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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to today's What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Midweek Mayhem. Max? Just doesn't feel right, David. I have an issue whereby, because I'm still in Edinburgh, living in a share house.
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You have to talk like a snooker commentator. Through this very thick Georgian wall is Celia AB.
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And apparently, if I'm too enthusiastic during this podcast, it infiltrates her dreams. Oh. As she was saying, she incorporates elements of whatever we're talking about into her final fitful dreams.
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Now, question. You can't whisper for the whole podcast. I think that's fine. Yeah. Because it will be people thinking like, you are on the green, and Justin Rose has this 15-foot putt for birdie.
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But you can then, as the putt is, when Celia wakes up, you can then talk and go, and then it is in the hole.
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Have you, because I think most listeners are very keen to know the latest on her.
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Yeah. Her key fob situation. How much discussion has been about key fobs with Celia?
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Don't say none, because no one will believe you. Incredibly, I've lived with her for two weeks, and she has not mentioned key fobs once.
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There's been zero key chat. I'm sorry. What a full life she must live, if that is not...
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Because the first time I ever see her, the first time I ever meet Celia AB, I will do 20 minutes on key fobs, see how it's going.
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She's like, oh, I thought that was just a thing for a thing. No, no, no, no, no.
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She did tell me a funny thing. We're still at the Edinburgh Fringe. She may have seen the ultimate Edinburgh Fringe show last night.
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Okay. I mean, just get this, especially as a French person coming to the... She's been here before.
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She knows what to expect. It's a show called How Much Toast, where two people are on stage and calculate using probability and mathematics, who in the audience has eaten the most toast in their lifetime.
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I mean... That's brilliant. That's a show, isn't it? Well, I did have an idea that I approached Dave Gorman with after a Celebrity Six Aside football tournament, so he was a bit tired.
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It's called Life Statistics. And I guess this is not dissimilar, but I was saying it'd be really useful that you could do an experiment over a month to do all your life statistics, like how many peas
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you've eaten, the weight of beef you've consumed, the number of steps you walk, just everything.
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And then you extrapolate it over times, how much toast you eat. It would be interesting to do all of that.
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But obviously, every time you wake up in the night, but then you'd need somebody in your room watching you in the night.
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That might affect your sleep, because there's like Norris McWhirter with a ticker in your room.
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Anyway, Dave said he was quite busy on other projects. He said it in a polite way.
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You had just been kicking him for the previous hour and a half, and maybe he was thinking maybe I don't want to work with this guy.
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I'd be saying, he doesn't fucking want it all day, all day. I'd be saying to him, it's your shit, your shit, Gorman.
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Interestingly, I almost got to that very famous Tuesday Comedians football game. When I say almost, I didn't because A, it wasn't on because there were too many comedians at Edinburgh, and B, I'm doing too many podcasts and not enough parenting, as we established
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on the last Midweek Mayhem, so I didn't run it back. Can I go two hours south to play football for two hours, Jamie?
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You know, it was mentioned with alumnus Ellis James. And also the fact that you're, is it your knee or your hip?
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Which ones make a sound like a haunted door, like the portcullis in a haunted castle?
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Every time I turn, what I did like there, David, is your haunted portcullis is actually a forebearer, the Middle Ages version of bejoying.
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Actually, I can see where it came from. Now, we are recording before the Mary Beard
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episode goes out, but this will go out after the Mary Beard episode. So there's, we don't have any feedback from that episode, but I do have some feedback because I did WhatsApp my parents to see if, you know, they had mutual friends.
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Do you know what my parents thought? My parents thought I was trying to book her for the podcast through them.
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Oh, wow. They were like, I was like, could you get me Mary Beard? They were like, no.
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But it turns out my mum, one of her oldest friends, Penny Wilson, knows Mary Beard very well.
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They used to share babysitters. And if more was needed to my, you know, from the streets credence, the first violinist in my mum's string quartet is at the same college as Mary Beard.
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So they probably know each other. But the first violinist is a very private person.
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So mum said, I'm going to have to ask if you can use her. I said, I don't need.
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I don't need her. This is enough information. It would be funny if your parents took over the booking of guests for this show.
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The whole thing would take. A lot of people interested in very mild hiking and things like that.
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You would skew it for a bit, I think. But we've had so many lovely emails about the John Robbins episode.
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Amy says, just a note to say thank you for this glorious episode. I listened merrily to them all.
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Through the turds, Brighton breakfasts, cum baths and other shenanigans. I've even shamelessly stolen your format to write.
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Yes, write letters to a couple of pen pals. But last night I listened to John's episode and this morning, I listened again.
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Wow, that's good commitment because it was a long old ep. What a beautiful day to share.
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Thank you to him and you guys for wallowing in so many moments and sharing them with the rest of us.
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I also love that Mary Oliver poem, get irrationally annoyed with its rebranding as a bumper sticker slogan without context and welcome the reminder to engage in my moments and cut myself some slack and embrace the things that bring me comfort,
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however lame they may appear to others. I'm waffling on. This isn't a very eloquent rambling, just a heartfelt thank you.
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They are just normal cheeses, Amy. Just small. Incredible note that that's brought up. I was really interested in John's passionate defense of mindlessly looking at your phone.
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Oh, yeah, I was. Because that has been one of the topics that has come up time and time again in the year that we've been doing this, to have someone just put the brakes on that and be like,
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no, it actually can be a really enjoyable, wonderful thing, socializing with people and sending stupid memes and all the rest.
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Yeah, and I definitely have that. When I'm in Australia, obviously I'm miles away from most of my friends.
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I obviously, we have established through this podcast quite how shallow I am, how lacking in depth.
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Not shallow, that's not fair, but just how what you see is what you get.
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And I was thinking, could I ever say there's a poem, right, and then say a poem without people going, come on, Max.
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I was chatting to Jamie about this. I could never go, there is a great poem.
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And people are like, yeah, all right, mate. Your poem would be like, oh, I know a poem.
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I know a poem about this. Lefty loosey, righty tighty. And it's just, hey, Max, is this how to open jam jars?
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Yes. Yes, a poem is about jam jars. Alice on Spotify says, hilarious to see that the AI that labels the sections of this podcast has decided that BOC must be bath of custard.
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If only. If only. If only. I mean, I suppose in consistency terms. But even still.
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I went to a gig the other night and a fella came up to me.
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And let me just say this. If you had imagined what the guy who wrote us the email about how, when factoring in the filling of the BOC, that you had to take in evaporation into it.
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A man who's dealing with secondary integers or whatever you call, that thing in mathematics, that was this guy.
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And he came up to me and he said, yeah, I was the guy who wrote that email.
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I'm not saying I would have gone up to him and just said, excuse me, did you once write an email to me?
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But it was the guy. I've met him. He had all the hallmarks. Oh, well done.
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That's great. Danny on Toploader. I was shouting Achilles heel at my phone, says Danny.
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Anonymous, Toploader have 6.2 million monthly listens. Think they're doing all right. Thanks to Max. Thanks to you.
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Think how well they are doing, Lululemon are doing. We're not in this for business.
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That's the point, David, isn't it? Interesting little wrinkle in Lululemon. Helen Copter admitted to me recently, for a long time, just due to the first way she'd read it, she thought it was called Lou loulemon.
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Oh, Lou loulemon. Lou loulemon. You would know a great one that toured France in 1979. It's related to Greg, obviously.
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Greg Lamont and Lou loulemon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good stuff, Max. That's good cycling knowledge.
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Thanks so much. Interestingly, and this is honesty, but it's not great for our Lululemon sponsorship, is Jamie bought some Lululemon underpants, doesn't like them.
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What's her beef with them? I don't know if they wedgie a bit. Yeah. I'll have to check.
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I'll check. What podcast is this? I will check why my wife doesn't like the underpants she's wearing.
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Okay. Hey, Steve says, I found Juan. Juan Patino. If you remember Juan Patino, I stayed in his flat in New York many years ago, and you have to say I'm friends with Juan Patino.
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And he had platinum discs of Lisa Loeb's back catalog on the wall. It took me all of 10 seconds, says Steve.
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Lisa Loeb tagged him in a photo. They're still friends. That's lovely. He now does photography and headshots.
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If we want some headshots, imagine the spike in his website because of this podcast.
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You just go to JuanPatinoPhotography.com. It's an interesting thought, isn't it? Now that's what I call music.
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We're to release a hits of this podcast. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean?
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A playlist of this podcast. Yeah. That's what we should have playing at the live show.
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Yes. That's a great idea. Lisa Loeb, stay. I miss you. Yeah. Obviously, Top Loader.
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Obviously, Sigur Rós. Medieval version of Top Loader. The Baha men's version of Top Loader.
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The original King Crimson, but not King Crimson version of Top Loader. To the listeners, what other songs would be on that ultimate playlist that we will definitely then play before the live show in London in September?
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Ben in New York writes, Hi, Max, D-O-D and Mars Bar, but this is on the subject of what did you do yesterday, being the center of the known universe.
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More proof, if it were needed. Long-time listener, first-time emailer. Been faithfully tuned in since episode one, having followed Max from his football pods and banal radio quiz wizardry.
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While I've always enjoyed the show, I remain healthily skeptical of the oft-repeated claim that what did you do yesterday is the center of the universe.
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I mean, come on, it's a podcast, not the Large Hadron Collider, or so I thought.
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Unbeknownst to me, your influence was already creeping in. I began ordering coffee with the complexity of a neurotic barista, slipped into Lululemon underwear like a suburban dad rebrand and started playing Quardle daily as if it was a moral obligation.
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The signs were there. But the true revelation hit me on a recent three-day holiday to Bermuda with my wife.
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Picture the scene on poolside, cocktail in hand, basking in the sun, when I discover the Charlie Baker episode has landed in my podcast app.
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A moment of pure, possibly inappropriate joy. Charlie and Max's radio show is my absolute favorite.
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I've always found Charlie such an uplifting and funny guy. He is. I ordered another mojito, settled in to listen with my AirPods and began my daily ritual suite of quizzes,
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Wordle, Connections, Mini Crossword, and of course, Quardle, my favorite souvenir from the pod. The first three words fall like dominoes, but then I hit a brick wall, R-A-N-I and a blank.
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Only the I was in the correct spot. Brain freeze, mojito freeze, total panic. Just then, Charlie, and David began chatting about buying wide-fitting orthopedic shoes for their elderly fathers.
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And at this point, the three podders were clearly starting to wonder how the hell they got here.
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And then, as if two clouds parted to reveal the sun in the Bermuda sky, Max drops the line, shoes for the 80-year-olds.
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Is this the Nadir? I spat my mojito all over myself. My wife was unimpressed.
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Fellow hotel guests stared as if I'd thrown one of DOD's bikes in the pool, but did I care?
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Not even slightly. In that moment, the missing word I needed was clear, Nadir. Screenshot for dramatic evidence.
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More importantly, the veil was lifted. What did you do yesterday? It's undeniably the center of the universe.
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Thank you, Ben. Can you expand on this with your 2.2 degree in mathematics? 2.1. 2.1 in modern history, please.
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Your 2.2 degree in crappy, non-Mary Beard history, as we found out during the Mary Beard episode.
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Although she did posthumously upgrade both of our degrees, which she alone has the power to do.
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She does. Yeah, yeah, she does. Do you know, isn't there, there's some crazy coincidence about the name of all of the beach landings on D-Day were in the Times crossword in the couple of weeks before the D-Day landings.
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And one of the theories is that the person who wrote the crosswords lived on the south coast of England and may just have heard it in the ether.
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Do you know anything about this? I have a guess. It does sound like, you know, you see an Instagram post that's like one of Columbus's ships has been set found in the middle of the Sahara desert.
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And there's 4,000 comments and everyone's just like, oh, fuck off. This is an old tree.
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You know what I mean? This is obviously bullshit. If you listen backwards to Get Here by Alita Adams, you get nuclear fission.
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Like, yeah. Douglas in Colorado. Dear David and Max, never have I emailed to any podcast before, but post Ross Noble ep, I feel Max needs his own actions to be reflected in a mirror.
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To hear Ross slowly discussing the several hours of effort required to not remove a cranberry stain from a bench in near real time while the life slowly drained from Max and David was a tonic to my ears.
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Each week on Midweek Mayhem, Max comes up with new and absurd ideas of how to spin a pointless segment out for far longer than is needed.
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His new idea to have David guess which comedian and footballer he once interacted with while providing no information is the absolute peak of insensibility.
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Quick mathematics on the approximately 500 current Premier League players and perhaps 200 current mainstream comedians in the UK shows there are 100,000 possible combinations of footballer and comedian, not to mention the decades of retirees at a single guest per week.
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This is easily enough to take the show into its second millennia. While Max feels the need to create features that may last longer than such famous institutions as the Roman Empire,
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it's something that should be frankly discussed in therapy. Is it a crippling fear of fading into irrelevance?
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Does he worry about becoming the Ozymandias of waffle podcasts, a fading image of glory crumbling into the sands of endless desert of time lost and forgotten?
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Does he believe that somehow a listener in the distant future aboard a spaceship heading to the moons of Saturn is going to think, gosh, I wonder if AI David O'Doherty is finally going to get this.
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It's right. I can't wait. As Ross reached and then plowed straight through midnight with the despair beginning to appear in Max's voice, I could only think that maybe this taste of his own medicine,
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the true peak of enforced banality would encourage him to examine these deep reaches of his personality.
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I wish him luck on his journey and praise David for sticking by him in this difficult time.
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I love the pod. I'll be listening in 2,000 years when David finally gets that absurd quiz right.
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Everything is showbiz Douglas in Colorado. What the listener is. I know it's mentioned in passing, but the true greatest comic moment we've had, you know, if comedy is really about tragedy on some level,
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you know how you look at Laurel and Hardy and what you actually want is for like, has someone as pure as Stan existing in this world?
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Oh, please, Ollie, protect him. Then the top moments in the history of this podcast have been when, because I look at you on this little Zoom, and just two hands appear from what is your stage left,
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and a baby is placed on your lap. Life goes on. As Ross continues to try and remove the cranberry stain from the bench, there's a baby shitting on you.
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That's what I've enjoyed the most. Tommy Newcastle, finally, before they're just normal countries. Dear David and Max, just a quick email to say that there is another What Did You Do Yesterday baby.
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Myself and my partner, Beth, both avid listeners had our first child, a daughter named Jeannie, on the 22nd of July.
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Throughout Beth's pregnancy, she's been able to eat some of her favourite foods, including seafood and smelly cheeses.
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For her birthday last week, I went up to the local fancy cheese shop and purchased her five cheeses, approximately lining up with the normal cheeses from David's family Christmas cheese board.
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Blue cheese, manchego, goat, Comte, smelly French cheese. Keep up the good podcasting, they're just normal cheeses.
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Best wishes, Tom, and many congratulations to you. Congratulations. The many What Did You Do Yesterday babies their children's children's children's children will be there when David guesses which comedian and footballer were in Teddington on different days in different scenarios about a month ago.
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We both strongly advise popping an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday on your sex mix if you're trying to conceive and you need approximately one and a half hours to fill on the mix after you've played Marvin Gaye, etc.
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Just why not drop in the Ross Noble episode and please if it is called Sex Mix on your Spotify do let us know.
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Hey, they're just normal countries. Shall we play? Yes! Here's the jingle. I am the one and only What country could I be?
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I am the one and only Where in the world could our listeners be? Hmm.
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First, some feedback. Rhys, hello Max and David and Mars Bar, but I just wanted to share the fact I'm 95% certain that I am the lone listener in San Marino.
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I visited Italy a few months ago, spent about 24 hours in San Marino, wonderful place.
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On the bus up the mountain from Rimini, I listened to various podcasts, including I'm pretty certain What Did You Do Yesterday?
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The stunning views of the Monte Titano are no doubt complimented by Pierre Novelli discussing the quality of his hotel breakfast.
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I had been wondering if San Marino was a correct answer because of this. It turns out it is.
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Knowing I've made a contribution to the What Did You Do Yesterday? canon fills me with the kind of ambivalence that only this podcast can inspire.
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Thanks, Rhys. Anyway, David, as you'll remember, Eric in Cork got it right. Yeah. But I refused for us to get in touch with him.
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Oh my goodness. And we're recording just 24 hours after the last episode dropped. Did Eric reply?
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The countries, remember, Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana, North Mariana Islands, Bhutan, Brunei, Nepal, Eswatini, US Virgin Islands, Equatorial Guinea.
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No. San Marino, correct. Eric writes. Oh. Yes. So pleased. Although a little bit sad there wasn't a quest for us to find an Eric in Cork.
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But quite lucky because he doesn't live in Cork anymore. He's in Perth, Western Australia.
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So if he was going on local radio stations in the southwest of Ireland, we wouldn't have found him.
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Dear David, Max and Mars Bar, you wouldn't believe how thrilled I was to hear my guess of San Marino read out on the podcast.
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I was grinning from ear to ear when it came out. Although originally from Cork, I've been living in Perth for the last 14 years.
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I'm a huge fan of the show. I honestly look forward to each Wednesday's release.
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It perfectly lines up with my return to the office after working from home Monday and Tuesday.
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The podcast is the only thing that gets me through the dreaded morning hustle of getting ready for the day.
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The timing of my hearing my successful guess couldn't have been better either. I'd just met my mum for lunch.
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She's also a big fan of the pod. We were both beaming while sitting down for a normal espresso and not one of Max's Melbourne-style piccolo top-ups.
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Since it's winner stays on, I know I need to send in another guess before tomorrow's recording.
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So without further ado, my next pick is Liechtenstein. Thanks again, lads. Love what you're doing.
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Stay classy. And as always, everything is showbiz. Cheers, Eric. I see the pattern Eric's got.
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Eric's heading around the principalities of Europe. It's not a bad tactic. Actually, before we go to that, we've got a backup Eric from Cork email in.
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Thank you, backup Eric. Hi, Max and D.O.D. My name is Eric from Cork.
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Not the Eric from Cork, but another one. I thought I might have a punt at that they're just normal countries just in case the Eric doesn't get in contact.
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My guess is Armenia. I love the pod, everything is showbiz. Well, look, let's backup Eric in Cork and every podcast needs one.
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We will keep that on the back burner just in case the OG Eric from Cork now in Perth doesn't get in touch.
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Or, you know, we could stick with Eric from Cork. Only Erics from Cork can carry on this game.
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Anyway, Mars bar, Liechtenstein. Ah, huge in Liechtenstein. We need Eric in Perth live to say, but have you had a good day?
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Because you're dead to us now. How many in Liechtenstein, Mars bar? Over 200 in Liechtenstein.
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Oh my goodness! Let's do a live show there. Forget Hackney Empire. We're playing the Liechtenstein Bowl.
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I had a great curveball friend in university who, I won't say his name because he's still around and he's still a great curveball, but he'll know who I'm talking about,
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which was, it was a summer where I ended up in Germany working as a mobile floor cleaner in a sausage factory.
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Of course, yeah. With now Booker Prize nominee Paul Murray. And our friend had just sort of vanished over the course of the summer and this was in the pre-mobile phone era.
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So we had no idea where he was and we happened to be watching, must have been an August, Euro qualifier international match and it was Ireland against Liechtenstein and Ronnie Whelan scored and our friend ran on the pitch and hugged Ronnie Whelan.
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So it was like, oh, he's in Liechtenstein. There's Dave. I love that. Hey, David, what time did you wake up yesterday?
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Wow. Great question. Thanks so much. 9 a.m. I wake up now. So I'm still here doing my little show at the Fringe.
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I wake up au naturel because I hadn't gone out the evening before and I get up.
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We have various heroes staying on the couch. I faff for a minute and then I go in for what I'm really enjoying about living with three or four other people is going for coffee in the morning in the sitting room when you're not fully awake.
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This is the preserve of 20-year-olds and you're doing it at 49, amazing. I know it is.
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And people who live in Berlin in, you know, commune-type situations. It's really, really nice.
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I've had to rein it in a bit, I noticed, because it turns out strangers don't love me singing songs about how great I am as much as the Helen Copter.
24:46 - 24:52
Helen Copter doesn't enjoy it particularly, but it's just part of our morning routine. Are you still doing that?
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I think I tried it once. Oh. Just a basic, David, you are so cool, you make great decisions and you're gonna have a cool day.
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You know, it's hard for people to really understand that. Is that unfair? Well, I thought you did them in your sleep.
25:07 - 25:19
I do them in the half sleep, in the half morning. What's worse? Being asleep and being so cocksure that you're singing, David is a legend, he's gonna have a great day.
25:19 - 25:25
Or is it worse that you're awake? Because I guess there's a self-awareness that you're sort of doing it ironically, if you're awake.
25:25 - 25:32
I've really enjoyed waking up while sitting in undies and a t-shirt with my friends.
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It's great. Now, we're nearly finished, Edinburgh ends this weekend, but it's nice just to sort of take a holiday back into my student days, I guess.
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I am meeting Emma Holland for breakfast, who is a really funny new Australian comedian.
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And I'd seen her show the night before and we have agreed to meet in the fanciest breakfast place.
26:01 - 26:08
Oh, what's that one? It's called the Argyle and it's a place where I always do something wrong there.
26:08 - 26:14
You know what I mean? I'll put my chair at a sidewaysy angle and they'll just be like, sorry, can I just move your chair back?
26:14 - 26:24
It's just, there's a clear avenue that we bring. You appear to have brought a bath into the Argyle and I'm not sure, sir, if that's appropriate.
26:24 - 26:33
I have the fanciest possible breakfast, which is a bean cassoulet with poached eggs on it.
26:33 - 26:39
Oh, now interesting. I think that's too much slop. Yes, but I think it doesn't have any bread element to it.
26:39 - 26:47
So it doesn't glutenly fill you up. No, but you need the bread surely to scarpetta, the Italian word, but to hoover it all up.
26:47 - 26:52
You can't have eggs and beans without bread. What a word, scarpetta. It's a great word, isn't it?
26:52 - 26:57
Yeah, I learned that from Jamie. But that is, your bread to soak up the last bits of the ragu.
26:57 - 27:04
Yes. And I'll tell you what it does fill me up with, though. Wind. Yeah, there's elements of that now.
27:04 - 27:12
Amy Gledhill sends me a text. We're going to see Ian Smith, another comedian. Harold Bishop, of course.
27:12 - 27:21
Does the Northern News podcast. His show is at 12.30. So I say I don't think I'm going to make it.
27:21 - 27:29
But then I've got my Edinburgh bike and Edinburgh. It's so much quicker traveling by bicycle around Edinburgh.
27:29 - 27:35
I've enjoyed it so much. Now I do notice a problem on my Edinburgh bike.
27:35 - 27:42
My Edinburgh bike, I give away on Monday in my last show to the audience member with the best reason why they should have it.
27:42 - 27:53
I want this bike to be absolutely pristine when I give it away. And there's a clickiness in the gears that I can immediately identify as.
27:53 - 28:01
This needs a new chain. Oh, really? Will we fix it? Will we just pass the problem down the generations?
28:01 - 28:10
I think as long as you explain the problem or maybe give them a voucher for Mike's bikes, you know, of 40 pounds along with it.
28:10 - 28:17
I think that's okay. It's a problem on a lot of people's bikes when you apply more pressure to the pedal.
28:17 - 28:21
It just gives a little bit. Oh, I know the one, yes. I really dislike that.
28:21 - 28:26
Spoiler alert we're going to fix it. We're going to end up fixing it. Of course we are, yeah.
28:26 - 28:37
We see a really nice show by Ian Smith and afterwards me and Gledhill go for more fart-filled food.
28:37 - 28:48
Mine haven't started to manifest yet. You see, she needs to eat and then out of sympathy I decide, bizarrely, I decide to get nachos.
28:48 - 28:58
Nachos at 1.30? Are you joking me? Yeah, that's insane. It's because she's ordered fajitas and I want to keep with the Mexican theme.
28:58 - 29:07
I presume you're in a Mexican restaurant. It's tricky not to go something Mexican. The thing is, we're actually in a sassy diner type restaurant called City Cafe.
29:07 - 29:14
One of those our waitresses pinch back type signs that you're not sure should be still on the walls of places.
29:14 - 29:19
Okay, I see. And we go full Mexico. Can I ask about your nachos? You may.
29:19 - 29:26
Because the thing about nachos is there are like three hero nachos on which everything is resting.
29:26 - 29:30
So once those three have gone, then you're just having a plate of corn chips.
29:30 - 29:34
Really good. Could do that. Could open my next end of my show. What is it about nachos?
29:34 - 29:42
You know? Does anyone still have nachos anymore? Also, the food takes quite a while because the restaurant's quite full.
29:42 - 29:48
And the guy comes and is like, the chef is preparing them as we speak.
29:48 - 29:57
That's such a coincidence. And when they arrive, you can clearly see someone has just toothpaste, fake guac, and sour cream on top of some crisps.
29:57 - 30:05
Oh my. So, what I choose to do is just lift the bonnet of that and I just go straight underneath.
30:05 - 30:09
I just want a few cheesy crisps is all I want. But they haven't run out of corn chips.
30:09 - 30:13
They haven't just gone, I'm sorry, but I had to serve this on Pringles. That's when you know.
30:13 - 30:22
This is not authentic Mexican food. Now, I need to fart so badly at this point.
30:22 - 30:30
At this point. And you can't fart in a restaurant. We know that. However, we fart on the bike.
30:30 - 30:37
I'm going to the park to fart, basically. Yeah, it's reached that point. Can't you go to the bathroom?
30:37 - 30:41
You could go to the bathroom. Yeah, but you don't know what I need to do.
30:41 - 30:44
If you can't do it in the toilet, surely you can't do it in the park.
30:44 - 30:55
I need to roll around. Like, I need to sit with my legs akin, and then put a lot of weight on my stomach.
30:55 - 31:01
Like, you know the way you might pop Willie Rushden over your shoulder. That's effectively what I need.
31:01 - 31:11
You need to be burped. This is a bit like after they've given you a bath, you now need Richard Osman and Dara O'Briain and Joe Wilkinson to hoist you up and slap you on the back until all the gas comes out of some end.
31:11 - 31:20
It doesn't matter. Yeah. So, on the way, I decide, while we're in the park giving birth to this fart baby.
31:20 - 31:24
Are you alone doing this? Have you gone on the loan? Absolutely. I've said goodbye to everyone.
31:24 - 31:31
I've put my phone on a little picture of an aeroplane. You've gone into silent mode to fart in a park.
31:31 - 31:42
I've put it in one of those email auto responses in our office. I'm sorry.
31:42 - 31:47
I'm farting in a park. I'll be back checking my emails on Monday, the 25th of August.
31:47 - 31:57
Anything urgent, please email the Helen Copter. I buy a chain on the way and I decide I'll do that as well.
31:57 - 32:04
You can actually refit a chain if it's one with a quick link with no tools whatsoever.
32:04 - 32:13
Now I'm lucky in that I have shovel hands. So that helps. And immediately when I put the new chain on, it's 15 quid chain.
32:13 - 32:22
It's fine. But this bike is now pristine. That's nice. Whoever gets it on Monday, this bike is bomb proof.
32:22 - 32:26
It's an old mountain bike from the 90s that someone's put a few new bits on.
32:26 - 32:32
Is it a Dawes Tracker or a Marin? It's a Muddy Fox. That's from another of your brands.
32:32 - 32:40
Yeah, it's a green Muddy Fox. It is absolutely brilliant. Now, unfortunately, I'm enjoying this time in the park.
32:40 - 32:51
It's still tropical Edinburgh. It's been beautiful the whole time to the point where there's been wildfires on Arthur's seat on the little hill just outside Edinburgh.
32:51 - 32:59
Yeah, okay. Because everything is so dry. Like, I've tried to play pitch and putt quite a few times and the ground is so hard.
32:59 - 33:08
The ball burns as it lands. It just inflames. It's like trying to land a marble on a marble staircase.
33:08 - 33:17
It's virtually impossible. Wow, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm enjoying my time in the park so much and I am taking care of business, let's just say.
33:17 - 33:29
I'm fixing the chain and blasting out the contents of my insides that I forget that I have tickets for Josie Long's show.
33:29 - 33:34
I know that is really bad, but she's going to be doing it in Dublin next month.
33:34 - 33:39
So I text her while she's on stage to be like, I had tickets for this.
33:39 - 33:53
I'm so sorry. Could you just not say you went? Would she? No. It'd be really bad for him to do that, Max, because she may ask me what I thought of a bit or maybe something weird happened that day.
33:53 - 34:00
Right. You know, maybe someone fainted during the show. Yeah, okay. You couldn't do a generic, just a tour de force.
34:00 - 34:05
You could do it like a Guardian review. You've done it again. Still packing a punch.
34:05 - 34:13
Josie Long. Five stars. But what about that bit where I said that? Really excellent comedy.
34:13 - 34:22
So I go home. It's about four o'clock now. And my show is at seven.
34:22 - 34:30
I have to sound check at 6.30. Yeah. I do enjoy this dead time because there's generally no one in the house.
34:30 - 34:39
And I don't really know where the time goes because I don't watch anything. I don't think I look at my phone.
34:39 - 34:43
I just have a nice little sit down. I know this is adding to your goose theories.
34:43 - 34:48
I mean, it's just literally just imagine just an hour where I could just sit down and go, I wonder what's going on now.
34:48 - 34:57
Just sit about. I mean, it's fucking insane. That's sort of masochism doing these. There's a vape beside the toilet.
34:57 - 35:03
Ah, okay. And I do consider having a go on that. Having a bit of an Emma Doran.
35:03 - 35:08
I think it's Celia's bathroom vape. Okay. It's sitting there on top of the loo roll.
35:08 - 35:17
And I think about it and I do raise it up, but it feels like, do you know the little box that ear pods come in?
35:17 - 35:27
It feels like one of those. To the touch. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it seems too weird a thing to just take a suck off a pair of ear pods.
35:27 - 35:36
You don't do it. I elect not to. Yeah. Okay, fine. However, I do. Oh God, this is just going to further infuriate you.
35:36 - 35:44
My main task is I need to hustle players for the final game of Edinburgh football, which will be today.
35:44 - 36:01
Oh, great. Which, that's a job, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my chosen method is I generally find a picture on my phone, either a classic moment from the history of football and superimpose my head onto one of the players.
36:01 - 36:09
Got it. Or I just find a classic picture of me from the past doing a great move on the football pitch.
36:09 - 36:20
And this will inspire people to play. I write text directly over it. Yes. The picture that I go for here is Katie McCabe, who's Ireland's best footballer.
36:20 - 36:26
Yeah. Plays for Arsenal on the ladies team. So there's a picture of her from the last World Cup.
36:26 - 36:37
And I don't know how it happens, but she's coming down from the sky and has her boots on an Australian player's tits.
36:37 - 36:43
Right. I don't know how. Like she's obviously jumped up to challenge her ball and the other person has stayed down.
36:43 - 36:55
So I pop my head over Katie McCabe's head. And I write last football of Edinburgh 2025, the Meadows 12 noon.
36:55 - 37:01
And I've got footballs for the two O's of noon. Got it. It's a nice piece of graphic design.
37:01 - 37:10
Right. So this is a game that's happening today then? Yeah. And I powered that off to, we'll get about eight or 10, I would say.
37:10 - 37:17
Okay. But I powered it off to maybe 30 different people. And almost immediately the sob stories start to come in.
37:17 - 37:26
Tom Rosenthal, says he's bone on bone. Yeah. I have invited him to every game and he responds with that, which I think is a bit mean.
37:26 - 37:40
Maybe when a player has retired, you shouldn't keep inviting them. Yeah. If you had, say, 10 yeses and then Tim Key said, I can play, would you make him stand on the side until someone else comes along to even up the numbers?
37:40 - 37:53
No, because like, we've been so short of players for some of these. Mark Watson has brought his children and Rose is great, but about 10 years old.
37:53 - 38:00
So, you know, we have emergency break glass players we can bring in here. I'm with you.
38:00 - 38:18
What is funny about this game, it's so bad that occasionally someone just looking for a game of football will appear on the sideline of our game, will look eagerly at it for maybe 20 seconds and then just shake their head.
38:18 - 38:30
Just wander off towards the trap. I'm too good for this level. Yeah, yeah. We also have a running joke where if anyone, like any older person with a dog happens to walk by,
38:30 - 38:35
one of us says that it's a scout from Juventus. So everyone can just play better.
38:35 - 38:44
I enjoy, and I realize this infuriates you, I really enjoy this nothing two hours.
38:44 - 38:50
And you should. I'm glad you realize the position that you're in. I enjoy it so much.
38:50 - 38:57
I am now late for my gig. Oh. There is tight turnarounds for these shows.
38:57 - 39:04
I'm supposed to sound check at 6.30 for the gig. At 7, I leave the house at 6.30.
39:04 - 39:10
It's four minutes. You're getting cocky. You're getting cocky. On the bike. Yes, exactly. You're phoning it in.
39:10 - 39:14
People got tickets for these ones. My friends Nathan and Rob coming tonight. Oh, wow.
39:14 - 39:26
They're getting a 70%, David. No, they're absolutely not. However, on the cycle there, on the bike that now no longer clicks and is perfect in every way, I remember, oh, shit.
39:26 - 39:38
Last night, the low battery light started flashing mid-gig. And, you know, there was questions as to whether we'd make it till the end of the show with my little novelty keyboard.
39:38 - 39:47
So I realized, not only am I five minutes late, I'm going to have to stop in Sainsbury's and get 60 batteries.
39:48 - 39:54
D is a really satisfying battery. Let's be real. It has such a weight. It's like the pound coin.
39:54 - 40:03
Feels so good. The D is like, you've spent so much time with double and triple A, especially when you have kids, young kids, and just to get a D is like,
40:03 - 40:16
this thing could kill a man. The Sainsbury's is very close to the venue. So I have the awful situation of, I'm not saying I want people to think I live this gilded life of jacuzzis and helicopters,
40:16 - 40:26
the life that you think I live. But I also don't want to meet people who are about to see my show as I sprint around Sainsbury's trying to find the battery section.
40:26 - 40:38
And? Yeah, I meet about six people who are like, all right. And everyone always says, either you better be funny or, oh, you haven't started yet.
40:38 - 40:47
That's another classic. I then sprint to the venue. I mean, really good story. If someone said you better be funny, if you just turned to them like death and went,
40:48 - 41:05
fuck off. Oh my goodness. You better be funny is nearly always, in my case, accompanied by the sort of bongo playing mime of playing a little keyboard.
41:05 - 41:15
Like, I wouldn't say you get that. If people recognize you from Football Weekly, I doubt they mime speaking into a podcast mic.
41:15 - 41:22
No, that is true. I don't. There's no, from Default Man 3, there's no accompanying mime as yet.
41:22 - 41:36
I sprint to the venue. The problem is I have to run along the line of people all queuing to get in because we're now close to like 15 minutes to the start.
41:36 - 41:47
And I'm pretty sure the wonderful ushers tell the many hundreds of people who are lining up that there's a small technical problem, but the show will be starting in a minute.
41:49 - 41:58
It's so obvious because I haven't got a plastic bag. I'm just holding batteries and running towards the venue.
41:58 - 42:07
So it's clearly my fault. But because we're so deep into this festival, sometimes it's good to be thrown by something.
42:07 - 42:16
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Keeps you on edge. I do a five second sound check.
42:16 - 42:21
We're good to go. Let's get them in and we end up going up about three minutes late, but it's absolutely fine.
42:21 - 42:30
It's fine. Good show? Yeah, pretty good show now. How many have you done? 20, probably about 26 of them.
42:30 - 42:36
26 in. And do you, at the end of the run, rank them best to worst, your shows?
42:36 - 42:42
I mean, I have taken to opening most shows by saying that this is the one.
42:42 - 42:54
Right, yeah, yeah. In January, you target one gig. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you put a ring around the third Wednesday of the Edinburgh Fridge as the one when you're really going to light it up.
42:54 - 42:59
And then I talk about how I'm going to phone it in for the remaining, you know, make him feel special.
42:59 - 43:06
I will say this, the show is probably 15, 20 minutes different from the start of the month.
43:06 - 43:15
Okay. As in, it's just bits coming in and out the whole time. And I don't know how much longer I will do this for.
43:15 - 43:28
You know, like this sort of quasi-story student life. It's such an intense month that I'd like to keep doing it for another little bit, but I'm not going to feel like doing this in my 60s.
43:28 - 43:35
You know what I mean? I mean, I suppose you have pivoted to podcasting. So, you know, this is now a hobby for you.
43:35 - 43:48
And the ambition goes, doesn't it? That's the truth of it. It is. It's hard to do boxing training when you have to take off a mink coat to put your shorts on.
43:48 - 43:58
Isn't that what the great heavyweights say? I used to have an American agent called Chloe, and she is at the gig.
43:58 - 44:06
And she is like all American agents in TV shows. She's like a four-foot New Yorker who goes, oh, God, David, we've got to hustle you back into the city.
44:06 - 44:13
Am I right? Yeah, that is exactly what she is like. David, you've got to dream big.
44:13 - 44:23
This is all small-time bullshit. I'm seeing you. Radio City Music Hall. Carnegie Hall. The Rose Bowl.
44:23 - 44:31
That's Vegas. Super Bowl halftime show, David, I'm seeing you. You and me going to change the world, David.
44:31 - 44:41
She looks like Danny DeVito. That's what it is. Yeah, she does. We go to a Japanese restaurant around the corner.
44:41 - 44:51
I attempt to explain the show How Much Toast to her. But it's such a quintessentially Edinburgh Fringe show.
44:51 - 45:02
I don't think toast is as big in America. I don't know. There's a chance that like if you asked an American how much toast they'd had in their lifetime, they could actually put a total on it.
45:02 - 45:08
Oh, really? You know, I've had it three times. Yeah, well, there was that August in 1972.
45:08 - 45:19
It's the end of the Fringe. So it's the last weekend. So there's parties, there's big showbiz, there's parties going on.
45:19 - 45:23
What do you eat? What do you eat at the restaurant? I have... Because you've had a big day.
45:23 - 45:29
You've eaten a lot today. Yes, I have. You don't want dinner to feel left out, so you go big again.
45:29 - 45:39
I just have a yakisoba. I have a chicken yakisoba. And Chloe, who I'm with, has a salmon donberry bowl.
45:39 - 45:45
It seems pretty healthy. Now, is she looking to re-sign you? Are you looking for her to sign you back up?
45:45 - 45:52
Or you don't want to crack America? Or are you waiting for this podcast? Because we've got a guy in Colorado emailing us like, this is a window.
45:52 - 46:03
There was a postman in Kentucky as well. Yeah, of course. And there was Roxanne in Denver who delights in our lack of knowledge about the ladies.
46:03 - 46:15
And we've now got Juan Patino, the photographer, who's going to, you know. No, America is, you can spend a lot of your life touring around America.
46:15 - 46:37
And American shows they want stars. And there isn't really space for someone whose aspiration is to play to three to 500 people, you know, doing a reasonably niche thing with a small battery powered keyboard that now has very fresh batteries in it.
46:37 - 46:45
So no, she's no longer trying to sign me. Instead, she comes over here and sees a billion shows.
46:45 - 46:52
So we have a good chat about shows that she's seen. The big comedy awards were announced yesterday.
46:52 - 46:58
The nominees for best show and best new show. So we have a chat about that.
46:58 - 47:13
Delightfully, Ian Smith, whose show I've seen earlier that day, he's on that list. But then a bunch of other shows that I have loved over the course of the last month aren't on the list.
47:13 - 47:18
So it's one of those things where, I mean, I don't engage with this stuff too much.
47:18 - 47:26
I was lucky enough to win that award in 2008. So you're never eligible for it again.
47:26 - 47:31
Oh, so it's not like the Masters. You couldn't get multiple green jackets. Once you've won, you're done.
47:31 - 47:36
Yeah. You could only win it again if they'd completely forgotten who you were from the first time.
47:36 - 47:47
But that'd be a really, really bad sign. And so it's one of those things where, like I know there will have been people who put too much stock into these awards.
47:48 - 48:01
Because, I don't know, some people operate with goals, which in the arts I think is a stupid idea because the outward validation is fine, but it's more about challenging yourself to do a good show, et cetera, et cetera.
48:01 - 48:12
So I know that there are people who are going to be very disappointed, but I don't also want to engage with it enough by then texting them and being like,
48:12 - 48:17
don't worry, you had a great show because I've already told them that they had a great show.
48:18 - 48:24
I leave that till this morning, to be honest. I sent a few texts this morning just to people going like, I fucking loved your show.
48:24 - 48:35
Like you've made a beautiful thing. And yeah. Okay. So with all these showbiz parties on, I make the incredible decision to go to bed.
48:35 - 48:42
Wow. Now it's 1030. Good for you. Yeah. I need to keep going. It's the last weekend.
48:42 - 48:53
I'm doing double shows on Friday and Saturday night. And one of the things that I do get from you, Max, especially when you talk about the day bed, the joy with which,
48:53 - 49:03
or like the simple joy of having a shower where you pull that curtain around yourself and you have a moment just of tropical rainfall.
49:03 - 49:14
I aspire to that on some level. And the closest I get to it is contrarily deciding to go to bed at 1030 and the last weekend of the Edinburgh fringe.
49:14 - 49:24
And I put on, put on you gabbing on about football with the football boys and girls.
49:24 - 49:35
And I doze off. I'm gone by about 11 PM. Did you notice that my mic didn't work and it was just get an iPhone voice note you got from me?
49:35 - 49:40
Did my audio quality sound a bit? So don't worry when you get that message going, your file is corrupted.
49:40 - 49:47
You're like, damn it. Yes, I did notice that, but you carried on listening. I carried on listening.
49:47 - 49:59
It was exactly, exactly what I needed. How quickly into that podcast, which I mean, cause I'm thinking which of the soporific podcasts that I host has the quickest effect, which gets people to sleep the quickest.
49:59 - 50:08
Is it football weekly or is it what the TV yesterday? Particularly at this time of the season and football where there's very little jeopardy whatsoever.
50:08 - 50:20
So there's nothing to even keep you awake and be like, Oh my God. And then I wake up this morning and I know this is a this isn't relevant, but it does refer to the night before,
50:20 - 50:29
which is there's a WhatsApp group of everyone in this house. And I see that.
50:29 - 50:39
So Celia, Nish and Amy are all at this fun showbiz party. And this is tagged at 0044.
50:39 - 50:46
So quarter to one. Oh my God. Celia has put up a vote for the three people at the party.
50:46 - 50:54
And it says anyone, want to leave now and go and get a kebab. And all three members of the group have gone.
50:54 - 51:02
Yes. So they didn't stay at the showbiz party too long either. So I think I made the correct decision and well done.
51:02 - 51:15
That's my day. Hey, it's a nice day. It's a nice day. And actually the moments where I have sitting around doing nothing, you know, are actually these don't tell Jamie cause he listens,
51:15 - 51:23
but these, these right now, I'm just sitting, listening to a man. I like waffle about what he's done.
51:23 - 51:29
These are, as soon as this stops, I'm not trying to drag out the episode because I have to go downstairs and then get back in amongst it.
51:29 - 51:40
These are the moments. So anyway, we must end with the one in a hundred thousand chance, the 2000 year quiz of just a reminder in Teddington, just over a month ago,
51:40 - 51:44
when I landed in the UK, we're here for just one more month. And that goes fast on what?
51:44 - 51:51
Maybe the first or the second day I saw a comedian, quite, well-known comedian putting up a poster for a show for his own show.
51:51 - 52:01
Yeah. And then two days later, while sitting in the Lensbury, a footballer of some repute walked past me with, I think a sort of, you know, a minder or someone from the hotel.
52:01 - 52:07
I was like, Oh, that's interesting. Who are they? Guess for you, guess for Mars bar that does cut it down to just 1000 years.
52:07 - 52:17
Then we'll get this. I get to go quintessentially English with this. So we'll go Stuart Pearce is the footballer.
52:18 - 52:24
And Glenn Moore is the comedian. Incorrect. Oh, I can't give away if you've got one of them, but incorrect.
52:24 - 52:32
Mars bar. Milton Jones and David James. Oh, nice. Didn't someone guess Milton Jones the other week?
52:32 - 52:36
Oh, it could be right. I mean, it could be right. I've given it away that he isn't Milton Jones.
52:36 - 52:43
Damn it, Max, you idiot. And also Max is going to tell us Mars bar that it's winner stays on.
52:43 - 52:53
So one of us does happen to get it right after 2.3 million years. We then have to do his next AI Max's next stupid quiz.
52:53 - 53:00
Both incorrect. I have to say. Anyway, lovely episode. Everything is show. But if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, we value your feedback.
53:00 - 53:07
So please do. And this is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday?
53:07 - 53:13
Pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod, and please subscribe and leave a review.
53:13 - 53:18
If you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please, please don't.
53:18 - 53:43
Thanks, David. Everything is showbiz. Thanks. The Eric's from Cork. Thanks, Max. Thank you.