The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

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Hello, welcome to the final episode, episode three slash Barry three of the great Christmas bunny emergency. My name is David O'Doherty. This is Max Rushden, who I'm trying out the story on.

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He is playing key roles in it, and he's pointing out any problems he has with the text. Going reasonably well so far, Max? Oh, I'm hooked. I'm hooked. And like for those listeners who are coming

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straight at episode three, it's an odd choice, but we really are at the business end. And the hero, Emer, unless she lets us down in this episode, is an absolute standout superstar. And I just can't

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wait to find out what happens. So a girl called Nora, she's about four or five, I'd say. She's left her bunny at the zoo. It's found by a lemur called Emer. The zoo comes alive when the zookeepers have

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left in the evening. And Emer gets it that this bunny means a lot to Nora. And so she's going to try and get it back to her. She knows where Nora lives. Unfortunately, it's in a suburb across the city.

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So any other key details that we need? That'll do. No, look, hopefully we're all about to, all the animals about to get on a bus, two by two, see where it goes.

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You have another huge role to play towards the end of this. I won't give anything else away, but it's maybe the key. Got it. And I need you to summon, like your baldy zookeeper character was mean,

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but prepare evil. That's all I'll say. Evil. Okay, got it. Episode three, a miracle in Cabinteely.

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Yes. The seals clapped and the penguins stamped their flappy feet as Emer made her way through the zoo with Green Bunny on her back. Rudy had broadcast the news. And now, just as darkness fell, it was time to go. Good luck, Emer.

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Sinead and Aisling, the red pandas, called out. We love you, Emer the lemur, said the barries.

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Come in here for a hug, roared Declan the lion as Emer passed. Old lion den town.

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No, you will eat me, said Emer. I suppose I will, Declan roared back. Everyone was wishing Emer the best, except Morris the tortoise, obviously.

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I think you're making a huge mistake, he said. What if the girl thinks you are a toy too, and you have to live with her, pretending to be a toy lemur?

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I'll bear that in mind, Morris, Emer said. Barb had pushed her nose against the fence.

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Don't listen to him, she said, and Emer nodded. Be brave, but be careful. Make sure this isn't the last time I see you.

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Emer climbed up the fence so that their noses touched. I promise I'll be back.

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Emer made her way to Chimpan, New Zealand, the outermost part of the zoo. We're all so proud of you, said Janet the chimp, as Emer went up the big tree again.

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You are the best, said baby Connor, as she went along the wobbly branch that he had got stuck on.

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From the end of the wobbly branch, Emer could see the branch of another tree, that if she followed its trunk all the way down, was outside the zoo.

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Emer closed her eyes. She'd lived her whole life inside the walls of this zoo.

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All of her friends and everything she'd ever known was in here. Most of what she knew about the world outside it, cars, people, cats, scared her.

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But there was a bunny on her back that needed to be home for Christmas.

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It was time for Emer the lemur to be braver than she had ever been.

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Emer took a deep breath, opened her eyes and leapt into the unknown. She landed on the branch she had been aiming for, scampered down the tree and across the road,

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waiting on top of the wall beside the bus stop. It only took a minute for a bus with Cabinteely written across the front to arrive.

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The doors opened and a couple got off. They wished the driver a Merry Christmas, and he said that he'd be finished soon, as this was the last bus of the night.

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As the doors closed, Emer knew that this was her moment. Come on, Green Bunny, she said.

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Not that Green Bunny had any choice. They jumped from the wall and landed softly on the roof of the bus.

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Emer had stuck a blob of Deirdre's pink bubblegum to each of her palms, and she pushed them down into the top of the bus.

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Now she just had to hang on till Cabinteely. The dark sky was lit up by a huge moon as the bus set off with its extra passengers on the roof.

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It was getting colder, and Emer was doing her best not to be distracted by the twinkling lights that hung from every home and garden they passed.

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The bus pulled up at another stop every minute, and people got on and off.

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Everyone seemed excited. At each stop, Emer stood up to check if she could see a big shopping centre, then crouched back down, spreading herself out to get the best grip.

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Once she had to lie flat as the bus went under a bridge. Be careful, Green Bunny, she said as the bottom of the bridge flashed above their heads.

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When the first flake of snow landed on her nose, Emer sneezed it off. But then it was followed by another and another.

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Soon, billions of snowflakes were turning the whole city white. Every roof, every garden, every tree.

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Even the road they were driving along was covered in a white sheet that the twinkling lights seemed to bounce off.

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This made the people on the bus even more excited. But also, it made it harder for the lemur on the roof not to slide off every time they went round a corner.

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Concentrate now, Emer, she said to herself, pushing down harder on the bubblegum. But the next time she looked up, she saw what she'd been waiting for.

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A blaze of Christmas lights were draped across the front of a huge shopping centre, and written across the top of it in big letters.

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Welcome to Cabinteely. Emer heard the last passenger wish the driver a happy Christmas.

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When she was sure there wasn't anybody else, she picked a spot on the roof of the bus shelter and jumped, landing softly on a mattress of snow.

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From there, she checked up and down the street. It was exactly as Deirdre had described.

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Opposite the shopping centre was a line of houses. Emer felt a tingle of excitement.

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Nora was inside one of them. When the bus had driven away, there was complete silence.

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No more cars, no more people. The falling snow had filled every footstep and tyre track, so the road looked like a cake.

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A perfectly iced Christmas cake that a small primate was about to run across. Come on, green bunny, she said.

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Let's get you home. At first glance, the houses all looked the same. A front door with a big window beside it and two more windows above.

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Each had a small front garden with a garage to the side. Emer climbed down from the bus shelter, lowered herself into the snow and they set off.

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She'd seen snow before, but it had never been this thick. In places, it was almost as tall as she was, so only her and green bunny's heads were sticking out.

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She approached the first house and checked in through the low iron gate. She remembered what Deirdre had said, that Nora's house had a black front door and a wooden Santa in the window.

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This one had a green front door, so Nora definitely didn't live there. She moved on to the next one.

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This had no Santa Claus or Christmas tree in the window and all of the lights were off.

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Nora doesn't live here either, she said to green bunny, who was getting heavier as he absorbed more snow.

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Emer looked through the gate of the third house and tried to decide whether the front door was blue or black.

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When she closed her left eye, it looked blue, but when she winked with the other one, it was definitely black.

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She needed to investigate, so she snuck through the bars of the gate and made her way up the path till she was standing underneath the door.

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Suddenly, it burst open and Emer was staring into the eyes of a huge, slobbering dog.

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She jumped back a step and dived into a plant pot with big red flowers.

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The dog plunged into the plant too, but just as his cold nose and teeth were about to reach the lemur's terrified face,

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a huge pink tongue rolled out and covered Emer in warm, gooey lick. Hi, I'm Barry, he said.

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Would you like to come and sniff some poops with me? Maybe, said Emer. This didn't seem like the time and place to say no.

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Just then Barry was yanked away by the lead that was attached to his collar.

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Toodles, weird cat monkey thing, he said as the boy who held the lead pulled him towards the gate.

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There are enough Barry's in my life already, Emer mumbled to herself as she climbed out of the plant and headed on to the next house.

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When she saw a big Santa on the Christmas tree in the window, her lemur heart began to beat faster till she saw the bright yellow front door.

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You don't live there, green bunny, she said. Emer was starting to worry. There were only three houses left.

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Left. Make that two. The next one had a for sale sign in the yard and hadn't been lived in for a long time.

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If it wasn't one of these, she didn't know what she would do. The next had its curtains closed, but as her head turned to the front door, she could see that it was painted in a black and white pattern

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that reminded of her best friend back at the zoo. Maybe this had all been a huge mistake.

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Maybe she should have stayed with her friends in the zoo. But then Emer remembered Nora's sad face from the tree that day and how it had made her feel.

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She wasn't giving up now. Part of Emer the lemur was scared to look up at the last house.

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This was her last chance. But when she did, it was the most wonderful sight.

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A big wooden Santa Claus was waving out through the front window with one hand and holding a sack of presents in the other.

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Emer's eyes darted over to the front door. It was definitely black. Thank you, Deirdre the seagull, Emer whispered to herself.

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She would leave Green Bunny by the front door where Nora would find him in the morning.

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But as Emer was about to climb through the bars of the last gate, she stopped.

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Sitting on Nora's doormat, almost perfectly camouflaged against the door, was a huge black cat.

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Her white fangs seemed to glow in the dark as she stared at Emer. Emer the lemur decided the best thing to do was to be friendly.

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Hello, cat. I'm Emer, she began. I'm here just for a minute to give this bunny, she turned around so the black cat could see the now soaking green-ish sort of bunny blob thing on her back,

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to Nora. Do you mind if I come in? The black cat pounced at Emer, swinging a paw of sharp claws between two bars of the gate.

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Go away! She hissed as Emer jumped back. Okay. Emer would try a new tack.

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How about I give Nora's bunny to you, and you take him over to the front door?

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That would work equally well for me. This time, the black cat swung at Emer with two claws.

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I'm gonna rip that stinky bunny to pieces, and then rip you to pieces. Okay, well that's one idea, said Emer, still trying to be nice.

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She'd met lots of angry animals at the zoo, but they nearly always stopped being angry if she kept bombarding them with niceness.

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How about I invite you to where I live in the zoo anytime you like after it's closed, and you can meet Declan and Speedy Pete and all the other cats?

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How harsh of that bunny! The black cat was interrupted by a dog's wolf coming from up the road.

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Barry and the boy were coming back from their walk, and the dog could sense that something was going on up ahead.

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Foofy! Do not be mean to my new cat monkey friend. If you lay one claw on her, I will lick you non-stop for a week.

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This seemed to terrify the black cat because she dashed off through a gap in the fence.

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Emer didn't have time to think about what a funny name Foofy was for a scary black cat.

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She didn't want anyone to see her, so she jumped over the gate and hid in the top of the hydrangea bush in Nora's front garden.

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From up there, Emer could see into Nora's front room. There was Nora! And she still looked sad.

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Granny was pointing to a carrot and glass of milk she'd left beside the fireplace, but Nora just shook her head and went upstairs to bed.

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Emer tiptoed over to the front door. She spotted a letterbox halfway up. Perfect. She would post Green Bunny in so the cat couldn't get him.

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But stuffing a toy bunny through a letterbox is surprisingly difficult when you're a small primate, and that bunny is three times heavier than it usually was.

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She tried jumping up and pushing him through it, but she couldn't spring high enough.

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She tried climbing up the front door, but there was nothing to cling on to, so she slid straight back down.

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But then the answer came. Ha ha! She lifted Green Bunny up with her tail and was just manoeuvring him towards the letterbox, when from nowhere, Foofy's fangs grabbed him and ran.

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No way! said Emer the lemur, sprinting after the cat and jumping on her back.

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The cat bucked and rocked around the front garden as she tried to throw Emer off, but the brave lemur held on tight.

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It would have been quite a sight if Nora had been looking out her window.

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A lemur in a cat rodeo, a cat that was holding her precious green bunny.

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Emer tried covering Foofy's eyes with her tail, but couldn't quite get it in the right place.

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Then she had a better idea, holding on as tight as she could, Emer used her tail to tickle under the cat's armpits.

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It made Foofy open her mouth and she dropped Green Bunny. Immediately, Emer dived off the cat, grabbed the bunny and climbed onto the roof of Nora's house.

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I'm so sorry, Green Bunny, she said. I didn't think it would be this complicated.

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Something that cats have in common with lemurs is that they are all so very good at climbing.

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You will regret ever coming to Cabinteeley. The black cat snarled as she appeared on the roof and began moving towards Emer.

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Everyone regrets coming to Cabinteely. Despite everything that had happened, Emer was still trying to be friendly.

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Well, it seems like a nice place to me, not that I have much to compare it to, she said as she edged backwards on the snowy roof with Green Bunny slung over her shoulder like a firefighter.

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Keep going, said the cat. It gets even nicer. When Emer reached the edge of the roof, she looked down and saw a sharp drop to the cars and trucks that were whizzing by on the Cabinteely motorway.

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I hope you like it down there, Foofy hissed. Because that's where you'll be spending Christmas and New Year from now on.

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What? Emer was confused. You'll be there all the time because you'll be driven over by hundreds of trucks and cars, kind of like a furry pancake.

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Oh no, said Emer, who understood what she meant now. Maybe Morris the tortoise had been right and Emer should never have left the zoo.

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No. She brought Green Bunny this close to Nora. She wasn't giving up now. Tired, cold, and out of any other ideas, Emer summoned up every bit of energy she had left and sprinted towards the cat.

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But Foofy wasn't tired. She hadn't escaped from a zoo or taken an increasingly heavy bunny on a bus trip already that day.

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The cat ran at Emer. And because she was bigger, knocked the brave lemur to the side with a single swipe of her paw.

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Still clinging to Green Bunny, Emer landed on a little brick box in the centre of the roof.

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Now you or I would know that this is a chimney. It's how, legend has it, Santa gets the presents into your house on Christmas Eve.

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But Emer didn't know this. So she was amazed to find a small hole in the middle of it, a hole that led all the way down to Nora's sitting room.

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It was too small for a lemur to slide down, but the perfect size for a green bunny.

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Emer dragged him over the top of the chimney pot. I'll never forget you, green bunny.

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She hugged him. And as he fell down through the chimney, a soft ear brushed against her face one last time.

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This made Foofy even angrier. You may have got rid of him, but I'm going to get rid of you.

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She launched herself at Emer. There's an old saying about how miracles can happen at Christmas.

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But I don't know if what happened next really counts as a Christmas miracle. You see, Emer had been such a good friend to so many animals that it's not really surprising that they would come and help her when she needed it most.

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Just as the black cat was about to knock Emer the lemur onto the busy road below, an owl came from nowhere and clattered the black cat sideways across the rooftop.

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I say came from nowhere. He came from the big tree in the zoo and his name was Ronnie.

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Nobody messes with my friends, he said as the black cat hobbled off across the snowy rooftops of Cabinteely.

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And just when Emer thought she couldn't have been any more surprised, she was grabbed by a huge claw on each shoulder and was flying over the motorway.

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She looked up and saw Deirdre the seagull smile back at her. I thought I'd come and see how you were getting on, said Deirdre.

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It was going quite badly, but now it's going great, Emer said with a smile.

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Sorry about the paper bag and all of that earlier, said Deirdre. I think we should be friends.

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Me too, said Emer. As Ronnie drew alongside the new friends, Emer said something she'd never said before.

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Merry Christmas, Deirdre and Ronnie. Then looking down at the beautiful white city of twinkling lights, she said, Merry Christmas, everybody.

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It's your first white Christmas, Granny said, as her granddaughter plodded down the stairs next morning.

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But Nora didn't bother putting on her glasses to look at the snow. I made us your favourite cinnamon rolls, Granny went on.

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Nora said thanks, but she didn't want to eat one. She flopped down on the couch with her arms folded.

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Oh, look at this. Granny went over to the Christmas tree beside the fireplace. Santa left you all these presents.

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Nora gave a quick smile, but she wasn't interested in presents. And look, Granny went on.

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He drank the milk and the reindeer must have eaten the carrot. Nora glanced up and nodded.

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But then, a particular colour in the empty fireplace behind Granny grabbed her attention. A particular greenish colour.

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She pulled her glasses out of the pocket of her dressing gown and quickly put them on.

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For the first time in days, a smile began to spread across Nora's face. She rushed over, dived to her knees and grabbed something out of the empty hearth.

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What is it? Granny asked. But when she saw what Nora was holding, her eyes started to fill with the happiest tears.

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How had this happened? It seemed like a perfect Christmas miracle. Nora closed her eyes as she hugged her sooty, damp, dog-licked, twig-poked, cat-nicked, bus-traveled, seagull-wrestled, lemur-delivered, green-ish sort of bunny blob thing.

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Thank you, Santaculous, she said. Merry Crisp mix, green bummy. Is it neat enough ending for you?

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Yeah. The bunny's bad. I'm happy. I didn't want, I mean, I wasn't, I was expecting a happy ending.

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Imagine if it had been a sad ending. The fire was lit. She drops the bunny down and bunny.

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The cat just knocked the lemur underneath an articulated lorry. What? Emer's so great. Emer's such a hero.

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Well, she's the hero of Emer, the Christmas lemur. You did a great job, can I say, in all of your roles.

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Thank you so much. The evil cat, that will haunt me for so long. For minutes.

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I am, and obviously, you know, beautifully written, and this is just for the children at Christmas, but I'm seeing feature film here, David, is what I'm saying.

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I can see the dollar signs in your eyes. That's all I can see. I'm going to print it out, and I'm going to send it off to a bunch of kids.

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To Hollywood. Who might like it. Thank you very much, Max, for helping me with it.

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Thanks to everyone who's listened to, is this a, this is our podcast series. Yeah.

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Again, if you would like to hear more from us, we do one called, What Did You Do Yesterday?

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But if you're sort of a seven-year-old, I'm not sure there are some episodes, perhaps I would maybe wait a decade before listening to.

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I would like to thank my dad, Jim, who's played the beautiful piano music, who's appeared throughout this, and my brother, Mark, who script edited it, really knocked it into shape,

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and hopefully made it not boring. Thanks to you, Max. And if I can just say to you, and to everyone listening, Merry Christmas, everyone.

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Merry Christmas, and thanks to my dad, who didn't have a big role to play in this, or my mum, or my sister, and thank you to Jamie, who has been WhatsAppping me frenetically about how much terror the children are causing while I've been recording this audiobook.

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I know, and I've made her a sleepy tapir in the story. Thanks to Will, who has been on production for this, and maybe we'll talk to you again next Christmas.

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Bye! Bye!

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