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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.
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And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly. But not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Welcome to episode 13 of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Welcome, David. Welcome to episode 13, listeners. Yeah, let's get straight into some serious feedback. Stephen's been in touch.
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Max, I just wanted to thank you for not giving up on finding out what Richard Osmond had for dinner.
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I feel that a lesser person or someone that is less dedicated to the cause of what the guest truly did yesterday, brackets, an Irish person, would have given up.
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But I'm just grateful that there's someone like you in the podcast world that is truly willing to pick up the cudgeling, the cudgel of truth, and will not be satisfied with anything less.
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Keep strong, Max. And remember that truth seekers carry a heavy burden, but this cause is worth fighting for.
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Thank you, Stephen. I feel that's the first time in the 13 episodes or 12 episodes up until now where your journalistic training has really come to the fore.
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Whereas you can see that I don't have these skills. He says, I'm not telling you what I had for dinner.
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I'm just like, let's move on. Whereas you're like, you can see it. There's a story.
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There's a story there. Your nose started twitching, Max. Well, this is interesting. This is interesting because I messaged Richard Osman to say thanks so much for coming on.
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And he said he enjoyed doing it. But he said, my daughter listens and you guys are a new favorite podcast.
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Now, we've got someone on the inside here, David. I'm hoping that Richard, now he's done the show.
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He won't listen anymore. But his daughter, I'm speaking to you. I've got no way of contacting you, but you can contact us if you can find out.
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Because the people want to. I know. Yeah. Osman Jr., your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to find out what he had for dinner that night.
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I wonder if it was something that he's ashamed to have admitted. Do you have those microwave burgers?
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Oh, and rustlers. Rustlers. He had six rustlers. All microwaved together at the same time.
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Yeah, you're absolutely right. You've got it. Now, with reference to the Jamali Maddox episode, Anna says, Hi, Max and David.
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I'm just back. I'm from a funeral where at the point where the priest was, quote, swinging one of those things with smoke in it around the coffin, I thought, ah, it's the Catholic petrol.
3:06 - 3:24
So thanks for infiltrating my thoughts at the important times. Rest in peace. Yeah. My friend Clive messaged David to say, just listening to the Jamali ep regards shopping, he says, Sainsbury's send me a download of my shopping habits each December.
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Last year, I was the second most prolific shopper of chopped tomatoes That's because Jamali always has chopped tomatoes.
3:30 - 3:38
I was the second most prolific shopper of chopped tomatoes at Caldham's Lane Sainsbury's, five weeks to go big on hoarding to get number one.
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So good luck, Clive. It's very exciting. So Sainsbury's are doing a sort of Spotify unplugged.
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Unwrapped, yeah. Unwrapped, sorry, yeah. With who buys the most tomatoes. Wow. You know, it could expose you, you know, if you were buying like a huge amount of, I don't know,
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tube or something like that. Yeah, you're right. That is true. But you don't, only you would find out.
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They don't like broadcast it to the world, unless they do, unless they put it on their socials, you know.
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I don't know how much Tingle Lube Clive's buys, but I will text him and ask him.
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Thanks for contacting us, Sir Clive Woodward, manager of the 2003 England World Cup Team. I'll tell you how you've influenced me, because this podcast actually is, we didn't realise, we didn't set out to become influencers,
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but when you were talking about the thing you use to do the washing up, and you said, the people that don't use the sponge with the, you can put the fairy liquid in it.
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And you were like, people who don't do that are complete idiots, basically. And I sat here a bit mute because I was on cloths.
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I'd had a phase of using them, but I'd sort of moved away and I was just on cloths.
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And every time I'd used just a cloth since, I'd felt a bit dirty. I felt a bit useless, you know.
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And so today I went out and bought two of those. Got a little happy face etched into it.
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It's full of Fairy Liquid. So you're influencing me, David. Can I just make an observation here?
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For you, washing up liquid, you seem to just say Fairy Liquid. I mean, once again, this appears like we're sponsored by Fairy Liquid.
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And while we wouldn't be against that, we're not sponsored. Not against it. It would be a funny sponsor.
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Yeah, I think so. They got lots of money, haven't they? My point is, it's a funny thing where a product moves from just being the generic to the classics being Xerox.
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People say, can you Xerox that for me? Where in America, they say, pass me a Kleenex, you know?
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Or Hoover, of course. Exactly. It seems that Fairy Liquid has made that transition for you.
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Here's a message, and do forgive me, I don't have the name on it. And that is really annoying if you go to the trouble of writing a long review and then the person reading out doesn't read the name, but it's just not in front of me.
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Trevor Nelson. It says, my roadmap to a soon-to-be unstructured life. I'm an American man in my mid-50s who's been a teacher for almost 35 years.
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This is my final year. I'm a teacher of teaching, which may be the most structured occupation in the planet.
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I literally have bells that indicate when to start working and when to stop. I've been full-on midlife crisis for a few years, pondering what my life will look like when I retire.
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This podcast has given me a window into the lives of smart, funny people who have very unstructured lives compared to mine.
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Their insights, paired with legal weed in my state, have started retraining my brain to embrace the delightful mundanity of unstructured life and how to think about it thanks for the cheap therapy.
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We're giving this to people for free. Thank you. Good luck with your retirement and let us know in a couple of years.
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If you just send us a message going, God, I really want some Doritos, we'll know that it's going incredibly well.
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An unstructured life is a funny description of Jamali Maddux's big decision was to go down a hill holding a cup of coffee.
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Keep teaching. Keep teaching. Anyway, our guest this week is the award-winning comedian Amy Gledhill.
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So funny. David, another one of your bookings. You finally pulled your finger out and booked someone for this show.
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That's good. Amy hosts Northern News. She's part of the Delightful Sausage, a very funny sketch combo.
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And she won the Perrier Award, it's not called that anymore, at the Edinburgh Fringe this year, an award whose previous winners include Stephen Fry, Steve Coogan, previous guest Sam Campbell,
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host of this podcast, David O'Doherty, and this year, Amy Gledhill. And here is what she, what she did yesterday.
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Amy Gledhill, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday. Thank you so much for having me.
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It's a pleasure. And it's a good one as well, David, isn't it? Because we um and ah about how to book guests.
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Yeah. And the best ones are where, you didn't know this was coming, Amy, until late in the day.
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Until really late in the day. I should, I wanted to apologise for how hurt my responses were to your text because I was in the midst of something which I'm sure we will talk about.
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We'll hope so. Oh, this is exciting. Yeah. I was putting a bed together that my girlfriend had bought on Facebook Marketplace.
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Now I can say that now because no one cares what my day was. However, you have to hold the gold until we get to, when did I ask you to do this?
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Maybe 10pm last night? About 10pm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is great because it's pure.
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You know, your day wasn't solid with the thought that anything you did on this day would be broadcast to a frankly surprising number of people it turns out.
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Amy Gladill, did you wake up naturally or did you use an alarm to wake up?
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Oh, I had to use an alarm because I'd had a sleepover the night before and we hadn't gone to sleep until 5am because we, we were girls and we were giggling.
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Whoa. Hang on. So we're now waking up with the girls at the pajama party.
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Yeah. Ooh, Nelly! So hang on. So we are not interested in up to 5am.
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No, we're not. No, no, no, no, no, no. But there's going to be the carnage.
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The gals are going to be there with like pillow fights, martini glasters. Yeah. And midnight feast lemon bonbons everywhere.
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Wow. It was just lemon bonbons. Absolutely everywhere. It was a nightmare. So I have a question, Amy, which is like to have the wherewithal to set an alarm, even though you're in the midst of this,
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I mean, carnage is perhaps even a too softer word for the huge night that we can't know anything about.
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So at some point you said, so what time did you set the alarm for if you were a bed at five?
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I set the alarm for 9.15. Wow. That's no sleep at all. Yeah. 9.15 because one of the girls had to get up and go, and I wanted to make sure I said goodbye to her.
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But what actually happened was I woke up, saw the alarm, just sent her a WhatsApp saying, this is how you get out of my house.
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I'm going back to sleep. Don't worry about locking the door. I just, I just will not be waking up right now.
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God, the different code words, the safe words for the Excel bullies that you have protecting various corridors.
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How difficult is it to get out of your house? It's actually pretty simple. When I started writing it, I was like, I did not need to be up for this.
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You open the door, you go out of the door and then the door shuts.
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I don't know how you do it, where you're from, but that's just how I was brought up.
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You will meet an old man. You must ask him three things. So, okay. I'm a little disappointed now because I mean, we don't care about the previous evening, but the aftermath of the,
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yes, it's ladies night. I imagined you were in a huge room, maybe where the whole carpet is a mattress and you're all just lying around in that sort of, you know what I mean?
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Maybe there's a few inflatable dudes just thrown around between you all. It's so fascinating what you think ladies do.
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It's fascinating. What do ladies do? But that is a podcast that David and I tried to start.
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What do ladies do? It wasn't the right era. We should have launched that in 1994.
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What do ladies do? We've changed it to what did ladies do yesterday? And then from there, we've now just branched into just everyone.
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My wife is watching a reality show. They're all housewives, but they're all like Amish.
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Can't we Amish? Yeah. It's called Mormon housewives or something. And so, in my mind, you're all wearing what basically like prison tracksuits with your names on the front.
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Caitlin, Jessica, you know, Marvel or whatever they're called. And they're all basically, everyone's just having another conversation with someone else about how they fucking hate each other.
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So that's my image of what you were doing. But this is not our imagination.
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Fascinating. We have you here to tell us the real facts. It's 9.15. You send the text.
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Do you go back to sleep? Yeah, I do. Awful. Awful. Just let them. That's fine.
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Fend for themselves. I've done all I can. I fed them the night before. It's up to them today to look after themselves.
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So I went back to sleep only till about 11. I'd already arranged a brunch with another lady.
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So then I had to get up and go meet another lady and leave some ladies in my house.
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There's just ladies everywhere. This is just a normal life of a lady. Just so many ladies.
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And you couldn't bring the home ladies with you to meet brunch lady? Oh, I could, but the home ladies were asleep.
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They were snoozing. Right. And was brunch lady sad not to be invited to hang out with home ladies the night before?
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Ah, great point there by Max. Well, brunch lady doesn't know about it. So maybe she will now.
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So that's weird because if I was brunch lady, I'd have said, what did you get up to last night?
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It's just out of mild interest, but she doesn't care. Maybe she's self-obsessed, but we'll get to her.
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Yeah. Max. I heard because of the runaway popularity of this podcast, people never used to ask each other what they did yesterday, but now it's becoming a real thing.
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Yesterday's having a moment, as they say. Amy, we've gone far too fast over you getting up, getting ready and leaving the house.
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So I'd like you to paint us a picture. Oh, it's very simple, really. Wake up, scrape hair back, splash cold water on face.
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Quick brush of the teeth. Yeah. Comfy clothes, real comfy clothes. And actually, because I felt tired from the ladies night and let's be honest, hungover.
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Yeah. And I have these maybe once a year, maybe twice if you include Christmas day.
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It was a bra free day because sometimes you just can't face it. When I rang my friend to say I'm on the way to where we was getting brunch, I said, I look gross.
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I'm a real grotty gal. And she was like, don't worry. Me too. I'm not wearing a bra.
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And I was like, oh my God, we've synced up. We've synced up the grotty day.
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Yay. We went to a really nice place and we both looked really, yeah, lovingly grotty, I would say.
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So how many women have you left in your house? Two. Just two. Yeah. There's not like hundreds of women.
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Fine. Okay. It's not a harem of women. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Are they in beds?
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Are they on the floor? Are they top and toe? Where are they? Well, actually one was on the sofa and then when the girl who had to leave left, she left out of a bed and the one on the sofa got up and just took that bed.
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And I thought that is a sort of initiative I love to see in a boss woman.
15:13 - 15:20
David, I have a question, but it is related to the previous night. Amongst my group of friends, we're quite draw heavy.
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If there's a boys weekend away, we will do a draw for the beds. And let's say there were 20 rooms and there were 10 of us, we still might end up two of us in the same bed because that was just what the draw did.
15:33 - 15:40
And there'd be an empty room because it was just really stupid. So did you just fall into those beds and the sofa just like organically?
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Or did someone say, that's my bed, that's my sofa? It was very organic. It was just very organic.
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The first one to need the bed, the first one to duck out got the bed.
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Got it. Yeah. You know what I mean? We can't put this answer out, obviously, because it's not from yesterday.
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But it was just from my own personal interests. Also, what she's not telling you is the sofa was floating in her swimming pool as well.
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Of course it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is just littered with glitter, cannon explosions.
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There's petals everywhere. There's petals everywhere. Yeah. Have you seen the Barbie movie? That was a sort of documentary, largely based on me.
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It's very cute they did that. What's it like when you don't wear a bra?
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As in, like, are there times when I've gone out with no one? Just in jeans.
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Yeah. Due to bad planning on my part. But if you, probably not for a while now, tell us about no bra.
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Oh God, that's the bit that's going to be cut now. I really do feel like I'm giving two teenage boys a real insight into women.
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Well, I reckon it's exactly the same as wearing no undies, but you're very aware that people are aware of it too.
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That's the difficult thing. So no bra feels great, but you feel like you're wearing an obscene t-shirt that you can't take off.
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Do you know what I mean? You feel a bit cheeky. I put on like a huge jumper and you kind of hope that your form underneath the jumper will just be a,
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kind of nonspecific blob and nobody's going, Oh, look at that. You sort of feel like you're sort of swinging around.
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It's sort of nice, but you do feel a bit self-conscious. Amy, I'm sorry that our society has led to this.
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I am in no way. I'd like to make it clear. There are people out there on the internet that are like, please wear a bra ladies.
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You know, the trad wife bros, for example, say they'd be big bra, wearers insisting on it.
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Probably the Mormon housewives. They're probably your wife's watching. Yeah. They probably want the bras on.
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Yeah. JD Vance actually ran on that ticket. Yeah. Very popular. Anyway, you've left the house.
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You've left these two nice ladies asleep. They're both in beds now. You pull their duvets up over them and just kiss them on the forehead.
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That's it. I got to go. I've got to go to brunch. My sweet princesses.
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I shall return. And you've also managed to leave the front door without anyone giving you any advice on how to do it.
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Yeah. I've had a lot of practice now, so I can do it almost every time I sort of get it right.
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Now and again, it's tricky, but yeah, I did so good. Sorry. I just need to step in here.
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Is the issue that you had chub locked the door in order to open the chub, you have to put your shoulder against it, push it a few millimeters forward, and then the chub opens.
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Oh, that is so insightful. But no, I loved the use of the word chub.
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You very often don't hear it that many times in a sentence. No, you have to push in a lock a little bit, but not the door.
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And it doesn't lock itself when it shuts. So I was thinking that they might need to lock it from the outside and leave my key in a key box.
19:15 - 19:19
And then I thought, you know what? Could they not letterbox it? There's no letterbox.
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There's no letterbox. What? How do you get your fan mail though? How do you know that?
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Everyone loves you so much out there, Amy. There's a corridor that has a whole host of letter, actual boxes there.
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I don't have a letterbox. Okay, fine. Yeah. It's a solid door. This is what I'm saying.
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It's logistically tricky. Is the door one of those fire doors that shuts really heavily?
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Yeah. Big time. Do you want to get rid of that? It's a scary door.
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You can't because of the managing committee of, you know, the people who run the, they're fuckers, aren't they?
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You get it. Hey, they could be listening. This is a very popular podcast now among management committees.
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Okay. How far away is the brunch place? Are we going to have to walk there?
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Do you feel, sorry, we haven't asked you about how you feel. How do you feel?
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Hungover. Okay. Yeah. Just a little bit, not too bad. Just a little bit where you're like, oh, oh, last night happened, didn't it?
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Yeah. But quite upbeat. I'm feeling quite upbeat. Okay. Where are we? Where are we going for brunch?
20:25 - 20:33
Oh, it's so close. So I'm really lucky that I live right in the center of a little area of London.
20:33 - 20:38
Maybe I shouldn't say exactly where I live to be fair, but it's a little lovely area of London where there's so many lovely cafes.
20:38 - 20:46
Buckingham Palace. In it, miss. I live near the palace. Hello, EFRO airport taxi man.
20:46 - 20:52
Drop me to the palace. That's London, isn't it? That's exactly it. You know it so well.
20:52 - 21:03
You know it as well as you know London. Ladies. So there's two options of basically next door, but one to each other.
21:03 - 21:11
These brunch places, both lovely independent little things, right? Great. And we picked one, the one we normally go to.
21:11 - 21:18
It was fantastic. We had a lovely breakfast. She had, if you want to know, avocado on toast, a smoothie.
21:18 - 21:25
I had a full English, no mushroom, extra hash brown. Great. Great choice. It was fantastic.
21:25 - 21:37
Hang on. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Beans. Max, ask her the beans question. Well, I love baked beans and I'm currently live in Melbourne and they're not very good at baked beans.
21:37 - 21:41
It's not a definite going to be there. And so I go searching it out.
21:41 - 21:46
I feel it has to be there. Oh yeah. It adds the wet. Yeah, it does.
21:46 - 21:50
You must have the right texture. They were beans, but they were in a ramekin.
21:50 - 21:53
I don't mind that. So you can do your own thing. You can do your own thing with it.
21:53 - 22:02
I think that's my, the quintessential difference between an Irish breakfast and an English breakfast is beans.
22:02 - 22:08
That is the one difference. You've got black pudding, white pudding, Guinness pudding. It's true.
22:08 - 22:22
Yeah. Actually you wouldn't have those puddings. I mean, also it's important when I come up with information like this, the number of times in the history of this podcast, I've been told by people such as last week when I was contacted by Cadbury,
22:22 - 22:33
Ireland, having declared that you can't get the Tiff, Tiffin in Ireland anymore. I was said various pictures of displays of Tiffin in different shops around Ireland.
22:33 - 22:39
So I apologize to fans of the Tiffin and Cadbury. Amy, can you just describe the whole plate?
22:39 - 22:51
I want to visualize. Absolutely. It would be an honor and a privilege. You've got two slices of sourdough bread cut into halves, not diagonally, just classic horizontal.
22:51 - 22:58
Great. So you've got four little rectangles, they've got avocado on. Okay. Don't worry about it.
22:58 - 23:06
Yeah. Already. Then you've got your ramekin of beans full to the brim. Interruption. I think you shouldn't have got the avocado.
23:06 - 23:10
I mean, then you might've been able to buy a house and you wouldn't be living in this apartment.
23:10 - 23:17
I'm a 70 year old man. That's some satire there. This is the problem with you young people.
23:17 - 23:27
Sorry. You're so right. So wise. Ben, you had, Oh, two hash browns. Cause I've got an extra one.
23:27 - 23:33
Can I ask a question about the hash brown? Are they basically they've gone and just got some dirty ones, aren't besties or whatever.
23:33 - 23:41
A hundred percent. Okay. Really good. You can tell because flat, flat oval ovals, very absolutely the same shape as each other.
23:41 - 23:47
There's nothing homemade about these. Then we've got one sausage, but it's a big sausage.
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Okay. Good. It's all you'd want. If you had more of that, you'd be like, this is surplus.
23:51 - 24:01
This is a huge, huge sausage. Yeah, it was. And then I think four slices of quite thin.
24:01 - 24:07
It's kind of like streaky bacon. Okay. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. They cook that long enough.
24:07 - 24:12
Yeah. It was perfect. Yeah. Wow. And there's a scrambled egg. Have they overdone it or is it good?
24:12 - 24:16
No, it's perfect. And what are you drinking with that? What did I have? I had an orange juice.
24:16 - 24:20
No coffee. No coffee. I'm not a coffee drinker. I don't like coffee. I don't like mushrooms.
24:20 - 24:26
So this was perfect. Oh, congratulations. Fresh orange. Thank you so much. It was wonderful.
24:26 - 24:39
You will not like today's episode sponsor mushroom coffee. Love fungus. And also getting a little bit of caffeine buzz in the morning.
24:39 - 24:49
You will love fungus coffee. Back to the podcast. Actually, as I've got older, I've kind of mellowed on mushrooms, but in a way that it's sometimes I can just wake up and go,
24:49 - 24:55
actually, this is mucky shit. I hate it. All right. So what did you chat about with your friend?
24:55 - 25:03
Everything, every single topic, every single topic. But the big one is a crush I have on someone.
25:03 - 25:09
She wants to know how it's going. I'm saying nothing's happening. And we're chatting about that.
25:09 - 25:15
We're dissecting it. Right. Timothy Chalamet. Timothy Chalamet. Yeah. He does not give a shit.
25:15 - 25:23
Timothy Dalton. Paul Maskell. It's Maskell. We've got it. I just saw her react to that.
25:23 - 25:28
Yeah, that's it. It's Paul Maskell. Gosh, of course it is. So you've got a crush on this guy.
25:28 - 25:34
Yeah. How's it going? Oh, Max. I don't know. I've told him I like him.
25:34 - 25:39
Okay. Wow. He said he likes me. Wow. And now nothing's happening. We're just hanging out.
25:39 - 25:47
Oh, my goodness. I know. What's going on there? I don't know. What is this?
25:47 - 25:54
The Bronte novel or something? I'd say land is involved in the whole thing. You know what I mean?
25:54 - 25:59
Definitely. His father doesn't want him to marry me because I'm not from the right family.
25:59 - 26:06
You know, you get it. Exactly. Surely you just got to go out and get wasted.
26:06 - 26:11
I mean, I'm not saying that's how me and Mrs. Raston. Oh, my goodness. This is what we were saying.
26:11 - 26:19
We used to be able to pull because alcohol was so involved and it was so easy to just go out and everyone would be drunk.
26:19 - 26:24
It was just so easy to kiss someone if you're drunk. But nowadays people aren't really drinking.
26:24 - 26:33
And he doesn't really drink. And so we just end up being like two sober people just sort of in a room together going, Oh God, how does this happen?
26:33 - 26:38
Can you just say, come on, let's call him Dave. Yeah. Come on, Dave. Yeah.
26:38 - 26:42
You like me. I like you. Let's go. Do you think? I don't know. I'm shy.
26:42 - 26:49
I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm not good at this. I can't believe my wife is the only thing I do that my wife listens to.
26:49 - 26:53
And she'll be like, Max, you're such a fucking idiot. I was so tragic with her.
26:53 - 26:57
Like, I was so, I was so pathetic with her. Really? How did it happen, Max?
26:57 - 27:02
Please tell us. They met on a volcano. I do know that. They genuinely met on a volcano.
27:02 - 27:09
We met on a volcano in Nicaragua. Oh my gosh. In 2010. And I fell in love with her after about five seconds.
27:09 - 27:16
After like three years of like erosion. She was like, oh, fuck it. All right.
27:16 - 27:26
She had to move to London. She appeared to be vaguely interested. And that three years, there was quite a lot of protracted meeting but nothing happening at all.
27:26 - 27:40
Really? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Amy. I've never requested this before, but when Michael is editing this episode, it might be an idea just for this bit to play just some romantic music as Max describes the least romantic.
27:40 - 27:46
We scheduled some meetings. Come on, we met on a volcano. I flew to Australia.
27:46 - 27:53
She ran away because she just thought I was a psychopath. And then the next year we drove around Italy, like Rome, Siena, Florence, nothing happened.
27:53 - 27:57
Shut up. Oh God. And I said, right, it's all or nothing. And she went nothing.
27:57 - 28:04
And then she happened to be like teaching in upstate New York. So I said, oh, I'm actually going to be there.
28:04 - 28:07
I wasn't actually going to be there, but then I just turned up and said, hi.
28:07 - 28:13
And then she said, I'm moving to London, but not for you. I was like, eventually we were messaging all the time.
28:13 - 28:21
But then she asked me out and then I crashed a car. I was driving along and I crashed a car into like a massive curb on the A4.
28:21 - 28:27
I was driving to sky and the tires blew and I looked up and there was literally a garage where I'd crashed.
28:27 - 28:29
I walked into the garage and I crashed my car and they say, we know, we saw.
28:29 - 28:31
And I just took it and I was like, this is the best day ever.
28:31 - 28:40
And then she moved to London and that was it. Wow. Okay. Let's use that as the template, Amy, for how to get this back running.
28:40 - 28:46
So get ready. You've got six years of you just being a sort of an annoying pest.
28:46 - 28:50
You can only message him on Skype as well. You can only message him on Skype.
28:54 - 29:05
Oh, wow. What Max hasn't explained is that the reason I met on a volcano, it was like, do you know those people in Pompeii that are just sort of frozen in the position they were in?
29:05 - 29:18
It's not even weekend at Bernie's because she died thousands of years ago. Oh, it's beautiful.
29:18 - 29:27
What I think you need to do is create a euphoric time of a different kind of a different sort that isn't just booze.
29:27 - 29:35
So a concert, maybe take him to the ABBA thing. ABBA Voyage. If that's still going.
29:35 - 29:40
Yes. Wow, it turns out I'm quite good at this sort of advice. This is like Hitch.
29:40 - 29:51
You're like Will Smith in Hitch. I love Max's references. That's a good reference. That's exactly what this is.
29:51 - 29:59
So yeah, even a, sporting like the darts or something. Oh, the darts. Oh, the darts are so shit.
29:59 - 30:04
Is the darts bad? I don't think it's romantic. It feels quite boozy as well, doesn't it?
30:04 - 30:18
It's quite boozy, yeah. You'd have to dress up a Scooby-Doo as well. Okay. In the darts, they rarely cut to, like someone's like 143 and they cut to the audience and it's just two people making out passionately.
30:18 - 30:26
Although I do reckon a Scooby-Doo outfit you could definitely go no bra. I think it's kind of that loose kind of...
30:26 - 30:34
Oh, you're so right. Oh, that's brilliant. Scooby-Doo forever now. Booby-Doo, guys. Booby-Doo, come on.
30:34 - 30:41
Booby-Doo! Scooby-Boo! He might listen to this. Shortly after this, he'd be like, well, she said on this that she likes me.
30:41 - 30:47
You'd think, Max, that everyone listens to this, but I'm not sure. I'm not getting mobbed.
30:47 - 30:51
Yeah, but if you fancied someone and they happened to be on a podcast, you would listen to the podcast.
30:51 - 30:56
Might listen to it. Oh, my gosh. So we've had our We've had our brunch.
30:56 - 31:04
ramekin of beans. We've had our four slices of streaky bacon. We've had our, I'm going to say, running track-shaped hash brown.
31:04 - 31:11
I'm sure that shape has a name. The sort of rugby ball shape. Yeah. I'm so invested in this relationship.
31:11 - 31:18
I know, but come on. We've got to move on. It's ten past eleven. It's a real role reversal.
31:18 - 31:23
Do you know what this is like, Max? Freaky Friday. Another one of your movie references, probably.
31:24 - 31:31
Is that what this is? Do you know what it is? I think it's because I never got to do, because I sort of went into sports radio.
31:31 - 31:36
I was doing music radio. I could, and in a different world, I could have been doing like Late Night Love, and I never got to do it.
31:36 - 31:39
And now I feel like all I need to do is just put on Sade now.
31:39 - 31:46
Oh my gosh. I think you're just so good at it. Just follow them around the world.
31:46 - 31:58
Forever. Forever. And then I drove into a curb on the 8th and the tire exploded, but there was a garage nearby.
31:58 - 32:03
Don't you think that's beautiful? I think that was really lovely. It's lovely. Okay, so we've had brunch.
32:03 - 32:11
Yeah. What time is now? Half midday. One o'clock, where are we? Yeah. Amy, on your mind is surely the hotties that are back in HQ.
32:11 - 32:17
Well, they've messaged. They've woke up. They're going to the gym. They're doing their various things.
32:17 - 32:23
They've gone. Okay. They've left. So I'm going back to an empty house. I'm in no rush right now.
32:23 - 32:30
Right. Okay. Great. I'm in no rush. Okay. I sent a picture of the key box into the WhatsApp group chat.
32:30 - 32:36
The keys are where they need to be. The logistics of getting through my front door have been sorted.
32:36 - 32:42
This is the hardest door we've had to get through so far in 13 episodes. Question.
32:42 - 32:52
Before you go back and fish the petticoats out of the pool with your big long stick, what's the WhatsApp group called with you and the gals on it?
32:52 - 33:02
Oh, great question. I can't. That's it. This is like Richard Osmond all over again.
33:02 - 33:10
He wouldn't tell us what he had for dinner, Amy. No, come on. Yeah. So can you give us a clue?
33:10 - 33:14
Is there just someone in it? Is it a horny name? It's not a horny name.
33:14 - 33:19
It's like Peter Sissons is a dickhead and you're like, you can't say that. That's it?
33:19 - 33:34
Are you in the group? It's named after. There's a well-known man who like, we bonded because he liked all of our Instagram posts and often tries to slip in and we're like, come on now.
33:34 - 33:52
So it's got his name in it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I know this phenomenon, particularly the ladies of comedy get it, where, you know, I have been shown an Instagram recent activity and some dude has liked your last 30 posts in a flurry.
33:52 - 34:05
Yeah. Yeah. It's basically a famous pervert. Yeah. And that's what the group's called. And just apart from his name, what are the rest of the words in it?
34:05 - 34:10
It makes it a pun. So I feel like it's just two words. It's his name and another word.
34:10 - 34:14
And I feel like if I tell you that word, your intelligent listeners would be able to get it.
34:14 - 34:21
I understand. I'll message you after. It's called Nish Kumar's Fish Rumours. I got it.
34:21 - 34:33
Nigel Havers Quavers. That's it. That's it. Okay. Now you're faced with the carnage of the night before.
34:33 - 34:40
Like it has someone on one of your big old guilt frame portraits. Someone's drawn a little moustache.
34:40 - 34:46
You know, you've got all of this sort of stuff that you're going to have to really tackle now.
34:46 - 34:53
We've actually missed out quite a dramatic part of my day. Leaving the brunch place.
34:53 - 34:57
You didn't pay? I didn't pay. We paid. We did everything we were meant to.
34:57 - 35:03
And we were leaving and we were walking past the brunch shop that we nearly went into.
35:03 - 35:09
You know, there was a choice of two. Yeah. We were walking past that and there was a scuffle happening in the doorway.
35:09 - 35:17
What? How? And this is like a nice area. It's far too middle class for me, but it's very, very nice.
35:17 - 35:22
And there was a man being sort of pinned down. Wow. Shit. And we were like, oh my gosh.
35:22 - 35:27
And he was like trying to scrabble out. And we were like, oh gosh. And we didn't dare walk past.
35:27 - 35:31
And we tried to cross the road to walk past, but there was so much traffic we couldn't.
35:31 - 35:38
And then four police cars came. What? And a police van. And we were like, oh goodness.
35:38 - 35:44
And we got to a kind of safe distance and then was like, what is going on there?
35:44 - 35:48
Yeah. I mean, it's an awful thing to do. We did sort of stick around for a bit.
35:48 - 35:56
And we were trying to piece together the clues of what was happening because the police came and had blue gloves on and we were like, well, what does that mean?
35:56 - 36:06
Whoa. They were arresting Smurfs? Yeah. Smurf crime. I think it was Smurf crime happening in a cafe.
36:06 - 36:14
Brunch places rarely need a bouncer because it's rarely aggro at this time of day because it's hung over people.
36:14 - 36:23
Not four groups of lads. Sorry. You come back. No trainers. No trainers. Yeah. So maybe.
36:24 - 36:28
Maybe someone had come in and tried to snatch some bags or something like that.
36:28 - 36:33
It's got to be. It's the wrong time of day to be doing a crime like this.
36:33 - 36:49
Do it in the pub. That's where I snatch handbags. Me and Max. Whenever we do this podcast live, we will have a moment where the lights go out and then there's a scream and all the ladies are missing their jewels.
36:49 - 36:55
Yeah. They're really good. And their bras. How's that happened? Yeah, David always says this.
36:55 - 37:02
He says, you're on jewels, I'm on bras. I understand. We have different interests. It's fine.
37:02 - 37:08
We also understand why you didn't wear a bra, Amy, because you didn't want this terrible crime to befall you.
37:08 - 37:16
Exactly. Did you stay long enough to find out or did you just eventually go, oh, gosh, because the police have to write stuff down.
37:16 - 37:25
The sort of adrenaline goes quick. It does, but it felt like a puzzle. And because there was no ambulance, we were quite satisfied that no one was, so we was kind of thinking,
37:25 - 37:30
well, maybe we can gamify this a bit and be like, well, okay, so he's in there.
37:30 - 37:34
He's got a helmet on. And we think this one's a Deliveroo driver. And then what's up?
37:34 - 37:39
And we was just trying to piece it all together. But then, then we saw an evidence bag.
37:39 - 37:49
And we were like, oh my God. Sorry, is that like a Birkin bag? It's a posh one that ladies, they carry them to brunch.
37:49 - 37:55
It's a classic brunch bag. But in it. A hash brown, a hash brown, a ramekin.
37:55 - 38:01
It was my mushroom that I said I didn't want. No, it was a hammer.
38:01 - 38:08
They had a hammer in the evidence bag. I know. So we were like, what is going on here?
38:08 - 38:18
And then when they'd taken this guy away in the police van, we walked back past the front of the shop to sort of see if there was any carnage.
38:18 - 38:23
No, it was just full of people just still eating their brunches. It was full of people.
38:23 - 38:28
And they, they hadn't stopped eating. It was fascinating. You cannot hammer someone to death at brunch.
38:28 - 38:33
It's the wrong meal, isn't it? Surely. Look, maybe it was a creaky chair or something like that.
38:33 - 38:40
He just had the hammer there and he was, you know when your table's wobbly, some people really take it into their own hands.
38:40 - 38:53
Yeah, true. I think that's what's happening. Let's say that's what happened. Yeah. Yeah. What were your ultimate conclusions that you and the other braless lady came to?
38:53 - 38:58
The two braless ladies. We should do like Solving Crime. That's a podcast. Yeah, exactly.
38:58 - 39:08
The number one braless lady's detective agency. What was the feeling? Because you were there.
39:08 - 39:19
So the feeling was because there was another guy who was talking to the police and we couldn't work out if he was an undercover detective playing clothes or if he had apprehended the suspect.
39:19 - 39:28
And then we saw these like teenage boys shake his hand. So we, we feel like a man has been kicking off in the brunch shop.
39:28 - 39:35
Maybe, I don't know, the coffee is just so overpriced around here. Maybe it's that, you know, maybe he's losing his mind.
39:35 - 39:41
Maybe he's asked for beans. They've said there is no beans. Something terrible has happened.
39:41 - 39:52
He's kicked off. And then we think a Deliveroo driver has been going into the shop to collect something and he's had to wrestle into the ground and save the day.
39:53 - 40:01
Then the police have come and taken him away and then found in this other guy's moped, the first guy, the angry guy, that's when they found the hammer.
40:01 - 40:09
We was looking on Twitter to see if anyone had posted anything. Nothing. It's like it didn't happen, but it did happen.
40:09 - 40:23
Because two braless ladies saw the whole thing unfold. Yeah, it gets into court and some sexist barrister is like, what were you ladies?
40:23 - 40:30
Wearing. He's trying to discredit your evidence. You know what I mean? I've heard you weren't wearing brassieres.
40:30 - 40:39
How can you trust the evidence of harlots like this? Okay, so then it's home time.
40:39 - 40:45
Then it's home time. Yeah, I go back. The girls have been good. They've done little bits of tidying up.
40:45 - 40:52
Oh, nice. Duvets are folded. They've done a lovely job there. It's great. There's still detritus.
40:52 - 40:57
There's chocolate. There's grappers. There's bits of gin. There's a few bottles of wine, you know.
40:57 - 41:04
Bits of gin makes it sound like they're not in anything. It's like floating around, like gin in space, you know.
41:04 - 41:13
There's gin in space. You get it. That's just what happens at ladies. Your cat's there that in the drunkenness of late night, you put massive eyelashes on the cat.
41:13 - 41:19
The cat's just like, could someone please sort me out here? The cat's got a bra on.
41:19 - 41:25
We don't know how that's happened. Okay, so there's bits of gin. There's a bit of wine.
41:25 - 41:33
There's some Poundland Ferrero Rocher wrappers around. Okay, do you attack it straight away or just go, oh, I'm going to sit on the sofa?
41:33 - 41:41
I make a beeline back from my bed because I know I've got an episode of Married at First Sight to watch, to catch up on.
41:41 - 41:46
Great. And this was my day off. I should say, I know it was a weekday, but this was my day off this week.
41:46 - 41:50
Don't worry. Some feedback we get is these are not the real lives of people.
41:50 - 41:59
Yeah, that's fair. That's real fair. That's real fair. I just want to point out this is a day off.
41:59 - 42:08
Yeah, great. So I'm watching my program in bed. So after my most recent breakup, I bought one purchase.
42:08 - 42:14
I think was purchased in a moment of madness, but I love it. A hammer.
42:14 - 42:23
It's a hammer. You never know when you're going to need it. Yes. What is this?
42:23 - 42:30
It's a bed. It's your classic bed. Oh, yeah. You press a button, a remote, and a TV comes out the bottom of the bed.
42:30 - 42:43
What? It's so embarrassing, actually. That is hilarious. That's why he's not sure. I think that's it, you know.
42:43 - 42:49
I think, oh, maybe he's seen it and he's like, I can't compete with this.
42:49 - 42:56
I just can't compete with it. So does the TV come with the bed? Can you put any TV into this thing?
42:56 - 43:01
You can put any TV into the thing. Up to a size. Yeah, yeah. Specification.
43:01 - 43:07
Yeah. You wouldn't have to put a TV into it. You could put, imagine that if you were with someone.
43:07 - 43:17
What, a wax tablet? What, a chopping board? A magic eye puzzle. Yeah. Do you know outside Garage Four courts, those inflatable men that dance?
43:17 - 43:22
Like if you were with someone in the bed and suddenly you're like, check this out.
43:22 - 43:37
And the two guys are like. It's got to be like flat and thin, but you could, if you really wanted to show off and you had limitless money, you just could get a Picasso and stick it in there.
43:37 - 43:42
Oh my God. And then just like six months in go. Oh yeah. That's Guernica.
43:42 - 43:47
I just thought I'd chuck it in the bed. Guernica is not an erotic painting.
43:47 - 43:55
It's a bed, a massacre. No, I know. I opened the file of Picasso. Painting's in my head and that's all I have.
43:55 - 44:04
So, you know, what did you want me to do? So the TV goes up and you've got Marilyn for, this is lovely, back in bed.
44:04 - 44:11
Are any of you watching it? I worked at Channel 9 in Australia for the last three years and they made the Australian version.
44:11 - 44:16
Yes. And so it was on in the makeup room all the time, every minute of every day.
44:16 - 44:21
And I think me and my wife watched a couple of episodes and then got completely hooked and then we were like, we can't.
44:21 - 44:26
I was like, I can't do this. She's obviously watching. Mom announced why she watched this stuff, but I couldn't.
44:26 - 44:32
I had to extricate myself from it because I felt dirty. I watched a couple of series of English and I did think it is good.
44:32 - 44:36
Once you're in, you've got to make it to the end of the series. That's the thing.
44:36 - 44:42
If you were to describe Max's courtship, you would say it's the opposite of married at first sight.
44:42 - 44:58
It's married after six years of decades. Yeah, we pitched it to Channel 4. So, Amy, did you watch it and snooze or just watch it and get up?
44:58 - 45:02
What happened? Now, this is a little bit weird, but it's my favorite thing in the world to do.
45:02 - 45:09
So, if I'm on my bed, I don't have the heating on in my bedroom, saving money, and also you don't really need it a lot of the time.
45:09 - 45:21
You're under a cover if you're in there. It's fine. However, to warm up underneath the bed, I blast it with my hair dryer and I absolutely, I call it a hot pocket, and I just...
45:23 - 45:30
Blast like hot air under the duvet and then you like slip into it and it's, oh, it's the best.
45:30 - 45:35
I love it. Do you keep it going or it's just you do it and then you get in or is it blowing all the time?
45:35 - 45:39
I mean, I'd love it to be blowing all the time, but logistically, that's tricky.
45:39 - 45:49
It's dangerous. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. But my hair dryer at the moment, so it's like a right angle, but you can press a button and make it a straight line.
45:49 - 45:59
Then you can put the bottom of the hair dryer out of the bed where it takes in the air and then you can leave it blowing for a little bit.
45:59 - 46:15
It feels like such a luxury. I love it so much. It sounds like in lower league football when there's a frosted pitch, they sometimes put a giant tarpaulin over the pitch and then get all of the heaters from the town.
46:15 - 46:23
But in that situation, it causes their tarpaulin to sort of rise. And what I really want to know is.
46:23 - 46:34
Also, I would like to say at this point, putting the heating on would be way cheaper than whatever kilowatts of electricity you're using, pounding all of this hot air into it.
46:34 - 46:40
But yeah, I'd love if the whole duvet rose up, ironically obscuring your view of Marietta at first sight.
46:40 - 46:49
Oh, it doesn't because the duvet is too heavy. But if it was just a sheet, oh, it would be bellowing up.
46:49 - 46:55
It would be a real sight to behold. If things go well with you, It's looking unlikely, isn't it?
46:55 - 47:01
The more I'm talking. Before you press a button and a 72 inch flat screen comes up and then you start blowing hotter.
47:01 - 47:10
But if he likes it, then he's the one. That's it. That's it. That's it.
47:10 - 47:17
So here's the closest I ever had to that, which is friend of the podcast, Celia AB.
47:17 - 47:21
One of the people who were at the sleepover, FYI. Stop it. Oh my God.
47:21 - 47:25
What if it turns out everyone at the, the sleepover has been on this podcast?
47:25 - 47:29
Oh my God. Which does make me think, are we casting wide enough for guests?
47:29 - 47:35
I don't. They're all in the same house. People are going to know the house.
47:35 - 47:39
We know the living room. Don't worry. We've already been there. That was episode four.
47:39 - 47:56
We've had Colonel Mustard, Reverend Green, Miss Scarlet. So at Celia's first Edinburgh show, an amazing show was in a very small room in Edinburgh and I had mistimed my washing.
47:56 - 47:59
It was my day off from my show. So I decided to go see her show.
47:59 - 48:08
I had no clean t-shirts. So I decided to wear basically a polyester zip up hooded thing with nothing under it.
48:08 - 48:13
So it's fine. I had committed to not taking my top off for the whole evening.
48:13 - 48:20
Now the problem is the room was very warm for Celia's show, but I was beside the air conditioning machine.
48:20 - 48:25
And so I was getting some of it. There was a change. There was a tube coming out of it that was just behind me.
48:25 - 48:32
And then I did this amazing thing where I got, it was an elasticated sleeve cuff.
48:32 - 48:44
It was basically a running zip up top, sort of a light hoodie. And I put the cuff over the out tube of the air conditioning unit.
48:44 - 48:56
So all of Celia's air conditioning for the whole room was now running through my, but then this amazing thing, if I zipped it, right up and then held the other cuff,
48:56 - 49:10
the whole hoodie. You became the guy at the end of his bed. So yeah, I had 60 people's worth of air conditioning.
49:10 - 49:16
Okay, great. So it's not time for food again. Just watch one episode. You've gone to all of this trouble.
49:16 - 49:21
It seems like this could be the answer to this day is just to lie in bed.
49:21 - 49:27
Oh, that would be lovely. That would, that would be lovely. But there was only one episode to watch cause I'm up to date.
49:27 - 49:34
I wish I could watch more episodes, but I just watched the one. And then I think I must've had a little snooze.
49:34 - 49:40
Yeah. I would have drifted off ever so slightly, but then I had to get up and do a zoom call.
49:40 - 49:47
Have you ever heard of them? Aware, aware, slightly aware. Yeah. Yeah. Who is it with?
49:47 - 49:53
What was it for? Well, it didn't go ahead. Okay. Oh, it was with Disney.
49:53 - 49:58
What? Yeah. It was with Americans. It was with Mickey Mouse. It was with Mickey Mouse.
49:58 - 50:07
Yeah. Yeah. He'd had a big argument with Minnie. Mickey, you're on mute. Mickey, go to preferences.
50:07 - 50:18
Go to add new mic. Guys, I'm sorry. I dropped it in the bath last night.
50:18 - 50:24
It's not working. Mickey, you need headphones. Mickey, we're getting feedback. You need, we need the headphones.
50:24 - 50:31
Imagine the headphones Mickey would need though, with those. They would be beats by Dre, wouldn't they?
50:31 - 50:38
Yeah. So what, you get out, you get out of bed, are you still in the same outfit?
50:38 - 50:44
Because I'm Zoom in America, I make an effort. I do get a shower and I make myself presentable.
50:44 - 50:52
Makeup's on, bra's on. Oh yeah. No expense spared. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. This is so exciting.
50:52 - 50:55
Can we talk about, we don't, we don't have to. There's nothing to tell really.
50:55 - 50:59
It's just a general. They saw my Edinburgh show and they're like, let's have a chat.
50:59 - 51:07
Wow. Yeah. Lovely. Really nice. But I can't stress this enough. They weren't on the Zoom call.
51:07 - 51:22
How long did you sit there waiting for it potentially to happen? I gave it 15 minutes and then I started feeling quite sad because I was just looking at a video of myself.
51:23 - 51:29
With nobody else joining it. And I was like, yeah, I messaged my agent being like, is this definitely the right link?
51:29 - 51:36
And they were like, yeah, I was like, I'm probably going to go. I've been ghosted by Mickey.
51:36 - 51:44
Occasionally Goofy would just walk in the background. You'd be like, sorry, Goofy, can you, can you get Mickey to come on the call?
51:44 - 51:56
Yeah. Yeah. So I did that. And then it was time to go to the event I was at when you messaged at 10 PM.
51:56 - 52:04
How's it 10 PM? Yes. But I left the house about six. Okay. Okay. Have you had anything else to eat apart from the fryer?
52:04 - 52:11
No. Cause I was going to have food at the event and the fry was about like noon and it was big.
52:11 - 52:17
Yeah. So I was fine. That sausage was, we know about this. I can't even express how big that sausage was.
52:17 - 52:23
It's really interesting that the brunch industry has done everything in its power to get rid of the two.
52:23 - 52:30
I love the term fry up. You know what I mean? Like brunch. Yeah. You'll never see fry up on the menu in a brunch place.
52:30 - 52:36
That's so true. It's not glamorous. You can't pay more than a tenner for a fry up.
52:36 - 52:46
No. So can you tell us about this event? Yeah. Well, the reason it was cheeky for me to have my phone, cause you shouldn't really have your phone out.
52:46 - 52:53
It was a pub quiz and a serious pub quiz. Oh, how exciting. How exciting.
52:53 - 53:01
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Shit. It was intense. Can we know the pub? Yeah. It was called the Briary.
53:01 - 53:07
Is that right? It's in Belsize Park. Okay. Lovely pub. The pub quiz master was Helen.
53:07 - 53:13
She was great. Okay. Cause they can be terrible. They can be terrible. They can be like, this is their moment.
53:13 - 53:20
And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a frustrated stand up. They want a bit of attention.
53:20 - 53:28
No, Helen was fantastic. Prizes. Prizes. First prize, 50 pound bar tab. Second prize, bottle of wine.
53:28 - 53:37
Was there a picture round? Yeah. There was a whole A4 sheet. Yes. 14 separate rounds that were visual.
53:37 - 53:44
Oh, I love this pub quiz. It was the best and hardest pub quiz I've ever been to.
53:44 - 53:50
Wow. So you had this sheet with all the various different things. And there were things like stills from films.
53:50 - 53:56
You had to know what the film was, but then there was things like, like catchphrase type things.
53:56 - 54:01
Yeah. Right. Like logic clues and things. Yeah. Like logic clues. Yeah. I know. Yeah.
54:01 - 54:08
You had to guess the name of the protagonist and the series of books by just the initials.
54:08 - 54:14
Amy, not to put you on the spot, but can you please ask me and Max one of the questions from it?
54:14 - 54:21
Yes. Okay. And we will raise our hand and you say the name of the host of what did you do yesterday?
54:21 - 54:30
Who gets to answer? Okay. Yeah. Which is the only landlocked country in Southeast Asia?
54:30 - 54:41
No hands have gone up so far. Is it Laos? Laos? It is Laos. Oh, well done.
54:41 - 54:50
Well, to the listeners, Max just raised his arms and balloons have risen across his little screen on the Zoom call.
54:50 - 54:53
They have. And now my Zoom has crashed and I don't know what to do.
54:53 - 55:01
Talk about it. It's crashed with delight. It's just a balloon. I love pub quizzes.
55:01 - 55:10
That's really made my day. Amy, had you assembled a crack squad of geniuses to try and win this thing?
55:10 - 55:17
Well, I'm in another WhatsApp group. I can't move for WhatsApp groups where I'm in another WhatsApp group with single female comedians.
55:17 - 55:41
What's that one called? Called. It's called. Fingered before Pancake Day. Oh my God. So the WhatsApp group fingered before Pancake Day.
55:41 - 55:51
Do you have to leave it because it's for single ladies? If and we all hope it will happen before Pancake Day, Shrove Tuesday.
55:53 - 55:58
Are you kicked out of the group then? You know, you can stay in the group.
55:58 - 56:06
Yeah. But if you get into a serious relationship, I think we would politely ask that you leave us to our misery.
56:06 - 56:13
Wow. How many are in the group? It's about 10 of us. Okay. Yeah. Do you think you're holding each other back?
56:13 - 56:21
Well, I think what's holding us back is that we do tell interested boys about this group.
56:21 - 56:29
And I think it puts quite a lot of pressure on them. One member of the group, and she has said this on a podcast, so I think I'm all right to say it.
56:29 - 56:34
She did get fingered. Is this the rest is politics US? Yes. Have you heard of it?
56:34 - 56:53
Was it Rory Stewart? It was Rory Stewart. He's so fun in the group. There should be more monarchies, I think.
56:53 - 57:14
Rory, we're trying to plan a table quiz. One of the members of the group, when it was called fingered before father's day, did manage it, but she managed it after midnight on father's day.
57:14 - 57:19
But she did tell the guy in question, she was like, I'm in this group called fingered before father's day.
57:19 - 57:29
So it'd be really good if we could get on with it. A lot of my friends listen with their kids to this podcast.
57:29 - 57:37
I'm so sorry. And they're sort of that coming of age, age. No, but fingered means just picked out of a lineup.
57:37 - 57:41
Yeah, absolutely right. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:41 - 57:46
Because that's how we used to date in the old days. We'd line up. Number two, please.
57:46 - 57:55
It's like blind date. Actually right. Makes perfect sense. We don't need to go into specifics, but did all 10 members of the group, were they all, all a team at this table quiz?
57:55 - 58:07
No. So we do little events. We do little events like every few weeks and whoever can come, well, wrong choice of words, but whoever can attend will attend.
58:07 - 58:13
There was like three or four of us from the group. And then two of our friends joined.
58:13 - 58:21
Well, one of our friends with his new girlfriend, he came along and it was like, oh wow, we've got a boy here and he's in a couple, but it was actually lovely.
58:21 - 58:25
It was lovely. And we needed the numbers. And how'd you get on? And the quiz?
58:25 - 58:32
We didn't come last and we didn't come second to last. We did come third to last.
58:32 - 58:36
But I get there are some teams here who play every week, week in, week out.
58:36 - 58:43
It's a tough place to go. Oh, they really took it so seriously. And we were mainly there to be fingered.
58:43 - 58:52
Okay. So what time is it? We've done the table quiz. I would say it was a very thorough, very long quiz.
58:52 - 58:59
And, and I would say we were in the pub until it closed. I think the quiz probably ended about half 10.
58:59 - 59:07
We're in the pub until 11. And then we wanted to go to another pub. So we walked, it was closed.
59:07 - 59:15
Wow. Okay. We walked another 15 minutes to another pub. Well, how many have you lost?
59:15 - 59:18
Surely half of you have gone, fuck this, I'm going home. I said, I'm going home.
59:18 - 59:28
I said, I've got a podcast to do in the morning. But the magic words, no prep really gave me that false sense of security.
59:28 - 59:38
When I'm trying to get people at 10 PM, Max, to do our podcast the following morning, I definitely stress that Amy knows the podcast.
59:38 - 59:44
Before A-Caster Googled to see who you were, Max. Yeah, that's the only prep anyone's done for this podcast.
59:44 - 59:53
James A-Caster Googling who the hell I am. Can I just compliment you, Amy, on a rollover is too strong a word.
59:53 - 59:59
But you had a big night the night before. And look at you now. You're fresh as a daisy.
59:59 - 1:00:05
Oh, thank you. Well, I didn't get home too late last night. This is still before midnight.
1:00:05 - 1:00:11
So it's still in my day. We managed to get to one other pub and we was on our way to a nice pub.
1:00:11 - 1:00:17
Yeah. But we passed a pub that looked quite dodgy. Yeah. Great. But it was right there.
1:00:17 - 1:00:23
And we were umming and ahhing about whether to go in or not. It was like, um, traditional, the right word.
1:00:23 - 1:00:26
It was a racist pub. It's a type of pub where they'd have flags up.
1:00:26 - 1:00:30
Do you know what I mean? It was one of them. And we were sitting outside going, Oh, I just don't know.
1:00:30 - 1:00:37
A lot of evidence bags in this pub. A lot of evidence bags. Yeah. Like bunting, but with evidence bags.
1:00:37 - 1:00:48
It was, it was really cute. And then a man came out of the pub and saw us like looking in and he came up and he was just like, are you wanting to go in the pub?
1:00:48 - 1:00:55
And we were like, Oh, maybe we don't know. And then he said out of nowhere, he said, I just cut my arm open.
1:00:55 - 1:01:00
Sorry. My arm's really bad. Not today. Yesterday. And we were like, that's okay. And he was like, come in the pub.
1:01:00 - 1:01:07
We were like, Oh my God. What? And he was like, just come in the pub.
1:01:07 - 1:01:10
And we were like, I think we've got to go in the pub. So we went in the pub.
1:01:10 - 1:01:19
And everyone was bleeding. Every single person was bleeding. He said he cut his arm open.
1:01:19 - 1:01:23
Not today, but yesterday. Jim, my first thought, because this podcast has broken my brain.
1:01:23 - 1:01:29
That's not relevant. That's not relevant to our podcast. There's no need to tell us about yesterday.
1:01:29 - 1:01:37
Was it a hushed silence when you went in and the saloon doors swung and the piano players stopped playing?
1:01:37 - 1:01:45
It's exactly that. There wasn't many people in there. There was maybe only about six or eight people in there, but it was like, who are these yuppies?
1:01:45 - 1:01:56
London yuppies. They don't belong here. It was so scary. But then actually after one drink, the locals seemed to be fine with us.
1:01:56 - 1:01:59
Okay. And then everyone got along and that was lovely. And then I came home.
1:01:59 - 1:02:04
Okay. And then we're home. Do you go straight to bed or are you flick the TV up?
1:02:04 - 1:02:20
Take out the old hair dryer, the hair dryer treatment. In football, Max, when people refer to it as Alex Ferguson's hair dryer treatment, what he actually meant was he'd come over to your house and he'd fire a hair dryer down your duvet.
1:02:20 - 1:02:27
He'd just fluff you under the duvet. He'd warm you up. Can you please play better in the game at the weekend?
1:02:27 - 1:02:32
He'd say something like that while. You want it on. One would be like, I'll just warm you up softly.
1:02:32 - 1:02:46
Yeah. Yeah. Did you pop up the tally? I did because as a new maths episode comes out Monday to Thursday, I knew I had an episode waiting for me.
1:02:46 - 1:02:50
Love it. Like a little treat. Watch that. Went to sleep. And here we are.
1:02:50 - 1:02:59
Great. I need to ask a question. Because I would imagine the thrill of this TV is to watch it coming up.
1:02:59 - 1:03:04
Yeah. So you always put it down. Is there a temptation just to leave it up then?
1:03:04 - 1:03:16
Now and again, if I like fall asleep with the TV on, like when I had my nap yesterday, I woke up the TV still up, but the joy of it is putting it away because you feel like you've tidied up the whole room.
1:03:16 - 1:03:25
Okay. Right. Yeah. The room just looks so much neater. When it's away, it feels like you've made your bed.
1:03:25 - 1:03:30
It's lovely. It does take a long time though. Like the action of it is very slow.
1:03:30 - 1:03:37
And before I had the crush on this boy, there was a boy I had a crush on and I was telling him about my TV bed.
1:03:37 - 1:03:41
I don't know why it didn't work out to be honest. Of course you bloody were.
1:03:41 - 1:03:49
Of course you were. And I was sat on my bed while we were messaging and I thought, I'll just send him a video of the TV coming up.
1:03:49 - 1:03:56
And I was recording the video and the TV very slowly. Came up and I sent him that and we'd been messaging back and forth for ages.
1:03:56 - 1:04:06
He just stopped messaging. I was like, right. Yeah, that's totally fair enough actually. I respect you for that.
1:04:06 - 1:04:18
I think the mistake might've been you'd put a screen capture or whatever. It's so when the TV came up, it had fingered before a pancake day on it.
1:04:18 - 1:04:26
And he saw the whole dastardly plan with all the other members of the group who were all trying to woo him at the same time.
1:04:26 - 1:04:34
What a day. Amy, final question. Do you just fall asleep like that? Or do you have a method to fall asleep?
1:04:34 - 1:04:43
Well, annoyingly, I need noise to go to sleep. I can't sleep in silence. The hairdryer's on, TV's just going up and down.
1:04:43 - 1:04:52
So I'll usually put on an audio book, but at like 80% speed, sometimes 70% if the voice isn't distorted.
1:04:52 - 1:05:01
Enough. Really slow it down. Oh, really slow it down. Amazing. Really slow that down.
1:05:01 - 1:05:06
Yeah. Wow. Everyone in normal life, there's just no time for their content, so they have to listen at 1.5.
1:05:06 - 1:05:11
And you are slowing it down. What book are you reading so slowly? This is great.
1:05:11 - 1:05:15
Please tell me it's, you know, War and Peace or Lord of the Rings. I'm really going to drag this shit out.
1:05:15 - 1:05:22
It's Unruly by David Mitchell. You know, about all the kings. I think he's got a really nice voice.
1:05:23 - 1:05:35
And if you slow it down, and it's interesting enough where my brain, like, keeps listening, and this is no offence to David Mitchell, it does send you to sleep because it's a lot of facts.
1:05:35 - 1:05:48
Is David Mitchell at 80% that speed? Does he sound absolutely shit-faced or stoned? Yes. It sounds end of the night, and he's going, and then Henry VIII.
1:05:52 - 1:06:07
It's really good. That's the best synopsis of that book. Because that's as someone who maybe doesn't know that much when I think about the history of the kings of England.
1:06:07 - 1:06:21
And then, for him, Henry VIII. It's exactly that. It's exactly that. And then I fell asleep.
1:06:21 - 1:06:25
And then he fell asleep. I think. It's a wonderful day. I had a really good day yesterday.
1:06:25 - 1:06:32
That's why I was delighted to get the text at 10 p.m. Because I was like, oh, yes, this is a nice one.
1:06:32 - 1:06:41
Any regrets? Was there any moments from the table quiz where you're like, ah, we should have put that down, you know, when it came down to an either or?
1:06:41 - 1:06:47
Or were you able to not be too competitive for that? I'm bad at pub quizzes.
1:06:47 - 1:06:51
I'm more there to be cheering other people on. I got a few questions, which I was really proud of.
1:06:51 - 1:06:55
Oh, there. There was one question that I was annoyed I didn't get. Shall I ask you it?
1:06:55 - 1:07:11
Yeah, let's finish with that. Yeah, yeah. If you add O to the chemical symbol of a chemical that burns bright, it gives you a common text abbreviation.
1:07:11 - 1:07:20
What is the chemical? Doesn't hydrogen burn bright? So like lol. Yeah. Raffle. Does it give you raffle?
1:07:22 - 1:07:36
WTF? What the fuck? A common... Doesn't magnesium burn bright? Doesn't it? So M-G-O? What's that?
1:07:36 - 1:07:42
N-G-O? Not good at N-G-E? No, that's not one. Wow. I think, look, Amy's looking at me like...
1:07:42 - 1:07:48
You're so close. It's hurting. You're so close. It's just I'm so old. I use full words for everything.
1:07:48 - 1:07:56
M-S-G? Message? A text abbreviation. Remember? Do you think this might be the least compelling ending we've ever had?
1:07:56 - 1:08:08
We had such a night. We'd really built up. She'd got David Mitchell book on and now we're just floundering.
1:08:08 - 1:08:12
It's message me or message me later or something like that, isn't it? Magnesium's correct.
1:08:12 - 1:08:15
You would have got the point because that was the question. What's the chemical? So you've got M-G.
1:08:15 - 1:08:24
Ah, so I got the question. Yeah. But the text abbreviation, if you add O to M-G, O-M-G.
1:08:24 - 1:08:34
O-M-G. Like grandpa there going, M-G-O. That's your thing, isn't it? That is such a good quiz.
1:08:34 - 1:08:39
It's such a good quiz. Such a good quiz. Wow. David, let's go to that quiz.
1:08:39 - 1:08:52
Yeah. Next time we are both in London, which will possibly never happen. Because you're in a shed in Melbourne and I'm in a basement in Dublin.
1:08:52 - 1:08:56
Amy, will you? Will you come to the quiz when we do the quiz? Oh, we'll get the whole WhatsApp group there.
1:08:56 - 1:09:02
Yeah, let's do that. And we'll all be fingered by Christmas. Yay! Amy, thank you so much.
1:09:02 - 1:09:18
Thank you, Amy. Thank you so much for having me. What a treat. Yay! I love that.
1:09:18 - 1:09:25
David, I'm so invested in this will-it-won't-it relationship. Max, I can't get past the rising TV.
1:09:25 - 1:09:32
If I was to try and buy one of those things online, I don't even know the words I would put in.
1:09:32 - 1:09:38
A secret TV hoist riser. It's just a great day. So much happened in that day.
1:09:38 - 1:09:42
And at the end of it, we're left with a crime and a possible wedding.
1:09:42 - 1:09:49
And also we got like a little bit of trivia, which granted doesn't sound like great podcasting, but I really enjoyed the trivia as well.
1:09:49 - 1:09:59
It was four weddings and a funeral is effectively what that day was. It's the textured, and I say this as a huge fan of Amy's comedy.
1:09:59 - 1:10:05
It's just those little, like the hairdryer, all of that. Come on. That's a day.
1:10:05 - 1:10:12
If anyone else hairdryers themselves warm under the duvet, please. We need to hear the specifics.
1:10:12 - 1:10:19
There are things that Amy does that you also do. I'm saying that. Who is hairdrying themselves under?
1:10:19 - 1:10:27
But also, like, is it a cost-saving? It's a measure not to have the heat on in your bedroom, but then also to have this decadent TV.
1:10:27 - 1:10:36
Got a Barbara Cartland TV riser thing. Also brilliant that it's the first time that someone's sort of woken up to mayhem.
1:10:36 - 1:10:42
Yeah. I'm not saying that your friends are boring, David, because, I mean, I don't wake up to a sleepover.
1:10:42 - 1:10:50
Like, God, it made me, like, I was like, oh, midlife crisis. The dream of, I don't want to wake up in a sleepover, but I also really do.
1:10:50 - 1:10:52
Do you know what I mean? Because I really want to wake up just around.
1:10:52 - 1:11:00
My people just, you know, like, a full can of Grolsch by my bed. And just walk in and there's just sort of kebab meat on the table.
1:11:00 - 1:11:07
Like, I really want that, just for a small moment. And then to go back to my grown-up, lovely life that I lived.
1:11:07 - 1:11:14
That was lovely. Anyway, if you hair-dry yourself under the doodad, this is how to get in touch with us.
1:11:14 - 1:11:22
To get in touch with the show, you can email us whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
1:11:22 - 1:11:29
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:11:29 - 1:11:35
And if you didn't, please don't. And that is another episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:11:35 - 1:11:40
And I'm going to say, David, that might be our finest. And it's not to do with us, but I really like that one.
1:11:40 - 1:11:45
Perfect Day by Lou Reed should play. If we have the rights to it, which we don't.
1:11:45 - 1:11:49
We do have the rights because Lou Reed loves this show. Is he still alive?
1:11:49 - 1:11:54
No. He loves this show. He loved it. Eight of Lou Reed love this show.
1:11:54 - 1:12:00
Yeah. May he rest in peace. I was meant to mention at the start of this that I'm going on tour in Britain.
1:12:00 - 1:12:07
Here we go. After Christmas. I'm sorry. It's pointless now because imagine the drop off in listeners at this point.
1:12:07 - 1:12:11
But at least I said it. Everyone go and watch David. Go and watch him.
1:12:11 - 1:12:15
July or August next year. Thanks, Max. Yeah. I'll see you at that pub quiz.
1:12:15 - 1:12:22
We'll do 14 rounds on an A4 sheet. Yes. And we'll be called What Did You Do Yesterday?
1:12:22 - 1:12:26
And we'll be sitting there in the pub quiz. Dan, we're doing this pub quiz.
1:12:26 - 1:12:32
I'm going to fuck you. I'm good at Landlocked Countries. I was going to shout Paraguay before she said Southeast Asia.
1:12:32 - 1:12:37
Yeah, that was dynamite. I was going to get in there. And also there'll be a sports round as well.
1:12:37 - 1:12:43
Yeah. And a music intros. I'm good at the intros round. Yeah. A very specific genre of music.
1:12:43 - 1:12:54
Music up to two minutes. We get it all. We'll see you next time. Thank you.
1:12:54 - 1:13:30
Thank you, David. Bye.