0:06 - 0:16
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say, too many. I have one already. I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast
0:16 - 0:27
about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of
0:27 - 0:38
being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What
0:38 - 0:53
did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden.
0:53 - 1:05
And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem. From the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:05 - 1:12
My name is Max Rushden. And alongside me for the journey for the rest of his life, David O'Doherty.
1:12 - 1:24
Hello, David. And twiddling the knobs today is producer Will. We don't give him a shout out at the start, but I don't think he's important enough. Is he included in it for life? Does he have to keep
1:24 - 1:36
doing this when he gets to a sort of Sir George Martin producing the Beatles level? He'll have to be like, oh, sorry, Paul. I've got to go and record this stupid podcast where people talk about cheese.
1:36 - 1:48
He's younger than us, though. So like when we're 90 and he's 75 and he'd be like, actually, those old boys are still kicking. He wants to enjoy his retirement in his little cottage in
1:48 - 2:00
the Cotswolds. And we'd be like, sorry, we've got another one. We've got another. We want to talk to Nish Kumar about his 90 year old bowels. Come on. Let's do this. Now, there's lots of things to
2:00 - 2:09
get through. Now we need to plug the live show in Melbourne. It says it with five exclamation marks at the top of this Google Doc. David, I don't know why so many. We haven't checked. Maybe we're sold out.
2:09 - 2:23
I checked. Okay. Yeah. I checked the numbers. What are the numbers? I mean, flatlining is a term that's overused. And normally it would imply death. You know what I mean? But
2:23 - 2:39
not in this case, it implies a sleeping giant. Of course. Whereby a certain cohort, almost two eager people have bought. But now the real legends are just waiting to pounce. I ask you, when the tiger
2:39 - 2:47
is squatting in the long grass about to eat a family, is it dead? No, it's just waiting to pounce.
2:48 - 3:03
I'm slightly surprised that our idea of charging people for baggage like Ryanair didn't suddenly inspire a thousand more people to buy tickets. Anyway, Freya, who says she's from Perth slash London,
3:03 - 3:12
says, on your most recent ep, you asked for suggestions for the most famous Australian song for the Melbourne live show. Yes. Having been at the OG Hackney live show and thoroughly enjoying
3:12 - 3:23
the rendition of Dancing in the Moonlight. I'll also be at the Melbourne show. And the two iconic choices have to be either down under by Men at Work or Never Tear Us Apart by In Excess. Thanks, Freya.
3:23 - 3:29
I'm worried that David will file them both under what would insert boring comedian would do.
3:29 - 3:36
No, that feels rude to Freya. But like, they're too obvious for a man of David's whimsy, I say.
3:36 - 3:47
Well, I mean, I have a feeling that if you had your way, we would do Natalie Imbruglia's follow up single to Torn. Big mistake. Big mistake. Great song.
3:50 - 4:01
So there's a spectrum here that I'm trying to deal with, Natalie. Cause you're down on your knees. It's too late. That's a great song. It's a great song.
4:01 - 4:12
Did she sing? Didn't want to leave you with a last impression. Didn't want to leave you with a Is that Natalie? I don't know. I'm not sure.
4:13 - 4:25
Just talk. I'm going to look Natalie. Sometimes we wonder if we're going to retain our audience. I think it's moments where David is Googling songs to check.
4:25 - 4:33
Wrong impression. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. What I sang was the lyric. Didn't want to leave you with the last impression. But in fact, that's what you do want to leave someone with.
4:33 - 4:48
Really? Yes, you're right. Yeah. Natalie is a smart enough songwriter to realize that wrong impression is a pop rock song by Natalie from 2001. So she's got so many hits. We could do a medley. Can we do a Natalie Imbruglia medley?
4:49 - 4:56
I'm so down for that. On the clarinet. Leave out Torn. That's the thing. Leave that one out.
4:56 - 5:04
Just the other. Sean says, Dear Doddles, Generic Man 3 and Mars Bar, I just wanted to write in to let you know how wonderful the recent live show in Dublin was.
5:05 - 5:16
To be there in the same room where Bob Dylan had previously played, to witness David act out, how he lowers himself balls first into a bath was quite a treat. And what a further treat it was
5:16 - 5:21
to look over to my beautiful partner of eight years to find a look of absolute bafflement on her face.
5:21 - 5:31
We're getting married later this year and dragging her along to this esoteric town hall meeting and still have her want to go ahead with it was a real confirmation that I've made the right choice.
5:31 - 5:37
In it for life, our marriage and the podcast, everything is showbiz. Lots of love, Sean. Thank you, Sean.
5:37 - 5:47
I was somewhat taken aback by in the last episode. There was a segment from they're just normal countries from the live show played. Yeah. Yeah.
5:48 - 6:02
It really sounds ridiculous. I won't say it sounds awful, but we are just talking a whole lot of rubbish. Like I don't, I didn't think I would be moved to tears by how profound hearing a segment,
6:02 - 6:19
like that is the stupidest segment that we do. You'd have to say to hear a lady shout Cape Verde and people go, the greatest bit of that, sorry of the live, the live ep was, uh, Shane Daniel Byrne
6:19 - 6:29
making scrambled eggs in the microwave and a thousand people booing him and then saying that he put mayonnaise in the eggs before he put it in the microwave. And then not just booing, but like visceral hatred
6:29 - 6:42
from a crowd of people about making scrambled eggs in the microwave. Jim says regards the Phil Ellis episode. And my line to you going, you can't preface someone looks like a butt plug with all due
6:42 - 6:52
respect. I don't believe that gets you out of that hole. He says, I put it to you. So you knew exactly what you were doing when you said, I don't believe that gets you out of that hole on the Phil
6:52 - 7:07
Ellis episode. I, so I'm not quick enough to have made a butt plug based gag about that. But if I have the opportunity, every episode of mayhem to say with the greater respect, it's at my ass, I will happily
7:07 - 7:24
do it. The butt plug looking community are broader than you think. It was originally a quote from, uh, Noel Edmunds said it to Blobby. Blobby's the OG. Meg Knob says lifelong 52 year old Moomin fan who's off
7:24 - 7:35
to Finland this summer to visit said theme park in it for life. Kat says, not me wearing my Moomin pajamas, listening to this center of the known universe. Megan, I have a Moomin story. Who knew?
7:36 - 7:47
Hearing my name over the tannoy at Helsinki airport, beckoning me back to the Moomin shop where I'd been browsing fluffy Moomin products earlier was the peak highlight of my life. I generally thought I'd
7:47 - 7:57
want a lifetime supply of Moomin mugs or a one way ticket to Moomin Valley. I rushed back heart pounding. Anyway, I just left my bank card there. Everything really is showbiz always up for a collab.
7:57 - 8:11
Please do a live show somewhere near Margate. Thank you. Wow. It is remarkable. Like I vaguely knew what the Moomins were, but then to have been thrust into their midst for the last whatever week and a
8:11 - 8:26
half since we recorded the Phil Ellis episode. It is strange that a country, a Scandinavian country is associated so much with one like Pippi Longstocking. I think is Norway's Moomins maybe.
8:26 - 8:37
Have I got that right? Was she Norway? Pippi Longstocking? I don't know. But what's fun about this is you mentioned something and then a hundred people tell you that someone right now is dressed
8:37 - 8:43
as Pippi Longstocking listening to this and they can give us the inside track on Pippi Longstocking.
8:43 - 8:54
Your Google is funny. Your algorithm is going to be funny because you've looked up Natalie Imbruglia songs and Pippi Longstocking. The last 50 year old man. Spike in Herne Bay in Kent says,
8:54 - 9:04
Dear DoD, Mars Bar and the voice of football. Having just listened to DoD, describe Moomins as butt plugs. I checked with a friend who used to be an A&E nurse and she had never had to remove a
9:04 - 9:21
Moomins. Thank you, Spike for asking. However, she had encountered a Weeble, various Lego people, the head of a My Little Pony and Gordon from Thomas the Tank Engine.
9:24 - 9:36
Wow. The controller really, he shunted in the wrong direction there. It's the top of Matt. Gordon's actually quite of the engines. Gordon is quite a big face. It's quite
9:36 - 9:51
big. You'd be better off, you know, with Thomas or Percy. If I had to have one of them up there, I would go with one of the more sleek, like the flying Scotsman type design, which has an aerodynamic
9:52 - 9:57
front on it as opposed to an old school. The young Ian loves the maglev line.
9:57 - 10:14
And I think in Japan, they're sort of, they're called Shinkansen. Shinkansen? Right, yeah. And they have a real, they're the gateway of this, I would say. They have a very sort of long, sleek nose, sort of like a smooth, front of a concord.
10:14 - 10:19
That would be fine. You'd barely notice that. You wouldn't want to start with the Bakerloo line.
10:19 - 10:30
Like that's, you know. Here is, do you want to play who was in the lounge at Perth airport?
10:31 - 10:36
Oh my goodness. I haven't thought about this. Yes, I would love to. I would absolutely.
10:36 - 10:43
Okay. Have we established that it was a gentleman? I think so. Okay. But no more clues.
10:43 - 10:53
I'm going to say, and I can't remember his name, but you will be able to help me. Oh, I remember his name. Tony Hadley, the lead singer of Spandau Ballet.
10:55 - 11:03
Because we need someone who might have been traveling back and forth. You would imagine that he could have been on an X-Factory type show in Australia.
11:03 - 11:16
Yeah, that's true. Australia loves Spandau, I would imagine. And you don't know him well enough to go up to him if you saw him making. I would also, sorry, one more thing. If you listen to all their songs,
11:16 - 11:23
there's always a reference to a toasted cheese sandwich in them as well. Yeah, that is true. That's true. It's incorrect, but I do like the reasoning.
11:23 - 11:29
This though is from Asa and Heather in Perth, who say, hello, Max and Department of Defense.
11:29 - 11:37
My lovely partner is a big fan and slowly it's gone from me being forced to listen along in the car to what someone had for breakfast to listening by myself.
11:37 - 11:42
Christopher McArthur Boyd's day was truly something that should be studied in the future. He says.
11:43 - 11:51
Anyway, regarding who Max saw at Perth Airport, we have a guess. At first, we weren't going to send it in as it makes too much sense, but then thought David might prefer to squash the game before it
11:51 - 11:56
carries on for the next year. If Stephen Fry was a good guess, could it have been Kevin McCloud?
11:58 - 12:07
Kevin McCloud from Grand Designs. Yeah, because there's an Aussie version of Grand Designs, I think hosted by an Aussie Kevin McCloud.
12:07 - 12:17
Right. He's over there a lot doing promo for it. That's a great guess. They say he's just been on tour in Australia and he looks like he'd be partial to a business class
12:17 - 12:24
lounge cheese toasty. Damn it, you bastards. I thought it would go on forever. It is Kevin McCloud.
12:24 - 12:38
No way! Yes, there we go. Wow! That's great. Oh, thank you. Now we just have the other two to three quizzes to deal with.
12:38 - 12:48
Well, you say that. This is the David Squires quiz guest. Dan in Litchfield writes, Dear Voice of Gavisco on the face of the creator of Tetris and the liminal essence of producers
12:48 - 13:00
Mars Bar and Will. With David Squires mates, Oxford United related teas are threatening to plunge us back into Teddington Torpor once more. I feel obliged to share my guess for who the Oxford supporting
13:00 - 13:10
father and son duo might have been. And in doing so, potentially claim my place along with producer Will and the listener who won the original curdle in the pantheon of yesterday pod's quiz conquerors.
13:10 - 13:20
My guess is friend of the pod, Tom Rosenthal, and his dad, the sports presenter, Jim, whose Oxford fandom earned him notoriety when he wore an Oxford United hat while presenting coverage of the 1986
13:20 - 13:33
milk cup final. If I'm right, I hereby claim my prize of a limited edition Max Rushden trading card from Gavin Fitness. In it for life, a big what's up to my wife, Jo, who's always the audience member
13:33 - 13:45
who laughs the loudest at David's live shows down in Litchfield. Well, I got in touch with David Squires and I said, is it Jim slash Tom Rosenthal? Yeah, it isn't. But I don't know the answer to this one.
13:45 - 13:57
So I'm in the same place. But on the subject of Tom Rosenthal, David, he sent me a message the other day and it just said this, just drank some water that had been in my car for a while. It was piss.
14:08 - 14:20
Imagine that coming in, in like the middle of the night. He probably got it at like 3am and your wife was like, what is this? Is it something important? And you read it out and just went back to sleep.
14:20 - 14:35
I did say to Tom that I was thrilled and very glad that he told us because, you know, you have a stem brain, right? Science, technology, you know, that end of things.
14:35 - 14:41
With your mathematics fame that we've seen very little of, to be honest, on this podcast.
14:41 - 14:45
Do I have any of that? Okay, fine. I'll take it. Yeah, you did A-level mathematics, didn't you?
14:45 - 14:51
I did A-level math. I did double math. Yeah, but then a couple of times in this podcast, you couldn't add two numbers.
14:51 - 15:03
So I worked in football a long time. Is it a titration or a distillation for turning piss back into water? I think if you heat it at a specific temperature.
15:03 - 15:11
I thought that was Leviticus 1.34 and then the law did turn piss into water. Or is one misremembering?
15:11 - 15:18
No, this could save a listener's life if they're trapped on an island. And they have a Bunsen burner and a live big condenser.
15:19 - 15:30
Yeah. And 30 litres of Tom Rosenthal's piss. That's actually what you win when we finish the Just Normal Countries competition.
15:31 - 15:44
But how, listeners, how would you go about turning piss back into water again? Like, how do you get rid of the ammonia, the salt, presumably, maybe if you had a boil, what you call the tube?
15:45 - 15:49
Is that a titration tube where you might rise that up? I'm just putting it out there.
15:50 - 15:57
It's an interesting question. Okay, right. Yeah. And we don't want to Google it because we only Google Pippi Longstocking and Natalie Imprilio.
15:57 - 16:00
We'd like the listeners to get in touch with. Have you ever turned piss into water?
16:00 - 16:07
Let us know. What did you do yesterday, Pod, at gmail.com. Let's play They're Just Normal Countries.
16:10 - 16:21
I am the one and only. What country could I be? I am the one and only.
16:22 - 16:38
Where in the world could our listeners be? Here we go then. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Apolo S. Routini, U.S. Virgin Islands, Ecuador, Guinea, San Marino.
16:38 - 16:46
Correct. Correct. Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji. Correct. Correct. Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands.
16:46 - 16:56
Correct. Belarus, Palau, Aruba, Ecuador, Iraq, Gabon. Correct. Eritrea, Andorra, Peru, Reunion, Greenland, the Gambia, Ivory Coast, Bulgaria, the Solomon Islands.
16:56 - 17:05
Cape Verde. That was from the Dublin Live Show, bonus episode 61. Susie writes, hi DOD, Max, and most importantly, Mars Bar, who isn't here.
17:06 - 17:15
I was front row at the gig in Vicar Street on Tuesday. Raging my name wasn't Luxembourg, McTurkey, so I could get my guess in for They're Just Normal Countries.
17:15 - 17:25
Interruption. Yes, David. This isn't. Do you remember Louise, who was sitting at the front of that gig, who had a t-shirt with all of the Normal Countries written on it?
17:25 - 17:36
Great merch. Yeah, homemade merch. Since the gig, I have sued her for two million pounds, which seems harsh, but we have to have intellectual property of these things.
17:36 - 17:40
We have to control. Alas, my parents gave me a stupid name at birth, says Susie.
17:40 - 17:45
Since July of last year, I've felt it in my bones that Chad is one of the countries on the list.
17:45 - 17:50
So when Georgia stood up to guess, I shouted Chad almost as soon as she got up out of her seat.
17:50 - 17:58
When Mars Bar divulged that one of the answers shouted was indeed a correct answer, it made me confident enough to finally write in with my guess, Chad.
17:58 - 18:08
Yes, I've mentioned it three times now. That's how strongly I feel about it. P.S. It was my friend Liz who was sat in the seat in the Hackney Empire with the Prunella Scales plaque, R.I.P. Prunella.
18:09 - 18:14
We've now been at 100% of the What Did You Do Yesterday live gigs. If you want to fly us to Melbourne to keep our street going, we're up for it.
18:15 - 18:22
We will. So, Will, producer Will, is Chad a normal country? Wow. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
18:22 - 18:30
Yes! Five of six. Five of six. And Susie is in control of the game.
18:30 - 18:40
So Susie could win it next week. And suddenly, with Kevin McCloud done, with They're Just Normal Countries, Curdle is a two and a half cheese board.
18:40 - 18:44
Yeah. We're a long way to Boxing Day. What happens when there are no quizzes?
18:44 - 18:53
Oh my goodness. Yeah. It's not a concern that I had, say, 20 minutes ago. We also have the Oxford United quiz.
18:53 - 19:00
Of course, yeah. The David Squires. Which is our worst ever quiz. It is a quiz two steps removed, isn't it?
19:00 - 19:07
It's not even our quiz. And, of course, titrating piss, the quiz. That's more a question, isn't it?
19:07 - 19:12
It's not really a quiz. They're never going to ask that on Who Wants to Be Millionaire.
19:13 - 19:23
Your £16,000 question is, how do you turn piss into water? Chris Tarrant going, oh, I can't do a Chris Tarrant impression, but you understand the point.
19:23 - 19:32
Anyway, David, more importantly, what time did you wake up yesterday? 7 a.m. David O'Doherty stirs.
19:33 - 19:43
He'd spent eight hours getting back from Wales the evening before and had slept okay, but it's fine.
19:43 - 20:03
Wake up at 7. I'll just reach out, find my headphones. No headphones. We are still in a situation where there are two lost sets of AirPods in the house because the Lord is looking down on them and telling me where they are in relation to the heavens,
20:03 - 20:09
but that is useless in relation to a two-story house. I mean, it is only a two-story.
20:09 - 20:22
Like, you could just check both stories, couldn't you, of the house? Well, the interesting thing about this house, although it is technically a two-story house, there's actually, it's on kind of four bits of levels.
20:22 - 20:29
So you could drop a plumb line down through the slates and find three levels.
20:29 - 20:37
So there's more to it than you, you've been in it. I made you sleep on a, each time you tell it, it's a sadder bed.
20:37 - 20:45
I folded up some kitchen roll and put some kitchen roll on top of you and made you sleep there.
20:45 - 20:52
Sure. It's fine. I will get up and I'll make breakfast. That's what I'll do.
20:52 - 20:58
Okay. So it's not Helen Copps's slop. You're, you're in charge. Yeah. It's time for me to make something delicious.
20:58 - 21:05
We have a hipster bread. Now the hipster bread has been sitting there for a little while.
21:05 - 21:12
So it has become entirely solid. Yeah. Like completely, if you threw it to the ducks, you'd kill them.
21:12 - 21:19
Um, it's not just slice the end off and it's fresh inside. It's a, no, this is a heavy loaf. Okay.
21:20 - 21:26
There's something you could do to it. I think you could probably run it under the tap and then put it in the oven.
21:26 - 21:33
That might bring it back to life, but there's some bagels in the freezer. I'll just take out one of those.
21:33 - 21:42
Yeah. I opt for the classic, which is peanut butter, banana on top of it, a little bit of salt, a tiny bit of honey. Perfect.
21:42 - 21:50
Wake up, Helen Copter. Let's go. So it's a curious time and this will be the theme of the day.
21:50 - 21:59
We have failed to find, we've sold this house. Yeah. We've failed to find another house to move into.
21:59 - 22:09
So we're moving. Like the littlest hobo. You're going to just be a little stick and a handkerchief and you're just going to, we'll go from place to place.
22:09 - 22:23
Just you and your keyboard. It's exciting times. And this podcast, Mike, that's it. You know, in those sort of Puss in Boots type shows, you would open the little sort of bandana with the stuff on it,
22:23 - 22:37
and it would just be a Focusrite compressor box and a SM58 microphone inside. So I feel as I look at the houses for sale and none of them are right,
22:39 - 22:43
I have the great regret that we, why did we sell this? This house is great.
22:44 - 22:48
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You've had a miserable night here. You loved it.
22:48 - 22:54
It's a lovely house. It's got things going for it that I suspect will never find anywhere else ever again.
22:54 - 23:03
In that, in high summer, the garden, it's really just a yarden, is entirely secluded, not overlooked by anyone.
23:03 - 23:08
So you can come out of the shower and just simply stand in the sunlight, you know?
23:09 - 23:15
Yeah. You're not going to find that anywhere else, possibly ever again. Oh, no, I'm sorry about this regret.
23:15 - 23:24
No, it's fine. It'll, apparently more houses come on sale. Like we are looking for houses in a fairly specific part of Dublin.
23:25 - 23:40
Yeah. And I look at one that's not quite right, but I do enjoy how on the Google Maps, when I go to find out where that is, one of the local sites of interest with a blue star on Google Maps is a friendly black cat.
23:41 - 23:46
Someone has put that out there. So that cheers me up a little bit. That adds value.
23:46 - 23:50
I think it adds value. That's what you say about things in your house. This adds value.
23:50 - 23:57
I come to the basement where I am now, which has no pictures on the walls.
23:58 - 24:06
Yeah. Boxes around me and record two incredible episodes of the hit podcast. What did you do yesterday?
24:07 - 24:15
Yesterday's mayhem, midweek mayhem. Yeah. And a special guest then as well. Yeah. Yeah. Very nice time doing that.
24:15 - 24:21
Then I book a storage locker. Whoa. Okay. This is good stuff. Yeah, it is.
24:21 - 24:25
But it's also, it's hard not to hear the song. This used to be my playground.
24:26 - 24:38
You know, every, I think I'm prone to a sort of sentimentality where every lamp I click on and off and I go, I'll probably never click that lamp on and off in this house ever again.
24:38 - 24:50
Which you'll never deflate the lilo again. Yeah. Are you picking up things and sort of, do you look at them, you look at the thing you've picked up and then you look out the window and then you look back at the thing and you think, oh.
24:51 - 25:09
That's what would happen in the movies. Yes. Yes. But I do that with one of the most cluttered houses ever that is filled with so much just stupid, you know, even the vibrating battery powered cock ring that was in the house when I moved in.
25:09 - 25:13
Are you going to take that with you or leave that? Yeah, you've got to leave it, leave it behind.
25:13 - 25:20
But I'll hide it somewhere in the attic or something like that. Oh, I thought maybe you would, everything else would be empty and it would just be there.
25:20 - 25:28
Like with a single ray of light coming in a window. Yeah, just a little moomin next to it.
25:31 - 25:37
And then it bursts into flames like when Piggy uses his glasses in Lord of the Flies.
25:37 - 25:49
Great. In fairness, I start tidying clothes and I find incredible clothes that have just been down the back of the system for maybe the last five years.
25:49 - 26:04
Wow. What have we got in there? This t-shirt, which says Kansas City against the world, which I got when I was in Kansas City with Flight of the Conchords in 2018, 2017, maybe.
26:04 - 26:18
Which is the one time Kansas City won the World Series in baseball. I think someone in the crowd had a homemade sign that they cut to whatever before that winning home run was hit.
26:18 - 26:24
And it just said Kansas City against the world. So it's a fresh new look that I have.
26:24 - 26:31
You look great. It's very similar to my 2018 look. Thank you very much. Loads of shit books, I find.
26:31 - 26:42
So when I moved into this house, I was writing a series of books with the incredible Aussie actor and comedian Claudia O'Doherty.
26:43 - 26:47
We have the same last name. We wrote two of the least essential books of all time.
26:47 - 26:52
A book of fake facts about sharks and a book of fake facts about pandas.
26:52 - 27:02
So I was getting sent a lot of books from this genre, the incredibly unessential books genre.
27:02 - 27:11
And I find a bunch of those. There's a book about things that happen on made up islands around the world.
27:11 - 27:21
Like it's a beautiful sort of map book, but everything's fake. And then I find a very stark book called Images You Should Not Masturbate To.
27:21 - 27:27
It's like a man with his shirt off and an axe and he's chopping a log.
27:27 - 27:34
And what I do remember about that one was being in the offices of I think Random House published those books.
27:35 - 27:44
And this book being sort of, you know, we've got some stiff opposition in this genre and images you should not masturbate to just being slid across the table.
27:46 - 27:50
This is going very well at the moment. Are you going to get a skip?
27:50 - 27:55
Have you got a skip yet? No, there's no need for a skip. It's all good stuff.
27:55 - 28:06
And also, you know that I'm the skip vampire whereby there'll be a few bits, but I will go out very late at night dressed in the darkest clothes.
28:06 - 28:11
And I will put those dried up paint pots into someone else's skip. You're allowed.
28:11 - 28:17
If there's building work going on where they're taking out the entire inside of a house, they're changing a big skip every day.
28:17 - 28:29
They really don't mind if you put three things in it. Okay. I take a break from all of this nostalgia and packing to take some lunch to Jim and Anne.
28:29 - 28:37
It's an exciting time. Anne's 88 on Sunday. Can you believe it? Happy birthday, Anne. Go on, Anne.
28:37 - 28:45
Yeah. Yeah. She's just one year ahead of my dad constantly. Yeah. She has got a date for a new knee.
28:45 - 28:58
And that's good. Like if she keeps getting parts of her replaced, it's going to be a Trigger's Broom type situation where is she an entirely different person then?
29:00 - 29:07
The head replacement will be the big one. I do tech support for my father, obviously.
29:08 - 29:12
What's he trying to make? His Super Nintendo work. He wants Sky Sports on the laptop.
29:12 - 29:27
I mean, it's wild that an 87-year-old could even know about that. But he's like, yeah, when your mother's downstairs and she is watching rugby and he wants to watch Manchester United, he can slink back upstairs.
29:28 - 29:35
Got it. And put that on. So I made that happen. And me and mom go out to get coffee and coal.
29:35 - 29:41
They're still big coal guys. I would say of many of I don't think I've ever bought a sack of coal in my life, Max.
29:42 - 29:51
But they will not change over to a more energy efficient, say, fake fire or radiator type thing.
29:51 - 29:59
It's very much the centerpiece of the house. Then come back. Got to do more boxes because I booked my brother today.
29:59 - 30:05
Today we're hiring a van and we're going to send the first lot of gear to the storage locker.
30:05 - 30:13
And I know, but my mind does go to when Goose dies in Top Gun.
30:14 - 30:23
His wife and the kid come in. It's a very somber moment. And his entire earthly possessions are in like a shoebox.
30:24 - 30:30
And it's just his dog tags and some photographs. Surely some shades. Surely some aviators.
30:31 - 30:36
There's got to be. But there is not a copy of images you should not masturbate to.
30:36 - 30:48
And another 35 boxes of absolute crap. So we're heading now towards five o'clock. And you're not so much packing.
30:48 - 30:59
You must be exhausted because it's tiring. It's emotionally and physically tiring. Yeah. But the problem with it is it's the slipping off into the dreamlike reveries the whole time.
30:59 - 31:04
That's actually what takes the time. The tiring part will be today because we don't have a hand cart.
31:04 - 31:09
So it's just going to be two lads lifting boxes. Although you don't have to.
31:09 - 31:16
You and your brother have no cows to tag. Right. So you will be a quicker job than Brett McKenzie's.
31:16 - 31:30
That's true. Yes. But a different job. More similar to Brett taking. In fact, it's probably my next of kin that will do the job of having to bring all of these boxes to the recycling center.
31:31 - 31:42
And a man will say something incredibly profound about life through the hatch. I decided to make an incredibly ambitious dinner for the Helen Copter.
31:42 - 31:48
Great. From a 30 second Instagram reel. Okay. You know, one of those ones that's like, do this, do this.
31:48 - 31:55
Throw in the four of these. But it's always put everything in your kitchen and then cover it in cheese.
31:55 - 32:09
And then you've made a weird burger that no one would ever eat. I decide to travel to Japan and create the Donberry chicken bowl.
32:09 - 32:25
Okay. Tell me about it. I mean, it's all fairly basic stuff. There is a, there's a big flaw in trying to pause a 30 second video multiple times to make the dinner.
32:25 - 32:37
In that you don't get a sense of how long the various elements take. And also because we've packed away any weighing devices, I am weighing using vibes.
32:37 - 32:46
Good. Plus it's an American recipe. So it's cups. And who knows how big a cup is, you know?
32:46 - 32:52
And what's something like a cup of chicken? Like you can sort of know. It's not a drink you want while doing a marathon.
32:52 - 32:57
You run past the table that are just cups of chicken and go straight for the water.
32:57 - 33:05
But the chicken is not the issue. We've got chicken, onion, garlic, ginger, spices. Fairly basic.
33:05 - 33:10
This is all good stuff so far, right? All good stuff. But then the secret is the glaze.
33:11 - 33:23
And the glaze is some of the craziest stuff you've ever heard going together. And because they're all supposed to go in cups, I guess.
33:23 - 33:31
To me, I know there is a standardized measurement of a cup in America. But to me, it sounds like just a made up thing, like a fist.
33:31 - 33:39
Do you think it's the Stanley cup? Is it like the Stan? That much hoisin sauce is going to really make it rich, isn't it?
33:39 - 33:49
So we've got, imagine this going in. Half a cup of orange juice. Uh-huh. Quarter cup of soy sauce.
33:49 - 33:54
All right. Two tablespoons of maple syrup. Like luckily this is all stuff that's in the cupboard.
33:54 - 34:03
So I do it. I can't remember what else is in it. But in his 30 second video, this is maybe three seconds of it.
34:03 - 34:09
You just bung it on the chicken. And he's like, now just wait for it to glaze it.
34:09 - 34:20
And what I've done is massively use too much fluid. So I've created just a sort of bubbling vat of which dinner now.
34:21 - 34:26
Is it salvageable? Are you going to repurpose it? Are you going to resell it?
34:26 - 34:35
Or have you told the Helen Copter what you're making? Well, I've told the Helen Copter to hurry back from work because I'm about to get this going.
34:36 - 34:45
As in like, it'll be on the table in 10 minutes. Yeah, okay. And 40 minutes later, I'm still trying to bubble off this endless liquid.
34:45 - 34:55
Now, so I think I've effectively created something else. As usual. And the chicken is probably like pretty, it's pretty well poached now, isn't it?
34:55 - 35:00
It's like one of those Irish stews that's been on the range for six months.
35:00 - 35:07
That's kind of how it tastes. Because any ethnic specificity has just been utterly boiled out of it.
35:08 - 35:15
It's just a rice and chicken. You can get a little bit of the sweetness from the maple syrup and the orange juice, but that's pretty much it.
35:15 - 35:22
That said, it's pretty delicious. Okay, well done. Yeah, thank you very much. Do a little bit more packing.
35:23 - 35:30
The bedside lockers, I guess they're going to go now. Because we'll do three journeys to the storage locker.
35:30 - 35:34
And the first one is just low-hanging fruit. But those beds... Hang on, what's that?
35:34 - 35:44
In the back of the bedside? What? It's my AirPod headphones. Yes! The original ones that I lost three months ago.
35:45 - 35:53
The ones you thought were in the coat. I'll find their replacements soon. And then I will have four AirPods.
35:54 - 36:00
Four? Like, individually four? Yeah, individually four. Okay. So, I think you always treat them as a two.
36:01 - 36:05
I don't think so. Oh, right, they're people in their own right. Each individual AirPod.
36:05 - 36:15
Yeah, because I'll be like, I'll have one in each ear, and then I'll try some quadraphonic stereo thing, where I'll put, like, two up my nose or something like that.
36:15 - 36:20
With the greatest respect. You'll pick up the AirPod and say, with the greatest respect.
36:20 - 36:28
And shove them up my butt. And then tell other audiophiles that this is the only way to listen to Steely Dad.
36:28 - 36:33
You gotta listen to it this way. Helen's been doing some packing now as well.
36:34 - 36:41
And we say, that'll do with all of that. There's enough boxes, I think, to fill the van that I'm hiring today.
36:42 - 36:54
We watch a little bit of a late-night Irish political panel discussion, where Irish politicians debate the war in Iran.
36:54 - 37:04
There's an old joke in Irish politics, which is, I think it's from just before the First World War, that there was a local newspaper called the Skibbereen Eagle.
37:04 - 37:14
And in their editorial, the famous line is, we would like to warn the Tsar that the Skibbereen Eagle is watching you.
37:17 - 37:19
And that's the case. It's good to be involved, right? It's good to be involved.
37:20 - 37:24
Yeah, exactly. That the Tsar is going to get word back. There is a lot of discussion.
37:24 - 37:30
Like, I don't get St. Patrick's Day. St. Patrick's Day is not for me, as in someone who lives here.
37:30 - 37:37
The idea of just loads of people coming to Dublin and doing St. Patrick's Day things.
37:37 - 37:48
I don't know. It's just, it's fine. But it's just not for me. Ian, should, because the Taoiseach, the Prime Minister, is going to the Oval Office to talk to Trump on St. Patrick's Day.
37:48 - 37:54
And so various politicians argue what he should do. You know, when Trump turns around...
37:54 - 38:00
Surely he brings him a really big green hat and a pint of Guinness. It's the sort of thing that Donald would like.
38:00 - 38:06
That would be one end of the panel. And the other end is when he turns around, kick him in the ass and run out.
38:06 - 38:17
And say, that's for Iran. Helen, we're starting to relax now. Helen, uh-oh, remembers she felt a click on her bike saddle on the way home.
38:17 - 38:24
And then one buttock was suddenly much lower than the other. And she says, it's probably nothing.
38:24 - 38:29
But even from that description, I know what's happened. One of the rails on her saddle is fatigued.
38:30 - 38:36
That saddle needs to be replaced. It's raining, but I carry a little torch out to my shed.
38:36 - 38:45
And luckily, there is a replacement saddle still on the shelf there. So I fix the saddle on her bike.
38:45 - 38:56
I lie back down and look up and see... Like, our Aussie listeners won't be happy with this, but this is a bigger spider than I've ever seen in Australia.
38:57 - 39:03
Is it a time of year, I wonder, in Ireland where the spider is... Is the spider prego, maybe?
39:03 - 39:09
And that's why the body is so... It's the size of a human hand, Max.
39:09 - 39:17
Wow. And it's on the wall on the other side of the room. But it's so big, it can move like a meter.
39:17 - 39:22
Every time we look back at the political discussion show and look back up, it's moved again.
39:23 - 39:30
So there is the chance that it's going to spin a web and trap me and Helen in it.
39:31 - 39:34
Yeah. And you can't concentrate on anything if there's a giant spider on the wall.
39:34 - 39:47
Like, you can't do anything. And imagine that the people who bought the house come in, they see two things, a butt plug with a moomin beside it, and then me and the Helen copter wrapped in a silken web,
39:47 - 40:00
half eaten by a giant spider. They're probably not going to like the house. So because of the influence of my friend Saoirse, who we've spoken of on the podcast and her love of all animals,
40:00 - 40:08
I can't just end this spider. Also, from a practical point of view, it would put a big smush on the wall where you to do that.
40:08 - 40:13
And also it's quite hard if they're that big to find a glass big enough to not get the legs, right?
40:14 - 40:19
But also it's too high even for that. I would have to get a stepladder and a glass.
40:19 - 40:25
It's right at the top. So Helen copter, she's not going to do anything about it.
40:26 - 40:32
And I realize I am. And so this sort of ties into what we were discussing on the podcast recently.
40:33 - 40:42
I empty out the fake Dyson, the shark with the spinning clear drum. And I take off the attachment on the end.
40:42 - 40:50
So it's just a tube going to the spinning Jenny. And I put it on full blast.
40:50 - 40:56
Walk into the room like a freaking ghostbuster. Hang on. Hang on. So the first night we fell asleep in this house.
40:57 - 41:02
Yeah. We'd moved to Melbourne and I was in, there's like a little grate above in the wall.
41:02 - 41:07
So we don't know what it's for, but then this massive spider just walked, just like crept out of it.
41:07 - 41:11
So I'm lying with this spider looking at it and thinking, why are we in this fucking country?
41:11 - 41:14
Yeah. And I don't want to kill the spider, but we're not sure what to do.
41:14 - 41:18
So we get the Dyson and I just hoover it up thinking, well, it'll hoover it up and then I can just release it.
41:18 - 41:25
But that's not how the Dyson, that's not how it worked. And it, you know, just sort of liquidized.
41:26 - 41:32
Liquidized, exploded to millions of pieces. Yeah. So you've got the big, the Dyson doesn't sucky suck.
41:33 - 41:41
If it's, it does. It absolutely does. If you just, so all I've got is the power unit and the tube gone off it.
41:41 - 41:47
I don't put any attachment on the end. You've got the drum. I've got the power in this hand.
41:48 - 41:52
Have you got the long, the long bit? What do you call it? The butt of the rifle?
41:53 - 41:59
Yes. This is the first time ever that we really should be on a video because we're both holding an imaginary Dyson like an AK-47.
42:02 - 42:07
But that is just a hoover. Like you don't have like a, like a turny bit, but you're basically going to kill this spider.
42:08 - 42:18
Anyway, I will see what happens. I am absolutely not. I put it on full power, suck it straight off the wall and I can now see it in the clear drum.
42:19 - 42:24
I don't. Why didn't that happen with my spider? If yours is a real Dyson, maybe it's slightly higher power or something.
42:25 - 42:32
Okay. But now we have the problem of a giant human hand sized spider in a plastic drum.
42:32 - 42:42
How do we get it out into the garden? I just want to set it free on this windy night where, you know, it could just do its own thing, walk into the city.
42:42 - 42:48
So then I get the plastic. It's quite an aggressive spring on it the way it sort of goes.
42:48 - 42:58
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Open. And I shake it vigorously and I see the spider walk away from the house.
42:59 - 43:06
100% saved another life on the podcast. Oh, thank you. Well done. With that, we go to bed.
43:06 - 43:13
That's it. That's what I did yesterday. This is from Colin, who says, good morning, Max, David and Mars bar.
43:13 - 43:22
I'm mid listen to the latest bonus episode. I've paused my night shift as a security guard to answer your rally cry for a guess at the cheese board quiz.
43:22 - 43:27
It's currently 1.14am in London. As I write this, I've decided my chances of winning are slim to none.
43:27 - 43:32
So I shall sacrifice myself for the good of the quiz community in a tactical approach.
43:32 - 43:38
Oh, whoever does go on to win, please remember your fallen comrade. This is very controversial.
43:39 - 43:44
This is, there's a school of wordle that does this. I will give you the guesses.
43:44 - 44:03
Great. Brie. Smoked applewood. Caerphilly. Caerphilly. Bing, bing, bing. Cashel blue. Bing, bing, bing, bing, Caerphilly.
44:05 - 44:12
Oh, you see what Colin's done. He's double Caerphilly'd. Yeah. To make sure we all know where Caerphilly is.
44:12 - 44:19
He's like, there is a selflessness to this. Yeah. He's dived on the Welsh cheesy grenade.
44:20 - 44:31
And we now simply have two more and listeners, remember, there is high cheese and there is low cheese and there's one of each here.
44:31 - 44:34
Whoa, we don't like these sort of. But how do we feel about Colin's surprise?
44:34 - 44:41
Is it pure selflessness or is that because what Colin didn't realize when he guessed was that we was almost out of quizzes.
44:42 - 44:47
And we've got to cling on to Curdle now. At the moment, it's the 11th of, we're recording this on the 11th of March.
44:47 - 44:53
We've got to get to Boxing Day. Unless the David Squires quiz lasts. You know about this.
44:53 - 45:03
We've got the piss quiz now. Oh, you're right. The piss quiz. New quizzes are coming on stream and that is inappropriate all the time.
45:03 - 45:18
Yeah, you're right. They will. Two guesses left. It's a two cheese board. And if you'd like to get in touch with the pod with your guesses to either this or David Squires Friends Oxford United quiz or any other feedback is all welcome.
45:18 - 45:34
Here is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
45:34 - 45:42
And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. I am in it for life.
45:42 - 45:49
Thank you very much. The first time I've ever held an imaginary Dyson with someone else and I enjoyed that bit.
45:50 - 45:56
Producer Will is in it for life. We'll all still be doing this in 50 years time.
45:56 - 46:00
Maybe I'll have a new house by then. We'll see. Thank you very much, Max.