0:06 - 0:36
Podcasts. There are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time.
0:36 - 1:09
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday. We don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Midweek mayhem from the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden and he is David O'Doherty.
1:09 - 1:17
David O'Doherty, for the tape, because we want to record in 50 minutes. David said, no tangents before the pod start. Good luck, my friend.
1:18 - 1:26
You have set, I feel, the midweek one since Austin. Since you went off the rails.
1:26 - 1:30
Yeah. I think some part of me, we try to keep up with the Rushdens.
1:31 - 1:35
You're a little bit hoarse. We're recording at 8.30 a.m., which is very rare for me.
1:35 - 1:41
Yes. Both in Melbourne. You're a little bit hoarse today, Doddles. But it's not your yesterday. So we can never know.
1:41 - 1:47
It is my yesterday. No, it's not. It's my yesterday. Is it your yesterday? I think it's my yesterday.
1:47 - 2:02
Oh, no. So I came in last night at 3.15, having drunk half the rosé in Melbourne, and then attempted to remember what I'd done yesterday. And you're telling me it was a fool's errand?
2:02 - 2:12
I think so. Maybe we'll have to record a secret bonus episode with your unknown yesterday of the 9th of April, 2026. I'm pretty sure it's my yesterday.
2:12 - 2:25
It's David's. It's David's yesterday. Yes! Fuck! This is a shabble. Oh, no. I spent so long thinking about... I mean, I didn't change my yesterday, but there were times when I could have just been doing nothing. Is it really?
2:26 - 2:32
Luke, this is the worst tangent we've ever gone on, and it came straight after my no-tangent speech.
2:33 - 2:38
Here we go, then. Welcome, everybody. Ignore the last two minutes. Thank you, everyone, for coming to the live show in Melbourne.
2:38 - 2:46
Ignore the last two years. Ignore the live... You just... Put the last two years to one side. Podcast starts right now.
2:48 - 2:52
Thanks for coming to our live show. Yeah. I had a nice time. Really good.
2:52 - 2:57
You were good. Sam Campbell was very funny. We filled the town hall. We didn't think we would.
2:57 - 3:02
We weren't trying to be humble about how few tickets we sold, but in the end, we did fill the room, and that is great.
3:02 - 3:16
Yeah. People knew... I mean, at the start of the live show, because it was on Good Friday, and there was a religious aspect to everyone mumbling along with the opening podcasts.
3:17 - 3:22
Oh, yeah. Which came up, the words came up on the big screen. Holy cow. Yeah. What a rush that was.
3:22 - 3:46
Hmm. Here's a message to Mars Bar. Sorry, I forget who's written this. You're owed a standing ovation from the Melbourne crowd. Max's unrecognizability awarded him your standing ovation. I think I speak on behalf of most of the audience when I say that was a cheap attention-seeking trick. I don't think it's overstating to say stolen valor. We salute you, Mars Bar. Also, David's head isn't big. Max's head is unusually small.
3:46 - 3:51
Oh, my goodness. So I did ask for a standing ovation for Mars Bar, and then he wasn't there, and I came on and said, sorry, he's not here.
3:51 - 4:11
Mars Bar, it was a big build-up. So Max is offstage. He goes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome the man who makes it all happen. Blah-dee-blah-dee-blah. And he'll only come out with a standing ovation. And then Max just walks out and says, sorry, Mars Bar is not here. You could sense the love in the room there is for you.
4:11 - 4:18
And the disappointment when you weren't there. The most popular of the trio involved in this is the one who says the least.
4:19 - 4:21
I think there's a direct correlation there.
4:23 - 4:34
He just says 15 listens in Papua New Guinea. And he has got fame and fortune from it. Although there was a lot of remarking about the size of your head, which I believe came up on the last Mayhem as well, David, didn't it?
4:34 - 4:41
So, you know, I'm worried that you are, you know how goalkeepers make themselves big at important times in the game.
4:41 - 4:49
I'm worried that now when you're just walking down the street, you're going to make yourself small with just the number of messages that came on Instagram saying, is Max far away or is David's head that big?
4:49 - 4:55
Jesus, that's a big head. My God, DOD has a massive head. His head does look massive, TBF, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
4:55 - 5:01
So this wasn't from the live event itself. I'm not like one of those frill lizards that can just make it big.
5:02 - 5:08
It was in a last attempt to get feedback for the live show. We put up a little Instagram video.
5:08 - 5:19
I'm pretty sure my stool was closer to the camera than yours. First, I've just brought it up on the screen now. My head seems to be four times the size of yours.
5:19 - 5:27
Because I've really been looking, we've been spending a bit of time together. So I do catch myself occasionally looking at it and wondering if it is significantly bigger than mine.
5:28 - 5:32
Maybe before you part these shorts, we should measure them. At least then we'll know.
5:32 - 5:44
We'll go to a hot shop. Okay, that's a great idea. We'll go to a milliner of nothing. The nearest milliner. I'll get in an Uber and say, to the nearest milliner, please. We will make our way there.
5:45 - 5:50
You get annoyed about how much locksmiths charge. Wait till you try and call that an emergency milliner.
5:53 - 6:02
When they say, look, we have a call out fee, regardless of whether or not we can fix your hat. I'm sorry, it's $6,000. If we can't fix your hat, there's nothing we can do.
6:02 - 6:07
Lots of love for the Mel Gedroyd episode, of course, because she's a national treasure.
6:07 - 6:16
So just people said, I love this. But other people said, Brian said, I was in that London last month and I saw Mel twice on the Elizabeth line. Everything is showbiz.
6:16 - 6:21
Doofa lad. You know it's a good ep when you're 18 minutes in and it just hits 7.20 a.m.
6:23 - 6:30
Rory made a good point, which was Mel is dumbfounded by her algorithm being all about death before revealing she has a death podcast.
6:35 - 6:51
Few highlights of that episode that I really like. I enjoy her attitude to celebrity, you know, where she claims she's happy if anyone remembers any of her previous work and she's more than happy to discuss it on the Elizabeth line.
6:51 - 6:59
And then there's an incredible coincidence where for some reason I bring up the guy who banged the gong.
6:59 - 7:05
Someone didn't know what rank meant, but rank like used to make, I think James Bond films and stuff.
7:05 - 7:14
Anyway, you know, the way the lion roars at the start of Metro Golden Mare movies in rank movies at shirtless man.
7:14 - 7:21
A man with very much my body, but with Michael Winner's orange toned, but it's not Michael Winner's body, is it?
7:21 - 7:27
He, Dong Da Gong. Yeah. And Billy Bong was what we named him in the episode.
7:27 - 7:33
So it came up and then later in the episode, she walks past the place where his ashes are entered.
7:34 - 7:39
Is that what? Yeah, that is a coincidence, isn't it? And also, it's not a blue plaque you'd expect, is it?
7:39 - 7:48
Billy Bong Da Gong. There's one in Dublin Zoo that is similarly unexpected and emotionless.
7:48 - 7:58
It says Dublin Zoo's most famous ever lion was the lion who roared at the start of the MGM movie.
7:58 - 8:04
Ah, really? Yeah. You can sense a little Irish milt, can't you? You sense a Dublin accent.
8:04 - 8:13
There he goes, are you all right? Are you all right? Yeah, you're good. Hey, we've made the national media.
8:13 - 8:25
What? We were in Guardian blind date, which is, let's face it, anybody who reads the Guardian, you know, they're pretending to care about the impending apocalypse, which, I mean, it may have happened by the time you listen to this.
8:25 - 8:31
This might be the thing you're listening to as the nuclear bombs hit. But you immediately go to the blind date to see if they got on.
8:31 - 8:38
And Rachel and Josh went on a date. And Rachel on Josh in the subject, what did you talk about?
8:38 - 8:44
Rachel said, the wonderful Bristol and Welsh stand-up scenes, a shout out to Welsh Jesus.
8:45 - 8:48
Podcasts, mainly me trying to convince him to listen to What Did You Do Yesterday?
8:48 - 8:54
His sister, a zookeeper, the surprising politics of lap swimming. There's what she talked about.
8:54 - 9:00
But in Josh on Rachel, he does not mention the podcast or being told. And then Rachel gives Josh 10 out of 10.
9:00 - 9:08
And Josh gives Rachel 8 out of 10 and says there's no spark. So we say to Rachel, Josh can just get fucked because you are a catch.
9:10 - 9:16
So I don't think you explained what this was very well. Just a little post-interruption.
9:16 - 9:23
I didn't explain it at all. The two people go on a date and write about their experiences of the date.
9:24 - 9:39
Yeah. I would like to know, do any other listeners have experience of being on a date and hanging this podcast out there as maybe the thing that is going to get it across the line, you know?
9:39 - 9:43
Do you know, I went on one blind date once. I've gone on one in my life.
9:43 - 9:49
That's how we met. Exactly. So a friend of mine, my friend Spencer and Jenny, set me up with this girl.
9:50 - 9:55
Yeah. And I can't remember her name now. So you're in the pub and, you know, various people are walking in the pub.
9:55 - 9:58
And obviously you want to have an, I'm not shallow, David, but you want to have an attraction.
9:58 - 10:03
So as each girl walks into the pub, you're sort of going, I'd be nice if I was on a date with her.
10:03 - 10:07
I'm not sure if I want to be on a date with her. You know, that kind of feeling.
10:07 - 10:15
Yeah. Right. So I'm just sitting there doing this. And anyway, then this girl walks in and she is the spitting image of my sister.
10:17 - 10:23
Absolute spitting image. And it's terrifying. And what I should have said was just straight away, let's have a beer.
10:23 - 10:29
But you look exactly like my sister, which in normal life is totally cool. Yeah.
10:29 - 10:35
But on this exact scenario is the worst thing you could look like, actually, apart from maybe looking exactly like my dad.
10:35 - 10:41
You know, like that. So it's a deal breaker, is it? What, being identical to my sister?
10:41 - 10:46
It's a deal breaker for me. I don't know about you. Like if you went on a blind date and they looked exactly like your sister.
10:47 - 10:53
Are you so deep that you'd look past this person being identical and sort of having similar mannerisms?
10:53 - 10:57
You'd be sounding a bit like your sister. You'd be like, I can't do this.
10:57 - 11:04
Do you think, was it a period where you weren't getting many dates and it was a sympathy thing that your sister had just brushed your hair the other way?
11:04 - 11:15
I'd be like, ooh, hello, Max. But years later, I played football and a guy said, oh, you went on a blind date with my wife.
11:15 - 11:21
And then we established it was, that was the girl. The girl did not look like his sister, so he was fine.
11:22 - 11:28
I went on one blind date ever. Well, it wasn't even a blind date. I mean, this is a long, this is probably.
11:28 - 11:35
It's not really yesterday. This is a tangent. Three years ago. And it was just extraordinarily bad.
11:36 - 11:43
Yeah. In that she, at one point said, you know the way you try and find things that you like?
11:43 - 11:48
You say, I love soup. Do you like soup? You know, just. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:48 - 11:53
Any sort of bonding point? Oh, yes. I love soup. Yeah. Yes. You're banging the table.
11:53 - 12:00
You're throwing your pint against the wall. Holy shit. A bit of parsley on the soup.
12:00 - 12:06
Are you shitting me? Well, she put this out there. I was like, I cycled here.
12:06 - 12:16
And she said, I got taxi here. I just don't like being outside. And the line that stayed with me, she said, I hate nature.
12:16 - 12:24
Which is a really, particularly in this era of people going hiking and, you know, bonding over how healthy they are.
12:24 - 12:31
It's so broad, isn't it? It's so broad. It's actually quite hard to live a life excluding nature completely from your life.
12:31 - 12:39
It's actually really difficult. And I guess it was, I should have bonded with her going, oh my God, I hate nature too.
12:39 - 12:45
And then just go through all the aspects. I hate giraffes. I hate otters. I hate grass.
12:46 - 12:52
Trees. Fucking hate trees. They can do one. I tell you, I hate the sea and everything in it.
12:52 - 12:57
We should fill it with microplastics. That would be good, wouldn't it? Turtles, polar bears.
12:57 - 13:05
Yeah. Now we've had lots of correspondence on the Moomins. Oh no. Many emails and messages saying that we were wrong.
13:05 - 13:12
I have spread fake news on the origins of the Moomins. So we, in the last episode, someone wrote in and said they were Japanese.
13:14 - 13:19
Like all adults now, we just take as read anything that's said to us. Of course they are.
13:20 - 13:26
Ian. Morning. I'm sure you had plenty of people pointing out the fake news on this week's Midweek Mayhem, but the Moomins are very definitely Finnish.
13:26 - 13:38
And any trip through tourist destinations in Finland will definitely reinforce this. Last year, I was at a conference in Helsinki that was held above one of the city's numerous Moomins shops, where incidentally I was browsing while listening to the Jonathan Wilson episode.
13:38 - 13:45
And the Finnish origins were very evident, even if their alternate uses as an aid for creating a BOC were not directly advertised.
13:46 - 13:58
I think the listener and their colleagues got confused by looking up the spinoff 1990s TV program, which was a Dutch-Japanese co-production, but were based on Tove Jansen's books, which she started publishing in the 1940s.
13:58 - 14:04
It's an understandable error, but akin to saying Paddington Bear is a French creation because the recent films were made by Studio Canal.
14:05 - 14:11
Keep up the good work, in it for life. Thank you very much for the corrections, but also on the Moomins, and this is big, David.
14:11 - 14:18
Phil Ellis got in touch with me. He has had a notification from Moomin Official.
14:18 - 14:26
What? Moomin Official account. At Moomin Official. At Moomin Official. We see and we hear you, Phil.
14:28 - 14:37
Great pod. The Moomins listen to podcasts. This is extraordinary. Not so sure about the plug thing, but each to their own, buddy.
14:38 - 14:43
Since this mention now caught our attention, we're considering adding you to our UK PR list, just so you know.
14:43 - 14:47
Wow. Feel like you want to perhaps have some Moomin stuff sent over at some point.
14:47 - 14:58
Maybe then please share your contact info. And then a quote, one of my characteristics is wanting to make an impression at any price by awakening admiration, sympathy, fright, or on the whole, any feelings that include interest.
14:58 - 15:04
Moomin Papa in the Memoirs of Moomin Papa, published 1952. Do you think when Moomin Papa said, Yeah.
15:04 - 15:14
I want to make an impression at any price. He thought with the greatest of respect, he was going, well, if it makes an impression.
15:14 - 15:20
I mean, it literally makes an impression. Bill says, thank you for helping me achieve my dream.
15:20 - 15:30
Isn't that great? That he could end up being the inner Moomins then. If he collabs with the Moomins, in many ways.
15:31 - 15:37
Yeah. I'll be honest with you. When we set out on this journey, David, the mission was not to help Phil Ellis get a collab with the Moomins.
15:38 - 15:41
But now I feel sometimes you don't know what you're put on this earth to do.
15:43 - 15:49
Is that the end point though for this podcast? If that takes place, you know what I mean?
15:49 - 15:55
So the photo I'm imagining is Moomin Papa and it's Phil Ellis at the table.
15:55 - 15:58
The way in the 90s when a footballer would sign for a club. Oh yeah.
15:59 - 16:05
And Moomin Papa over him, maybe holding a jersey or something with the Moomins brackets, not from Japan written on it.
16:06 - 16:10
I think the podcast ends when the collab is the collab that we have suggested.
16:10 - 16:17
And that makes it to kids television. Gary and Sam Wright on the subject of Phil Ellis.
16:17 - 16:23
Dear David and Max, I wanted to share our recent What Did You Do Yesterday podcast experience as a warning to other listeners.
16:23 - 16:31
Having watched Peterborough United lose to Leighton Orient on Saturday, my son Sam and I decided to cheer ourselves up by listening to your episode with Phil Ellis while traveling back home.
16:32 - 16:37
Oh no. We settled down on seats opposite each other and Sam lent me one of his ear pods so we could both listen together.
16:37 - 16:41
Before the train left St Pancras, we were joined by a middle-aged couple and their parents.
16:41 - 16:46
The couple sat on two seats to my right. It was one of those rows of three you get on commuter trains.
16:46 - 16:53
The parents sat next to Sam. After a short while, Sam and I were both laughing and looking at each other knowingly as Phil described his day.
16:53 - 16:57
The woman who I was sat next to seemed to notice our amused faces but didn't say anything.
16:57 - 17:04
However, after another few minutes and continued giggling on our part, the woman tapped me on the arm and asked, are we saying something that you find amusing?
17:05 - 17:14
Oh no. That's a nightmare. Evidently, she hadn't seen that we both had our ear pods in and I just assumed we were laughing and making faces about her and her family.
17:14 - 17:20
I immediately turned towards her and showed her the ear pod, explaining it was because we were listening to a funny podcast.
17:21 - 17:25
Unfortunately, rather than leave it at that, I immediately followed by saying, it's not all about you, you know.
17:26 - 17:31
I meant it as a joke, but it came out sounding quite passive aggressive and she and her family didn't say anything to us for the rest of the journey.
17:31 - 17:36
The small consolation was Phil Ellis' story about being rude to someone whilst on the train followed soon afterwards.
17:36 - 17:48
It lent an added poignancy to my listening experience. We did continue to laugh for the rest of the journey home, but I would suggest to other listeners when sharing air pods to select the side facing anyone else so they don't think you're laughing at them.
17:48 - 17:55
Lots of love, Gary and Sam. Thank you. It would have been good if he'd opened it with, with the greatest of respect.
17:56 - 18:02
If he'd just said to an old lady, with the greatest of respect, get in my heart.
18:04 - 18:09
Now someone got in touch to say, are there any countries with one listen as of today?
18:09 - 18:16
Reset and keep the quiz going. Long live normal countries. To that correspondent, it will surprise you to know that we are split on this idea.
18:17 - 18:25
So we restart the whole, if there were only six in the start of 2025. Sure.
18:25 - 18:33
But there were lots with maybe none. So my take on it, listeners, was I believed I'm the first to coin this beautiful phrase.
18:33 - 18:41
I said, you never piss in the same river twice. As in, I mean, you can work out what that means.
18:42 - 18:50
Sure, sure. But we've possibly done it. The idea of listeners having to listen to you say Sierra Leone and Botswana.
18:51 - 18:55
I mean, I suggested to you that you are currently taking us through your second cheese board.
18:55 - 19:00
And you will your third next year and your fourth the year after. Imagine the 10-year anniversary of Curdle.
19:00 - 19:05
I think it's a wonderful idea. But yes, David said, you never piss in the same river twice.
19:05 - 19:18
And I said, you do shit in the same toilet loads of times. I sent Chris Addison that wonderful email we got from his replacement at the law firm who wasn't as funny as him.
19:19 - 19:25
Sorry, to the listeners, it was a genuinely unexpected moment on the last Midweek Mayhem.
19:25 - 19:40
Basically, a guy in the late 90s had taken a job at a law firm, quite a mundane job, but had been told the last guy who did this did it with a smile and really made all of our days.
19:40 - 19:49
And then thereafter was told, oh, he's just won the Newcomer Comedy Prize at the Edinburgh Fridge because it was Chris Addison.
19:49 - 19:55
So Chris says, oh, my God, that's magnificent. And the nice man exaggerated my Edinburgh success for good measure.
19:55 - 20:03
Writing those emails was the only fulfillment available in the job of postboy at a corporate solicitous, Hammond Suddard, John Dalton Street, Manchester.
20:03 - 20:06
And I'm glad that at least got something out of what was essentially me showing off.
20:06 - 20:09
This could be said of all my audiences, of course. Thanks for having me on.
20:09 - 20:17
What did you do yesterday? I had a ball. So thank you so much. And finally, before your yesterday, and I thought it was my yesterday, as we established at the start of this podcast,
20:18 - 20:22
I had a good bit about a moth, but we'll never know. This is from...
20:24 - 20:38
What's the opposite of clickbait? Kim says, dear Max and David, I usually listen to your podcast at work, but I'm off for the school Easter holidays with my children at the moment.
20:38 - 20:41
My middle child is 11. I went to pick him up from a sleepover on Wednesday morning.
20:41 - 20:46
My phone automatically connected to the car and your podcast started playing. I thought, it's a short journey.
20:46 - 20:56
I imagine it'll be fine. Less than one minute in, I'd had to explain what ketamine and only fans was to him.
20:56 - 21:01
Thanks for that. I love the podcast. So even though it likely ruined my child, please don't change anything.
21:02 - 21:07
In 2012, while 15 weeks pregnant at a DOD gig in Manchester, I felt my now almost 13-year-old kick for the first time.
21:08 - 21:14
And David very kindly autographed my little bump for me. Wow. As soon as he hits 14, I'll bring him along to another gig.
21:14 - 21:18
So there you go, Kim, I didn't know you signed body parts. Do you do that a lot?
21:19 - 21:26
Your perception of my job is deranged. I think that's happened once ever. And I think the fact that I remember it.
21:27 - 21:31
I went to your show and there were lots of page three girl stunners there.
21:32 - 21:38
Maria Whittaker saying, could you sign my breasts, please? And you were right. And that's why you were late for dinner, I presume.
21:40 - 21:45
Hey, should we move Curdle up then? Yes. I agree with that. Let's move Curdle up, guys.
21:47 - 22:38
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. I've got cheese. This is cheese. This feels new. Like moving Curdle from its classic slot. Well, but if you remember, Curdle was classically here.
22:38 - 22:43
And then when it returned, we bumped it down because they're just normal countries doing so well.
22:43 - 22:47
So in many ways, it's just like moving Celebrity Pointless to a more prime time spot.
22:47 - 22:53
This is like when they move the FA Cup to 5.30. Do you think? No, I think it's moving the FA Cup back to 3 p.m.
22:53 - 22:58
Okay, fine. That's what I think we're doing. Gerald Sinstat approves. So we're all fine.
22:59 - 23:09
Claire writes, Hello, Max David and the other producers. I'd like to submit a guess for Curdle based on a very disappointing lowbrow cheese that my kids insisted on buying as an exotic novelty when they saw it in a Spanish supermarket.
23:10 - 23:16
Oh. I mean, already, it's in a Spanish supermarket. My guess is Brie. Bing, bing, bing.
23:16 - 23:24
Maxi Babybel. Caerphilly. Bing, bing, bing. Cashel Blue. Bing, bing, bing. Dolce Latte.
23:25 - 23:33
Pretty good, though. Do you think pretty good? Okay, interesting. We're moving into the correct realm, is what I'll say.
23:33 - 23:36
Right, okay. No more clues. Sorry I couldn't come to the live show in Australia.
23:36 - 23:40
Sending you lots of love. Claire. All right, then. Do you want to know what I did yesterday?
23:40 - 23:56
You don't care, and that's a shame. Interruption. Max, listeners, in the live show, we played a shortened one-off game of Curdle, if you remember, which was what cheese is in my pocket, and it took way too long.
23:56 - 24:06
So I'd gone to the crappy 7-Eleven that was just across the road, because this was a last-minute decision to incorporate this, and it was Good Friday, so there weren't many options.
24:06 - 24:17
And I told the audience that. So what was wild was people were, like, guessing Délice de Bourgogne and all these ridiculous cheeses.
24:17 - 24:27
Do you think 7-Eleven, a shop that doesn't even have apples, where you can just get various sizes of Slurpee, is going to have Caerphilly or whatever?
24:27 - 24:36
However, it took ages. I'd bought Philadelphia, and clearly the outline of it was in my pocket, but it took a good...
24:36 - 24:46
With Sam Campbell standing in the wings, we squandered a good 10 minutes of his potential comedy for trying to guess what cheese was in my pocket.
24:46 - 24:52
And that's why, although the world tour has now ended, we will just do another live world tour, maybe starting in September.
24:52 - 24:57
Who knows? David, what time did you wake up yesterday? Are you sure it's not my yesterday?
24:57 - 25:08
Oh, my goodness. I woke up at 8.30 a.m. Okay. In this sort of glassy skyscraper that I lived in.
25:08 - 25:16
Yeah. To the listeners, the background behind me that Max and Mars Bar look at on the Zoom looks like a fake background.
25:16 - 25:20
If I was a Manosphere guy, and I was trying to get across that I...
25:20 - 25:29
The only thing it needs is just a Lamborghini parked behind me. It reeks of success, but in fact, it's a viveless serviced apartment.
25:30 - 25:39
Helen hasn't appreciated the fact that during the night, because of my knee and the great work by the Australian Taekwondo team's...
25:40 - 25:53
Osteopath. Osteopath. 0708. No Olympics. I've taken to wearing a knee brace, a sort of Velcro-y one in bed, which she doesn't like because it feels creepy in the night.
25:53 - 25:58
But because you are rubbing it against her or because it just creaks? No, it's not creaking.
25:58 - 26:04
It's just an odd thing to have there. Right. I've possibly been wearing it slightly too much.
26:04 - 26:08
I wore it like under shorts the other day. I don't think you should wear it in bed.
26:08 - 26:13
I don't think you'd wear knee braces to bed. He didn't tell me to, but he also didn't tell me not to.
26:14 - 26:26
It definitely gives some sort of relief to it. It does look a bit creepy, not in bed, but walking around the streets of Melbourne in shorts with a knee brace is a slightly odd vibe.
26:26 - 26:33
It's a pity, but it's a sort of, oh. Yeah, maybe, but maybe I've got too judgmental.
26:33 - 26:42
Like I met Phil Wang yesterday and he was wearing not a gilet, but rather just a sort of a sleeveless zip up number.
26:42 - 26:48
And I accused him of selling crypto. I said that I wasn't going to buy any more Wang coin.
26:48 - 26:51
No, I think that's fair enough. Now, question. Did you eat anything with Phil Wang?
26:51 - 26:57
No, I just had a passing moment where I was mildly abusive about what he was wearing.
26:57 - 27:08
I get up, the only food or drink in this viable service department, we bought a French press that's too small, basically.
27:08 - 27:21
But the only crockery there is here is cup and saucer type. Like normally I'd take a big dirty mug of coffee back into bed again and do a little scrollsy while I wake up.
27:22 - 27:27
But here you have to be like, with a cup and saucer and our tiny French press.
27:27 - 27:37
But we do our best with that. We are going off to meet Helen's friend in Abbotsford Convent.
27:37 - 27:44
Oh, hang on a second. I introduced you. Yeah, I know that. So I don't know if you should go without me.
27:45 - 27:52
Stop being so territorial with places in Melbourne. I've got a patent pending. I've got patent pending on that.
27:52 - 27:59
You're going to have a bouncer put on the gates of Abbotsford Convent. And if I'm not with you, they'll be like, not today, son.
27:59 - 28:05
Sorry, we're full up. Just no room in there today. We have a lovely coffee.
28:05 - 28:14
Helen's friend has brought his two kids. Oh no, this is going to seem like I'm just having another go at you.
28:16 - 28:28
These kids are so fun and nice. Whoa. How old are they? Maybe six and four, something like that.
28:28 - 28:32
So hang on, do you prefer them to my two? Oh my goodness. Well, that was the implication.
28:33 - 28:37
Not everything is a personal attack here. I didn't make it into a personal attack.
28:37 - 28:43
You made it into one. Holy cow. These kids, they don't look at screens, okay?
28:43 - 29:02
Oh, those types. Yeah. But get this for pure use of technology. They're just sitting there and Helen's friend takes out two sets of headphones and a little box thing with stories on kind of credit card type thing.
29:02 - 29:12
A Yoto. Yeah, we have a Yoto. And the two lads just sort of sit there with the headphones on and they're listening to James and the Giant Peach.
29:13 - 29:20
And when something funny happens in it, they both laugh. Are we sure they're not listening to the Phil Ellis episode?
29:22 - 29:29
Are these podcasts available on Yoto credit cards? Mars Bar, is this something we could make happen?
29:29 - 29:41
At one point, the headphones pop out of the little box thing and the voice of the person reading James and the Giant Peach comes out of it.
29:41 - 29:46
Do you know who reads James and the Giant Peach? Oh, good question. It feels like a quiz.
29:47 - 29:52
It's someone who's been on this podcast. Ah, wow. Okay. Is it a man or a woman?
29:53 - 30:12
The clue is in the name of the story. James Acastle. James Acastle. Correct. So when he appears out of the box, my first thought is that I've answered a phone call from him and accidentally Jim and And it's onto speakerphone.
30:13 - 30:17
Do you often butt down James Acastle and he's reading Roald Dahl? He's just reading the twits.
30:20 - 30:27
Yeah. And it really takes me back to my school production of James and the Giant Peach.
30:27 - 30:38
Where your head played the peach, of course. This has to end. Listeners, do I have a huge head?
30:38 - 30:49
Sorry. I just have your big furry head. It's perfect. I can't believe it. Now I understand why Marzmar won't let us turn this into a video podcast.
30:49 - 30:53
People don't have laptops big enough. That's it. Your head would come out of the phone.
30:54 - 31:01
IMAX camera's too expensive. Yes, let's do a show at the IMAX. That would be great.
31:01 - 31:08
IMAX. And that the IMAX with David O'Doherty. Oh, that would be fun. Okay. So we are, we're listening to James and the Giant Peach.
31:08 - 31:15
You're having a pastry and a nice coffee in my cafe. Yeah. Yeah. We walk around the grounds of it.
31:15 - 31:23
That's good. Yeah. I'm trying to impart wisdom to the kids. It's funny because they've now detached the headphones from the box.
31:23 - 31:30
So the sound of James Acaster is rolling across. Right. So like beatbox on the New York subway.
31:30 - 31:42
They've got a giant Yoto. Yeah. They've got a huge Yoto boom box. And I entertain them with who did I play in the school adaptation of it.
31:42 - 31:49
Uh-huh. And my clue was, and I'll do this quiz with you now. Interruption. Mm-hmm.
31:49 - 31:56
My memory of James and the Giant Peach is poor. I, no, two characters. One is James and one is a giant Peach.
31:56 - 32:01
Not a character in it. The Peach is just the set of where the whole thing took.
32:01 - 32:08
Oh, really? Okay. I didn't know. Well, okay. So also when you were at school, all the other kids could fit into your head.
32:12 - 32:22
My costume involved 60 toilet rolls. Oh, yeah. That were painted green and then kind of sewn onto each other.
32:22 - 32:28
Were you one of the Ninja Turtles? Is that it? Ninja Turtles do not have multiple legs.
32:29 - 32:33
Who does? The centipede in James and the Giant Peach. We'll move on. Okay. Okay.
32:33 - 32:43
Good. There's quite a bleak moment where I want to show these kids. We're looking at a field of cows, which you get around the back of this place.
32:44 - 32:51
And I announced that this one may be a bull. And then I look for signs that it might be a bull.
32:51 - 32:56
But it's so obvious I'm coming up short in, you should be able to spot whether a cow is a bull.
32:56 - 33:01
I'm trying to see his nuts. Do you know the cow I'm talking about? Is there a bull there?
33:02 - 33:11
Do I? Listen, I've walked past those cows many times, but I've not. I'm meant to get on my haunches to inspect the bull sacks or not.
33:11 - 33:19
The existence of bullsack. Do I know the cow in question? My question was because he was in a field with definite lady cows.
33:19 - 33:29
Right. And so is it the time of year then, I wonder, when old Dr. Romance goes to meet some babies?
33:29 - 33:35
This sounds like a question for Brett McKenzie to me. He's our resident agricultural expert.
33:37 - 33:47
My phone, buzz, buzz, buzz. I need to meet a PR person because she is taking me for an interview.
33:47 - 33:55
A magazine in Melbourne, I think it's called Ramona, has asked, would I like to do an interview in my favorite place in Melbourne?
33:56 - 34:04
And what is my favorite place in Melbourne? And I see you starting to look disappointed now that I didn't nominate.
34:04 - 34:15
Come to my garden. Yeah, this shed. It would have been funny, but yes. I nominate Sun Up Cycles, a bike shop in Brunswick.
34:16 - 34:26
Okay. Where Tobias is the mechanic there. He runs it. And he is simply has the magical bicycle hands.
34:26 - 34:39
Like there is nothing he can't do. And he specializes not in the 10 grand plastic bikes of the divorced Belgian dentists, but rather he'll make your bike beautiful.
34:39 - 34:45
The old Malvern star or Peugeot you find in your shed, he will bring it back.
34:45 - 34:50
He's a Sturmy Archer guy. He can do the lot. Great. He can do absolutely everything.
34:50 - 35:01
And I like to go there sometimes and just, I mean, watch him work sounds slightly creepy in my blue knee brace, just Velcroing it open and shut.
35:01 - 35:07
But it's up a lane. It's around the back. The way he works. Oh my goodness.
35:07 - 35:14
He's pure class. Anyway. So I disturb him by being interviewed by two people from this magazine.
35:14 - 35:29
They take some cool photos of me sitting on various bikes. You know, I don't necessarily love doing interviews and PR and all the rest, but this is the sort of one I could do this all bloomin' day.
35:29 - 35:39
Great. Okay. So they don't ask you any curveballs. No. They're asking me a lot on my relationship with bicycles, how much I love bicycles.
35:39 - 35:46
Okay. In the end, we cover this quite interesting topic because I think this is a magazine with a feminist perspective.
35:46 - 35:54
And we discuss how, you know, as a kid who grew up in a boring suburb, the bicycle meant that you could go to other suburbs.
35:55 - 36:05
Similarly, men saw women cycling as this big threat in Victorian times that they might go to the next village and meet other hotties.
36:05 - 36:19
And so there was all this misinformation spread about the effect that cycling would have on women, that they could get a thing called hag face, which was if you put in too much effort into
36:19 - 36:24
the cycling, basically the wind would change and you would be stuck with this awful visage forever.
36:25 - 36:35
Anyway. Mind you, during COVID, when I panic bought an exercise bike and I had occasionally do a 40 minute sprint class with these sort of quite hooray Henry people.
36:35 - 36:39
It's the same video, doing the same jokes at the same time. I could see you sweating back there.
36:39 - 36:44
By the end of one of those, I definitely did have hag face. It's definitely a thing.
36:45 - 36:57
Okay. Well, it's lucky that you have met Jamie then. It is, yes. Yes. That you don't have to go to other villages to meet other ladies and have other blind dates with them.
36:57 - 37:03
We go to A1 Lebanese bakery then afterwards. Mid interview. This is an interesting one.
37:03 - 37:10
There was a crack of lightning that must have been directly overhead. I was very close by for it.
37:10 - 37:15
I was very close by for it to the point where I think the little hairs on my arm sort of stood up.
37:15 - 37:20
Yeah. Mad, wasn't it? Absolutely mad. And also that the world is so unstable at the moment.
37:21 - 37:27
My first thought was Melbourne is under attack. Don't pick us. Come on. We're far away.
37:27 - 37:42
It's a long way to send a nuke, isn't it? I do wonder actually whether, and this is because I was in a bike shop yesterday, whether the rise in petrol prices everywhere, I bet that has an immediate uptick on bicycle, like there
37:42 - 37:49
was a huge bicycle boom in the COVIDs, for example. I do wonder whether more people will now get their...
37:49 - 37:52
Good to find a positive. It's good to find a positive for all of this.
37:52 - 37:58
And that's why Tobias from Sunup Cycles has been firing missiles into the Straits of Hormuz.
38:00 - 38:12
So back to here, we're actually up to 5pm now. Right. And need to get my gig on, need to start thinking about that.
38:12 - 38:16
Interruption. I went to the gig, not yesterday, and I thought it was really good, David.
38:16 - 38:22
And you'll be pleased about this. You know, when you tell a joke on this podcast and I just go, oh, that's good.
38:22 - 38:25
Yeah. I actually did. I laughed out loud at the points I was meant to.
38:25 - 38:30
I gave the podcast a shout out. Yeah, you did. I mentioned Mars Bar, actually, in the...
38:30 - 38:35
Yeah. Once again, he got another huge round of applause. He did, yeah. Everyone went, oh my God, Mars Bar!
38:35 - 38:39
Well, it sort of derailed the gig a bit, didn't it? Yes, thank you. We go off.
38:40 - 38:45
I tighten the brace on my knee. I don't think there could be any negative sides to it.
38:45 - 38:49
I'm playing football on it tomorrow, so I just... No, no. No, that's not what you should be doing.
38:49 - 38:54
Famously, that's how you get a knee back in business. It'll click back into place.
38:54 - 39:04
You're right. It'll make a sound. Blu-lu-lu-lu. Good as new. Great. Had a pretty good gig then, last night.
39:04 - 39:19
It was a Thursday. There was an odd corporate group, I think, sitting in the front row because the dudes dudes had just taken their ties and jackets off and were just in white shirts, which I
39:19 - 39:23
don't think is a look that you would never do in real life if you hadn't been there.
39:23 - 39:31
But their boss seemed to be on the end then. And he had his arms folded and was giving me very little.
39:31 - 39:35
Oh, good. Yeah, good. You know, that kind of a vibe. Did you loosen it up a bit?
39:35 - 39:52
A tiny bit. But I sensed the part where I say that a necessity to buy a second flight to get here has caused such a hole in the finances of this Australian tour that I will be doing handjobs for money outside Africa.
39:52 - 39:59
But I don't think he enjoyed that sort of chat. No, but he did enjoy the handjob.
40:02 - 40:13
Helen's friend, another of Helen's friends, is at this gig. Another tall person. And fascinatingly, the two of them are standing outside being tall.
40:13 - 40:22
And then the tallest woman in Australia, who's Melanie Bracewell. Oh, yeah. Who hosts the Cheap Seats, a TV show, walks by.
40:22 - 40:27
And so you've got three tallies beside each other. I went on the Cheap Seats once.
40:27 - 40:32
I tried a bit too hard, David. Oh, no. I think I hadn't done anything fun for so long.
40:32 - 40:35
Yeah. I was giddy with the fun of doing a bit of a clip show.
40:36 - 40:43
So I did it maybe two years ago. And I haven't been asked back. In the show, what you watch funny bits from TV in Australia.
40:44 - 40:46
So, yeah, they have a sports section. And I was like, oh, this funny thing happened in cricket.
40:46 - 40:50
This funny thing happened here. I think the bit was OK, but I was just a bit too eager.
40:51 - 40:56
Oh, no. I let myself down. I was worried that you'd fallen into your match report, Max.
40:56 - 41:04
Played it dead straight. Yeah, just 2-1 at halftime in Stamford Bridge. And this has very much been a game of two quarters.
41:06 - 41:10
Leeds failed to convince in the opening tent. Oh, no. Max thinks he's doing a match report.
41:10 - 41:20
It had been all leads up until the 33rd minute when Jesper Gronkiar picked the ball up on the left and slotted in Robert Fleck, who hammered home 1-0 to the Blues against the run of play.
41:20 - 41:26
But they held on for a famous three points. Back to you in the studio, Mel.
41:26 - 41:30
Back to you, Mel. They were like, what is this? This is not this vibe at all.
41:31 - 41:40
We went to a very salubrious bar around the corner. I mean, there's a nice circularity to this because I admitted this at the start of this recording.
41:40 - 41:46
Being in France last summer has given me a taste for rosé, Max. Yeah, I know.
41:46 - 41:55
Man of the people. The difference being in France, we were drinking five-litre boxes of rosé for 25 euros.
41:55 - 42:02
You know what I mean? That is a hard day, though. One each. Start early.
42:02 - 42:09
That's a great reality show in France just called Le Bois de Rosé. And each of you have five litres of rosé.
42:09 - 42:20
And they say, crack on. First one to finish wins. Yeah? Yeah. And so initially, and this is what gets the show on the road, I have rosé with a beer chaser.
42:20 - 42:26
Okay, yeah. Because I'm thirsty post-show. Sure, I know. You get a beer and then you get on to the wine.
42:26 - 42:33
I understand. Exactly. In the words of John Barnes, after 90 minutes of sheer hell, you need something that gets to work fast.
42:33 - 42:37
Yeah. I think that's what he said. He said, after 90 minutes of sheer hell, you're going to be thirsty.
42:37 - 42:43
And then isotonic glucoside sport. That's what he was drinking. Or a Pilsner. Yeah, exactly.
42:43 - 42:49
That's when his career started to go off the rails. Post his England rap in 1990.
42:49 - 42:57
And him drinking two cans of Pilsner at halftime at every match. There follows just several hours.
42:57 - 43:07
There's at one point, if you're ever in the gin palace in Melbourne and you go to the urinal section, it's amazing.
43:07 - 43:15
Particularly when you're drunk half a five-litre box of rosé. Because some fancy men's loos try too hard.
43:15 - 43:19
You know when you have to pee into a trombone, like those sort of ones.
43:19 - 43:27
I don't enjoy that. Although of all the, it has the whole orchestra. And if you're in late and you have to get in, pee in the piccolo, it's trickier, isn't it?
43:28 - 43:33
You'd start with the tuba, for sure. It's quite hard to get in a cor anglais.
43:33 - 43:41
But anyway. The triangle is the absolute result. But it does make a beautiful sound if you hit it in the right place.
43:41 - 43:47
This one has a urinal, like a sort of school, big urinal that you pee into.
43:47 - 44:00
And then directly above it is an upside down one of those urinals. So it's, you almost lose a sense of which way around the world is while you're there.
44:01 - 44:05
And is it for middle-aged men to think, I could still wee up there and then you'd try and you can't.
44:05 - 44:10
Because your prostate's just not what it was. You would also need zero gravity wee.
44:11 - 44:20
And I don't know how much rosé. Hello, dragons. I'm looking. Deborah Meaden isn't convinced.
44:20 - 44:30
Touker Suleyman wants to drill down on the numbers. Deborah squatting over an upside down urinal.
44:31 - 44:41
I've brought some in, some prototypes for you to have a try. This goes on till, I'm not sure what time we get to bed at.
44:41 - 44:50
I think it might be 3am. Oh! Yeah. You're living, you're living doddles. It's a lovely day.
44:50 - 44:59
It's a lovely evening. Thank you. I'm sorry for going with Helen's friend. I think they said that they would go to the Abbotsford.
44:59 - 45:05
It's an ex-convent. And it's a lovely place to hang out. But I will hang out with you again soon.
45:06 - 45:10
And you can take me to another of your favourite places. I'll bring my horrible children as well.
45:11 - 45:19
If you want. Don't sit still. Oh no. You'll be like, I've threatened them now.
45:19 - 45:26
We're going to listen to The Beasting by Paul Murray. Pretend you like it. I've got it on this boom box.
45:28 - 45:32
Listen, you can have your Cheerios once you've listened to A Long Walk to Freedom, Ian.
45:32 - 45:42
And he's like, I can't talk yet, Dad. What's this? Yeah. Went into bed, left my knee brace on.
45:42 - 45:48
I've slept in the knee brace as well. And that pretty neatly brings us up to right now.
45:48 - 45:50
The moth bit. Well, it was a good day. We'll never know the moth bit.
45:50 - 45:54
What was the... Just give us a little taste of it. No, no, no, no, no.
45:54 - 46:01
I'm not. Also, the elevator anecdote. I don't think you've ever told us. The escalator one.
46:02 - 46:04
Oh, it's a good one, yeah. Oh, escalator, yeah. Oh, that is a good one.
46:04 - 46:08
I'm saving that. Okay. It's life in the old, dog. No cheese is discussed now.
46:09 - 46:12
We've already discussed... Yeah, we've done it. Yeah. If you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how.
46:14 - 46:19
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
46:20 - 46:27
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
46:27 - 46:35
And if you didn't, please don't. Hey, thanks, David. Has anyone got an idea for another quiz?
46:35 - 46:39
Do we listen to you? I told you, it sort of feels bereft, don't you?
46:40 - 46:47
Yeah. I still think the podcast's a nice listen. I mean, we've got Curdle 2. Like, Curdle 2 is not as good as Curdle 1.
46:47 - 46:52
We know that, but like, it's like the second album. Next year's Curdle will be really good, but you're right.
46:52 - 46:57
They're just normal countries. That served us well. And I feel a little bit lost without it.
46:57 - 47:01
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, there were no guesses for the David Squires quiz, so that's just bubbling under the surface.
47:01 - 47:07
Boy, can't wait for that one to come back. Really quickly, I've crunched the numbers.
47:08 - 47:15
If we did restart Just Normal Countries Redux, there are two that only have one listen.
47:16 - 47:24
You can't not do that quick! You can't not do it! Since we did the last one, there are now two countries with one listen.
47:25 - 47:30
Now, are they ones that are still on one listen? Are any of those two in the previous list?
47:30 - 47:33
It's at the time of recording, I guess. It's as is right now, Mars Bar.
47:34 - 47:42
You're saying there are two countries that have one listen. As of the day that we ended the first version of that quiz, I went back and I've done the data from there.
47:42 - 47:49
There are two countries that obviously would have formerly been on zero listens, but since we started the quiz, I've got to one, there are two.
47:50 - 47:53
Can I ask how many are on nought? I'd have to go and check that.
47:53 - 48:01
I don't have that data here. Like, pointless. That would be a sort of slightly different quiz, but in many senses, exactly the same quiz.
48:02 - 48:08
Okay, fine. I'm open to us playing. Okay. They're normal countries. Aye, aye. It begins now.
48:08 - 48:12
Would you guys like to have a guess each to begin to kick the quiz off?
48:13 - 48:22
Yes, I would. But I'm going to say Lesotho. Okay. I like that he has that button ready.
48:22 - 48:31
I'm going to say... Oh, this is fun, isn't it? I'm going to say... I can only say the Northern Mariana Islands.
48:31 - 48:38
There are other countries. Okay, good. It'd be terrible if we both got it. So here we are.
48:38 - 48:41
We have a new quiz because David felt a bit lost with that quiz. Thank you, Donalds.
48:41 - 48:44
I'm in it for life. In it for life. Bye.