0:06 - 0:08
Podcasts, there are millions of them.
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Some might say, too many.
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I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough.
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Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it. And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
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Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man?
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Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max?
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The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
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And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:02
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
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My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David. i could have booked today's guest
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oh that's not fair
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but you leapt at the opportunity because you had lloyd langford's number and thank you max thank you
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lloyd langford is a brilliant welsh
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comedian who moved to melbourne before covid who i'd seen on the telly doing all the sort of comedy shows in melbourne and then i saw him at play nook the soft play center and once i saw him i was like
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oh we sort of chatted a bit but we didn't really chat and then i saw him in a cafe and then i think i saw him again at play nook we had a big chat about showbiz because everything is showbiz of
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course and then ian and his daughter hung out a bit i met him on a bench he was just sitting on a bench i sat on a bench and chatted to him for a bit so yeah like old friends
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like lloyd was
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was developing a thing in the UK, moved here, as he told us, actually off air, he intended to just go to Australia for six months, left washing, hanging out, and came back two and a half years
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later to find that it's gone completely solid, but came to Australia. And Australia has just fallen Fallen in love with Lloyd. He has a real following here and now. Are we saying Australia's favorite Welshman?
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Listen, with all due respect to Lloyd, it's probably still Tom Jones, but you know, that's...
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Lloyd is on tour around Australia for the next while. Check it out at comedy.com.au. Search for Lloyd on that.
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It's a full day, isn't it? it's a full day
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this could be six different episodes right here it gets a lot and this is what lloyd langford did yesterday
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lloyd langford welcome to what did you do yesterday
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thank you so much for having me
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it's a pleasure i have an apology because i looked at the text message because it's uh i book all the guests david's yet to book a guest it's really frustrating
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yeah and i noticed that the text above do you fancy coming on this podcast was when
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you you invited
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so Lloyd sorry let me just step in here Max has this dreadful history of when he
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tries to book one of his three guests ever that he has booked for this he'll be hassling Hugh Grant or someone who will never come on the previous message is something like hi Hugh really enjoyed
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you in four weddings at a funeral I can act can I please be in your next film is that what was Was your previous one to Lloyd?
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No, it was that Lloyd had invited me and Ian Rushden to his daughter's fourth birthday party and I basically hadn't responded. I'd done a thumbs up, but then I forgot it even happened. I'm really sorry.
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I was at her 30th recently. That's how badly you guys have been keeping in touch.
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That would mean that I had it when I was 12 years old.
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Good for you.
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It's Wales. It's Wales in the 90s.
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Okay then, Lloyd. what time did you wake up in the morning
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well i was woken up by my daughter at about 20 past seven
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she was coming in she'd been out of work too
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it's the school holidays and i very much i'm not a morning person i would normally sleep in a bit but also we've just the clocks have changed right so
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it's a disaster isn't it lloyd
4:46 - 4:53
yes i would like to sleep in a lot later but my daughter i mean you You know me, I'm quite a low energy man.
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And my daughter wakes up talking. So from eyes open, she's up and at them.
5:01 - 5:14
She asked me, this is a new development in our lives, but she has a spittoon, like a wine tasting, like an old timey gold prospector.
5:15 - 5:18
She's like, Daddy, is this a Shiraz or a Beaujolais?
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or like sort of henry the eighth that kind of vibe
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it's like a seaside like a sandcastle bucket at the side of the bed yeah she was like pass me the spit bucket she had an illness not so long ago where she was vomiting or as she refers to it doing a food spill
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polite way of putting it
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and now i think it's like a leftover from that so she'll wake up and just spit into a bucket.
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Like a Babe Ruth playing baseball in the 1930s.
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Like a blues harmonica player from the 1940s.
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At what point do you think you, I mean, four now, by like 22, we need to work on losing the spittoon. You don't want it to become like a crutch.
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It's not a permanent fixture. I think it kind of comes and goes.
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like it's not what she wants to do as soon as she wakes up with me is to play a game instantly play a game a role-playing game where i take on a variety of characters from
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this early improv isn't it it's actually quite a good improv show where the contestants are woken up yeah it's like whose line is it anyway greg proops and ryan styles and mike mccain are woken up so we've got got a game lloyd
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okay this is we got a game and it's like a rotating cast of characters from stories and media and stuff that we've consumed she normally plays herself she sometimes plays Mowgli from the jungle book okay and i play everybody else
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okay interruption with respect
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respect i don't have you down as a sort of Daniel Day Lewis type capable of inhabiting entire personae that i have you down as a low energy welsh man
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it's very tricky because one of the characters i occasionally am asked to perform is king louis from the jungle book the
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The king of the swingers.
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The jungle VIP, indeed. And I believe there was criticism at the time for Louis Prima's characterisation of King Louis for being racist.
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So I've got to try and navigate.
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The cultural sensitivities.
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I'm going to get cancelled before 8am in my own house. So yeah, I'll play Baloo from the Jungle Book. I'll play Shere Khan, King Louie.
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I'll play Mufasa, Scar, Simba, Timon, Humber, and on occasion, Elvis Presley. She's a huge Elvis Presley fan.
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Okay. He's sometimes in the stories as well.
8:07 - 8:15
Is it like, you know, you interview an impressionist and so you're sort of talking about their career, but you really want to say, go on, do your Arsene Wenger or whatever.
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but like is she just saying now you're king louis now you're elvis or do you weave them into the story how does it i did not see the foul
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that's my Arsene Wenger impression.
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It's really good.
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I did not see that
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no it's really tremendous
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she's directing the scenes as well so she's saying blue and simba find gwen in a cave and she's asleep
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and i do most of the characterization for elvis presley he's obsessed with eating cheeseburgers as he was
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oh you've gone with later Elvis then okay fine
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yeah I did get into trouble because she became a fan of Elvis I think through my dad showing her
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like YouTube videos I told her that he died on the toilet which is maybe too much information for a four-year-old yeah
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can you do us a bit of your Elvis Lloyd
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is that I say uh-huh a lot yeah
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i frequently refer to her as little lady
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so hang on what i and it's really added to this scene in my head i am imagining you're still lying down for all of this so it's like
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baloo king louis and elvis come to find me i'm lost in a walworth's and you're like okay no problem problem
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because it's like 720 i'm trying to keep lying down but occasionally pumba will get thrown in a river or baloo has to like enter the scene and she isn't happy with me already being in the room
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and when you've done a scene does she ever go let's just go again okay that was good but let's you know
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she does call and enter the game and then immediately start again from like a different angle or
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and obviously that costs money doesn't it it's like expensive like movies you know time is money so she's like you've got a lot to get through today she's got the whole storyboard
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yeah she's like stanley kubrick like i'm crying on the on the 45th take i'm like shelly duvall
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yeah she's like stanley kubrick but she's dressed in sort of jodhpurs and with an old-timey loud hailer where she shouts your motivation to you and then and hawks a massive loogie into a bucket.
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We go again. We go again.
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Is there a big moment in this performance today, or are you going through the motions, Lloyd?
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Normally what happens is one of the characters I play is angry or mean and either tries to eat her or successfully eats her.
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Oh, yeah. That's good. That'll end the scene, you know?
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That's kind of halfway through the scene. What happens then is that my character will fall asleep and she will either climb back out of him or like cut her way out.
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And they end up reconciling and kind of becoming friends.
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Who made Twin Peaks is quite David Lynch in the end.
11:15 - 11:22
Yeah, it's like Robert, whatever his name is, in Jaws when Jaws bites him in half.
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Robert Shaw.
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Except he hasn't then been exploded by a fire extinguisher detonating in his mouth.
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and that's a lovely scene afterwards where the two of them are just they're really open about it just jaws is like i was under a lot of stress at the time i'd been letting things get on top of me
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so when does this end how long does this performance take
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yesterday this went on for about an hour and 20 minutes
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that's a feature length it's a feature film
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it's a nice length
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for a movie as well you know like you're in and you're out you want to know what happens in the end in the end she climbs out of your still alive but sleeping body and then afterwards you become friends again
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she's also i don't know if you have this with Ian Max but like when the child temporarily favors one of the parents so at the moment she is like absolutely obsessed obsessed with me and playing these kind of games.
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And so Anne kind of comes into the bedroom and Gwen is just like, what do you want? And then she's like, you can go now, shut the door.
12:35 - 12:45
Yeah, we've had this, but not temporarily for the entirety of his life. I am very much the, I don't want to talk to you now. I just want my own time.
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Where's mama? I'm yet to, I've been rehearsing these roles for so long.
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yeah she just makes Anne leave so Anne made me a coffee I think and then I said to Anne like we have such a very brief window of availability to have a conversation
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yeah and I have to obviously I have to break character I can't talk to Anne as King Louis
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that's Baloo Elvis
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it's really exhausting
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Elvis saying have you put the bins out
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i just said to ann like get out of here like go for breakfast or go to a cafe or like go and do something because you're kind of surplus to requirements at the moment
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so we started that at 720 the performance ends then around 8 40 i would say
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8 40 i managed to have a coffee and And I made breakfast for us.
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So I had like soft fruits and granola, yogurt, and then this incredibly expensive maple syrup that they claim is matured in bourbon barrels.
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That's like such bullshit.
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Yeah. And Gwen had like a round of toast, a Vegemite toast, and an apple. I reckon she eats fucking six apples a day. Like she's going through apples like William Tell.
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Like it's kind of, it's insane.
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I'd put Ian in the four to five, maybe five or six mark. To the point where like at kinder we're just like, please don't give him an apple.
14:26 - 14:34
Well, his new kinder, we have to provide the lunch for them so we can control it. But the previous one, he'd just come home just having eaten 10 apples and ignoring the lasagna.
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This can't be good for you. No doctors will go anywhere near him. 10 apples a day
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the problem is during her third apple the reviews come in for the morning performance and you have as an old timer lloyd you to be like it's a three star but sometimes
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they just they can't give four stars because too many have been given so it's actually a four star you have to give her all the old lines that
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she was having an apple and then she wanted to do some some painting
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so you're making her do the garage aren't you
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she does a lot of those i think she's a good artist she does a lot of those kind of egg-headed you know people
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but i'd been
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away recently and she'd done like a garden with all different kinds of flowers on it and stuff and she was saying what can we paint i don't want to paint any people and she likes the eiffel tower and Big Ben and things like that.
15:36 - 15:47
She's interested in that. So I said, I reckon we'll do the Eiffel Tower. So she started doing the clouds and the sky and the grass and then I did the tower itself.
15:48 - 15:52
And then she ruined it with some giant egg-headed people that were not to scale.
15:53 - 15:57
But presumably she demanded you did a scale painting of the Eiffel Tower.
15:57 - 16:12
Well, I thought I can do the Eiffel Tower, I reckon, from memory, you know. know I'm not like an excellent artist but like it's quite easy but I put up the photo on the easel I said you know if you want to do it but then when it got down to it she was like I want
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you to do the it was a proper collaboration
16:15 - 16:26
I like it I like that it's non-location specific you know because you've taken it out of Paris certainly and you put it beside Big Ben you know
16:26 - 16:38
any other world landmarks sydney opera house what are the other classic iconic places that just when you see that building you're like i know exactly where i am now
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oh yeah like the pyramid
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the pyramids exactly so is this her vibe then is this apart from the egg-headed people which i take exception to because max and i made a video last week to promote our live show and 60 percent of
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the comments were on my massive head which i actually think is more to do with his tiny little pea head uh so i do feel personally attacked
17:06 - 17:13
i don't know david i think i if i were you i would take egg it's within the realms of normal size
17:13 - 17:19
i mean looking at this lineup with three very very long faces from what I can see.
17:20 - 17:22
Yeah, that's definitely true.
17:22 - 17:31
Yeah. I then, I texted Anne and I said, if you can get back from your breakfast, I want to gift some books to a bookshop.
17:32 - 17:46
So there's a bookshop that I frequent in Thornbury and the person there, she'll often source things for me and let me know, oh, I found these books or whatever. And I had a few books that I'd read and I thought she'd like them.
17:46 - 17:50
So I went on the tram to give her these three bucks.
17:50 - 17:51
Are we on the 86?
17:52 - 17:59
We're on the 86, which is for the live show in Melbourne, the amethyst tram that Sam Campbell took to get his amethyst, of course.
17:59 - 18:10
The funniest moment in that show, Sam needed an amethyst for some reason, I presume for one of his shows. And Max was trying to get him to act out the scene where he'd bought the amethyst.
18:10 - 18:19
And Max goes, so you went in through the door and Sam just goes, through the beads. of course they are at this shop
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i think i know the shop that you're referring to
18:23 - 18:31
hang on we've just accepted this max as a normal thing that he is using books to pay for more books
18:31 - 18:42
is that essentially what's going on here is this a second-hand bookshop or is it a new bookshop and you're bringing back books you have bought there and you're doing the old like when a lady
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wears a dress to a wedding that still has the label on it is that what's going on here
18:48 - 18:55
david i refuse to set foot into a new bookshop they have no interest for me whatsoever new bookshops i like
18:55 - 19:07
a secondhand bookshop okay so i buy things off her and sometimes if i'm looking for something i'll be looking for something anne's mother will message me and say can you find me this books by
19:07 - 19:17
by this author or whatever and the lady at the bookshop it's called fully booked it's a brilliant secondhand bookshop great she'll source it and let me know and so because i thought she'd like
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these books that i had and i'd finished with and i have a problem with accumulating too much stuff i've started getting into the habit of like finishing a book and then just getting rid of it
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so what books are we giving her killing floor jack reacher
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i gave her three crime novels so two elmo leonards great and a james crumley great stuff she's gonna want that
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they have a good a resale potential ability
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she offered me six dollars
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credit uh-huh i didn't have much time because i decided on the tram that i would take gwen to the cinema and i'd booked the tickets on the tram so then i left the shop she said i'll just
20:02 - 20:05
just give you the six bucks now when I said, just put it on my tab.
20:05 - 20:07
Oh, great. Okay.
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And then you spat in a spittoon.
20:09 - 20:16
So you booked two tickets for Anatomy of a Fall. You thought it was a fun kids movie, but...
20:16 - 20:20
Chuckle Brothers, their feature film, wasn't it?
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We kept seeing this because we lived near the cinema. We kept seeing this poster for a new kids movie called Hoppers.
20:28 - 20:39
And it's like the poster is just a big bear. so gwen was interested you know having had previous with baloo and a beaver and it's a new pixar film
20:40 - 20:46
so i said we'll we'll go to the movies also i kind of i'm not guilty but
20:46 - 21:00
because i'm doing comedy festival at the moment in melbourne i'm away in the evenings for 10 or 11 days so i'm not doing any of the bedtime routine so i feel like i need to you know utilize my time
21:00 - 21:04
in the day with her and like take her out and do fun stuff
21:04 - 21:16
so cinema is interesting because i don't think ian he does now watch occasionally thomas the tank engine and the mystery of misty island which is about an hour but i reckon after 40 minutes he's kind of done so
21:16 - 21:28
michelle wolf was saying that her i mean i think he was four has never watched beyond the 40 minute mark in any movie which is normally there's a kind of a cliffhanger as well of
21:28 - 21:30
the incredibles wasn't me it was the incredible
21:30 - 21:35
yeah it's like he doesn't really get the form just like they're living in a
21:35 - 21:46
reasonable world something happens end of act one it is heightened towards the end of act two and he's like yep that'll do me these people are in peril but i don't care what happens to them
21:46 - 21:55
this film was one hour and 40 minutes and i feel like it should be against the law to make a children's film that is longer than 80 minutes
21:55 - 21:55
yeah i agree
21:55 - 21:58
and ann had taken gwen to the cinema
21:58 - 22:18
once before Gwen had got popcorn stuck in her teeth that she could not dislodge and so they had to leave the cinema go to a nearby shop and buy a toothbrush brush it out and then go back and watch the film I've maybe taken her to the cinema
22:18 - 22:27
three or four times the last time we went to the cinema Anne and I were in a film we were the voices of her characters in an animated film.
22:27 - 22:29
Whoa, that's complicated, yeah.
22:29 - 22:41
We took her along to see that. And kind of unfortunately, like our characters were kind of towards the end of the film. So there was a lot of like, when a character would appear and she'd be like, is that Mama?
22:41 - 22:48
And I'm like, no. Like you'll recognize when it's Mama because it's got like Mama's voice and this voice, like I'm not, you know.
22:48 - 22:59
Your character work, we've already covered it. The spectrum that it moves in is not that broad. Do you make the popcorn mistake again?
22:59 - 23:04
Yes. I collected her from home about five minutes before the movie was due to start.
23:05 - 23:16
And then we went to the cinema. I'd already bought the tickets. I bought the smallest possible popcorn, a long black for me, and two fizzy waters, as she calls them.
23:17 - 23:26
We had a sparkling water each. Then we went up into the cinema and then obviously we had to sit through the trailers as an advert for 15 minutes and she was like, where's the movie?
23:26 - 23:32
I don't know because I don't think you need to see as a four year old an advert for a new car.
23:35 - 23:47
You have to explain the whole base of capitalism to her that so what they're trying to do is make you unhappy and there are things you need in the world and these are the things.
23:47 - 23:51
So she woke up this morning and demanded a Sierra Cosworth.
23:54 - 24:09
is it one of those super loose daytime kids films where a three-year-old is tearing up and down the steps you know what i mean someone is singing a taylor swift song while standing in front of the screen is it that vibe
24:09 - 24:18
there were lots of children and parents there because it's a school holidays i feel like i did not research the film well enough so it was a children's film but i would
24:18 - 24:29
would say it was quite high concept and maybe better suited to like a five or a six year old but she was absolutely enthralled by it
24:30 - 24:33
to the point where I got into a little bit of
24:33 - 24:47
trouble for this when we came home but we finished the fizzy waters and she wanted more water and I said let's go down back to the concession stand and get more water and she said I'm not coming
24:47 - 24:49
with you because i'll miss the film
24:50 - 25:04
so i left her in the cinema on her own as i went down the stairs to replace the waters when i came back after the screen and i told ann and the nanny that and they thought it was an insane decision on my behalf
25:04 - 25:12
sometimes like willie who's one is in the bath and he's fine in the bath and sometimes he's like entertaining himself with some toy
25:12 - 25:21
penguins and obviously you don't want to be near them because you know he could drown in the bath but i think i'm gonna put the bins out so then i'm like i'm getting the bins i'm like checking
25:21 - 25:31
and then i and then i'm as soon as i put the bins and i think i better fucking sprint now so now i'm sprinting through the bins out because and he's always fine so i'm with you i think fine i think it's fine
25:31 - 25:44
my inclination was to take her and she did not want to go and then also when we were leaving the cinema she needed to use the toilet and i said let me um take you into the gents
25:44 - 25:47
toilet and she was like no i'm going in the ladies on my own
25:48 - 25:56
and then just went in there and then obviously i now i'm powerless i'm just waiting outside the door hoping that everything's
25:56 - 26:08
fine i and there was a lady in there that helped her because one of the cubicles had a sign on saying that it was out of use and gwen can't read
26:08 - 26:14
what a beautiful moment in time where independence is really striking you know
26:14 - 26:27
my question to you though is does this movie contain light and shade is that what a drag you know is it a wizard of oz type mildly terrifying movie as opposed to just a succession
26:27 - 26:31
session of nice things happening to a beaver and a bear
26:31 - 26:38
it had strong elements of horror and it also had a really kind of powerful environmental message
26:38 - 26:40
so the bear is an exorcist
26:40 - 26:57
the beaver is a animatronic beaver that a small child who is like very eco-friendly and environmentally conscious she transports her brain into the beaver's brain
26:57 - 26:58
and then she
26:58 - 27:13
can go and talk to wildlife and it's all about trying to save a glade the mayor of the city is trying to redevelop build a freeway yeah and she takes it upon herself to become like a beaver and
27:13 - 27:20
try and kind of mobilize the animals into like fighting back against this planned development
27:20 - 27:24
wow it seems incredibly complicated max doesn't it
27:24 - 27:35
the opening of the film is her when she's a child and she's releasing like the school pets she's trying to release the school pets back into
27:35 - 27:46
the wild and she gets into trouble and she gets dropped off with her elderly grandma who is like like a similar kindred spirit and this is like five minutes into the movie and i'm like i hope
27:46 - 27:50
the grandma doesn't die and then the grandma dies
27:50 - 28:02
uh but this is the horror element to it the grandma dies like do you know uh is it in goodfellas is it joe pesci kicking kicking the guy to death for a
28:02 - 28:08
it's just the shot of american history x yeah it's the car door
28:08 - 28:15
it was very complex and there's lots of like different people inhabiting different bodies and
28:15 - 28:24
i enjoyed it but i was because oftentimes like you were saying earlier you i've taken her to the cinema before and she's like when is it going to end
28:25 - 28:37
and because i saw the running time was like an hour and 40 i was like wait i said to her look we live around the corner like we can just go hall we don't have to stay if you don't enjoy the movie i don't care but yeah she wanted to stay
28:38 - 28:48
and i made a slight error and i left and they had one of those mid-credits bonus scenes yeah that started playing as we were leaving the cinema and she was like what's that i was like come on
28:48 - 29:00
we gotta go the bloopers they're doing the bloopers i would imagine in a movie this complicated though the little brothers and sisters who've been brought along there's no way they're going to
29:00 - 29:06
to be able to keep up with essentially environmental drone brain transfer plots
29:06 - 29:15
i think she was maybe one of the younger kids there like there was a boy at one point that came up looked me in the face
29:15 - 29:24
and then like walked along the empty aisle and i presume because there are two cinemas next door to each other that he was in the wrong
29:24 - 29:26
but there wasn't any like
29:26 - 29:27
there was no hijinks
29:27 - 29:41
no i get questions from her asking me like plot clarification and yeah what's the bear's name yeah sure stuff like that but you know you can get i've never been to one but maybe max you've been to them where they have those like mother and baby or
29:41 - 29:47
no no i'm just thinking all i'm thinking is ian's got work to do because he's still on like a five minute episode of paw patrol
29:47 - 29:58
and trying to get through that and now there's someone of the same age has he's watching two our epics and asking for plot clarification we're not quite at the plot clarification level okay so
29:58 - 30:05
we leave the cinema because a wet day in melbourne isn't it so i'm trying to think has the rain at this point
30:05 - 30:12
it was still gloriously sunny and yeah i'd put a wash on earlier on that i then foolishly hung out to dry
30:12 - 30:17
it's a bit exciting time when that thunderclap hits okay so we go home
30:17 - 30:24
i go home Anne has got some zoom meetings to do so we go home Anne has completely forgotten the time so
30:24 - 30:36
we go home and it's five minutes until the childminder arrives and Anne is in the bath Gwen's like where's my mom like I don't know and then she's like what time is it I'm like well
30:36 - 30:51
the childminder's like just about to arrive she turned up and got out of the bath I was staying in the city in a hotel so i quickly packed like a little suitcase and then i hang the washing on
30:51 - 30:56
the line and and said i think there's going to be a storm take a rain jacket
30:56 - 30:58
it was a great piece of advice
30:58 - 31:07
this is ominous this sort of is hovering over the day hang on i've got a few questions here number one she obviously likes the child minder then
31:07 - 31:09
oh they're like best mates
31:09 - 31:14
can that childminder do a few mornings i'm going to the world cup for six weeks
31:16 - 31:18
she's like absolute gold
31:18 - 31:24
can i put in a higher offer like a transfer fee can i buy her for 15.8 million with a sell-on clause
31:24 - 31:27
use this podcast for trying to steal babysitters
31:29 - 31:43
because ann had some work meetings so she was looking after gwen for i don't know four hours or something and then i got a tram the 86 again into the city and i hadn't had lunch so i got in
31:43 - 31:57
about i think it must have been like quarter past half past two and i was going to go to a thai place on berg street that was closed so i ended up going to a sushi place called bossa nova like a sushi
31:57 - 32:05
train which i've been to lots of times which was really good and i was the only person in the restaurant which i kind of enjoyed
32:05 - 32:08
lloyd you can't go to a sushi train restaurant on your own
32:08 - 32:15
like it's not like the last train home isn't it it's like no one's on the everyone's gone off the train and you're sitting there
32:15 - 32:29
but the idea of the train is that it's potentially serving all these people whereas as the only person there surely they can just switch off the train and you can just walk around searching for the particular one that you want
32:29 - 32:34
i had all of the the train to myself i was the fat controller
32:34 - 32:42
had you derailed the end of the track so that each plate was just going straight into your mouth
32:42 - 32:51
i had some of the things off the train and i ordered you can order extra things that have been cooked or prepared
32:51 - 32:58
it is interesting that sushi is the the only variety of food that has embraced the train.
32:59 - 33:04
It's a good shape, isn't it? It's a good, like most sushi rolls are sort of train carriage-y.
33:05 - 33:05
Aerodynamic.
33:05 - 33:09
They are. I mean, you could easily sell chocolate bars. You know, you could have a...
33:09 - 33:12
Or Gregg's, you know what I mean?
33:12 - 33:13
Yeah, sausage rolls.
33:13 - 33:18
You could have the Gregg's train where different, yeah, sausage rolls, steak, baked.
33:18 - 33:23
I think if there was like a Gregg's train, they'd be going around with like nibbles in them and, you know.
33:24 - 33:25
Yeah, you think so.
33:25 - 33:27
A half-eaten pork pie.
33:27 - 33:30
Fingerprints on them and stuff.
33:30 - 33:33
People just licking each one as it goes past.
33:33 - 33:42
No, I think the rule is you have to have chopsticks. So it is Greg's. It's Greg's. You have to take the straws and roll off and eat it with chopsticks. That's the rule.
33:42 - 33:50
Soup, I would say, is the only genre of food that would struggle with a train-type system. Unless you, of course, had a straw.
33:50 - 33:51
A very long straw.
33:51 - 33:55
all it would be difficult because you could only drink it in the three
33:55 - 34:05
The thing is though it would have to as the train got further away you'd have to be like we could keep drinking that it's a dragon's den idea. it would make millions actually.
34:05 - 34:11
So what we now come to sorry is my idea for a restaurant which is soup drone
34:11 - 34:22
where you order the soup you want at a keyboard in front of you and it comes comes and hovers over your head then. And that's when, with the tube that comes down.
34:22 - 34:29
I thought a bit like putting out a forest fire. Like, you know, those planes go off and just dumps it.
34:29 - 34:43
Bad news in Dublin, as David O'Doherty's restaurant, Soup Drone, has closed after 10 minutes in business when they realized it's an appalling idea for a restaurant.
34:43 - 34:47
You can have like a funnel hat with a straw going into the mouth.
34:47 - 34:56
now this is like uh whatever the name of the guy who started mcdonald's is he probably faced naysayers like the two of you with my soup drone
34:57 - 34:58
yes exactly yeah
34:58 - 35:06
i think your safe order is a gazpacho isn't it because and then it's a very niche restaurant
35:06 - 35:10
you could end up losing an eye to a jagged crouton
35:10 - 35:14
okay i've got another idea for a restaurant
35:14 - 35:24
it's called chowder cannon okay you sit in a place with your mouth open and from across the room a jet
35:26 - 35:37
it's just powered directly into your throat thank you no more questions i mean there's something i need to pick up on here lloyd you're gonna stay in the city in a hotel
35:38 - 35:41
is that so you can concentrate on your show etc
35:41 - 35:50
anne and i started doing this thing i don't know if you're aware of it it's called day use where you can hire a hotel for the day
35:50 - 35:56
what are the only people do it are comedians and people having sordid affairs
35:56 - 36:07
yeah i enjoy staying in a hotel in melbourne even though i live there i knew that i had to do this today and also i thought anne and gwen were gonna come
36:07 - 36:19
as well last night which they didn't end up doing so I kind of got a hotel under the impression that we would all spend the night here but then Anne kind of rightfully pointed out she was like
36:19 - 36:29
the beds were like next to each other in the room I've got like two queen beds and she was like you're if you're snoring then I'm gonna get really angry and I can't
36:29 - 36:40
me and Jamie were talking about this that I think Jamie would be more upset with me if I booked a hotel room for just myself myself to get a night's sleep than if i booked one to have an affair
36:40 - 36:55
during the comedy festival because you're in the city a lot anyway and you know it's a bit of a treat and i i enjoy doing it i can just i feel like my show is pretty like it's kind of solid and it's all working so i tried to
36:55 - 37:08
check into the hotel they said the room wasn't ready just yet or they wanted to double check that the room was ready so they gave me a complimentary drink and then they came and said the room's ready
37:08 - 37:12
now what drink do you have as your complimentary drink
37:12 - 37:14
chowder fired from across the lobby
37:14 - 37:17
not another complimentary chowder this place
37:17 - 37:20
i didn't really want to drink i'd just
37:20 - 37:33
been for lunch at the sushi train and had a really nice grapefruit soda but um the way the receptionist was was talking i thought i might be here for 20 minutes they had a kirin ishaban
37:33 - 37:37
beer and i just had that and then read my book
37:37 - 37:48
max it's a fancy hotel you know what i mean if this was a formula one or whatever the lowest of the low is an ibis budget there's no way they're
37:48 - 38:01
like can i offer you a kirin while you're waiting because you've clearly arrived slightly too early to what the t's and c's said you absolute idiot what book are we reading is it a new book that
38:01 - 38:05
we've picked up in this six dollar transfer earlier
38:05 - 38:18
it's a book that i found in a op shop charity shop it's called like the two best american mystery stories of 2004 so it's like a compendium of short stories by lots of different crime authors
38:18 - 38:26
got it what's the mystery happening if you can remember that we're reading at the moment while you're drinking the Kirin?
38:26 - 38:32
They're all different authors and I've picked up these anthologies before and the standard's
38:32 - 38:45
pretty good but the one I was reading in the hotel was a guy that was like trying to do like a Sherlock Holmes kind of story and it was real hard work
38:45 - 38:52
Did he call him like Burlock Gnomes? Is it like dr spotson like guys come on
38:52 - 39:03
i think maybe he's one of those where the copyright is just because it's like so old the copyright has reverted to public use or whatever so
39:03 - 39:09
okay so you can just copy and paste arthur conan doyle and then release it as your own
39:09 - 39:16
but it's just so turgid and verbose and like i think because a lot of them are like contemporary like crime bank
39:16 - 39:29
bank robberies or whatever scams or whatever and then going into this Sherlock Holmes one I was like oh fuck this like it's just it's really like hard going but I feel compelled to read all of
39:29 - 39:34
them even if I'm not enjoying them because they're only short stories
39:34 - 39:42
is the song Baker Street I've never listened to the lyrics of it is it about Sherlock Holmes who lived on Baker Street
39:42 - 39:48
and that's Bob Holness playing the hound of the baskervilles that's what that sound is
39:49 - 39:55
i'm looking for my dear stalker where is my pipe and magnifying glass right
39:55 - 40:02
okay so we read our book we read our little story we have a beer and then is the room ready
40:02 - 40:14
the room's ready and i go up to the room and i i think the young people call it bed rot i put the robe on yeah i get undressed first i don't put the robot over my clothes
40:14 - 40:17
put it on over your clothes yeah
40:17 - 40:23
and then i watched both an australian and united kingdom episode of the chase
40:26 - 40:29
Max is so jealous of every single aspect of this day
40:29 - 40:31
i doubled up on the change
40:31 - 40:38
okay because i used to when i go went to sydney to do the champions league i'd go to the gym and the chase would be
40:38 - 40:48
on and it's the only time i'd ever really see the chase is the clever person like smarter in the english or the australian version or is it like the same because sometimes they ship them over
40:49 - 40:53
uk for the australian chase who have you got at the top of the
40:53 - 40:55
some of the uk ones the governess i think
40:55 - 40:56
the governess yep
40:56 - 40:58
i think he's called a beast
40:58 - 41:00
so hang on in the chase to our
41:00 - 41:22
American listener, you are pitting your general knowledge abilities against a recognized world leader in the field, one of whom is sometimes a friend of mine and Lloyd's Paul Sinha, who is a very funny stand up comedian, and simultaneously knows everything about everything.
41:22 - 41:24
And their place sort of high up
41:24 - 41:25
on a pedestal.
41:25 - 41:38
They're on a pedestal. Yeah. And then there's a kind of scoreboard that goes down and you're at the bottom with bradley walsh or the australian bradley walsh he's sort of middle-aged bald guy isn't he
41:38 - 41:48
i mean unlike all quiz show hosts he's called larry emder but there was a previous host that had very well documented drug battles right like not on the show
41:48 - 42:00
but like there's no time in the chase really to have that it's really hard to shoot up while you you know, Dave from Wollongong is trying to answer 15 trivia questions in eight seconds.
42:00 - 42:12
Max, you'd be good at that now. I could see you hosting one of those kind of factory shoot six a day shows. The energy you would bring to it.
42:12 - 42:14
I mean, don't think I haven't asked, David.
42:16 - 42:20
It's an energy gig and you would be like, oh, I wonder what's going to happen.
42:20 - 42:28
I don't know. I actually think by the fifth record in that day, I did do a quiz show for BT Sport that was so bad have we talked about this?
42:28 - 42:38
like the audience were like shipped in they're like you know like you can rent a crowd basically and at one point we had to stop recording because an old lady was snoring so loudly
42:38 - 42:46
if you want to host the Australian version of The Chase you need to subtly introduce methamphetamine to Larry Ember
42:46 - 42:49
it's something to do with a Friday afternoon
42:49 - 42:57
I'll get on to Paul Sinha and the next time he's in australia to film australian chase
42:57 - 43:00
he could just roll some down the chute yeah
43:00 - 43:04
yeah okay he's a doctor he's a qualified doctor as well
43:04 - 43:08
so he can prescribe meth crystal meth to game show hosts
43:08 - 43:15
i want to tell you a story about Paul Sinha that you may very well have to cut out of the podcast
43:15 - 43:27
right when i was like a young comedian and i was up in edinburgh for like one of the first times i was at like the caves bar and Sinha was there
43:22 - 43:31
and then we ended up at a house party me and him and And there was a piano in the house, in the living room.
43:31 - 43:40
I reckon we got to the party at like 2 a.m. He sat down at the piano and he played the piano till sunrise.
43:41 - 43:55
And he didn't stop playing the piano. And people were arriving at the party at like 4 or 5 a.m. It was like this kind of like hedonistic comedian's party. There's like 60 people in this house.
43:55 - 44:02
and people were shouting out requests and he was like, I've already done that and he refused to play anything twice.
44:03 - 44:06
The Virgin Radio, no repeat guarantee from Paul Sinha.
44:06 - 44:16
When you said play the piano, I thought initially it might just be he was clomping down on it with his arse in his hands. But in fact, he's sing me a song, Mr. Piano Man, et cetera.
44:16 - 44:20
He was orchestrating sing-alongs and doing requests.
44:20 - 44:34
He said that he wouldn't play anything twice and then at the end of the party, it was like 7 a.m or something or 8 a.m he finally capitulated and he played bohemian rhapsody for a second time
44:36 - 44:38
nothing really matters to me
44:38 - 44:44
i've never seen anything like it he didn't i don't think he left the piano seat
44:48 - 44:51
wow there is nothing this guy can't do
44:51 - 44:52
that's amazing
44:52 - 44:53
very talented man
44:53 - 44:58
so we watch watch two episodes of the chase i also watched
44:58 - 45:09
i don't know if they do this really in the uk but they put the news on and then they just have like a rolling they just keep repeating the news for an hour
45:09 - 45:23
like they'll tell you the top stories and then they'll tell you more stories and then they'll go back to the top stories and i think i was it was basically the the meat in the sandwich of my two episodes of The Chase was the news in the middle.
45:24 - 45:33
But there was a great story on the news yesterday about they described her as like Melbourne's muesli queen.
45:36 - 45:45
The sort of thing, when I was hosting the project, we'd lead with, despite, you know, the Straits of Hormuz and the war in Iran, we'd start with Melbourne's muesli queen. Okay.
45:45 - 46:07
Melbourne's muesli queen, this absolute behemoth of granola. she was at a dinner party and she started choking on a piece of steak and because she's obviously wealthy this person they had the cctv footage from the house where she was choking
46:07 - 46:10
and she kind of goes outside to like clear
46:10 - 46:11
you should never do
46:11 - 46:26
that she collapses and they rush out and and they perform CPR, and they bring the ambulances and everything. She survived, and then this was her meeting the paramedics that had saved her life.
46:27 - 46:33
So, interruption, the story is not about how much muesli she eats. She is known as the muesli queen of Melbourne.
46:33 - 46:35
She is the muesli queen.
46:35 - 46:37
And this is a story about her not dying, basically.
46:37 - 46:46
Sorry, I'll clarify. She's the muesli queen because she runs a company called, I don't even want to name the company, but she runs like a muesli company.
46:46 - 46:48
She's Betty Alpen.
46:48 - 46:53
She's Harvey Kellogg, but without the insistence on masturbation.
46:54 - 47:04
She's meeting the paramedics that have saved her life in her house and not one to shy away from publicising her muesli brand.
47:04 - 47:23
She's printed out like a giant, I would say, 10 foot by 10 foot like backdrop with the muesli logo and just put it up on her kitchen wall so she's like shaking the hands of the paramedics and her husband's like close to tears like
47:23 - 47:26
recounting how she nearly died and then the big muesli logo
47:26 - 47:34
it's like behind her because they live on this remote property it took them like half an hour to get there so he was doing all the
47:34 - 47:45
her chest compressions and everything and then they got like a special claw machine and they they fished out like a 14 centimeter piece of steak from her throat
47:46 - 47:50
i guess she's maybe used to the the nuts and the seeds and you know
47:50 - 47:56
i was gonna say yeah and milk but does she give the paramedics like a little variety pack of her muesli to say thank you i mean
47:56 - 48:01
i reckon she did and i reckon they managed to cut that out of the broadcast
48:01 - 48:11
this is why uh my restaurant steak steak cannon had to shut down. This kept happening to various breakfast cereal magnates.
48:12 - 48:33
My question, because also hovering over this day, Lloyd, is an incredible half hour with the lightning and the thunder. So has this happened while you're bed rotting in the dressing gown watching the chase? Do you rush over to the window to see if the city is on fire?
48:33 - 48:38
The storm happened when I was on the tram on the way in. I went for my sushi.
48:38 - 48:57
I also went to a, between the sushi and the hotel, I went to a DVD and CD and vinyl shop in the city that I occasionally will visit that has perhaps the most ridiculous pricing of any store I've ever been in.
48:59 - 49:04
Everything is like massively overpriced. i think because often hard to obtain
49:04 - 49:10
max do you know what's actually happened here the lightning hit the tram
49:10 - 49:11
at 88 miles an hour
49:11 - 49:15
it's like a sort of a really dull version of
49:15 - 49:27
back to the future and lloyd rather than go back to the 50s has just gone back to like 2001 and he's going to see if the new hard fire album has is on minidisc
49:27 - 49:37
I didn't buy anything there I went to the hotel watched the chase watched the news was baffled by this lady trying to promote her own brand
49:38 - 49:47
when she was thanking the emergency services then I looked at the time it was like five o'clock I had to do my show at 7 20
49:47 - 49:57
and i thought i can't just stay in this room until then so i booked a ticket to go and see a friend of mine ian smith
49:57 - 49:59
friend of the pod
49:59 - 50:08
friend of the pod famously measured the distance between his radiator and his fridge which was a good part of that episode
50:08 - 50:19
if people are ever worried oh i don't know if i can come on i didn't really get up to anything thing yesterday I go well listen to this bit of it
50:19 - 50:24
his show was on at six and mine starts at 20 past seven it's pretty tight
50:24 - 50:30
I've seen his show it's an absolutely wonderful show was nominated
50:30 - 50:42
for the big award in Edinburgh this year a 20 minute gap from the end of his show that's a little tense to the start of your show because presumably you're in a different big fancy venue
50:42 - 50:53
I contemplated this and I had previously given my technician my mobile phone number for such an eventuality but she hadn't given me hers
50:53 - 51:00
I presumed she would I would give her my number and then she would just text me and go this is me
51:01 - 51:14
but she didn't I had to contact the comedian that was on before me Dave Thornton yeah and ask him if he would be so kind to let my tech know that I would would be arriving later than is probably comfortable for her
51:14 - 51:29
yeah because they want you there an hour before always because they want you there when they start to let the audience in and that sort of a thing so i'd say there is quite a lot of stress in the house where's the welshman
51:29 - 51:35
there's no way of also no way of me getting backstage without just walking through this audience and
51:35 - 51:46
onto the stage but i said to her look i reckon you can let the audience in and i'll i can just walk on from the tech booth just through the audience
51:46 - 51:53
just high-fiving people like an anthony robbins personal power motivation seminar
51:53 - 52:03
one time i was at the board show in london and they they had a secret guest on the show, Lenny Henry.
52:04 - 52:11
And when you normally you did the boat show in London, you would come out from behind the curtain at the back of the stage.
52:12 - 52:16
So interruption, this is a, is this a standup gig for people who like boats?
52:16 - 52:24
Ah, I see. Max has thought it's like an industry where they're showing the new yachts that are available.
52:25 - 52:33
And I understand when he's confused. and at this point in doing this podcast i can generally understand why he is confused there was a gig on a boat in london
52:33 - 52:34
got it okay
52:34 - 52:37
and you would normally come out from behind the curtain
52:37 - 52:50
and lenny henry who was like the surprise guest he came out from the back of the room to like an absolutely ecstatic like he was high-fiving people and he was walking through the audience
52:50 - 53:05
now the other thing that i had heard and had not believed is that at that time lenny henry was performing stand-up comedy with an autocue machine which i just kind of discounted was like
53:05 - 53:16
that's a preposterous and bad idea that would never work so lenny henry walks through the audience to like a standing ovation he's high-fiving people they can't believe he's there
53:16 - 53:29
he gets up on the stage he takes the microphone out of the stand and then a person comes out from from behind the curtain, behind him with an autocue machine and wheels it up in front of him.
53:29 - 53:40
And then he proceeds to read his jokes from the autocue machine and any goodwill in the room just instantly evaporates.
53:40 - 53:49
I've never seen anything like it. He had like a standing ovation at the start and then by the end, just fucking crickets. Like they couldn't believe it.
53:49 - 53:50
Oh, poor Lenny.
53:50 - 53:55
Yeah, you can't do that. it's the number one thing that separates us from television is
53:55 - 54:05
unless you did it like properly like a news you had a desk and you like you set it up that he was so obvious that i suppose that's what he did right like he he wasn't hiding the fact
54:05 - 54:14
he was trying out material i think monologues for a tv show i don't think he cared about the live audience and that feeling was like palpable
54:17 - 54:19
so does ian smith do this at his gig
54:19 - 54:31
i turned up i thought i was going to be late for ian's gig but i turned up when he was at the back of the room chatting with his technician so i had a chat with
54:31 - 54:43
him for like 10 minutes before his show started and i said look i'm gonna sit at the very back and i'll just duck away right at the end because i have to get to my venue and yeah it was all fine
54:43 - 54:49
I managed to make it before they'd even opened the doors for my audience. So I could go backstage.
54:49 - 54:56
It's a Thursday night. It's regarded as one of the quieter, less vibey nights of the festival.
54:57 - 55:09
My daughter's childminder was there with her mum. So I was not nervous, but I was like, I want this to go well. Otherwise, I'm going to potentially lose her to Max.
55:09 - 55:14
She did like our live show at the Town Hall. it's true
55:14 - 55:22
lloyd's written this whole show just about how wonderful she is and another brilliant thing that i remember she did once
55:22 - 55:27
i was also my venue is like in the basement of the victoria hotel
55:27 - 55:41
and i just assumed that there was no wi-fi there and before the show i started thinking i hope that the childminder and her mother have got into the venue there hasn't been any difficulty i have no
55:41 - 55:54
phone signal but then i connect to the wi-fi in the hotel and ann has sent me a good luck message and a photograph that has yet to download because i haven't had the wi-fi
55:55 - 56:09
and then when i connect to the wi-fi the message downloads and it is a photograph of gwen's naked ass with a smiley face drawn on it in texta
56:09 - 56:19
what a beautiful motivating thing just before you go on yep great did childminder and mum get in okay
56:19 - 56:30
they got in okay and they had a good time by all accounts great nothing out of the ordinary or anything happened i just i did the show and my friend
56:30 - 56:39
Carl Donnelly who is a comedian who isn't doing the show in the festival but has just moved to Australia and just had a newborn
56:39 - 56:40
love Carl yeah
56:40 - 56:43
he told me that he was in the city doing a gig
56:43 - 56:47
and we met the baby before the live show Melbourne
56:47 - 56:50
we did we've met this fresh baby
56:50 - 57:01
oh great yeah he was doing a show at the Spiegel house on Lonsdale street so I messaged him and I really needed I I hadn't had dinner.
57:01 - 57:12
I hadn't eaten since the sushi. But I met up with him just for like a catch up and a beer before his show. Then he had to go and do his show.
57:12 - 57:20
Did you try and fill the hunger using beer? Because that's something that happens, particularly at this festival that I have done.
57:20 - 57:22
I kind of thought, I really want to go and eat.
57:22 - 57:36
But there's one food stall at the Spiegel house. and me and Carl and our daughters had been there the day previously to see a circus show and I'd eaten at this food truck and it wasn't bad or anything,
57:36 - 57:43
but I was like, I don't want to go back there again. So I had a couple of beers with him and then I went for another solo meal.
57:43 - 57:44
Oh, come on.
57:44 - 57:47
What a great day this is. This is great.
57:47 - 57:51
To Do Di Pai Dang Thai restaurant on Swanston.
57:51 - 58:10
Lloyd, you could have hung out with any number of people. for example david o'doherty Max Rushden yet we just have these grim so i'm imagining you with the bleak genrefied sherlock holmes book the pho soup is occasionally just splashing onto is that what
58:10 - 58:12
the scene is
58:12 - 58:20
i had also arranged to meet my friend daniel kitson who you know to play snooker at 11 p.m
58:21 - 58:28
is there even a snooker table i know um not cliff thorburn there was an aussie
58:28 - 58:31
snooker player bill werbenick was bill werbenick
58:31 - 58:33
i think he's canadian
58:33 - 58:34
i think he's canadian
58:34 - 58:42
he was famous for having to drink 15 pints of beer before he could have his hand steady enough to hold the cue
58:42 - 58:44
the way snooker should be played
58:44 - 58:46
there was an aussie no steady eddie no
58:46 - 58:48
was it eddie thorburn
58:48 - 58:50
cliff thorburn is welsh isn't he
58:50 - 58:51
there was eddie
58:51 - 58:53
the eagle edwards it's not
58:53 - 59:00
he was the most boring snooker player of that era listeners what's his name he was an aussie though
59:00 - 59:02
tony knolls tony miola
59:02 - 59:06
eddie charlton eddie charlton was the safety king
59:06 - 59:10
and he was australian hang on i will just check
59:10 - 59:16
it it's really important we get this otherwise listeners will unsubscribe immediately
59:16 - 59:21
Eddie Charlton australian snooker player i rest my case
59:21 - 59:23
no one was ever disputing it
59:23 - 59:29
i rest the case of my queue on a snooker table that no one cares so you eat the uh
59:29 - 59:33
what are we having for dinner yeah what's the meal
59:33 - 59:35
i had morning glory and
59:36 - 59:40
pork with like chili and peanuts and then some sticky rice
59:40 - 59:44
great and then we're right to the snooker hall
59:44 - 1:00:00
are we i got a tram to fitzroy there's a very famous snooker hall called the red triangle in fitzroy which is i think open 365 days of the year and you have to go up a very
1:00:00 - 1:00:21
very rickety looks potentially dangerous staircase like three or four flights of stairs they have lots of snooker tables lots of pool tables chess sets couches there's no alcohol they make milkshakes and like cheese toasties and stuff like that they used to do chocolate bars so
1:00:21 - 1:00:24
i ordered a snickers and the lady was like we don't stock those anymore
1:00:24 - 1:00:32
right and you're in the comedians world championship and it's the quarterfinals it's you versus daniel kitson and it is best of 32
1:00:32 - 1:00:33
yeah best of 30
1:00:33 - 1:00:46
we play every year during melbourne comedy festival when we're here uh he was there with um Rose Matafeo and they played each other first and i could see that
1:00:46 - 1:00:49
her enthusiasm was very quickly dimming
1:00:49 - 1:01:02
if you only play it once a year it's a very challenging challenging because to the listeners a snooker table you fit six small pool tables on to a snooker table
1:01:02 - 1:01:06
listeners know what a snooker table is let me give them some credit
1:01:06 - 1:01:14
we actually played pool yesterday because sometimes we play snooker and that's just it's hard terminable yeah it's
1:01:14 - 1:01:18
so we play pool on like a larger table oh i don't like this i don't like this
1:01:18 - 1:01:31
well as a purist you you want to play snooker you're saying if they're gonna play it's a proper frame yeah with safeties you've never played you don't play for a year and suddenly you've got a screw behind the green
1:01:31 - 1:01:44
eddie charlton style the ghost of charlton watching over you what's your best break in pool terms what's the maximum number of balls you pot in one go not one go but like successive successive shots
1:01:44 - 1:01:50
second game we played against each other yesterday kitson potted three off the
1:01:50 - 1:02:04
break interesting he was beating me in the first game and then i came back and made a very very long pot on the black which impressed both of them because kitson just trash talks the whole game
1:02:04 - 1:02:08
and tells you i'm gonna double this i'm gonna do this
1:02:08 - 1:02:11
every now and again he does and then he acts like
1:02:11 - 1:02:13
he spits in a spittoon
1:02:13 - 1:02:17
he acts like he's eddie charlton or somebody and so i won the
1:02:17 - 1:02:29
first game and then he won the second game and then rose said you guys should play the decider but i could feel that everyone was pretty tired no so we just we called it at a draw
1:02:29 - 1:02:40
you've ruined it there because in my imagination of this it was like the color of money everyone would come around from all the other tables i'm like for some reason they're throwing american dollars down
1:02:40 - 1:02:47
you know what i mean there's a whole rose is just collecting money as the two of you come to the table then
1:02:47 - 1:03:01
i played a game of pool with ann the other night but previous to that hadn't played for a long time so to the layman it looked like we were both trying to hustle each other by playing badly but we were actually just playing badly
1:03:01 - 1:03:03
okay i've got another restaurant
1:03:03 - 1:03:04
is it snooker based
1:03:04 - 1:03:11
yeah okay called hard-boiled egg smoker okay uh the whole restaurant is green baize
1:03:11 - 1:03:14
do you is your head under the pocket
1:03:14 - 1:03:19
no you're lying on the you're lying on your side with your mouth open
1:03:19 - 1:03:34
and you get an animatronic eddie charlton similar to the movie you were watching with your daughter earlier and he from 30 feet can just he can just hit a an egg into your
1:03:34 - 1:03:38
i see i mean you could branch out to any rolling food yeah
1:03:38 - 1:03:40
but what's going to give you quite a pure roll
1:03:40 - 1:03:46
like what about you know when they do trick shots they go ding ding ding ding what about with grapes like
1:03:46 - 1:03:55
i mean how many boiled eggs are you eating in one sitting even if it has been fired into your your mouth by an animatronic eddie charlton
1:03:55 - 1:03:57
i reckon really two is your limit
1:03:57 - 1:04:00
the novelty will wear off after two
1:04:00 - 1:04:05
look you got two options eggs or grapes it's called
1:04:05 - 1:04:07
eggs or grapes snooker
1:04:07 - 1:04:17
and then if you get really tired of this you can then order an animatronic adam scott the australian golfer
1:04:18 - 1:04:20
he'll wedge various round foods
1:04:20 - 1:04:34
i think it's nicer if they're They're putted into your mouth than wedged in. And let's imagine if he gets, I don't know, like a kiwi fruit would be good, and he does such a great wedge shot that it lands just beyond your mouth,
1:04:34 - 1:04:40
but then it spins back and roll. That's the classic Adam Scott. Like, you think he's overhit this kiwi.
1:04:40 - 1:04:43
And then it rolls in and nestles into your mouth.
1:04:43 - 1:04:49
You're right, Max. Actually, your body would have to be below the playing surface.
1:04:49 - 1:05:01
Yeah, of course. Yeah. really a snooker table you go as a party of six and you lie there each of you gets a pocket got it and it's a lottery as to who you'll probably eat more if you're at the bottom end
1:05:01 - 1:05:11
of the table you get more eggs at the bottom end of the table and if you obviously if you swallow the white they have to wait until you've passed that until they take the next shot
1:05:11 - 1:05:25
it's like a pool table from university you know and you'd hear the white ball going down various ramps it's like that but with your internal organ Lloyd what time do you leave the shady pool hall where
1:05:25 - 1:05:36
you've been arranging hits on various comedians that you want to wipe off the face of the earth and the guy who hosts the chase so Max can host that too
1:05:36 - 1:05:39
I reckon it was about uh half past 12
1:05:40 - 1:05:55
and we three of us walked to gertrude street and i thought i would get a tram and then looked up the tram tracker and the next tram was at 5 15 that morning
1:05:57 - 1:06:02
that's not a good use of this hotel room is it if you think about it you know
1:06:02 - 1:06:09
and i knew that the hotel was walkable so i i walked back to the hotel listening to jazz on these headphones
1:06:09 - 1:06:11
what are you listening to
1:06:11 - 1:06:20
i found on discogs some albums that are often difficult to get hold of by a jazz organist called big john patton
1:06:20 - 1:06:22
oh yeah i love big john patton
1:06:22 - 1:06:31
and his album blue john with with, I don't know all of the other musicians, but Grant Green is a guitarist.
1:06:31 - 1:06:37
And it's like 1963 Blue Note. Like they're absolutely fucking cooking the band.
1:06:38 - 1:06:44
And you can hear them talking to each other after the solos and it's like next level jazz.
1:06:45 - 1:06:52
It's one of the great eras. It's called Blue John because he curses loudly between songs.
1:06:52 - 1:06:56
He does a kind of Roy Chubby Brown.
1:06:56 - 1:07:10
Yeah, he does that. my mother-in-law what a great way to get back to the hotel do you decide to lie on the other queen-size bed
1:07:10 - 1:07:13
from earlier on just for the pure decadence
1:07:13 - 1:07:21
i'm not the my like clothes and dirty things like used clothes and stuff are on the other bed so i just stayed in the same bed
1:07:21 - 1:07:22
what time are we going to sleep
1:07:22 - 1:07:24
i reckon i went to sleep at one ish
1:07:24 - 1:07:30
just close your eyes and fall asleep or do you have to listen to something or read something or
1:07:30 - 1:07:33
what did i do just before i went to bed i think
1:07:33 - 1:07:49
you might also have to cut this out but there was a there's a comedy club in london that somebody left them a bad review and then somebody from the comedy club like doxed them posted up their full
1:07:49 - 1:07:53
address and everything and it was also like racist to them
1:07:53 - 1:08:03
it was reported on chortle and the guy that run the club came out and said this has absolutely nothing to do with me you know this is
1:08:03 - 1:08:14
libelous to accuse me of any involvement in this there's lots of people that have access to our social media account how dare you accuse me of doing it and then two days later put up another
1:08:14 - 1:08:27
another message going yeah sorry about that i did that and it was like patently obvious that that he had done that from the get-go so i think i read the apology and then i went to bed
1:08:30 - 1:08:43
i love that after quite a high culture day you choose to get to sleep with the absolute Absolute, scurriest, low-rent possible thing.
1:08:43 - 1:08:53
Well, it was like this ongoing saga. So, like, you know, there are denials and everything. And then eventually just went, yeah, I'm taking some time away from this.
1:08:53 - 1:08:55
So you dozed straight off then.
1:08:55 - 1:08:56
Such a full day.
1:08:56 - 1:09:10
Such a full day. I think it was the fact that we opened with Elvis with his daughter trapped inside him. You know, we moved on then to the whole cinema thing. I mean, that was the same day as this, Max.
1:09:10 - 1:09:20
It's busier than I would normally be, but also because it's during comedy festival. So I wouldn't normally be as socially kind of active.
1:09:20 - 1:09:30
And also when my daughter's on school holidays, those kind of two factors, I think, made it more, but normally a bit more sedentary.
1:09:31 - 1:09:34
But you do book a night in a hotel in the city every night.
1:09:34 - 1:09:49
And a game of snooker. 365 days a year that's what you do that's how you know that place is always open because even on christmas day the family are just starting into a carol and you just pick up your cue and you're like goodbye
1:09:49 - 1:09:56
hey lloyd thank you so much for telling us what you did yesterday
1:09:56 - 1:09:59
thank you for having me
1:09:59 - 1:10:13
so that was what lloyd langford did yesterday it's a great day well i think it's a lovely way to finish isn't it is to just put the jazz on and walk home
1:10:13 - 1:10:27
that's my favorite that's thrill like there's something nice and old-fashioned about melbourne with trams whizzing by and then to add in a little bit of jazz i did want to know a bit more about the quality of the pool
1:10:27 - 1:10:34
they were playing for some reason i was drawn to that you know getting three pots i guess it's something
1:10:34 - 1:10:43
it's not great it's not like wow i think both of us are like we've got got these guys if it's you and me versus kitson and langford we're gonna smash him
1:10:43 - 1:10:47
i was mainly thinking you have booked a hotel room for yourself
1:10:47 - 1:10:53
in the city you live in i knew you were thinking i was like how have you swung this
1:10:53 - 1:10:54
he's doing well
1:10:54 - 1:11:03
i'm not saying financially how you're doing this i'm saying jamie if you're listening can i go and book a hotel in the city
1:11:03 - 1:11:09
he is performing in a hotel so i do wonder whether he's staying in that i didn't want to ask
1:11:09 - 1:11:21
what an intro that would be the lift just comes down you know doors open my name is lloyd langford you know straight in there's a big band playing his theme music
1:11:21 - 1:11:28
i'll be there you get a meal his own went to the cinema i've got to take you into the cinema see how he does i'll take him to that movie and let you know how it does
1:11:28 - 1:11:37
that movie sounds bananas it's like what's the top line pitch is what you want to know for the movie and that one has about six paragraphs of top line in it
1:11:37 - 1:11:42
anyway thank you lloyd um appreciate you coming on and if you would
1:11:42 - 1:11:53
like to get in touch with the podcast here's how to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on instagram at yesterday pod and
1:11:53 - 1:12:05
please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform form and if you didn't please don't thanks david i had another nice time
1:12:05 - 1:12:10
hopefully you meet some more potential guests in soft play areas
1:12:10 - 1:12:11
i had a nice time
1:12:11 - 1:12:13
i am in it for life max
1:12:13 - 1:12:14
yeah me too