S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it. They all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man?

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Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max.

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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more.

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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.

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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday? I'm Max Rushden. Alongside me, David O'Doherty. And let's not beat around the bush, David. I've booked an absolutely brilliant guest today.

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Oh my goodness. Did you first meet Michelle Wolf, who will be known to our listeners, I'm sure, from The Daily Show in America.

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That's when we first met. I was one of the writers on that. Yeah. Her incredible appearance at the White House press correspondence dinner in, I think, 2018, where she did an amazing speech in front of Trump and everyone else.

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So you would have first met her in about 2010, I'd say, at the Honouru Festival in Seattle.

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And I helped her a little bit with that speech. Oh, did you? Yeah, just a little bit. Yeah.

1:48 - 1:55

Oh, wow. Okay. I don't know why I organized the whole thing then. I should have just left it up to me.

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Oh, David, well done. You booked a really good guest. For the tape, we've just finished recording. And it is a really, it's a go episode, I would say. It's right up there.

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Yeah. It's a good one, because sometimes people are like, oh, I'm a bit worried about this. I didn't really do anything yesterday. And you could argue it's a didn't do anything yesterday episode. But for me, that's the essence of this podcast.

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100%. If someone doesn't leave the house, you know, it's a good day. If someone like does life saving and resuscitates, you know, a family, we're not that interested. We'd skip over that.

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Well, I mean, it depends which get if I finally get Hugh Grant, and he has resuscitated a family. I think we'd take it. I think we would ask some questions. We wouldn't just go and then what did you have for dinner?

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But without giving spoilers away, Michelle Wolf does not resuscitate any people in this episode.

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Michelle is on tour in Britain. Her new show is amazing. It's called Best Job in the World. Check her out on Instagram.

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She puts up like really regular, just little vids, and they are always joyous. Tour dates are in June and July. General on sale has happened now. And check it out at punchup.live forward slash Michelle Wolf.

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I love this episode. And this is what Michelle Wolf did yesterday. Max, begin. I begin the podcast. I shall do it immediately.

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It's a very formal beginning. It's technically difficult. That's why David leaves it to me. Michelle Wolf, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Oh, is that the welcome? That's the welcome. Yeah, that's the start. I thought there was going to be more. I thought there was going to be like, welcome, Michelle.

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Oh, we read out your CV like Desert Island Discs when they say she's of herself. She is the greatest chef that has ever been produced. That's side of the Atlantic. Please welcome, Michelle Wolf.

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I was waiting for all my accolades to be read out. I'm sorry. No, that's okay. We read them out through the podcast. David reads them out.

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As long as they're read out at some point. That's the important part. Thank you for taking a break from your repeated watchings of the Melania movie, which has just come out.

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I can't get enough of it. To come here and do this. Yeah. It's a new favorite. I put it on for my children.

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That's good stuff. I wonder if, you know the way, is it Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd? If you play, it's meant to sync with The Wizard of Oz.

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Yes. Was the old line. If you play the Melania movie, if you play it backwards, it syncs with all the Epstein videos.

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What's exciting about this is this is our first American guest. So if we had to presume that all Americans are exactly the same, we can, by looking at your yesterday, we can get an idea of how every American lives and then we can crack America.

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And then Carnegie Hall is tomorrow. Well, there's a little caveat to mine because I am, of course, American.

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You'll probably know by the number of times I interrupt, but I am living in Barcelona.

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Oh, that's nice. Hang on. No, we extrapolate from that. All Americans live in Barcelona.

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Correct. We are all over here now. The whole population have moved in the last couple of years for some reason to Las Ramblas.

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This is very exciting. Okay. So, so, bienvenido. ¿Cómo estás? Hey, good.

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That's good, isn't it? Muy bien, muy bien. Was that Catalan? No one speaks Catalan.

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There's seven fourth graders who speak Catalan. It's beloved and spoken by no one. What time did you wake up yesterday morning, please, Michelle?

5:56 - 6:07

Okay. So, some point early in the morning, it was probably eight something, Katie from my management team reminded me to write down everything that I did.

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Oh, thank you, Katie. So, I went back and I wrote down what I did, but I cannot remember my start time. It was sometime in the 7 a.m. region, 7 to 7.30 probably, somewhere in there.

6:20 - 6:28

Yeah. I woke up and now I have two children. I have a three-year-old. I do two and you have my sympathies.

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Yes. Thank you. People will judge me for this. They both sleep with me. I sleep between my three-year-old and my four-month-old.

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Wow. So, I don't need an alarm clock. I'm fine. I have several. So, I woke up. My toddler woke up. The baby was stirring. I looked at my phone, hoping it was after 7. It was. I can't remember the exact time.

6:53 - 7:01

But then I saw there was like 80-some text messages from my group chat, which is like me and four of my girlfriends.

7:01 - 7:08

Yeah. And I was like, oh my God. Either nothing happened and they had a lot to say about it or something terrible happened.

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So, I'm going to guess word has reached the ladies that you're going to be on the What Should You Do Yesterday podcast.

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And they're like, remember everything that happens today, Michelle. Was that the big event? Yes, that was exactly what it is. They told me to remember 80 times.

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They always remember. Write this down. Remember. Can I ask a question, Michelle, born out of extreme jealousy, which is how, when situated between a three-year-old and a four-month-old, do you get to 7 a.m.?

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How is that possible? They go to sleep very late. That's my trick. Yeah. We don't do a 7 p.m. bedtime.

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We do like a, I mean, we aim for 10. Wow. So Spanish. That's so Spanish.

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Yeah, so Spanish. That's how I feel like I get to justify my bad parenting is it's just, it's Spanish.

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It's just Spanish. So that's, that's how I do it is I, they go to sleep late and then I have zero time for myself after that.

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But then they wake up a little later sometimes. So I've got it all worked out.

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What's on the WhatsApp group? What's on the chat? Okay. So the chat is about the night before.

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And so all my friends are in America. So they're also six hours behind me.

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And the chat consisted of, of just gossip about the Grammys. Oh yeah. So I was trying to catch up on that.

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And that's when I realized I'm at the age now where I have no idea who anyone at the Grammys is.

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Hang on. Somebody won. They're called like Funny Boy or something. I saw a video of them looking.

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Funny Boy. Was it? No. Is there somebody with a rabbit in their name? Bunny?

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Bad Bunny. Bad Bunny. That's it. Sorry about this, Michelle. Funny Boy is a hilarious alter ego for Bad Bunny.

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He's Bad Bunny at night, but he's Funny Boy during the day. I watched some of the Grammys.

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And the main people I knew were dead people. People who we've lost in the last year.

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May they rest in peace. I knew Cher. And then I knew when she mistakenly said Luther Vandross.

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Yes. She presented record of the year and forgot to present it, which is incredible.

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She just came out, talked about what a phenomenal career she'd had and then just walked off.

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Trevor Noah had to be like, and to present the award, it's Cher again. And she so obviously was just, had not read anything, really.

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And Luther Vandross won record of the year. A song called Luther. And she just read the card and she saw Luther and immediately thought, yes, my good dead friend, Luther Vandross.

9:58 - 10:05

It's a turn up for the books. And then Weekend at Bernie style. Yeah. They hand him the Grammy and he sort of limply waves it around.

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And there they go. What a way to end the show. Michelle, with your coterie of Hollywood insiders, did they have any spectacular goths about the Grammys?

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Anything interesting? Well, there was some making fun of outfits. I don't know if you saw Pharrell and Clips, the rap duo.

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They all three of them wore these pink velvet tuxedos or suits, I guess. There was some making fun of that.

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So it was like, what are they doing? Why are they wearing this? And then someone chimed in.

10:45 - 10:51

It's like, it's Destiny's son. So I reply to all the messages, you know, the ones I can when I wake up in the morning.

10:52 - 11:00

I replied to that one. And it's boys to ladies. And do you find, because I'm in Australia and all my friends are in the UK.

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So you do wake up to like myriad WhatsApps. And sometimes you can be bothered to go through it all.

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And sometimes you're like this, this conversation. I just have to let this one, I have to let this one slide.

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So I really have just one main group chat. And this is this group chat.

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And I'm not a popular person. I'm not someone who is just getting messages from a million people.

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I will probably because I've ignored too many of them. So I always at least scan through to make sure I'm not missing any crucial details.

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Yeah. But yeah, I got from this one, something about some artist named Lola. They wanted her to win.

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I've never heard of this person. I thought at first they were talking about my friend's mom who goes by Lola, this lovely Filipino grandmother.

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Congratulations to Lola. I was like, what's happening with Lola? Is she OK? I was mostly from an outfits point of view of the 10 minutes of it I watched.

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I was taken with the confidence that it would require to wear effectively a picnic rangers hat.

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Like, you know, in Yogi Bear, don't touch these picnic baskets. Some dudes wear, I think one of the black eyed peas was wearing one of those hats.

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Which is almost sort of sombrero with, with just a thing at the top of it.

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A part of me would like to be that guy just to wear out this hat.

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I feel like, I mean, I think any of us, we could only wear it as a bit.

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Yes. I can't imagine seriously going out in that, you know, like just being like, and this is my hat today.

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And just like walking around and like really acting like that's, that's the hat you chose for fashion purposes and not at all for comedic purposes.

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Yes. For me to wear that hat would require me to do a funny accent as well the whole time.

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And like have a funny walk and everything. Yeah. I need a lot of like hand movements.

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I need to get some gestures in there. I saw another guy wearing like a complete mesh mask, like a chain mail mask.

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Like a beekeeper. I don't think beekeepers wore chain mail. I don't think they wear chain mail.

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I guess they're expecting the Crusades to happen while they're just trying to get some honey.

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I think theirs is more of like a screen. I don't think the bees have tiny swords.

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They're pouring really liquid hot honey. They pour it out of the top of the castle.

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Don't they? My point is if I wore the hat, I think like the character I'd be doing would be like, hey folks, we got to pick up the litter, pick up the trash.

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You know, and I'd have a stick with a point on the end of it.

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And I'd be just picking things up the whole time. Just some fashion tips there for people who listen to the podcast.

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I think if I was wearing the chain mail mask, my voice would be like, hi, hi guys, hi.

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I was at a museum once where at the till they were selling chain mail.

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And I did make my full outfit. And I just think that's not, it's not like alongside chewing gum as an impulse buy.

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I was going to say, yeah, it's an impulse. Sometimes you need a mint and sometimes you need some chain mail.

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Okay. Okay. So how long are we scrolling with our two? And once they wake up, do you have that dilemma of, I really want to look at my phone and talk to my friends, but I should not be looking at my phone in front of my children dilemma.

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I've left that dilemma in the past. The facade has broken. I look at my phone.

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I don't know what they think it is, but mommy's always looking at a tiny rectangle.

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Yeah. I don't know what they think it is. Sometimes she talks to it. Yeah.

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So I was trying to get, as I'm kind of like looking at my phone, I'm nursing the baby and then trying to convince the toddler it would be a great time to go back to sleep.

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Oh yeah. The baby does go back to sleep. The toddler wants food. Yeah. So I go into the kitchen.

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The toddler accompanies me. I put on coffee. I cut up an apple and she goes into the pantry and just starts eating candy.

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Oh, this is great. My coworker has a three, three and a half, is he, Max?

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And so they enjoy making awful food like porridge with water. And he likes to eat just dry porridge on its own.

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Is that still a phase that we're going through? He's moved beyond dry oats. He will eat porridge, but he doesn't want milk to be visible in the porridge.

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Speak of the devil. Ah, here we are. Welcome. Hey. Welcome to what did you do yesterday?

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We can double check everything here. Hello, small child. What time did you get up at yesterday?

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So I'm of the parenting mode where as long as all the food's eaten within the day, I don't, I'm not concerned at the time of eating.

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So if she wants to have a little candy alongside her apple, I'm okay with that.

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Ian just doesn't like sweets. You know, I'm eating them in front of him and he just, he thinks they're adult food.

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Really? So what candy is your three-year-old having? These licorice, these Harry Boo licorice candy apple.

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Ah, it was an apple theme. They were candy apple flavored licorice and then alongside an apple.

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So she was matching. That was good. Smart on her point. I'd say that comparison, you would realize that the acoustic apple is way less delicious than the entirely synthetic German bag, high sugar apple.

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And it's more colorful. It's a funner texture. And more consistent as well. You always know what you're getting.

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Yeah. There's not a bite of that that's going to be a little more sour than the rest of it.

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I'm imagining because it's Spain, they'll be like, for breakfast, I have some Haribo and also a horse's leg.

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You know, there's always a slightly curious aspect too. We just shave off a little of the horse's leg and put it on toast.

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So you have a little bit of breakfast too? Or have you given up on going back to sleep now?

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Are we officially up? My plan is to get the breakfast and bring it back into the bed and then put on a movie.

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Oh, great. That's what we do. What a brilliant start to the day. This is fantastic.

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Okay. So we get the breakfast. I get my coffee. I bring the breakfast. The baby's still sleeping.

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The toddler. I put on the TV and, you know, I have a selection of movies and she wants superheroes, which is the incredible.

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Hamlet. She wants Hamlet. She wants Hamlet. She wants Hamlet. And I say, absolutely not.

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Not again. Not again. I've had enough of this Shakespeare bitch. And then she's like, how about Hamnet?

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Can we watch? Can we get an early screener? I've got an email. I've got a Vimeo code.

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It is sad. Get ready for tears is all I'm saying to that three-year-old. So then, yeah, we watch, I have the Incredibles on the television and I try to order groceries on my phone because I'm in a very grocery delivery phase of my life.

18:46 - 18:55

Sure. And I put everything in the cart and then I tried to deliver it and it said delivery not available.

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So. Es no posible. No posible. No posible. It's Lunes. Not on Lunes. Oh, so Michelle, my favorite Spanish grocery store is one called Superdino, which they're definitely in the Canary Islands and they're in some of Spain.

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And Superdino is a dinosaur, which I don't know quite how you would trust him with your groceries.

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And also what I don't like about Superdino is his tongue is a little too long.

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Like he's showing enthusiasm, I guess, for the idea of groceries, but his tongue is too distended.

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Like he's kind of on drugs or hasn't had any water for months. I feel like that chain definitely has to be in Ibiza.

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That's actually a club. It's not even a grocery store. It's just a club people go to.

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So is this the big show? Are you doing a big, like, how long has this order taken you?

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I mean, it's probably like 20 minutes that I've spent on, like, looking through and seeing what I need and trying to choose.

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And yeah, at this point, I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because I need groceries. Is there a reason given why it's no possible?

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Have you tried to order? I think maybe the store I order from isn't doing.

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So they have several different types of delivery. Here's where it gets really interesting. Yeah, okay.

20:28 - 20:35

Yeah, okay. So they have several different types of delivery. They have a scheduled delivery, which is always a few days out.

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And I don't know who plans that far ahead. I certainly don't. Then they have immediate delivery, which is like set for like a block of time in that day you're currently in.

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And that's the one I always use. And it's normally if you order in the morning, you can get it between noon and two.

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Not the case today. No, I cannot order immediate delivery. They'll let it be delivered tomorrow morning, which would be this morning.

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But that was going to be too late. So I messaged one of the women who helps me with the kids.

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And I ask if she can pick up this list of groceries on her way in.

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Great. Very helpful. I would die without these people. I don't know. I would have to walk into the sea with rocks in my pocket.

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Very Irish. Yeah. That's the most Irish thing that's been said so far. That's the best.

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And do you, because if I start watching, I was the other day watching Thomas the Tank Engine Beyond Sodor or something.

21:38 - 21:47

And Thomas went onto the mainland and he sort of got taken hostage by some really evil train engines, sort of really skewed faces.

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And it was like some kind of mine. It was really, I would be upset if I was three, but Ian loved it.

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He then got bored and went off to play something else. But then I was invested.

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So I had to watch the movie. Are you focusing on The Incredibles or is that passing you by?

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I've seen The Incredibles before, but here's the problem. I have originally watched The Incredibles on my own without children, you know, just as like a movie that was on.

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I've seen it. Yes. Yeah. A choice I made to watch the movie, but that was years and years ago now.

22:19 - 22:24

My toddler really is only ever invested in like the first 45 minutes of this movie.

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That's annoying. So I cannot remember how it ends. They all die. It's really, there's a fire.

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They all die. And then everyone, everyone goes, that's incredible. It's the end of Witness.

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Harrison Ford is Amish. He's in a grain silo and they're all suffocated to death by falling grain.

22:52 - 22:58

That's what happens to The Incredibles. That sounds like a nice children's movie. I'm glad they finally got back to that kind of movie.

22:58 - 23:06

Just from a basic movie structure point of view, if you tune out at the 45 minute mark, that's kind of the end of act one.

23:06 - 23:14

No, maybe not actually. Maybe it's midway through act two. You know, it's quite a cliffhanger moment to then be like, all right, that's enough of this.

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It's a strange thing she does with, she'll start watching the beginning of a movie.

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And then over the course of a couple weeks, she'll finally get invested in the whole thing.

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Oh, God. Oh, wow. Okay. But that hasn't happened for some movies. Like there's some that she's watched the whole way through.

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And then there's movies like The Incredible where she only gets to about 45 minutes. And then when they're kind of like on the island and they're getting chased by like that big robot or whatever,

23:42 - 23:50

she's sort of like, I don't really like this anymore. Yeah. Same with Frozen. I've seen like the first hour of Frozen.

23:51 - 23:55

I still have no idea how this ends. I have no idea. Exactly the same as The Incredibles this time.

23:55 - 24:05

It's the same. The grain silo. Oh, my gosh. As she's plaintively singing, let it go, the grain starts to cascade over.

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And then someone goes, that's incredible. So are you responding to the Grammy chat while The Incredibles are on?

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And is the three month old still asleep? The three month old has woken up at this point.

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So now I'm balancing kind of the two. I'm sure I've changed a nappy by this point.

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Yeah. Although I didn't write all those down. That's okay. You know. Tom Rosenthal, previous guest, did a whole sort of, he was the most extreme.

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He had a PDF for us to refer to, sort of, detectives, I refer you to paragraph four.

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And he did, he just had a baby and he did send us a picture of a nappy.

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That's the most extreme it's been. But most people gloss over that kind of thing.

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But it's up to you, of course. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure at this point I've had already changed a nappy.

25:01 - 25:07

I, um, I did end up at this point when the toddler was no longer interested in The Incredibles.

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We did get out and we went into like, you know, the living room area.

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She wanted snack, which is seaweed. She loves a seaweed snack. So salty. Yeah. Ian loves it too.

25:18 - 25:24

Are they like in a sort of a crisps chips form or like seaweed salad?

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Just dragged out of the sea. Yeah. We just, we just go to the sea and we just, we fish it in every morning.

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But I didn't write down all those details because it's boring, right? True parents swim out themselves and get loads in their mouth and chew it all up and then feed their children that way.

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Ours comes in handy little squares. Michelle, I presume it's the same. Yeah. Little squares in a little package that I open up and I tear the square into two so that it's more pieces.

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Cause my child will eat seaweed snacks. Like she's a spy trying to hide German codes during the war.

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Like she shoves the whole thing in her mouth, like the Gestapo's at her door and she's got to destroy the evidence.

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So I rip it in two so that it's takes her longer to eat a package.

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That would be a funny slogan for it. You'll eat it like the Gestapo are at your door and it is allied codes.

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England's such a weird country. People will be like, oh, right. Yeah. That'd be really good.

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Yeah. Yeah. I'll really like it. Okay. We're snacked. What's the three month old eating?

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Just breast milk. I'm just breastfeeding this baby. It's on and off kind of all through the day.

26:50 - 26:57

And then this, something interesting happened. I put the TV on. We're a very screen family.

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Also, I'm most happy when they're watching television. Cause I feel like that's the biggest screen.

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It's the biggest, but the least harmful in my head. I don't know if that's true.

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Do you think they get worse and worse as they get smaller? It's not the content.

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It's just the size. It's the size of the screen and the handheldness of it all.

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So I feel like if it's a screen on the wall and please no parents watching this, don't message me and correct me.

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I don't want to know if I'm wrong. This is my parenting journey. And these are the people I will release into the world.

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You do what you want with your people. I'll do what I want with my people.

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Oh, there should be a parenting podcast called you do what you want with your people.

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I'll deal with my people. All right. So we flick the TV on and what are we, what are we watched?

27:44 - 27:53

Oh, I put on Cinderella. I put on Cinderella, but it didn't last long. So I put on this other show that she keeps calling it.

27:53 - 27:59

It's like Momino or something. Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson. Yeah. It's Tucker Carlson.

27:59 - 28:04

But old Tucker. It's like Fox News clips. Tucker Carlson. The bow tie era. Yeah.

28:04 - 28:09

Yeah. Yeah. The bow tie and everything. Yeah. And he's just going off about Obama.

28:09 - 28:19

She loves those. She loves those. There's comfort in the old reruns. Yeah. Yeah. And she says to me, they don't make them like they used to, do they?

28:20 - 28:28

Yeah. Exactly. She's actually her first words were not my president. Show me the birth certificate.

28:29 - 28:47

Yeah. Yeah. I watched the post the other night, the Steven Spielberg film. Which is about some constitutional crisis in the late 60s where Nixon was trying to shut down newspapers or trying to say they couldn't report.

28:48 - 28:53

And the newspapers sort of came together and won in the Supreme Court. And it's just so genteel.

28:53 - 28:57

Like you're meant to look at it and be like, whoa, the stakes are so high.

28:57 - 29:03

And then your eyes are just drawn to the headlines of any newspaper that's around you.

29:04 - 29:14

And yeah, things have got a lot crazier, to be honest. The best part of that movie is like one, I guess one of the paper editors used to like have drinks with JFK or something.

29:14 - 29:19

And they're like, I guess we can't have drinks with the president anymore. That was like the big thing as journalists.

29:19 - 29:24

They were like, we can't be friends with these guys if it's professional. And it's like, yeah, I guess not.

29:26 - 29:32

Do you watch Moana? Is that the film you're thinking of? We do watch Moana sometimes, but this isn't Moana.

29:32 - 29:40

She keeps saying Momina or something. I don't know exactly what she's saying, but the show she means is Cleo and Coquine.

29:41 - 29:49

Okay. Yeah. So not, it's not that name at all, but she says Momina. She means Cleo and Coquine.

29:49 - 30:01

So we put on that show. Who are they? I'm not really sure. It's a toddler and then this like bald baby that looks a bit like, what's the other bald baby?

30:01 - 30:05

Is it a bald baby that had hair but has lost its hair through aging?

30:05 - 30:13

It looks like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an early balding baby. It's a stressful time to be a baby.

30:14 - 30:21

It's actually just a tiny man. He's just short. He's very mad about it. The baby goes to Turkey, gets him, blah.

30:21 - 30:27

Yeah, exactly. Back to being a hairy baby. Full head of hair again. So that's on.

30:27 - 30:37

And then this is something interesting happens. The power goes out. Oh, wow. The power goes out, which I don't catch it first because there's no lights on.

30:37 - 30:49

But then I see that the TV, I'm warming up my coffee. I'm trying to warm up my coffee, which is a trend throughout the day because it's just I make it and then I forget to drink it.

30:49 - 30:54

I wait for it to get cool enough to drink. And then by the time I remember it, it's cold.

30:54 - 31:00

And then so I have to warm it up. And then the cycle starts all over again.

31:00 - 31:07

I go to warm up my coffee and then I realize the microwave's not working and also the TV is off.

31:07 - 31:15

And I was like, oh, the power went out. So I do what I always do, which I just try to flip the circuit breaker.

31:15 - 31:21

And that's my only, if it's a problem beyond that, then I guess we don't have power anymore.

31:21 - 31:30

That is so much more advanced than my colleague Max. Whoa, whoa. Actually, you would simply just start phoning random people.

31:31 - 31:35

I would just sell the house. I'd sell the house and just buy another one.

31:35 - 31:38

That's the only thing you can do. We've got to move, guys. We've got to get out of here.

31:38 - 31:43

No, I do know. I do know there's all these buttons that are all facing down.

31:43 - 31:47

And sometimes one of them is flicked up and you move that one. And I do know that.

31:47 - 31:54

But I sometimes think one of these buttons might be explode the whole house. And so when I do it, I'm nervous that I'm going to explode the whole house.

31:54 - 32:01

You know, it's really interesting. And I don't know if this is an Australia thing, but all of ours are facing up.

32:02 - 32:06

And you know it's bad if one of them is down. I may have got it wrong, but you're right.

32:06 - 32:11

It might be a hemisphere. I like to think of it as an Australia toilet the other way kind of situation.

32:11 - 32:17

The power is also down. Gravity just works differently. Yeah, yeah. Gravity is different on that side of the world.

32:17 - 32:23

So in my imagining of this, what's happened is Barcelona are playing in a match.

32:24 - 32:33

And Minimal has kicked a shot that was so hard. It hits the crossbar and goes into the floodlights, like the big lights in the corner of the ground.

32:33 - 32:39

And they go like. And then you see the lights slowly all going off across the city.

32:40 - 32:43

Is that what you say what happened? To the best of my knowledge, that's what happened.

32:43 - 32:50

It's an early kickoff for Barcelona. Yeah, a really early kickoff. But football waits for nobody.

32:52 - 32:58

So you have no power. And you just, what do you do? Presumably you hand a screen that is not plugged in.

32:58 - 33:08

You go to the dangerous small screen. I go onto my small screen phone. And I go to message the kind of property manager.

33:08 - 33:15

But he's already on it. He's already messaging me. And he's like, Senora Michelle. He calls me that.

33:15 - 33:23

I just find it absolutely charming. Senora Michelle. And he says in Spanish, I don't really speak Spanish.

33:23 - 33:28

And he doesn't speak English. So I'm going to read what he says in Spanish.

33:34 - 33:42

The whole thing's out. The whole thing's out. Toro is a bull. Yeah. There's a bull raging through like Pamplona.

33:42 - 33:50

Yeah. Our Spanish listeners are going to be so horrified. All I've said so far is they eat a horse's leg for breakfast.

33:50 - 33:58

And a bull has broken the electricity circuit. Don't forget about the dinosaur on drugs supermarket.

33:58 - 34:05

Horny dinosaur supermarket. So David, you translated this as I can't help you. I'm preoccupied with a bull.

34:05 - 34:12

That's your translation of this. But he's saying the whole zone is down. The whole suburb is down.

34:12 - 34:20

Wow. That's what he's telling you. But then almost immediately after that, he goes, Ahora Volvillo, which means it's back on.

34:20 - 34:28

It means get in my Volvo and we'll drive to electricity land. The bull has been released.

34:28 - 34:39

And now the electricity is back. Okay. That all happened within a minute. So I don't know what, I don't know, but it, the power came back on and I just said,

34:39 - 34:44

gracias Pablo. And the power is back on. So that was a big few moment.

34:44 - 34:50

I don't have to move, you know? I'm just glad that it came back. Imagine if it had been gone for today.

34:51 - 34:56

The only way to record this would have been you. Do you have those sort of Thomas Edison?

34:56 - 35:04

They're kind of like tubes that you speak into. And you're like, I got up at 7 a.m.

35:04 - 35:10

And they would have to be FedExed over to us. And we'd have to sort of reverse engineer the show from them.

35:10 - 35:16

I did. I went ahead and I ordered a bunch of those tubes just in a couple minutes with the power without, just in case.

35:17 - 35:22

And a lantern. So now I have a whole box. Mary had a little lamp.

35:25 - 35:32

Don't know what I'm going to do with those. Great. So the day is back on.

35:32 - 35:44

The day is back on. What happens next, Michelle Wolf? I put the baby in this little chair I have for him that kind of just, it's just essentially so I don't have to hold him for any longer.

35:44 - 35:51

So I put him in the little chair. And then I went online to kind of start looking at the news and stuff.

35:51 - 35:57

And then the baby didn't like the chair I put him in. So I tried to put him in a different chair, thinking that that would be better.

35:58 - 36:03

I looked at the news for a little bit just to see, you know, what was going on.

36:04 - 36:10

I saw that Trump had gotten mad at Trevor Noah at the Grammys. Oh, yeah.

36:11 - 36:21

And so not to be name dropping here, I texted Trevor. Great. Because the last line that Trump said was, I'm going to have fun with you.

36:21 - 36:27

He says he's going to sue Trevor and get ready, Trevor, you're talentless, blah, blah, blah.

36:27 - 36:38

And then the last line is like, I'm going to have fun with you. And then so I text Trevor, I'm going to have fun with you might be the creepiest thing Trump has ever said.

36:39 - 36:44

And then I said, I said, who does he think you are, a teenage girl?

36:48 - 37:01

And Trevor laughed back at that. What did Trevor say that particularly annoyed him? Or is it just that Trevor is a person of color who is attempting to host the Grammys?

37:02 - 37:12

So he made a joke that was like something like best new artist is people want to win best new artist more than Trump wants Greenland.

37:12 - 37:17

Right. But he does need a new island now that Epstein's is closed. Something along those lines.

37:17 - 37:26

I'm paraphrasing, but you get the gist. I got it. And Trevor replied, did he write ha ha ha ha like H-A-H-A-H-A or did he do laughing crying emoji?

37:27 - 37:36

Yeah, laughing crying emojis. Oh, no. Okay. So first he said, I said, I'm going to have some fun with you might be the creepiest thing Trump has ever said.

37:36 - 37:43

And then Trevor wrote, I felt like I needed to take a shower. And then I waited a bit.

37:43 - 37:48

I got distracted by the children. Yeah. And I replied, sounds like he thinks you're a teenage girl.

37:48 - 37:54

But then after that, in parentheses, I said, meant to send that earlier, but got distracted by children.

37:55 - 38:04

Right. And then I clarified my children for clarification. Just because the gist of what we're all talking about.

38:04 - 38:17

And he responded, hashtag no Jeffrey. So fun little exchange there about the Grammys. Although that does span a lot, a longer period of time than I initially remembered.

38:18 - 38:29

So, yes, I'm looking at the news, babies in a new chair, texting Trevor. And then I was kind of just cleaning up a little bit, picking up some laundry and putting it.

38:29 - 38:37

And I picked up a cloth that you wipe baby's mouths with. Yeah, flannel or something.

38:37 - 38:42

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And so I go to throw it in the waste basket, the laundry basket.

38:42 - 38:47

And I missed three times. It was like one of those things where I tried to throw it.

38:48 - 38:52

It fell on the ground. So I picked it up off the ground. This is how close I was to the basket, too.

38:52 - 38:58

I tried to throw it again. It fell on the ground. And then a third time, it just kind of landed on the edge of the basket.

38:58 - 39:08

And I was like, that's good enough. What do you conclude from that? Because you're a sporty person, right, with a great marathon career and running.

39:08 - 39:20

I'm older than you. But there is a terrible sense of when I failed to complete a sporting task that maybe I would have done more easily in my early years.

39:20 - 39:24

I go, well, that's the end of that now. Might as well just lie in a box.

39:26 - 39:35

Well, I do think that oftentimes in other sporting activities that I do, but I've never been a basketball player.

39:35 - 39:42

I've never been very good at that. So I chalk it up to just not a skill that I've ever had.

39:42 - 39:47

It's not that I've lost that skill. It's just I maintain not having that skill.

39:47 - 39:52

The most jeopardy is if you're cycling past a bin with like an apple core or something.

39:52 - 39:59

And if you throw it in, I mean, the rewards are huge, right? Because to the whole town, you look like a hero.

39:59 - 40:06

And then you can just carry on your way. But if you miss, you have to stop the bike and turn the bike around.

40:06 - 40:11

And then like sidling up to a bin with a bike is actually a bit, that's quite difficult.

40:11 - 40:18

So that is a real risk reward, hurling into a bin. And that's the riskiest I think you can get with this kind of action.

40:19 - 40:23

And plus, if you're turning around in a bike, then the way back, you're on the wrong side of the road.

40:23 - 40:28

Yes, you could be knocked down by a lorry. Many people have died trying to do this.

40:28 - 40:36

And you have your shoes. That's nice. You've just been presented with some art? No, she just put on her little play shoes.

40:36 - 40:49

Oh, great. Now she's doing a pratfall. You got it. I feel as the youngest, because I never had anything intelligent to say, and my brother and sister would be talking about what they did in school or whatever.

40:49 - 40:56

My only way to get attention was either to like just pour things on my head or fall over.

40:57 - 41:02

Yeah, she's just literally, she goes, help me up. And then I went to pull her up and she goes, whoa.

41:07 - 41:14

Yeah, that was funny. So we failed to throw the flannel into the basket. Yes.

41:14 - 41:21

I feel this, if this was a movie, you know, unfortunately that means you have some lady falling illness.

41:21 - 41:27

That means you're going to drop dead at the end of Act 3. I'm rotting from the inside.

41:27 - 41:32

I can't even make the, I have to get something off a shelf. No worries.

41:33 - 41:38

We need gloves. She's going to commit a murder and she's going to do it the right way.

41:40 - 41:45

She's a butler. She's got a side hustle as a butler. Or a snooker referee.

41:45 - 41:54

I mean, the possibilities are endless. We are, at this point, we are at a bit like 11.30, around 11.30 in the morning.

41:54 - 42:06

And I remember when I, I didn't hit the, when I missed three times for the, the flannel, I thought to myself, I got to write this down.

42:07 - 42:14

This is the kind of info we need. This is the kind of, this is the kind of interesting tidbit people are going to want to know about my day.

42:14 - 42:22

Yeah, when the Daily Mail scour this podcast for headlines, it'll be like so-called comedian.

42:22 - 42:32

Can't even throw flannel into pocket. So where do we go next? So let's see.

42:32 - 42:35

All right. Then I got the baby out of the chair. I held the baby.

42:36 - 42:45

I fed the baby. I tried to type while holding the baby, which is because you've got the baby in your arm and then your computer here.

42:45 - 42:52

So you're kind of trying to type and hold the baby at the same time, which is super comfortable and really efficient.

42:53 - 42:57

Typing with one hand is just a space bar. You know, you've, you've got it down pat with two hands.

42:57 - 43:04

Yeah. That's what you've done. No one trains you for the, I've got to hold this child and type my memoirs.

43:04 - 43:12

And you're just so aware of how much slower it is. Oh yeah. So the work I wanted to do yesterday, there was two tasks I wanted to accomplish.

43:12 - 43:21

I did one of them. I wanted to write a little thing to do on Instagram, a little funny video.

43:21 - 43:27

And I also wanted to, I'm editing a script and I wanted to do both of those things.

43:28 - 43:34

Yesterday was one of those days. Every time I sat down to try to do it, someone needed me to get up.

43:34 - 43:41

I tried to type, but then the baby didn't want to be sitting. So I, I got up and walked around with the baby.

43:41 - 43:47

So as regards baby chairs, is three month old big enough for one of those ones that you sit in?

43:47 - 43:51

No, I guess not. That has sort of wheels that you can. No, not yet.

43:51 - 44:02

Yeah. Not yet. Although those are, as I swear, this baby's like 10 already. I don't know why this baby's like moving more than I've ever seen a three month old move.

44:02 - 44:06

But yeah, so I had to walk around with the baby, but then I realized I needed to order.

44:07 - 44:14

So we still have this grocery dilemma circling us, right? Oh yeah. So I order, I do a delivery order for some bread.

44:14 - 44:25

Is that immediate bread? Immediate? Immediate bread. Bread, like bread that I can get from a different store that will come, you know, like a small bakery that will just deliver the bread.

44:25 - 44:33

I just wanted one loaf, but I couldn't justify, you know, one Euro 75 or whatever it was.

44:33 - 44:37

I was like, I got to order more. Yeah. Because I can't just have this delivery guy.

44:38 - 44:41

I know, but you only need so much bread though. It's the bread dilemma. I know.

44:41 - 44:47

Well then, so this is the problem. I ordered two loaves and two croissants and a coffee.

44:48 - 44:57

Yeah. We only ate part of one of the loaves. Yeah. And then, I mean, I don't want to skip too far ahead to the end of the day, but you know,

44:57 - 45:05

right before I went to bed, I did eat most of the two croissants. Because I thought these aren't going to be good tomorrow.

45:05 - 45:10

Yeah. They'll be hard. They'll be useless. So I better throw them down my gullet.

45:11 - 45:21

Yeah. Before we sleep. It's my favorite part of the Bible is the two loaves, the two croissants and the coffee where the Lord orders way too much.

45:22 - 45:29

The Lord feels bad and just starts giving it to everyone. And they're like, did you, did you magically make all this appear?

45:29 - 45:32

And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, I did. I didn't order too much.

45:33 - 45:36

It wasn't, I didn't order too much. I just, I did this. I did it.

45:36 - 45:49

Yeah. It was for you guys. I have this trick with the Helen copter where whenever we order food for delivery, I obviously click an extra side and a dessert.

45:50 - 45:56

And for the first two months of her knowing me, I would say, oh, it must have been a mistake on their part.

45:57 - 46:08

Or they must just like us. You know, they must just like us. And then she's taken to reading the receipts and saying that I've ordered extra sweet potato fries.

46:11 - 46:23

I like that strategy though. I did that with wine once. Oh, really? Because I can never justify ordering a bottle of wine because they're from like a, like a delivery wine is so much more expensive.

46:23 - 46:30

Sure. And so I was just like, I think they just threw it in. I think they were just like, wow, they order from here all the time.

46:30 - 46:43

Let's give them like a thank you wine. A thank you wine. Meanwhile, it's like 27 euros, you know, like for like a five euro bottle of wine.

46:44 - 46:54

Chateau bonjour. Yeah. Do we just wait for the bread? What happens between ordering the bread or is like pan rapido so quick that it just arrives?

46:54 - 47:02

Drone. This again, very interesting part of my day. The bread was supposed to be like a 15 minute delivery.

47:03 - 47:08

It kept getting delayed. I kept looking at it and now it's like, okay, now it's 30 minutes.

47:08 - 47:14

Now it's 45 minutes. And so. And is it a little person on a bike? Are you looking at the little Uber Eats person on the bike?

47:14 - 47:24

Yeah. It was a Glovo, but yes, same thing. You know, it's a little person on a bike and it's just, it's getting further away, you know?

47:24 - 47:34

And so I'm just watching the time tick up and tick up. So in lieu of bread, I have leftover pizza in the fridge.

47:34 - 47:43

Great. And my toddler loves pizza. So I cut a slice of pizza and I just kind of warm it up slightly.

47:44 - 47:49

Yeah. To like a toddler can eat it level. Much better than bread. Way better.

47:49 - 47:55

So I give it to her. She has absolutely no interest in the pizza. Oh.

47:55 - 48:00

But at this point I'm hungry. I haven't eaten anything. So I eat the slice of pizza.

48:00 - 48:05

Got it. And then immediately after me finishing the slice of pizza, she asks for pizza.

48:05 - 48:11

Uh-huh. And there's no pizza? Well, luckily I still have more. So I get the other piece of pizza out.

48:11 - 48:16

I don't warm it up this time. I just give it to her cold. And that seemed to be a more.

48:16 - 48:22

What flavor? Pizza. A cheese pizza. Do you think she might be a ninja turtle?

48:23 - 48:28

Yes. Often I think that. Also, she has a shell. So I. And nunchucks. And nunchucks.

48:29 - 48:34

Yeah. She's going to shell a nunchucks. So. Of all the things, nunchucks are just the best, aren't they?

48:34 - 48:38

I mean. Yeah. No one can remember all the other things, but everyone knows nunchucks.

48:38 - 48:44

Everyone knows nunchucks. Yeah. Tiny swords. What were those? Her boss is a rat in a dressing gown.

48:44 - 48:51

It all makes sense now. There's a whole pizza fiasco. This is probably about 1 p.m. now.

48:52 - 48:56

The bread is still cycling around. The bread is not here yet. The bread is like.

48:56 - 49:00

I'm like, this coffee is going to be so cold when I get it. I'm not going to have any hot coffee today.

49:01 - 49:05

Of course. Oh, yeah. The coffee too, right? I got it. This is a bit of an exciting part.

49:05 - 49:11

I get a FaceTime call from this property manager because I'm getting a new flat in London.

49:11 - 49:17

But I need to FaceTime with this property manager because she needs to see if I'm.

49:17 - 49:24

Like an interview to see if you're worthy of it. Kind of like, you know, like just to be like, oh, do I want this person in the building?

49:24 - 49:33

Wow. I thought you were going to say the opposite. I thought you were going to be like, it was going to be her walking around with the phone showing you like, please take it.

49:33 - 49:38

Oh, no. I've already like, I've already gotten a video of the apartment. It's just her.

49:38 - 49:43

And this is the best part. It's like, you know, it's a classic older woman on FaceTime.

49:44 - 49:53

So I'm seeing like from the bridge of her nose. And then I'm just like, you know, on the FaceTime.

49:53 - 49:57

Just to get straight into serious business. Is there some small talk or is it straight into?

49:58 - 50:04

Do you love crime? Are you a mess? I don't look my best, but I don't look my worst.

50:04 - 50:16

Yeah. I look like a morning version of myself, although it is the afternoon, which I could see present as, you know, who's this lazy bitch, you know?

50:17 - 50:27

Yeah. But in in real life, it's just the children. Like there was a phenomenon growing up where certain people in school were incredible with other people's parents.

50:27 - 50:37

We called it parents pizzazz. You know, particularly if there was like a sleepover or something like that, you could get this person to talk to your parents.

50:37 - 50:42

Right. And they'd be like, just it'd be a lovely get together and we'll watch a movie.

50:42 - 50:47

Meanwhile, we'd all be like, you know, drinking cider on the railway tracks or whatever.

50:47 - 50:53

I think I put on performer, Michelle, you know, like a little bit of like, how are we, you know?

50:55 - 51:00

But do you see, she's saying, you know, do you like to party all night and you just have to frantically go?

51:01 - 51:10

No. A bit like, you know, when you, I don't, you probably don't know this, but like if you have to get a visa or if you're trying to get into the United States, there's this page where they say, have you ever committed genocide?

51:10 - 51:18

Have you ever like been a terrorist? And you sort of think, well, I haven't, but if I had, I'd probably just take no, but that's not where they're going to catch me.

51:18 - 51:24

You know? I mean, I, I love an honest criminal, you know, like a criminal who's just like, I have.

51:25 - 51:34

Yeah. Thank you for asking. No one ever asked. Exactly. I feel seen. And then I feel like at the United States, they'd be like, come on in, come on in.

51:34 - 51:47

We're looking for more of you. So did you collaborate with the, that's still a question on, did you collaborate with the government of Nazi Germany, 1939 to 1945 is still, which would be a real stretch for.

51:47 - 51:52

You'd have to say yes. And then really like make yourself look really old. Like lots of flour in your hair.

51:53 - 51:59

Meanwhile, my toddler's in the back eating the seaweed and she's like, is she eating the coke?

52:00 - 52:05

And I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry. We've got a system. Yeah. Is it a testing interview?

52:05 - 52:10

You know, I felt she wanted to know, you know, why I would be in London.

52:10 - 52:17

And, you know, I say I'm there for work. Yeah. Don't say showbiz. You know, it's always one of those things where it's like, they have my name and everything.

52:17 - 52:26

And I, I assume they've Googled. Hmm. I don't know. Maybe they haven't. Maybe she has no idea who I am, but I kind of got the feeling she did know.

52:27 - 52:38

Cause you know, at that point they've already, they already know about my occupation at some point in the reality transaction, I've already given them occupation and you know, they know I'm like a self-employed comedian.

52:39 - 52:44

I mean, if I was a property manager and I didn't know who that was, I would Google them immediately.

52:44 - 52:48

Sure. Real quick. I'm sorry. I need to get the baby because he's crying. Yeah.

52:49 - 52:59

Do it. Surprised. You just started crying. Now he's been in that chair since yesterday.

53:01 - 53:05

Do you think you aced us? Do you think you got away with this? I think I did.

53:05 - 53:12

I think I did. She seemed very like, you know, it went very quickly from, okay, what would you be using the apartment for?

53:12 - 53:17

Like who's, who's all going to be living there too. Okay. This is what you need to know about the building.

53:17 - 53:22

Great. We're in. So at that point I'm like, all right, I'm in, you know, are you happy with that?

53:22 - 53:33

Everything you need to about the building? Is it? Does it seem like, you know, my only thing is, is that it's, if I, if I need to get deliveries, it's one of those things that I have to be there, you know, like there's no porter.

53:34 - 53:38

The only way you could have ruined it, Michelle would have been, and who'll be living there.

53:38 - 53:46

And you said the band insane clown posse. She would have Googled them and their hijinks.

53:47 - 53:52

I'd said, sorry, I'm terribly sorry. I feel like I had a, I had a cardigan on.

53:53 - 53:57

I feel like it was a very like, oh, this will be a quiet family.

53:58 - 54:02

I'll just put my knitting down. Right. And does she give you like the thumbs up at the end of the call?

54:02 - 54:07

Or does she say, I'll let you know? She said, okay, well, let me talk to the landlord.

54:07 - 54:11

And then the, the realtor was like, how'd it go? And I go, I think it was okay.

54:11 - 54:14

And she, he said, what did she say? He said, let me talk to the landlord.

54:15 - 54:20

And so I think he was nervous. And then a couple of minutes later, he was like, you're in.

54:20 - 54:26

Great. And I was like, wow. Your final line was, and we all miss Princess Diana.

54:27 - 54:32

Just to really work her way in there. Every day, every day I miss her.

54:32 - 54:40

You know, what I want to do is be able to go to Hyde Park and just see the memorial every day.

54:40 - 54:46

If I could walk by the memorial every day, I'll feel like I'm doing my part in remembrance.

54:46 - 54:50

But you go on the call. Sorry, I've Elton John on a bit loud there.

54:50 - 54:56

Goodbye. Liz Rose. Sorry, I just need to turn that to head. Okay, great. We've got a new property.

54:57 - 55:02

We've got pretty much fed children. Where are we going next with this crazy day?

55:02 - 55:08

So I got off the phone with her and I just sat on my bed and stared in the wall for a while.

55:08 - 55:13

It was like a quiet moment. Oh, that's good. And it was one of those ones.

55:13 - 55:18

I'm sure this happens to you guys too, where you're like, you're like, oh, I'm just staring at the wall.

55:18 - 55:22

You know, like I was like, huh. You don't try and put it down as some sort of mindfulness thing.

55:23 - 55:26

It's just staring at a wall. It's just staring at a wall. Yeah. I'm not.

55:26 - 55:34

My mind is not full. It's not some sort of meditative exercise. It's almost a catatonic state.

55:35 - 55:41

Like you're in prison. I'm not even wondering about anything. I think that's a great place.

55:41 - 55:44

If you can get to that place, I think it's a good place. It's the highest level.

55:44 - 55:50

Oh, this was an exciting part of the day. So my toddler has these new toddler scissors.

55:51 - 55:57

Oh, wow. That sounds like a disaster. They only cut paper. Like they can't cut anything else.

55:57 - 56:08

But she's never used them before. So I'm trying to teach her how to use scissors, which was like started as her kind of just stabbing at the paper.

56:08 - 56:17

But then after a while, she got it. And that was kind of fun. So yeah, taught her how to cut things, which I'm sure I'll never regret.

56:18 - 56:23

Just a useful skill for someone. Could she do her hair? Would it go through hair?

56:24 - 56:30

Not these scissors. These scissors would not go through hair. But if she found another pair of scissors, certainly could go through hair.

56:30 - 56:35

If you tried to cut your hair with those scissors, it would be the most painful and laborious haircut.

56:35 - 56:39

Oh, really? Okay. We'd be ripping out the hair. Crimp. You could crimp your hair.

56:39 - 56:47

Yeah. Yeah. You could crimp. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great idea. Thank you. Michelle, I'm conscious you haven't been outside yet.

56:47 - 56:54

So at one point I did. Okay. I'm just outside of Barcelona and I have a house that's like kind of right on the sea.

56:55 - 57:02

So, which is amazing. I can't stress that it's amazing enough. But I went out on the terrace at some point.

57:02 - 57:06

I did not write it down, but thank you for the mind. I did go on the terrace at some point.

57:06 - 57:11

And because it's hard for me to get outside at the moment, I did just take a couple deep breaths.

57:12 - 57:17

Great. Great. That'll do. With the sea. Yeah. You know? And then went back to the wall and thought, I'm more comfortable with this wall.

57:17 - 57:20

Yeah. Then I went back to the wall and I was like, let me just stare at the wall.

57:20 - 57:26

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Has the bread slash coffee slash two croissants arrived? They arrived. They arrived.

57:26 - 57:33

Okay. I ordered them around somewhere still in the noon hour. Yeah. Guess what time they got in?

57:34 - 57:42

Uh-oh. 4.18. 2 p.m. Yeah. Whoa. I've guessed too far. This was a 15 minute order. Any heat in the coffee at all?

57:43 - 57:49

No heat in the coffee at all. And also I had asked for oat milk, which was a rookie mistake to begin with.

57:49 - 57:55

There was like solid bits in it. Oh no. That's like oat milk with coffee with oats.

57:55 - 58:03

Yeah. Yeah. It was like, it was a very unpleasant mouth experience. It's Spain as well.

58:03 - 58:12

So yeah. Did she say bulls come? I'm going to put that in. Sorry. It's another one of my terrible Spanish tropes.

58:12 - 58:19

I apologize again to our Spanish listeners. You don't eat a horse for breakfast. You don't put bull jizz in your coffee.

58:20 - 58:26

Guess what though? Okay. I was listening to one of these episodes before I did this just to get a gist of it.

58:26 - 58:34

And a Spanish ad played. Yeah. I think there's just, there's gaps. No ads play in Ireland, curiously.

58:34 - 58:40

We don't have any listeners in Ireland. There's no reason for them to listen. But I was in the Clary.

58:40 - 58:46

Yeah. Yeah. There were Spanish ads for Super Dino, where you can get bulges

58:46 - 58:51

Bull jizz. My Spanish is so bad. I have no idea what they were advertising.

58:52 - 58:57

But I was like, hey, Spanish ads. Well done, you guys. Thank you. Thank you very much.

58:57 - 59:04

So we've taught her how to cut paper. Yeah. And then she needs a bath.

59:04 - 59:13

Okay. And like, normally I would try to do that around bedtime, but the days have been unpredictable and it's kind of rainy outside anyway.

59:13 - 59:20

So there's no chance of us getting outside. So I do an afternoon bath with the toddler.

59:20 - 59:26

Great. And is she good at, put them in the bath and you can leave them and she'll have a great time or do you have to be there?

59:26 - 59:36

I normally sit in around or near the bath, but she can play by herself in the bath for an extended period of time, which is lovely.

59:37 - 59:53

Yeah, that's great. And in my quest to do any sort of work yesterday, I made, I mean, just a comedic mistake, honestly, of bringing my notebook and my laptop into the bathroom.

59:54 - 1:00:00

And I'm sitting, you know, like on a rug, on a bath mat, just a little away from the tub.

1:00:00 - 1:00:06

I do get a stream of water shot directly at the laptop and my notebook.

1:00:07 - 1:00:11

Of course. Obviously that was going to happen. And that is a hundred percent my fault.

1:00:11 - 1:00:17

That is, that's a human error. Are there toys around the bath? What's the sort of bath setter?

1:00:17 - 1:00:24

Ian has a little coffee machine. He put shaving foam in that. So this evening I had to do a lot of, shaving foam is great.

1:00:24 - 1:00:29

Shaving foam will keep your kid in a bath for an hour longer, but I had to do a lot of, I'm going to drink this coffee.

1:00:29 - 1:00:32

I hope I don't get any shaving foam on my face. I've got shaving foam on my face.

1:00:33 - 1:00:36

So I'm on loop for about half an hour, but I didn't, hey, that was quite fun.

1:00:36 - 1:00:42

Yeah. I love a bit. I love a bit with a toddler. She has a very bubble full bath.

1:00:42 - 1:00:50

There's a lot of bubbles. So it's a lot of like, right now we're doing a thing where she'll go try, try, and she'll give me like a fake piece of something.

1:00:50 - 1:00:55

Yeah. Or in this case, she'll give me bubbles. Try, try. And so I pretend to eat it.

1:00:55 - 1:01:00

And then I go, I pretend to enjoy it at first and then get very sick.

1:01:00 - 1:01:10

Very good. Yeah. Then that'll happen for about 10 minutes. It's a fun bit. You know, a bit's a bit, right?

1:01:10 - 1:01:20

A bit's a bit. And that's a better way of doing that sick than like pretending to get really seriously ill and saying, having to go off to have fake tests and then come back and then deliver sad news to your child's bath.

1:01:20 - 1:01:31

And then lie, lie. A text from a Spanish man comes in, unfortunately, to mama is whatever dead is.

1:01:31 - 1:01:42

Mort. Has she learned to do the thing in the bath where with all of your body weight, you go down and back and down and back, which turns the entire contents of the bath into a tidal

1:01:42 - 1:01:54

wave that could potentially wreck your apartment and the whole building you're in? No, she hasn't learned that yet, but I will keep an eye out for it because as you're saying that I do have the memory of doing it myself.

1:01:54 - 1:02:03

Yes. Tidal wave bath slash flood downstairs. Do you think about getting in and bringing in the tiny one for a bath trio?

1:02:04 - 1:02:11

No, I don't. Well, so this is a fun thing about my toddler has yet to acknowledge the other human that's here.

1:02:13 - 1:02:20

I mean, every once in a while we'll get like a poke or like a kind of investigatory hand hold or something.

1:02:20 - 1:02:26

And it suits her personality well is that it's like a three months of just cold shoulder.

1:02:27 - 1:02:34

Wow. Not mean, not just completely dismissive. Like staring through the staring through the baby.

1:02:34 - 1:02:42

Amazing. Like the baby is a ghost. And maybe it is. I don't know. No, I can see the baby.

1:02:42 - 1:02:53

This is the sequel to the sixth sense. This is great. Ghost baby. The end of this episode, I'll be in a grain silo.

1:02:56 - 1:03:04

Someone screamed. It's incredible. Okay. Post bath. Yeah. We're ripping through this now. Come on.

1:03:04 - 1:03:12

We've had a bath. You have destroyed another laptop and all of the ink has washed out of your notebook.

1:03:12 - 1:03:18

So you've no jokes. My friend Kelly called. She's one of the women in the group chat.

1:03:18 - 1:03:30

She called. Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Kapowski. Kelly Kapowski. Yeah. She called. She's in, she's actually in St. Thomas at the moment.

1:03:30 - 1:03:36

So she was just telling me about St. Thomas and the breakfast she had, the eggs she had.

1:03:37 - 1:03:43

Very enthralling conversation. This is actually an exciting piece of news. I got a package delivered.

1:03:43 - 1:03:50

Yeah. I'm making these cardigans to sell as merch or just to sell, not at a show, just on a website.

1:03:51 - 1:03:57

And I got the sample of the cardigan in the mail. Whoa. So that was exciting.

1:03:58 - 1:04:05

The dimensions aren't right at all. So it's, it quickly went from being exciting to being like, oh, we have to redo this entirely.

1:04:05 - 1:04:19

But. There's no arms. It doesn't even have a head. It's a sack. The pitch is a cardigan for, if you're looking to get accommodation in London, this has a 100% success rate.

1:04:20 - 1:04:29

This will get you a flat in London. It'll make any property manager believe you will pay the rent on time and keep an orderly establishment.

1:04:29 - 1:04:36

That's actually a great idea. So, yeah, I had to do some edits for the cardigan.

1:04:36 - 1:04:41

And I did finish writing the thing I wanted to do for Instagram. Oh, yeah.

1:04:42 - 1:04:49

I put Brave on. Now we're watching the movie Brave. And there's a part in the movie where, I don't know if you've seen this.

1:04:50 - 1:04:53

I feel like, David, you should have seen this because it's an Irish. I'm not sure I know it.

1:04:53 - 1:04:59

You know what? I might be getting in trouble with any UK audience because it might actually be Scottish.

1:05:00 - 1:05:08

It's basically the same thing, Michelle. It's not the same thing. I don't think it's Irish because I know all Irish movies.

1:05:09 - 1:05:13

Is it called McBrave or is it called... Oh, God. To be sure to be brave.

1:05:13 - 1:05:20

It's one of the two, right? We've offended three nationalities in this brave movie. It's not Braveheart.

1:05:21 - 1:05:28

Oh, it's Disney. Oh, wow. Okay. So it's an Oscar winner. I hope it's Welsh.

1:05:29 - 1:05:35

Yeah. Well, the cast is Kelly MacDonald, Billy Connolly. Yeah. So I think Irish, right?

1:05:35 - 1:05:43

No, it's medieval Scotland. Oh, medieval Scotland. Okay. Okay. It's fine. There's similar countries in medieval times.

1:05:43 - 1:05:50

Sorry, everyone from all those countries. I apologize. Freedom for everyone. Is Brave any good?

1:05:51 - 1:06:00

Yeah. Yeah. Actually, it's a good story. It's a bit odd. But one of the parts in the story, and my toddler loves to act out what's happening in the movie.

1:06:00 - 1:06:08

And there's one part where the princess, she gets a cake that has a spell in it to give to her mother.

1:06:08 - 1:06:16

And so as she's giving this cake to her mother in the movie, my toddler comes over with garbanzo beans that she has been eating.

1:06:16 - 1:06:22

And she feeds me the garbanzo beans like that she's going to give the spell to me.

1:06:23 - 1:06:32

So I eat a couple of garbanzo beans and then I act out it making me sick and turning me into a bear, which is what happens in the movie.

1:06:32 - 1:06:36

So we have a little bit of fun with that. See, that would never happen in Ireland.

1:06:36 - 1:06:42

So that's how I know it's a Scottish film. Max's English ancestors took all of our cakes.

1:06:44 - 1:06:49

Our ancestors, we imported a lot of bears into Scotland as well. We did a lot of bad things.

1:06:49 - 1:06:56

And I apologize for our part in taking the cakes from Ireland and giving them to the Scottish bears.

1:06:56 - 1:07:06

Yeah. Yeah. Do we do 45 minutes of that movie? A little bit more, maybe. But yeah, we did get sick of it and changed it to something else.

1:07:07 - 1:07:11

I can't remember what we went to at that point. It could have been. She does like to watch ballet.

1:07:12 - 1:07:15

So I think we probably were at ballet at this point of the day. Great.

1:07:16 - 1:07:20

As in like real ballet, as in like the Nutcracker suite. Yeah. She loves to watch actual ballerinas.

1:07:20 - 1:07:37

So, okay. So we watched most of Brave, then some ballet. And then I took that quiet moment to record the little video I wanted to do for Instagram, which was the jokes I had written earlier in the day about this video happened to be about the Epstein files.

1:07:38 - 1:07:47

And how great they are. So I did that. And then I. More of them have been released.

1:07:47 - 1:07:51

More of them have been released. It was just about three million more. Yeah.

1:07:51 - 1:07:58

Yeah. And how gross everything is. That's so gross. Who's still emailing him after they found out he's a pedophile?

1:07:58 - 1:08:08

I don't know any pedophiles, but I think if even my best friend was a pedophile, after someone had told me they're a pedophile, I'd stop emailing them saying, can I have five grand?

1:08:09 - 1:08:14

My favorite ones are the ones from Elon Musk, where he's like, can I come to the island?

1:08:14 - 1:08:20

They're like, actually, we're not doing it anymore. Oh, it's close. Yeah. They're like, it's closed.

1:08:20 - 1:08:28

We'll let you know if we start up again, but it's closed for now. We thank our customers for their loyal service.

1:08:28 - 1:08:35

Sorry. Come back next season. Maybe try again if you've changed your personality. Oh my gosh.

1:08:35 - 1:08:43

Then I recorded that. I fed the children dinner and I sort of had some as well.

1:08:43 - 1:08:47

What are we having? Well, there was still some more pizza and she wanted more pizza.

1:08:47 - 1:08:57

So we had more of that. We had cucumbers. She loves a cucumber. Right. We had some fruit, some grapes.

1:08:57 - 1:09:05

Oh, a bit of couscous. Did the original delivery arrive yet? See how invested I am in these deliveries.

1:09:05 - 1:09:12

The bread got there. The woman who helps me at the house brought the other groceries.

1:09:12 - 1:09:18

Right. Of which those grapes I just mentioned were part of. Right. So do you then spend quite a long time.

1:09:18 - 1:09:24

I spend quite a lot of my life on my hands and knees picking up bits of couscous from the floor.

1:09:24 - 1:09:34

Yes. She loves to eat couscous, rice, small pasta, any small pasta. I try to give her anything larger and she refuses to eat it.

1:09:35 - 1:09:41

It's whatever food will make the most mess on the ground is I think her philosophy for eating.

1:09:41 - 1:09:46

So, yes, I spend a lot of my time. I have a Dyson. So good.

1:09:46 - 1:09:54

I don't think I would survive without a Dyson. I agree. But I don't think the Dyson, I feel guilty if I'm Dyson-ing up rice.

1:09:54 - 1:10:04

I don't think it wants rice, cooked rice in it. I think it's going, I'm a dry mess guy and you're giving me this kind of moist mess and it's going to affect my insides.

1:10:04 - 1:10:09

But at the time I can't not think about that. I don't feel bad for my Dyson.

1:10:09 - 1:10:15

It does make a mess inside that I have to clean regularly, but it's too much otherwise.

1:10:16 - 1:10:28

So. I'm a food influencer and one of my great recipes is you hoover up the rice and then you hoover up boiling water and you let it slosh around the cylinder thing.

1:10:29 - 1:10:36

And then you just tip it onto a plate. It's absolutely delicious. If you made that a TikTok, I mean, it would be a trend.

1:10:36 - 1:10:43

It would be a trend and then people would start doing it. Well, you could hoover up spices, couldn't you, depending on what you want.

1:10:44 - 1:10:48

Yeah. And then if you wanted fried rice, you could hoover up an egg. It's got everything.

1:10:48 - 1:10:58

I don't want to, you know, I know you've got the podcast and you've got a lot going on, but if you could focus on that for a week or two, it could be a big deal.

1:10:59 - 1:11:08

It could be a real big deal. Michelle, have you ever considered getting the one that just drives around on its own and picks up couscous when you're doing other things?

1:11:08 - 1:11:16

I just feel like that one doesn't have the like, oh, it's right here. I feel like it kind of wanders about.

1:11:17 - 1:11:26

Sure. And I just like, just get it. It's right here. Yes. And I also feel like, I don't know, I feel like my toddler would maybe throw it down the stairs or something.

1:11:26 - 1:11:37

Yeah. Or like off the balcony, you know, like I just, yeah. You'd have to say to your toddler, it was another child and then your toddler would just blanket and totally ghost the robot Hoover.

1:11:37 - 1:11:45

You'd have to simulate a birth with the Hoover Dyson thing. To be like, don't, you don't want to know.

1:11:46 - 1:11:52

You don't. Well, for the birth simulation, you'd be holding the hand of the Dyson and then the robot Hoover would come out.

1:11:52 - 1:11:57

Right, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. And then it's like, I'm sorry, you have another sibling.

1:11:58 - 1:12:02

Don't tell your dad. Or maybe like not all the attachments are out yet. So we just sort of wait.

1:12:03 - 1:12:21

It's Dyson. It's Dyson. But maybe it's a Dydotter. I don't know. Sorry, I've just had a terrible image, which is rather than hoovering up food to make meals, you could use it as a sort of simulated sex aid by popping your willy in the end of it.

1:12:22 - 1:12:27

You know what I mean? And then the business goes in and procreates with itself.

1:12:28 - 1:12:34

Right. So the vacuum is actually the woman in the scenario. And you put the Dyson, they have a very short gestation period.

1:12:34 - 1:12:40

So you put the Dyson in the cupboard. And when you wake up, you have a baby hoover human.

1:12:40 - 1:12:54

Or there is jizz all over the inside of your Dyson. And if you're worried about cleaning up rice, that's a lot of rice, let me tell you.

1:12:55 - 1:13:01

And then you Google how to clean the jizz out of your Dyson. And now you're on a list.

1:13:01 - 1:13:11

Now you're on a list. Your algorithm is lost forever, isn't it? How do we wind down into the evening, Michelle?

1:13:12 - 1:13:19

We all eat some dinner. I do get the kids to bed. Pretty effortless bedtime, which was always lovely.

1:13:19 - 1:13:25

Well done. But we did skip a nap. So that's always, you know. So it's an earlier than usual.

1:13:25 - 1:13:29

It's an earlier and like a more tired than usual kind of just like lay down.

1:13:29 - 1:13:34

Yeah. Not even interested in a book. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like really just like, okay, good night.

1:13:35 - 1:13:40

Let's just lay here for a minute and then she's out. So it's the trade-off of not having a nap.

1:13:40 - 1:13:51

So do the three of you lie down together or does the three-year-old and the three-month-old that the three-year-old refuses to acknowledge are just there together in that bed?

1:13:51 - 1:13:57

We all lay down together. And then I, once they're both asleep, I will get back up.

1:13:57 - 1:14:05

Got it. And that's what I did last night. I got them both asleep and then I got back up because I still had this other work I hadn't done.

1:14:05 - 1:14:11

So I warmed up that same cup of coffee. Hang on. Is this the first one or the bitty one?

1:14:12 - 1:14:17

This is the first one. It's not the one that was delivered. The one that was delivered, I had to throw it out.

1:14:17 - 1:14:20

So this coffee has outlived that coffee. So I must be very proud to have done that.

1:14:21 - 1:14:25

This coffee's been all around the house. I mean, it's been to every room. Yeah.

1:14:25 - 1:14:31

It is seen the whole day. And then I finally go, I'm so sorry. I'm just getting to you now.

1:14:31 - 1:14:36

Some coffee people would be like, this is how you drink coffee. It has to sit for 10 hours.

1:14:36 - 1:14:42

Yeah. And be warmed and cooled and warmed and cooled and evaporate. And then you get the true coffee.

1:14:42 - 1:14:57

So what time is it now? This would probably be about 10 p.m. Yeah. 10 p.m.

1:14:57 - 1:15:07

Enjoy. Yeah. But I also got hungry. I got hungry. So I went into the kitchen and I had some of the croissants, as I mentioned earlier.

1:15:07 - 1:15:11

And also part of a steak. There was a leftover steak. And I had part of that.

1:15:11 - 1:15:17

What a classically Spanish meal. Steak and croissant. Steak and croissant. Yeah. Yeah. When in Barcelona.

1:15:17 - 1:15:21

But I make it really small so I can be like, it's tapas. I see.

1:15:22 - 1:15:27

Do you warm the croissants? I didn't warm anything. I ate all of those things at room temperature.

1:15:27 - 1:15:32

I didn't warm the steak. I didn't warm the croissants. It wasn't even a plan, really.

1:15:32 - 1:15:37

It was a more. You surprised me. Yeah. Whoa, what are you guys doing here?

1:15:38 - 1:15:48

Did you hoover up the steak and then hoover up the croissants? And then it all mixed together and then I just poured it into my mouth.

1:15:48 - 1:15:53

Yeah. How well do we do with the, because it's late now to be, you know, editing a script.

1:15:53 - 1:15:58

So is it your script? So you've written a script. It's my script. And who's given you notes?

1:15:58 - 1:16:03

The production company I'm working with gave me notes. And so I'm editing the script.

1:16:03 - 1:16:08

And do you think, do you think these notes are shit? Or do you have to be like, I agree with these notes?

1:16:08 - 1:16:12

Or is it kind of. Some of them are good. And others are the kind of notes where you're just like, yeah, of course.

1:16:12 - 1:16:26

And then you ignore it. Exactly. Exactly. I'm always like, that's great. That's so, okay.

1:16:26 - 1:16:30

Yes, for sure. And then I'm like, here you go. And then they just feel like they contributed.

1:16:30 - 1:16:37

And I feel like that's their main goal. Well, I used to host a TV show called Soccer AM back in the day.

1:16:38 - 1:16:43

And one of the producers would always like watch every VT and have a bit taken out.

1:16:43 - 1:16:49

So I don't want, I don't like that bit. And so everyone would make the VTs a bit too long, but put one really bad bit in.

1:16:51 - 1:16:56

That would be taken out. But then occasionally they'd keep the bad bit in and take out a good bit.

1:16:56 - 1:17:00

And then you'd be like, oh, this is, this is really annoying that you, that's the bad bit.

1:17:00 - 1:17:08

I want it to keep it and not take out that bit. Tina Fey used to do that in scripts too, where if she wanted a joke to get in, she'd write a more offensive joke.

1:17:08 - 1:17:11

Wow. Yeah, that's so smart. And then she'd be like, I'll take out that one.

1:17:12 - 1:17:15

Yeah. And she'd be like, all right, guys, you know, you win. I'll take that one out.

1:17:15 - 1:17:25

And then she'd get the joke she actually wanted in. My buddy used to edit TV ads, which is the hardest thing in the world to edit because you've 10 people come in to look at it.

1:17:25 - 1:17:31

And in order to justify their own jobs, they all have to feel that they've said something intelligent about it.

1:17:31 - 1:17:42

Of course. Get it of everyone's thing. And he would say, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really good stuff.

1:17:42 - 1:17:49

Great. Now, before he showed it to them the last time, he would have turned down the color a little bit on it and they would go off for lunch.

1:17:49 - 1:18:01

They would all come back. He would have made no edits whatsoever, but he just would make the thing a bit more vivid and they would watch it again and they would all believe their notes had been taken into account.

1:18:01 - 1:18:06

And that's why this is now perfection. And you know, you got to be happy.

1:18:06 - 1:18:15

Everyone has a job, you know? Exactly. Completely. Yeah. You're like, good for you. Your family's getting fed.

1:18:16 - 1:18:24

Also, if everything's equal, none of you need to work here. AI is coming for all of you.

1:18:24 - 1:18:29

Yeah. So how long do we do this for before we think it's got to go to bed?

1:18:30 - 1:18:35

I think I finally stopped at around 1140. So maybe like an hour and a half.

1:18:36 - 1:18:47

But, you know, in that hour and a half, I did go on Instagram quite a few times, you know, like, cause you look at a script, you make a change and then you're like, oh, I need a brain break.

1:18:47 - 1:18:52

Yeah. And you don't need one. And are you checking on how your video is done or are you looking at other things on Instagram?

1:18:52 - 1:19:03

I was doing both. I checked on how my video is doing. I'd look at some of the comments and then I just kind of scroll around and look at what else is happening.

1:19:03 - 1:19:09

I don't have any memory of anything else I saw. So it must've been very important.

1:19:09 - 1:19:17

I mean, from your previous work slash notoriety, do you still get messages that are like, why don't you go and live in North Korea?

1:19:18 - 1:19:26

Like, do you still get that sort of feedback? I don't. I do get, I get an occasional message that's like, oh, you ugly bitch, you know?

1:19:27 - 1:19:30

And I'm like, thank you. Yes. I'm glad you see me for who I am.

1:19:31 - 1:19:36

And I get like, who's that? Like, oh, look at those Google eyes. Oh, wow.

1:19:36 - 1:19:42

You know, people that are just angry. They love what's happening in America. But it's hard to say.

1:19:42 - 1:19:48

I don't know if they're real people. I don't know if they're bots. My wish for any troll is for them to be more creative.

1:19:48 - 1:19:58

Oh, I see. The other day I was doing a radio show and this radio station, I've sort of, I do the weekend shows, but I've dotted around the daytime.

1:19:58 - 1:20:01

When anyone's off, when I used to be in the UK, I'd be on breakfast in the afternoon.

1:20:01 - 1:20:07

And then someone called me the replacement bus service of TalkSport. And I thought, actually, that was really good.

1:20:07 - 1:20:11

Like fair play. That's a great insult. That's a great one. Because it really cut deep.

1:20:11 - 1:20:17

It was like, that's good. And it's so specific. Like it's like, yeah, I get the same ones over and over.

1:20:17 - 1:20:24

You know, I get carrot top. I get like, anything about my appearance is kind of like, unless it's really specific.

1:20:24 - 1:20:29

Yeah. It's just all kind of like, I know. I want to be excited by a troll.

1:20:29 - 1:20:38

I want to be like, wow, that was good. That was creative. Thank you. Someone called Big Dutty once messaged me to say, I've told this to David before.

1:20:38 - 1:20:45

It said, shut your mouth, scumbag Rushden, before you get fist in anus in your back garden.

1:20:45 - 1:20:52

And I couldn't work out if, because if back garden's a euphemism, his fist is already in my anus.

1:20:52 - 1:20:58

So like, where is this even? So I sort of, you know, when they get to that level, I think that's quite, I quite enjoyed.

1:20:58 - 1:21:01

I mean, it was quite offensive, but I quite enjoyed it. I sort of revel in that.

1:21:01 - 1:21:09

Yeah. That's lovely because it's also like, if he actually does mean your back garden, like you're outside, you know, like the actual piece of property.

1:21:09 - 1:21:17

I mean, the action doesn't sound that nice, but, you know, maybe it's a clear night and you can see the stars, you know.

1:21:20 - 1:21:25

I got this one the other day from Lee Locke and I must have been on TV or something.

1:21:25 - 1:21:32

He said, watch Britain's unfunniest man. That's what he said. So I had to respond.

1:21:32 - 1:21:39

My nationalism trumped everything else. I was like, actually, Ireland's unfunniest. That's perfect. Please get it right.

1:21:39 - 1:21:46

I love that. I love, I had, I had one that was like, oh, carrot tops looking bad.

1:21:47 - 1:21:54

Like something where, oh, shoot, I can't remember it now, but it implied that I was both carrot top, but was also carrot top sister.

1:21:56 - 1:22:00

I was like, well, which one do you mean? Am I carrot top or am I his sister?

1:22:01 - 1:22:12

I can't tell. Can you please clarify? This is what you send messages to brave the animated red haired character from the Scottish medieval.

1:22:12 - 1:22:19

Immediately after you're watching it. All right there, carrot top. Yeah. Yeah. So we've had our coffee.

1:22:19 - 1:22:28

Does the coffee not jolt you awake for hours? I could drink a pot of coffee right before my head hits the pillow and still fall asleep immediately after.

1:22:29 - 1:22:33

Wow. Yeah. That's a skill. It's more of a comfort drink at this point, to be honest.

1:22:34 - 1:22:38

Do we do anything else before turning in? I think I scrolled a little bit.

1:22:38 - 1:22:48

I thought about starting an episode of a television show industry on, it's on HBO for me, so it would be on Sky for you guys.

1:22:49 - 1:23:02

It was about banking, but it's turned into something else. I enjoy it. I was toying with the idea of putting on the newest episode and then I was like, I'm going to watch four minutes of this and fall asleep.

1:23:02 - 1:23:13

So I just decided to try to sleep. All right. And do you have to kind of get into bed very quietly because you've got two, you know, unexploded grenades on either side?

1:23:13 - 1:23:23

I have to like slink back into the hole I left. Yeah. And then kind of situate myself comfortably between the two.

1:23:24 - 1:23:33

That's adorable. Just with a drone or something that just slowly lowers you. Yeah. Into the exact Michelle Wolf shape that's been left.

1:23:34 - 1:23:42

And by that time, of course, the toddlers moved all around and like, you know, her foot is like really close to my head.

1:23:42 - 1:23:52

You know, that kind of. Adorable. Yeah. So an adorable kick in the face. What time do we conk out?

1:23:52 - 1:24:01

I would say probably 1145. Yeah. And, you know, I know it's if we're going on a 24 hour schedule, we would be into the next day.

1:24:01 - 1:24:06

But I did wake up around one, one a.m. We just we just need your first knockoff.

1:24:06 - 1:24:20

Yeah. That's all we need. What a beautiful day of you hanging out with the crew, watching several movies, waiting for several things to be delivered, but still managing to do work.

1:24:20 - 1:24:25

That's for me is the most impressive part that you managed to write some jokes and put them up on the Internet.

1:24:26 - 1:24:31

Yeah. You know, I consider it a huge win these days. Yeah. You get a little work done.

1:24:31 - 1:24:36

Big, big win. Michelle Wolf, thank you so much for telling us about your yesterday.

1:24:36 - 1:24:51

Thank you for letting me tell you about my yesterday. So there's Michelle Wolf's yesterday.

1:24:51 - 1:24:57

It's a great day. I'm still thinking about the flannel. Yeah. I think it's such a great detail.

1:24:57 - 1:25:04

I like that you asked, did you think you had a degenerative illness by the time you missed the third flannel that you lost all ability?

1:25:04 - 1:25:17

And also, I feel the listeners, as we are a strictly audio podcast and will not be swayed into the boring world of visual rubbish.

1:25:18 - 1:25:27

Of course. The listeners won't be aware that the level of childcare she was doing, she was feeding during that.

1:25:27 - 1:25:36

She was finding gloves for people. And it's just such a, it was a lovely vibe with the kids, one of whom fails to acknowledge the other.

1:25:38 - 1:25:51

You don't really have that, do you? Because no. When Willie was born, that Hot Wheels garage I found on the street, we said to Ian that Willie had bought that for him on the day he was born.

1:25:51 - 1:25:55

And so from that moment on, Ian absolutely loves Willie.

1:25:55 - 1:26:05

And I don't think we could, only when he listens back to these, when he thinks, I wonder what my dad did for a living, will he find out that actually that Hot Wheels garage was not purchased by a nought-year-old.

1:26:05 - 1:26:14

He didn't have the presence of mind to think he might have an older brother while he was still, while he couldn't see and was just sort of scrabbling around, just trying to find some milk.

1:26:14 - 1:26:21

So, you know, the amount of childcare she does in this episode is incredible. It's a great day, even if nothing happens.

1:26:21 - 1:26:30

I loved, I just sat and looked at the wall for a bit. Because I think, you know, we do all do that, but it's very rare you do it in such a zen state that you're thinking about absolutely nothing.

1:26:30 - 1:26:36

Yes. And then to talk about it on a podcast, that's what we've brought to the world.

1:26:37 - 1:26:44

That people who do things like throw flannels into bins and stare at walls finally have a place to speak their truth.

1:26:45 - 1:26:51

If you would like to get in touch with the podcast, this is how you would go about that.

1:26:52 - 1:26:58

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:26:58 - 1:27:05

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:27:05 - 1:27:17

And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. Another episode where it's just confirmed to me that I will be doing this for my whole life.

1:27:18 - 1:27:25

Yes. And in fact, everything, even throwing a flannel into a bin, is showbiz. Thank you.

1:27:25 - 1:27:32

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

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S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

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