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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.
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And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode 14 of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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I'm Max Rushden and David O'Doherty is there in front of my eyes. Hello, David.
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Hello, listeners. It's me, David O'Doherty. I had my first drive-by, David. Isabella on a bike on St. George's Road, cycling, stopped suddenly.
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I'm listening to What Did You Do Yesterday? Great moment. It's a real cut-through. Jamali Maddox.
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She hadn't got to the hoovering section of Jamali, I told her. She was in for a good time.
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Yeah, it doesn't get any sweeter than that. Lots of people getting in touch about the Amy Gledhill episode.
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It was a good episode, wasn't it? Shauna Burke. Hi, Max and David. I had to get in touch with you to let you know that as soon as Amy revealed her hair dryer trick,
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I was straight on the phone to my fiancé to tell him that he wasn't alone.
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He introduced me to this life hack years ago, and I haven't looked back since.
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It heats you up instantly and creates a very cozy cocoon situation in bed. It's very much a daily habit in our house, and the phrase, I'm going upstairs for some hair dryer, is often used.
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The only downside is that we only have one hair dryer, quite an expensive one.
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There is some contention about whether or not it should be replaced to its spot next to the bed once I have used it for its intended purpose, drying my hair.
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Thoughts welcome. I definitely noticed a drop-off in the quality of life hacks. You know the way you used to, when a life hacks video came up on your computer, you'd be like, here we go.
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This one, I mean, does it even count as a life hack? That's my question.
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I suspect everybody will be doing it. I used to buy those magazines, like Pick Me Up.
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And there was one that I can't remember what it's called, Take a Break. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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And one of them, the tagline is, Life, Death, Prizes, which I always like. But it's like top tips.
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The one tip that I never forget is somebody saying, you can make rubber bands, by cutting little strips off the wrists of old rubber gloves, to make your own rubber bands.
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Ivo Graham would love that, wouldn't he? Becca writes, Hi, Max and David. Firstly, I'd like to say how much I bloody love the pod.
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I'm always thrilled to see it pop up in my feed. I consider it an absolute must listen.
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Secondly, I, too, have used a hairdryer for something other than drying hair. Obviously, I've used it to heat up my bed, but I've also used it to dry socks and trouser pockets.
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A hairdryer can also be used. As an iron for a casual shirt, it's particularly great for collars.
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As long as you use the heat stretch press method, my magnum opus was when I used it to heat a slice of banana bread.
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As long as you seal the paper bag around the hairdryer, the crumbs can't escape.
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And most importantly of all, you don't have to get out of bed and trouble the oven.
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I highly recommend thinking outside of the box when it comes to household appliances. Much love, Becca.
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That's a good one. Interesting. Yeah, my number one use for a, a hairdryer is I have 19 bikes.
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I do, yes, yes. And sometimes, I mean, I mean, this is pretty high level stuff, but if you're really giving a bike a refurb, you might respray it.
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You might even just replace the stickers on it, the decals, decals on it. And how do you get the old decals off?
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Hairdryer, straight on it. Like we're talking those, you know, those clear old rally ones and it starts to blister then and you can get it off.
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Laura in Bristol says, hi guys, just to say, I really enjoy your podcast. I really enjoy you reading out your feedback as well.
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I was so glad someone got in touch about being the number one purchaser of products.
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This made me laugh. The year before last, I was told in an email from Sainsbury's that our household purchased the most gala pies in the entire country.
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We haven't had a badge or certificate from them yet, but ever hopeful. Attached a photo of our prowess.
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Keep up the good work. I'm enjoying hearing about people's days. Thank you, Laura in Bristol.
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The JS Lattice gala pork and egg pie, 450 grams in England. You are number one.
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What a badge of honor, Laura. It looks like a, it's like a pork pie with a boiled egg in it, which I've got to say doesn't float my boat.
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I'm afraid, Laura, I wouldn't be number one. Max, stop undermining the listeners. No one's going to write in if you keep this up.
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No, people are different. We're all at our own likes and dislikes. One more before we bring in this episode.
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And I thought this was a good observation. His review on iTunes says, good background listening, some chuckles.
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A lot of the four episodes I've listened to involve David asking questions about cats.
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It's true. You really get, you really get into the cat chat. I'm a dog person.
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So this is interesting to an extent, he says. Yeah, that's good. That's the review right there.
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That's it. I'm happy for you to carry on with the cat. You're interested in the cats.
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Ask about the cats. Well, I don't know if it's a low point or a high point, but I think the question, the single question we have asked as investigative journalists in the 13 episodes to date is, and I can't remember which one of us said it.
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It was asked to Amy Gledhill. What do girls do? That was you. That was you.
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As was, what's it like without a bra? You really went, you really went for it.
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What do girls do? What are they like? Isn't it? What are girls like? I can't remember.
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Anyway, our guest today is, the award-winning French comedian, writer and actress, Célia A.B.
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You know Célia, David, once again, another one of, finally, you've booked someone on the programme.
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Yep. Aside from being mentioned in several episodes already, including where I stole her air conditioning by have it run directly through a jacket I was wearing at her first Edinburgh show.
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Célia from Paris, Les Bagnoles de Paris has been living in Britain now for 12 years, I think.
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And it's just a really original voice. She also has a beautiful turn of phrase.
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She just makes me laugh so much, Max. You will know her maybe from live at the Polo, Radio 4's The News Quiz, stand-up tour of all people coming to venues 2025.
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Go and see Célia A.B. She's great. And here's what she did yesterday.
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Célia A.B., thank you so much for coming on and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.
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Thank you for having me. Big fan of the pod. I listen to it every day.
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That's not possible. Every 12 episodes you've made. Do you listen to, like, so you just wake up each day and listen to episodes one through up to eight or whatever we've got?
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Yeah, it's going to be an incredibly fast episode to record. In many ways, it'd be quite a good debrief because you'll say, well, I woke up and then I listened to episode one with Ellis James.
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This is a really good way of new listeners getting into the pod. I always have my lunch around Susie Ruffell.
8:05 - 8:15
I was just saying before we started recording, I can't believe the amount of hatred that Max is getting in those reviews.
8:15 - 8:22
I absolutely cannot believe it because I wasn't familiar with your work, Max, because I don't really, like, get involved in football.
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But I listened to it. I was like, this guy sounds lovely. Very, very witty.
8:25 - 8:40
And then every episode. It's, oh, why can't he let David speak? What I have picked up on is that every time you read those sort of, like, reviews that are really mean to you, instead of, like, reassuring you,
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David just kind of laughs along. There's no reassurance whatsoever. Max takes all, he really attracts all of the criticism.
8:52 - 8:59
And so often it's like, David's fine. I like David. And then they hammer Max.
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So I'm like, read more of this stuff. This is all good. But I'm like a sort of like a magnet.
9:04 - 9:09
Even when I proposed to Jamie, I said, will you marry me? She just said, okay.
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So that's like, you know. Did she say, I like David. I like David and everything he does.
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But Max, you're annoying. But yeah. Well, I mean, she did used to go and watch you in Melbourne before she knew of my existence.
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She would watch you all the time. So she definitely loved you before she loved me.
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Anyway, none of this matters, Celia. What matters is what you did yesterday. And when did you wake up yesterday?
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I have to say there's something quite mindful about like writing down what you're doing throughout the day.
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Like I've never felt more in the present. So I wake up at 930. Yeah. And I, full honesty, I've known I was recording this podcast maybe a week or two.
9:56 - 10:01
Two before today. And I tried to readjust my sleep pattern to something that's more charming.
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For like the entire week, I was like, okay, wake up, get up at eight.
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Everyone will think you're cool. They'll think you're training for a marathon. I don't know.
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930 is good because 930 is when people with actual jobs start their work. I think they start earlier than that, David.
10:20 - 10:28
I hate to tell you. Do they? Do they? What? Yeah, I think 930, if you wake up at 930, you're fired, I think.
10:28 - 10:38
Just generally. I think you lose your job. Well, actually, to full honesty as well, is I wake up at 930, then I decide in a bit of a slumber, I decide,
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do you know what? I'm not going to let the pressure of the podcast and those horrible listeners who leave mean comments get to me.
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I'm going to snooze. And so I'm like, I'm getting ready back to snooze. And I'm like real snoozing.
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I'm like eight minutes into snoozing. And then I get woken up by an Amazon driver delivering podcast recording equipment.
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Wow. This whole day is really built around this big thing. You know, I I'm interested to see now how many times the podcast will come up over the course of what is technically just a regular day.
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Well, originally I was like, it felt a bit like being in a reality TV show where like I was kind of like.
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But you do forget that the cameras are around very quickly. Very quickly. I went back to just being myself. But it was like the first like hour of the day was like, I'll donate all my money to charity today.
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Then I'll probably go help at a shelter. Oh my goodness. Meet Billie Eilish for lunch.
11:41 - 11:50
So it's 938. The Amazon driver's at the door. Presumably you've now got to jump up and address the Amazon driver.
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Yeah. So like I bought I'm 29. Last year I was like, I need to get some pyjamas, some real grown woman pyjamas.
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So I bought like these blue like silk pyjamas. I bought them for a wedding.
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I was staying in a house with a lot of girls and I don't know why I wanted them to like my pyjamas.
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So I bought them on the way to the wedding. And I'll sleep in them every night.
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But when I opened the door in my pyjamas and you know when you open the door to a driver and it's quite early in the morning, but you know they've been working for at least two hours and you want them to think you're a normal member of society.
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So I was like, I said I had crust in my eyes and I really quickly had to be like, hello.
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Oh, wow. And he's like, hello, Mrs. AB. I hear you're doing what you do yesterday is your podcasting equipment.
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Is that what you said in this London accent? Yeah. And then he said, I hope I feature in the podcast.
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And I said, don't worry, I'll make sure you do. Dick Van Dyke delivered your podcast.
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So the first noise you emitted yesterday was to a person. There was no warm up.
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I'm just talking to yourself. The first time you opened your mouth, it was to another human being.
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Yeah, it's awful. It's like when you if you're like ever on tour, you get to like a few weeks into the tour and you wake up and sometimes the first word you say is to a tech at 7 p.m.
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I use the tech as like a run through for my personality sometimes. And yeah, the delivery driver had a nod of my personality.
13:26 - 13:32
He had just pure raw Celia Aby. Did he have to take a photo of you holding the box?
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No, I made him though. Good. So French famously, your mother tongue has no word for pajamas.
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I mean, I've made this up. Therefore, do French people just sleep in their clothes from the previous day?
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And then they have like a bath, but it's a weird French bath. Where they just hold a hose over themselves while eating a pain au chocolat.
14:01 - 14:12
Is that what happened? We sleep sort of like wrapped in an Amelie DVD. Just sort of close it, just fully naked in a big Amelie DVD.
14:12 - 14:21
I mean, the problem with the delivery era is that a parcel arriving at your house used to be an incredibly exciting thing.
14:21 - 14:27
And you would rip it open to see what it is. Whereas you now, know exactly what it is.
14:27 - 14:33
Very often it's not that interesting. So it's you sometimes you just leave it sitting there for the day.
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Yeah. You immediately open the podcasting equipment. Yeah, I think I approach every delivery like Christmas.
14:39 - 14:46
I get quite excited. It's nice to unwrap something. And I think the I do agree with you.
14:46 - 14:54
Like there's I quite like when my flatmate gets stuff delivered because then there's a bit of mystery in the house until they get back.
14:54 - 15:04
Yeah. It's like, what did you order? And it is always a cable. Yeah. And like Christmas now, do you feel under pressure to write a thank you letter to the delivery driver?
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You know, but you just can't be bothered. But, you know, your parents will say you need to write a thank you letter to the delivery driver for the podcasting equipment.
15:12 - 15:15
He's still here. Do you guys want to talk to him? Yeah, no, I'd love to.
15:15 - 15:20
Would either of you care for my Royal Mail letter based anecdote? More than anything.
15:20 - 15:33
OK. When I was a local radio reporter at BBC London, I was a local radio reporter For some reason, the Royal Mail PR got in touch and said, would I like to know what it's like to be a letter?
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And so literally I went and stood at a letterbox on Malamon High Street and I was picked up by a red van.
15:48 - 15:54
Wow. And then I was taken to a sorting office. Put in a sack. In Stansted.
15:55 - 15:59
I was then flown to Inverness because I was a letter being sent to Stornoway.
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I wasn't the only journalist doing this. I remember at one in the morning, the independence business editor, who was quite a serious person, was a Welshman and was sitting in the sorting office at like 1am in Inverness waiting to get put in a plane to Stornoway.
16:16 - 16:21
And he just said, what the fuck can I write about a fucking sorting office?
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The letters come in and they get sorted and they go away again. So anyway, we flew to Stornoway and it was so windy, we couldn't leave Stornoway for a week.
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I was like, no way. Oh my God. And we didn't broadcast any of it because it was not interesting.
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But at last this anecdote gets a chance on. OK, so it's 9.42. You're standing in your hallway, in your pyjamas.
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Where do we go? I wake up, I make a cup of coffee. I then stick on an episode of Friends on the telly.
17:00 - 17:07
Great. Just something gentle. Well, full disclosure, I scroll for about 20 minutes and then feel sad.
17:07 - 17:13
So then I watch Friends. I'm watching Friends and my landlady is coming today. OK.
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So I know that a landlady is coming today. I've got a new guy moving in tomorrow.
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So she is here to welcome the cleaner that she's hired before the new guy.
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And I'm in a panic because I seem to have lost a fob to take the bins out.
17:30 - 17:40
So a good 30 minutes at the start of my day is looking for this fob and also Googling how much a fob replacement is just to prepare myself.
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And they range from eight pounds to 240 pounds. So I'm really looking for that fob.
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Eventually I find it. I think I smile really hard at this moment. Just to myself.
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It is an interesting thing. Finding things is almost as hard as losing them sometimes.
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The euphoria that you feel. Where was the fob? It was in when you get into my kitchen, there's like a little, usually it's like hung up on like a little key chain key hanger thing.
18:11 - 18:18
Quite exciting actually. I mean, as exciting as a fob search gets. Very exciting. Well, this is our first fob search and I'm really enjoying it.
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It's a format I'm trying on you guys. You'll never forget your first one. Yeah.
18:24 - 18:37
So the string that the fob is attached to had split, which meant that it fell directly on the floor behind, what do you call those things where you swoop a dust swooper?
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A dustpan. A dustpan. Yeah, that's a better word actually. And that's probably why they went for that.
18:44 - 18:51
It was, it was bang on in the middle of a dustpan, but you never think to look in a dustpan.
18:51 - 19:00
No. That's what they say I think I read that in a kitchen once. Is that John Paul Sartre?
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I forget who said that first. You never think to look in a dustpan. Did you establish whether it was an eight pound or a 240 pound fob?
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Well, no, because I think the, the panic of seeing the two, I think it was 239 pounds 30.
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Cause I, I then retracted the message I went to text my lady about having lost a fob.
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I think it's impossible to know. I think there's no way of knowing. I mean, what I am intrigued by is whether the GoFundMe you set up for the fob, for fob fund that raised over 30,000 pounds.
19:36 - 19:41
You will now send that money back. And I'm going to say, thank you so much for sharing that on your story, David.
19:41 - 19:50
You're like Captain Tom's daughter, aren't you? You've got a spa, you've got a hot tub outside the front door.
19:50 - 19:54
I've got a spa, but I can't get into it because I have lost a fob.
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Okay, so we find the fob and Friends finishes at about the same time. Yeah.
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So then immediately take the bins out. Hang on. This is, I think this is the first time we've had anyone put the bins out.
20:07 - 20:11
Hang on. Is that a euphemism or did you actually take the bins out? I took the bins out.
20:11 - 20:14
I have to stop myself from making a joke. And then I fucked some guy.
20:14 - 20:30
It's always the way. It's always the way. I take the bins out. And for me to take the bins out in my building, it's a bit annoying because the bins are like locked.
20:30 - 20:38
So that hands the fob. And when I press the button to open the gates, it is so slow to open.
20:38 - 20:45
There's a good 45 seconds where I'm just on the street with bins. It opens like a reveal in a dating show.
20:45 - 20:53
It's so slow. It takes me so long to like, cause they were quite heavy.
20:53 - 21:00
So it takes me to actually the bins in a thing that by the time I come back, the door has closed again and I have to stand there while the door opens.
21:00 - 21:08
But the other way, like towards me and that's amazing. Yeah. Take the bins out, come back in new bin liners.
21:08 - 21:13
Of course, got a bit of spray, maybe of some sort of disinfectant into the bin itself.
21:13 - 21:21
Well, I'll tell you what I did. There's two trays. There's one that's significantly cleaner than the other because the landlady was coming and I was in a rush.
21:21 - 21:30
I covered the one that's dirtier with a bin liner. for a later point. But I like to spray usually, but it is like I think it was 10 a.m.
21:30 - 21:36
too early. I'm so classy, Celia. When I take the bin liner out, I don't squish that all inside it.
21:36 - 21:45
I squish Jupe or CK1 in there. Just real classy aftershave-y smells coming out of my mouth.
21:45 - 21:57
That's why today's podcast is brought to you by Jupe bin cleaner. OK. You've had a reasonably successful day so far.
21:57 - 22:01
You've done the bins. You found the fob. This is, you're doing really, it sounds patronizing.
22:01 - 22:06
You're doing really well. I've already achieved so much. You've really taken on when you were doing this podcast today.
22:06 - 22:11
You were like, I need to impress these people. I put the bins out. That's right.
22:11 - 22:24
Fellas, she takes the bins out. Then I get back up. I'm so high on the having done, found the fob and then executed one of my tasks for the day.
22:24 - 22:32
I reward myself with another coffee and journaling. I journal every day. Oh, yeah. So I get my little book while journaling.
22:32 - 22:40
I think I listened to the Lou Sanders episode and it's very similar. So like just talk about all my emotions and then gratitude and intentions.
22:40 - 22:51
Question. Question. Yeah. Did we figure in the journal? I mean, obviously the contents of your journal are your business, but open it up and read it out right now.
22:53 - 23:01
You were featured and there was a hyperlink like on Wikipedia. HTTP forward slash forward.
23:01 - 23:06
And then the links to your journal. I think you were. Do you know what?
23:06 - 23:11
I don't think you were featured. I think it was just like, oh, I need to remember to write the stuff I'm doing.
23:11 - 23:20
But you have been featured in the past, David. Thank you. Especially when in Edinburgh or at the Fringe or in Melbourne.
23:20 - 23:25
Max, I'm sorry to say you have not been featured yet. That's OK. If you work hard enough, you will.
23:25 - 23:31
If you keep working on it. As yet, you've not eaten a tiny little morsel of anything.
23:31 - 23:44
Yeah, very French. Yeah. And I'm about to like feature the country that you live in, Max, because I wasn't really into breakfast at all until I did Melbourne International Comedy Festival this year.
23:44 - 24:05
And the brunch culture is addictive. So since getting back from Melbourne, which I suppose is like maybe four or five months ago now, I have had the same breakfast that I would have in a brunch place, which is two pieces of bacon rashers, one egg, some chilli
24:05 - 24:09
oil on top of the egg, and then a piece of toast with butter. How are we doing the egg?
24:09 - 24:20
Interesting. So originally, sunny side up. But the last couple of days, scrambled. Interesting. Yeah.
24:20 - 24:25
And that's every day you have that, you have an Australian brunch every day. Like it's a mini brunch.
24:25 - 24:33
I felt judged just now. But yeah, it's pretty much like a little brunch, brunch time for me.
24:33 - 24:41
Well, I'll tell you what I found in Australia is the coffee culture. Ordering a coffee in Australia is so hard because it feels like trying wines.
24:41 - 24:46
I like to pretend like I know about this sort of stuff. So I'm not entirely sure what called breweries.
24:46 - 24:57
I have paid like, yeah, $20 for just the... A good mug of tar. Yeah. So, and like, I'm not a coffee snob at all, despite everything about me.
24:57 - 25:03
It was quite stressful in Australia because having to like be like, oh, I can feel the notes of cacao.
25:03 - 25:13
Do you know what? Like, like we have this all the time. I, me and my wife both like a strong flat white, which is just a double shot, but we like it three quarters full.
25:13 - 25:18
Okay. But if you ask for it three quarters full, they bring it full and they say this is three quarters full.
25:18 - 25:22
So they're gaslighting you because you're looking at a full coffee, but I'm too polite to say anything.
25:23 - 25:27
So then you ask for it half full because then hopefully it'll be three quarters, but then sometimes they bring it to you half full.
25:27 - 25:33
That's not enough milk. So then you have to ask for a bit of milk and then they think you're insane because you've asked for less milk and then you want your own milk.
25:33 - 25:38
And sometimes they won't give you the coffee you want. They'll say something like, do you want a magic?
25:38 - 25:44
And you're like, no, I just want the coffee I asked for. And eventually you just want to say, you don't have to drink this coffee.
25:44 - 25:48
I really want this coffee, but I'm too polite to say anything. Whatever I get, I drink it.
25:48 - 26:00
And then I just never ask if I want any caffeination. I ask to be super soakered up the butt with a can of Coke Zero.
26:00 - 26:17
I want it straight in. I just bend over the counter, fire it up. Well, I, I just remembered that at the Edinburgh Fringe, I ordered a, um, an espresso martini in a very busy bar, which is very rude.
26:17 - 26:27
The barista seemed so stressed out at the idea of making this espresso martini that I was like, I don't know, I changed my order to a, um, Jager Bomb, which is the same thing.
26:27 - 26:34
Really. I used to have a job where I used to do a street fundraising and I used to have, this was when I was 20.
26:34 - 26:41
I think I used to start the day with a Red Bull and I think I was very ill for so long.
26:41 - 26:52
It's like eating a battery. So the landlady, she's about to come then, is she after you've had your fake Australian breakfast?
26:52 - 26:57
So the cleaner and the landlady are arriving around the same time. So that's around 1pm.
26:57 - 27:03
So at this point, maybe around 11, I've finished journaling, I've had my breakfast and I've got two hours in front of me.
27:03 - 27:20
And I decided to do some admin. Do some crime. Oh, do some admin. I decided to do some comedy admin, which I've listened to the podcast and I am very aware that like there was one review that you got, which is like, I'm tired of these people
27:20 - 27:25
just doing admin. You have people with real jobs. I love admin. I love admin.
27:25 - 27:37
I actually love admin. I like, I send some invoices. I download a couple of clips from gigs, various gigs, because, you know, we've all got to be online posting clips now.
27:37 - 27:45
Oh, yeah. Just one moment. On this podcast, on an earlier episode of it, Max, you said, Max, you had an anecdote about an escalator.
27:45 - 27:52
Then you tantalizingly didn't tell us what the escalator anecdote was. It's not relevant right now.
27:52 - 27:58
So then I go on an escalator. Thank you. Max, have you ever been on an escalator?
27:58 - 28:04
Has anything ever happened? It's a serious day. And I feel like I've interjected too many times already, actually, because people want David's voice.
28:04 - 28:10
And I've done. So you do two hours. So you're downloading your clips. Yeah. So we've edited the clip.
28:10 - 28:14
We've done some scrolling. We've edited and posted a clip. We get to like one.
28:14 - 28:22
I sort of decide that today I will be going to the gym. And then my landlady arrives.
28:22 - 28:28
We have a nice catch up. Yeah. I really get on with her. So it's like a nice sort of friendly visit.
28:28 - 28:33
We catch up about the house. I've been watching videos of this guy who rearranges room based on Feng Shui.
28:33 - 28:41
Feng Shui. And it's a disease that I have now because every room I enter, I'm like, oh, this isn't in the commanding position.
28:41 - 28:46
So immediately I start thinking about how I'm going to rearrange the lounge. So I pondered that for about 10 minutes around the cleaner.
28:46 - 28:51
I don't mention that I almost lost a fob. Yeah. You don't need to tell anybody about that.
28:51 - 29:04
No, certainly not. I go to my room to, this is when the day becomes embarrassing because I decided to watch an episode of Love is Blind on my laptop.
29:04 - 29:12
I'm not really a reality TV person, but Love is Blind has a sort of chokehold on me from the Edinburgh French Festival.
29:12 - 29:21
It's become like a comfort watch and it's one where people meet, they don't see each other and then they have to get married without seeing each other.
29:21 - 29:31
What? Yeah. I know, I know. Where are they meeting? They have like two studios set up where they go on dates and they talk to each other and they try and
29:31 - 29:38
see what the vibe, if they're vibing. And then I imagine eventually some producer goes, all right, well, you're going to get married now.
29:38 - 29:48
Married? Married, yeah. It's terrible. It's not a good show. So I used to like, my mom used to watch a lot of like X Factor, like French X Factor.
29:48 - 29:54
And I used to judge her so much. Like I was such a snob being like, you're such an intelligent woman, why are you watching these things?
29:54 - 30:00
And now, like life is stressful. Sometimes you just want like something that is just so easy.
30:00 - 30:07
It's like a massage for the mind. It's just like no thoughts, just people talking about a connection.
30:07 - 30:19
Oh, there was a time in my life where every Sunday, my friends would come around, I'd cook a moussaka, they'd all bring shitloads of Haribo, and we'd watch X Factor and Downton Abbey.
30:19 - 30:29
Was there a time in your life where you I'm not, I'm serious. I'm saying sort of 2009 to 2011, 2012.
30:29 - 30:36
The last year is. Yeah, the last year. We loved those Sundays. Those were great times.
30:36 - 30:44
So you're in your room watching this. Yeah. And what happens then? Then I decide to go on one of my daily walks.
30:44 - 30:51
Whoa. Are you still in your pyjamas? Oh no, I've had a shower. I should say I've had a shower about two hours before.
30:51 - 30:55
I'm wearing a new top that I bought in a charity shop the day before, which is very exciting.
30:55 - 31:04
Is it a I'm with stupid with an arrow? It's six o'clock somewhere with being someone with a beer.
31:04 - 31:11
Is it a Prosecco size out of picture of a woman doing yoga with two glasses of Prosecco?
31:11 - 31:31
It says Michael Stagdy. So I decided to go on my walk. So now I used to do a lot of like weightlifting and swimming, and I try and have like some kind of exercise in my life, but I'm at a point where I'm like I'm seeking softness
31:31 - 31:36
when it comes to exercise. So every day I go for a little walk in Victoria Park.
31:36 - 31:45
And what I do during that walk is I vape the entire time. And I'm hoping that it puts the same stress on my lungs as if I had been on the run.
31:45 - 31:57
I noticed that in the Olympics, the amount of people who would, if your heat in the 400 meters was easy to show everyone you weren't trying that hard.
31:57 - 32:06
A lot of time during the finishing straight, they'd pull out a coconut. I do that every day.
32:06 - 32:12
So I'm actually my normal vape runs out of battery. So I stop in by another one, like a sports woman.
32:12 - 32:16
Well, hang on. Vape shops. I mean, obviously they're everywhere, but they're for someone who doesn't vape.
32:16 - 32:22
They look like a, they look like the dark web in reality. I'm just terrified of them.
32:22 - 32:34
Shiny things. I just don't dare go near. So I have a vape shop around the corner from me and the guys that work there, I kind of know them and they make me feel like such a, like a bro.
32:34 - 32:40
They call me boss and I like it. I ordered the same vape every 10 days.
32:40 - 32:46
It's like, it lasts about 10 days. They have like a, um, a card where they stamp whenever, like a loyalty card.
32:46 - 32:54
So on that day, I try and argue with the man behind the counter that I forgot my loyalty card the last two times.
32:54 - 33:02
And I'm trying to get two stamps. You're looking for a very specific French. It's croissant on Zinedine Zidane flavored vape.
33:02 - 33:08
That's the one that you're looking for. Yeah. And the whole time in my sports gear, I'm in rugby gear, ready for my workout.
33:08 - 33:15
Then I do get my two stamps because he remembers me. And then I'm off to my two, two sports day with Celia AB.
33:15 - 33:22
And on the walk, I listened to an album that I didn't know that had been recommended to me.
33:23 - 33:29
Now that's what I call music 26. I think it's got Freddie Mercury Barcelona on it.
33:29 - 33:42
The album was, it's a singer called Fouché. I watch it because that morning when I was scrolling, there was a video of a woman talking with passion about this album and I listened to it and it's good,
33:42 - 33:48
but I'm not, I'm not in the mood for that sort of music. So I stopped that and then put on some French hip hop.
33:48 - 33:53
Wow. Or as I call it hip hop. I love French hip hop that I listen to is from the 90s.
33:53 - 33:56
So a lot of the problems I mentioned are outdated. So there's a positive spin.
33:56 - 34:09
Mobile phone reception. Cast a goal, not really putting his weight. They don't know what that's, that's like pre, like I'm going to do a football reference for you Mark.
34:09 - 34:15
It's like pre Zedan headbutt. Okay. So they have no idea yet. Jean-Pierre Papin's out of form.
34:15 - 34:19
We're worried. This is good. They're still talking about the goal, which is the goal of football.
34:19 - 34:25
Is it MC Solar? It is kind of MC Solar. It is kind of like that vibe.
34:25 - 34:32
It's fascinating the amount of people in the UK that know about MC Solar. Was he big in Ireland and in the United Kingdom?
34:32 - 34:38
I think they used to play him on MTV sometimes. He rapped very fast. That was his thing.
34:38 - 34:44
And he was good for vocab because at the time you were trying to learn those bloody irregular French verbs.
34:44 - 34:53
I love his song about going to the swimming pool. Have I ever told you my English teacher story, David?
34:53 - 34:58
No. It was maybe the last year of high school and that English teacher was from Cork.
34:58 - 35:05
In Ireland. What happened is like she, it was maybe 30 of us in her class.
35:05 - 35:11
And for an entire year, French people spoke with like the weirdest blend of accents.
35:11 - 35:20
For an entire year. And she taught us that bloody was a swear word. She kept saying bloody.
35:20 - 35:33
And so obviously we're all 17. So we're going around saying bloody. Yeah, there is. There's a thing that French Cork people have where a lot of the time when they say something, it sounds like they're accusing you of something.
35:33 - 35:42
So it'll be like, are you well? Becomes like, are you well? You know, like that for it's like, yeah, how are you?
35:42 - 35:47
Oh, geez. Yeah, no, I'm okay. I'm okay. Where were we? So hang on. We're on our walk.
35:47 - 35:55
We're on our walk listening to somebody collabing with Vanessa Paradis. And so how long is the walk?
35:55 - 36:01
The walk is about an hour long. I'm so aware of my day at this point that I noticed stuff in the park that I've never noticed.
36:01 - 36:05
Like I saw a sign and I made, I made a specific note for it.
36:05 - 36:09
I saw a sign that said it was like a coffee shop and it said good coffee by good people.
36:09 - 36:18
And then I briefly considered how many hot drinks I've had made by bastards. Then I start.
36:18 - 36:22
So on my walk, I've got my vape, I've got water and I start needing a wee.
36:22 - 36:29
And I pop into a pub that's open. I bump into a guy that's like polishing spoons.
36:29 - 36:33
Do you know like they've got like a big tray and they're kind of like polishing and putting them back.
36:33 - 36:43
So somebody who's working there, it's not just somebody sitting as a vape. Okay. When you walk into the pub though, needing to wee, Sally, be honest.
36:43 - 36:50
Do you pretend to peruse the line of expensive whiskeys? Sometimes I feel weird just making straight for the loo.
36:50 - 36:55
You have to do the little pretense that I'm going to order something when I get back.
36:55 - 37:00
And then when I come out, I sprint out. So I walk in pretending I'm trying to buy the pub.
37:00 - 37:18
Walking with like a king cane and a big like, I start by saying here, here, me and this pub, I've kind of like, we've kind of accepted our relationship, which is at some point during the day, I'll pop in and use the toilet.
37:18 - 37:28
I always make a note of the song that plays when I go in, because there's a specific type of like players that pubs have in the daytime that's different than the nighttime.
37:28 - 37:32
Oh yeah. When I used to work in a pub, I remember like the playlist was like, it was set.
37:32 - 37:40
So every day you would have the same songs at the same time. I remember closing up at the pub every night to a nights in white satin, which is so dull.
37:40 - 37:46
I went for we at the time that because the night was playing. Oh wow.
37:46 - 37:52
Yeah. I went in beginning of the chorus. I left a second verse. It's interesting.
37:52 - 38:08
That because I stayed in a hotel for a month once on a tour. The playlist was only about 15 songs, but one of them was we got to get out of this place, which I always thought was inappropriate for the hotel.
38:08 - 38:13
So straight in, they know the deal. You just look knowingly at the spoon polisher.
38:13 - 38:22
And then I leave the pub. I realized my landlady will be out by now because she was there when I was away to be with the cleaner.
38:22 - 38:31
I come back, say bye bye to my landlady. Then at this point, it's like two or 3 p.m.
38:31 - 38:35
Yeah. And it's sort of my day off. So I stick on another episode of Love is Blind.
38:35 - 38:42
Great. I love this day that every sort of three hours you watch an episode of Love is Blind.
38:42 - 38:52
It's such a nice. Yeah. It's like high intensity training. Yeah. This time I watch it, but I also hop on, I like Google Love is Blind.
38:52 - 39:00
Season one, episode seven, Reddit. And then I sort of like read what everyone on Reddit thinks about the people and see if I agree with them.
39:00 - 39:11
Then my episode of Love is Blind finishes and that's when I do my enter the room of WhatsApp to respond to messages because I kind of respond to messages in one go.
39:11 - 39:19
So like I'll, I've got about maybe like 15 messages that I need to get back to and a group chat I need to mute.
39:19 - 39:27
So I'm quite busy. What's the nature of the group chat? Is it like one of those, is it called like Christmas 2017 or something?
39:27 - 39:30
You know, is it one of those ones that's just out of state, it's welcome?
39:30 - 39:38
Well, there's a couple of like birthday group chats where I did not go to the birthday and they've sent 36 pictures.
39:38 - 39:42
Yeah. All of them blurry over time that I wasn't present at and it's still going.
39:42 - 39:55
They're like, they're talking about all the jokes that happened. If there's one genre that photography does not capture, even contemporary, incredibly high bit, mobile telephony, it's party pictures.
39:55 - 40:02
It's like people dancing at parties. They always look so lonely. You're not getting the vibe.
40:02 - 40:09
If you weren't there, you can't hear the music. It's just people in a sitting room who appear to be working out or something.
40:09 - 40:15
I don't know. What I like is the, because I'm a big fan of taking party pictures, just generally.
40:15 - 40:24
I love for people to know that I've got stuff on, but I, I have huge respect for the person who sends the pictures during the night.
40:24 - 40:34
So like, we'll take like 40 pictures and then it's like 9pm. I'm like at a gig and I get 40 pictures of people two kilometers away having the time of their lives.
40:34 - 40:47
My problem with muting a group is, it's still like there. What I wanted to do is, I don't want to leave because I don't want to look passive aggressive, but I don't want it to come up in my feed because then you just go, oh,
40:47 - 40:50
you've got like a million muted messages and that's just like getting the messages and not reading it.
40:50 - 40:55
I would like a, it's like muting something on Twitter is much better because I then no longer see.
40:55 - 41:04
Well, also like, I don't know why WhatsApp like when you leave a group announces it like you're a king that's like unhappy with the current situation.
41:04 - 41:10
It's like David O'Doherty has left the group chat and it's just like, it's so dramatic.
41:10 - 41:21
You got to do what I do, which is stage a fake death every couple of years, a funeral, a whole lot and then just reappear new personality, new name, massive cosmetic surgery.
41:21 - 41:29
Thank you. You got out of those WhatsApp groups. I was once added to a group chat that was okay for context.
41:29 - 41:34
I think my phone number used to belong to a drug dealer called That's what they all say.
41:34 - 41:46
For like the first couple of years of having this number, I would get added to various group chats and get asked for various drugs by text, but they would use like code words.
41:46 - 41:58
So the worst code word I saw was someone saying, you got any mattresses? In 2018, I was added to a stag do group chat.
41:58 - 42:04
It was just like 15 lads planning a stag day. It was like I was in a quiet place.
42:04 - 42:13
Like I was like, do not move. I wanted to see how I felt like Louis Theroux or David Asenborough.
42:13 - 42:23
I was just kind of like observing it. And you guys are disgusting. Okay. So, you've muted the WhatsApp group.
42:23 - 42:33
You've done your WhatsApp session. What time are we at now? So, we're probably around five in the day and I've got two gigs in the evening.
42:33 - 42:49
So, I send, this is relevant to the end of the day. So, I send my friend, telling them how I've got a gig tonight and I think it's going to be a tough one because I've done it before.
42:49 - 43:01
And then they reply with like, oh, you'll be great. Don't worry about it. And I then like close WhatsApp, have responded to every messages and now it's the time where you wait for the messages to come through in the next few hours to trickle down.
43:01 - 43:10
So, I start getting ready. I like that you've trailed this. I know you think in terms of the three-act structure, you've trailed, there's a tough gig coming up later.
43:10 - 43:21
I always allocate an hour to get ready, but it never takes me more than like 15 minutes because, you know, it's not because like I don't wear makeup.
43:21 - 43:24
It's more like I do this. I've been in the same makeup since I was 15.
43:24 - 43:31
So, it's just so quick. So, then I finish getting ready and then I've got 30 minutes to wait before I leave.
43:31 - 43:44
So, I stick on another episode of Love is Blind. Okay, I don't know. It's a mistake that I make because I allocate no time to getting ready and very often just go to gigs dressed in my civvies from the day.
43:44 - 43:50
But listeners may know this about me that I have 19 bikes. So, I love to fix bikes.
43:50 - 43:55
And sometimes I don't get to really scrub my hands in a way that you should.
43:55 - 43:59
And the first time I realized this is when I removed the microphone from the thing.
43:59 - 44:11
I see my disgusting oil and crust hand and just like, oh God. Do you know that meme that's like my hands look like this so that hers can look like this?
44:11 - 44:22
Yeah. Imagine you with oily hands or a tiny piano. Yeah, just grease and muck spread across the piano as I plonk out very hard.
44:22 - 44:27
So yeah, another episode of Love is Blind. You're going to have to head to this first gig soon.
44:27 - 44:34
Yeah. So I'm like, I leave my flat. I'm ready to go. I walk to the bus stop.
44:34 - 44:40
Hang on a second. You've only had an Australian brunch. And that becomes a problem later on.
44:40 - 44:47
That becomes a big problem later on. Because I already know that I'm hungry, but the gig will provide food.
44:47 - 44:54
So I'm thinking, okay, when I, when it got to like five, I was like, if I eat now, I'm going to I won't get the enjoyment of the free food.
44:54 - 45:00
So on the way to the bus stop, I buy a banana, which I've got quite a good relationship with the guy at my shop.
45:00 - 45:07
So he doesn't charge me for it. Yeah. Banana. Wow. What a moment. It came to a point now where it's awful.
45:07 - 45:17
I don't expect to pay for bananas. I know that like one day he's going to charge me and I'm going to be like, wait, what happened between us?
45:17 - 45:22
What? So I like get in, say like a quick thank you. But like, a thank you.
45:22 - 45:28
That sounds like I'm used to it. So I walk to the bus stop. I eat my free banana.
45:28 - 45:38
Is the payback sellier the once a month you have to stand in his shop and do a full gig for free just to various fruit and veg and plantains and bananas.
45:38 - 45:45
So this is what I think. I think that. So I'm a half Algerian for the listeners.
45:45 - 45:59
Surprise. And the people in my shop are Turkish. And despite me repeatedly saying that I'm not Turkish, that I'm from Algeria, I still get the preferential treatment of a Turkish woman.
45:59 - 46:11
It feels fantastic. It feels great. I think 350 bananas gets you Turkish citizenship. Yeah. And actually, it's not like you have a choice.
46:11 - 46:22
You just automatically become a Turkish citizen upon your 350th free banana. Yeah. And I think like, I think what I did is I had a Turkish best friend growing up and she taught me how to say mom.
46:22 - 46:26
Cause she just said the word Anne. And I think I'd said that to them once.
46:26 - 46:31
And now I think they've accepted me as their daughter, but we've got a great relationship.
46:31 - 46:39
That's lovely. It's really nice. It's what it is. Yeah. And like, if I haven't been in the shop for like when I'm at the fringe or when I'm like, when I go back from Melbourne,
46:39 - 46:44
they were like, what happened? Are you okay? Where have you been? And they called me bananas.
46:44 - 46:51
And you're like, I was just in Istanbul. I was in Istanbul, the greatest city in the world.
46:52 - 47:00
we're on the, we're on the bus. We're on the bus. The bus arrives. I drive the like, sort of like 10 minutes to the tube.
47:00 - 47:07
I get down to the tube. Sorry. Just one very important thing. Do you have a regular spot where you sit on the bus?
47:07 - 47:15
Do you always sit in the same place? Yes. Which seat do you enjoy? So obviously top deck front row is the peak.
47:15 - 47:24
Oh, that's the dream. Yeah. Although there is an issue with top deck front row is that if you're alone, top deck front row, and then there's a family of, of tourists with like children and
47:24 - 47:28
stuff, they kind of do invade your space because the children want to pretend to drive the bus, but they don't know.
47:28 - 47:36
There's already two drivers on this bus. The driver and Sally are obese. Yeah. Too many cooks.
47:36 - 47:45
But if it's a shorter journey, I quite like the one where you're the nearest to the driver just for easy access out.
47:45 - 47:49
And then I kind of feel like I'm the receptionist of the bus. Right. I don't know.
47:49 - 47:53
It seems like it's split by age range and I quite like the quiet downstairs sometimes.
47:53 - 48:03
Yeah. It's a sign of maturity to settle on bottom deck. Yeah. An Irish trope, and I do wonder if it's a French Algerian woman trope as well.
48:03 - 48:11
Do you thank the driver? Irish people generally thank the driver. So when I lived in Birmingham, I used to always thank the driver.
48:11 - 48:18
And then moving to London, I realized that it's set up so that you can't really thank them because there's two exits.
48:18 - 48:31
You have to share it down. Great work. But like occasionally if like someone's on like a spectacular job, I will say thank you.
48:31 - 48:38
But then you're in that space where like it looks like you're the teacher's pet.
48:38 - 48:43
So you leave the bus, you don't say thank you. Yeah. You get to the tube.
48:43 - 48:54
Yeah, I get to the tube and at this point I'm quite, I'm enjoying a song that I'm listening to and I see someone that I sort of recognize on the platform and
48:54 - 49:01
I walk away because I'm really enjoying my song and I don't want to have a chat, but it's not someone that I really, really know.
49:01 - 49:05
It's like someone that we probably wouldn't really say hello to each other just normally.
49:05 - 49:24
So I don't feel too bad about it. Keir Starmer? Yeah. Serves him right. I go to like sit on the tube and I immediately, I'm facing a baby on the tube and she's like a really cute blonde baby and she's I never know, like I
49:24 - 49:31
smile at babies and I wave at them and I have like quite a nice time and we giggle and we have a nice time.
49:31 - 49:38
And then she throws an entire backpack at me. You can't get angry at a baby.
49:38 - 49:44
So I just go, oh, it's fine. And the mom doesn't seem apologetic enough, which bothers me.
49:44 - 49:48
Yeah. I will say, I will say you just don't know. I have a two and a half year old.
49:48 - 50:02
You just don't know how bad their day's been. What you've done in is, well, I would be really thankful that you've, I sort of would say to people, if they feel like a minute of my son's time, I will add them into the will because they've just
50:02 - 50:08
done me such a massive favor. So she should have appreciated your time, but I just want to come to the defense of the mom.
50:08 - 50:13
Cause you just, you don't know. Where did it catch you? It hits me on the chest.
50:13 - 50:22
How old is this baby? I, so here's the thing. I don't have children. I have heard of these guys before, but I never know how old people are.
50:22 - 50:28
And by people, I mean children. So she could have been between like one and six.
50:28 - 50:37
I don't know where the difference is. I have no idea. Why would you, why would you, I didn't know until I got one and then you really know.
50:37 - 50:49
I'm going to say she was, she was still in, um, in, um, prom, but she had a chicken throw a javelin, one massive arm.
50:52 - 51:03
An extraordinary baby who's hurling things for a baby to throw a backpack from one side of the team to another is quite considerable distance and hit the target.
51:03 - 51:09
Hit the target with like ferocity. It was strong and it hurt a bit, but I, I think I styled it out.
51:09 - 51:15
And then I get off the tube in West London. So I'm on the tube.
51:15 - 51:19
I get to the gig, I'm starving and it's just hit me how hungry I am at this point.
51:19 - 51:27
Oh no. Usually the meal is like in between the two shows, but I arrive and I, I said something really casual, like she's really hungry.
51:27 - 51:34
And the promoter just goes, okay, well just pick the food that you want. And you get a 25 pound budget.
51:34 - 51:48
So they have a menu. It's a restaurant. It's a place that, wow. So I get like a bao bun and some chicken wings because it came to 24 pounds.
51:48 - 51:56
Oh God. This is when it goes, it starts going bad. Oh, on the tube, I watch a film with someone on their phone.
51:56 - 52:01
So someone's watching a film on his phone and I kind of look over, I forgot to do that.
52:01 - 52:10
And then I spend about 30 minutes trying to figure out what it was. So I Googled the actress that I recognized in the film and it's got 62% on Rotten Tomatoes.
52:10 - 52:16
So not worth watching on the tube really. Then get to the gig, order food.
52:16 - 52:23
The problem with the gig I think is that I, I get that and I think I got 200 pounds hungry that it made me grumpy.
52:23 - 52:30
And then I ate too close to my stage time. So I hadn't felt the effect of the food yet.
52:30 - 52:40
You've got a bao bun in your mouth. I'm opening the gig and it's a lovely gig.
52:40 - 52:51
It's quite nicely set up and like, it's like sort of private members club. And I'm like, I've, I've had a nice time before, but like, I think on that night, do you know when you open, you kind of take the food and
52:51 - 52:55
you have to hit a little bit of the gig to find out what the gig is.
52:55 - 53:02
So I'm opening and I realized quickly like, Oh, this is tough. And I get away with it.
53:02 - 53:08
I just about get away with it. I have like a sort of like 6.5 gig.
53:08 - 53:14
Right. I do my time. I finish. And then I wait for the second gig, which is in an hour and a half from now.
53:14 - 53:21
In the same place. In the same place. Yeah. They're presumably getting the audience out and a fresh audience in.
53:21 - 53:26
Yeah. I mean, you hope so, don't you? So what's the issue? Is the audience?
53:26 - 53:32
So it's a private members club. So are they a little, I mean, I don't want to say up themselves, but are they older?
53:32 - 53:40
Are they very confident with their friends? This is my private members club. I don't need to listen to this silly person.
53:40 - 53:49
They're very cool. So they're very, very cool. There's also like a role where like, you know, this is their night and this is like, we're not meant to make fun of them and stuff.
53:49 - 53:55
And it's like, you know, just play it like a normal. I then get ready for the second gig.
53:55 - 54:00
I took to the comedians a little bit. We all kind of agree that it's a bit difficult, but like, it's fine.
54:00 - 54:05
Actually. It's like, it's just not like something that you'll really remember. It's just like work.
54:05 - 54:12
But then I have myself put a second one and I'm like kind of excited about it at this point.
54:12 - 54:21
Yeah. And I have an okay gig. I have actually, I have quite a good gig, but then one of my favorite jokes ever gets nothing and just like just pure confusion.
54:21 - 54:29
Just confusion from a room full of people. Then I, I turn on them and I say, what's going on?
54:29 - 54:37
I think it was that thing of like, the only way that I could make it funny is to acknowledge that he had gone weird.
54:37 - 54:49
I think. Yes. So then they start laughing and the fact that like, I mean, there's a point where I say we're not for each other, but like, you know, you guys are going to go home and learn from that.
54:49 - 54:56
And when you come back, you'll be better with audience members, you work on your craft and it gets a laugh, but just about.
54:56 - 55:07
And then I come off stage. I say, sorry to the promoter. Oh no. I say, sorry, but like we have quite a good relationship and I've, you know, I've worked with them before.
55:07 - 55:12
So like we, we can laugh about it. But it hasn't gone that badly, Sally.
55:12 - 55:20
It hasn't gone that badly. So then I leave the gig and I get on the tube back, quite immediately get the tube back on the tube.
55:20 - 55:32
I start getting heartbroken. I get hungry again because keep in mind, like I'm on the tube at like maybe 1030 and I had my food at six and I've sort of bombed on stage, which always makes you hungry.
55:32 - 55:40
I get hungry and I start thinking about what the food shop I'm about to do, the Sainsbury's in Bethnal Green.
55:40 - 55:44
Interesting. You're going to do this a late night food shop. A weekly shop. I love this.
55:44 - 55:51
Yeah. Yeah. I get off the tube, go to Sainsbury's, do a big shop, trick myself to a box of frozen Mars bars.
55:51 - 55:58
And I'm like, at the gig, I kept saying that I really wanted a little choccy treat.
55:58 - 56:04
I was talking to an act who actually crushed both gigs, who was saying that he's given up chocolate and then made the decision that I was give up chocolate.
56:04 - 56:18
And then immediately 18 minutes later bought the most chocolate anyone's ever bought. So there's a gig in Dublin that I love in the Mill Theatre, which is they made them build a theatre on the side of a giant shopping centre.
56:18 - 56:29
And I just remember once there was a doing this thing where I was joking to the audience about the after party and all the celebrities were going to be there and an orgy and
56:29 - 56:44
drugs and everything and how wild my evening was going to be. And then went to do a big shop in the Tesco immediately after the gig, but then tragically met like 20 people who'd been at the gig who were all like, I thought you were going to
56:44 - 56:51
orgy with celebrities. I'm just getting the supplies. They wanted a Viennetta and some taste of difference cheese.
56:51 - 57:02
Some 36 rolls of toilet paper. Right. So we do the shop. We do the shop.
57:02 - 57:12
We actually do buy toilet paper. We do that for the big party. And then on the bus back, like I'm very excited about my Choccy Treat actually on the way back, I go home.
57:12 - 57:24
It's around 11 PM. Right. I decided that I'm going to be an adult. And instead of going straight to Choccy Treat, I should have some kind of a tiny bit of real food.
57:24 - 57:33
So I make like, do you know those whole wheat thin sandwiches thing? It's like just the thinnest piece of bread in the world and it's whole wheat.
57:33 - 57:36
So I have that with a bit of just salmon, like a slice of smoked salmon.
57:36 - 57:49
So sophisticated. So fresh. And then 28 ice cream mugs. 28 ice cream mugs. I mean, Celia, I've learned a few things from doing this podcast for the last few months.
57:49 - 58:01
But one of the things I've learned is the incredible attitude of my co-host, Max, who, after he does something, never thinks about it ever again.
58:01 - 58:13
It's why he'd be a great assassin. You know what I mean? He's like Leon in the movie Leon, where he just does one of these podcasts and I'll be like, the following day,
58:13 - 58:17
oh, that was fun with Celia yesterday. And he's just like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
58:17 - 58:27
You need to clear. He's just deleted that. He immediately deleted that. Pop the files in the waste paper basket, then deleted the waste paper basket and just carried on.
58:27 - 58:31
And that's something that I see happening here with you, but it's taking a little longer.
58:31 - 58:38
I just think, and obviously it's not the same as stand up, right? And I've never been either funny enough or brave enough to try it.
58:38 - 58:43
When we do live Guardian Football Weekly shows, it's a live show in front of everyone, but there's four of you, right?
58:43 - 58:53
And there, and like, if you're funny, it's kind of a bonus, right? Like we could do an hour of just really serious football and no one would, no one would leave going, well, that was weird, but we try and,
58:53 - 59:02
you know, I, I'm constantly trying to be funny. I don't know anyone's noticed, but at the same point, I do a podcast, I do a radio show, I do a TV show,
59:02 - 59:07
whatever. And I just generally go, yeah, that was fine. That was, yeah, it's lovely.
59:07 - 59:14
And I definitely at the start, like, you know, the first two years of soccer, I was absolute dog shit, but fortunately Twitter didn't really exist.
59:14 - 59:29
So it was fine. Yeah. You can worry about all these things, but if you don't just enjoy the thing you're doing, and the other thing is things that, and here's a great example, things that are either great or they're shit and they're a great story for later.
59:29 - 59:37
And so you've turned a gig that didn't go well into a brilliant bit of a podcast that isn't yours, but you know, it's ours.
59:37 - 59:47
That's fine. But you know, this Mars bar bit is great. And so many people listening will be like, ah, this shit thing happened and an ice cream Mars bar really did make the difference.
59:47 - 1:00:00
And that's so ridiculous, but it's true. You are right. It's a good attitude to have in that it's actually as soon as I get home and I have my little salmon sandwich and I pop myself in front of the TV, love is blind.
1:00:00 - 1:00:04
And I, um, yeah, love is blind. What's that? Three episodes of love is blind in a day.
1:00:04 - 1:00:13
Jesus Christ. It's four, four episodes. Oh my God. That's great. It's so much. This is going to demystify everything about me.
1:00:13 - 1:00:20
Like I imagined that like before maybe people thought she probably reads Camus. Yeah. That's what I thought.
1:00:20 - 1:00:26
She reads Camus and plays on her ukulele. I then have my little Mars bar in front of love is blind.
1:00:26 - 1:00:35
I send a voice note to Sarah Keyworth, which I would like to play. Oh, yes, please.
1:00:35 - 1:00:42
I will cut it at one point, but this is the voice notes. Oh my God.
1:00:42 - 1:00:56
That was such a bad gig. Oh my God. I bumped so much. And then the only time people laughed was when I was making fun of the fact that I was bombing.
1:00:56 - 1:01:11
And then I hated every single audience member in that room. I love how Keyworth had told you, oh, it's going to be fine.
1:01:11 - 1:01:15
I mean, basically there are certain lies you have to tell in this business, Max.
1:01:15 - 1:01:28
One being, if you know that one of your friends is about to do a gig in an absolute turd zone, where they're 90% chance they're going to die, you have to be like, oh, I always have such a great time there.
1:01:28 - 1:01:32
It's sort of white lie territory where you're like, you know what? It's actually fine.
1:01:32 - 1:01:36
It's actually, it used to be bad, but it's actually fine now. Whereas Keyworth probably knew.
1:01:36 - 1:01:40
Yeah. And I think, do you know what it is? Like, I just want to like give credit to the gig.
1:01:40 - 1:01:49
The gig is a good gig. I think the problem is that I did not succeed at my job on that day, but it's fine.
1:01:49 - 1:01:54
I think it's like, it's not going to really affect. Sometimes you just have a tougher day at work and that's okay.
1:01:54 - 1:02:05
Like I was thinking about how comedians would like to complain. Like I was complaining about, Oh, I'm always getting, I'm always working, but like I just had a tough day at work that lasted 30 minutes.
1:02:05 - 1:02:13
And that is the same length as one episode of love is blind. I don't know if you know that, but Sally, a question.
1:02:13 - 1:02:19
How late did you stay up? How long before you went to bed? So at this point, it's like half past 11.
1:02:19 - 1:02:26
Yeah. Um, so sort of scrolling on my phone, then I put my phone away to really focus on love is blind.
1:02:26 - 1:02:36
Cause this is the wedding episode. And then it gets to 2359. And then I wait for midnight to have a second Mars bar.
1:02:36 - 1:02:42
Technically it's the next day. And if you just have one a day, that is absolutely fine.
1:02:42 - 1:02:48
Exactly. So I wait for like one past midnight and I go, I will need to mention this on the podcast.
1:02:48 - 1:02:57
And then I go to bed the next day around, I take off my makeup, brush my teeth, go to bed at one, which is the next day.
1:02:57 - 1:03:03
So we don't care, do we? Well, no, we, we care about everything until you're asleep, until you're asleep.
1:03:03 - 1:03:11
So I, I have a shower. I have tend to have a shower when I wake up and when I go to bed, just cause I like being cozy.
1:03:11 - 1:03:21
I have like the, my night shower, take off my makeup, like use like fancy mist or water, brush my teeth, put my pajamas back on.
1:03:21 - 1:03:28
I have like a little sort of like nightstand lights, get into bed and then watch.
1:03:28 - 1:03:38
I'm on my phone and I'm watching. I actually watch, I think maybe this will make me sound good.
1:03:38 - 1:03:49
Now I have to follow up as one episode. I watch a 20 minute video essay about art restoration and the morals between it, which is boring enough that I can sleep.
1:03:51 - 1:04:03
What's the morals of art restoration just very quickly there. So some people argue that because after the person passed away, you should let the art sort of degrade, degrade.
1:04:03 - 1:04:11
Yeah. Some people like, like when you make a piece of art, do you like, is it something that the world kind of can download and have there forever?
1:04:11 - 1:04:25
Or should the beauty of it be that it kind of goes with the person over time, but then people start talking about how that relates to music and does that mean we can't listen to music from people down there anymore?
1:04:25 - 1:04:31
And so it's like a whole, very interesting, but crucially has put me to sleep.
1:04:31 - 1:04:42
Made me think, sorry, just when you were talking about it, it made me think of pumpkins and how you carve it up for Halloween and it starts to return to the soil.
1:04:42 - 1:04:50
You just got to leave it. You got a photo. Interestingly, when you see me and David after we've cleaned the bins, trying to restore people's pumpkins around November.
1:04:51 - 1:04:57
You'll know this podcast hasn't gone as well as we hoped it had. Pumpkin restoration is a very tough job.
1:04:57 - 1:05:05
Like should this podcast be accessible in 200 years? I think so. I think it should be the only accessible audio form.
1:05:05 - 1:05:10
We'll give it to NASA to like, do you know how they have a pact to show aliens what the world is like?
1:05:10 - 1:05:15
Yeah, it'll be this. And it'll be your day. They'll think, what do humans do in a day?
1:05:15 - 1:05:31
They go off to have a mediocre gig. That is why when you cast your mind into the future, there will never be a sort of guardian expose on the fact that aliens aren't allowed into the Garrick because they don't want to be in there because all
1:05:31 - 1:05:39
they've learned about private members clubs is from you, Celia. Yeah. And as everyone says, no one ever looks in the dustpan.
1:05:39 - 1:05:43
No one ever thinks to look in the dustpan. No one ever thinks to look in the dustpan.
1:05:43 - 1:05:48
To look in the dustpan. And that was my day. Yeah, I think that was.
1:05:48 - 1:06:06
Oh, I forgot one element of it. Yeah. You did a murder. You murdered. No, but I get an email from my voiceover agent telling me that my demo reel is now
1:06:06 - 1:06:11
up on the website and I, there's a bit in the demo reel that I had forgotten about.
1:06:11 - 1:06:15
Basically, I had to do a French accent, which is, this is a French accent, I had to do.
1:06:15 - 1:06:26
Like an hello, hello one. Yeah, pretty much. And so, but because I've been in the UK for 10 years, like this is just my voice now, this is how I speak.
1:06:26 - 1:06:37
And it's not like your typical French accent. And there was a point in the recording where I had to say the word, it was like French, French, French, and an ultimate statement.
1:06:37 - 1:06:43
But I couldn't say that with a French accent. So I would go for the ultimate statement.
1:06:43 - 1:06:51
Yeah, at some point in the day, I received the email saying it's going to be out.
1:06:51 - 1:06:58
And the last thing I do, well, actually, that's a lie. The first thing I did this morning was listen to it.
1:06:58 - 1:07:06
Not interested. Okay. Not interested. I'm sorry. Unless we speak to you tomorrow, we can never know what your voiceover reel sounds like.
1:07:06 - 1:07:11
If I can just help, I would say it like this. The ultimate statement. Yeah, the ultimate statement.
1:07:11 - 1:07:22
The ultimate statement. Statement. The ultimate statement. Do you know what? There's nothing more fun than just putting on a hard French accent.
1:07:22 - 1:07:31
Celia is so sick of me. I bet. When she came to Dublin once, I made her stand in front of any sign that had anything vaguely French.
1:07:31 - 1:07:35
Like there'd be a place called a cool bar called Maison. Get in front of that Celia.
1:07:35 - 1:07:48
You made me stand in front of French connection. That's really good. Celia, thank you very much for coming on our podcast.
1:07:48 - 1:07:57
Thank you for having me. Thank you, Celia. That was great. Can I just say, I think this podcast is more than background noses as per the reviews.
1:07:57 - 1:08:08
I think it's very pleasant and I've been very grateful to be a part of it, as I am grateful for my private members club gigs, which I am saying so I can get more of them.
1:08:08 - 1:08:28
Thank you. Thanks, Celia. So that was Celia AB, David. I loved that one. It feels like that had so much life in it.
1:08:28 - 1:08:36
It was maybe, it was a familiar enough day for me when, like Celia's doing great.
1:08:36 - 1:08:40
Celia's one of the most talked about acts at like Edinburgh and all the festivals.
1:08:40 - 1:08:50
And it's that thing where gigs are weird because you're not playing your own, at some point you're playing concert holds to people who are there to see you.
1:08:50 - 1:08:56
But at this, time in your career, yeah, you're, you're doing weird gigs and you're getting paid for it.
1:08:56 - 1:09:02
So that's great. But you're also going for a walk and going for peas and pubs and the day and all of this.
1:09:02 - 1:09:07
Finding the fob and watching Love is Blind at any possible moment. Oh, it was great.
1:09:07 - 1:09:12
It was so fun. Well, thank you, David. If you like to get in touch with us, here's how you do it.
1:09:12 - 1:09:20
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
1:09:20 - 1:09:27
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod, and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:09:27 - 1:09:39
And if you didn't, please don't. And that is what did you do yesterday. And David, you may go and do whatever you want to do with your diary.
1:09:39 - 1:09:45
I don't control you. Weird. It's a weird situation that has happened now that I'm now actually in charge of your diary.
1:09:45 - 1:09:57
How many episodes will I be free in? I've committed some terrible event in Max's life and the payment is...
1:09:57 - 1:10:04
The thing is, though, right, if you ever get to the stage where you want to stop doing it, you know that I'd be really sad.
1:10:04 - 1:10:09
So, you know, you couldn't do it. I'm in it for life, Max. I'm in it for life.
1:10:09 - 1:10:13
In it for life, as you all are. So thank you for making that commitment.