S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

0:01 - 0:29

Hello Yesterday fans, it's me David O'Doherty the 1990 East Leinster under 14's triple jump bronze medalist with a little bit of news that Max and I are doing a live show this time in my home Dublin City where the ejector seat was invented. Also I think the hypodermic needle and someone told me

0:29 - 0:59

The birthday candles you blow out and they come back on it was to do with I think a lot of explosive type stuff was invented there and that was a byproduct anyway we're doing a live show on the 3rd of March in Dublin's beautiful Vicar Street tickets are on sale now it's kind of wild we're doing Dublin on the 3rd of March and Melbourne on the 3rd of April.

0:59 - 1:07

And if anyone apart from us goes to both of those gigs you get a special prize.

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This is my announcement now please enjoy the rest of the podcast. Podcasts there are millions of them some might say too many I have one already I don't have any because there are enough politics business sport you name it.

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There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

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We try and say it at the same time Max. What did you do yesterday?

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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday.

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Nothing more. Day before yesterday Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

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Unless it was yesterday. We don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?

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I'm Max Rushden alongside me David O'Doherty. This is the podcast where we ask people what they...

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Max, don't do that face because I'm seeing... No, I just smiled. I was just smiling.

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Hang on, hang on. I was just smiling. And I was just doing some neck exercises.

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I don't want the podcast to get in the way of just trying to keep my body live for the upcoming football season.

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It's funny because when you do... When your first neck exercise is to look directly upwards with your eyes rolling back in your head, it does seem like you're sending a different message.

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As part of our new listener drive... Oh, yeah, we do have one. I don't want to take it for granted anymore that people know...

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Oh, yeah. Even a podcast called What Did You Do Yesterday? What are we doing about the new listener drive?

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What's our... We haven't really had a tactical meeting about it, have we? Could everybody listening just tell the nearest person to them right now to listen to this podcast?

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So maybe it's your partner, but you could be at the bus stop or in the gym and let us know how the interaction goes.

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But as a call to action, if everybody told the nearest person to them to do that, eventually we'd get everyone in the world.

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It would take a while. Could you also, on public transport, hold your podcast listening device at sort of medium arm's length from you and laugh loudly?

3:39 - 3:45

Good idea. And point at it to other people and just sort of shake your head.

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Oh, my days. Say things like that. If you're like a pilot of an Airbus, just accidentally flick on the intercom while the Ross Noble episode is playing and people have flown to Lanzarote and that's the only thing they've got.

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Okay. I'm excited to see how this goes. I wasn't rolling my eyes because let me tell you, this episode has a...

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What did you do yesterday first? No spoilers, but it really is... It's jaw-dropping. I will give...

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I know you don't like clues, but I'll give two clues. Clue one. No, thank you.

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No, thank you. Bow, bow, bow, bow. No, no, no, David. That's not on. Clue two.

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That's not on. Train going into a tunnel. Hong Kong. I think you've really spoiled this.

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Today's episode is with Vittorio Angelone from Belfast, now living in London. It's a good day in the life, I would say.

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He gets a lot done. If you don't know Vittorio, he'd be one of the new cool comedians, kind of like me 20 years ago, but it was really cool.

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Is that why you were trying to say cool words to him? To like try and be cool?

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Did I keep saying stuff like cowabunga? Like all of my cool words. That sounds really, that sounds really sponditious, Vittorio.

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That's what you say. Well, let me tell you, if you want to see Vittorio's sponditious comedy, his last show, he recorded as a special.

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It's dropped. There's a cool word on the YouTubes. And it's called Who Do You Think You Are?

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I Am, which is a very cool internet reference that he explains over it. Very nice special.

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He's on tour for the next few months. We've discussed that a little bit in the podcast.

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I like I did in recording this with Max. I tried not to that we didn't just get stuck in talking about comedy anymore, because then I see the light of life drain slowly from the rise.

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Here we go. The R. Anyone could do it. We all know that. Everyone listening is like, yeah, the Apollo.

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Oh, no, not another one of these. I could do that. Vittorio's new show is called You Can't Say Nothing Anymore.

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And he's touring for most of 2026. As Max has said, this show features a sexy first.

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And this is what Vittorio... I think you've really... Angelone. Shouldn't have let the cat out of the bag, David.

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...did yesterday. I've got one hand is a sort of a circly tube, and the other is a single finger moving towards it.

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Lazy Jam, and this is what Vittorio did yesterday. Vittorio Angelone, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.

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Thank you for having me, Max and David. At last. An Irish person. Finally. Because Max comes across as nice, but he's always like, nah, nah, nah.

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None of them. No Irish. I say no Irish. Well, I was recently on Max's Talk Sports Show, and they didn't even give me headphones, because I believe Max's words were, he doesn't deserve to hear my voice.

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This is it. It was one of the great intros where I did the whole big, you know, joining us now in the studio.

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We don't lie that I'm not in the studio, because I'm in my shed in Australia.

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Vittorio Angelone's here. He's got a tour out. He'd not make Dimitar Berbatov once. Welcome to the show.

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And then Charlie realized that he hadn't heard any of it. I just looked very rude on live radio.

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I was sort of looking at Charlie like, why are you looking at me? So look, this is a more professional setup that we can all hear and see each other at the same time, which is all you need.

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Isn't this a turn up for the books that I was at, like, News UK, huge sort of like TV and radio production.

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It's all glass and metal. And they hadn't a clue what was going on, but we're sort of recording a podcast.

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Legacy media has fallen behind. There is an awful moment when you do commercial radio of any kind and you're not hearing the coming to you live across the nation.

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For some reason, they don't play that in your headphones. So you're just sitting there in absolute silence with some DJ who is hearing it, who's opposite you waving his or her arms around.

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That's what happened to you, Vittorio. But they just kept you there in total silence.

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So then it was just either they gave him some headphones or I had to say, Charlie, could you ask, you ask Vittorio a question for me and then he can answer to you and then I'll hear it.

8:44 - 8:49

A bit like when you refuse to talk to, you know, when you're at school, you say, I'm not talking to Tim anymore.

8:49 - 8:55

Can you ask Tim to pass me the Capri sound? You tell Max I'm on tour in the new year.

8:57 - 9:07

I have heard of a leading UK standup comedian that won't talk to Tex during a soundcheck.

9:07 - 9:15

So has their person on stage and says, can you get them to turn the lights up a bit?

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And their person goes, excuse me, can you make it a bit brighter here? And the whole thing proceeds like that.

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Absolute fucking carnage. Wow. Because I have my cousin tour managers for me and he is like the king of diplomatic language and I am whatever the opposite, like the two of diamonds of diplomatic language.

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Like that's what I am. Like I am so bad at it because I know what I want, but I'm very bad at finding a way to say that sort of pleasantly in terms of lights and sound stuff.

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This is more so I don't like upset anyone. I don't like, it sort of filters through my cousin, but I do talk to them.

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It's not like an explicit roof, but my cousin has like an absolute catchphrase on tour where if he knows exactly what he wants to happen, he knows exactly what the lights are supposed to look like or exactly what's supposed to happen with the sound.

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But he knows that they have maybe spent a bit of time building something that isn't what we want.

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My cousin will say these exact words. He always goes, can we try just as an experiment?

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Ah, nice. And then he says exactly what we're going to use. Although famously on this podcast we established, not because she was a guest, very much on the wish list, that Enya doesn't talk to work trades people come around and Enya's people say Enya

10:34 - 10:45

is very happy with the tiling. Yeah. Vittorio, a man who did some tiling in my house had just come from tiling Enya's panic room.

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She has a panic room in that castle? Enya's the one with the castle, isn't she?

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Yeah, of course she's got a castle. Imagine if she didn't. Imagine if she lived in like a garage conversion at this semi-detached estate just outside Dublin.

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I like the idea that all of her full-time staff like phone in sick one day, but she has somebody in doing the tiling and she has to have that moment.

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Oh no. It's been so long that she walks up to them and goes, Enya is very happy with the tiling.

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She wouldn't say anything. She just let them tile for as long until someone else turned up.

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And if there was more tiling, that would just be the way it would have to be.

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The whole castle, the whole castle's tiled by the end. We have to get down to business, Vittorio.

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What time did you wake up yesterday? I woke up at 8.35am, which is when I wake up every day.

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And is that natural body clock like Jack Reacher or was that an alarm? No, that's very much an alarm.

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And my friend Alfie Brown was making fun of me recently for waking up at 8.35am.

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He seemed to think that was psychotic to have your alarm set at 8.35am. What's the thinking?

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I would imagine it's so you're up and about for 9am. And so you factored 25 minutes of me time before that moment.

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The only thinking is 8.30 is a bit early. Yeah. Like a lot of wake up times for me go back to school and 8.35 is too late.

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Our school started at 9am unless the one guy who lived like right next door to school.

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And sometimes he'd come in and he'd be like, I was asleep 10 minutes ago, even though I had to get up, you know, half seven to cycle there.

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I was quite lucky with school. We were probably a 15 minute brisk walk away. It's probably a 20 minute walk really, but if you sort of booked it, it was 15.

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And we had registration for 10 minutes and then sort of lessons started. So registration was at 9.20.

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Wow. So I didn't need to leave the house until 9.05. Problem is two gates to my school, the back gate and the front gate.

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The back gate is a 15 minute walk. The front gate's a 25 minute walk. Sometimes it wasn't open.

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The back gate closes promptly at 9.20. Wow. But neither of you have to worry about this anymore.

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Yeah, we're both still in school. That's the thing about Irish people. You stay in school till you're 51.

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That's not 51. Wow. You're going to have a big party next year, David. We're finally leaving.

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You're going to prank the school. You're going to glue the locks. This is exciting.

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I'm going to tell that teacher I fancy her. She's 86. For goodness sake, David. What are you doing?

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Okay. Okay. So it's 8.35. The alarm goes off. Do you spring up, Victoria? Or do you take your phone and get on with Wordle?

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It's been quite a bad... Like my partner, my girlfriend has been way more on top of the getting up in the mornings thing recently.

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Whereas that really used to be my job. I'm a real sort of wife guy.

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I would get up and then like prepare a coffee for her in bed. Yeah.

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Which is very like cute or whatever. That's nice. I've been really struggling to wake up in the last couple months.

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So I'm sort of groggily like... And I try not to use the phone in bed though.

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That's a pretty hard and fast rule. Do you think you're seasonally affected? You know, do you think it's easier in the summer to bounce up and make like a melange of fruit for your great love?

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Yeah. Or has the love gone? Is the other question. Are you just sort of over it?

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Max, that's subtext. That's where I was going with this. Okay, I see. Sorry. Yes, I'm taking vitamin D supplements and the love has gone.

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Is vitamin D the one that makes your willy stand up? I don't think so.

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I don't think it is, David. That's not my experience of vitamin D. Because you get that from the sun and that would be a real problem.

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I thought it was vitamin Dick. Sorry. That's what you call Viagra is vitamin D.

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Vitamin D. Oh, God. What's happened, David? Yeah, I know. I've gone blue. Okay. So it's 8.35.

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You're groggily sort of wandering around in a haze. Mrs. Vittorio, she's lying there because you haven't made her any coffee for months.

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She's very thirsty. She's dead. She's too dead for months. Oh, no. That's bleak. You've had a bleak minute here, David.

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I've got to say, it's your bleakest minute so far. I'm back. Vittorio, what do you do at 8.35?

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So 8.35, groggily kind of wake up. And I think the times when I struggle to get up most is when I don't have anything really to get up for.

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My first engagement of the day isn't till 11 a.m. Okay, good. But I know I should get up earlier because otherwise I'll feel a bit shit.

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But it's just like, in aid of what am I getting up earlier here? Both me and my girlfriend just groggily in bed like, what the hell?

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And then, look, I have come into this podcast with the spirit of full honesty and transparency about what I did yesterday.

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And at about 8.45 a.m., I had a morning bonk with my girlfriend. Wow. Finally.

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This is our first honest carnal relations we've ever had. Wow. I'm the first bonk on what the...

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Wow. This is the first bonk. Daryl Brien's great criticism of this podcast was that no one has ever had an old pedal and crank on it.

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Although Ed Gamble did spend a lot of time on YouTube looking at luxury watches and we didn't see through that.

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Yeah, that was such bullshit. You knew you were doing the podcast. So did that come into your...

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Did that come into your thinking that you wanted to have a bonk because you're going to get to talk about it the next day?

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Great question, Max. Or had... Clearly the love was back. I told my girlfriend, Meg's coitus, this one's for Max and David.

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Did you have us on in the background? Yeah, I was trying because you got a prep.

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I was listening to the John Kearns episode. He was talking about a pan au chocolat and I was riding.

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I mean, David, this isn't uncharted territory here. Yeah. I mean, there are follow-up questions, but I don't know.

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You're a professional Guardian journalist. The Guardian journalist to me would say, was it a good bonk?

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I like a morning bonk because I think I'm a man who's sort of riddled with...

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Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. I would say I'm a man who's riddled with syphilis as if it's subjective.

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Like you're Oscar Wilde or something. It's the subjective SPI. Sorry, I interrupted you. I'm burdened with self-consciousness and just overthinking the whole time.

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But I think in that first maybe 45 minutes of being awake, I think I'm in a less self-aware, less anxious headspace.

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I feel like I'm more in touch with sort of the caveman part of my brain, which is just like, yeah, you can just have sex.

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Where I think in the evening I've had a whole day of being an idiot.

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But there's some element of bonk where you have to take yourself a little bit seriously.

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Yeah. It's true. And I feel much more capable of doing that in the morning time.

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Hmm. Wow. Great. Okay. I've got a good question. Okay. Okay. Good. Yeah. You know, that legendary line that's attributed to many Irish ladies of the hetero persuasion where it is, all right, in and out, none of the fancy stuff.

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Let's get this done. That would be my experience of the morning bunk. No, I think it was just very like, oh, we both have a bit of time to kill here and we might as well.

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I mean, we could get up and as you say, do the wordle. Yeah. Or we could sort of do each other's wordle.

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As it were. Really good now if you just said, and then it's now 4pm.

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I've missed my podcast. Like when Sting was on, when Sting did the pod, that's what happened.

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Yeah. He was like, I started at 8am and then I went to bed. Sorry, interruption.

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It would also be funny if Vittorio had done this big buildup and then the punchline was, I'm then at 8.37.

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Yes. Also. Now I like to, I don't want to go into great detail because Mrs. Rushden listens to this podcast, but I like to have a shower after I've had a bunk.

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Yes. Are you straight in the shower? No, I'm not straight in the shower because I, I, I'm, you can shower first if you would like.

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Okay. I listen, I have dreams of having a big old like shower that two people can fit in, legitimately fit in because there's a lot of, I think it's a real sort of young person's game that, Oh, would you like to shower together?

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Because they haven't been sort of confronted with the literally cold reality of showering with someone else.

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Which is basically standing naked on porcelain while someone else showers intermittently. You at least need like a revolving, you need to be standing on like a revolving plate so that you're not cold for that long.

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What do you see? Yeah. You people staring at me. You need that from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang or whatever it is.

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That's what his morning ride is called. You need a lazy Susan is what you're saying.

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Is that a lazy Susan? Yeah. Yeah. That's so nice. So I didn't do that.

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So girlfriend's in the shower first. I'm just sort of like hanging out in bed.

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And then I think I'm in the shower probably 9.15, 9.30. This is a great day so far.

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Brush teeth before the shower. I don't trust people that brush their teeth in the shower.

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I don't know if that's either of you. Sometimes. Is that not weird? No, I don't think so.

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Like that it's warm. I think that the teeth brushing is a cold activity. All the water should be cold.

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Oh, interesting. What I think is, I think I don't look after my teeth. You know, when I brush my teeth, I'm not doing two minutes each tooth up and down.

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I'm just like, just make the mouth minty and that's probably enough. I love the idea of you going in to like a car wash, but it's for your teeth.

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And you just go to the guys, just make my mouth minty and pass off.

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It's my general feeling about it. So if I'm in the shower, I think, right, I can kill two birds with one stony.

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I'm time poor. I have young kids. That's good. But if I'm going to shower for three minutes, if I brush my teeth that whole time, that'll be good for them.

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And they deserve. Because since I moved to Australia, I just haven't, I just occasionally just go to the dentist when I'm back in the UK.

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It's not enough. Something I need to work on. I've had that since I moved to London 11 years ago.

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Yeah. You haven't had a dentist look at your teeth? I had one dentist look at my teeth last year, but that was the first time in, I think, seven years.

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You've got beautiful teeth. You know, when I think of you, I do think of perfect teeth.

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Wow. That's nice. Because I've been a braceless man for my whole life, which I felt quite lucky about.

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Although when I was 13, I remember like I really wanted the braces. I wanted like all the, like the accessories to head.

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I wanted glasses as well. A neck brace. Did you want a neck brace? The cone of shame that a dog has as well?

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Yeah. The woman from Doc Martin with the neck brace. I thought she was so good.

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But I've never had braces, but it was this guy reached out on Instagram last year and was like, if you ever want your teeth whitened, I can like do your, like make your trays and

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give you the bleach stuff for free. Did you have to do a post going?

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I've just had my teeth whitened by Mr. Whiten. No. All right. No. Because I don't do any of those.

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And I like, and I do miss out on free stuff. I'm trying to cultivate an anti-establishment brand.

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And it's hard to do that with hashtag ad at the bottom of your voice.

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You're on this podcast. The bad boys podcast. I have a similar vibe because no one asked me for anything, but I did once get years ago.

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Someone said, do you want 20 kilos of meat? But you'll have to like, just do a post about the meat.

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Fuck me. I had so much meat. So I got all the meat and I took a photo of it and said, I've got 20 kilos of meat.

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And then I think if I did it as well as I hoped I did, I didn't tweet for a week.

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And then I just tweeted, I'm really full. And I just thought that was a good, good way of doing it.

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It's just too much meat. Someone brilliant. Who was it who tweeted? I wonder what's in this wardrobe.

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And then didn't tweet for like three years. And then like the lion, the witch in the wardrobe just went, well, that was an experience.

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That was nice. Anyway, where are we? Sorry. Yes, David. Since mentioning my New Year's health resolutions, which haven't been going well on this podcast, Max, I have received two offers from personal trainers.

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Oh, yeah. Wondering if they need me to guide them on my 2026 health journey. They are out of control, the online coach community.

24:38 - 24:46

Yes. Yes. They reach out to every comedian. Like, I don't know if you were feeling special, but they reach out to everybody.

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And it's crazy. They are desperate to tell you how many calories they eat. I just don't feel I am.

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I mean, I guess it would be funny if I just got ripped, like absolutely savagely ripped.

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But it's just, it's not me. Like, while I could do with being a bit healthier, for sure.

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Or the idea of just turning up as basically a different guy. I don't know.

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I think I'm just stuck in this slightly podgy suit. I did. I fell victim to one of these online coaches last year.

25:23 - 25:30

And I managed to do it without doing the Instagram post thing. I said we would sort of shout him out on our podcast, mine and Mike's podcast.

25:30 - 25:34

Wow. And I said to Mike, oh, like, you know, we can get this online coaching for free.

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Like, if we just shut it out on the podcast, why don't we do that?

25:37 - 25:40

Because at the time we're doing, we were doing a bit of like a weight loss challenge.

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And Mike found the whole experience of like somebody telling him what to do. So stressful that he didn't even make it through the first Zoom consultation with the online coach.

25:53 - 25:59

So I was just sort of blogging this online coach by myself on a two person podcast once a week.

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And truly, Mike would call him a pedophile every single week. They hate that. They absolutely hate that.

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The online coach community, if there's something to say about them, they hate being called pedophiles.

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But I lost a pile of weight last year and I did a very silly thing where I'm wearing a suit on my upcoming tour and I got like fitted for the suit.

26:20 - 26:24

Wow. But I think the worst month of the year to get fitted for a suit is November.

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Because that is like the skinniest you'll be. Yes. And I've come back in January and they've sent the suit.

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And boy, oh boy, do I have some work to do before this tour starts.

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I feel like a bride months out from the wedding. Absolutely ridiculous. I once stayed in a hotel in Melbourne and there was an outbreak of one of those shitting viruses in the hotel where everyone who stayed in it just really let it all go.

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And then on the way home in Singapore got fitted for a suit where I was thinking this will be my suit forever.

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That's how they film The Biggest Loser in Australia is they film all sorreptish in a hotel, give everyone a shits, a wigs.

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And they just say, look, this is what we've done. It's just quicker, you know.

27:10 - 27:17

Okay. Come on. We've showered. We've showered. We've made love. We've made love. And now it's time for a bowl of shreddies.

27:18 - 27:26

Oh, I'm not a shreddies man. I have. I'm really bastardizing the format of this podcast to contextualize things.

27:26 - 27:30

I keep saying about what I did last year. And that is not what this podcast is about.

27:31 - 27:40

And I'm sorry. No, we don't care. I'm very sorry about that. But I had for breakfast scrambled eggs with bits of chicken in it on toast with sriracha hot sauce on top.

27:41 - 27:48

And that's what I have basically every morning. Reminiscent of Richard Herring's tuna bake that he has for breakfast.

27:48 - 27:53

True stir fry. I think the stir fries are healthier and are weird. I mean, both weird.

27:53 - 28:00

Richard Herring has a tuna lasagna. He has three tuna lasagnas for breakfast every morning.

28:00 - 28:03

Well, I was going to say, when you said tuna bake, like the oven shouldn't be on before noon.

28:04 - 28:10

Can we all agree on that? That's a very good point. Great point. Barring Christmas Day, the oven should not be on before noon.

28:10 - 28:14

Are you saying like a three tuna lasagna is like, not like a three cheese lasagna.

28:14 - 28:28

It's like three whole tunas. Blue fin, yellow fin, red fin. Other fin. It's like a turducken, but the three tunas are all inside each other with layers of pasta between them.

28:28 - 28:35

Oh, God. It's an awful meal. Edition of chicken is slightly curious, but probably delicious, to be honest.

28:35 - 28:44

Is that a legacy of the coaching journey? That is a legacy of the coach trying to hit your protein goals, because this is the first thing I learned with the online coach thing is they go,

28:44 - 28:53

this is how much protein you should be having a day. And I sort of tracked my normal diet for a week and went, I am miles off this.

28:53 - 28:58

That is mad. You're supposed to have like 150 grams. And I was topping out at 60 on a good day.

28:59 - 29:03

But it's hard, isn't it? It's hard work, protein. That's the thing. Whereas it is, it is.

29:03 - 29:09

And then you just have these sort of cement dish drinks that you have to have if you want to make up the difference at the end of the day.

29:09 - 29:18

Would you say there's protein in minstrels? Yeah. See, if they could make a protein minstrel, that would change my life forever.

29:18 - 29:24

David, do you think they're mince? Are you having minstrels? Or minstrels? Beef minstrels? Yeah, yeah.

29:24 - 29:33

Really nice. Me and Helen Copter went to see Hamnut. No spoilers. I'm reading the book at the moment.

29:34 - 29:46

Jessie Buckley. I hope she's in the book. Or I hope rather the woman in your head who is doing the part as you read the book is as good as Jessie Buckley is.

29:46 - 30:00

I've heard she's fantastic. And I did the thing I hadn't done for a long time where I got the large popcorn and then the full bag of minstrels and then jiggled the whole popcorn till the minstrel sort of cascaded down through it.

30:00 - 30:06

And then the heat from the popcorn started to just slightly melt them. And this is gorgeous.

30:07 - 30:11

I know. And that's salted popcorn. Can I clarify this? It is just salted popcorn.

30:11 - 30:17

Good. I don't know if you're butter or anything. But it did definitely affect. I was a very emotional film.

30:17 - 30:30

And then I was crying a lot and then rubbing my eyes and putting salt from the popcorn into my eyes such that at the end, I looked like I'd been in a fight at the end.

30:31 - 30:37

I love the idea of you sort of stumbling out of the cinema with like red eyes, tears streaming on your face.

30:37 - 30:46

And then a sort of toddlerish like chocolate rim around you. It's a beautiful film.

30:46 - 30:55

Jessie Buckley's amazing. Do you have a coffee with these eggs? No. And this is going to make me seem very, very weird.

30:55 - 31:00

Are you off caffeine as well? No, I'm on caffeine, but I don't like coffee.

31:00 - 31:05

So what I have every morning, and it's what I'm drinking right now out of this mug, is Coke Zero.

31:06 - 31:12

Wow! So you have scrambled eggs in Coke Zero. Blimey. Yeah. It's a recipe for a good shit.

31:13 - 31:21

Yes! I mean, similar to your no ovens before midday, I would have a no fizzy drinks before midday.

31:21 - 31:31

As if I'd done it. When I was a student, I worked one summer in a factory in Germany and would come in, get a Mars bar and a can of Coke from the vending machine,

31:31 - 31:44

and go and rebuild the newspaper while having a 45-minute dump. Post-clocking in. Yeah, it would really put the vibes up you at that time of day.

31:44 - 31:49

Like, you know when people drink whiskey in movies? Like every time you have a sup of the Coke, I'd be like, Ah!

31:50 - 32:01

Ah! You knock it back easily, though? Yeah, it's fine. And I like, I put it in a mug because I love the aesthetic of coffee.

32:01 - 32:06

Right. You know what I mean? I love to be pottering about the house in my slippers with a mug in my hand.

32:07 - 32:11

I love that. No one can see you, but you're still doing it. That's brilliant.

32:11 - 32:19

Your commitment to a Coke Zero and a mug. I tell you, I get a lot of raised eyebrows at cafes when I ask for a Coke Zero and a mug, please.

32:19 - 32:26

And the question is always, do you want ice in the mug? And I go, no.

32:26 - 32:35

But I mean, I take it to a crazy extent whereby, and I don't want to turn this into an ASMR podcast, but I drink cold Coke Zero from the mug like this.

32:37 - 32:48

I have a good coffee-ish sip. Yeah. As if it's hot. You have a needlepoint thing on your wall that says, Don't talk to me till I've had my Coke Zero.

32:49 - 33:00

All that sort of Garfield stuff. Yeah. Also, I need a recommendation for like a more ethical, caffeinated, I'm sure most coffee isn't ethical either.

33:00 - 33:05

And for a while I was on a thing called Green Cola, which is supposed to be a bit better for the environment.

33:05 - 33:09

Oh, but they're all really rough, aren't they? If it's not normal Coke, it's just...

33:09 - 33:15

It's like beans. There's a few things that if you stray from the big brands, they're really not up to scratch.

33:16 - 33:26

Yeah, beans is a good example there. Yeah. Pepsi Max Cherry. Like if I'm terribly hungover, there's a spa at the end of the road that has one of those.

33:27 - 33:34

And life is going badly when I drink my six times annually Pepsi Max Cherry.

33:34 - 33:40

But again, a terribly unethical drink, I'm sure. And bad for you and the world.

33:40 - 33:46

Yeah. Yeah. That's the slogan for it. That's the slogan. Bad for you. Bad for the world.

33:46 - 33:56

We should circle back to eggs because I have a sort of... So I'm fully bought and sold and I've been told it's an absolute scam, but I'm in the pocket of Big Burford Brown.

33:57 - 34:04

Yeah, no, they are good. They're pretty pricey, aren't they? Yeah. And they're rich, deep orange yolk.

34:05 - 34:15

That's what they say to you, a deep orange yolk. And supposedly the scam is that all they're doing at Clarence Court, where they make Burford Brown eggs, is feeding the chickens paprika.

34:16 - 34:26

That's what I heard as well. Yeah. But chickens love paprika, so it's fine. Chickens are constantly saying there's not enough paprika in this chicken feed.

34:26 - 34:36

For sure. And they're totally delighted with that. I have never considered... So is the Burford Brown a breed, presumably, of chicken then?

34:36 - 34:40

I would guess so. But to me, it's a sort of brand of egg that's quite premium.

34:41 - 34:53

I know we have a lot of listeners in the farming community. Oh, yeah. Because we've had people in the past tell us that they have listened to this podcast while connecting ice cream cones to cow's titties.

34:54 - 35:01

You know, all of that sort of stuff. So... They're doing it wrong. That's a misuse of ice cream cones.

35:01 - 35:06

They've gone like... I mean, there's fresh ice cream and then there's that. That's a bit much.

35:06 - 35:12

It is a real hearty ice cream, isn't it? After dinner, when you just have two scoops of Frisian.

35:13 - 35:16

And then you try and get that down. Can I tell you about a mad lady at the shop?

35:16 - 35:20

I need to go to eggs. I need to circle back to this eggs thing.

35:20 - 35:25

I saw a woman in the shop and I was... I'm trying to be better at checking the eggs when I buy them at the shop.

35:25 - 35:28

You know what I mean? You do the little... Oh, hello. And one, two, three, four, five, six.

35:29 - 35:32

Yeah. And sometimes I feel silly for doing it because you're like, God, it's never broken.

35:32 - 35:38

And then the one time it is broken, you haven't checked. Blah, blah, blah. And I picked up a box of eggs, didn't look in it.

35:38 - 35:41

And a lady next to me in the shop looked at me and was like, come on.

35:42 - 35:48

Yeah. So I just with her eyes, she didn't actually say that. But I then I opened it and then none of them are broken.

35:48 - 35:59

And I closed it and I looked back at the lady and what she was doing was she had the cheapest box of eggs in the shop open and the Burford Browns open and was just swapping all the eggs.

35:59 - 36:09

Oh, amazing. Amazing. Lovely stuff. Which is such a good scam. Yeah. It's such a good scam.

36:09 - 36:20

Because most things in the supermarket, it is much harder to take the really nice granola and then the cheap one and kind of swapping other things is really the own brand beans.

36:20 - 36:26

It's hard. Eggs is your best place to go if you want to commit a very minor life of crime.

36:26 - 36:30

I wonder if you could do labels on bean tins. Could you do labels on the bean tins?

36:30 - 36:44

You'd have to bring a steaming device to take it off. And then what I foresee is, do you remember when people used to use money in the supermarket, they would have a sort of a light to check if the 50 quid was real?

36:44 - 36:50

Yeah. They'd need that then. They'd open your beans and pour out a few. You know what I mean?

36:50 - 36:57

I'd just run it behind a blue light and be like, sorry, sir, go into the room.

36:57 - 37:04

You'd know because with the own brand beans, there's like, you've got like half a cup of just bean juice, whereas in your official beans.

37:04 - 37:10

And the bean juice is quite anemic on the own brand beans as well. Fair play to her.

37:10 - 37:27

In fairness to old people, and that's a curious start to a sentence. But my mom, if I ever go shopping with her, says, check at the back for a better date on whatever the thing is.

37:27 - 37:32

Yes, yes, yes. And I roll my eyes and go, oh, mom, that's so stupid.

37:32 - 37:37

Maybe that's what happened in the 60s. But now, obviously, it's all the same day.

37:37 - 37:43

And your hand just goes to the back. And you find, you know, cheese that goes off in three years.

37:43 - 37:53

And you're like, you're right again, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, you go back for the colder Coke Zero in the fridge, right to the back of those.

37:53 - 37:57

That's always a good moment. Okay, so you've had your eggs. You've had your Coke Zero.

37:58 - 38:04

I do one cryptic crossword clue with my eggs. Okay. Wow. So I'm on an app called Minute Cryptic.

38:05 - 38:13

I love that app. There's a guy who started on like TikTok and Instagram. And he would do one cryptic crossword clue a day and explain how you do them.

38:14 - 38:19

And he'd like formulated the clues and how it all works and how you solve cryptic crosswords.

38:19 - 38:23

So I learned from him how to do cryptic crosswords. And then I was sort of in on the ground floor a little bit.

38:24 - 38:32

And then he's created an app where you get a daily cryptic crossword. Wow. Because I don't think I have time or energy to be doing a whole cryptic crossword every day.

38:32 - 38:40

I enjoy just doing one nice fun clue with my breakfast. And does the clue take longer than the bonk?

38:43 - 38:51

I mean, I'm sort of fucked either way here, aren't I? Because either I'm an idiot or I'm sexually incompetent.

38:55 - 39:04

What's going on at 11? 11. It's nearly 11. We have the arrival of Mike Rice for our podcast record.

39:04 - 39:17

Can you explain this to me? Can you explain podcast to us? I very much enjoyed watching your special that recently appeared on YouTube.

39:17 - 39:27

But all the comments are about your podcast partner, Mike Rice. And they're all very cruel towards you.

39:27 - 39:37

And I don't just mean by going down the list. I mean, the most thumbed up comments are all generally talking you down.

39:37 - 39:44

Yes, you haven't sorted by newest first. You've sorted by top comments. And they are all about how Mike Rice is much better than me.

39:46 - 39:55

Which is just sort of a running joke on the podcast. Like, I think it was that Mike in his first special put in the credits.

39:56 - 40:02

And like the thank yous. Yeah. Or something. It just said at one point in the credits that his special was much better than mine.

40:03 - 40:07

And then people started commenting that Mike's was much better than mine on his special.

40:08 - 40:11

Yes. And I was like, oh, that'll be funny. Because on my special, they might do the opposite.

40:12 - 40:19

And I was so wrong about that. Because the joke has continued in a not sort of reciprocal way.

40:19 - 40:25

It's just the same thing again. Under the comments of my YouTube special, it just says, God, I wish this was Mike Rice.

40:28 - 40:33

Tell us about your podcast. What is it? It's called Mike and Vittorio's Guide to Parenting.

40:34 - 40:41

Neither of us have kids. We don't talk about parenting. What it is, is we're trying to attract an audience of young moms.

40:42 - 40:52

And it's going very well. Do you have a special guest for this one? Or is it just the two lads, Gavin?

40:52 - 41:00

So this was just the two, which was quite nice because we're currently having a bit of sofa problems at my flat where we record the podcast.

41:01 - 41:07

And we have recently started renting a space where we're building a studio for the podcast.

41:07 - 41:18

Whoa. And the plan is to make that space look exactly like my flat because our audience get very weird if anything changes about the aesthetic of the podcast.

41:19 - 41:25

So we're moving the sofa from my flat, which has been the podcast sofa from the start.

41:25 - 41:31

And that's moving to Tottenham for the studio. And then exciting me and my girlfriend get to buy a new sofa.

41:32 - 41:40

And that's like, oh, yeah, cool. Yeah. You see, I'm not sure how I feel about the fake podcast studio sitting room.

41:40 - 41:50

You know, because a lot of them, it's a piece of IKEA furniture with just certain mementos on it that are sometimes vaguely to do with the podcast.

41:50 - 42:02

But a lot of the time they're not. They're just boring, generic things. So when I am watching a video podcast, I'm like, why would you keep watching this?

42:02 - 42:06

These people are so bland if this is their decor. Do you know what I mean?

42:06 - 42:12

Yeah, I understand. I mean, we, I think, have a plain white wall. And then we have two things.

42:12 - 42:19

We won the Comedy Devotees Podcast of the Year Awards, which is just an audience vote for whoever shares it the most on Instagram.

42:20 - 42:25

Well, I thought we won it. Well, it's an annual event. We did share it a lot.

42:25 - 42:29

We shared it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only way to win that thing.

42:29 - 42:37

And we have somebody, a listener 3D printed a bust of Diego Maradona. Nice. So we had a coffee table in front.

42:37 - 42:48

But then at the studio, so coinciding with us getting this studio space and sort of filling it out with stuff, the joe.co.uk, their podcast studio was moving.

42:49 - 42:57

So they were getting rid of a lot of furniture. So we took the bookshelves and all of the books from their podcast, Politics Joe.

42:58 - 43:10

And we had to have a lot of extremely heavy, like pre-published editions of these heavy political books sent to Politics Joe for review as if we've been sent them to read.

43:12 - 43:20

It's a very confusing aesthetic where the name of the podcast implies one thing, backdrop implies a totally different thing.

43:20 - 43:25

And the two of you sit. And this is not a criticism because I've enjoyed watching your podcast.

43:25 - 43:34

Sometimes you both have extraordinarily bad posture on that podcast. Far be it for me to offer any advice to experienced podcasters such as yourselves.

43:35 - 43:44

Sit up straight. Come on. Yeah, that's quite bad. But it's just, I don't know.

43:45 - 43:55

There's no excuse. There's absolutely no excuse. Just, Victoria, a lot of young people look at these podcasts and they get the idea that sitting like that is good for you.

43:56 - 44:00

You know, you're a very influential. You're a role model. In this space. Yeah. Yeah.

44:00 - 44:08

I'm a wellness influencer. Yeah. And as you're doing a parenting one, babies will listen and then babies will be hunchbacks.

44:08 - 44:21

But babies have the best posture. That's what posture people always tell you. Babies just like, bang, they're upright and their head sort of like, your head should be loosey-goosey like a baby apparently and should sort of bobble from side to side.

44:21 - 44:25

But I don't. The one thing they do that really gaslights me is this a very deep squat.

44:26 - 44:34

And they just hold it. Who, babies do those? They're not even fussed. They're just sitting there like feet flat down, bottoms like one centimeter off the floor.

44:34 - 44:39

They're tinkering with something. And I'm there going, you have no idea how impossible that would be.

44:40 - 44:53

It's babies and Asian restaurant workers smoking on their break. Yeah. They can do this sort of like crazy squat that just beggars belief how you're getting down there and also how it's comfortable to just be there hanging out.

44:53 - 45:03

Helen Copter worked and lived in Beirut for several years. And there's a lot of waiting for the bus in the squat position.

45:03 - 45:13

Rather than standing, you go to that incredible ass over the heels position. What Max seems to be saying, though, is that babies are high performance.

45:14 - 45:23

I think so. I mean, they should be on Jay Comfries' podcast. My three-year-old turned to me and he was annoyed after kinder and then he quoted Nelson Mandela to me.

45:26 - 45:31

And then he said, and I got out of Norwich. And I was like, fuck's sake, come on.

45:32 - 45:35

Not now. But to be fair, they both did get up at five in the morning.

45:35 - 45:44

So in many ways, they are fully focused on this. Has Jay Comfries ever woken you up with a shitty nappy in your face?

45:45 - 45:49

That's my other question there. I don't have time to shit. I'm working. I'm sending emails.

45:50 - 45:59

He's instantly going, I'm straight onto Mobile O and making a train set at 5.01. A lot of people put the circle block into the circle hole.

45:59 - 46:05

I'm thinking outside the box. It also fits in the square hole. How's that podcast go?

46:05 - 46:13

Are you happy with that episode? It was good. But the sofa problem is myself and my girlfriend got a DFS sofa, our first ever new sofa.

46:13 - 46:16

We've always been sort of marketplace, get it for free or, you know, get a deal somewhere.

46:16 - 46:19

And I was like, no, we should get a new sofa. This is a nice opportunity.

46:20 - 46:28

And we ordered a taupe corner sofa and it arrived. And I've been informed by my girlfriend that it is not taupe.

46:28 - 46:38

And that's a problem. It's light gray. It's very soulless. It doesn't have anything. And taupe's got a brown taupe named after the shark, the taupe maybe.

46:39 - 46:44

You guys don't even know this side of me. As a man of the oceans, I have caught a taupe.

46:45 - 46:52

And I remember when I saw it, I was like, I bet one day Vittoria will have a couch the same color as this.

46:52 - 46:55

Well, we were trying because I thought it was going to be a shark skin sofa.

46:55 - 47:04

And I was quite excited for that. I mean, taupe, the color that I'm looking up for the first time in my life, doesn't look like it's got a lot of soul, does it?

47:05 - 47:09

But it's earth, Tony. There's a warmth, a little bit of warmth to it. Yeah.

47:09 - 47:15

Okay. So what are you going to do about this disastrous gray sofa? Straight away, we're returning the sofa.

47:15 - 47:21

We're not having a sofa for whatever number of years that is just not. So it's being picked up tomorrow.

47:22 - 47:30

Uh-huh. Okay. But that does mean we've had an enormous sort of elephant in the room that we're not allowed to sit on because we're trying to get all of our money back for it.

47:30 - 47:38

So the podcast yesterday and for the last couple of days of our sort of batch record, there was a floor-based podcast.

47:39 - 47:47

Wow. The two of you squatting like people in Beirut waiting for the bus. So a batch record is like batch cooking.

47:47 - 47:55

So do you record 300 episodes so you don't have to do it every week? No, it's just we're both on tour.

47:55 - 48:02

So we do like, we did three days in a row this week. Okay. So that's like two hours per day, but it's just so that we...

48:03 - 48:13

I've actually asked the audience recently like what the preference is because I don't mind a sort of Zoom podcast or like, you know, like a remotely recorded podcast now and then.

48:13 - 48:16

And there's like wins and losses in that you don't get the topical side of things.

48:16 - 48:21

You're not, it's not like you record on a Monday and it's out on a Thursday, which I think is the ideal for our podcast.

48:21 - 48:28

But you do get the atmosphere of both of you together. And then some podcasts have like guest co-hosts and somebody subs in or whatever.

48:28 - 48:35

And I think that's probably last resort. But I think we prioritize us both being in the room and with us both touring.

48:35 - 48:40

We just have to do some batches. Yeah, because I'm in Melbourne for all my work.

48:40 - 48:52

So what I make sure is when I'm back in the UK in the room with David or with Charlie or whoever, I make sure those shows are slightly worse so that no bosses ever go, you need to be in the room.

48:52 - 48:57

They go, you're better out of the room. Other side of the world are you doing?

48:57 - 49:05

David and I have never done a podcast in the same room ever. And even if we were in the same house, we'd have to go to separate rooms to record it.

49:05 - 49:11

I've made that stipulation. It's truly not worth the risk. What time do you podcast until then?

49:11 - 49:19

So we podcast until about, oh, when Mike arrived, by the way, he said to me, like, did you go to the gym this morning?

49:19 - 49:24

And I said, no, you just look like you've sort of like exercised or something.

49:24 - 49:39

Wow. And me and my girlfriend were like, oh, we never let on. I might tell him soon, but I can't believe how perceptive he was to my post bunk glow.

49:39 - 49:51

Maybe that's what all these personal trainers that are contacting me actually want, just to make sweet, sweet love to me and say it's for part of my health journey.

49:52 - 49:58

That's probably the only possible explanation, I would say. I think phone the police right now.

49:59 - 50:07

What do you do after? Oh, I had a call. I had one of these sort of, and it's a real champagne problem.

50:07 - 50:13

So I won't name the TV channel, but they had an idea. Is it Saturday Kitchen?

50:14 - 50:24

No. We've had that chat before. Okay. They wanted to have like a meeting with me because they had an idea for a documentary they wanted me to sort of do.

50:24 - 50:31

It's got to be The Troubles. The Troubles. My grim journey growing up in Belfast.

50:31 - 50:44

My school was bombed every day. This is a real theme. I have a bit in my new show about how I, you know, spent a long time bemoaning the fact that I hadn't got any TV opportunities quite publicly.

50:44 - 50:51

It wasn't the whole truth because truly once every six months a different TV channel or production company would ask me if I wanted to make a documentary about The Troubles.

50:51 - 51:03

But fortunately this wasn't one of those instances. But it wasn't great. It was a bit sort of like, this is Northern Ireland and this is why it's so like a travel show, but all in Northern Ireland.

51:03 - 51:07

They were like, I think Richard Ayoade is travel man, but all in Northern Ireland.

51:07 - 51:11

And I was like, tell me you've got no budget without telling me you've got no budget.

51:11 - 51:16

And we film it all in a day. We'll go to every single place in one day.

51:16 - 51:22

And they, they log on and they like do their screen sharing thing and their little pitch deck pops up.

51:22 - 51:30

And straight away they've spelt my name wrong on the pitch deck. Love it. And I was like, come on lads.

51:30 - 51:36

Like, and I didn't know what to like, you're much more experienced sort of like showbiz people than I am.

51:36 - 51:42

In that moment, should I have gone, lads, you've spelt my name wrong on the thing.

51:43 - 51:52

Cause I didn't say anything. My best one, I don't know if I've told you this, David, is Capital One had started sponsoring my talk sport show.

51:53 - 51:57

And they said, can you come to a meeting? I don't go to many meetings, probably like you too.

51:57 - 52:01

So I don't really know how I'm meant to behave in meetings, but I'm sat there going, hello.

52:01 - 52:08

And there's about 20 people. They're all introduced. You just sat there going, hello? Hello? There's lots of people there.

52:08 - 52:12

I'm not really sure what any of them are. I know the guys and there's two people on the radio station.

52:13 - 52:18

Anyway, this woman gets up and she's leading the thing. And she says, hi, everybody.

52:19 - 52:22

We're so pleased to be here. This is capital, you know, from Capital. We're so excited to work on your show.

52:23 - 52:27

Of course, we are doing a bit of sponsorship with Soccer M, but I mean, who watches that anymore?

52:27 - 52:31

And everyone looks around the room because at the time I was still hosting that show.

52:36 - 52:39

I don't say anything either, but I can just see a few people going, oh, fuck.

52:40 - 52:44

You know, we're still going to, I don't have the power to say, well, they're not working for me.

52:44 - 52:49

I just thought, I really wish I could see the moment where somebody says to her, you do know that.

52:51 - 53:02

So I think you're right. I don't think you should have said anything. I was once, I don't get offered to be on many ads and it wouldn't really interest me, but I was offered, I think it was for a Toyota Corolla.

53:03 - 53:10

Something ridiculous. Oh yeah. Oh, come on, David. You have to. I know. And my initial thought was, I bet they offered this to Chris O'Dowd.

53:10 - 53:18

And then the algorithm just said, oh, he's turned it down. Like on the Amazon suggested, you might also like.

53:19 - 53:24

We could pixelate, David. We could kind of just make it a bit grainy and people would think it was Chris.

53:25 - 53:31

That's fine. Because the money was so ridiculous on it. My agent definitely was like, sure, I'll send it over to you.

53:32 - 53:34

I'll send it over to you. And I was like, nah, nah, nah. I'll send it over to you.

53:34 - 53:40

Okay, fine. And then opening line of the pitch, dear Chris. And I'm like, there it is.

53:42 - 53:49

Glorious. The shitty Chris O'Dowd here. So great. How had they spelled it? Had they spelled it Mike Rice?

53:49 - 53:59

Was that the problem? No. And the pitch came up. It was Angeloni with an I at the end instead of an E at the end, which is sort of like an easy mistake to make.

53:59 - 54:05

But you do sort of think, come on, come on. They'd also spell Richard Ayoade wrong.

54:06 - 54:10

And I just think. Well, then it's a common problem. Maybe there's just somebody who's not very good at spelling.

54:11 - 54:18

Did you say no or you're too polite? You'll be like, that's a great thing we should all think about.

54:18 - 54:24

I gave little bits of feedback on it and tried to steer it into a completely different documentary idea than the one that they were suggesting.

54:24 - 54:31

I was like, what if instead of that, I did the classic when I'm not sure whether I want to speak to somebody ever again.

54:32 - 54:35

And I'm giving away my little tricks here for anybody that ever has a meeting with me.

54:35 - 54:44

I said, loop in with my agent and we'll find another day to sort of like check back in and I'll have a think about some of the elements of what we've spoken about.

54:44 - 54:50

And then my email immediately after to my agent is I'm busy if it's them.

54:53 - 55:08

Yeah, I see what that show is going to be. And it's going to be end episode one with someone like eating an oyster by what's that rope bridge and the carcarrade rope bridge.

55:09 - 55:15

Yeah. And they'll be like, you think, you know, Northern Ireland. Think again. And then you go like.

55:19 - 55:29

Horrible. Horrible. Jizzy oyster. It was just a sort of like if I had a bingo card of like somebody's making quite a twee documentary about Northern Ireland.

55:30 - 55:34

I was like, and maybe you could hang out with NACAP. And maybe we could talk to Patrick Kielty.

55:34 - 55:45

And maybe we could talk to Roy McIlroy. And maybe we could talk. Okay, great.

55:45 - 55:50

So we were rattling through this now. You've done multiple podcasts. You've done a meeting.

55:50 - 55:57

So what time are we now? We're probably at 2.30. Yeah. End of documentary meeting about 2.30.

55:57 - 56:00

And then it's sort of there's a real slump in the middle of the day.

56:00 - 56:09

I think we started very, very strong. But we just have sort of I'm quite a proponent of productive procrastination.

56:09 - 56:18

Oh, yeah. And I've done this since I was in school where if I had two pieces of homework to do, one of which was for tomorrow, one of which was for next week,

56:18 - 56:24

I would procrastinate the one that had an urgent deadline by doing the one that was for next week.

56:25 - 56:34

Which makes no sense. There's no benefit to it whatsoever other than just some part of my brain goes, yeah, I'm not going to do what you told me to do.

56:34 - 56:46

You're really sticking it to the man there. In a really strange way. So what I was doing is instead of preparing for my spoiler alert work in progress or like tour preview.

56:46 - 56:55

Wow. In the evening, which is absolutely what I should have been doing. I was doing some quite boring tax admin sort of replying to the most boring emails in the world going,

56:56 - 57:00

oh, that was an expense actually, because that cheese sandwich was very important for my creative process.

57:00 - 57:13

I find the sort of procrastination that this is only in my 50th year that I've sussed this is sometimes when I just burn hours and hours of just doing nothing bullshit.

57:13 - 57:27

I have come to the understanding that because I have such a horrible opinion of myself and my life having just done that, that does act as the fuel the next day to be like,

57:27 - 57:33

so that was the point of that procrastination was because we're now like, we got to do this.

57:33 - 57:42

Come on. And then you hit the thing harder than the next day. I have a friend who says, if you are struggling with like that kind of sort of procrastination feelings,

57:42 - 57:48

she says like deliberately set aside an amount of time to do nothing, but like actively choose to do nothing.

57:48 - 57:54

Because the sort of struggle and the pain of all that is that, you know, you should be doing something and you're not doing something for that whole time.

57:54 - 58:01

And it's just because then you're not even relaxing in the relaxing time. You're just procrastinating and not enjoying it because you're like riddled with guilt.

58:01 - 58:07

But she was like, just say for two hours, I'm going to do nothing and I'm just going to actually relax and completely forgive yourself of that.

58:07 - 58:11

At the end of that, you'll go, okay, that got that out of my system.

58:11 - 58:13

And by the end of the two hours, you'll sort of want to do the thing.

58:15 - 58:24

It's sort of like pulling back a slingshot. Yeah. I have a paper diary and I'll just write in some things that I knew I was doing anyway, that need to be put in the diary,

58:24 - 58:31

like when's football weekly. And then I feel like I've achieved something greatly because I can see what the fourth week of February looks like.

58:31 - 58:37

And then I haven't procrastinated. So then I've like, it's been a monumental day of achievement.

58:38 - 58:42

Once again, I even just sometimes go over what I've already written FW for football weekly.

58:42 - 58:48

I'll just write over it and like maybe capitalize it a bit or make them look like chunky letters and go,

58:48 - 58:58

so that is in many ways a great achievement because I can see more easily when I open up the fourth week of February that I'm recording that podcast at the same time on the Monday morning that I always do it.

58:59 - 59:04

I have a little whiteboard in my kitchen and I do like a to-do list sometimes on the little whiteboard.

59:04 - 59:10

And it's so pathetic, but I will always put in some really easy wins on there.

59:10 - 59:22

Yeah. Like take shower, eat breakfast, make bed, stuff that I've already done. Like as I'm writing the to-do list, I'll take off make bed because it's just like, there we go.

59:22 - 59:30

Little early win on the board. Have we had lunch? What's happened with lunch? No, I think this was a skip lunch day.

59:31 - 59:42

Not deliberately. I was just, we're just powering through. You should have just had some minstrels, which are my great protein supplements when you're at the cinema.

59:42 - 59:51

I enjoy minstrels. God, the smell. I can only imagine the smell of like chocolatey beef.

59:51 - 59:57

It's just a river. The consistency isn't great either, is it? Because we, I mean, we're presuming it is uncooked.

59:57 - 1:00:06

It feels uncooked. Oh God. David, the next time I see you in real life, somehow I'm going to, you know the way you shake the bag of popcorns and the minstrels sort of mouth amongst it.

1:00:06 - 1:00:17

I'm going to do that with a bolognese. Yeah, whack it through. The most impressive thing would be if you went to his local supermarket and you replaced, while the lady was doing the eggs,

1:00:17 - 1:00:23

you replaced all the minstrels with your homemade minstrels. On the off chance that David bought a packet.

1:00:24 - 1:00:27

And then you were like, damn, he's got me. So how do the minstrels work?

1:00:27 - 1:00:32

Does it still have the sort of sugary chocolatey casing, but inside? They're like gyoza.

1:00:33 - 1:00:43

They're gyoza, but with a candied shell. And inside, just beef mince. Yeah. Raw beef, like beef tartare.

1:00:43 - 1:00:52

It's a delicacy in some parts of Southern Europe, I think. Okay. So what are we, so we've done our tax emails and then, you know, that's our procrastination.

1:00:52 - 1:01:00

This is truly two hours of like procrastination of just tapping away at emails that don't really need replied to, but I am on top of them.

1:01:00 - 1:01:05

Thank you very much. Okay, good. Are you in silence or are you listening to some music or a podcast?

1:01:05 - 1:01:15

What's your, I've been big on radio for recently, just very, I think like really staring into the skid of, like I, I would like to be an old man now,

1:01:15 - 1:01:20

please. And there's some element of me. If there's like music on the radio, I go, Oh,

1:01:23 - 1:01:29

because for a while I was trying to convince myself I was cool enough to be a BBC radio, six music guy.

1:01:30 - 1:01:38

But my true feeling on BBC radio, six music is every song that they play on radio, six music either gives you anxiety or depression.

1:01:38 - 1:01:52

Oh, come on. There's nothing in between. I mean, it's either of a, or it's like Morrissey-esque kind of like, although, have you, sorry to take a real handbrake turn.

1:01:52 - 1:02:01

Have you heard Morrissey's new single? No. Called, Makeup is a Lie? And it's just him complaining that makeup is a lie.

1:02:02 - 1:02:11

Wow. He's entered his sort of like grumpy dad phase then. The B-side's called, that skirt's too short to go out in.

1:02:14 - 1:02:21

The bonus track on the album is you'll catch your death out there. Yeah. And turned down this infernal racket.

1:02:22 - 1:02:28

So I had radio four on, but then what I don't, I love radio four when it's like, I'm learning things.

1:02:28 - 1:02:33

I like the nonfiction elements of radio four. I don't like the fiction elements of radio four.

1:02:33 - 1:02:39

I don't like the read, like I'm not a radio play man, especially because you sort of just flip on the radio.

1:02:39 - 1:02:45

And then it's like episode six of a play that's set at, like in a farm somewhere.

1:02:45 - 1:02:49

And you're like, who are all these people? And why are they so upset? Yeah.

1:02:49 - 1:02:53

And it's always just like the, the sound effects is just someone with two coconuts.

1:02:53 - 1:03:00

Isn't it? Oh, come on. Time's moved on now. Radio four. Super Foley artist at radio four.

1:03:00 - 1:03:06

She's got a table full of knickknacks going. Oh, the sheep's just giving birth. How do I do that?

1:03:07 - 1:03:10

Coconuts again. Just get the gay fish out. Just get the coconuts. Get the coconuts again.

1:03:11 - 1:03:14

All right. So what happens after this? We know we've got a gig coming up.

1:03:14 - 1:03:22

You've got to be hungry. So this whole time I'm aware I need to leave at about five to get to the gig.

1:03:22 - 1:03:28

And so at about four 30, I go, you need to work on the show. You haven't done it since November.

1:03:29 - 1:03:33

The tour starts on Friday. This is your only chance to run through it. You need to work on the show.

1:03:33 - 1:03:42

So what I do at four 30, I'm aware I need to leave at five is I put on my headphones and put an iteration of the show from Edinburgh.

1:03:43 - 1:03:52

I just picked a date in August that I was like that. I think I remember that being a good one in the run at the fringe popped it on two times speed because I only have 30 minutes before.

1:03:54 - 1:04:09

Well, it is in there. You know what I mean? I have been this soldier in the past where it happens with songs more so than chat where I'm singing the previous line and I genuinely don't know what the next line is.

1:04:09 - 1:04:13

But I'm also confident that I am going to remember it when it comes to us.

1:04:13 - 1:04:19

And this is the one of the worst things I've ever said. But sometimes I'm like, that's actually pretty funny.

1:04:20 - 1:04:25

That's actually this is good gear here. I very much have had that experience where you go.

1:04:26 - 1:04:41

Oh, yeah, there's a reason I was proud of this at one point. So you've got when you say work in progress, your work in progress today or yesterday is a trying to remember how to do the show from November.

1:04:41 - 1:04:48

Yes. So it's basically no new material. It's trying to. So the last time I did the show was November in New York.

1:04:48 - 1:04:53

And I did a little revision for that as well. But it goes August for the whole month.

1:04:54 - 1:05:01

Nothing. One run through in London, New York in November. And then nothing from early November until now.

1:05:02 - 1:05:11

Yeah. So I did it last night was like a preview. So I could try and remember it before I subject the people of Cambridge to me going, what happens next in the thing that I wrote?

1:05:11 - 1:05:17

Yeah. Were you tempted to on the tube mumble it to yourself on the way to the gig?

1:05:17 - 1:05:30

I think that might be easier for you than it is for me. Because my stuff mumbled, like even when I say clearly into a microphone, people get upset.

1:05:33 - 1:05:39

You say on the tube, people will be like, that's awful. That's awful. What you've just mumbled to yourself is awful stuff.

1:05:40 - 1:05:48

Why is he mentioning that so casually? Why has he said that? Oh no. Where are you heading?

1:05:48 - 1:05:59

Where are you going for this gig? The top field for always be comedy, which is sort of, I think comedians refer to it as like a boxer doing a, fighting a sort of journeyman.

1:05:59 - 1:06:10

Right. Or you're fighting Logan Paul. Are you fighting a YouTuber? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's sort of a tune up fight where it's like, listen, this isn't a representation of how it's going to go down a Colchester Arts Center.

1:06:11 - 1:06:17

The big one as it's known. Or given my ticket sales, the small one. Stop.

1:06:20 - 1:06:29

But it's sort of, they're on board with you fumbling about a little bit and looking at your notes and, and all of those things.

1:06:29 - 1:06:34

And part of it as well is at the fringe, you're at quite a tight time confine at like 60 minutes.

1:06:34 - 1:06:46

And I don't mind if my tour shows sort of like bleed out to the 65, 70, you know, I don't want to go loads above that, but I was saying if I could put a routine that I'd had to drop in the preparation for the fringe back in.

1:06:46 - 1:06:51

And then I was sort of freeing myself up to riff new lines. And I had, I had a good one.

1:06:51 - 1:06:59

I came up with the line, Sally Rooney's basically in Hamas at this point, which I think are even out of context is a good bit of business.

1:06:59 - 1:07:07

You could have to eat before this performance though, or you're going to be talking gibberish on stage, the gibberish of the hungry man.

1:07:07 - 1:07:16

This is the whole thing. So I mistakenly excitedly hadn't been gigging very much since the new year.

1:07:17 - 1:07:23

And I spotted online that there was a new material show just before my preview at the same venue.

1:07:24 - 1:07:34

And I emailed them and said, Oh, like, could I jump on for 10 minutes at the new material show just to sort of get like my feet under me and just sort of chat in front of an audience for a bit.

1:07:34 - 1:07:40

And like, I would try some new stuff, but also try some stuff from the show that are like, hopefully work reasonably well.

1:07:40 - 1:07:43

And they're like, yeah, yeah, we can just pop you on at the end. And I thought like, God,

1:07:46 - 1:07:53

but anyway, and then I was like, who else is on? Janine Haruni, Kevin Bridges and Ed Gamble.

1:07:54 - 1:07:59

And then he's over here trying to close the show. Get his feet back on them.

1:07:59 - 1:08:04

I was like, Oh my God, this is a nightmare. I shouldn't have said yes to this whatsoever.

1:08:05 - 1:08:11

So I show up, that gig starts at 6.30 and my preview is until eight. So it's like an hour long new material show.

1:08:11 - 1:08:18

And then a little bit of a gap. And then me doing the preview. And I'm quite cheeky, but I think this is okay.

1:08:18 - 1:08:25

And I'd love to know your thoughts on this. At this gig, it's at a pub with like a kitchen at the pub and they do food.

1:08:25 - 1:08:34

Great. And they have previously when I've been doing a work in progress there, myself and Alfie Brown had dinner in the pub beforehand and then went upstairs.

1:08:34 - 1:08:39

And we said to the guys running it, Tim and James, we were like, Oh, well, we've just had dinner downstairs.

1:08:39 - 1:08:44

And they said, Oh, did you put it on the tab for the gig? Cause there's always a tab for like drinks at the gig.

1:08:44 - 1:08:51

And we were like, no, I thought the sort of lampshank would be taking the piss, putting it on the comedy tab.

1:08:51 - 1:09:03

And they said, Oh, you should. And ever since then, every single time I go and perform at always be comedy, I get a steak before the gig, which is part of the reason I felt okay about skipping lunch.

1:09:03 - 1:09:07

You knew the steak was coming. There was, there was a steak in the post.

1:09:07 - 1:09:13

And is it a pub where there's like cheap steak, cheap steak, really expensive steak, or is it just one, one steak?

1:09:13 - 1:09:18

It's just one steak. One steak. And this is my trying to fit into my wedding suit vibes.

1:09:19 - 1:09:24

Steak, no chips, please. Oh, wow. It's just hunk of beef. That's a stat is a caveman meal, isn't it?

1:09:24 - 1:09:33

Slightly psychotic. Yeah. Here's the rule though, of getting it on the tab and the way the drinks are free is you have to consume it on stage during the gig,

1:09:33 - 1:09:41

which would steak is particularly difficult. But also if it's steak, no chips, you just hold the steak and you just eat the steak in one hand.

1:09:41 - 1:09:51

Gesturing, flicking butter at people and peppercorn sauce. When you sense there might be an applause break coming up, that's like a snarling dog.

1:09:52 - 1:09:59

You just go. I have a thing that I do way too often where I pick up my drink on stage.

1:10:00 - 1:10:07

And then as I pick it up, like sort of preemptively in my head, I go, the end of this routine isn't strong enough for a set.

1:10:08 - 1:10:17

Yeah. I've done that with, um, when you're wearing a jumper on stage, like the trick is to wear a shirt.

1:10:17 - 1:10:23

Cause then you can unbutton it and slide it off, but a jumper, because you're going to lose all eye contact with the audience.

1:10:23 - 1:10:31

They're going to need to be lulling for that. And there is this sort of bleak wonder years moment where they're not laughing.

1:10:31 - 1:10:35

You draw the jumper over your head and you're almost like, how did I get here?

1:10:35 - 1:10:41

Just back in the darkness, in the silence of the darkness. It's like being in a womb of sorts.

1:10:42 - 1:10:49

I'd love to make a sort of gambit with the audience where you go like, listen, I'm going to need to take my jumper off at some point during this show.

1:10:49 - 1:10:54

Cause it's a bit too warmer. It's warmer than I was expecting it to be up here, but it's quite a difficult thing.

1:10:54 - 1:10:58

Cause I'm banking on quite a big laugh to get the jumper off. So let's make a deal.

1:10:58 - 1:11:07

I'm going to try for it at some point, but if the laugh isn't big enough, and as soon as the laugh stops, I will stop taking off my jumper and do the next joke.

1:11:08 - 1:11:21

Until we have a big enough laugh to complete the jumper removal. Not a bad idea for a show, to be honest is Vittorio Angelone removes four jumpers.

1:11:21 - 1:11:27

Well, you have 20 jumpers on you come on like the Michelin man. Yeah. I'm getting heat stroke.

1:11:27 - 1:11:34

Oh, this gig is amazing. It's one of the two. So new material steak. How's your showy show go?

1:11:34 - 1:11:44

Do you remember it? Do you have a laugh afterwards? the timeline is I arrive, I order the steak on arrival, and then they just sort of put it on that like warming bit under,

1:11:45 - 1:11:48

like under the lamp. And you just like pick it up if you're performing upstairs.

1:11:48 - 1:11:52

So I go up and then I watch and sort of say hello to everybody.

1:11:52 - 1:11:57

Watch Janine, watch Kevin, sort of turn to the promoter and go, has it been announced that I'm on?

1:11:57 - 1:12:07

Cause I really don't have to go on. And then the whole time I'm thinking, Oh God, my steak has probably arrived downstairs and it's sitting under that warming lamp.

1:12:07 - 1:12:11

And so I sort of wait for Kevin to finish. And then I sort of run out and then it's there.

1:12:11 - 1:12:15

And all of the sort of side salad is completely wilted by the warming lamp.

1:12:15 - 1:12:19

And then like my, the audience for my preview is sort of arriving in the pub downstairs.

1:12:19 - 1:12:24

And I'm like, I can't sit anywhere here and eat a lone steak by myself amongst my own audience.

1:12:25 - 1:12:31

This is horrific. So I go back upstairs and just outside the door of the showroom, they have like a high table where they check the tickets and stuff.

1:12:31 - 1:12:38

So I have like a standing rapid steak during Ed Gamble's set just outside the door.

1:12:38 - 1:12:43

So I can hear it a little bit. And I sort of wolf that. That's how Ed likes his entire audience.

1:12:44 - 1:12:49

Ed likes to have rapidly eating steak, not being able to see him. That's his favorite.

1:12:49 - 1:13:03

Steak is the worst food of all for indigestion. Not so much indigestion, but rather taking up a lot of your body functions while you're supposed to be concentrating on doing your new show.

1:13:04 - 1:13:13

Like the reason professional cyclists in the Tour de France have energy gels and instead don't just have a tomahawk in one hand.

1:13:13 - 1:13:18

Hand it to the window of that car. And then throw the bone to the side.

1:13:18 - 1:13:31

The support car. Just handing out a pork chop. But don't worry, David. The steak, which might be tough to digest, was drenched in peppercorn sauce, which is made of cream, brandy and peppercorns.

1:13:31 - 1:13:43

So you come on live. You feel so live. Oh my goodness. I go on and I, there was a funny moment where the MC, and it's just a little sort of tiny room above a pub.

1:13:43 - 1:13:49

The MC goes, this next act, your headline act after Kevin Bridges and Ed Gamble.

1:13:49 - 1:13:54

Yeah. He's got a preview on after this. I don't know if there are tickets available, but you should get them if there are.

1:13:54 - 1:14:02

Please welcome to stage Vittorio Angelone. I walk on and go, it's not a great way to instil confidence to suggest that I might not be able to sell out a room above.

1:14:07 - 1:14:14

Bridges, meanwhile, is downstairs. They've cooked a full emu for Bridges. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, He's getting involved.

1:14:14 - 1:14:19

Being placed in his mouth. So I do the new material bits. It is helpful just to sort of get my sea legs under me.

1:14:20 - 1:14:25

And then frantically scribbling because I haven't done enough scribbling of like, oh God, what happens here?

1:14:25 - 1:14:28

What happens here? What happens here? I go on, I do the work in progress.

1:14:28 - 1:14:33

It's good. I'm like, I had that, those exact moments you were talking about, David, where you go like, oh, there's some good stuff in this.

1:14:33 - 1:14:37

Yeah. This is going to be good. The people of Cambridge are going to love this on Friday.

1:14:38 - 1:14:52

And then some moments where I go, oh, I need to remember that. And I have a little stress because I think my shows sort of become like welded together by callbacks and like sort of references to itself.

1:14:52 - 1:15:01

And it all becomes this sort of like web of lies. So I get so nervous when I'm doing these sort of like trying to remember it previews where I go like,

1:15:01 - 1:15:05

have I set up all the stuff that I need to set up for the end of this show to work?

1:15:05 - 1:15:08

And is it all going to tie together? I'm not going to be tying shoelaces together.

1:15:08 - 1:15:13

And one of the laces is missing. Like what the heck is going on? But I think there was one callback that I said.

1:15:13 - 1:15:20

And in the moment that I was like, well, didn't set that one up. But apart from that, we got away with it.

1:15:20 - 1:15:25

I think for the most part. Do we wind down afterwards? Yeah. Do we have a pint?

1:15:26 - 1:15:44

No, no pint, no pint, just a glass of milk. A glass of milk. No, pretty much straight out the door because I have to get back to the house to watch Traitors with my girlfriend because she's been holding off on watching Traitors while I did my preview very,

1:15:44 - 1:15:49

very kindly. I'm the last person, not in the UK, but to watch Celebrity Traitors.

1:15:49 - 1:15:55

Don't tell me. But we, you know, are you still avoiding Celebrity Traitors? No, no, no, no, we're about six episodes in.

1:15:56 - 1:16:03

God, it's good, isn't it? But we were saying it's good because it's hilarious that there's Alan Carr and Jonathan Ross and Stephen Fry and whatever.

1:16:03 - 1:16:08

Would I give a shit if they were just, you know, the riffraff? There's much more bite.

1:16:08 - 1:16:18

There's much more bite to the riffraff, Max. Yeah, but I've seen a lot of reality shows where everyone's just like, you know, The Apprentice, they go, I'm the best salesperson in Europe and you are a nonce.

1:16:18 - 1:16:22

And you go, well, I don't think that's how business works. I'm not sure that's how business works.

1:16:22 - 1:16:28

I quite like that. It's not like vicious. It's all like, you're a darling. No, you're a darling.

1:16:28 - 1:16:41

Bubba, I've killed you. I sort of, I'm happy Traitors vibe. Vittorio, if at the gig you had used some sort of torture device on one of your co-workers, Ed Gamble,

1:16:41 - 1:16:53

he knows everything because he does the Traitors talk about it show, which is all recorded like on, people have had to take oaths and stuff, not to say anything about it.

1:16:53 - 1:17:00

The Traitors extra slice. It's all in his head. So you could have got that information.

1:17:00 - 1:17:04

I could have picked his, his brain. I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't. I don't want the spoilers.

1:17:05 - 1:17:11

I want it. And it was quite a twisty little episode. And I, I did very much enjoy watching it.

1:17:11 - 1:17:17

That's the, I remember talking to Ed about that. The fact that he has all the Traitors spoilers in his head and he's watched all of it.

1:17:17 - 1:17:26

I have heard, and this is classic Ireland, I think. And I, I, I'm loathe to say that because I, I am saying it just because it's a bit of a shambles.

1:17:26 - 1:17:40

People who did the corresponding Traitors uncloaked for the Traitors Ireland, they were only allowed to watch the episode that they were responding to and hadn't seen the rest of the show.

1:17:40 - 1:17:47

So I had to make up all of the context of what was happening. And I just think, let them watch the fucking show.

1:17:47 - 1:18:00

Yeah. There's Ireland. Lovely. When Ireland does a franchise show. And the problem is we have the higher budget British one on another channel as well.

1:18:01 - 1:18:06

Yeah. It was very popular Irish Traitors. And there is a different vibe to Irish Traitors as well.

1:18:06 - 1:18:14

There was like a, you could really feel the social cultural differences between England and Ireland in the Irish one.

1:18:14 - 1:18:18

It felt like they were treating each other very, very differently in a lot of ways.

1:18:19 - 1:18:25

Really? Yeah. Yeah. There had to be, I think more of a pretense of like, of them all being friends and all being nice to each other.

1:18:25 - 1:18:30

Whereas the English one is quite a lot of bare faced. I'm in it to win it.

1:18:30 - 1:18:37

Yeah. But like that's sort of what it is, right? Isn't it? Like if they don't know each other and what we couldn't work out, because, okay, we're not very far in.

1:18:37 - 1:18:42

I've never seen it before. Is that like the Traitors don't have to do anything to draw suspicion.

1:18:42 - 1:18:47

You know, they don't have to say, you know, you have to murder someone, but you have to be dressed as a peacock while you do it.

1:18:47 - 1:18:50

Cause that's quite hard. Suddenly you're like, okay, how am I going to do this?

1:18:51 - 1:18:55

Well, there is the murdering in plain sight that happens every so often where they have to do it in front of everybody.

1:18:55 - 1:19:02

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They've had one of those. We've had one of those. I don't want to give away what happened for the one person that hasn't seen it.

1:19:03 - 1:19:14

That's very good of you, Max. So Vittorio, you and your missus are squatting beside a tote couch, kneeling in front of it.

1:19:14 - 1:19:20

Well, what we've had to do is go to the studio space and reclaim the cushions from the sofa that we've already moved there.

1:19:20 - 1:19:25

Oh yeah. So we've created sort of a facsimile of a sofa in front of the sofa.

1:19:27 - 1:19:31

It's like you were pretending to be on a bus and someone could sit in the seats behind, but they're not allowed.

1:19:31 - 1:19:38

The reserved seats of the bus. Yeah. Do you go around the houses then of terrestrial television?

1:19:39 - 1:19:44

No, I think traders is probably the only, it's the closest we come to like appointment to view.

1:19:44 - 1:19:49

Yeah. I would say it's something that we're locked in on. And then we're currently in between series is to watch.

1:19:49 - 1:20:00

We watched episode one of Pluribus. Oh yeah. Very confusing that show. I've only watched episode one, but I mean, it flew for a 60 minute opening episode.

1:20:00 - 1:20:05

We were like, is that it? Yeah. Mad. But yeah, God, it feels really good.

1:20:05 - 1:20:11

I hope, I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm such a big breaking bad fan that I'm like, for people who don't know, it's the new project by Vince Gilligan.

1:20:11 - 1:20:16

I'm hoping that can be the new one that I can get slightly sort of obsessed with.

1:20:16 - 1:20:22

Yeah. I've watched three episodes of it and I'm still waiting for it to grab me.

1:20:22 - 1:20:27

Wow. Well done for sticking with three. We watched, me and Jamie were on Netflix.

1:20:27 - 1:20:30

I'm watching, we watched, there's something called like the diplomat or something, some bullshit. I don't know.

1:20:31 - 1:20:36

And there's a scene where they're trying to be like all real. And like, he's a former diplomat.

1:20:37 - 1:20:41

She is a diplomat, their husband and wife. And then she's got to get ready for some big meeting.

1:20:41 - 1:20:45

And she's like, sniff my armpit. Am I smelly or not? And we were like, that's a shit.

1:20:45 - 1:20:50

That's shit. Like we might do that, but we're not diplomats. Diplomats are not sniffing armpits.

1:20:51 - 1:20:55

She'd sniff her own armpit. And so we gave up on the whole series. It's the point of the show.

1:20:55 - 1:20:59

They're just like us. And then we were having a chat going, that's really annoying.

1:20:59 - 1:21:04

The director and the producer knew that there was just one tiny bit of this where me and Jamie just went, nah.

1:21:04 - 1:21:10

Wow. That's all it took. That's all it took. For goodness sake. Any other little, I mean, you've, you've already done it.

1:21:11 - 1:21:16

Eating Korean beef during traders that my girlfriend had made. Oh, A double beef night.

1:21:16 - 1:21:21

This is exciting. It's a double beef night with a carrot and cucumber slaw. Oh, okay.

1:21:22 - 1:21:31

A mayonnaiseless slaw because of my wedding suit predicament. So it truly is just carrot and cucumber and edamame beans with a bit of salt on it.

1:21:31 - 1:21:37

So that, I mean, in many ways that, that makes the steak lunch. Cause you said you skipped lunch, but really the steak was lunch and this is dinner.

1:21:37 - 1:21:42

I would say yes. Yeah. Yeah. What's this meal called? Is this 11? Is this a supper?

1:21:42 - 1:21:49

It's probably like 11 PM. This is really suppery. That's what it is. And every day I like to bookend it with a bonk.

1:21:49 - 1:21:58

Do you? No, you can't. If you're starting the day with, I think the, the, the fausty impact of a morning bonk is that the evening bonk is off the cards.

1:21:58 - 1:22:01

Yeah, it's done. You don't have to worry about it. That's the best part of it.

1:22:01 - 1:22:06

And to close the day, number one, my girlfriend just likes to annoy me at the end of the day.

1:22:06 - 1:22:12

And it does kind of work. Cause I have, this is a self diagnosis of stress induced narcolepsy.

1:22:12 - 1:22:18

But when I do get very, very stressed, I get so sleepy. Wow. I fell asleep in two of my GCSE exams.

1:22:19 - 1:22:28

During the exam. Please say the French oral. Please say the French oral. Imagine that was the role play.

1:22:28 - 1:22:32

You had to apologize for being so tired. Je suis fatigué. You couldn't just say that.

1:22:32 - 1:22:36

You just learned je suis fatigué. And then you just went sleep. I get an A star.

1:22:36 - 1:22:43

Cause that's the most French anyone's ever been. Do you nod off during traders or do you keep it going?

1:22:43 - 1:22:48

Oh, no, I don't nod off during traders, but then she just like bothers me to the point of such stress.

1:22:48 - 1:22:57

And I'm like, okay, I'm going to like a half, half awakently brush my teeth and then collapse into bed and be asleep immediately.

1:22:58 - 1:23:07

And what's her main method of annoying you? Poking and prodding mostly. Just a lot of sort of tickle points, you know, the sort of in your side beneath your ribs.

1:23:07 - 1:23:11

And is she like your sort of fun uncle? What's this? What's happening here? Yeah.

1:23:11 - 1:23:16

It's bullying is what it is. It's probably 25 minutes of sort of uncle-ish bullying from my girlfriend.

1:23:16 - 1:23:26

And I'm going, no, please stop. But it's very fun. It's sort of functions as a massage, I guess, but I don't think it leads to very good sort of REM sleep,

1:23:26 - 1:23:38

the sort of stress induced, like passing out. Yeah. It's very, it sounds very rare, but I think probably quite a good, you know, cause I'm a fall asleep after five pints,

1:23:38 - 1:23:46

wherever I am, whatever's happening. Like I always have been pub, restaurant, bar, hopefully nightclub speaker, just, this is me finished.

1:23:46 - 1:23:52

And that's not amazingly helpful, but it does stop me, you know, drinking to wild excess and maybe killing people.

1:23:52 - 1:23:57

Maybe after 10 pints, I murder people, but I've never known cause I've been asleep. I get real murdery after 10 pints.

1:23:58 - 1:24:04

Yeah, but I don't know. But so actually like a lot of people get from stress, can't get to sleep, but you just fall asleep.

1:24:04 - 1:24:10

It's probably quite, that seems quite sensible. Yeah, it is quite good, but I would like a better bedtime routine.

1:24:10 - 1:24:16

I mean, she doesn't always bully me. It's not every evening, but sometimes she lets me sort of read my book.

1:24:17 - 1:24:20

And like I said, I'm reading Hamnet at the minute. It's a stressful book as well.

1:24:20 - 1:24:26

It is a bit of a stressful book. So maybe a mix of those two things of like reading sends me to sleep immediately.

1:24:26 - 1:24:35

It's so embarrassing. I'd love to be a person that reads during the day. I've never been that person because if I start reading at 1 p.m., I am asleep by 1.30.

1:24:35 - 1:24:41

Sometimes when I see people reading in cafes in the day, I don't think they actually read.

1:24:41 - 1:24:45

I think they've just taken them. I just, they're not, it can't be real. People have got shit to do.

1:24:45 - 1:24:50

They're taking the piss out of you specifically, Mike. I think it's not real. What are you doing with a Somerset Maugham?

1:24:51 - 1:24:55

But it's 11 in the morning. You're not reading Somerset Maugham now. Surely you've got something to do.

1:24:55 - 1:25:05

Something more important than that. Surely. And the other thing I've been doing at night times recently that I was really excited to come on this podcast and sort of brag about is,

1:25:05 - 1:25:10

but one of my new year's things is I got a brand new notebook and I've been like journaling at the end of the day.

1:25:10 - 1:25:13

So I do a page of like, this is just what's coming out of my head right now.

1:25:14 - 1:25:17

I just empty the brain and then I can sort of read my book and go to sleep.

1:25:17 - 1:25:25

The very funny Laura Smith, who's another comedian, she sent me a picture of a notebook that she thought I would find funny because of the cover of it.

1:25:25 - 1:25:31

And I was like, no, can you actually please buy me that? At whatever time you are around the country on your tour, can you just buy me that notebook?

1:25:32 - 1:25:37

And she genuinely did and sent it to me in the post. It says, my artwork is terrible and I'm a bad person.

1:25:39 - 1:25:43

And I just think that's such a funny thing to read at nighttime before you go to bed.

1:25:44 - 1:25:53

But truly I have been so bad at doing the journal. I was like, this is going to be class because I've started journaling my day and I'm going to be the best ever.

1:25:53 - 1:25:57

What did you do yesterday person? Because I'm going to have journaled it and be really on top of it.

1:25:57 - 1:26:03

I didn't journal yesterday. I got bullied to sleep by my girlfriend. So I've tried to keep a hold of it as best I can.

1:26:03 - 1:26:17

Look, early in this podcast, we had an extreme sort of version of journaling, which was Tom Rosenthal sent us a 20 page PDF of everything that he'd done yesterday, including photographs of it.

1:26:17 - 1:26:23

That is unbelievable that he only recently got his autism diagnosis. That is too much.

1:26:23 - 1:26:30

We realized just that he'd say things like, and can I refer you to figure six on page 16?

1:26:31 - 1:26:42

Appendix seven. Yeah. What time do you conk out at? We're talking around midnight is probably conk time, maybe, maybe 1230, but I don't want to drip into today.

1:26:43 - 1:26:46

That's not the rules of the pod. Start with bonk time, finish with conk time.

1:26:46 - 1:26:51

It's a great, it's a perfect, it's a perfect day. And that's a great day.

1:26:52 - 1:27:02

You've done so much of this day. I think it was quite good. There was certainly, we started strong and then there was a lull in the middle, but I think overall pretty pleased that that was the day that we did.

1:27:02 - 1:27:15

I do have a little fantasy of if I, if I'm ever invited back on this podcast, I would love to try and like maximize a day, like do 24 hours, stay up from 12 till 12,

1:27:16 - 1:27:26

like try and break the system, break the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll do a four hour sort of Joe Rogan esque episode about me trying to do as much as possible in a day.

1:27:27 - 1:27:32

Then I flew to Zanzibar. Then you're like, Oh God, 8 PM. And I'm staring at that clock going, he's serious.

1:27:33 - 1:27:41

Yeah. There's a clip that comes up on my Instagram sometimes, which is this guy who gets up at 3 AM and he works until seven.

1:27:41 - 1:27:46

He goes, so by the time you've got up, I've done a whole day's work, which isn't true.

1:27:46 - 1:27:58

He then does his gym stuff till nine. Basically he's arguing that in the five day week that you, a loser do, he has done 15 days.

1:27:58 - 1:28:02

Yeah. I've seen this guy. What an absolute loser. Yeah. I love all these guys.

1:28:02 - 1:28:09

Did you ever see Mark Wahlberg's like daily routine? Oh, it was amazing. He gets up at two in the morning and then prays for an hour.

1:28:09 - 1:28:14

Yeah. But the mad thing is he just goes to bed at 7 PM. He's not getting up early.

1:28:14 - 1:28:17

He's jet lagged. But doesn't he have a round of golf in it as well?

1:28:17 - 1:28:24

You know, you can't have done that. That's like a whole day. He's got 30 seconds of family time before going back to a six hour rosary.

1:28:24 - 1:28:30

Then immediately after it's got that real Greg Wallace vibe of like, I begrudgingly spend time with my loved ones.

1:28:31 - 1:28:37

Well, to be fair, I feel that with my children, but you know, Greg Wallace is how I like to live my life.

1:28:37 - 1:28:47

I looked around in 2026 for somebody doing real. You know, the way Max is a little behind on celebrity traders, he's a little behind on celeb news generally.

1:28:47 - 1:28:55

So let's just leave him in his bliss. But Australia catches up. He was surprised that Greg Wallace wasn't on celebrity traders.

1:28:55 - 1:29:00

I thought he was nailed on for this. Surely. Just him with his trousers down at the round table.

1:29:01 - 1:29:10

I've just started the Cosby show. No spoilers. Please. Vittoria Angelone. Thank you very much for telling us what you did yesterday.

1:29:10 - 1:29:27

Thank you so much for having me. So that was what Vittoria did yesterday. I still don't think you should have given the game away.

1:29:28 - 1:29:35

No one was expecting that. Well, I think everybody listening would have been expecting it from, from your introduction.

1:29:36 - 1:29:42

You were the one that initially said something happens in this podcast that has never happened on the podcast before.

1:29:42 - 1:29:45

Yeah. That's like a tease. That's like, Oh, I wonder what it's going to be.

1:29:46 - 1:29:55

And you were like, yeah, he had sex. And you're like, wow. I'm interested in what going forward, whether this has a big influence.

1:29:56 - 1:30:05

I think the floodgates will open. An unfortunate metaphor there. Yeah. I mean, I was always wondering which guest would be the first and all my money was on Mary beard,

1:30:06 - 1:30:14

but Oh my God. Well, someone will now try to be the first person to do it twice.

1:30:14 - 1:30:17

Yeah. And then it'll just, he had a great chance to do that as well.

1:30:17 - 1:30:23

Considering how early he went with the first time. Turned into an absolute. Yeah. Fuckfest.

1:30:23 - 1:30:29

Then every single person who comes on it. Do you think we handled it? Well, I thought we handled it.

1:30:29 - 1:30:35

Well, you're not sure. You don't think so. We absolutely fumbled the bag there. I'm not sure.

1:30:36 - 1:30:44

I would compare it to our handling of when Angela Scanlon got a wax. Do not put me in the same basket as you with that.

1:30:44 - 1:30:50

That was your doing. I was very cool about the waxing. I'd been waxed. I've done it.

1:30:51 - 1:30:55

You've done it as in you've had sex. Yeah. Please be David. You're not a virgin.

1:31:00 - 1:31:07

If you are or are not a virgin, I would like to get in touch with the podcast.

1:31:07 - 1:31:16

This is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:31:16 - 1:31:23

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:31:23 - 1:31:29

And if you didn't, please don't. Hey, thank you, David. I had a good time.

1:31:29 - 1:31:36

Thank you, Vittorio as well. Watch his special. His website is vittoriaangelone.com. Go and see him on tour because he's great.

1:31:36 - 1:31:46

I'm in it for life. Yeah. Let the sexy times continue in earnest. Everything is showbiz except when you're boning.

1:31:56 - 1:32:09

Hello, yesterday fans. It's me, David O'Doherty, the 1990 East Leinster under 14's triple jump bronze medalist with a little bit of news.

1:32:09 - 1:32:19

A little bit of news that Max and I are doing a live show. This time in my home, Dublin city, where the ejector seat was invented.

1:32:20 - 1:32:28

Also, I think the hypodermic needle. And someone told me, someone told me the birthday candles, you blow out and they come back on.

1:32:29 - 1:32:32

It was to do with, I think a lot of explosive type stuff was invented there.

1:32:32 - 1:32:44

And that was a byproduct. Anyway, we're doing a live show on the 3rd of March in Dublin's beautiful Vicar Street.

1:32:45 - 1:32:54

Tickets are on sale now. It's kind of wild. We're doing Dublin on the 3rd of March and Melbourne on the 3rd of April.

1:32:54 - 1:33:02

And if anyone apart from us goes to both of those gigs, you get a special prize.

1:33:03 - 1:33:07

This is my announcement. Now, please enjoy the rest of the podcast.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

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