S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

0:06 - 0:36

Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time.

0:36 - 1:09

Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me today is David O'Doherty. And David, before we talk about this,

1:09 - 1:25

episode, we do need to say still some tickets available for the live show in Melbourne. But let's not say yet who just slid into my direct messages with a suggestion. Oh my goodness. Absolutely extraordinary. Sam Campbell is our guest. That is exciting.

1:25 - 1:43

To the listeners, I have never seen Max as giddy, really. One time, the guy who sands floors, I mentioned him on this podcast, Danny Sandhouse, slid into my DMs. And I thought that was cool. Yeah. Nothing compares to this, to be honest.

1:43 - 1:51

I don't think life gets better than that. Well, today, another one of my oldest friends, who I'd never met until this recording.

1:51 - 2:13

So sometimes this podcast, I feel it's like a tapestry that's weaving itself together. Not just because we're mostly booking my friends and they all know each other, but they know each other in ways, in word games, in little WhatsApp groups that I only find out from talking.

2:13 - 2:25

Like, Isy said he's so... Well, the main tie-in with Isy is that her partner is Elis James, who did our first ever episode.

2:25 - 2:34

So we get a really interesting glimpse behind the scenes of that. And a lot of his bluster is...

2:34 - 2:44

Would you say he comes across better in his episode or in this episode? In his episode, he comes across quite heroically.

2:44 - 2:54

In this episode, he comes across like a nine-year-old boy. You will know Isy from...

2:54 - 3:02

She's not doing much stand-up at the moment, but a wonderful stand-up comedian. Numerous TV appearances.

3:02 - 3:14

She was in Peep Show. She was Dobby in Peep Show. Yeah. She's in High Hoops at the moment, which is on CBBC, on Children's BBC, with...

3:14 - 3:26

I think Robert Webb is in that as well. About basketball. About basketball. She's in various other things that she hummed and hawed about whether she could announce.

3:26 - 3:35

But exciting news coming soon. Yeah, what a yesterday this is. It's great yesterday. This is what Isy Suttie did yesterday.

3:45 - 3:50

Isy Suttie, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Thank you. I'm delighted to be here.

3:51 - 4:03

You say that. I have chased you. I think one of the most embarrassing WhatsApps ever is me asking you to do this.

4:03 - 4:08

Now, there have been times where we haven't had a guest for tomorrow. So I've just been, can you do tomorrow?

4:08 - 4:19

And you respond in capitals, no. But in fairness, that never put me off. I just, like a dog returning to its own puke, I just kept coming back.

4:20 - 4:25

And now we have you. Also, I liked that we were sending each other photos.

4:25 - 4:32

You'd send me a photo of you, like, shot from below, like on it looking really glum when I said no.

4:32 - 4:38

And then I'd say, do ask again. And then you'd send one with your thumbs up, but still looking quite woeful.

4:38 - 4:47

That was like part of the exchange, wasn't it? Yeah. And then the true commitment was one where I got water and splashed it on my eyes.

4:48 - 5:00

So it looked like I'd been crying. And then to really emphasize what was going on, I poured water on the thighs of the canvas trousers I was wearing.

5:00 - 5:08

So it looked like there was pure splashdown of sadness. But looking back at that, it looks very weird.

5:08 - 5:11

It looks weird, Isy. Well, that was the thing that made me finally do it, actually.

5:12 - 5:16

I was going to say, Isy, that was my question. What finally, was it erosion?

5:17 - 5:21

Yeah. Or did you accidentally write yes? You accidentally wrote yes and then felt compelled.

5:22 - 5:31

Yeah. And then I couldn't take it out of the diary. No, it was like, you know, like if an old stray dog followed you home every day for a year and stood outside your door.

5:32 - 5:41

In the end, you would let it in. In the end. Yeah, we are the stray dog, the littlest hobo of podcasts.

5:42 - 5:45

No, I'm so, this is honestly such a good idea for a podcast. I love it.

5:45 - 6:01

I wish I'd thought of it. Max, this is also a very significant podcast because this, hoping you are still with Elis, James, this is the first ever partner of someone we've had already coming on.

6:02 - 6:06

Oh, really? Yeah. Did you know that Elis podcasts? Do you know that he podcasts?

6:07 - 6:12

Well, we don't listen to or read or watch really any of each other's stuff.

6:13 - 6:22

So, the only reason I know that he podcasts is because whenever I'm in the house, all I hear is him like laughing really loudly and doing different voices.

6:22 - 6:30

And then I, I realized that he's doing a podcast. So, I do know that he did the first one and then he was annoyed with me yesterday because I listened to Chloe Petts's one.

6:30 - 6:32

And he said, why didn't you listen to mine? And I said, because you did the first one.

6:33 - 6:47

So, the format might have changed since then. Yeah. The format hasn't really developed. Also, I mean, for the tape and some of our artists and listeners will know this.

6:47 - 6:57

It wasn't really the first one, Elis's one that we'd ever recorded because that was Nish and Nish had terrible, problematic insides.

6:57 - 7:05

And we decided as a group we couldn't put that out as the actual first one because no one would ever listen to another episode.

7:05 - 7:13

But Nish has fitted nicely into series one. But finally, we have you. Yeah. Thank you.

7:13 - 7:19

Elis is going to get quite thrown under the bus in this episode. Well, that's great news.

7:21 - 7:26

Max, I feel bad that I've never listened to the Guardian one. Like, I don't know anything about football.

7:26 - 7:37

That's fine. No, don't apologize at all. Okay. Don't apologize. And it's interesting. You say, the way you talk about when you hear Elis podcasting, Jamie, my wife, obviously you can only hear one bit of the conversation.

7:37 - 7:42

And whenever she's heard Football Weekly being recorded, afterwards she just says, nothing can be that funny.

7:43 - 7:54

So that's the review I get. Isy, one of my favorite facts about Max's Jamie is that she has so little interest in sport of any kind.

7:54 - 8:02

She just refers to all of it as the green. Max was just doing the green in there.

8:02 - 8:07

So you have a similar thing. Is that because it's always green? Like football fields?

8:07 - 8:13

The TV's just green. Yeah. I like that. What about when they play on clay in tennis?

8:13 - 8:19

I'm trying to think of exceptions. She'd probably still call it the green. Yeah. But I'm not big into Roland Garros.

8:19 - 8:24

So she's sort of safe that most of my, most of the sport she's sort of obliged to walk past.

8:24 - 8:30

It is green. Anyway, none of this matters. Isy, what time did you wake up yesterday morning?

8:30 - 8:38

What time did I wake up? I woke up at 7.30. Great. And I woke up in the bed of my son.

8:38 - 8:46

And Max, I know you have kids and you will understand this. I woke up in the bed of my son.

8:46 - 8:53

My daughter was sleeping in our bed, mine and Ellis' bed with Ellis. And my son was sleeping in my daughter's room.

8:53 - 8:59

So we were all in different beds apart from Ellis. And my son's got a really kind of wobbly bed.

8:59 - 9:04

It's like a waterbed. Do you remember when Edward Scissorhands, the bit where he sleeps in the waterbed?

9:05 - 9:12

And then he's... It's quite decadent. How old is he? It feels like a waterbed, but it's actually a normal...

9:12 - 9:24

Right, okay. It's so wobbly. But yeah, I love the idea that he's just like, he's got this massive room with a waterbed and like, yeah, maybe a miniature Ferrari and five Playstations and we're all...

9:24 - 9:29

A lava lamp just in the corner, yeah. How's the night's sleep been? It's not been a great...

9:29 - 9:35

It's been good. 7.30 seems a good time. Your tails are always like 4.30 when you wake up, Max.

9:36 - 9:40

Yeah, it's funny. I've listened to this podcast more than I've listened to anything Ellis has ever done.

9:40 - 9:47

But I know from listening to previous episodes, Max, that you do get up. You've got it a lot harder.

9:47 - 9:52

I think your kids are younger, aren't they? So our kids go to bed really late and they don't wake up.

9:52 - 9:56

We have to wake them up every day. I go to bed really late every night.

9:56 - 10:08

We're really bad at going to bed. Both of us are. And Ellis Redd, by the way, in case anyone's listening and they don't know who Ellis is, he's my husband and he used to do a podcast with Max or still does from time to time.

10:09 - 10:14

Well, what happens is he comes on sometimes. It's quite hard to pin him down for a whole episode.

10:14 - 10:22

So whenever whales are playing, I have to ask him in the same way that David asks you to come on this podcast.

10:22 - 10:27

I have to message him about 10 times to send us a voice note from whales, his latest victory or defeat.

10:27 - 10:36

But he does take it very, you know, he's very good. I mean, I'm not going to criticise him and he goes into great tactical detail and it's delightful that he does it.

10:36 - 10:41

But we don't really talk to each other very often. We just, I just get a voice note and go, thanks.

10:41 - 10:47

Do you get it right at the last minute by any chance? I'm not throwing Ellis under the bus as you can.

10:47 - 11:12

I'm not getting involved in this. This is really interesting because in Ellis's episode that you've never listened to, he very much portrays himself as this, I mean, kind of patriarchal figure where it's him in boxer shorts coordinating the morning and getting everyone ready and telling that they're a

11:12 - 11:18

snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Is this what's about to happen is what I mean.

11:18 - 11:30

So yesterday morning was even more stressful than usual in the morning because Ellis and Betty had to be at school by 8.45am because she had a cinema trip, a school trip that he was going on.

11:30 - 11:40

So he goes on all the school trips. I find it really stressful because you're in charge of like, I always get like a naughty kid who's going to run into the road, but he seems, he just, and he gives them all nicknames and he comes back.

11:40 - 11:45

It's like, he's had the greatest gig of his life. It's like, they all find me really funny.

11:46 - 11:51

That's so sad. It's like, I love it. I love it. They're a great audience.

11:52 - 11:58

So he was going on the school trip and he was very stressed. We had to do a packed lunch.

11:58 - 12:02

I did a packed lunch for both of them. So this was a different morning from usual.

12:02 - 12:08

So I got up at 7.30. This is what normally happens. I get up at 7.30. He lies in bed on his phone.

12:09 - 12:15

I go downstairs and make a cup of tea for myself and put the toast in for the kids and make the toast.

12:15 - 12:25

Then I come back upstairs and wake him up. Then I have a shower. And while I'm in the shower, he starts his running around in boxer shorts and snatching defeat from the jaws of victory stuff.

12:25 - 12:32

But he's been in bed on his phone for 20 minutes first. This is fascinating stuff.

12:33 - 12:38

And the real completists will listen to both episodes together. Yes, they must. They must.

12:38 - 12:44

He would deny that he's on his phone. It's like that lost time. You know, like when you think you haven't been on your phone and you've been on it for like two hours.

12:44 - 12:50

It's like a weird Bermuda Triangle where he would deny it ever happened. But that's what he's been doing.

12:51 - 12:54

I don't blame him. They're very addictive. But I'm quite more disciplined with my phone.

12:54 - 13:00

I hate looking at it first thing. So yesterday was that squared because they had to get to school early.

13:00 - 13:06

So you jump out of bed at 7.30? I got out of bed at 7.30. I went downstairs and made a cup of tea.

13:06 - 13:15

I got out the cucumber and carrots that I'd chopped the previous night and stored in the fridge in water because that's what you have to do with carrots if you cut them the night before.

13:16 - 13:22

Wow. It's high performance stuff. This is really good. I made sandwiches for Betty and Elle.

13:22 - 13:26

And then I went and had a shower and then he shouted. Sorry, what's in the sandwiches?

13:27 - 13:32

Sandwiches were cheese and pickle for him. And I said the pickle, how long has it been in there?

13:32 - 13:37

And he said, it'll be fine. Because he opens pickle and just leaves it in the fridge for ages.

13:37 - 13:41

But I think I'm much more cautious about using stuff. And then she's quite fussy.

13:41 - 13:45

So she had avocado, which sounds really middle class. But there's only about three sandwiches she'll eat.

13:45 - 13:51

So hang on, are you making Ellis a sandwich for his cinema trip? Yeah. Okay.

13:51 - 13:56

And he had to sit and eat the lunch with all the kids cross-legged on the floor.

13:59 - 14:18

He can't open the Capri Sun. Exactly. Give me an Ambongo, he says. Isy, I had a friend who sort of changed career in his early 30s and decided his passion was becoming a primary school teacher because like a curious mind, he wanted like to teach Pythagoras to six-year-olds.

14:18 - 14:29

And then it was on about day three, he realized the main job was he had to stand at the front with the scissors and they walked up with frubes.

14:29 - 14:38

Do you know frubes? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People would try to open them with their teeth, but the contents of the frubes would just go down your school jumper.

14:38 - 14:49

So it's just him with the scissors beheading the frubes, at which point he realizes this is not exactly what I thought this was going to be like.

14:49 - 14:55

Michelle Pfeiffer lied to us in that movie. Michelle Pfeiffer never has frubes on her top.

14:55 - 15:03

That's certainly the case. So you're in the kitchen and do the crew come down?

15:03 - 15:18

They have to be woken up, but Ellis normally brings them down. So he goes in and wakes them up and the cats, we've got two cats, they often meowing outside the door to be let into Betty's room and then they go in and Ellis goes in too.

15:18 - 15:25

And then he lies, lies down and tries to wake them up gently. But he's also like hissing, hurry up.

15:25 - 15:39

So it's quite weird for them. Is he, what would happen if you just went full sort of Victorian style and were like, came in with a bell, get up now, hosing them with cold water?

15:39 - 15:48

What do you think would happen then? I think my son would respond quite well to it, but our daughter's much more, oh, I can't, oh, the cat in here.

15:48 - 15:52

So I think if I did the bell thing, it would, she just wouldn't move.

15:52 - 16:00

She'd think it was a ghost or something. She'd think that I was just an apparition and she'd stay, like stay up there.

16:00 - 16:05

So do you go into the shower and then just stay in the shower for like an hour and a half and then everything is done?

16:05 - 16:15

Is that the plan? Just wait for it all to stop. Yeah. So I think that I believe that I'm the one who does the morning, but Ellis would say he's the one who does the morning, but it's because I'm the one who gets out of bed first.

16:16 - 16:20

Yeah. Like I have in my head, like I've done my bit, I've put their toast in.

16:21 - 16:25

But the truth is that he does the vast majority of it because I do curly girl method.

16:25 - 16:37

Do you guys know what that is? No, no. So I actually call my method Isy Girl Method because I've made it my own, but curly girl method is a massive thing on Instagram where if you've got curly or wavy hair, it's like

16:37 - 16:49

a way of life, really, like a religion. You have to buy specific products that don't have parabens or SLSs in it, a bit like you ultra-processed food, like you're avoiding the process stuff.

16:50 - 16:58

And then you have to get your hair soaking wet, then you have to put gel on it, then mousse, and then leave in conditioner, and then have it soaking wet.

16:59 - 17:08

And then you let it dry in these coils, and then you scrunch to release the crunch, which means you scrunch it and it kind of goes into soft curls.

17:09 - 17:15

And Isy Girl Method takes up like 10 minutes in the morning. I think 10 minutes is impressive to do that so quickly.

17:16 - 17:26

Do you? That sounded like an hour job because it's interesting because if you want to go gray early and get white, white hair, even before 50, what you have to do is use processed meat.

17:27 - 17:33

So I do a sort of reverse of that, and I just use corned beef, spam.

17:33 - 17:37

For the last 20 years, I've done that, and then you can go gray quicker than other people.

17:37 - 17:50

Isy, question. What would happen if you just used the David O'Doherty hair washing technique, which is do nothing, simply wet your hair till you get some sort of dandruff-like thing,

17:50 - 18:01

then use a medicated shampoo once every two weeks, and carry on. The cycle continues. What would happen to you as a curly girl if you were to use that system?

18:02 - 18:05

So I wouldn't wash my hair for two weeks, and then use a medicated shampoo.

18:05 - 18:12

Yeah, that makes it so dry, you almost cut your hand when you run your fingers through your hair.

18:12 - 18:24

You no longer have hair, you have crumpled parchment. Yeah. I think the first three days would be okay, the next five would be terrible. And I wonder if it would,

18:25 - 18:35

you know, like if people don't wash their hair for so long, I'm sorry, two weeks is a long time, like interesting things could happen to it. Maybe I'd just never want to wash it again. It might go

18:35 - 18:39

into natural curls. I mean, if you started putting this on Instagram, you could probably get...

18:39 - 18:51

It gets good numbers. My Irish co-host on Football Weekly that you've never listened to, Barry Glendenning, washes his hair three times a year. And it looks great. It looks fine.

18:51 - 18:58

You know, I have seen him, but I haven't met him. I've seen him across a room. What is his hair like?

18:58 - 19:05

How long is it? It's one single dread. It looks like a piece of roadkill that just sits on top of his head.

19:08 - 19:19

My question with that, Max, really is, is it on like special occasions? You know, is it the solstice? And he goes out at the first sign of sunrise and lashes it in Timotei?

19:19 - 19:23

No, what he does is the 1st of January, 2nd January, 3rd of January, then he gets good.

19:24 - 19:37

That's what he does. New Year's resolution. All these bottles of shampoo. So Ellis is downstairs doing stuff. You've washed your hair. You've done this impressive method.

19:38 - 19:42

Yeah, but I didn't do the busy girl method yesterday. I do it every other day. So that was a good day.

19:42 - 19:47

Ah, okay. I was going to Pilates, so I didn't have a shower yesterday. Good choice.

19:47 - 19:57

So the normal situation, I get in the shower, going to Pilates at 9.30, knew I was making the packed lunches, so I could go down and get the carrots out of the water, get everything ready, and then just get my clothes on.

19:57 - 20:06

Got it. And so by the time you've done that, how do we find the house downstairs once you return to, you know, the business of sorting your kids out?

20:06 - 20:12

So my son's got mama on toast and my daughter's got jam on toast, but she doesn't like the raspberry bit.

20:12 - 20:18

So they're probably halfway through that, and Ellis is like, come on, come on, like pacing around.

20:18 - 20:29

But he's often still in boxer shorts till about 8.42, just prowling around the house. He gets dressed at the very, very last minute.

20:29 - 20:38

Yeah, it's kind of, I guess, like I've never really watched football, but like I imagine a football manager would be, like pacing constantly and tense.

20:38 - 20:47

Swearing, throwing tea at people. Really, like he swears so much in the mornings. Yeah, throwing tea on himself and yeah.

20:47 - 21:00

He occasionally just reaches over to pick up the Tupperware and he drinks the carrot-y juice, the water that the carrots were sitting in for the night because he reckons it's filled with some ultra vitamins.

21:01 - 21:08

He's absolutely obsessed with stuff like that. Like if I cook kale in the microwave, he just drinks the water that the kale's been in.

21:08 - 21:14

Oh no. That's disgusting. Yeah, I know. Poor guy. Poor guy. Yeah, to live like that, I know.

21:14 - 21:24

But it's his choice. Like you can steam kale really quickly in the microwave by putting about four or five tablespoons of water and then a piece of wet kitchen roll over the kale and put it in for five minutes.

21:24 - 21:30

So he drinks like all this green water with all these bits in it. Does he eat the kitchen roll as well?

21:30 - 21:38

Does he do that? Yeah. Yeah. He cuts it into bits and puts them in his shoes and the body slowly absorbs it.

21:38 - 21:44

Right, I see. Over the course of the day. If you told him that that was a thing that Welsh people do, he would do it.

21:45 - 21:48

Like that's from ancient Wales. I'll do it. I'll do it. I won't question it.

21:49 - 21:56

Have you chosen an outfit for Pilates that you've come down in? I absolutely love how specific these questions are.

21:56 - 22:07

This is why I love the podcast so much. So I normally do. I normally lay out the night before, but we had an issue, which was that Betty had got into our bed about 10 o'clock the night before because she couldn't sleep.

22:07 - 22:17

So I was unable to lay out my outfit. And I go to lots of different Pilates classes, but the one I was going to yesterday, I'm the youngest, one of the youngest there, which is amazing.

22:17 - 22:23

I'm often the oldest there and it's at a church and everyone just wears whatever they want.

22:23 - 22:30

Whereas some of the other ones I go to, you have to think a little bit more about, I hate this fact, but like, you're like, oh, I'll wear my sweaty Betty t-shirt on.

22:31 - 22:37

Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So I wore, I just grabbed stuff yesterday morning. Because they're old.

22:37 - 22:43

Do you try and dress old? Like a sort of Victorian seamstress? Actually, yeah. Like, yeah, I've got three outfits.

22:43 - 22:52

I've got a Victorian one and I've got like rags, just general rags. And I've also got a clown outfit just to, well, just to cheer them up really.

22:52 - 22:59

Some of them are, you know, really old. Of course. Hello, Mrs. Simpkins. I'm ever so tired, pushing me barrow around these streets.

22:59 - 23:04

Do you mind if I join you for some Pilates? Chimney sweep. What's some Pilates?

23:05 - 23:10

Oh yeah. Chimney sweep. Yeah. Especially as my surname's Sutty. You know, everyone used to say.

23:10 - 23:13

Really good. Yeah. Yeah. You know, are you Sutty and have you been in the chimney?

23:14 - 23:31

Look, I realise we are not our partners, but imagine how much thought goes into, for example, if Elis is playing a five-a-side match, he'll be like, I'm going to dress in the Wales kit from 1977 or whatever.

23:31 - 23:36

So it's good in a way that you've just been more casual with today's Pilates.

23:36 - 23:49

I think generally his obsession with clothes has forced me to be more casual because I've seen the stress it reeks on him when he can't find the t-shirt from like 1951.

23:49 - 23:53

I was going to talk about this anyway, but I've got these bites all over me.

23:53 - 23:59

So we had bedbugs in November and this is one of the things. So yesterday morning I checked the bites.

23:59 - 24:06

I'm checking them every morning. I've got them all over my back and down my left wrist and on the heel of my hand and bedbugs bite in a line.

24:06 - 24:11

It's called breakfast, lunch and dinner. That's the official name of it. And they move that slowly.

24:11 - 24:15

So they have like, by the time they've got like an inch higher, it's lunchtime.

24:15 - 24:22

They're like, should we stop for lunch here? Like a hike. Yeah. They don't snack.

24:22 - 24:28

They just have three meals a day, breakfast, lunch and dinner. But actually I've got 13 along the vein on my wrist.

24:28 - 24:44

It's great. And I had to cover these up at Pilates yesterday. And I remembered halfway through, ran to my coat and got a plaster and had to put this dressing on them like surreptitiously while people were doing stretches and stuff.

24:44 - 24:47

Because I thought this is so gross that it looks like I've got the plague or something.

24:47 - 24:51

It's quite in keeping with the chimney sweep thing. Of course. Well, they're so old.

24:51 - 25:03

Well, they've probably all got the plague as well. Yeah, exactly. So the reason that I mentioned that is the last time we had bedbugs, which was last November, Ellis was abroad watching Liechtenstein.

25:04 - 25:10

That's about right. So I realised we had bedbugs over the course of two days.

25:10 - 25:15

And if you Google bedbugs, all you get is these people saying, I've got PTSD.

25:16 - 25:20

We had to move out of the house for months. And I was like, oh my God.

25:20 - 25:24

And then we found the carcasses, me and the kids in the bed. L was away.

25:24 - 25:29

I rang him and he didn't answer. And he never listens to his answer phone message.

25:29 - 25:32

So I text him a long message saying, we've got bedbugs. I'm going to have to get people out.

25:32 - 25:46

He just texts back saying, too drunk to talk, I'm afraid. That's not on. And then I got this guy to come round who sprays the whole room with a chemical.

25:46 - 25:56

Have you guys ever had bedbugs? No. Do you know what? With the amount I've gigged and the different places I've stayed in and you, David, I potentially had them twice in under six months.

25:56 - 26:01

I can't believe more comics don't get them because we stay in so many different hotels.

26:01 - 26:12

But this guy came round to spray everything. And I had to move every single item of clothing out of my analysis room in an hour with both kids and my mum and the childminder helping.

26:12 - 26:16

But my mum was just lecturing the childminder about how she doesn't eat enough protein the whole time.

26:16 - 26:28

And I was just like, oh my God. So we got everything out and there were so many football shirts stuffed under the bed that Ellis has bought and never opened from vintage.

26:28 - 26:35

I would never have known about this if we hadn't had bedbugs. I'd say three quarters of the clothes we had to move out were Ellis's.

26:36 - 26:46

Do you think he brought the Wales away shorts from 1986 from a man in Montenegro and the bedbugs came over in that packet, you know?

26:47 - 26:56

I mean, it's very, very possible. He's the one who buys all their Welsh kits and he wasn't there during the too drunk to talk, I'm afraid.

26:56 - 27:02

That's amazing. That's such a great response. Maybe that's it. Does he have that, you know, like when it says you can do one of those shortcuts as I'm in a meeting.

27:03 - 27:09

Call you later. Too drunk to talk, I'm afraid. Is it the I'm afraid that makes it great?

27:09 - 27:15

Because it feels a bit like a legal thing, doesn't it? Like I'm afraid. It's not an apology.

27:17 - 27:24

As I'm looking back at my numerous attempts to get you to do this podcast, I suddenly started noticing that you'd been saying that too.

27:24 - 27:33

Wow. But you've got bedbugs again, you think. But have you had them? So I'm very concerned that I have, because these bites have come up in the last four days.

27:33 - 27:39

So yesterday morning, before we all left, I got Ellis to check the ones on my back.

27:40 - 27:45

Right. Which are also in the breakfast, lunch and dinner line. Oh my goodness. And there are numerous ones on my back.

27:45 - 27:51

And then I got my son to count the 13 ones on my hands so we could, I try and turn it into a game because it's so.

27:51 - 27:58

Why not make the fun out of these things? Yeah, you're absolutely right. Any of the rest of the family afflicted or not?

27:58 - 28:03

No, but it was the same last time. And I was the only one who I seemed to react massively to.

28:03 - 28:08

And this is the thing about bedbugs. I've now become an expert on them. Not everyone shows the bites.

28:08 - 28:26

They get bitten, but they don't show. Wow. Isy, there's an unfortunate reference here that many of our Irish listeners will know as regards breakfast, lunch and dinner, which is, oh God, in Colin Farrell's sex tape from

28:26 - 28:44

about 2008, there's one point where him and a lady are together and he looks at her ample and beautiful parts and just says, there's breakfast, lunch and dinner in that.

28:44 - 28:55

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. It's a catchphrase that's used by many Irish people when you're in a restaurant and you get a large portion of anything.

28:57 - 29:03

That is fantastic. I thought you were going to say that there were bedbugs in the bed.

29:03 - 29:12

Can you imagine if you made a sex tape and viewers spotted bedbugs? We'd have to have a very good camera, wouldn't you?

29:12 - 29:28

You'd have to have a good camera. And also it would really ruin the horniness, I would say, for a lot of your viewers as well, if that's the function of the sex tape, and I guess it is, you would be doing well with bedbugs hopping around, you know?

29:29 - 29:39

The function of sex tapes is sometimes humiliation, isn't it? But it feels worse if you're covered in bedbug bites and they're running over your body whilst...

29:39 - 29:46

Is it worse? I think it is. It's worse no matter what the reason for releasing the sex tape is.

29:46 - 29:51

The way David said Coral and Farrell's sex tape from 2008 made it sound like he does one every year.

29:51 - 30:00

And this was the 2008-2009 season. Yeah, and then you'd get like a now, you know, like those now compilations of songs.

30:00 - 30:04

You could get every five years, they'd do a kind of mega mix of all the best bits.

30:05 - 30:12

Now that's what I call sex tape 24 with Aswad, an Aztec camera and all this.

30:12 - 30:20

Isy, tell us about Pilates. How did Pilates go? Did anyone keel over of the older people in the Pilates?

30:20 - 30:24

Is it the one with machines or is it the one where you just stand?

30:24 - 30:32

Sorry, have you had breakfast? Don't think she did. Oh my God. Oh God. Ellis took Betty up to school first because I had to be there for 8.45.

30:33 - 30:39

I walked up with my son. We got the bus, which often happens because we're running late from the bottom of the hill to the top of the hill.

30:39 - 30:47

I dropped him off and then I had half an hour before Pilates. My friend and David's friend, Daniel Kitson, lives very near school.

30:48 - 30:59

So I went to his house for about 19 minutes between drop-off and Pilates. Great. And he made me, I said, have you got anything for me to eat?

30:59 - 31:04

And he said, no. And then I said, haven't you got any eggs? And he said, no.

31:04 - 31:09

But then he revealed he had Greek yogurt, seeds, manuka honey. Like he just remembered.

31:09 - 31:14

So he made me a lovely breakfast. Was it ready as you entered the house?

31:15 - 31:19

No, but I love the idea that it was. And he was like, no, I haven't got anything.

31:19 - 31:26

And then I thought, oh, right, I can give it to her. No, but it was already kind of like near the edge of the cupboard.

31:26 - 31:33

He knew everything was. I love the idea that he didn't have anything except a, what's a microwave burger brand?

31:33 - 31:39

A Hustler. Oh, a Rustler's. A Rustler. Yeah. You had a Rustler just before Pilates.

31:39 - 31:54

I would say the least pre-Pilates snack of all. Have you ever had those, look like pot noodles, but it's a fry up and you pierce a kind of inner tube with a metal thing attached to the pot and it heats it all up.

31:54 - 32:01

And it's like sausages, egg, toast, beans, all of it. Sorry, sorry. Start that again.

32:01 - 32:07

There's a metal tube. You put it in a cooker. It's like a bomb. Yeah, essentially.

32:08 - 32:15

It detonates sort of enough heat for not to explode. Yes, exactly. Yeah. And it toasts the toast.

32:15 - 32:19

I mean, it doesn't sound like this toast is going to be. No, I think that everything's heated.

32:19 - 32:24

So the toast is already toasted and probably soggy, but it just is all heated up.

32:24 - 32:33

So it's a bit like a big pot noodle, but there's an inner bowl and an outer bowl and you pierce a kind of film that's covering.

32:34 - 32:39

I'm remembering this. This is from about 20 years ago when I was doing a gig and we got it from a service station.

32:40 - 32:44

Me and Greg Davis, and he ate it while he was driving. And he said, it's so hot.

32:44 - 32:48

It's so hot. I don't know Greg Davis, but that feels so on brand for someone I don't know.

32:48 - 32:58

So we got one each from a service station. We were so excited that he had to pierce this film and it released a chemical that heated the whole thing up.

32:58 - 33:03

I mean, it sounds like a weird dream, but it's definitely true. And it had all the ingredients of a fry up.

33:04 - 33:18

It's bad if your slogan for your food brand is the vaping of food. In fact, that'll probably be the end game of it is you can just get a vape that is a fry up vape and you take fry up juice.

33:18 - 33:27

I wonder if Elis would drink that. Interestingly, this is the second meal that Daniel Kitson has been involved with in the podcast because...

33:27 - 33:33

Is it one Mish? No. Who was doing the play in Birmingham? Tim. John Kearns.

33:33 - 33:39

John Kearns was doing the play in Birmingham and Daniel Kitson went to see the play and they had a Chinese meal, I think, together.

33:39 - 33:46

And now he's served yogurt. So what we need, apart from getting Daniel Kitson on the pod, is to get him to have lunch or serve lunch to someone.

33:46 - 33:49

And he will have done breakfast, lunch and dinner, but in a slightly different way.

33:50 - 33:56

He will. So he's done breakfast and he's done dinner. So we just need lunch.

33:57 - 34:01

Yeah, we need lunch. And then we've got our very own Daniel Kitson sex tape.

34:01 - 34:09

You need Tim on because Tim has lunch with him a lot. We did have Tim and he didn't have lunch with him, but maybe the repeat episode is possible.

34:09 - 34:12

Okay. So we have 19 minutes of Daniel Kitson's house and now we're off to Pilates.

34:12 - 34:19

And I also had about, yeah, five sips of peppermint tea and then he chastised me for not having drunk more of it.

34:19 - 34:24

I ran to Pilates, but I needn't have worried because it's much more chilled than some of the other ones.

34:24 - 34:32

In answer to your question, David, it's not on a machine. Yeah. I do do those ones too, but yesterday was in a church with...

34:32 - 34:42

Wow. You sprint up and down the altar. You raise a really heavy chalice numerous times, kneeling, standing, kneeling, standing.

34:42 - 34:46

Yeah. We use the, you know, those things that people kneel on, the tapestry things.

34:47 - 34:55

We use those as weights. Yeah. Support, support. It's a lot of support in Pilates, a lot of neck support, a lot of knee support.

34:55 - 35:00

The vicar joins in. Of course he does. You have to balance on the archbishop.

35:00 - 35:06

You have to throw a nun through a hoop, side plank on a cardinal, and then you're all done.

35:07 - 35:16

They love it. They love it. Yeah. So did Pilates. I wouldn't say I was the youngest one there yesterday, actually.

35:16 - 35:22

There were a couple younger than me, but it's a lovely vibe. Any celebs? No celebs.

35:22 - 35:31

Desmond Tutu. Tony Blair. Is he a celeb? Do you think he'd be described as a celeb?

35:32 - 35:40

He'd be an unsettling presence in your Pilates. You know, as in you would have a lot of...

35:40 - 35:45

Imagine if he was doing the class and it turns out that he's hit hard times recently.

35:45 - 35:52

So he gets 26 quid an hour for doing three Pilates classes a week. He's instructing.

35:52 - 36:00

Yes. Yeah. He's doing the non-aggressive, you know, the hand gesture he used to do, which is fists, but you raise your thumbs up.

36:00 - 36:07

So it's not too aggressive. So he'd be like, we need to loosen our glutes.

36:07 - 36:16

He'd say stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. It wouldn't be relaxing. But you'd maybe get like people who liked him going.

36:16 - 36:19

So in a way it would get people into Pilates who might not have tried it before.

36:20 - 36:32

Yes. It'd be you, Peter Mandelson and him. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Do we have a coffee with anyone afterwards or is it thank you, goodbye, out the door?

36:32 - 36:38

I had a coffee with myself. Oh, wow. What coffee are we having? Flat white.

36:38 - 36:45

Went to Sainsbury's first and bought the cat yogurt. The cats eat this weird salmon yogurt that you can only get from Sainsbury's.

36:45 - 36:55

Oh, God. What the hell is that this yogurt? Oh, fish yogurt is not the brand you want to get a whole array of, hello, dragons.

36:56 - 37:01

I'm asking for a hundred thousand pounds in return for 25% of my steak of fish yogurt.

37:02 - 37:09

The dragons all look on horrified and then in an absolute panic because you've made like 3,000 liters of it in a vat.

37:09 - 37:14

You go for cats and then suddenly they all just start throwing money at you.

37:14 - 37:23

That would be great TV. Those two words change everything. I can't tell you how quickly they eat this yogurt.

37:24 - 37:30

They go mad for it. They fight each other over it. Does it have chunks of salmon?

37:30 - 37:36

No, it's pink. It's smooth. It basically looks like yogurt we would eat, except it's salmon flavored.

37:36 - 37:44

Oh, wow. Has Elis ever tried it? Again, we could tell him it's got high performance benefits.

37:44 - 37:49

And Welsh people do it. Don't forget that. Yeah. It's the other big thing. Yeah.

37:50 - 37:55

It's all the rage. Does that sound like something that would sponsor the diary of a CEO, wouldn't it?

37:55 - 38:01

Yeah. You can have a tuna Alpro. Does it sound like, you know, that guy, Brian Johnson?

38:02 - 38:06

The one who's trying to live forever? It maybe sounds like something he might eat.

38:06 - 38:17

Yeah. Or sort of lather himself in, you know, like a turbot yacht play. Okay.

38:17 - 38:21

Okay. So you get them, you get yourself a flat white to take away or do you drink in?

38:21 - 38:29

I drank in and I read my book. Oh, wow. What are we reading? I'm reading Entitled, which is the story of Andrew and Fergie.

38:29 - 38:38

Okay. Yeah. I can't stop reading it. It's very repetitive because they have so many affairs and owe so much money.

38:38 - 38:44

It's like in different locations. They, it's really well researched and I'm finding it very interesting to read.

38:44 - 38:52

And it's very easy to read. And what an odd, like, because you don't really, you know, people that we sort of hear so much about, we don't know anything about.

38:52 - 38:58

It's fascinating. And I keep Googling all the names in it because there's so many different names in it and they're all just sort of old and rich.

38:59 - 39:02

Like I want to Google every single one of them and see what they're doing now.

39:02 - 39:07

I don't know why I've got so into it. It's like, I think it's because his life is quite hard now.

39:07 - 39:13

It's sometimes really, this is what I did in COVID. I only wanted to read thrillers because they were always in a worse situation than me.

39:14 - 39:18

And I think there's something really nice sometimes about going, oh my God, at least I'm not Andrew and Fergie.

39:19 - 39:23

All I've got to do is fill out a form for secondary school and put a wash on.

39:24 - 39:29

Everything's okay. I do read an awful lot. But I've got a New Year's resolution to read two books a month.

39:29 - 39:42

So I keep a little note. Two a month. Wow. I will say recent events have really affected my enjoyment of Big Z the Helen Copter, Fergie's children's book from maybe 15 years ago.

39:42 - 39:50

I just find it hard to read it in the same way. Big Z the Helen Copter needed to go to a South Pacific Island.

39:52 - 39:58

Why? We can't go into this. And there's a blacked out page. There's three redacted pages afterwards.

40:00 - 40:07

Oh God, sorry. Big Z's lawyers said that Big Z didn't need to answer any questions.

40:11 - 40:19

Okay, so we've had solo coffee. This is a lovely day now. Just sorry. I know this is your day.

40:19 - 40:27

What film concurrently to this? What film is Elis and the school group going to see?

40:27 - 40:34

How to Train Your Dragon. Sinners. They're all going to be sinners. Kids are like what?

40:34 - 40:45

They love it. They love sinners. How to Train Your Dragon. And he said that when they were in the cinema, it was amazing because there's a bit where two people kiss and the kids were like, wow.

40:46 - 40:51

He said when you're with a group of 11 and 12 year olds, they're like, whoa, dude.

40:53 - 40:57

And apparently there were two old women in the cinema trying to watch it and that was it.

40:57 - 41:03

It was just the school and these two old women. Oh man. Okay, so we've had a coffee.

41:04 - 41:08

We read our book. What are we off to do? So I have to say, I do sometimes do work.

41:08 - 41:16

But yesterday was kind of a day off. So I came home and I made some, so I was very hungry by then.

41:16 - 41:31

So I had some chicken bone broth and some sourdough toast. And I watched the end of an ITV drama that I've been watching called Gone, which has David Morrissey and Eve Miles in it.

41:31 - 41:35

Oh, I love David Morrissey. Oh, me too. He's a lovely man. Have you met him?

41:35 - 41:40

I met him once and he was really nice. Yeah, I have. Okay. And he's a big talk sport listener.

41:40 - 41:45

How many times have you met him? Oh, I think once, maybe twice. Oh my God, I've only met him once.

41:45 - 41:52

But I'd say I've got like four direct messages from him. Oh my God. Maybe saying, thanks for saying immigrants are fine.

41:52 - 41:58

Because I sometimes say that on talk sport. Just that, immigrants are fine. Yeah. Yeah.

41:59 - 42:05

Now Everton. Oh, that's good. That's good. Tell us about... He's a good egg. Yeah.

42:05 - 42:09

What's it about? Because it was quite tense. I'll tell you what it's about. Have you seen it, David?

42:10 - 42:15

No, we don't really get ITV here. But I know that like, so Gone, it's going to be...

42:15 - 42:20

It's gritty. It's gritty, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. But it's set on like a Scottish island.

42:20 - 42:26

You know, it's set on Orkney. Six girls have gone missing over the last 20 years.

42:26 - 42:32

And there is a retiring local constable who's never thought fit to investigate it, really.

42:33 - 42:44

He's like, these things just happen on islands. That's what he's saying. And the new younger cop comes in and he's decided to open the files.

42:45 - 42:54

Yeah. And he's told like, don't go there. Yeah. Just don't go there. Yeah. And then he finds one person who's prepared to talk.

42:55 - 42:59

Yeah. But they like live on their own in a shed and they can't be trusted.

42:59 - 43:04

Yeah. And there's a lot of David Morrissey being annoyed and getting into a Volvo quite quickly.

43:05 - 43:17

Yeah. And he's going through some personal problems as well. Yes. His partner, because they've moved from the city where they were part of like the serious crime squad in L.A.

43:17 - 43:23

Yeah. His partners, they want to move back into the city again. I don't want to be here on this island.

43:23 - 43:29

Is that what happens in Ghana? And then the partner says, if you don't solve this crime within a week, we're moving back.

43:29 - 43:37

Yes. Yes. I like it when people say that kind of things in relationships. If you don't find us a new place to live in a week, I'm leaving.

43:37 - 43:42

I don't think that kind of thing happens enough in real life. And you get a response from that.

43:42 - 43:50

I'm afraid. I'm too grimped to respond. Sitting next to you in front of the counsellors.

43:54 - 44:05

Actually, following anything with I'm afraid really like softens the blow. No, it's not what happened, but it is a really, really good idea.

44:06 - 44:11

And you should definitely pitch that, David. David Morrissey is a suspect in the disappearance of his wife.

44:11 - 44:17

He's a schoolmaster of a very exclusive private school. And he lives in a big house on the grounds of the school.

44:18 - 44:26

Eve Miles is the cop who's going through personal problems and is a bit kind of maverick with a boss who thinks she needs to stay in line.

44:26 - 44:34

And she also has personal problems. That's how it begins. Shit. Is she told at some point, you do that one more time and I'm taking you off the case?

44:34 - 44:40

Yeah, exactly. That kind of thing. You're the family liaison officer. Get back to the house and do your job.

44:40 - 44:45

Yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah. Well, no spoilers, but I think he's innocent. What do you think, David?

44:46 - 44:53

I think he is innocent, but he knows more than he's letting on. Are you satisfied with how it ends?

44:53 - 45:01

If this is the last episode, are you happy with how it finishes? I was happy with how they tied up the main story, but I felt they left another strand open.

45:01 - 45:09

But I'm wondering if that's because they're going to do another series. Oh, okay. Another six women have gone missing on Orchie.

45:09 - 45:14

Shetland, stolen away. Okay. Where next? Okay. What time are we at now? Is it?

45:14 - 45:20

What time is it? Sort of early afternoon? So that was about half one. And then I had grapes, blueberries.

45:21 - 45:27

Whoa. And a kiwi fruit. Very healthy. Thank you. Yeah. I try and, we try and be a bit healthier in the world.

45:27 - 45:32

I absolutely love cooking. So when I've got a day off, I like try and cook or...

45:32 - 45:39

I don't think grapes and kiwi fruit are cooking, with all due respect. They are when you heat them in a saucepan for two hours, actually, Max.

45:39 - 45:44

You've got them in a tin and you just pierce a film and then it heats the grapes to boiling point.

45:44 - 45:49

Air fry them. Yeah. 36 kiwi fruits in an air fryer for an hour. Just see what happens.

45:49 - 45:57

I'm in a rustler burger. I had grapes, kiwi fruit and blueberries and I did some knitting.

45:57 - 46:11

Whoa. What are we making? So I'm making a cardigan for my daughter, but because I've been away and I think I've brought new bed bugs back, potentially, or it could be the old bed bugs biting me, which can happen.

46:12 - 46:18

I've had to freeze everything that was in the bag that I had when I was away and throw the bag away.

46:18 - 46:22

So that's in the garden in black bin bags and Elis needs to take it to the tip.

46:22 - 46:29

And so my knitting is in the freezer. And it has to be in there for four or five days.

46:30 - 46:37

So with knitting, if you want straight needles, which is the sort of, if you imagine a cartoon of someone knitting, it's two needles.

46:37 - 46:41

But there are different ways you can have it in it in the round, which means there's no seam.

46:41 - 46:47

You have the back, which is one panel. You have the left front and the right front and then two sleeves.

46:47 - 46:51

So it's normally five separate pieces. And then you sew it all together at the end.

46:51 - 46:55

So I've done the back and the thing that's in the freezer is the right front.

46:55 - 47:01

So I've started the left front, but I've had to get a new needle from the childminder because the needle is in the freezer as well.

47:02 - 47:05

Are all the clothes in the freezer? Like this, how you get rid of bed bugs?

47:05 - 47:10

No, only the knitting's in the freezer because that can't be washed at 60 degrees because it's on the needle.

47:10 - 47:21

Everything else was washed at 60 degrees and the bag's been chucked away. Okay. Understood. You could get into the freezer though and just do a little bit, you know, so long as you were all sub-zero.

47:21 - 47:30

I think that might be a way of getting it finished. What, like maybe hire a walk-in freezer than I could go in in loads of layers and knit in the freezer so the knitting itself didn't.

47:30 - 47:41

That's a really good idea. There's a scene in Rocky where he is training while punching hanging slabs of meat in a giant freezer.

47:41 - 47:48

I remember that, yeah. It's possible he just had bed bugs and that was the only way he could train is his tracksuit.

47:49 - 47:55

Sorry, is there a motif on the cardigan or have you just gone for a solid block colour?

47:55 - 48:01

Neither of those things. It's one of those walls that gradually changes colour, which I always really like knitting with.

48:01 - 48:10

Now, the problem is going to be one of the pieces is in the freezer and I daren't get it out in case it sort of brings us back to square one with the bed bugs.

48:10 - 48:19

So I don't know if it's going to match the other front piece. So it might be that when she's got this cardigan on, the stripes are out of line and I didn't want that, but there's nothing I can do about it.

48:19 - 48:33

But it is bothering me. My fear here, Max, is that say if Isy was making, or indeed Elis comes back, sorry, I'm drunk, I'm afraid, and is doing something like turkey mints.

48:33 - 48:48

You know, he throws together something with like garlic and ginger, just like we need more turkey mints and then sees it because you would imagine a knitted front panel would look a bit like maybe lamb mints or something like that.

48:48 - 48:52

And he tosses it in. Oh, yes. And he's just like there going, this really isn't cutting up.

48:52 - 49:01

You know, he's like constantly got the spatulas, like get the mints apart. And it's really, this mints is, how long has this mints been in the freezer?

49:01 - 49:13

He's thinking months. Why is it multicolored? And then even worse, then Isy goes to get the cardigan, but then she actually takes out some mints and then your daughter, one panel of her cardigan is pork mints.

49:15 - 49:21

I've got to remember to get that knitting out, guys. But you know how that would end if Elis did the cooking?

49:22 - 49:25

This could be his catchphrase. It would just be too drunk to cook, I'm afraid.

49:25 - 49:35

Yeah, exactly. Sorry, I thought how it ended, and this is very bleak, is that Elis eats it, digests it.

49:35 - 49:43

And is it Jason and the Minotaur? Who in mythology finds the way out of the labyrinth using a piece of wool?

49:43 - 49:50

Yes. Well, he has the same thing, except... Is it Theseus? Isn't it Theseus? The wool is coming directly out of his butt.

49:51 - 50:06

Theseus. Theseus. Not Jason Orange. It wasn't Jason Orange. It was Theseus. Well, let's get Mary Beard back on and ask her if Jason Orange ever swallowed a jumper and then had wool coming out of his butthole.

50:06 - 50:14

And that's how he got out of Laser Quest. So, hang on, right? The wool is coming out of his bum.

50:15 - 50:20

Because you've knitted it, right? The wool starts to unravel, but it comes out... Inside him.

50:20 - 50:31

No, no, no, no. What has to happen is, as he's going into wherever the Minotaur is, he's already excreted a bit of the wool and it catches on a door or something.

50:31 - 50:37

And then... A nail. He doesn't notice that it's unravelling. He doesn't feel this wool coming out of his arse.

50:37 - 50:41

Because he's so scared. It's a scary time. He's too drunk to notice, I'm afraid.

50:41 - 50:46

And then eventually Jason Orange. Is it still Jason Orange or is it... Is it Ellis?

50:46 - 50:57

Is it them together? It's them together. It's Ellis and Jason Orange. They kill the Minotaur and then they notice that this wool is sticking out of Ellis' arse and that's how Jason Orange lives.

50:58 - 51:04

And then he later joins Take That. Yes. He never talks about that in the interviews with Smash Hits, which is weird.

51:08 - 51:15

My friend used to have a massive dog and they were walking behind it one day in the woods and she noticed something sticking out of its bum.

51:15 - 51:19

Oh, I've heard about this. And the thing was swinging from side to side like a pendulum.

51:19 - 51:32

And she got closer and closer and it was a spoon in a sock. So it had come out, the sock was sticking out of its arse, but the spoon was making it swing like a pendulum.

51:33 - 51:38

And they spent so long thinking, did he eat, was the spoon already in the sock when he ate it?

51:38 - 51:46

And if so, why would that have been? But also if he'd eaten them separately, how in the dog's stomach could a spoon have gone into a sock?

51:49 - 51:56

Maybe the spoon thought it was a sleeping bag and was tired. Yeah. And that's the only possible explanation, isn't it?

51:56 - 52:06

Do you know what that reminds me of? Do you remember being in primary school and the teacher would read like one of Aesop's fables and you'd be like, I don't think there's any moral to this.

52:06 - 52:18

And the moral is be prepared or something like that. And you're like, but that was the story of a spoon in a sock endlessly dangling from a dog's arse.

52:21 - 52:26

So anyway, what's happening? You've done your knitting. Okay. You've knitted your port cardigan and now what's happening?

52:26 - 52:36

So then I did a lot of admin stuff. So I did stuff for the secondary school that Betty's got into, had to supply a lot of information.

52:36 - 52:41

And as you saw at the beginning of the call, I'm really not very good with tech.

52:41 - 52:47

I used to say I was like an old person, but my mum is actually really good with tech and she's like over 80.

52:47 - 52:54

So I don't know what I'm like. To the listeners, when this call started, Isy's mic was so loud.

52:54 - 53:02

We could hear her internal organs. It was like that scene in James Bond where basically one producer was killed by the noise.

53:02 - 53:13

His ears started that. We could hear enzymes being secreted really loudly. We could hear the bed bugs having a conversation going, should we stop here?

53:13 - 53:21

I would stop off here. Have a spot of dinner. Then I've had to rejoin the call on a different Wi-Fi.

53:22 - 53:29

I don't have an interest in tech and I don't. And I get very, so I was the wrong person to do all this stuff, but I was trying to fill out this form.

53:29 - 53:36

And then I had to call Ellis down and I was saying, oh, I can't get the driving license the right way round.

53:36 - 53:39

And he was showing me how to rotate it. So that went on for about an hour.

53:39 - 53:44

And in the end, I just had to go in this morning to the actual school and get them to help me to do it.

53:45 - 53:50

So he's come back from how to train your dragon? Yeah. He got back at two.

53:51 - 53:56

With your daughter? No. So she went back to school for the last hour and a half and he came home.

53:56 - 54:02

And it's not his day, but had he had a good time or is he stressed when he gets back?

54:02 - 54:06

No, really buzzing. He was telling me all the nicknames that he's given the kids.

54:07 - 54:12

Fuck face. Yeah. It feels like I'm not being funny, but like quite an easy gig.

54:12 - 54:17

Like he was almost referring to it like a standup gig, but like he would give them names like Max.

54:17 - 54:22

He would have called you like, hey, I called Max Max Meister. Yeah. And I called David Dave Meister.

54:22 - 54:27

Yeah. They loved it. And it was very sweet, actually. It was very sweet. It was lovely.

54:27 - 54:31

And I'm always very grateful when he goes on these trips because I find it really stressful.

54:31 - 54:39

It is a funny idea because Elis is making his long-awaited return to stand-up in English.

54:39 - 54:50

If he had just taken the opportunity just before the trailers begin in the cinema that just has the school group and two old ladies in it just to bust out a new 20.

54:50 - 54:57

I wouldn't have put it past him. So it must be near pick-up time. That's sort of where we're approaching, right?

54:57 - 55:04

Yeah. But the childminder was getting them yesterday. So I had more time to watch ITV in it.

55:04 - 55:09

But did a wash? Elis likes hanging washing out. So I put it on and he hangs it out.

55:09 - 55:13

What are we putting it? 40 degrees? What's the... Yeah. Tell us the cycle. Yeah, sure.

55:13 - 55:17

So it was the stuff that I'd worn for Pilates, even though I really hadn't sweated very much, but...

55:17 - 55:25

Go again. Go again with that. Well, put it in, David, I'm afraid. So I will bear that in mind though, but I do get a bit like, oh, I don't want to put that back on.

55:25 - 55:30

So that went in at 30 degrees for 30 minutes. What spin have you got it set to?

55:31 - 55:36

1400? So I prefer the delicate cycle, but that takes an hour and 10, where the spin is lower.

55:36 - 55:43

I think the spin is quite high on the express one. I don't even remember the exact number, but I do often look at it and think, oh, is that a bit high?

55:43 - 55:51

But I just go for it. Yeah. Like a maverick. Sometimes they come out like they've been roughed up, you know, because they've been spun around so much.

55:51 - 56:00

But with polyester Pilates gear, it's probably fine. Yeah, I think it's fine. But a lot of it's cotton, but it's still fine.

56:00 - 56:07

So we've done the wash. I then remembered I didn't have to cook anything for dinner because we were having trout that I made last night.

56:07 - 56:13

Yogurt. Trout yogurt. Trout yogurt. Yeah. Very important element that I left out. Yogurt. Trout yogurt.

56:15 - 56:26

Yeah, I made it that the night before. I played Pac-Man on the computer, which is a thing that I do now and again to reward myself.

56:26 - 56:32

Like if I've finished my bit of work or, and I think it's the same area of my brain that I use for knitting.

56:32 - 56:46

You do know that there have been advances in gaming since. Did Elis give it to you for your birthday and be like, this is the new thing.

56:46 - 56:52

But take care. It's so addictive. I've heard there are people who don't sleep anymore.

56:52 - 57:03

They're just, they see ghosts when they close their eyes. As you know, I hate tech and I don't understand how to even save it on the computer.

57:03 - 57:09

So I just Google play Pac-Man online full screen. I type it out every time.

57:09 - 57:16

And I know that it's the fourth link that comes up. And the one that I play isn't even the normal Pac-Man grid.

57:16 - 57:22

It's a Pac-Man that's in the shape of Google, but I think was produced as a part of like a celebration of Google.

57:22 - 57:30

So you're eating the little things around the letters, Google, but I've grown to quite like it because I don't know how to get the other screen.

57:31 - 57:39

How long do you play this special Google version of Pac-Man? Five hours. Yeah, about 10 hours a day.

57:40 - 57:44

So I play three games. I only played one yesterday because I ran out of time.

57:45 - 57:48

I had to go and pick the kids up. Sorry. I have a question here.

57:48 - 57:53

Yeah. Is the trout fully cooked the night before? And had you had trout for dinner the night before?

57:53 - 58:00

So you're going for double dinner, double same dinner. Yeah. It must've been delicious. It was really delicious.

58:00 - 58:08

And I feel like trout gets quite a bad rap. Yeah. I'm going to say if I'd had trout, and I don't think I've actually ever eaten trout, I find with fish,

58:08 - 58:13

if I don't eat it on the night, we're not having those leftovers. Really? I don't trust fish overnight.

58:14 - 58:19

Why not? I don't trust fish. I don't really trust fish at all. But like when we cook it, we go, is it cooked?

58:19 - 58:24

To the point where we've mashed every single bit of the fish up, looking at it going, I'm not sure if this is good.

58:24 - 58:29

And then we just eat it and we get it out of the way so we can have bolognese the next day.

58:30 - 58:34

And do you do that thing where I do sometimes think, was it cooked? Oh, we'll know in the next six hours.

58:35 - 58:41

Yeah. Oh, it's midnight and night. Yeah. I know what you mean, but is it that fish are a bit sort of sinister?

58:42 - 58:46

And like, is there something a bit weird about fish, I suppose, compared to meat maybe?

58:47 - 59:02

I know what you mean. Although I come across as a urbane city slicker, I have an islander aspect to me because my granny lived on Achill Island off County Mayo and they're jutting into the Atlantic.

59:02 - 59:11

And so I'm a man who knows how to gut a fish. I know how to pull a fish out of the sea, gut it and put it on a fire on the beach.

59:12 - 59:17

You know what I mean? That is so cool. So these things hold no fear for me.

59:17 - 59:27

So I'm not like you landlubbers. I just, I dive in, bite the head off the fish and just eat it like Top Cat eating a fish.

59:27 - 59:32

So there's just the vertebrae, you know what I mean? Just the classic fish head left.

59:32 - 59:37

Do you put your finger in the mouth of it and wiggle it up and down when you gut it?

59:39 - 59:46

No, I treat it respectfully and I go from it sort of butthole up, turn it upside down.

59:46 - 59:56

Once again, sorry, I hate to say this, David, but this is almost consecutive podcasts where you've said respectfully or with respect and then you've gone straight for the butthole of the passing card.

59:56 - 1:00:06

I don't think it's respectful at all. The last time Isy was when he was trying to say a moomin looked like a butt plug and he said with all respect to a moomin and then said it like a butt plug.

1:00:06 - 1:00:10

And now you're saying respectfully, you take a cod and you just started its butt hole.

1:00:10 - 1:00:17

Got at the arsehole. I wonder if it's a bit like I'm afraid. If you say respectfully, you could kind of do...

1:00:19 - 1:00:27

I think you're right. Anyway, we haven't got to the trout yet, Isy. We are, we've got to pick up the kids from the childminder, right?

1:00:27 - 1:00:33

Pick up the kids from the childminder. Drove up, we've got a new car. So I'm very careful when I drive it because...

1:00:33 - 1:00:38

A Hummer. Is it a Hummer? It's a Hummer. It is. No, it's a nice vehicle.

1:00:38 - 1:00:41

At least I have a Volkswagen Golf. Oh, I was in it. I was in it post...

1:00:41 - 1:00:52

Were you in it post-spill? Max, there was a large pot of paint. The pot of paint was sitting in the footwell of the passenger seat, I believe.

1:00:52 - 1:00:56

No, this is Ellis' version. Tell your version first and I'll tell you the truth.

1:00:57 - 1:01:17

The brakes were hit in anger. The pot dived forward, opened, and then, because Isy just kept driving, like paint just started to slew around the entire and included in, because you could see the palm prints,

1:01:17 - 1:01:25

there were various efforts made just to sort of tamp down the paint. Like, it'd be like paint, just push it over there.

1:01:25 - 1:01:33

There's two sides to every story as Extreme's album was called. That's one of the first songs I learned how to play on the guitar.

1:01:34 - 1:01:45

More than words. Oh, of course, yeah. So, I was driving home from B&Q with paint on the passenger seat, not in the footwell, on the passenger seat.

1:01:45 - 1:01:50

Got it. There's nothing wrong with that, right? I'm in a hurry. Yeah. I'm in a hurry.

1:01:50 - 1:01:54

It's on the passenger seat. We're going to Portugal the next morning. We haven't packed.

1:01:54 - 1:01:59

We're having the house hall painted while we're away by John. John wants to know what colour paint.

1:02:00 - 1:02:02

We've left it until the last minute to choose it. I go to B&Q.

1:02:02 - 1:02:13

John Robbins. John Robbins. John Robbins. Yeah, he loves painting. Loves it. I've chosen a farrow and ball colour, but they've mixed it in B&Q to match the colour.

1:02:13 - 1:02:18

They give me the pot in B&Q. How many litres? Like, loads of litres.

1:02:18 - 1:02:22

Like, enough for a whole hall. That's what it says, loads of litres. Loads of litres.

1:02:23 - 1:02:32

Loads of litres. You'd have to have a measurement on here. Right, so it isn't like a metal tin that you would buy off the shelf.

1:02:32 - 1:02:36

It's one that they've mixed in a special machine. Got it. Yeah. That's quite key.

1:02:37 - 1:02:42

That's on the passenger seat. I'm driving along. Do they put a lid on it or are they just giving you like an open?

1:02:42 - 1:02:48

They put a lid on it. Okay. Have you put a seatbelt around it? Therein lies the rub.

1:02:48 - 1:02:53

It's on the passenger seat. It's got a lid on it, but it's like the kind of lid.

1:02:53 - 1:03:01

It's like a Tupperware lid as opposed to... It's like a saucepan lid. It's just gently sitting on top of the boiling carrots.

1:03:01 - 1:03:09

A tagine. Yeah. It's the lid of a tagine. Yeah. A tagine of paint. A tagine of paint.

1:03:10 - 1:03:18

That's like peak Farrow and Ball where they start selling painted tagines. Yeah, because it's like crunch corner, isn't it?

1:03:18 - 1:03:27

Isn't it? A tagine is different level. Oh no, that's a tarine. A tarine of paint would be different colours that you yourself mix together like a crunch corner.

1:03:27 - 1:03:34

A tagine is a tagine. So go on. The paint, it's sitting there. Paint's on the passenger seat.

1:03:34 - 1:03:45

This is in the previous car. I'm driving along. I'm stressed. The alarm starts going off because the car thinks there's someone sitting in the passenger seat and they don't have their seatbelt on.

1:03:45 - 1:03:50

Oh yeah. Farrow and Ball are both sitting in it. It's a lot of paint then, isn't it?

1:03:50 - 1:03:55

Yes. Loads of litres. Yeah. Okay. Mia Farrow and Michael Ball are both sitting there.

1:03:56 - 1:04:02

Got on very well. They're sitting side by side. So I'm stressed and I'm like, I'm not pulling over.

1:04:02 - 1:04:12

Fucking why is this alarm going off? So I get to a red light and I gently swipe the pot of paint onto the floor.

1:04:12 - 1:04:17

You know, like if you would imagine you've got like a cushion on the sofa, you just swipe it onto the floor.

1:04:17 - 1:04:27

It's a quick action. Gentle though. Gentle. I carry on driving and then out of my peripheral vision, I just see a sea of blue.

1:04:28 - 1:04:40

And bright blue. It's really bright blue. And yeah, within, I'd say four seconds of me swiping the paint pot onto the floor, the lids come off and it's just full.

1:04:40 - 1:04:46

The footwell is full of paint. Full. And it's sloshing around and the car was such a mess.

1:04:47 - 1:04:52

There's things in there already like kids' paintings and old lids of things and chocolate bar wrappers.

1:04:52 - 1:04:57

They are kind of now involved in this sea. So I rang Ellis and tried to explain.

1:04:58 - 1:05:12

He couldn't understand how it could have happened. The techniques we could have tried here, pulled over, get a tube and you know the way people take petrol from engines of cars.

1:05:12 - 1:05:18

You suck the tube till the paint starts to come along it and then you simply refit.

1:05:18 - 1:05:22

That's what I would have done. Yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, that's a great idea.

1:05:22 - 1:05:34

But it flows out of its own accord. Yeah. I would have gone onto either a sort of Hot Wheels loop the loop or a wheel of death and driven so many times that it had perfectly painted the interior of the car blue.

1:05:34 - 1:05:42

That's a great idea. And me. And then I would have joined the Blue Man Group and had a very successful West End career for a few years.

1:05:42 - 1:05:47

But you'd never be able to wash. That's a small price to pay for my future success.

1:05:47 - 1:05:56

He'd wear a little white trousers and refer to himself as football smurf. Okay, so this is a new car.

1:05:56 - 1:05:59

So it's a new car. The paint in the footwell was the icing on the cake.

1:05:59 - 1:06:04

Did that affect the resale price? The car was scrapped. Right, okay. It wasn't because of the paint.

1:06:05 - 1:06:11

It then broke down. It was ready to go. Yeah, yeah. So I've already scraped the new car.

1:06:11 - 1:06:19

I've scraped the wheel arches the first time I drove it. And I've now scraped a massive dent down the hole of the left side trying to get into a multi-story car park.

1:06:20 - 1:06:24

So I'm really trying now not to do anything else and I'm not allowed to take paint in it.

1:06:24 - 1:06:39

I'm afraid. So I parked very carefully with the new car and then I picked up my son only because my daughter was at a party till 7.30.

1:06:40 - 1:06:49

I then drove Stefan home. We had the trout and then Ellis went to pick Betty up and I cleared up the kitchen.

1:06:49 - 1:07:10

Ellis came home at about eight and he then ate cornflakes and five or six Welsh cakes and then said that he was too full to help with the kids and that he needed to go for a bike ride to let the trout go down.

1:07:13 - 1:07:19

So hang on. He had trout and then as a chaser had cornflakes and Welsh cakes.

1:07:20 - 1:07:35

Yeah. Whoa. That's crazy. And sorry, this is a very David at RD detail. Is his go for a bike ride, does he have one of those indoor ones set up or is he actually going out in his bike like an 11 year old just riding around the block

1:07:35 - 1:07:40

pretending he's in chips? He's going around the block and I know that you have 19 bikes.

1:07:40 - 1:07:53

Is that right? Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. So he sort of was saying the other day he bought a second bike and they're both in the utility room where the cats eat their yogurt and he said David's got 19 bikes so you should think yourself lucky I've only got two.

1:07:53 - 1:07:59

So he takes one of his two and he goes no, round the park for about an hour to try and...

1:07:59 - 1:08:05

To get the trout down. Yeah. Did you say well if you hadn't eaten five Welsh cakes you wouldn't need or maybe that was always part of his plan?

1:08:05 - 1:08:14

Well I felt so sorry for him because he was sort of clutching his stomach and lurching to the side I actually didn't.

1:08:14 - 1:08:18

He laid down for about half an hour then he announced he had to go for this bike ride.

1:08:19 - 1:08:23

What did you do with the kids while this was happening? This is sort of getting ready for bed?

1:08:23 - 1:08:26

Yeah getting ready for bed. They didn't have a bath they have a bath every other night.

1:08:26 - 1:08:33

I checked I said to them both have you got any bites? No. My daughter claimed to have one but that wasn't true so that's okay.

1:08:33 - 1:08:39

Check them for bites every day. Ellis acts with the bites as if I'm making it up even when he can see them.

1:08:40 - 1:08:49

The ultimate gaslighting. It is. So is the hope that the bed bugs will just confine themselves to your bed?

1:08:49 - 1:09:00

I mean that is ultimate parenting. Yeah I know but the problem is we swap beds around so much because people can't sleep and they move beds and so I'm worried I've already taken Stefan's bed.

1:09:00 - 1:09:05

The plan now is I'm not joking to get sniffer dogs if I get any more bites.

1:09:06 - 1:09:11

Sniffer dogs will come in and detect bed bugs within about five minutes. What? Sniffer dogs?

1:09:12 - 1:09:20

Yeah. They normally only do commercial properties so if I get any more bites it means I've brought them back from wherever I got them and then I'm getting the sniffer dogs in.

1:09:20 - 1:09:31

I'm not removing every item of clothing again. Wow there must be a real status thing among the trained dogs when the dogs are all just chilling out of an evening.

1:09:31 - 1:09:36

What do you do? And it'd be like crystal meth. That's cool. What do you do?

1:09:36 - 1:09:46

Just big consignments of cocaine. What do you do? Cosseted cardigan wearing sniffer dogs. Dead bugs.

1:09:46 - 1:09:54

Aww. I feel like it would be the older ones who do bad bugs. No they'd have spent 20 years doing crack cocaine and now they just want an easy life.

1:09:54 - 1:10:05

It's just sort of retirement. That's what they do in retirement. Consultancy really. Okay so you've checked the bites there's no bites.

1:10:05 - 1:10:11

No bites. They go to bed late so is Ellis still out? Ellis gets back from his bike ride about nine.

1:10:11 - 1:10:21

Is he feeling better? Yeah he says that the trout's gone down and he doesn't know about the cornflakes and the Welsh cakes but he feels sufficiently better to be able to help put them to bed.

1:10:21 - 1:10:26

If I tried to use these tricks I did not. Yes and they are tricks I'm afraid.

1:10:27 - 1:10:40

I'm going to try this. There's something so funny about going to the park on your bike at eight o'clock that just exactly takes me back to being I'd say eleven or twelve and I come back in and you have to be like here what's wrong with you Ellis

1:10:40 - 1:10:50

and he's like oh lads in the park said my hands are too big because I put it on my face and one of them hit it and it hurt my nose then.

1:10:50 - 1:11:05

A bigger boy came when I came home. Yeah. That park is where we release all the rodents that the cats bring in so I associate the park with baby rats that we release in the same area every time so it's funny that he goes there on the bike.

1:11:06 - 1:11:11

Pity you can't train them to deal with the bedbugs you think they would be more suited to it.

1:11:11 - 1:11:18

The rats or the cats I'm gonna go with the both together. Yeah. This is the worst Noah's Ark that I've ever heard of.

1:11:19 - 1:11:29

Or the greatest Disney movie isn't it? Well actually is it a bit like the old woman who swallowed the fly like so the cats bring the rats in right but then one is scared of the rats and the other one isn't.

1:11:29 - 1:11:36

They've never brought in a full-sized rat but they do bring in baby rats so the baby rats run away from the cats and that causes a big problem in the house right

1:11:36 - 1:11:47

but maybe if the baby rats were in pursuit of the bedbugs it would become like a food chain where the cat chasing the rat would encourage the rat to chase the bedbug.

1:11:47 - 1:11:53

It's a circle of life and then Elton John chases the cats and sings a circle of life.

1:11:55 - 1:12:05

It's a really low budget lion king. Okay when he's come back have the kids nodded off?

1:12:05 - 1:12:18

No no they're still awake so they normally go to bed about half nine so we're all then in Betty's room Betty reads Steffi this bit from a bird book that he reads every night Betty's reading on her own and then

1:12:18 - 1:12:35

finally their light goes off Ellis just disappears I don't know where he goes he's in the house but I wanted to watch the second episode of Dirty Business that Channel 4 thing Ellis normally doesn't watch anything that isn't a sports documentary but about once a year I

1:12:35 - 1:12:49

persuade him to watch something with a narrative and he liked the first episode of Dirty Business because it's got footage in it that's real you know more about him than me I don't know if I do actually I don't want you feel like anyone knows him our podcast

1:12:49 - 1:13:09

that we recorded over a year ago he said he sometimes I think he went to the attic to read one page of a book about a Welsh Labour politician was it Nye Bevan was he reading a large biography of Nye Bevan oh I would have thought so

1:13:09 - 1:13:20

yeah that's where he might have been he's like a sort of simple animal you know like if you imagine an animal who can do like three things well and then

1:13:20 - 1:13:32

it knows when it's done for the day and it just takes itself off he's like that like he does like he requires food water shelter and contact with his family and

1:13:32 - 1:13:47

friends and a book he doesn't like worry about stuff or he only really thinks about what's in front of him I think so he just thinks I'd like to read now and he just does that yeah I understand that simplicity I think I have that sort of simplicity

1:13:47 - 1:14:00

I really really genuinely wish that I had I think it's a great thing to have so I went down I just what shall I do shall I knit again he's not going to want to watch dirty business did the kitchen I took the food bit out I

1:14:00 - 1:14:16

realised he wasn't going to come down so I watched the first bit of the Manosphere by Louis Theroux oh yeah have you guys seen it not yet I've seen that are you going to join them David we're pivoting this podcast we're making a really bad fist of it

1:14:16 - 1:14:32

but you know look at all my money can't you see all my watches that's good Max you need to talk about what's in the background there's pictures of my wife who obviously I don't let into anywhere to work and my children who I have given guns to

1:14:32 - 1:14:55

and my medals for bicep curls perfect I think I'm doing okay perfect Isy we're trying to pivot this podcast but you're not helping by having knitting in the freezer HS Tiki Toki has never had a guest on who has knitting in the freezer you're really undermining this pivot

1:14:55 - 1:15:03

there's a bit isn't there where Louis I mean Ellis always says that he gets mistaken for Louis Theroux apparently they had the same glasses for about a week yeah but

1:15:03 - 1:15:15

they've got different heads and bodies and voices there are ways to differentiate between them yeah there are it's like bed bugs they're actually all different they've got different ears as well

1:15:15 - 1:15:30

I always look at the ear you know they've got very different ears Ellis has got bigger tabs on the bottom of his ears than Louis thinking about that yesterday there's this bit where Louis says he seems genuine he goes but what about marrying people for their sense of

1:15:30 - 1:15:47

humour and it's so sweet yeah he's very good he really is good I mean I'm saying that as if I've just discovered him and the world is yet he's very good and he is gonna be big guys he you heard it here first you sound a bit

1:15:47 - 1:16:06

like at the start of that documentary there's a bit where one of the American Manosphere guys has never heard of Louis Theroux and live on camera googles him and thinks he's just meeting like some nerd and they're like oh shit there's another bit where his mate they're getting

1:16:06 - 1:16:14

content I mean it's very well made isn't it that he's Louis is constantly being filmed while they're out and they're out and about on the streets talking to girls and

1:16:14 - 1:16:31

stuff and then the guy goes this is Louis Thero yeah Therox Therox yeah oh man yeah I watched that and I spoke to Josie Long we left each other a voice message and I played Lexalus with Daniel Kitson and

1:16:31 - 1:16:47

Tim Key it's recently started up again what's Lexalus oh it's like a Scrabble thing and Tim is amazing at it and I'm slightly better than Dan is it an app presumably yeah yeah it's an app how many letters do you get to make your words from I think

1:16:47 - 1:17:02

it's seven and it's called a bingo if you use six a minimum of six in your possession right but Scrabble takes ages but how long do you play that for oh it goes on for weeks sometimes and then you know someone's abroad and they don't reply for

1:17:02 - 1:17:15

a week and it's not like a timed game that's quite fun so you just it's your go and if you don't go for two weeks then everyone just sits and waits until you go yeah it's good it is amazing the subculture of word games that we have

1:17:15 - 1:17:34

encountered on this podcast because you have people like Guy Montgomery in New Zealand plays incredibly complicated 12 wordles at the same time but then yeah when I was in Edinburgh I was living with Josie Long and she burst into the room while we were talking to John Robbins

1:17:34 - 1:17:58

and it turns out they had just been playing some incredibly complicated games so yeah there's a lot of this going on and that's why Max we need tougher Manosphere guests there's no way HS Tiki Taki suddenly is involved in a game of connections with various other nerds

1:17:58 - 1:18:14

Andrew takes on a 300th streak on Wordle and he's struggling on the 5th he's on the 6th guest and he doesn't know because it's ATCH and there's loads it could possibly be hatch or match or batch and he's going oh god I don't know what to do

1:18:14 - 1:18:30

so Isy are you grimmed out now having watched some of that documentary yeah it made me feel a bit hollow I guess yeah a bit hollow but it was quite fun watching watching it whilst knitting because I really felt that I was grounding myself in a different camp

1:18:30 - 1:18:48

by knitting although maybe they wouldn't object to women knitting does that come under the you know in the realm of cooking and cleaning it probably does it probably does except I can't imagine them like when you finished making the big jumper I can't imagine the manosphere and floor

1:18:48 - 1:18:59

wearing it they just want you to just knit cot rings that's what they want knit me a leather jacket please knit me a gym

1:19:02 - 1:19:16

your selection of knitted kettlebells hello dragons again what next is he I realise it's time to go to bed I make a peppermint tea I

1:19:21 - 1:19:38

Prince Andrew book good to get your mind out of the manosphere light reading it reveals quite a lot doesn't it what you're doing interruption we've just moved house into a temporary house and

1:19:38 - 1:19:59

I made some peppermint tea and I was like this is nice I should drink peppermint tea more what brand is this and saw the best before best before 2020 but it tasted fine I think peppermint tea it's fine I've got rhubarb tea that went off about that as well

1:19:59 - 1:20:15

maybe slightly later but definitely fine maybe it was nicer if you thought hey I should do this more aged peppermint tea tea exactly so do you go to bed reading entitled yeah I've been trying to put my phone in a different room and

1:20:15 - 1:20:46

use a normal alarm clock but I and that's what I did last night what a treat what a treat and have you found Ellis or you disappeared he's just not there at all and

1:20:46 - 1:21:03

then I just said I'm going to bed and then an answer came okay too drunk to answer I'm afraid it doesn't take long for you to doze off no I go to sleep immediately but

1:21:03 - 1:21:17

there are two things that I need to go to sleep and they mouth guard that I have to wear to stop myself from grinding my teeth second thing is ear plugs that play the sound of whooshing water constantly and

1:21:17 - 1:21:31

that's because Ellis snores and the snore is in the same sort of timbre as the water and I now can't get to sleep without the sound of water in my ears even if I'm not with L like if I'm away or in a different room and

1:21:31 - 1:22:02

the third thing I have to have a t-shirt or a vest over my eyes I don't like a face mask because I hate the pressure of something around the back I guess your nose is still uncovered so

1:22:02 - 1:22:15

you have a chance you could smell the smoke actually I think that's why I don't like Elis to wear earplugs even though I apparently snore as well does the water whoosh all night or does it go off after an hour how loudly is it so

1:22:15 - 1:22:28

you tap the right earplug twice to make it louder and the left earplug twice to make it softer if I wake up in the night and his snoring which is about half the time even though I've got the whoosh in my ears I give him one more chance

1:22:28 - 1:22:36

by tapping the right ear until it's maximum volume and then is that like a perfect storm is maximum volume you know you're basically in the sea in

1:22:52 - 1:23:05

don't understand how to change settings at all yeah I tried to do it and then I couldn't make it work then it added birdsong and I didn't like that so I just thought I'm just going to stick with the wishing water one feature you can add me gutting

1:23:05 - 1:23:15

fish in the background as well awful sounds of me doing that yeah so what time do we fall asleep then I'd say

1:23:22 - 1:23:30

their podcast tomorrow what am I going to say that I just knitted but actually it's amazing how much we do do even on a day off isn't it and it's been so

1:23:30 - 1:23:42

interesting to have this parallel other day you know that listeners will be able to split screen it audioli and have him playing in the left speaker you playing in the right

1:23:42 - 1:23:50

speaker and it'd be fascinating if the two days perfectly synced up oh my god you should do one with a couple where you did

1:23:54 - 1:24:18

yesterday it's a great pleasure so there we are what an episode David when you said it'd be unsettling if you were in your Pilates class that

1:24:28 - 1:24:41

trying to get sick you try and think of certain awful things I think that might be my new one that I think about I like her daughter with one pork mince paneled cardigan and

1:24:41 - 1:25:20

Elis you can't just say this track hasn't gone down I'm going for one hour cycle ride at bedtime I can't do the kids I've got to cycle around the park you can't just vanish out of record can you come on if you for any reason would like to

1:25:20 - 1:25:31

get in touch with us this podcast any feedback notions improvements etc this is how you do it to get in touch with the show you can

1:25:44 - 1:25:55

please don't thank you David I had a great time yeah that was a really fun one to do still fun isn't it it's fun to do this it is fun and

1:25:55 - 1:26:37

it here there was handed two children wow and had them all day and then I did this yeah so in many ways I'm almost as heroic as Elis James I believe scientists are using the Hadron Collider to make a violin small enough to play for your global jet

1:26:37 - 1:26:58

setting going out on the piss with coach from Ted Lassil and then flying home to see your loving family and having to record a podcast is interesting how my voice is considering how deep it was at the start of that mayhem yeah it really was different guy

1:26:58 - 1:27:07

it was like finally doing a podcast with the manosphere guy thank you David bye

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

No results found

Search Error

Everything Is Showbiz

How to Search:

Popular Search Ideas:

Everything Is Showbiz

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie