S3 EP24: Kelly Cates

0:00 - 0:11

Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

0:11 - 0:20

I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

0:20 - 0:25

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

0:25 - 0:34

Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

0:34 - 0:37

We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

0:37 - 0:43

What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

0:43 - 0:49

Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

0:49 - 0:55

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

0:55 - 1:04

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to today's episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?

1:04 - 1:20

I'm Max Rushden, and there is David O'Doherty. The podcast where we ask people what they did yesterday, and then when initially they squirm that this can't be the entire idea of the podcast, we double down and go into even more detail.

1:20 - 1:29

That's a very accurate representation of today's episode with another one of your bookings, of course, Max of the Day host, Kelly Cates.

1:30 - 1:40

I remember when we were just starting out in Sky together, possibly. Yeah, we both did early breakfast on Sky Sports News.

1:40 - 1:52

Two football presenters trying to make our way, you know, I remember the two of us just in a small room going, that's a goal, like practicing, goal, goal.

1:52 - 1:56

I'd so love you to have to do a five hour show on Sky Sports News.

1:56 - 2:10

I mean, I would struggle, but you know how they go. News. Just in. Our understanding is, we're hearing, our sources are telling us, that Robbie Blake has left Burnley, and you'd have to be really, really earnest about it.

2:10 - 2:14

I think they should do that. I think it'd be really good. When would you have met Kelly Cates first?

2:14 - 2:23

At Sky. At Sky. Yes. So our paths haven't really crossed that much. Obviously, such is, you know, the natural chemistry that I build with anyone.

2:23 - 2:29

It appeared in the episode that we go back a long, long time, but we've met on a handful of occasions.

2:30 - 2:34

But I know she's great. And for the listeners who don't know, she hosts Match of the Day.

2:34 - 2:37

When we said, do you want to plug anything? She went, nah. Yeah, that was cool.

2:37 - 2:44

What a great. That was very cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All of your mates are like, well, I've got this tour and this podcast and this thing.

2:44 - 2:49

She's like, nah, you've just done an hour on me doing the washing. So I don't deserve to plug anything.

2:49 - 2:54

Exactly. All of my friends are like, I've just invented a device for opening jam jars.

2:54 - 2:59

Can you please mention that in the start of the show? Just to listeners who may not know.

3:00 - 3:07

So Match of the Day is the classic British. No, I feel this is worth saying, Max.

3:07 - 3:14

It's the Saturday night football show that's been running since the 60s. It's absolute heritage television.

3:14 - 3:22

And previous guest on the pod, another booking by me, was Gary Lineker, who hosted it for the last 15 years or something.

3:22 - 3:32

And then when Gary was stepping aside, you can look into that yourself, they decided to get three people to host.

3:32 - 3:42

And so there was a big kind of blah, blah, blah. Like it was a big pressure gig for the three people who on alternative weeks would host it.

3:42 - 3:49

And Kelly is one of the new hosts. And she has been doing a fucking incredible job.

3:49 - 3:53

Is that fair enough? Yeah, she's great. That's fair enough. I mean, they're all really good.

3:53 - 3:56

Gabby Logan and Mark Chapman are really good. And Chappers has been doing it for years anyway.

3:56 - 3:59

They're all good. She does Super Sunday. She does Super Sunday over Sky as well.

3:59 - 4:04

So she knows her way around hosting some football. Sure. Let's be real about this.

4:04 - 4:09

But brilliantly, as we established pretty early, we record her on Monday. So the day before is Sunday.

4:09 - 4:15

And we managed to find pretty much the one Sunday in the year where she is doing absolutely fuck all.

4:15 - 4:33

And so here is what Kelly Cates did yesterday. Kelly Cates, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

4:33 - 4:42

Hello. Thank you very much for having me. That's very exciting, David. I need to apologise because you've got me on probably the worst day because I had the most boring day in the world yesterday.

4:42 - 4:47

Yes. And also there's a chance we might get interrupted by a man who's coming around to service my boiler.

4:47 - 4:54

Yes. And I feel like there are all the levels of that, but I don't want to go for the low-hanging fruit this early.

4:54 - 4:59

I mean, obviously we can't talk about today. What's up with the boiler, Kelly? Just a general service.

4:59 - 5:13

Oh, it's a general service. Yeah. It's not even interesting. This is exciting, David. This is our second Match of the Day host, and I won't bring this up, David.

5:13 - 5:27

I know what you're about to say. Well, I was 16 to 1 to get it, and just saying Kelly and the other two who've got it might have to say it's lucky he moved to the other side of the world because he opened the door.

5:27 - 5:32

Yeah. He opened the door. It was just geography, as Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman.

5:32 - 5:42

One of the things about this podcast, Kelly, is it's very easy to see Max Bookings versus David Bookings.

5:42 - 5:49

As in, David Bookings, well, generally, they did a gig last night. They're not in great nick today.

5:49 - 5:55

And then Max Bookings have been presenters of Match of the Day, pretty much. Yeah.

5:55 - 6:00

That seems like a consistent theme. I think that works. It works for balance. There's a magpie outside my window.

6:00 - 6:04

I'm just saluting it. Is that good luck? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, fine. I think we're going to be fine.

6:04 - 6:09

I've cancelled the bad luck. We're all good. Let's see. Adds a certain jeopardy to the podcast.

6:09 - 6:14

It really does, doesn't it? We can say, if it's our worst episode, we'll go, we'll blame that fucking magpie.

6:14 - 6:20

It's an absolute disgrace. Okay, Kelly, the more boring the day, the better the episode is.

6:20 - 6:28

I'm very excited about this. You know, we could have picked, it's a Monday, so it was a Sunday, but we picked it on an international break, so it's not a super Sunday.

6:28 - 6:32

We're not going with boring, what's Roy Keane questions like. This is Kelly Cates at rest.

6:32 - 6:41

I'm excited. It is the only weekend I get off between now and March. So from like August to March, this is the only weekend I get off.

6:41 - 6:47

So my Sunday was so boring, but I did nothing. I did three loads of washing.

6:47 - 6:57

I went to watch my daughter play hockey. I fully intended to make something really lovely for dinner, but then we ate lunch quite late and then nobody was hungry, so we just had pasta.

6:57 - 7:02

I mean, I literally couldn't get any less eventful. All the gold, Kelly. Can you see this, David?

7:02 - 7:11

This is like match of the day because what Kelly's done is like a little highlights package at the start of the episode for people to go, wow, three loads of washing.

7:11 - 7:19

Let's get into this. Is it Bosch? Is it Mila? What is it? Does it have the little tune that plays when it's run out of time?

7:19 - 7:27

All the time, the threat of the boiler about to explode as well. Just it's rattling ghost sounds coming from it.

7:28 - 7:38

Kelly, what time did you wake up at yesterday? I woke up just before seven because my cat wakes me up to be fed, but then I went back to sleep until about nine,

7:38 - 7:44

nine 30. So it was a kind of fairly, fairly leisurely wake up. You can't imagine that with small children.

7:44 - 7:49

You can't imagine there will ever be a day when you wake up past about seven o'clock.

7:49 - 7:52

I know I can't, but let's get down to the cat first. What's the cat called?

7:52 - 7:59

Arnold. Arnold the cat. Okay. Is that after Arnold? It's not after anything. It's just, because he looked a bit like that.

7:59 - 8:05

I did say, I have nothing to tell you. I have no hilarious story about the cat.

8:05 - 8:12

I can tell you how I got the cat. I mean, that's mildly interesting. I got the cat via my cousin who lives in a tiny village in Ayrshire.

8:12 - 8:20

And we went up to see him a few Christmases ago. The girls love it because it's very Scottish and, you know, rocky rivers all the way through.

8:20 - 8:27

Very picturesque. It was not quite snowy, but frosty. And we pulled up to my cousin's house, walked in and he said, be careful.

8:28 - 8:38

When you open the door, there's a litter of kittens behind the door. And my daughters were kind of, and then he said, and don't open the door to the kitchen because there are two litters of puppies in there.

8:38 - 8:46

So we literally had the best Christmas ever. And I picked up one of the kittens and then I put him down and he kind of scampered back to me.

8:46 - 8:49

And then I put him down again. He scampered back and I was like, well, that's it.

8:49 - 8:57

The cat's chosen me. So that's why we have a cat. And what sort of meal does the cat demand first thing in the morning?

8:57 - 9:03

Yeah. He's a, he's a frozen food cat. Oh wow. The little sachet of frozen food.

9:03 - 9:07

Yeah. He came already weaned on it. So I had no. So do you, hang on, do you thaw them?

9:07 - 9:13

This is why you should get more comedians on. Kelly, this is so much more interesting than any of my friends.

9:13 - 9:20

You have to thaw it before he eats it. Yeah. He doesn't just gnaw on a bit of like a block of frozen food.

9:20 - 9:24

Yeah, but it's seven o'clock in the morning. So you've, you've prepped it. You have to prep.

9:24 - 9:29

Yes. I sometimes keep like a couple of days worth, thawed in the, in the fridge.

9:29 - 9:33

I kind of think that's, yeah. Keeps me ready for it. He's not a very clean eater though.

9:33 - 9:37

He likes to move his food around the kitchen. He picks up lumps of it and moves it around the kitchen.

9:37 - 9:44

So you have to be careful where you're going. I'm so sorry about this. To be fair, I am just answering the questions you've asked.

9:44 - 9:50

It's our concept and we believe in it. Can I make an observation here, Max?

9:50 - 9:58

I think Kelly has put more effort into that meal for the cat than you do into your, many of your dinners.

9:58 - 10:03

Dinner in a box is. How dare you? Max is addicted to dinner in a box when it arrives.

10:03 - 10:10

And then he makes, he likes to convince himself that he prepared sea bass rolled in breadcrumbs or whatever.

10:10 - 10:18

But actually all he did was whatever you do, put a box in an air fryer and then wear a chef's hat and pat yourself on the back.

10:18 - 10:21

Not like a meal in a box where you have to do a little bit of cooking.

10:21 - 10:25

You mean literally like a meal in a box in the air fryer or the microwave?

10:25 - 10:32

No, no, Kelly, I'm time poor. Quite like is a great service. We get two meals a week and expands our repertoire.

10:32 - 10:42

But you know, you do get like the one clove of garlic and you know, you get the one potato and then it is up to you to turn that with some helpful instructions into a meal.

10:42 - 10:50

And I think that is more complex than Kelly taking a frozen block of splats out of the freezer and putting it in the fridge three days before feeding it to Arnold.

10:50 - 10:55

That is what I would say. I would say you are feeding a human. That's true.

10:55 - 11:01

And I'm feeding a cat who probably, has you know, less sophisticated demands. You don't, you don't know that.

11:01 - 11:10

No, that's a very fair point. You did this while half asleep. Whereas when Max prepares one of these meals, he thinks he's ratatouille.

11:10 - 11:14

Yeah. He genuinely thinks. Well, he's not even the chef. He's the little rat in the hat.

11:14 - 11:25

He is the rat in the hat. It is important to point out as well, because Jamie will point this out if I don't now, that quite often I don't really do much of the cooking of the dinner in the box.

11:25 - 11:30

Not my fault. I used to cook a lot, but now I'm still, I'm stuck in a shed at those critical times.

11:30 - 11:36

So you go downstairs, you take the, is it a sort of cube of? I would say a sachet.

11:36 - 11:41

Let's call it a sachet. A sachet. Okay. What's the flavor of this sachet? Well, he has a variety.

11:41 - 11:45

He has some that are fish flavored. What was yesterday's flavor? I don't care about a general.

11:45 - 11:57

I want yesterday's. I think it may be turkey. We did get a few weeks ago, we did get a special Halloween version, which was a kind of Frankenstein sort of concoction of every flavor that they do,

11:57 - 12:07

as far as I could see. Which he seemed to like. I didn't think it'd be particularly appetizing, but he is quite fussy about his food because it comes with little dried chicken sprinkles.

12:07 - 12:13

And if he gets certain flavors, he gets really arty and he won't eat his food unless you put the little chicken sprinkles.

12:13 - 12:18

I say to him, do you want the sprinkles? And he meows at me to say yes, I do want the sprinkles.

12:18 - 12:26

And then I have to dust his food with a garnish. So I would then argue it becomes more complex than your box.

12:26 - 12:34

Ellie keeps having to go, over with like a huge black pepper grinder and parmesan and truffle oil and everything.

12:34 - 12:45

Ratatouille would have been a very different film if Kelly's cat, if Arnold had been there or in scene one, Arnold just massacres the rat and for the rest of the movie,

12:45 - 12:51

the crap chef just has to. The thing is, if it was my cat, he's not got any survival skills whatsoever.

12:51 - 12:55

He saw a mouse once and he cornered himself. He just was like, not interested.

12:55 - 13:02

He doesn't like spiders. He's not, cat with survival skills. Was yesterday a chicken sprinkle day for Arnold or just a normal day?

13:02 - 13:08

No, just a normal, it was too early for sprinkles. I just put the food down and left the kitchen, left him to it.

13:08 - 13:12

Right. I understand. And so then we're back to bed. Do you check your phone or anything?

13:12 - 13:16

Or are you literally just in sort of closed eyes feeding and then back straight into bed?

13:16 - 13:24

I checked the phone because the girls weren't there. My daughters weren't there. So I checked the phone to make sure that they hadn't sent me some kind of emergency text.

13:24 - 13:27

I don't know what they would have texted me, but I just, it's a reflex now.

13:27 - 13:33

And so I, I checked my phone to text that and then, but I didn't go onto social media or anything because then I can't get back to sleep.

13:33 - 13:36

Then I'm awake. The world could have burned down overnight and I would not have known.

13:36 - 13:45

So your daughters aren't there, but you know, they're not meant to be there. So, you know, it's not like you've opened their door and you've gone, holy shit, I better just feed the cat and go back to sleep.

13:45 - 13:49

I mean, you're just done a moonlight flit and kind of disappeared with all their belongings.

13:49 - 13:55

And they're like, no, I knew they would not be there. Right. And then we fall straight back to sleep and what it's nine, nine 30.

13:55 - 13:58

I'm going to say nine 30. I'm probably going to, I'm going to say that. Yeah.

13:58 - 14:03

I think that's lovely. I know. What do you do? What, when I was asleep?

14:03 - 14:10

No, no, no, no. At nine 30. We can skip that Kelly. We don't need. I had some toast.

14:10 - 14:15

I checked the washing and I decided I wasn't going to do the washing because my daughter was going to hockey.

14:15 - 14:20

And so I needed to wash her hockey kit after she'd been to hockey. So I thought I'm not even going to do the washing.

14:20 - 14:24

That's how lazy a morning I'm going to have. Are we having an English breakfast tea?

14:24 - 14:29

Just classic. Oh yes. Oh, I thought you meant English breakfast. I was like, no, no, no, no, just toast steady.

14:29 - 14:35

No, yes. Normal. The Yorkshire gold ones. I like Yorkshire gold milk, no sugar. Yeah.

14:35 - 14:42

Tiny bit of milk. Hardly any milk to the point where if I ask people to make it for me, they go, is that, is that, do you want more milk?

14:42 - 14:45

And I'm like, no, no, no, no. That's how I want it. That's how I like my tea.

14:45 - 14:51

If somebody was to put too much milk in a tea and hand it to you, obviously you're disappointed.

14:51 - 14:54

You've seen the tea. You've seen the color of the tea. You're a nice person.

14:54 - 15:00

Great question. Are you going to drink the whole tea or are you just going to leave it, but not say anything?

15:00 - 15:04

Or are you going to throw it in there first? I leave it and then say, oh, I'm so sorry.

15:04 - 15:08

It went cold. I didn't have chance. That's what I do. I can't drink it.

15:08 - 15:14

It's not good. I just, to the point where if, you know, if you're at work and somebody says, oh, does anybody want a cup of tea?

15:14 - 15:24

I always have coffee because I can't drink tea that is badly made. Although it's one of the real bonuses of going up to work in Salford is that people in the Northwest can make tea.

15:25 - 15:30

They make proper tea. Whereas if you have tea down South, people make it weak and milky and it's rank.

15:30 - 15:37

So you're saying BBC tea good, Sky tea shit. Yeah. And also I have to then say, please, can you get me a cup of tea?

15:37 - 15:41

And please, can you leave the bag in? And can I have the milk on the side of it?

15:41 - 15:44

And it just makes me sound awful. So I don't, I don't ask for it.

15:44 - 15:50

No, because I have this, when I'm back in London doing Talk Sport, you're doing the show and you say, I'll have a cup of tea, have a cup of tea please.

15:50 - 15:55

And then you see that it's the youngest person behind the glass who's never made a cup of tea in their life.

15:55 - 16:01

And they're like, they don't drink tea. Young people don't drink tea anymore. And you're like, oh, this is going to be a disaster because I'm going to face this situation.

16:01 - 16:06

They're going to hand me the tea. It's going to be shit. I'm going to go in and put another bag in.

16:06 - 16:12

So I'm going to insult them. But what I really should do is just be late in the news and make my own tea because.

16:12 - 16:21

Yeah. Let me take you through Anne O'Doherty bracket 86 is tea. Okay. Which is one bag of regular.

16:21 - 16:30

So it's Ireland. So it's lion's tea. Then one, one bag of Earl gray, specifically the Harrods one that I get her.

16:30 - 16:38

Oh, good stuff. Pink milk, like the worst milk, the milk that's barely milk, the slim.

16:38 - 16:44

I thought you meant pink milk, like on Charlie and Lola, but pink milk is like strawberry milk.

16:44 - 16:55

You mean like the one. Absolutely. You mean like skimmed milk, don't you? Yeah. I mean, it's basically water and then a heaped spoonful of sugar in.

16:55 - 17:01

It needs to be richly stirred for ages and ages. And you get one of those things slightly off.

17:01 - 17:10

Mom will just a little sip. She go, that's blue milk in there. Or you didn't leave the Earl in for long enough or whatever.

17:10 - 17:16

And now it is bet into me to make this perfect cup of tea again and again.

17:16 - 17:21

That's not how I make it. But I'm saying is people get used to a very specific thing.

17:21 - 17:29

That sounds disgusting. I mean, with all respect, to your mother, that sounds like the most vile concoction.

17:29 - 17:35

But I think what David's saying is you're on that journey, Kelly, with your tea's specificity right now.

17:35 - 17:41

That's where it will end. And I can tell the difference between whole milk and semi-skimmed in my tea.

17:41 - 17:56

I can tell the difference. definitely. I mean, I many years ago presented a children's science TV show and the high molecular weight tannins of tea, the, the flavour is held,

17:56 - 18:05

I believe in the fat particles in the milk. So a higher fat content milk means more flavour generally.

18:05 - 18:15

How many viewers did this TV show get? I'll be honest, I was gripped. Don't think I won't be telling my daughters this later when they make me a bad cup of tea.

18:15 - 18:20

I think you'll find. In fact, I'll sit them down and find the TV show for them.

18:20 - 18:30

It did actually last three series, but it was a weird one because it was, it, in association with the Irish department of education, because we were meant to be covering stuff that was on exams.

18:30 - 18:38

But then occasionally for the sake of comedy, I would get the description of say how the D mister in a car works.

18:38 - 18:45

I'd get that slightly wrong. And notes would come in from like the minister for education.

18:45 - 18:50

And I didn't last as long as I should have, but we are where we are.

18:50 - 18:54

You guys. I love that. How high does this thing go? All the way to the top.

18:54 - 19:06

The Taoiseach has come in. What is on the toast plate? How many slices of toast?

19:06 - 19:11

What's the type of bread and what are we putting on it? I'm going to say 18 slices of toast, all with Nutella.

19:11 - 19:19

Sun-blessed white, straight Nutella. Two slices of sliced white, very well done. Really salty butter.

19:19 - 19:24

That's glorious. That was it. Max, I got to come in with the big question here.

19:24 - 19:33

Ellie, what sort of a toaster have you got? Me and Max, both it turns out, although we live at opposite ends of the planet, have the same toaster.

19:33 - 19:36

What if I, I might have a, it might be like a Morphy Richards or something.

19:36 - 19:43

Oh, that sounds good. A two-namer, a double-barrelled name. That's the posh toaster. What does a Morphy Richards look like?

19:43 - 19:54

How's your toaster? It's double-barrelled. Yeah. So talk us through a Morphy Richards. I have a real, I have something to say about toasters after this, which will upset David.

19:54 - 19:58

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Don't keep people on tenterhooks. You go forth with your toaster chat.

19:58 - 20:05

The issue is, is that during the Angela Scanlon episode, we discovered that the three of us all had a jewel in it.

20:05 - 20:10

Then I went into the kitchen after the podcast and it turned out that I actually had a DeLonghi.

20:10 - 20:16

It was okay. It's okay because I have a jewel in it. You never get away with that at the BBC.

20:16 - 20:24

You're absolutely right. Edward Roll. The DG comes in on his first day. He's like, oh shit, now I'm out because they lied about it.

20:24 - 20:33

But it was okay because there's a matter of the people. I have a jewel in my London house, but as it turns out, I'm a toast wanker.

20:33 - 20:39

No, but my friend rolls has just moved into my flat. And this morning he sent me a picture of my toast in my London flat.

20:39 - 20:46

And it's also a DeLonghi and it's not a jewel. It I've been lying all along to yourself as much as anyone.

20:46 - 20:52

I know, but the DeLonghi does a great, I'm a DeLonghi guy. I can't justify a really expensive toaster.

20:52 - 20:58

But it sounds expensive. Morphy Richards. Sounds extraordinary. No, it's whatever's on offer on Amazon.

20:58 - 21:04

The jewel, it's going to outlive all of us. And also what Max has just admitted to that, that is shape.

21:04 - 21:10

That's like having the crappest mountain bike of all, and just referring to it as a Brompton the whole time.

21:10 - 21:16

Oh, my Brompton's in the hall. This is a rally Mustang from 1990, Max. What are you out of it?

21:16 - 21:21

So, right. So Morphy Richards is a shit. So is it a two or a four?

21:21 - 21:25

Could you? It's a four. It's a four. Okay. But I know, I'm thinking it's roundabout black Friday.

21:25 - 21:33

Do I treat myself? Do I treat myself to a really nice toaster? These are the decisions that are going to be running through my head throughout the course of this week.

21:33 - 21:41

David, you asked a question. I'm going to look up Morphy Richards toasters. The, one of the things about the Dualit toaster, sorry,

21:41 - 21:54

just as more a comment than a question is mine came with what looked like you could put two slices of thin bread in a kind of a wedging device, theoretically to make a toasted cheese.

21:54 - 22:01

But the flaw with that is the cheese just all flows straight out through the bottom of it.

22:01 - 22:09

So it's just make your toasted cheese sandwiches either on a pan like the Americans do or under the classic grill.

22:09 - 22:16

Or in a Breville. I have, I have a toasty maker. And do you put that in the fire like a blacksmith?

22:16 - 22:24

No, no, it's electric. I've moved into the 21st century. Sorry, just from the mime you did, Callie.

22:24 - 22:28

It was more of a forage. Closing the toasty maker. I thought you were doing a bellows.

22:28 - 22:35

The Morphy Richards accents for sliced toaster is. I think that's what I might have actually.

22:35 - 22:46

Well, so that's 45 pounds. The nearest one to me is 35 kilometers away. So would it cost you more in petrol to go and get it?

22:46 - 22:51

Possibly. But I don't need it. I'm a DeLonghi man through and through. DeLonghi for life.

22:51 - 22:58

I have a DeLonghi tattoo on my calf. That Robbie Savage has got one. It is a Morphy Richards accent.

22:58 - 23:02

That's exactly what it is. What accent? What does the word accent got to do with?

23:02 - 23:09

It's coloured. Are you supposed to call it a toaster? Is there an umlaut over the O of toaster?

23:09 - 23:22

The toaster? You know, with this Swedish line. Like it was from Ikea. Yeah. They have an accents toaster and they have an ascend toaster, which I presume can like climb mountains as well.

23:22 - 23:24

That's what happens in the rapture. You get an ascend. You get an ascend toaster.

23:24 - 23:30

Rather than having to recycle it, when it breaks, it just rises up into heaven itself.

23:30 - 23:39

Okay. So we've had our toast. Excellent. We're set up for the day. I can't believe we've got a good 10 minutes out of a piece of toast, but there we go.

23:39 - 23:42

You didn't listen to the back catalog. I should have been prepared for this. I have listened.

23:42 - 23:49

Yeah. Okay. So it's around, what are we? It must be around 10 o'clock now. I mean, easily.

23:49 - 23:53

I mean, I can stretch that out. Sorry. How much, how much washing is there?

23:53 - 23:57

You've, you've looked at the washing and you decided not yet. Three loads. Three loads of washing.

23:57 - 24:02

Three loads. Yeah. Is this a tiny machine? Is this like a little doll's house washing machine?

24:02 - 24:09

It's a week's worth. Yeah. A week's worth of washing. And then I leave it so that the girls have enough clean clothes to get them through the week.

24:09 - 24:13

You don't care whether they're in the house or not, but you want them to be dressed and clean.

24:13 - 24:18

That's good guarantee. So basically, so if they're in the house, you know, nobody's judging me.

24:18 - 24:26

If they're outside the house, I'm being judged. So. I have a question here, which is, is only in the last year.

24:26 - 24:33

So have you been washing your clothes? I used to put them in the freezer and just take them back out again.

24:33 - 24:40

It's actually fine. Which is what you should do with your jeans, apparently. Apparently. But that would go down badly with Helen.

24:40 - 24:46

Were she to go in looking for ice cubes and find a pair of Levi's frozen to them.

24:46 - 24:50

Also, I don't buy expensive jeans either. That's another thing I don't spend money on.

24:50 - 25:01

So if they wear out, they wear out. I can get new jeans. It's only in the last year in camogie, which is women's hurling, which is a hugely popular sport here,

25:01 - 25:12

that central council has ratified the wearing of shorts for women, which is a hilarious, but bleak.

25:12 - 25:20

Before that, what did they wear on their bottom halves? Tell me something. It was Vicky Michelle, Hello Hello Lingerie.

25:20 - 25:28

That's what they wore. It was, skirts up until about 10 years ago. And then it was these bizarre objects called skorts.

25:28 - 25:35

Yes. Which were a sort of an elasticated skirt with sort of cycling shorts built into it.

25:35 - 25:41

What do you wear in hockey now? What's your daughter's? Is it skorts? Skorts for hockey.

25:41 - 25:45

Yeah. What's up with that? Can they wear shorts if they want? No, they have a uniform.

25:45 - 25:49

So they only make the skorts for them. Right. And if they wanted to buy shorts, they'd be cut for men.

25:49 - 25:56

You wouldn't want to wear. Okay. Shorts that were cut for men. Max, I'm just trying to get an idea of what the washing that awaits us.

25:56 - 26:03

What the kids are wearing these days. I mean, I'm not. Skorts. It's one of the most wholesome questions.

26:03 - 26:13

I'll be honest. Now, I'm interested that you say washing for a Sunday because normally you are working on a Sunday.

26:13 - 26:22

Oh, I see. And then by, by the end of the, I'm skipping ahead here and I appreciate I've, I've kind of disrupted the narrative, but then my eldest daughter put all her clothes,

26:22 - 26:32

in the washing yesterday evening, everything was empty. So I was annoyed with her for wearing clothes and creating washing during the day when I spent the whole day getting rid of the washing,

26:32 - 26:37

which you can understand is very annoying. It's really laundry day. She'd also be naked.

26:37 - 26:42

And then that's the way it works. Okay. So we've looked at the washing. We've decided not to do that.

26:42 - 26:46

It's about 10 o'clock in the morning. You've got nothing to do. We've still only got to 10 o'clock.

26:46 - 26:52

Right. Come on. What are we, what are we doing? And then my daughter came back and then we got ready to take her to her hockey mat.

26:52 - 26:59

And I kind of went through like what she had to do homework wise and that kind of thing.

26:59 - 27:04

And sort of ask them the most annoying mum question in the world is what, which is what they wanted for dinner.

27:04 - 27:09

Cause I was going to go from hockey to go and get some shopping in for dinner and that kind of thing.

27:09 - 27:13

And yeah, I'm really stretching this out. I did say I had a very uneventful day.

27:13 - 27:22

This is Andy Zaltzman's day. It makes this day seem like heat the movie. He'd only done spread.

27:22 - 27:28

He was doing cricket spreadsheets for the whole day. Question need to get in here.

27:28 - 27:34

Funny that it comes from me, not the sports caster. Unlike Max, is this a big match?

27:34 - 27:42

Is this a local Derby? Are you drilling into your daughter? We're going to go out there today and we are going to hit them for a minute.

27:42 - 27:47

We're, they are not going to know what's come at them. No, I am not that parent.

27:47 - 27:54

I am very, I am a very sit back parent, but also what actually was really lovely about it is that because I work a lot of the weekends, I don't,

27:54 - 28:01

mostly it's training on a Sunday and then occasionally there's a match. So this is the first, which she only started in at the start of term in September.

28:01 - 28:05

So this is the first match I've been able to get to. So it was actually really lovely.

28:05 - 28:12

And then I sat there and I was like, it's just really cold. And then she was a substitute for some of it as well.

28:12 - 28:19

So I was just sitting there watching other people's kids play hockey, you know, in the cold, which was less interesting than watching my own daughter.

28:19 - 28:26

Was it the one parent in the crowd? Who was abusing the ref shouting at the kids?

28:26 - 28:29

Any of that? It wasn't that kind of vibe, but there were, I did miss a goal.

28:29 - 28:33

And then I was only notified of the goal by the fact that the other parents were sort of clapping.

28:33 - 28:38

And I was like, Oh, were you doom scrolling or just really cold doom scrolling?

28:38 - 28:41

And then I took my eldest daughter with me and I sent her off to get coffee.

28:41 - 28:45

So she, I said, you'll, you'll warm up on the way. And then she has to borrow my AirPods.

28:45 - 28:50

And I said, no, because you'll lose them. I'm going to lose them just walking down the road.

28:50 - 28:54

And I was like, well, you've managed to lose them every other time. So no, so she wasn't allowed to wear them.

28:54 - 28:58

So she fell out with me, but she still went to get me coffee. I know where Max is going with this.

28:58 - 29:04

Well, I mean, the AirPods that are in my ears currently were lost on QF10.

29:04 - 29:14

He throw to Perth, but we found them thanks to a listener to football weekly, Ian Daniel, who's an excellent artist, but Jamie often, we have two pairs of AirPods in our house.

29:14 - 29:21

And often when I arrive at the box, they are not in the box. They're in her pockets or they're in a bag.

29:21 - 29:31

And I think that, that is an absolutely disgraceful behavior. And I just wonder Kelly, if your eldest daughter suffers from the same affliction as my beautiful and charming wife.

29:31 - 29:42

I don't know because I take nothing to do because I don't know. She's not getting AirPods because she loses things and she's not getting to use mine because she loses things.

29:42 - 29:47

So this is something I choose not to discover. This is for her to kind of deal with on her.

29:47 - 29:51

She's 17. I don't feel like I'm policing her AirPod use. Sure. So what headphones?

29:51 - 29:57

Has she got, big head photo, like old Walkman? No, she's got little kind of buds ones, but they're not expensive ones.

29:57 - 30:08

Right. They're Morphy Richards. Aren't they? They're Morphy Richards. You'll have Morphy Richards accent. She's got the rapture ones, but they both, I don't, I won't buy either of them expensive AirPods because they lose them.

30:08 - 30:17

And then I'm like, well, they're now both on their final warning with their AirPods that if I'm calling them AirPods, whatever the generic name is, and they are now both on their final warning,

30:17 - 30:21

which is next set. They lose, they pay for their own replacements. Good. Yeah. Good.

30:21 - 30:28

Yes. I've done. I was saying to Jamie. Yeah. Okay. So what's the fight? Like how long has the hockey's like two hours sitting in the cold?

30:28 - 30:34

You should know. Cause you do a lot of outside broadcast. Yeah. You should know. Gortex? In-soles?

30:34 - 30:38

You think I absolutely messed it up yesterday because I walked out the front door.

30:38 - 30:44

It was mild. Hockey pitchers are the coldest place in the world. I remember this from being young.

30:44 - 30:50

Anyway, I was too cold. I didn't put enough layers on. I do. You know what I did as well.

30:50 - 30:53

I put a really warm coat on, went outside. I was like, Oh, it's too mild for this.

30:53 - 31:00

Changed my coat and then was cold. I know. Is there small talk on the touchline?

31:00 - 31:05

And are you, do other parents talk? And they just like, God, Kelly Cates of miserable.

31:05 - 31:09

She's a miserable. I didn't know any of the other parents there. I didn't know any, there weren't loads of parents there.

31:09 - 31:14

And I didn't know any of the ones that were there, but my, my friend normally goes, but she wasn't there yesterday.

31:14 - 31:24

So I didn't know anybody. So that was actually, that's quite nice because what I definitely don't want to do is I don't mind when I know, I don't mind when I don't know people and I don't mind when I don't know people.

31:24 - 31:31

I hate that in between phase where you're just kind of on nodding terms and you feel like you have to go through the kind of, how are you?

31:31 - 31:36

How's your week been? Oh yeah. Oh, cold today, isn't it? Oh yes. It's meant to be a cold front coming.

31:36 - 31:40

It's going to get really cold this week. Oh yeah. Oh, I hate it so much.

31:40 - 31:54

Sorry. Is that not as a man with no children as of yet, but 18 bicycles, is that not most of education is just having that conversation, again and again, standing by school gates,

31:54 - 32:05

standing at the side of hockey pitches, standing at parent teacher meetings. The thing is, if you go through that, you can actually make really good friends and you can have really nice chats and there's people you look forward to seeing,

32:05 - 32:13

but I hate that middle bit with all my heart. I hate that kind of just surfacy generic chat.

32:13 - 32:17

And also you can't go, cause you know, your Kelly Cates off the start of super sunday.

32:17 - 32:22

I don't think anybody's thinking that. And you just go, I don't give a fuck.

32:22 - 32:27

I don't care. Leave me alone with this banal small talk shit. Let's get down to the good stuff.

32:27 - 32:38

Good morning. Is it, is it Bob? Is it a good morning? Maybe for you, but I'm standing here freezing my bollocks off on a side of a hockey pitch.

32:38 - 32:47

I've had that with like, you know, birthday parties that, you know, young Ian gets invited to, and then it's like, Oh God, I've got to go to this.

32:47 - 32:57

And there's lots of people. And then they've made an effort with sandwiches. And sausages and, you know, and you're sitting there going, I just do not want to talk.

32:57 - 33:02

You might be lovely, but I'm too tired. It's okay if they do booze. Yeah, but I'm too tired.

33:02 - 33:07

I've probably got work later and I'm just not in the zone. And then I'm actually, then I think, well, hang on.

33:07 - 33:18

Ian hasn't been invited to a birthday party for ages. So either he's not doing well at kinder, or I was just so shit at the last party that I can't have this miserable bastard going to the next one.

33:18 - 33:23

You're trying to connect with someone to go, this is shit, isn't it? I'd rather be, with some actual people I know.

33:23 - 33:31

But it's really awkward because my, my youngest daughter, I like, she's got a group of friends and I know all the mums and, and they're really lovely.

33:31 - 33:37

And all the parents, they're great. But my eldest daughter has got a group of friends, but she started secondary school in COVID.

33:37 - 33:41

So there weren't really any of those. You didn't go and wait at the school gate.

33:41 - 33:48

You didn't really go. So you, I don't really know the sort of parents in her year group the same.

33:48 - 33:54

And then that makes me feel like I've been a bad parent. Yeah. Because then I'm like, maybe I should have got involved more.

33:54 - 33:58

And then I see other people and I'm like, they've managed to get to know people.

33:58 - 34:10

So either they were fully disregarding all the COVID restrictions, in which case they're terrible people, or they've managed to make friends despite all the restrictions, in which case they're better parents than I am.

34:10 - 34:19

And I don't like that feeling. Yeah. But what's also good is there is with your eldest daughters, you know, all the other parents are just like, she's not as nice as she is.

34:19 - 34:27

She's really aloof. Very cold. Aloof, aloof, cold. She won't say anything, you know, doesn't say anything in the WhatsApp group.

34:27 - 34:34

Frosty bitch. Yeah, exactly. I hate to say this, but a WhatsApp group exists that's called Everybody Except Kelly.

34:34 - 34:41

And they're all just on, it's ending memes the whole time. Photo of you just standing cold.

34:41 - 34:45

Oh God. I had them. I was class rep for my youngest for the first year.

34:45 - 34:52

And I didn't mean to be, I was kind of went in as a new parent and they said, does anybody, and I said, oh, I'm really happy to help out with anything.

34:52 - 34:55

But I probably won't have the time to be a class rep, but I'm very happy to help.

34:55 - 35:01

And also I don't know any of the parents. And then somebody replied back saying, oh no, it's a great way to get to know people.

35:01 - 35:10

And then I was officially class rep and I don't know how that happened. So I then had to be on the WhatsApp group and I was the most annoying person to run a WhatsApp group.

35:10 - 35:15

I would, every time I had a message, I would send like a little gift that said, good morning, everybody.

35:15 - 35:21

The Christmas fair's coming up. Get your prizes in for the tombola, blah, blah, blah.

35:21 - 35:29

And all this kind of really, cause I didn't really know how to operate. And I thought, well, I'll give too much rather than not enough.

35:29 - 35:34

And was there a coup? Was there like a January the 6th insurrection? There was a coup.

35:34 - 35:37

I didn't apply for the second year. I'm really sorry. I can't do this anymore.

35:37 - 35:49

A sign comes up, just no more, no more memes. The group has decided. It's when you just get the thumbs up, like replies and not even replies, just the little reaction emojis that you can attach to something.

35:49 - 35:54

And you're like, and then there's fewer and fewer, as the year goes on, as you realize everybody's muted the group.

35:54 - 36:00

And it's just horrendous. Do you think a thumbs up sort of like just acknowledgement is worse?

36:00 - 36:08

Oh, there's no acknowledgement. No, no. But what's worse of thumb just to that message or like making the thumb a message in of itself?

36:08 - 36:14

Oh, I don't know. Oh yeah. I think a thumbs up, like a reaction emoji actually is probably all right.

36:14 - 36:20

But if somebody takes the time to send it to you as a separate message, thumbs up emoji.

36:20 - 36:25

I mean, that might as well be a middle finger, that is just like, that is somebody who's had enough of your shit.

36:25 - 36:33

Okay. You crack on with that then. Did we win the hockey? Yeah. No, they lost three, one.

36:33 - 36:38

Shit. And what's the vibe in the car afterwards? Is there silence? Not too bad.

36:38 - 36:42

Not too bad. She was quite pleased because her friend wasn't there and she's quite new to the group.

36:42 - 36:47

She was a bit worried that she was going to feel a bit isolated and she wasn't going to know anybody.

36:47 - 36:52

And then she was like, Oh, but I saw two of the girls that I kind of know a bit and they were really lovely.

36:52 - 36:58

And so I chatted to them. And so the vibe was quite upbeat because she, to be honest, she only really does it for the social side of it.

36:58 - 37:01

She likes going and being part of a team and seeing the other girls and stuff.

37:01 - 37:08

So she did that. That's why she plays hockey. So, so she was quite upbeat because she had quite a sociable day, which was good.

37:08 - 37:13

I remember I, and you've already said you're sort of not a, like a, that was shit next week.

37:13 - 37:23

I remember Harvey Elliott, who now plays for Aston Villa. There was some video of him and he was saying, I remember at Liverpool youth, we beat Spurs 9-1.

37:23 - 37:27

And I got in the car and I'll never forget my dad saying, yeah, but you were a fault for that goal.

37:27 - 37:32

You idiot. I was like, there is the chance of my children being elite sports people is zero.

37:32 - 37:36

I'd just be like, should we go to McDonald's? This would be great. You know?

37:36 - 37:42

Did you have a lovely time? Did you enjoy it? And do you feel like you've had, you've had lots of fresh air and you've run around for a bit.

37:42 - 37:47

And this is a really, this is a really good thing for you. It's very healthy for you to be doing this.

37:47 - 37:51

That's very much my attitude. I am not an elite sports parent by any stretch.

37:51 - 37:57

I am not an elite sports parent by any stretch of the imagination. What do we put on in the car?

37:57 - 38:01

What are we listening to on the way home? The girls get, they fight over who gets to be DJ.

38:01 - 38:04

So whoever gets the front seat gets to be DJ. And so it can be anything.

38:04 - 38:09

So then my eldest tries to put on what she thinks everybody likes. So she will play.

38:09 - 38:14

She seems to think that Fleetwood Mac is my generation. So she'll put on something like that.

38:14 - 38:24

So instead of anything that actually is my generation. Late sixties. She misses it. But my youngest likes quite emo stuff as well.

38:24 - 38:28

So that comes on, but it's not really the vibe on a Sunday morning. But yeah, what happened yesterday?

38:28 - 38:33

Who got the front seat and what has been put on? Yeah. My youngest got the front seat because she'd been playing hockey.

38:33 - 38:37

Of course. I have no idea why that earned her the rights to sit in the front seat, but it did.

38:37 - 38:41

Because in many ways, the eldest sister, that was not a good fun afternoon for her.

38:41 - 38:45

No. All she's done is got a coffee. Do you know what happened? She didn't want to come.

38:45 - 38:49

My eldest daughter likes to come to M&S. If I go to M&S, she loves it.

38:49 - 38:54

She loves a little potter. She loves a little wander around. They've got the Christmas decorations out now.

38:54 - 39:01

So we've had a little look around the Christmas. So she likes to come in and she likes to, so you know M&S do like the snack tins.

39:01 - 39:07

You won't know this, Max, unless you've been home recently. Don't you worry. M&S is, you know, that is like almost before you see your parents.

39:07 - 39:11

They do the little Christmas snack tins. So we've got the peanut butter and jelly flavored ones.

39:11 - 39:14

And then we realized we don't like everything in them. So now we make our own.

39:14 - 39:18

So we just go in and buy bags and put them in the little M&S snack tin.

39:18 - 39:22

So that's what we do. That's lovely. Because you know, we're not going, we're not going to be dictated to by the man.

39:22 - 39:30

We'll pick our own snacks. Thank you. So is this what you do yesterday? You go M&S post game then?

39:30 - 39:35

Yes. We had a little wonder. In your skorts? All of you in skorts? All of us in skorts.

39:35 - 39:41

Yeah. No, just the hockey player. And then she, she sort of wrapped up and then we took her to M&S because we know how to live.

39:41 - 39:49

We know how to live. So talk us through what's in your, what's in the, you know, the Kate's personalized snack tin.

39:49 - 39:55

Well, we like pretzels because we, we like getting the little salt crystals in with the sweets, but we like the stick pretzels.

39:55 - 40:01

Yeah. Good. And then we got little peanut M&Ms. So, but the M&S ones or whatever they are.

40:01 - 40:06

Yeah, sure. Caramel buttons. Oh, and some, we got a new kind of Percy pig that is like little snouts.

40:06 - 40:12

I don't know what they are to try. Can I just say, I think Percy pigs are absolutely revolting.

40:12 - 40:17

I don't like them. So overrated as a sweet. And I love sweets. Oh my goodness.

40:17 - 40:24

I love sweets. And I think they are an abomination. Unless of course, I trouser money at us to sponsor this podcast.

40:24 - 40:29

I'd rather have the Colin caterpillars. I like them better than a Percy pig. I don't like foamy sweets.

40:29 - 40:39

God, who am I on with here? Because I believe M&S is probably slightly more of a rarity in the Republic of Ireland.

40:39 - 40:47

Like my thing for a long time would have been get me. Someone's going to Belfast or going to somewhere where there's a large market.

40:47 - 40:54

That is specifically what I want is those pigs. So I'm, they would have a cola variation of the pig.

40:54 - 40:58

They're the Colin caterpillars. And then they do. Yeah, they do. Are they penny pigs?

40:58 - 41:03

The little cola ones? I think they might be. But a Colin caterpillar is a cola one of those.

41:03 - 41:09

That is a heavenly. That's the Halloween version. They are the, they're like the Zenith of sweets.

41:09 - 41:14

The cola bottle and its varieties are the absolute peak. Fizzy cola bottles are God's hit.

41:14 - 41:29

Oh yeah. I remember once seeing a sign on them that said no suitable for vegetarians and it really freaked me out because no part of me thought that there was actual pig in the pigs.

41:29 - 41:39

Is it the gelatin? Is that what it is? No, it was, they would have a, most of it would be a pork medallion and then they would just put sugar around it.

41:39 - 41:48

Like when you get bacon without the tail on it. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We've gone to M&S.

41:48 - 41:54

Are we back to put the, this washing arm that is just burning a hole in this day?

41:54 - 42:01

There's a theme at M&S because I had a cup of tea and the kids had like a little snack at M&S and I had, because M&S give it,

42:01 - 42:04

if you would have tea in the M&S cafe, you get a pot of tea.

42:04 - 42:12

So you can control your own strength and your own level of milk. Yes. It's one of the few places I'll have tea outside the home.

42:12 - 42:21

And I've got a stamp on my, a virtual stamp on my Sparks card. So only one hot drink away from a free one.

42:21 - 42:27

Wow. That's big, isn't it? Why did we do this this week? We should have left it till next week.

42:27 - 42:34

Kate gets the full card. You get ownership of that branch of M&S if you fill it in.

42:34 - 42:39

And then come outside, there'd be people there, there'd be a little one man band playing, there'd be poppers.

42:39 - 42:47

What's interesting is you very, and I completely agree with you, you know, you really care about your tea, but your coffee, you are sort of throw away.

42:47 - 42:50

Like just get me a coffee at the hockey. Like you don't mind a shit coffee.

42:51 - 42:54

You don't care about that? No, I like a nice coffee, but I'm less fussy about my coffee.

42:54 - 42:59

Right. I understand. I'll drink any red wine, but I'm fussy about white wine. Okay.

42:59 - 43:04

And I'll drink any coffee, even though I like the nice stuff, but I'm fussy about my tea.

43:04 - 43:11

Same sort of thing. Noted. Noted. Okay. That's good. Just a future reference. Yeah. Next time, next time I bump into you, I can buy you.

43:11 - 43:20

Whether it's a bar or whether it's. We'll be at dinner. I'll be like, I think I want red because I can get the cheapest shit.

43:21 - 43:27

Do you not find this? I find that the older I get, the more fussy I get about like really basic things.

43:27 - 43:34

Like I don't want things with all bells and whistles. I want really basic things, but I want really basic things done exactly the way I want them.

43:34 - 43:44

So like, for example, I don't like Thai sweet chili crisps or anything. I like plain cheese and onion, salt, vinegar, smoky bacon.

43:44 - 43:54

I don't want anything else. And I don't want them with all the kind of fancy flavors that they come out with because they, they are disgusting to me, but I want really nice crisps,

43:54 - 43:57

which are not necessarily the expensive ones, but I just want what I want the way I want it.

43:57 - 44:03

Well, then let me return. Sorry, if we can just go back for a moment to the Morphy Richards accent.

44:03 - 44:17

Do you have a very specific shade of toast you're looking for? Do you have almost a book of swatches beside the toaster and you keep lifting it out to compare it to the ideal shade of brown?

44:17 - 44:25

Are you picky that way? Or will you eat a slightly burnt? And again, toast is something, something else I only really have in my own house because I like it done to the level that I like it.

44:25 - 44:32

And I, I don't like it when it's gone cold and I don't like it if it's, you know, if you ever get toast somewhere and they put it on a plate and it goes soggy underneath,

44:32 - 44:38

you get the condensation underneath it. I don't like that either. Or if you see your toast has been made.

44:38 - 44:46

It used to be like this. Yeah. But you see your toast has been made, but you're looking, it's there on the top, but they've dinged the bell, but they're doing something else.

44:46 - 44:50

And you're like, it's my toast and I need it immediately because I want it hot.

44:50 - 44:56

Those little, little foil rectangles of butter, never big enough for one slice. They're always just the wrong amount of butter on it.

44:56 - 45:04

And they're always like melted around the outside when they've been next to the toast and then cold and hard in the middle where they've been in the fridge.

45:04 - 45:10

I find it a very stressful experience. Sorry. I just can't believe the two of you go to restaurants and order toast.

45:10 - 45:18

Whenever I'm in a restaurant, I might get a toast or something like that. Just plate a toast for me, please.

45:18 - 45:23

It's breakfasts and hotels. Cause I travel, with work it's breakfasts in hotels. I like that.

45:23 - 45:28

Now a lot of places have got their own toast machines. I mean, again, I'm trying to game the toast machine.

45:28 - 45:33

Cause I'm like once around is never enough. Twice is too many. And then you set off fire alarms.

45:33 - 45:40

And then it's. I think if you put it on full and it takes like 15 minutes and there's a queue behind you, you will get a good piece of toast.

45:40 - 45:46

But you have to accept the fact that are people behind you. They're just getting in your business with their two slice of toast.

45:46 - 45:49

And you're like, I don't mind you. You can go on top of my toast.

45:49 - 45:53

You can get behind my toast. You can't go on top of your toast. No, no, no, not on top.

45:53 - 45:59

I'm not an idiot. We're now into sting territory where he talks about liking his toast on one side, which is just bizarre.

45:59 - 46:07

I don't know where he got that from. So we've got M&S. We're nearly there with the free hot beverage card.

46:07 - 46:13

And where do we go from then? I came home and then the girls sort of did their homework.

46:13 - 46:17

And I kind of said, where are you going to do the homework? And then I sat and scrolled TikTok for a bit.

46:17 - 46:21

It was dark. It was good. It was not dark, but it was, you know, getting, getting dark.

46:21 - 46:29

Question. Yeah. TikTok. I've never looked at it. Even the way you said TikTok. It's like crack.

46:29 - 46:36

Don't. Honest to God. You will never, ever put your phone down. It's horrendous. It's the worst thing I ever did.

46:36 - 46:46

Is it better? Cause I'm still, you know, occasionally on X and in Australia, it's weird at some, you sort of wake up and then you just about 11, suddenly like US politics starts.

46:46 - 46:49

So you get a good bunch of that. And then, you know, it's sort of weird.

46:49 - 46:56

So, and then Instagram is kind of fine. I don't do Facebook. So would you say TikTok is, cause I thought, do I need a TikTok?

46:56 - 46:59

You know, when you think of those, do I need a TikTok? Do I need a TikTok?

46:59 - 47:03

Do I need to, I know I sound like such an old man. Do I need to tik my own tok?

47:03 - 47:14

It sounds like he's never learned the word for watch. And he's wondering whether he finally needs to get a Casio digital TikTok.

47:14 - 47:18

I mean, I think by the way I'm saying it, I think the kids would probably say you don't need one.

47:18 - 47:24

Why would I, want that over scrolling on the other places? Because it's short form.

47:24 - 47:34

And so it's really addictive and it gets to know you scarily quickly. So it can tell by how long you watch something for what you're interested in.

47:34 - 47:38

Not just if you scroll past, but kind of how long you'll watch the videos, all that kind of thing.

47:38 - 47:44

I don't really know what the algorithm does. I don't pretend to understand. So what is the Kelly Cates algorithm?

47:44 - 47:49

What are you getting? So I went on it because the girls wanted to go on it when they were younger.

47:49 - 47:55

And I was like, well, I need to go on this and sort of understand how it works because, you know, you hear scare stories about all kinds of different anyway.

47:55 - 48:01

So I went on and then I realized that I am not on the same kind of TikTok that they're on.

48:01 - 48:09

We do not get served the same kind of content. And I get mum TikTok, or I certainly did at the beginning, which was really annoying.

48:09 - 48:16

I hated it at the beginning because it was just a load of people my age going, my teenage kids think I can't go viral on TikTok.

48:16 - 48:21

Let's prove them wrong. And I was like, oh my God, hideous, like off, off, off.

48:21 - 48:27

I got rid of them. Then what was quite funny, it was couples who would like play pranks on each other, which I found quite funny.

48:27 - 48:32

Like there's this thing where they, they sort of lie in doorways with just their heads sticking out and they're lying on the floor.

48:32 - 48:36

And because you don't look at the floor in your own house very much. And that's what I say.

48:36 - 48:40

That's why I'm not getting my carpets changed. And then the other person would walk past.

48:40 - 48:44

So they just go, hello. And then this person would get a jump scare. It was very funny.

48:44 - 48:51

And that kind of thing. I get lots of recipes because I save a lot of things that I think the kids would like to eat and that kind of stuff.

48:51 - 48:57

So I get, I get mum TikTok, but I also get lots of American politics, but I get the funny American politics.

48:57 - 49:07

I don't get the kind of. I don't know what that bit is anymore. Well, there's been a lot around, a lot around over the last couple of days, which have been very funny little mashups and trending sounds and all that kind of thing.

49:07 - 49:15

Yeah. You've managed to purify it from just football, football, football. If I get anything football on my TikTok account, I have two TikTok accounts.

49:15 - 49:21

I have my proper professional one, which I've posted on like three times. And then I have my own one that I've always had.

49:21 - 49:28

And my own one that I've always had, if I get anything TikTok, I just press not interested, not interested, not interested because I tried to keep it clear.

49:28 - 49:34

I have two Instagram accounts for the same thing. One's work and one's everything except work.

49:34 - 49:49

Got it. Yesterday. However, I would say as the non football person here was a beautiful moment to be on Irish Instagram because Ireland beat Hungary at the 96th minute.

49:49 - 49:59

And within half an hour, you had poor old slobber slide. The Hungarian did a monosyllabic interview on Hungarian television.

49:59 - 50:03

You have no idea what he's saying. I think I watched that one about five times.

50:03 - 50:11

Then Troy Parrott goes into the crowd and his brother who looks like the exact same as him is there and everyone's crying.

50:11 - 50:18

And like, it was one of those rare times where you're like, and the algorithm knew that I was lapping this up.

50:18 - 50:26

So it was serving me. And more and more, there's a scene where all the players that are in the dressing room and they're just watching the goals in the match again,

50:26 - 50:32

the same way that I was. I've watched lots of people in lots of people in very small airports.

50:32 - 50:41

So like in knock airport, all like hovering around, like the security guys go and they closed security and a couple of air, but like not close them, but just stop people going.

50:41 - 50:46

It wasn't like a handful of people. They're like, no, you're not coming through. It was like the last couple of minutes of added time.

50:46 - 50:50

And they're just like, no, no, no. And everybody was just, standing waiting. It was so good.

50:50 - 51:02

It was a return to, I mean, it only happened in my childhood a few times, but genuinely not as much traffic on the street during the last 10 minutes of that match,

51:02 - 51:08

because everyone was watching. I love moments like that. Do you find this Kelly? Cause I think if you work in it, obviously it's your job.

51:08 - 51:14

So the magic goes because sometimes you're like, ah, I don't want to watch Hull, the Sheffield United.

51:14 - 51:19

Why would I not? But there are occasionally, there are just moments like that. Yeah.

51:19 - 51:26

I was watching this yesterday and you know, I'm not an Ireland fan, but when I was just like, ah, I just am reminded why this is so great.

51:26 - 51:37

And why as I have devoted like a bizarre amount of my life to watching this, because it sometimes can just hit in this way that that moment did.

51:37 - 51:41

And more when I'm not working. Cause when I'm working, I'm concentrating. So even if you kind of.

51:41 - 51:46

That's why you got matched the day and I didn't, isn't it? You're concentrating. I knew there was something I needed to do.

51:46 - 51:53

I apologize. But if you get, if you're working in it, you you've got to get the moment.

51:53 - 51:58

You've got to understand what it means and you've got to put that across. Yeah.

51:58 - 52:06

You've still got to get to where you need to get to, but when you're not working, you can just sort of fully throw yourself into it and just get properly.

52:06 - 52:11

Because I can't sit on air and look at all the videos of everybody celebrating and everybody.

52:11 - 52:19

Yeah. I'm like, don't watch us. Look, honestly, Instagram's amazing at the moment. Don't watch us.

52:19 - 52:24

Watch Instagram. Who wants to see analysis of the third goal? You talk about concentrating.

52:24 - 52:35

There was one show I was doing on a Sunday. I think I was on 12 till two with Barry and it was, you know, it was like a really, it was like the business end of the Premier League and we were looking ahead to all the games,

52:35 - 52:43

but it was the last day of the league one season kicking off at midday and Cambridge needed to win to stay up and results to go their way.

52:43 - 52:47

So like, I'm obviously watching it, but like the listeners know I'm watching it. Right.

52:47 - 52:55

And so I'm in on it and I'm, I'm, I'm pretty good, but like we're talking to some Nottingham Forest podcaster about this and then we score and I just go,

52:55 - 53:00

yes! Like this. And then by the end, like our game is finished, but the other two haven't.

53:00 - 53:05

And I literally just can't breathe. And I've got all these screams and then people are lying to me.

53:05 - 53:09

Like, you know, guests, Justin Morehouse comes on and he's lying going, MK Dons have scored.

53:09 - 53:17

And I'm like, you can't do this to me. But it was really like, I had to keep apologising to guests because I was just paying absolutely no, like no attention.

53:17 - 53:25

It sort of made me feel like if you were doing, if you were doing the other game when England were playing, you know, like you're hosting the other group game on the last bit.

53:25 - 53:33

And you're like, I wouldn't, I wouldn't be able to do that. When Sergio Aguero scored the goal for Manchester City to win them, the league against QPR.

53:33 - 53:46

And it was like the most dramatic finish. I was working on live coverage of an Eredivisie semifinal playoff, their place in the Europa League.

53:49 - 53:55

And I'll be honest, I don't think any of us watched it. I think we were sort of going, there's the goals.

53:55 - 54:03

What did you make of that? You know that thing where everybody's kind of looking at each other, but their eyes are just sliding constantly to the, yeah.

54:03 - 54:10

But luckily nobody was watching. It's fine. It's like when the ashes are on and you're trying to do your radio show, but you're like, you're just there just going, Oh,

54:10 - 54:14

Oh, Oh, I don't mean that. So where are we now? Where are we in the day?

54:14 - 54:21

What time are we at? What do you have for lunch? The girls had lunch after, like when we went to the little M&S cafe, they had a little bite,

54:21 - 54:25

they had a bite to eat there. But the problem was that it then got quite late.

54:25 - 54:29

So then it was like nearly four o'clock by the time we got back and had done everything.

54:29 - 54:35

And then you've only had toast. You've only had toast. Only had toast. I had some food with them, but I just had like a little snack.

54:35 - 54:38

I hadn't had a lot. Yeah. I didn't have a lot to eat yesterday. That's a very good point.

54:38 - 54:46

So I was starving by dinner, but the girls weren't hungry. So I was like, I was going to make a roast and then they weren't hungry for it.

54:46 - 54:49

So I was like, well, I need a little bit of time. To make this.

54:49 - 54:52

And then we said, oh, we're not going to have a roast. We're going to have steak.

54:52 - 54:59

So I got them steak and then they weren't hungry for it. So in the end, I ended up going downstairs and I kept saying, are you hungry yet?

54:59 - 55:03

Are you hungry yet? And they were like, and I was like, but, but are you hungry now?

55:03 - 55:07

So then I just got like fistfuls of pretzels. And then I was kind of waiting for them to eat.

55:07 - 55:10

And I had a couple of glasses of wine. I was like, I'm fine. I'm good.

55:10 - 55:23

And then I made pasta. Just if I can get back to the B plot of this episode, the washes, where are we in the, when she came home, I got her hockey kit and I,

55:23 - 55:27

then I could put on the dark part of the washing that went in first.

55:27 - 55:35

What cycle are we putting this on? Just I have dark wash setting. So it's like 30 degrees about an hour and 10 minutes.

55:35 - 55:40

Okay. It's not a washer dryer. You don't live. She does the washing for me.

55:40 - 55:48

Yes. It's not like I have to spin it. It's not like a hand. You get the forge down.

55:48 - 55:56

And then. Once you put the horseshoe on the horse. Then you have to go to the river, rub it off the rocks.

55:56 - 56:04

Smash it off the rocks. What I was saying was as regards dry, before we get the next load in, are we using a dryer or are we using a hoist?

56:04 - 56:07

Because it's too cold now. I've got a hoist. I've got a hoist. I love a hoist.

56:07 - 56:11

But some of them will go in like the, in the dryer. Okay. Right. And the dark's in and.

56:11 - 56:18

Dark's in. Hour and a bit. Hour and a bit. And then that's when I walk in the door and I go down and then I switch it for the whites because the whites,

56:19 - 56:25

they're longer cycle. So I need to get that done before overnight. And then the colored ones, which go in, which is just a small wash.

56:25 - 56:29

That's just a few bits and pieces that can go in on just a quick wash at the end.

56:29 - 56:41

Yes, David. Yeah, David. I never do white washes and Helen, when Helen moved in, she was like, Oh, where do you put the whites for the whitewash?

56:41 - 56:47

And I have to pretend that I. Is this when she's finding out? Is this she finding out now?

56:47 - 56:50

What did you do then? I just chuck it. All in. Whatever's in goes in.

56:50 - 57:00

Do you use a color catcher with that? No, what? You can get like a sheet of paper that you put in your washing and it's a color catcher and it absorbs any rogue dye that goes in.

57:00 - 57:06

That's clever. I once put my daughter's school uniform in the wash and there, I think I put it in with like some new jeans.

57:06 - 57:12

Cause normally if jeans are quite pale, they don't kind of give off much color and you can just chuck them in, but they were quite new jeans.

57:12 - 57:17

And I had to, I didn't have any, that was all her school clothes. And I had to send her in on Monday morning, like a Smurf.

57:17 - 57:21

She went in. All her clothes, everything that was meant to be white was blue.

57:21 - 57:31

What I do now is the only time I will, if Willie has eaten 25 blackberries, I will put that under a cold tap for a bit.

57:31 - 57:38

Or if he's had an explosive poo, I'll put that under the cold tap bit, but I'll still chuck that in with everything else.

57:38 - 57:41

I think it'll be fine. You don't have like napisan or something or like a.

57:41 - 57:47

No, I don't know what that is either. Oxy beach. Still learning. Still learning. Yeah, still there, still there.

57:47 - 57:58

So my, my children's book editor, Anthea, her grandfather was Roger Bannister. Okay. First man to run a mile under four minutes.

57:58 - 58:06

And he went on to be a doctor and regarded his athletics career as a fun part of his youth.

58:06 - 58:18

But he did other things to the point where I think it was like there was an athletics Hall of Fame in America and they were doing a presentation because like I never really,

58:18 - 58:24

I never really realized, but the breaking of the four minute mile was such a huge thing because they'd nearly broken it before the second world war.

58:24 - 58:30

And then with rationing and all the rest, no one, the record was finally broken in 1951 or something.

58:30 - 58:38

Anyway, they contacted Roger and said, Oh, would you come over to it? And he was like, well, I'm not, I'm doing, I'm a doctor.

58:38 - 58:43

I've got important things to do. And so they were like, do you have anything from the record breaking run?

58:43 - 58:48

He said, well, I think I have the singlet somewhere. And he went and found it.

58:48 - 58:53

In a drawer in the house, but he was worried that it was a bit, it needed a wash.

58:53 - 59:04

So he put it in with his red socks. He sent it off then. And the athletics hall of fame had to put it up.

59:04 - 59:13

And I think I'm right in saying they ended up putting a sign beside it, which was like due to the post-war cotton used, it has bleached over time.

59:13 - 59:17

Whereas instead he just whacked it in with a pair of red. Oh my God.

59:17 - 59:27

That's the, one argument in favor of separate whites and colors washes. Only Roger Bannister has to wash his white separately.

59:27 - 59:34

Yeah. He should be on the aerial automatic ad. Well, it's not just Roger, any successful middle to long distance runner.

59:34 - 59:44

So, you know, Cider Wheater, Wilson Kipkacher, Steve Cram. All of those guys, Steve Cram, they have to, the rest, Liz McColgan, but otherwise we're all fine.

59:44 - 59:53

So, so we've got this sort of three hour wash happening. And in that time you are, asking your daughters repeatedly if they're hungry and they're not, and just shoving pretzels in and then,

59:53 - 1:00:00

okay. And then eventually they were hungry. And so I made food. Great. Okay. And what's the pasta?

1:00:00 - 1:00:04

What are we having? I made pasta a la vodka last night. Cause I had some cream that needed.

1:00:04 - 1:00:13

So nice. Really good. What's in that now? Well, pasta, vodka, but you squeeze in like a whole tube of tomato puree.

1:00:13 - 1:00:19

Yeah. And you cook it with like some shallots and garlic and then shallots, garlic, and then squeeze, and a whole tube of tomato puree.

1:00:19 - 1:00:27

And then you put in like a splash of vodka, which just makes it a bit bitter when it could just, that makes it sound disgusting, but it just takes the sweetness out.

1:00:27 - 1:00:32

And then you put in about, I don't know what, 200 mils of cream or something.

1:00:32 - 1:00:39

Yeah. Something like that. And stir it up. Yeah. Wow. Cause from the title, I had imagined a vodka, lime and soda with just like.

1:00:39 - 1:00:45

A fusilli, one fusilli. Yeah. You suck it up through whatever the tubey pasta is called.

1:00:45 - 1:00:51

I've basically just had a Bloody Mary for dinner. Some toast for breakfast and a Bloody Mary for dinner.

1:00:51 - 1:00:56

So is it TV time? What's happening now, Kelly? We did watch a bit of TV.

1:00:56 - 1:01:06

What did we watch? Trying to think. Oh, the girls are watching Motherland back. So they're quite enjoying Motherland, which I feel is not really, they're not the target market for it,

1:01:06 - 1:01:11

but they find it hilarious. I don't really understand how they get the jokes, but they like it.

1:01:11 - 1:01:16

We watched it before we had kids and we loved it. And now we're slightly scared about watching it.

1:01:16 - 1:01:22

Now we have kids. I really struggled. I struggled when it first came out, because I couldn't watch a lot of episodes in one go.

1:01:22 - 1:01:28

Because I was, I found it quite stressful because it was too realistic. And I was like, I watched TV to get away from this.

1:01:28 - 1:01:36

I found it really stressful. The episode where she is trying to get her kid into Catholic school and is one of the best.

1:01:36 - 1:01:44

Yeah. Brilliant. So brilliantly cast. Everything about it is brilliant. But even the first episode where she's trying to get a kid to school and then she's trying to get them there.

1:01:44 - 1:01:47

And she's trying to get somebody to look after them while she gets to work.

1:01:47 - 1:01:51

And then she's like, shit. I'm running late. And I'm doing, I found it so stressful to watch.

1:01:51 - 1:01:54

I was like, this is not relaxing for me. It's a very true to life.

1:01:54 - 1:02:02

It's very good, but I feel triggered. I don't like it. Actually, we were watching the bear.

1:02:02 - 1:02:06

We were loving the bear. Season, season, season, season, season. Struggle with the bear as well.

1:02:06 - 1:02:11

I found that very hectic. It was hectic. There were a couple of episodes. The Christmas dinner or something.

1:02:11 - 1:02:15

It's like sort of a mind. You sort of need to have like two weeks off work after watching that episode.

1:02:15 - 1:02:21

But like one of them is having a baby. And Jay, he was quite heavily pregnant and the pregnancy was quite stressful.

1:02:21 - 1:02:24

And so it was James. I can't watch that. And we just haven't gone back.

1:02:24 - 1:02:30

No, that was it. That was the moment that series ended. I watched about three episodes and I was so exhausted by it.

1:02:30 - 1:02:37

It was such a win. But I just found it all very, it never really, there are no quiet moments for you just to kind of process what's going on.

1:02:37 - 1:02:43

It's just all, even in the bits that are supposed to be quiet, where they're all talking, there's so much going on that I'm just like, hang on, hang on, hang on.

1:02:43 - 1:02:50

You needed the bear sponsored by Countryfile. So that like every half an hour, me and John Craven were just walking through.

1:02:50 - 1:02:58

There's an actual bear just puttering through a forest. But also I just, I just watch it and I'm not very good at facial recognition.

1:02:58 - 1:03:03

So I get people confused. I've really, I really, really struggled to watch Succession as well.

1:03:03 - 1:03:08

Cause I'm like all the guys in it look the same to me. So I'm watching it and I'm just like, I don't hang on.

1:03:08 - 1:03:14

Which brother is that one? And I get them all confused. There's the brother and the husband and there's something else.

1:03:14 - 1:03:24

And I get them all confused. It's the one thing that Teletubbies had right. You may, each character, a fundamental difference color with a different vibe.

1:03:24 - 1:03:29

And the key is there is you never wash them together because there you are.

1:03:29 - 1:03:37

Unless you have a color catcher. Of course. Right. So we watched a couple of episodes of Motherland and now is it, is it bedtime Kelly?

1:03:37 - 1:03:42

What's happening? Yeah. We had an early night last night. Everybody in bed before, before 10 last night.

1:03:42 - 1:03:48

So about half by 10, we had dinner and did everything. That sounds suspicious. That's like a classic.

1:03:48 - 1:03:54

Oh mom, we're all going to bed. And then they sneak out, they borrow a car and drive it into town.

1:03:54 - 1:04:00

Yeah, possibly. They were quite tired this morning. So it's entirely possible. Were they there this morning?

1:04:00 - 1:04:04

You don't know. No, I saw them. We're not into today though, are we? We're not to talk about today.

1:04:04 - 1:04:08

Absolutely not. No, I'm sure you're right. It's like to say, where the hell is my boiler service repairman?

1:04:08 - 1:04:13

That's a good point. Kelly, how do you get to sleep? How do you sleep at night?

1:04:13 - 1:04:19

Yes, I'm not all right today with cameras. We've looked at how you parent, and how you live your life.

1:04:19 - 1:04:24

And then we say, how do you sleep at night? Do you have no shame?

1:04:24 - 1:04:32

Tonight, it'll be by rocking gently and weeping. I would imagine you don't doom to sleep.

1:04:32 - 1:04:37

The worst possible way of getting to sleep. I doom scroll for a bit. And then I read my Kindle.

1:04:37 - 1:04:45

And then if I really don't feel very sleepy, when I put my Kindle on, sometimes I play, you know, those frequency music things that you get on Spotify.

1:04:45 - 1:04:54

I play one of those. So they're supposed to, to be like the frequency. I mean, I don't think the science behind this, but there's supposed to be the frequency of your brain or whatever.

1:04:54 - 1:05:00

So it's, it's basically just background. And do you have to tell them what your brain, like, do we all have the same frequency or like?

1:05:00 - 1:05:05

Adjust them. I don't, I just put in frequency and then just have a plate, like whatever the playlist it suggests is.

1:05:05 - 1:05:08

And then what does it play like Nora Jones or is it just sort of?

1:05:08 - 1:05:14

No, no, no, no, no. It's just noise. It's just noise music. And then it's supposed to be at various frequencies.

1:05:14 - 1:05:18

So you have like a relaxation frequency or you have an anxiety frequency or you have a love frequency.

1:05:18 - 1:05:28

Or you have a whatever frequency. I don't really know because I just. Is it the music that you hear when you occasionally go into like a spa and a hotel and you think,

1:05:28 - 1:05:32

I don't want to be in here. Is it that kind of? it's less, it's less tonal than that.

1:05:32 - 1:05:42

It's more random. They've tried to make it sound a bit sciencey. So it's a little bit like that, but with kind of space sounds and it's very odd.

1:05:42 - 1:05:48

It's like a, like a synth version of that. Sounds like everybody on high performance music.

1:05:48 - 1:05:58

CEO has to go to sleep this way. And somebody would very much be chatting to Stephen Bartlett about why that, you know, vibrates at the same frequency of your brain and why that's really kind of,

1:05:58 - 1:06:02

and then it would be stitched by somebody who's an actual doctor who would go, this is nonsense.

1:06:02 - 1:06:07

There is no science behind this. You're kidding yourself if you think this is helping.

1:06:07 - 1:06:13

Anyway, sometimes it helps. Sometimes it just annoys me. And I kind of wake up at like two in the morning, go, what the hell is that noise?

1:06:13 - 1:06:18

And I have to turn it off. And then worse, I'll get in my car the next morning and it starts playing.

1:06:18 - 1:06:28

It's playing really loudly because whatever I've had connected, it's suddenly like my Apple CarPlay connects and it's just like, and it'll start playing weird wailing noises in the background.

1:06:28 - 1:06:42

My friend had a, it was an anti-mouse plug-in thing that apparently emits a super high frequency, but it had clearly been bashed because it used to make this sound like,

1:06:42 - 1:06:53

a really tired one, just a really exhausted. She, after a while, could, only get to sleep with the anti-mouse frequency thing playing.

1:06:53 - 1:07:01

But in fairness, no mice never being attacked by a mouse in her sleep. So I always thought they were the biggest racket in the world.

1:07:01 - 1:07:08

Those, you know, you plug this in, it makes a noise you cannot hear. And you know, you're like, well, how, how do we know this is good?

1:07:08 - 1:07:14

Yeah. It's like Wayne Rooney and David Beckham. I can't work. Remember which way around it is.

1:07:14 - 1:07:20

One of them can only sleep with a hairdryer on, and one of them can only sleep with like a Hoover on, Oh wow.

1:07:20 - 1:07:26

When they roomed together for England, it was like a cacophony, wasn't it? And what David would be holding the Dyson.

1:07:26 - 1:07:32

Or in the old static on the telly, in the like pre-digital TVs. That is mad.

1:07:32 - 1:07:35

Yeah. Well. What's on the Kindle? What are you, what are you reading? What are you reading on the Kindle?

1:07:35 - 1:07:40

Well, when I'm trying to get to sleep, when I'm reading during the day, I read proper, like nice books if I'm awake.

1:07:40 - 1:07:49

But when it's just getting to sleep, it's like anything, anything that I've read ever before, I will just open it and just be like, it'll be, So what was yesterday?

1:07:49 - 1:07:56

I don't even know what it's called. It's about somebody who goes to write an autobiography or goes to write a biography of somebody.

1:07:56 - 1:08:00

That was what it was about. And I don't even really know what's gone on in this woman.

1:08:00 - 1:08:08

I don't really know what happens in it, but that's the point of it. I can't read books that I'm invested in because I won't sleep because then I just keep reading them and keep reading them.

1:08:08 - 1:08:18

So I need a book that I've read before that feels familiar. I read a lot of Jilly Cooper late at night as well because I've read it so much that I can literally just,

1:08:18 - 1:08:26

tip on it. No, because I'll be honest, often I skip those bits. I just like the little chatty bits where I just kind of drip off.

1:08:26 - 1:08:29

You're in it for the art. You're the one Jilly Cooper reader who's in it for the art.

1:08:29 - 1:08:35

No, I like the quiet bits where nothing happens and I just dip into them and then they just make me fall asleep.

1:08:35 - 1:08:41

It switches my brain off. In my teen years, there was a lot of scan reading of those books that my granny had.

1:08:41 - 1:08:50

Very different. Last night, you just read the Morphy Richards accent manual in all. Eight different languages as well.

1:08:50 - 1:09:00

Do you know what? I would find that stressful because then it's like problem shooting and I'd be like, God, do I have a problem with my – is my Morphy Richards accent about to blow up overnight

1:09:00 - 1:09:02

and then I'd have to go down and check on it that it wasn't on fire or something.

1:09:02 - 1:09:10

No, I couldn't do that. That'd be too stressful. When a Morphy Richards toaster manual is too stressful, that's the kind of level of reading I'm at at night.

1:09:10 - 1:09:17

I do like that when you go to sleep, you become the sort of Mary Whitehouse reader of Jilly Cooper, that you're just like, bam, bam, bam.

1:09:17 - 1:09:26

Oh, for goodness' sake. I couldn't possibly. It's not even that. It's just that I'm not engaged.

1:09:26 - 1:09:30

I'm just like, I like the chatty bits and the bits where they just talk about stuff.

1:09:30 - 1:09:36

Then I just switch off. And now you're asleep. I think it's probably because I'd be too engaged.

1:09:36 - 1:09:46

Thank you very much for taking us through. You said it was a nothing day at the start, but I feel we got through a lot there.

1:09:46 - 1:09:51

I actually have one more question, Kelly. Which is the washing. Have you folded it all?

1:09:51 - 1:09:54

Is it all just there drying up? No, no, no. It's folded, but not put away.

1:09:54 - 1:10:00

Okay. Thank you. No further questions. The girls have taken off what they need for today, but it's not put away yet.

1:10:00 - 1:10:09

I'm not, you know, I'm not a machine. That'll be the title of this episode.

1:10:09 - 1:10:15

Kelly Cates, not a machine. Thank you for doing this, Kelly. Thank you so much for coming on.

1:10:15 - 1:10:21

Thank you. I wish I'd had a more interesting day. No, no. We are very happy to have had this day.

1:10:21 - 1:10:25

I enjoyed it, even if it was very low key. I don't get Sundays like that very often.

1:10:25 - 1:10:38

So it was actually quite nice just to do nothing. Yeah. There'll be loads of people, the football fans who listen to this podcast, going, you could have got her on pretty much any other Monday through the whole year.

1:10:38 - 1:10:43

And we wouldn't be here about washing and toasters. They'll also be saying, did she not watch the England game?

1:10:43 - 1:10:47

Well, yeah, good point. Anyway, it's a day off. I did watch it, but in the background.

1:10:48 - 1:10:53

I think, yeah. I mean, nobody really watches that. Well, they've already qualified. They've already qualified.

1:10:53 - 1:10:56

Thanks for coming on, Kelly. Thank you for having me. Thank you for asking me on.

1:10:56 - 1:11:12

Kelly Cates there, David. I really enjoyed that episode. I think that's the best tea conversation we've had so far.

1:11:12 - 1:11:18

Yeah, and toaster as well. I had a fear at the start, if I'm completely honest, Max, when early days.

1:11:18 - 1:11:24

You brought up the odds you had been to be one of the Match of the Day hosts.

1:11:24 - 1:11:34

I had this awful sort of idea that for the next hour, we would just be hearing your side of how no one asked you to be the host of Match of the Day.

1:11:34 - 1:11:47

Look, it's never said by anyone, but it is widely understood silently that had I not moved to the other side of the world, there wouldn't be three, there would be one.

1:11:48 - 1:12:05

You know, these are the sliding doors moments in life. And, you know, as a result, I earn my living sitting in a shed talking to a man in a small orange hat about what degrees people wash their clothes on.

1:12:05 - 1:12:17

I think it could be fair to say, and probably the papers will get a story out of this, that Dualit has replaced Lululemon as the number one brand that we've mentioned too many times.

1:12:18 - 1:12:24

Particularly with the revelation from you that you're not associated with the Dualit brand at all.

1:12:24 - 1:12:30

And you're just trying. Never owned one. Never owned one. And actually, if you remember from the Angela Scanlan episode, I was the one that brought it up.

1:12:30 - 1:12:40

I was the one going, this is sensational. Everyone here owns a Dualit. And not only do I not own a Dualit in the Southern Hemisphere, I don't own a Dualit in the Northern Hemisphere.

1:12:40 - 1:12:46

There is no part of the world where I own a Dualit. I am DeLonghi till I die.

1:12:46 - 1:12:59

And I'd like to apologize to... I think it's Brian DeLonghi who runs that company that I had not been respecting the toast that you've been delivering me for many years,

1:12:59 - 1:13:08

north and south of the equator. If you would like to get in touch with whatever this is, this is how.

1:13:08 - 1:13:16

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:13:16 - 1:13:23

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypodpod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:13:23 - 1:13:50

And if you didn't, please don't. It's okay. Thanks, Max. Thank you, David.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

No results found

Search Error

Everything Is Showbiz

How to Search:

Popular Search Ideas:

Everything Is Showbiz

S3 EP24: Kelly Cates