S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it. They all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man?

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Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max.

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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.

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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. David, welcome.

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I am excited for this episode. This is a fun episode. We have for the tape. We have just recorded it. So it's with Marjolein Robertson. Her voice is just so beautiful.

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What I would say is you might look at this episode and go, wow, that looks like a long one. You should absolutely be bothered because I mean, we say this quite a lot, but I really mean it. I feel like one of my favorites. I enjoy where this goes.

1:33 - 1:39

Yeah. Not all of it is exactly what happened yesterday. Some of it is some speculation about...

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Sex and graveyards? Sex and graveyards. But, you know, there's some beach rooms in there too. It's something for everyone. That's what I said. It's something for all the family.

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It's a beautiful relationship. Oh my goodness. Oh, wow. They're in love. They are in love. That's beautiful.

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She is doing promo for her live dates.

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A very funny stand-up comedian who does sort of storytelling shows then as well. I mean, her heritage is, we get into it a little bit. It's so interesting because she comes from the Shetlands Islands, which is far north of Scotland, but also has Dutch heritage then as well.

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She's fascinating. There's more on campanology and bell ringing than I was expecting.

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Yes, her special, which I watched today, it's great. It's called Marge. It's on YouTube. She has a BBC Radio 4 comedy series, Human Watch, which she wrote and co-hosted. So listen to that. This is what Marjolein Robinson did yesterday.

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Marjolein Robinson, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hi, thank you for having me. Sorry, that's not a delay of the internet. That's a delay in my brain.

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No, that's fine. Marjolein, do you think there'll be a little delay for every question?

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So like, if it's welcome to the podcast and there was a short delay for that, when we start asking what you did yesterday, there'll be like five second delays then.

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Is that what you think could happen? No, that won't happen. I'll be faster. I'll be faster because I want to give you my honest answers and not some fun fictional account like I have an exciting day yesterday.

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We demand honesty, but we do start and it's good that we had a little light bit to start with because quite a serious accusation to begin the pod that we're not sure about.

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But if we go back to season three, episode 17, Alison Spittle, there is some conjecture within the What Did You Do Yesterday team that you were mentioned as someone she didn't trust with a set of keys.

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Could that be you or are we barking up the wrong tree? I was listening to an episode earlier on today and I didn't get to that bit.

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And that probably saved my friendship until you brought this up. I'm actually, no, I lose, I lose everything.

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I would never make myself the second person of a set of my keys. Where was I the other day?

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That's a different podcast. Sorry, that's true. Oh my God.

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But basically I was on an outside seat outside a pub and I got up and walked away and Sarah Roberts found my car key and my flat key beneath the chair where I've been sitting at that pub and like Brian or Bristol.

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One of the two. I don't even know where I was, but she just found my keys as I walked down the road and like came after me with my life.

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Oh, hang on a second. Producer Will says actually that you didn't trust Alison with locking the door.

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So it's not that she finds you untrustworthy. It's that you find her untrustworthy. Oh yeah, no, I don't think Alison remembers to lock a door.

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Okay. And I think Alison would be really pleased that whoever enters her life. Oh, so she would be happy if just strangers came in the door.

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If a squirrel or a human came in, she'd make them a cup of tea and have a lovely time.

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I don't like, I've never lived in London, but I just don't think that's how it is.

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Oh yeah, I forget that I'm in London now because in Shetland, it's so common not to lock your doors.

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And for legal reasons on podcast nowadays, I say I do it. But I've worked through my house before in Shetland and just like been working in the living room for hours.

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I walked through to the kitchen for dinner and there's just been an old man at my table sitting there being like, yeah, I thought you were in.

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I need your help. I need your help writing a letter on the computer. And I was like, do you want a cup of tea?

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He's like, yeah. And I was like, how long have you been here? He's like, oh, this afternoon.

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12 years. Although when we moved to, we moved to Melbourne and I was like, it's really safe here.

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And I'd leave my MacBook on the porch by mistake. And it would be there in the morning.

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And I'd tell everyone in London, this was fine. And then we left the back door unlocked.

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It's a bit late now. So we didn't tell the police that, but someone just came in and took my wallet and the car keys and took the Subaru.

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So like thieving can happen anywhere. Marjolein, you need to think about that in Shetland.

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Your Subaru could go missing. That's a full on robbery. That wasn't just a few things.

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They were like, came in and took the car. Yeah, they took the car. But Marjolein, I know this story so well.

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Basically, it came back and it was cleaner than it had been when it was stolen.

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And I think someone had used wet wipes on the windscreen. And yeah. The only people who use wet wipes are robbers and parents of small children.

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It's like we could have, if they just asked, I'd have put it on like a rotor and they could have had it Wednesdays to do the robbing.

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We'd have it Thursdays for Kinder drop off. It would be fine. And they'd be complaining that you don't fill the tank up after you're done with it and it's full of crumbs.

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Yeah, exactly. I wet wipe my car. I always wet wipe my car the day of the MOT.

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Yes. It's a little bit of frank advice from my dad. My dad is called Frank, but he was like, oh, if you hand your car in really well looked after, they'll assume you look after it and charge you less.

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And honestly, his logic is it's on point. So I have just passed the Irish MOT is the NCT.

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And I washed it exactly bamboozling them by thinking, how could this car have any mechanical problems when it is this clean?

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I got the 12 euro wash where it blow dries the car afterwards and then you drive straight out into the rain.

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And so thorough was my act that I was doing. Even when it passed, I didn't overly celebrate.

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Good. Because the thinking being, if they were like, yeah, that's fine. And I'd gone, yes!

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They might have been like, why is he so happy? There's obviously something wrong with the car.

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We're going to retest it. So I even styled out the editing. So we're getting sidetracked.

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We are getting sidetracked. Yeah. Mary Lane, let's get down to business. What time did you wake up yesterday morning?

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I don't know. Probably about the morning. No, I should know this. It was... It's a promising start.

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I'm really bad with waking up at the same time every day. So I just let my body sleep so it does.

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But I bought a new alarm clock radio and I set it yesterday for 9.30 and I woke up to the sounds of one of the eurythmic band members playing a guitar live on radio that was out of tune.

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What? Should we Dave Stewart? Aren't there two eurythmics? I think it was Dave Stewart.

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Yeah. It wasn't Annie Lennox. Well, it's only two of them. Yeah. It's an awful big sound for two people.

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Isn't it just? I think there's only two eurythmics. There's certainly more than one. What was Dave playing?

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It was wonderful. They just given him seemingly as much time as he wanted to talk about recording their albums in the studio.

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Then he was trying to explain the guitar, but he wanted to change it to a different tuning it wasn't in.

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And every time he went to play it, the tuning just slipped. It was a nice way to wake up.

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It's a thought that I haven't had for a long time, which is because I was a clock radio man in my teens.

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And what station. The worst superhero of all of the superheroes. He snoozed again, folks.

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Poor neminus of Hourglass Lady. Hourglass Lady is. Yeah, she has only one weakness. And that is.

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And upside down. Yeah. That's again. Oh, you found it again. So the decision of what station to be woken by is a big decision because, you know, I think I would like to be woken by sort of shipping forecast or something like that.

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As opposed to. I find that too engrossing. I can't switch off from that. But also from Shetland, like you've got a dog in the game, haven't you?

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If you're in Shetland and it's the shipping forecast. Yeah, we had to listen to the shipping forecast and listen to it and hear it and then write in longer word of detail what it said.

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So to listeners from overseas, there is an institution on British and Irish radio, which is the shipping forecast, which I mean, does it still happen?

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So it's four people at sea and the oceans around Britain and Ireland are divided into about 20 different.

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Should we call them banks? Is that what they're called? Valencia, Dogger, these sea areas.

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Fair Isle. The Viking Sea. And Shetland is one of them, isn't it? Yeah, we're Fair Isle.

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So does that mean, because for people like me and David, we'd hear the shipping forecast, it's like a twee, this is a twee nice meaningless thing, you know, South of Sierra, four, moving five, shifting slowly.

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It means nothing to me. But like for you, that's like, do we have to like bury the house?

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Yeah. Will I sail to Aberdeen today or tomorrow? Yeah. We laugh. The sail takes 12 to 14 hours.

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So that's a long time to be on the sea. It's like what you lot must think about ice.

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Oh, as regards cycling and driving and stuff like that. Sorry, sorry. I thought you meant the immigration forces of the United States.

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I was like, in a way, I don't feel it's that close to me, but I understand.

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But you're worried, because like, why would Marjolein view ice differently than we do? That's just, that's just a twee thing for you.

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That means nothing to you in Shetland for us. We're on the coalface here with that.

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I was thinking about the weather. Hang on. We need to establish one thing now.

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And that is, so this day that has begun with Dave Stewart twanging an open tuning version of, must be talking to an angel.

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Must be talking to an angel. Must be talking to an angel. Sorry. I want to run more.

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Dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, dang, must be talking to an angel. Does this day take place in Shetland or in London?

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I'm in London, no. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. It's okay. If you wanted to Shetland, then I could have given you Shetland in another month.

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Would the internet be strong enough there to do it? Do you want to ask that question like that, David?

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Do you have electricity to charge up a laptop? Is there enough sunlight hours to see your fingers typing at the keys?

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It's that old man who comes in. He's the man who winds the electricity. And he came in to get you to help, didn't he, for the whole of Shetland?

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I mean, I had a crack at you, but genuinely during lockdown, I tried to stream online for a way for income.

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And the internet was so bad because our lines for the internet are buried in the roadside ditches.

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So every year when they go to clear the ditches, they accidentally dig up the lines.

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And you can see sparks in live wire, lots of copper. So I actually, the best way to stream was to get a little mobile phone on a data, endless data, and put it in my loft window and keep all the doors open and stream by that.

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So you're not wrong, David. Can I just reaffirm my credentials here? I know I come across like a cool urban guy who raps on street corners and does graffiti and all the rest of it.

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But my granny lived on Aco Island off the west coast of Ireland. So I know what it's like to have bad internet in a remote area.

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And in fact, in the 3G era, you had to go halfway up one of the mountains and hold your phone at an angle sometimes to download, say, a PDF if you needed that to come in.

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Another thing I did in lockdown is if it was ever a password ready to get a code sent to a mobile phone, I would have to log in on the computer, then run up the hill to Signal Hill, get the password and run down again.

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And that process took 11 minutes. So if it was a 15 minute turnover time, I could do it just.

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So now Dave Stewart is playing. You're lying in bed. What happens now? Oh, my partner's there.

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Okay, that's nice. Is it Annie Lennox? And that's why she's like, Dave's attitude. Imagine.

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I love Annie Lennox. Where is she? She turns up the odd time. Like she is an iconic figure of contemporary music.

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She can do whatever she likes. Can we all agree that Annie Lennox has... Carte Blanche.

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Yeah. Yeah. Like anything. I feel like Ireland has Ania, who seems like she's actually a goddess.

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Yes. Scotland has Annie Lennox, who seems to be like a sci-fi 80s movie punk character.

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Yeah. Both have a sort of mystical element to them. Yeah. I feel that Annie Lennox probably doesn't live in a castle, as we established before in this podcast, with a panic room that the guy who tiled my house had once tiled.

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She's a panic room. But Lennox, I'd say, lives in more conventional. For the record, the correspondence we got was from a workman of some sort who said, when he asked Ania a question, one of Ania's people would say, Ania is very happy with the tiling.

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I think we may have introduced the idea that it was a panic room, just for the record.

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If Ania has a panic room, we're all fucked. Because she must be the most chill, harmony of nature person we know.

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And if she needs a room to go and scream in. You can talk directly to Annie Lennox, I would imagine.

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There is a key difference between the two of them. Yeah. Okay. So your partner's there.

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Yeah, it's lovely. He wasn't meant to be, but he was there. Okay. Why wasn't he meant to be there?

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And we weren't going to see each other for two weeks just because of work commitments and whatnot.

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But he managed to come along just for one night, which is the day before.

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So you don't need to know about that. No, but this could be relevant. Had he like just arrived in the middle of the night, you know what I mean?

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And you woke up and he was just there. Because Alison left the door open.

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Exactly. No, I know. He picked me up from the tube when I got back from my gigs in Edinburgh, which was lovely.

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So that is not relevant. He'd made pasta, homemade pasta for us. Not relevant. Not relevant.

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But it could be, Max, we're heading into a truly romantic day because we've never really had that before in this podcast.

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Comedians are so lonely and sad. Yes. I'm walking up with the person they love.

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Very recently, Vittorio Angeloni, we had our first pod bonk, didn't we? And we thought maybe the floodgates would open.

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So we can only ask the questions here. That's a very inappropriate metaphor. But yes.

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I'm not asking that specific question. No, we're not asking that question. We're not asking that question.

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We actually joked about it because I was like, the next day I'm doing what, what did you do yesterday?

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And he's like, wow, we could just have sex all day. And then we didn't do it.

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I'm sorry. The podcast has dried up again. Imagine a full day of just banging though.

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And the guest would have to just go into detail. And we'd be like, and what was the difference this time?

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And this time I was standing on a bookshelf and he was, you know what I mean, bouncing on a lilo.

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It would be incredible. This time I pretended to have crump again. So I could just have a nice light down while he does all the work.

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Did you get up and make him breakfast? Well, no, it was really nice. We actually lay in bed for a bit because we were not going to see each other for a while and we were both very tired.

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And we both had this like constant kind of cold. And I got up and didn't even shower because he had to go back to Devon for work.

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So we just thought we'd go to get breakfast out. Yes. Like people do in the cities.

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It's always fancy being here. And well, we just thought we'd get something quick. So we thought we'd go to Gale's for a coffee and a croissant.

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This is interesting. I like Gale's, but have you not seen this? On my algorithm is telling me that Gale's is the most evil.

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It's sort of the worst. No. It's up there with the worst organizations of all time.

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I think because they're saying it's stealing from the other cafes, which I guess all cafes are doing, aren't they?

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But the flip side is the ham and cheese croissant is so nice. It's so expensive.

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It's expensive. I went there because he suggested it, but because we're in a hurry, we knew what we'd get and we could go quickly.

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Yeah. But there's a cafe I prefer, which is across the road from Gale's, which is a way smaller establishment and way friendlier, but you can get the Gale's Wi-Fi from it.

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So I normally go across the road and sit in that cafe, which is much more like a community feel.

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But this morning he suggested it and I was like, let's go Gale's. But I got a pan au chocolat and a cappuccino.

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Wow. Very sweet. Very sweet little start to the day, Marjolein. It's a sweet day.

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I've been so healthy for so long. I had a sweet day yesterday. Yeah. Okay.

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Okay. And do you do a wordle or a crossword while you're sitting there? Or do you both stare at your phones or in complete silence?

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But it's a contented silence where you're just holding hands under the table. Oh, no, we just spoke the entire time.

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Great. What topics were broached? What did we talk about? Good. I would be the worst witness in court because I can never remember anything anyone says.

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I think you're such a nice person. It would be so obvious if you were lying.

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You know what I mean? You'd be like, it was me. I blew up the ambassador's car.

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You would just admit to it. Well, I think what is a clever but evil thing to do is to, when you lie, sometimes on purpose and make it really obvious.

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So people think they know your tales. Oh, okay. And then if you ever really need to lie, but I can't because I blush every time I lie.

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I can't do it in my face. But also, if you had blown up the ambassador's car, like you would remember that isn't like what were you chatting to your boyfriend about yesterday and Gayles.

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They're like different. One thing is easier to remember doing. Yeah. Okay. Because I was going to say, when did I do that?

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If I was going to do it, I would plant bombs in Ferrero Rocher because the ambassadors love Ferrero Rocher.

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You know what I mean? There's a lot of collateral damage there, David. I mean, and we don't, we don't actually know if the ambassador eats a Ferrero Rocher.

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He just hands them out to all the dignitaries. So in many ways, you're, you're killing everyone but the ambassador.

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Have you ever tried to make a pyramid of Ferrero Rocher? No. Good question. Physically impossible without glue.

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So maybe the reason they're a pyramid is because it's just one giant bomb of Ferrero Rocher glued on the outside of it.

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You need a lot of Ferrero Rocher. So I'm just working out the mathematics. For a three base, three, three and a three and a three Ferrero Rocher, you therefore need nine.

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That would be a cube. No, no, but I'm tapering. Yeah. I've got nine on the base.

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I've got four, which 13, 14, 15. You're looking at 16 for a Rocher to build even a basic pyramid.

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And I think you're doing pretty well if you're working with those kinds of numbers.

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I can send you a photo of me trying to having built one. Fine. We'll put it in the show notes of the podcast.

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I think my friend Gabby once built one on a hat when we had a luxury party because we hated the word luxury so much.

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But the biggest fallout of that was I downloaded a lot of saxophone tunes onto iTunes and they're still there.

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So when I put it on shuffle, all I get is saxophone music. And this was a party that was about 15 years ago.

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You had just a luxury themed party. Whoa. And so saxophone music is for you.

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It's funny because I would have kind of string quartet music playing if I was having a luxury party.

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But we were thinking sort of luxury. So what we did in the bathroom, we had lots of like Lynx Africa and there, you know, like a little tray of sweets, you know, that kind of thing for like those bad nightclub toilets.

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Like a nightclub. Yeah. Did you have someone there who sprays it in your eyes?

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No, we didn't hire a man to stand there to say, would you like some scents?

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So long since I've been in a nightclub and I've had to have that awkward conversation where I feel bad, but also feel like I'm really good at washing my hands.

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I don't need someone to help me. Stop turning the tap on for me. I can do that.

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Yeah. It's in my skillset. I learned something recently about people who worked in bathrooms in nightclubs.

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Oh yeah. Yes. I was talking to Jack about it. I wish we could say this in our conversation yesterday because Jack and I were talking about, oh, remember when you go to nightclubs and you get like someone and she'd be like selling

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like lollipops and spray perfume on you. Very different advice in the two different toilets.

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In the girls' toilets, our advice was you're beautiful. You don't need a man. You're on a night out for your friends.

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Go and dance and have fun. And Jack was like, no, in the guys' toilets, he was giving us tips on how to pick up girls.

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And then the lady in the girls' toilets was telling us, you just want a night out for your friends.

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You don't need a man. You're amazing. What contradictory stories and life lessons. Yeah. They're not at the same meeting in the morning, are they?

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In the pre-meeting. They're on totally different wavelengths. Yeah. That's causing chaos in the club.

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What do we want in the club tonight? Do we want love or do we want independence?

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Now, all I will say though is I would imagine his advice. Do you want tips for picking up babes?

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And people would be like, yes, that involves getting aftershave off me and giving me two pounds straight afterwards.

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I would say that's what the advice, the advice isn't just be yourself. It involves you need one of these products.

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Do you know what women really like? Chupa chups. And you're like, oh yeah. Oh yeah.

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We do. We do. Drunk on a dance floor and you can trip over. So we're in Gales.

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We're having a nice chat. We're not sure of the subject matter, but we're pretty sure it's not for our Rocher and blowing up ambassador's cars.

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I wish I could remember because we normally have fun conversations about things. We probably talked about what we're going to do in the day.

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Okay. Well, we're going to find out what you did in the day. So that's good, isn't it?

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Where are we going after Gales? Well, he's heading back to Devon for work. And then I hugged him and I waved at him and then he left.

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And then we waved the whole way while he's going out the windows at each other.

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Oh, lovely. I'm imagining it's a sort of... Steam train. Yeah. Going to war type of thing.

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Did you run along the platform? I'm running along Gales. It's crashing into tables to wave at each other.

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Yeah. And then I was thinking I was going to go home, but I had to do my artist pages.

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Oh, what's this mean? Sort of free writing. You're going to do just write whatever comes into your head.

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Yes. In fact, I could read you some of them if you want. Oh, yeah.

25:16 - 25:23

Yes, please. You're not meant to. Don't tell Julia. Sorry, could you just explain to the uninitiated a bit more what is this?

25:23 - 25:31

No, it's just for us artists. Okay. I understand. I don't qualify. I understand. No, no, no.

25:31 - 25:37

It's The Artist's Way is a really lovely book by Julia Cameron to try and help you be more creative.

25:38 - 25:42

And I've been trying to do it for two years. And this year, I was like, this is the year I'll do it.

25:42 - 25:47

So every morning you have to free write for three pages. And once a week you go on an artist's date.

25:48 - 25:57

But also there's different exercises to do every week and a chapter to read. And it's about just like a lot of it so far has been about just doing it and off in the block.

25:57 - 26:02

There's so many reasons you might have a block to working. But at the end of it, it's you not having good boundaries around your work.

26:02 - 26:06

Or are you just not thinking you can do it? Are you just being afraid to start it?

26:06 - 26:13

Have you done it, David? No, I haven't. But I work too much because I write children's books and stuff.

26:14 - 26:20

There's always loads of stuff on the go. If I felt I had a sort of writer's block or something, I think I would.

26:21 - 26:25

But I'm not trying to sound like I'm better than anyone. But that's what it sounded like.

26:25 - 26:30

It's like, I don't need this. I'm just I wake up and I write. I wake up and my Edinburgh show is just written.

26:30 - 26:38

Do you know what I did yesterday? Rote. Oh, no. And then I talk to my bike into bed and they say your bike's sleeping behind you.

26:39 - 26:50

It does to the listeners. We're doing this over Zoom and it does appear because there's a duvet between me and the bike that's across the room that it is having a little nap.

26:50 - 26:55

I see what you're thinking. Yeah, I will. I just been recommending that this way for a long time.

26:55 - 27:06

And I think often in this job as well, like you've got a work in progress on a week day and then you've got to do a pitch for something and then you're working on someone else's project and then you've got a stand up set that weekend.

27:06 - 27:12

But there's like bigger things I want to write that I've never got around to doing it because it's like your own project.

27:13 - 27:21

Can you read us some? I like you. So when you write the morning pages, you're meant to just like close the book and not look at them for months and never you don't have to tell anyone.

27:22 - 27:25

But you know, because I can't remember what you spoke about. Maybe this will give us a clue.

27:25 - 27:34

Okay. I mean, what I'm worried about here, Max, is what if it's just like, I hate listening to people talking about football.

27:34 - 27:40

This is a stream of consciousness. So I had a day before where it doesn't matter about the day before, does it?

27:40 - 27:43

But the day before, I think I was really grumpy. I think yesterday was a really happy day.

27:44 - 27:50

Okay, great. Okay. This is our first ever recital on the pod. Monday, the 9th of February.

27:50 - 27:58

Marjolein, sorry, while you were getting the pages, I was just wondering if, what if it's just about how much you hate Max?

28:02 - 28:09

God, tomorrow's gonna suck. Yeah, this asshole lives in Australia. I keep texting TalkSport, but they don't take him off air.

28:09 - 28:18

I don't understand this. Woke has gone mad. And this guy. I'm scared that I should be editing this as I read it.

28:18 - 28:24

Well, leave out anything that is essentially libelous for the What Did You Do Yesterday podcast.

28:25 - 28:32

Also, this is a stream of consciousness. A new week! Exclamation mark. Whoa, we're firing through.

28:33 - 28:39

This week, maybe I'll do reading deprivation. I'm excited to take the bus to the cinema and read.

28:39 - 28:45

Artists wait on it. I feel like I'm juggling a few plates today, but I can do it.

28:45 - 28:49

This is nice stuff. I hope we get the bus in this episode. I do like a bus.

28:49 - 28:54

Sorry, I've realized that this is a big spoiler. There's the rest of what I was doing yesterday.

28:55 - 28:59

Oh, okay. That's okay. So I wonder if I should read a bit where it isn't explaining what I'm about to do for the whole day.

29:00 - 29:05

Can I just, what's reading deprivation? Reading deprivation is a challenge in one of the weeks where you don't read for a week.

29:06 - 29:14

I mean, I've been doing that for about 10 years. But hang on. Are you not allowed to read a text from another person?

29:14 - 29:21

You're allowed to do that. But so I think that the artist's way was written before the days of scrolling through Instagram.

29:22 - 29:27

Got it. Because I was like, cool. I'm not reading any books right now, which I wish I was.

29:27 - 29:31

But then what I did was I spend every night scrolling through Instagram for a bit.

29:31 - 29:38

Yes. I'm like, that kind of feels like I need to not do that. So when I say we're reading deprivation, I mean, I won't scroll through reels for ages.

29:38 - 29:42

Oh, fair enough. Yeah. Oh my God. I went on a rant over here. Do you want to hear that?

29:42 - 29:53

Yes, please. Sorry. That just reminds me a little bit of, I remember when we were in school, we would have religious education class and we'd be doing like the 10 commandments or something.

29:54 - 30:00

And the commandment is like, thou shall not covet thy neighbor's ox. And we'd be six.

30:00 - 30:07

We'd be like, what does that mean, sir? And it would be, don't fart in your brother's face.

30:07 - 30:12

And you'd be like, got it. But I'm saying these things are open to interpretation.

30:12 - 30:17

You with your reading deprivation, meaning don't scroll through Instagram reels. Yeah, I should have.

30:17 - 30:22

I should have known that, but I cheated for a week. Also, I was taught via the King James Bible.

30:22 - 30:30

So my verse was, don't covet thy neighbor's ass. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Or the raunchy Bible.

30:30 - 30:37

Yeah, the sexy Bible. The sexy Bible has unicorns in it. If you go to the right part, there's unicorns in the King James Bible.

30:37 - 30:44

Is there? It's Joseph and Samantha Fox in this Bible. This is good stuff. Let's hear your rant, please.

30:45 - 30:49

Let's hear your rant. It's not a rant, actually. This is what mood I was in yesterday.

30:49 - 30:57

So the idea in the artist's way is the creator is just creative energy. And it's about letting creative energy flow through you.

30:58 - 31:02

In the book, they often call it God, but they're like, but it's whatever you think creativity is.

31:02 - 31:09

The idea is we're vessels for creativity. Anyway, I just had to say that before this because I'm scared you're going to regret asking me on this podcast.

31:09 - 31:15

What a fun life. Thank you, creator, for these blessings. Help me help others in return.

31:15 - 31:23

Make people feel good. Help them grow. Get retribution. Make amends. Justice. Balance the scales of society.

31:23 - 31:31

To fill our cups. Water is running out, but there should be plenty. Used upon entities we have made that we didn't need.

31:31 - 31:40

AI. Is our creation our destruction? Wow. You've got a big day if you're going to redistribute water fairly around the world.

31:40 - 31:44

I mean, it's a noble aim, but it seems hard to destroy AI as well.

31:44 - 31:51

Yeah. I was on the agenda for yesterday. Wow. This is a full day. Excited to see how you go about this.

31:51 - 32:06

Firstly, I burst the Aswan Dam and let the waters flow. I kidnapped Elon Musk and coconutted his head into Sam Altman, head of that other AI company.

32:07 - 32:13

Okay, great. We've established a nice mission for this day. We know the vibe you're in now.

32:13 - 32:17

Was this in Gales where you were writing this? Yes, I wrote it in Gales.

32:17 - 32:24

Okay, fine. And with this as almost a manifesto, we go out into the world.

32:24 - 32:32

What do we do next? I went to buy some pens. Yes, you gotta. It's the obvious thing to go.

32:32 - 32:38

Well, this is interesting. This is interesting because a good pen is worth its weight in gold, isn't it?

32:38 - 32:43

Like a good... Are you going just some Bic Biros? Are you pushing out for like two, three fiber tips?

32:44 - 32:49

What are we on? I like those fine writing ones where the ink just like leaks onto the page.

32:49 - 32:55

So you don't get sore wrists. Is it a rollerball of sorts? Oh, yeah. It's in my pencil case.

32:55 - 32:59

Let's see. Is it a Stedler? A Stedler? They're quite a good one, aren't they?

33:00 - 33:04

Parker. I just go for a classic Parker pen. You go for a classic Parker.

33:04 - 33:12

Uniball. Yeah, the Uniball. Okay, lovely. And I got it in five colors because I realized all my pens currently are pink, purple and red.

33:12 - 33:17

So it's like I probably should stretch out some black and blue. Yeah, for official correspondence.

33:18 - 33:23

Yes. That's good. I'm going to say a crazy thing now. I've got a lot of pens.

33:23 - 33:33

In front of me is a jar with 10 pens in it. I don't recall buying a pen like in the last 15 years.

33:33 - 33:45

I don't know where these pens are coming from. Am I thieving pens? When I go to people's houses, do I mooch around till I find pens and put them in my pocket?

33:45 - 33:52

Secrete pens in your sleep? Yeah, I think there's two kinds of people. There's the buyers and there's the takers.

33:52 - 33:59

Maybe, yeah. And the buyers. I travel everywhere with this pencil case. And every few months, there's no more pens in it.

34:00 - 34:06

Oh, no. Because of people like you, David. Yeah. I can't say that to you.

34:06 - 34:12

You bought me carny one time. Therefore, I could steal at least 10 pens. Yeah. But that was his cover.

34:12 - 34:16

That was his cover. He said, and 10 more poppadoms, but you didn't check under the poppadoms.

34:18 - 34:26

Parker cartridges, full of them. We hid them inside a sagaloo. How could you? Max, have you bought a pen in recent times?

34:27 - 34:34

Do you know what? I have. I couldn't tell you the date, but I've definitely gone in specifically to buy a pen.

34:35 - 34:38

I used to, when I was in London, there was a Ryman's on our street.

34:38 - 34:44

It was like heaven. I would love to get a pen from there. But interestingly, this house has run dry of pens.

34:44 - 34:48

This is the only one. I'm running a BIC. I'm running a blue BIC at this stage.

34:49 - 34:52

And a lot of felt tips. I've got a lot, because of the kids, I've got a lot of felt tips.

34:52 - 35:01

And they really do flow. Yes. But they're not, like if you have a big contract to sign, I feel it's not that impressive.

35:01 - 35:08

You know, you have to scan it, and you've clearly done it in one of your children's felt tips.

35:08 - 35:18

I don't think that's... All I have is this BIC, this toy giant knife that our one-year-old walks around with and looks like something from Shining, and a Thomas the Tank Engine.

35:18 - 35:21

And that's all you need, right? That's all I have with me. I love Thomas.

35:21 - 35:31

You'd have a great time here. I carry this pencil case around with me all the time, and it's got like medicine, lip balm, hand cream, and lots of pens.

35:31 - 35:37

I can see seven Thomas the Tank Engines from this seat alone. Wow. Do you ever watch those Thomas the Tank Engine videos?

35:37 - 35:41

That guy who breaks them up and then rebuilds them with arms and limbs and...

35:41 - 35:46

Oh, I didn't know that. ...picks them in water, so they like swim around blowing bubbles, but they all look like cursed.

35:47 - 35:57

What? This is a man who repurposes old Thomases? Yeah, like he'll put the face on a spring sticking out from the train and have little baby doll arms coming out of it.

35:58 - 36:06

That's terrifying. That's absolutely the most sinister person on earth. Imagine how your children would feel if they saw that as well, Max.

36:06 - 36:13

You'd be like, we're going to visit my old friend Brian who repurposes toys. You're going to love them.

36:13 - 36:18

And by the way, here's your favorite covered in blood. Right, so we bought some pens.

36:18 - 36:29

What time is it now? I also bought some pastel highlighters. I like to go to that shop when I wear a certain jacket, because whenever I walk in on that certain jacket, the ladies are like, here, she's back again with the lovely bright jacket.

36:30 - 36:34

But the lady wasn't there. Does the jacket say, I love pens, on the back of it?

36:34 - 36:39

Because they know that they are about to make a shed load of money to the pen lady.

36:39 - 36:49

They've been selling me a lot of stuff to file for tax return stuff. And every time I buy another thing to help me with my tax return, they're like, don't forget a bottle of wine to get it done.

36:51 - 36:57

She doesn't want that anymore, I don't think. But yeah, so a man served me and he was helpful and friendly.

36:57 - 37:00

And do you know what? Everyone was in a good mood yesterday. Everyone's like, have a nice day.

37:00 - 37:05

Hope you have a lovely time. How are you doing? Everyone's really friendly. It's a very friendly day in London yesterday.

37:05 - 37:17

London's nicer than people give it credit for, I would say. Oh, big time. But is London, Dublin is going through a period of, I think it's rained every day this year so far, some statistic like that.

37:17 - 37:20

And it feels a bit like the end of the world. Is that the vibe in London?

37:20 - 37:28

I know that people are trying to lift it, but is the backdrop to this day a slightly maudlin sky?

37:28 - 37:32

Sorry, I was listening to, I was just looking out the window to see whether it was raining or not.

37:32 - 37:41

It looked like I was just like tuning out from what you're asking me. On this podcast, you're allowed to tune out listeners frequently.

37:41 - 37:48

It's not me too, but I've hardly been in London. I was in Shetland for most of the year and then Devon for a chunk of it and only got back to London like last week.

37:48 - 37:52

So I don't know what they've been up to, but they seem pretty happy. Oh, okay.

37:53 - 37:59

Yesterday, give us the, what was the air like yesterday? It was nice. It was crisp, but not too cold.

37:59 - 38:02

And it was, had a dryness to it that I wasn't worried I'd get rained on.

38:03 - 38:07

It's a good, it's a good winter's day in London. Yeah. That was like the shipping forecast for London.

38:07 - 38:14

It's coming on. We've got a pocket full of pens. We got some highlighters. Going to go off and do some graffiti now?

38:14 - 38:25

Well, I wanted to treat myself to my artist date, which is once a week when you're doing the artist's way, you have to treat yourself to a nice activity just for yourself, by yourself to enjoy something.

38:25 - 38:29

And I missed it last week because I had the cold. So I was like, I'll do it today.

38:29 - 38:34

Yeah. So I was like, I'm going to go to the cinema, but my phone was almost dead.

38:34 - 38:40

And I thought, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to treat myself to a portable charger because I lost mine on the train a few weeks ago.

38:40 - 38:47

So I went into a technology shop and I bought one. And he was also very friendly and very helpful.

38:48 - 38:57

Did he try and upsell you a really expensive one? He showed me one for 20 and then I pointed out one for 12 and then I bought that.

38:57 - 39:07

Excellent. And does it do the job? Are we charging straight in? I like it because it has the plug on it and it goes right into my phone, except because my phone case actually doesn't fit.

39:07 - 39:09

So on the bus, I had to take my phone out the phone case and then plug it in.

39:10 - 39:15

So we're on the bus now. Sorry. Yes. What bus are we on? Well, I was, this is probably Doxy.

39:15 - 39:23

I was on a W7 because I normally get the tube everywhere, but I thought I have some time and sometimes it's nice to see parts of the city you've not seen before.

39:23 - 39:32

So I'll take the bus to have a look around. So we're talking, we're talking sort of, this is Crouch End into Finsbury Park territory.

39:32 - 39:38

Oh, sorry. E7. Oh, I don't know the E7, but that was. I've been on the W7.

39:38 - 39:43

So I wonder if that's what I said. No, I'm way like Ealing. I was in traveling about Ealing.

39:44 - 39:52

I see. Yeah. Okay. The E7. It's not a route I've taken before. When I go on, you bet for the bus routes of London, I will fail.

39:52 - 40:02

Do you see any new things? Is your spirit lifted by any of the things you see on this trip to get the battery pack?

40:02 - 40:13

Yes. I saw the RAF base, which reminded me because the runway comes right up to the side of the road and there's traffic lights to stop the cars going through.

40:14 - 40:24

And I was like, I've been here before because once when I went to see Jack play a gig, the whole band was staying in a travel lodge and then he booked me an Uber.

40:24 - 40:31

Jack is the man who is mysteriously in your bed this morning. Yes. My fiance.

40:31 - 40:36

Yes. I'm just giving some background to the whole. Congratulations. Thank you. But that didn't happen yesterday.

40:36 - 40:51

So we can't talk about it. And he's a rock star. He, yeah. So he once got me an Uber back because his, his tour manager loves to book a certain kind of hotel, but I can't say too much because I don't want to dox where they stay.

40:51 - 41:00

But I was getting an Uber back from it to my place and the Uber driver was really chatty and he was trying to get me to invest in a kind of cryptocurrency.

41:01 - 41:09

And. Oh, good idea. I almost did it. No. I got in the car and I was telling Jack and Jack was like, don't.

41:09 - 41:15

Cause he knows how easily absorbed into things I am. But right now I've got Mark Silcox teaching me about gold.

41:15 - 41:24

So I'm looking into that instead. I just feel crypto doesn't fit your brand. Like even the brand we've established so far in this beautiful day.

41:24 - 41:29

If you were looking at graphs on your phone, I don't know. I don't know.

41:29 - 41:37

I think the next line after we need to redistribute the water, it was, and then we invest in Ethereum.

41:37 - 41:43

I called it urethra on football weekly. I didn't mean to. I'm just a bit behind.

41:43 - 41:54

Urethra holds the water. Yeah, exactly. It's very good. I've got Mark Silcox. Mark Silcox has been trying to teach me for a while how to invest in gold.

41:54 - 41:58

So that's what I'm looking on instead. A classic was a classic. I mean, surely investing in gold.

41:58 - 42:03

There's one way to invest in gold and then that's buying gold. I mean, this is why I don't have any.

42:03 - 42:07

You've got to also be selling it, Max. That's true. But I haven't got any yet to sell.

42:07 - 42:13

Do you just, there is something about big gold bars. Like if I ever knew somebody who just said, what's in there?

42:13 - 42:20

That's just my gold bars. You'd be like, this guy. My uncle had a strange wealth of Krugerins.

42:20 - 42:28

What are they? They were like these gold coins from the Dutch, but I don't know the history behind them and how ethical they were.

42:28 - 42:34

But he had Krugerins. And when any of his nieces and nephews turned like 25, they got given a Krugerin.

42:34 - 42:43

Whoa. Can you hear that? Yeah. Is that Dave Stewart? I've got an alarm that goes off every day at this time and I don't know why.

42:49 - 42:57

Sorry, Marjolein. We just have to investigate that. I make it 10.56 in the morning right now.

42:57 - 43:04

Yes. Why would you say originally you decided to set an alarm for that time?

43:05 - 43:10

Well, this watch is actually an hour and five minutes in the future. So I think it's midday.

43:10 - 43:19

Okay, fine. And I think it's my gig watch. And I think once when I was nervously setting it for a gig, I accidentally set this alarm and I don't know how to turn it off.

43:19 - 43:27

So every day it goes off. But it's quite good. If I've slept too long, alarm, I don't lose the whole day.

43:27 - 43:33

Yeah. It's similar to what do you call the people who pull the bells in the village to alert everyone?

43:33 - 43:42

Yeah. Campanologists. Exactly. My friend is bell ringing. And do you know about bells? I mean, a little bit.

43:42 - 43:49

Yeah, turning it. I could draw a sort of rudimentary one, I guess. It's gone.

43:50 - 43:57

I know when you hear them being rung very fast at means of fire. Well, bells were so well made.

43:57 - 44:02

Like the bell makers were such experts of their craft and they made bells so incredibly well.

44:03 - 44:09

They don't really ever tend to wear or break. And there isn't a call to be making new bells anymore.

44:10 - 44:15

So we've got very few bell makers left in the world. I think there's like literally one bell maker left.

44:16 - 44:21

So they're like the opposite of the iPhone, you know, where it constantly breaks and they design it so it's going to break.

44:22 - 44:29

The bell makers are the last artisans of integrity, is what you're saying. Victims of their own handiwork.

44:30 - 44:33

Wow. How busy do you reckon that one bell maker is? I mean, you're right.

44:33 - 44:41

How many people go, ah, and I've got to get the, you know, kids vaccines and then I've got to have a bell made on Thursday.

44:41 - 44:49

Get one of them on here. Because there was that resurgence. The resurgence around the millennium, at the millennium when they wanted every church to ring in the millennium.

44:49 - 44:53

So a lot of churches had bells that were more modern churches had bells made.

44:54 - 45:00

But then there's never really been a call for it since I was there. Yeah, but hang on, open your mind a bit.

45:00 - 45:08

While there's certainly maybe not so much of a call for church bells, the bell on the bike, you know what I mean?

45:08 - 45:12

It's something that probably we need more of with the rise in the popularity of cycling.

45:12 - 45:21

But you see, if like a car is coming towards you, if you're trying to beckon a pedestrian out of the way, you can't like pull a big long rope on a bicycle.

45:22 - 45:28

Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong. You can't, there's no replacement for a bell on the bike.

45:28 - 45:38

You can't have a gong, for example. You need, so what I'm saying, for any bell makers who are listening and maybe...

45:38 - 45:48

Want to diversify a bit. I would say head towards, I don't want to sound like a crypto taxi driver, but I would say bikes still need bells.

45:48 - 45:54

Here's something. I obviously have a bell on my bike, but I never ding the bell because it's too passive aggressive.

45:54 - 46:00

I just cycle past someone and too close. In Australia, they ding them all the time and they yell, passing, passing.

46:00 - 46:05

And I think I hate every... And it's a really sensible way of doing it, but I hate anyone who does it.

46:05 - 46:13

I'm the same. The bell should never be rung on a bike. Whenever I go to a counter, like at the doctor's or at a shop, it says ring for assistance.

46:13 - 46:18

I'm not pressing that. I don't. I just stand there for like 10, 15 minutes because I don't want to be like, excuse me.

46:19 - 46:24

So I just stand silently and then I'll pretend when they get there that I just got there.

46:24 - 46:35

I'll be like, oh, good timing. But air is gray. You look like that. You look like the guy in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the Holy Grail, whatever it is, was there.

46:36 - 46:51

Been there for 800 years. You've got Dutch heritage, Marilene. I thought they love dinging bells there, not just in their steeples, but also whenever you step onto the bicycle lane, 35 people all ding you.

46:51 - 46:57

So I thought that might've been something you took into your life. No? In Amsterdam.

46:57 - 47:02

Yeah, certainly. But my Amsterdam life and everywhere else in the world is so different.

47:03 - 47:09

Like when my, when I moved to Amsterdam, my mom's from Amsterdam. And when I moved there and my mom went, are you going to cycle around?

47:09 - 47:13

I was like, yeah. And she went, oh, please, please, please don't wear a helmet.

47:14 - 47:23

And my mom is someone who, if I was to ever cycle, even now, just at my own road to pick up the mail, she would be mortified if I wasn't wearing a bike helmet.

47:23 - 47:28

But when I came to Amsterdam, she was like, you'll embarrass me if you wear a helmet in Amsterdam.

47:29 - 47:37

Because she's like so conscious about safety everywhere, but that one country. And it's because there's fully segregated bicycle lanes.

47:38 - 47:44

No one ever falls off their bikes. So there's no need for a helmet. And I rung my bell the whole time.

47:44 - 47:48

If I thought a person was going to walk in the road and they're a bit high, I'd ring my bell to let the noise come in.

47:48 - 47:54

I was like, I love to ding that bell. Yeah. Right. So we're on the E7 and we're going to the cinema.

47:55 - 48:00

And I messaged my pal because my pal has been telling me for ages to watch Marty Supreme.

48:00 - 48:03

So I messaged her and I'm like, guess he's finally going to see Marty Supreme.

48:03 - 48:07

Then she starts talking to me and we start doing voice notes the whole way to the cinema.

48:08 - 48:15

And I go past a park where the corner is flooded. But for a nice thing, it's full of birds.

48:15 - 48:20

So I'm like, the flooding has given a new loch for the wildlife. Isn't that lovely?

48:20 - 48:28

Yes. And then my pal and I have this conversation for ages about the film, about her job, about her parents, lovely catch up.

48:28 - 48:39

And then she just stops the conversation and she's like, Marjolein, I have to warn you because I know you did this thing to another pal recently when you messaged him all day and never remembered.

48:40 - 48:47

She's like, but it's my birthday today. Oh, wow. So because two weeks ago, I messaged our other best pal.

48:47 - 48:52

Yeah. I just not since I'd seen on Instagram. We talked for an afternoon and messages.

48:53 - 48:57

And then a week later, when we're speaking on the phone, she's like, did you know that was my birthday?

48:58 - 49:05

Yeah. Max is of this school. When it was my birthday, we recorded a podcast that day and I told everyone it was my birthday.

49:06 - 49:15

Whereas you hid your birthday under a bushel. I wouldn't volunteer the information. Well, no, but these are all my friends I've had since I was five.

49:15 - 49:22

I'd say if my friends who I know, you know, my schoolmates from my WhatsApp group, if they didn't remember my birthday, I'd be like, come on guys.

49:22 - 49:29

Yeah. It was Fraser's birthday the other day. We all remembered. And actually what's interesting is there's me and I'm in Australia and Geoff's in New Zealand.

49:29 - 49:35

So one of us goes first because we get to their birthday before they get to their birthday, but someone will always remember.

49:35 - 49:41

But I wouldn't, if it was my birthday on a work day, I just wouldn't say, by the way, guys, it's my birthday.

49:41 - 49:46

I think it's because it's a running joke that in our friends group, there's two of us who forget every birthday.

49:47 - 49:50

There's six of us and four remember every birthday and two of us forget. Right.

49:50 - 49:56

And they've gone to the point where you used to say it in the group chat and now they don't say it in the group chat because they don't say it in the group chat to see me and

49:56 - 50:07

my other pal will remember. Clever. So yeah. So I had that whole thing on the way to the cinema where I realized that I'd randomly messaged a friend and she was like, maybe you randomly messaged me subconsciously because you knew it was my birthday.

50:08 - 50:11

And I was like, don't give me that credit. Don't give me that credit. Is she annoyed?

50:11 - 50:20

That was the most controversial thing. No, she just thought it was really funny because she knew that two weeks before I did the exact same thing when I messaged our pal all day and everyone said happy birthday.

50:20 - 50:24

And that's a pal who I was living with in Edinburgh until recently. Like I should know it's her birthday.

50:25 - 50:30

So you're going to see Marty Supreme, a movie I haven't seen and I don't, this will be difficult.

50:30 - 50:34

Have you seen that, Max? No, you haven't been to the cinema since The Great Escape.

50:34 - 50:43

We went to the cinema when Ian, two young children, Ian is now four. We went when he first went to childcare when he was maybe two.

50:44 - 50:47

Yeah. And one of the first days we went on like a Monday afternoon to be like, let's go.

50:47 - 50:54

We watched a really good movie about someone who's thrown off a second floor ski chalet.

50:54 - 50:58

And it was a sort of, I think it was a French film. Yes, it's called.

50:58 - 51:03

It was really good. It's the one where that song keeps playing. Do, do, do.

51:03 - 51:11

P-I-M-P by Chumbawamba. I get knocked down. None of these are words. It's called Anatomy of a Fall.

51:11 - 51:15

That's it. That was good. I've heard of that film. Yeah. Really good. But I haven't been since.

51:15 - 51:24

Wow. Your first cinema trip feels like a highbrow experience. Yeah. And a wild. Max is what you just can never guess what he's about to say.

51:24 - 51:35

That is what I thought he was going to say Top Gun Maverick. Yeah. Next, it was a Swedish art house award winning Palme d'Or film.

51:36 - 51:39

Yeah. I think it was just on as we walked in. We were like, we haven't got much time.

51:39 - 51:44

Let's do this. So, okay. So, what? Marty Supreme. Who's in that one? Timothy Chalamet, isn't it?

51:44 - 51:48

So, David, do you hate spoilers? And you're still planning to watch that? Is that the deal?

51:49 - 51:55

It's okay. I'll make an exception for you. No, no. It's okay. Because I am categorically against spoilers.

51:55 - 52:00

I hate them. It puts me off. I tried not to watch a trailer of a film I want to see because I think trailers reveal too much.

52:01 - 52:12

Okay. I know what you mean. I agree with that. Yeah. So, sometimes in the cinema, when I used to be into Marvel films, I used to sit in the Marvel film and the trailer for the next Marvel film would play before the film we were about to watch.

52:12 - 52:19

Oh, yeah. My brother would put our fingers in our ears and shut our eyes and make noises in our mouth so we couldn't hear the next trailer or see it.

52:19 - 52:28

Yes. Do you know what's interesting is I walked past the cinema, the Westgarth Theatre today, and I saw a poster with Timothee Chalamet on it.

52:28 - 52:34

And I thought, I have no idea who this guy is. And I'm never going to see any of his films because of these young kids.

52:35 - 52:47

And isn't that weird that this incredibly famous person has just, because of just timing, has just slipped my, you know, I've seen all the, you know, lots of DiCaprio or Matt Damon or whatever films, you know, because I was going to the cinema in those times.

52:47 - 52:52

But poor old Chalamet, he gets nothing of me because of the circumstance of life.

52:52 - 52:59

That's okay. He's very sprightly. I also get the feeling from him. He's going to be around for the next 30 years.

52:59 - 53:03

So you are going to. And then I can go back in and get the full Chalamet catalog.

53:04 - 53:08

Yeah. Okay. So you don't have to tell us anything about the movie. I'd like to know what snacks you got.

53:09 - 53:13

Yeah. Cause I looked at the cinema and I, at this point I'd only had a pan of chocolata, a cappuccino.

53:14 - 53:16

And I did that thing when I was going to go home, I was going to buy food and go home.

53:17 - 53:19

And I was like, no, this is a treat. I'm going to treat myself today.

53:19 - 53:26

I'm going to go straight to the cinema with this portable charger I bought. And I'm going to buy myself a treat, but it's popcorn and a juice for like nine pound.

53:27 - 53:34

That's a lot of money. So, and then I went to the cafe bar and I got a cup of tea and a brownie for like almost half that.

53:35 - 53:39

And also they had plastic cups where you could just have as much water as you want.

53:39 - 53:42

So I just stood there and drank as much water as I could, which turns out to be a mistake.

53:42 - 53:48

That's a mistake before the movie. Yeah. Three hour film. Oh yeah. It's long. Did you have to go for a wee?

53:48 - 53:53

Cause there's that awful bit when you know you need a wee in the cinema and you think, I'm not going to go cause I don't want to miss anything.

53:53 - 53:56

And then you think people will judge me, even though you go, well, I haven't.

53:56 - 54:00

And you're watching the film and your whole mind is going, but I don't judge somebody who walks out for a second.

54:00 - 54:03

I don't care, but they'll judge me. And then you think, I don't need a wee.

54:03 - 54:06

So then all you're thinking about is weeing. And then you've missed like an hour of the movie.

54:06 - 54:12

Oh, but I'm so at peace with peeing during films. You don't even leave the seat.

54:12 - 54:17

You're just like, yeah. Or the plastic cup is for, and then you throw out the screen.

54:17 - 54:23

Are you not worried you'll miss some plot though? No. Cause I think I know how to time it real well.

54:24 - 54:28

But also I used to be so bad at keeping time that I used to go into every film late.

54:28 - 54:33

So I'd miss the first 10 minutes of every film ever. So I'm very used to being thrown into the deep end.

54:33 - 54:39

Is that cause your, your watch is an hour out, isn't it? I was so bad at time.

54:39 - 54:44

I normally go into cinemas and I'm usually like walking in like, cause it's like trailers for the first 20 minutes.

54:45 - 54:47

And I also, I usually go in cinemas like half an hour late for a film.

54:48 - 54:52

And I was like, no, I need to be better. 20 minutes, 20 minutes. That's what you want.

54:52 - 55:02

Yeah. So I, I've missed so many starts with so many films that I like, I'm very comfortable with foreign films and they don't like giving you context because I'm not used to having context of what's going on.

55:02 - 55:16

I mean, it is certainly a fascinating mental process. I mean, and it doesn't happen as much these days because you can now on your TV, go watch this from the start.

55:16 - 55:36

But we did all grow up coming into things halfway through and then using incredible levels of probability, trying to figure out what had probably led to this point such that you had probably worked out what happened in act one by the time the conclusion came along.

55:37 - 55:41

You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. Cause also things were on tally. Yeah. If you missed it, you missed it.

55:41 - 55:47

And that's the thing where they're writing TV now, apparently, and they test on audiences who are on their phones.

55:48 - 55:54

So that's why I don't know if you watch a new series of stranger things, but they just keep repeating the plot.

55:55 - 55:59

Wow. They're like, we have to go and kill Vecna. The plan now is to go get Vecna.

55:59 - 56:07

Let's go there so we can get rid of Vecna. And it's like, also show don't tell, but they don't, they have to tell constantly alongside.

56:07 - 56:13

It really bothers me. Are you the only person in the cinema? Sometimes that happens on an afternoon showing.

56:13 - 56:17

There was a younger man and an older man in the back row who weren't there together.

56:17 - 56:21

There was a couple who were like one row down from me to my left.

56:21 - 56:26

And then another kind of older guy on the same row, but across the aisle who knew the other older guy in the back.

56:26 - 56:30

They had a nice chat as we were all leaving. That's a great cinema lineup.

56:30 - 56:36

A picture house. So I think it was like people all knew each other. So it was very, very sparse and quiet.

56:36 - 56:42

And I was the only person to be laughing at the film. Now I find the film really funny at parts, but no one else was laughing.

56:43 - 56:49

So now I wonder, because I tend to laugh at violence and gore. And I'm like, wasn't meant to be funny?

56:49 - 57:02

But there's things that happen that I was like, that's hilarious. My main question is, have you tried to make it cooler and say you were at Marty Supreme, but in fact you were at the Melania Trump documentary?

57:03 - 57:10

And such is your love of Melania. You gave it a 10 minute solo standing ovation at the end.

57:10 - 57:17

Is that really what happened yesterday? Yeah, it's on my alternative Instagram. Is the Melania film in the UK?

57:17 - 57:22

Yeah. Are people paying to see that? Not really, no. I don't think many are.

57:22 - 57:29

I saw a guy on Instagram who snuck into it for free and then talked to everyone as they're leaving what they thought about it.

57:29 - 57:33

Yeah. And he snuck into it for free to make fun of it so that no one will go see it.

57:33 - 57:51

Well, it's one of those strange signs of the weird times we're living in where all of the cinemas, everyone's empering new closing Trump by telling him that it's very popular and it's on in lots of cinemas, but there's no one actually at it then.

57:51 - 58:02

So I don't even know what I believe about that documentary. I was feeling weird about going off reading as in going off Instagram for a week in case I'd lose all my information about what's happening in the news and stuff.

58:02 - 58:07

But literally the only reel I've had about Trump in the last week was about him pooping himself.

58:07 - 58:13

Oh, yeah. I was like, I just don't think I'm going to miss that much news because my algorithm is not giving me information.

58:14 - 58:21

It's just a video of him pooping, clearly pooping himself and all his aides freaking out and then I'm getting everyone out of the room as fast as they can.

58:21 - 58:27

But no, I actually I went to a Zmartia Supreme under recommendation because a bunch of my friends love it.

58:27 - 58:35

And I have to say, yeah, it was fine. It was it was good and there was some great acting in it and there's some really good moments.

58:35 - 58:40

And I would recommend seeing it in a cinema because it is quite an impressive film to see in the cinema.

58:40 - 58:45

And it's a nice way to enjoy it. But it was like it kind of reminded me of, do you ever see Good Times?

58:46 - 58:53

What happens in Good Times? With Robert Pattinson and his brother. And he doesn't want his brother to go into care, but they're like petty criminals.

58:53 - 58:59

And it's all happens in the space of one night and they just keep making decisions and keep getting into worse and worse trouble.

58:59 - 59:09

It's so stressful. And Marty Supreme had an element of constant like stress just under the surface when I was watching like the whole way through.

59:09 - 59:13

And I think that's exactly what it wants to emulate. Seven out of ten? Is he saying a seven?

59:14 - 59:21

A seven? Maybe a six from me. I like, for example, when I went to the start and came back, I didn't miss much because the whole film is just mad capers.

59:21 - 59:25

So I missed a section of one of the many mad capers. Yes. This is what I've heard.

59:25 - 59:30

It's by the Uncut Gems guy. Oh, God. Well, that's that's a stressful movie. I've not seen that.

59:30 - 59:36

Oh, that is good. But mind you need a real sit down afterwards. Are you sitting down to watch?

59:36 - 59:42

Did you stand to watch it? Always, always on the terraces. At football and the movies, I always stand.

59:43 - 59:50

I get a terrace. Charlamy, Charlamy. I was rooting for Adam Sandler in that whole film.

59:50 - 59:56

I do want to see it just to see Adam Sandler act because I've only ever seen like Little Nicky or Happy Gilmore.

59:56 - 1:00:07

Or that one in Hawaii when how many times will Adam Sandler write a film where he just gets to go to Hawaii for a holiday and have like a hot babe like Jennifer Aniston or Drew Barrymore play his wife?

1:00:07 - 1:00:13

We need to do that for our future live shows. Live in Martinique. In Honolulu.

1:00:14 - 1:00:18

Yeah. I think we're pretty big there. And your guest is Jennifer Aniston and she forgot she was married to you.

1:00:20 - 1:00:33

But she's married to both of us. It's crazy. The problem is sometimes on our other podcast, we check how many listeners we had, we have in these exotic places.

1:00:33 - 1:00:40

And sometimes it is one and sometimes it is less than one. So I'm not sure our St.

1:00:40 - 1:00:47

Kitts. Our St. Kitts. Sorry. No, but we have one listener in Honolulu and it is Jennifer Aniston.

1:00:47 - 1:00:51

This is exciting. All right. So what time are we, what time do we leave the cinema?

1:00:51 - 1:00:58

The film was at 1pm. And then I left and I went to go put my plate back to the cafe bar because I hate when people leave rubbish in a cinema.

1:00:58 - 1:01:01

Because they're like, you can just leave your plate in the cinema. And I was like, this isn't an everyman.

1:01:02 - 1:01:09

Oh yeah. Fancy. Fancy cinema. It was a picture house. That's a fancy brand. It felt fancy and it was great though.

1:01:09 - 1:01:12

Because there's a film that won in the afternoon on Monday. So the film was eight quid.

1:01:12 - 1:01:24

Yeah. Great. Love it. I left the cinema and I was like, I'll get the bus back because I really want to read this chapter of the book of The Artist's Way and see the things I didn't see from the other side of the bus.

1:01:24 - 1:01:31

But hang on. Are you not on reading deprivation? You have to read Julia. Julia's written The Artist's Way and you have to read her.

1:01:31 - 1:01:35

Hang on a second. Hang on a second. I'm not sure about this Julia character.

1:01:35 - 1:01:39

She's saying you're not allowed to read any other book except my book. This is clever stuff.

1:01:40 - 1:01:46

Yeah. The creator flow through you. Sometimes, sometimes you fight back, but she's like, that's just part of the process.

1:01:46 - 1:01:50

I'm trusting it. I'm trusting it. We'll see what my friend shows like next year.

1:01:51 - 1:01:56

Yeah. So I got on the bus and I was reading my book. It was quite a busy bus on the way back.

1:01:56 - 1:02:00

And then all of a sudden we pull over and the bus man says, we all have to get off the bus.

1:02:00 - 1:02:06

There's a smashed window. And everyone's like, we can drive with a smashed window. You're all right.

1:02:06 - 1:02:13

I almost missed the bus. I almost missed the bus because there was a Palestine demonstration where they're just taking signatures.

1:02:14 - 1:02:20

So I ran across the street, signed that, ran back across the street. But I signed it so fast.

1:02:20 - 1:02:27

I had to look back and be like, I really hope that was pro-Palestine. And then the old Palestinian flag.

1:02:27 - 1:02:30

So I'm like, okay, good. I think I, you know, when you're just like, that's a good cause.

1:02:30 - 1:02:34

And then you're like, oh, I do need to get home, but I'll go sign it.

1:02:34 - 1:02:38

And then you're like, I wonder what I signed. It does cross your mind sometimes when you do a charity gig.

1:02:38 - 1:02:45

I mean, it is quite a funny opening line where you, it's a cancer charity or whatever.

1:02:45 - 1:02:50

And you open with some pro-cancer material and go, oh, sorry. I thought of this.

1:02:51 - 1:02:55

Look, you can figure all that. It's just comedy. It's just a bit of fun.

1:02:55 - 1:03:03

Oh my God. I once did a, I once did a charity gig and it was for like women, women's rights and against violence and about the woman's body and everything.

1:03:03 - 1:03:08

And it's just about women. I'm not really sure, but basically all our comedy to be like pro, like can be anything anti-women.

1:03:09 - 1:03:19

That's fine. But the host had a whole routine about how tiny it was. She was just in a routine about like how small the clitoris is and how men can't find it.

1:03:19 - 1:03:24

And the charity organizers were like, it's actually eight centimeters long. It's actually far longer than that.

1:03:24 - 1:03:28

It's actually big and gorgeous. We'll not have you spread lies about the woman's body.

1:03:29 - 1:03:34

And they just destroyed this whole routine about like, oh, so tiny. And they're like, no, it's not.

1:03:34 - 1:03:39

It's a wonderful organ that stretches and grows. You don't want to be fact checked.

1:03:39 - 1:03:46

Hang on. How did the window break though? Was it, did you hear a stone fly up and hit it as the driver was going along?

1:03:46 - 1:03:53

Or did you throw the artist's way across the upper deck, smashing the front window?

1:03:53 - 1:04:00

Energy. Do you ever just smash windows by accident? I think if you sing really high, maybe you can smash a window that way.

1:04:00 - 1:04:04

My brother tried that with glass balls for a very long time. We can't get big glass balls.

1:04:05 - 1:04:10

I'm trying to look at what residency we could break them, but we just hurt our throats.

1:04:38 - 1:04:50

Yeah. It also seemed like a very overly thing to stop the bus for because he could have just said, let's not use that door because I was once on the Glasgow subway and these three boys were like play wrestling.

1:04:50 - 1:05:00

And one of them smashed the other boy into the emergency glass between the driver's section and the rest of the compartment.

1:05:01 - 1:05:05

Uh-oh. So he went, and then the three boys were like, fuck. And they all just kind of sat down.

1:05:05 - 1:05:10

And then we stopped the next stop and the driver opened the door and was like, what happened?

1:05:10 - 1:05:13

And the boy was like, oh, it was an accident. And the driver's like, oh, thank God.

1:05:13 - 1:05:17

That was a terrorism attack. And just shut the door and kept on driving. No one had trouble.

1:05:18 - 1:05:22

And he thought he was under attack. Yeah, he didn't even stop. He did set an alarm off.

1:05:22 - 1:05:28

He still drove to the next station and then just opened his door. Like, hello?

1:05:30 - 1:05:39

Come in. My question is, because I've never had a go of the hammer, you know, the pointy hammer in emergency smash window.

1:05:40 - 1:05:47

Do you think you have to really hit the window hard or it'd be really nice if you just touched it off the window, just dink.

1:05:48 - 1:05:53

And the whole window broke. I mean, I get it. In a situation where you're using it, there is a panic.

1:05:53 - 1:05:58

So you probably would hit it pretty hard. The person who gets it, you're there.

1:05:59 - 1:06:02

The bus is hurtling into the river. You get out and you're just like, I'm just going to see.

1:06:02 - 1:06:14

I'm really fascinated to know. Ding, ding, ding. No. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. But you wouldn't want to go too far because if it does hit with very little pressure and you put too much on,

1:06:14 - 1:06:17

you're just going to scrape your whole arm on the glass and like cut your veins.

1:06:17 - 1:06:22

This is what people don't think about. So there should be a warning in event of an accident.

1:06:22 - 1:06:31

Use this hammer to smash the window. But don't use it too hard because then you could cut your arm when your hand shoots through the.

1:06:31 - 1:06:36

What would it be like when you open an egg or when you knock on a door or when you hammer a nail in?

1:06:37 - 1:06:45

Like what strength of hammering? Oh, they would have to say, hit it with the hardness of giving your brother a dead arm.

1:06:46 - 1:06:54

Okay, that's the hardest I go. Solid dead arm type punch. Or maybe each bus should have practice windows for all of us.

1:06:56 - 1:07:01

So we know. It's like when those people would pay to go and smash plates.

1:07:01 - 1:07:08

Have you ever seen that? And it's like, I remember my brother on my birthday, we had a barbecue outside and he didn't want to do all the dishes.

1:07:08 - 1:07:15

So he just, he and my brother had a habit in his 20s of if he really can bother doing the dishes, he'd just go and smash a plate somewhere.

1:07:15 - 1:07:22

Yeah, he's doing well, that guy. He's an artist now. So it's probably like, he paints.

1:07:22 - 1:07:28

Where are we going on this bus journey? I was going to go home and go to the shop to get some food because I hadn't been in London.

1:07:28 - 1:07:35

So I got into London the night before. I had no food on me. My partner had brought, made pasta and brought it so we'd have dinner.

1:07:35 - 1:07:37

And that's what we went for breakfast because I had no food in the flat.

1:07:38 - 1:07:42

So I was like, I need to buy food because all I've had today is a pan of chocolate and a brownie.

1:07:42 - 1:07:49

I'm very chocolate heavy. What a chocolatey day. So you need to buy some Nesquik, Nesquik and a Tony's Chocolate Only and then we're all good.

1:07:49 - 1:07:57

We're all set for the day. Absolutely chocolate spread, our friend. I was going to wait for the next bus, but it was that busy because what, it's coming up to half four.

1:07:58 - 1:08:05

And you're like, this must be a rush hour in London. And I looked and I could walk to the tube, a half an hour walk.

1:08:05 - 1:08:10

So I thought, you know what, I'll take this as an opportunity to walk through a bit of London I've never walked through before.

1:08:10 - 1:08:18

So I went for a little walk down the road. Great. Did you find any, any classic London stuff?

1:08:18 - 1:08:26

Any pearly Kings and Queens where the Kinks, the band was Austin Powers there? Lewis Hamilton?

1:08:26 - 1:08:32

I'm trying to think of classic London things. Oh God. Yeah, I know. Cause my dad's stories of London, he came here in the sixties.

1:08:33 - 1:08:38

He hitchhiked down to London and he lived in, I think he slept in like Paddington or Waterloo.

1:08:38 - 1:08:44

And then they were just going to do... With Paddington Bear and Bob Marley. Did Bob Marley say that too?

1:08:45 - 1:08:49

Oh, that collab was the best. Bob Marley and Paddington Bear was really, it's one of the best.

1:08:50 - 1:08:55

Bob Marley lived in London for a while. Well, certainly in the seventies, I think.

1:08:55 - 1:09:03

In the station? No, I think he lived in Brixton. I'm imagining that's where Bob Marley lived.

1:09:03 - 1:09:10

You know, dad was like, dad heard about an art exhibition. So him and his pals hitchhiked from Edinburgh to London, but they were drunk.

1:09:10 - 1:09:14

So they only started at like 11 at night. And then they got down to London.

1:09:15 - 1:09:27

It would have been like the early 1960s. And they just slept in the train station for a few days and they just ate fruit for free out the back of a market and you had spaghetti for the first time and got to see the start of Flower Power.

1:09:27 - 1:09:31

Wow. And he just lived in London for a few days, but he had no money on him.

1:09:31 - 1:09:35

But then when they went to the exhibition, they heard this rustling and rustling and rustling.

1:09:36 - 1:09:47

And there's another boy from their year at Edinburgh and he'd boiled, he's an Irishman, and he'd boiled all the tatties he had and put them in a plastic bag so that while he's in London, he could just eat tatties.

1:09:47 - 1:10:00

They all walked around this exhibition eating boiled tatties together. They had some food. I love the idea of him coming back after like three days and being like, well, what have I seen?

1:10:00 - 1:10:08

There's these things called hippies. There's another thing called spaghetti. But I've just been eating spoons from a plastic bag.

1:10:09 - 1:10:21

You know, London in the 60s. What a dream. What a dream. If you only knew the cliches about Irish people and the first Irishman you saw just ate potatoes out of a bag for days and then left.

1:10:24 - 1:10:29

And then I went, oh, actually seeing that, I found an old church. I went for a look, but it was locked.

1:10:29 - 1:10:35

I don't understand why everyone down here locks their churches. I thought you're meant to be able to get in for sanctuary.

1:10:36 - 1:10:44

But I found a grave there. Henry Laremo from 1757. It's an old church. Oh, wow.

1:10:45 - 1:10:52

Snooping around the graveyard. This is cool. Yeah. I like to, whenever I see like a nice old building or church, I like to go in and have a look.

1:10:52 - 1:10:55

You never know what you'll find. But it was all locked up. But it was a beautiful church.

1:10:55 - 1:11:00

It had like wooden, it had like a red tiled roof. I wish I knew where I was.

1:11:00 - 1:11:07

I didn't, I should have investigated it more for information for you. But I like to go through graveyards and look at churches and things.

1:11:07 - 1:11:15

I used to work in historic buildings. So it's a... Are you always slightly fearful though you'll come across a grave with your own name on it?

1:11:15 - 1:11:18

That'd be so cute. When you have to go back and dig it in the night.

1:11:19 - 1:11:27

I mean, you don't, you don't have to. Is that the rule? If you see your own name, you have to.

1:11:27 - 1:11:32

What if it's just a coincidence? If it was my name, I would be like, I have to see if I'm in there.

1:11:33 - 1:11:39

Yeah. I'd say there aren't many with your name. That's true. I always said if there's another Marjolein Robertson, I would kill them.

1:11:40 - 1:11:44

Because there can only be one. Because there is no other Marjolein Robertson. And it would have to be a choice.

1:11:45 - 1:11:48

Someone would have to make the choice now to become Marjolein Robertson or make their baby.

1:11:48 - 1:11:54

Like don't call your baby Marjolein if your surname's Robertson. Because like I've said implicitly, I will kill them.

1:11:54 - 1:12:02

You will kill them. But then, right, if you then kill them and then you stumble upon that grave, you can be pretty certain it isn't you in there.

1:12:03 - 1:12:08

It's like put them in there. You know, that's a really grim, horrible thing to say.

1:12:10 - 1:12:18

This day's got everything. Come on. You wrote a manifesto at Gale's and it didn't say commit murder or exhume a body.

1:12:19 - 1:12:26

That's one part of the artist's way that no one talks about. If you meet anyone with the same name as you, beat them to death with this book.

1:12:27 - 1:12:36

That's why equity began, wasn't it? That's how equity is dealt with. I don't know if Shetland and Scotland has more of a tradition of like having a nice time in graveyards.

1:12:36 - 1:12:44

Is that a thing like in Ireland or England? I mean, I don't know about having a great time in a graveyard.

1:12:44 - 1:12:50

Like you wouldn't see like a health spa or whatever in a graveyard. It's the opposite of health spa.

1:12:50 - 1:13:00

Would you catch up with your mates as kids? I think as kids we might occasionally meet in the graveyard, but we'd more often meet just on the Green Triangle, which was grass without any graves.

1:13:00 - 1:13:05

Yeah. I know in Scotland they all like to go drinking. There's a lot of graveyards where everyone goes drinking.

1:13:05 - 1:13:10

And there's other graveyards in Edinburgh where people like to hook up. So it's like a busy...

1:13:10 - 1:13:20

No way. Where life is made. Yeah. And then my uncle, I remember he got so excited he bought his plot that he went to have a picnic on it with his friends so that he could get a feel of where he'd be for the rest of eternity.

1:13:21 - 1:13:26

Oh, that's nice. Hang on. Do people bone each other in a graveyard in Edinburgh?

1:13:26 - 1:13:33

Yeah. My friend was on, what's it called? Grindr. And they're like, oh, we can do one of the graveyard meetups.

1:13:33 - 1:13:39

But he didn't know which graveyard it was. It would just be awkward if it was a funeral that you were attending.

1:13:41 - 1:13:49

Your whole family are weeping. And then you hear a sound in the tree and you're like, oh, maybe he loved a blackbird.

1:13:49 - 1:14:01

Is that a blackbird up there? And it's just two lads hammering each other. The thing is, there's also birds then learn the sounds and recreate them.

1:14:02 - 1:14:10

Yeah. So it just made this terrible spiral effect of the... You'd want to also not arrange to meet a grave where someone else just happened to be going to pay their respects.

1:14:11 - 1:14:14

You know, that would be... That would be bad as well. That would be bad.

1:14:14 - 1:14:18

They tend to be older, more classical grave sites where there's no living relatives, probably.

1:14:19 - 1:14:25

No modern deaths. Get a good mausoleum for shelter. Oh, right. Yeah. In fact, I would give advice to our listeners.

1:14:25 - 1:14:35

If you're planning a hookup in a graveyard, check the date of the deceased and let it not be within the last 50 years.

1:14:35 - 1:14:40

That's a good idea. That's excellent advice. And avoid Sundays because the church might be in use.

1:14:40 - 1:14:49

Avoid the day generally, I would say, if you're boning in a graveyard. I've never done it just to say.

1:14:50 - 1:14:52

I don't know why I brought that up because that's not something I did yesterday.

1:14:53 - 1:14:58

I do think there'll be a clip on Diary of a CEO of someone saying exactly that.

1:14:58 - 1:15:03

If you are going to bone in a graveyard, avoid the day. Avoid the day, you know.

1:15:03 - 1:15:09

Seize the day and yet avoid the day. I could have done it in Shetland because Shetland is like that silly thing, but it's true.

1:15:10 - 1:15:15

Where if I went to any graveyard, I bet, well, I know someone here. Yes.

1:15:15 - 1:15:25

Yeah. I don't think it's something I would do. You can never say never. You know the thing where sometimes people sort of shiver and they say someone walked across my grave.

1:15:26 - 1:15:34

Well, if you ever have really bad hiccups, it means there is a grinder date taking place.

1:15:34 - 1:15:41

It's maybe not funny, but that actually might be how seizures happen. Oh my goodness.

1:15:42 - 1:15:52

Do you know what I can comfortably say? I never say never. I am 100% certain that Mrs. Rush and myself will never bone in a graveyard.

1:15:52 - 1:15:57

I just absolutely, I just feel very comfortable. You don't know where all bodies are buried.

1:15:58 - 1:16:01

If our bedroom happens to be a graveyard, I don't believe it is a graveyard.

1:16:01 - 1:16:06

That's more unlucky, isn't it? That's not like I've planned to have sex in a graveyard.

1:16:06 - 1:16:12

Did Mary Shelley not lose her virginity on her mother's grave? What? Did she? Wow.

1:16:12 - 1:16:20

I want this to feel special. I mean, that just doesn't... What if it was a complete accident?

1:16:21 - 1:16:35

Like, whoa! Like, no, not Bridgerton. What's the one where Barry Keoghan... No. At no point in Downton did Barry Keoghan...

1:16:35 - 1:16:42

Oh, Saltburn. Saltburn. Yes. I've not seen that yet. I've only seen them in the old Banshees.

1:16:42 - 1:16:49

Yes. I imagine he plays the same character in both. Yes. And in every film he's in, he fucks a grave.

1:16:50 - 1:16:54

He's just been Barry in every single film. So we've had a little stroll around the church?

1:16:54 - 1:17:00

Are we heading still towards the tube? I'm heading to the tube, but I think I'll go get some errands before I go on the tube.

1:17:01 - 1:17:08

Great. So I go to a little Tesco's there, and it's really friendly. Everyone was super friendly yesterday.

1:17:08 - 1:17:13

Wow. I think it's a smile on your dial is making everyone friendly towards you.

1:17:13 - 1:17:18

Yeah. It's like when you're walking through, and I was trying to find some dried tomatoes, and I kept...

1:17:18 - 1:17:23

Spoiler. I had ones in my fridge at home the whole time. So I kept trying to find them in the shop.

1:17:23 - 1:17:27

And then every time I look collueless and turn around in an aisle, people are like, oh, do you want to go through?

1:17:27 - 1:17:36

But I'm like, I don't know where I'm going. And then I was waiting to pay, and I got a calling to me from one of the scratch cards there.

1:17:36 - 1:17:41

Oh, yes. Exciting. Wow. If you win 150 grand here, this is going to be so good.

1:17:41 - 1:17:48

Yeah, 27 million. That would be good. I had a strong calling from it, and then the guy in front of me went, can I have number six, please?

1:17:48 - 1:17:57

And I think he bought my card. And I said to him, I was like, you've won or I've won because I got a calling from it too.

1:17:57 - 1:18:04

Or it's very clever marketing. And subconsciously, number six is the one that's attracting everyone right now.

1:18:05 - 1:18:09

Do you buy a lot of scratch cards, though? Do you get a lot of callings?

1:18:10 - 1:18:22

You know what I mean? Do you have a problem? 30 or 40 times a day. Are you like, I have a calling to put on the number six horse in the 405 at Doncaster.

1:18:23 - 1:18:27

I tend to not buy them often, but I tend to win most of the time.

1:18:27 - 1:18:35

Like, I usually always win. So do you buy a scratch card? Or because that ship has sailed, you don't even get another one?

1:18:35 - 1:18:39

I went to buy the scratch card and then the lady ID'd me. Oh, congratulations.

1:18:40 - 1:18:49

Thank you. Isn't it 15? I thought it was 15 for a lottery ticket. Gambling children. It's actually 62, so it's not that much of a compliment.

1:18:49 - 1:18:53

Yeah, she ID'd me. But for one time I ID on me, because I never carry a purse anymore.

1:18:53 - 1:18:58

But I had my purse on me yesterday. And then she sold me everything. And I also bought some Beechams.

1:18:58 - 1:19:05

And I went to leave. And I set the alarm off. So I had to go back into Tesco's and be like, I'm setting the alarm off.

1:19:05 - 1:19:10

And she went, don't worry, it's just the Beechams. So then I had to walk out again and set the alarm off again.

1:19:10 - 1:19:18

Interruption. What's Beechams? It's like Lemsip. Lemsip. Oh, God. I mean, I don't think that's what they say in their marketing meetings.

1:19:20 - 1:19:26

It's already liquid Lemsip. It's like Calpool for adults. Oh, and do you take shots out of the bottle?

1:19:27 - 1:19:30

Yeah. Well, you get a measuring cup on the lid and then you can measure that.

1:19:31 - 1:19:35

And do you neck some as soon as you leave? No. No, I'm not that ill.

1:19:35 - 1:19:41

I just needed help sleeping at night. Oh, so it's got a little bit of sedative in it?

1:19:41 - 1:19:47

Surely it does. I don't know, because I tried to buy Night Nurse recently. But I was buying Night Nurse the same time I was buying seasickness travel pills.

1:19:48 - 1:19:50

So they wouldn't sell them to me at the same time because they're too sleepy.

1:19:51 - 1:19:55

Right. Yeah. You must be famished. You've had a brownie and a pan of sugar.

1:19:55 - 1:20:00

Great point. Yeah. I was actually quite hungry and I normally start my day with food.

1:20:00 - 1:20:12

So, and this was like half five come into. Yeah. Beecham's, I wouldn't say, it's not like Huel or something where you can just knock back the whole thing.

1:20:13 - 1:20:15

I do enjoy a Huel when I don't have time to eat for a gig.

1:20:15 - 1:20:23

Beecham soup, isn't it? Beecham's chowder is rarely on the menu anywhere. You're only like 20 mils at a time as well.

1:20:24 - 1:20:38

Marinate the lamb in the Beecham's for five to six hours. Yeah. Yeah. I got to the tube and, and I sat next to a lighter on the tube and then a man started talking to me.

1:20:38 - 1:20:42

A lighter as in that you would use to light a fire was just sitting on the seat.

1:20:42 - 1:20:49

It was just sitting on the seat and I sat next to it and I was kind of looking at it and then this man's like, excuse me, cause he's rolling the fag and he's like, can I have your lighter?

1:20:49 - 1:20:53

And I was like, you can have the lighter. And I gave it to him.

1:20:53 - 1:21:01

So that was a nice thing I did. Imagine if you'd rubbed the lighter and then lit it and a genie had come out.

1:21:03 - 1:21:08

I'm just thinking modern genies. If I was a genie, I'd, I'd be in a vape.

1:21:08 - 1:21:14

Why was a genie in a lamp? Well, genies. There were lots of them around those days.

1:21:14 - 1:21:23

Yeah. I think it was just a magic lamp. I don't think, you know, it's like, why were the three bearers living in the cottage?

1:21:23 - 1:21:31

That question is never asked. Instead, we just know that they like had a porridge of different temperatures.

1:21:32 - 1:21:40

Does that mean it was like the genie was cursed into the lamp? Or it was, or it's like the, it's embodiment of when you manifest something and light a candle.

1:21:40 - 1:21:43

It's almost like that with the wish of a genie. With all these history podcasts, right?

1:21:43 - 1:21:49

There must be one where there's three people on it who actually know why there's a genie in the lamp as opposed to idle speculation.

1:21:50 - 1:21:55

But I mean, it won't be as entertaining as this. I think she wants a prequel to a lamp.

1:21:55 - 1:22:03

Not many other people do. But how did this happen? What led to this? Sorry.

1:22:03 - 1:22:08

No, you're right. It must have been cursed into the lamp. You know, someone's hidden said, you've got to go and live in this lamp for the rest of your life.

1:22:08 - 1:22:14

That must have been what happened. Whose cave of wonders was that? It was Jerry Springer.

1:22:16 - 1:22:21

It's blood money. It's just blood money. It was blood. It was. Where are we?

1:22:21 - 1:22:26

We've got the errands. Are we home yet? Oh, no. So I'm walking. Do you know what the funniest thing is?

1:22:26 - 1:22:30

Yesterday, maybe it's because I was really hungry, but I got off the tube and I don't remember my walk home.

1:22:30 - 1:22:40

And I always like to walk home this nice way through some trees. And I know I walked that way because I followed a man into the trees thinking, I wonder if he's scared of me and like spiders.

1:22:40 - 1:22:44

But then all of a sudden I'm already like at the street of my house.

1:22:44 - 1:22:49

So I don't remember walking through the trees last night. I normally do. Beechams. Too much Beechams.

1:22:49 - 1:23:01

Just glugging it down and huffing lighter fluid. It's delicious. Hang on. Have you bought the materials for dinner?

1:23:02 - 1:23:12

Yes. I did that thing when I bought things I liked, but before I bought them, while I was holding the basket, I Google a menu that includes those ingredients.

1:23:12 - 1:23:16

I knew I wanted spinach. I knew I wanted chicken. I knew I wanted tomatoes.

1:23:16 - 1:23:21

And then I Googled if you can combine that into a meal. And it was called Marry Me Chicken.

1:23:22 - 1:23:29

And I was like, seems to be right. So I bought those things. And I also bought some milk.

1:23:30 - 1:23:36

Do you have to marry the chicken? You know what I mean? Do you need to get a celebrant there?

1:23:36 - 1:23:40

Is that the last part of the ingredients? I had to go back to the church.

1:23:40 - 1:23:47

Sanjury. When you got to the wedding, you'd know if you were a chicken or a person to which side to sit on.

1:23:47 - 1:23:55

It would be really, it would be very obvious. Wouldn't it? How embarrassed would the chickens be when they stood up to see the bride come in, but then they laid an egg?

1:23:56 - 1:24:02

Do you think they get embarrassed? It's a great tactic. I've only got into that in recent times.

1:24:02 - 1:24:10

Is if there's a sweet potato, some broccoli and a chicken fillet, you simply put those three words into the internet.

1:24:11 - 1:24:21

And lo and behold, 10 great recipes come up. The thing that bothers me is all these recipes are often like, and the simple ingredient you always have in your fridge of double cream.

1:24:21 - 1:24:25

And I'm like, why would I just have double cream? That goes off so quickly.

1:24:25 - 1:24:34

Why would I just have a volatile ingredient in my fridge? It's true. But then I would say, never be afraid to be like, I don't have double cream.

1:24:34 - 1:24:48

What can I use? Beechams. It's a classic guest ingredient. Everyone's got Beechams in their cupboard.

1:24:49 - 1:24:53

David, you probably have some and you don't even realize. They'll just be in the back there, crystallizing.

1:24:54 - 1:25:03

Is it successful, the marry me chicken? Well, I also have a habit of I start one recipe and then I go off on a tangent and turn into another recipe.

1:25:03 - 1:25:14

So I did that. So I marinate the chicken. Marinated it? I put salt and pepper and cayenne pepper and rubbed it and then put it through flour.

1:25:14 - 1:25:19

Because that's a marry me chicken. You do a thing when you pass it through flour, but it doesn't say it like that.

1:25:19 - 1:25:23

It says you like step it through the flour or you pass it through the flour.

1:25:23 - 1:25:32

Have you ever seen this in a recipe? You're raining flour down and gliding the chicken through the flour storm.

1:25:33 - 1:25:42

Ah, here we go. Dredge into flour. Oh, that just means drag it, put flour on the countertop and drag the chicken through it.

1:25:43 - 1:25:46

Does this? I don't know. I mean, I would imagine you don't want clumps of flour.

1:25:46 - 1:25:54

That just feels like a pointless use of a thesaurus in a cooking recipe. Dredging is like what they do to canals, isn't it?

1:25:54 - 1:26:00

So that is a lot of flour. If you take your chicken to that much flour in a canal and then.

1:26:00 - 1:26:04

Yeah. And it's an awful word to use in a recipe as well. It's a dirty word.

1:26:04 - 1:26:10

It connotates like dirt or ripping up all the life from the seabed that shouldn't be ripped up.

1:26:10 - 1:26:16

Look, all I'm saying is before you marry the chicken, you should get engaged to it.

1:26:16 - 1:26:24

So it's engaged the chicken through the flour. And then wait for the chicken to say yes before you go any further.

1:26:24 - 1:26:33

Yes. Consent the chicken. Does it require it being left on its own to soak in all of these ingredients?

1:26:33 - 1:26:40

Well, I don't know, because then I went and opened a new menu and then opened up TikTok to listen to spooky stories while I made my dinner.

1:26:40 - 1:26:47

So then I just went off piste. Great. Did you include the chicken? No, the chicken was just left there.

1:26:48 - 1:26:59

Still there dredging. Two Weetabix and a Vienetta. Go, go, go. Just finished up the old Beechams and passed to it in the bath.

1:26:59 - 1:27:06

How spooky are we talking with these stories? Oh, God, so good. So I like to go on spooky, scary story time and there'll be anything.

1:27:06 - 1:27:16

Oh, there's a really creepy one about a woman who is waking up after doing like a Ouija board and then she'd wake up with this woman just standing at the end of her room, just smiling at her.

1:27:16 - 1:27:23

But then she went and woke up again. And then the woman, when she opened her eyes, the woman was standing there, but her head was completely on its side and she's literally angry.

1:27:23 - 1:27:28

And she's closer. You would be angry, wouldn't you? Your head went to the side.

1:27:28 - 1:27:35

That was the exact start of Alison Spittles. What did you do yesterday? What a wake up that was.

1:27:35 - 1:27:43

There was a sideways headed hag in front of me. And Max is just, and did you go for coffee?

1:27:47 - 1:27:56

Quite white. But no, I just like listen to creepy stories about conspiracies and supernatural beings and demons and stuff while I cook.

1:27:56 - 1:28:03

So what did you cook? So I just fried the chicken on either side and I let it rest.

1:28:04 - 1:28:09

And then I cooked up a tomatoey sauce with like chopped tomatoes and sun-dried tomatoes and sun-blushed tomatoes.

1:28:09 - 1:28:16

Three kinds of tomato with garlic and then rosemary. And then threw the chicken back in.

1:28:16 - 1:28:25

So it kind of like simmered in this like stewy sauce. And then putting mozzarella and spinach towards the end and then cooked up some pasta and broccoli on the side.

1:28:25 - 1:28:30

I liked that at the start it was just, I just. And then it got more and more elaborate.

1:28:30 - 1:28:35

Like tomatoes three ways. Marjolein is cooking tomatoes three ways on a bed of spinach.

1:28:36 - 1:28:42

If I say I just, what's going to follow is spread peanut butter on the toast.

1:28:44 - 1:28:49

Left to my own devices, I'd eat peanut butter and toast every meal. For three meals a day.

1:28:50 - 1:28:55

But Jack's been really good at being like, you should probably eat other foods. Jack is probably right.

1:28:55 - 1:29:01

Yeah, Jack is right. We agree with Jack. Okay. So what time is it? It was about seven, seven.

1:29:01 - 1:29:04

I mean, you've had a walk as well. Oh yeah. I forgot. I missed a bit.

1:29:04 - 1:29:11

When I got into the house, I did lie on the couch and eat hummus and crisps for like 30 minutes while I watched Office to decompress from the old walk that I don't remember.

1:29:12 - 1:29:16

So what time are we now then? It must be coming up to like half seven.

1:29:16 - 1:29:21

Okay. And do we eat this meal in front of the TV or do we eat it?

1:29:21 - 1:29:27

Have you got a cardboard cut out of Jack and you sit him in a chair opposite you?

1:29:27 - 1:29:33

No, but he's coming back very soon. I've started eating while I rewatched The Office as a comfort watch.

1:29:33 - 1:29:38

And because I've already seen it, I can watch a little bit and turn it off midway through and get on with what I want to do.

1:29:38 - 1:29:46

American or British? I'm on the American because I can binge watch American, whereas the British one makes me feel really bad after two episodes.

1:29:46 - 1:29:49

I like it. It's funny, but I can't binge watch it like the American one.

1:29:49 - 1:29:55

It can't be numbing background entertainment, whereas the American one makes me feel good in this good numbing background entertainment.

1:29:56 - 1:30:03

Because also Marty Supreme was a lot of twists. So I need to watch something where I know exactly what they're about to say so I can reset my brain and feel relaxed.

1:30:03 - 1:30:07

I think that's a good review of the two offices. I think that does. Yeah.

1:30:07 - 1:30:12

That is the difference between the two of them. I think you're right. So then how many of those do you watch?

1:30:12 - 1:30:21

I only watched under one episode. I've just started series two and I was watching the Dunder Mithlin Olympics one.

1:30:21 - 1:30:25

And it reminded me because I messaged Jack because we still need to do our tea Olympics.

1:30:26 - 1:30:34

What's the tea Olympics? Whenever we go on tour or we're apart for a while, we see how many tea bags we can get from green rooms and hotels.

1:30:34 - 1:30:40

Like stealing? Well, the ones that are in your room or the ones that are backstage for you to drink.

1:30:41 - 1:30:46

But what if backstage you had like a hundred bag, like a Twining's, a hundred tea bags?

1:30:46 - 1:30:50

Do you take all of those? They have to be in sachets. Okay. Otherwise it's a gamble.

1:30:51 - 1:30:55

And if there's lots, then I might take one of each kind. That seems fair.

1:30:55 - 1:31:00

Max, for me, I see what they've done here by just inserting the word Olympics into it.

1:31:00 - 1:31:08

And, you know, it takes the crime. It'll be like, while we're apart, Jack, let's see how many catalytic converters.

1:31:08 - 1:31:15

Let's see the catalytic converter Olympics. The Elgin Marble Olympics. Yeah, exactly. The Max's Car Olympics.

1:31:18 - 1:31:23

But no, so what I think is that we collect lots and lots of teas.

1:31:23 - 1:31:35

It was almost time for the Wind Tea Olympics because we had the Summer Olympics last year where we came back and then we have categories of like most flavors or most stylish packet or oddest flavor.

1:31:35 - 1:31:41

And then we have all these categories and then we have the Olympics music playing and have like a torch ceremony.

1:31:41 - 1:31:51

And then we light the candle and then we just, and then the ends of tea snap where you play snap with all the teas and you snap one's the same kind, even if the packet's different.

1:31:52 - 1:32:00

Now you have to come up with the categories before you start stealing the tea bags because otherwise you'd, you'd invent categories to suit your tea bags.

1:32:00 - 1:32:12

Well, I originally just had who got the most tea bags and then it really occurred to me soon that his tours are much longer and much fancier and he gets way more tea bags.

1:32:12 - 1:32:18

So we started adding in categories to give me a chance, but he just smashed me on like every category last year.

1:32:18 - 1:32:29

So he's designing the Wind Tea Olympics and I text him last night to remind him because it's cute because it reminded me of that Dunder Mifflin episode when they have the Dunder Olympics.

1:32:30 - 1:32:45

Max, were you and Mrs. Rushin, did you ever have this phase? I mean, with you, I think of two phases of you, one where you're just tired all the time like now and the other where you're pissing off a ladder in Namibia so the lions don't eat you.

1:32:46 - 1:32:55

Yeah. It doesn't spring to mind that we had a game about tea bags when she was a primary school teacher and I was cycling to talk sport or getting the train to Sky.

1:32:55 - 1:33:11

Yeah. But I can see us doing sort of things like of that ilk in our pre-child times and now we're too tired to conceive of talking to each other and we really hope to reconnect in like the year 2035.

1:33:11 - 1:33:17

Because I did see a video of your Christmas celebrations. Oh, we did teabagging at the...

1:33:17 - 1:33:27

What? Yeah, there's flinging of teabagging. We call it teabagging. Teabagging round one. What you do is you wet the teabag and then you have a cup maybe five yards away and then

1:33:27 - 1:33:36

everybody has to... You get to throw your teabag. You should enter this in the Winter Olympics and you throw the wet teabag into the cup from five yards.

1:33:36 - 1:33:43

A skill round. But you are sacrificing... You need to have already drunk the teabag, extracted the tea from the teabag.

1:33:43 - 1:33:52

Otherwise, you're just... Yeah, this is a terrible waste. Yeah, we are wasting it. The reason that we started the Tea Olympics was because we kept running out of tea.

1:33:52 - 1:33:59

So yes, it was a large thieving exercise. And I have been stopped in one hotel from taking so many teabags.

1:34:00 - 1:34:05

Sandy, I jumped on thousands of them. They were like, that's not for you. That's for the breakfast buffet.

1:34:06 - 1:34:13

Oh, I like the idea of you... You know, when you check out of a hotel, I do think sometimes about stealing the whole trolley.

1:34:13 - 1:34:20

You know, the one that has all of the stuff to re-equip the rooms with towels and shampoo and teabags.

1:34:21 - 1:34:25

I have asked them when they've been in the hallway for more teabags and they go straight in the suitcase.

1:34:25 - 1:34:37

But better to steal teabags than, you know, if it was like a scrambled egg Olympics and you and Jack are just from every hotel you're in just taking that tray of watery scrambled eggs and then bringing them home.

1:34:38 - 1:34:41

We need to do it because we have run out of a lot of kinds of tea.

1:34:41 - 1:34:45

So we're very excited to have the new ceremony so we can get some more chamomile on the go.

1:34:45 - 1:34:51

And obviously there is no other way of getting these teabags. There's no legitimate way of getting chamomile tea.

1:34:51 - 1:34:57

That is an impossibility. Right. So we've still got quite a lot of evening to go.

1:34:57 - 1:35:04

So I had my tea and then, it's really boring, Jack and I have our own Minecraft server.

1:35:04 - 1:35:14

So when I don't do gigs, because I didn't have a gig last night, we both go on Minecraft at the same time and then we phone each other and then we build things together or surprises for each other.

1:35:15 - 1:35:23

Oh, beautiful relationship. This is so beautiful, isn't it? It's very modern. It's like the Minecraft thing is taking it into a...

1:35:23 - 1:35:32

Yeah. I don't really know what that is. I know that my cousin's son, Ben, plays it or did when he was very young, but I don't know what it is.

1:35:32 - 1:35:43

What do you make for each other? What's this Minecraft you speak of? Yeah, because I think the reason the Tea Olympics started and the reason we started Minecraft was because we're both on tour a lot and away from each other a lot and he lives in Devon

1:35:43 - 1:35:52

and London. So we have different things. The tea is nice because you get excited for all the tea we'll have together or Minecraft's nice because we have this one world with just us on it.

1:35:53 - 1:35:58

Yeah, we're both working on surprises for each other. So he's building something out at sea to surprise me with.

1:35:59 - 1:36:02

An oil rig? Is it an oil rig? I don't really know how this thing works.

1:36:04 - 1:36:13

Not that surprising, I guess. I've been building a whole lake area. So I actually really like shifting ground in Minecraft.

1:36:13 - 1:36:19

I've got a real habit of digging, shifting ground, working terrains and picking water in.

1:36:19 - 1:36:30

So I built this whole lake area. I built my own cave system and built the cave full of different things and axolotls and plants and it leans up to a witch's hut in the woods through the cave system.

1:36:30 - 1:36:34

And then on the other side is a beautiful pink house of bridges and looks really nice.

1:36:34 - 1:36:40

So it's like half nice and half gnarly. David, I'm moderately lost. But yeah, I'm going with it.

1:36:40 - 1:36:47

Sorry. I'm sorry. I could see that. But then I then looked at my own face, which is also in the zoo.

1:36:47 - 1:36:54

I'm sorry. And when axolotls were mentioned, I think that was the most lost. It's like Populous 2.

1:36:54 - 1:37:00

It's like Populous 2. Yeah. It's like you're trying to build. Okay. To be fair, last night I spent most of my night on building a bridge.

1:37:01 - 1:37:10

Okay. And putting plants in my cave system and trying to find a cat. The game like spawns things.

1:37:10 - 1:37:18

The game will spawn like a forest or a mountain or like a village with like non-playable characters around the village.

1:37:18 - 1:37:23

And we have a village near us, but we keep stealing their supplies to the point where only one village has left.

1:37:23 - 1:37:26

So I'm trying to do... They've got no tea bags. I see what I see.

1:37:28 - 1:37:34

So I'm trying to do a breeding program where I'm putting beds and bread in their village to try and breed the villagers.

1:37:34 - 1:37:42

Right. Okay. So I've been on a breeding program in game because you can breed things, but I'm just trying to experiment whether I can breed humans in the game.

1:37:42 - 1:37:51

And this is in Ealing. Oh no, it's a computer game. The birth rate of Ealing has trebled in the last 10 years.

1:37:51 - 1:37:58

All of the bread. So how long do you do this for? It sounds like a long time.

1:37:58 - 1:38:04

We were on the call for like three hours. That is adorable. Because so often it's gigging or busy.

1:38:05 - 1:38:11

And it's like last night we're like, we can mine. And I did not think about this podcast when I logged on for three hours of mining.

1:38:11 - 1:38:18

It was very fun. Ignorant question for me. Is Jack in a band where playing Minecraft for three hours is cool?

1:38:18 - 1:38:22

Or is it where he wouldn't want people to know? Does that affect his brand?

1:38:23 - 1:38:28

I don't. I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. They're like a folk pop rock band.

1:38:28 - 1:38:34

They're lovely, lovely, wholesome boys. I don't think he'd be quiet about his Minecraft world.

1:38:34 - 1:38:42

Okay, good. Okay. I understand. If he was in Guns N' Roses. Or. I don't think they're doing Minecraft.

1:38:43 - 1:38:50

I don't think you want to know that Slash is Minecraft. Maybe he is. It's such a nice game because you just like literally build.

1:38:50 - 1:39:02

I built lighthouses. We built pirate ships. He built a pyramid. Unless Welcome to the Jungle, the song is about a Minecraft jungle that Axel and Duff had made.

1:39:03 - 1:39:12

Paradise City. It's all Minecraft. All the whole oofra is Minecraft. What do you do after Minecraft, Marjolein?

1:39:12 - 1:39:18

Well, Stuart and Chloe come back home. Oh, yeah. Your housemates. And I'm like, wow.

1:39:18 - 1:39:23

Because I'm just sitting in my UD on the couch. Playing Minecraft. And I've not moved for like three hours.

1:39:23 - 1:39:27

And also I didn't. Oh, sorry. I put a clothes wash on. Hung that up.

1:39:27 - 1:39:32

Great. There are other episodes where we do two hours on that clothes wash, but we don't have time.

1:39:32 - 1:39:40

I love washing clothes. One of my favorite things to do. It's like one of my favorite things is to have clean clothes all the time and have that basket empty.

1:39:40 - 1:39:47

Okay. Just I'll do the very quick few questions there. What temperature? How long a wash do you put on?

1:39:47 - 1:39:54

Is it the 59 minute, 30 degree? I've learned recently. I always do 30 degrees unless I have to go hotter.

1:39:54 - 1:40:00

But I actually the other day accidentally put on for a longer wash. That was the eco one, but longer.

1:40:00 - 1:40:06

And realized it comes out smelling so much better than the fast wash. Yeah. But it's eco.

1:40:06 - 1:40:13

So it's still the eco setting. But it's like two hours rather than 45 minutes. But it comes out smelling twice as good.

1:40:13 - 1:40:19

I was listening to a radio show where they were talking about the eco wash actually not being eco.

1:40:20 - 1:40:29

And I was so mesmerized and then thinking, wow, what does it say about me that this is the most interesting bit of radio I've heard, including all the shows that I've done in the last five years.

1:40:29 - 1:40:41

But I now can't exactly remember what the eco setting was. But I think it was just something that like, say, Bosch, they have to have a setting, which is what is like the shittest we can do this.

1:40:41 - 1:40:45

I was listening to about dishwashers, but it must be the same principle. And eco is that.

1:40:45 - 1:40:49

It's just no one ever uses eco. So that's what I that was what I learned from it.

1:40:49 - 1:40:55

Well, it came out smelling nice for me, but maybe it's not. Maybe it came out so well because it's not environmentally friendly.

1:40:55 - 1:41:03

Are you capable of minecrafting while talking to Stuart and Chloe, your housemates? Or do you ignore them?

1:41:04 - 1:41:09

No, no, I speak to them. But what I do is I make sure my character is in a safe space because at night the zombies come.

1:41:09 - 1:41:13

Oh, wow. At night monsters appear and there's one monster that looks like a cactus.

1:41:13 - 1:41:20

And if it touches you, it blows up everything in a small radius. And you don't want that because it would kill my bees.

1:41:21 - 1:41:25

But can you be attacked in the night even when you're not playing the game?

1:41:25 - 1:41:33

Yes. Like if you just like leave. Yeah. One time Jack got killed in our house because the door was left open and I pretended it wasn't me, but I'm pretty sure I left the door open.

1:41:33 - 1:41:40

Oh, well, exactly. Alison Spittle could tell you that. In the virtual and the real world.

1:41:40 - 1:41:44

So Stuart and Chloe come home. Stuart wants to hang up a mirror. So he's hoping it's not too late.

1:41:44 - 1:41:51

So he starts drilling a hole in the wall at 10 p.m. I mean, that is absolutely unacceptable behavior from Stuart Laws.

1:41:51 - 1:41:56

And he should be ashamed of himself. You cannot drill at 10 p.m. It is crazy.

1:41:56 - 1:42:01

We have a barky dog near us that barks. In fact, if I'm really honest with you, what did you do yesterday?

1:42:01 - 1:42:05

When did I wake up? I woke up at like five in the morning with a barky dog.

1:42:05 - 1:42:12

Well, he's getting revenge for these late night drilling sessions. Do you hang the mirror?

1:42:12 - 1:42:20

I watch from the couch and then he makes a hole and I think he's not happy with it because the mirror is still on the ground right now.

1:42:20 - 1:42:24

Oh, dear. He even had a second attempt this morning just before the podcast to quickly do it then.

1:42:24 - 1:42:28

Is there still a wall? Is there still a wall? Well, the really thick walls.

1:42:28 - 1:42:35

I can't even put a pin in these walls. I think they're brick. I'm not used to these brick builds.

1:42:35 - 1:42:40

I'm used to like... Well, you're used to cave systems of witches' huts and stuff.

1:42:40 - 1:42:46

Yeah. So we speak and then I can't remember what we speak about. We speak about our lives, I suppose.

1:42:47 - 1:42:53

And then Chloe makes me some tea and I have some bedtime tea. And I'm still on the call to Jack the whole time.

1:42:53 - 1:42:55

So it's like four of us are all talking in and out of all the rooms.

1:42:56 - 1:43:00

It's kind of confusing. And then is it bedtime? It's bedtime, but I'm really bad at going to bed.

1:43:00 - 1:43:03

But I promised Jack I'll actually go to bed because I stay up long times.

1:43:04 - 1:43:07

So I come here. I turn off the switch because it runs out of power.

1:43:08 - 1:43:13

And then I say goodnight to him. And then I go on Instagram. Oh, you see?

1:43:14 - 1:43:20

This is what I was imagining. Kind of like someone trying to get off heroin or something.

1:43:21 - 1:43:25

And the lure of the heroines right there is the same with books, though, for you.

1:43:25 - 1:43:30

Because you're not allowed to read them. And the books are all like, read me, please.

1:43:31 - 1:43:39

And my algorithm has gone to a really good place of like all being like magic and witchcraft and how to focus and achieve everything you want.

1:43:39 - 1:43:45

So it feels like the artist's way. How long do you scroll for? This is outrageous.

1:43:45 - 1:43:51

I'm going to report you to whatever the woman's name is. Julia Cameron. Julia. Yeah.

1:43:51 - 1:43:58

I scroll for like almost an hour, maybe 40 minutes. Oh, wow. That's quite long. What's the judgment here?

1:43:59 - 1:44:08

Sorry. No judgment. Absolutely no judgment. We're just, it's a journalistic exercise. I can tell you what I scrolled through because I am, I scrolled through things that I then liked.

1:44:08 - 1:44:12

So I've got it saved here. What's the last thing I looked at on Instagram last night?

1:44:13 - 1:44:19

You search for David and already deep fakes. David and already at the beach in Speedos.

1:44:19 - 1:44:25

Oh, I went down a bad bunny deep dive. That is a rabbit hole, isn't it?

1:44:25 - 1:44:33

If there's ever a rabbit hole, the bad bunny one. My sister told me to watch the bad bunny Super Bowl and I was going to watch it all.

1:44:33 - 1:44:40

And then I went on a deep dive of all bad bunny videos. And then I watched a video on how to make a Minecraft kitchen.

1:44:41 - 1:44:49

What time do we doze off? Well, I think it's coming to half one and I'm like, oh no, because I want to get up at half eight.

1:44:49 - 1:44:52

And I'm like, well, that's silly. I'll get up at nine. So I get seven and a half hours sleep.

1:44:52 - 1:44:57

So then I'm trying to set my alarm clock radio so I can wake up again to music.

1:44:58 - 1:45:12

He's still tuning. Is that an E? Still? It's like, you know, when you have like an older uncle or a granddad and you're at a party and you've really got to leave, but they start telling the story.

1:45:12 - 1:45:17

So you just kind of, you have to let them. Yeah. That's what the whole interview was like yesterday.

1:45:18 - 1:45:23

Oh, good old dad. Yeah, he's got tales to tell. He's earned his time to just take over an entire segment on the radio.

1:45:24 - 1:45:29

But yeah, so I am. I scrolled a bit, went down a Bad Bunny deep dive, was like very shocked.

1:45:29 - 1:45:33

All the Americans who were upset that he was performing because it wasn't in English.

1:45:33 - 1:45:40

It seems like he was so good, though. And the show was so good. And he's clearly such a charismatic performer.

1:45:40 - 1:45:44

By the end of it, everyone or a lot of people were like, that was good and different.

1:45:45 - 1:45:49

And even if you didn't understand it, it was done well. And there's Ricky Martin and there's Lady Gaga.

1:45:49 - 1:45:59

And let's go to Puerto Rico. The language there isn't even originally English. It was like tons of indigenous languages that that land was originally spoken in.

1:46:00 - 1:46:03

And then the funny thing was, was I came across a video of a woman who was upset.

1:46:04 - 1:46:06

And I immediately had to click not interested because I didn't want her to get a view.

1:46:06 - 1:46:10

It was a woman who was talking about the fact that it's not in English.

1:46:10 - 1:46:13

So she's going to translate some of the lines. And she translated some saucy lines.

1:46:14 - 1:46:21

But meanwhile, the opposition gig to that was Kid Rock. And Kid Rock literally has a line about, I like him young.

1:46:21 - 1:46:27

I like him so young it's statutory. And I'm like, that's in English. We can all understand.

1:46:27 - 1:46:32

When these guys tried to take the moral high ground, it's very difficult for them to do that.

1:46:33 - 1:46:39

I think so. I did not know Kid Rock had that rap as well. I didn't know how bad he was because about 10 years ago, I used to do a guest on a radio station.

1:46:39 - 1:46:45

And it was poetry day. So they asked me to read out a poem. So I read out a Kid Rock rap.

1:46:45 - 1:46:51

And I was asked categorically never to do that again. I was banned from reading out Kid Rock.

1:46:51 - 1:46:53

I didn't even say anything bad. I just read out one of his dumb raps.

1:46:54 - 1:46:56

But I was told I was banned from reading out Kid Rock on radio again.

1:46:57 - 1:47:06

Is your brain bumping? Are you able to doze off? Or is it wired from having looked at the Instagram for an hour?

1:47:07 - 1:47:13

Yes. If Jack is around, then I can actually just fall asleep. And I often put him to sleep by telling him a story.

1:47:13 - 1:47:17

And then it puts us both to sleep. So I have this bedtime story I tell.

1:47:18 - 1:47:24

And then we both fall asleep as I tell it. But if he's not there, then I just want to scroll, which is really bad.

1:47:24 - 1:47:30

But I find the CIA exercise that will always put you to sleep. What's the CIA exercise?

1:47:31 - 1:47:40

You invade Guam secretly. And it's so tiring. Then you nod off. You count how many Greenlanders there are to destroy.

1:47:41 - 1:47:46

Have you heard of the CIA cheat codes to life? Like how to get health and money and sleep and everything?

1:47:46 - 1:47:51

No. They work. It's really scary. It's like in the classified documents from like the 60s.

1:47:51 - 1:47:54

And they all keep getting released. And they're just mad. What's the sleep trick though?

1:47:54 - 1:47:58

The sleep trick is so good. So the sleep trick. You get as comfy as you can.

1:47:58 - 1:48:03

And then you breathe in for the count of five. Hold it for five. Out for the count of five.

1:48:03 - 1:48:12

Hold it for five. And you do that. Oh, she's fallen asleep.

1:48:12 - 1:48:19

I think you do that five times. You do it for six hours. And then after that, you count to 20.

1:48:19 - 1:48:26

And you can't get to 20. Whoa. It's so easy. Like it's so easy. Breathe in for five.

1:48:26 - 1:48:31

Hold for five. Breathe out for five. Yeah. And I find that bit almost suffocating.

1:48:31 - 1:48:40

So then when I count, but when I count, you picture every letter. So I like to picture every letter like a beautiful almost circus letter, but with the backgrounds like something from the yellow submarine,

1:48:40 - 1:48:47

like colors and lines and squiggles. And it's like one, two. And I've never got past 13.

1:48:47 - 1:48:50

I can't do it. Wow. I fall asleep. It's amazing. It's such a good hack.

1:48:51 - 1:48:54

But the thing about it, which is so weird, is sometimes my brain is so...

1:48:55 - 1:48:59

When you're breathing in and out, you have to think of nothing. And that's the hardest part.

1:48:59 - 1:49:02

The breathing in and out, you have to think of absolutely nothing but your breath.

1:49:02 - 1:49:07

And my brain just is like, remember that time your sister borrowed your top and never gave it back to you seven years ago?

1:49:07 - 1:49:14

Yes, for sure. Yes. I got so mad at my sister the other night that I couldn't sleep because of one time she thought a book was hers and she still has it.

1:49:15 - 1:49:17

And she offered it back to me. And I said, no, you can keep it.

1:49:17 - 1:49:26

And I'm still mad at her about it. I feel we have lived, we've laughed, we've loved, but we've learned as well from this day.

1:49:26 - 1:49:31

Marjolein, thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday. You're welcome.

1:49:41 - 1:49:54

So there we are, David. So much happened. So much happened. And we did indeed cover a lot of it because it was second to Ross Noble, perhaps the longest episode that we've done.

1:49:54 - 1:50:11

So much and yet nothing, but also so much. That's what I... We can let the listeners in on a little inside baseball comment from Will the producer, which was we'd be talking for one hour 50 something.

1:50:12 - 1:50:20

And he was texting producer Mars Bar who was asking about the episode. And he said, they've been on for one hour 50 something.

1:50:20 - 1:50:25

And a washing machine has just entered the chat. She's just put a wash on.

1:50:25 - 1:50:32

Oh no, it will be another hour. I feel we resisted the urge to go too deep.

1:50:32 - 1:50:38

I just wanted, give us your temperature. Tell me the cycle. Let's just carry it.

1:50:38 - 1:50:43

We didn't ask her whether she was in color capture, whether she had the little softness balls.

1:50:44 - 1:50:50

None of that, Max. Oh, it's a good one. It was a good one. Thank you so much to Maria Lynn for doing it.

1:50:50 - 1:51:00

And if you want to get in touch with the podcast, here is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:51:00 - 1:51:07

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:51:07 - 1:51:15

And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. I'm in it for life. For the tape, we finished recording.

1:51:16 - 1:51:24

We started at 9pm. Melbourne time. It's now 11.23. I have to go to bed. Yeah, but you know how to get to sleep now.

1:51:24 - 1:51:27

Oh yeah. I'm going to try it. I'm actually going to try it right now.

1:51:28 - 1:51:34

I do get the impression you may not struggle to get to sleep though, just from the look in your eyes.

1:51:35 - 1:51:41

When you see my eyes, have they disappeared? Everything is showbiz. In it for life.

1:51:47 - 1:51:49

I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it.

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