0:06 - 0:29
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it. They all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man.
0:30 - 0:57
Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:00 - 1:10
Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday? My name is Max Rushden. And alongside me today, it's the Irish comedian, David O'Doherty. Welcome, David.
1:11 - 1:20
This is the podcast where we ask people what they did yesterday. It is. And then make them talk about it in too much detail.
1:20 - 1:29
Yeah. Now, for the tape, just before we came on air, David admonished the pair of us for saying one of the intros we did a while, you know, a few weeks ago was terrible and mangled.
1:29 - 1:44
And it was just not succinct and tight enough. You're starting to take this broadcasting seriously, David. It's exciting. I see. You want this to be tight and sharp and explain it. Get in and out. Get to the meat of the bones of the meat of the bones.
1:44 - 1:57
Today's guest is me old mate Susie McCabe from Glasgow. You may know her from the podcast that her and former guest Christopher McArthur Boyd and Frankie Boyle do.
1:57 - 2:09
That is called Here Comes the Guillotine. She is a standup comedian. Also, in addition to her writing TV appearances, etc.
2:09 - 2:16
She's on tour nationwide from April the 1st with her new show, which is called Best Behavior.
2:16 - 2:24
She's doing two last gala versions of her old show, which was called Coming of Rage on the 27th, 28th of March.
2:24 - 2:31
Which is part of Glasgow Comedy Festival. I would be happy at this point, Max, just to go straight into the episode.
2:31 - 2:38
Oh, right. I was going to say, I'm too scared of saying no spoilers after you ruined the Vittorio episode.
2:41 - 2:51
With the horny sex intro. But this, more than bonking, we've had a real spike of laundry chat.
2:51 - 3:02
And this is another, this is great news. If you're more into laundry than you are to sex, then frankly, this episode of What Did You Do Yesterday is for you.
3:03 - 3:11
This is what Susie McCabe, owner of, some have described the cleanest washing machine in Glasgow.
3:12 - 3:27
This is what Susie did yesterday. What Did You Do Yesterday Susie McCabe, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
3:27 - 3:32
I'm very excited to be here, lads. Even though yesterday was not the most, you know, fascinating day.
3:33 - 3:42
They're the best days. They're the best days, David. Yeah, your guillotine co-worker, Christopher MacArthur Boyd, thought he'd had a dud of it yesterday.
3:42 - 3:48
And then it turned out to be one of the most profound days in the history of mankind.
3:48 - 4:02
So no pressure, Susie. I wouldn't be like Christopher to be dramatic. I mean, it would be good if you ate pizza that had been sat in your house for three days and played computer games for six hours.
4:02 - 4:11
But no spoilers. Honestly, I don't know how that boy is still alive. Like, he has the constitution of a horse, man.
4:12 - 4:17
I mean, there was a time when Christopher just didn't eat vegetables. He just lived literally on Iron Brew.
4:17 - 4:22
So I can imagine that. I mean, I don't want to get into spoilers territory.
4:22 - 4:30
But the one question I have to ask is, and I'm not saying all Scottish people are the same or have similar lives.
4:30 - 4:35
But did you have an encounter with a member of Wet Wet Wet Wet in the last 24 hours?
4:35 - 4:42
Not in the last 24 hours. But I weirdly got an email concerning a former member of Wet Wet Wet Wet.
4:43 - 4:50
Yesterday? Oh, great. Well, let's get to it. I mean, it's Marty Bellow and the other ones, as far as I'm concerned.
4:50 - 4:56
That's it. That's it. Is it the other one from Wet Wet Wet at Hotmail.com?
4:56 - 5:04
Yeah, totally. Totally. The ginger guy from Wet Wet Wet Wet. Okay, Susie, what time did you wake up yesterday, please?
5:04 - 5:10
Well, I was actually, I was shattered because I'd spent all of last week in London, got back on Sunday.
5:10 - 5:21
Do you ever find this, that when you don't live in London and then you go to London for like five, six days, when you come home, you're just like, oh, thank the Lord.
5:21 - 5:28
And suddenly your calf muscles just feel like they're going to pop out your jeans because you've walked so far.
5:28 - 5:36
Like I was hitting 30,000 steps a day for six days. I was like, I hate this city.
5:36 - 5:41
So I was up really early on Sunday to get my flight back up the road.
5:41 - 5:47
Then I had two gigs on Sunday. So I was up about nine o'clock yesterday.
5:47 - 5:54
So I had a bit of a lie in. Okay. When I first moved to Australia, we didn't go back to London for about 11 months.
5:55 - 6:06
And in that 11 months, I just went incredibly soft. And we arrived back in London and we pushed the pram around the corner of Old Street roundabout and bumped into someone who just went, oh, fuck off.
6:06 - 6:15
And it was like, yes, we're here. And then I cycled into town. And all I was thinking was, oh, my God, there are so many people.
6:15 - 6:19
Where are they all going? And I'd been there for 20 years and hadn't noticed the people.
6:19 - 6:26
And now I was suddenly like, this place is mad. It's such a mindset. I've always point blankly refused to move.
6:26 - 6:33
I'm just like, no, it's no good for your health. It ages you need to be in your 20s when you move to London.
6:33 - 6:43
And I'll last about a week is my limit. And then I just start to get really grumpy with everybody.
6:43 - 6:52
And it's that thing when you get off the flight or you get off the train at Euston, you suddenly walk at London pace.
6:53 - 7:07
Everything becomes London pace, London time. And then when I get the train back into Glasgow and I get off it or the flight, I'm like, oh, normal people doing normal things at a normal pace of life.
7:08 - 7:22
And do you know what? Like, I actually ended up writing a bit on the back of it about Gen Z and how London's hard enough without Gen Z just permanently in their headphones and in their phones.
7:22 - 7:31
And you're like, we are all trying to get somewhere and you'll just come out and cut me off because you don't look at me and you don't hear me.
7:32 - 7:41
I love the idea as Susie McCabe appears through arrivals. She just morphs into she's pushing a barrel full of eels.
7:41 - 7:52
All right, my son. All right. Just immediately landing in London. Tell me you're a 45 year old homosexual without telling me you're a 45 year old homosexual.
7:52 - 7:57
I went to ABBA Voyage on Friday night. Yes. Right. I was off Friday night.
7:57 - 8:06
I was down doing lots of different radio stuff and I pulled my hammy. You've got to stretch.
8:06 - 8:11
Before Bon Voyage, you have to do a serious warm up. Mate, you need to do warm yoga.
8:11 - 8:20
That's what you need to do. I've never been at a concert with so many St. John ambulances because the average age is like 55.
8:21 - 8:25
You know, like people go on a cruise and cruise ships have coffins on them.
8:25 - 8:30
They should have that at ABBA Voyage. Isn't it cheaper to just be on a cruise ship?
8:30 - 8:35
That's like the best way. Rather than like going to a home, you just book a really like an endless cruise.
8:36 - 8:47
Oh, that would be good. I love the idea of during, say, Dancing Queen, just different members of the audience doing the twirling hands thing above the head for a substitution in football.
8:47 - 8:54
Just like I'm done. And the slow, ominous walk off. Just putting your hand up right in the middle of SOS.
8:54 - 9:02
Oh, darling, you're near me. I need someone near me now. Just holding the back of my leg going, does anyone get any Voltarol?
9:04 - 9:08
The hologram of Bjorn is picking your leg up and pushing it because you've got cramp.
9:08 - 9:14
And it's there going, yeah, thanks, Bjorn. That's good. Okay, so nine o'clock. What do we do at 9.01, Susie?
9:15 - 9:19
9.01, I came in and I had my standard Scottish breakfast of a coffee and a cigarette.
9:19 - 9:25
So, you know, that was interesting. Hang on, hang on, interruption. A posh coffee, an instant coffee.
9:26 - 9:32
Oh, no, an espresso, an espresso. I need a supercharge in the morning. And Rothman's B&H.
9:32 - 9:37
I'm not an expert. A wee B&H, a wee B&H. Okay, oh, great.
9:37 - 9:41
And then I just kind of went about my day. Like, I had a bit of breakfast later on.
9:41 - 9:45
I had a Zoom call at 10. Had a little bit of... Well, slow down, Susie.
9:45 - 9:48
We've got an hour and a half to fill here. I'm going to get this done in two minutes.
9:48 - 9:58
Hang on, there's no loitering in bed whatsoever. I'm imagining, Susie, you have like a proper old-fashioned alarm clock, you know, with the two bells on the top.
9:58 - 10:06
Like you'd have in a fucking fire station. Ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling! And immediately straight up, lighter bop.
10:06 - 10:14
No, no. Mespresso Clooney, give me coffee. Bang! No, I can't do the lie in bed thing.
10:14 - 10:19
I'm not very good at it, unless I've like weighed back for a nap, you know, like during the fringe.
10:20 - 10:24
You'll do that. But when I wake up, I'm normally up and I get up.
10:24 - 10:39
So I had the old coffee cigarette and then I set up for my Zoom, which obviously was difficult because I had my laptop and my iPad and all my chargers with me in London and I hadn't unpacked the case.
10:39 - 10:51
So I had that frenzy, nicotine, caffeine-induced frenzy to find the chargers. And then I had another cup of coffee to calm me down, obviously.
10:52 - 10:57
Yeah. And I was set up for my Zoom, so that was good. Who were we Zooming, Susie?
10:57 - 11:03
I was on my Zoom to my agent and like a production company. Oh, right!
11:03 - 11:09
So it was all like initial chats. I mean, nobody wants that on a Monday morning.
11:10 - 11:18
If you're an agent, you're starting your day at like 9, 10. If you're a production company, you're starting your day at like 12.
11:19 - 11:24
Nobody's wanting a meeting at that time of the day, lads. Yeah. Like really, nobody's wanting a meeting.
11:24 - 11:28
And if you're a comedian, you don't really want meetings at all. That's why you're a comedian.
11:28 - 11:33
Because you don't like meetings on a Monday morning or any other time of day or any other day.
11:34 - 11:37
Is it a meeting where you've got to impress someone or are they trying to impress you?
11:37 - 11:44
What's the power dynamic? Great question. Thanks, David. Listen, as a buyer's market, man, I had to impress them.
11:45 - 11:49
As a buyer's market, I had to impress them and talk about some stuff that I've worked on.
11:49 - 11:53
And yeah, it was all that stuff. Right. So is this an idea you've pitched to them?
11:53 - 12:00
Yeah. Can we guess what it is? All ideas are rhyming, David. So it's got to rhyme with McCabe.
12:01 - 12:12
Yeah. Oh, good luck with that. Okay. There aren't as many rhymes with McCabe as you would think.
12:12 - 12:23
No, there aren't, aren't there? Susie, what rhymes with McCabe? Nothing. McCabe. Nothing. Nothing rhymes with McCabe.
12:23 - 12:30
Okay. How about floozy, boozy, Susie, where you get hammered and go on a series of unsuccessful dates?
12:31 - 12:37
Well, welcome to my life, David. Good to see that you've been stalking me the past 20 years.
12:40 - 12:47
It's great if you can monetize your own existence, Susie. Yes, your own inadequacies. That's what you're monetizing there.
12:47 - 12:53
The biggest caves with Susie McCabe. No, I hate that. Oh, but do you know what?
12:53 - 13:00
I once stayed in the third biggest cave in the world, in Vietnam, and it was actually a pretty moving experience.
13:00 - 13:05
Really? So, yeah, I think there could be some pathos in there. But if you guys don't want it...
13:05 - 13:19
Why don't you come to here, and I will take you to Fingal's Cave on Staffa, and we'll see how much of a moving experience that is in the North Atlantic in January.
13:19 - 13:25
I mean, me and David could literally wave at each other. That's how much the wind blows in these parts.
13:25 - 13:40
But no, no, you're in Vietnam with your thongs on your feet. I hate to correct you here, but because of the leeches, you should wear really some stern footwear as you hike the three days to hang in cave.
13:40 - 13:45
Why would you do that, Max? Why would you do that? We were young and it was a thing to do.
13:45 - 14:03
He's done this a lot, Susie. Constantly on this podcast, someone will mention some island that sounds like where pirates lived, and Max, it turns out, has spent six months living there, you know, working in a falcon hospital.
14:03 - 14:12
It's weird, right? Because you grew up in the 90s, and we had a great time because everything was pretty much analog.
14:12 - 14:20
We could do whatever we want. There was no record of it. And you decided to do a three-day hike to a cave in Vietnam.
14:21 - 14:26
Of all the things that you could do in Asia, you went to a cave.
14:26 - 14:34
I mean, this, I was about 35 when I did this. I didn't really take advantage of the unrecorded 90s world like others.
14:34 - 14:39
You know, I saw it as a good time to do my homework and go to bed early, frankly.
14:39 - 14:47
Can you, Susie, can you tell us, you don't want to necessarily tell us what the whole idea of the show is, but do you close the Zoom and think, I've done well here.
14:47 - 14:56
We're on. This is going to happen. I closed the Zoom feeling optimistic. I feel more optimistic about that Zoom than I do Celtic signing a striker.
14:57 - 15:02
So you can try and place that where you want to place that in the world of optimism.
15:02 - 15:09
But yeah, no, I felt optimistic. I felt it was a positive meeting. It was worthwhile for 10 a.m.
15:09 - 15:18
Firstly, I will not pass this information on to my great friend Adam Eda, former Republic of Ireland player, who was recently a striker for Celtic and was sold.
15:18 - 15:27
And secondly, how did Susie McBabe, Pig in the City, where you have a pig come and live with you?
15:29 - 15:34
And you have to take it out to gigs. You teach it out to do comedy and podcasting.
15:34 - 15:40
Well, lads, I'm living that kind of life just now. Let me fill you in.
15:40 - 15:47
At the end of November, my 21-year-old nephew moved in with me because his heart had been broken by a girl.
15:48 - 15:59
First cut is the deepest as well. Exactly, exactly. So I've got a hockey mask and a baseball bat and a golf club on standby just in case he appears at the door.
15:59 - 16:04
Because he's 21 and I couldn't. It was horrible. It was terrible. So he's moved in.
16:04 - 16:10
He's moved into mine. But at Christmas, he went, oh, you know, I've got the two wee dark sounds.
16:10 - 16:14
I went, yeah. He went, could one of them come here at Christmas? I can get the other one watched.
16:14 - 16:28
I went, no bother. Fast forward to the third week in January where I now have two dark sounds, a 21-year-old, a 21-year-old heterosexual nephew who went for it, lads, is a Rangers fan.
16:28 - 16:37
Oh, no. Yeah. I've got two failed marriages and the biggest disappointment in my life is that lad being a Rangers fan.
16:37 - 16:44
And this is, this is not the season for it, lads. It could have came any time in the last 20 years.
16:44 - 16:50
But no, no, he's keen for this season. And do the little sausage dogs pee everywhere all the time?
16:51 - 16:57
Yes. However, they have been at Sausage Dog Boot Camp with me and they are now not peeing everywhere all the time.
16:58 - 17:07
Honestly, lads, how's this happened? Like, I am a childless 45-year-old lesbian who now has a 21-year-old and two dark insects.
17:10 - 17:15
Come on! That is a terrible hand you've been dealt. That is rough. He's not even me.
17:16 - 17:22
He's not even, you know, he's not my boy. He's not even like I could go, no, but here he is because I love the bones of him.
17:22 - 17:32
But I'm like, how has this happened? How has this happened that I'm sitting with him in my living room and he doesn't pee in and he eats all my food and he's got a Rangers top on?
17:32 - 17:47
What? To listeners who may not be aware of Glasgow's great footballing rivalry, I would say it is the most, I mean, toxic is a very strong word, but let's use it.
17:47 - 17:56
The greatest rivalry in all of sport, I would say. And then the sausage dogs presumably won Sports Celtic and won Sports Rangers then.
17:56 - 18:04
Well, one of them. Is Protestant. One's Protestant. Yeah, one of them's ginger, so I think we can go Irish Catholic.
18:04 - 18:10
Yeah. Moved over with the famine. And the other one, without a word of a lie, is black and tan.
18:10 - 18:25
And David will understand. David will really understand what that represents. The ginger one keeps going on about transubstantiation and the fact that she was a blessed virgin when the Christ was conceived.
18:25 - 18:34
Yes, one of them likes to say to me, oh, it's the epiphany today. It's Corpus Christi.
18:34 - 18:41
So it's 10 o'clock. The Zoom's finished. We're optimistic about our new TV show. What's going to happen now, Susie?
18:41 - 18:49
Now I need to empty the case and the bags from London. It's the worst part of anything.
18:50 - 19:00
So I had to do three washings, lads. Three washings. Right. Okay. Question. I think we had a deep dive on laundry with Kelly Cates.
19:00 - 19:06
And we were... What has my life become where the guy I do a podcast just says stuff like that?
19:06 - 19:12
Also Guy Montgomery and a little bit Brett McKenzie's mum. She didn't have a whole episode to herself.
19:12 - 19:19
Do you split the... What? Are we doing colours? White? You know, sensitive wash, whatever that one is.
19:19 - 19:25
You know, the 30 degree wash. Can you give us incredible detail here, Susie? Okay. So you need to split your colours.
19:25 - 19:29
This never used to be a thing for me. And then I married someone who it was very much a thing for.
19:29 - 19:36
And I realised if you want this marriage to work, which ultimately didn't, you need to split the colours.
19:37 - 19:45
So I feel that I've now taken this into my undiagnosed autism. And I'm now quite Trump and Greenland about it.
19:45 - 19:51
Like it's just got to happen. There's no negotiation here. So I do that... Question.
19:51 - 19:56
Sorry, question. As somebody who doesn't split them up. Let's say you've got your darks and your lights.
19:57 - 20:04
There's obviously some that are on the cusp, right? Oh, yeah. So where are you putting the cuspy ones go in the darks?
20:05 - 20:10
The pure whites. It's basically any other colour against white. So like a light yellow?
20:10 - 20:15
A light yellow is going in the darks? Yeah. Yeah. Because that could run on...
20:15 - 20:19
If you've got that, gone in with whites. You know, like your white t-shirt, your standard white t-shirt.
20:20 - 20:27
Nobody wants a light yellow fitted sheet on their bed. Well, it could be useful, couldn't it?
20:28 - 20:36
It could be, but also, no. Susie, are you powder, pods, or liquid? I am pods.
20:37 - 20:43
Can I just raise my issue here with pods generally? Like I enjoy a 55 minute.
20:43 - 20:48
There's a rapid wash that's about 30. And then there's one that's a little bit longer that's about 55.
20:48 - 20:59
But sometimes that is insufficient for the horrible, you know, the sort of mucus membrane that the liquidy powdery pod is within.
20:59 - 21:10
Sometimes that's insufficient for it to dissolve. So you end up with this kind of like monster jizz in with the sheets or whatever.
21:10 - 21:20
You know, this horrible, gloopy sort of stretcher, like flubber substance. I think you need to put your washing on longer, mate.
21:20 - 21:28
I think that's the problem here. I don't have time. I'm a successful podcaster. I got to go and do more podcasts.
21:28 - 21:37
But you're not doing the washing. You're not standing doing the washing. You've not wheeled out a twin tub with a big pair of wooden.
21:38 - 21:47
David O'Doherty with a tabard on takes off the baseball hat. David O'Doherty, the last washerwoman.
21:47 - 21:59
It's incredible. Out by the rocks, just beating the washing. The thing is, my pod issue is that it's all going well with the pods until maybe two thirds of the way through.
22:00 - 22:02
And then you try and pick out one pod and you've got all the pods.
22:02 - 22:13
Like they're all sort of stuck together. And then you have to peel them off so carefully that you don't pierce the flubber because you don't want the jizz on the hands.
22:14 - 22:19
Yeah. I mean, I know you're not a representative, Susie, of the pod. Of the pod community.
22:19 - 22:24
I'm also not a representative of the jizz in the hands community. Yeah, of course.
22:25 - 22:33
I like the pods because I think the powder is so wasteful. Right? Because you always overdo it.
22:33 - 22:41
Always keep in mind here, I have a 21-year-old boy who, you know, I mean, I had to show him how to work an oven.
22:41 - 22:47
And then the powder's too much. And the liquid, I just feel as if I'm putting in fairy liquid.
22:47 - 22:54
I'm not a fan. But I do have certain procedures that after that, other things go in.
22:54 - 22:59
Okay. So I've obviously got my conditioner. And then I've got the little scented balls.
23:00 - 23:08
Do you have bounce? That'll be the bounce. The small sheet of paper. No, because I put in colour catchers from a sheet of paper.
23:09 - 23:15
Are they from Harry Potter? Yeah. Yeah. So a colour catcher. Right. So they're in a little red box.
23:15 - 23:24
It's just a little sheet. And you put it in. And what it does is if you've got, like, black and, say, navy or blue or whatever, it'll catch it.
23:24 - 23:28
And they come out with a dye that's ran. It catches the colour. They stop it getting in your clothes.
23:28 - 23:33
Like, I hate to sound like my dad, but I thought all that stuff was total bullshit.
23:34 - 23:41
I mean, we were dealing with a man who would famously put aerial automatic into the dishwasher if there was no dishwasher powder.
23:42 - 23:49
Because it's all the same. You know, that kind of a vibe. And you with your little balls and your colour catcher.
23:50 - 23:55
Let's just hope Jim doesn't come and stay with you and the 21-year-old and the two Daxies.
23:56 - 24:03
Lance, let me tell you. I have had people come up to me in the shop and they've walked past me and they've went, oh, my God, your clothes smell amazing.
24:04 - 24:12
And I'll tell you. Oh, wow. I'll tell you another thing. I once had a broken washing machine and the man came out to fix it, right?
24:12 - 24:18
And he was Mr. Washing Machine. He was in the washing machine spectrum. He loved a washing machine.
24:19 - 24:28
He came out to fix this washing machine and he opened up the door of the drum and he looked in it and he went, I have never seen a washing machine so clean.
24:28 - 24:38
And he was on his knees for at least five minutes going, what is it you use in this washing machine?
24:38 - 24:46
I've never known a washing machine and just sniffing my washing machine. I have never felt so violated in all my life.
24:46 - 24:52
Oh, it's so sweet. The joy that his work brings him is that's Mr. Washing Machine is the guy.
24:52 - 25:02
Many congratulations. I mean, little did I know when we went down this, what I presume was a cul-de-sac, would we get actually the world's greatest laundry exponent.
25:03 - 25:12
And here we are. Now, Susie, I have taken many things from the beautiful country of Scotland.
25:12 - 25:26
But the main one is that I've brought back with me to Dublin is those hoist things with the rope and the slats of wood that you hang your wet clothes from.
25:26 - 25:33
If you happen to be lucky enough to have a room with a high ceiling, I just basically don't use the tumble dryer ever.
25:33 - 25:45
What's your chosen drying method for these loads? Preferably outsides, right? But obviously you and I are living in a place where that's not really possible for a few months of the year.
25:45 - 25:56
What I might do is put the clothes horse outside if it's not particularly windy just to freshen them because I hate the foosty smell.
25:56 - 26:04
And you still get that foosty smell off a tumble dryer. Sure. If worse comes to worse, it's the clothes horse in the house.
26:04 - 26:19
But I did invest in electric clothes horses. Oh, yeah. Now, my grandmother, my late beloved nana, had a pulley in her house as the tenements in Glasgow all did.
26:19 - 26:30
Because back in the day, the women had to go down the wash house and they would take a pram, like an old high silver cross type pram, filled up and it would go to the steamy.
26:30 - 26:34
That's what they called it. And then they would do it and they would hang it in Glasgow.
26:34 - 26:47
It was in Glasgow Green. But my gran had a pulley in her kitchen, which I always thought was amazing that you could be cooking chips on the cooker while your clothes dried in the ceiling.
26:47 - 26:54
I mean, we're not talking deep fat fryer or air fryer. We're talking good old fashioned chip pan.
26:54 - 27:07
It's been passed down from mother to mother to mother. It's got centuries worth of fat and oil encrusted on the pot round the side.
27:07 - 27:15
And we thought, I think what I'll do is put my nice clothes on the thing to dry and I'll make some chips.
27:16 - 27:27
But like the hot oil, that's warm, isn't it? So that will speed up the drying process, even if there are sort of collateral damage, perhaps, in how fresh the clothes are.
27:27 - 27:33
Right. So how long does this laundry take you, Susie? Oh, yesterday. How long did it take me?
27:33 - 27:37
Yes. That's all I care about. I have no interest in your laundry the rest of the time.
27:37 - 27:41
Why on earth would I care about your laundry on a normal, on a regular basis?
27:41 - 27:48
But yesterday, I care. You come and have a sniff of my machine, Max Rochton, and you'll have an interest in it.
27:48 - 27:56
Oh, I will. So I would say that this took about two and a half hours yesterday because it was three loads, around about two and a half.
27:56 - 28:01
So it was like, got two washings done, got it hung up and then got the third one in and went about my day.
28:02 - 28:07
And what are you doing while, I mean, presumably you're not like my one-year-old just staring at the washing machine going round and round and round.
28:08 - 28:18
Are you doing anything? Well, what else do you do during that time? Yeah, just kind of potted about the house, tidied up, got stuff organised, opened post, opened mail.
28:18 - 28:24
Did you ever notice that, that whenever you go away from home, it is the most popular time for your post?
28:24 - 28:34
Sure. Like, you could be at home for 50 weeks of the year and have two weeks at the either side of a calendar year, and that is the week that everyone decides to send you mail.
28:34 - 28:39
So I went through that, done a couple of phone calls, got a bit of life admin.
28:39 - 28:43
And did you get any letters that were interesting? Because they're all shit, aren't they?
28:43 - 28:50
They're all shit. If somebody's sending you a letter, it's shit. It's the new Royal Mail tagline.
28:51 - 29:00
Dear Royal Mail, when I finally get my post, it's shit. So Denmark has done away with post recently.
29:01 - 29:08
Has he? Yeah, Danish Royal Mail, whatever it's called, just does parcels and stuff now.
29:08 - 29:14
And they're like, nah, just email them. It'll be fine. Like, I think you can get other organisations to deliver written stuff.
29:14 - 29:24
But this year, I don't know what happened, but I received many of my birthday cards from the 18th of December in the new year then.
29:24 - 29:29
And that was actually quite nice. Ah, that is nice. That is my birthday tomorrow.
29:29 - 29:34
And I've not checked the post today. So there might be a little card in there.
29:34 - 29:41
We would wish you happy birthday. But unfortunately, that is beyond our purview. So yeah, we can't do that.
29:41 - 29:49
Don't do it. Don't do it. It'll be bad luck. What I also think is quite funny, though, like Denmark are like, listen, just send an email.
29:49 - 29:54
It'll be grand. And the people of Denmark go, all right, yeah. Kind of says fair.
29:54 - 30:05
I can't really be bothered getting a stamp. If you try to get rid of Royal Mail in the United Kingdom, people will have an absolute crisis.
30:05 - 30:20
They will be queuing up to walk around a postman's bag in Westminster Hall. Nigel Farage will just talk about how this is people in small boats fault because they didn't send themselves by boats.
30:21 - 30:33
It is genuinely. Because see, if you put the word Royal in front of anything in the United Kingdom, and this is where I get very jealous of the Irish, right?
30:33 - 30:41
Because I often think the Irish David like get to look at Britain and go, thank God for Michael Collins.
30:41 - 30:47
Like you kind of look at Britain and go, what? What are they doing? Yeah.
30:47 - 30:52
And then there's like half of Britain that's like, I don't know. I don't know what they're doing.
30:52 - 30:59
I've got no idea. But if you had to literally come out and say, listen, I'm just going to get rid of the Royal Mail.
30:59 - 31:05
We'll just go do for parcels. People in this country would chain themselves to the gates of Buckingham Palace.
31:06 - 31:14
To letterboxes. They would barricade around letterboxes. Dressed up as Paddington, chaining themselves. It's true.
31:14 - 31:20
It's something that many of us have families in Britain and all the rest of it.
31:20 - 31:27
But it's very hard to get across unless you're with other Irish people as to how hilarious.
31:28 - 31:43
There's a saying, the Brits are at it again, that we have here. And it would, for example, when Prince Charles was becoming the king, he had to sign a piece of paper with his little stubby hands.
31:43 - 31:47
And he had a sort of magic pen, I would imagine, that's been there since the 12th century.
31:48 - 31:55
And he's dressed in a sort of Little Lord Fauntleroy costume. And at some point, someone pushed some ink towards him.
31:55 - 32:06
And with his hands, he was like, go away, go away. And that is a quintessential moment of all of Ireland just shaking our heads and being like, what the fuck are these people doing?
32:06 - 32:11
I remember watching this, right? This was like three days after he became king, right?
32:11 - 32:17
And the queen had passed away. And I remember watching this and I'm thinking, this guy is 75.
32:18 - 32:27
He has waited his whole life to do this job, right? And all he needs to do is write his name and he can't do it.
32:27 - 32:39
Like, I mean, that's like the worst apprenticeship program that you've ever done. Max is just watching his MBE go up in smoke here Susie.
32:39 - 32:47
So we better move out. I think in the UK, people hate privilege, right? You know, you hate the person with a bigger house.
32:47 - 32:54
You hate somebody who's gone to a posh school. You hate people who've got a fancy car or whatever.
32:54 - 33:00
But if the privilege gets so ridiculous that someone literally has a golden hat and a golden car, people are like, I'm in.
33:00 - 33:07
I'm all in. You know, like 100%. I think that is a great idea. I think it's really interesting.
33:07 - 33:12
There was a thing where I was going out to Norway to do some gigs.
33:13 - 33:20
And I was meeting a comedian who I'd never met before in an airport. And then we were going to a more kind of local airport.
33:20 - 33:28
And he was a lovely guy. And it was like his parents, like one was like a professor of history and one was like an arts professor.
33:28 - 33:39
And they were lucky. Like he was a real London metropolitan lefty, right? You just knew that it was a guardian reading kind of left leaning household.
33:39 - 33:46
But he still said to me, I think these gigs will be lovely because I think they're quite middle class.
33:46 - 33:55
And I went, they don't have class in Norway, right? And he just kind of looked at me and he went, no.
33:55 - 34:03
And I went, no. Why are you so obsessed with class, right? And it was really interesting.
34:03 - 34:12
And then I was listening to a political podcast the other day with a guy who is a member of the Privy Council and a guy who encouraged the invasion of Iraq.
34:12 - 34:20
And I was listening to this kind of renowned podcast. And the guy who was a part of the Privy Council was talking about being in Iran.
34:21 - 34:25
And they were talking about what was happening in Iran. And he goes, oh, yeah, I've been to that bit of Iran.
34:25 - 34:30
It's quite kind of, you know, working class. And I'm like, they have the Ayatollah.
34:30 - 34:40
I am pretty sure they do not have the class system in Iran. And it's offensive, right?
34:40 - 34:49
Do you remember Charles Kennedy, the Liberal Democrat former leader? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Charles Kennedy, there was a documentary in the Houses of Parliament or the Palace of Westminster.
34:49 - 34:54
And Charles Kennedy was in the front foyer. And he said, oh, well, let me show you this.
34:54 - 35:00
This represents the United Kingdom. And he pointed to St Andrew, right? And St Andrew was above the door.
35:01 - 35:06
They took you down to the bar and the canteens and stuff like that. And he went, so that's the Scots.
35:06 - 35:10
We're obsessed with food and drink. And he went, and this is the door that you go through to leave.
35:11 - 35:18
And above that is the patron saint of Ireland, St Patrick, which tells you everything you need to know about Ireland's relationship to the United Kingdom.
35:19 - 35:23
And then he turned and he went, and over here is the door that takes you to the House of Commons.
35:23 - 35:29
And above that is St David. And that's the patron saint of Wales. And they're obsessed with the sound of their own voice.
35:29 - 35:38
And then he turned and he went, this is St George. He's over the door that takes you to the House of Lords because the English are obsessed with the class system.
35:39 - 35:46
And I thought, what a beautiful way to describe the United Kingdom and its four patron saints.
35:46 - 35:51
It was really interesting. And I thought, yeah, but apparently Iran's got a fast system.
35:51 - 35:59
Who knew? Yeah, the moment that I really got a laugh out of was at that royal coronation.
35:59 - 36:04
In order for Prince Charles to become the king, he has to be sitting on the really old throne.
36:04 - 36:09
But he has to have a giant rock under him that is kept in Scotland.
36:09 - 36:18
It's kept in Edinburgh Castle. And this rock had to be ceremonially taken out of Edinburgh Castle to be brought to London for the coronation.
36:18 - 36:26
They had it on kind of a stretcher, the way in football in the 70s, someone who'd been concussed was taken off the pitch.
36:26 - 36:35
But they couldn't just walk with it normally. They had to do that sort of two-step walk where you step and you bring your feet back together and step.
36:35 - 36:50
Lest the piece of unsentient granite think, I'm not being treated royally here. That was the stone of destiny, isn't it, that got stolen in the 1950s and went back to her broth and all that.
36:50 - 36:56
It was actually kept in the Arlington Bar for a brief period, you know, just up from the other stand just to be, David, on Woodland Road.
36:56 - 37:01
He must have been like, thank God, I'll just have a pint. I just want to have a pint.
37:01 - 37:05
Just leave me alone. I'll have a booth if that's all right. I just need...
37:05 - 37:18
Shattled. Shattled. Cheap lager. Tenants is fine. That's great. That's it. But it is fascinating, isn't it, that if we had to say, listen, we're just going to get rid of Royal Mail that this country would have yet another breakdown about it.
37:19 - 37:27
There'd be somebody standing and clacking going, I don't understand why they're doing this. I'm going to need to write a letter to Nigel Farage.
37:27 - 37:35
The whole time I'm thinking, I'm not sure that you can write. Yeah, when you can't write a letter, surely that's the worst thing you could do if they banned the Royal Mail.
37:35 - 37:41
But I mean, I think we should probably still have letters. Not that I, but I do think they're all shit.
37:41 - 37:48
When they ever arrive, they're just like, ah. I get one Christmas card from my friend Tom and Charlotte Ann when they really go to town.
37:48 - 37:55
And that's all I need every year is that one Christmas card. I send you so many emojis and GIFs, Max.
37:55 - 38:04
They're the modern equivalent of letters. But I send a picture of me, say, on a beach, humping the sand that has been made into a GIF.
38:05 - 38:15
That's what you, well, Susie, what happens next? I then went to the gym. It was terrible because I hadn't been for a week, but I also knew I had to get rid of the cramp out of my legs.
38:16 - 38:21
So I went to the gym. I hate the gym. I've never got to the point where I like the gym.
38:21 - 38:25
People say, oh, you go through a point when you just really love the gym and what it gives you.
38:25 - 38:30
Do you know what it gives me? Annoyance. It just annoys me. Everything about the gym annoys me.
38:31 - 38:43
From the minute I walk in and someone's necking a hule, a hule. I'm trying to tell you it's a really good plant-based meal replacement.
38:43 - 38:54
My mum was on that stuff in the 80s. It's called Slinfast. Stop it. Honestly, see, unless you're going to the moon and you're leaving in a spaceship, there's no need for that.
38:54 - 39:00
And then I go in. What amazes me about the gym is so many people go and don't do anything.
39:00 - 39:10
Like I go get it done and leave. Oh, no. If I go, I'm like, I'll get another glass of water and I'll look at the things and think, oh, yeah, I should probably lift that up.
39:11 - 39:18
I'm not there to pose. I'm just there going, I'm with you. I'll move that there and step on that and then go, oh, nah.
39:19 - 39:29
So you're full in. So what's your routine? It just depends. It just depends. So yesterday there was a lot of abs and abs just trying to stretch out the hammy very gently.
39:29 - 39:34
I did do about 15 minutes of stretching yesterday because I was like, ha, ha, ha.
39:34 - 39:39
But, yeah, I done that. I done my abs, my abs. I done like leg presses and stuff.
39:39 - 39:45
And then it was just arms. I done 45 minutes and I literally just went, right, that's that done for the day.
39:46 - 39:51
Off. Because I just, I don't want to hang about the gym. I don't want to talk to anybody at the gym.
39:51 - 40:00
I want to listen to a podcast. I want to maybe work through stuff that I'm going through in my head, like with work and trying to work stuff out.
40:00 - 40:04
I try and go to the gym and not actually think about what I'm doing.
40:05 - 40:08
Do you know what I mean? I use it as something to unplug from life.
40:08 - 40:15
I tend not to, like, I put my phone in airplane mode and I just listen to things because I'm like, nah, I don't want to talk to anybody.
40:15 - 40:19
I don't want to do anything. I just want to get my head down, get through this and then get on with the rest of my day.
40:19 - 40:26
I'm glad that the ABBA injury wasn't. There's abs and ABBAs are the two big parts of this.
40:26 - 40:34
So it doesn't seem too bad? No, it's fine. It just needed stretched and I just had to get rid of all the cramp in my leg.
40:34 - 40:40
So I just had to do that. I had to go on the bike for like six minutes and then I was like, I can't do this anymore.
40:40 - 40:44
But you know that when you come off it, you've kind of released the cramp.
40:44 - 40:49
Do you know what I mean? So I felt better. So it meant that I could go and do a bit of proper exercise.
40:49 - 40:53
Do you get much there as the beloved Susie McCabe while you're at the gym?
40:54 - 40:59
Yeah, like people come up to me and chat away and whatever else. And yeah, no, that and that's fine.
40:59 - 41:07
Like we'll have a laugh and we'll have a chat. Or they'll come up and they'll talk to me about I'm doing something or they're doing something or they're maybe struggling or whatever.
41:08 - 41:11
And then they'll open up the conversation about, you know, what you do for a living.
41:11 - 41:14
Do you know what? Oh, I've seen you and such and such and stuff. Yeah, yeah.
41:14 - 41:19
But you don't want to talk to anyone. So this is a tricky position that you're in because you can't just go, oh, fuck off.
41:21 - 41:25
You've got an 80K bench press and you're there and they say, I know you from somewhere.
41:26 - 41:30
What is it? No, no, no. It's people that will come up and they'll have a wee chat with you and stuff like that.
41:30 - 41:41
But they tend not to. It'll be like if you are at the water machine or if you are just kind of having a break in between your sets or whatever, which is quite good because then you can go, that's my 30
41:41 - 41:46
seconds and then go back and do another set. What's happening after the gym? It's lunchtime.
41:47 - 41:50
After the gym, it was lunchtime. Did I have? No, I didn't really have anything.
41:50 - 41:56
I came back, dealt with the final washing. What did I do? Oh, no, we got a Chinese in last night.
41:57 - 42:02
So what time are we? At this point, all we've had is a smoke and an espresso.
42:03 - 42:08
Yeah. Yeah. I've had a banana on my way to the gym. Okay, good. Thank goodness.
42:08 - 42:11
Because I wouldn't have fuel. So I've had a banana on my way to the gym.
42:11 - 42:15
But yeah, no. So I've came back and I literally just really pottered about the house.
42:15 - 42:21
But I put on an old documentary that I found about Billy Connolly. Oh, yeah.
42:21 - 42:32
And I just kind of watched that. And it was on in the background. And then I went down a little kind of rabbit hole of 1980s and 1990s Scottish sitcoms.
42:32 - 42:40
Uh, Super Gran? Super Gran. Yeah. Yeah. So like, Rab C Nesbitt, City Lights, all that kind of stuff.
42:40 - 42:44
And I had that on the background. And I was like, oh, I remember this episode and stuff.
42:45 - 42:52
And I just kind of pottered about and squared the house up. Because again, 21-year-old boy had five days with no one else living here.
42:52 - 42:59
So, you know, the house needed squared up. Yeah. Yeah, I'd done that. And I really just had a wee bit of time to myself just doing that, just pottering.
42:59 - 43:04
I find that quite relaxing. What was the Chinese? You said there was it you didn't have lunch.
43:04 - 43:09
And you remember you actually did have chicken chow mein from last night. No, I didn't have lunch.
43:09 - 43:16
But I had a Chinese quite early in the day. Like about four or five o'clock we ordered it.
43:16 - 43:24
And I just kind of sat down and caught up in trailers. So is this you and the 21-year-old?
43:24 - 43:30
And TV's original odd couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then my girlfriend was in. So that was fine.
43:30 - 43:42
You know, so then I had adult conversation that wasn't about Rangers and Celtics. When you and your girlfriend are together, does the 21-year-old assume a sort of useless son type role?
43:43 - 43:50
Is he just going like this? Mwch, mwch. And everything you say. No, it's actually a good laugh.
43:50 - 43:54
We actually have a good bit of fun because he's doing the old day Tinder dating thing.
43:55 - 44:02
Oh, yeah. So we're always like, what's happening? What's happening there? Who is that? What is her story?
44:02 - 44:06
Right. So there's a lot of that. You know what? There's a lot of that.
44:06 - 44:10
Do you swipe together? No. Does he help you? He won't let you swipe? No.
44:10 - 44:15
No. Because I'll go and pick him like a 32-year-old schoolteacher that's got her own house.
44:17 - 44:23
Yeah. Lodgings. That's the one you just go scroll down to lodgings straight away. What you're looking for son is someone with a mortgage.
44:26 - 44:31
And you don't make him have the Tinder dates in the living room so you and your girlfriend can watch the dates.
44:31 - 44:40
Now that would be good. No, but there was an incident the other week where he was chatting to someone on video call.
44:40 - 44:44
Right. So this is what they do now. They do this. They chat on video call.
44:45 - 44:52
And I went into his room to ask him something. He was just sitting with the vape, with the top off on the call.
44:52 - 44:58
And I went, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I'm just chatting. And I was like, with your top off?
44:58 - 45:03
He's like, yeah. And I was like, you haven't met this person and you have your top off?
45:03 - 45:08
And he was like, yeah. And I was like, do she have her top off?
45:08 - 45:14
Like, what is going on? Like, bring back pagers. That's what I say. Bring back pagers.
45:14 - 45:18
Could the girl hear this conversation? You're like, has he hung up on her? Or are you like yelling?
45:19 - 45:22
Is she naked? Like, she can hear that bit. And he's like, oh my God.
45:23 - 45:32
Auntie Susie's so embarrassing. Aye. Because do you know what? Auntie Lesbian here does not want you on the phone to women who have got their top off.
45:32 - 45:38
Do you know what? You might just get my career cancelled and I've not even done anything other than walk into the room.
45:38 - 45:42
But I do not want to see a young woman in her 20s with her top off.
45:42 - 45:48
And I actually don't even want to see you with your top off. With all due respect for the first five years of your life.
45:48 - 45:52
I've seen that quite a lot. There's not a bit of your body I didn't see.
45:52 - 45:58
Do you know? I remember putting you in the bath with the Power Rangers and saying, if you pull it any more, it's going to fall off.
46:00 - 46:07
And I may need to bring that back into his life's lessons. So, five o'clock Chinese.
46:08 - 46:15
It's the three of you now and the two dogs. Yeah, well, the dogs are off the Chinese because it's January and they're looking after their waistline.
46:15 - 46:25
They're going through Equality Street. Yeah, so we decided to get just a selection of starters and a couple of mains and just kind of have a bit of a Chinese boofy.
46:25 - 46:30
Is there the crispy duck pancakes or not? Because they feel key to me. There was crispy duck pancakes.
46:31 - 46:36
There was chicken noodle soup. There was piquet style ribs. There was salt and pepper chicken wings.
46:36 - 46:43
There was fried rice chips with curry sauce. There was salt and pepper chicken. Others would.
46:43 - 46:49
So you could just come in and have a little boofy. That's great. Susie, are you still dressed in your workout outfit?
46:49 - 46:57
Because that's a funny thing to be eating a Chinese while in this incredible lycra suit from the gym.
46:57 - 47:05
David, I think you and I both know that I will not wear lycra. Nobody needs Susie McCabe in like...
47:05 - 47:16
That's the documentary. Nobody needs Susie McCabe in lycra. In marriage. In a workplace. So yeah, no, nobody does.
47:16 - 47:22
I generally wear either a football top or a GAA top. I actually wear a pair of O'Neill's Hurling shorts.
47:23 - 47:30
They're my favourite shorts to wear to the gym. Famously unbreathable. Yes. So if I sweat more, it looks like a vod time.
47:30 - 47:39
Yeah, like a boxer trying to lose weight for a bout. Yeah. The question is, have you showered before the Chinese?
47:39 - 47:44
Yes, I shower as soon as I come in. Excellent. I can't not do the washing thing.
47:45 - 47:51
Like I will wash at least twice a day. Sometimes three times, depending on what's happened that day.
47:51 - 47:55
So sorry, is this not your first shower of the day? Yeah, no, that was my first shower of the day.
47:55 - 48:01
Interesting. So we've got to get another one in. Susie, do you eat this meal at the table or in front of the traders?
48:02 - 48:06
So normally I'm sitting just now at a little kind of breakfast bar in the kitchen.
48:06 - 48:14
I've got a dining room that we often sit in and have dinner. We normally try and do that during the week because obviously I work weekends.
48:14 - 48:20
So the three of us will sit down and have dinner. But last night it was, you know, like the way people do.
48:20 - 48:24
Normal people have a Saturday night and they sit down with their Chinese in front of the TV.
48:25 - 48:31
I'm actually a bit of, I've always got to sit at a table. Right, I've always got to sit at a table.
48:31 - 48:34
I can't sit with my dinner on my lap. I've never been able to do that.
48:34 - 48:40
I've always sat at a table. Growing up, my dad worked away from home and my mum would be out working.
48:40 - 48:45
So even if I was having dinner on my own, I would still sit at the table for once.
48:45 - 48:54
Wow! I've always done it. I'm imagining with like a rolled up napkin and like various forks and knives going off into the distance.
48:55 - 49:06
A neighbour coming and asking if I would like Parmesan. Exactly. But last night I've got a little table in the living room and I just used that and I was like, oh, this is great.
49:07 - 49:20
It's like a treat eating your dinner in front of the television. It's not something I do a lot because see when you're on the road, you really appreciate sitting down and having your dinner.
49:20 - 49:29
And if you're on the road, if you're a wee gigging, if you're travelling up and down the country or if you're touring, eating stuff in service stations and stuff like that.
49:29 - 49:41
And it's just pretty rotten. So I remember doing my first fringe and going in somewhere for something to eat and thinking, this is the first time I've used metal cutlery in a bit of Fortnite.
49:42 - 49:53
So I tend to really appreciate that element of life just sitting down. And I actually quite like it with the big fella, you know, coming in and I'm like, so how was your day?
49:53 - 49:58
You know, and he's an electrician and I used to be an electrician. So we talk a lot about that.
49:58 - 50:04
Bored my girlfriend in tears. And just, you know, I like that kind of three way catch up.
50:04 - 50:07
How was your day? How was your day? Because we've all got very different jobs as well.
50:08 - 50:13
The Helen Copter, my missus, she just, you eat dinner at the table. None of this TV stuff.
50:14 - 50:20
Go up there afterwards. Absolutely. I think growing up, they had a come to the table vibe.
50:21 - 50:29
Yeah, we had that, but I am at TV dinner all the time now. I mean, like, I mean, most of the time it's eat when you can because there are two young kids.
50:29 - 50:38
So it's like, I'm probably standing in the bathroom or who knows? But like, if we can, the dream is dinner on lap.
50:38 - 50:44
Death in paradise on the TV. That's the dream. But if we have run out of death in paradises, we will go to traitors.
50:45 - 50:50
I think we've just started, Susie, me and Jamie just watched the celebrity traitors just now.
50:50 - 50:54
We're like the last people in the world to watch it. Oh yeah. You're not allowed to tell them what happens in it.
50:54 - 50:57
No, no. I've seen all of that. I've seen all of that. So I know what's happened.
50:58 - 51:03
We literally just started normal person traitors. And I just, they're much more annoying, normal people.
51:04 - 51:13
They are. They are much more annoying, but also it's brilliant. It's brilliant. But there are people who you're just, I mean, I was actually saying to my mate last night,
51:13 - 51:24
who's a bit ahead because I was catching up in traitors. And I literally gave them a list of people who I would have murdered in actual real time, in real life, that were in the traitors.
51:24 - 51:28
Because I just thought, no, I would honestly just be like, do you know what?
51:29 - 51:38
I don't even know if you're a traitor, but you're annoying. Whether you're a good faithful or not, I don't care because you are too high maintenance for me.
51:38 - 51:42
But also right at the start, there's two, I don't know if you watch it, David, there's like 25 people there.
51:42 - 51:51
And so they're all just, they're all going, well, that person blinked on Thursday. Basically, you just want one person there to go, none of us have got a clue.
51:52 - 51:58
Why don't we just kill Roger? That's sort of, for the first 10 weeks or whatever, that would be how you should do it.
51:58 - 52:05
And then you might have some vague idea. But I don't know, maybe I draw attention to myself by just saying, get rid of Roger.
52:05 - 52:15
But hang on, how do you determine, do you have conversations? So my perception of the traitors is that it's basically a very large version of the weakest link.
52:15 - 52:22
Yeah, I suppose it is. Yeah, without any knowledge being expended, really, it's just that kind of thing.
52:22 - 52:27
But I just find that it's a bit like, and I love it, and I'm addicted to it.
52:27 - 52:36
There's an element of the apprentice about it. Yeah. Like there's a few contestants in this series you think going, you could actually have done the apprentice or traitors.
52:37 - 52:44
Do you know on the apprentice, I always think this, I think where I do well is, you know, when they sit there and they go, right, we've got to come up with a team name.
52:44 - 52:54
And they spend about 15 hours going, what about Archimedes or Team Geronimo or Team... Team Synergy.
52:54 - 52:59
Team Synergy. And I just say, look, let's just be Team A. It's fine. It doesn't make any difference.
52:59 - 53:04
Let's get on with the task. My only contribution would be that. And then I think I'd get a lot of kudos.
53:04 - 53:08
And then I'd be able to like say, thank you, Lord Sugar. I'd go, thank you so much for your contribution, Lord Sugar.
53:09 - 53:13
Your jokes are shit. Leave me alone. Yeah, your jokes are shit. You can't deliver them.
53:13 - 53:22
And also, Lord Sugar, one-on-one, you know I'm taking you down, man. Like, just like, you might have the money and you might have the peerage, but you're four foot ten.
53:22 - 53:27
The best Lord Sugar anecdote is that he once sent a Christmas card to his wife and signed it Alan Sugar.
53:27 - 53:33
Yeah. It's a great, I don't know if it's true, but it does set a great image.
53:33 - 53:37
Alan Sugar, thank you so much. Okay, so we watch the episode of the Traitors.
53:37 - 53:42
Have we had the email from one of Wet Wet Wet yet? Yes, that comes in halfway through.
53:43 - 53:46
So I was in episode two. It wasn't from one of Wet Wet Wet Wet.
53:46 - 53:52
It was from someone who is a promoter who said, could you do this on these dates?
53:52 - 54:01
And I went, oh, I would need timings. It might clash with Edinburgh. Edinburgh. So I'm going to imagine it's a charity gig with Marti Pellow?
54:01 - 54:07
Not really, no. It's a cash gig for an arms dealer with one of the other members of Wet Wet Wet.
54:08 - 54:13
So basically me and Marti are going to take Greenland, we're going to run it with Marco Rubio.
54:14 - 54:19
Marti's got a bit of a problem because he's a Red Hot Rangers fan, so he wants to change it to Rangers land.
54:20 - 54:28
Trump's trying to call it Trump land. No, so it was about kind of Christmas time gigs and they went, can you do this?
54:28 - 54:39
And I went, that might clash with my festival. The most Scottish possible gig would be Wet Wet Wet, Susie McCabe and the Loch Ness Monster are doing.
54:40 - 54:48
Edinburgh Castle. Yeah. And Gavin Hastings. And Gavin, Gavin Hastings kicking the gig off with him kicking the ball.
54:49 - 55:00
Yeah. Now, how many Scottish guests have we had, David? Is it, I'm trying to think, but if it's just so far Susie and Christopher, it's 100% Wet Wet Wet related.
55:00 - 55:10
Yeah. Now, Christopher's wasn't on the yesterday, but it's starting to feel like everyone just gets an email asking if they could do something with Marti Pellow, like every day in Scotland.
55:11 - 55:19
Do you know that Christopher once washed Marti Pellow's hair? Yes, I do know this story because his dad's a hairdresser and he was working in the salon.
55:20 - 55:25
Unbelievable stuff. I know, Christopher and Marti Pellow, who could have ever seen that dream team?
55:27 - 55:33
What? So how many traders do we watch? Oh, I watched four. I watched four back to back.
55:33 - 55:44
Four hours. That's amazing. Sorry, I have a Wet Wet Wet question. Why does it matter if you, and why do you and Marti Pellow, presuming you're not doing the same, like he's singing and then you're doing some comedy,
55:44 - 55:47
or is it, could you do a duet together? Like, surely they don't need to.
55:47 - 55:52
It's not a duet. It's not a duet. Yeah, he's got the black and tan dog and I've got the ginger dog.
55:53 - 55:59
And what we're trying to do is bring Glasgow together with music. No, no, no, no, no, no.
55:59 - 56:03
Nothing like that. Nothing like that. It was just for me to go and do a bit and him, he would be there.
56:03 - 56:09
Right, I see. Is it just Marti Pellow wants a one-on-one gig from you? Is that what, is it Marti Pellow emailing to say?
56:09 - 56:15
I think so. Yeah, could I have a private gig? Okay, so four episodes of The Trades is four hours.
56:16 - 56:23
Is that four hours? Yeah. That's great. Do you know what? I never really get the chance to just lie and watch TV.
56:23 - 56:34
If I'm watching TV, it's normally sport, which is quite stressful. It is stressful. So I just lay on the sofa with my girlfriend and we just watched The Traders and it was great.
56:34 - 56:40
We just had cups of tea and oh. I was thinking there must have been some Haribo or some M&Ms or something.
56:40 - 56:50
Oh, there was leftover Lindor. Oh, good stuff. I know, like orange cream Lindor. If you tried that little bit of heroin, oh, whoa.
56:50 - 57:03
Orange cream Lindor is like velvet Terry's chocolate orange. Good. I feel they have exposed many of the chocolates that we grew up with as being utter bullshit.
57:03 - 57:16
Like, because if you have the choice now of the tin of roses, the tin of Quality Street or one of these incredible Swiss magic pills, you're obviously going to go with the Lindor.
57:16 - 57:19
I don't know where the classics are going to go from here, to be honest.
57:19 - 57:25
I'm a great believer that you should always have a tub of Quality Street and roses in the house.
57:26 - 57:33
Right? Wow. Okay. Always. Always. I'm not interested in celebrations and miniature heroes. I'm not.
57:33 - 57:36
Oh, wow. See if I want a twirl, I'll go and get a twirl. Right?
57:36 - 57:43
See if I want a bounty, I'll go and get a bounty. What I don't need is to have to eat 20 tiny bounties to get a bounty.
57:44 - 57:50
Right? So I'm like, no. I like my roses and I like my Quality Street.
57:50 - 58:00
It's Christmas time. And now Lindor has ghosted in at the back post. I feel like a Daily Mail reader, but it is too good to ignore.
58:00 - 58:09
And then have you had the Lindor bunny? They are great. There's something about the ears that is just, it doesn't matter how big one you get, you eat all of it in one sitting.
58:09 - 58:16
And then you are filled with regret. It's impossible because I see it. It's too lifelike, the whole thing.
58:16 - 58:23
So I'm imagining myself finding a bunny and just biting its ears off like a Neanderthal.
58:23 - 58:28
Maybe if it was some less appreciated animal, then I wouldn't have a problem eating it.
58:28 - 58:33
But the bunny is a huge mistake. There, I've said it. Like a rat or a fly.
58:33 - 58:39
If it was a fly, you wouldn't have to eat a whole packet of little lint flies.
58:40 - 58:48
You're back to the miniature heroes and celebrations again, though, aren't you? It's just how many flies do you need to eat to have a lint bunny?
58:48 - 59:02
But hang on. The one advantage of, say, the tiny double-decker is you can eat 40 tiny double-deckers and convince yourself you have not yet eaten one full double-decker.
59:02 - 59:10
You know, it's a psychological game that I play at Christmas that allows me to eat way more than I normally would.
59:10 - 59:18
But I mean, sometimes you just won't. The whole point of a double-decker is that it gives your face a workout, right?
59:18 - 59:29
I've just done essentially a hundred push-ups there with my face, eating a double-decker, a lion bar or a toffee crisp or a picnic.
59:29 - 59:36
Any of those three chocolate bars in your life, I have literally offset these calories by chewing.
59:36 - 59:43
It's a great psychological trick here, yeah. And the minor double-decker doesn't give you that because it's just not as big.
59:43 - 59:48
It doesn't demand as much. How many of the lint orange balls do you have?
59:49 - 59:55
Four hours of traitors and two really big mugs of tea. Great. It was a good dozen.
59:56 - 1:00:04
A good dozen lint or... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like proper going to bed thinking my pancreas is a bit sore.
1:00:06 - 1:00:19
The great thing about the lint or ball, though, is if you just swallow them whole, you get the enjoyment of them going in and then you just shit them straight out again like the reverse Pac-Man.
1:00:19 - 1:00:24
You can go straight to paintball and play a slightly more sinister version of paintball.
1:00:24 - 1:00:36
The sweet corn chocolate. When do we then start four episodes of Traitors? So what time are we then when we start to wind things down, Susie?
1:00:36 - 1:00:41
So we're now about 10 o'clock. And I thought, what I'll do is I'll put on the news, right?
1:00:41 - 1:00:47
Oh, yeah. That'll cheer you up. Yeah. So at that point, my girlfriend went, do you want another cup of tea?
1:00:47 - 1:00:55
And I was like, yeah, with a fucking whiskey in it. And then I watched the news and I had another, I'm going to have another chocolate British society, right?
1:00:56 - 1:01:03
Like the world over the past decade, let's say, has really turned upside down, right?
1:01:03 - 1:01:11
And we're really kind of looking through the looking glass. So we have the whole Trump Greenland.
1:01:11 - 1:01:17
There's a bit of Iran. There's all sorts going on. There's European prime ministers and presidents texting the president of America.
1:01:18 - 1:01:23
It's all kicking off, right? And then the next news story was Prince Harry, right?
1:01:23 - 1:01:31
Because this country cannot get over its obsession with the wee ginger prince that doesn't want to be a prince anymore.
1:01:31 - 1:01:38
So then we get through over that, right? And how terrible the Daily Mail is and has been terrible to Sadie Frost and Elton John.
1:01:38 - 1:01:45
And I don't doubt it for one minute. But I'm like, I don't really know how much of a news story this is when the world's kicking off.
1:01:45 - 1:01:53
And then the next story was even worse. It was Brooklyn Peltz Beckham. Oh, yes, I've read this.
1:01:54 - 1:02:05
Castrating himself from his own family with a statement. And I was just like, how is this the third biggest news story?
1:02:05 - 1:02:09
How is this? Yeah, but we all read it, though. That's the trouble. We're all guilty of this.
1:02:09 - 1:02:14
Because I think real news is too hard to stomach. But Brooklyn Beckham saying my parents are a bit annoying.
1:02:14 - 1:02:29
I can really get into that. I had to reverse my way into that news story because I saw on social media people putting up sexy dances and going Brooklyn Beckham and Posh Spice dancing at his wedding.
1:02:29 - 1:02:38
And then I had to reverse that and go, what's this about? And then found that she had done an overly sexy dance with him at his wedding.
1:02:38 - 1:02:48
And that was part of his beefs with her. Which is weird. Your mum doing a sexy dance with you for your first dance at your wedding.
1:02:48 - 1:02:52
I even think third dance is still a bit weird at the wedding, isn't it?
1:02:52 - 1:02:57
I think your mum giving you a lap dance at your own wedding is just weird.
1:02:58 - 1:03:03
Like, it's a bit Norfolk, isn't it? It's a bit. I don't think it is a bit Norfolk.
1:03:03 - 1:03:09
I don't think in Norfolk, my experience of Norfolk, I don't think it's your mum's a lap dancer place.
1:03:09 - 1:03:16
I just think maybe being a motor boated by your own mother at your wedding.
1:03:16 - 1:03:24
It would be what people would remember. Honestly, it's the fact he came out and he went, everything was for brand Beckham.
1:03:24 - 1:03:28
Yeah. And I was like, well, you've done all right out of brand Beckham, son.
1:03:28 - 1:03:35
It put a roof over your head and food on your table. And then he went, and they've tried to buy the rights to my name.
1:03:36 - 1:03:43
But I said no. And I'm like, but surely if you didn't want to be part of brand Beckham, you would get rid of that name.
1:03:44 - 1:03:54
Like, he's only 26. I mean, you wouldn't know. Like, sort of just becoming sentient. Obviously, now what we're doing is becoming a celebrity gossip podcast, which is the absolute dream.
1:03:54 - 1:03:59
I don't know. I think it must be really hard if you're to be the kid of famous people.
1:04:00 - 1:04:04
I think it must be really hard to be the kid of famous people, right?
1:04:04 - 1:04:17
However, we're all being quite sympathetic to him. But no one was sympathetic to Prince Harry when he was like, listen, I don't really want to be a member of this mental family that the British public keep as a pet.
1:04:18 - 1:04:21
Do you know what I mean? No, no. I feel exactly the same. I think you're absolutely right.
1:04:21 - 1:04:41
Yeah. But the reason Max is being shifty here, Susie, is because Max foresees in 20 years time, the fact that he has mentioned his children on this podcast, a massive legal case where they're like, for my entire childhood, I just felt I had to keep doing cute things.
1:04:41 - 1:04:51
Keep asking what time it is, even though I didn't understand the time. I'm playing with a huge Hot Wheels garage all for this man's stupid podcast.
1:04:51 - 1:04:59
Still angling for an MBE for services to broadcasting. That's another weird thing, isn't it?
1:04:59 - 1:05:10
That's another weird thing, David. The honor system. That's a weird thing. Stop it. When you see the weirdos that are on the different levels of how great you have been as well.
1:05:10 - 1:05:16
And then even the fact that last week that guy defected from the Tories to reform because he didn't.
1:05:16 - 1:05:25
He wasn't made a sir. A man who forgot he'd set up an offshore bank account and hadn't paid five million pounds to his majesty's revenue and customs.
1:05:25 - 1:05:32
We've all done that. We've all done it. Oh, I owned a bank account in the Cayman Islands when I was out there on Friday night.
1:05:32 - 1:05:38
Totally forgot about it. What a night we had. Yeah. I ordered a power washer off Amazon when I was pissed.
1:05:39 - 1:05:44
Oh no, I've got five million quid in a bank account in Bermuda. What am I like?
1:05:44 - 1:05:55
Is that what he said? What am I like? What am I like? So we watched the news and then we were just sitting chatting and then we weer just sitting chatting, we had a wee chuckle.
1:05:55 - 1:06:04
My girlfriend went and got ready for bed. Then I get ready for bed. And then I just, I love Cartman from South Park, right?
1:06:04 - 1:06:09
I love him. Because there's so much of Cartman I look at and I see myself.
1:06:09 - 1:06:19
Right? Just little fat and angry. Do you know sometimes something just comes into your head that you've completely forgotten about?
1:06:19 - 1:06:28
So I came out of the bathroom and I picked up my phone and I've walked into the bedroom playing Cartman singing in the ghetto.
1:06:28 - 1:06:40
And then he goes, in the ghetto, And then he does his own harmonies, right? And I was hysterical watching this.
1:06:40 - 1:06:51
And my girlfriend went, what are you laughing at? And then the two of us just lay laughing for like 10, 15 minutes and then going through different sketches of South Park of Cartman going,
1:06:51 - 1:07:03
I am the authority. And just laughing. So we spent about 20, 25 minutes laughing at an inane, immature nonsense.
1:07:03 - 1:07:10
And I think you should always do that before you go to sleep. South Park is, and a lot of South Park has sort of passed me by, right?
1:07:10 - 1:07:17
But I remember, and I reckon I must have been about 18, 17, 18 when it first came out.
1:07:17 - 1:07:27
And the first episode I ever saw, I remember watching it in my living room with my couple of mates after we'd been at the pub, was one of them has had an anal probe, right?
1:07:27 - 1:07:36
But it's like a fucking full on whole satellite that sort of comes out and like goes, It's just so ludicrously enormous.
1:07:36 - 1:07:45
And I remember at the time we couldn't breathe, like just couldn't breathe how this was, this is actually a cartoon that is on the television.
1:07:45 - 1:07:53
Yeah, and it's just, I think the character Cartman's just funny because he's always used as the vehicle to literally laugh at America.
1:07:53 - 1:08:01
Do you know what I mean? And that kind of angry American kind of thing going on, he's inappropriate and all that.
1:08:01 - 1:08:06
Sometimes it's the nuance in his character. Do you know what I mean? And it's just funny.
1:08:06 - 1:08:11
It just makes me laugh. And it just made me just kind of go, Aye, the world's terrible.
1:08:11 - 1:08:18
But do you know what? Cartman's still singing in the ghetto. It's one of life's little joys.
1:08:18 - 1:08:26
And we should just be thankful for that. And I just think it's always a really nice way to go to sleep is that you've lay in bed having a chuckle.
1:08:27 - 1:08:34
It's something that's just ridiculous. So the other night, my girlfriend showed me a video and it was like cats at work.
1:08:34 - 1:08:39
And it just looked like cats were helping their owners like fix the sink and stuff like that.
1:08:39 - 1:08:44
Right? See that? That's what I want from the internet. That's what I want from the internet.
1:08:44 - 1:08:55
I just want silly, immature things that will make me laugh. And I try and do that every night before I go to sleep because it's a good way to go to sleep, innit?
1:08:55 - 1:09:01
It's a good way to go to sleep. I'm just worried about the dogs. Has the topless 21-year-old taken...
1:09:02 - 1:09:09
He's got the dogs. He's had them out twice while puffing on a vape, walking dogs and talking to somebody on his phone.
1:09:09 - 1:09:19
So I'm just like, you knock yourself out, son. I mean, if I could give him some advice, I would get those dogs in the videos.
1:09:19 - 1:09:26
Hot babes would love to see a sensitive topless man with a little Rangers and a Celtic dog.
1:09:27 - 1:09:34
We were going to watch... Remember when Scotland played Greece and then had to beat Denmark to go to the World Cup?
1:09:34 - 1:09:40
Oh, yeah. We were going to the pub that Saturday night to watch it. And the two dogs were actually here at the time.
1:09:40 - 1:09:45
And my girl friend just turned around as we were going out the door. And she went, it's dog friendly.
1:09:45 - 1:09:53
Bring the dogs. And he was like, really? And she went, bring the dogs. Trust me.
1:09:54 - 1:09:59
And we were going out and he was like, girls like dogs. And I was like, yes, son.
1:09:59 - 1:10:04
Girls do like dogs. So I've not been able to get them away from the park since.
1:10:04 - 1:10:14
The dogs are shattered. They're like, I am exhausted. 36 walks a day. They were actually Alsatians, but they're now the size of that guy.
1:10:16 - 1:10:22
What time do we turn in at then, Susie McCabe? About half past 11, 20 to 12, something like that.
1:10:22 - 1:10:27
I was wondering about that. It was after chuckling away at the world. It's not a bad day, really.
1:10:27 - 1:10:32
It's a good day, isn't it? Laundry, Chinese, wet, wet, wet. And laughing at Carmen.
1:10:32 - 1:10:42
What else do you need? In the gate, too. And sort of getting back into life after your 30,000 steps a day London adventure.
1:10:43 - 1:10:48
Today, I'm going to go to the gym. And then I'm actually going to do some Vox Pops for my show.
1:10:48 - 1:10:53
I need to go and do some Vox Pops for that. To advertise my King's show.
1:10:53 - 1:10:59
And then, yeah, back in tonight, quiet night tonight. Just a relaxed one. Because tomorrow I'm out for dinner for my birthday.
1:10:59 - 1:11:03
So it'll be good. These are different podcasts. What are you up to later? And what are you doing tomorrow?
1:11:04 - 1:11:09
We haven't launched those yet. The rest is tomorrow. The rest is what you're up to later.
1:11:11 - 1:11:16
Susie McCabe, thank you for telling us what you did yesterday. Thanks, lads. See you soon.
1:11:27 - 1:11:33
That was what Susie McCabe did yesterday. For the tape. We record the end just after we do the beginning.
1:11:33 - 1:11:39
So I'm still furious that David has once again buried the lead. Buried. No, the opposite of buried the lead.
1:11:40 - 1:11:46
No. You're just like, it's like Columbo. You know, everyone knows who did it. That's the peak moment.
1:11:46 - 1:11:52
The cleanest washing machine in all of Scotland. That would be a good title for if our guest Epps did have a title.
1:11:52 - 1:11:59
It'd be a nice thing for someone to say. I've always thought of my drum as pretty clean.
1:11:59 - 1:12:07
Yeah. But have you looked inside the flat? Because that's probably absolutely disgusting. Yeah. And I have never purchased the additional.
1:12:07 - 1:12:12
So you can get these things that are kind of like little hundreds of thousands.
1:12:13 - 1:12:16
Why would you put them in a washing machine? Not the worst thing you could put in a washing machine.
1:12:17 - 1:12:20
Hundreds and thousands. They color catch or make it smell nice or something like that.
1:12:20 - 1:12:25
Oh, yeah. She was talking about that. I've never engaged with all of that. She goes all the way.
1:12:25 - 1:12:35
Yeah. I look at her differently now as regards vivid color, et cetera. Maybe that generic man three and the owner of 19 bikes.
1:12:35 - 1:12:44
If we upped our games and started using more products in our washing machines, we would become more vivid personalities.
1:12:44 - 1:12:51
But we have to have a serious conversation about spoilers for us to have. Oh, come on.
1:12:53 - 1:13:01
Come on. You know the way a lot of the podcasts now, they take like four huge moments from the start.
1:13:01 - 1:13:08
I don't hate that bit. Yeah. And I think. The reason we can't do that is because after two years of doing this, there's yet to be a moment where you could go.
1:13:09 - 1:13:15
And then someone goes, and then I killed my parents crying. And then I made my first millionaire crying.
1:13:16 - 1:13:24
And then I finally realized that if I got out of bed at 430 and didn't talk to my wife, I could have a six pack and be a successful broadcaster.
1:13:25 - 1:13:37
We don't have any of those moments. Whereas ours would be like, if you use fabric conditioner, in addition to color catch balls, you will get a very clean washing drum.
1:13:38 - 1:13:43
And then I put on the third episode of Traitors, which was similar to the second episode of Traitors.
1:13:44 - 1:13:59
Bong! Da-da! If you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
1:13:59 - 1:14:06
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:14:06 - 1:14:14
And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. I forgive you. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.
1:14:14 - 1:14:22
I just. No, that's okay. It's hard to clickbait this thing because. I think once they've started, they're not going to.
1:14:22 - 1:14:29
Like, I'm trying to think. If you were listening to the intro and you're like, do I want to listen to the Susie McCabe episode or not?
1:14:29 - 1:14:35
And then suddenly someone yells, the cleanest washing machine in Glasgow. Is that for the people that are hovering on?
1:14:35 - 1:14:39
Actually, I should probably listen to what's happening in Greenland. And they go and add a wang on a second.
1:14:40 - 1:14:46
Hang on. They've got me. I'm in. I'm in. Maybe you're right. We'll check if there's been a spike in the listeners.
1:14:47 - 1:15:03
Thank you, David. In It For Life. Everything's showbiz. Everything is showbiz. Hello, Yesterday fans.
1:15:03 - 1:15:17
It's me, David O'Doherty, the 1990 East Leinster Under-14s triple jump bronze medalist with a little bit of news that Max and I are doing a live show.
1:15:17 - 1:15:27
This time in my home, Dublin City, where the ejector seat was invented. Also, I think the hypodermic needle.
1:15:28 - 1:15:33
And someone told me the birthday candles you blow out and they come back on.
1:15:33 - 1:15:36
It was to do with, I think a lot of explosive type stuff was invented there.
1:15:37 - 1:15:49
And that was a byproduct. Anyway, we're doing a live show on the 3rd of March in Dublin's beautiful Vicar Street.
1:15:49 - 1:15:53
Tickets are on sale now. It's kind of wild.
1:15:53 - 1:15:58
We're doing Dublin on the 3rd of March and Melbourne on the 3rd of April.
1:15:58 - 1:16:06
And if anyone apart from us goes to both of those gigs, you get a special prize.
1:16:07 - 1:16:11
This is my announcement. Now, please enjoy the rest of the podcast.