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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem from the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday?
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I'm Max Rushden and alongside me, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David. Hello. My name is David O'Doherty.
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Can't stop thinking about our last guest, Richard Herring's breakfast. Yeah. In fact, Jamie was saying how rancid it was.
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I'm recording this in the morning. I've just made the Helen Copter what I would call a nice breakfast.
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I'm thinking about how a fish... Can we call it a fish stir fry?
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First thing in the morning would set the tone, the nasal tone for the day.
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Maybe it would make you very healthy, to be honest. Yeah. But if you did come upstairs with a tuna stir fry on a tray with a black coffee, no one's saying, oh, my sweet.
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Thank you, sir. And then your whole room smells of tuna. It's like the whole thing's a disaster.
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Did we not go hard enough? Did we just accept it from Herring? Maybe he can only eat...
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because his surname is Herring. Maybe we hadn't seen such an obvious... He had been advised, he said.
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I think that's what put us both off, because we are nothing if not tactful hosts.
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That's true. So he came up with some sort of spurious medical reason that someone had told him to do this.
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I think we both just instinctively backed away then. Yeah. The fear being he's like, how dare you tell me I can't have a fish for breakfast?
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I think even Kippus is... And I know that's a breakfast staple, but not for me, Clive.
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No, it's reminiscent of Ed Gamble and how we both just struggled with that as a decision, whereas this is a lifestyle.
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Ben writes, I can't remember who it was, but one of your previous guests described the show as a great idea, constrained by your insistence that you literally only want to talk about your yesterday.
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This has never been more on display than when Kippus said, comedy legend Richard Herring was trying to have a conversation about an existential moment he's had about entering the twilight of his career and whether it was worth writing comedy or just focusing on his family,
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to which Max responds, we're not interested in that. What time did you finish journaling?
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Is it lunch? In what other podcast are you going to get the big questions like that in it for life, Ben?
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It's why thus far we've both been crudely overlooked as Desert Island Discs hosts just where, you know, they choose lean on me or something where they fail to ask why and instead just say,
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what's up for lunch? It's a 10 minute episode with us. What's your first track? What's your second one?
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What's your pleasure or whatever, your luxury? Thanks so much. Tim in Kansas says, when Max was recounting his Wednesday after he made dinner, I heard him say the past is delicious and I thought, man, that is profound.
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Only to realize he said, the pasta is delicious, like a generic man number three.
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Oh, well, the future is dessert. Tim in Kansas. Thank you. Yeah, it reminds me of the incredibly profound text from father to son, which is what do you want in life?
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And the person thinks about it and it's just in the middle of composing the response and the clarification comes in.
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Sorry, what do you want in life? Verbal. Yeah. MRLK Francis, the regards to the Richard Herring episode, just says, this is what the whole of Hitchin has been waiting for.
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Who knows if there'll be a spike in tourism in Hitchin after that episode. Deadpan says, you need to get yourself to Paddle Zone in Hitchin.
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It does exist and the roadworks aren't as bad as they were. Yeah, I think it was good we went big on the roadworks of Hitchin because no one else is going to touch that fiery subject.
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I also, when people say, why has Andy Murray been the only British like major winner in tennis for the last 50 years or whatever?
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And I feel you got a glimpse into that when Herring in a storm. I imagine how miserable that game of tennis was and how it's not conducive to like the repetition needed to get really good on a forehand or a backhand.
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It sounded almost like medieval real tennis. What do you think? Every child, you know, up and coming at the Lawn Tennis Association has a one-off game against Richard Herring and he just absolutely batters them and then just says in your face and that dents their confidence so much
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that they will not achieve great things at Roland Garros. Yeah. I hate you. Nick's been in touch.
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This is regarding maybe your spoilers certainly before the Vittorio episode, which I was disappointed in you with.
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This is Nick says, I don't, find so much David's clues and spoilers, but his subsequent protestations that they're not actually clues and spoilers are gaslighting of the highest order, albeit incredibly transparent and not at all successful gaslighting.
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People can see through you, Dave. I don't understand. Like, you know the way a lot of podcasts now begin with the diary of a CEO.
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It goes like, da-donk. Yeah. And it'll be the person being like, and I think the most important thing I learned, da-donk.
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That's effectively what I am trying to do. Whereas you want none of that. You want nothing to even trail the concept of excitement in the forthcoming 1 to 1.5 hours.
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For me, I sort of think if people haven't started at the beginning and haven't listened to every minute, there should be a way of not letting them listen.
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This is why we're languishing behind so many other podcasts. I just don't think if you tried to make a da-dong montage of this podcast, I just can't help feeling it would be slightly anticlimactic when I go da-dong.
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And the trouble with the roadworks just outside my street, I had to reverse around and reverse da-dong while I was in the living room and I'm just thinking about moving to this bit of the house.
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It's not a da-ding podcast. I just don't think I'd love someone to try. Or do you know sometimes podcasts, usually ones with ex-Navy SEALs, make a video reel with stirring like classical music in the background?
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Again, another one that would be hard to do. There's a forthcoming podcast, listeners, that we recorded the other day that is an absolute gem where one of the biggest names in comedy discusses how she or he attempts to throw socks into a laundry hamper
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or flannel into a bin. But that is more interesting than another Navy SEAL saying, then I landed in Fallujah and it was dark and I shot someone in the face.
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Who needs that when they're out jogging? Who needs that? I don't need, who needs that?
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Here's an interesting thing. So this week, a TV show was announced. Yeah, your TV show.
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That will be on next summer, which I wasn't, I couldn't talk about what it was because there was, we'd had to sign a thing.
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Well, you couldn't talk because you were so covered in lube that you were just, that's where the problem.
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The official announcement was, I can't remember the name of the production company, but it appeared on British Comedy Guide and a few other places.
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And all of the comments underneath was, this is what Doddles was recording in Belgium to the absolute bafflement of various international megalith production companies.
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What the hell? It was, to the listeners, it was an escape room TV show where me and Nish and Ed and Amy and Chloe undertake four of the world's greatest escape rooms.
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Got it. They're all in Belgium, which is a coincidence. And somebody did write, who's that guy on the left?
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The Pepso Bismol guy or something like that? Don't muscle in on my indigestion turf.
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I went for quite a fresh, face, clean shaven look because we did it over the course of three days.
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So I was, you know, trying to know where to pitch it on the spectrum of haggard wizard to fat baby.
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You went fat baby? Yeah, I went fat baby. FB. I mean, if you were going to choose who's going to get you out of an escape room, I'd choose a haggard wizard over a fat baby,
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but you know, maybe made for better television. Not so Bonnie Tyler says, when I started listening to the podcast, I had one bike.
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I thought any more was overkill. Now I have three, and a turbo trainer. I'm starting to see how David's situation could happen.
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To which one of the replies says, how's the dental practice? Sorry to hear about your marital situation.
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To which not so Bonnie Tyler said, I just really love Matilda. It was a really funny conversation.
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Spicy Badger says, Max's life is bleak. He mentions that it's only one day a week that it's this bad, but man, it's horrific.
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I think that is... That hit home. I love your days. I just... I feel that my days have more variety and potential.
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But they're shorter. Mine have longevity. There's a better drinking game to be had with your day.
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You know what I mean? As in, child helps and makes lunch, dinner in a box, that kind of stuff.
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Whereas I feel mine are just like, and then I took a taxidermy class. Donal says, Dear podcasters, to nip another...
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...potential, interminable, and tedious podcast in the bud. The other country that begins with the is the Bahamas.
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Your friend in showbiz, Donal. Thanks so much. Ah, damn. Another quiz slips through my fingers.
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Kev writes, Hey, generic man. Ireland's poorly-sounding promo reader and producer Mars Bar. I absolutely love the pod.
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Been there from the start. Have persuaded mates to listen that are now avid followers.
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So imagine my thrill at hearing my much-maligned West Country surname mentioned in my very favorite podcast.
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To be... To be followed by Max stating, In Australia, it's slang for an erection.
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Everything is showbiz. Keep it up. Kev Chubb. You would not have lasted 10 seconds in Erisborough High.
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Absolutely. Okay, let's just pick up on that. Okay. Yes, there has been a promo playing before episodes, I believe, certainly in this country, advertising our Dublin show.
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Now, that was when I was... I was actually over the illness, but as I said last time, from about 7 p.m. onwards, my voice would go mysteriously deep, and I did record it just into the voice memo of my phone.
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So that's why it sounds like that. That gig is now sold out. You will never hear that promo again.
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In Dublin. Are we sold out in Melbourne? Have not checked, but... No. It's not awful they moved us from a venue that we filled to a venue five times the size.
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It feels like, you know, would you like to buy the one kilo bag of rice or the 15 kilo bag of rice?
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Is there something in between? We could have gone to a two kilo bag of rice venue.
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But anyway, so please come on at 4 p.m. on Good Friday. Yeah, and if this one sells, it goes even more multiplayer.
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Where do they have the Australian Open final? Is that the Margaret Court? Rod Laver.
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The Rod Laver Arena. And if we fill out the Rod Laver, play the MCG.
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There we go. Okay. Things are looking up when we play the G. Hot Custard says, a question that's plagued me since Christmas for no reason other than a casual conversation with my brother.
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He used to be a producer at TalkSport, working mostly with various ex-footballers named Darren from all my limited interest in sporting activities.
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I asked him if he'd ever worked with Max. He claimed he'd once been sent to buy Max a coffee and a snack.
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He couldn't recall the exact coffee order but reported it was something wanky so that tracks and that he'd picked him up a flapjack without checking if it had nuts and then worried he was going to kill Max but rather than confessing he hadn't checked
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he just hoped for the best. I can't recall Max ever mentioning a fatal allergy so A, has my brother mixed him up with another smooth-voiced generic football man or B, is he just insanely anxious?
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Both entirely possible. I normally send out for a black coffee but in a small cup.
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If I'm in the studio, I will make my own but I can't, I don't know, busy.
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The worst is you ask for a cup of tea and it comes and it's bad, so then you just go in an ad break and pour that away and make your own cup of tea.
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But it's every chance it was me but I don't have an allergy, I probably ate a flapjack and I hope I was nice to your brother.
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I'm sure I was. Yeah, I'd say you were. I imagine you'd be nice to runners. That's true.
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There's an apocryphal story of somebody else who used to host Soccer AM without narrowing it down, who used to have a paint chart of browns, right?
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And he had what colour he wanted his cup of tea to be and he'd say, make it this brown, you know duck egg brown or whatever.
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And if it wasn't, he'd just hurl it at them and then move on. That seems quite, to a poor 19 year old who's gone to make a cup of tea with a Dulux paint chart.
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Dingley Dell news everyone. Angela says Hi Max and D.O.D. I'm intrigued to know more about Dingley Dell. My mum, long past, used to call the bottom of our garden Dingley Dell.
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She was very well read, so I suspect a literary reference. Love the pod. Have listened since the beginning. I think everyone is very mean to Max. I think you're great, Max.
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Best, Angela. Thanks, Angela. Who's mean? Am I mean to you? I don't think you're mean to me.
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I don't wander the streets thinking another podcast where David was mean to me. I'll get him back one day.
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Like the thing I said a minute ago about my days having more variety. That was very mean. I think you're a meanie. You're a big old meanie. David the meanie.
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Matthew says, Hi Max, David and Mars Bar. In what did you do yesterday? Midweek bonus set number 57. A listener from the accursed mountains of Albania inquired about the origins of the name Dingley Dell. It comes from the Dickens Pickwick Papers.
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It's a fictional village located somewhere in North Kent near Rochester. It's visited by Mr. Pickwick and his crew on more than one occasion. There's a bit with a cricket match and also a cozy Christmas scene and it is generally portrayed as a place of warmth and hospitality which
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probably explains why it's lent its name to a few houses over the years. Hope this helps. Everything is showbiz. Matthew, finally putting my BA on English and American literature to use. Thank you Matthew.
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Thank you for your education. That's really good. Didn't Southampton used to play in the Dell?
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Yeah, they did, yeah. Dingley Dell. Dingley Dell. Very pleasant place. Many Dickensian characters. Francis Benali, Jeff Kenna and Matt LeTissier.
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We've got Egil Ostenstadt, that famous Dickensian character. In a snow pipe hat, he'd come in with a cane.
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Fiona says, dear Max and DOD, Max, you reference a poster in your Shawshank reference.
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In a recent episode, I was really enjoying this reference when it was spoiled by Max's reference to a blue Teletubby.
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There is no such thing. Max, while I can't support loosely put together quizzes, this is a step too far. Naughty Nunu is the only blue thing in the Teletubbies. I am in it for life, therefore I have no choice to continue with the mundane.
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Everything is showbiz, I've now added. You've fucked it, Kermit, to my list of lines from the show. They're just awful countries, Fiona.
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I'm sorry, Fiona. I guess it makes sense that there isn't a blue one because the sky was a very vivid colour of blue and then it would have been almost like the movie Predator where the blue one would have just appeared suddenly, almost slightly pixelated and
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then just murder people. If Predator is in the Teletubbies, it does change, it changes the real thrust of that programme, I would say.
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AJ and Cornwall, as I say guys, I was watching Seven for the first time today. Imagine my surprise when I hear the pod's theme kick in around 30 minutes into the film. I was half expecting it for voices to chime in with an intro.
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Murders, there are many of them. Some would say too many. I've done one already.
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I haven't because they're enough. I'm aware it's an iconic classical piece of music, but now when I hear it, all I think of is the pod. That's some lasting impact and proves the pod is the centre of the known universe despite the film coming out over 30
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years ago. Everything is showbiz. AJ and Cornwall. Should we do They're Just Normal Countries? Do you want to play They're Just Normal Countries? Do you think we're getting any close? I mean, I guess we're getting closer.
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We have to be. At least we're narrowing it down, slowly but surely.
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There's two to go. So we've got to get there eventually. I know, yeah. I have this entire room where I record this is taken up with a big sort of Winston Churchill map of the world that I'm using a stick to move X's across and
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there aren't many left. Shout out to the theme music. Oh yeah, Fergus. Yeah, that was unbelievable. Carla says, my god, the remix. Please release an actual song on Spotify.
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Well, we are talking about merch. And I think we should release big maps of the world with the just normal countries.
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I think that we could sell that for thousands. We could make it out of platinum and sell it for £20,000 each. What do you think?
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I like it when you say, oh Jesus, like that, which is just like, oh god, why am I doing it? Why am I doing what's happening to me?
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I used to just do TV shows about escape rooms and now, now look at me. If I can bring my life experience from being a road comedian for some time Oh, yeah. When your merch suggestions are like, let's get taxidermied you know cats or whatever and
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write everything is a cat on them. Like, I've just looked around merch in the past and sometimes I feel... Yeah, but I think that would be one of ten, everything is a cat, taxidermied cats, everything is a cat. I'm not saying it's limitless. I reckon
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we'd shift ten, everything is a cat taxidermied cats. That's what I think. The community now is very much Stockholm Syndrome and I believe that we could shift. Let us know if we put, for a reasonable price,
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a taxidermied cat with everything is a cat. That looks like Meow, the cat that me and Helen copped her mind in last summer.
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Would you buy it? Let's play They're Just Normal Countries. What country could I be? I am the one and only.
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Where in the world could our listeners be? Previous guesses then. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Mariana Islands. Bath. Bath. bath of cum. Bath. Bath. I'm trying to do the remix. I was in the US consulate today and I'll explain why during my
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yesterday. But today I was at the consulate and they were flashing up, you know, Utah and it had beautiful pictures of Utah and blah. And then it just, I was very tired and I was looking at this screen and
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it was like Florida, blah, blah, blah. And then the Northern Mariana Islands came up.
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Really? And they look beautiful. We should go. Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, US Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, Crete, Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji, Crete, Vanuatu,
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Bolivia, Faroe Islands, Crete, Belarus, Palau, Aruba, Ecuador, Iraq, Gabon, Crete, Eritrea, Andorra, Peru, Réunion, Greenland, The Gambia.
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Here we go. This is from Nicole Alexander. N-I-C-H-O-L-E. Nichole. Nicole. That's fine. I'm Nicholas is my middle name. There's no Nicholus there.
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No, I understand. I understand Nicholas is spelled like that, but Nicole I wouldn't have the H, but it's not my name.
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So, Nicole can keep it. Do you think when Thierry Henry was in love with Nicole in the Renault Clio ads with VaVaVoom?
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Remember that era of car ad? I remember very much. I drove a Renault Clio.
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Of course. I'd say she spelled it with the H as well. So maybe this is the Nicole from the VaVaVoom Renault Clio ads.
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Maybe it is. Bonjour, ça va, Nicole. Hi, David, Max and Mars Bar and Whisper, Will's chocolate bar name that we should baptize him with. I've been listening for a long time. I enjoy all of the quizzes even got very invested in Teddington near the
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end. I work with offshore oil and gas installations. And when the number plate guy pulled out Gabon, a place where there are many West African offshore installations, I thought it would be a good idea to choose somewhere else that is likely to have international
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visitors for working in that industry. Therefore, my choice is Côte d'Ivoire, Ivory Coast.
22:19 - 22:23
Oh, yeah. Because my company had an offshore installation in that region. Everything is showbiz.
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Nicole Alexander. So, producer Will, is Côte d'Ivoire a normal country? 13 listens. 13 listens in Côte d'Ivoire. I feel a affinity with Côte d'Ivoire because it's the Irish flag backwards.
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It is. Yeah, that is true. I have supported them in World Cups that we haven't qualified for just solely for that reason. Right. And do you sort of watch it in a mirror so
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it's backwards, so the flag looks backwards? Yeah. Didier Drogba is sprinting backwards towards his own goal.
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Yeah. Well, of the 13 listens, 12 are Didier Drogba, so that's exciting. Do you have anything to ask me, David? Max, I have one question.
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Do you miss living here? Oh, I'd love to just not ask you what you did yesterday, but I know that's what the people want.
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That's what the people want. Max Rushden. What? Did you do yesterday? Well, it begins at 5.35am.
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Willie Rushden wakes up in the cot and he's done his business in the trade. He's done what we call a lamb kofta. Well, they're good ones.
23:45 - 23:57
They're very easy to clear up. But he's awake. 5.30. There's no getting him back down at 5.30. That's him done. He's up. Jamie feeds him. I'm lying in bed with Jamie.
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We hear Ian at 6.07. And Jamie gets up with both the boys. It's fair. I was working until half eleven the previous night.
24:04 - 24:12
I've got a long day ahead of me. At 6.17 Ian runs into the bedroom. So I'm thinking maybe I'll get half an hour.
24:12 - 24:22
Just half an hour more. Yeah. Ian runs in and he announces it isn't night time anymore. He doesn't know how to lift the blinds, but he makes a good job of trying to lift the blinds.
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You know, I'm still lying in bed and he runs out of the room. I'm doing some scrolling like I've picked up my phone, see if there's anything important that's happened overnight. I then look at the Guardian app and I'm reading an article about a puppeteer who had
24:36 - 24:47
kids at 70 and I think I don't need to do this now. I should just try and close my eyes. Having kids at 70 is, just for the record, absolutely fucking insane. Like it's insane.
24:47 - 24:58
You know, live your own life, but that's mad. That's totally mad. Oh no. You know what's going to happen now? The inbox is going to light up with all the 70 year old puppeteers recently.
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And children. Matthew Corbett and I know other puppeteers. I close my eyes, but it's pretty futile. 6.35, I'm up. As I walk in, it's a classic family scene.
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Ian is making rocket boosters with Mobilo on the floor. Willie's in the high chair, clapping his hands high above his head, like the bit where a band have stopped playing the music and they just get the crowd to go, you know.
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So then I try and sing We Are The World to him, but I don't know any of the words.
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It's something that annoys Jamie interminably, but I don't know. Any lyrics to any songs.
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So I'm like, we are the world, we are the people, we are the house, we're in a place, we'll always live. I love Ian is sort of like a reverse vampire.
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That's what I feel like, just with it is it is no longer the night.
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And now, he just rises straight up from his coffin. Let's begin making rocket boosters.
25:54 - 26:02
So look, Jamie is everything under control. She's very good at this. She's made Ian's packed lunch, which he needs for his new kinder that he's going to.
26:02 - 26:20
Willie has got a bit of a troublesome tummy. His second cofter is out the back door. So I sort that out. We're trying to persuade Ian to use the toilet with bribes, but he doesn't want to be bribed yet. So he's still using the potty then?
26:20 - 26:32
No, no, no. I mean, he's number ones, he does in the loo. Number two, he does in the nappy. So when he needs to go, you shove it on and then he does it. That's fine. So anyway, there's a lot of businesses all sorted. I'm
26:32 - 26:44
coming to the UK soon, hence the Dublin show. I recently explained that I'm going for work and it's important to work. If you work, you have money you can buy things. And now he keeps saying, when you go to London, you can work and you can buy
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me a train. And it's very sweet. It's incredibly sweet. It's 7am. It's the semi-final second leg of the Carabao Cup between Arsenal and Chelsea. So that goes on.
26:54 - 27:04
My BeIn Sports subscription has not renewed so then I have to spend five minutes trying to get my credit card.
27:04 - 27:16
It's really incredibly annoying. But I managed to log in anyway. So it's still nil-nil. I'm charged with getting the kids dressed. The only way I can do this is by saying to Ian, who's going to get dressed first?
27:16 - 27:21
And then he's suddenly incredibly keen to get dressed first. Otherwise he will just run around the house naked.
27:21 - 27:32
Yeah, David. In order to do these wheeze into the loo, does he have a pedestal that he can stand on, like a box?
27:32 - 27:47
No, he can just about reach the ease of a height that he will get to the toilet. And in other child development news, Willie has just learned to walk. So that is an extra level of chaos. Yes, early I think. I think
27:47 - 27:52
if you're a younger brother, you're just trying to get away at all times. It's survival of the fittest.
27:52 - 28:08
He's going to be a great athlete. This is a sign. You have to immediately start Venus Williams fathering him. We need to decide the sport now. Okay, well interestingly, Ian is very tall. Willie is not tall.
28:08 - 28:16
A year in, we've got their heights on the walls. He's two and a half, three inches shorter than Ian was. He's like Danny DeVito in this family.
28:16 - 28:22
He could be a middle order batsman. Or he could be a little number 10 playing football, low center of gravity.
28:22 - 28:28
A jockey. Or he could be a jockey. They're the possibilities. So okay, I'll shove him on a horse.
28:28 - 28:38
Didn't yesterday, but I will before the next one. Get him on a horse straight away. So anyway, he is walking around, eating his way through a cucumber. He eats a lot of cucumber.
28:38 - 28:46
Jamie has a shower. She's excited for a moment of quiet time. And she gets in the shower and then everybody joins her in the bathroom.
28:46 - 28:54
Like, you know, Ian runs in. Willie toddles after him. I'm just there. He's going, what am I going to do? She's looking at me going, could you get them out? I try and get them out.
28:54 - 29:04
They go back in. Anyway. I can't get over the walking I feel. I know. As I'm sure many of the listeners do, we've been there with you the whole time.
29:04 - 29:16
Yeah, every step of the way. It feels like cats in the cradle and the silver spoon. The irony being that song is about an absent parent, whereas you've literally been there the whole time.
29:16 - 29:22
Yeah, I do play an active part in my children's existence. Yeah. I would say too active.
29:22 - 29:32
Willie has my socks. He's toddling around with them and a cucumber and he's eating either or both of them. Jamie is taking them both to kinder.
29:32 - 29:41
So like, she's taking Ian, he gets on his little scooter and Willie goes in the pram and so I'm in the house on my own.
29:41 - 29:49
It's quiet. Interruption. David, why has he gone to new kinder? Did he tell the teacher to fuck off in the old wilderness kinder?
29:49 - 29:59
There was one kid at the old kinder who called Jamie a bitch. Three-year-old. Amazing.
29:59 - 30:06
What do you do in that situation? How do you react to that? Has he graduated?
30:06 - 30:14
Yeah, it's like, it's bigger. He'd been in the other one for quite a while. He could have stayed there for two more years, but I think we thought he needed a bit more space. That's what we thought.
30:14 - 30:18
Anyway, so it's good. He loves it. He loves it. He's got a big train track. What else do you need, right?
30:18 - 30:24
But I'm in the house alone. This is magical time. I do my press-ups and squats.
30:24 - 30:32
I have really fallen off the wagon. I've got a bad shoulder, but Dave the osteopath has helped me, and I'm back on it. Okay, great. We like Dave.
30:32 - 30:44
Dave, you'll remember him as the osteopath for the Australian Taekwondo Olympic Team 2007- 2008. I'm a bit stiff all over from the first game of pre-season on Saturday.
30:44 - 30:50
What? We're back? Oh my goodness. I've missed all of this. Any of the familiar faces?
30:50 - 30:58
The anaesthetist? The ex-Belgian professional? Second division player? Quentin says he's retired. We don't believe he has.
30:58 - 31:04
But this is a big problem. He's young. I think he just gets injured and he wants to live his life.
31:04 - 31:16
But without him, we are very much not as good as a football team. Because in many ways, despite all our beliefs, we are very much him and then just 15 other men just doing their own thing.
31:16 - 31:30
Just wandering about. Have the Melbourne Old Boys dipped into the transfer market over the summer? I found a centre-back who works in the cafe. I think he had to try with Doncaster Rovers or something like that.
31:30 - 31:46
He looks good, but he pulls his hammy after 10 minutes. We've got a new centre-mid called Sy. Looks very good. We need Quentin to change his mind. That's a big part of the recruitment strategy before the window shuts. Now, our first pre-season game was against Brazil.
31:46 - 32:00
It's quite funny because in centre-midfield, they have a player called Mineiro who has 24 caps for Brazil and won the Copa America in 2007. Are you serious?
32:00 - 32:10
Yeah, yeah, I'm serious. Now he's 51 now, but his touch is better than mine. He played for Brazil 24 times.
32:10 - 32:16
It's ridiculous. Do you go in there and sort him out early doors at a tackle?
32:16 - 32:26
No, they do not liken up them. A reducer. I give him a reducer. I let him know I'm there. So anyway, they hammer us. I just think they win 4-1.
32:26 - 32:38
They've got some other very good players. I'd probably need hip surgery. This is what Dave, the osteopath, tells me. But like three days after it hurts, like walking hurts, but I can't. I've got so much to offer the game, I can't be bothered to have surgery.
32:38 - 32:48
Would the surgery mean that you could come back or would you have to go into more of a managerial position? Into a walking football.
32:48 - 32:58
Would I have to just really suck it up and go to walking football? I don't know at this stage, but it's something to think about. But I would like, cons, surgery,
32:58 - 33:10
pros, I could send a photo of me thumbs up in a gown, in a hospital bed, going, the operation was a success, can't wait to get back out there with the lads. I'll get down and do the hard work.
33:10 - 33:22
Come on you Melbourne old boys. I go to the cafe, I do the pod script, I go to the same cafe that Jamie is in, she's meeting her friend Sarah Stevens, friend of the podcast. Give her some gals time.
33:22 - 33:36
No, no, I don't sit next to them. They're sitting outside with Willie, I'm inside with the laptop. Then I take Willie and I do a nap walk and I walk into the city. Why are we going to the city? I'm going to see Dave the osteopath because
33:36 - 33:52
he is printing out all the forms I need to get a US working visa because the Guardian is sending me to perform at South by Southwest in March. I got muddled up with Coachella and thought that me and Barry Glendenning were following the Red Hot Chili Peppers
33:52 - 33:58
and was slightly confused but this is more of a TV radio festival in Austin, Texas.
33:58 - 34:10
So. There's something fascinating in you going to the osteopath just to print stuff out. Do you know for years in London my printing was done by Martin Parr or the office of Martin Parr may he rest in peace the great photographer
34:10 - 34:20
because I had a printer but I couldn't connect it to the Wi-Fi and when we moved here we didn't have anything so we got a telly and a sofa and a table and then once the house is livable you're like I'll sort the
34:20 - 34:32
other stuff out later and I never got around to getting a printer so it's either Frank and Janet I asked Dave to do it thinking I can go to his house but he'd taken the stuff back to the office on Collins Street anyway while we're walking
34:32 - 34:50
this is exciting there's the WhatsApp group for the new the parents of the new kinder and everyone is sending like family photos going you know my name's Stephanie and this is my partner Greg and this is our beautiful three year old dauphinoise potatoes
34:50 - 35:00
and like me and Jamie have a real aversion to this I mean actually it's fine there are a couple of messages a bit like really what come on this is a bit too much but
35:00 - 35:10
it's all totally fine and then someone's like oh I'm a bit late could you send all the other photos and then someone sends all the other photos and then someone says I hate to be the fun police here but you're not allowed to send photos of other kids
35:10 - 35:22
and then it's all a bit like oh wow and I'm just saying to Jamie what's the worst thing I could send you know just sending like a picture of a coffee going hmm caffeination very much needed with young kids am I right
35:22 - 35:36
lol or something like really like or maybe you know everyone's talking about these photos I could say could we possibly we would love a hard copy of every photo of every child for an album at home or maybe saying what about why
35:36 - 35:52
didn't we do a calendar for the class you know our son is really beautiful should probably be June or July that you can have the pic of the others who's in or like maybe some real hard news by you know something about you know Epstein like just
35:52 - 36:07
or like we're in a really woke area I could sort of say something you know some you can't say anything these days you know like what's the worst thing to be like Antoinette lovely to meet you nice tits and like six exclamation marks or something like that
36:07 - 36:30
who is this guy agent of chaos here yeah and then just leaving the group they're just their exit group anyway we've kept our powder dry for now but it's fun to speculate I agree to do a panel show for the ABC radio topical
36:30 - 36:46
Australian news stories I'm not across topical Australian news stories so that is maybe it but I'll use that to my advantage that's tomorrow night thank TGIF thank God it's Friday and the thing about a panel thing is I'm not a comedian as has been established
36:46 - 36:58
on this podcast so you know like right you get sent the questions then you have to think of like funny one-liners I don't think that's my gig necessarily but I think I'll have a fun time I just imagine you you're so tired you're
36:58 - 37:16
into a blind panic and they're like what happened at Taronga Zoo this week next and you'd be like if Chelsea needed to score a goal they shouldn't have set up so defensively and like a full sort of 90 second report they do for people who are at the ground
37:16 - 37:30
Arsenal 3 Chelsea 2 back to you in the studio not a fascinating game one for the purists Salim Rasinia set up quite defensively for the first 60 minutes hoping to make a change there he brought on Cole Palmer and Esteval with half an hour left but
37:30 - 37:44
they could never really break through a stubborn Arsenal back line and in the 97th minute while they were pushing for a winner Declan Rice broke down the left he cut the ball back for Kai Havertz who rounded the keeper and scored to send the Emirates
37:44 - 37:58
crowd into raptures Arsenal through to the Carabao Cup final it's finished here at the Emirates Arsenal 1 Chelsea 0 back to you chappers maybe I can try that totally misunderstand the whole point of this and do different things other than just read
37:58 - 38:10
out an email from this podcast we've had an email about how you lower yourself into a bath I said has anyone thought how they lower themselves into a bath they just asked me what's going on with Albanese government I say how do you lower
38:10 - 38:30
yourself in I know we've never met but my friend David goes balls first what about you Willie's awake I get all the printed out stuff from Dave but he's got a patient there so I can't spend time with Dave I've known Dave for 20 years
38:30 - 38:41
we met in an Italian restaurant in Rome it's another stood in ham yesterday can't tell you about him anyway we get on the tram Willie's telling me he's not great again he's gone again so like we sit on the tram for 25 minutes to get to the library
38:41 - 38:52
we clean him up in there he's sad about it then he's happy we're in the kids bit of the North Fitzroy library there's lots of cushions there you can make like a tunnel and stuff so he loves the tunnel it's good fun
38:52 - 39:04
yeah a cofter coming through a tunnel I don't love it no no no no he's the cofter's been and gone now in fact he's sort of moved on from cofters as his stomach is getting worse but he's happy now we're in the library
39:04 - 39:16
he's having a good time he's watching big kids and just wondering how he can get involved he's walking around and tripping over and landing on cushions and it's all really nice go to the supermarket buy eggs ricotta hummus bread mini cucumbers
39:16 - 39:28
he's very upset I give him a cucumber before we've paid for it I'd say he's 60% cucumber right now which probably isn't firming him up down below but like it's the only thing he'll eat at the moment I think maybe his teeth
39:28 - 39:42
you also I think his teething I think you said that about children until they're about 8 I skipped a bit there which is you in the library furiously reading a book called how to train a young jockey as you keep placing him on top of bigger children and
39:42 - 39:54
librarians those sort of trolleys that the books are allowed you put them on it and then I put him into the sauna and I you know I say you've got to sweat out another pound come on you need to make the weight T for 3
39:54 - 40:06
he's running in the 430 at Chepstow and this is the ride of your life at the supermarket I'm in a queue behind a mum who's having a tricky time with a toddler who has picked up a kinder egg and the toddler wants the kinder egg
40:06 - 40:18
and the mum does not want her to have the kinder egg and battle lines have been drawn okay no one is giving way here she's doing all the kind of you know we're in a gentle parenting part of the world where it's like no you can't have
40:18 - 40:30
the kinder egg put it back please put it down put down the kinder egg please put down the kinder egg there's like two prams in the queue it's like the only queue you can get a pram through the till bit so there's me
40:30 - 40:42
there's another parent with a pram and there's a trolley behind she's aware of this but like she's got to stick to her guns here right she can't she cannot back down this kinder egg cannot go to the toddler because if you do that this toddler will be spoiled
40:42 - 40:54
for life yeah probably live a life of crime so she's like you can't have the kinder egg you can't have the kinder egg murderer you know this is fine you'll probably don't matter it eventuates the the conclusion is they basically both are wrestling the kinder
40:54 - 41:06
egg out of each other's hands to the point where when the mum puts the kinder egg back in the little kinder egg pot it is a mangled open it is like the least sellable kinder egg that has ever been but
41:06 - 41:20
she's won she's put it back and there is this half folded kinder egg you can see the toy you can see the little box where the toy is poking out the entrails of the kinder egg are everywhere there's nothing this this kinder egg is never being bought
41:20 - 41:34
but she has won tell me this though at this checkout do you come clean about the missing cucumber I do yeah well it's hard not to come clean because Willie's in a pram eating a cucumber in front of the eyes of the woman and like
41:34 - 41:48
I could say we brought this cucumber from home but it looks a lot like another cucumber I'm also buying from the supermarket I say look I gave him this cucumber he was really sad she's like it's fine so that's fine thank you the nice lady at Peter Montes
41:48 - 42:00
get the tram home from there Willie doesn't want his lunch Jamie's going out for lunch so I play with Willie for a bit and then I put him down for a nap he has another movement he's very sad but I get him down at 1.15pm
42:00 - 42:17
nap time for him nap time for me it's 2.48pm that's a great nap guys that is absolutely sensational I say hi to Jamie I hand her a baby but I need passport photos so I drive to the Northcote Plaza I get some photos
42:17 - 42:32
and interestingly I don't look as tired and awful in the passport photos as I think interruption the Irish passport services now allow you to take a selfie yourself and you upload it and
42:32 - 42:52
it has an AI that spins around for a second and sometimes they don't like shadows Cliff Richard could never get Cliff Richard could never get an Irish passport even after Brexit he was like sorry so the tricky part you have to have a white background and it's
42:52 - 43:12
actually hard than you'd think to find a white background that's got good light. So the last time I did this myself I had to take up - it's almost like an extreme Pilates position - where I'm using my knees to sit, because the cupboard is just a bit there
43:12 - 43:28
my ass is on the ground yet I'm pretending my shoulders are in a natural position anyway well I don't want to take any risks here because I don't want to go to the US consulate twice so I get these photos my face is not
43:28 - 43:40
symmetrical is that just me I just always look like one of my eyes is just falling down my face like Richie Beno but maybe that's just I'm tired I go to tinker I get a strong three quarter flat white it's really nice I do a bit of admin
43:40 - 43:55
check all the paperwork four o'clock I get home Jamie goes to pick up Ian Willie and I turn the sprinkler on we walk around the garden we put some pebbles in our mouths then finally you know my go to is I get the tambourines out I put on
43:55 - 44:11
sunshine on a rainy day by Zoe and we play that it's really good stuff I know all these songs as well sorry just we should a lot of the listeners are wondering why are you so you're going to America to do South by Southwest which traditionally
44:11 - 44:27
is a bands and movies festival right yeah so which one of those are you doing Guardian Football Weekly the movie it's a really good question and I don't know but
44:27 - 44:44
my understanding is the Guardian have plans to be big in America and Football Weekly is big in America and so they think if me and Barry go to South by Southwest we will wow America and that'll be good for the Guardian this is my understanding
44:44 - 45:00
Jamie's understanding is you're going to UK for two weeks coming back for four days and then going to Texas and I'm like I'm sorry about this and Jamie I know you listen and I am sorry but I'm so I'm now looking into the camera this timing is inopportune
45:00 - 45:17
I do love the idea that you and Barry it's like Beatlemania when you get there one of those Bob Dylan type press conferences you know where all of the world's photographer is and you're just delivering these really pithy answers people are like do you consider yourself
45:17 - 45:35
more of a journalist or a podcaster and you're like I consider myself a song and dance man and everyone goes wow and I say this pasta is delicious what did you have for lunch so Ian's back they both get in the bath that's good
45:35 - 45:55
then Ian watches a bit of like elite Brio train track like some YouTube Brio train tracks are pretty impressive so he loves those he's having different colour wheel pastas, Willie's having Fusilli Ian wants Willie's Fusilli but they all get enough pasta, 6pm it's Willie's bedtime he goes down
45:55 - 46:13
but with a fight he's not he's under the weather interruption there is a Brio train track video that I know that some of the listeners may know because I think it is the Brio train track which is somebody once put a Biggie Smalls wrapping over the Thomas
46:13 - 46:28
the Tank Engine theme and then set up the track so that the trains are doing stunts like 360ing through the air and like they must have had to shoot it hundreds of times before they got these but it is absolutely enthralling
46:28 - 46:49
yeah yeah yeah I think I know it. We're on watching slightly more prosaic purists Brio train tracks at the moment. So he goes, he's asleep. Jamie's made out of a box Rizzoni and meatballs. It's delicious. No judgment. Crisp green salad. You've changed your tune
46:49 - 47:03
I will not hear a bad thing about Quite Like and frankly they should sponsor this podcast Willie wakes up that's bad news uh oh he's not well he's a bit sick so I get 5ml of Nurofen into his mouth this is he doesn't love it
47:03 - 47:19
but it could do the job it's 10 past 7 it's 11 past 7 it's 12 past 7 it's 13 past 7 podcast is at 7.15 I've got 2 minutes to eat a Rizzoni get to the studio I say to Jamie I'm sorry and it's one of those where I leave her with one kid
47:19 - 47:32
crying in one room one kid listening to Thomas the Tank Engine in another room and say I've got to go to the shed and talk about the boring football match I watched this morning so I go and do that it's Football Weekly, Barry, Glendenning, Lucy Ward
47:32 - 47:46
and Jordan Jarrett Bryan it's a good episode you should go if you're a completist go and listen to it now I listen to it we cover a lot of stuff in that we cover football, we cover Pep talking about the horrors of war we talk about
47:46 - 48:01
you know families like football is being moved around the country or transfers falling through and the impact on the family I did enjoy in your intro you were like there was one boring football match yesterday so let's hope we get 20 minutes out of that as part of the
48:01 - 48:18
you gotta listen to this episode similar to when our guests say oh I had such a boring day yesterday we both go yes because it means that we'll have to dig a little deeper or they will our job then is to make the podcast
48:18 - 48:30
about the football match more interesting than the football match that's the aim it's time to watch the traitors we're on season 3 we're a long way behind Charlotte has stabbed Freddie in the back hang on is there Aussie traitors yeah there is
48:30 - 48:40
we haven't watched that yet we're on English traitors but apparently Aussie traitors is really good there's a lot of traitors to get through and there's a problem with the format which is it doesn't really matter for quite a lot of it if you vote
48:40 - 48:50
out a traitor or not what they need to do is say if you vote out a traitor you double the prize fund and if you vote out a faithful you halve it and then it would really matter early on Richard Osman was talking about this
48:50 - 49:03
so I DMed Richard Osman to say I agree this is what should happen and he hasn't replied to that yet I'm heading out the front door why it's time to go to bed we've sold a chest of drawers on Facebook marketplace and the car is arriving
49:03 - 49:17
to pick it up and it's on for 250 bucks and they've said we've got 220 cash we can pay ID the rest of it I said 220 is fine because I'm a nice guy they're nice I'm outside for a bit I speak to my agent on the phone
49:17 - 49:31
there's just too many job offers to talk about and I'm getting eaten to death by mosquitoes absolutely I look down there's like five on me I mean I'm like I am a magnet for these things is this the nature strip are we blaming
49:31 - 49:43
this on the nature strip blaming this on the vegetation patch on the nature strip cement everything that's annoying but they arrive they're nice then there's that bit where you know you just want them to take it and they say can you help us
49:43 - 49:53
lift it and I'm like oh yeah I can in fact they had forewarned me that I would need to help with the lifting I was like that's fine we get to the back of the car we think it's not going to fit in the boot
49:53 - 50:01
and they're like okay well let's just we've got a roof rack can we put it on the roof rack I'm not okay so then we get up on the roof rack it's not quite on the roof rack so we have
50:01 - 50:17
to shift it and move it back I presume drawers are out now I presume we've gone drawers no no no we've gone drawers in gone drawers in that's mad on the roof rack driving along the interstate with drawers suddenly just being launched like mortars from the top of
50:17 - 50:29
it listen once it's on the roof rack then that's when the cash is handed to me and that's when it's not my problem anymore but I think everyone was happy we were Jamie wanted to get rid of it we were keen
50:29 - 50:41
for it to go it was perfect for them and so everyone's happy we've got some cash that will sit in a little pot and we'll always forget to take it out and we'll never have the cash when we actually need some cash you filled the chest
50:41 - 50:55
of drawers with kafta filled nappies as well you've managed to get rid of all of them every single drawer is full of shit little easter eggs everywhere back to the traitors so we watch the end of that episode it's 9.30pm I get into bed
50:55 - 51:07
I finish the Squardle and like the Squardle takes me all day basically but it's a really nice little when I have a little moment ever I go and do a bit more of the Squardle which is like the word searchy one. Max just
51:07 - 51:24
a moment here you know the way this podcast is the centre of the known universe and we have predicted a lot of stuff that has happened well cast your mind back to the John Robbins episode I asked if they'd run out of five letter words yet in word
51:24 - 51:46
and you and John Robbins were like oh this guy thinks they've run out of five letter words yesterday New York Times announced they're going to start reusing words again because they've run out of decent five letter words wow okay yeah I texted John Robbins to point this out
51:46 - 52:07
that I've been writing. What did he say? He goes I guess maybe the words had been getting like just six E's in a row pronounced he said yes this way it can run infinitely. On behalf of John Robbins I apologize to you I go to sleep it's 11.20pm
52:07 - 52:20
the alarm goes I'm up it's talk sport time it's such a weird sort of coda to the day where the day is finished it's been a day and then suddenly you have to do a three hour radio show. Some highlights of the radio show would you like them?
52:20 - 52:38
Yeah. There's only one real highlight which is I think somebody is thinking about buying Tottenham Daniel Levy's stake in Tottenham which he is selling for a billion pounds and for that you get 30% of Tottenham Hotspur which gives you absolutely no power to do anything. Yeah.
52:38 - 52:50
You just own 30% of Tottenham Hotspur and we were saying who is buying, who is spending a billion pounds on that and then we presume, me and Charlie Baker this is basically someone's drunk. It's like a real high end version of being drunk on eBay
52:50 - 53:02
and then we start talking about drunk purchases and someone had bought a full Chewbacca outfit and then I obviously mentioned that my Granny Moira had made me a Chewbacca outfit and then it turned out that two more listeners had had Chewbacca outfits and then one
53:02 - 53:20
listener's dad made him an R2-D2 outfit which was basically an aluminium bin with roller skates underneath that he fell over in but then we get people to voice note Chewbacca impressions but to bring it back to sport they have to do great moments of sporting commentary
53:20 - 53:36
as Chewbacca so people are going that's really fun and we finished with someone who sings the whole Champions League theme as Chewbacca and we are delighted and like most of the listeners are on board with this and then
53:36 - 53:52
some of them are like why aren't you talking about sport this is ridiculous Barry and Milton Keynes is getting off his motorbike to do a voice note pretending to be Chewbacca we're having a great time. I do love sorry just to go back to the photos of people
53:52 - 54:15
particularly our R2D2 and then you as Granny Moira as Chewbacca this is the consortium who are buying 30% because we've established on this pod that Granny Moira she was good at some things but she wasn't good at Chewbacca outfits and I just looked like a really ill
54:15 - 54:39
bear and it was stiflingly hot in there anyway so then it's 3 o'clock in the morning and it's bedtime and I go to bed so Max I had a Christmas this year and had a bunch of people over, various desserts Helen's brother Owensy was there and we between us
54:39 - 55:41
amalgamated a cheese board with five separate cheeses. It's interesting you say that because Simon and Broccoli sent an email on that very subject. Really? Let's play Curdle II Five Four Three Two One I've got cheese this is cheese Hi DOD, Max and Mars of the Bar
55:41 - 55:53
it was recently my 40th birthday and as part of the party food spread that day my lovely wife has put on a selection of cheeses, arranged on a plate not a board but as a friend of the podcast it amused me to see a selection of five cheeses
55:53 - 56:07
as I muttered, they're just normal cheeses to myself I thought nothing of it and certainly wasn't looking to partake in yet another one of Max's quizzes, however after the most recent midweek episode my hand has been forced, not only were there one but now two of my
56:07 - 56:23
cheeses have mirrored David's cheese choices, could this be a case of the worlds colliding and the show being the center of the known universe while also cannibalizing its own quiz format, is this the beginning of a rip in the time space continuum whereby the known universe folds into
56:23 - 56:37
itself and collapses like a scene from Inception either way I couldn't ignore the opportunity to submit my birthday and possibly David's Christmas cheeses so here it goes, keep up the good work Simon in Broccoli here we go, remember it is
56:37 - 57:03
I think it's a four cheese board isn't it? But it's a three and a half, it's a three and a half cheese board. Brie Bing Bing Bing Bing. Mozzarella. Gowda. Santola Goat's Milk Cheese. Cashel Blue. Bing. Right cheese wrong place. Still a three and a half cheese board
57:03 - 57:25
on to the Rebel Cheese Quiz. Oh no. Not the Kerry Packer cheese tour. The Rebel Tour. This cheese tour goes to places with poor human rights record. The Rebel Tour, cheese tour of Riyadh here it is last week's guest Brie Ding Ding Ding Ding Gruyere incorrect yeah, Mars Bar
57:25 - 57:43
we have received a total of zero new guesses for the Rebel Cheese Tour fair enough no not fair I would like to say this for the record this is the first time I've been disappointed in the audience oh wow because we've offered you a Rebel Cheese Board
57:43 - 57:56
take the Rebel Cheese Board nobody wants the Rebel Cheese Board if you would like to end it please just for me is this the final one this makes me I really feel like oh maybe the podcast isn't as successful as I thought
57:56 - 58:06
because no one entered the Rebel Cheese Board but if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast on any subject if you'd like to play Curdle Eye Eye or if someone could for me please have a guess at the Rebel Cheese Board
58:06 - 58:25
here's how to get in touch to get in touch with the show you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't
58:51 - 59:25
my top trumps card. Thank you for listening to this podcast. We'll be back on Sunday with another great guest. Until then live each day like tomorrow you are recording an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday. Hello Yesterday fans it's me David O'Doherty the 1990 East Leinster
59:25 - 59:48
under 14's triple jump bronze medalist with a little bit of news that Max and I are doing a live show this time in my home Dublin City where the ejector seat was invented also I think the hypodermic needle and someone told me the birthday candles you blow out
59:48 - 1:00:09
and they come back on it was to do with I think a lot of explosive type stuff was invented there and that was a byproduct anyway we're doing a live show on the 3rd of March in Dublin's beautiful Vicar Street tickets are on sale now
1:00:09 - 1:00:28
it's kind of wild we're doing Dublin on the 3rd of March and Melbourne on the 3rd of April and if anyone apart from us goes to both of those gigs you get a special prize this is my announcement now please enjoy the rest of the podcast