0:00 - 0:11
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
0:11 - 0:20
I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
0:20 - 0:25
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
0:25 - 0:34
Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
0:34 - 0:37
We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
0:37 - 0:43
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
0:43 - 0:49
Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
0:49 - 0:55
Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:08
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem. The first Midweek Mayhem of Series 4.
1:08 - 1:18
This is David O'Doherty. Hi, David. The first Midweek Mayhem we have recorded in the year of 2026 AD.
1:18 - 1:29
Correct. Is there a fear in the back of your mind that it just, kind of like a parking disc that you get for your car, an annual one, the show just stops working?
1:29 - 1:34
You know, a bit of jeopardy, Max. That's what I'm trying to insert into the top of this show.
1:34 - 1:43
I mean, I don't feel a whole lot of jeopardy currently. I was doing my Sunday morning talk sports show, maybe last year or the year before.
1:43 - 1:47
So it was from 10pm to half past midnight on New Year's Eve for me.
1:47 - 1:51
So I saw in the new year, you know, just chatting about Nottingham Forest form or whatever.
1:51 - 1:57
But at midnight, my pass, that was when I was doing it in the studio, not in the shed, my pass reset.
1:57 - 2:03
So then I finished the show half past midnight. Half past midnight, it's like, okay, it's not my best new year, but I don't really care about New Year's anymore.
2:03 - 2:12
I just want to get home. I couldn't get out of the building. I was stuck in the office of the Age newspaper and 3AW ready.
2:12 - 2:15
I just couldn't, the security guard was just, he'd gone for a walk or something.
2:15 - 2:21
I was just stuck in there. And then I finally get like 20 minutes later, but it was a long 20 minutes.
2:21 - 2:29
You know, when you're like, I want to get home now. And then I get in the car and like, I've done this drive for like two years.
2:29 - 2:36
And it takes 15 minutes because no one is driving at half past midnight on a Sunday night.
2:36 - 2:41
But on New Year's Eve, it is different. And I literally drive into a gridlocked city.
2:41 - 2:46
And I'm just so angry with everyone. I want to get out and say, I'm not part of this.
2:46 - 2:51
This is, I am not one of you. You know, it's the opposite of Morgan Freeman.
2:51 - 2:55
I am not one of you. Here's Morgan Freeman. I'm not one of you, but I fight like one of you.
2:55 - 2:59
I'm not one of you and I don't fight like one of you. I need a lane for myself.
2:59 - 3:08
Because I'm here every week, you bastards. Your ability to talk about sport is just, it's something that we don't dwell on enough on this podcast.
3:08 - 3:17
I think a lot about a sketch from Big Train, one of the great sketch shows of the late 90s, early 2000s, I'd say.
3:17 - 3:26
And there's one where Sir George Martin is kidnapped and you see him being dragged off in the back of a van.
3:26 - 3:32
And as he's pulled off, it's Kevin Eldon as Sir George Martin just being like, a lot of people said Ringo wasn't a great drummer.
3:32 - 3:41
And then you see him sort of chained to a Terry Waite type figure in some warehouse somewhere.
3:41 - 3:53
And he's saying to Terry Waite, the idea to play the drums backwards on Tomorrow Never Knows, this is kind of you, where even when you're annoyed, I still imagine you going.
3:53 - 4:06
Now we cross over to Dingley Dow to find out. I know you're a rounded person, but you just have this ability to broadcast that I will never have, that I'm sure of.
4:06 - 4:11
That's very kind of you. So lots of love for the Brett McKenzie episode. Yeah.
4:11 - 4:20
It was a really good one, wasn't it? You know, the farming, the cow, the sort of pathos of, you know, your late father's affairs.
4:20 - 4:32
Yeah, recycling. And then Judith. Not now, Judith. Love Judith. Absolutely love Judith. Matty says, excellent episode for the bovine community.
4:32 - 4:37
Easily their best of the year to date. Absolutely right. It certainly is a favourite.
4:37 - 4:44
I once did, back to TalkSport, the breakfast show on the 1st of January, another show that no one was really up for doing.
4:44 - 4:51
So at 6 a.m. on the 1st of January, I turned to former Ireland striker Tony Cascarino.
4:51 - 4:55
I say, come on, Tony. It's just you and me here, isn't it? Like, who's listening to this?
4:55 - 5:01
So I did. I just said, who's listening? Who's listening to this? It was all cattle farmers.
5:01 - 5:06
We worked out we had more cows listening than people to that particular radio show.
5:06 - 5:17
This is from Jen, who says, hello from Langenberg, Saskatchewan, Canada. Yes. I always end every episode feeling a little lighter and more hopeful about the world.
5:17 - 5:26
But the Brett McKenzie episode takes the cake and had me crying with laughter. I thought the beginning story with the lost yet hopeful farmers couldn't get any better.
5:26 - 5:32
Fast forward to Nicole Kidman's mentions, hilarious, then to finish off with Brett's mom insisting he drive Judith home.
5:32 - 5:38
Gracious, I haven't laughed this hard in ages. You had many fabulous guests, but Brett's day was epic.
5:38 - 5:42
Thank you, DOD, Max and crew. Keep making the world a better place. In it for life.
5:42 - 5:54
Jen. Do you think we should insert as a stipulation from now on all of our guests do their normal yesterday, but at some time they have to tag a cow through the air?
5:54 - 6:03
Just a lot of the city slickers would really. Christopher MacArthur Boyd's day would have been very different.
6:03 - 6:07
Sorry, that's coming soon. If he'd had to tag a cow in the middle of it.
6:07 - 6:19
But I do, I mean, I think Jen has put some pressure on us in the fact that this is the podcast that makes her feel more hopeful about the world, as in we may be approaching Armageddon,
6:19 - 6:25
and it's up to us, David, to bring it back. I feel like, I don't know if we, do we have the tools?
6:25 - 6:33
Do we have the toolkit to rescue Earth? With this, some would say mundane discussion of life.
6:33 - 6:51
Yeah, but it's the extreme mundanity. That's where it enters a new realm. You know, I don't think, you know, the politicians go on the radio sometimes specifically to announce a new policy or to fly a kite of something they're thinking of doing.
6:51 - 6:57
You wouldn't do that on this podcast. No one would notice the thing you were trying to say.
6:57 - 7:02
They would just notice. The fact that you have eight pairs of slippers and you happen to say that at the start.
7:02 - 7:12
Sean says, Brett McKenzie in a 10-gallon hat at the auction, kicking the udders like you would the tires on a car, arms folded.
7:12 - 7:27
So is this a cow or a bull? Question mark. The idea, I can't remember whose idea it was, of the brother tagging Brett by mistake and then Brett being so,
7:28 - 7:35
him with the guitar, an Oscar-winning songwriter with a guitar, singing Business Time as the auctioneer brings down the gavel.
7:35 - 7:43
And then, you know, Jermaine turns up at the next gig in L.A. They're playing the Rose Bowl in Pasadena and he's sat next to a cow.
7:43 - 7:53
Just from the top one more time, please. Now, a lot of people did pick up on, you know, just happy that we came back.
7:53 - 7:59
Ignatius says, well, many of us were disappointed with the needlessly long hiatus period, between series three and four.
7:59 - 8:08
The Brett McKenzie episode was a superb listen. Kudos to Max's celebrity Rolodex. Zeri said, I was going off my mind, waiting and wishing for the new season to break.
8:08 - 8:13
Finally, it's among us. Tone did say, as a question for David, is it getting annoying?
8:13 - 8:17
That's a really, really serious question. Is it getting annoying that Max never books any guests?
8:17 - 8:25
That's not true. You booked Trevor Nelson, Gary Lineker. Gary Lineker, Joel Domett. Omid Djalili.
8:25 - 8:32
Kelly Cates. Got Kelly Cates? Yep. Yep. You occasionally say Hugh Grant whenever there's a discussion.
8:32 - 8:46
And I put in 10 more of my friends into the WhatsApp group. Max says, I could ask Hugh Grant because he has, I would say, a Hugh Grant phone number from particularly with that inquiry that he was involved in in the press.
8:46 - 9:01
I'd say it's eight mobile phone numbers ago. I don't have Hugh Grant's phone number, but my friend Gabby went out with someone who knows Hugh Grant so I did once go out for dinner with Hugh Grant and then me and Hugh,
9:01 - 9:09
because they were a sort of new couple, they went off together and me and Hugh got in a taxi together and he sort of dropped me off at a tube station.
9:09 - 9:15
So for a short moment, I was like, this is fun, isn't it? I don't think Hugh gave a shit, but I was like, just take me anywhere.
9:15 - 9:22
Let it roll, guys. Is Hugh Grant in that realm where every single person recognizes Hugh Grant?
9:22 - 9:32
You know, there's people that some people recognize when you go out with them, but then there, there are the sort of megastar Michael McIntyre realm.
9:32 - 9:36
Well, at the dinner was me, his friend and my friend and we all recognized him.
9:36 - 9:48
So like he could get on with eating his dinner without being bothered. Nobody came up and said, aha, I love soccer AM.
9:48 - 9:51
Would you take a photo and hand a camera to Hugh Grant? That didn't happen.
9:51 - 9:56
I'll keep trying with Hugh. I think he'd be good. I think if we got him, I think it'd be a good day.
9:56 - 10:02
I think he'd buy into it. I have never known Hugh Grant to be on a podcast ever.
10:02 - 10:12
You know, he's not one of those, like if you're on TalkSport and Tony Cascarino's got laryngitis, you don't drop Grant in then as...
10:12 - 10:17
The weekend sports breakfast with Hugh Grant. I mean, I'm in. He's a big Fulham fan, isn't he?
10:17 - 10:25
He should do the full-time phoning, wouldn't he? I mean, Hugh Grant in the full-time phoning is absolutely brilliant, isn't he?
10:25 - 10:29
Because he does have the air of someone who doesn't really care Dave's a Burnley fan.
10:29 - 10:39
What's your point, Dave? Fed up of this. Tell me more, says Hugh. Jita's been in touch.
10:39 - 10:50
I think it's from the Rob Auton episode. We were discussing imperial leather soap and the fact that the top little sticker is magnetic and you could stick it to a magnet.
10:50 - 10:55
It came out like an extra tap. I don't believe this. I do not believe this.
10:55 - 11:07
Well, Jita says, friend of the podcast. I'm very close to sending you a picture of my imperial leather soap hanging on our magnetic soap holder, but I can't be bothered to leave the sofa to take a photo.
11:07 - 11:21
Isn't that good? Isn't that amazing? It's still got a magnetic top. Yeah, I think Jita's in Denmark, so maybe magnetic soap is still more of a thing there, but I very much remember Granny Moira having one of those.
11:21 - 11:32
I should also, just on what we were talking about there, you see, you're an old broadcaster casting Cow Hand, and so when you were like, we're taking a break now,
11:32 - 11:38
we don't know when we'll be back, I just couldn't let that hang. No, you couldn't let it hang.
11:38 - 11:44
I have to jump in. I was a bit disappointed with you. I mean, I was a little bit disappointed with you because I wanted a few people to be like,
11:44 - 11:49
oh, I didn't think it was worth the stress. Well, the risk of people unsubscribing.
11:49 - 11:53
I don't think it's going to cause any listeners stress, is it? They'll just be like, oh, just go off menu.
11:53 - 12:02
It's all right. Maybe you're right. Niall says, season's greetings, Max David and Mars bar yet more proof, if it were needed, that the What Did You Do Yesterday pod is the centre of the known universe.
12:02 - 12:09
On the excellent Rob Auton episode, Max pointed out how Craig David and God are the same in not adhering to the concept of linear time.
12:09 - 12:14
I don't remember that bit. They are perhaps more similar than you knew at the time.
12:14 - 12:21
Both were famously busy for six days before chilling on Sunday. Oh, good. It's good, isn't it?
12:21 - 12:26
Pod clearly at the centre of the universe and now central to its creation as well.
12:26 - 12:43
Merry Christmas. Everything is snowbiz, says Niall. I mean, all I will say is that Craig, David just took her for a drink on Monday, whereas God created the heaven and earth on that day.
12:43 - 12:52
So technically, you could argue in that creation is her and the potential to take her for a drink.
12:52 - 13:00
Yeah, but they are different. They are slightly different. I think God. He did more on Monday than Craig, David.
13:00 - 13:05
I think that's what we're establishing. But like, maybe Craig sort of ramped it up.
13:05 - 13:12
He was more do your homework on the last day type thing. Yeah. Whereas God was much more organised about this whole affair.
13:12 - 13:20
Yeah. And I don't even remember what did God make on Thursday, like Lego sets, you know, and imperial leather.
13:20 - 13:30
What do you mean? If God had put it to music, we'd all remember. Whereas we know exactly the order we all still know what Craig David did on Monday, Tuesday, you know,
13:30 - 13:39
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I wouldn't be surprised if people from other, speak other languages and had to learn the days of the week.
13:39 - 13:53
That was a major source. That's a really good idea. I'm not sure when you're teaching people French at 11, if making love by Thursday, Friday and Saturday is the right form of teaching.
13:53 - 14:02
I'm not sure. But like, I'm really looking forward to your French lessons, David. That'll be great.
14:02 - 14:07
Complaints from the parents. Dear Mars Bar DOD, Will.i.am and the Teddington teaser.
14:07 - 14:14
This is from Matt. A long time listener, first time emailer to any podcast. I've been married for 25 years.
14:14 - 14:22
And in year two, I was told very clearly that underwear was not a gift that would be desired or well-received even in a Christmas stocking.
14:22 - 14:29
After 20 years in denial of this key data point, I finally took the hint and stopped buying underwear for the love of my life a few years ago.
14:29 - 14:39
But after listening to Guy Montgomery in the sun off the Côte d'Azur with my gorgeous wife, Ellie, who is a keen yogi, I thought, hell, why not take a risk?
14:39 - 14:45
So I put a pair of Lululemon pants into her stocking. Her response, disdain, eyebrows raised, silence.
14:45 - 14:53
I excitedly said, but they're Lululemon. Still no reaction. I chalked it up to making a very poor decision and decided to move on.
14:53 - 15:03
And three days later, Ellie announced the Lululemon pants were a win. I suspect part of the excitement is that the recommendation came from the Teddington teaser heartthrob that is Max Rushden.
15:03 - 15:08
Anyway, a happy household has been restored because everything is showbiz in it for life from Matt.
15:08 - 15:26
It does open the possibility of a slightly creepier version of Cinderella where Lululemons are left at the ball when she has to return home before she turns into a pumpkin or whatever.
15:26 - 15:37
And then the scene where the prince goes around making people try on the lulus to see who they think is ugly.
15:37 - 15:40
Yeah, and also people are like, but she just put them on. I don't want to put them on.
15:40 - 15:50
It's an entirely different fairy tale. I mean, it's still extraordinary that Guy Montgomery picked the wrong pants because if we'd picked a pant brand that were actually doing quite well in the real world,
15:50 - 15:56
maybe we'd have got some sponsorship money. But we've backed the wrong horse. Guy's backed the wrong horse and now the rest of us have.
15:56 - 16:10
Just one nice iTunes review from Lifeboat Spike, who says, this podcast is like the feeling you got after a primary school swimming lesson when you're dressed and sat in the gallery with a packet of Ringo's and a plastic cup of tomato soup from the machine.
16:10 - 16:26
Pure joy. That is so specific. I wouldn't agree with the soup choice, but everything else, yeah, when you still can smell chlorine off the backs of your hands, yeah, that's a great memory.
16:26 - 16:35
Finley McKenzie in the Outer Hebrides. This is more centre of the known universe. To my favorite dinky toy, Plinky Plonker, generic man number three, and Mars Bar, as a longtime listener,
16:35 - 16:43
I've never bought into this everything is showbiz bullshit. As I was listening to your latest episode, I was also playing a mobile game called Clover Pit.
16:43 - 16:55
It's like a rouge-like slot machine game. Five stars. The very second David mentioned Lululemons, my slot machine lit up lemon, lemon, lemon, lemon, more lemons than I'd ever seen in my life.
16:55 - 17:04
The jackpot noise. Filled my ears. Everything is showbiz, says Binley. Glenn in Okazaki in Japan says, Hi, David, Max, and Mars Bar.
17:04 - 17:10
I was listening to Series 3, Episode 27. I heard Rob Auton mention a 102-year-old artist named Anthony Eaton.
17:10 - 17:15
Interested, I decided to take a look at his Wikipedia page. Where was he born?
17:15 - 17:30
Teddington. Wow. Sean in Belfast says, Max Doddles Mars Bar. During the festive period, myself and my fiancé consume an ungodly amount of cocktail sausages.
17:30 - 17:35
The best way to cook said sausages is frying on a stainless steel pan, which is famously hard to clean.
17:35 - 17:42
The only thing to properly clean a stainless steel pan is barkeeper's friend, the tagline of which is once tried, always used.
17:42 - 17:50
I couldn't believe the mention of this by Rob as I was cleaning my pan after eating half a packet of cocktail sausages for lunch.
17:50 - 17:59
And sausages as well, given how many sausages. Yeah, a leg of sausages. If this doesn't prove the pot is the center of the universe, I don't know what will, Sean.
17:59 - 18:09
The naming of the short sausage, and I don't even know if this is the case in America, for example.
18:09 - 18:16
So the long, you've got bratwurst. I'm bringing my hands together like the fish that I caught is getting smaller.
18:16 - 18:30
You've got merguez, say. Yeah, yeah. You've got classic sausage. But to name the small one cocktail is incredibly optimistic just that one might be thrown into the shaker.
18:30 - 18:33
No, do you not think it's sort of like they put it on an umbrella?
18:33 - 18:42
It's just put on the martini. And so James Bond picks off the umbrella, eats the cocktail sausage, spits out the umbrella, and then drinks the martini.
18:42 - 18:49
Of course, sorry. I forgot that that happens in all the early Bond films. Hey, let's play the Just Normal Countries.
18:49 - 19:04
Yes. I am the one and only. What country could I be? I am the one and only.
19:04 - 19:16
Where in the world could our listeners be? Welcome to They're Just Normal Countries. Previous guesses, everybody.
19:16 - 19:28
Here we go. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, the Northern Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, US Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea, San Marino, Crete, Liechtenstein, Turkmenistan, Seychelles, Mauritius, Georgia, Vatican City,
19:28 - 19:35
Oman, Fiji, correct. Vanuatu, Bolivia, Faroe Islands, correct. Belarus, Palau, Aruba, Ecuador, Iraq, Gabon, correct.
19:35 - 19:44
Eritrea. Takes three guesses, three breaths, rather. Three big clarinet-learning diaphragm inhalations to get through all the countries.
19:44 - 19:55
Here we go. Henry from Reading. Hello, big fan of the pod, of course. This email is sent in jest, of course, but please, please, please, can we try Andorra for They're Just Normal Countries?
19:55 - 20:00
It seems like an obvious answer. David said he was frustrated by how long these quizzes are going for.
20:00 - 20:07
Andorra has a similar population to San Marino, a successful answer. You enjoyed my observations about Reading landmarks and Max's misunderstanding.
20:07 - 20:14
They were read on the pod. As gratitude, please try Andorra. It's frustrating to hear so many incorrect answers.
20:14 - 20:18
I could, of course, be wrong, but it seems a very good option. Thank you, Henry in Reading.
20:18 - 20:24
I don't love the smell of it, just because I think people go skiing to Andorra, don't they?
20:24 - 20:30
I imagine. This would be something you would be listening to as you hammer down the moguls.
20:30 - 20:37
I don't believe Alberto Tomba ever went down the Kitzbühel Black Run without an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?
20:37 - 20:49
Franz Klammer, a lot of the time, just when he got to the bit where you sort of do a semicircle at the bottom, would just pop out his headphones and say some obscure thing from the podcast.
20:49 - 20:53
He's just going around on the Super G. You're absolutely right. The Super G on that big jump.
20:53 - 21:01
They went, he got Gabon! And then he carries. He carries on. Anyway, over to producer Will.
21:01 - 21:08
Will, is Andorra a normal country? Presumably the huge in Andorra world. Do you know how many?
21:08 - 21:17
143. I knew it! 143. It's a dart score number of listeners in Andorra. That's really good.
21:17 - 21:26
What is, so 143-0 is triple 20. Double top three, could be. Yeah. That's what you do.
21:26 - 21:37
You go triple 23, double top. Yeah, because it's always, you require 143. In quizzes that people do.
21:37 - 21:40
I think people might have liked this one in COVID. Have I told you this before, David?
21:40 - 21:45
We had no sport and we did trust darts. We had like a draw, we had quarterfinals.
21:45 - 21:52
So we had sort of famous people with a dart board and they'd have to put the mobile phone by the dart board and put it on speaker, right?
21:52 - 22:05
Yeah. And they'd throw a dart and they'd shout the score. You'd hear, 18, 18. So we got to the final and the final is between Tim Vine, who we should get on this part.
22:05 - 22:11
He's really good at darts. Yeah, he's really good at darts. And Steve Sidwell, former Reading centre midfielder.
22:11 - 22:21
And then Steve Sidwell didn't want to play anymore. So my DMs to Steve Sidwell look ridiculous from like five years ago, where I'm just saying, can you play darts this weekend?
22:21 - 22:29
Please, Steve, please. I'm ghosted by Steve Sidwell. So Tim Vine is just waiting for the final, but we've never, ever played the final.
22:29 - 22:34
Anyway, David, I have a question for you, which is at what time did you wake up yesterday morning?
22:34 - 22:47
6.30 a.m. Whoa! Yeah, yesterday's a significant enough day in my life in the autobiography that I haven't started writing yet.
22:47 - 22:56
Are you thinking about it? Because mine, I think, is the most boring autobiography of all time, because it isn't.
22:56 - 23:05
Magsarich, it is the moderately comfortable to still moderately comfortable story of a vanilla broadcaster who did almost nothing.
23:05 - 23:08
Okay, so this is a big day. Well, it's always a big day, the 5th of January.
23:08 - 23:19
Yesterday is a big day. One of my earliest jokes in stand-up comedy was that my autobiography to sell some more numbers was going to be called Harry Potter and the Da Vinci Book of Sudoku.
23:19 - 23:38
But then my friend Michael had a much better, his autobiography was going to be called A Man's Occupation, which just sounds like a good name for an autobiography, but it was actually short for a rhyme from primary school,
23:38 - 23:44
which was, do you remember that era of rhymes where you're just trying to cram in as many rude words?
23:44 - 23:50
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, a man's occupation is to stick his periculation in a woman's ventilation to increase the population.
23:50 - 23:58
That's the full title of it. Right, I see. I see when you open the page, it's got that.
23:58 - 24:08
Yeah, there's a quote from Salman Rushdie or whatever. Yesterday is... Salman Rushdie writes, whoever smelt it, dealt it.
24:08 - 24:25
That's his... You say that, Salman Rushdie... A terrible wind. ...as a copywriter in advertising before his first novel was published, and he thought of the...
24:25 - 24:32
The Aero Think Bubbles campaign. Oh, interesting. Remember the Aero chocolate bar? Yeah, I mean, I was across it with Aero.
24:32 - 24:40
Yeah. Yeah. So that's Salman Rushdie's... Oh, well done, Salman. ...Pre-Midnight's children, Salman Rushdie. God, that's a lot more words, isn't it?
24:40 - 24:45
Think Bubbles, to go from that to the Satanic verses. I know what you're going to say now.
24:45 - 24:55
I know which one I prefer. I like a nice Aero. How dare you? The Mint Aero...
24:55 - 25:04
That is a rare example of a limited edition chocolate bar that exceeds the original, I would say.
25:04 - 25:11
Like Kit Kat are always bringing out limited edition, you know... The Lemon Kit Kat we heard of from someone.
25:11 - 25:16
I forget who. Oh, yeah. Anyway, David, back to the matter in hand. Yeah, huge day.
25:16 - 25:22
Chris McCausland, the Lemon Kit Kat. That's how he's known in showbiz circles. The Lemon Kit Kat.
25:22 - 25:36
Anyway. Yesterday was the 5th of January but it was a Monday. Yeah. I returned from a lovely Christmas holiday on the Friday, did a big gig on the Saturday in Dublin.
25:36 - 25:47
Yeah. And had the final sort of shindig of Christmas on Sunday night. We played Dixit with Connor and Elizabeth and Jean.
25:47 - 25:54
Lovely. So it's time to draw a veil over Christmas. It's time. It's big fitness, David.
25:54 - 26:03
It's all new high performance. Yeah. Smoothies, raw eggs at 6.30. The most cliched kind of.
26:03 - 26:08
Basically for the last certainly three weeks because I also celebrated my 50th birthday over Christmas.
26:08 - 26:22
Happy birthday, yeah. I've just been kind of like some lizard with one of those tongues that uncoils whenever I see, for example, a delicious treat and the place has been full of them.
26:22 - 26:30
Got it. That I've just been indiscriminately just hoovering them all up. As if the lizard did that with cans of Hoffmeister.
26:30 - 26:40
There's been so much cans of Hoffmeister. But now, do you know what drives the whole thing?
26:40 - 26:48
So we have just coffee, me and Helen, because we are still full from a large Chinese the night before.
26:48 - 26:56
And I have these kind of bellwether trousers, Max. I haven't really looked at myself in the mirror for the last month.
26:56 - 27:07
No, as Alan Davies says, you haven't for 30 years. There's these trousers that fit like well if I am in good nick.
27:07 - 27:12
Right. You know what I mean? And I arrogantly think I'm just going to put them on.
27:12 - 27:18
Oh no. And yeah, I think I did tumble dry them. So they're possibly a little reduced in size.
27:18 - 27:27
Uh-huh. But no. Oh dear. Yeah. They barely get up to the knee. So it's time.
27:27 - 27:37
It's straight down. So there's two prongs to this health kick. Three, there is, like it's not rocket science.
27:37 - 27:44
Just stop eating so much shit all of the time. That's an easy one to fix.
27:44 - 27:48
It's not an easy one to fix, right? Because I think I have an addiction.
27:48 - 27:55
And however many times I tell Jamie not to buy me a block of Tony's chocolate only, she buys me one because she loves me.
27:55 - 27:59
I love it. And then I eat all of it in one sitting. And then I say, can you not buy them for me?
27:59 - 28:07
And we just repeat this. But you also go to the shop sometimes and for a little present for being a wonderful man, buy yourself a little chocolate bar too.
28:07 - 28:14
No, of course. I say I am going to fall off my own wagon. But don't you bring a wagon home too.
28:14 - 28:26
I'm not blaming Jamie. Jamie, for the tape, I'm not blaming you. So what you're saying is you're falling off a wagon, but underneath that wagon is another wagon is a wagon wheel.
28:26 - 28:33
And I'm eating like Gary Lineker's holding it and I'm just eating it. OK, so stop being so much shit.
28:33 - 28:41
Agreed. I'm with you. I want to do that too. So I have a sort of fake version of yoga slash Pilates that I've made up myself.
28:41 - 28:59
Piloga. It's mostly based on really tight 40 year old men who appear on my social media, crouched down like with their arse on their heel and their elbows on their knees telling you,
28:59 - 29:05
I can get you doing this in three weeks if you follow my program. I will not follow your program.
29:05 - 29:12
I will just try to do that a lot. So do you know the sort of waggle stretches?
29:12 - 29:21
Like say if you're about to play a football match for Melbourne University Old Boys, what's the horse shit stretch that you do?
29:21 - 29:29
Do you do the one where you just move your waist like 90 degrees? Oh no, I lead the warm-up and I really make them work.
29:29 - 29:34
Are you thorough in your warm-up? I think I'm thorough, yeah. Because when I got there, no one did.
29:34 - 29:38
And literally five minutes in, Frank's calf would go. And everyone was like, why does that happen?
29:38 - 29:44
I'm like, well, it's because we're all 50 and the first thing we do is run on a pitch and try and shoot from 30 yards.
29:44 - 29:53
It's bad. So yeah, I'm thorough now. Le professeur, they call you, because you've come in with all of this newfangled sports science.
29:53 - 30:12
No fucking catch up, lads. No phones in the dressing room, lads. So I am going to now, I've set up the static bike again in the basement, the one that's a real bike where you race against divorced Belgian dentists.
30:12 - 30:18
And I'm going to absolutely hammer myself on this now. Not race, this is great.
30:18 - 30:27
This is so cliche. So yesterday you cycled from 6.35am to 10pm. And then you don't have to get on the bike again.
30:27 - 30:38
Yeah, I've done a whole year's exercise on the first day. Let's party. So I'm on it.
30:38 - 30:52
So I'm trying to do the normal thing, which is just ride 20k. But then every eight minutes, I'm trying to do an interval where I go really fast and try and get my heart rate up to 160.
30:52 - 30:57
Right, not like you leave the theater, go to the bar. And there's a glass of Chardonnay waiting for you.
30:57 - 31:03
And then you say, I'm really enjoying the performance. And then you go back. Not that kind of interval, just to be clear.
31:03 - 31:13
No interval drinks, no way. And then in the middle of this, during one of my intervals, when, I mean, Helen Kupcher's gone to work, but I'm making this sound.
31:13 - 31:25
As I try to get up to 160. And the estate agent rings to say, can we do a viewing of your house?
31:25 - 31:40
House tomorrow, which is today. Now, the whole house, it's kind of like an American university movie where there's been a giant party, you know, the night before.
31:40 - 31:45
Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. But that's the whole house. And it's been a three week party as well.
31:45 - 31:51
I did. You were the one that really nailed the 50th birthday that I wanted to have.
31:51 - 32:01
And I did have, which was the one where in three months time, you'll find three cans of Hofmeister in a blue plastic bag inside a jacket.
32:01 - 32:09
It has to be blue. Grosch, blue plastic bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I managed to do half an hour of this awful interval stuff.
32:09 - 32:23
Great. I do more fake stretching afterwards. I do the thing where I have a shower, but I'm still sweating, which I think is what happens because the interval training and also because I am quite unfit.
32:23 - 32:33
But I'm delighted. I'm delighted with myself because I've done this to the point where I'm punching my own abs with my fists, just going like, yeah, like they're back.
32:33 - 32:41
Yes. Even though that is impossible. But I set about the tidy up of all tidy ups.
32:41 - 32:49
So the place needs to look pristine in order for people to buy this house for huge sums of money.
32:49 - 32:57
And it's not a total mess. But for example, all of my birthday presents are still around it.
32:57 - 33:10
And whoopee cushions, space hoppers. That's the thing. When you're 50 and you're seen as a sort of whimsical character by many people, the absolute bullshit presents I got, like I love them.
33:10 - 33:15
But three sets of Top Trumps, you know what I mean? Oh, what'd you get?
33:15 - 33:24
Cars, darts players throughout the ages. OK, monster trucks one. And then there's a Top Trumps guess who collab.
33:24 - 33:37
I haven't opened this yet now, but it's Premier League footballers. Oh, so I guess you ask questions like, have you scored more than 50 goals?
33:37 - 33:42
Oh, I see. Or they don't just put Fred from Guess Who in an Aston Villa kit.
33:42 - 33:46
Yeah, I don't know. But even then, there aren't that many questions. How about darts players?
33:46 - 33:50
What are the things on darts players? I haven't opened it yet. Height, like weight.
33:50 - 33:54
Is it like the heavier the darts player, the better? You know, Jockey Wilson. Yes.
33:54 - 34:06
It can't be that. It's got to be career average. Top speed. I got a voucher for the worst restaurant in Dublin.
34:06 - 34:20
Like, these are proper presents that your friends get you on your 50th birthday. The tidy up will involve the taking down of the Christmas tree and the putting all of the decorations away.
34:20 - 34:33
Okay, good stuff. This will feel good. There'll be catharsis to this. Yeah. Like, you're not meant to take down your Christmas tree till today because it's, in Ireland, it's Women's Christmas is the 6th of January.
34:33 - 34:39
Why can't they have Christmas when the men have Christmas? What's going on there? It's all segregated.
34:39 - 34:47
You all wait for 10 days. You. I make the decision. I remove the baubles. I remove the tinsel.
34:47 - 34:55
I remove the lights. But so many needles have fallen off at this point because it was a cheap Christmas tree.
34:55 - 35:07
I decide to saw it into three bits there and then in the sitting room rather than drag it out because then we'll just have a complete trail of destruction then, you know?
35:07 - 35:15
So that's my technique. Christmas has gone on too long. Like, it's all looking a bit sad.
35:15 - 35:24
The tree is utterly fucked. Like, in many ways, the post-Neanderthal, what are the 4,500 years ago?
35:24 - 35:33
People of Ireland. What I'm saying is that the ancient pagans. So if you remember from the, I don't know if it was the Sam Campbell episode.
35:33 - 35:40
No, it was a mayhem where me and Sam Campbell had gone to New Grange, which is sort of Ireland's Stonehenge.
35:40 - 35:45
And on the shortest day of the year, a laser beam of light shoots through a box.
35:45 - 35:52
They only found this out in the 60s. And that's their solstice festival. Apparently they would have a big feast.
35:52 - 36:04
Well, I'm imagining because we don't know. So much. There's no footage of exactly what went on, but I doubt they went for the full three weeks of needles falling off the Christmas tree.
36:04 - 36:10
It's time to send it to the beach. So I loaded into the back of the car.
36:10 - 36:16
I drive it down there. How big is the, I mean, it sounds like you've got one the size that Norway sent to London.
36:16 - 36:19
You know, you've had to, it won't fit in the car. Oh, you've got a tiny car.
36:19 - 36:28
A tiny car. You're taking it in a bubble car. Okay. Yeah, I am. Fling it over the fence down to see mom and dad.
36:28 - 36:35
We take dad to the GP for a bit of a chat. You know, he's got his various bits.
36:35 - 36:41
We have lunch down there and then. Well, hang on. At the GP, what do you have for lunch?
36:41 - 36:52
The GPs. Yeah, that's the thing about Ireland. The GP care isn't free at point of use as it is in the UK, but you get a three course meal.
36:52 - 37:00
That's really nice. Okay. It's the big difference. I get sandwiches for mom and dad.
37:00 - 37:10
Yeah, we have a nice catch up, but I can't dilly dally because I have to clean the house cleaner than it's ever been before.
37:10 - 37:20
Sure. To get back at some point over the festivities, balloons appeared that had bits of sort of confetti in them.
37:20 - 37:32
Okay. And I burst some of them or somebody did in the back garden. The confetti has now sort of melted onto the patio and left discoloration on it.
37:32 - 37:38
So I have to get boiling water. You didn't get the power wash from next door.
37:38 - 37:48
Yeah. What an opportunity. I could have tried to power wash it, but then my fear is that these two slabs would have looked too clean.
37:48 - 37:53
Ah, I got it. So it's down on hands and knees. That's what happens. I'm filling sacks.
37:54 - 38:00
Full of recycling. We end up with four full sacks that go to the recycling place.
38:00 - 38:12
Then Helen comes back. Helen probably isn't as delighted that there's going to be a viewing of the house today because she is tired.
38:12 - 38:21
It's her first day back at work. There's 5,000 emails waiting for her. And now she has to put all of her.
38:21 - 38:26
Well, we are. It's a semi-cosmetic job. Where we shove a lot of stuff into cupboards as well.
38:26 - 38:33
Noted. This is a beautiful moment where we're tidying together in separate rooms, each listening to different podcasts.
38:33 - 38:38
That's nice. That's love, isn't it? Do you not think we should be listening to the same podcasts?
38:38 - 38:45
What are you listening to? I'm definitely listening to the manager of Manchester United has left.
38:45 - 38:50
He has, yeah. So I tune into your podcast to get the latest hot gossip on it.
38:50 - 39:00
And what I get is a voice note. At the very start going, so the Manchester United manager quit just after we finished recording this.
39:00 - 39:05
So we don't talk about that. Yeah. Happens a lot to us. Sort of our calling card.
39:05 - 39:11
Yeah. We're too early for news. So I listen to you talking about not talking about it.
39:11 - 39:15
And then I listen to various. And Helen's not listening to the Guardian Football Weekly?
39:15 - 39:22
Helen's listening to something in French. Wow. I don't even know what it is. Can she speak French or is it just a power play?
39:22 - 39:28
Because you don't know. You don't know if she can. She could just listen to all sorts of foreign podcasts and you'd be like, so wowed.
39:28 - 39:36
Her Serbo-Croat. She's into a comedy Serbo-Croat podcast. And she's really laughing. Yeah. She keeps clapping her thighs.
39:36 - 39:44
She's listening to the Guardian, the French version of the Guardian Football Podcast, which you also host.
39:44 - 39:55
Oui. Bonjour. Bienvenue à le football de semaine à la Guardian. We get the place ship shape.
39:55 - 40:00
Good stuff. Probably about 10 by the time it's of a certain level, but it's good.
40:00 - 40:05
Christmas has been put away. All of the decorations have gone into a sack. What do you have for dinner?
40:05 - 40:16
Helen has made a delicious orzo. I think it's orzo. What's it? Orzo, yeah. It's pasta pretending to be rice.
40:16 - 40:31
Yes. And cauliflower and then various gooey things in it. Some cheese, definitely. It's one of those you don't say there's no meat in this.
40:31 - 40:40
I mean, it's lame that I say that, but it's absolutely delicious. But of course, you've got a small cocktail with lots of sausages on the top.
40:40 - 40:51
No, I don't. Satisfy that need. That would have been the last three weeks. But I have one simple, small portion, just like a normal person would have it.
40:51 - 41:01
At 10 p.m.? No, we had that at about half eight. Because Helen is a bit French, I feel we do eat quite late sometimes.
41:01 - 41:11
But I don't mind because I don't feel hunger anymore because of my health kick and my huge psychological change of mind that there is now.
41:11 - 41:21
But you have become really boring. It's amazing how all that's happened to me. Such a nice thing to say, as I tell you in huge detail what I did yesterday.
41:21 - 41:29
Not much. What else then? Really, we put all the rubbish out. We decide to put the telly on and watch something fun.
41:29 - 41:37
But of course, the Christmas schedule is now finished. So we just watch grim old Newsnight talking about Trump and Venezuela.
41:37 - 41:43
Great. And that doesn't last too long. We agree then it's time to go to bed.
41:43 - 41:50
And as we're new people undergoing a new vibe, we'll just read our books in bed.
41:50 - 41:58
Yes. Instead. We just do half a crossword. I say, I'm too tired to do this properly.
41:58 - 42:04
I think it's just going really badly. And we go to sleep probably at about quarter to 12.
42:04 - 42:10
Wow, that is late. I think well done on your health kick. Yeah. Well done on the health kick.
42:10 - 42:22
Well done on the big tidy, because at least now it's returned to a state of normality such that for future viewings of the house, we'll just be able to do cosmetic little jobs.
42:22 - 42:27
Good. Okay, that's good. So yeah, pleased enough that we got through some of that.
42:27 - 42:33
Now, this is from Helen Marino. Happy New Year, Helen Marino. Hi, Helen. You don't say right cheese, wrong place.
42:33 - 42:38
It's bing for right cheese, wrong place. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing for right cheese, right place.
42:38 - 42:49
Don't ask Max those kind of questions. He doesn't remember. Okay. EIS says, hang on, there were eight cheeses, but only five made it onto the board, and three of them were leftover cheeses, and five were bought by Owens.
42:49 - 43:01
Something is rotten in the state of curdle, says. Sue. These poindexters come along and just try to poke holes in it, similar to EDAM.
43:01 - 43:04
Yeah. Is that the one with the holes in it? No, I don't think so.
43:04 - 43:09
Has EDAM got the holes in it? I mean, you're the expert. Oh, Emmental. Emmental.
43:09 - 43:17
Yeah. Okay, fine. My apologies. That's the level of cheese knowledge. The world's premier cheese quiz, and these two don't even know Emmental.
43:17 - 43:23
This is absolute outrage. I'm cancelling my subscription. Hi, David, Max, and Mars Bar.
43:23 - 43:31
This is the guests, Cody and Folkestone. It might be said that I consume too much of this podcast, as I listen to it on repeat to help me get to sleep.
43:31 - 43:38
It has now got to the stage where it's infecting my dreams, as this cheese board came to me in my slumber, and when I woke in the early hours for a toilet,
43:38 - 43:47
I was compelled to write the list down before I forgot. Could this be my cheesy eureka moment, or merely an Inception-style dairy-based ruse?
43:47 - 43:56
Now, remember, we are playing a four-cheese board, But last time, Brie was right cheese, wrong place.
43:56 - 44:05
Yes. Bing. Bing. So Cody in Folkestone goes with these. Are you ready, David? To our listeners, when do I go bzzzring?
44:05 - 44:10
You do it right then. Here we are, ladies and gentlemen. We're into the game.
44:10 - 44:19
It started for real. Okay. Here are Cody's guesses. Brie. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
44:19 - 44:26
Right cheese, right place. Brie, there it is. Right cheese, right place. It is now an official four cheese board, everybody.
44:26 - 44:41
Wensleydale. Eh-eh. Apple wood smoked cheddar. Eh-eh. Red Leicester. Eh-eh. Gouda. Eh-eh. There we are.
44:41 - 44:47
Okay. This quiz has legs. I was nervous. I was nervous in the second year it would all go far too quickly.
44:47 - 44:55
I mean, to go with a cheese board from a dream, the middle section of that was effectively three very similar cheeses as well.
44:55 - 45:01
Like, think more holistically. There'll be no clues. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You are giving clues.
45:01 - 45:08
Suddenly you're going holistically. We've already mentioned Emmental has holes. That sounded like a clue to me.
45:08 - 45:18
Just because Cody is very simple when Cody dreams and thinks, my guess is I had a dream about it.
45:18 - 45:30
Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar, cheddar. Cheddar. That's generic man number three. That is my absolute dream, cheese board.
45:30 - 45:37
Five different cheddars. Well, thanks, David. Thanks for sharing your day with us. Still two countries to get on.
45:37 - 45:45
They're just normal countries. Everyone back in play. Four cheese board. If you want to get in touch with the podcast on either of those and on any other feedback, here is how.
45:45 - 45:53
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did You do yesterdaypod at gmail.com.
45:53 - 46:00
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
46:00 - 46:09
And if you didn't, please don't. So there we are. First Mayhem of 2026. Very exciting.
46:09 - 46:18
Our second year. It still works. It's not like, as I suggested at the start, a parking disc that just is useless the following year.
46:18 - 46:30
I believe we still have it. Whatever it is. Yeah, what we've done is we've gone with the times and we're very much an e-parking disc that auto-renews.
46:30 - 46:41
An e-parking disc that auto-reviews. That is exactly what we are. When we set out in the big meeting, I said, this is what we aspire to be.
46:41 - 46:49
And someone opened, did a page over a flip chart. It just said an auto, an e-parking disc that auto-renews.
46:49 - 46:55
That's what the world of podcasting needs. We have found it. Thank you, David. Everything is indeed showbiz.
46:55 - 46:59
In it for life. Bye.