0:00 - 0:31
Hi Podfans, Max here in my garden in Melbourne. Just to say that we are doing a live What Did You Do Yesterday? on April the 3rd at 4pm at Melbourne Town Hall, I think. But if you just Google What Did You Do Yesterday? Live Show Melbourne. Me, David and a special yet to be announced, yet to be worked out guest will be doing an episode. So not for broadcast, just for a live show.
0:31 - 0:33
So yeah, get your tickets, come and see us. Thanks, bye.
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
1:09 - 1:32
We'll try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday. Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday. We don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:35 - 1:49
Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Midweek Mayhem. This is huge. With me, David O'Doherty. And joining me today is special guest, Max Rushden. I don't know how I feel about this.
1:50 - 2:05
Now, I have occasionally done the easy chair alongside Paul Hawksby, who is a master of the craft. And I don't mind it, you know, and I don't want to get possessive because I think the way you began that episode was very good. But you can just tell my tone. I feel uncomfortable on that side of these things.
2:05 - 2:20
It doesn't come natural to me, you know, I definitely sound like, who's your favorite TV chat show where the guest host would just be? I mean, it's a bad example, but Bill Cosby used to fill in for Jay Leno.
2:21 - 2:31
Right. Okay. So I'm Jay Leno and you're Bill Cosby. Oh, God, no. You should have started it, Max. I'll never do that again. I'm so sorry, everyone.
2:31 - 2:39
You're Bill Cosby of Dublin. David O'Doherty is here. Now, I'm getting a bit of stick for various reasons, David. Matt says,
2:40 - 2:57
Hello, DOD Max and producer Mars Bar. When using his seasoned journalistic chops to drill into the details of David's ultimately fruitless attempts to repressurize the Helen Copter's boiler, which is not a euphemism, Max asked whether David was Corby registered.
2:57 - 3:03
If he were, this would only license him to fix trouser presses in mid-range 1990s hotels.
3:03 - 3:09
It is a far cry from being Corby gas registered. Although even that has been discontinued since 2009.
3:10 - 3:19
It's now gas safe register. If David was watching YouTube videos about how to fix gadgets to remove wrinkles from chinos, that would probably explain why he couldn't sort out the boiler.
3:19 - 3:32
Keep up the sensational work. In it for life, Matt. I remember this. I did try to repressurize the boiler, but I didn't step beyond what you're allowed to do as a mere mortal.
3:32 - 3:42
And we did end up, there's a plumbing supplies shop on my road. We ended up getting one of their mates to come out.
3:42 - 3:48
It's amazing how quick this podcast gets to literally the dullest places on earth, doesn't it? It's like two minutes.
3:48 - 3:57
And the fellow said that I'd had a good old go, but it was time for me to sit back and let the master take over.
3:57 - 4:08
It's like before the paramedics get there. You've done a pretty good job of resuscitating. You know, you've done staying alive. You've done some mouth to mouth. But now it's time for the experts to step in.
4:08 - 4:18
I once held the drip for a man who'd broken his pelvis. I don't know why I'm telling this story. I'll tell it another time. It's not relevant. It's no link to it at all.
4:20 - 4:30
Hang on. What is the staying alive? Is that you keep the beat? That's when you're meant to go, uh, beat to the beat. Yeah. Because if you do other Bee Gees songs, it can cause all sorts of damage.
4:31 - 4:43
And it hurts. How deep is your love? Because on how deep is your love? You can't help pushing hard on love. And that's when the ribs go.
4:43 - 4:53
I do remember my father once tried to teach me how to play golf brackets, not that successful. And he said the key to golf.
4:53 - 5:04
Yeah. And this is a man of a 19 handicap at his best telling you what the essence of the game is, is the blue Danube, the song.
5:04 - 5:32
Yeah. Because it goes, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun
5:32 - 5:36
You're taking free throws at basketball. Yeah, that's exactly it. Zikero.
5:36 - 5:49
Paul in Wolvenstow writes, Dear Max and David, in this week's Midweek Mayhem, I was somewhat surprised to hear, esteemed sports journalist and famous recipient of an A-level in further maths, see link to a Guardian article in which I talked about that.
5:49 - 6:00
Max Rushden calculate that you could check out from a 1-4-3 in darts by hitting treble 20, double 3, double top. Even without an A-level in further maths, I'm confident that this equals 103.
6:00 - 6:06
Is this the real reason for Steve Sidwell refusing to play the final against Tim Vine in Trust Darts?
6:06 - 6:11
Max was the official scorekeeper for this tournament, and Steve simply grew tired of Max's atrocious calculations.
6:12 - 6:18
P.S. I met David after his phenomenally funny gig in Wolvenstow. It was the funniest gig I've ever seen.
6:18 - 6:27
Despite its Wolvenstow location, the venue is called Soho Theatre, proving once and for all that everything, including Wolvenstow, is showbiz. Paul in Wolvenstow.
6:27 - 6:37
Thank you very much. That's very kind. We did joke around about I had just played the Sydney Opera House in Elephant and Castle.
6:38 - 6:54
So, yes, I received a lot of feedback over your incredibly confident boast that 1-4-3 was triple 20, double top three or whatever, or whatever, double one and a half.
6:54 - 7:04
Is there a one and a half? I can't remember. The thing is, people listening aren't doing maths under the pressure of live podcasting. That's what I'll say. But I do admit it was a mistake.
7:05 - 7:10
What? 1-4-3. So in darts to the listeners, you have to finish on a double.
7:10 - 7:17
Oh, come on. You know what darts is. We know what darts is. But you have to finish with a double.
7:17 - 7:25
You really think this audience... Look! The last time you were to go with me about this was because I tried to explain what match of the day was.
7:25 - 7:31
Yeah. When we had Kelly Cates on. And what did Brett McKenzie say during his episode?
7:31 - 7:41
It's actually on the tape, Max. Is that, thank goodness David explained what match of the day was because it doesn't make much of a cultural impact in New Zealand.
7:41 - 7:53
Now, how do you get to 1-4-3? Triple 20, triple 19, double 13. Triple 20, triple 19, which is 57.
7:54 - 8:05
Yeah. So we're now up to 1-1-7. So now you need 20, 30. Oh yeah. And what double what?
8:06 - 8:13
Double 13. Double 13. Wow. That's it. Lovely bit of gear there. I feel like Rachel Riley on Countdown just then.
8:13 - 8:17
It's a big moment. Can you hold up your workings? Can I just see them there?
8:17 - 8:35
Yeah. I got 6-2. Patrick in Jersey writes, dear Max, like many of your listeners, I was initially charmed by DOD's Christmas fable until several nights ago when I awoke dripping sweat from a slow dawning horror that had almost nothing to do with heavy holiday cheese consumption.
8:35 - 8:42
How is that, you ask? How could David O'Doherty stand for anything other than affable silliness and Tour de France collectibles?
8:42 - 8:51
Well, my friend, it only requires a trained literary eye to see the DOD as a deep state operator, slowly sapping your listeners' capacity for free thought.
8:51 - 8:57
While comedy may be his profession, his one true love is clearly Big Brother. Let me explain.
8:57 - 9:04
The story starts harmlessly enough with Nora's loss of Green Bunny, but the plot quickly swerves into groupthink territory.
9:04 - 9:13
A regular writer with regular impulses might have used Green Bunny's loss to teach Nora a tough lesson about accepting loss and the emotional emptiness of inanimate objects, but not DOD.
9:13 - 9:25
In his slavish devotion to consumerism, DOD constructs a narrative wherein the zoo animals and enslaved population risk life and limb to rescue the lifeless stuffed toy of their oppressor, the zoo-strolling monster Nora.
9:26 - 9:36
All the funny voices in the world, even your excellent work, Max, cannot free those animals from behind bars, just as nothing can mitigate the abject violence DOD endorses in his shameless promotion of a capitalist utopia.
9:36 - 9:48
Nora's lust for possession puts every living creature in harm's way, and when a common seagull dares to see through DOD's web of deceit, it is promptly eliminated by a bus Vladimir Putin himself would blush.
9:48 - 9:59
Anyhow, I love the show. Free the lemurs. Patrick from Jersey. That is a brutal takedown of the story, if I can respond very briefly to my haters.
9:59 - 10:04
Of course. Please, yeah. I didn't create... I tried to make the... You didn't create zoos.
10:04 - 10:19
The zoo to be like a sort of prison, like in a way, the inspiration there was an Ealing comedy with Peter Sellers called Two Way Stretch, where they break out of the prison to do a crime and then break back in because their release is coming up.
10:20 - 10:26
And as regards, the bunny and Nora should have learned the lesson that you lose things sometimes.
10:26 - 10:32
Yes, that is. But that's why I gave the bunny added sentimental value, because the bunny belonged to Nora's late mother.
10:32 - 10:44
I mean, I didn't expect Gramsci to come at me like that with the Marxist interpretation of the story, but I think I've responded to it reasonably well.
10:44 - 10:49
Thank you. Brian says, hello, generic man, three Irish cycling enthusiast, and the production team who does all the work.
10:50 - 10:54
I had mixed feelings when you revealed that this podcast is a well-rehearsed and tightly scripted production.
10:54 - 10:59
I love knowing that you two have given yourself a lifetime of work by creating these amazing characters.
10:59 - 11:06
However, I worry that Jamie will now be typecast as a harried wife who mainly complains and buys unnecessary Tony's Chocolonis.
11:06 - 11:14
And Helen Copter is doomed to a Maris Crane type existence for all eternity. Please advise, everything in showbiz in it for life.
11:14 - 11:33
Yeah, it's difficult. But I guess if this is all not AI, but just scripted archers style all of our lives, and even in the year and a half we've been doing it, they have recast Jamie and the Helen Copter three times.
11:33 - 11:45
Like the way, who was the younger sister in Neighbours? Do you remember the original Neighbours opening sequence where they're playing cricket on the road and someone hits a ball through a window?
11:46 - 11:51
Yes. What's the name of the younger sister? Lucy? Lucy. Lucy. Yeah, there were three Lucys.
11:52 - 12:05
Three Lucys, yeah. Three Lucys. I mean, three Helen Copters so far. And you know, as a character that never actually has to deliver any lines, you probably could have stayed with the same, the first one.
12:06 - 12:11
Love your podcast, says this message from Doug. Doug in Baltimore. Thanks, Doug. Haven't missed an episode.
12:11 - 12:21
I felt a special bond with Generic Man 3 on the Jessica Foster Q episode when he expressed his consternation with his local barista for addressing him in the first person plural.
12:22 - 12:27
Will we be having a coffee this morning? I have noticed the exact same thing here in Baltimore.
12:27 - 12:33
It drives me nuts. Max's obvious response should be, you and I are both having three quarter flat whites.
12:33 - 12:42
But as quickly as it formed, my bond with Generic Man 3 was shattered. A bit 90 seconds later, when discussing coffee with the guest, he asked, are we having a five?
12:42 - 12:48
Do we drink it black? I feel so betrayed. Most things are showbiz. In it for the foreseeable future.
12:48 - 12:55
I'm sorry, Doug. Listen, I'm a hypocrite. And I wish I hadn't done that. I stick to the brief and I do apologize.
12:55 - 13:05
But it does remind me of my father-in-law, Colin. Love you, Colin. Who, when the, you know, on breakfast menus in Australia, and probably the same in the UK, just says, eggs your way.
13:06 - 13:10
The waiter comes up and he says, I'll have eggs your way. And then says, how would you like it?
13:10 - 13:14
And he goes, well, it's your way, isn't it? And he goes, oh, no. How many people have done the eggs your way?
13:16 - 13:25
The polite waiter going, yeah, okay. One of my father's favorite go-to anecdotes, if you ever go for lunch with him, is how he was once on tour in America, playing the piano.
13:26 - 13:34
And there was a sign up that just said, soup du jour. And he said to the young, inexperienced waiter, what's the soup du jour?
13:34 - 13:38
And the waiter said, I'll just find out. And he came back and he said, it's soup of the day.
13:42 - 13:56
That's great. Doug in Baltimore, it does remind me, of course, remember during The Wire, when the drug dealers would be like, will we be having some heroin?
13:56 - 14:12
Or straight cocaine today? And some crack? That would be the problem. If you ever got really on drugs, you'd be like, could I get just half heroin, please?
14:13 - 14:21
A strong three-core. A little fentanyl just sprinkled on top. And then complaining about it on podcasts.
14:22 - 14:32
Seriously. The ketamine I'm getting these days. I didn't ask for this. Joss in West Yorkshire says, hello, Generic Man 3, DOD and Mars Bar.
14:32 - 14:44
That's some more criticism for me. While listening to the most recent What Did You Do Yesterday, Midweek Mayhem episode, it was interesting to hear Max's utter fascination at the craft of the key cutter during the tale of David's trip for a replacement set.
14:44 - 14:49
Why is it that Max describes the key cutter as elite and really fun to watch?
14:49 - 14:56
Yet a locksmith, a person who is willing to help out in genuine crisis, is considered to be someone in the rudest profession.
14:56 - 15:02
Thank you, everythinginshowbiz.com, for the archival quote. Max, would you like to apologize to locksmiths or make a statement in response?
15:03 - 15:08
Love the pod. In it for life. I stand by it. The key cutter, that is an art form.
15:08 - 15:14
Watching that zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing, zing. It's fascinating. The locksmith is an absolute racket.
15:14 - 15:21
And you may have made a good point, Joss, but I'm sticking with it. It is an awful sound.
15:22 - 15:29
I don't enjoy that high-pitched. Normally, I'll say I'll come back in 15 minutes if I am getting keys cut.
15:29 - 15:37
Because it's just something about the way it rings out, makes my teeth slightly. Such is the artistry that I sit closer.
15:37 - 15:43
I take an ear trumpet and I sit closer to hear every tiny zing of the Yale.
15:44 - 15:55
Here is a really beautiful message from someone called Iona, who says, Dear Max and David, I write from Sydney, where I've been binge listening to your podcast since I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago.
15:55 - 15:59
It was recommended by my very dear friend, Kim, who has impeccable taste in absolutely everything.
16:00 - 16:04
Being a certified nerd, I confess I had to start from the very first episode.
16:04 - 16:08
Correct. Oh, dear. You should have done, Iona. And I have just completed season one.
16:08 - 16:13
This listening strategy makes me very happy because I enjoy it even more knowing I've still got so much to look forward to.
16:13 - 16:23
Yesterday was my surgery, so I write post-op in hospital where I found myself crying with laughter multiple times in between having radioactive injections, wire insertion, and a lumpectomy.
16:23 - 16:30
I'm pretty sure it's not because of the meds I've been giving. You also had me chuckling hard last week while I was repainting the railings on the deck.
16:30 - 16:38
Cancer, fiddly paint jobs, sobriety through Christmas, verdict, if you can lift the spirits of anyone in these situations, you have real pod power.
16:38 - 16:47
A few of the most meaningful takeaways for me have been, one, chanting we're snatching defeat, the Ellis James, loudly at my five-year-old one morning while we were running late for school.
16:47 - 16:53
Unfortunately, this made my daughter trip and fall over. So while I really enjoyed the chant, I'll have to do it in my head in the future.
16:53 - 17:02
Two, realizing that the sometimes dramatic yet clockwork-like toilet habits of male humans are actually quite common and not freakish morning rituals that are exclusive to my husband and son.
17:03 - 17:17
And three, finding something so seemingly trivial and entertaining as these mundane musings can feel so philosophically profound and therapeutic, a feat that's all the more impressive for having avoided explicitly referencing any cringe themes like gratitude or journaling or morning routine.
17:17 - 17:25
So far, I think we've pretty much avoided those. Yours gratefully, Iona, 45 years old, first-time fan mail writer.
17:25 - 17:30
Thank you, Iona. We obviously send you all of our love. That is so kind, Iona.
17:31 - 17:39
Yeah, don't listen to season four where we've really shifted the whole thing into a new maximum official.
17:39 - 17:45
It's about how to remortgage houses and then you use the money from the remortgage to buy another one.
17:46 - 17:55
And we scream dominate at the end of every episode of High Five. And then I write 25 things I'm grateful about in my life.
17:56 - 18:03
On a similar note, Brian in Cork says, when David was filming in Belgium, just wondering if he met out for a beer with any of the divorced dentists he races online.
18:08 - 18:15
Yeah, yeah. We laugh at that. I do feel it's day three of my intense New Year's health kick.
18:15 - 18:20
Oh, yeah. And do you know the terrible feeling that's come over me though, Max?
18:20 - 18:29
I think I've done enough. You're fit. You couldn't get fit in this. I had a look at myself in the mirror last night and I was like, looking good.
18:31 - 18:34
And you don't want to be shredded. You don't want to be like Iggy Pop.
18:34 - 18:39
David David O'Doherty needs a little paunch. People want that. People want that. They wouldn't go and see your shows.
18:40 - 18:49
Turned up shredded. They'd be like, nah, not this guy. Hey, for my last week, I was talking about the numerous whimsical birthday presents I'd received for my 50th.
18:50 - 18:59
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ona made me, I don't know how she did it. It must have been a laser printer of some kind.
18:59 - 19:07
But she made me a Subutio man of myself. Or like a normal size one.
19:07 - 19:11
You could insert yourself into the game. You're going to have to just look this up, Listerius.
19:11 - 19:19
No, it was, I'd say, triple size. Yeah. But using photography, I don't know how.
19:19 - 19:33
It was definitely my body on it. Wow. As in, it's little short legs. And I had a hat that I might wear on and a jacket that I sometimes wear.
19:33 - 19:48
Yes. And a little. It was, it's a disappointing trophy, but it's very realistic. It'd be like if you won the World Snooker Championship and you know that trophy has a little snooker player on the top.
19:48 - 19:55
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they had recast the snooker player to look with all of your deficiencies on it.
19:56 - 20:00
You'd be happy that you were the world champ, but you'd also be a bit like, yeah, fuck's sake.
20:00 - 20:06
Oh no, I look like that. I suppose I should spend less time in snooker halls and then you wouldn't win it again.
20:06 - 20:15
It's an impossible situation. Should we play They're Just Normal Countries? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for They're Just Normal Countries.
20:17 - 20:28
I am the one and only. What country could I be? I am the one and only.
20:29 - 20:39
Where in the world could our listeners be? So here we go. Previous guesses. Hang on.
20:39 - 20:45
Whoa. I feel an issue with this. This is. Seems a bit late to bring up an issue.
20:45 - 20:53
We've been playing this for quite some time. We can't cancel it now. I feel we should be, as it's the new year, we should have a new listener drive going.
20:53 - 21:07
Oh, good idea. Yeah. While it's a hugely popular podcast. Enormous. When you're driving along in your car and you look into any other car, there is, I think it's a 96% chance they're listening to what you did yesterday.
21:07 - 21:16
I still feel we could try and target that 4%. And one of the ways we could is by explaining what the heck these segments are.
21:16 - 21:25
I go back to Iona. If you're going to listen, start at the beginning. If you're just joining us and you're coming now, frankly, that's not how this podcast works.
21:25 - 21:31
So we've got 75 weeks of two hours a week. Don't ask me to do maths.
21:32 - 21:38
This is not my expertise. We're approaching eight days of solid listening is what you would need to do.
21:38 - 21:44
If you are just joining us and you've come into this episode, what you need to do is take eight days and listen solidly.
21:45 - 21:52
No sleep. And then come back to us. Email us. Let us know how that went for you.
21:52 - 22:06
So you want me to explain their just normal questions? No, it's fine. Previous guesses are Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, US Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, Krecht,
22:06 - 22:18
Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City, Oman, Fiji, Krecht, Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands, Krecht, Belarus, Palau, Aruba, Ecuador, Iraq, Gabon, Krecht, Eritrea, Andorra.
22:18 - 22:25
Sort of astonishing we haven't got all six yet. Because some of the successes have been on a whim, I feel.
22:25 - 22:31
There isn't enough tactical thinking by our listeners. Like Gabon came from nowhere because someone saw...
22:31 - 22:36
It was a number plate, wasn't it? Yeah, a number plate. But maybe that's not the way to think about it.
22:36 - 22:44
Maybe instead you should try and think what countries there may have been one listen to this podcast in as of March last year.
22:44 - 22:49
Thank you. I've got the explanation in. This is from... Help me with the pronunciation.
22:50 - 23:02
Waffe. Waffe. A-O-I-F-E. Aoife. Aoife. Waffe. So my friend lived in England and was called Aoife.
23:03 - 23:10
And she said it's like FIFA, the football world government organization, but without the F.
23:10 - 23:21
Well, my friend Owen, but spelled E-O-G-H-A-N. And everyone called him Oogahan until Owen Quigg did quite well on X Factor Series 8.
23:22 - 23:28
And finally, everybody called him Owen. Anyway, this is from... Wefa. Did I say Efa?
23:29 - 23:36
Efa. FIFA. For God's sake. This is from FIFA Efa. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did a really good explanation.
23:36 - 23:45
This is from Aoife. I don't love FIFA, if I'm honest. You know, if Aoife is connected to FIFA, which you shouldn't have given Donald Trump that peace prize is what I think.
23:45 - 23:50
Dear David, Max Mars, and will. I'm still processing the most deflating end to the Teddington quiz.
23:50 - 23:58
Max had said that everyone will remember where they were when the quiz ended. So I thought I'd share my location and also segue to another one of your quizzes.
23:58 - 24:04
They're just normal countries with my guests. I had visited the ancient ruins of Machu Picchu that morning.
24:04 - 24:14
Efa was in Teddington looking for clues. She had a full private eye kit. She had a big magnifying glass.
24:14 - 24:18
We could do that. We could make Teddington now the Machu Picchu of southwest London.
24:18 - 24:27
We could do tours, a big old trail somewhere near it, lots of steps. And eventually you get to see where Rufus Hound and Jordan Henderson once were.
24:27 - 24:34
I visited the ancient ruins of Machu Picchu that morning. Then I was on a train leaving the town with about an hour and a half to my next destination.
24:35 - 24:42
Perfect timing for a midweek mayhem. Partway through, I had to pause the pod for some train entertainment, a baby alpaca show.
24:42 - 24:52
Turned out not to be actual baby alpacas roaming the train aisle, much to my disappointment, but the train staff modeling garments made from baby alpaca wool and then selling what they wore afterwards.
24:52 - 24:56
Once that was over, I thought I still had time to listen. You could have just carried on listening.
24:56 - 25:03
It feels like, you know, you could have just got your head down here and just ignored people just trying to sell you woolen goods.
25:03 - 25:09
Once that was over, I thought I still had time to listen to the end of the pod and hear the next round of guesses for the Teddington quiz as we approached my stop.
25:09 - 25:19
The moment Max announced the correct result and cut to the contact as blah, blah, I had to get off my stop and I couldn't listen to the later discussion until I got to my hotel 30 minutes later.
25:19 - 25:27
During my walk to the hotel, I couldn't believe how Max didn't get as excited over the correct answer, like his ongoing excitement over the infamous Prunella Scales guest.
25:27 - 25:35
It does seem to me a lot. People are exposing huge hypocrisies in my whole existence on a minute by minute basis as this podcast continues.
25:35 - 25:55
Anyway, my country guest is Peru. Everything is showbiz or show quiz these days. Hang on, just before we do this, far be it from me to criticize the incredible listeners to this PCAST, but should Aoife not have been sort of taking it in the miracle of the Inca
25:55 - 26:10
civilizations and then marveling being on this train? And I'm imagining it was a steam train as well with the crew walking through it dressed as alpacas rather than just listening to this blather.
26:11 - 26:17
In my experience, by the time you get to Machu Picchu, you're pretty exhausted. You're just tired.
26:17 - 26:23
Have you been to... Here's the thing. I did go to Machu Picchu, but I didn't book it in time.
26:23 - 26:31
So I didn't get to... If you don't book it in time, they say you can't do the Inca Trail, which is all these steps, but you can go on a massive walk for five days just nearby.
26:31 - 26:37
So I just basically walked through a bit of Peru for five days and then they end up at Machu Picchu at the same time.
26:37 - 26:42
But you're still tired. You do the same sort of number of days, but it's the kind of idiots.
26:42 - 26:45
You didn't do it and you haven't booked it and you're not going to come back.
26:45 - 26:50
But I have been to Machu Picchu and I was tired, but I didn't listen to a podcast.
26:50 - 26:58
I did look at Machu Picchu. You've been to all of these exotic places, but I always feel you do slightly the wrong thing in them.
26:58 - 27:05
Like you've been to Namibia to see the lions and yet you just end up peeing off a ladder of a combi van.
27:05 - 27:10
Like when James Bond goes to a place, he connects with the essence of it.
27:10 - 27:18
Whereas you just walk through a forest. It's definitely true. I don't think I've ever experienced a foreign country like James Bond has.
27:18 - 27:31
It's rare. I'm suddenly in a Ford Sierra that turns into a submarine and then I kill a man and then had sex in a tiny sort of space suit with like a beautiful secret agent.
27:31 - 27:36
That is true. It is. You make a very accurate point. Thank you. Anyway, so Peru.
27:37 - 27:43
Is Peru a normal country? Might as well. When will it ever end? I hope never.
27:44 - 27:49
What's the capital of Peru? Lima. Imer de Lima. Okay. Well, I enjoyed that extra quiz.
27:49 - 27:53
I mean, it's a short quiz, but I did enjoy it. Okay. Then so everyone's back in the game.
27:53 - 27:58
So please email us. We're looking for two more countries for they're just normal countries.
27:58 - 28:03
I have a question for you. Oh, yes, David. Yes. What is it? What is the capital of Peru?
28:04 - 28:10
But we've covered that already. So I'll ask you my secondary question. Uh-huh. What time did you get up at yesterday?
28:11 - 28:20
5.15 a.m. Willie Rushden wakes up. So I'm in the bed with Willie. He's doing quite a lot of cot work, but he was in the bed with me at that time.
28:21 - 28:26
Yeah. The good news is that Jamie's been in the day bed. So what I'm thinking is she'll come in.
28:26 - 28:31
She'll hear Willie. She'll come in and she'll be like, you have a sleep. I'll take Willie.
28:32 - 28:38
Great. This is great. What a couple. The bad news is she comes in and she says, Ian's been up since 4.30.
28:38 - 28:43
I'm tired and I need to sleep. So I say, okay, I'm a hero. So I take Willie.
28:44 - 28:48
I open Ian's door and he's listening to his sort of, it's called a Yoto.
28:48 - 28:51
It's like a small stereo. I get it? I mean, it's like a little box that plays stories.
28:51 - 28:58
He's listening to Geese, the cool new band, and the other bands that are nominated for the Mercury Award.
28:58 - 29:07
Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's very much like me, his music tastes. He's listening to the Lighthouse Family and going, actually, Ocean Drive, when you really listen to it.
29:07 - 29:17
There's a bit of cot jumping. So they both hold onto the bars of the cot and they jump up and down, which is quite fun because you've got a three and a half year old and a one year old doing that.
29:17 - 29:25
And there's some train work, which is an issue because Ian is very much constructive and Willie is quite destructive at the moment.
29:25 - 29:34
It's a clash of styles. There's a bit of mobile. So we're making some speed wagons and some aeroplanes with the mobile.
29:34 - 29:43
That's good. Question. Question. Yes, David. As the Christmas Hot Wheels garage. Oh, the Paw Patrol garage is doing well, but the favorite is London Underground.
29:43 - 29:49
The London Underground from Auntie Susie is the absolute favorite. Yeah. Mind the gap. Mind the gap.
29:49 - 29:56
Yeah, yeah. That's really good. The next station is King's Cross and Pancras. This is a Metropolitan Line service calling all stations to Chesham.
29:56 - 30:01
You just crying every time you hear one of these announcements. Oh, I miss it.
30:01 - 30:06
Oh, I miss it so much. So breakfast, I suggest to Ian we make some porridge and he's in.
30:06 - 30:11
He's in for the porridge. Okay. So he pours the oats into the bowl. He pours the milk.
30:11 - 30:18
Then I get the hemp and the cheer and all that bollocks. And he's pouring that in because I think you're meant to get them involved in it and then they'll like it.
30:18 - 30:24
Then we microwave it, stir it. And then he says, and now all we have to do is take the milk out because he doesn't really like it looking milky.
30:24 - 30:35
That's an issue. There is a method. Is there not? Is it titration? I mean, you're a man with a scientific background whereby fluid can be posthumously removed.
30:36 - 30:41
I mean, it would definitely be some sort of heating thing. Yeah. Well, I go into the cupboard for my Liebig condenser.
30:46 - 30:49
Anyway, he has a bite of it and it's too hot. I have a bite of it and actually the milk's off.
30:49 - 30:56
So that's it. We shoot. So we chuck that away. We go again. It's the worst three bears of Goldilocks ever.
30:58 - 31:01
No, we've got no milk. We've got almond milk. So he's like, what's that milk?
31:02 - 31:06
I'm like, it's your milk too. Just looks different. He's looked at the previous porridge before he's had a bite.
31:08 - 31:12
So now we just go, now I'm thinking, listen, he's had one bite of porridge.
31:12 - 31:18
He didn't like it. If we get this porridge in, well done us. So almond milk, no bits, lots of honey.
31:18 - 31:22
It's a win. Okay. So while we're doing that, I make Willie a sort of yogurt.
31:23 - 31:27
He can't have milk yet. I don't, maybe I'm not sure what his milk deal is.
31:27 - 31:31
I should know these things, but he can't drink it straight from the cow. Maybe he can put it in things.
31:31 - 31:36
So I make him a sort of yogurt oats. With respect. Yes. There's milk in yogurt.
31:37 - 31:42
Come on. Yeah, but it's like you can't drink straight milk. You can't stick a one-year-old.
31:42 - 31:45
I think when they get to one, you can stick them right on the other of a cow.
31:45 - 31:50
But up to one, and he's a few days away, you've got to be careful about milk for some reason.
31:50 - 31:54
It's kissing the Blarney stone. You have to hold him as he leans back. Yeah, you're absolutely right.
31:55 - 32:00
So I make him what's called a Subo. It's like a bottle that, you know, it doesn't all fall out.
32:00 - 32:04
When you suck it up, it comes out of yogurt oats. It's another win. So he's in the high chair.
32:05 - 32:09
Ian's got the bowl of porridge. He's eating it. This is good. We're doing well here.
32:09 - 32:14
Jay gets up at seven. I think about going to bed. You know, sometimes she'll get up and I'll be like, I need half an hour.
32:14 - 32:21
But I need to watch West Ham Forest. Oh, God. Oh, my God. This is so grim.
32:22 - 32:26
So anyway. You need to watch a bottom of the table clash. Yeah, I know.
32:27 - 32:29
I know. But at some point, I think it is my job to watch football.
32:30 - 32:36
So, and lots of people would love this to be their job. But I must admit, I'm not like desperate to watch it, but it's quite a big game.
32:36 - 32:41
Yeah. So I stick that on. But obviously, there's other things happening, right? While that's on.
32:41 - 32:47
So that's on the TV. Jay makes me peanut butter and jam on toast. She's got some really good sourdough toast.
32:47 - 32:52
And I'm more of a sliced bread wholemeal guy, but I do like this. There's more mobile.
32:52 - 32:55
We make three aeroplanes, me and Ian. Then we're trying to get out to the house.
32:55 - 33:00
And this is exciting. This might be the hottest day. And what did you do yesterday?
33:00 - 33:05
History. Because today, it's going to get to 42 degrees. Oh, yeah. Of course. It's high summer.
33:06 - 33:12
Yes. I know there'll be the biggest discrepancy in degrees between you and me. It must be a 40 degree difference.
33:12 - 33:18
Yeah. I would trade anything not to have a 40 degree day. With two children. Because it's, man, it's hot.
33:18 - 33:24
Oh, God. Man, it's hot. I know, but it's so bleak here, Max. It's like white roofs.
33:24 - 33:30
Yeah. It's bright from about 10 o'clock till, you know, half three. No, I know that.
33:30 - 33:34
I'm on the radio where they keep saying there's an amber weather warning. Yes. Yes.
33:34 - 33:39
Skegness and all this. And I'm there going, my air con is fully pumped up in this shed.
33:39 - 33:45
And when I leave the house, it hits you, you know, like, whacked, punched in the face by this heat.
33:45 - 33:49
But I understand, depending on where you're listening, it will be, you will not receive with sympathy.
33:49 - 33:56
But 42 is 42. It's not 25, guys. Yeah. So, okay. It's 8 a.m. It's 30 degrees already. I'm on the toilet.
33:56 - 34:00
Jamie sends me a photo of a poo that's on the porch. I think it's the neighbor's dog.
34:01 - 34:06
But it's not. It was Willie Rushden. One of the poos is on the doormat.
34:06 - 34:10
But Jason's was a clean pickup. So the doormat doesn't need washing. So that's fine.
34:10 - 34:15
Hang on. Willie surely is in a nappy. Well, sometimes you let them go free for a bit.
34:15 - 34:20
You just play the odds. You don't shit on your own doorstep because he don't know that saying.
34:23 - 34:28
He has really gone against that phrase. You know, he has in every way shat on his own doorstep.
34:28 - 34:33
And I'm glad you brought that up. We're in the car. The car is hot.
34:34 - 34:38
But it's, you know, it's only 30 in this stage. We're off to Brunswick Baths swimming pool.
34:39 - 34:44
We get to Market Lane Cafe. There aren't that many tables. But at the back, if you get that table.
34:44 - 34:49
So it's really good if you've got young kids because you can spread out on the floor and you don't bother anyone else.
34:49 - 34:54
There's one old lady in front of us. She's parked her trolley at that table.
34:54 - 34:59
There's a spare table, small table. And I sort of turn to her. I say, oh, are you sitting there?
34:59 - 35:04
And with the look of pure evil, she just says, yes. And I'm like, okay.
35:04 - 35:09
So the four of us squeeze onto a tiny table. And I make quite a big deal of how, you know, we're on a tiny table.
35:09 - 35:16
You have four glasses of water. There are kids scrambling at the water. And she sat there with her miserable trolley just sitting there.
35:17 - 35:23
The table we're on is the, I would say, the absolute perfect size for an old woman with a trolley.
35:23 - 35:32
But she got there first. So, you know, that's fine. Such English stuff, this. This is the absolute basil-faulty behavior by my co-host.
35:33 - 35:40
Fine. I get a long black. It's delicious. Jamie gets her three-quarter flat white. She draws, I think there's a croissant there.
35:40 - 35:49
We play train snap. Ian has a game of snap with some trains, subway train, finicular railway, blah, blah, blah.
35:49 - 35:55
I'm not allowed to play. Jamie's allowed to play. I'm not allowed to play. He's getting really quite good at it, but he does not like losing.
35:55 - 35:58
So you try and win one round just to teach him that you can't always win.
35:58 - 36:04
But if you do win a round, he will start grieving like everyone he's ever met has died.
36:04 - 36:06
So then you just let him win the whole thing. So you're creating a monster.
36:06 - 36:12
But like, you know, whatever works, works. I'm coming to Australia in a few months.
36:12 - 36:18
And I'm going to be this friend of yours where I aggressively slam the hand down.
36:18 - 36:23
Oh, no. It will break his heart. Really happily take up the cards. Just, yeah.
36:23 - 36:32
And then when I win, I say, make it rain. And then I throw all the cards over my head and dance as they cascade around me.
36:35 - 36:39
So Jamie takes Ian to the pool. I've got to give Willie a nap walk.
36:39 - 36:51
During that nap walk, I am doing a little radio interview for the ABC every morning to talk about the cricket with a friend of mine called Walid Ali, who hosted that show, The Project, that I did for a bit before the commission.
36:51 - 36:55
You'll have probably been on that show with him. So he gets me on about 20 past nine.
36:55 - 37:00
And then at half past nine, the cricket listeners stay on that station and we go to the digital station.
37:01 - 37:04
So then I spend a lot of times when it cuts to 9.30 going, there's no one here.
37:04 - 37:10
Well, it's just me and you now. Everyone's gone. And we move on to the day before we'd had a phone call.
37:10 - 37:15
The question was, what's the stupidest thing you've ever done? I picked a bit from the cricket and said, we're going to do the stupid thing.
37:15 - 37:19
And a man rang up and said, he was called like, God, Steve in Swinburne.
37:19 - 37:25
He was like, I worked on the set of Crocodile Dundee 3. He's like, this is absolutely brilliant.
37:25 - 37:30
This is a caller you want on Australian radio. And basically he was the only one from the art department.
37:30 - 37:33
And there was a polystyrene cup on set, but there were two lions there too.
37:33 - 37:37
And he had to go and get the polystyrene cup. And he said it was a stupid thing to do.
37:37 - 37:42
So then we did your encounters with dangerous animals as a phone-in. So that was quite fun.
37:42 - 37:46
So I say goodbye to Walid and then I go to the pool. It's very nice in there.
37:46 - 37:55
Interruption. Yes. I do enjoy how in Australia, you know, particularly when they're over here, you know, you'll be like, oh, there's a fox that keeps eating the bins.
37:56 - 38:07
And they're like, oh, fox, where are I come from? And then you go to Australia and there is one spider in a room and Australians all run screaming from it,
38:07 - 38:13
even though it's a completely harmless spider. Thank you. I will be at Australia soon.
38:13 - 38:21
Tour now on sale. Thank you. Yeah. Really nice in the pool. Jamie's talking to a dad who turns out played football at quite a decent level back in the day.
38:21 - 38:27
So I recruit him to the Melbourne old boys. It's sort of cruising, but in a football recruitment way in the pool.
38:27 - 38:33
Brunswick. It's hipster. It really is the hips. So is there a lot of cool people there and cut off jeans and stuff?
38:34 - 38:39
No. Fitzroy Bath. You basically, you have to be a model. You have to like take your portfolio to get in.
38:39 - 38:41
Oh yeah. I'll go there then. That's where I'll go. You go to that one.
38:42 - 38:46
But this one is a bit more rough and ready. The swim is nice. Jamie's forgotten to pay for parking.
38:46 - 38:50
So as we're just getting changed, I have to run out. We haven't got a ticket.
38:50 - 38:53
It's very exciting. Can't do it on an app. Is there no app for those?
38:53 - 38:57
It's just the meter. You know, put your rego in the meter and that's it.
38:57 - 39:02
Right. So, you know, I go back in. The kids have bananas, crackers. I have an apple.
39:02 - 39:07
We drive home. We're getting hot now, guys. You know. Oh yeah. We're maybe 35 degrees, but it's okay.
39:08 - 39:11
Get home. I've got to watch the cricket, but that's nice. I quite like watching the cricket.
39:11 - 39:18
Jamie makes eggs. Just by putting them on the porch. Yeah. Basically. Yeah. It's one of those.
39:18 - 39:23
The bonnet of the car. And they crackle away. I have it in like a souvlaki wrap with halloumi.
39:23 - 39:29
We've just discovered halloumi. Just a normal cheese. It's really delicious. I don't know why no one's mentioned this before.
39:29 - 39:35
It's pretty bold flavor for us too. So, you know. It gives a unique texture on the teeth though.
39:35 - 39:42
Sometimes it emits a little squeak as you're eating it. Not a criticism, but I can't think of another cheese.
39:43 - 39:49
Hmm. Let me just think about cheeses. Another cheese. Don't say anything. With a bit of salad as well.
39:49 - 39:54
It's delicious. I make a Mobilo speed wagon with Ian. I give Willie a bath.
39:54 - 40:00
He's covered in mango. I get him to sleep and I go to sleep too because I was up early.
40:01 - 40:07
Yeah. And I'm working late. So I go to sleep and I wake up at 2.20 in the afternoon.
40:08 - 40:12
Oh, peak heat. Yeah, peak heat. So this is true. So now I've got to go and do some work.
40:13 - 40:19
So I leave the house to get to the car because I can't possibly cycle or walk in this heat because it's too much.
40:19 - 40:25
It's a 10 meter walk to the car and I'm lucky to make it. There are bodies all over the street.
40:25 - 40:32
You are hit with a wall of heat. Like as you open the door, your just t-shirt turns into sweat.
40:32 - 40:37
Yeah. It's extraordinary. So anyway, I get into Ophelia. I get a strong three-quarter flat white.
40:37 - 40:43
Yeah. A hot beverage. That's what you really need. Mmm. So refreshing. But I still like a hot coffee, right?
40:43 - 40:48
You know, as any granny will tell you, a cup of tea is the most refreshing drink there is.
40:48 - 40:52
Yeah. They're like, you've never had Tizer, Gran. So I get on with the script for Football Weekly.
40:53 - 40:58
I get Jamie a decaf and a slice of maybe the best chocolate cake ever.
40:59 - 41:05
It's a really good chocolate cake. I'm on my fitness journey. I go to that offensively expensive organic supermarket.
41:05 - 41:12
Yeah. To get a tin of coconut milk for two pounds. And I pick up, I know we need milk because the milk was off.
41:12 - 41:17
So I pick up a two liter bottle of milk that's two pounds 50. No, it's three pounds, right?
41:18 - 41:21
Yeah. It's a lot of money. Then I realize it's best before day is tomorrow.
41:21 - 41:25
I'm like, we're not going to drink two liters of milk. And a full price is five pound 50.
41:25 - 41:29
And I say, I'm sorry, I can't have that. So I keep going into this shop and saying, this is ridiculous.
41:29 - 41:34
I'm not having that. I drive home. It's roasting. I get out of the car.
41:35 - 41:39
A boiling hot gust of wind. And this is the thing about the heat here.
41:40 - 41:47
And as obviously, you know, forest fires are a big deal in Australia. When you get hot in the UK, and it does occasionally get 30s.
41:47 - 41:53
Yeah. It's a very still heat. You don't get like this blustery, like buffeting wind.
41:54 - 41:59
So I get out of the car and I've got the piece of cake on my laptop, which is in its case.
41:59 - 42:06
And a buffeting wind blows the cake onto the floor. But it stays cake side up in its paper bag.
42:06 - 42:10
But it is pushed up against the side. So the icing is a bit messed up, but it's okay.
42:10 - 42:26
There's an interesting theory in art that I think might be a bit colonial. But there is something to it, which is that between the arctics and the tropics, their area.
42:26 - 42:33
And then within that, there is a band that I think people used to call it the climactic comfort zone.
42:33 - 42:39
And Ireland sits in it. And I don't know if there's anything to this. Listeners, please respond.
42:40 - 42:47
A tremendous amount of, say, art is created just because it's a bit miserable. It's never hot.
42:47 - 43:02
It's never too cold. So you kind of get Garcia Marquez and people like that in the southern one writing their book and people doing stuff because they don't have to worry about chocolate cakes melting as they walk in.
43:03 - 43:09
Yeah, I understand that. Whereas in terms of Australian artists, we can't say the name that we're all thinking.
43:09 - 43:14
So I get home and I take over looking after Willie. Sophie's looking after Ian.
43:14 - 43:20
And Jamie's been playing Willie some Tchaikovsky on his little box. So that's nice. So we watch the cricket.
43:20 - 43:25
We're listening to Tchaikovsky. He's playing a tambourine. I'm watching Jacob Bethel score a lovely century.
43:25 - 43:30
But obviously the test isn't great. Will Jacks gets out a second ball as the Jamie Smith run out.
43:31 - 43:37
Ben Stokes can't walk. But, you know, Jacob Bethel gives us hope. Sorry, the England are gone in this series.
43:37 - 43:42
We're now just playing for pride. They lost the first three, did they? Correct. Yeah.
43:42 - 43:47
There was a good bit when, you know, we did the Andy Yoltzman episode. And I said, hopefully we're doing well.
43:47 - 43:51
And we'd already lost that test match in a record time by the time the episode went out.
43:51 - 43:55
It's 5.30. You know, Ian's been in. Because Ian's got to be inside. We're all inside.
43:55 - 44:00
He's exhausted from just playing Mobile O for like eight hours. But like, he's still alive.
44:00 - 44:05
That's all you can do with a kid in 42 degrees. It's TV time. It's so hot.
44:05 - 44:09
The aircon is doing its best. The little water comes out of a pipe into a bucket.
44:09 - 44:14
And I have to keep pouring the bucket into the garden. I don't think that's good for the garden, but it's got to go somewhere.
44:15 - 44:23
Wow. 6.15. Jamie's made a beautiful chickpea curry from scratch. From scratch, David. Is scratch the name of the new cardboard box company?
44:23 - 44:29
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know that actually, I think there is a company called Scratch, actually, for that exact reason.
44:29 - 44:39
But this is, she did it herself. And it's very nice. I eat that. It's got a really nice sort of like rye to like salad-y thing with mint and avocado on the top and stuff.
44:39 - 44:44
It's really delicious. So this is now quarter past six. I get Willie to sleep.
44:44 - 44:47
It's quite hard to get her baby to sleep in this heat. The fan is on full.
44:48 - 44:53
He's messing about a bit. But like, we're doing well with the cot. 7.15. It's time for Football Weekly.
44:53 - 45:01
So I record Football Weekly. I finish about 8.30. You know the way Ian sometimes comes out to visit you during recordings of this?
45:01 - 45:07
Yes. He doesn't now, because right now it's 11.33pm. So I hope he's asleep. But yes, he did.
45:07 - 45:13
He comes out with Tchaikovsky playing really loud on his moto. When we were back in London, yes, they'd pop in.
45:13 - 45:19
Or if we're ever doing a morning record My Time, which I would just for the tape would say, we don't do enough.
45:19 - 45:28
But that's okay. I'm happy to just state your feelings. I'll fit your schedule. Could we, for the rest of time, do My Mornings?
45:28 - 45:33
Do Football Weekly. That's fun. Jamie goes to bed at 10 to 9. I do some exercise.
45:33 - 45:41
I've got a slight shoulder injury, but I'm trying to do these. So I can't do my press-ups, but I do some core work and some squats and some planks.
45:41 - 45:50
I shower. I'm in bed at 9.20pm. Oh, absolutely glorious. At 11.20pm, my alarm goes off.
45:50 - 45:56
I make a coffee. I get on the Zoom with Charlie Baker. It's one of those Talks for Wednesdays.
45:56 - 46:01
There's been a bit of a cool change. It's only about 33 degrees now as we approach half 11 at night.
46:01 - 46:13
I do Talksport from midnight till three. Is two hours not the worst possible amount of sleep to have because you are entering R.E.M., whatever the deep sleep is called?
46:13 - 46:18
And then to come out of it, do you not go, hello, this is Talksport.
46:18 - 46:26
My name is, and you can't remember your name. The thing is, David, I'm so tired that if I ever get the chance to lie down and go to sleep, I just do it.
46:26 - 46:30
It doesn't matter what time of day it is. And I'm keeping some odd hours.
46:31 - 46:35
The thing about the show is I love doing the show so much. Once you're in the show, it's great.
46:35 - 46:41
Yeah. So in the show, it's great. The real highlights are Vittorio Angeloni is on, comedian.
46:41 - 46:45
We should get him on this pod. He's in the studio. What do you have him talking about?
46:45 - 46:51
He's plugging his tour or some such. And he wants to talk about the fact he nutmegged Dimitar Berbatov in a charity football match.
46:51 - 46:56
He's in the studio in London. And the production staff don't give him any headphones.
46:56 - 47:00
But I don't know this. And so we come out of the break. And I'm like, good afternoon.
47:00 - 47:09
You're listening to Talksport. Max Rushden, Charlie Baker with you until four. I'm very pleased to say comedian Vittorio Angeloni is joining Charlie in the studio.
47:10 - 47:14
We'll talk about his tour. Talk about nutmegging Dimitar Berbatov. Thanks so much for joining us, Vittorio.
47:15 - 47:20
And obviously, he can't hear what I'm saying. He hasn't got any headphones on. So then Charlie says, oh, he hasn't got any headphones on.
47:20 - 47:24
And so then, basically, they just have a chat for about five minutes. And he can't hear what I'm saying.
47:25 - 47:29
So I don't say anything until they give him some headphones. It's really professional stuff.
47:29 - 47:35
The other high point is, you know, I'm thinking about, I'm a bit hungry. It's 2.30 in the morning.
47:35 - 47:38
In the break, I pop in and open the fridge and think, oh, I should have that cake.
47:38 - 47:42
But I think, no, no, no, I'll have a carrot because I'll have a carrot.
47:42 - 47:47
That is my go-to classic, you know, let's be healthy. But I eat the carrot a bit too quickly.
47:47 - 47:53
And while I'm reading out the chance to win £26,000 in a competition, I get the hiccups really light going.
47:54 - 47:57
Yeah, if you want to win £26,000, you've got to get an entry in by Friday.
47:58 - 48:02
I do this. And it's absolutely hilarious. So we can't stop laughing. I can't stop hiccuping.
48:02 - 48:12
And the listeners love the fact that I'm hiccuping. And it's great fun. In this city, you couldn't find a carrot in a fridge because they're all on snowman's noses at the moment.
48:12 - 48:17
Yeah, of course. Very different carrot usage. Whereas this one's basically melted. It's so hot, the carrots are melting.
48:18 - 48:24
But I eat the carrot. I was telling this story to producer Joel from Football Weekly and saying, do you eat carrots like Bugs Bunny?
48:24 - 48:26
Like, I'm eating the carrots so quickly. They go, do, do, do, do, do, do.
48:27 - 48:31
Then we get to three o'clock in the morning. The show's done. So I go, thanks very much.
48:31 - 48:35
I go to the toilet, text them saying, just got home. Yeah, still doing that.
48:35 - 48:45
Really enjoyed the show. No one reacts to that. And then I get into the daybed and at five past three, Willie wakes up and he turns into the exorcist until four in the morning.
48:46 - 48:52
It's my turn. So I do that with him. And eventually, I think Jamie comes in and gets him to sleep.
48:52 - 48:58
And I go to the daybed at about four. So, you know, we are an hour 15 shy of a 24-hour day.
48:58 - 49:08
And that's it. It's the end of the day. Good day. Good day. Oh, my goodness.
49:08 - 49:13
Like, I'm thinking a lot about Iona, who listens to this show for light relief.
49:13 - 49:21
And then we come to Yuri Astorayis and it's just fucking miserable. Oh, God. I had a really good time.
49:21 - 49:24
I had a really good day. I must admit, I was a bit sad today.
49:24 - 49:31
We don't care about today. I didn't have enough sleep today for the eight Premier League games I had to watch and parents.
49:32 - 49:38
But, you know, no one cares about that. Anyway, is there a curdle? Is there a somebody told me off we didn't play the curdle jingle?
49:38 - 49:43
Is there a curdle jingle? I don't remember. Yeah. There is. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Mars Bar.
49:43 - 50:33
Nice to hear you. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, it's time for curdle. Five. This is from Tom.
50:34 - 50:38
Dear Max and David, I would like you to pass on my deepest sympathies to Mars Bar.
50:38 - 50:43
Make you aware that he is likely incensed with you both, but is probably too polite to mention it.
50:43 - 50:54
This is because, despite Mars Bar specifically arranging his proposal to his girlfriend for the sole reason that his yesterday could be inserted into the rotor and enable David's yesterday to fall on Boxing Day,
50:54 - 51:03
and so the new game of curdle could start on time. You hosts disregarded his selfless devotion to the pod by telling you both of your yesterdays on Boxing Day anyway.
51:03 - 51:10
When this was first pointed out to you, Max said that Mars Bar wasn't that into the relationship anyway, something Mars Bar has never denied.
51:10 - 51:16
So presumably he is due to enter into a lifelong marriage purely for the sake of upholding the consistency of the pod's format.
51:16 - 51:29
I think the fact that the pod has become the center of the known universe might have gone to both of your heads, because your egotistical insistence on sharing both of your yesterdays on Boxing Day has now rendered Mars Bar's incredibly sacrificial actions to be completely worthless.
51:29 - 51:34
I feel Max is more to blame. Here we go. As he intruded on David's turn.
51:34 - 51:38
But David, your lack of intervention makes you complicit. So you're aware, I am Tom.
51:39 - 51:49
No shit. The same point Dexter who first pointed out Mars Bar's level of dedication, as I was the one who calculated the rotor up to Boxing Day and alerted you both to Mars Bar's level of diligence.
51:49 - 51:54
I think you'll be aware, Tom. Probably nobody else went to this trouble, but nobody do appreciate it.
51:55 - 52:00
So not only have you caused Mars Bar potentially a lifetime of resentment, but you've also wasted my time as well.
52:01 - 52:06
Oh, dear. I do over-accept the hassle you've caused Mars Bar probably greater than you've caused me.
52:06 - 52:09
To make it up to me, I'd like to have a go at Curdle. Yes.
52:09 - 52:12
I'm not sure how you'll be able to make it up to Mars Bar for the rest of his married life.
52:13 - 52:17
If you even care, love the pod really, Tom. So, thank you, Tom, for getting in touch.
52:18 - 52:23
I understand you went to some effort, and so did Mars Bar, but it is what it is.
52:23 - 52:27
We can't change it now. Thanks, Mars Bar. Thanks for everything you do for us.
52:28 - 52:37
Anyway, make the noise, David. Go on. Bizzing! So here we go. Now we remember, it's bing for right cheese, wrong place.
52:37 - 52:41
Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing for... Right cheese, right place. It's a four cheese board.
52:42 - 52:46
And it's er, er, for no good. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. So here we go.
52:47 - 53:00
Brie. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing! Stilton. Err. Emmental. Err. Port Salou. Oh my... Err.
53:01 - 53:14
They're just normal cheeses. It's Monterey Jack. Err. Come on. These are highly... These are regular cheeses that anyone would have.
53:14 - 53:18
I'm trying not to use the catchphrase. No, no, no. You can. People like catchphrases.
53:19 - 53:31
They're just normal cheeses. I just would like to point out, if you remember, midway through Curdle, it's something like April, we established that the cheeses you put on last year's cheese board were not normal cheeses.
53:31 - 53:38
But you can stick with they're just normal cheeses. But I understand why Tom and other listeners may be thinking outside the cheese box.
53:38 - 53:42
It's a four cheese board. It's still a four cheese board. Yeah. And we go again next week.
53:43 - 53:53
Advice to the listeners here. No, thank you. A cheese board. Think about it as an actual cheese board for people with variety on it.
53:53 - 54:03
Just think. Open your minds. Let's do it. I don't like clues. But I do like a clue as basic as think about a cheese board that's for people.
54:05 - 54:08
Unlike all those other cheese boards. Thank you, David.
54:08 - 54:24
If you listeners would like to get in touch with the podcast, if you would like to have a go at thinking of our cheese board or thinking of a country where one person wants to listen to this podcast as of last March, here's how to get in touch.
54:25 - 54:31
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com.
54:32 - 54:39
Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
54:39 - 54:49
And if you didn't, please don't. Thanks, Max. I'm in it for life. I'm sorry that you should be asleep now.
54:49 - 55:01
I'm sorry. Probably after this. Sorry for your life choices. You have to watch Cardiff against Orient or something in the semifinal of the Goodfellas Pizza Cup.
55:04 - 55:10
Listen, it's my responsibility, isn't it? You know, I got myself into this situation. Oh, dear.
55:10 - 55:26
Mars Bar, thanks for everything you do. Thanks, Mars Bar. Hi, pod fans. Max here in my garden in Melbourne.
55:26 - 55:36
Just to say that we are doing a live What Did You Do Yesterday on April the 3rd at 4pm at Melbourne Town Hall, I think.
55:36 - 55:49
But if you just Google What Did You Do Yesterday live show Melbourne, me, David, and a special yet-to-be-announced, yet-to-be-worked-out guest will be doing an episode.
55:50 - 55:54
So, not for broadcast, just for a live show. So, yeah. Get your tickets. Come and see us.
55:54 - 55:55
Thanks, bye.