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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.
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And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode five of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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I'm Max Rushden. This is David O'Doherty. Hello, David. Five! You could fly to New York now just listening.
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In fact, I've heard they're playing it on the flights, Max, just back to back, the episodes.
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And they're not on the radio. They're just playing it out to everybody. The captain puts his phone on and holds it.
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It's in no way annoying. Do you want some feedback? Oh, no. Because we're still figuring this out, people have been contacting me with messages.
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There was the woman who was listening to the podcast while I cycled by her, generally positive.
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But you've been delving into the... No, no, no. I've got positive at the moment.
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I've got positive so far. I mean, there was, you know, Pink Pebbles 234 did say three stars.
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David has always is hilarious, but Max is boring, which is a risk to your brand, isn't it?
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But, you know, that's OK. That's good for you. You're getting three stars, I think.
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We're a team, Max. We're a team. Yeah. We win as a team. We lose as a team.
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But it's only your brand that will suffer. Why didn't they book David for Melbourne this year?
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Oh, well, he started this pod. If he's hanging around with Max, then I don't think we should book him anymore.
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Anyway, this is from Nick in Anchorage, Alaska. What? He says, yesterday I tried to listen to the pod while I was on a run, but ultimately had to turn it off because I couldn't breathe.
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Later, when I tried to listen again, I blew a large mouthful of kefir up my nose during David's story about Novak Djokovic.
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While some of your references are unfamiliar to me as an American, I've loved the pod.
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I did want to point out that your intro talks a big game about not fearing the man, and yet you refuse to release the Nish Kumar episode.
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There are, look, there are serious, we really do want to release it, and we will at some point, but it's just, with the world the way it is, it's just too dangerous, isn't it?
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It's super injunctions. Look up what a super injunction is, we can say. Say no more.
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Yeah. This is from Karush, who says, hello, Max and David, thank you for all the words, he says.
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Please don't change your amazing voices, he says. As an English teacher and undergrad from Iran, I frequently reference and use Max's voice as an example for my students and myself on finding the sweet spot between sounding extremely engaging, but not clownish or too much.
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How? Because it's the people of Iran all sound like me when I talk in English.
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Right. Is it crisis time for everything? People keep saying to each other in Iran.
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They're walking about Tehran, just going, how do we feel about Unai Emery's changes in the Aston Villa's midfield?
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What music did you listen to yesterday is also a question I hope you add to your repertoire as I enjoy your music chats immensely.
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And one more from Joe, who says, hi, guys, since listening to this podcast, I've found my internal monologue now just describes to me whatever I'm doing at that moment.
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As if I was on the show, it seems to happen for several hours every day.
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I don't think I've ever listened to a podcast that had such a noticeable impact on my day to day life, even if it is incredibly mundane.
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So thanks for that. I suppose, says Joe. What a horrible thing we've bestowed upon people who are now commentating on what they're doing.
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It's such a good little diffuser at the end of a compliment, isn't it? I take all of that.
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So initially. When the first message there, Jogging in Anchorage, which is also the title of my forthcoming novel.
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So I just presumed the jog was taking place at altitude, and that was the reason for the shortness of breath.
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But seemingly it was because of something entertaining that we had said. I just I need to put this out there now.
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My Novak Djokovic anecdote from episode four is my only good. If you're staying on the line to hear me.
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Have other anecdotes about me and other tennis greats. The time me and Vetus Garulaitis went to Studio 54.
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That's all I got to the racket fans. When you and Matt Svalander got to the million pound question on Celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.
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It's a big moment. I mean, listeners who listeners who because some listeners have come from your people who love you for your Uber and some have come from people who listen to me.
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To me, talk about football. And so the ones that have come from my side know that I only have three anecdotes and I've repeated them for about 15 years.
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But, you know, I'm keeping my powder dry unless I've told them already and I can't remember.
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My friend Rolls got in touch to say he enjoyed it. And that's interestingly, it's the first thing I've ever done that my friends listen to episode one and then have listened to other episodes.
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So I appreciate that. But he said, I enjoyed it. It's very gently, chortlingly funny.
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It kept me company while I was pulling hairs out of my ears and trying to burn off my verruca.
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So anyway, here we are. Here is episode five with the brilliant comedian Susie Ruffell.
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And as with all the guests, is a friend of yours, David, and I've never met her, which is fine.
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I don't know anybody, but she is great. She's been on all the shows that they're all on live at Apollo, Mock the Week, The Last Leg.
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She hosts many podcasts, like minded friends with Tom Allen out and Big Kick Energy, which she does with Maisie.
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Maisie Adam, her debut memoir, Am I Having Fun Now, is available to pre-order. So it'd be great if there was like a massive spike in her pre-orders when this podcast came out, because then she'll be grateful that we forced her to do this.
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I think she has a brilliant day. And here it is. Susie Ruffell, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
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How are you? Thanks for doing this. It's my pleasure. And I'm doing good. Thank you.
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Cut the small talk. Cut the small talk. Yeah, good. Well done, David. Let's get into this.
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Susie, what did you do yesterday? When did you wake up? So I woke up at half six.
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That's a normal time for me to wake up. Naturally? That would be with my wife's alarm going off.
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What's the sound on that? Is it tweeties or is it? That sort of thing?
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Yeah. I hate it. I hate it. And then what would happen is my wife, Alice, would be the first day out of bed and then she will kindly make me a cup of tea,
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but she will not bring it up to bed because she says I will fall back to sleep if she brings it up.
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She leaves it on the kitchen side and I sort of have to get down there before it cools.
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I don't want to pry into your financial situation this early, having never met you.
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Yeah, but go on. If you wanted to stay in bed, you could rebel, let that go cold and make yourself a fresh cup of tea.
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Wow. I don't know. I'm already getting through quite a lot of tea bags as the day goes on.
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I don't know. I've got that many to spare. Maybe I've given away just quite how luxurious Yeah, that's the thing.
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You don't care. Yeah, I've lost the connection with the people from that moment. I would say so.
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It is my question with the teas made. So the obvious solution to this is get a teas made.
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So a teas made, to the listeners who may not know, who are underrated, was a device that woke you with a boiled kettle.
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Presumably all a teas made is, is you've got the milk set up there if you enjoy milk, maybe a little sugar if you enjoy sugar, but not.
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Yeah, added to the solution that is the cup of tea. So the tea presumably just boils and then an alarm goes off when the tea's boiled.
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How the hell you would stay asleep while water is literally boiling two feet from your head?
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Yeah. I always assume that teas made tea will taste dog shit. Because I feel like it would be like the kind of tea that you can get.
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I don't know if either of you have ever had tea from like a vending machine.
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Is it the bleakest thing that's ever been? It's really upsetting. It's really upsetting. It really is, yeah.
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I remember getting one at school and it was just bad times. And then my school started doing hot Ribena.
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Oh, come on. And that was like, are we allowed to swear on this? Of course we are, it's a podcast.
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That was fucking great. A hot Bina. It's not a school, is it? I bet you had no lessons.
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It was one of those schools. I'll be honest with you, mate. I went to quite a shit school, you're right.
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The thing that appalls me about those vending machines, well, the hot Ribena is just crazy.
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We'll come back. We'll come back. But where it goes, latte, black coffee, cappuccino, tea, and then the last one is vegetable soup.
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And you're like, I ain't drinking anything through the same nozzle that vegetable soup, that you're weird.
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Like once a day, does someone just hoof a bucket of carrots into the back of this awful robot?
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Well, I think what it is, surely it'll be some sort of cuppa soup. What are your vibes on a cuppa soup?
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It'd be really sad if I had to have one. Would you? I feel that about all soup.
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All soup can really just... What about if it was like a soup that was sort of doffing its cap to a stew, really?
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Right, okay. Well, yeah, once we're getting into stew territory, then... Stew territory would be the great name for a drag king.
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It really could. But spelt like a stew. The term broke the internet is overused, but on episode either one or two of this podcast, I said...
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I said what my colleague Max has just said, re-soup, but I said it re-cats, which I regret.
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I just said cats can fuck off. I've no beef with cats. I grew up in a dog family, so it's difficult to relate to their...
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Sorry, by that, do you mean your parents are dogs or they were just dogs in your house?
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Because I think people need to be more specific about this. When people are like, oh, I'm a cat person.
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No, I struggle to relate to the cat world, but I still like them. Problem is, I approach them with the dog mindset and pat them.
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We're getting sidetracked. You're like, look, it's 6.30. It's 6.30, she's up. Alice is up, then Susie's up.
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We're up, the house is up. Within minutes, you are. Pretty quick, yeah. Pretty quick, up and out of bed.
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When you come down, what have you got on? David, how dare you? We have to ask these questions.
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I wear a negligee. I don't wear a negligee. I wear the sort of pyjamas that you would expect a...
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You know Mr. Banks in Mary Poppins? Yeah, Mr. Banks. Okay, he's the dad, right?
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Yeah, the dad, yeah. So like... Yeah, okay. Buttoned up to the top. Oh, yeah.
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Kind of an older gentleman's pyjamas is what I wear because I get very cold in bed.
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So I would go downstairs in those. With a candle and a big long hat.
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Yes, like we really winky. Yes. And then I'm sort of quite chatty from the moment I open my eyes.
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And in my eight-year relationship with Alice... Congratulations. Four years of that being married, thank you.
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We've learned that the best thing for me to do is not talk at Alice first thing because she finds it quite, in her words, just a lot.
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And I think that's fair. She has forced you up. This is true. If she didn't get you up, she wouldn't have to listen to you.
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It's true, but also if she didn't get me up, I then wouldn't be on hand for then what is Project Get Our Daughter to School.
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Yes. You hear? Yes. So then I will go and sit in our lounge while she sits in the kitchen and I will do a bit of admin.
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Oh, I like admin. Max loves admin. I will respond to the emails that I should have got back to yesterday and I will think to myself, well, they aren't in the office yet,
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so I've sort of done it on the day they've sent it. 6.30 is a great time because to respond to emails in a way that 4.30 a.m. isn't.
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I would really agree with that. I think those two hours are really pivotal in displaying the kind of life that you live.
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Okay. So at what time is Alice prepared to hear you? Oh, by like quarter past seven.
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So it's not like she doesn't talk to me until noon or anything. Until Christmas.
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I have to mime until 3 p.m. Right. You're in the living room. You're doing your admin.
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Alice is in the kitchen. We've got shutters on our windows and we've got quite a good view of Brighton, which I feel very grateful for.
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It's my favourite bit of the house. I can't believe that this is – I love this house.
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I love that I live here. This is so brilliant. And your daughter's still asleep at this time?
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Yeah. Well, she won't be. She'll be sort of up chatting to her teddies. Oh.
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Wow. That's great. What age? Four. Oh, yeah. Good fun. Great age. I have a two-and-a-half-year-old and independent play is very important for children, but also when they're playing without you there, you're just like, just keep playing.
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Yeah, of course. This is so good. So good. This is so good. Or this parenting when I'm not having to parent.
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This is so good. So, 7.15, you're talking. We're chatting and then it's like, right, here we go.
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So then we'll get our daughter up. Well, yesterday I was walking her in. So then I was in the shower.
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Alice was getting our little girl ready, uniform on, breakfast eaten. We're walking to school.
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Okay. Have you had breakfast? I think yesterday I did have breakfast. I had shreddies with warm milk, walnuts and raisins.
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I will be taking no questions on this. This is a breakfast I like. I'm fully in favour.
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Oh, are you? Okay. I thought I was going to get some share. It really swings between not healthy, unhealthy and back to, you know, that brekkie.
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Okay. So you have showered. I've showered. You've had your breakfast. You've showered. And are we walking to, have we left the house?
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We're walking to school. Great. We meet a couple of our little pals on the way.
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Get to school, do the drop off. She's quite new to school. This is the first year that she's been at school.
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So the whole time I'm like, oh God, please go in happy. She goes in happy.
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Right. Which is a huge relief. And then I walked home and had this sort of, so I've written a book and I had to go through all of the bits of the book to whether I wanted.
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To say these things, what I was saying, if this was correct, all the factual inaccuracies that I'd, you know, things that weren't quite right or I have to proof the proof.
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Susie, is it a memoir, the book, or is it a Richard Osman style murder mystery where you're talking about an actual murder and you've got actual names in it?
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Thank you. No, no, no. It's not an actual murder. It's also not a Richard Osman murder book.
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Although let me tell you, I would absolutely love to, well, more than write the book, I'd love to have the money.
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And I have written a memoir of sorts. I find it difficult though, because when I say memoir, I think like, oh God, does that make it sound like I'm going, I've got so many interesting things to tell you.
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I'm really important. But then I'm also a stand up. So I've sort of been saying that for about 15 years.
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It's a memoir about anxiety, about anxiety being like, for a long time, it was my enemy.
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And the book is about my journey to make it my friend and to accept it and to be like, it's my companion.
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It's never going anywhere. So let me just get on board with the fact that this kind of voice and this fear and this angst is always going to be with me.
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So let's just work out how to live with it comfortably. Question. Yes, please. No.
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Can you say like it's news night, say something about my appearance to, you know, the way it'll be like gentlemen in the back row.
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Oh yeah. Sorry. Yeah. Man in the hat. Oh, sorry. Yes. To the man in the, in the green hat, the bicycle behind him.
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What's the, I'm all. Always on brand. What's the opening line to the book? When I was seven, I killed my granddad.
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This is a good book. This is a great opening. The thing is, unless you did that yesterday, we can't talk about it.
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We can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. I didn't kill my granddad.
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We can only talk about the bits. Okay. I just, I just was worried that I did.
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Right. I see. But yes, we can't go into that. We can only go into the bits that you read yesterday.
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Okay, cool. And had somebody told you to read? No. Was this you rereading it?
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Because you're a professional or because someone said you've got to read it? No, it was me going back through it and going, is that the story I want to tell?
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And is that the best way of telling it? Yes. Okay. There was a story that I wanted to add, which I had forgotten about, which I thought was quite funny, which was about, so I'm very good friends with a comedian called Tom Allen,
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who I'm sure you'll be aware of, who is a wonderful, lovely man and is also one of my best friends in the world.
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About a decade ago, we went to a gay nightclub together and we accidentally walked into a dark room, which is a room where men have sex with other men in the dark, but in public.
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I'm so square. I was like, it's nice. They had a photography studio in the nightclub.
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Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what the rules are about cameras in there.
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Yeah. I'd say no. I'd say none. I'd say no. Yeah, probably no. And I thought, oh, that's quite a funny anecdote that I think that's quite fun to share about this experience that we had.
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So I added that and then I had a couple of really bad dates. When I was single and I, there was one that I thought, oh, there's a funnier way of writing this.
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And then I also remembered something from it in reading it back and thought, oh, that would be funny to add in.
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Was it the person's home address and their telephone number? It was the person's home address, their telephone number, their Instagram handle, and the three buttons on the back of their credit card.
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But you've got to guess the front ones because you can't give people everything. So did this take you the whole day?
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I mean, no, no, no, no. It took me like all of the morning. I had a cafeteria and I just made my way through it.
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It's a nice day. It's a really nice day. I've really, David, you've written books, haven't you?
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You've written kids books. Oh, always the need to put in that little prefix, kids books.
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Not like me, who's written a serious memoir. You with your little, do you know what you probably do, David?
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You probably just get in the bath with some poster paints and you just write it in the tiles.
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That's probably what you do while thrashing about. I hear what you're doing. I hear you say, I hear the tone of your voice, Susie.
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Susie, it's funny you mention it because before we came on air, before you joined the call, David was saying he'd written his latest kids book, you know, Mr. Tiggy Goes to Town.
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But he then forgot about a time that he'd walked into a dark room in a gay nightclub and he wanted to include that in the book.
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It's important. You've got to get all different communities in. That's how children feel seen.
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First of all, David, I mentioned that it was a kids book because I wanted to demonstrate to you.
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I wanted to show you that I had remembered you telling me that when we went for dinner, when we did Bake Off together.
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Thank you. That was an interesting, not dissimilar to your writing of this book. The one thing about doing Bake Off was you weren't allowed to tell anyone that you were doing Bake Off.
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It was the closest to an NDA I've ever got. Obviously, I told my mother because I kept asking her for recipes and how to do meringues.
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Otherwise, she would have been... She smelt a rat. Well, I don't think you should be cooking with rats, but yeah.
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No, you shouldn't. That was really bad. I'm like embarrassed of that gag. I'm really sorry.
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Yes, I have written children's books. Thank you very much for bringing it up. The bane of my existence is Max mocking my children's books.
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No, no, no. I mean, my wife writes children's books, so I really respect the profession.
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And there's much more to it than I thought when I was four. I think if you can write a good kid...
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If you can write a good kid's book, then you get a child into reading.
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Then they have a hobby for life. Thank you. I think writing kids' books is a wonderful thing.
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I loved... There were Jacqueline Wilson books that shaped my life. I love... I think kids' books are brilliant.
20:36 - 20:41
But the reason I mention your writing, David, is that I have enjoyed writing it more than I thought I would.
20:41 - 20:49
Oh, yeah. And I don't know whether you've had a similar experience, because you've done a few of them, that I thought, this is a nice offer that I can do this thing.
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I've written this pitch. Yeah. This person likes it. That's a nice thing to do.
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I'm not touring this year, so I could do this. I could write this thing.
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That's a lovely thing to do. But I thought that sitting down to write it would end up being like, oh, this bloody thing again.
21:01 - 21:08
But I've loved writing it, which is really lovely and not surprising, but pleasing. No, that's great.
21:08 - 21:19
Do you feel that in writing a book about your relationship with anxiety, that you have in your mind, it's helped the way you think about it as well?
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Because in having to actually formulate the paragraphs, you do have to confront that stuff Yeah, I think so.
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And also the format of the book is at the end of each chapter, I talk to an expert in the field about that part of my anxiety.
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So I've got a chapter on coming out and the fact that I sort of hid my sexuality for seven or eight years.
21:39 - 21:52
I kind of knew that I was gay, but I didn't come out. And so I spoke to a gay guy that's also a psychologist about what shame does and how we can like bring shame into the light.
21:52 - 22:02
And so that was really helpful. And so. So we spoke about all kinds of things about hiding parts of yourself, about the freedom of coming out, but then also that you sort of assume that when you've come out, it's
22:02 - 22:05
done, but that's not really what happens because you come out all the time. Right.
22:05 - 22:10
And that it gets easier and then sometimes it's harder and it feels different when you're doing different things.
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And then I spoke to like Dolly Alderton about how to mend a broken heart.
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And I spoke to Elizabeth Day about having anxiety around your career. And I spoke to Laura Bates, who does the Everyday Sexism Project about whether getting married is inherently anti-feminist.
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And so I spoke to like lots of different people. So I formulated all these ideas, but I left myself with questions because it's kind of a self-help book, but I didn't want the help to be from a fucking comedian.
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Like I didn't want to be like, guys, I've solved it because I haven't. That's like my angle is, fuck.
22:42 - 22:52
So I'd say that I've asked all these questions and I've been sort of brutally honest in a way, and it gives you more space than what you have on stage.
22:52 - 22:58
I guess if you were doing a show at the Edinburgh Festival, you can take on these things that are slightly bigger and you can be slightly more artistic.
22:58 - 23:06
But because my shows always then tour, like, you know, the people of Warwick don't want you to excavate your soul on stage.
23:06 - 23:14
What they want is some stories and some gags. Yes. So it's very difficult, unless you're someone that writes those sort of artistic shows and everyone goes because you write that.
23:14 - 23:21
I always write sort of, you know, stand-up, stand-up shows. So it's been a lovely thing as well, because I've just had the room to write.
23:21 - 23:27
The difficulty we have is that was possibly the best question. And the best answer we've had in recording.
23:27 - 23:30
But unless you spoke to all those people yesterday, we're going to have to leave it out.
23:30 - 23:37
Oh, no, come on. It actually took, it actually was the first time this podcast had any depth.
23:37 - 23:42
And that's a real... Is it because I mentioned I was gay and you guys are homophobic?
23:42 - 23:47
Absolutely. That's how it's reading to me. Because I feel like you were homophobic yesterday, you're homophobic tomorrow.
23:47 - 23:54
I feel like it's evergreen. So where have we got to now? You've done some really good stuff.
23:54 - 23:57
Really good work here. So, okay, we've done all that. We've got rid of it.
23:57 - 24:07
We've sent it back. I breathe. Then I went to Reformer Pilates. Oh, yeah. Proving popular on this podcast, to be honest.
24:07 - 24:22
It was very good. I wore my, I've got a Brighton football training top. And whenever I go, I take a picture and send it to my friend Maisie Adam and say, fingers crossed, people assume I'm in the Brighton team.
24:22 - 24:30
Yeah, that's good. That's like my real... My real dream is that people will go, oh, I suppose she plays for Brighton and she comes to Reformer Pilates afterwards.
24:30 - 24:35
And do people sort of look at you in that way, do you think? No, no.
24:35 - 24:39
People look at me like I'm just a lady wearing a top. You know, and I am.
24:39 - 24:45
So that's fine. I think the thing that's going to be the main issue is that I look too old to be a professional footballer.
24:45 - 24:53
No, no. Which is obviously heartbreaking. No, you don't. I'm 38, guys. You're younger than Luka Modric.
24:53 - 24:56
I'm also not that good at football. So that's going to be part of the issue.
24:56 - 25:03
That's more of a detail. But like, I kind of believe that I am. Like in my head, I'm really good.
25:03 - 25:14
I have it with the Tour de France, whereby when I go out cycling, some part of me is definitely thinking you're training for the Tour de France.
25:14 - 25:23
Yeah, of course. I definitely need that. And even the idea that my Wikipedia entry in the future is this is all of this is just a footnote.
25:23 - 25:29
You know, for a while. David worked as a comedian and podcaster. And children's author.
25:29 - 25:35
In 2027, he won the Tour de France for the first time, you know, at the age of 49.
25:35 - 25:44
In 2028, he was stripped of his title in disgrace. This is a good Wikipedia entry.
25:44 - 25:48
Do you know what I've thought? And this is the sort of thing that I will regret later sharing.
25:48 - 25:52
But there have been times when I've been in the gym. I don't really like going to the gym.
25:52 - 25:57
I prefer doing like a class. But if there's like a gym in the hotel I'm staying in, I'm like, oh, I should go to the gym.
25:57 - 26:02
And the way I get through it, I think to myself is, imagine you're training because you've been cast in a Marvel movie.
26:02 - 26:11
That's good. That's really good. So I'll be like, I've got to work on these guns because I'm, I don't know, Wonder Woman's mum.
26:11 - 26:18
What time are we out here? Because I went to Reformer at half one. Have you had any lunch?
26:18 - 26:27
Yes, I did have lunch. I had, it's actually a favourite lunch of mine. I had toast with marmite.
26:27 - 26:34
Never tried it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I've worked out the best way to do it.
26:34 - 26:43
I'll do toast with marmite, then quite thin slices of cheese. Therefore, I do the cheese with a potato peeler.
26:43 - 26:48
Are we talking a mature cheddar? We're talking a cathedral city. That's good. That's excellent.
26:48 - 26:56
A great Irish cheese. Thank you. No, you're welcome, Susie. And we thank you. I didn't know it was Irish, and I will stop buying it now.
26:56 - 27:03
But it's a great cheese. And then I slice beef tomatoes and put them on top.
27:03 - 27:09
It's a great sandwich. Well, I don't like marmite. But without that, I like cheese and tomato sandwiches.
27:09 - 27:14
I'm a simple man. And it's the tomato, because there are beef tomatoes that are beef tomatoes.
27:14 - 27:18
So, you know, like, have you got a good one? Yes. There's a Greengrocer's near me.
27:18 - 27:23
But I can't tell you about that, because I didn't go yesterday. That's okay. I went on the weekend.
27:23 - 27:31
Now you get it. Okay, so we've reformed. We've reformed our awful ways of the past.
27:31 - 27:36
Is that the last line of Reformer Pilates? Yeah. Go forth to love and serve the Lord.
27:36 - 27:43
Yeah. Okay. We're sweaty. We've just left Reformer Pilates. What are you going to do now?
27:43 - 27:50
I was walking to pick up my daughter from school. Yes. I took a long walk, because the timing wasn't quite right.
27:50 - 27:56
Because it finished at half two. Her school finishes at quarter past. So I had a little mooch about.
27:56 - 28:01
Did you listen to a podcast while you were walking? Yes, I did. What did I listen to?
28:01 - 28:08
Yes, I did listen to a podcast. I listened to Kush Jumbo's podcast, Origins, which is a new podcast.
28:08 - 28:14
Okay. We're listening to this podcast. We're walking through the streets of Brighton. It's a real Brighton moment, to be honest.
28:14 - 28:20
It is a huge Brighton moment. It really is. It's a nice day, presumably. It seemed like a nice day yesterday.
28:20 - 28:26
Yeah. Yeah, it was a lovely day. Right. You're walking past the Burnham. You high-five Fatboy Slim.
28:26 - 28:30
I know the Brighton stuff that's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Love him.
28:30 - 28:35
Saw him over the summer. I won't tell you about it because it wasn't yesterday, but let me just tell you.
28:35 - 28:42
Phenom. Absolutely phenomenal. One of the best concerts I've ever been to. Sorry, we're back.
28:42 - 28:48
We're in Brighton. We're in Leisurewear. We get to the gates of the school. Let me stop you there, David.
28:48 - 28:53
There's something that happens before then. Oh, great. I stopped and got a coffee because I was so desperate for a wee.
28:53 - 28:59
Is this your second? You've had a whole cafetiere. Yeah, but it's a mini cafetiere, so we don't need to worry too much about the levels.
28:59 - 29:07
I got quite a shit coffee. The coffee tasted burnt. Oh, dear. Wow. Which is quite disappointing, but I was so desperate for a wee.
29:07 - 29:12
I sort of knew. I've had coffee from there before and I knew it wouldn't be great, but I was so desperate for a wee that I just needed to use their toilet.
29:12 - 29:16
I feel too awkward to say, can I use your loo without buying something? I understand.
29:16 - 29:23
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. But our running total is one tea, small cafetiere, burnt coffee.
29:23 - 29:28
Although I dare say you didn't actually drink all of this. Is this going to come back and haunt us later?
29:28 - 29:37
Does this podcast end with you at 4am just sprinting around the block trying to run out the last few joules of energy from your bod?
29:37 - 29:44
Well, I couldn't tell you about that because that would be considered today. You really know the rules and I'd like that you're on board with this.
29:44 - 29:48
Even if that did happen, I couldn't. No, this podcast ends when you go to sleep.
29:48 - 29:55
I mean, we don't want these technical arguments about when this podcast ends. I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
29:55 - 30:00
We've got to play the game. It's not a game. It's a fact finding mission.
30:00 - 30:02
You had a shit coffee, but a great week because when you really need one.
30:02 - 30:08
Yeah, it is true. It's one of the great releases. It's one of the most joyous moments.
30:08 - 30:13
Went to my daughter's school, picked her up. Then we had swimming. Okay. Is that a good or a bad thing?
30:13 - 30:17
Great. She's learning to swim. She goes in with the teacher. She has a half an hour session.
30:17 - 30:26
Well, so young Ian is just learning, but he's had his second lesson today. And at the moment he's, Jimmy next to him is like a fish.
30:26 - 30:31
He's like a two-year-old under the water, just blowing bubbles. Yeah, some kids are like that.
30:31 - 30:40
It's crazy. And young Ian is not into it. And so he's a lot of hugging data and a lot of sitting in the shallow bit.
30:40 - 30:46
But I've been told, but Marek, the teacher says, stick with it. Because really, are you in the pool for this?
30:46 - 30:51
No, no. I just give her to the teacher. Teacher takes over her and a couple of other kids.
30:51 - 30:58
They have a paddle about. Does the teacher. Use one of those sticks, like a giant magnifying glass, but with no glass in it.
30:58 - 31:02
You know, those things. No, David, they don't use those. They catch ducks around the neck.
31:02 - 31:07
When you've overstaged your time on stage and they want to get you off one of those.
31:07 - 31:15
I have seen them in the side of pools in more recent years. I think that's if someone's drowning.
31:15 - 31:19
I'd get in. If someone was drowning. You wouldn't fuck around with a fishing rod.
31:19 - 31:25
But you do give the image of what I imagine learning to swim. Swimming in Ireland was like in 1983.
31:25 - 31:30
Where did you learn to swim, David? Yeah, I learned to swim in the pool.
31:30 - 31:47
Our school had a pool. Very lucky. I didn't take to it initially. But then I got my bronze award, which is the one where you take pajamas off and put them back on and turn one of your father's shirts into a life saving cushion.
31:47 - 31:52
Did you ever learn to do that? I don't know what you're talking about. You're going to have to unpack this for me.
31:53 - 32:01
I did the pajamas thing. What? Yeah. Because when you are lost at sea, when you go overboard at sea, it will be at nighttime and you'll be in pajamas.
32:01 - 32:06
And they're the kind of PJs that I wear to bed. Yeah, the button up ones.
32:06 - 32:13
My candle would go straight out, wouldn't it? The way to survive is to swim to the bottom of the sea and pick up a heavy brick and come back to the surface.
32:13 - 32:22
Yeah, that was another part of it. But Susie, the hardest bit of it was you had to inflate the pajama top.
32:23 - 32:32
How? It's to learn how to turn things into life-saving devices. What you do is, I'm sort of demonstrating it.
32:32 - 32:37
You leave the top button done up, okay? And you pull off the whole rest like it's a cape.
32:37 - 32:44
As if you're about to backstroke, you whip the back of the cape under your neck, which sort of inflates it.
32:44 - 32:49
The wet pajamas grab a load of air. And then you pull it tight around you.
32:49 - 32:56
Do you know one of those airline cushions? Exactly what you mean. And then you just float to Tahiti with that.
32:56 - 33:07
Wow. I can do this. These are the skills that I can do. I know that Great Britain is an island, but Ireland is even more of an island, you might say.
33:07 - 33:13
And so these are the skills we need. Sometimes I swim to London via this technique.
33:13 - 33:19
When I can't afford an Aer Lingus flight, I'll just float over using pajamas. Thank you.
33:19 - 33:24
I feel like I've always underestimated you, David, and I'm really sorry for that. Well, you know.
33:24 - 33:35
I think it's interesting that clearly that method of teaching people to swim stopped at some point between when I learned in about 84 to when you learned.
33:35 - 33:44
I learned, which was... 1990. Yeah, I would have been four in 1990. So, yeah. That's a big change in the swimming teaching world.
33:44 - 33:51
World, yeah. So we got the swimming lesson now. And do we feel progress is being made in this?
33:51 - 34:00
Progress is being made, hugely. Yeah. Different strokes. Have we gone backstroke? Butterfly? She's still kind of on doggy paddle, but that's fine for four.
34:00 - 34:04
Okay. That's great for four. Yeah. Then we get home. Got to hit the books.
34:04 - 34:08
Got to do all that homework. I know what it's like being four these days.
34:08 - 34:13
We did a little bit of Lego. So we get back. We play Lego. We play Lego.
34:13 - 34:18
Yeah, construct. Then we have dinner. Alice has made a risotto. Do we all eat together?
34:18 - 34:24
We do. Okay. Lee can pee. No. Sort of cheese and tomato. Which was very nice.
34:24 - 34:29
There was talk of putting pancetta in it, but she said it was already so unhealthy by the amount of cheese she put in.
34:29 - 34:37
She swerved the pancetta. Do you think there's no meal sort of more wholesome and warming that gives you contentment like a risotto?
34:37 - 34:42
Maybe. Yeah. Maybe shepherd's pie would be the only one. I was just about to say that.
34:42 - 34:47
Yeah. We've been on bake-off together. We have similar mindsets. Yeah, we've got similar. Yeah, we've got.
34:47 - 34:56
Did you make a shepherd's pie, David? Yeah. Yeah, they loved it, actually. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
34:56 - 35:04
This happened. So Irish education builds up to these exams you take when you're 18 years old called the Leaving Certificate.
35:04 - 35:16
Oh, yeah. You do all your classic exams. Some people, however, take on an extra subject, and some are quite easy to learn in six weeks to try and get a good exam result.
35:16 - 35:23
There was one called Social and Scientific that was just about running a household, so I decided to do that.
35:23 - 35:32
What, in like a 1950s housewife way, like running the house? It's more like, how do you change a plug?
35:32 - 35:39
What's a nutritious meal? How do you look good, do the ironing, and get his dinner on the table by five?
35:39 - 35:51
That was sort of what I was thinking. How to be a domestic goddess. So the question was almost always create a nutritious meal for a family of four, okay?
35:51 - 35:59
So I... I had learned off a good, just very basic spaghetti bolognese. Sure. And that will do.
35:59 - 36:08
And for the first time ever, we sat down for the exam, and it was make a, what's a good dessert to have after a meal for a family of four?
36:08 - 36:22
But I hadn't read the question, so I put down spaghetti bolognese. A take on spaghetti bolognese as a dessert.
36:23 - 36:30
Mmm. A mincey pudding. Pretty good. Yeah. I love that. Susie, did you have any dessert?
36:30 - 36:37
No, no. Then it becomes like sort of the wind down for bedtime. So then we watched a bit of Toy Story, which we're making our way through at the moment.
36:37 - 36:46
Ah, Toy Story 1? We are on Toy Story 3. Oh, yeah. I would say number two is the best, in my opinion.
36:46 - 36:55
Yeah. A great trilogy. There's actually four. It's a great... Quillogy. And are you going through them in order?
36:55 - 36:59
Have you just started one and you're going through... Yeah, but we're now sort of been through them once.
36:59 - 37:04
No, it's been a few weeks and we're back to Toy Story. And she watches about half an hour every night.
37:04 - 37:22
For me, one of the most powerful moments in the history of cinema, and because it deals with such an incredibly philosophical, huge idea, is in Toy Story 1, where Buzz realises there's millions of other Buzzes.
37:22 - 37:34
You know, when he sees... He sees the ad for Al's Toy Barn on the TV and he falls off the top of the stairs and Randy Newman sings, "'Clearly I will go sailing no more.'" And his arm falls off.
37:34 - 37:44
Oh, my God. That's huge. You couldn't put that in a live-action film because people would be like, what's this philosophy doing in this movie?
37:44 - 37:51
But, yeah. Do you know what? I would say that happens again in Toy Story 2 when Jesse's kid grows up.
37:51 - 38:00
And I think it's Sarah McLachlan song, When She Loved Me. And it's about her sort of being dispensed with because the person doesn't need her anymore.
38:00 - 38:08
I sob. I sob. It's good. It's good stuff. I enjoy all of it. Do you watch it together as a family or are you sitting behind her on your phones?
38:08 - 38:13
I try not to be on my phone because once she said to me, you love your phone and I thought that is not the message.
38:13 - 38:25
Good. Now I keep the phone in the kitchen. Really good. The one thing that I am learning from doing these podcasts, Max, is people's struggles with their phones.
38:25 - 38:36
It's the worst. I hate it. Several of our guests have used essentially a phone jail type of a thing whereby they can't trust themselves to not look at it.
38:36 - 38:43
So they physically, the horns put their phones in a box and that's the only way.
38:43 - 38:55
But then when Alex Horne said that, this sounds like a nice idea, but what happens if you're all sitting there watching Toy Story 3 and suddenly you hear the voice and the vibrations inside the box,
38:55 - 39:00
you'd be like, I better get that. The only way that you can get it back is if you manage to get it from Greg Davies.
39:00 - 39:04
It's a very weird setup that he's got in his house. But you receive an envelope.
39:04 - 39:11
And a wax seal. I've definitely been doom scrolling and my toddler's fallen off the bed.
39:11 - 39:15
You know, I've definitely had those and I'd be like, oh, Max, come on, that's so bad.
39:15 - 39:30
That's just terrible form. So we are, watching Toy Story 3. Yeah, then it's bedtime. It was my wife's turn to do bedtime.
39:30 - 39:37
Is it a book? There'll be a book. Yeah, there's a library of books. I mean, it's not as a bookcase, but there's lots of books, lots of faves.
39:37 - 39:42
When it's not your turn, are you just absolutely delighted? Yes, it's time for my phone.
39:42 - 39:46
It's time for me and my phone. My life and my phone. You can sit and look, exactly.
39:46 - 39:55
Out I sneak to the kitchen. My daughter's up in bed. Sneak, sneak, sneak. Not my go.
39:55 - 40:01
Grab a little bit of choccy from the fridgie. Pop that in the trappy. What chocolate have you got?
40:01 - 40:10
Well, currently we've got that Tony's chocolate. Yeah, really good. It's really good, but the only thing I dislike about it is it's quite hard to get a good amount of it.
40:10 - 40:18
You either get like the whole of the tea, which is too much, or you get like a nub of the Y, which is too little.
40:18 - 40:25
Oh, I see. And my wife is not into me biting directly from it. She says, you can't do that.
40:25 - 40:28
And I said, why? And I said, I think it's fine for me to do that.
40:28 - 40:32
It's you and I are the only people that eat it. And she said, I don't want to open chocolate and find your teeth marks in it.
40:32 - 40:39
And you can decide who's in the right. The issue I have with Tony's is because you can't like fold it up, right?
40:39 - 40:44
Because it comes at funny angles. I just have to eat all of it. You do a whole Tony?
40:44 - 40:49
I do a whole slab. One of the big ones? Yeah. And that's why I have high cholesterol, despite not being...
40:49 - 40:52
I was about to say, have you heard about type 2 diabetes? Because you're gonna. Probably, probably.
40:52 - 40:59
The one that I love is, there's one called Whittaker's Peanut Slab, which is the national chocolate of New Zealand.
40:59 - 41:07
Oh, I've had Whittaker's. It's so good. It's like a bullion, as in it doesn't have any breakable areas in it.
41:07 - 41:12
It's just a solid lump. So you have no choice other than to eat the whole thing.
41:12 - 41:21
Yeah, minimum number of bites. Just leave it in there. Yeah, that's my... Slab doesn't indicate a dainty chocolate.
41:22 - 41:27
Yeah, if someone said she was a slab of a woman, you wouldn't think she's a model.
41:27 - 41:38
How long does putting to sleep take? How long have you got this golden Susie Ruffel time?
41:38 - 41:43
It's about 20 minutes from going up. Great. That's pretty good. That's pretty good, yeah. We're pretty good on sleep.
41:43 - 41:50
Then downstairs, then it's the classic, what are we going to watch? Are you currently in a series or are you in between series?
41:50 - 41:54
Well, we finished one on Sunday. You can't tell us. So we were in a new territory.
41:54 - 41:59
Okay. And so we went for the first two episodes of the new series of Slow Horses.
41:59 - 42:04
I've just seen series one, so don't tell me anymore about these. Yeah, I really like it.
42:04 - 42:12
I think it's very good. It's just very watchable. I don't watch any comedy. I don't watch any sitcoms.
42:12 - 42:18
I know I should. I know some of them are amazing, but I just find myself watching and going.
42:18 - 42:22
It's a bit of a busman's holiday. I don't want to laugh. I don't watch any.
42:22 - 42:27
I don't watch any football, and that's an issue. Right, yeah. So you just make it up.
42:27 - 42:37
Yeah. In between first episode you watch and the second episode, when it's like 14 seconds till the next episode, you have a conversation presumably of, should we go to bed now
42:37 - 42:41
or should we get one more? Are you both agreed on that straight to episode two?
42:41 - 42:49
Yeah, pretty much. We are real early birds. We go to bed at around half nine quarters.
42:49 - 42:53
Wow. Definitely later than I go to bed. Nothing's going to happen. What's going to happen in those two hours?
42:53 - 43:04
Nothing good. You're getting a great quantity of sleep. Can I just say, I mean this, I'm using yesterday as, if you were getting up at half six but going to bed,
43:04 - 43:09
you're getting nine hours then, nine and a half hours. Well, you haven't factored in my hour of reading.
43:09 - 43:16
Ooh. I read for about 45 minutes an hour every night. Let's factor that in. That's amazing.
43:16 - 43:23
Right now. This is such a great life you've got. Do you think? I don't know if this is a really boring podcast for you guys.
43:23 - 43:31
Oh, it is. Not the idea of it, just me as a guest. I think the idea is great.
43:31 - 43:35
I think that I'm a bad booking. You want to read the reviews of this.
43:35 - 43:44
Literally nothing happens for ages. Something nearly happened at some point, but then luckily it didn't because if it had, we all would have shat our pants.
43:44 - 43:52
No, that's great. The book is great because I'm desperate to get lost in the power of books and I have a book by my bed and then I get into bed and I look at it and I think,
43:52 - 43:59
it's embarrassing how long I've been trying to finish the Thursday Murder Club. First one as well.
43:59 - 44:04
Is it the first one? Yeah. And I'm really enjoying it. I just fall asleep.
44:04 - 44:10
What were you on, like a page a night? I don't even open it. I try and do Wordle.
44:10 - 44:17
I maybe do that and then I'm just, that's it. I conk out. So Susie, do you go up after the second episode then?
44:17 - 44:22
Yeah, we go up after the second episode. Great. Pajamas, back on. Pajamas, teeth clean.
44:22 - 44:28
Wash face. Yeah. In bed, lamp on. Wife and I like Bert and Ernie. Two sinks.
44:28 - 44:35
Do you have two sinks? Two single beds. No, two. Yeah, yeah. Two sinks, two single beds.
44:35 - 44:41
Two single beds. Both brushing teeth at the exact same time. Yeah, kind of. No, we don't have two sinks.
44:41 - 44:44
We have like one big sink. A bath. Sort of like a trough. A bath.
44:44 - 44:47
But it's not a trough. A bath, yeah. We brush our teeth over the bath.
44:47 - 44:52
Do you find couples who go to bed and get up at different times weird?
44:52 - 44:56
Because me and, Jay, we are, I'm in bed, you're in bed. I'm up, you're up.
44:56 - 45:02
Like, it's sort of like clockwork. Kind of, but it changes because had we spoken on a night where I'd had a gig, it would have been different.
45:02 - 45:08
Yeah, okay, yeah. But work aside, when there's no work, we are like... If there's no work, yes, we are together.
45:08 - 45:16
I think you're living the best life. I think that scene of the two of you with the books and the lights on, I think no one else is happier than you are,
45:16 - 45:26
is what I think. Also, do you struggle, if you have, say, a gig that goes on until, ooh, quarter past ten, are you sometimes just nodding off at the mic, just...
45:26 - 45:32
No, I will stay up. I will stay up for the whole gig. And I'll stay awake for the drive home as well, which I think is good.
45:32 - 45:37
But if someone says to me, do you want to open or close? I'm opening all day long, maybe.
45:37 - 45:47
Yeah, 100%. What book is it? So I'm reading Modern Love at the moment, which is a book I've read a few times, which is, it's from the Modern Love article that I think, don't quote me on this,
45:47 - 45:50
used to be in the New Yorker. Oh, is it Dan Savage? Is it Dan Savage?
45:50 - 45:55
There is one in there by Dan Savage. There's definitely one in there by Dan Savage.
45:55 - 46:00
And it is a collection of essays about all different things. There's one about parenting.
46:00 - 46:06
There's one about falling in love. There's one about heartbreak. One about loss. And they're really neat essays.
46:06 - 46:13
It's like just a window into people's lives. It was edited by Daniel Jones. There you go.
46:13 - 46:25
Do you feel the Susie Ruffell Beautiful Brain is geared towards the short story format, as in the book you've written is these episodic bits where the expert appears at the end.
46:25 - 46:30
And this is a book of short stories. Are you drawn more to that than a big long thing?
46:30 - 46:36
Not really, because I mostly read novels. But I dip into that when I don't know what I want to read next.
46:36 - 46:40
And it's just like my bookmark. Nice. Are you both lights off at the same time?
46:40 - 46:44
Oh my goodness. We're not animals. I mean, there's got to be some glitch here.
46:44 - 46:50
Alice is reading Lee Child's Jack Reacher. And Alice just keeps being like, fucking hell!
46:50 - 46:58
No! Do not kill him! Do you need a sort of method to go to sleep or you just close your eyes and drift away?
46:58 - 47:06
We have rain sounds for 20 minutes. We're both usually asleep by the end of it.
47:06 - 47:10
So you have a little machine that makes rain noise? No, it's on Alice's phone.
47:10 - 47:16
There's an app for that. So you put the rain on when you finish reading or does the rain start while you're reading?
47:16 - 47:20
No, no, no. The rain comes on when we finish reading. I might nip for another week.
47:20 - 47:27
Yeah, good idea. We get into bed. I would say we cuddle for 10 minutes and then we sort of move into our own spaces.
47:27 - 47:34
I feel like I've told you too much. No, I feel that most listeners will just be annoyed that their life isn't as nice, idyllic as this.
47:34 - 47:43
Oh, I would say that you've caught me on a pretty good day. Another day, if you'd spoke to me, it would be what was your day yesterday and I would have said a pit of existential crisis.
47:43 - 47:49
But luckily I got a meeting with my therapist. So by the end of it, I was feeling slightly less mad.
47:49 - 47:54
But I'm trying to be quite measured, I think, at the moment. I'm trying to write a new tour.
47:54 - 48:00
I've just finished writing this book, but they're the only things that I really, I'm gigging to like make a living while I'm not on tour.
48:00 - 48:09
So I'm gigging all over the shop, but I'm really trying to like, just enjoy writing the tour, trying to remind myself that like, it's a real privilege to do what I do for a job.
48:09 - 48:15
And so I'm really going at it with that energy of trying to write a new show where I remind myself how lucky I am to do this job.
48:15 - 48:21
Really lucky to have written a book, just trying to take things, you know, a bit more gently.
48:21 - 48:26
What a day. I feel like I've been like unnecessarily earnest. I feel like I've been like not funny at all.
48:26 - 48:30
I feel like anyone that would read this would be like, she seems nice, but I'm never buying tickets to the show.
48:30 - 48:37
Like I'm really funny on stage. I really want to add that. You are one of the funniest comedians, but that's not what this is about.
48:37 - 48:43
This is called What You Do Yesterday. And we have had a lovely run through it.
48:43 - 48:47
I mean, swimming, I think it's such a beautiful family. I do like it. Oh, thanks.
48:47 - 48:51
You've met my daughter. You let her play your piano. I did. Do you remember?
48:51 - 48:55
I do remember that. Yeah. Yeah, I think she played it with her bum at one point.
48:55 - 49:03
And I was like. That seems like the kind of thing she'd do. This ventriloquist needs this dummy in order for this act to work.
49:03 - 49:09
Well, thank you, Susie. Susie Ruffell, thank you very much for coming on What Did You Do Yesterday.
49:09 - 49:23
Thank you very much. Susie Ruffell, thank you, Susie. I'm putting it out there, David.
49:23 - 49:31
That is the best day we've had. Yeah, that is definitely. And my own chaotic life does seem.
49:31 - 49:34
I mean, it was nice that she did say at the end, not every day is like this.
49:34 - 49:44
And how she has perfected life to get to this point. But, yeah, I feel like a big old fat loser over here in Dublin.
49:44 - 49:52
And I think she felt concerned that she'd had a good day. So guests want to come on this having had.
49:52 - 49:57
A shit day because then you don't get empathy for having a nice day. But people have to be honest.
49:57 - 50:03
I know. I mean, I guess it's the rainbow of magic we've had on this series so far.
50:03 - 50:08
Where Ellis James is snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, shouting at his children.
50:08 - 50:17
And then you contrast that with the scene of Susie and Alice doing their teeth together and getting into bed.
50:17 - 50:23
I've got to give them matching pajamas as well. The rain is so good. Oh yeah, the rain.
50:23 - 50:30
The rain. The rain. This is amazing. I'm going to try it tonight. I go with the soundtrack of just screaming in my head.
50:30 - 50:38
And then I realize, oh, this isn't an app. This is just the sound that broadcasts in my ears.
50:38 - 50:43
Anyway, thank you so much for listening. If you want to get in touch with the show, here is how.
50:43 - 50:51
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyou doyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
50:51 - 50:58
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
50:58 - 51:08
And if you didn't, please don't. We are yet to really ask for any specific things for you to send us.
51:08 - 51:17
So we will think of something that you can send us. How about this? Tell us what day you think has been the best day so far.
51:17 - 51:22
People who have listened to all of the apps. That's not interesting enough. No, no.
51:22 - 51:29
I tell you what's interesting is, have you taken anything from a guest that you now have put into your own daily existence?
51:29 - 51:33
See, you've worked more in the commercial radio sector. That was a much more, yeah.
51:33 - 51:41
Coming up, six adverts for vans and one for divorce lawyers. Thank you, David. Thanks, Max.
51:41 - 51:45
Thanks for doing this with me. No, no. Really, it's the other way around, isn't it?
51:45 - 51:58
I'm the one who's in for life. You're just stuck here.