S4 EP13: Chris Addison

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it. They all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man.

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Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me today is the Irish comedian, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.

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You've never thought of all the many things I do. That's all I am to you. Thanks for booking our guest today, Max. When did you first meet Chris Addison?

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I first met Chris Addison on the set of Mock the Week when I was in the writer's room, mainly writing jokes for Hugh Dennis. Hugh didn't use a lot of my material. Some of his best stuff was mine. Love to you, Hugh.

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Stop this. He is a renaissance man. I first met Chris as a stand-up comedian in the early 2000s doing the festivals, but he was always working on other stuff.

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He's a polymath. Did you say polymath? Yes, I would say that. People will know him from the thick of it. Incredible acting role. Then on to Veep, which he then somehow became a director and ended up directing.

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His IMDb is a fascinating thing. All of this wonderful American television, all with quite an idiosyncratic approach to it.

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Recently, Breeders. He's been all over that. And, well, he hasn't stopped. From this episode, he's working on a variety of different things.

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I know you hate spoilers, so let's not give too much of it away.

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There is one thing I want to give away, which just in case you are driving with your young children, that in the first five minutes of the episode, you do hear the C word, I think, cumulatively more than in the last two years of doing this podcast.

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But it's done in a nice way. It's done in a nice way. It's a really friendly way of introducing that word to your children, I would say.

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Yeah, if you're looking to introduce that word to the two options, listen to this podcast, or simply come to Ireland or New Zealand, where sometimes it's used with the word, you're a good one before it.

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You know, so, I mean, is there anything else to be said? No, no. Otherwise, no spoilers. It's a great day. This is what Chris Addison did yesterday.

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Chris Addison, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Thanks very much. It's a pleasure to be here.

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I'm enjoying what I'm doing today as a result of coming to talk about what I did yesterday.

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Do you feel it's reset your life to an appreciation, not necessarily of living in the moment, but living in the 24 hours ago?

3:47 - 3:54

Yeah, definitely. It's like meditation that I did yesterday. It's like me doing meditation now, but it affected me yesterday. It's incredible.

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It's Buddhist, isn't it, really? What you're doing is a form of Buddhism. I mean, I don't understand Buddhism or religion in general, but it sounds plausible.

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Because the Dalai Lama is trying to sue us. Is he? That guy is so litigious. Is it because you're wearing the capes? Because you're wearing the... Yeah.

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It's the shaved heads and the cloaks, lads. Just drop that and he'll be fine.

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He doesn't like Max. Well, he is like me, yeah. Yeah, the Dalai Lama rings in talk sport a lot when Max is hosting whatever he says anything about Plymouth or doesn't say anything about Plymouth.

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Notice you didn't mention Plymouth again this week, Max, the Dalai Lama. Is he a fan of the team or just sort of maritime communities?

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Because he's in a Lundlock nation, he's obsessed with the sea. That's the Dalai Lama thing.

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Just talk about, I don't care who you talk about. Is there a team in Westwood Ho?

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Ilfracoon. Ilfracoon must have a team. He was once a judge on Australian MasterChef. What?

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And he ate all the... No, you're mixing up with Greg Wallace. That's where you've gone wrong.

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But they're pretty interchangeable, mostly. And they've both been cancelled, to be fair. That's so you're right.

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But you can get a great cameo message from the Dalai Lama for 25 quid. Happy birthday.

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No, he was genuinely a judge on Australian MasterChef. I'm certain of this, unless it's a fever dream.

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And basically, they did all the eating and all the stuff. And then they went, you know, who's the winner?

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And he went, oh, I'm the Dalai Lama. I cannot judge. And like, in almost all scenarios, that's a really great way to be.

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But if you're a judge on a reality show, it's really like, they should have thought about it before they asked him on.

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What you're saying is Australian television found the limits of Buddhism. The ancient philosophical and religious system, which has survived for millennia, has in fact met its match in reality television.

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It's why Tibet's got talent. It's always struggled to... Not another throat singer. Come on, guys.

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Enough. But the Dalai Lama and Louis Walsh get on famously, and that's important, isn't it?

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Anyway. Yeah. What time did you wake up yesterday, Chris? I woke up at 4.38 a.m.

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Oh, wow. Yeah. Intentionally? No, no, no. I mean, I think on some level, one part of my brain intentionally wakes me.

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I have a sort of daily appointment with all the reasons that I'm a c***.

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And my brain goes through those at roughly that time in the morning. Often it's earlier.

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Last night, actually, 4.38 was pretty good going. Is it like with an iPhone where it goes, do you want to download the new software now or we do it tonight while you're asleep?

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And you always click the c*** defrag mode to take place around 4 a.m.? Fundamentally, that's what happens.

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It is that thing where you've sort of forgotten to put your do not disturb on and at 4.30 in the morning, your Apple Watch, which you're wearing to monitor your sleep,

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pings and say something like, your son's phone is at 8%. Get in to recharge it.

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Jesus, guys. So what do you do at 4.38? Do you just lie there? Oh, I go through my deepest insecurities and self-loathing.

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It's a really positive way to start the day. I can't recommend it highly enough.

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I'm thinking of writing a book called Call Yourself a C*** in the Middle of the Night.

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I think it'll really stand out in the self-help section. This is a low performance opening to the day.

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Great. It's not an ideal opening to the day. And sometimes, you know, like I always feel like, funnily enough, one of the best sounds in the world for me is the alarm going off under specific circumstances.

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No circumstances are, I didn't wake up. I didn't wake up and the alarm went off feels like an absolute triumph to me.

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Yeah. Radio 4 at that time, because so few people are listening, have shows where they just go through reasons why you're a c***, you know, before day starts.

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Look, I'm sure there's a file at Radio 4 about why I'm a c*** and various other broadcasting organisations.

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It might not be couched in those terms, but that will be the fundamental spirit of it.

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But is the show, is it like, and now at 4.30am, you're listening to Radio 4, and as usual on a Tuesday, why Chris Addison is a c***?

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Is it specific for Chris or is it? Yeah. It's like the shipping forecast, essentially.

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Self-loathing, rising, fair to moderate. The WhatsApp group that all of his friends are in, with the exception of him, busy today.

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And the WhatsApp group is called That's a Relief. Yeah. It's a really, yeah, it's grim.

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How long do you self-loathe for? Oh, I mean, I can self-loathe for hours. Now I sort of, after about 45 minutes, if it's going nowhere, in terms of further sleep, I just go, okay, fine.

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Okay. And yesterday specifically is all we care about. Okay. Well, yesterday, my alarm went off at 5.20 in any case.

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So I did 42 minutes of self-loathing before I did a bit of regretting of setting an early alarm.

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That's an early alarm anyway, isn't it? I mean, in many ways, you've done well to wake up before it to do some self-loathing before having to get on with the day.

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Yeah. Yeah. It really means I can fit stuff in. So it goes 4.38 self-loathing, 5.20 regret.

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You know, you really get a lot done in those early hours. The only people who get up at 5.20 are dairy farmers or the late Keith Cheggwin when he was hosting Morning Radio.

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Which of those are you? I have a farm of Keith Cheggwin clones in which I milk him for other people's jokes.

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I've attached him to various machines and he will give you the best jokes of other comedians.

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Rest in peace, Cheggers. I don't think I knew he was dead. So, yeah, I only found out the other day.

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And yeah, I just remembered sometimes he had retweeted, not retweeted, just written out some of my jokes and put them on.

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So rest in power, Cheggers. Why are you getting up at 5.20? Well, look, I'm getting up at 5.20 because the gym opens at 6.

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And I want to be at the gym at 6 because I fucking hate the gym.

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I hate all physical exercise. I've always hated all physical exercise. But I am a man of a certain age who has never really done physical exercise and therefore really needs to do some.

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And so the only way that I can bear to do it is it's quite a busy gym.

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So the only way, even at 6 in the morning, it's a busy gym. The only way that I can bear to do it is to go as early as I possibly can so it doesn't steal any of my day off me.

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That's a part of the time that I either wouldn't be awake or I would be awake calling myself a ****.

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So it's no loss to me. If I go there and then I'm done, I'm back in my house by, you know, 7.30.

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You say you have no physical pedigree, but I do remember once being in a swimming pool with you where we'd set up.

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We were doing a festival in Australia. We had set up, unbeknownst to the hotel authorities, a volleyball type net across the middle of the swimming pool.

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And we were playing a very fun kind of two a side or three a side volleyball, which meant that people who would come into the swimming pool, there was no room for them.

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It was a hostile takeover of the swimming pool. And then it was with Rich Hall, who would be regarded as sort of our father in that he was this elder statesman who'd been on SNL in the 80s, etc.

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And someone came from hotel reception to stop us doing this. And this was a younger woman who just picked on Rich Hall, who at the time was probably like late 50s, 60s.

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And was just like, what the hell do you think you're doing? Take it out of the house for me, pool.

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And it's just one of the most delightful things is a young person shouting at an older person.

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So I really enjoyed that. It was you, me, Kitson, I think, Rich Hall. What I'm saying is you have physical exercise.

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Yes. I would say as an outside observer, that doesn't strike me as the highest level.

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What? Volleyball. You get one show on talk sport, you think you know everything. But let me tell you, Maxi, in terms of hotel pool-based Melbourne volleyball games, that was of the highest caliber within the central business district.

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Got it. I take it back. I take it back. Okay. So you've got 40 minutes to get to the gym.

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So is that quite a relaxing 40 minutes or like? I mean, most of that is spent on the toilet.

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Okay. I think a really long period on the toilet of a morning is that, where else are you going to get your time?

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Do you take your phone with you to the toilet? I try not to take my phone with me.

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Take the crossword. Take the crossword, make things come out of my brain and the other end.

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Yesterday, did you have like a crossword book or have you got the... So I've got about four crossword books in there.

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I'll occasionally take the Times crossword on the iPad, which negates the whole thing of not taking the phone in.

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I'm very bad. I love cryptic crosswords, but I'm extremely bad at them. My brain isn't wired the right way.

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So yesterday, how many clues did you get done? Clues and poos. It's clues and poos time.

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Yeah, the clues to poos ratio is what I'm interested in. The clues to poos.

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I did one poo. So I think the clues to poos ratio was probably about four to one.

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Four to one. Okay, excellent. It was a good day. It was a really good day.

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Okay, right. So now we're, I presume, what, quarter to six donning some gym kit and getting out there.

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Yeah, getting out there, getting in the car, trying not to feel resentful about the whole operation.

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Getting to the gym at a time where it's only me and the most enthusiastic people, the people who are going to be in the gym till it closes at 10 that evening, and me, are the people who turn up.

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So kind of keep your head down, try not to get eye contact with anybody.

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With respect, Chris. And I realized the last time I said that. There was no respect.

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Yeah. Chris, the last time he said with respect, he was about to say, a moomin looks like a butt plug.

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Yeah. I said you can't use with respect if you're about to say anything looks like a butt plug.

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I don't know if he's about to say you look like a butt plug, but he has just said with respect.

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So we're in nervous territory. But to be fair, anytime somebody says with respect, what they're saying is precisely the opposite.

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Yeah. With respect means with absolutely no respect at all, you moron. I am just imagining your workout outfit.

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Like you're a character that just, you're almost like a time traveler. But for this, I'm imagining you as sort of Sir Roger Bannister.

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I'm seeing a little singlet. The 118 guys. Yeah. Very short shorts. I'm seeing maybe slung over your shoulder is an old wooden tennis racket with the, you know, the sort of brace with the butterfly.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. The square brace thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Over it. And you've said, let's go and let's work out.

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That's very much my vibe. I wear precisely the kind of unsupportive plimsolls that they're thinking about.

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Roger Bannister did that wearing, what was he wearing on his feet? Not some bouncy Nike air nonsense he was wearing.

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Like essentially he'd rubber banded some cardboard to his socks. No, in fact, he had those carbon runners that mean you can now run a marathon in one minute 30.

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I'm going back. I'm going to get Wada to investigate what was Sir Roger Bannister wearing.

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And let's get that record out of the record books right now. You're going to smash the three minute mile.

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Yeah. You can't use a bike. You know that. That's not legal. David's going to join the enhanced games and just fill himself full of EPO and steroids and then see how he goes.

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What I actually wear to the gym is all black, which I think is a psychological position and also an attempt probably on some level to become invisible and unseen.

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Because I associate physical activity with deep humiliation from a very young age. So I don't want to be around jocks.

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I don't want to be around jocks who are doing the jock things. Like I completely understand why people, when they've made an enormous amount of money, build their own gyms because then nobody's looking at you.

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And because on some level to some people I'm a bit recognisable, I do occasionally get that kind of, all right, there's nowhere worse for that to happen to me because that is me at my, that's the weakest I ever feel.

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But isn't there a danger that 6am is when the jocks go before they go off to their jobs in finance?

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You know, so you're in a tricky spot. Yeah, but you, you've got to figure that if you wait much longer, it's old lady time, right?

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Yeah. So it's me and the old ladies. No, no, it's a fine time. If you're thinking I can best these old ladies, like when the old ladies lifting more than you.

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They're spotting you. You're at the bench press and they're two 80 year old women. When Agnes and Evadne are spotting you, right?

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You don't leave the building with the same sense of joie de vivre, as you might say, under other circumstances.

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What devices, what medieval tortures do you put yourself through, Chris? At the gym that I go to, there's this sort of e-gym thing, right?

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And it's a, it's a series of eight weight machines that are kind of computerized.

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And I went inside computerized, it just sounds like beep, boop, boop, beep. It's a bit more sophisticated than that.

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It measures you, tells you how old it actually thinks you are, which is mortifying.

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And it sets an appropriate weight level. And you know, you do this kind of circuit a couple of times and that's you done.

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That's where the old ladies like to do their things. So I did that a couple of times.

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And what I like about that is it involves zero human interaction. There is no personal trainer involved in that.

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There's nobody, I like, I know that what I should be doing is getting a personal trainer who can actually tell me what I should be doing.

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But that involves somebody watching me very attentively. And I don't want that. So I do that a couple of times.

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And then I either do the stairs thing, the stair stepper thing for 20 minutes. Or I, or I just yesterday for the second time in quite a long time, I went on the treadmill.

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I used to, the one physical activity I've ever liked in my life is, is running, which I sort of discovered very, very late in my life.

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And then so late in my life that once I actually got any good at it, my knees went and I couldn't do it anymore.

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But I went back to it going, I wonder if I can do this with a knee support and did sort of 20 minutes running, which I seem to have got away with.

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Which is very exciting for me. Maybe I can do that marathon with you in the Roger Bannister things.

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I hate to be this guy. I feel my skin crawl as I say it.

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But would you not just go for an actual run as Elgar blares in your ears and you sprint through the hay wane by constable?

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That's the next stage, right? Because if I can, if, if my knees hold out, oh, so old.

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If my ITB on one side and my knee on the other side. Oh, the ITB.

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Oh, kill me. Rolling now, foam roller that. I mean, if Al Qaeda got me and just foam rolled my ITB, I would tell them everything.

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Yeah. It was horrible. So if those things hold up on the indoor thing, I am right back to the running apps or whatever.

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Because I really enjoyed it. When I sort of discovered it when I was like 40, I did a like couch to 5K thing and I got to 5K and went, this is it.

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I found my thing. I can't believe it. I'm going to do a 10K. I'm going to apply for a 10K in London in July.

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That's what I'm going to do. It's going to be amazing. And like the minute that I said it, it went in my legs.

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And that was that. So I've sort of gently come back going, maybe, maybe my knee's forgotten that it doesn't like to run.

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Maybe I can persuade it. It's interesting because you would think as a not that sporty guy for the first 40 years of your life, you would have saved up all of that cartilage for the next 30 years.

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You're one of those people who like wins the London Marathon at the age of 53 or whatever.

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Also, you're a slight enough guy. You're not like the doddles here who I would imagine I put a lot of pressure on these key points.

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I don't know. I bet you it's to do with how you run, right? And like, it's one of the reasons that I avoid the mirrors, the many, many mirrors at the gym.

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They keep putting more mirrors in. That place is like a sex dungeon. Like, I don't want to see myself.

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I look ridiculous when I do physical activity. And I'm sure, but on some level, the reason that the things are going is because I'm running like an idiot.

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Like I'm running in a way that a human is not designed to run. Yes.

20:31 - 20:41

Yes. Did I ever tell you, David, when I did that six pack, the men's health six pack challenge in 2011 or something, and this personal trainer, they gave me a personal trainer.

20:41 - 20:51

Wow. He took me to this gym called Muscle Works. I think Chris, it would be really, it's not a place you want to go, but at Muscle Works, there were two signs.

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There was one sign that said, please do not spit out of the window. There was another sign in the shower that said, please do not shave your pubes in the shower.

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Just two great alpha signs, aren't they? Because they're not preemptive signs. They are, people have to stop doing this signs.

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So whatever gym you're at, it's not Muscle Works. Muscle Works just sounds like something that would have a cardboard cutout of Andrew Tate in the lobby.

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Two thumbs up. Hiya guys! Do you know what? It actually had quite a nice community.

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Everyone was quite friendly. I was clearly the puniest person there by like some distance.

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But people, you know, they didn't shun you. They were sort of friendly. None of them had necks.

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You know, they all had heads that went straight into their shoulders. But they were, I guess everyone wants to belong and they'd found their place.

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Also, Max found the loophole there, which was shaving your pubes out the window and spitting in the shower as much as you want.

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What's great about the please don't shave your pubes sign is that it just speaks of endless months that these poor people have been going, It's blocked again!

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It's blocked again! Maybe they collected them all in like a massive bucket of pubes.

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It's a communal shower. Don't do it. If someone next to you was, you'd just be like, what are you shaving your pubes for?

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Other people are in the shower. I think there are other people in the shower.

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It's a sort of extra bit on that sentence that it doesn't need. What are you shaving your pubes for?

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The sentence ends there. That's where the sentence ends. What are you doing? True. But if you want to shave your pubes, I think you must have a bath or a shower at home.

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It just feels like, come on, guys. There's got to be other things that you could be doing that's a better use of your time than shaving your pubes.

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Okay. So how long do you do? How long are you in the gym? An hour?

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Six hours. Six motherfucking hours. I just wait till the old ladies get there. Then I do my weights.

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Then you shave your pubes. Yeah, then shave your pubes. And, you know, it's a nice community.

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So occasionally I shave other people's pubes just so that they don't have to, you know.

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You get a better perspective, don't you? You're front on. So, right, we're home. We're getting home.

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What time do we get back? Get home about sort of 7.20, 7.30, something like that. Wow.

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It's good, though, because then I genuinely feel like, okay, I've sort of beaten the day.

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You know, I'm sort of used to being up early, having had children for as long as I have now.

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My brain is sort of used to the idea that we get up early. I've no doubt that when children aren't here anymore or they don't have to get up to go to school, I will be sleeping in.

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But for now, the notion of being up at 7.20 doesn't feel massively alien or anything like that.

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Sure, but 7.20 is not 5.20. You know, like I have a four-year-old and a one-year-old. The thought of getting out of bed at 7.20 is like that feels a long way away to me.

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That is a long way away to you. Yeah. Okay, so we get home at 7.20.

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Is it a protein shake? Yeah, it's a protein shake. No, it's a cup of tea.

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Cup of tea and then pretend healthy breakfast. One of the breakfasts that people pretend is healthy, but it's actually really terrible for you.

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Powder? Is it? Don't do the powder thing. Yeah, no. It's claggy, isn't it? You don't want to start your day with clag.

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Yeah, I agree. I've had no clag rule before 10 a.m. Yeah, it is. It's the watery powder.

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It'd be the moment, I think, where you just had like a pint of water and you're just sprinkling this powder over the top of it like you're overfeeding fish or something.

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And you're like, oh God, I have to drink this now. You do see people with, you know, big huel bottles and stuff.

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And I just think, are you having fun? I remember you and me having a conversation about 20 plus years ago, David, where we were in a, like a curry cafe in Edinburgh.

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And you said to me, and I think about this a lot. I said, in 20 years time, I bet Israel and America will attack Iran.

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And you were like, David, there's no way that's going to happen. And you were right.

24:49 - 24:53

And I'm just here to say, I owe you five pounds. Obviously worth a lot more back then.

24:53 - 24:58

No, you said to me, I don't get the food thing. If I could just take a pill.

24:58 - 25:07

Oh no. Did I say that? Yeah. You have changed. Have you? Yeah. I mean, you know, this was an era where I didn't like sparkling water.

25:08 - 25:14

Can a guy change? No, of course you can change. But I used to just think, oh, there are those people on there, like people who don't like music.

25:14 - 25:17

There are those people. And when I see people with a big Huel bottle, I just think, what are you doing?

25:18 - 25:24

Like, do you want to have something nice? Do you have, Chris? I'll have a bit of toast or I'll have some granola.

25:25 - 25:32

What did you have yesterday? Yesterday I had granola. I had a redberry granola. It was nice, tangy, but also very sugary.

25:32 - 25:35

It's quite bad for you. It looks like it's healthy. It pretends to be healthy, but it's not healthy.

25:35 - 25:44

Not really. With the freeze-dried. The freeze-dried. Love them. I could mainline those. If you threw me into a pit of freeze-dried raspberries, I wouldn't be any happier than me.

25:44 - 25:48

A bit sweet for me. No, but they've got tang on them, Max. I'll give them another go.

25:49 - 25:56

Yeah. I'm reeling from my anti-food era. I mean, this was an era where in one Edinburgh, I had a foot-long subway twice a day.

25:57 - 26:03

Wow. And so... So you had two foot of subway every day. So you ate your own height in subway every three days.

26:03 - 26:07

That's what was happening there. I had 50 feet of subway by the end. 50 feet of subway?

26:08 - 26:11

By the end of the hour. Was it always the same? Yeah. Don't put anything in it.

26:11 - 26:14

Just give me the bread. Because he just wanted to get out of the way.

26:14 - 26:19

He ate all 50 foot of it at the start of Edinburgh, and then he just subsisted.

26:20 - 26:23

Have you seen David O'Dochty's show? He rolls onto stage. I've never seen him do that.

26:26 - 26:31

Okay. So we have worked out. We've worried. We've had a morning session of worrying.

26:32 - 26:37

We've put some slightly odd food in. Where is this day going next, Chris? Okay.

26:38 - 26:48

Well, now, obviously, I get dressed, and then I am, as is traditional, and then I have to leave the house to go into London Town, up to the Soho district of London Town, to do

26:48 - 26:53

an edit for a television program that I've been making for the last year or so.

26:53 - 26:58

Ooh. Can we know the journey first? I mean, you don't have to give us your postcode.

26:58 - 27:04

Yes. I walked down from my house to Shortland Station. I left my son an extended voice message.

27:04 - 27:11

I love a voice message. Okay. On WhatsApp. Big fan of the personal podcast and relationships there that function fundamentally through those.

27:12 - 27:19

Did that down to the station. Get on the 906 into town. Okay. And that comes into, where are we coming into?

27:20 - 27:27

Comes into Victoria. Comes into Victoria. Probably platform three, if I'm an educated guess. Straight through the barriers.

27:27 - 27:34

Straight down to the tube. Bosh, bosh, bosh. On a tube. Lovely. Second carriage. First door.

27:35 - 27:39

Yeah. Gets you off right by the exit. Right by the stairs. Up you go.

27:40 - 27:45

Wow. Oxford Circus. Out. What a geezer. That's great. I like the nostalgia of that.

27:45 - 27:55

So, okay. So, is this a, because the edit sort of places, whenever I've been into Soho to do something, which is normally voice Gaviscon adverts, it's solely voice Gaviscon adverts.

27:56 - 28:02

They're always sort of, there's like two receptionists. You're not quite sure why. And there's some sweets.

28:02 - 28:06

There's a little bowl of sweets. Fruit these days. There's fruit. Oh, okay. Fruit and sweets.

28:06 - 28:11

It's quite often. And where we are, there's a fridge that has booze in it, which feels like 90s to me.

28:11 - 28:16

Wow. Yeah. The loaded generation. Yeah. It feels a bit, do you want to copy a nut with that?

28:16 - 28:21

Yeah. You take a Budweiser and you go straight to the edit. I go, what's that?

28:21 - 28:29

To the receptionist. And then I just practice a bit of casual sexism. I smoke four cigarettes at the time.

28:29 - 28:34

And I go into the edit. You send a horny text to Jane Middlemas. That's right.

28:34 - 28:41

Yeah. I go, you and Donna Ray want to meet up later? And we go from there. So specific.

28:42 - 28:47

How much can you tell us about this show? Well, plenty. So it's a show that I've been making.

28:47 - 28:54

It's shot completely in Ireland, in Dublin, in Wicklow. What? Yes. In the Irish land of Ireland.

28:54 - 29:01

Someone had said they saw you here. Holy cow. Yeah. Scouting venues. I'll be very back.

29:01 - 29:10

Great. It's with Jane Middlemas. We'll go to Subway. We can go to Subway and get two foot of pills.

29:11 - 29:23

Yeah. So it's called Tall Tales of Murder. And it's based on, very, very, very loosely, I have to say, based on the novels by Queve McDonald, the Dublin stand-up who now lives in Manchester.

29:23 - 29:33

I've been making that show for ages and ages and ages. And yesterday, yesterday, I got to go into the edit and finally go, that's it.

29:34 - 29:38

Done. On our last episode. I mean, it doesn't mean everything's done because there's a load of polishing that you have to do.

29:38 - 29:44

But there's a bit where it's called Picture Lock, which is where all of the shots, you've decided what everything is.

29:44 - 29:48

Everybody's had their say. And you go, that's it. We're done. Shit. You've got the big thumbs up.

29:49 - 29:57

You're the guy saying, this is done. Yeah, sort of. I mean, it's like, there's a lot of conversations with the production company and the broadcasters.

29:57 - 30:03

These days, we call stakeholders. And then me and the producer and the editor sitting there and go, yeah, sure.

30:03 - 30:09

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And do you, before you say that's done, do you watch the whole episode, like full?

30:09 - 30:13

Yeah. Yeah. Do you pause it, taking notes? Or do you just watch it as a viewer would watch it?

30:13 - 30:21

You watch it as a viewer would watch it. And if you've got any tiny, final little niggles that you want to deal with, then you deal with them and then you send it off.

30:21 - 30:24

So it was a big moment. That was a, so I went in for basically to lock that.

30:24 - 30:30

And then we had champagne and cake because it was the end of the months and months and months and months, months long process.

30:30 - 30:36

What a way to find out that Chris has been making this show. Everybody knows David O'Doherty, but who is he?

30:37 - 30:43

We've been following him with hidden cameras for the last two years. Annoyingly, because we've been following you.

30:43 - 30:49

We've only got shots of your back. At no point does your face appear across the four seasons that we've already recorded.

30:50 - 30:54

It's a sort of flaw, but we're trying to lean into it. What cake goes with champagne?

30:55 - 31:01

These are the questions. If I were given a choice, I would say what you want is a light sponge.

31:01 - 31:09

What you don't want is the kind of cake that you could violently throw at somebody and get taken to court for, which is what we ended up eating.

31:10 - 31:13

Yes, it was very, very heavy cake, extremely heavy cake. Let me put it this way.

31:13 - 31:19

If the Dalai Lama had encountered it on an Australian cooking show, even he would have judged it to be a bit much.

31:20 - 31:24

Is it like too rich, like too like just weighty? It was just too. It was just too.

31:24 - 31:29

It was too everything. It was too much. It was too chocolatey. It had a real heft to it.

31:29 - 31:36

It had the kind of heft that you sort of think physicists might be interested in examining on a molecular level.

31:36 - 31:42

Did you politely eat a slice or did you just have a nip? What did you- I ate a slice and I counted it as exercise.

31:42 - 31:46

So I looked at everything, including my jaw at that point, because it was a bit much.

31:47 - 31:54

But you know. That Edinburgh would have been very different if I had eaten a foot long Colin the Caterpillar every day for lunch and dinner.

31:54 - 32:00

Listen, there are Edinburghs to come, DOD. There's no reason that you can't do that this year.

32:00 - 32:07

I have a very good question. All right. We'll be the judge of that. Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in what did you do yesterday history?

32:09 - 32:15

In fairness. No, no, no, no. That's not the start to it. Chris, I have made a little bit of television.

32:16 - 32:38

You have made lots of genuinely wonderful television. Do you still get that thing when you're watching it and it's theoretically close to picture lock, where by watching it with a new person, you sort of see it through their eyes and you still

32:38 - 32:46

see things that need to be changed? Or are you single minded enough now that you're like, that's a Chris Addison show.

32:47 - 32:53

Send it off. Broadcast it. It's done. Put it in the cinema. The thing about notes, notes come in two forms, right?

32:53 - 32:56

Because you get notes from all sorts of people. You get notes from the producer.

32:56 - 32:59

You get notes from the production company. You get notes from broadcasters. And they come in two forms.

33:00 - 33:05

One of them is, what the fuck is this? Idiots. That's one note. And the other one is, I know.

33:06 - 33:12

I know. So often what the note actually is telling you is something that you've pushed to the side where you've gone, it'll be fine.

33:12 - 33:15

That'll be fine. That'll be fine. And then they go, that bit doesn't make sense.

33:15 - 33:22

You go, I know it doesn't make sense. And so all of the things that you sort of, you try to avoid doing kind of, the pigeons come home to roost at that point.

33:23 - 33:28

Got it. Like it is useful. You do need fresh eyes on it, but it's quite hard to let that happen.

33:28 - 33:36

It's hard to put your ego to one side. I have a friend who writes big Hollywood movies and he has a rule where- Steven Spielberg.

33:37 - 33:42

Alan Spielberg, his cousin. Not so good. Teeth. He did teeth. He did teeth 3D.

33:42 - 33:52

They're much smaller films. But he has a rule where when he's getting studio notes, he has an egg timer on his desk with 30 seconds of sound in it.

33:52 - 33:57

He turns it over when they're giving him the notes and he's not allowed to reply until the thing has run out.

33:57 - 34:02

Oh, good. Just top himself and going, fuck you! Which is sort of your impulse.

34:03 - 34:10

Once you've done all of this, are you capable of watching TV, just normal TV shows like a normal person?

34:10 - 34:14

Or are you just staring at it going, that's a beat. I wouldn't have done that.

34:14 - 34:23

Chris, just to step in here, Max's favourite show in the world, and he does have a one-year-old and a three-and-a-half-year-old, is Death in Paradise.

34:23 - 34:31

He regards that as the bar. Nothing will reach that bar. Okay. Your world is basically, at this point, Death in Paradise and Bluey.

34:31 - 34:34

That's what you've got. Yeah, no, we're not quite at Paw Patrol. We're mainly Paw Patrol.

34:34 - 34:37

Paw Patrol. You're not at Bluey stage. That's a good stage. Not at the Bluey stage.

34:37 - 34:49

It is a good stage. But I do like just five different people who can just say, sure, he owed me £10,000, but you don't believe I'm capable of murder.

34:50 - 34:54

Like that, you know. Yeah. There's a lot of that, isn't it? A lot of cosy crime people.

34:54 - 35:01

Yeah. Happy murders. Happy murders. Happy murders. Cushion-based stuff. Murder. Happy theme tune. Few gags.

35:01 - 35:07

Solve it. Yeah, lovely. It's not my choice of TV always, but I'll watch it if it's on.

35:07 - 35:11

So diplomatic. So diplomatic. I was hoping we could have got into some stuff. Yeah, yeah.

35:11 - 35:19

I did have a serious question before David teased my TV choices. Which was, you know, do you, because you're sort of, you know, if I'm listening to a radio show, you know,

35:20 - 35:29

I'm thinking about it in a radio-y way, right? Which makes me sound like a twat, but like you sort of are going, I wouldn't have done that or I would have done that or I like that.

35:29 - 35:33

Yeah, exactly. So I think there are three ways that you sort of respond to things.

35:33 - 35:40

Often it's, oh, what have they done there? Not on a critical level necessarily. You're just going, oh, that's interesting, or I see what they've done or whatever.

35:41 - 35:46

You're seeing how somebody else has put something together because that's how you learn, right, apart from anything else.

35:46 - 35:55

And also that's what you're interested in because that's the way you do it. The other thing that I often find is that I'll come out of something that I thought was brilliant and I find myself watching,

35:56 - 36:03

I'll be just completely inspired or I'll watch something and I'll be just delighted by the craft of it, like delighted by how good the people are doing it.

36:04 - 36:16

So like I was watching Tom Basden's sitcom, Here We Go. And like the way that that thing has been made, the way that those actors work is sort of, just on a technical level, is so amazing that actually

36:16 - 36:22

just watching it as a technical feat, as a feat of skill, quite apart from the fun of it, that's brilliant.

36:22 - 36:29

I love to do that. And the third way of watching things is that something is so, it happens very rarely.

36:29 - 36:37

And this happens, it happens with comedy as well, where, you know, if I'm watching a standup, like mostly when I'm watching standups, I go, yeah, I know what you're doing.

36:37 - 36:42

Yep, got that. Yep, yep, yep. And then occasionally you'll watch a standup where you don't even think about that.

36:42 - 36:47

Like it's so good that you don't think about that. You know, it's, your mind goes somewhere else.

36:47 - 36:51

It's the same with TV. There are some things where I just go, like, I'm just in it.

36:51 - 36:55

I'm just enjoying it as a punter. And I really relish that because it doesn't happen very often.

36:56 - 37:02

Having seen a gazillion one hour Edinburgh shows, for me, there's only two sorts of show at this point.

37:03 - 37:10

There's the one where you look at your watch with 25 minutes to go and you say to yourself, oh, we're nearly finished.

37:10 - 37:16

And then there's the one which you only see one or two a year where you're like, I hope this doesn't end.

37:16 - 37:25

And I hope I'm sat here in this terrific state of just surprise and wonder for as long as possible.

37:25 - 37:35

Do you think, David, during the live show we did in Dublin last week when we were showing the picture of that person's clothes horse, with some washing drying on it, people were thinking,

37:36 - 37:40

I hope this never ends. Do you think? God, I hope they've got more clothes horses.

37:40 - 37:43

How many clothes horses can that person fit in their flat? I hope it's loads.

37:43 - 37:49

Anyway, how many glasses of champagne do you have, Chris? Well, it was sort of embarrassing because the producer came in with this bottle.

37:50 - 37:56

Nobody else really drank any of it. Everyone else sort of went, oh, okay. And I could see them going, this is a working day.

37:57 - 38:03

What are we doing? Which I felt was a bit, come on, guys. It might have been a bit early in the day, perhaps, for people to indulge.

38:04 - 38:08

Yeah, so I had a glass. I would have had more, but I felt like I would get judged.

38:08 - 38:15

Right, okay. It should have been a 90s Chris Allison, and you're like, wet t-shirt competition coming up.

38:15 - 38:20

Yes. I forgot about the 90s nature of the gap. It's only instant coffee in there.

38:20 - 38:29

It's great. What? I did once go to an edit suite. There's always like a 19-year-old runner, and I came in, and the runner went, this is like 10 years ago.

38:29 - 38:32

The runner said, would you like a coffee? And I said, yeah, yeah, I'd love a coffee.

38:32 - 38:35

He said, what would you like? Is it just a white coffee? And he went, a cappuccino?

38:35 - 38:41

I went, no, no, just a coffee with milk. A latte? No, just like a black coffee, but with a splash of milk in it.

38:41 - 38:52

And he went, oh. Like, what will they think of next? He's so demanding. He's so demanding, this guy.

38:52 - 39:07

This is why I maintain, I'm going to go to do the festival in Melbourne one year, and coffee culture will have horseshoed around to itself so that on the table in front of you is just 30 styrofoam cups with milk and a spoonful of Nescafe in them,

39:07 - 39:12

and someone just pours boiling water in them, and they're like 15 quid each. You know what I mean?

39:12 - 39:22

Have you tried these? They're unbelievable. I'd sort of love that. Melbourne must be thrilled about the world domination of the flat white since they claim to have invented it.

39:22 - 39:29

Yeah, they're pretty hot on it. But, you know, I have become, it's my wife's fault, a massive coffee snob because of it.

39:29 - 39:34

I have a very, as listeners will know, a very specific coffee order, and if it isn't right, I'm very unhappy about it.

39:34 - 39:39

But I don't tend to say anything. I just stew about why they haven't made me a strong three-quarter flat white.

39:40 - 39:44

A strong three-quarter flat white? You've got to come on, man. Yeah, I know. You're going to have to have a word with yourself.

39:45 - 39:48

I mean, how different is it really from anything else that you're going to get served?

39:49 - 39:52

Fundamentally, coffee is one of those things where it's best not to think about what it is that you're drinking.

39:52 - 39:58

You know, when you sometimes go, how have we, like with wine, you go, why are we all obsessed with, this is sour grapes.

39:58 - 40:03

What's going on? How have we convinced ourselves that this is a thing? Coffee is exactly like that.

40:03 - 40:08

Mmm, this unbelievably bitter thing that is going to make my breath stink. Uh-oh. This is the pinnacle of civilization.

40:09 - 40:14

Oh, the can of worms. I hear the whirring of the electric can opener right here.

40:14 - 40:19

Jamie, Jamie, we've got a problem in here. We have a problem. I don't think it's in here that you've got the problem.

40:19 - 40:28

I think you've got a problem out there. Chris, Max tried to order a strong three-quarter flat white from the person in Dublin Airport just working.

40:28 - 40:31

They did a good job. They did a good job. Because you were staring at them.

40:31 - 40:35

You were looming over them and pointing at them. So my question is, which terminal?

40:35 - 40:42

Which terminal were you in? One or two? Terminal two. Terminal two. Terminal two feels like a more of a kind of three-quarter flat white kind of place.

40:43 - 40:46

Terminal one is really upping its game. It has to be said. I won't be judged on this.

40:47 - 40:52

I stick to my gun. No, no, no, Max. You can suggest that you don't want to be judged on this, but it's too late.

40:52 - 40:57

The horse has bolted. You have been judged. Oh, I'm aware. And found to be extremely pretentious.

40:58 - 41:02

Chris, what time are we now? What time are we? Well, sort of late morning.

41:02 - 41:06

Late morning now. Okay. We've closed up the show. And then, yeah, and then that's it.

41:06 - 41:09

That's me done for the day in the edit. I'm off. I'm out. I'm Swayze.

41:09 - 41:13

I'm ghost. Wow. You're on Oxford Street. You've got London. I've got the world of a fit.

41:13 - 41:19

I've actually got to come home and I have to come home to do some of the nerdiest work that you'll have ever had anybody do on this show.

41:19 - 41:26

You're on Oxford Street. You could go to a Harry Potter shop or get some American style candy or some vapes.

41:26 - 41:29

You could definitely buy a lot of vapes. Vapes. Loads of vapes. You're absolutely right.

41:29 - 41:34

But having spent so long on Oxford Street, I've been through the circle of, I've pushed through that.

41:34 - 41:38

I've had all the vapes. I've bought all the ones. There's not a type of one that I don't have.

41:38 - 41:42

They've had to invent a fifth house at Hogwarts for me. I've bought so many t-shirts.

41:42 - 41:50

It's a different house. It's called Orangeal. Orangeal with an A. And it's for people who are fundamentally quite disappointing.

41:51 - 42:02

I heard about it. It's the sorting butt, it was called, where you shit in the loo and they look in and they're like, oh, unfortunately, that's going to the disappointing house.

42:02 - 42:06

Yeah. Okay, so we're back home. What's the nerdy work we're going to do now?

42:06 - 42:14

I'm writing a series for BBC Radio 3. Yes. And so I had to come home and research Soviet composers.

42:15 - 42:21

Right. Okay. Do you want a game of this, David? Come on, you can do this.

42:22 - 42:28

Where's Dvorak from? Well, he's Czech, Dvorak. Shostakovich. Yes, well done. He's the big fella.

42:28 - 42:36

Is he? Is that him? Who's that? I think that's the... Prokofiev. Prokofiev, yeah. He's not quite the same thing.

42:37 - 42:44

He is Russian, yeah. Tchaikovsky, obviously. Tchaikovsky a bit earlier. Oh, so Soviet as in 1916.

42:44 - 42:52

Yeah, 1917 to 1991. Yeah, yeah. I'm two one up, but I haven't got any more. The guy who invented Tetris was Russian.

42:53 - 43:01

So... That's the music in Tetris. Isn't it the Volga Boatman song or something that's the Tetris music?

43:05 - 43:13

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so Tetris... Tetrisovic, I imagine he was called. Tetrisov. Tetrisov Tetrisovic.

43:13 - 43:20

He's one. I once went to his house and it was difficult to move around it because you had to push the furniture.

43:22 - 43:27

When you push the furniture, did it then unaccountably disappear? Disappeared! How did he do that?

43:28 - 43:42

I once, in the early 90s when Tetris was sort of at its absolute height, I once played it so much that I remember looking out the window and seeing the house opposite and the bricks looked like they were falling into place to me and I thought,

43:43 - 43:50

I have a problem and then I need to stop. That four one, you know, two down two, that was such an annoying...

43:50 - 43:56

The lightning bolt. Yeah. Yeah, that's the whole game, Max. Come on. You can't have a world without the lightning bolt.

43:56 - 44:00

It was just long red lines. It'd be great, wouldn't it? Easy. You're waiting for that.

44:01 - 44:04

You spend your whole life just waiting for the four as he downs, as he straights.

44:04 - 44:09

Yeah, I know, I know. One day it'll come. But it never came and so you had to put the lightning bolt in.

44:09 - 44:12

And then the red one comes next. You're like, oh, fuck. Yeah, I know, I know.

44:12 - 44:17

What does this research entail? I have a book here. Or have you and I done it by naming the four ones?

44:18 - 44:22

You've done it, yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's the series written. Music of the Soviet era, 1917 to 1991.

44:22 - 44:28

I was reading that. Yeah. And I don't know really anything about those. So I'm doing it all from a standing start.

44:28 - 44:32

So basically, I came home yesterday and had to start work on all of that.

44:32 - 44:44

It's quite interesting. Question. Nominate. If you... Is that 15 to 1? Yeah, it was. If you don't know anything about Soviet music between 1917 and 1991, why have Radio 3 asked you to write a series about...

44:44 - 44:51

Because he has a love of music. Jeepers, Max. That's like, if you're covering some obscure FA Cup...

44:51 - 44:55

You have to put this in terms Max will understand. Oh, I get you. I get you.

44:55 - 45:02

If they're like Torquay are playing against Chelsea, you're just like, well, I can't know anything about Torquay.

45:02 - 45:07

All I know is Fawlty Towers. What I was doing was opening the door for Chris to tell us about his love of this.

45:07 - 45:13

Oh, yeah. It's good broadcasting. Sorry. Yeah, thanks. That's okay. It's good broadcasting. Well done.

45:13 - 45:19

It was subtle. I didn't spot it either, to be honest. Why the fuck are Radio 3 asking you do this?

45:19 - 45:27

I was just going to throw my chair and go. Because I'm somebody who is perhaps unexpected to like classical music and things like that.

45:27 - 45:35

And they're always looking for people who are kind of, oh, look at that. Like when Harry Enfield did his Guide to Opera back in the 90s or whenever it was.

45:36 - 45:42

And so on. So it's that basically. And I like it. I like the opportunity to sort of investigate bits that I don't really know about.

45:42 - 45:54

What's the piece of music? I mean, my mind goes straight to The Death of Stalin, of course, the movie, which opens with, I can't remember what piece they're playing where,

45:54 - 46:00

it's based on a real event, isn't it? Where Stalin wants a recording of it and it wasn't recorded.

46:00 - 46:06

So they have to play the piece again and bring people in from the street to applaud it.

46:06 - 46:16

The actual soundtrack for Death of Stalin is by a composer called Christopher Willis who used to do our stuff for Veep and which is where Armand Iunicci, who also directed Death of Stalin,

46:16 - 46:21

got him from. And it is amazing because he's essentially gone, right, how would a Russian composer do this?

46:21 - 46:28

It's an amazing, amazing score. That score. Yeah. If you listen to it, you go, it just sounds like it was written in the 50s in Russia.

46:28 - 46:34

It's amazing. It's Mozart Piano Concerto number 23, Will, has just come up in the chat with what it is.

46:34 - 46:47

Is there a central conservatoire or did Soviet music of this era come from the provinces and a variety of different places or were they all studying under the same heads?

46:48 - 46:57

There's like a sort of sharks and the jets thing. There's a kind of, there's two sort of organisations, the Association of Contemporary Music and the Russian Association of Proletarian Music.

46:57 - 47:02

And one of them is going, I think music should be like this and the proletarian is going, you fascists!

47:03 - 47:11

This is basically a shit fight. There's a sort of musical shit fight. People are throwing violins, setting fire to harps, using bassoons as sort of rocket launchers.

47:11 - 47:16

I guess the tuba would be quite, I mean, it's quite a weighty, it would be inaccurate.

47:16 - 47:26

You wouldn't be a sniper with it. You'd have like a- Essentially, you can breach the walls of a conservatoire using an armed tuba and then after that you want more hand-to-hand piccolos and what have you.

47:26 - 47:38

Can you guys stop messing around? I'm trying to ask good questions here. Was there, because in classical music generally, there was a war between tonal and atonal music going on here.

47:38 - 47:48

Was that happening in the Soviet Union as well? Sort of. So what happened was people did their atonal thing around the same time as everybody was doing it, Schoenberg and all those people in the West were doing it,

47:48 - 47:56

but basically, it got to kind of the early 30s and the authorities went, that is some bullshit.

47:56 - 48:04

Yeah. That is just pure intellectual wankery. Get it off. Get off. Go and write something based on folk music for the people.

48:05 - 48:11

And it basically got closed down and there are composers who essentially got sent to the gulag off the back of.

48:11 - 48:16

Mosulov got sent to the gulag. He was one of those people. There's a guy called Russell Ovetz who's like Schoenberg.

48:16 - 48:25

He invented his own system for music and the Russians basically went, absolutely not. And sort of banished him to Turkmenistan.

48:26 - 48:33

Imagine if poor like Shed 7 got sent to a... I don't think that's a bad thing necessarily for Shed 7.

48:33 - 48:43

There are some musicians where you go, fair dues. Yeah, I would. In fact, maybe there are certain parts of the Central Asian steps that should be full of some of the lesser 90s guitar bands.

48:43 - 48:52

So are you just allowed to, is it just do this show, like just play the music you want to play or is there someone saying what we want to get out of this series is X?

48:53 - 48:59

Yeah, it's sort of a conversation really between me and the people who are producing it as to how we do that because you want to make it make sense, right?

48:59 - 49:05

So also like a lot of that music is unbelievably inaccessible. It's what my mother-in-law calls room clearing music.

49:06 - 49:11

So you don't want people going, what the fuck is this when they turn Radio 3 on, which does happen.

49:11 - 49:19

It's finding something that's kind of illustrative. That won't scare the horses. Do you say, right, this is a chronology of it or it's like you just dip around?

49:20 - 49:28

We'll choose five composers and sort of do a version of their story. And then there's an academic, a brilliant academic who I'll get to talk to and ask some questions of.

49:28 - 49:33

My dad's a jazz musician and the jazz version of that is fire in a pet shop.

49:34 - 49:44

Fire in a pet shop. That's really good. There's a certain genre where people were pushing the envelope in the 60s and sort of went very far out.

49:45 - 49:48

Well, there's all that kind of Miles Davis where he goes, I've invented a new note.

49:48 - 49:52

And you go, I don't think this is a good idea. We don't need new notes.

49:52 - 49:57

We've got 12 perfectly serviceable notes. They've done very, very well. We don't need new notes.

49:57 - 50:03

No, listen to this. I can't listen to this. I'm not on heroin. How long do we do this research?

50:04 - 50:09

I did that for the rest of the afternoon really, but interruptions from cats. And lunch, surely?

50:10 - 50:19

Yeah, we missed a lunch. I beg your pardon. Yeah, yeah. So I stopped off at the Chinese garage on the way home, which is a landmark where I live, the Chinese garage.

50:19 - 50:25

It was just like, somebody built a garage in maybe the 1920s, an old, you know, four pumps of the thing, four core.

50:25 - 50:31

And to market out from everyone else, they built it like a pagoda. And it's now a Tesco express.

50:31 - 50:40

And Majestic Wine. I went there to get some eggs. I have to be very careful because I have to sneak past Majestic Wine because they know me so well in there.

50:40 - 50:45

I can't be caught by them because they'll be in a conversation. I was once, I was making a TV show.

50:45 - 50:51

I was walking down the street in South London looking for a location with like my producer and production designer.

50:51 - 50:56

My phone went, it's a number that I didn't recognize, but it's clearly from this area.

50:56 - 51:00

So I thought, oh, God, maybe it's one of the schools calling me. And I, and it was the manager of the local Majestic.

51:00 - 51:13

We're just worried about you. We haven't seen you for a while. Sorry. My thought with the Chinese garage was way more interesting that there was a pump that chicken and sweet corn soup came out of.

51:13 - 51:17

You know what I mean? That would be great. You filled directly into a jerry can then, but.

51:17 - 51:22

No, unfortunately it's just, it's just, it was just a garage. They missed a trick.

51:22 - 51:29

I'll be honest with you. What did you get from the Tesco Express? Bag of oranges, orange juice and six eggs.

51:30 - 51:36

Wow. Sounds very high performance. I got the oranges because I thought I've got, I'm getting an ulcer.

51:36 - 51:44

I know how I can deal with that by doing the thing that actually will not help, but would have helped if I'd been doing it properly for the last few days.

51:44 - 51:52

Sure. And therefore wouldn't have an ulcer. So yeah, I just did, I panicked, bought a load of oranges, bought some eggs for, to make a shakshuka from your lunch.

51:53 - 51:59

Okay. Do you want to talk us through that? Sure. Pour some ready-made sauce in a pan, put some eggs in the pan, cook it.

51:59 - 52:08

Eat it. Great. Great. So we've put the Soviet books back on the shelf. Yeah.

52:08 - 52:14

What are we doing now? Now I've got to feed the cats. That's the first thing that I've got various people need feeding.

52:14 - 52:18

I've got to feed the cats. I've got to feed my daughter and then feed myself.

52:18 - 52:29

Do you feed them different things? Same thing. Well, the cats would like it if I didn't, didn't feed them different things, but I'm quite strict about making sure that the cats eat the cat food and my daughter doesn't eat the cat food, but eats the,

52:29 - 52:36

in this instance, a pizza. Good. And I had two thin bagels. What'd you have on them, Chris?

52:36 - 52:41

Marmite and peanut butter. So are you thinking that your lunch was kind of your dinner?

52:41 - 52:46

And so this is enough now. I was in a hurry at this point. Because I had to go out.

52:46 - 52:52

So I just did what I thought was the quickest thing that I could possibly do, which was two thin bagels.

52:52 - 52:55

Right. Do you eat them on the go? What my wife would call a traveler.

52:56 - 53:00

It's an Australian thing where you take a traveler, you take a traveler, just toast and peanut butter on the go.

53:00 - 53:05

Yeah. Little traveler. That was always the bottle of beer that we took in the car was the traveler.

53:06 - 53:11

I seem to remember in Australia. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I stuffed them in my face standing at the counter.

53:11 - 53:16

Yeah. Yeah. The best meals. No cutlery. No need for a napkin. Eat it over the sink.

53:16 - 53:24

Then just dash of cold water. All the crumbs gone. Let's go. Very, very efficient and unexciting meal.

53:25 - 53:30

Where's next? What are we going out? What's the rush? I'm going to choir. Choir practice on a Tuesday.

53:30 - 53:34

Great. This is good. Choir practice on a Tuesday. That's our first ever choir. Yeah.

53:34 - 53:39

Is Gareth Malone the conductor? No. A man called Mark is the conductor. Mark is the conductor.

53:39 - 53:44

I was in a foul mood, actually. But I thought I'd better go because we're getting quite close to the concert.

53:44 - 53:54

And it always, yeah, it's good. It's great singing with other people. Max, I think I'm picking up signals here that the choir is slang for a gang.

53:54 - 54:01

Oh, right. And the conductor is the gang leader and the concert is the bank robbery that they are all working.

54:01 - 54:06

Or the drug drop. The drug drop. It could be the dinghy is coming in soon.

54:06 - 54:11

A bank robbery is not quite old-fashioned now. You don't hear about them in the same way that you used to.

54:11 - 54:14

I don't know whether that's to do with... They're all cashless, aren't they? All the banks are cashless.

54:15 - 54:21

It's much harder. Also, people just don't sell tights as much, do they? So there's less that you can actually wear to perform.

54:21 - 54:27

Yeah. And it's really affected me and my gang because we still operate a sort of Bugsy Malone type thing.

54:28 - 54:37

Oh, yeah. Custard. Custard-based. Striped suits and custard-based machine guns. Custard-based machine guns. Very loud old cars.

54:37 - 54:45

That's, in fact, how the police normally find us is because we're in a Model T Ford's top speed of maybe 30.

54:45 - 54:50

And even if you get away, they're going to, you know, catch you when you get out of the cars and start doing your...

54:50 - 54:56

Go into your routine. Start in your soft. Soft shoe shuffle in the middle of the street whilst they're trying to handcuff you.

54:56 - 55:00

We could have been anything that we wanted to be. No, you couldn't. Get in the car.

55:01 - 55:06

Get in the car. Why are you in a foul mood, Chris? Why are you in a foul mood on the way to the car?

55:06 - 55:12

I don't know. I think because I was having to sort of rush around and my prevailing sense of entitlement hadn't done well with that.

55:12 - 55:15

I was just in one of those where, you know, Tuesday evening I've been running around.

55:15 - 55:20

Maybe it was because I'd had the champagne and the cake. What piece are we working on for the concert?

55:20 - 55:28

Is it Angels by Robbie Williams? Because that would be really funny. It's a requiem that is based entirely on the works of Robbie Williams.

55:28 - 55:31

So we start with the requiem and we start with a rock DJ. Yeah, of course.

55:32 - 55:42

Like four parts, unaccompanied. It's very ethereal. Then we do Let Me Entertain You as the sort of curie section, which is lovely.

55:42 - 55:49

It's kind of like, if you imagine, if you can imagine monks singing Robbie Williams, it's essentially, that's the kind of, that's the vibe.

55:49 - 55:53

If the angels comes at the end and that's largely the sopranos who do that, there's a full organ.

55:53 - 56:00

But of course, whenever Robbie Williams is performing, there's a full organ on stage. What's the piece?

56:01 - 56:14

The pieces are, we're doing Vivaldi's Gloria, we're doing The Stab at Martyr by Per Galezi, we're doing Beata's Fear by Monteverdi, which I love, and a piece by Palestrina called Sicult Servus.

56:14 - 56:24

Real hack choices there, Chris. Real hack choices. Ah, yeah. Vivaldi's Gloria and the Beata's Fear, you hear that, you do hear those a lot, should you care to look for choir singing things.

56:24 - 56:31

How many in the choir? I reckon there's about 70 of us. 70? Yeah, something like that.

56:31 - 56:43

Yeah. Are you the guy who goes, under the board, what? Yeah. Yeah, no matter what the piece is, and I've had two formal warnings about it so far, because it doesn't really work.

56:43 - 56:54

Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Yeah, because if somebody's singing, oh, fortuna, and then you go, under the ball, it just doesn't, the vibes clash.

56:55 - 57:03

It's a vibe clash. Got it. Okay. So is this, 70 seems big, is this like, you know, the sort of national philharmonic, or is this, you know?

57:03 - 57:08

No, no, no. This is like a very, very amateur local choir. Right. Amateur local choir meeting a local church.

57:09 - 57:15

Here's a question. In a choir, in any group of 70 people, there's got to be a couple of wrong ones in there.

57:15 - 57:25

I would think so, yeah. Yeah. I've got my eye on some people, but so far, nothing is like, I need to narrow down my suspects before I start actually stalking people to get the good shit.

57:25 - 57:31

I just mean, is there someone that everyone tries to avoid in the choir? Or is everyone friendly?

57:32 - 57:40

Most people are quite friendly. It's a funny thing, because some people, some people just sort of come, sing, keep their head down, and go away, and some other people kind of go to the pub afterwards,

57:40 - 57:45

and so on. So yeah, it's a mix of people. But it's like a lot of choirs, it's largely full of retired people.

57:45 - 57:51

It's a great thing for me, as a man in his mid-50s, to go and feel young for a bit.

57:51 - 57:55

And there are people younger than me in the choir, for sure, but you know, not that many.

57:55 - 57:58

There's a couple of old sopranos going, didn't we spot you in the gym? That's right.

58:00 - 58:04

We were just helping you out. Okay. So do you, are you happy with the rehearsal?

58:04 - 58:13

Do you think you're in good shape? So the concert is, like, next week, this is the bit where it always feels like, absolutely no fucking way can we do this.

58:14 - 58:22

And you always do. It's like, it reminds me very much of doing Edinburgh, where, you know, two days before the Edinburgh Festival starts, you're just sort of sitting in your lounge going,

58:22 - 58:26

it's all ashes, it's ashes. And then two days later, you go, I did it!

58:27 - 58:39

It works! Well, let me tell you, the Scotsmen are going to review, and Edinburgh Evening News are both going on the same night to see the choir, and they have it in for you.

58:40 - 58:45

Absolutely. It's because Kate Copstic just does not like choirs. That's a really inside baseball joke.

58:46 - 58:51

I do apologise. No, I got it completely. I got it completely. Yeah, one star, one star from the Scotsmen.

58:51 - 58:55

I know that, but we're expecting that. We've priced that into our levels of disappointment.

58:56 - 59:03

I guess it's a bit like being in a sports football team, right? You know, like, when you finish that song, when you get it right, and like, I'm speaking, obviously,

59:03 - 59:15

as you will know, as second clarinet in Cambridge County Youth Orchestra 2001 to 2003, like, there is a bit of a buzz after, you know, when you do it, even badly, it's a bit of a buzz.

59:15 - 59:20

It's like being in a football team in that afterwards, we all shower together and get into a fight in a nightclub.

59:20 - 59:28

Pubes! All your pubes. There's a lot of pubes. I mean, it happens. Directly after.

59:28 - 59:36

The obvious moment when the conductor, you all go into the dressing room, the door shut, sit the fuck down, everyone.

59:37 - 59:47

What the fuck was that? Tennis? When I say fortissimo, I mean fucking fortissimo. Second half, nothing silly, first five lads.

59:48 - 59:56

Yeah. This bat on at you, like this. Yeah. I have been substituted out at key moments in several pieces that we've done.

59:58 - 1:00:03

And an arm around the shoulder just two minutes in, you're just, you're whole off.

1:00:03 - 1:00:07

You're off. Oh, come on. You can't reach the top G we've got in the next movement, mate.

1:00:08 - 1:00:13

We need Simon on. The audience are like, you're fucking shit. This is shit. Yeah, that's it.

1:00:13 - 1:00:17

That's it. Completely. They're like that. They've got the scarves. Do you go to the pub afterwards?

1:00:17 - 1:00:30

Yeah, we'll go to the pub afterwards. It's nice. It's a big squad. Like even with, I get that all 70 will not go, but 35 people descending on a pub on a Tuesday night.

1:00:30 - 1:00:34

That's unexpected. It's not that many people will go to the pub afterwards. There's a maximum 15.

1:00:35 - 1:00:38

It's always the same people go to the pub and stuff, but it's nice. It's really nice.

1:00:38 - 1:00:46

Jager bombs. Do you go straight in? 15 Jager bombs? Straight in. There's a debate. There's a debate about, do we go to the nice wine bar, which a lot of people want to go to?

1:00:46 - 1:00:53

Do we go to what I like to go to, which is a pub where you can, you know, buy whatever you want to buy and we send someone ahead, clear up the chair,

1:00:54 - 1:01:00

send someone ahead, line up this tequila. Once we've done that, let me make a decision.

1:01:00 - 1:01:11

Is it the neck oil? The worst karaoke evening ever where it's people going up to the person who's running the karaoke and be like, sorry, do you have any, do you have four rays requiem?

1:01:12 - 1:01:15

I would like to say that. I want to do the in paradisum from four rays requiem.

1:01:15 - 1:01:27

Me and my three mates. Sweet Caroline. How many pints are we having, Chris? Not that many because we get to the pub quite late.

1:01:27 - 1:01:38

So just to, I mean, actually, weirdly for choirs, most choirs get quite drunk. You know, if you actually sort of come across semi-professional choirs, those people, proper hardcore, very good at this stuff,

1:01:38 - 1:01:44

people, there's quite a drinking culture amongst those sorts of things, but not really with our likes a bit sort of sedate.

1:01:45 - 1:01:52

A quick drink, a lovely little chair, and then, you know, toddle off home. You wait till the night of the concert though.

1:01:52 - 1:01:56

Everyone's just saving it up there. Taking the next day off work after that bad boy.

1:01:57 - 1:02:02

Don't take that in the interval. Don't get in a K hole before we hit the end.

1:02:03 - 1:02:12

Guys. What time are we home then? Last night I was home about, because the pub chucked us out early.

1:02:13 - 1:02:20

So I was home about five past eleven, I think, last night. Any more crack to be had in the day, or are we going to bed?

1:02:21 - 1:02:29

I'm quite bad at going to bed. I always think there's a brilliant journalist, Gary Bainbridge, tweeted, years and years and years ago, he tweeted, I'd love to go to bed,

1:02:29 - 1:02:34

but I can't face the admin. And I think about that. I think about that a lot.

1:02:34 - 1:02:38

By nature, I'm a night owl. I was for years and years, I would sort of stay up.

1:02:38 - 1:02:43

And obviously, the job of stand-up conditions you to doing that anyway, even if you're, not, you know.

1:02:43 - 1:02:47

But then years of having kids has sort of pulled me back the other way.

1:02:47 - 1:02:52

So it's, I'm often sort of at war with my own needs and wants at that time.

1:02:52 - 1:02:58

And I really don't want to go to bed and I really know that I should, particularly as I also know, I'm going to be up at four calling myself.

1:02:59 - 1:03:07

Five hours. You've only got five hours before you... Before it's time. Yeah. Five hours to time is one of my...

1:03:07 - 1:03:15

It's a great book. It's a KLF song. Do you watch the tally or what do you do?

1:03:15 - 1:03:29

Right. So I'm trying to rewire my brain because it's gone, it's rotted from years of, 15 years, 16, more than that probably now, of sort of scrolling and social media and all the dopamine and those hits and the lack of attention span,

1:03:29 - 1:03:41

all of the things that everyone's worried about. I'm absolutely, I've rotted my brain. So I'm really trying to kind of be good and like read things that take a while to read and not,

1:03:41 - 1:03:46

you know, not just have the, hey, shiny, shiny, shiny entertainment go into my eyes the whole time.

1:03:46 - 1:03:52

So I try, not always successfully to sort of set time to like read a book so I calm my brain down a bit.

1:03:53 - 1:04:02

I mean, I feel like you've done a lot of culture already, you know, you've edited a TV thing, you've already read like a book about Soviet composers.

1:04:03 - 1:04:08

So like, I think you could- He reads a pop-up book. It's the worst sort of book for cortisol.

1:04:09 - 1:04:14

A pop-up book. Well, it's just because it's surprising, isn't it? It's just, you know, you turn the page, you're not expecting something to poke out at you.

1:04:15 - 1:04:21

So what did you read? What book did you read yesterday? I, I, oh fuck.

1:04:22 - 1:04:35

Vagina monologues. Yes, yes. In German. Because it's just less erotic, isn't it? But I did read a book in German because, or tried to read a book in German because I've spent years trying to learn and failing to learn German.

1:04:35 - 1:04:40

And so I thought, right, if I read, if I, I'm going to try and read some books that I cannot read.

1:04:40 - 1:04:48

And that will definitely improve my language skills and not simply demonstrate to me that I still can't work the language.

1:04:48 - 1:04:52

And therefore, that's one more thing for me to feel bad about when I wake up at four.

1:04:52 - 1:04:58

What are you reading? Das Boot? Die Verlore der Ere von Katharina Blum. Das Boot two, the boot drops.

1:04:58 - 1:05:03

The other boot drops. Das Boot is on the other, das other foot. Das foot.

1:05:06 - 1:05:15

I was reading a book called The First Last Day, which is a sort of comic novel by this guy who usually writes thrillers and stuff.

1:05:15 - 1:05:29

And it's just full of slang that there's no possible chance of me understanding. And so the experience is really, is me just getting four words into a sentence and looking it up on the Kindle and then going another four words and looking that word up and again.

1:05:29 - 1:05:43

It's not good for me on any level. It's like the Helen Copter can speak French, my Helen, and we go to France and I say, je voudrais aller dans la gare.

1:05:44 - 1:05:48

The person looks at me baffled and then Helen says a whole bunch of slang words that I don't understand.

1:05:48 - 1:05:56

And we get two tickets to wherever we're trying to go to. So yes. Nobody ever teaches you language in the way that is actually used or is used to.

1:05:57 - 1:06:07

So how long do we read this German book that we don't understand? Until I cry and then when I've cried because I find it's very cathartic to have a week before bedtime.

1:06:07 - 1:06:12

The Germans have a word for that, but unfortunately you can't understand what it is.

1:06:12 - 1:06:15

I've got a word for a lot of things and I don't understand any of them.

1:06:15 - 1:06:25

So I've read that book and then, yeah, 20 minutes. I reckon 20 minutes. And then I try to go to sleep because I can't wait to wake up and call myself a c***.

1:06:26 - 1:06:31

And do you successfully fall asleep? Usually the getting to sleep isn't the tough part, actually.

1:06:32 - 1:06:38

So it's the staying asleep that's the difficult bit for me. Do you have a technique, Chris Addison, for getting to sleep?

1:06:38 - 1:06:43

I like to sort of toss and turn and go, fuck's sake! Until I drop off.

1:06:43 - 1:06:50

And I generally find that eventually after two or three hours. Yeah, the FST, the fuck's sake technique is renowned.

1:06:50 - 1:06:57

It's renowned. I'm putting that, that's one of the chapters in my right-wing self-help box.

1:07:00 - 1:07:07

What a chaotic end to a tranquil and beautiful day. It had enough events in it for the likes of me.

1:07:07 - 1:07:12

Chris Addison, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday. Thanks for asking me.

1:07:22 - 1:07:30

There we are. Such a full day. A long, full day. It had everything. You know someone's, you know, been successful.

1:07:30 - 1:07:37

Although I know he doesn't allow himself to think that way. When we ask at the end of it, what will we plug, Chris?

1:07:37 - 1:07:47

And he tells you there's 23 tickets left for the choir. But I'm sure that concert has come and gone now.

1:07:48 - 1:07:53

The TV show we talked about will be on our screens, I think, in the autumn.

1:07:54 - 1:07:59

These things do take a long time. I mean, that thing will be on Radio 3 at some point, won't it?

1:07:59 - 1:08:13

Yeah. That'll be on. That's the worst plug I have ever heard. I was thinking, what's so fascinating, not so fascinating about this, really, because, you know, we are just talking about people's laundry.

1:08:13 - 1:08:20

But you do think this is, you know, on this day, and he's reading the Soviet history of composers.

1:08:20 - 1:08:25

Yeah. And Phil Ellis is just telling someone in a tray toilet to fuck off.

1:08:25 - 1:08:33

Yeah. And James Buckley's having two pints of Stella and eating just nothing but a curry covered in shit.

1:08:33 - 1:08:40

We are all living the same days in slightly different ways, is what I... Wow, what a profound moment.

1:08:40 - 1:08:51

Yeah, and I've not had three cans of Vietnamese lager. Yeah, it does sound like real youth hostile conversation you overhear while you're trying to pretentiously read Finnegan's Wake.

1:08:51 - 1:08:57

This is some bullshit. Has anyone read Jack Carowak? I'm reading Jack Carowak. And it really is.

1:08:58 - 1:09:03

If you would like to get in touch with this podcast, people are different, guys.

1:09:03 - 1:09:08

That's all I'm saying. People are different. If you are different, give us a shout.

1:09:10 - 1:09:16

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whaddidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:09:16 - 1:09:23

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:09:23 - 1:09:33

And if you didn't, please don't. Look, sometimes you get me at... It's now 20 past 11 at night.

1:09:33 - 1:09:41

So, like, I'm allowed to occasionally say things that you would say in, you know, koalas, backpackers in Noosa in 1997.

1:09:44 - 1:09:58

I remember once being in a youth hostel in San Francisco and someone, I think she was Austrian and she had an acoustic out and no one wanted this, but she sang,

1:09:59 - 1:10:10

what if God was one of us? But then... Joan Osborne. Yeah. Yeah. She would then sing it in, like, Vietnamese to show all the places she'd been around the world.

1:10:11 - 1:10:17

Oh, no! And then she'd sing it in Mandarin and then she would sing it in whatever.

1:10:17 - 1:10:30

Yeah. Mexican Spanish. Yeah. Really good. Ultimate backpacker vibe. Oh, wow. Oh, that's amazing. Thanks to Chris Addison for coming.

1:10:30 - 1:10:37

He didn't have to do that. I just postured him and I hope you enjoyed it and let's do it again soon, Max.

1:10:38 - 1:10:42

Yeah. And for the rest of our lives. No, yeah. I forgot about that. No, yeah.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

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S4 EP13: Chris Addison

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