0:06 - 0:11
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.
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They all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day. But nobody is covering the most important topic of all.
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Why is that? Are they scared? Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us.
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We're here to ask the only question that matters. We try and say it at the same time, Max.
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday?
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That's it. All we're interested in is what the guest got up to yesterday. Nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max. Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life. Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
0:52 - 1:03
I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to Midweek Mayhem.
1:03 - 1:07
From the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday? The world's leading podcast.
1:07 - 1:14
I'm Max Rushden and he is David O'Doherty. Welcome, David. Welcome back to Australia. Thanks so much.
1:14 - 1:22
Max, we are as far apart as geographically possible. Although we're obviously in the same room metaphorically while we do this.
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Yeah. You're back. I'm back and it's my yesterday. People will be excited to hear.
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That's not the flight. I mean, I can and perhaps will give you some highlights from the flight when we get to my yesterday.
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Although we have had some criticism on that front. It's been a day or two.
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I think it's fair to say. But we begin, David, with some very serious feedback.
1:41 - 1:49
And a column in the Sydney Morning Herald. As I return to Australia. Written by Richard Glover.
1:49 - 1:55
Who I presume is very much, you know, he's like Richard Littlejohn. I don't know.
1:55 - 2:03
He says, quote, The Hills Hoist is a New Zealand invention. That's what they said on a recent episode of a favourite podcast of mine.
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What did you do yesterday? Naturally, I wanted to send a sternly worded email. Not theirs.
2:08 - 2:12
Ours. There was no excuse for the error. One of the presenters is Max Rushden.
2:13 - 2:18
He's English, but lives in Melbourne. The other is David David O'Doherty. He's Irish, but is a regular at the Melbourne Comedy Festival.
2:19 - 2:24
Their guest was the wonderful Sara Pascoe. English, but married to an Australian and mother to two half Australian children.
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Rushden clearly should have his visa revoked. No punishment is too severe. David O'Doherty needs to make a full apology.
2:31 - 2:38
And Pascoe, having the sensible choice of a handsome Australian husband, needs to better study the deep achievements of culture from which he hails.
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This is your fault, David. We win as a team, we lose as a team, but the bus is there and I'm throwing you under it.
2:45 - 2:58
Oh my. So this is regarding the Hills Hoist, which is the classic, I would say, 70s washing line, which is like an upside down umbrella that the stuff spins around on.
2:58 - 3:04
Look, I know that there is a lot of aggro between New Zealand and Australia as regards.
3:04 - 3:12
Things like Pavlova, as discussed, Crowded House, Farlap, the racehorse, etc. Probably sheep. Yeah. Rugby.
3:12 - 3:24
Exactly. And I unnecessarily threw into that mix the Hills Hoist a 100%. I now admit, I apologize to our Australian listeners.
3:25 - 3:35
Yes, the Hills Hoist, as it's known, is a 100% Australian invention. But can you believe these hacks are out to get us?
3:35 - 3:48
That's how big we've become. Honestly, I've never got feedback like this before on my socials, typified by even Kiwis writing in to tell me that I'm wrong.
3:48 - 3:58
From Andrew Brown, sorry, DOD. I think the Aussies can claim that one. However, we did invent Pavlova, the electric fence, jet boats and the bungee jump.
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So fair play to New Zealand for those things. Again, I am sorry. And we just hope that through this podcast, Australia and New Zealand will finally get along and the war will end.
4:10 - 4:17
That's what I say. Now, we have had some feedback, also disappointing feedback on the Bubbins episode.
4:17 - 4:24
Cornelius says, great episode that strays quite far into the not yesterday territory. He says, brackets, the table.
4:24 - 4:36
And it's true. The table was not built yesterday. Vanessa says, disappointing, TBH. If your intro says you're not interested in the most important day of a guest's life, unless it was yesterday, and you've good-naturedly stopped previous guests mid-flow,
4:36 - 4:41
why was such a large proportion spent listening to Mike Bubbins talking about events long past?
4:41 - 4:58
Are we letting standards slip? David, we have to be careful here. Yes. All I can say to Vanessa and the hordes of other people furious at the Bubbins episode is that you're dealing with a man who puts mascara in his mustache, okay?
4:58 - 5:07
And if I was to break down his character to two essential points, number one, he's made his own table.
5:07 - 5:20
And number two, painkillers have no effect on him. I feel as we move through the episode, they were the two key things that opened doors to who is the real Mike Bubbins.
5:20 - 5:31
I'm sorry we went too deep into the table. I think that was my curiosity as to how a yew tree in the garden ends up becoming a dining table.
5:31 - 5:36
But yeah, we got to the root of it in the end. Be less curious, David.
5:36 - 5:45
That's what we're trying to tell people. Andy says, on the subject of the mascara, great episode, but neither of you had any questions for Mike when he said he put mascara on his mustache.
5:45 - 5:49
You just accepted it like it's the most normal thing in the world. I mean, what?
5:49 - 5:58
The mustache actually got quite a lot of feedback. Fresh and Minty said, putting in a request for Michael Sheen on the more Welsh guests front, please, regarding mustache success.
5:59 - 6:06
I think it's all down to the size of the upper lip. You need at least an inch from bottom of nose to top of mouth to carry off a mustache.
6:06 - 6:11
See, Mike Wozniak. Wozniak's on the list, isn't he? We want to get Wozniak so we can ask him.
6:12 - 6:19
I always think of former British Prime Minister John Major. He always looked like he should have had a mustache.
6:20 - 6:24
I do think so. He had a big old bottom of the nose to top of the lip.
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And it's the only time I think ever, whenever I see him, I'm like, mate, you missed a chance there.
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The gaping chasm from nose to top lip of John Major. It could have been filled with something hirsuit.
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It really would have changed his vibe. A big old handlebar mustache. Imagine him talking about whatever, the E or M while rocking a serious YMCA look.
6:48 - 6:55
Jamie makes a very good point to say. Not my Jamie, but Jamie B. I must counter the Everton mustache accusation.
6:55 - 7:01
I felt this at the time, actually. Everton has a heritage of strong mustaches. I'll hear no other opinion on this.
7:01 - 7:05
For proof, see John Barton, Derek Mountfield, of course, Neville Southall, all from the 80s.
7:05 - 7:11
Let's ignore Peter Beegar in the 90s. I'm glad to see we're back on track now with Kiernan Dewsbury Hall.
7:11 - 7:22
It is true. They had some great 80s mustaches. We apologise to the people of Australia, to the people who don't want to hear anything from before yesterday, and to the Everton midfield and defence.
7:22 - 7:27
And up front, if we include, I think Graham Sharp had a good run for a bit, of the 80s.
7:27 - 7:31
They all have our sincere apologies, and we must get our standards back on track.
7:31 - 7:38
Kevin Radcliffe, he had a very weak, sort of 11-a-side mustache. 11 hairs on each side.
7:38 - 7:43
On the subject of the episode we recorded, the day of the live show, James says, not sure what Jamie is on about.
7:43 - 7:50
More of that smooth clarinet, please. The combination, says Chelsea, that beautiful performance and Jamie's response is just phenomenal.
7:50 - 7:55
Excitingly for the tape, Jamie is currently trying to put down two children to sleep.
7:55 - 8:03
May I just point out... The latest WhatsApp is, this is not going well. Yes.
8:04 - 8:10
Namastekila says, I'm not sure which top my favourite moment for this set. Max describing the clarinet he's using for the live show as a gateway clarinet.
8:10 - 8:19
Two grown men having a massive miscommunication about squats, resulting in Max doing several demos for DoD, or the musical melody meltdown at the end of the episode.
8:19 - 8:25
Well done, gents. And 113822456 says, do you know what really works over an audio format?
8:26 - 8:40
Someone demonstrating a squat. Yeah, sorry about that. For me, Max, my big question as regards...
8:40 - 8:54
So Jamie's got in there with, this is not going well. If we follow the idea from a few weeks ago of her success of texts being like poetry, will she go with a rhyme in line two?
8:54 - 8:59
This is not going well. I think you need to go to hell. You know what I mean?
8:59 - 9:03
That's good, come. We'll see. We'll see. She only talks to me in haiku now.
9:03 - 9:12
It takes forever. Rona says, hi David, Max and Mars Bar, by your discussion about meat-related fizzy drinks sparked a memory of having seen this particular nightmare below.
9:13 - 9:24
Beef fizz. There's a lot... There's a lot wrong with this recipe. The most disturbing thing is the thought of small discs of beef fat congealing on the ice cubes.
9:25 - 9:28
Would have been great to have served this as an interval refreshment at the Hackney Empire.
9:28 - 9:32
Love the show. Never tire of replaying all episodes. Never skip the opening music dialogue.
9:32 - 9:37
Thanks for all the entertainment. Everything is showbiz. This is from a cookbook that says beef fizz.
9:37 - 9:46
Two cans, condensed beef broth. One cup chilled ginger ale. Two tablespoons of lemon juice.
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Combine ingredients and pour over ice in glasses. Beef fizz. That lemon juice is doing a lot of heavy lifting, isn't it?
9:56 - 10:03
Holy moly. Please, can we have a cocktail party, David, and serve beef fizz? Wow.
10:03 - 10:12
The new James Bond character has really gone off the rails. Beef fizz, please. It would have changed the whole of 007's career, wouldn't it?
10:12 - 10:17
If he'd asked for a beef fizz. Kate says, hi Max, D-O-D and M-Bar. First time emailer here.
10:17 - 10:23
I've never written to a podcast before, as it seems a little unhinged to respond to what is essentially the voices in my head.
10:23 - 10:29
But there has finally been something I cannot let stand. In the last two intros, Max has mentioned that no one listens to the theme tune.
10:29 - 10:34
The theme tune to What Did You Do Yesterday is one of the very few that I do not skip past.
10:34 - 10:41
Instead, I lip sync along with Max and David, doing both parts until they try and fail to say What Did You Do Yesterday together.
10:41 - 10:48
It makes me laugh every time. Unlike the They're Just Normal Countries theme, which I skip in a panic in case I hear too much of the demon voice.
10:48 - 10:54
Also, the pod has had a surprisingly strong influence on me, most apparent when sending my sisters a weekly voice note.
10:54 - 11:01
This 10 minutes of waffle and news has turned into a full hour, detailing every minute, with extra interruptions to add more extraneous details.
11:02 - 11:07
Much like many listeners to What Did You Do Yesterday, my sisters use them to go to sleep, love the pod, and in it for life.
11:07 - 11:16
Wow. Imagine a one hour voice message. You press play and you just, after like a minute, the blue line across has barely moved.
11:16 - 11:28
I don't know how I'd feel about that. No. And if we're responsible for that, are we now responsible for, you know, those round robin family letters, you know, where the Wilson Picketts, bad example of a family.
11:29 - 11:36
But the Wilson Picketts say, you know, and young James passed his first solid stool this year in August and we were all delighted.
11:36 - 11:50
Have we become that? Especially because the end of it is. And six months ago, I saw a ex-international footballer and a comedian several days apart in Teddington.
11:50 - 11:58
Can you guess who they were? Speaking of our influence on people, Aubrey writes, Greetings, DOD, Generic Man 3, and Mars Bar.
11:58 - 12:02
My name is Aubrey and I currently write to you from the States, specifically Chicago.
12:03 - 12:12
I've been an avid listener to the pod and like many others who listen to this podcast, I often find myself in public places, specifically on my bicycle to and from work, bursting out with laughter.
12:12 - 12:16
Leaving others cautiously observing me, thinking I may be having an episode of some kind.
12:16 - 12:30
Whether it be a mention of a BOC, spending time pondering what insane person taught Max how to create a quiz, or my new favourite symptom of the pod, hearing Waylon Jennings' voice in my head as I make decisions both good and bad, this podcast has put a bright light in mine and many others' days.
12:30 - 12:35
Having said that, I write to you today to thank David, funny enough, for having his show in Edinburgh this year.
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And here's why. My wife is English, although she's lived in the US for going on 20 years.
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We've been together since university and now have two small children. Nowadays, with everything going bonkers over here, we've contemplated a move across the Atlantic.
12:46 - 12:58
After hearing DOD's adventures while in Edinburgh, and after researching the city and also finding out Brunsfield-Lynx is not made up, but a real place I could do chip and putt at a moment's notice, possibly the most important finding.
12:58 - 13:05
I am fully into planning a move. It's been amazing to picture a change of pace with a new group of neighbours and a new place to make memories with the kids.
13:05 - 13:09
As much as I enjoy the three of you, I appreciate you taking this show to Scotland this year, David.
13:09 - 13:14
It's opened up my eyes to a city of culture and fun, one that I hope to be living in within the next 12 months.
13:14 - 13:23
I would like to point out that a move to Scotland was never on the cards for my wife or me, but now with a possibility, it yet again proves this podcast is at the centre of the known universe.
13:23 - 13:37
As always, everything is showbiz. Aubrey. Holy shit. That's incredible. That is people changing their existences because of you rolling around a field, letting out farts.
13:37 - 13:45
Yes, but it might also be because Trump, who possibly listens to the podcast, also has Waylon Jennings' voice in his head.
13:45 - 13:52
And Waylon's like, well, looks like crime in Chicago is too high, so we're going to have to send in the National Guard.
13:54 - 14:03
Imagine the vast emigration, the great emigration as it will be known. Part sparked by, you know, because I remember from geography, there are push and pull factors.
14:03 - 14:11
Push factor, Donald Trump. Pull factor, David O'Doherty. There we are. The exodus of people from Chicago to Edinburgh.
14:11 - 14:22
Let me just make one thing clear. I believe there's a sign on the Brunsfield links, which I think it's shut from something like November to February or March.
14:23 - 14:34
Like it reopens again gloriously. I guess it's too muddy in that period. So just if you're moving there, primarily for the pitch and putt, just beware of that.
14:34 - 14:41
I'm sure there's other courses that stay open the whole year round. Sure. But pitch and putt is definitely the main reason to move a family.
14:41 - 14:49
Of four anywhere, isn't it? You've got work here? Nah. But my short game is absolutely sensational.
14:49 - 14:55
Before they're just normal countries. Trevor Holland says, this is on the subject of the pod being the centre of the known universe.
14:55 - 15:03
Dearest gentlemen, I hope this email finds you well. To further the study into the current working theory that what did you do yesterday inhabits the epicentre of the known universe,
15:03 - 15:06
I'd like to share with you an event that came to pass this very day.
15:06 - 15:14
As I sat on the toilet this morning, approximately 9.45 GMT, laying an underwhelming Nish. Even sounds horrible to say, but there we are.
15:16 - 15:19
And listening to Mike Bubbins yesterday, I started to hum the theme tune to Quantum Leap.
15:20 - 15:24
It should be noted that I haven't thought about this iconic piece of music in nearly three decades.
15:24 - 15:31
Mere moments later, Mr. Bubbins began to discuss Mike Post, notably his work in composing the very same ditty I was currently humming.
15:31 - 15:38
What had started as a laborious Nish ended with a flourish that can only be described as vigorously sudden and comprehensive.
15:38 - 15:45
I believe this quantum ripple is the strongest evidence yet to support the theory. Yours in showbiz, Trevor Holland.
15:45 - 15:59
Shit. Like it did. My one regret with that podcast, because I listened back to it, is so Mike Post flies over in his Gulfstream private jet to hang out with Mike Bubbins.
15:59 - 16:06
They play a game of golf. They get a Chinese takeaway, which is a lovely little detail.
16:06 - 16:13
And then Bubbins just throws in this line, he said, and I took him for a drink in my bar.
16:13 - 16:19
Now, I'm pretty sure Bubbins has a bar. He does. Yeah, he does. In his shed.
16:19 - 16:23
Yeah, in his shed. He's built a bar, yeah. Presumably out of a tree he cut down in his garden.
16:24 - 16:36
We didn't go there. That's my one regret. I know that, again, we're breaking the cosmic rules of the podcast, but I want just one or two lines about, I don't have a bar.
16:36 - 16:40
Do you have a bar? Well, this shed, I would imagine, functions as your bar.
16:40 - 16:43
But yeah, but it doesn't have a bar. It doesn't have anything that would constitute a bar.
16:44 - 16:51
I, a bar, and a barman, and booze and optics. Yeah, I would be against having a bar in my own house.
16:51 - 16:57
Sure. Because I'd just have one. Especially if there was a man, I could just say, pint of the usual, a bit quiet tonight, isn't it?
16:57 - 17:01
Yeah, you're the only one in again, Max. So you think Bubbins has all of this?
17:02 - 17:07
You think Bubbins has full bar stuff in his bar? Or he has the regulars who come in.
17:07 - 17:11
Time now, please, gentlemen. It's a nice pub, not a nice club. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
17:11 - 17:14
He has all of that. And a couple of the car scales are turned around.
17:15 - 17:23
They're not on. And there's an advert in the urinal for Scooter Man. That sounds like a really good idea that no one's ever going to use.
17:23 - 17:35
What's Scooter Man? Scooter Man was, if you were drunk and you'd driven, you could ring up a man who would scooter, like electric scooter to your car, chuck the scooter in the boot,
17:35 - 17:39
chuck you in the back and drive your car home. And so your car would be home.
17:39 - 17:43
And Scooter Man would have got you there. And every time I took a wee, I thought, that sounds like a really good idea.
17:43 - 17:49
And yet I've never met anybody who's ever used Scooter Man. Yeah. But maybe it still exists.
17:49 - 17:55
I don't know. Yeah. Seems like a good idea. I mean, I'll invest. Okay. A hundred grand.
17:55 - 18:01
All of our money, all of the money we make from this podcast, all the six million pounds we make per month, will go on Scooter Man.
18:02 - 18:09
Mike says, Dear DOD, Max and producer Mars Bar, despite not being a football fan or even knowing who Max Rushden was prior to listening to What Did You Do Yesterday,
18:09 - 18:20
I'm delighted to inform you that I'm now the proud owner of the signed Max Rushden 2023 to 2024 topsy wafer gold card number 41 of 50, as mentioned on the Sara Pascoe episode.
18:20 - 18:26
I bought it on eBay from none other than Gavin Fitness. A steal at just £8.64.
18:27 - 18:37
Unfortunately, the postage from Shanghai was an additional £8.75, and the package took 10 days to arrive, but good old Gavin Fitness was good on his words, and it arrived in pristine condition.
18:37 - 18:47
However, I sensed that Gavin Fitness didn't feel entirely comfortable charging me a total of £17.39 for a single Max Rushden card because he threw in a couple of free cards to sweeten the deal.
18:48 - 18:57
An unsigned, tops, 2324 Chrome, Newcastle United, Kieran Trippier, and an unsigned 2324, tops, Chrome, AC Milan, Ruben Loftus-Cheek.
18:57 - 19:07
I have no idea who these people are, and overall, I'm fairly nonplussed by my purchase, but I'm happy to have helped maintain the buoyant secondary market for football trading cards.
19:07 - 19:12
Everything is showbiz. Mike, thank you, Mike. Thank you for buying a gold one of me for £8.
19:12 - 19:19
I believe we did conclude on an earlier podcast that Gavin Fitness is one of your alter egos.
19:20 - 19:26
So, the question is, why you threw in Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Kieran Trippier? To put them off the scent.
19:26 - 19:31
David, to put them off the scent. Honestly, Jamie's furious when I fly to Shanghai just because I've made £17.
19:32 - 19:37
I say, look, I'm speculating to accumulate, Jamie, and she's like, hmm, I'm not so sure.
19:37 - 19:40
When do you have time to fly to Shanghai? I say, I can't, I've got to go.
19:41 - 19:48
I'm Gavin Fitness. And then I... We could do trading cards for this podcast. Oh, yeah, good idea.
19:48 - 19:54
It could be the three main ones, are us, but then there's the rarer, the Helen Copter.
19:54 - 20:03
You want the gold Helen Copter card, ideally. And the guests. And also, you know, like the guy that runs that cafe that told me he wasn't an office.
20:04 - 20:11
That would be a rare card, wouldn't it? All those people that, the locksmith, who never said thank you for me paying him, despite the fact he didn't do anything.
20:13 - 20:26
$28. I've got a locksmith. Yes. Libby says, hi, Max, DOD and Mars Bar. Recently, I had to attend the parents' evening for my permanently mortified 14-year-old daughter, whose one instruction was don't embarrass me in front of my teachers.
20:26 - 20:30
All was going well until I met the geography tutor who complimented her excellent map knowledge.
20:31 - 20:36
I knew this was because she regularly plays your country's guessing game or worldle, as she calls it.
20:36 - 20:40
However, and there is a thing worldle that you can play, you get the outline of a country and guess what it is.
20:41 - 20:48
However, at that moment, the game's name escaped me. Only remembering it was a game about countries, I confidently replied, that's because at home we play a lot of Cuntrell.
20:48 - 20:54
I mean Cuntrell. Cuntrell. Ah, no, Cuntrell. The teacher went silent. My daughter went beetroot.
20:54 - 20:59
My husband now has to do all the school-based events. Love the pod and both of you stay generic, Max, from Libby.
21:00 - 21:18
Thank you, Libby. Stay generic. Let's play They're Just Normal Countries. I am the one and only What country could I be?
21:18 - 21:32
I am the one and only Where in the world could our listeners be? She's not sounding any better, the voiceover woman.
21:32 - 21:36
Dear Max, David and Mars Bar, I write to you from the bath full of water.
21:38 - 21:44
Thanks for clarifying. As I soak upon returning from London having seen the live What Did You Do Yesterday?
21:44 - 21:51
yesterday, I lowered myself into said bath in a similar manner to David which feels like some sort of kinship to me, says Ruth.
21:51 - 22:00
Thank you. My yesterday included a day off work which began with an Indian head massage before witnessing a rapidly escalating argument between two people involved in a fender bender on the way to the station.
22:00 - 22:07
Wonder how that ended. Travelling via train from Cardiff to London and navigating torrential rain and tube strikes before finally making it to What Did You Do Yesterday?
22:07 - 22:13
live. What a show from the hilarious technical issues, fab guest and strangely moving rendition of Dancing in the Moonlight.
22:13 - 22:19
Not to mention all the different versions of that and other songs involving the word yesterday, playing before the show and during the interval.
22:20 - 22:23
We commend you as we had a fucking great night and we hope there's more to come.
22:24 - 22:28
While I'm at it I'd like to try the Vatican City as my guess in They're Just Normal Countries.
22:28 - 22:35
The theme song haunts me daily and always makes me laugh. I hope you enjoyed the live show as much as we did and hope to see you on the road in the future.
22:35 - 22:40
In it for life and everything is showbiz. Ruth. So, Mars Bar, the Vatican City.
22:47 - 22:59
Pope Leo has been tweeting about it a lot. Yeah. He hassles me from the Pontiff at Pontiff Twitter account whenever I make a mistake.
22:59 - 23:05
So we know he's at least one but I guess he's told some of the Cardinals to listen to it as well.
23:05 - 23:21
That's true. Whatever ill papi says I guess yeah everyone just does it. He sent me a video have you seen that TikTok video he did of him swinging around on a hill's hoist with his buffeting cloak or whatever it's the official terminology for that is.
23:21 - 23:33
Yeah, he was singing land down under as he swung around. Would you like would you like it isn't yesterday but would you like some flight highlights?
23:34 - 23:43
This is the difficulty so listeners Max been back now for 48 hours we really want to know about the trip back.
23:44 - 24:04
I do know that there was a four hour delay which would have turned the 19 hours into then the full day let's say we just have some potted highlights of and I realise that listeners are going to be furious but Max what did you do the day before yesterday?
24:04 - 24:17
Okay so this starts on Monday we get up late and we haven't we haven't got out of the house as quickly as we need to there's a bit of a rush to get to the airport as we everything is packed and Jamie's taking the kids on the train
24:17 - 24:31
and I'm getting a taxi with all the bags Jamie loses her phone absolutely perfect timing she has packed it at the bottom of one of the suitcases it's just a bag it's like a tote bag so we find it it doesn't take that long
24:31 - 24:44
but there is a good 10 minutes of huffing of me thinking me thinking in the same way as when we emigrated she basically threw her credit card off the Blackfriars bridge into the Thames as we left and it was just not ideal we were three months apart
24:44 - 24:58
I had to give her my credit card it was just like unnecessary time to lose your cards anyway we find that sometimes you just gotta set your passport on fire in the airport just for bants really so the phone is number one we're on the tarmac at Heathrow
24:58 - 25:09
for about an hour so that is like you know you're in you're ready to go we know it's long and they just say just having a trouble with the paperwork and you know you always think fucking paperwork is there we're all in you shut the door
25:09 - 25:24
I don't need any paperwork you don't need any paperwork obviously Heathrow had a few problems recently we thought we had a bassinet seat and we don't have one ah shit so we're in the row behind three people who have a bassinet but have no baby between them
25:24 - 25:37
we say look can we chuck our baby occasionally in there not allowed computer says no for health and safety reasons so you said this not to the punters who are sitting there but to the air stewards yes they're all lovely they just said look
25:37 - 25:47
we just can't do this and you know I didn't push it but it was like you're staring at a thing that would be really useful for you and three people are not using it I even like half of the flight said oh yeah we thought to the
25:47 - 25:58
because I was bobbing Willie around the woman sitting in the middle was like oh I said we thought we had the bassinet and she went how do you screw that up I was like well I don't know but you could say why not use this
25:58 - 26:09
do you know what I mean like you're not using it but anyway so you were trying to guilt trip the people sitting in no not really I was by that time I was at peace with not having it and him just sleeping on one of us
26:09 - 26:26
but it was I quite liked her familiarity going well you fucked that up didn't you mate I'm like really so at moments when I was trying to sleep the man next to me watched on his iPad a man on YouTube with quite luxurious hair reviewing machine guns
26:26 - 26:42
for about 17 hours every time I looked round someone was firing it was an AK so I didn't know there was AK had anything but 47s but I do now and I was sort of I was like who is this man but right at the end he changed to
26:42 - 26:56
a documentary about ISIS I was like what a strange way to get through this and in front of him the woman had fallen asleep so she's in the exit row but her TV was in my eyeline and she was watching the same she had a looped episode
26:56 - 27:11
of a medical drama called Pit and I think it starred someone who used to be in ER so every time I sort of like open my eyes the same man was being intubated covered in blood I was like she was asleep and eventually I just said to her
27:11 - 27:23
I said could you check if she's asleep and if she is could you turn it off because it was driving me absolutely because you know when you're like I'm not watching it but I'm watching it and I've seen this episode now five times and every time it ended
27:23 - 27:38
I was like maybe it'll go off but it didn't go off so you had chosen to get the direct London to Perth flight yeah yeah yeah so that your 17 hours of raw dogging this episode yeah yeah yeah 17 hours of just watching this episode I'm at the back
27:38 - 27:48
of the plane because there's a bit of space chatting to the air stewards about stuff and then the pilot walks out with a piece of paper and someone says what's this and he went it's all the flight connections we've missed and I said
27:48 - 28:00
well as long as you haven't missed a 110 from Perth to Melbourne it's fine he had a look and went we've missed that one I was like oh god I look around and Jamie is playing on the floor in one corner with Ian roll the Schweppes
28:00 - 28:14
as we have a can of Schweppes tonic water and Ian is saying I want to play roll the Schweppes and we asked to move and then he really buzzed into tears because he can't play roll the Schweppes and I tell to Jamie I've got some not good news
28:14 - 28:25
we're in Perth for five hours and then the only other bit was like when we get on the plane in Perth we're in row 47 fine but then I'm sitting in a seat and a man comes up to me and says this is my seat I'm like is it
28:25 - 28:37
oh okay and I just said can I just check my boarding pass I haven't printed that too because it's weird that we wouldn't sit together and I realised I'm in the seat just in front of us and I said he wouldn't mind just going in that seat
28:37 - 28:50
and he was like puce with rage oh shit he was like but this is my seat and I said mate I'd love you to sit in this seat believe me but you don't want to sit in this seat you don't want to sit in this seat
28:50 - 29:02
but he was like you weren't going to move anyway I was like and I was obviously exhausted and probably slightly passive aggressive but I was like and he sat in the seat but he was like scoffing and scoffing and he sat in front of Ian's seat Ian's exhausted
29:02 - 29:12
three and a half starts kicking the chair and he started looking around in such a mean way and I said the seat in front of me was spare I said you could sit there but he was so angry I'm going to call this the opposite of
29:12 - 29:28
murder on the Orient Express as in I sense there's going to be a murder on it but instead we're in the capital class of a Qantas flight this is it's simmering the whole thing with rolling the Schweppes with the man in front my other question is
29:28 - 29:47
in deciding to go with the 17 hour flight with the what 5 hour connection does it not make more sense to divide it down the middle and get a flight to Shanghai and then another 9 hour the other side if I go to Shanghai I can sell some trading cards but
29:47 - 29:59
you don't want two bad flights you want one really bad one and one that is just bearable that's the conclusion that we've come to anyway with apologies to listeners who are all the listeners I've been fast forwarded that bit because it wasn't my yesterday
29:59 - 30:24
you may now ask me a question but eventually we get on okay we obviously we get home we land we get home you know life is life okay so thank you for that Max Rushden what did you do yesterday I woke up at 10am we've discovered
30:24 - 30:36
what to do if we just fly our children across the world every day we can sleep till 10 like there'd been a bit of movement I think I had a wee at 9 I think Willie had woken up for a second and gone back to sleep it's 10 Jamie says
30:36 - 30:50
why don't you have a shower literally I tell you in 3 years I've never been offered the chance of a shower for both of us it's just seeking permission I have a shower it's just wonderful 10.15 Ian wakes the sun is shining we go into the garden
30:50 - 31:05
we kick the football we get the Hot Wheels garage we get the polystyrene stones Ian's like can I make you a coffee father it's a three quarter flat white isn't it in a mug so then we know we have a lovely morning not got much to do
31:05 - 31:20
I opt for trousers over shorts but it's a tricky call we go to one of our favourite cafes Ophelia the serving staff are almost all new which is annoying because we want people to be excited we're back and they don't give a fuck because they don't know
31:20 - 31:30
who we are a couple of people do and that's nice when we get to there we have to wait to be seated normally we know these people so well we just say we'll just sit over there but they're like anyway that's okay
31:30 - 31:45
get through that I get a long black I get the folded eggs with watercress caramised onions and fresh horseradish it's delicious we do some colouring in we do some pencil sharpening this is idyllic it is beautiful day Ian and I go to Peter's Reserve we watch some trains
31:45 - 32:00
they're not as regular as the London trains Ian is combining London and Melbourne train lines this is the Melbourne Thames link he tells me and he's absolutely affirmative it is the Melbourne Thames link there's no arguing with this what a train that would be that would be perfect
32:00 - 32:20
for me yeah if it just went Farringdon Blackfriars South Croydon Melbourne absolutely you can stop at Three Bridges if you want maybe Brighton Melbourne it would be amazing the problem would be for the likes of Helen Bauer who just falls asleep on it for a moment fall asleep
32:20 - 32:34
in Green Park and then you wake up in queue just outside Melbourne sorry the Melbourne queue not the London queue we push the swing it starts spitting I look over because you've got a good view of the city here and I can't see it at all
32:34 - 32:48
the rain is coming but like it's such a perfect day that I push the pram home and as we push the pram under the awning under our porch the heavens open I'm like this is fine we're inside it's raining it's great Jamie and Willie are under a tree
32:48 - 33:00
Jamie wants rescuing in the car she's only about three minutes away but the rain is really teeming down I have a dilemma Ian is now playing train set can I leave him at home the answer is no but I'm like he wouldn't notice
33:00 - 33:14
I could jump in the car Subaru Subaru exactly is it going to start it's a good question I get him up and say we've got to go and rescue mama he's in we get him in the car we drive to mama she jumps in with Willie
33:14 - 33:28
we get them home it's totally fine everyone's fine they're a bit wet but they're okay this is the least stressful day you've ever had she gets in the car I love you wonderful husband and you're like I love you everything is perfect
33:29 - 33:40
I do a little bit of work Jamie is trying to talk to me about a new kitchen table she wants I'm trying to watch the Carabao Cup highlights but it's fine I'm not really paying she'll buy the table probably it's 200 bucks cut down a tree
33:41 - 33:54
cut down a tree Willie's got a nap walk so I walk about I listen to a bit of football podcasts quite like the Monday Night Club apologies to the head of Talk Sport who listens who came to the live show but I think Mark Chapman's
33:54 - 34:05
very good like Rory Smith I think Joe Hart's a good pundit I then watch all of Jimmy Kimmel's opening monologue about him being taken off air and I think it's very good well done to Jimmy Kimmel he probably doesn't need me to say well done
34:06 - 34:21
but I thought it was good all the same Willie wakes up just as I'm getting to the front door perfect timing I see my neighbour is borrowing another neighbour's recycling bin which is odd because while we're away the same neighbour borrowed my recycling bin from the guy
34:21 - 34:35
who was staying in our house I say that's interesting because you borrowed our recycling bin and she went it's disappeared I go inside and I order a new recycling bin from the council how much that's going to set you back three hundred dollars no no no
34:35 - 34:46
seems to be free I reckon if you're a repeat offender it could hit you up but at the moment it seems to cost me nothing but I will find out what do we think here someone left the recycling bin out on the street didn't bring it in
34:46 - 34:59
and either one of the neighbours has stolen it or simply you can't leave a big plastic bin out on the street no they're left out on the street all the time no one cares wow so it's weird that the neighbour had took one and that's disappeared
34:59 - 35:12
and I saw her taking another from a neighbour so I don't know what they're doing with their recycling bins maybe they're trying to hoard them I'll peer over the fence it's four o'clock me and Ian are doing some watercolours beautiful day we're filling in shapes with blue
35:12 - 35:25
and pink and orange Jamie takes Ian to the shop to buy some flowers I'm at home with Willie if you remember when I demonstrated the squat I'm on day 21 of my press ups and squats regime oh yeah I've missed three of 21 I missed the live show
35:25 - 35:38
I should have done them instead of going to the pub for that half hour I missed the transit days although I did quite a few squats with Willie and then up in the air in the aeroplane so I start my 15 minutes of squats and press ups
35:38 - 35:52
Sophie the babysitter arrives after 8 minutes so I can't really carry on when she's there Jamie comes home Ian's excited to see Sophie it's lovely I go and record football weekly it's a good episode I have a 10 minute window there's a rolling bolognese on the stove
35:52 - 36:02
I don't know how Jamie has managed to cook a bolognese during this time but she has so I put some in a bowl I come back to the shed and I shovel it into my mouth in front of you I'm on a Zoom call with you
36:02 - 36:07
and Chris McCausland he arrives and we record an episode of the excellent podcast What Did You Do Yesterday?
36:07 - 36:22
This is idyllic this is like one of my days that you mock seamless it's a seamless day you've turned it round all it took was that flight it's not funny either is it that's the problem I love it I test the line works with TalkSport
36:22 - 36:34
because I'm doing a show tomorrow I today in a couple of hours I'm doing the afternoon show I get in Willie wakes up Jamie goes to sort that out I do my full 15 minutes so I don't have 8 minutes so then I do a full 15 minutes
36:34 - 36:47
of my squats and press ups I believe if I don't finish it I need to do it again so I've had a bonus 8 minutes in there but that's fine she's ordered some ice cream on Uber Eats so I finish that which may render the press ups pointless
36:47 - 37:04
but it was still delicious interruption do you feel that this 15 minute workout is any dividends you know do you feel it's getting easier as you do it every day can you not see my pecs you look great you look absolutely wonderful and
37:04 - 37:16
thanks this joy that's coming through you at 9 o'clock I start writing a column that's doing today I spend an hour on that sort of get the I don't really write much of it but I sort of get a feel of where it's going to go so that's
37:16 - 37:37
that means I can sleep easy 10 o'clock in bed lights out asleep and the day is done or is it hang on but I just I just want before we move on to this the denouement normally if I fly to Australia I have this day where my emotions and
37:38 - 37:53
digestives and all of the different elements that make up David had already are so confused that I'll see like a shop with closing down sale written on it and just burst into tears you know everything is just too much yeah I know what you mean
37:53 - 38:01
no I'm absolutely fine and at 10 o'clock I fall asleep and I think this day is the day now
38:04 - 38:24
it's midnight yeah Willie wakes up oh no I'm in the day bed Jamie's in our bed Ian's in his bed Willie wakes up at midnight she said look she'll try and sort it because I've got work till quite late tomorrow today yeah one o'clock in the morning
38:24 - 38:35
Ian wakes up yeah so the four of us in the living room and I sort of say okay what's the plan here we shouldn't both be awake she is like we're in this as a team and I'm like look you go to bed
38:35 - 38:46
I'll stay up with them for a bit vice versa whatever legend Jamie says no I'm not going to sleep you can if you want but it's underneath when she says that she's saying don't go to bed but I'm going
38:46 - 38:58
I'm going to go and have a bit of sleep see what happens anyway two o'clock in the morning we're all up Jamie is trying to put Willie down I make toast for me and Ian he wants toast do I want toast it's two in the morning
38:58 - 39:13
I don't know but a bit like your confusion I have some toast and peanut butter yeah it's game time it's game time Ian is he is ready to play and he wants the games we play train track we play delivery we play hit the frog we play mechanics
39:13 - 39:27
we make the circle line out of little tiny screws then we take the screws out of the little sort of plastic kit they're in and we put the circle line away we make a car with a house as a roof great he asks for a dance party
39:27 - 39:44
in his bedroom I say we can't dance party in your bedroom because it's next to Willie's room but we can dance party in here Sylvia's downstairs oh yeah Sylvia's moved to underneath our house she's texting from basically earth the clod of earth saying can you shut up
39:45 - 39:56
so we dance party until three in the morning it's good stuff like your youth yeah it's like my youth I did think that going I'm dancing at three in the morning I remember the last time I did this a long long time ago
39:56 - 40:09
but if you think about it he woke up at midnight that he thinks that's 8am you know it all makes perfect sense it makes perfect sense to him but it's not like traditionally it's not how you'd want to get over jet lag right
40:09 - 40:19
no so at three o'clock I can see him from his eyes he's sleepy he's refusing to admit it he's trying to be strong here he's saying I'm not sleepy I can do this I'm saying no no it's okay
40:19 - 40:33
he says can we go I want to sleep in your bed so Ian and I get into the day bed and we read Mr. Happy and I'm I don't think I'm sad about it I'm just I'm accepting of my fate at this point it's 3am
40:33 - 40:48
I've got a lot of work the next day I've got a column that I haven't really written two podcasts and a radio show I'm thinking okay the fact that it's dark outside and there's like loud owl sounds coming from the trees does that not make him think hmm
40:48 - 41:06
maybe I shouldn't be awake no because he says bedtime is 7pm and it's 2am so it's not it's bedtime right okay anyway we read Mr. Happy he gets very upset that he finds a toy motorbike and a toy motorcycle now I can't really discern the difference
41:06 - 41:17
but he can and he wants us both to have motorcycles and I'm like I'm fine with a motorbike and I see it as a learning opportunity to say we might be different but we can still be friends what am I doing it's 3 in the morning like
41:17 - 41:31
I don't need to do this we're chatting away he's really obsessed about that we missed the 1 o'clock from Perth so he keeps asking questions about missing the 1 o'clock from Perth oh yeah yeah where is the 1 o'clock why did we miss the 1 o'clock yeah it's 4 o'clock in the morning
41:31 - 41:42
yeah so he starts playing the hits he asks for water I know his game now so I'm like okay I'm getting you in your bed dry oats dry oats I know there's a bottle of water by his bed so I'm like okay
41:42 - 41:54
I pick him up and I can see the train track that's in because the daybed's in the playroom so I can see that's glow in the dark so I'm not going to tread on it but the station is not glow in the dark and so I embed
41:54 - 42:08
the top of the plastic station as it courses into my brain from the heel of my foot I can't let him notice because he's like what was that sound dad let's look at it let's turn the light on no no no we're getting into bed it's about 4.15
42:09 - 42:16
I'm in his bed he's down I go back to the daybed I get into bed that is the end of the day
42:18 - 42:36
it felt like do you know a horror movie where they always have a really nice opening to it you know you just see the small American town with like good morning Mr. Postman you know good morning bakery great to see you and you know
42:36 - 42:52
that everyone's going to end up with a knife in their head in 15 minutes that's kind of how that opening felt but jet lag is so you know my trick I always try and book in a gig on the first night when I get to Australia which then
42:52 - 43:09
it's weird I said to the Rod Laver could I do you know just 30 minutes open mic but they wouldn't have me I don't know why you and Ian Rushden just together on stage before we go David a while ago it's over two months ago now
43:09 - 43:21
I was in Teddington and I saw a it's the limoncello of this podcast I saw a comedian putting up posters for his own show and a quite famous footballer and I'd just like to know if you and Mars Bar would like to have a guess
43:21 - 43:32
even though the two of you do not like this bit of the podcast I love it Mars Bar I invite you to go first yeah is this Mars Bar you have all the statistics is this tracking well
43:32 - 43:51
this quiz is it going well I would say the drop off rate on the episode listen through at this point is almost 100% we can say anything after this point no one's listening absolute disgrace the hills hoist is New Zealand's greatest ever invention yeah I've said it again
43:52 - 44:12
okay Mars Bar your guess first I would like to go for Rob Brydon and Rob Lee nice it's incorrect it's incorrect David I will go for friend of the podcast Alan Davies and Jude Bellingham incorrect if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast here's how
44:16 - 44:31
to get in touch with the show you can email us at what did you do yesterday pod at gmail.com follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't
44:34 - 44:54
thanks David in it for life no one's listening it doesn't matter hey listeners go f*** yourself you big stupid hairy well I didn't need to c bomb on that did it can you beep all that Mars Bar sorry see you next time everything's showbiz