0:00 - 0:11
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? No. Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode three of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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David O'Doherty, fortunately, is with me. Hello, David. Hello and welcome to episode three, listeners.
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The first two have come out, Max. Has your partner listened to it? Because that was what I always wanted.
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Because she has never had any interest in any of your other podcast work. It's true.
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She's never listened or watched any other content I've ever done. And she has listened to this.
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And her main feedback is, I was unaware of this because I don't know. Listen back to these.
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In the Lou Sanders episode, I announced that she was grubby and she is the reason why I don't shower.
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And she is disappointed. And she said, you're a 45-year-old man. You're in control of your own hygiene.
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And to be fair to her, she has a point. What feedback have you got from friends and family?
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My worry is that she's now going to go back and listen to every football podcast.
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She believes in every podcast. You've ever done. You're dropping these awful nuggets of what your home life is like.
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Her listening to some discussion of some Sunderland relegation from 2007 just on the off chance that you might say something.
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Everton in crisis again. Yes, I've got to get through this bit. I would say the feedback has been broadly positive.
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I mean, we're still early days now. A lot of what you might describe as, and maybe I'm being too sensitive, like Jamie, faint praise is what I would say.
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Oh, really? No one's gone in two-footed saying, this is great. I mean, people have said nice stuff, but also I've put you, my neighbour Sarah said, I've put you on my sleep rota.
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Which is, this stuff is so boring. Do you know what? I actually pass out while listening to it.
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That's ridiculous. That's really strong. Yeah, there's quite a lot of that sort of thing.
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It is worth pointing out that we are currently number one in the charts. So people are more interested in, you know, what Ellis James wants to wear on his feet than who's going to become the next president of the United States of America,
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which I think says a lot about, it says a lot about the people of the United Kingdom.
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Get your priorities in order. You can't listen to this before you've found out the important news.
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But we are thankful. I saved this one on my phone, Max. Loved the first two episodes.
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Some of the interaction between Max and Ellis could only be described as partridge versus partridge.
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I think that's fair. Anyway, so this episode is with Alex Horne, who I probably doesn't need an introduction, does he?
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Because he's very well known and he's a lovely man. He's the master of the tasks.
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He just makes me laugh so much in a giggle. I have a feeling I'm about to giggle here a lot.
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Yeah, I'd say his first answer is brilliant. The first answer to the first question.
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So if you don't listen to the whole pod, I mean, we'd like you to listen to all of it, but definitely listen to the next minute because his first answer, I believe, is excellent.
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But yeah, here's Alex Horne. And we appreciate you listening to episodes for sticking with us for so long.
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Thank you. Alex Horne, welcome to this podcast. What did you do yesterday? It's great to have you.
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It's great to be here. It's great to recall what I did yesterday with you guys.
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Yeah, and it's great you're on because I really want to know specifically what you did yesterday.
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So you are, in many ways, the ideal guest. We have one question for you.
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What did you do yesterday? Now we have other questions. Right. So what was the first thing you did yesterday?
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Yeah, when did you wake up? It's lovely to be on the podcast. It's now Tuesday.
4:49 - 4:53
So yesterday was Monday. Yeah, correct. So the first thing I did when I woke up...
4:53 - 4:56
Well, hang on, when did you wake up? Where did I wake up? Where and when?
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I'm not telling you that. Oh my goodness. You can't do this. You can't plead the fifth.
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What can you redact it? So you want like beep, beep over a lot of this.
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A lot of people are going to hear this podcast. Yeah, it's true. Well, none of them have been released yet.
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We're hopeful someone releases them at some point. Yeah, we have a theory that maybe this will never be released, this.
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Oh, then I'm fine. I'm all in then. Okay, great. So just say whatever you want and probably no one will ever hear it.
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Okay. What time did you get up at? Well, none of your business. So David, do you think this is, I don't know, but this could be our first ever one night stand.
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Exciting time for us. It's just a bad thing to say on any podcast, I think, is none of your business.
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It just doesn't really chime. Have you ever done a podcast before? You can't say none of your business after all the questions.
5:46 - 5:53
I'd like to reserve the right to say it once. Okay. Okay, fine. Okay. I woke up on the right hand side of the bed as you look at the bed.
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So stage left. Yeah. As I always do. Near the exit. Far away. From the bathroom.
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Oh, interesting. And on the suite. But is that to protect from potential attackers, do you think?
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I don't know. Because it also means I'm nearer the children who enter at certain points.
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Yeah. So I have to deal with the children while my wife goes to the toilet quickly.
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Yep. At 7 a.m. No, my alarm goes off. Oh, no. Her alarm goes off.
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Yesterday, I'll tell you what happened. I woke up 5 to 7 on the left hand side of my bed and I grabbed my phone.
6:23 - 6:31
Okay. But not to do any bad things, David. To do Wordle. I don't look at any social media, but I get Wordle done.
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Do you know, I do it last thing. Really? Yeah. It's my treat. How do you avoid the noise throughout the day of people screaming the Wordle word at you?
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I am in a Wordle group. Well, exactly. But you don't see what the word is.
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So as long as I don't look at Rob's guess, because he always starts with train, I'm not a cheat.
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So I go in blind. What was the word yesterday? What was the word? Super.
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Are the words getting more flamboyant? Do you think they've done all of the classic?
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Words. And now it's like phalanx and things like that. You'd think, wouldn't you? I think the thing is, though, there are so many words and they've only been going, what, five years?
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So they've done 1500 words. Yeah. They've not scratched the surface of words. Yeah, but there's the five letter words.
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There must be about 2000 five letter words, I would say. No, I think you're grossly underestimating our beautiful language, David.
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So I did mine at 9.52 p.m. And I did it in three, which is good for me.
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I'm not generally that good. I can't remember what the word. It was. I think it was super.
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I'm pretty sure. It was great. It was, yeah. An answer to your question, David, if you're only having super now.
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Yeah. I think super is a rubbish word. It's so basic. Super. No one says super.
7:39 - 7:53
Super. So we'll move on. And I wouldn't wordle, but I would crossword. And sometimes, like my brain can't make sense of things until about 11.
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And then post 11, I'll look back at it, just immediately fill everything in. So it's interesting that you have a sort of almost child thing in your brain.
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The modes go, it's six minutes to seven, you're asleep. It's five to seven, super.
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But I think I use it to wake my brain up, or at least that's what I kid myself, that this engages the brain and we're off.
8:15 - 8:21
Yeah, but your brain's running like a Ferrari for the day. If that's the start of it, at least Max builds up to it.
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You're straight in. You're not climaxing on the wordle, are you? I am. Every little part of the day is building up to.
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Really? Yeah, can I get tally in under five? Do you ever go tactical on wordle?
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If you're down to the fifth one and then you use some letters that you know you're not doing the word, but you want to get some constants in there you haven't got.
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Recently, yeah. Recently, I've started getting quite a lot of pleasure out of that. I'm all about the speed rather than the number.
8:43 - 8:47
I don't mind how many it takes. I just want to get it done before seven o'clock, ideally.
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Okay, and did you this time? Yeah, I always do. We're almost through the day, but it's what, three minutes to seven now?
8:53 - 8:57
Yeah. Okay. What I do, I put in the first five-letter word that pops into my diet.
8:58 - 9:03
I don't have a starting word, and sometimes they're useless. You know, I sometimes put in something like poppy with three Ps.
9:03 - 9:08
What am I doing? Yeah, yeah. Even me who doesn't know knows that that is something that an idiot would do.
9:08 - 9:12
In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if, in signing up for Wordle, they've got your phone number.
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They send someone round if you put in poppy or total or something like that.
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For a while, I did a game where it was like Wordle, but you were racing against somebody.
9:23 - 9:30
Do you know this? It's one of these apps. Right. Anyway, I started thinking. I was communicating with them because you can have a sort of conversation.
9:30 - 9:37
If I say hello as a five-letter word, then they'll say train. But you can try to get something out of them if you keep saying hello.
9:37 - 9:44
Hello? So no children. You've achieved the Wordle. No one's come into the room yet.
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It's before a seven. Well, it's school holidays, so there are no children until half past eight earliest, I'd say.
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Oh, wow. So they're getting a bit of a sleep in. Yeah, Max doesn't have that at all.
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I don't. No. I have a dog that will. It will disturb me. My wife and I are quite civilised in school holidays.
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We'll have a coffee outside if the weather's good. That's what we did yesterday. Outside in the garden or to a cafe?
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Outside in the garden. Is this at ten past seven? Have you dressed for this or are you still in a robe?
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Good question. There's not a lot going on clothes-wise. I think it's going to be putting on a T-shirt.
10:19 - 10:26
Okay. There'll be something on the lower half, but not a lot. Right. Maybe a mermaid bottom or something like that.
10:26 - 10:32
Oh, yeah. Maybe something mermaid-y. Right. This sounds idyllic. This is absolutely beautiful. It does sound good.
10:32 - 10:38
I'll tell you what I'll have before that, though, is a little cup of something called Simprove that Rachel makes me have every day.
10:38 - 10:44
This sounds very high performance to me. It's to sort out your gut. And I didn't think I needed it to be sorted out.
10:44 - 10:47
I still don't. It hasn't made any difference to anything, but she makes me have that.
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Okay. What's it like? Is it a little green juice kind of a thing? Yeah, it's like a shot of probiotic type.
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I don't know. It looks like what it's going to look like when it comes out.
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Alex, I'm slightly worried it could be a sedative and she is sedating you for the day.
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I asked her that and she said no. That's what they say. Really? Have you ever seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest?
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It sounds remarkably... Does anyone else live in the house with you? Are these people your children?
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Are they roughly the same age as you? I don't want to be critical, David, but I think you put the emphasis too much on nest during One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest as opposed to any other.
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thing belonging to the cuckoo. So where are you going to put it? It's either One or Flew for me.
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One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I'm going One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Do you say Adidas or Adidas?
11:39 - 11:48
Adidas. Actually, it's Adidas, I think. When you say Rachel forces you to drink it, it's not a sort of waterboarding type moment.
11:48 - 11:55
She'll leave it out for me in quite a pointed way. She'll know if I haven't drunk it and she'll say, have you drunk it?
11:55 - 11:59
And then I'll go back in and drink it. I haven't drunk it. How long have you been on the probiotics?
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I reckon six months. Okay. And absolutely no change in... No change, but because I haven't been ill in that time, she thinks it's because of this.
12:07 - 12:20
Wow. I mean, as we record this, I'm drinking electrolytes here, which, because I'm surely to undertake many Edinburgh Fringe gigs, I'm thinking this may help, but I've been doing it for about two weeks.
12:20 - 12:26
I don't feel any different. What are you drinking there, Max? You took that as an opportunity.
12:26 - 12:33
I've got a big bottle of... It's very cold water, because what I've discovered, since it got hot in this cupboard, it gets really hot in this cupboard.
12:33 - 12:38
Right. So by the end of this hour, I've lost about three stones. Rachel occasionally makes me drink electrolytes.
12:38 - 12:46
Okay. But I don't think I knew what an electrolyte was until this started. I thought it was one of those things in the sky that doesn't have an engine.
12:46 - 12:53
A glider. A microlight or something. Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's a cool name for something that's just salt, isn't it?
12:53 - 12:57
Is it just salt? Is that all it is? I don't think there's much to it.
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Are there any other things that she makes you consume? Yes, we'll come on to that at about 11 o'clock.
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Okay, good. A whole bison. I look forward to that moment. I tell you, I met somebody at 2 o'clock yesterday that we can talk about at that point, about a whole bison.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop clickbaiting your own episodes. This is the first. It's like memento.
13:17 - 13:22
We do it chronologically because neither David or I are sharp enough to dot around the clock.
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Although, you know, for series two, it might be an idea. Okay, so it's ten past seven.
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You're in a T-shirt and underpants. Yeah. You've been force-fed, drank the probiotics. You've got a black coffee.
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No, it's a white coffee. So you were not far off there. Okay. But I've set the scene, I think, to how far we've gone.
13:41 - 13:45
Yeah, one sugar. And then you have a nice conversation. What do you do? What are you talking about?
13:45 - 13:51
We do have a nice conversation. We'll talk about, if one of us was out the night before, how that went.
13:51 - 13:55
Oh, yeah. We might talk about what's coming up in the day, especially in the school holidays.
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So it's an admin-based, friendly conversation. Is this love? Is this what love is? I think so.
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Admin conversation. I guess it kind of is, whereby you don't tire of these admin conversations.
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Maybe that's as good a description as any of it. Well, we won't discuss the news, I don't think.
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Yeah, so it's nothing major. It's odds and ends. Alex, you haven't looked at, because you only use the phone for Wordle, you don't know what's happened in the world.
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She also does not do Wordle, so that's not on the agenda either. Right, yeah.
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In fact, I don't think she even knows I do it. I tend to do that when she's brushing her teeth.
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Of all the affairs, I think it's the best. Do you get, because sometimes, me and Mrs. Rush, some of our favourite moments are a diary meeting, paper diary, going through the days, who's doing what,
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where. I get enormous pleasure out of just knowing all of them. Yeah, I don't mind them.
14:49 - 14:52
I don't mind them at all. I guess it is a diary meeting in the holidays.
14:52 - 14:58
It was yesterday, yeah. I have 19 bikes, so this stuff... This never happens to me.
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Maybe pop a bit of lube on a chain once in a while, get the PSI back up.
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That's all I got to do. Your background is a bit like an are you a robot security question where you have to spot the bicycle and circle it.
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I had an idea where in some sort of sitcom, they should hire a robot, right, to do something.
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And then they can't log into their computer because when the box says, are you a robot, they can't tick no because...
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Because the robot's doing its job. Yeah, the robot's doing the job. That's where AI will fall down.
15:32 - 15:35
So I've had that idea. What I don't have is the rest of the sitcom.
15:35 - 15:41
Yeah, you've got to flesh it out. I've got to flesh it out. I've pitched that a couple of times and they say we need more, you know.
15:41 - 15:46
Have you got a title? The Robot Goes to Work. The Robot Goes to Work.
15:46 - 15:53
Yeah. No, I like the title. You have been reading too many books to a two-year-old, Max, I think.
15:53 - 16:01
That's a very two-year-old title. Well, I mean, now wanting to break any confidences, I made up the title very recently.
16:01 - 16:13
Ah, got it. We're caffeinated. We're caffeinated. We're professionally biotic. Yeah. What are you going to do with all that energy and all those vits?
16:13 - 16:19
Enter dog. Yeah, right. Dog's up. Cool. She might sleep in, but she sometimes scratches at her door.
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She sleeps in the front room downstairs. Okay. We have to keep the door shut.
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Otherwise, she'll be on our bed. And we don't want that. Okay. We don't want How old is she?
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She is five and a half. Rank her intelligence from one to five. One? Oh, yeah.
16:37 - 16:40
Were you saying like one to five and five is, I don't know, Stephen Hawking?
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Or were you saying one to five in dog? Is that a thick dog or thick compared to?
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It's a thick dog. It's a good question. It's a thick dog. Yeah. One to five was not a huge range, was it?
16:51 - 16:56
But yeah, no, it's a thick dog. Stupid dog will go outside and bark for 20 minutes at ants.
16:57 - 17:02
And so we try to quieten her down. But that will eventually wake up the children and the neighbors.
17:02 - 17:06
Do you ever try and train the dog? I don't think so. No, I don't think so.
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It's pretty easy. We once had a trainer came to try and sort out problems with our dog growing up.
17:13 - 17:16
And it did improve things. So you say it was pretty easy, but you didn't do it.
17:16 - 17:24
No, the trainer came. The dog was getting older and grumpier and thought it was the boss of the house, basically.
17:24 - 17:29
And what we needed to do to the dog was just be like, put its dinner down and be like, don't eat it yet.
17:29 - 17:36
And the dog would be like, what? Oh, you've reestablished authority over me. Now we can move forward.
17:36 - 17:41
Okay. Our dog is fine. The only problem is the barking. But we live next door to an abandoned house.
17:41 - 17:45
And it's full of deer and badgers and foxes. So she's just doing her job.
17:45 - 17:51
And I think unless we remove the voice box. Oh, don't do that. That's what I said.
17:51 - 17:56
But I think we're going to do that. Really? No, no. Right. Good. I'm here to ask.
17:56 - 18:04
The important question. I would only accept it if you gave her yours. Yeah. And you took hers.
18:04 - 18:11
Well, obviously, if that was an option, I'd be first in the queue. Why is the house abandoned next to you?
18:11 - 18:15
Well, this didn't happen yesterday. This happened about 45 years ago. Oh, so we can't. I don't know if we can go into that.
18:15 - 18:21
We can't really. No. We're getting sidetracked. Okay. We're getting sidetracked. The dog has appeared.
18:21 - 18:26
Well, I can just say what I did yesterday. No. David wants this to be entertaining.
18:27 - 18:30
I'm here on a fact-finding mission, so that's what I want. It's just the information.
18:30 - 18:36
The dog has appeared. The dog does some barking at badgers. Dog probably does a wee as well.
18:36 - 18:41
Yeah, yeah, and a poo. And quite often, we won't pick that up until a week later.
18:41 - 18:47
Wow. Because the garden's in sections. I don't want to sound too grand, but we've got AstroTurf at the top.
18:47 - 18:51
Right. Where the kids play football, and we don't have to garden. It's brilliant. She doesn't like doing it on that.
18:51 - 18:55
She does it down the bottom. And the kids don't go down there because of all the shit.
18:55 - 19:00
Okay. So I won't deal with that until later on in the day. You've got AstroTurf.
19:00 - 19:08
Shit. Is there a middle? Is that the two sections of the garden? Well, there's a sort of bank of wildflowers, which you sort of wade through.
19:08 - 19:14
Yeah, and then just shit everywhere. Yeah, great. So the kids are awake. Kids are sort of emerging between now and half eight.
19:14 - 19:18
How did it get to half eight? I don't know what's happened in that intervening bit.
19:18 - 19:22
I might get the cereal out for them, but we're trying to encourage them to feed themselves now.
19:22 - 19:32
Really good. What cereals are they on? They are on Cheerios. And Shapes, neither of which provide any nutritional use.
19:32 - 19:38
Great. You know, they have milk. Rachel doesn't try and force any probiotics on them.
19:38 - 19:46
Rachel does not, no. But at this point, she is grinding up vegetables and fruit for me in a blender-y type thing, which will be what I have to eat.
19:46 - 20:01
I want Cheerios and Shapes, but I don't get them. Do you think there's a chance that the dog has been drinking a lot of the probiotics hence these logs that are filling Zone 3 of the garden?
20:01 - 20:08
Well, her diet is awful. As in, it's just the same thing every single day forever.
20:08 - 20:14
And I sort of don't mind that, taking the choice out of it. Yeah. But again, it looks like what it looks like when it goes in, when it comes out.
20:14 - 20:17
Can you take a photo of one of them? We'll pop it in the show notes.
20:17 - 20:22
Yeah, yeah. Hey, we're already in trouble because we can't release the Nish Kumar episode because of how scatological it is.
20:22 - 20:28
And you're taking us down this path once again. Didn't Nish talk about his own shit?
20:28 - 20:32
He did. Yeah, yeah. I haven't factored that in. I don't think I remember when I do them.
20:32 - 20:37
That's okay. We don't need to know. Like, we're in trouble already. We're trying for this to be a broad podcast.
20:37 - 20:40
It will have happened at some point during the day. Can we accept that? It's one state.
20:40 - 20:45
We can accept that. Yeah, yeah. That's all we need to know. But when we talk about Bison Man later on, you won't believe what he says on this issue.
20:45 - 20:51
Right. So the kids are eating the Cheerios. Yeah. Rachel is blending you a super smoothie.
20:51 - 20:56
And it's summer holiday, so they have quickly checked stuff on their phones. Right. They've checked footmarts.
20:56 - 21:05
They've checked mob, any international movements in the football world, and their own Snapchats. So we've persuaded them off that, and we're all sat around the table briefly.
21:05 - 21:14
Wow. For about eight minutes. And how do you do that? Do you, I have seen on American television programs, sometimes families put their phones like in a biscuit tin.
21:14 - 21:23
They wouldn't call it that. We have bought from Etsy an American thing which says something like horn family unplug or something like that to put the phones in.
21:23 - 21:27
But only one phone's been in it so far. It's a symbolic thing. Rather than a practical use.
21:27 - 21:34
It reminds me of when I was on a football team in school, you put all of your valuables into a sock.
21:34 - 21:40
Oh, yeah. And then one of the non-playing subs would have to mind the bag with the socks in it.
21:40 - 21:51
Yeah. But then once someone nicked the bag. Brilliant. Similarly, and I will not commit a crime based on the information that I've learned from this, but it is the house next to the haunted turkeys.
21:51 - 21:56
I'm going to nab that box with all your phones in it. Sweet. Yeah. I don't think.
21:56 - 22:02
That's going to make us change the system. Okay. I mean, also, all our keys are in over there together.
22:02 - 22:05
I don't think we're going to start splitting things up in case you come along.
22:05 - 22:21
I found out when somebody broke into my house and stole my Subaru that it is not sensible to have all the keys, your wallet with all your cards, Australian, British, all in one thing right by the back door.
22:21 - 22:26
Well, I always thought that was the best place to leave it. Also, I found out it's better to have insured your car.
22:26 - 22:33
Ah. Than not to. But these, look, it's learnings. Yes, you're glad it happened. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
22:33 - 22:38
I don't think anyone listens to this podcast for learnings, but I've learned something there.
22:38 - 22:46
The Subaru did come back, though, didn't it? Yeah, and actually, it came back in absolutely great nick because these guys, they wanted to be clean while they were robbing stuff.
22:46 - 22:51
And they left loads of wet wipes because the two sets of people that need wet wipes are parents of young kids and robbers.
22:51 - 22:56
Where have we got to? You're talking to the kids. You're having family time. Yeah.
22:56 - 22:59
This is a lovely scene. This is good. And it's not necessarily chirpy or chatty.
22:59 - 23:05
Right. We would be passing on the diary chat to them saying, this is what we're going to do today, guys.
23:05 - 23:10
How old are the children, please? 11, 13, 15. Right. And are they up for the day that you've suggested for them?
23:10 - 23:15
We are all odd numbers in the Horn family at the moment, and then we'll be even numbers afterwards.
23:15 - 23:18
Sorry. Yeah, they're up for the day. They're enjoying this early stages in the holidays.
23:18 - 23:25
Right. So this is prep. What I'm hearing here is all prep for this day that is about to roar off.
23:26 - 23:33
Like a jumbo jet. All right. Things did roar off now because the eldest boy announced he was going for a run, which is sort of a new thing.
23:33 - 23:38
So he went off for a run immediately. Then I thought, well, maybe I want to go for a run.
23:38 - 23:42
So within half an hour, I'd gone for a run with the middle boy. Okay.
23:42 - 23:45
How far were you trying to go here? I don't know. There's a loop from our house.
23:45 - 23:50
I don't know how long it is, but for the first time yesterday, we timed ourselves so we can beat that next time.
23:50 - 23:53
And if you go one way, it feels like if you go one way, it's uphill.
23:53 - 23:55
If you go the other way, it's downhill, even though it ends up at the same place.
23:56 - 24:00
So we went the uphill way, and it was 19 minutes. Okay. So it's not a long run.
24:00 - 24:05
It's not a long run. I'd say 3K, maybe two and a half, 3K. Or eight, maybe 8K.
24:05 - 24:14
8K. That's Olympic pace. Yeah, yeah. We did Olympic pace because we were Olympic. During lockdown, I got into running because there was nothing to do.
24:14 - 24:21
And I was living by the Barbican and the GPS on your Strava, which tells you it had a bit of a glitch.
24:21 - 24:27
At one point, I set the world record for the women's 400 meters. That is great.
24:27 - 24:31
I hope there's an asterisk in the Olympics when they come up with that, Ray.
24:31 - 24:37
Okay, so you do your run. That's great. I'm really impressed. Yeah, run's done. Is that after your celery juice?
24:37 - 24:41
That carries on throughout the morning. It's so hard to drink, so I keep dipping into that.
24:41 - 24:46
Sometimes I use a spoon. It's got peanut butter in sometimes. This is awful stuff.
24:46 - 24:54
I know. Can I just ask one question? 15, like if I was 15 and I was going for a run, it's for a specific reason that I want to play for Tottenham Hotspur?
24:55 - 24:59
Or when I was 15, I was probably doing some running training because I was going to win the Tour de France.
24:59 - 25:04
Yeah. No, I think he's just going to, every now and again, thinks I should probably look after myself.
25:04 - 25:07
Same as me, really. I think he's the same mindset as me. There's no target.
25:07 - 25:16
Maybe he's just trying to get away from you all. Well, I did watch him out the window, and he went a weird direction towards the corner shop, and then he started running, luckily.
25:16 - 25:20
But he's just a walk for about 50 metres before. I run immediately. As soon as I'm out the door, I start running.
25:20 - 25:24
Yeah. He walked for a bit. So I did suspect. I was thinking, maybe he's going to meet.
25:25 - 25:37
No, he did run. He came back sweaty. So there's only one explanation. If I went for a run, what I would do, and I have been watching the Olympics, I would walk the first bit, but I'd be getting like a rhythmic round of applause like that from
25:37 - 25:41
bystanders in the houses up my road, and they would know what the clap meant.
25:41 - 25:46
They would come out of their houses. But that's much more if you were about to do a triple jump.
25:46 - 25:54
Or a high jump. No, I like the idea of the whole... Like, do you remember in Britain, the round of applause for the carers thing that people did in the pandemic?
25:55 - 26:01
It would be like that, but they would be roaring me on. As you leave, rather than when you come back, would you not want them clapping you in?
26:01 - 26:07
No, because the applause of these people would chain reaction the applause of the next people.
26:07 - 26:12
So the applause would follow the whole run, wherever it was around the city. We ran in the woods.
26:12 - 26:19
Do I need to line the woods? Tell the wood pigeons and, you know, the bears.
26:19 - 26:23
Great. We've done a run. Okay. Things went downhill from here for a bit. Okay.
26:23 - 26:27
Because I was very sweaty. I have to run. And it was very hot yesterday.
26:27 - 26:39
And then I had jobs to do. The first of which was to take my wife's bike down to the bike repair shop where my son's bike was being finished being repaired and exchange them and bring the other one back.
26:39 - 26:44
So that means I have to get all the seats down in the back of the car, manhandle it up from the shed into the back of the car.
26:44 - 26:51
I'm not good with bikes. His one was in because he went for a cycle ride on Friday and his front wheel came off on a road while he was cycling.
26:51 - 26:56
He went over the top of it. What? Come on, clip. You should have rung me.
26:56 - 27:00
I could have told you how to fix this. I don't think I'm going to call you in that situation.
27:00 - 27:04
I know a lot about bike stuff. I know you do, but you're in Ireland.
27:04 - 27:08
I know. And your son's lying in the middle of the road. I better phone O'Doherty.
27:08 - 27:15
He'll get to the bottom of this right now. No, I was quite cross. Well, I was quite cross with my child for having an accident.
27:15 - 27:20
You must have done something to it, but I think it just come loose. No, they don't just come loose.
27:20 - 27:24
I mean, this became loose. Yes. Here's what had happened. And he or you will.
27:24 - 27:28
You had removed the front wheel to get it into the car at some point.
27:28 - 27:31
Never done that. It then hadn't been reattached. Didn't know it was possible. No, we didn't know.
27:31 - 27:37
We're not bike people. We didn't know you could do it. But he had to spend the morning going a couple of weeks ago over jumps and stuff.
27:37 - 27:39
And he thinks he might have just lodged it. So I fell off my bike yesterday.
27:39 - 27:46
Oh, you could do this podcast. Yeah. What did you do yesterday? Yeah. Stop doing our podcast, Alex.
27:46 - 27:54
I was going up Queensbridge Road and the road was closed. And so I was on the pavement and they'd put one of those plastic ramps to get onto the thing.
27:54 - 27:57
And I've had a. I've had a baby seat on the back. He wasn't on the back, fortunately.
27:57 - 28:01
And I was going at maybe one mile an hour. I wasn't going quick enough for the bike.
28:01 - 28:05
And I just, it went so slowly. I reckon it took half an hour for me to hit the floor.
28:05 - 28:09
And I sat on the floor and two people approached me. You know, you don't want people to approach you.
28:09 - 28:12
No, no, no. In that situation. I wanted to say, fuck off. But they were being nice.
28:12 - 28:16
So that would have been really. I had to sit there and go, yeah, that didn't look great.
28:16 - 28:19
You know what you should have done? You should have called David O'Doherty. I know.
28:19 - 28:22
And I speak to him a lot these days, much more often than I used to.
28:22 - 28:26
And I didn't think, oh, great, I've sort of hurt my hip a bit. I've got something to say on the pod tomorrow.
28:26 - 28:31
David, I'm lying in the road. What's happened? I mean, I can tell you exactly what happened now.
28:31 - 28:35
He's mixed up his main saddle with the baby seat. He was sitting in the baby seat.
28:35 - 28:39
I was. And I was fine while you were going down a hill. But as soon as it leveled out.
28:39 - 28:42
You're like a Harley Davidson. OK, so he'd done the bike. He'd got the bike shot.
28:42 - 28:47
Still sweaty. And actually, the day, we're going to fast forward a lot in a minute because we've got to 12 o'clock now.
28:47 - 28:52
I don't know quite how, but I was just, yeah, all the sweat. And I had a shower at one point.
28:52 - 28:57
But sort of a shower that didn't make any difference. But I've changed clothes into a different outfit.
28:57 - 29:06
Oh, wow. Another sporting outfit. 12 o'clock is like the boiler of the day. This is where the Titanic clips into high speed.
29:06 - 29:11
Brackets doesn't turn out well. Yeah, no, the day turned out well. No, the Titanic.
29:11 - 29:14
Yeah, no, I know. So you picked the wrong boat there. Yeah, I think you picked the wrong boat.
29:14 - 29:26
For Alex's day. Like just a ferry crossing or something. Yeah, yeah, OK. It's possible the Titanic did get to New York and it just went to the wrong pier and they've all been waiting there for ages.
29:26 - 29:30
Is that bad? I'm not sure that is possible. Am I going to be cancelled for that?
29:30 - 29:35
You can't say anything these days, David. You cannot say anything. You can't even say you can't even say anything these days.
29:35 - 29:42
Look, I'm off to meet someone. What outfit are you in? I'm wearing little green shorts.
29:42 - 29:50
Right. A shirt with a collar and a Taito, a yellow Taito baseball cap. Taito as in the Irish crisp brand?
29:50 - 29:54
Yes. What? I got sent it as a promotional thing a few years ago and I wear it a lot.
29:54 - 29:58
Do you want me to put it on? Well, just describe it. So there's two sorts of Taito.
29:58 - 30:04
There's Northern Ireland Taito and there's actually a separate brand of... I'm going to get it.
30:04 - 30:09
...Southern Ireland Taito. I mean, I'm not sure this is something that needs to be clarified, but...
30:09 - 30:14
I think it's important. I'm pretty sure it's from the north because that's where Rachel's from.
30:14 - 30:20
Yeah. There we go. Ah, that's great. Oh, wow. It's hard to tell just from the font.
30:20 - 30:25
It's very jaunty. It's very hot. It's a yellow... I wear it a lot. Yeah, it's quite Tour de France.
30:25 - 30:30
Don't put it on over the headphones. No, I forgot it was wearing headphones. Anyway, that's what I'll be wearing for this activity.
30:30 - 30:37
So what activity am I doing? Lawn bowls. Not far off. A collar, to me, implies it's quite a sophisticated activity.
30:37 - 30:43
Yeah. A round collar would be not so sophisticated. Exactly. Practice, go to the driving range.
30:43 - 30:49
Well, practice, go to the driving range and then go to the actual course. No way!
30:49 - 30:52
I played golf yesterday, so this is going to take up most of the afternoon.
30:52 - 30:54
But I have to be honest, don't I? You have to be honest. Yeah, we want no lies.
30:54 - 31:01
Yeah, but I was playing with an interesting person. I was playing with my 15-year-old who's taking up golf and a comedian called John Robbins.
31:01 - 31:09
Ah, okay. I'm aware of his work. We used to play a lot together and then things got away from us so we play scarcely now.
31:09 - 31:12
So this is a really nice occasion and we used to film it and this wasn't filmed.
31:12 - 31:18
This was just for fun. When you filmed it, was it annoying because you wanted to just have a nice time playing golf?
31:18 - 31:27
Yeah, it ruined it. It ruined it for me. And also, I would do all the filming and some of the editing and he would do all the admin of booking us on courses and get free stuff.
31:27 - 31:33
His golf has improved massively and mine got worse. So I got bitter. Yeah, I understand.
31:33 - 31:38
It's a bit like I used to love sitting with people I vaguely know and frantically asking what they did yesterday.
31:38 - 31:43
Since I've started this, I hate the process of it. Oh, right. So where were you playing?
31:43 - 31:51
We were playing at Wickham Heights, which is where he is a member. When it's 25 minutes from us and I told him I was going to get there first with Tom.
31:51 - 31:55
And I would order his lunch for him. But as always, I was late. He was early.
31:55 - 32:00
We got there at the same time. Order his lunch for him sounds like a sports slam, doesn't it?
32:00 - 32:08
Did you win? I absolutely ordered his lunch for him. It's the first tea. Are you taking out the three wood or are you taking out the driver?
32:08 - 32:14
Well, we're having this lunch, first of all, if that's all right. Because he wanted me to tell you, because I told him I'm doing this.
32:14 - 32:20
He wanted you to know that we both had Prawn Marie sandwiches and chips. And they were great sandwiches.
32:21 - 32:28
Did John sound like he liked the idea of the podcast? Well, I said, look, there are certain things you've told me, which I guess you don't want me to tell them.
32:28 - 32:31
And he said, no, tell them everything. Is that because he doesn't want to appear himself?
32:31 - 32:36
He can just do a proxy. This is now the John Robbins, what did John Robbins do yesterday?
32:36 - 32:39
He would be better than me because he's just about to go on a silent retreat.
32:39 - 32:45
Imagine that. That would be great on this podcast. Really good. I mean, it's perfect if it's like day three, isn't it?
32:45 - 32:48
So A, he can't say anything. And B, he didn't say anything the day before.
32:48 - 32:53
The absence of the total zenith of this. Yeah. That is when we reached peak this podcast.
32:53 - 33:03
I agree. I think if you took a more holistic approach to this, Alex, you wouldn't have to drink all of the shitty peanut butter celery if you didn't go with the Prawn Marie.
33:03 - 33:06
You know, if you just had an avocado when you got to the chorus. Oh, I see.
33:06 - 33:10
I thought Prawn Marie was quite a healthy option. Is it not? Prawn sounds good.
33:10 - 33:14
I think the Marie is going to take days off. Yeah, and the chips and the bread aren't perfect.
33:14 - 33:16
And I left the, it had a little bit of salad, which obviously you don't touch.
33:16 - 33:22
Is Rachel's theory that you're going to misbehave Yeah. in consumption when she's not around?
33:22 - 33:25
I have all the good stuff in one go. I'm free. Great. I like that.
33:25 - 33:30
It works. So I gobble that up and then we do go to the driving range, but I was late so we didn't have enough time there.
33:30 - 33:36
Fine. And then we tee off. Everyone's hot and sweaty immediately. And first three holes were very poor.
33:36 - 33:43
That carried on. The driving range is an absolute waste of time because wherever you hit it, you'd say that's where I was hitting it.
33:43 - 33:46
And when you get to the golf course, the actual hole is in a specific place.
33:46 - 33:51
If you don't warm up, you say you should have warmed up. If you do warm up, you say, well, I shouldn't have warmed up.
33:51 - 33:54
So yeah, you can't win. You need to be better at golf. That's the problem.
33:54 - 33:59
Was this game part of the live tour or the normal tour? Well, it's difficult.
33:59 - 34:05
Yeah. John has joined the live tour. I'm PGA. This was a handshake in the middle.
34:05 - 34:11
No, it was, I never really understand gameplay. He said we were going to play Stableford.
34:11 - 34:17
So we played Stableford, David. You know what that is? Yeah. You do. You get a certain number of points for each hole.
34:17 - 34:24
The advantage of Stableford over Stroke, listeners, please keep listening, is that you can blow a couple of holes.
34:24 - 34:30
You can play badly on a couple of holes. You're just like, I didn't score on those as opposed to if it's Stroke, you're like, well, we might as well just go home now.
34:30 - 34:35
This is all ruined. But he had 20 points after nine holes. I had six and that was the game over.
34:35 - 34:39
But the winner is the person who doesn't have to score. Because basically, if you're playing Stableford, I'm like, I don't know.
34:39 - 34:42
And then at the end of each hole, some goes eight for six for five for four.
34:42 - 34:46
And then he goes five for four for two for one, two for one for four for four.
34:46 - 34:51
And you go, all right, it's all right with me. Completely. Who got the first par?
34:51 - 34:56
Are there many pars? I got two birdies yesterday, which is so unusual. The ninth and the 18th.
34:56 - 35:00
And my son got a birdie on the 18th. So as long as you end on a high, I don't care.
35:00 - 35:05
And I'm so bad at golf. I have to also battle myself the whole way through to not cheat.
35:05 - 35:11
You hit it off and you know you've lost the ball. You think, oh, I'm just going to pretend I found it.
35:11 - 35:14
But then I don't do it. But the whole way around, I'm trying to coach myself to not cheat.
35:14 - 35:21
So I don't cheat, but I'm so close to cheating the whole way. So we're like, generally, is it within you to want to cheat at everything?
35:21 - 35:25
Or is it just specifically golf? No, it's golf. I find it so frustrating and stupid.
35:25 - 35:37
Yeah. I would still lose, but not in as humbling a way. So, yeah. At any point in this round, were there any other people watching such that you then had to pretend to be good while you hit one?
35:37 - 35:47
Say that 18th. I mean, to hit a birdie on the 18th is huge because you imagine some of the members are enjoying shandies on the overlooking balcony.
35:47 - 35:54
You're not, you're in for three. And then if you don't even react very much to that, they think this is a guy who's just shot a 65.
35:54 - 36:00
That's happened in the past. It didn't happen yesterday. No one was watching yesterday, but we did meet a man.
36:00 - 36:04
There were quite a few people playing by themselves or in pairs who we had to let through, which is always slightly awkward.
36:04 - 36:08
Oh, so annoying. And this man came through. I'm going to give him a fake name.
36:08 - 36:12
No, should I just say his name? Yeah. He's called Nigel. Nigel came through. Okay.
36:12 - 36:16
Nigel is in his 60s. Nigel made a big impression on us. He is the guy who ate the bison.
36:16 - 36:23
Nigel is on, on the carnivore diet. Right. John knew him and said, wow, you're looking trim, Nigel.
36:23 - 36:29
Nigel lost five stone on the carnivore diet. Okay. Nigel has a three-year-old child. Nigel used to be in the Navy.
36:29 - 36:34
How old is he? 60 odd. And he's got a three-year-old. Nigel was the talk of the round.
36:34 - 36:40
He was remarkable. He only eats meat and eggs and then has an apple cider just before bed.
36:40 - 36:44
And it is working wonders for Nigel. Greg, how long has he been on this?
36:44 - 36:52
Must be six months. He has a shit once a month because he says there's nothing else.
36:52 - 36:58
It's all used by his body. There's no roughage. It's all used. It's all converted into energy.
36:58 - 37:03
So did all this come across while he was playing through? Yes. So he was playing through.
37:03 - 37:08
He was swearing a lot and kept saying, I'm sorry to my son. I'm sorry about this, but he's a twat, that sort of thing.
37:08 - 37:13
So he would swear and apologise for swearing and then swear whilst apologising. He was in a buggy as well.
37:13 - 37:21
Yeah, he slowed us down by telling all this stuff. And then he hit a really good shot and his mate only just cleared the lady's tea and they laughed at that.
37:21 - 37:28
I wonder if the eating of all the meat has made him aggressive, though. All of that big old meat.
37:28 - 37:34
Does it make you think, maybe in the morning, Rachel, could you just grind me up some lamb bones?
37:34 - 37:39
It did make me think if I needed to lose lots of weight, I think I would give it a go because I like meat and eggs.
37:39 - 37:45
Yeah. And I liked his attitude. Did he specify bison? No, we were all imagining bison.
37:45 - 37:50
Let's simply say the carnivore diet. Although when he said, carnivore diet, he had quite a strong accent and I thought he said carnivore diet.
37:50 - 37:56
And I thought he was having candifloss. Just candifloss and toffee apples. Tickets, just those little tickets.
37:56 - 38:02
And goldfish. I have a plastic bag of goldfish in the morning. They're absolutely fine.
38:02 - 38:10
Good old M. Bison. So Nigel played through and we didn't see him again. Who won?
38:10 - 38:18
Oh, John won. I got 98 shots. Tom got 100 shots. We don't mind that. Yeah. 100, I'll take that.
38:18 - 38:23
Okay. We finished the golf. With a birdie. With a birdie. Yeah, that is good.
38:23 - 38:28
As they say, that brings you out again the next day. 100%. Yes. And then a Diet Coke.
38:28 - 38:35
A pint each because we were so hot and we didn't bring enough liquids. I thought after the ninth hole we might be able to get more drink, but no.
38:35 - 38:41
Did you... And I was home for 7pm. Sorry, Max, hello. No, that's okay. Did you, after the ninth hole, secretly want to just...
38:41 - 38:51
I think nine is enough. 12, absolute maximum. 12 was perfect, yeah. I think I was all right after nine, but yeah, I was parenting as well because I had my 15-year-old and golf is tricky.
38:51 - 38:56
So he did pretty well, but he had a few spells where he would happily have left, of course.
38:56 - 39:03
Oh, right, yeah. It was a long afternoon, but actually it was great and I think, without sounding too boring, I think it's good for kids, golf.
39:03 - 39:12
They learn a bit of discipline and learn about themselves and failure and frustration. So I've played big golf a little bit, but I got frighteningly good at pitch and putt.
39:12 - 39:19
Now I'm talking about the 30, 40, 50-yard one in the sort of lost early 20s period of my life.
39:19 - 39:25
And now when I go back to the Edinburgh Fringe, there is a free pitch and putt course on the Meadows right there.
39:25 - 39:36
It comes back to me. It's like if you ever haven't played a computer game for 25 years and within a minute and a half you're exactly as good as you were 25 years ago.
39:36 - 39:43
It's similar to that. It's, do you know what I call it? If golf's a good walk spoiled, pitch and putt is a shorter walk spoiled.
39:43 - 39:47
I like the idea of being frighteningly good at pitch and putt. I really am.
39:47 - 39:53
They must have been They must all go in. Like Kim Jong-un. Again. Yeah, the Sandwich is the best club in the back.
39:53 - 39:55
I mean, obviously I have a toddler, right? And I've got another one on the way.
39:55 - 39:59
So I'm not going to play golf for 20 years. That's how I view it. I didn't know that.
39:59 - 40:02
Can I just say I didn't know that that's the first time I've learned that fact.
40:02 - 40:08
Oh, really? Yeah, congratulations. Ian the second. It's due end of January. I knew that.
40:08 - 40:13
Yeah, Alex knew. I texted him as soon as I found out. Yeah. If I'd fallen off my bike I'd have texted you.
40:13 - 40:18
Well, also I can see the bump. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Don't give the second one the same name as the first one.
40:18 - 40:22
I mean, I don't have any. I have 19 bikes and some of them do have the same names.
40:22 - 40:28
Bianchi, Colnago, etc. But I would say this is just coming from Maruki. You've had three.
40:28 - 40:31
Did you go with different names, Alex? Or did you go with the same name?
40:31 - 40:35
We've gone for similar names. So obviously the first one's called Alex after me, then Alison, then Alistair.
40:35 - 40:46
Yeah, perfect. I did actually promise. Interestingly, when I WhatsApped Alex to say thanks for coming on to this, I looked at the last WhatsApped that we'd exchanged.
40:46 - 40:54
I did the same, Max. And I think I was trying to get Alex to let me host Taskmaster in Australia.
40:54 - 41:00
And I said if he managed it, I would call my firstborn Alex Horne. 16th of the 9th, 2021.
41:00 - 41:05
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he didn't manage it. A famous Australian is doing it. You know what, Max?
41:05 - 41:11
Seems like a good hire. I am slightly racked with guilt because of that. In the end, it turns out it has nothing to do with me.
41:11 - 41:20
We quit because my son has not called it Alex Horne. Well, it's funny because I host Jordanian Taskmaster and I asked Alex for that.
41:20 - 41:24
Yeah, it's going very well. Is it going well? In the Gulf region for me.
41:24 - 41:29
Yeah, for sure. Max, you were just telling us about your golf career that it's been curtailed.
41:29 - 41:37
It's been curtailed, but I did once play the British Masters Pro-Am with Shane Lowry and two 12-year-olds who were scratch, right?
41:37 - 41:46
And on the second hole... Scratch means good, listeners. Yeah, on the second hole, I chipped in from 50 yards in front of a crowd of people and I hugged Shane Lowry and that is when I should never,
41:46 - 41:52
I should never, ever, ever touch a golf club again. And it was possibly the greatest moment of my life.
41:52 - 41:59
Well, I didn't play for 14 years when the kids were born, but now one of them, he's spending his whole summer at the golf course, so I get to play with him now.
41:59 - 42:04
So that's good. Yeah, really good. Okay, seven o'clock, you're home. Seven o'clock. I had to be back by seven because Rachel was going out.
42:04 - 42:12
So as always, the end of the golf thing was rushed and we had a Diet Coke, but you really want to sit there and have four or five pints, but we couldn't do that, obviously.
42:12 - 42:16
I got back at five past seven, which is not too bad. I think she was expecting that.
42:16 - 42:22
So another bit of family admin, what's happening tonight? She's out. So I'm in charge of the kids.
42:22 - 42:25
Who needs to eat? That sort of thing. I mean, there's a lot of admin.
42:25 - 42:28
I'd say all of them need to eat. Yeah, that would be my suspicion. She'd fed two of them.
42:28 - 42:32
She'd fed two. I didn't want to double feed them. She had to tell me that.
42:32 - 42:41
Yeah, little one had been at football camp, so he was back. The middle one, I don't know what he did at any point of the day, and I had the big one.
42:41 - 42:47
Okay, and has Rachel left you a sort of a wafer, and some sort of carb-free bread?
42:47 - 42:56
The Catholic wafers. Yeah. The communion wafer. They're really good. No, we do a system of like, is it HelloFresh, or one of these things where they make it.
42:56 - 43:02
So she batch cooked that earlier in the day, so mine and Tom's was ready to stick in the microwave.
43:02 - 43:07
What was it? What was it? You know what it was? Smoked trout. I think for the first time in my life.
43:07 - 43:12
Sounds terrible. Oh, it was delicious. It's just like mackerel. I'm a big fan of smoked fish.
43:12 - 43:18
This has gone very off-menu, you guys. This is veering into another podcast. Which is a good thing.
43:18 - 43:27
We've paid for another podcast lunch here or whatever that phrase was. Did you tell Rachel about the birdies?
43:27 - 43:32
I'd say she did not give a monkeys. Yeah, no, I didn't tell her. Tom told her in detail.
43:32 - 43:38
Oh. And you're right about her reaction. Yeah. I don't think you should microwave smoked trout.
43:38 - 43:41
I don't know what the kitchen's like now, but I think that is like a three-week.
43:41 - 43:49
There was a guy at TalkSport called Ian the Monk. Moose Abrahams who used to microwave a tuna melt in the office.
43:49 - 43:52
I think I've heard people talk about the moose doing that on TalkSport. Absolutely not on.
43:52 - 43:58
It's like totally unacceptable behaviour. If I'm honest, I reheated the pasta, not the smoked trout for that reason.
43:58 - 44:06
I'm not. Very well done. Yeah, so you can relax. You're not a savage. The other fact about the bison is that he heated all that up in a microwave as well.
44:06 - 44:16
Absolutely disgusting. Microwaved eggs. Yeah. I remember Danny Baker doing a phone-in about microwaves and there was like a restaurant in the 80s in London, I don't know where it was,
44:16 - 44:24
that proudly, literally put on the outside saying, all our food is microwaved. That's great.
44:24 - 44:30
At least you know. So you fed yourself, you fed Tom. You've done a run.
44:30 - 44:35
You've done a run and you've done golf. It was a big day and this is an unusual day, but I had to tell you what I did yesterday.
44:35 - 44:42
That's the thing. Yeah. That's the thing about this podcast. No, it totally is, but it's eight o'clock now, so you've got a few more hours.
44:42 - 44:51
A few more hours. I was filled not well. So I hadn't looked at emails at all until this point, which meant I've got three million emails and WhatsApps and texts.
44:51 - 44:56
So I parked myself on this sofa where I'm sat now next to my 11-year-old and put the Olympics on.
44:56 - 45:06
So we watched all of the Olympics whilst doing bad emails. Various people, obscure figures from your past asking to host Taskmaster in different territories.
45:06 - 45:15
Yeah. The thing is, when I asked Alex, he didn't know me. I mean, he doesn't really know me anyway, but literally, I think he'd been, I'll talk to him for five minutes and we'd talk about service stations.
45:15 - 45:19
But, you know, you've got to hustle in this world, David. I was like, it's a good idea.
45:19 - 45:21
I think it's a good idea, but they didn't think it was a good idea.
45:21 - 45:27
I think they wanted an Australian for some reason. It's a terrible idea. It's a rubbish idea.
45:27 - 45:34
You see, I texted Leslie Crowther to see if I could do the prices right.
45:34 - 45:37
Yeah. No, you never got back to me. Yeah, at least I got back to you.
45:37 - 45:42
I said yes. Yeah, you did say yes. That's a real in for me at the time.
45:43 - 45:50
It was a good day in the Olympics. It was one of the greatest ever overtaking manoeuvres in the history of mountain biking took place.
45:50 - 45:55
Yeah, I did enjoy that. They kept showing the reruns of the medals because they called it a slightly magic Monday, I think.
45:55 - 46:02
There was a couple of golds, a few silvers, some disappointing swimming. So yeah, I enjoyed the mountain bike man the most.
46:02 - 46:07
Well, in Ireland, we got one bronze medal and we were absolutely delighted with ourselves.
46:07 - 46:12
Yeah, she seemed very surprised that she was in a swimming pool at all. She...
46:12 - 46:22
She was... Just so delighted. Yeah, it was really nice to hear the South African national anthem of the person who got gold and just see Mona beside her being like,
46:22 - 46:28
fucking hell, this is brilliant. I think bronze is the coolest medal. That's the one you want.
46:28 - 46:33
Do you reckon? You don't want to look like you want to win. Just tipped up and been okay.
46:33 - 46:36
Yeah. That's it, fine. Got a bronze. Because if you're silver, then you nearly won.
46:36 - 46:41
Bronze is the best. I think this attitude explains why you were so poor in the golf.
46:41 - 46:47
I mean, two birdies aside, I'm going to say you don't have the killer instinct, Alex.
46:47 - 46:52
I had four dings, so that's when you don't finish the hole. And I was always quite relieved every time I went, ah, I'm out.
46:52 - 46:56
I was going to pick up. Thank God for that. Eight for seven for four for two for one.
46:56 - 47:01
It's the beauty of the stable for its system. Okay, great. So I would want to talk about the emails, Alex.
47:01 - 47:10
Have you done the emails? Obviously, I can't know what happened the day before, but are you approaching, like how many have you got that you've actually got at action?
47:10 - 47:18
Maybe 20. Wow. 20 was surprising. Some work. So that was annoying. That's quite a lot. So I normally day to day deal with them as they come in.
47:18 - 47:30
Yeah, I like that. But so 20, and are they all like, are they annoying ones about tax or are they ones about like work, like actual, can you be here and do this thing?
47:30 - 47:34
I've annoyingly got, and I hate this phrase, fingers in quite a few pies. You do, yeah.
47:34 - 47:38
So I'm dealing with quite a few pies. I'm getting emails from the content of the pies.
47:38 - 47:42
Right, wow. Trying to say to each of my fingers, something like that. Got it.
47:42 - 47:50
So yeah, no, it's quite varied. I don't think there's any work in terms of, I didn't have to write anything, but just had to deal with stuff and put people off for a bit.
47:50 - 47:54
I also had to deal with a WhatsApp from David O'Doherty asking me to do this podcast.
47:54 - 48:05
We haven't really got booking down to a fine art. Can you please, this has happened before on the podcast that a major part of the day before was me telling the person,
48:05 - 48:12
can they please remember everything they did the day before. To be fair, unlike James Acaster, Alex didn't have to Google who I was as part of his day.
48:13 - 48:23
Oh, that's very good. I feel though, what's that thing in physics where in the act of observing a thing, you ruin it.
48:23 - 48:30
Yeah. I do wonder if that's happened because that's why I was trying to get you as late as possible in the day, not because we hadn't booked anyone.
48:30 - 48:35
Yeah, but after that point, I'm then consciously doing things knowing that I'm going to talk about those things.
48:35 - 48:38
Yeah. It's like when you analyze a frog, you can learn a lot, but the frog dies.
48:38 - 48:46
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So you're saying we ruined your day. Oh, no. Yes. Oh, okay.
48:46 - 48:54
Did Stephen Colbert get back to you with your request, Alex? Can I please host Stephen Colbert in England?
48:54 - 49:00
I don't think you did ruin my day, Steve. I think I've got to the point with podcasts where it's just part of your day or what time is the podcast?
49:00 - 49:07
You know you're going to do one. Don't say that. I've never felt so unloved in my life.
49:07 - 49:13
It's just a part of your day. Like, drop it at Big Nish Kumar down the toilet.
49:13 - 49:18
That's what it's like. I probably would have done my Nish Kumar by now. I don't remember what time it was.
49:18 - 49:23
I wouldn't have been at the golf club. Not a fan of that. That can't become a verb.
49:23 - 49:28
That can't become a synonym. I think it can. It can. I had my Nish.
49:28 - 49:35
On the island where my grandmother lived, there was a mean landlord from, where was he from?
49:35 - 49:43
Oh yeah, England. And the people wouldn't take in the harvest one year. And it was one of the first ever sort of, un-unionised union actions.
49:43 - 49:50
And he was called Captain Boycott. And the Times of London reported it and said they had boycott.
49:50 - 49:58
It's almost like a boycotting has taken place. Nish will be disappointed if that's what, if his name becomes a verb or a noun.
49:58 - 50:02
I think I wrote about that in a book. I didn't know your grandmother lived there.
50:02 - 50:11
Yeah, Ackle Island. He was the landowner in Sligo, North Mayo and Ackle. Yeah, I did a book all about how people got words in the dictionary because I was trying to get my own words in the dictionary.
50:11 - 50:16
But yeah, having a Nish would work. But boycotts, yeah, very good. Do you know the word tawdry?
50:16 - 50:26
Yeah. Tawdry is from St. Audrey because you had these really thin, this is so boring, handkerchiefs that were in honour of St. Audrey and people just called them tawdry.
50:26 - 50:33
Wow! That's how she got in the dictionary, I think. I sense, Alex, that even though you've got all these things in pies, you've got all this admin to do, that you're quite level.
50:33 - 50:41
You sort of range from indifferent to, you know, there's not a huge range in like, you're not going to get angry about this.
50:41 - 50:45
You'll just be like, this is fine. Yeah, you're right. There's not much range in my life at all, as in emotionally.
50:45 - 50:50
Emotionally, it's like, this is all fine. Yeah, it's fine. But same with my running as well.
50:50 - 50:54
Yeah. And food. Like, it's all pretty much fine. Yeah. Between three and six. Yeah.
50:54 - 51:01
Yeah, no, I enjoyed watching the Olympics and then I put the kids to bed and that's pretty low key as well.
51:01 - 51:05
I had a bath and got sweaty again and then I had to sit around in the pants.
51:05 - 51:09
So I ended up where I started, just wearing pants outside. Now, this is very interesting.
51:09 - 51:15
I love a bath. And I do also love a bath when it's too warm to have a bath.
51:15 - 51:20
And in many ways, the act of having the bath means that you should probably have a shower after the bath.
51:20 - 51:29
Yeah. That was the situation. It's the worst of all worlds. But I am very lucky in that I have a small garden city garden that is not overlooked.
51:29 - 51:36
I know you'll get your garden well. Yeah. I enjoy going out and standing in the nude post bath.
51:36 - 51:43
So I wasn't in the nude. I was toweled. Yeah. Because I think my children are too old for me just to be staggering around naked.
51:43 - 51:47
What is that age? What is that age? Well, the 15 year old goes to bed after me now.
51:47 - 51:51
Yeah. So I think it's when they're of the age that they don't want you to see them.
51:51 - 51:56
Yeah. Got it. Puberty, I suppose. Are we allowed to say puberty on this podcast?
51:56 - 52:05
We are. We can't say anything these days. 19 bikes. None of those bikes ever says a word about my naked torso swishing past.
52:05 - 52:15
Swishing? They don't mind sashaying past. What time do you think about winding it down and, I mean, you got up at five to seven and did a wordle straight off.
52:15 - 52:25
Yeah. So Rachel came back slightly drunk at about half ten and I was just wearing my towel at this point and she looked slightly disappointed in me.
52:25 - 52:32
This is what I've won. Is that it? Yeah. Yeah. And also she was slightly drunk and I was completely sober so that's never an idea.
52:32 - 52:36
So I emptied the dishwasher because then that means there's one less job to do in the morning.
52:36 - 52:40
In just the towel? In just the towel, yeah. I had quite a tight knot.
52:41 - 52:48
If he'd been in the dishwasher you would have got a few glimpses. Such a specific fetish.
52:48 - 53:02
But also, it would have been perfect especially for this podcast if David had got to your house and had chiseled his way in just for that moment on the off chance that you did it just before you went to bed and there was David saying hello.
53:02 - 53:11
It'd be lovely, Max, if in this podcast, like the way Alfred Hitchcock used to appear in all of his movies, if I just play a role in every one of the guests,
53:11 - 53:17
you're Carnivore Bison Man, aren't you? Yeah. Oh, no. You know what? Out of the two of you, you look the most like Nigel.
53:17 - 53:27
And that's a compliment. Hence these 30-second farts I've been doing throughout this podcast. Imagine his wind.
53:27 - 53:33
I'd say Bison Man is just most of the evening sounds like a test signal.
53:33 - 53:37
Once again, David, I bring you to the fact we're trying to make this a more broad podcast.
53:37 - 53:44
I don't think you're taking this seriously. It must be nearly bedtime now. It's very nearly bedtime.
53:44 - 53:48
Rachel's gone now. I had to stand by the dishwasher for five minutes until it finished, which was frustrating.
53:48 - 53:52
Oh, that's annoying. And also because then when you open it, it's way too hot.
53:52 - 53:58
It was so hot. Oh, need another shower. Yeah, yeah. Then I go into bed, read a bit of Chick Lit.
53:58 - 54:04
What are you reading? I can't even remember what it's called, but basically I always forget to have a book.
54:04 - 54:10
Rachel's got loads, so I grab something from her shelf. I think it's called How to Kill Men and Get Away With It, something like that.
54:10 - 54:17
Okay. I'd be slightly suspicious if my partner had that book. Does it begin with a probiotic?
54:17 - 54:26
Is the question. Oh, yeah. And then I drop off to sleep pretty quick. I woke up at about half past midnight, but we don't need to talk about that because that was today.
54:26 - 54:29
How do you get to sleep? Do you have a trick? You know what I mean?
54:29 - 54:36
Because this great powerhouse of a mind has been cranking out these watts all day.
54:36 - 54:41
How do you possibly do that in just a towel? Well, I read the book until I fall asleep with a book in my hand.
54:41 - 54:47
And then if I can't sleep, I think about playing for Liverpool. Oh, yeah. And imagine scoring a few goals.
54:47 - 54:53
In like the current era or 80s? No, 89, Rush. Right. You're just in front of Mulby, are you?
54:53 - 54:57
I think I'm scoring Rush's goal in the FA Cup final. The one, the Grandstand one?
54:57 - 55:02
The one that hit the camera, yeah. Yeah, the third. Do you touch the sign on your way out to the pitch?
55:02 - 55:06
Yeah, I do. Both hands. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. That's great. That's a great way to go to sleep.
55:06 - 55:11
It's funny because we spoke to Sam Campbell on the podcast. Now, who's at him?
55:11 - 55:18
He has invented an entire fake sport that he does to get to sleep. Really?
55:18 - 55:28
Including, like, analysis and league tables. Yeah, league tables. I always remember Mark Watson did a bit of stand-off about having a dream that he genuinely had of a full football match and it was nil all.
55:28 - 55:37
Fairly incident-free. Oh, well, you've gone to bed, Alex. Did you think you had a good day?
55:37 - 55:41
If you look back now, you think, that was a good day. Yeah, it was a good day.
55:41 - 55:47
It was quite tiring. I know you've got these 19 bikes, David, but if your holiday's with the kids, you get to the end.
55:47 - 55:51
As long as nothing bad's happened, it's been a good day. Yeah. Didn't have any fights with the children.
55:51 - 55:57
It was a good day. Yeah, it was a four. Yeah. It's never going to get three to six, isn't it?
55:57 - 56:03
Exactly. It was a very middle-of-the-road day. It was a good day. Playing golf with my friend and my son was good.
56:03 - 56:08
That's nice. I mean, I feel like I sound like a very boring man, but that's probably because I am quite a boring man.
56:08 - 56:14
I'm really boring, but once you embrace it, it's actually great. Not me. I'm an absolute legend.
56:14 - 56:20
I just go out all the time. I've dressed in a suit of armor. Just really cool stuff like that, breakdancing.
56:20 - 56:26
People clapping as I jog up the road, that sort of a thing. I think that sounds like a good day.
56:26 - 56:32
And you see, the thing about days, Alex, is I'm not a mathematician, but I have worked it out.
56:32 - 56:35
There are less days than you think in a life. You know what I mean?
56:35 - 56:39
Yeah, I have to say fewer at that point. I have to say fewer days.
56:39 - 56:44
Just because of my dad, I have to say that to you. He's not a mathematician or an English expert, David, here.
56:44 - 56:52
I was embarrassed on behalf of the podcast. I'm sorry, David. I was about to tie this podcast up in a really neat bow there.
56:52 - 56:57
In a profound way, yeah. And then the nerd squad had to come in there.
56:57 - 57:01
Yeah, I stopped listening. So there are fewer days than what? You don't have many days left, Alex, is what he's trying to say.
57:01 - 57:04
Oh, really? You might as well enjoy. I thought we got loads left. We're not.
57:04 - 57:12
Alex Horne, thanks for doing our podcast. Yeah, thanks, Alex. Thanks, guys. Alex Horne there with his day.
57:12 - 57:18
I love Alex Horne. I think that was a really good one, David. As we've established, I'm not self-critical.
57:18 - 57:23
I think they're all good. But I enjoyed that one tremendously. I laughed a lot.
57:23 - 57:30
I enjoyed, particularly the buffalo, the meat man. Yeah, the meat man, yeah. He was great.
57:30 - 57:37
I wonder if anyone will hear this podcast and then be inspired to be El Meaty Boy or go on a silent retreat.
57:37 - 57:42
These would be the two active life changes that could happen after this pod. Yeah.
57:42 - 57:49
There's a running theme where pretty much every guest, I'm either annoyed that they've got a job or I've asked them for a job.
57:49 - 57:59
I know. I just like to say for the record, David, I'm not desperate. And I've established to you that I also am going to do this for my entire life.
57:59 - 58:04
Your entire life. Yeah. But I don't feel like when I'm going about my day that I'm a desperate person.
58:04 - 58:11
But maybe I'm coming across as desperate. It's just when, I mean, what's the best way of putting this?
58:11 - 58:17
When you use our podcast as a job interview, I do feel slightly awkward, Max.
58:17 - 58:24
If you could not do it actively during the 55-minute conversation. Do you know what?
58:24 - 58:28
I was in a cafe today and there was a job interview for somebody to work at the cafe.
58:28 - 58:33
And the first thing she said was, the problem with me is I'm a 110% person.
58:33 - 58:43
That was the opening line. I was like, wow. It was suddenly like, Jamie was trying to talk to me and I was like, we can't talk to each other for the next 20 minutes because all I'm going to do is listen to this interview.
58:43 - 59:02
We'll be back next week. Thank you, David. Bye.