
22:28 - 22:37
I've been meaning to write him some guesses, but as I always say, what did you do yesterday till later in the week? Like saving the best food till last on your plate. I've never heard the guesses on the day of release.
22:37 - 22:52
Always felt I've missed my chance. My two guesses, I believe, high, low cheeses. Definitely higher than a Dairy Lee, but not really cheeses in my book, which I think makes them low cheeses. Please excuse the double choice of similar cheese, but it has to be one of these and I couldn't choose between the two.
22:52 - 23:02
I'm intrigued now. Is Maggie going to do the wordle thing where if she just picked all low cheeses, you know what I mean? In an attempt to get a yellow.
23:02 - 23:05
Is she cheating? Let's see. Brie.
23:05 - 23:06
Bing, bing, bing.
23:07 - 23:09
Philadelphia. Caerphilly.
23:09 - 23:11
Bing, bing, bing.
23:11 - 23:13
Cashel Blue.
23:13 - 23:15
Bing, bing, bing.
23:15 - 23:29
Boursin. Du vin, du pain, du boursin. I could do that. I could do that if that's still a thing. Okay, well, look. Still a three cheese board. Oh, I thought she was onto something. i thought she was on
23:29 - 23:31
lower cheese a lower cheese
23:31 - 23:35
a lower cheese lower than walser lower than philadelphia hey david
23:36 - 23:38
what time did you wake up yesterday
23:38 - 23:51
ah i woke up nine o'clock all right where am i moving around in a bed turn on the light i seem to be at some sort of hipster boutique hotel
23:52 - 24:03
slightly 2016 decor as in those big gold frames of dogs dressed as sort of cavalry officers remember that era of decor
24:03 - 24:04
any neon in there
24:04 - 24:07
no neon but sort of wood effect everywhere
24:07 - 24:09
right okay noted
24:09 - 24:13
oh i remember where i am i'm in kentish town in London.
24:13 - 24:16
Kentish town? Cor blimey, guvnor.
24:16 - 24:25
And i have gone asleep the night before with the distant sound of arsenal football match ringing in my ears
24:25 - 24:28
i wasn't playing in the match myself
24:28 - 24:36
but i was doing a gig close to it so now i need to get back to dublin join me as we head back to dublin
24:36 - 24:37
this is exciting
24:37 - 24:40
i think about a bath to be honest
24:40 - 24:44
right so you're Your room has a bath in it. This is exciting.
24:44 - 24:50
Listeners will be horrified to hear that there is no bath in this place where we are now.
24:50 - 24:53
I think that's pretty normal for a lot of hotels these days.
24:53 - 24:56
No, in the house that I'm in now in Dublin.
24:56 - 24:58
Oh, in your house, you've got no bath.
24:58 - 25:08
You've downsized to no bath and given your love for lowering yourself into a bath. I can only imagine you walk the streets of Dublin thinking about knocking on doors to say, would you mind awfully if I just had a bath?
25:09 - 25:26
Exactly. My balls are just normal temperature now. the whole time i think about having one i have a i mean this is pretty posh it's a hipster hotel above a pub yeah it's got pod type coffees so i go with a double shot of one of those
25:26 - 25:29
how many shots would you say is in one single
25:29 - 25:32
i just wouldn't i'd find a cafe
25:32 - 25:39
uh i know what you're gonna say i only have two coffees a day i want them to be how i like them
25:39 - 25:45
correct thank you This is why people think we don't like each other anymore, because of the way you spoke to me just now.
25:47 - 25:53
I wonder what that was. Did I get particularly annoyed at you in the previous episode?
25:54 - 26:03
I did read the thread, but I can't remember it now. I think they said Max was definitely annoyed when David blew the Vittorio Angelino.
26:04 - 26:07
Angeloni, my apologies, Vittorio. Bonk, spoiler.
26:07 - 26:10
But I forgave you pretty quickly.
26:10 - 26:13
I look at the ticket that I have home.
26:13 - 26:18
It says flight is at 11.30. We're now at 20 past nine.
26:18 - 26:20
Okay, this is dicey.
26:20 - 26:28
It's a little bit dicey. So there is no time for a bath. And in fact, there's no time for anything.
26:28 - 26:40
We have to do a quick pack up, which doesn't take too long. and then max how am i going to get from kentish town to heathrow terminal two
26:40 - 26:48
you're gonna go kentish town to Tottenham Court Road, change for the elizabeth line straight
26:48 - 26:50
that's exactly it
26:50 - 26:53
i could go on you bet i could go on you bet
26:53 - 27:04
somebody go on everythingisshowbiz.com and see many how many times max has said he could go on you bet so yes that's exactly the route i'm gonna take
27:04 - 27:07
oh you got plenty of time you got plenty of time
27:07 - 27:10
not really i mean 11 30 and we're looking at 9 30
27:10 - 27:13
now you're hand luggage only on it you're just hand luggage
27:13 - 27:27
i'm hand luggage only yes but i'm a little bit stressed the elizabeth line is the newest tube line so you do have to walk down quite long tubes in order to get from say the the Northern line to the Elizabeth line.
27:27 - 27:35
So I need to de-stress. How will I de-stress? I end up listening to you talking about football the night before.
27:36 - 27:43
That one probably comes out at like half 10 or something, but I definitely use you as a de-stress method.
27:43 - 27:46
We've been getting a lot of letters from people saying that they fall asleep to us.
27:46 - 27:48
Yeah, same as us here.
27:48 - 27:50
Yeah, it's a consistent thing I have.
27:50 - 28:01
Yes, but for your football podcast, it's quite an exciting episode episode because Arsenal have just got through to the final and you've pulled out your producer to
28:01 - 28:15
be on the podcast and he he doesn't have that sort of like hard-bitten old hack thing of like it's just another football game son he's fully excited about what's happening so and
28:15 - 28:25
that's probably good because we probably we have a lot of wizened old gnarled I hate this sport that I've I've been forced to watch and get paid to watch what all the listeners are like.
28:25 - 28:31
I wish I was getting paid to watch this bastards. So yeah, it's good to get a bit of enthusiasm on now and again.
28:31 - 28:38
Yeah. It's a nice mix. Great. I've done it. I get to Heathrow just over an hour before we go.
28:39 - 28:52
Great. I'll go to the x-ray of the bag. Oh, problem. I've got the keyboard with me and I'm carrying it as hand luggage, technically an illegal act because it's too long
28:52 - 29:06
but i do my trick where it sits between my shoulder blades and the top of my arse so uh no one from the airline complains but it doesn't really fit in the x-ray conveyor belt machine.
29:06 - 29:07
I see, right.
29:07 - 29:11
They don't like it. It comes out the other end
29:11 - 29:13
as a grand piano it's magical
29:13 - 29:25
battle cat comes out as cringier yes it's one of those ones where there's the two conveyor belts so it comes through the beads
29:26 - 29:28
sits there for a while
29:28 - 29:30
when it's going to go whisk 90 degrees
29:30 - 29:35
the person is having a little think about it and i am willing it come to me
29:35 - 29:48
and the person thinking is going piano piano piano piano could a piano bring down on an aeroplane piano piano so presumably you get it or do they take it what happens
29:48 - 29:55
so it comes straight out the lady looks at it and she goes that should be fine goes back and
29:55 - 30:03
puts it in again so i watch it come through it then goes into the right hand drain again all
30:05 - 30:11
turns out you've got 17 tons of Semtex stuck in the battery socket.
30:11 - 30:20
It's too big. They don't like it. But there is a special category for musical instruments on airplanes such that I can take it with me.
30:21 - 30:28
I think they sort of presume I've cleared it with the airline. I haven't. So with that keyboard, it's this gray area between sometimes I say it's a children's toy.
30:29 - 30:38
If they say you can't bring a musical instrument with you, I say it's simply a toy I'm bringing into the orphans or in this case i'm leaning heavily into the
30:38 - 30:39
i'm a musician
30:39 - 30:40
it's my art
30:40 - 30:42
yes of course yeah
30:42 - 30:56
again we're not getting tight but the person takes it out and i say it's been through twice now and she goes straight into sir i'm just doing my job i would appreciate if you
30:56 - 30:58
let me do it and then proceed
30:58 - 31:04
and then she turns it on and plays the whole of Rachmaninoff's third symphony just a joke
31:04 - 31:09
no worse she takes it out and using the swabby machine and pretty much
31:09 - 31:26
swabs all 36 notes it is the slowest she takes out cables and she unwinds cables and just holds them at cable length and asks me what that's for and what that's for weirdly there's a pair of
31:27 - 31:42
yesterday's undies, t-shirt and socks that I've just stuffed into a little part of the back of the bag and she doesn't go in there. So that's my advice to any crims trying to smuggle. Just
31:42 - 31:55
pop it in your undies. It goes through again. It ends up going three times. I elect to not say anything for the rest of it. I just simply nod and say thank you.
31:55 - 32:07
but in your mind you want to say it's a fucking keyboard that's what your heart is saying just for once be larry david and just say you don't need to swab f sharp you've swabbed f and g
32:07 - 32:10
you can't get a bomb in f sharp
32:10 - 32:12
so that has taken almost half an hour
32:13 - 32:19
because every time i had to go back through there was a big old queue there
32:19 - 32:20
oh yeah oh man
32:20 - 32:22
now i'm in a bit of a rush
32:22 - 32:40
so i run to the gate with you yammering on about football in my ears it's that thing where the gate is completely clear i'm like oh shit so i run up to the person there and be like
32:40 - 32:48
can i can i get on it and the woman is like yes sir just sit down we haven't started boarding yet
32:48 - 32:50
it's the textbook
32:50 - 32:56
yeah so i go and get a pret wrap because i haven't eaten anything for the whole day
32:56 - 32:58
which one are we getting
32:58 - 33:02
yeah i make a poor decision i go with the swedish meatball wrap
33:02 - 33:05
okay it's a good one but it's a bit early do you think
33:05 - 33:09
it's too early and also it's not one to be eaten while walking
33:10 - 33:15
so one of the big old meatballs falls out like a testicle on the ground
33:15 - 33:16
oh dear oh no
33:16 - 33:20
and then i can't stick around because heathrow i mean
33:20 - 33:24
hang on interruption you get what three meatballs in that maybe four three?
33:24 - 33:25
Four i'd say yeah
33:25 - 33:31
so that is a quarter of the are you tempted to just 10 second rule and shove it back in
33:31 - 33:33
well i am but driving towards me is
33:33 - 33:36
no an autonomous cleaning bot
33:36 - 33:37
oh right wow
33:37 - 33:48
i have them in heathrow now and i am intrigued to to see how it deals with the meatball because it just seems to drive around and it's just
33:48 - 33:55
cleaning directly under it but i'm pretty sure it was just the meatball wasn't going to fit under the sort of dalek
33:56 - 33:57
type legs of it
33:57 - 34:12
this is will ai take over the world and these are good clips if we're going to do video because all the people are doing clips so if we now this is basically who wins the meatball or the hoover the ai bot and we will find out who will take over the
34:12 - 34:12
the world soon
34:12 - 34:16
yeah but i can't find out because i have to go back to the gate now
34:16 - 34:20
all right so you just leave is there a standoff? Has the hoover stopped?
34:20 - 34:27
The hoover is just doing its own thing down there i want to know what happens when it gets to the meatball but that could be a 15 minute wait
34:27 - 34:28
oh i see oh right okay
34:28 - 34:38
while i'm committed to this podcast i don't want to miss the flight back to dublin to see what happens when the autonomous cleaning bot meets the meatball
34:38 - 34:42
have any of the listeners had any experience with these yeah
34:42 - 34:48
were you were you at terminal 2 15 minutes after david did anyone see the standoff
34:48 - 34:50
did you slip on a meatball
34:50 - 35:08
we get on the flight then nothing much report except i begin collating the new jokes for So the old show, I've been doing it now since last summer.
35:09 - 35:12
I love it, but it is time to work on my new Edinburgh show.
35:12 - 35:17
Are you going to include that half Nelson joke you did in there, Paul Williams?
35:19 - 35:33
I did listen to that episode. I had a few very funny non sequiturs in it, and then I did have a half Nelson joke. To the listeners who haven't heard the episode, Paul is from Nelson, the town in New Zealand.
35:33 - 35:35
You can't repeat it. okay you can repeat
35:35 - 35:41
no i'm not repeating it but i mean it would have been a funnier way of doing it would have been if paul had been half from nelson
35:42 - 35:43
i mean if only one of his parents
35:43 - 35:58
had come from nelson that would have been good but if anyone has any punch up on the half nelson joke i will take it and include it in my edinburgh show we land and i need to drive across the city
35:58 - 36:04
because i'm dropping the Helen Copter to a checkup nothing much to report but it's a 45 minute drive
36:04 - 36:07
so the Helen Copter's with you for this whole experience
36:07 - 36:12
no i'm gonna pick up the Helen Copter from work and take her to it
36:12 - 36:13
all right okay
36:13 - 36:27
i elect to send her the location thing on whatsapp so she can see where i actually am you know the way some people will spoof you they'll say i'm a a little further on than where I am.
36:27 - 36:32
But I feel this is a better system. I recall doing it with you as well.
36:32 - 36:33
Oh yeah, we do it.
36:33 - 36:34
Yeah, it's good though.
36:34 - 36:36
Makes you feel like a spy.
36:36 - 36:47
Yeah, it does. And also with friends overseas, sometimes if they say they miss Dublin, I will just give them an hour of my location just so they could see where I am.
36:47 - 36:55
On the radio, I had an idea for an app where you could see where all the footballers lived and then went to training.
36:55 - 37:08
just to see what that sort of commute is like around the UK and the former England goalkeeper, Ben Foster. I can't remember who he was playing for at the time, but he just sent me his live location and we tracked him going up the A40 for half an hour. That was good fun.
37:09 - 37:21
On the subject of you and your footballers, when last I spoke to you, you were trying to get former Liverpool winger and inventor of the Predator boot and the thing that charges drinks
37:21 - 37:33
directly to your hotel, Craig Johnson, you were trying to get him to sing a lyric from Phil Collins in the air tonight, a song that we don't know the lyrics of. Did he do that?
37:34 - 37:48
Mark Bosnich tried to ring me today, but I was too busy. So I need to call Mark Bosnich back. And he's asked Craig Johnson. So maybe Mark has good news or bad news regards Craig Johnson. But I managed to get a good five minutes out of it on yesterday's radio show. And now I'm getting
37:48 - 37:55
getting some more content out of the fact that I'm yet to get Craig Johnson to sing in the air tonight.
37:55 - 38:07
I dropped the Helen Copter off. I go off to do a shop and there's a few things that she's told me not to get. So I sent her photos of me with my hand on all those things.
38:07 - 38:17
I would suggest an easier way for a shopping list is not to write down all the things you don't need. If you flip it, then you can get all the things you need
38:17 - 38:27
max i have a terrible tendency to do the same shop every time regardless of what's needed like we're going on holidays in a few days she goes just get
38:27 - 38:35
pasta and i do the full shop spring onions the lot it's mostly onion based stuff that i just buy every time
38:35 - 38:44
i'm still in that place where i can't believe how cheap onions are like especially Especially when you see three of them in a net for like 45 cents.
38:44 - 38:57
Imagine if they're now like $25 and this is the moment where you've lost touch with reality and you can't be the prime minister. Am I going, how much is a string of onions? And you go, I don't know, a euro? And they're like, this guy.
38:57 - 39:01
2D, I say, although you haven't been in a shop for a long time.
39:02 - 39:23
I tried three places for medicated shampoo. shampoo my flora pro v on this podcast is the ominously named jerkoff medicated shampoo which sometimes friend of the pod john robbins will send me a picture of him in the shower right with
39:23 - 39:25
suds in his hair kissing a bottle of it
39:25 - 39:29
and what does it do is it a dandruff based
39:29 - 39:30
no i have a more sinister
39:30 - 39:33
flaky scalp remedy by tea gel is it that
39:33 - 39:40
no i've tried that but it smells of burned charcoal you know that sort of stuff
39:40 - 39:42
barbecue smell good
39:42 - 39:53
it's barbecue sauce it looks like mustard and sometimes you splash it on the curtain of the shower it does look like
39:53 - 40:06
you've eaten a hot dog in the shower and i've never done that i then drop helen copter back to to work and then do a separate shop for my parents because I haven't seen them for a few
40:06 - 40:16
days and they need a few bits drop that over they're watching flog it but very respectfully flog it is turned down for my arrival
40:16 - 40:28
it's not paused but it's turned down yeah some of your other siblings they get the real treatment which is to pause flog it but they've got one eye on on flog it when you're over
40:28 - 40:33
What you don't want is flog it turned up when you arrive that's a sign lost the magic
40:33 - 40:35
so hang on remind me flog it is
40:35 - 40:39
flog it is they're all basically antiques road show
40:39 - 40:51
yeah but hang on antiques road show might be you've got like this is worth 20 grand flog it is like you've picked up a trinket for eight quid and it could get you 11 quid isn't it
40:51 - 40:58
i don't know where bargain hunt ends and flog it begins because there's an auction going on and then
40:58 - 41:09
a hugely charismatic man in his 60s who i'd say is absolute sexy catnip to older ladies who is moving his eyebrows a lot
41:09 - 41:14
and he's in a custard or mustard suit one of the two
41:14 - 41:23
it's hundreds of white people everywhere selling like suits of armor and yeah that's the vibe on flog it
41:23 - 41:29
yeah and you're looking at the auctions going who is there who is there
41:29 - 41:35
and because i follow on instagram greatest moments in the history of antiques road show
41:35 - 41:37
oh that must be good
41:37 - 41:39
yeah i'm used to big stuff happening
41:39 - 41:43
there's a lot of fluff before the good stuff isn't there
41:43 - 41:48
there's the one on antiques road show the guy brings in a rolex from the 60s
41:48 - 41:59
and he has the box and the receipt and everything and i think it's worth 450 000 dollars and he faints
41:59 - 42:01
what a moment
42:01 - 42:09
yeah you with respect to you max you could in your 60s i could see you
42:09 - 42:20
putting on a cravat getting an old mg convertible and being like hello you join me this week in the the delectable town of sodding Denbury.
42:21 - 42:33
Little Botterham. Do you know what? It's like, you know, the different stages of your career where you go, I'm probably not going to get Radio 1 breakfast. That ship has probably sailed. Where's the one when you go, I've got to go, Jamie, I've got to go antiques.
42:34 - 42:39
When's that moment when I'm like, got to go antiques. That's it.
42:39 - 42:45
I arrived back at the house in time for a man called Dennis, who has called in four times now
42:45 - 42:57
from the Irish government to do a labor force survey this house has been selected by the central statistics office and they want to know what i did
42:57 - 43:00
to take part in a talent contest
43:00 - 43:10
on the 19th of april that's the sort of day that the government has picked how much everyone worked how far they went to work maybe they didn't work maybe they were retired
43:10 - 43:15
was it one of your yesterdays did you check because Because you could just say, here's episode 36.
43:18 - 43:26
No, it's way too impressive a day. Because the day when I had a gig in Sydney and then flew to Perth.
43:26 - 43:27
Oh, that's good.
43:27 - 43:30
So the whole thing is, how long was your commute?
43:30 - 43:31
You've ruined the entire...
43:31 - 43:33
Yeah, the Labour Force survey.
43:33 - 43:38
We've discovered that 40% of Irish men commute to Sydney every day.
43:41 - 43:51
Yeah, I've ruined the averages that they were trying to do. Yeah, my commute was five hours on that day, 3,000 miles or whatever it is.
43:52 - 43:57
And then when I got there, I worked for an hour and 20 minutes, which is the most ridiculous part.
43:58 - 44:13
I do that with Dennis. Then Helen Copter comes back. We get a takeaway and we watch a really crap Irish house program.
44:13 - 44:21
program it's the one where the very confident lady is showing you the goons three sets of goons three different properties
44:21 - 44:23
would you like this one david
44:23 - 44:26
yeah southern the north of england
44:26 - 44:27
oh it's an english show
44:27 - 44:31
it's not an irish i was going on your accent max i was
44:31 - 44:38
people like it people really do like my eyes i'm amazed i kept it hidden for so long would you be living there now David?
44:38 - 44:46
what's incredible about it is one of the gaffes is where two of Helen's brothers used to live
44:46 - 44:56
oh great that's really good that doesn't make Ireland sound parochial I've got to say isn't that Edna's house
44:56 - 45:15
so I video some of that and send it to Helen's brother dad has gone for dinner just around the corner from where i'm living with the one still alive person from his primary school isn't that
45:15 - 45:17
that is so nice
45:17 - 45:30
sing street 1951 reunion but get this the two people so there's a picture of the whole year which is like 60 boys and it's so funny a lot of the boys look like
45:30 - 45:45
they're in their 40s there's just something about that era a lot of these huge sort of comb over side partings and they're in shorts and the two people who are still around are my dad who is
45:45 - 45:54
still gigging jazz musician and a fellow called Colman who was the principal conductor with the symphony orchestra here
45:55 - 45:56
the two musicians
45:57 - 46:04
and they're both still working you know he's writing chamber music and my dad is writing jazz music
46:04 - 46:08
is it music keeps you alive that's what what we could suggest
46:08 - 46:18
it does seem that way which flies in the face of say the 27 club and the tragic passing of jim morrison and Janice Joplin and Jimi Hendrix.
46:18 - 46:19
That is true.
46:19 - 46:33
I dropped dad home after that they've had a great laugh and mom didn't like paris saint german against baron munich she said they were just falling over too much in it which i suspect you should get her on football weekly
46:33 - 46:37
i'm gonna say on the panel today david's mother Ann O'Doherty
46:37 - 46:49
yeah i return home after that and then because of this moving house holy macaroni there's so many addresses to change
46:49 - 46:54
it's not worth moving because of that isn't it oh
46:54 - 47:05
honestly i think i've done done 15 so far and i'm only i'm trying to find everyone that has sent me a letter for the last five years and contact them
47:05 - 47:13
surely like friends like they'll find out if you like them it's more like thames water and all that bullshit isn't it
47:13 - 47:20
thames water which i insist on having it piped all the way to ireland delicious fresh water taste
47:20 - 47:25
straight out from surrey keys that's where you want it
47:25 - 47:36
so Helen Copter is watching something on the tv i am on my phone changing my address in various locations she doses off we both go to bed and that is what i did yesterday
47:36 - 47:37
what a lovely day
47:37 - 47:52
listeners has anyone found what's a secret address you forgot to change that then ended up having a huge effect on your life in future times do i have I have to contact the Beano and change my address for the Dennis and Gnasher fan club.
47:54 - 48:05
More importantly, if you are currently at Heathrow Terminal 2 and you can't move because you're watching a standoff between an AI vacuum cleaner and a meatball, this is how you get in touch.
48:07 - 48:12
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
48:12 - 48:24
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't
48:24 - 48:31
max we've messed up we were supposed to announce the new dublin gig we're doing on the second of september
48:31 - 48:37
we've said it at the end when no one's listening look it up i think it's selling quite well
48:37 - 48:51
could you let us know if you actually bought a ticket from hearing possibly the most undersold live gig of all time just then from the two of us we are playing Vic History on September 2nd and it will be great so come along
48:51 - 48:53
everything is showbiz