EP7: Rose Matafeo

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There are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already. I don't have any because there are enough.

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Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it. And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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David O'Doherty is here. I'm Max Rushden. Hi, David. My mother has been listening to these.

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We don't normally give personal shout outs, but we make an exception for Anne, brackets 86.

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She says, I enjoyed the tripod. Okay, so some time ago, my mother just decided that this genre of entertainment was called tripods.

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And there's nothing, unfortunately, we can do to change that. So, mum, welcome to the tripod.

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Welcome, mum. When I told my parents this, they thought it was the stupidest idea I've ever had.

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And there is part of them that wishes I was still a merchant banker or something sensible.

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Still a merchant banker. But when one of the write-ups was then put in The Week, because they are, like me, they are from the streets, my parents in central Cambridge.

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Once it was published in The Week, they suddenly changed their tune and now they are, they're really invested.

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Max, what's The Week? The Week is like a magazine, which actually is really good.

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It gets all the stories from, you know, it'll have like a map of the world and point to what's happening in each country.

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Then it'll have TV shows of The Week. Then it'll have, this is what they said in the tabloids, and then like one page of sport.

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And there was like podcast, you know, there's a culture page. Wow. And we made it to the culture page.

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We're in The Week. We're in The Week. And actually, this is an interesting, this is our first anniversary, really, because this is episode seven, which means we've had a week of yes,

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today's. And that feels like a big moment to me. I don't know what that's like paper.

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It's a paper anniversary for the two of us, David. My favorite bit of feedback, I think possibly in The Week of podcasts that we have done now, congratulations to us,

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is in the Ivo Graham episode, we discussed Jaws. And someone definitely for real said, thanks for spoiling Jaws.

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Well, Max, is it possible to live in this world and not know that Jaws dies at the end of Jaws?

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Is it? That's not the only feedback we've had about that exact thing. Unless they got in touch twice.

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Dear Max and David, I've just listened to today's episode with Ivo Graham and I have a message for Ivo.

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He was not the only person in the world who had not seen Jaws. I haven't seen it and neither has my 13-year-old son.

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I was looking forward to watching it with him, but now I know what happens.

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Thanks, Ivo. And thanks to David for explaining the shit out of the jump scare moment.

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Though I guess in your defense, it is unreasonable to be upset about spoilers of a movie that came out nearly 50 years ago.

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Love the podcast. In for life. Max, if we're literally trying to not give away the plots of anything or even the scores of football matches in the past, say that I was really looking forward to watching West Brom against Birmingham from 1994 with my son.

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Thanks for Rue. Thank you for doing that. The thing I love that you said, because you don't like the angry feedback.

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And when you said you wanted a podcast with a joiner and his mate saying it's raining again, I've been pissing myself all week.

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Kate says, hi, gents. Please tell Ivo that there used to be a machine at Clackett Lane Services which dispensed a small bouncy ball from a random selection for 50p.

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On the way to visit grandma, my children always bought one as a present for her, which was always received with well-feigned surprise and delight.

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When she died, we found a net bag containing 237 balls in a rainbow of colors, one for each visit.

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I mean, that's sort of the most emotional thing I think that I've read, certainly related to this podcast, which doesn't get to that.

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But that is incredibly sweet. Thank you, Kate. That is beautiful. I do wonder if the sales, in fact, I know for a fact Ivo was going on about something called a Mavericks moon ball and several listeners have got in touch to say that they went straight

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on the internet and bought some. Yeah, so this podcast should be brought to you by some sort of bouncy ball.

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You know, someone in the bouncy ball world should be listening to this thinking this is where they and we could make some serious, we're not in it for the money, but we could make some serious money.

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On a less serious, on a sort of a less moving note, Marcus says, hey guys, loving the pod, though how much you've talked up the Nish Kumar episode, I doubt I can ever live up to the hype, however,

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have now found myself saying, oh man, I'm busting for a Nish, out loud to people who have no idea what I'm talking about.

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See you in the waterfront, David. It's no Belfast Empire, but I'm sure you'll be grand.

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Chapeau, Marcus. So, yeah, so it's good that that before even the Nish tapes are released, which we would love to put them out today, but we can't for various legal reasons.

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Yeah, when the Nish episode drops and I think we have to assassinate a few people, that's what I've heard this week.

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This week. And if we're honest, I don't think that is top of our skill set.

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You know when you try and put the lid on a jar and it's wrong?

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I would do that with the silencer. It would keep getting stuck and then I'd have to unscrew it.

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Yeah. And we have made an ethical decision not to take gun sponsorship. So that doesn't – this podcast is brought to you by Uzi.

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We can't do that and be assassins. Anyway, this episode will be out at some point.

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I've got an iTunes review, three stars. Do you want it? I mean, no is the answer, but I'm going to get it.

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Good to have on in the background. I listened to this as David O'Doherty is always great value and the premise seemed quite interesting.

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I've never heard of the co-host, Max, who seems nice enough but a bit of a gimp.

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The Welsh guy who they interviewed was quite funny. And all in all, it killed an hour while I was at work.

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So that's the sort of glowing feedback that we're really looking for. Thank you so much for that one.

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So episode seven, David, is Rose Matafeo, who is super successful. You will know her from obviously Taskmaster, 8 Out of 10 Cats.

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She won Edinburgh's whatever you win at Edinburgh for her show Horned Dog. What do you win?

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Yeah, you do. You win a big cardboard check. Because I won that award. Oh, well done.

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And I thought that was legal tender. Like I'd grown up believing, you know, children in need when they have a three foot check.

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That because it does have a sort code across the bottom of it. I thought, like, I think it's the case.

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It's like you can write a doctor's prescription on anything if you put down all your relevant medical numbers.

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So I thought the giant check was the real check. And I brought it back to Dublin.

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I folded it in half. Brought it back. Took it into my bank. And it's still talked about, I think, as the funniest thing that's ever happened in that bank.

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Rose wrote and starred in and directed Starstruck, which is a beautiful BBC and HBO show of recent years.

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She's been in a bunch of movies. I think of all the people I know, this is too much Rose.

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I think Rose might win an Oscar one day. I don't know what for. But, yeah, I'm saying that.

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What do you think I'll win one day when you look at me right now on the Zoom call?

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Well, you're kind of a gimp. Is that what the reviewer said? A bit of one.

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Not even full gimp. Just a bit of a gimp. If there's a bit of a gimp, Oscar, you're certainly getting nominated for it, Max.

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All right. Here is episode seven. It's Rose Matafeo. It's great. Well, she is great.

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We are there. Please listen to it. Thank you, David. Rose Matafeo, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? There's still a debate as to which word you should stress, Rose, of the title.

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If you were to say it, where would you put the stress? I'd put on yesterday.

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What did you do yesterday? Oh, that is strong. I mean, I feel like that makes a lot more sense than either of your options.

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But no, I think you just take it. As you come, it might change day to day.

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So, listen, I don't know if you've ever been interviewed in such. We're going to grill you, Rose, about yesterday.

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And we will leave no stone unturned. They call us the Burger Kings because we flame grill all of our guests.

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That doesn't make any sense. And an injunction has been put in on your use of their branding.

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And also, about an hour after you finish recording, you feel sick. And you never want to come back.

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In Australia, we're called the Hungry Jacks. The Hungry Jacks. And many, many cows die during the making of every episode.

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Well, I'm really excited to be here. I'm so thankful that you thought of me as a guest.

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And I really appreciate that I had a yesterday to talk about. It's lucky you did.

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When did it begin? Oh, now, this is where I'm already off to a bad start.

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Okay. I've been thinking about this all throughout yesterday because obviously I knew I was coming on this podcast.

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This is why we should. Book the guests last thing at night, Max. How many times have I said this?

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Can I just say, you, David, you reminded me of the fact that I was even recording this podcast today, which means that yesterday was entirely an average day in my life.

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So there's nothing wrong with that. This is the problem, though, because I am a lady of leisure.

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I wake up at 10 a.m. And I don't want people to know that because we live in a world that's the end of the sentence.

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We live in a world where I feel like you can't be much of a lady of leisure.

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You've got to be on the grind. You can't wake up late. This isn't right.

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I've got to look like I'm a productive member of society, all that business. But the truth is, is that I, when I can, I'm a late sleeper.

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So, yeah, yeah, yesterday started. I had a really bad sleep. I was probably up to about three the night before, which I know isn't relevant.

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No. What's so interesting, David, is that, quite often we're about 50 minutes into the podcast and it isn't 10 a.m. yet.

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So I feel confident that this may be the first episode that we give the evening the attention it deserves because quite often it gets to about 7 p.m.

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and we're like, yeah, we've got to hurry things along. But Max, the nightmare would be that Rose wakes up at 10, goes back for another sleep at midday, and then just sleeps right through.

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So this is the opposite of every other episode. You guys need to know, if you're more night owls, what kind of freaking nerds do you got on this podcast, man?

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Well, look at the list. So just to be clear, 10 a.m. is when you awoke from your slumber.

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Rose's husband Pitbull, the rapper, woke her at 10 a.m. He had to go off and perform at the opening ceremony to something.

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He goes, babe. Babe. Babe. He jostles me awake. I go, not now, Pitbull. Pitbull!

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This happens every morning. You know I'm a late sleeper. Pitbull doesn't actually sleep. He sleeps standing up like a vampire.

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Yeah. You do wonder about him, whether he's being affected by the ban on XL bullies.

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You know, the dogs. Will that affect how often we see Pitbull? Will Pitbull have to change his name now?

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Pitbull will have to change. Can I just ask for the tape? And this is important.

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For some listeners, it won't be fully concentrating. I love that. What kind of podcast lambasts their listeners?

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Who they can't see, they can't hear, and they cannot interact with. Some of you won't be listening right now.

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Yeah, I know. They're not focused. Our listeners are not focused at all. We've got to be clear about this.

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You do not have enough episodes to have any opinion about your listenership. That is absolutely outrageous.

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Pitbull was not there. Tell me the truth. Okay, truth or truth. I didn't have a great sleep.

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Irrelevant. Woke up probably at 7.30. Went back to sleep. Woke up probably again at 8.30. Put on an incredibly bleak podcast.

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Investigative podcast. Put the phone right next to my ear. Blasting it. Trying to lull me back into sleep.

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That'll do it. Famously, that's the way to get back into a nice calm sleep.

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Is to listen to some gruesome murder. Blasting in your ear at half eight in the morning.

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Well, the problem is I usually do a Buddhist podcast. But I've kind of got sick of her.

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And then I moved to a Jungian podcast. But then I've started doing episodes about dragons and stuff.

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So I'm not into that scene anymore. Kind of got into the, you know, that genre of podcasts where it's like, why are we even investigating this?

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This is a story I wouldn't even care about if someone told me this at a party.

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And there's six episodes of it. So great. Whatever. It does lull me to sleep.

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Yeah, I wake up at 10 a.m. Weather's awful. In London. You're in London. Set the scene.

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London, 2024. Good. Bong. That's big band. That's really excellent. Who will buy this wonderful feeling?

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Oh, I'm so high. I swear I could fly. Oh, yeah, thanks. Bong. Bong. Bong.

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I don't know that, actually. The last one actually goes a little lower. I wake up.

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I mean, this is a day I've got for myself. I'm about, this is a week, basically the last week of my summer holiday, kind of, in a way.

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I was in Edinburgh before this, and I'm starting to do my show on Monday.

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So I'm like, this is my week. This is my day. This is my day to be a lady of leisure.

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Sure, every other day of my life usually is being a lady of leisure, but that's fine.

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Oh, I love this. A lady of leisure day in London. I just imagine a butler walking around after you, loads of hot boxes, maybe dress you up by Madonna plays as you wander in and out of different boutiques and Carnaby Street,

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the King's Road, Hamleys, the Trocadero Centre, a bit of Laser Quest. Oh, this is going to be a day.

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So it's 10 a.m. So 10 a.m. 10 a.m. I roll out of bed. My body's hurting.

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My body feels inflamed. I feel a bit ill. So I decide I'm going to take a COVID test later on in the day.

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Wow. Something to look forward to on the podcast. Something to look forward to. We've yet to have a rap test.

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This is good. Exactly. But I'm not going to tell you the result yet. No, don't.

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We haven't got to the point where I've got the COVID test. Wow. I go down and make coffee.

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I've got a new coffee maker, which I'm really, really into. Oh, let's get some detail on this.

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Well, to be honest, I've recently bought, I've invested in an incredible, incredible grinder for my beans.

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I thought you'd got the premium app for meeting same-sex people. Coffee beans. Yeah. I meet so many coffee beans.

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Are you natural or washed? Am I right? Now that's a real, very thin intersection of people who know about grinder and different types of beans and treatments of coffee beans.

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And what did you do yesterday? The podcast. I'm grinding the beans on this amazing grinder that looks, so space age.

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I'm very excited about the coffee maker. Just sounds funny. When you say that. Well, it sounded like Donald Trump just said, I have no idea.

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Beautiful grinder. Gorgeous space age. Love my coffee beans. Okay. So the coffee maker is called the aroma boy.

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So you're definitely from grinder. No, no connection. No connection. It's fine. I think it's militia, but it's like real.

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It's like coffee for one coffee for two. It's like a tiny coffee maker. Like, so I've lived alone for many, quite, quite a few years, not many years now, but I've kind of gotten into the art of catering for one.

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Like I've got a small rice cooker for one, which is the bleakest thing I've ever seen, but I love it.

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I had to get rid of it because I'm pretty sure the nonstick coating was giving me cancer.

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But even then I'm like, I worth it. This rice cooker has brought me so much joy.

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And then this is, so this is like a tiny, it's like this big, this coffee maker.

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And it's like a little filter machine. Essentially. It's like a pour over, but you can just leave it be.

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And it gives you like one cup of coffee, 250 mils essentially. And it's honestly the joy of my life in the mornings.

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Let's just talk about, do you add any sort of milk into that? Does it froth the milk?

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Or do you look down on me as a, basically a Roma boy is just scrunching up his nose at the idea of me wanting to add cow juice or indeed oat juice to this pristine bean concoction.

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There is no frothing to be seen anywhere near there. I'm a boy, but I do put milk in my coffee.

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I'm sometimes have a black and I sometimes have milk in it, but no, I'm not fucking eight years old, David.

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I don't need a fluffy in the morning. Black coffee. First thing like Jack, because I don't know who I've got to kill.

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Can I just ask a question? I don't want to come across as sinister, but are you dressed?

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Are you still in your night outfit? You agreed to do this, was you agreed to do this?

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And we're going to ask all the questions. No, that's a great question. Actually. Usually I wear a night, like a nightie that I got from Disneyland Paris that has Minnie mouse on it.

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And it says the AM rush. It's like, I am Minnie mouse. Like actually in like just the coffee, nowhere to be.

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But yesterday I think I was in a dressing gown and that night. So yeah.

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Dressing gown over top. Perfect interruption. Does it have Minnie's butt on the back of it?

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No. A lot of that Disney stuff has, I would imagine Minnie's head is, so your head is Minnie's head.

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And is it just Minnie's body then on it? Or is all of Minnie on it?

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No, I'm not. It's not part of your sick bootleg Disney sexualizing nightshirt business, David.

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Oh, you want to see my ass? Good in a way that in winter you can put the head on as well.

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I think that would be an amazing prank. Just buy a mascot head. The next time you've got a delivery coming, just put the mascot head on.

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Are you my aroma boy? Yes, I can sign. No, I think that it's a really standard design.

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It's just many looking. I'll send you a picture of it. I've had it for years.

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It's a real question with clothes, isn't it? It's like how long, like do people throw out clothes?

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Cause I don't throw out anything. And I'm like, that's how you get shirts that like are vintage shirts.

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You know what I mean? You got to buy a new one day. And like in 20 years time, I'm going to be like, wow.

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I remember when I bought that horrible night shirt from Disneyland Paris. It's already about 10 years old nearly.

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But Rose, again, we don't want to go into your past cause this only concerns yesterday, but you are from New Zealand.

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So at some point you must have had to throw out some stuff or give it to parody shops in New Zealand.

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See, I would imagine you were one of these people whose whole life fits in a little shoe box.

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You know what I mean? And you take things out. Kind of, but I am also a person who, when I moved to the UK, I brought my favorite stationery with me.

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Like I bought papers that I enjoyed. I liked like origami paper that I liked.

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DVDs of short land street. Wow. Topical reference. So Max, lives in Melbourne Rose. Yes, I know that because yesterday I actually looked up your Wikipedia page.

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You're not the first person to do such a thing. really? What was the main thing that leapt out at you from his Wikipedia page?

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I don't want to be triggering, but like, I'm so sorry your car got stolen.

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Oh, that's okay. I don't know if that's a sore point. That's on your Wikipedia page.

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The Subaru did get stolen, but I mean, I can tell you the story. I woke up and I couldn't find my wallet.

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So I thought I'd left it. On the train. And then we went to a cafe and I checked my transactions.

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And at three in the morning and at four in the morning, I appeared to have spent $85 at McDonald's quite a long way away.

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And I don't think I did that. So I was like, that's a lot of bastards found.

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It's an amazing amount. Big meal. I cancelled all my cards and I had my British cards and my Australian cards.

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And then we went back home. And in the afternoon, Mrs. Rushden said, I'm going to go to Coles, do a coal shop.

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She walked out of the house and she was, she was like, where's the car?

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It's not in the street. So then I was like, we panicked a bit. So I phoned the insurers.

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Turns out we weren't insured. And that was a bit of a worry. But then the cops found it.

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Sorry, just let me just step in here. How does it turn out? It's not insured.

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Had you forgotten to send off the form? I moved the insurance from my wife's bank account to my bank account.

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And they cancelled that direct debit and not started mine. But I hadn't been paying insurance for a year.

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So it didn't work. So the Maccas is on me. But like, surely that's just a teenage joyride.

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And they had the most amazing night of their lives. No, well, they were some robbers, right?

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Which was good because they kept the thing. When I went to the pound. Robbers, you know, Rose with the stripy t-shirts.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. With the sort of spotlight. Time masks. I went to pick it up.

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The police said, we found your car. We're going to take it for forensics. So I suddenly felt like I was, you know, Magnum and I'm very excited.

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And they said, do you want to pick it up from the police? Pound. I went, yeah.

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And I walked into the police pound and every other car was like a burnt out wreck, like a husk, like nothing.

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And in the middle was this gleaming Subaru. It was cleaner. The only difference was the seats were really low and far back because that's how you must drive.

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It's a rubber. So you don't get caught. But the only two sets of people that keep fucking shit loads of wet wipes are robbers and parents with tiny children.

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And so it was great. I got a USB, USB-C charger, some extra headphones and loads of wet wipes.

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And the car, the car was absolutely perfect. No doubt. I wonder who added it to your Wikipedia page.

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That's a good question. Rose, all you've had now, we're living this day just on one cup of coffee.

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You got to put some food in that tum tum. Okay. So yes, so I make breakfast.

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My breakfast is a new kind of combination of, I have eggs most mornings, a scrambled egg.

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I do love a scrambled egg. You want eggs in the house. I think at the moment I'm going with chopped up kale, fry that a bit.

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Add some garlic and then scrambled butter and scrambled eggs into that. So like a kale egg scramble.

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And then that's on top of some potato sourdough. Wow. How many eggs in your scramble?

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Two. I think in an ideal world, I'd go three, but I'm started buying large eggs.

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So I'm doing two large eggs every day. Can I ask, is it a Burford Brown?

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Is it a Waitrose Burford Brown? So interesting. One of them was a Burford Brown and then one of them was a Rich Yolk egg.

24:24 - 24:32

But interestingly, I could, compare the colours directly. Burford Brown, still, still more orange. It's such a decadent.

24:32 - 24:42

So decadent. What? What is this conversation? I come from Ireland. There's just eggs. Actually, my parents get eggs from a farmer who lives nearby.

24:42 - 24:48

Of course they do. And they come fresh. And then these scary ones called fresh-ish eggs.

24:48 - 25:00

This is handwritten on the top. And you have to try and float them to see because, I once picked a badden and that smell remains with me.

25:00 - 25:07

I can summon it up to the nose at any time, that smell, because it was horrific and it made me not eat eggs for a few days.

25:07 - 25:12

Can I ask you both a question? No, choose one. No, just kidding. Rose, I talk to David a lot.

25:12 - 25:17

I'll ask you a question, Rose. A friend of mine caught, we were discussing eggs the other day.

25:17 - 25:28

Yeah. And he will, if he's feeling like hungry, he'll order six eggs. What? Six poached eggs, which I said was sinister, anything more than three, I think is completely unacceptable.

25:28 - 25:35

I think three is the limit. But then also like, I feel like we've gone through so many sort of phases of egg scare, right?

25:35 - 25:41

Where it's like, people like don't eat more than two eggs and people like, actually it's kind of fine.

25:41 - 25:43

And then it goes back and forth. It's like the red wine thing, isn't it?

25:43 - 25:47

Or the dark chocolate thing. It's like so back and forth as to what's good.

25:47 - 25:51

And then big egg will come out with like a campaign being like totally fine.

25:51 - 25:55

Eat as many eggs as you want. But six is like, it's like eating two steaks.

25:55 - 26:02

It feels like, I watched the channel for a nightly coverage of the 1987 tour to France recently.

26:02 - 26:12

It's on YouTube and it's got the full ad breaks in it. So it's got the famous ad for the golden pages, yellow pages.

26:12 - 26:19

Remember that ad with a guy buying a bicycle for his kid. Anyway, there's loads of generic ads in it.

26:19 - 26:26

There's an ad for cream. Yeah. So like, it's just like, put it on whatever you're having.

26:26 - 26:34

Cream improves everything, which isn't true, but there's another one for eggs. Cause I think there must've been an egg scare around 87 then.

26:34 - 26:43

And so it's just, yeah, have it with an egg. Well, I think we both come from countries though, which is like, we've got big dairy exports, right.

26:43 - 26:48

And meat and dairy exports. So we had one for a steak. I remember it was so iconic.

26:48 - 26:55

It was like, it was so bad. It was like a massive plate of spinach and then a tiny steak.

26:56 - 27:00

And then it was a table and then it was like, and then like the big spinach goes and falls off.

27:00 - 27:04

Like, I mean like basically it was like, fuck you pussies, eat a steak instead of spinach.

27:04 - 27:10

Like that's how much iron you'll get from a steak. And that's how much spinach you have to eat.

27:10 - 27:14

Eat the fucking steak. Do your duty as a New Zealander and eat the fucking steak.

27:14 - 27:18

I think I have very similar memories of those ads, which you don't really get anymore.

27:18 - 27:24

Do you? Yeah. So you've got the kale, scrambled eggs on a potato salad. This is lovely.

27:24 - 27:29

Now you've got your coffee. Are you doing this in silence? Are you scrolling on your phone?

27:29 - 27:34

Are you listening to anything? Are you watching Good Morning Britain? What's happening? Did I turn on the radio?

27:34 - 27:39

No, I didn't turn on the radio this morning. Usually I listen to Woman's Hour, but I think I was listening to a podcast.

27:39 - 27:44

I think I was listening to a podcast, but not really paying attention to it.

27:44 - 27:48

I've been painting a room in my house and listening to a lot of podcasts.

27:48 - 27:52

Oh, I've just done this, Rose. I've just done this. Oh, I've got to send you a picture.

27:52 - 27:57

What podcasts have you been, we'll put it in the show notes, we've never put anything in the show notes.

27:57 - 28:04

What podcasts would you listen to? Sometimes I just let it run. And the problem is- I'm only interested in yesterday, David.

28:04 - 28:09

This is for a general- No, but this is, of the podcasts I listened to yesterday, let me see if I can even just look at my phone.

28:09 - 28:14

Oh, great. This is allowed, Max. This is, oh, totally. Yeah, yeah, no, no. Check the rules.

28:14 - 28:19

This is totally allowed. Objection sustained, overruled. So yesterday I did listen to This American Life.

28:19 - 28:24

It's nice. I did listen to this podcast at a later time in the day.

28:24 - 28:31

Oh, don't tell us. Which app? The First App. Okay. So this is the first inception, maybe, to happen on the podcast, maybe?

28:31 - 28:35

No. No, someone else has also listened to the first. Fine. Ivo Graham listened to the first.

28:35 - 28:41

Fine. Fucking nerds. When you get to listening to it, we'd like some feedback. Okay, well, yeah, I think I can pinpoint the time of day.

28:41 - 28:48

I think it was like five, so let's wait for that. Oh, wow. I think I've had podcast fatigue because- Rose, don't say that.

28:48 - 28:52

There are so many of them. They have to stop. Oh, come on. No, no, no.

28:52 - 28:58

I've had podcast fatigue of my current podcasts. Yeah. I was listening to one about Jack the Ripper yesterday.

28:58 - 29:01

I kind of go all over the place, like This American Life, Jack the Ripper.

29:01 - 29:08

It wasn't what did Jack the Ripper do yesterday, that would be an issue. They can trace the call.

29:08 - 29:15

Rose, have there been any breakthroughs in Jack the Ripper in the last, say, 120 years?

29:15 - 29:19

Have they narrowed it down? Or is he still on the run? Yeah, he's still on the run.

29:19 - 29:23

He's still out there. I mean, where's the Zodiac killer? That's what I want to know.

29:23 - 29:29

But no, I think the main thing the podcast was saying, was how a lot of the people they thought was Jack the Ripper, wasn't Jack the Ripper.

29:29 - 29:39

And also, even the obsession with Jack the Ripper is quite a gross one, in that he was just like a murderer who killed sex workers.

29:39 - 29:44

And it's so strange that we go on these tours and stuff about Jack the Ripper.

29:44 - 29:51

It's like the obsession with Caravaggio. Same thing. Wait. That's grim. Caravaggio never killed anyone, did he?

29:51 - 29:56

He did kill somebody, but not a sex worker. Did he kill someone? Yeah. Did he?

29:56 - 30:01

Oh, no. I have to get rid of all those Caravaggio paintings I bought last week.

30:01 - 30:09

Well, I'm lost. What time is it now? Who knows, man? Who knows? Right. Because that's what the Lady of Leisure life is about.

30:09 - 30:13

You're in a dressing gown. I'm in a dressing gown. You've had your breakfast. Have you done anything?

30:13 - 30:22

No. Max, you can't say that. I did not come here. I worked hard to become a Lady of Leisure, thank you very much.

30:22 - 30:29

They deserve it. I've become recently very inspired by a film called Holiday, which is an old Cary Grant, Catherine Hepburn film.

30:29 - 30:39

General Conceit is, it's not a great film, but his thing is that he works really hard and then he just decides to retire in the middle of his life because that's when he can enjoy it the most instead of being old.

30:39 - 30:43

And everyone's like, you're fucking mental. You can't do that. And he's like, yeah, I can.

30:43 - 30:46

I'm going to go on a cruise. So that's kind of what I'm aiming for.

30:46 - 30:55

Yeah, I imagine sort of an Edwardian life that you have, Rose, where like one of your friends will come over and play the piano.

30:55 - 31:01

And you will just sit beside it with that China teacup and a saucer. One of those cigarette long things.

31:01 - 31:05

Yeah, exactly. I'm not a smoker, but you know what I mean. That was the nerdiest shit I've ever heard.

31:05 - 31:10

One of those cigarette long things. What the fuck, man? That's pretty much the edgiest thing I've ever said, actually.

31:10 - 31:20

It's a rich seam, you will discover. So my biggest conundrum after breakfast is, I definitely get on my laptop and send some actual work emails that I need to get back to people on,

31:20 - 31:28

which is a bit of admin. Bit of admin, I do. Love admin. Then I go, wow, I'm trying to get to catch up on Slow Horses, the show Slow Horses.

31:28 - 31:33

Yeah, I've just done series two. Oh, nice. I won't spoil anything, but I'm in the third series.

31:33 - 31:44

But then I remember the night before, it was quite late and I left it on a real cliffhanger between episodes and I was like, damn, is it wrong to watch Slow Horses pre-midday?

31:44 - 31:53

Before lunchtime. It's a good question. I once, when I was, I think I was doing a TV show and who's that really famous guy who plays?

31:53 - 31:59

Hugh Grant. No, it's not Hugh Grant. No, it's Trump. No, no, he's like a great actor.

31:59 - 32:10

He was Bane in that man. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy was going to come on this show I was doing and he didn't in the end, but we went to go and see Bronson at 10am and it was too early.

32:10 - 32:15

Too early. It was too early for Bronson. Yeah, for a press screening. Yeah. Okay, here's a question.

32:15 - 32:24

I love television. I watch so much TV. I love terrestrial television and I feel so strongly about terrestrial TV and the flow of television.

32:24 - 32:31

Like I watch so much Escape to the Country or like A Place in the Sun because I think it's important to the culture and I think people who look down upon,

32:31 - 32:36

I think people who go, I don't own a TV. I only watch streaming. I don't give a shit.

32:36 - 32:45

It's important to key into what people are watching. Like I love ads on television because I hate podcast ads, but I love ads on TV.

32:45 - 32:49

If I could give you a standing ovation, I would do it right now. I'm with you.

32:49 - 33:02

I love telly. I love podcast ads and that's why we need more of them so that we can monetize this rather than just me use it as an opportunity to catch up with my friends.

33:02 - 33:12

So go on. You love television. I love telly, but here's my question though, because I feel like we never could watch, when I was a kid, no TV before school.

33:12 - 33:20

That's illegal. So I've got a natural like aversion to television in pre-midday. So unless it's like for work and I need to watch something.

33:20 - 33:26

So I decided against the slow horses because I knew what I was preparing for, actually.

33:26 - 33:32

Now this is not going to help my lady of leisure status at all. A deep tissue massage at 145.

33:32 - 33:38

Wow. Okay. So hang on. You couldn't watch slow horses because you had a deep tissue massage coming up.

33:38 - 33:45

I don't see the link necessarily. Because I needed to mentally prepare for that. I went, well, I have to figure out when I'm going to leave because I'm going to walk there.

33:45 - 33:49

And then I'm going to have to mentally prepare for all of the sort of stuff I'm going to have to do there.

33:49 - 33:58

I've never met this person before my first time with this person. So I went and read some Google reviews of them, psyched myself up, had a, had a shower because I mean, look, I don't want to come dirty.

33:58 - 34:06

Agree. Unfortunately, I've still got paint. I've still got paint on my, on my leg.

34:06 - 34:14

Bizarrely in my arms. Couldn't get it off. I've never had a massage. Can you legitimately ask, could you give them some white spirit and be like, while you're down there,

34:14 - 34:19

could you take the paint off my leg? I think it's great that you don't have a massage of this.

34:19 - 34:22

What you imagine you can ask of a masseuse. Have you ever had a massage?

34:22 - 34:31

Yeah. And do you know what? I hate them. I hate them so much. What I really want is I just want to be rubbed gently on the head by the kitten.

34:31 - 34:36

That's why I really like that. But I don't want anyone getting in anywhere and making me hurt.

34:36 - 34:44

Guys. So I'm 32 and I've got the body, I think, of a much older elderly woman.

34:44 - 34:49

I think what's happened is my interests are so elderly that it's now kind of seeping into my body.

34:49 - 34:53

So I've got such a bad back. I barely can walk most of the time.

34:53 - 35:03

I'm hurting. Becoming incredibly inflexible. And it's becoming this thing of like, it's just such a stupid thing when you're in your 30s being like, oh, my God, I'm so old.

35:03 - 35:09

But I have genuinely found that being in bed hurts. Like getting out of bed hurts.

35:09 - 35:12

Getting out of bed hurts now. Do you make a noise? Do you make a noise?

35:12 - 35:19

Hugely. I can't even bend over to get stuff without making a noise. I've got dead flat feet, so it kind of fucks the rest of my body.

35:19 - 35:25

So I booked this deep tissue massage because I've felt very strong. On this point, Max.

35:25 - 35:41

Hold on. Rose, sometimes when you're like, what are you listening to, Rose? Sometimes she listens to a BBC Northern Ireland late night show for the elderly where they play big band music mixed with children's choirs.

35:41 - 35:47

Where it'll be like, they'll play like maybe the Proclaimers. Maybe that would be their modern tune.

35:47 - 35:55

And it'd be like, for St. Andrew's Day, that was the Proclaimers from Scotland. And then it'll be Andrew Lloyd Webber was born.

35:55 - 36:01

And this day, you know, where it's like all beautifully linked. And you're like, who listens to this?

36:01 - 36:06

The answer is Rose Matafea. I found it. It was on Radio Ulster one day on the BBC Sounds app.

36:06 - 36:12

And I just found it. They also do have like a comedy track of every episode.

36:12 - 36:23

But the comedy tracks are genuinely like, I don't know where they've found them. Because they're like old musical kind of bits that are so, so craggy.

36:23 - 36:29

So like you can't hear anything in them. They're like the most old school, strange bits.

36:29 - 36:34

And what I love about it is that like they send mail into the show rather than emails.

36:34 - 36:42

I used to work on Saturday Breakfast on BBC Radio Cambridgeshire. When I first got there, they did this thing called Swaps and Sales.

36:42 - 36:51

It's a bit like Facebook Marketplace, but on the radio, where literally Colin in Caldecott would ring up and say, we've got a radiator and we're looking for some tiles.

36:51 - 36:57

And then like Maureen in Ely would say, oh, you've got some tiles. And I'd like a radiator.

36:57 - 37:00

And then they'd swap them. It was like at the time I was like, this is ridiculous.

37:00 - 37:11

But actually it was so heartwarmingly sweet. It was joyous. There's a show you'd like, which is on a Sunday night, I host a radio show on TalkSport back to the UK,

37:11 - 37:24

but I'm in Australia and I'm in a studio where the radio show at the time that I'm on for Australia is basically one of those What's Wrong With You shows where they have a doctor there and people ring up and say, I've got a really bad back.

37:24 - 37:29

And if he has to answer, everyone go and see your GP. That's literally, I literally can't say anything else.

37:29 - 37:34

That's so funny. So if I go for a wee in the show, then I just hear a bit of this show going, oh, my lumbago's playing up.

37:34 - 37:42

And I've got the text board for their show during my show. And sometimes, you know, just someone texting in going, I've had a heart murmur for three years.

37:42 - 37:49

What should I do? Dave in Wollongong or whatever. You would love that show. I would love that show.

37:49 - 37:52

I love New Zealand Talkback Radio when I can listen to it back home. So hang on.

37:52 - 38:01

I have a question. The massage is at 145. Have we got all the information out of you between after breakfast and 145?

38:01 - 38:05

You had him wash. Strikes me, Rose. You don't want to talk about something that happened in there.

38:05 - 38:10

I'm sorry to go all true crime in your ass. No. But it does seem like you've skipped.

38:10 - 38:22

Did you do a murder yesterday? What I'm skipping is sort of, I mean, maybe like the black hole of potential mild depression where I do nothing and I do nothing.

38:22 - 38:28

Like I'm just incapacitated for two full hours. At the prospect of going to a massage.

38:28 - 38:33

Like there's nothing to hide there. I get up at 10. I eventually have a coffee by the time it's 11.

38:33 - 38:40

Then I just sit for two hours just not doing anything. Like I had a shower.

38:40 - 38:50

I said I had a shower. I had a shower. I sent some emails. I considered doing another coat on the woodwork of this room, but then decided against it.

38:50 - 38:55

That would have eaten up about 20 minutes deciding that. Rose, just in there, what color are you doing?

38:55 - 39:00

I can. Genuinely ask this because it was something you considered doing yesterday. What color are we doing?

39:00 - 39:07

Is it a color that requires multiple overcoats? Mustard, a real mustard color. I've done two coats on the walls.

39:07 - 39:12

I was going to do a contrasting color on the woodwork, but then I went, what am I doing?

39:12 - 39:17

So I did the ceiling and I'm doing all the same color. So it's a pure mustard room.

39:17 - 39:22

And which room is this? The living room? Is this what room is it? Oh, it's a bedroom.

39:22 - 39:26

It's a bedroom. So yeah. But not your bedroom. It's the spare bedroom. It's going to be a mustard bedroom.

39:26 - 39:32

Yeah, bedroom. Spare bedroom is going to be a mustard bedroom. Okay. It's going to look good, but I hate, painting can be very boring.

39:32 - 39:36

Painting can be very boring. So let me tell you about my feelings on painting.

39:36 - 39:42

Please. I just had to go and listen to this podcast. Rename this podcast right now.

39:42 - 39:48

I mean, to be fair, Ivo Graham did his feelings on bouncy balls for about 25 minutes.

39:48 - 39:56

So I think painting serves a greater, a bigger audience possibly. So I have a friend who's a painter, who's a house, painter and decorator.

39:56 - 40:13

And he says the most annoying thing in his life is when he's painting a middle-class people's house and one of the guardians of the house just stands beside him, like before they go off to their exec job and says to him,

40:13 - 40:22

I'd love to do what you do. It just must be the most satisfying thing in the world to have a wall to paint and then you've painted it after a while.

40:22 - 40:30

You know what? I might quit my job. I'll be some sort of Google exec and instead become a house painter like you.

40:30 - 40:42

Oh, brilliant. I get a bit of that as in I do enjoy the fact that the problem with the artsy life, Rose, that we have is you never reach the end of it.

40:42 - 40:49

A show is never like, I'm finished now. Well done. Whereas with painting, at least you do get that feeling.

40:49 - 40:59

I know I'm literally annoying the house painters and there are many of them who are listening to this, but there is a nice feeling of finishing the job.

40:59 - 41:06

And getting out of this horrible middle-class sort of household where someone's talking to you constantly, maybe.

41:06 - 41:11

Thank you. It's quite nice. It's a good level of progress. I mean, I do, I think I've never painted anything before.

41:11 - 41:16

Like I never, ever painted anything in my life, really. So this is the first time I've ever painted walls.

41:16 - 41:25

I grew up in sort of like, I guess in New Zealand, it's called housing court, but it's like the equivalent of like council housing, but it was like a New Zealand sort of,

41:25 - 41:41

bungalow, whatever. But we managed to stay there for like 28 years on subsidized rent, even though there was grown children in the house and like one of the most expensive areas of Auckland in Ponsonby, because my mum was like,

41:41 - 41:45

we never asked them to do anything. We never asked them to paint. We never complained about anything.

41:45 - 41:48

At one point they were like, do you want to get insulation? She was like, nah.

41:48 - 41:51

So we had the coldest house. So she was like, nah, let's not get insulation.

41:51 - 42:00

So just like this uninsulated, unpainted house. So I'd watch, like decorating shows on TV and be like, oh my God, they're putting up a shelf.

42:00 - 42:04

Like the idea of putting up a shelf was like, you're not allowed to do that.

42:04 - 42:15

You can't paint the wall. You can't put up a fricking shelf. That's illegal. So it's been such a real weird thing to get used to being allowed to paint or put a thing in the wall.

42:15 - 42:23

It's very exciting though. I can't do anything. And it's so brave of you to mention that on the podcast.

42:23 - 42:28

I was doing a radio show with Paul Hawksbury. He's a brilliant, when he discovered I didn't have a ladder, he just couldn't believe it.

42:28 - 42:32

I was like, why do I have a ladder? Someone will have a ladder. I have two ladders.

42:32 - 42:37

So there were some light bulbs in my flat in London that I just would never change because they were just too high.

42:37 - 42:42

So I just never, never, ever changed them. Honestly, I think we infuriate people, other people in our lives.

42:42 - 42:46

So I've got friends like that as well, who I'll just get used to the surroundings I'm in.

42:46 - 42:53

Adapt. 100%. Now I can't, if I'm at a party, there's a point of three to four drinks.

42:53 - 43:02

I just got to start fixing stuff. Like particularly if it's, you know, with a loose towel rail or bulbs that need to be changed, unblocking sinks.

43:02 - 43:07

Do you know what, David? I texted a handyman the other day, because there's a lot of things that need the shower.

43:07 - 43:13

So our shower, I tried to fix it. I almost fixed it, but I bought the wrong part, but it just about works.

43:13 - 43:20

But you have to, the shower bit keeps sliding over. And I have to keep drilling, which is just, it's really superficial.

43:20 - 43:24

But like every couple of months I go and I drill the shower heads to the metal thing.

43:25 - 43:29

It just won't fix. And I just, I'd love you to come over, David. Let's have a party.

43:29 - 43:33

It's not just tightening a screw. No, it's not because it's the wrong screw in the wrong bit.

43:33 - 43:38

And I'm just ramming it in. Oh my God. I can't be bothered to get the right part.

43:38 - 43:41

Cause I bought the wrong part three times. And that was it. Oh my God.

43:41 - 43:51

We are soul sisters. We are soul sisters. Max, there's literally a YouTube film entitled, My Shower Keeps Slipping Over Brackets Wrong Screw.

43:51 - 43:54

I've watched it. I've watched it so many times. I've watched it a million times.

43:55 - 44:00

I have to go on YouTube to remind myself, I have to open the bonnet of the car every time I open the bonnet of the car.

44:00 - 44:10

I just can't find that little bit under the front. I watched a YouTube video of an Australian man explaining how to put, you know, on blinds, put the string of beads back into it.

44:10 - 44:14

And I kind of fell in love with him. Cause he was explaining it so calmly and beautifully.

44:14 - 44:20

I was like, who is this guy? It was so nice. I fixed our toilet seat.

44:20 - 44:22

Yeah. Cause it had gone a bit squiff. I don't know how it's done this.

44:22 - 44:27

Maybe I sit at an angle at pace and it's just, over time, it's just moving that way.

44:27 - 44:34

And when I fixed it, the sense of pride, I never, ever, ever felt more proud of anything.

44:34 - 44:40

I fixed the flush on my toilet. I was Diane Lane and under the Tuscan sun.

44:40 - 44:48

That was me. I felt crazy. I was like Rosie the Riveter in my little mum piece.

44:48 - 45:00

I couldn't believe it. Okay. So come on. Bit of focus here. Well, if we can move past my black hole of sort of absolute existential dread.

45:00 - 45:05

What I want to know is you've never met the masseur. Masseurs. Yeah. You walk in.

45:05 - 45:09

Masseurs. I want to know all about this masseurs. I want to know about this interaction.

45:09 - 45:21

So I walk to the place. It's sort of like a place that also does osteo, which I'm also going to, but this person, she is so nice, very calm room,

45:21 - 45:28

really positive Google reviews because I am obsessed with Google reviews. Yet I don't add to the community and I feel really guilty about that.

45:28 - 45:34

I feel disgusting. It's bad. There was something amazing about like someone like touching you.

45:34 - 45:45

It's kind of weird and like quite lovely when you're in pain. Cause I was in a lot of pain and this, I would say it was more of like a medical massage rather than like a relaxing massage.

45:45 - 45:53

She's using her elbows like this. A hundred percent. She's putting her elbow into my glute, the top of my ass cheek.

45:53 - 45:58

And it hurts like hell. It was a very targeted one. Like she was a sports misuse.

45:58 - 46:05

What's the most satisfying part of it? Does she go near your back? Cause like, let me tell you about the back.

46:05 - 46:10

Have you ever cut a chicken? There's loads of bits to your back. I never cut a chicken.

46:10 - 46:15

A cooked chicken. The back is a complicated. How similar are we to the anatomy of a chicken?

46:15 - 46:27

The exact same. Yep. Genetically the same. The other, other, other white meat. I think, my back was really messed up.

46:27 - 46:35

My, my, my shoulders were. And so what's satisfying is that you can feel, you can feel when she's like elbowing, you can feel like there's like a clunk where you've got a knot.

46:35 - 46:45

And then she'll get in there. And then by the time the massage is ending, you can feel the bits where she's like actually loosened them and untied them.

46:45 - 46:52

In my limited experience. One thing I always find when you have a massage is you go in and they say, right, just get yourself ready.

46:52 - 47:03

So just down to your undies and lie on the thing. And they leave the room and they give you, it doesn't take that much time, but honestly they leave for like 10 minutes,

47:03 - 47:10

like in the sense that you might be the slowest undresser or you've got like a bodice or a corset on and you're going to be there for hours.

47:10 - 47:14

So I'd like there to be a kind of right sort of I'm ready. It's totally fine.

47:14 - 47:17

You're going to see all this anyway. I don't care if I do it in front of you.

47:17 - 47:25

But think about them. It's like at school when you go to the bathroom and you spend as long as you can in the bathroom so you can get out of being at school.

47:25 - 47:30

So obviously that's them like going to text. They're going to have a text. They're going to quickly vape or something.

47:30 - 47:33

I don't know. Do you think they're texting like, I'm not looking forward to this.

47:33 - 47:40

He looks a bit shit. I think so. I think they're uploading your photo to WhatsApp.

47:40 - 47:47

I did suggest we'd pace this podcast perfectly, but it's only half past two and we've almost done an hour.

47:47 - 47:51

Yeah, because you guys are waffling. Oh, what did you get up to? Eleven and one.

47:51 - 47:57

These are dark hours. Okay. Fine. These are dark hours. I understand. The night is where I come alive.

47:57 - 48:03

And we talked about that at the start. So I'm not going to say, David tells me off when I say, if you could just reel it off all off in a sentence.

48:03 - 48:07

He says that doesn't make a great podcast. But like, let's just think about the pace everyone.

48:07 - 48:12

That's what I'm saying. Sure. Okay, cool. Let's move on. Massage was fine. Went home.

48:12 - 48:19

Felt floppy. Sent an email correcting an accidental purchase I made of four wall lights for the new bedroom.

48:19 - 48:24

I accidentally didn't use the vouchers that I had been given for this wall light company.

48:25 - 48:30

It was just a sort of frenzied back and forth, but with customer service to remedy that.

48:30 - 48:36

Got my refund. Well done. You've turned on. Yeah, I'm turned on. Rose, hang on.

48:36 - 48:41

You're talking about wall lights like we know what they are. What are wall lights?

48:41 - 48:45

Well, like a sconce, you know, like a wall light, like a light for the wall.

48:45 - 48:55

Don't say like a sconce, like that's going to clarify. Dude, you got to know what a wall light is, right?

48:55 - 48:59

Max, what's a wall light? It's like a sconce, David, you idiot. It's like an up lighter.

48:59 - 49:07

So it's kind of like a hemisphere that provides a little upward light in the corner of a room.

49:07 - 49:12

You know what we talked about, Pace? Yeah. David, I don't know what one is either.

49:12 - 49:21

You know, go educate yourselves on what a fricking wall light is, guys. Just Google a sconce, S-C-O-N-C-E.

49:21 - 49:28

Sconce. Because there's no overhead. There's no overhead lighting. Oh, right. Okay. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

49:28 - 49:32

Okay. Now we know. Everyone has Googled sconce at that exact moment, which is nice.

49:32 - 49:35

Well done, everybody at home. We can carry on. You know your audience. You know your audience.

49:35 - 49:39

What's great is you've got home and suddenly you were like, bang, bang, getting things done.

49:39 - 49:45

What's next? Oh, Max, this is what happens. I've had this coffee. I've had those eggs and the massage and all of that.

49:45 - 49:52

The alchemy of that has sort of gone like I'm in turbo mode. And this is what happens is that I'll like get so much done in a short amount of time.

49:52 - 49:58

So I come home. I eat very. Quickly, the leftovers from yesterday's last night's dinner.

49:58 - 50:03

Last night's dinner was sausages, leeks and white sauce, mashed potato and boiled carrots. Delicious.

50:03 - 50:11

So many elements to these meals like just earlier on. And I know I'm trying to keep the pace of this up, but we know you're not.

50:11 - 50:23

We just carried on when you made this delicious egg thing. And then so like to put that on some sourdough, just on some potato salad.

50:23 - 50:31

I just let that go. Earlier on. That was mad stuff. A potato sourdough is a sourdough that has potato in it, which keeps it quite moist.

50:31 - 50:37

Oh, potato sourdough. I thought you said potato salad. I'm sorry. No, potato sourdough. Although I do.

50:37 - 50:46

I did make a potato salad last week, but again, irrelevant. Leftovers. I like that there's irrelevance to that because I did eat it on this day.

50:46 - 50:58

Okay. Yeah. I ate that very, very quickly. That was quite a big meal, actually, for just, you know, cooking for one is such an amazing, you know, I'll end that sentence there.

50:58 - 51:07

I got too bleak, actually, towards the end of it. I find it difficult as someone who lives on my own, just because you tend to make food for two.

51:07 - 51:15

So therefore you have one and a half for your dinner instead of one. And then the second half you eat for your lunch tomorrow, but it's actually not quite enough.

51:15 - 51:24

So you then make a third dinner. Thank you. I'm very obsessed. I'm very into using every bit of food in my house.

51:24 - 51:31

And I like that. I like the challenge of that. So this was like kind of lots of veg that I bought at like a market, you know, a week ago.

51:31 - 51:36

And I was like, I'm going to do it. So you're sort of doing ready, steady cook every day.

51:36 - 51:40

So you love daytime TV. And there you are. Ainsley Harriot is stood next to you.

51:40 - 51:45

This is so exciting. I've got a quince, a courgette and a kumquat. And here we go.

51:45 - 51:50

I said I lived alone, but I actually live with Ainsley Harriot. Fair enough. Fair enough.

51:50 - 51:54

Him and Pitbull are great friends. They're great mates. So yes, I eat that really quickly.

51:54 - 52:00

I go. I go to the laptop. I go, all the things I put off for days, weeks, I just kind of turbo do it.

52:00 - 52:06

I buy a mid-century sideboard. I buy a mid-century telephone table for my house, my shoes.

52:06 - 52:16

I buy two substantial bits of furniture on eBay. A telephone table has a little chair bit and a side-on table to the side of it.

52:16 - 52:20

That's for when we had landline telephones, which I am still sort of planning on getting.

52:20 - 52:25

I think I want a landline. Good idea. So I do all of that because I need it.

52:25 - 52:36

I know that I have to leave at 4.45 to get to South Kensington to attend the wind orchestra performance at the Royal College of Music.

52:36 - 52:43

Wow. This day has everything. It has everything. It's the Royal College of Music. It was a wind orchestra.

52:43 - 52:51

So basically I was watching the proms like a week ago and there was a piece in one of them where I was like, this is so good.

52:51 - 52:56

And so then I looked up the composer of the piece. She's like my age, which bleaked me out.

52:56 - 53:05

I was like, fuck, okay, great. But then I was on a website and I saw when another bit of her piece of music was being played and it was this show,

53:05 - 53:12

which was being performed at the wind orchestra, which is at the same venue as I'm filming my special next month.

53:12 - 53:17

And I was like, oh, I should go check it out. It was five quid a ticket in this sort of symphony hall.

53:17 - 53:24

So hang on, what's a wind orchestra? Is it just trumpets and? It's woodwind. It's like flutes, clarinet, oboe.

53:24 - 53:29

But it was a. It was a big orchestra, like all of the percussion, brass.

53:29 - 53:33

It was trombone and all that stuff. So, but then there were other people came in for some of the pieces.

53:33 - 53:38

Like there was a harpist. What was the vibe of the piece? So there were four pieces.

53:38 - 53:45

The first piece was a piece from Saving Private Ryan, Stephen Spielberg's film, John Williams, which is good.

53:45 - 53:49

It was very, you know, Saving Private Ryan. Yeah. It was just loads of machine gun fire.

53:49 - 53:59

It was definitely that on the drums. And then there was a world premiere of, a Welsh composer's piece called Profundus Something.

53:59 - 54:07

He was there. It was awesome. Then there was a symphony that was written, I think it's Hindemann, which was written for the Wind Orchestra.

54:07 - 54:15

And then there was, there's two more pieces. Yeah. So from quite young composers, it's an hour long, five quid.

54:15 - 54:24

I love going to live orchestra music. So, yeah. I'm not sure it's on my Wikipedia, but you'll both know that I was second clarinet in the Cambridge Accounting Youth Orchestra, 2001,

54:25 - 54:31

2003. Is it not? Okay. I just wondered, did the clarinets have a good role to play?

54:31 - 54:37

The first clarinet was a rock star. Right. Okay. Because I was second and that's just counting.

54:37 - 54:45

Yeah. That's really what it is. Pretty much. Counting, just counting. Just counting and occasionally playing an A, maybe a B flat.

54:45 - 54:57

My friend's grandfather bought him a saxophone and he was in a band. So he'd practiced for like a year and a half and grand, dad was like, can you please play something for me?

54:57 - 55:03

I would love that. So all he had was his sheet music from whatever the last piece they did.

55:03 - 55:08

And so his grandfather sat in a chair and he played this. One, two, three.

55:08 - 55:21

One, two, three. One, two. Yeah. That's the problem with second clarinet. Also, what a bold gift.

55:21 - 55:27

A saxophone is such a bold gift. So a great bit of code. So now we're rattling through the day.

55:27 - 55:30

This is perfect. You go straight home or do you dine out in South Kensington?

55:30 - 55:36

I do not dine out in South Kensington because I do find West London to be a...

55:36 - 55:42

That's fucking shit. Shit, shit. Yeah, I used to live in Shepherds Bush, but I do not care to...

55:42 - 55:48

I mean, look, there are good spots in West London, but largely I'm like, I'm a northeast girly.

55:48 - 55:54

This is not the place for me. It is not the place for me. So I go to Shoreditch to...

55:54 - 56:01

I go to a pasta restaurant to eat a lot of pasta. Which one? Padela.

56:01 - 56:07

Oh, nice. But hang on, it's Shoreditch, not where all the wankers are. It's where my flat is, yeah.

56:07 - 56:15

Yeah, it's not ideal. Shoreditch is a place to generally avoid, but this is where Padela, the other Padela is.

56:15 - 56:18

There's one on London Bridge, which is tiny, but it's hard to get into. What do you get?

56:18 - 56:29

Four plates of pasta. I was sharing. Chicken liver, chicken liver. Fettuccine, yeah, it was a bit too rich, but the best one is the tagliere.

56:29 - 56:34

It's like the really thin one with like a tomato sauce, a really delicious tomato sauce.

56:34 - 56:42

Then I had one with fettuccine with like mushrooms, sort of very simple. And then sage and ricotta ravioli.

56:42 - 56:48

Lovely. And then a side salad of lamb's lettuce with an aged ricotta and grapes on top.

56:48 - 56:54

This is a great dinner. What's your favorite pasta shape? Such a good question. That is a great question.

56:54 - 56:59

Man. I do love spaghetti. I know it's so basic, but I think a spaghetti or a really thin pasta.

56:59 - 57:08

Yeah. I like a rigatoni, but an orzo has something, has the shoveling. There's a shoveling joy to orzo.

57:08 - 57:12

Yeah. Orzo, like the things like orzo and sort of fusilli or all that stuff.

57:12 - 57:16

I don't feel like I can eat a fusilli for dinner. Do you know what I mean?

57:16 - 57:21

Okay. It doesn't feel like a dinner pasta shape to me, even though I'm probably being naive there.

57:21 - 57:25

David, I'm slightly worried that, you know, I've spent 20 years building. I'm a man of the people image.

57:25 - 57:33

And in the last five minutes, this clarinet, orzo. You're doing it to yourself. Duo may have affected things.

57:33 - 57:39

I don't think it surprised anyone, Max, who's listened to more than 30 seconds of our other podcasts.

57:39 - 57:44

That will be that surprising. On the way to the wind orchestra, by the way, that was when I listened to the podcast.

57:44 - 57:49

Oh, okay. Let's just, sorry, let's just step back into that. What do you think?

57:49 - 58:01

What was your facial expression while you were listening to it? Well, I had, I heard you on, John and Alice's podcast saying the reviews were that they like fell asleep to it and that it was quite wrong.

58:01 - 58:10

And so I was interested in that. I was like, I want to see, I'm going to see also the general vibe of it, you know, just to see if I've got the right tone, et cetera.

58:10 - 58:14

But yeah, I listened to about half of Alice's one. I got to basically the middle of his day.

58:14 - 58:21

And fell asleep? Yeah, I fell asleep in South Kensington. And then they roused me and they went, we've got to get to the wind orchestra.

58:21 - 58:27

So I enjoy this type of podcast. And chat. But have you listened to the second half of it?

58:27 - 58:35

No. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This isn't a type of podcast. There's nothing vaguely like this in all of podcasting.

58:35 - 58:46

I love the sort of, you know, that is a type of podcast. It's a type of podcast, you know, that what I enjoyed is that you had an edit in that first episode that kind of sounded like a sword.

58:46 - 58:50

It goes like shink. And I'm always listening to edits and podcasts going, what did they cut out?

58:50 - 58:56

What controversial thing did they cut out at that point? And at that point you'd been talking about, you'd been talking about cycling gels.

58:56 - 59:02

Oh, let me tell you what was cut out there because I know. It was cut out of the one with Ellis.

59:02 - 59:07

It's unlikely to make it through the edit when you're talking about the bit that was cut out of episode one.

59:07 - 59:20

This is where we're going to have the sound effect. Rose, I spoke for five minutes on the danger of energy gels.

59:20 - 59:24

And I think you pooping them out. I think that was what we were talking about.

59:24 - 59:30

So that's where, where the shing was right there. Yeah. I love that. Also, also Rose, have you Wikipedia'd me?

59:30 - 59:38

I mean, it's a self-indulgent question, but when did that happen? That happened actually probably in the dark hours, probably between 11 and 145.

59:38 - 59:42

I think I started listening to the podcast then, and then I kind of stopped and started.

59:42 - 59:49

Was that the darkest bit of the day? Yeah. So I, I searched your Wikipedia and then everything sort of just got dim in my vision.

59:49 - 59:54

And then I forgot where I was for about two hours. I came to massage.

59:54 - 1:00:03

If anyone wants to, you know, roofie themselves, go and read Manx's Wikipedia page. Like this is a recipe for a sleepy day.

1:00:03 - 1:00:09

As in the wind orchestra. We love it. Listening to some of our podcast. We love it.

1:00:09 - 1:00:15

Eating four plates of pasta. This isn't elite. This is not diary of a CEO.

1:00:15 - 1:00:24

Once again, Max, this is not diary. Diary of a she he ho. Oh my, oh my God is not bad.

1:00:24 - 1:00:32

At no point do they say to really achieve things, have a carbonara and a matriciana and a bolognese.

1:00:32 - 1:00:40

And then you're set. Do they? I think this is a more existential question. And I think this is what I think, what you two have outlined in the early episode,

1:00:40 - 1:00:46

AKA the first episode of what this podcast is, is this podcast, this isn't diary of the CEO.

1:00:46 - 1:00:59

This podcast is sort of about day-to-day living. And I feel like this was very, very, very representative of, of my average day, which then offers them so many other questions.

1:00:59 - 1:01:12

Like, what am I doing with my life? Is this life? We live in, you know, capitalist sort of capitalist sort of society where you're kind of, you know, the idea of not having a nine to five job to go to is quite a luxury,

1:01:12 - 1:01:16

but also it's like, yeah, how do I make it work? Am I doing enough?

1:01:16 - 1:01:21

Is this a fulfilling life? Like I enjoy my days. Oh no. These are the questions you're asking yourself.

1:01:21 - 1:01:31

I've just spoken about no Rose because you've offered some, some tantalizing little bits. Like I went to see this orchestra in the place where I will be recording my special next week.

1:01:31 - 1:01:37

You know what I mean? It's not like this is every day. Because also again, I'll use a sentence.

1:01:37 - 1:01:44

We live in a world. We live in a culture where talking about all of the work you've got, how busy you are is a level of virtue.

1:01:44 - 1:01:50

Sort of signaling that you're successful. You have worse than you're worthy of something. You're worthy of capital.

1:01:50 - 1:01:57

Right. And I'm kind of trying to work against that. You know, you could go like, Oh my God, I had a meet.

1:01:57 - 1:01:59

And then I did an email about, you know, what font I wanted to use.

1:01:59 - 1:02:03

I'm at the, but I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit about what your work is.

1:02:03 - 1:02:07

I don't. Who are you as a person? What are you doing with your day to enjoy yourself?

1:02:07 - 1:02:18

Slow it down. Go to a wind orchestra. You know what I mean? Like I'm sick of any of someone's value being pinned to how much they're fake grinding.

1:02:18 - 1:02:26

My theory. And you never fake grind in a Roma boy. Let's be clear. My theory is that every, everybody's life is really boring.

1:02:26 - 1:02:36

I'm here to highlight it in the best way I can. In a way, Rose, the bravest thing you can do as a person in 2024 is come on this podcast.

1:02:36 - 1:02:43

One hundred percent. One hundred percent. Which means shit. We are Diary of the CEO.

1:02:43 - 1:02:49

We don't want to be. And we've actually, it's come full circle. We need to get back to Rose's day.

1:02:49 - 1:02:57

She's had four plates of pasta and a tiramisu. And I'm here spouting the thing.

1:02:57 - 1:03:08

I don't think anyone's value should be pinned to how much they work. I still have value, even though I didn't do anything.

1:03:08 - 1:03:15

And I had tiramisu. Tiramisu. Some of my facts about tiramisu. It's just some. I mean, are we getting all or just some?

1:03:15 - 1:03:27

Shook. Stop editing this podcast as we go along. What's it mean in Italian guys?

1:03:27 - 1:03:35

Tiramisu. Coffee sponge. No, it means something like bread. No, not bread. Pick me up.

1:03:35 - 1:03:40

Pick me up. That is not what it does. It doesn't pick you up, does it?

1:03:40 - 1:03:46

It was invented in the eighties, right? Yeah. It's not that old. It's one of those things that we think has been like Irish coffee.

1:03:46 - 1:03:52

That is some history. It's not. Irish coffee is from like the seventies and tiramisu is from the eighties.

1:03:52 - 1:04:00

Thank you. Yeah. Irish coffee is such a seven. He's invention for sure. Yeah. In the interest of time, tell me you go home and straight to bed.

1:04:00 - 1:04:07

I go, you have to be honest. You have to be honest. Yeah. Okay. I'm quite tired by that point.

1:04:07 - 1:04:21

And, um, what time are we at now? Probably 11, something 1130. And I probably potter around for a bit before bed and then listen to a podcast as I go to bed,

1:04:21 - 1:04:25

uh, which is not very good sleep hygiene. I'm trying to get it right. I'm trying to get out of that habit.

1:04:25 - 1:04:36

I can't handle silence. Okay. Anyway, as I've been painting my room in the house, what color are you painting it?

1:04:36 - 1:04:41

By the way, sort of a green, it's a rip off of a Farrow and Ball color.

1:04:41 - 1:04:48

Cause the guy, the Slimer from Ghostbusters. Yeah. He died. He got exploded in that.

1:04:48 - 1:04:54

Yeah. Great. Well, it's funny you mentioned that because in this room that I'm in currently, I decided to paint it.

1:04:54 - 1:04:59

I decided to paint a feature wall. I'll tilt the camera around for the two people who can see it.

1:04:59 - 1:05:06

Yeah. But the first person who saw it was like, Oh, are you using it as a green screen for like home recording?

1:05:06 - 1:05:14

Yeah. I thought it was just a jazzy. It's actually a brat. It's classic brat summer green, but I painted that last year.

1:05:14 - 1:05:22

So in a way I invented brat summer. Thank you. All royalties will go to David now for all of the brat summer merchandise.

1:05:22 - 1:05:28

I would love to talk to you privately about, how to paint a door, but we can just, that can be in the, for the Patreon.

1:05:28 - 1:05:35

Yeah. Yeah. That'll be in the show notes. Now we're in Patreon. Can I just check when you're pottering, what's that pottering involve?

1:05:35 - 1:05:39

Make a peppermint tea, write down some things on a list of things I need to buy.

1:05:39 - 1:05:45

The next time I go to the supermarket. Sconces, more sconces. More sconces. More sconces.

1:05:45 - 1:05:50

I go and check Instagram on my laptop because I've deleted it off my phone.

1:05:50 - 1:05:58

Wow. Interesting. Then I brush my teeth. Don't wash my face because I wasn't wearing makeup that day, even though that you probably should wash your face.

1:05:58 - 1:06:09

Rose, has deleting Instagram cured you of scrolling? No. Like has it had any effect or do you now just look at other things?

1:06:09 - 1:06:17

Yeah, I do look at other things now. It has gotten better. I think I got to the point where sometimes I redownload it for when I need to post something or whatever about like a show or whatever.

1:06:17 - 1:06:24

And it's like a beast. Like I'll download it and then I'll just spend, and then that day I'll go so hard on it.

1:06:24 - 1:06:30

And then, then have to delete it. And I think it has curbed that, but I have gotten addicted to YouTube shorts now.

1:06:30 - 1:06:34

I don't have tech talk, but YouTube shorts is essentially tech talk or Instagram reels.

1:06:34 - 1:06:42

And I love YouTube. I'll never give that up. I have started doing also the Google Chrome thing where you just go and you read the suggested stories when you scroll down.

1:06:42 - 1:06:53

But unfortunately the algorithm is just so narrow for me. And it's essentially just story after story about Francis Ford Coppola saying something new about his film or something, or like,

1:06:53 - 1:07:05

you know, these people, they moved out of London and loved it. Like it's just the algorithm is real hectic when it comes to what they think I'm into, but I would recommend it to anyone to just delete it because it's free to download again.

1:07:05 - 1:07:14

I'll tell you what I've got into recently. And I realize this is not the thing to say on this podcast, but not listening to podcasts sometimes.

1:07:14 - 1:07:22

Yeah. Like have you tried going to sleep just with silence? Well, the good thing is that listening to this podcast is almost like not listening to a podcast.

1:07:24 - 1:07:34

But no going to sleep silent. 100%. I should not be listening to podcasts. It's this really dark thing.

1:07:34 - 1:07:45

It's like filling a void where I'm like, I know it's unhealthy, but to be left with my own thought, the fact that to be left with my own thoughts is a frightening thing that will keep me from sleep.

1:07:45 - 1:07:52

That is the root problem that I need to address rather than just pumping true crime into my ears.

1:07:52 - 1:07:56

And on that happy note, thanks so much for joining us. You're going to leave me like this?

1:07:56 - 1:08:05

Where is your duty of care? Where is your duty of care, Max? You're going to get me to this point emotionally and the self-reflection and you're going to, fine, fine.

1:08:05 - 1:08:14

I get it. I get it. I can't wait to make my six part tortoise media series about taking you two fuckers down about this damn podcast.

1:08:14 - 1:08:21

I'm doing it. Max, we can't end it there. No, no, no, no, we can't.

1:08:21 - 1:08:25

No, I mean, no, we can't. Do you look back? Cause I, I think that's a great day personally.

1:08:25 - 1:08:36

Cause what I love about it is I feel like you're totally content with doing nothing in the morning and then you get back from the massage and I just love that moment of energy.

1:08:36 - 1:08:40

Then you do culture. Then you have a great dinner. Like no one's had a better day than that.

1:08:40 - 1:08:46

Yeah. I'm really happy with it. And it's come, but it's also, it takes a while to accept that one, you're a night owl too.

1:08:46 - 1:08:51

I need a certain level of, of sleep. And then you get work done on the day, the times you're awake.

1:08:51 - 1:08:58

I have this book called women at work. I would recommend it. It's all these famous women who are like artists and, you know, inventors, all this stuff.

1:08:58 - 1:09:01

And it's all about their work schedules and how they'd work. And they're all so different.

1:09:01 - 1:09:09

And some of them are like, yeah, she slept until like 10 or like midday. We'll go to the club, do five shows.

1:09:09 - 1:09:12

Like it was just, you know, there's a big spectrum when it comes to these things.

1:09:12 - 1:09:19

It's kind of the business of show that we're in as well, where if you do something like the Edinburgh fringe, it's this great splodge of energy for a month.

1:09:19 - 1:09:28

So you do have to give your, I know we only work for an hour, two a day, but you do have to give yourself some time off then.

1:09:28 - 1:09:37

I think that's bullshit though, as well, because I think you are working in a way, like I'd say about five, I think about five hours a day.

1:09:37 - 1:09:44

The thing that I thought was really interesting was when you both said, and the thing about this job is you, you know, when you're comparing it to painting award is it's never done.

1:09:44 - 1:09:52

And you know, you're always thinking about it. Whereas, and this is probably why you two are both more successful than me is as soon as this call stops, this is done.

1:09:52 - 1:09:56

And I think that about all the work I do, the show finishes and it's just gone.

1:09:56 - 1:10:02

And that's it finished TV, radio, podcast, whatever. I can't do anything. It's gone. Mind totally like an Etch-a-Sketch.

1:10:02 - 1:10:13

That's incredible. Mind like an Etch-a-Sketch. That is. Rose, can we just ask you what photos you took on your phone yesterday?

1:10:13 - 1:10:21

Photos I took on my phone yesterday. I'm interested to see what moments you decided to catalog for this Brooklyn Beckham style book.

1:10:21 - 1:10:28

You're going to release of all of your photos. Everything. Forgot to say. Oh. Took the COVID test negative.

1:10:28 - 1:10:33

Right. So that was taken yesterday. Sorry. That was the big cliffhanger. Forgot about that.

1:10:33 - 1:10:37

No good to wait till late in the pod. Took a photo of the paint.

1:10:37 - 1:10:43

The paint. Oh yeah. Got the ceiling. Mustard. You understand the wall light concept there now?

1:10:43 - 1:10:48

I wouldn't call that mustard. That is not mustard. Dude. Okay. In real life, it's mustard.

1:10:48 - 1:10:52

Don't come at me. It's custard more than mustard. It's not custard. It's the light.

1:10:52 - 1:11:01

It's playing tricks on you. And. You see now. Okay. That's a screenshot of the IMAX megalopolis seating plan to send to friends.

1:11:01 - 1:11:06

I don't want a room painted in mustard. That's what I'm saying. Just because of the smell of mustard.

1:11:06 - 1:11:12

David, we don't have time for this now. We don't have time for this. On a rare occasion, I'm going to agree with Max and say, we don't have time for this.

1:11:12 - 1:11:18

Are you going to end the podcast? Rose ends it. I'm ending this podcast. I am the captain now.

1:11:18 - 1:11:24

This podcast must end because I've only had coffee and I need some eggs. Rose, thanks for coming.

1:11:24 - 1:11:28

Thanks for coming on. What did you do yesterday? Thanks for having me guys. I really enjoyed it.

1:11:28 - 1:11:34

And I can't wait to see what you did more yesterday. Cut out of it.

1:11:34 - 1:11:52

What we cut out of it. Shink! Now, David, that was a great day from Road Matter Bay.

1:11:52 - 1:11:56

We really mustn't spend too long. On the outro, because it was a long one.

1:11:56 - 1:12:02

It's your fault. I think for asking questions about pasta shapes or paint or something.

1:12:02 - 1:12:07

I know you just don't know where the magic, what corner it's going to lurk around though.

1:12:07 - 1:12:10

Max, I think if we had your way, it would, this would just be a spreadsheet.

1:12:10 - 1:12:17

You get it done in five minutes. Download the episode. Really save us all a lot of time.

1:12:17 - 1:12:23

Well, another guest that I've booked and it's about time you turned up to the party.

1:12:24 - 1:12:32

To the listeners. Every suggestion of Max's is a footballer from the nineties. Most of whom I don't have their phone number anyway.

1:12:32 - 1:12:36

And the one thing they ask you for is I'll do it for five grand mate.

1:12:36 - 1:12:42

I did go into the spreadsheet of who we've booked and in late November have just written Stefan Edberg.

1:12:42 - 1:12:46

So I'm waiting for the two of you to find that and think who's booked Stefan Edberg.

1:12:46 - 1:12:53

It's an interesting episode. But thank you, Rose Matafeo, who is very talented and it was very kind of her.

1:12:53 - 1:13:01

To give up her time to talk to us about massages and mustard sconce sconce is what I'll take.

1:13:01 - 1:13:05

The eggs bit. I like the eggs bit. Thank you, David. Thanks, Max. See you next time.

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