0:00 - 0:11
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to today's episode of Midweek Mayhem, brought to you by the people that bring you What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:06 - 1:13
I'm Max Rushden, and he is David O'Doherty. Welcome, David. Stop living in the past.
1:13 - 1:19
Stop living in yesterday is some advice we must never heed, because we love yesterday.
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I can't get enough of it. Yeah, that's all we care about. Now, I really want to talk about Stevie Martin's tortoise, but we have some big news days.
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David, that we are doing a live show, aren't we? Oh, sorry. I thought it was going to be the numerous emails I've received and messages on social media for mixing up mate tea with matcha tea, which I always thought were the same thing.
1:47 - 1:54
No, and you know, when you were doing it, I was like, I think this is different, but I'm, because I don't know anything, I'm not confident enough to butt in here.
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But yeah, they seem entirely, because I, when walking around Peru at some point, definitely had...
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I had some matcha, and it's not, it's not whatever it is. No, you had mate.
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I had mate. Yeah, that's Peru. Matcha, I think, is Japan. Sorry to interrupt the big announcement.
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So yeah, if you want to buy tickets for our live show for more of this, for more fumbling in the dark around green drinks, then Wednesday the 10th of September at the Hackney Empire.
2:25 - 2:31
I don't know if you've ever done any live theatre work before, David, but it would be really, I cannot wait.
2:31 - 2:38
Tickets go on sale. Yes, David. We did an adaptation of James and the Giant Peach when I was about 10.
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I think that was the last time I treaded the boards. Okay, okay. It would be great to come flooding back.
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If enough people ask for it, if we completely sell out, David will be dressed as a giant peach.
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Tickets go on sale this Friday, 25th of July. You can find them on the Hackney Empire website, hackneyempire.co.uk.
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If you want proof. Pre-sale tickets a day early, because these will, let me tell you, these will fly off the shelf.
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You know when Stevie Martin said, it's sold out apart from in Colchester and Durham, and we'll say, our tour is sold out except in Hackney, which is the only date we're doing.
3:12 - 3:25
Don't know what's happening in Hackney, but they're not interested. Yeah, pre-sale tickets. You can find a link to join a mailing list, and we will spam the fuck out of you for your whole life.
3:25 - 3:35
Pre-sale tickets. That's real podcast bullshit, isn't it? What the hell does that mean? That means you get the chance to get the ticket before anyone else, 24th of July.
3:35 - 3:46
You have to join our mailing list in the episode description, wherever you get your podcast, or on our Instagram, at yesterdaypod, brackets, plug this again at the end of the show, close brackets.
3:46 - 3:51
I don't think we'll need to, because we will have sold out before the end of the show.
3:51 - 3:59
That's my feeling. What's really fun, David, is that I keep suggesting absolutely ridiculous ideas.
3:59 - 4:09
And I think you're a bit like, I've done quite a lot of these. I really wish Max would just let me sort of, not take a lead, but just, you know, just wind back.
4:09 - 4:12
But, you know, I've got some, I want us to perform Hamilton. I'm in for it.
4:12 - 4:26
Yes, David. Just imagine. So how many times did you text Gary Lineker to get him to do the episode, and now asking him to eat a wagon wheel live on stage at the Hackney Empire?
4:26 - 4:36
For no money. I haven't done it yet. I haven't sent the message yet. I'm biding my time.
4:36 - 4:42
I'm trying to find the right moment to say, hey, Gary, could you just come to Hackney?
4:42 - 4:49
He loves public transport. He loves public transport. We know he's almost done this route when he went to the copper box.
4:49 - 4:59
It's not far away. He knows the route. He can satiate his love of public transport, walk on stage in total silence, spotlit, eat a wagon wheel as quickly or slowly.
4:59 - 5:12
As he likes and leave. That's a great bit of the show. I think maybe if you you'll have to say if there's a great goal in the final of the women's Euros, you know what I mean?
5:12 - 5:20
You might be like, great goal. You text. What a goal. Actually, that reminds me of a wagon wheel live on stage.
5:20 - 5:25
Oh, do you know what? Because it's the first it'll be the first match of the day that he hasn't done.
5:25 - 5:31
I could text him at like 1030 on that Saturday night. Saying you're probably missing the show.
5:31 - 5:41
It's shit. Now you're not there. But how about now, David, can we talk about Stevie Martin's tortoise?
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I've been thinking about it a lot. Well, that aspect, the sound it would make if you stood on it or her using a vibrator to.
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No, this is the thing I've been thinking is Stevie Martin. I've not met her before.
5:55 - 6:10
Very articulate, very intelligent of sound mind. But I can't help thinking I can't help thinking when she said, yeah, this woman who ran a tortoise hotel, she just chucked the tortoise in the wine fridge for two months.
6:10 - 6:14
And then she told me to use a vibrator. I don't know. I don't know.
6:14 - 6:19
I don't know if that is a tortoise expert or someone's been taking her for a ride.
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That's what I think. Yeah, got really a lot of tortoise memes, etc. From that, if you haven't listened to the episode, it's definitely a real tortoise, because at one point she picked it up and just sort of like, like washboarded its shell across the microphone.
6:40 - 6:46
For the tape, you can hear in the background, the family who are through the door to my left.
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We are. I don't want any spoilers for my day yesterday, but we are no longer in Australia.
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We are in London. You may have just had a flushing toilet. I don't know how much sound is being picked up.
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Um, people definitely hear the water in the flushing toilet moving in a different direction.
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Stuart writes, the tortoise needs to try Omid Jalili's tea. To listeners who haven't yet to listen to that episode, the tortoise was experiencing some blockage.
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And while the correct thing to use was obviously a sex toy, the Omid Jalili tea have also unblocked the tortoise.
7:31 - 7:36
Imagine if Omid had said, what I do the night before is I take a vibrator.
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Anyway, um, we have on the subject of Omid's tea, have an email from Rob who says, uh, regarding Omid Jalili's tea, which can really, David, only take us in one direction.
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Well, no, hang on. I'll stop you right there. Because some people will say tea as in gossip.
7:56 - 8:05
So it could be Omid Jalili's tea. Jalili's gossip, as opposed to the tea that makes several kilos of sewage come out of his butt.
8:05 - 8:15
Yeah, well, this isn't gossip, this email. Hi, Mars Bar, David and Max. I've just returned to doing park run after a layoff since February 2020.
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My body hasn't adjusted to the new activity and my runs have been hampered with not feeling as empty as I'd like.
8:21 - 8:27
The issue came to a brackets turtles, close brackets head. And last week I had to take a detour on lap two.
8:27 - 8:31
I had to use the park toilets. It's going to affect your time, isn't it?
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I finished the run, but didn't bother getting a time as a PB wasn't on the cards.
8:35 - 8:40
I remembered Omid Jalili mentioning his magic tea on what did you do yesterday? And I ordered a box.
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I recalled him saying, don't leave the house for two hours after drinking. The night before the park run, I had one cup of tea and prayed there'd be no dirty protest in the night.
8:49 - 8:57
The next morning, there were two vigorous toilet visits. Then feeling very dehydrated, I knocked three minutes of the best park run time I've had.
8:57 - 9:11
Since returning to it, I went home, had breakfast, went off for a haircut. I got back home, had a stand-up wee, and then, listener, I shat myself.
9:11 - 9:27
My wife has now confiscated the tea. Thanks for the show, Rob. Yet another potential sponsor for this podcast falls by the wayside.
9:27 - 9:37
The Traumatic Listener Tales. It's really strong gear that... It appears to be. I'm not...
9:37 - 9:41
It reminds me of... I once had a colonoscopy, and you have to have a drink the day before.
9:41 - 9:49
It's that. That's what you're having. Oh, anyway. Now, some fact-checking has been going on.
9:49 - 9:56
This is from Namastequila. According to EverythingIsShowbiz.com, David has never talked about his shoulder pain.
9:56 - 10:17
He has discussed... I thought I'd been banging on about the shoulder thing. Anyway, the new mattress is absolutely fine.
10:17 - 10:26
The exact same as the old mattress. It's good just to flush 700 quid out of your account for no reason.
10:27 - 10:46
Keeps the pipes moving. Isn't that what they say? Connor says, thanks to EverythingIsShowbiz.com, I've been able to confirm that there have been seven mentions of Sir Ernest Shackleton, which is unbelievable for a comedy podcast based on comedians yesterday.
10:46 - 11:02
You're largely responsible, I think, David. He's one of your go-tos, Shackleton. Yeah, Stephen Roche, 1987 Tour de France with The Life of Sir Ernest Shackleton.
11:02 - 11:11
They are the people I mostly draw inspiration from. Magnus says, dear Max and David, earlier this week I was listening to Midweek Mayhem on my bike commute to work.
11:11 - 11:19
As I often do, I work in communications in a government ministry. And this particular morning, I was going to make a couple of videos with the minister.
11:19 - 11:26
These days, our smartphones are of such good quality that I was using my own phone equipped with a microphone to record, but with no monitor.
11:26 - 11:35
Little did I know. My phone was playing your podcast in the background, bleeding into the minister's quite formal address to a small Norwegian minority group.
11:35 - 11:44
As I'm no sound engineer magician like Mars Bar, you are still able to hear some of David's high-pitched squeals of delight somewhere in the background of this official government content.
11:44 - 11:55
Kind regards, Magnus. I wonder what bit it is. Is it the most boring bit that we've ever done, which is me discussing my 90s jazz promotion career?
11:55 - 12:00
No, the most boring. It's you and Charlie Baker in the shoes, I think. But let's see.
12:00 - 12:13
I'll tell you what we'll see. If suddenly Norwegian government advertising material is soundtracked by Brad Meldow's Blackbird, we'll know, because we know this is influencing a lot of people, this podcast.
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You really, you've become such a jazz cat while listening to this. Oh, absolutely right.
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I'm such a jazz fan. Yeah, I know, I know, don't worry. They call me the hi-hat these days.
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Ah! That's such a bad nickname. No, no. Ashbourne, County Meath, says, Hello, David, the Gaelic spelling.
12:42 - 12:51
Yeah. Max and Producer Mars Bar, love the show, not sure why, but have been listening since day one, can easily say I'm in it for life too.
12:51 - 13:01
Having just listened to the Charlie Baker episode where he announced his upcoming tennis match against CB, where the excitement was palpable over the chance of taking on a pantomime legend.
13:01 - 13:09
Surely it's worth thinking what CB's reaction to the draw. Were they not thinking they would be taking on CBaker of Bucks Fizz fame?
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Both Cheryl and Biggins are now in their 70s. Who would win? I honestly couldn't call it.
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I hope we find out if Charlie did, in fact, play Christopher Biggins and who won.
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But since it didn't happen yesterday, we'll never know. Thanks again for all the laughs.
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I hope you go on tour soon and we get to hear that top load of remix live.
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That's from Noel. Yeah, that's a good point. Because you've also got Chet Baker, the jazz, as the hi-hat.
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You will, of course, know the work of, you know, Chet. I fall in love too easily.
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That's not a bad impersonation. I can confirm that Charlie Baker lost 6-4, 6-4 to C. Biggins.
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And I'm sad to report it was not Christopher Biggins. At least he wasn't bageled.
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That's the new term I've got from Wimbledon, from the lady who lost the final.
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She got bageled. Here's a question from Tom. Hi, Max and David. Love the pod.
14:08 - 14:12
I think you owe it to the listeners to explain one more time how this podcast came to be.
14:12 - 14:19
Although I've been listening to this pod since it started as fans of you both, I find it very hard to believe you were both close enough to decide to start a podcast together.
14:19 - 14:27
You mock a potential radio show with Hasselhoff, Ginler and Duchovny, whilst not having the self-awareness to realise your own combo is not too far off.
14:27 - 14:37
I don't think this has been talked about enough. David, a respected comedian, a well-travelled man with a real passion for smooth jazz, versus Generic Man 3, who, although is a great presenter,
14:37 - 14:42
has really made a name for himself by his obscure recollections of mid-level footballers from the 90s.
14:42 - 14:50
To help you guys understand the situation as a listener, I've put together some other podcast combinations which I feel have a similarly odd partnership feel to them.
14:50 - 14:57
Romesh Ranganathan and Helen Chamberlain, Mickey Flanagan and Robbie Savage, Dave Chappelle and Sue Barker.
14:57 - 15:08
Now, do you see my point? It's weird. You mentioned a lot of times that Max pitched this idea to David, but I, and I'm sure most of your listeners, would like to know more granular details of your friendship beforehand,
15:08 - 15:14
as you must have been relatively close for this to happen. Otherwise, I'll believe your friendship was only formed for showbiz reasons.
15:14 - 15:22
Thanks, Tom. Wow, Sue Barker and Dave Chappelle. That's us, yeah. But I can't explain it, David.
15:22 - 15:33
Yeah, you were looking for a bit of crack in Melbourne. So when I came over for the comedy festival, that was probably the original hookup.
15:33 - 15:41
You know what I mean? We'd never met. We'd never spoken. No. We'd become friends through ex-formerly Twitter, I guess.
15:41 - 15:49
Friends is pushing it, isn't it, David? Yeah, it's, well, I mean, this relationship that we have now.
15:49 - 15:57
Now I feel it's a friendship. Yeah, but literally most of our conversations ever have been broadcast.
15:57 - 16:02
Yeah. You know? That's absolutely right. I refuse to talk to you if it's not being broadcast.
16:02 - 16:10
So you and I met. I mean, this is an interesting little wrinkle. Josie Long was there, a friend of the pod.
16:10 - 16:21
And what's-his-name was meant to come, the Scottish soul singer. Paola Nettini. Paola Nettini. My friend was Paola Nettini's road manager.
16:21 - 16:25
And so you, me, and Josie Long met in the pub. And so we invited Nettini.
16:26 - 16:31
In case Nettini was lonely, Nettini did not attend. I think possibly someone from his band was there.
16:31 - 16:41
One of Paola Nettini's band was there. Yeah. And that's how this began. I don't think that will have clarified anything for that listener.
16:41 - 16:54
No, but the truth is that Paola Nettini brought us together, but at the same time has ghosted us and has refused pointedly to come on this podcast despite never being asked to come on this podcast.
16:54 - 16:57
But we'll try and get Paola on to thank you and thank him for bringing us together.
16:57 - 17:03
Hey, David, do you want to play They're Just Normal Countries? Play, I think, is the wrong verb there.
17:03 - 17:08
I will listen to it. Yes. I will listen to it. And I'll listen. Please play the jingle again.
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It's so good. I am the one and only What country could I be? I am the one and only Where in the world could I live?
17:26 - 17:33
Where could my listeners be? That person, I can't tell who it or what it is.
17:33 - 17:45
They sound so desperate. They sound in pain. It's Stevie Martin's tortoise pre-sex toy. Okay, so here we go.
17:45 - 17:59
This was as of, I can't remember which date, there were six countries that have had just one listen on the podcast, to the podcast, and the incorrect guesses so far Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana,
17:59 - 18:08
the Northern Marianas Islands, Bhutan, and Brunei. This comes from Bridget in Melbourne. Hi, David, Max, and Producer Mars Bar.
18:08 - 18:15
Love the pod. The last guess I said Bhutan, which got me thinking that perhaps the answer is another Himalayan mystical land.
18:15 - 18:24
In April, I had a wildly patchy internet connection as I walked up to and then down from Everest Base Camp with our kids and other families from home in Melbourne.
18:24 - 18:30
Blimey. Wow. Those are your kids. Yeah. I thought of taking Ian and Willie. I mean, it'd be a good day.
18:30 - 18:38
We'd only be doing it because it was my day. But, wow. At some point, to help me distract from dodging yaks and the effort to get oxygen into my lungs,
18:38 - 18:48
I listened to the episode about David's confession that they were not normal cheeses. It did the job and made me laugh, but also made me think about delicious cheese at a time when I'd been avoiding ordering any food
18:48 - 18:57
from the limited options that would have yak cheese in the meal. So my guess for a country with one listen is Nepal over to Mars Bar.
18:57 - 19:07
This is... I mean, how far into this are we? We're eight weeks in and no one's got one?
19:07 - 19:12
How many listens in Nepal, Mars Bar? How big are we in Nepal? I think we had seven when I checked.
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Seven? Okay. Seven listens in Nepal. We've not cut through. It's not cut through, is it?
19:18 - 19:23
Seven. We're bigger in Brunei. Look, it's going along at a merry pace. That's what I would describe this.
19:23 - 19:29
I did have an idea. Okay, I'm worried about it. This quiz could literally run for years.
19:29 - 19:38
It's possible it could run for more than three years. That's good. I wondered whether at the live show, we asked everyone that came to think of a country.
19:38 - 19:47
At times throughout that show, we could just throw to the audience. And then if anyone got it right, obviously that would be a thrilling moment in the room.
19:47 - 19:49
And if we got through all of them on that night, there'd be a huge prize.
19:49 - 20:00
And we wouldn't tell the listeners who didn't come. And so the only way... you could find out the answers to this interminable quiz is by buying a ticket.
20:00 - 20:05
Yeah. And I mean, we have listeners in the States and Australia and getting to Hackney on September 10th might be tricky.
20:05 - 20:11
But if you don't buy a ticket, you don't win the raffle. And then they never ever find out what the countries are.
20:11 - 20:24
Or is that too desperate? No, it's a good idea. And to even sweeten the deal a bit more, I'll bring a pair of my old underwear, old holy underwear.
20:25 - 20:31
The person who gets right answers gets pairs of my... Has to put them on.
20:31 - 20:40
Put David's old underwear on. Too much. Okay. Max Rushden. You are back. We're on the same time zone.
20:40 - 20:48
Guy Montgomery time, as it's known. GMT. You have been back now for five days, is it?
20:48 - 20:59
Following a 21-hour flight from Melbourne to London with two children. Not that four-day. Landed on Thursday morning, and this is Sunday we're discussing.
20:59 - 21:06
So what I want to know is... Just so you know, David, I've got a new quiz for you, which I'll do right at the end of my day.
21:06 - 21:13
Oh, okay. And I'm going to say this quiz could also last forever. What's your question, David?
21:13 - 21:25
Max Rushden, what did you do yesterday? Well, let's begin at 3.30 a.m. Yes. You get in.
21:25 - 21:39
You've had a great night out. Willie Rushden has woken up. Now, Willie Rushden and I are in room 603 of an establishment called The Lensbury in Teddington.
21:39 - 21:46
Sounds very posh. And I think they have aspirations to be posh, but it's not that posh because it's too reasonably priced.
21:46 - 21:54
We're in 603. Ian and Jamie are in 601. They were the two rooms we got. I would like to apologize.
21:55 - 22:03
To the inhabitants of room 602 for the last three days. So I thought I was thinking interconnecting door.
22:03 - 22:09
No, so we wanted two rooms because we've got two small children who may be awake or jet lagged at different times.
22:09 - 22:13
And we were like, if we split the problem, then at least someone will be asleep at some time.
22:13 - 22:25
It's 3.30. I take Willie to room 601 because he's hungry and Jamie provides the food. Okay, so she takes Willie back to 603 and I get into bed.
22:25 - 22:31
I'm with Ian in 601. 601 is really the hub. Yes, David. I've got a good joke.
22:31 - 22:41
You know what they say? It's 601 and 603 of the other. That's good. Thank you. That is a good joke.
22:41 - 22:53
Well done. Anyway, I'm pretty awake. Ian's asleep, but I can't sleep. As I am lying in bed at 3.30 a.m., Melbourne Bohemians are playing and I'm getting them minute by minute on the WhatsApp.
22:55 - 23:05
2-1 up. Kerry Robinson has scored two. Is Quentin playing? No, he's injured. He was injured in the last game that I played before leaving.
23:05 - 23:12
A 2-1 win over Maria Bong. Anyway, so that's interesting because he's kind of my replacement, Kerry Robinson.
23:12 - 23:17
I'm missing the rest of the season and he's scored more goals in this game than I have for the club over three seasons.
23:17 - 23:28
But we don't gloss over this. I snooze a bit, but I can't sleep. Ian has lost Mr. Carr, which is a furry, furry car, sort of the size of a,
23:28 - 23:36
I'd say a pretty big trout. But it's right next to him. But he wakes up in tears because he's lost Mr. Carr, but we find him pretty quickly.
23:36 - 23:43
But I'm tossing and turning and Ian, he wakes up at 4.50. So that is really when the day begins.
23:43 - 23:55
Are we edging towards normality? 3.30 is early, I will say that. Yeah, it is. 4.50, I mean, from the accounts of the past, it would be Let's Play Marbles right now.
23:55 - 24:02
Now, well, 4.50, he's on and he says, will you turn the light on? And this happens quite a lot.
24:02 - 24:05
You turn the light on, he claims it's too bright. Can you turn it down?
24:05 - 24:11
But I can't, 6.01 does not have the capability to turn lights down. But I try to explain how your eyes will adjust.
24:11 - 24:17
And he's not really on board with this, but eventually he's fine. And I put on the tiny little spotlights.
24:17 - 24:23
For if you were, possibly had the time to ever read a book in your life, if you were in room 6.01, you might.
24:23 - 24:30
But that's not this situation right now. Jamie delivers Willie to 6.01. She then goes back to 6.03.
24:30 - 24:39
Solo. Solo. She's gone back solo to have a bit of time. And she sort of delivers it in a, can I go back to 6.03?
24:39 - 24:45
But there's not really a question mark at the end of the sentence. There's very much a, this is the state of play.
24:45 - 24:50
And it's fair because we've both had one bad night, one good night. So she goes back there.
24:50 - 24:57
So I have two children and I have some sticky bricks, which are like... Lego, but they're kind of squidgy.
24:57 - 25:06
So they're quite interesting. They're sort of the size of Duplo, I would say. And we're playing with them and you can give them to Willie and he can shove them in his mouth and he's not going to swallow them.
25:06 - 25:16
So that's the dream for a six month old. And Ian has some new toy motorcycles we bought from an excellent kids charity shop on Teddington High Street.
25:16 - 25:24
And we are playing with those. So, you know, it's, the scene is okay. And I feel okay because the night before I'd fallen asleep at quarter to seven.
25:25 - 25:37
So, you know, I had some sleep. Look, I know, I'm not breaking the rules of the podcast, but the journey over, we just need one line on it because a lot of the listeners,
25:37 - 25:48
you did send me a picture mid-flight of you with a plastered smile is how I will describe it.
25:48 - 25:58
Did you ruin the journey back from Australia for up to 30 people? So, well, there's a couple of interesting things.
25:58 - 26:06
One is I have made a sort of hour by hour video that Mars Bar is going to put together of the experience from the moment of waking up.
26:06 - 26:11
Because remember, it's not when the flight begins. It's when you wake up that day, which was 4.45 a.m.
26:11 - 26:21
that leads you all the way to landing at Heathrow Airport. Well, do you remember the seat issue that we spoke about many months ago?
26:21 - 26:28
You had one seat in the middle. Yes. And then like an, like an arrowhead of assholes.
26:28 - 26:37
It started with the point. There were two behind then for you and Ian. Yeah.
26:37 - 26:42
So as we got on the plane, they say, look, I said, look, yeah, we're not sitting together.
26:42 - 26:54
And they're like, oh yes, but the seat next to you is free. So we had three free seats and then Jamie had the one in the middle and the two either side of her were a nice Australian Dutch couple who were like, we don't mind.
26:55 - 26:58
We'll sit in the middle. We'll sit together, whatever. Anyway, it turned out we sort of, it worked.
26:58 - 27:03
The seating worked. That was Perth to London, 17 hours. So that was a great moment.
27:03 - 27:09
The next 17 hours were not great. They were great for Ian because he went straight to sleep for nine hours.
27:09 - 27:18
Amazing. But Willie wanted to really soak in the atmosphere of every minute of his first long haul, his second ever flight.
27:18 - 27:23
His first one had been earlier that day, but his first long haul flight, he didn't want to miss a minute.
27:23 - 27:30
Do you know like, I think, footballers do this thing where they raw dog flights where they just stare at the map and they just do that.
27:30 - 27:38
That's all they did. Willie wanted to raw dog this flight and he also wanted to do it, he didn't want to give the impression that he was enjoying it the whole time.
27:38 - 27:44
So for much of the time, he decided to scream at the top of his voice.
27:44 - 27:53
Now I found a tiny little back, right at the back, I think you're not meant to sit on those, you know the seats that the cabin crew sit on with the sort of,
27:53 - 28:03
they look like military seats with, you know, big seatbelts. I found a little one with a dark curtain and then very nicely let me sit there and I, quite a few times,
28:03 - 28:13
I got Willie to sleep on that and once I got him to sleep on that and I was so desperate for a wee and I was hungry but I just couldn't move because he was asleep and it was like,
28:13 - 28:23
this is the net positive, he's asleep, who cares what's happening, I can just sit here, this is good and then Jamie just popped past and she tapped me on the shoulder and she went high and sort of walked back down the aisle
28:23 - 28:31
and I didn't have time to go, Jamie, and I couldn't shout because I didn't want to wake Willie and I was so desperate for a wee but she'd gone, it was a bit like,
28:31 - 28:40
you know those people who are stuck on a desert island and the boat comes past and they're waving and waving and waving, the boat carries on like this and it's gone and they're like,
28:40 - 28:52
oh my hopes and dreams, anyway, it was arduous, I wouldn't recommend it for anybody and it's amazing how quickly your mind forgets these things and so now we're sort of a week in or a few days in,
28:52 - 29:00
it's kind of, it's past. Anyway, Jamie comes back into room 601 at 5.30, so she's only been gone half an hour but she's had a good bit of time.
29:00 - 29:13
I go to 603 to shower, shower alone, it's a great shower, it's so powerful, it's like your shower but one that lasts because the water pump wasn't fitted by cock ring and so I have maybe a,
29:13 - 29:24
it might only be a five minute shower but it feels just glorious, you know, and so I shower, I'm happy about that, I come back in, a bit more playing at six because Willie's been up since,
29:24 - 29:38
I think, I'm not sure, yeah, four, whenever it was, I can't remember, he needs a nap walk, okay, so 6am, I'm pushing the pram down the Thames path at Teddington and it is absolutely beautiful,
29:38 - 29:52
it is no temperature, temperature, right, so it's, that's what Jamie calls it where it's not cold, you're not cold, you're not hot, you're just perfect, right, and there's nobody there,
29:52 - 30:01
it's so still and I'm walking up the Thames path thinking, why don't I live on the Thames path in Teddington, it's feeling a lot, I get bored very quickly but yes,
30:01 - 30:16
David. Part of it must be you back in London, you know, back in the old stomping ground, I'm imagining the opening sequence of one of the Austin Powers films where just flower sellers are coming out and just dancing with you,
30:16 - 30:20
you know, it's great to see you back Mr. Rushden, like that sort of thing.
30:20 - 30:29
there has been chatter about my return across London of which I'm certain, you know, LBC has been going big on it and all those kind of things but because it's so,
30:29 - 30:39
because South West London is a different part of the world, I mean, maybe you probably never ever go there but it's sort of, it's sort of insipidly boring as a place,
30:39 - 30:53
right? And, you know, so like the place we're in, it's nice, everyone's nice but there's no real soul and occasionally you get sort of real South West London twat so,
30:53 - 31:03
you know, like you'll be at reception, then just an old person who clearly no one has disagreed with for 50 years will just walk past you and go, Roger Mahoney's birthday party and they'll go,
31:03 - 31:07
yes, the Wimbledon room, sir, and yes, and they'll walk off, that kind of vibe.
31:07 - 31:18
So it doesn't feel like, because I am, you know, I'm a cockney, David, not in any real sense but that's how I feel, I'm an East London guy so like,
31:18 - 31:26
I'm the hips, you know, the high hat is East London and so I don't feel like we're back yet, we're in a holding pattern.
31:26 - 31:40
It's interesting that you are so happy there, you've just described this really boring soulless place and Generic Man 3 it's like, finally, my soul can rest.
31:40 - 31:53
Now for the tape, I should mention the background noise which is no longer children but it's someone banging because the flat I'm coming in is falling down because it has something called Regent Street Disease which I wouldn't recommend for a steel structure.
31:53 - 32:00
I wouldn't recommend you buy this tape if I try and sell it to you any time in the future but that didn't happen yesterday.
32:00 - 32:06
Okay, so it's very calming and I'm having a really lovely time. Now there are two types of nap walk, David.
32:06 - 32:16
One is where you just walk and walk and walk and the baby in the pram just with the movement, eyes closed and just, you know, just drifts off.
32:16 - 32:22
They are the dreams. This is not one of those. This is one where they get increasingly sad.
32:22 - 32:26
They're fine for a bit and you can see they're thinking about falling asleep and then they just get incredibly sad.
32:26 - 32:41
It's also started raining. So I am underneath a bridge from 6.40 to 7 a.m. bouncing up a baby and what's working at the moment is my Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean and I like to mix up,
32:41 - 32:47
you know, I sort of play around with the tune a little bit. Me singing it, bobbing him up and down, singing that for 20 minutes.
32:47 - 32:54
He goes down. That's great. We're going to walk back to the Lensbury and hit the breakfast buffet right on 7.30 when it starts.
32:54 - 33:03
Just interruption on the way back. No, I think it's, we'll place this as you're under the bridge like the red hot chili peppers being sad.
33:03 - 33:17
A goose just runs past with me sprinting after it. Shrieking laughter. So anyway, we get to, we get to the breakfast buffet and I just say it's a great breakfast buffet,
33:17 - 33:28
right? And especially for when we landed, I had a stewed the fry up on the aeroplane because I, I knew I was getting a breakfast buffet and when I, when I came,
33:28 - 33:34
it absolutely delivered, you know, it was the right level of dirty. It was the, but it wasn't disgusting.
33:34 - 33:41
It was like, but it was like, you know, it's got hash browns that have as much oil in them as I don't know whatever a storm cloud has water in,
33:41 - 33:52
you know, like it's holding. So it's like, it's extraordinary. Yeah. So I've gone dirty fry up day one, porridge day two, kind of veggie fry up day three.
33:52 - 34:03
That's been my three breakfasts I've chosen. Yeah. So I'm thinking porridge today because I'm on a, I'm on a fitness journey, which I've been on since I was about 16.
34:03 - 34:08
I eat a lot of Ian's crusts and I'm eating more food than I need to.
34:08 - 34:11
You know, I'm just letting myself go a little bit. So I think I'm going to be healthy.
34:11 - 34:14
I'm going to go porridge. But when I open the porridge, it's a bit water.
34:14 - 34:19
You know, it's not the stodge porridge that I'd had two days ago. That's off the table.
34:19 - 34:31
What have you done with Willie? Have you just, what I'm imagining you've done with him, you've just played placed him on top, you know, this sort of urn that you open up that's full of hash browns.
34:31 - 34:39
You've just placed sleeping Willie in there and just silently closed the lid. He's in the perfectly shaped UFO fried eggs.
34:39 - 34:43
And he's just gone ploop back now. He's in a watery bed of scrambled eggs.
34:43 - 34:52
That's where he is. And so, so Jamie makes a good point that I'm unlikely, this is my last buffet breakfast of this, of the London.
34:52 - 34:55
I'm here till the end of September, right? Because we're doing a live show. September the 10th.
34:55 - 35:03
You can pre-order tickets by going to our mailing list. Just find it on the Instagram page or the show description notes wherever you get this podcast.
35:03 - 35:07
But I am, so this is my last chance to have a big dirty fry up.
35:07 - 35:15
So I go from a healthy porridge to two sausages, two bacon, two hash browns, beans, fried egg, toast.
35:15 - 35:20
Absolutely. I mean, it's just great. I'm so happy. Just black coffee. A lovely image there.
35:20 - 35:32
You've thrown them all into the porridge as well. Just to keep up the illusion of it being healthy, anyone walking by and you're just pulling puddings and sausages out of it.
35:32 - 35:35
Yeah. Okay. So now we're going to soft play. The Lensbury has a soft play.
35:35 - 35:42
This is great. What? So we're the only people in there. Ian's very excited. There's some bricks to play with.
35:42 - 35:50
He can push his cars down the slide. Now I say, look, Jamie, you take both the kids.
35:50 - 35:55
I will pack the Volvo. Ladies and gentlemen, the Volvo. I'll pack the Volvo with the Volvo.
35:55 - 36:07
So she does that. I go back to the Volvo because I have recently become the face of Enterprise Rent-A-Car for four days and four days only.
36:07 - 36:14
What's this? Did you ask them for the loan of a car? Did they listen to the podcast?
36:14 - 36:24
They sponsor a segment of my TalkSport show. Wow. Yeah. The biggest mission of the weekend with Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
36:24 - 36:31
So anyway, they've given me a Volvo Gigantic. Now, if you thought we were in the BP-BPH, we have really in the...
36:31 - 36:36
This thing will not shut up. I mean, it's enormous. It's the size of a house.
36:36 - 36:43
And like, it's quite... It's like, you can't reverse it out of anywhere. Like if you...
36:43 - 36:48
Wherever you park, you'll come back and you'll be wedged in. But as we know, I'm an expert in this field with a Subaru.
36:48 - 36:57
But with this, suddenly it's a different ballgame. But when you're reversing, not only does it have BB BB, it's got a camera with like all the...
36:57 - 37:02
It's like a live stream of all the cars that are around you. It's pretty mind-blowing stuff.
37:02 - 37:06
So I pack the... And the boot, you just touch the bottom and it goes...
37:06 - 37:16
It goes... Like this. So I pack the car. Interestingly, I couldn't find the car key for ages.
37:16 - 37:21
And I was like, oh shit, I've lost the car key. And I text Jay, do you know where the car key is?
37:21 - 37:24
She's like, I have no idea. I turn the place inside out and then she says, oh, I put it in the safe.
37:24 - 37:29
So it was good. She'd done that, but it'd been great. She told me half an hour earlier.
37:29 - 37:40
And I would have really liked if one of your children had swallowed it. And then the only way to open the car was to just lift the child and hold it.
37:40 - 37:50
Squeeze it like an accordion. Wave it to open the door. To unlock the car, you squeeze their belly and to just do the boot, you just have to, it's just sternum.
37:50 - 37:54
That's where the boot is. Okay. So we're all ready. We're back. I'm back at Softplay.
37:54 - 38:00
Now, Jay is going to take Willie on the train and I'm going to take Ian in the car.
38:00 - 38:05
That's how we're doing it because Willie doesn't like the car and it's, you know, so the train is nice.
38:05 - 38:16
So she walks off to Teddington Station to get to Waterloo. Ian and I do a final sweep of the room and then we get back in the car and we,
38:16 - 38:23
I promise to show him Buckingham Palace and I accidentally drive the wrong way so we don't go to Buckingham Palace and he's a bit disappointed about that.
38:24 - 38:30
He falls asleep. This is exciting. Like, he doesn't have a nap but, you know, he's jet lagged so fine.
38:30 - 38:44
He falls asleep. I sit outside my flat and I do some work because I've got Football Weekly the next day so I'm pootling around on the laptop sitting in the flat.
38:44 - 38:58
He's asleep. From your description of the Volvo, I am imagining a sort of chauffeur type of thing where he's maybe 10 metres behind you and he's like and he's dozed off and so you've gone alright Mr Ian,
38:58 - 39:14
this is Buckingham Palace and you've turned around and he's completely asleep. He's completely asleep but he's got a Murray Mint and a small bottle of water and the car absolutely reeks of cologne like just way too much and Febreze a coagulated mix of the two.
39:14 - 39:20
Anyway, we get into my flat very nostalgic not being here for a year and it needs some TLC.
39:20 - 39:24
No one is painting its railings let me tell you that. In fact, it is.
39:24 - 39:39
As I mentioned it's falling down but that's okay. Jamie arrives with Willie we go to Waitrose at the end of the street we miss Waitrose and they've moved the tills and they haven't told us there's been a whole they've widened the aisles they've moved the tills
39:39 - 39:52
of Barbican Waitrose it's quite the it's quite the talking point among the family the adults in the family we really are well we're talking about this the nice man who stands outside who's a Spurs fan gives us some kids book from his stalls because he's not
39:52 - 39:55
he's happy to see us he says have this book for your kids. Oh that's really sweet of him.
39:55 - 40:04
Oh London it's so good sorry we just need to know presumably someone's been staying in your flat have they wrecked it or does it look okay?
40:04 - 40:16
Because I have to come back like for tours and stuff it's on the kind of short term rental you know with anybody I can get in from anything I give it to a company to do and so
40:16 - 40:29
people haven't wrecked it but it's just got that vibe of no one's taken that balsamic vinegar out and somebody would have done if they lived here for more than four days that's the sort of that's the vibe of it yeah I just need you to know
40:29 - 40:49
that when I think of it it's just it's the soccer AM glory years there's just wardrobes with dusty super dry t-shirts in there you know it's very much do you know what it's unbelievable you say that because I am currently wearing what can only be described as
40:49 - 41:05
a dusty super dry t-shirt that I got out of the wardrobe this morning thank you it smells so musty but that is absolutely sensational so the two the downstairs toilet or the cold toilet I mean it's all on the same floor but
41:05 - 41:20
that is rammed with our shit so I unlock that and sort of push it open I find two fans that are covered in dust because no one's opened that cupboard in 11 months and neither of them work so I chuck them out there's another cupboard
41:20 - 41:30
which has got my golf clubs in and then just everything that we just shoved in in the cupboard before we moved to Australia because it was quite a rushed job we didn't really have time to you know pack it up so that when you open it
41:30 - 41:41
it sort of falls on top of you and every time I come back I go I'm going to address this cupboard and then I go oh fuck I shut it and I get more masking tape and I just hope that somehow some way from osmosis
41:41 - 41:53
that shit is taken out clearly I don't need anything in there because I haven't touched it for three years get some of Ian's toys out of the dusty cold toilet he is very excited with the Hot Wheels so
41:53 - 42:09
that's good then I wore I go to we all go to Fortune Street Park that's been renovated too it's excellent I see a celebrity I see Mrs. H who does Mrs. H sing-alongs on Exmouth Market honestly she's absolutely brilliant you should download and listen to her
42:09 - 42:23
if you have kids her stuff is great then one of our oldest friends Anna comes to meet us for a coffee with her son and her partner David who's also a great friend of ours it is lovely to see an old friend because I miss my friends great
42:23 - 42:38
enormously when I'm in Australia as you can imagine Ian's on his balance bike Willie's now on top of Jamie in the house for his long afternoon nap okay so Jamie and Ian are out of the picture Jamie and Willie are out of the picture it's me and Ian
42:38 - 42:51
and a balance bike Anna and David their son as well we have a coffee and then we go to the White Cross Tap and we sit in the beer garden and I have three pints and it is in the sun and it is what time are we?
42:51 - 43:10
three o'clock half three so are you having been up now for nearly 12 hours yeah is there a danger to three pints here where you could like just go for a you know the newspaper just collapses on top of this I know that's not your life
43:10 - 43:26
yeah we'll get to that so we order some pizzas Ian has some pizza bread doesn't really want the hummus Ian and Anna and David's son have an interesting conversation over the definition of what a toy it's a it's a Vespa and Ian wants to call it a moped
43:26 - 43:42
and Anna and David's son wants to call it a motorbike and they have a steaming row for about an hour going no it's a moped no it's a motorbike but I really enjoy it at the end of this argument what I want is because Ian's been in Australia
43:42 - 43:59
it ends with a that's not enough this is enough he's a sort of mini crocodile Dundee type character yeah he is and anyway so that is really nice Jamie comes Willie it's nice to see everyone we're all happy then suddenly all the kids are a bit tired
43:59 - 44:12
it's time to go home so I don't finish the third pint I've had two pints of lager and one pint of landlord and I leave maybe the last third of that it's back into the flat it's bath time the bath the plug doesn't work
44:12 - 44:27
but I fix the plug and I have a hundred percent record of fixing plugs as people know wow so I'm very excited about that Ian and Willie are both in the bath together that's fun we get them all ready for bed I don't think I eat anything else
44:27 - 44:42
but you know my health my start to my fitness plan is a massive fry up and three pints and one and a half pepperoni pizza so it's not the dream start to that it's given but we're really excited because we've been for the last few days
44:42 - 44:54
in these two hotel rooms we haven't ever had an evening together me and Jamie so we're like let's get the kids down and then we'll have a bit of an evening Jamie wants to go for a walk that's nice I'm thinking I might go for a run
44:54 - 45:16
Jamie puts Willie down in the dark room and I take Ian up to bed in our bedroom it's about ten to seven and Ian drops Ian drifts off and I drift off oh yeah so there's no walk for Jamie because I am asleep and at the moment
45:16 - 45:28
we can't on a high bed a bit risky to leave Willie rolling around you know you just don't want to hear that bump like a tortoise hitting the ground hitting the floor yeah it is what it would be I wake up at half past nine and
45:28 - 45:38
I think that's when we do a swap no no no half past nine I wake up and I'm a bit awake and I think I haven't really done enough prep for Football Weekly or this pod I do a lot of prep for this one but you know
45:38 - 45:54
I get the emails in the right order so I do a bit of work on my phone in the bed fall asleep again 10.30pm Jamie comes in with Willie says we need to swap that's fine so I go downstairs and I get in with Willie I watch
45:54 - 46:10
the highlights of the Women's Euros quarter finals that I haven't seen France-Germany what a game amazing save from the Germany keeper in that interruption yes David the deepest most you know I have this thing where when I wake up sometimes I can't remember who I am
46:10 - 46:30
or what language I speak etc the deepest version of that is now maybe because you're a few days in but is post-trip Australia or New Zealand where when you've got the two hours sleep and you wake up kind of like you've just been threatened
46:30 - 46:45
you know what I mean so you jump up out of the sleep and just start like punching the air around you I am I I've had some weird dreams where basically I keep dreaming that I'm responsible for somebody's death but I've got away with it and then someone
46:45 - 46:58
says there's going to be an inquest and I wake up like in absolute terror and I don't think that that has happened in my life I'm pretty certain I'd remember this moment but I keep having this anxiety dream that they're going to have an inquest and I'm like
46:58 - 47:14
oh that's going to be a lot it's going to be annoying so I'm putting that down to jet lag it's the key difference between your Australian dreams which are just all like bouncers dream from neighbours they're just very gentle whereas your London dreams are like police procedural
47:14 - 47:27
they're like episodes of adolescence well it is funny that there is we were saying this morning there's a sort of default setting in Melbourne that people are sort of happy until they're made unhappy and okay
47:27 - 47:40
today was pitting down with rain when we were walking this morning and it's commuter it's not like we're in you know Victoria Park in the summer you know in the sun and we're happy but there is a sort of base unhappiness and you know you need to be
47:40 - 48:00
made happy here that's what seemingly the difference sort of similar places similar vibe but that's so true yeah I'd say the same thing with gigs when I do gigs in Australia the audience are sitting there thinking themselves oh I bet this is going to be good whereas
48:00 - 48:19
in London they're sitting there going it's probably going to be shit I do miss that energy I miss that energy the first time we after moving to Australia we came back for the first time after about 10 or 11 months and Ian was tiny and we were you know
48:19 - 48:32
you get stopped with a pram in Melbourne all the time with people saying oh what's that this is cute we literally we turned round Old Street roundabout bumped into someone way to work the first thing someone just went oh fuck off and it was just like straight in
48:32 - 48:47
that was like welcome back it was really good anyway 10.30pm I swap with Jay come down and watch the highlights of the game and then like he drifts off I drift off and that I would say is the end of that's the end of that day yeah
48:47 - 49:06
now you did say you were gonna have a quiz for me ah yeah here's a quiz do you want the quiz during the Teddington days as they're now called yeah I saw a comedian putting up a poster for a show I thought he's quite big he's quite big
49:06 - 49:21
you know I don't think you put up your own posters David but I was like that's interesting he's putting up a poster yeah and a pretty famous English footballer also walked past me I would like you to name both but I'm never gonna tell you if you get
49:21 - 49:32
one right you're gonna have to keep going until you get both god's sake but it's quick isn't it it's a quick quiz just ends the thing you go bling and bling you know so
49:32 - 49:49
no clues whatsoever I'm taking no clues whatsoever I just want you to say Michael McIntyre Jude Bellingham I'm going current player did you say I can't give you any clues oh for goodness sake okay
49:49 - 50:11
I'm gonna say just imagine hang on just imagine if you got this first time it would be absolutely insane okay Nish Kumar and Glenn Hoddle incorrect okay I look forward to playing again next week you read there's something in you with all of these games you don't understand
50:11 - 50:31
games a game isn't I'm thinking of a word try and guess what the word is no clues that's not really a game there needs to be more jeopardy people need to see an end point like they need I'll tell you this or nothing me and my friends
50:31 - 50:41
used to play a game called think of a thing right literally could be anything anything it could be the most detailed thing about it could be like the silver token from the crystal dome on the crystal maze right
50:41 - 50:57
you know you could think of anything right and we were once driving across Australia this is 2006 and I'd thought of something and my friend I think it was Ollie said Prunella scale and it was and so there therein lies how these games are still officially games
50:57 - 51:14
I'll get you to think of a thing eventually but so far it's just a comedian and a footballer it's just a quiz for you it's not for anyone else we'll keep playing until you get the two yes I liked that day I enjoyed you returning to the old
51:14 - 51:33
Rushden residence I enjoyed you noticing the widening of the aisles in which the listeners and I did that for you to welcome you back thank you so much with the pram you would need just slightly wider aisles and we were willing to do that does it feel
51:33 - 51:48
good to be back now that you're coming back into the land of the living yeah oh massively yeah I miss home I miss home it was lovely to see some people I'll be seeing my parents my sister in about an hour that'll be lovely they'll meet the grandchild
51:48 - 52:04
oh my goodness beautiful or Willie so they'll meet Willie and then my mum will get a piece of paper saying now I've got the diary and we'd like to see you every day for the next two months for ten hours so that'll be good and I'm going
52:04 - 52:19
out with some friends tomorrow yeah yeah very excited this isn't where we're basing ourselves so it'd be good to get you know to fill the Volvo once again to beep beep beep the Volvo which I got from the excellent Enterprise Rent-A-Car and get in our location
52:19 - 52:38
get set up and then you're going to plane sailing for two months yeah thanks for having me back as the boss of England I allow you to come back and it's great to have you over there in England we shouldn't detain you any longer it sounds like
52:38 - 52:53
you've got a genuinely exciting afternoon in front of you well you say that we'll see how it goes but yes it sounds like you want to end the podcast before we've done an hour are we allowed to oh no 59 minutes hey David we've got a live
52:53 - 53:03
show on the 10th of September at the Hackney Empire did you know we've booked a guest haven't we we've booked a guest we can't say who it is oh yeah we have booked a guest it's a good one it's a good one you'll be trying
53:03 - 53:20
to book other guests but ultimately I'll sort out the guest I would imagine you will aim slightly too high you'll be like you'll be like what if we get Paul McCartney and Ringo back in with John Lennon son and
53:20 - 53:37
George Harrison son I'll put in a few texts out of sight find out what Taylor Swift did yesterday by coming to the live show the Hackney Empire 10th of September pre-sale tickets on sale on Thursday please join our mailing list it would make us feel good
53:37 - 53:50
if we sold some tickets on Thursday our Instagram is at yesterdaypod or the description will have how you sign up for that on the pod description I'm not sure anyone ever reads the notes in a pod description so
53:50 - 54:07
I'm sceptical that you will but do it this time it's good to have the first time hey thanks David thanks for doing this podcast if you would like to get in touch with us for the podcast this is how oh yeah to get in touch with the show
54:07 - 54:29
you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't welcome home welcome home thanks so much well
54:29 - 54:45
I Mrs. Rush was just hovered into view behind you what a beautiful moment do you want to say anything to David in the mic into the microphone why why because that's how the podcast works it's the end of the yeah no what do you want me
54:45 - 55:02
to do with this baby just look after that baby okay I'll look after it oh sorry to the listeners what a perfect ending to this Mrs. Rush has just walked in and placed is it a sleeping baby or is it a waking baby directly into my co-host's arms
55:02 - 55:26
oh there's some open eyes oh that is a smile I am getting through the zoom and he loves your early work he loves your beeps 2007 that's what he said bye Rushdens see ya bye Rushdens