EP15: Ed Gamble

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.

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And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Welcome to episode, I don't know what it is, David.

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Is it 15? 3,000. Is it? Wow. God, that's good. 3,000 and I'm yet to book a guest.

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And that is an issue, isn't it? So the number of comedians you know, David, it's extraordinary.

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And I really should pull my finger out. I have messaged two people this week.

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Oh, no. One of whom has said they can't do it now because they're sort of organizing their press, you know, when they're promoting stuff.

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The other one who replies to me normally within seconds has not replied. Do you want some feedback, David?

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No, absolutely not. Oh, no, no. This is good. Michael in Jersey has been in touch.

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Hi, Max and David. Big fan of the pod. So much so that I now host my own version of What Did You Do Yesterday?

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I manage a team of six at work, me and five others. And as a way of getting to really know the team, I've introduced a 15-minute section of What Did You Do Yesterday into our weekly Monday

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catch-up meetings, where I randomly pick a team member and delve into the tedious details of their previous day.

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It's been a huge hit with the team. And everyone now gets involved in pulling apart the tiniest details of the day in question and nothing else.

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Or at least I think it's been successful. Maybe I'll end up getting a three-star review of my appraisal with a comment reading middle-aged white noise management.

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We have now got through the five team members. And as you know, the host should never be asked about their yesterday.

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So I now have the dilemma of finding some new guests. Keep up the good work.

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If you ever have 15 minutes, feel free to come to our mini. What did you do yesterday?

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I can at least guarantee the day wasn't set in Brighton. Thank you, Michael. How do we feel about becoming part of like office get alongs?

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You know, how do we feel about that? I'm in favor of it only if at any point going forward, any of those employees mention anything that didn't happen yesterday, he has to shout them down really rudely.

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Or they get sacked. If someone, if someone doesn't go into it, they get sacked.

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Yeah, exactly. If someone tries to Osmond us, if we have a repeat of Osmond's dinner, then you're out the door, son.

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Clear your desk. You did notice that I, in a Guardian column, I wrote basically asking to become the next match of the day host.

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And I'm down to eight to one now. I did mention Osmond because he was a hundred to one.

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And I've talked about dinners and I was so proud of myself. I really was.

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I was like, this is nobody. I'll understand this. Well, some one person did. And I was like, excellent.

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So we want some feedback from the United States of America. Oh, yeah. H Marino.

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Says this show is weirdly great. There's some hidden magic in finding out the small ways people spend their time on earth.

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Incidentally, I yelled out loud when Amy Gledhill revealed she went to sleep listening to David Mitchell's book unruly as I did the same thing the night before.

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What a rush to be clear. I have already listened to it while awake. It's a great daytime book too.

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It works both ways. Great value more. This is podcast gold more pleased. Do you think David Mitchell, who I presume we will get on soon?

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Cause I think he'd be good. Yeah. Would we tell him that one guest and now one listener have listened to his audio book to go to sleep on that very subject?

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I got some feedback. It's rare that I read feedback on my phone from Simone on blue sky.

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That's where a lot of our listeners are. Yeah. Then of course the big, the woke lefty snowflakes.

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You want us to build up more of a reactionary. You want to go on telegram and truth social.

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Is that what you want? I think so. I think so. I'd like us to be on 4chan mainly.

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Just memes. We just, we meme the whole podcast. Simone, I tried listening to this yesterday to fall asleep.

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I mean, this is on the subject of David Mitchell and it was too entertaining.

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So I had to turn it off to actually fall asleep. Ah, a friend of mine, Freya in Sydney, same problem.

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Tried to listen to him to go to sleep. Couldn't too entertaining. So we need to be less entertaining.

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This is from Hot Dog Malfunction. These guys are great. Episodes need to be much longer.

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I would like 24-7. What did you do yesterday? Also, and I don't know what this means.

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And I believe this might be the first insult for you, David. DOD seems like a real turnip eater, but I like listening to him even so.

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Do you know what that means? I wonder what a turnip eater. I haven't gone on the Urban Dictionary.

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It might be something very nefarious, but. A slur of some kind. A slur of some kind.

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I'll take it. Maybe he just means a very healthy guy. Is turnip a superfood?

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I'm calling it a superfood. That guy sounds like he eats a lot of superfoods.

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Thanks, hot dog malfunction. Sadstat says, the review title is Solid Podcast. Great premise, done reasonably well.

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Not laugh out loud funny, but entertaining enough to drag my focus away from the news podcasts.

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And that's all I really need right now. Plus, Max really isn't quite as bad as the reviews make him out to be.

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There is a good chance I'll upgrade to five stars if and when we get the Nish Kumar episode.

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You guys really swerved a bullet on the Celia AB app. Had she read from her diary, it would have led to an inception-like situation with information from the day before yesterday.

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Not sure I could have handled that. Makes a good point. And, you know, when we started this, I said to you, when we sat in that cafe in Melbourne, and we were like, are we going to do this?

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And I say, what I want to do, I think the premise is great, and I'd like to do it reasonably well.

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Solid, I said. My dream is I see a shimmering city on the hill that is solid.

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Now, today's guest is Ed Gamble. I mean, do we need to, everyone knows who Ed Gamble is, but some of our listeners don't.

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They're football fans who live in New Jersey, who are like, I don't know who Ed Gamble is.

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Comedian, podcaster, presenter. He does Off Menu, very famous podcast. He's on Radio X with Matthew Crosby.

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He won Taskmaster, of course. You can't come on this podcast. If you haven't been on Taskmaster, amongst a million other things, would you like to add anything to his oeuvre?

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He is a very nice man and he's good to hang out with if you're ever on tour with him because of the popularity of his food podcast.

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Sometimes restaurants are like, here, do you want to drop in? Do you want to come in and we'll fix you up and you have the greatest meal of your life.

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I can't see what freebies we're going to get from this. From this. Yeah. Like hair dryers, like to put under the duvet.

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What possible freebies could we get from this? Maybe the TV that rises from the end of the bed.

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But then imagine if we got more than one of those each, you would have one at each end of the bed and it would be white noise.

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It would be, that would be too much. It'd be like being in a gym.

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Anyway, here is what the brilliant Ed Gamble did yesterday. Welcome Ed Gamble to what did you do yesterday?

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Thanks for coming on. Thanks for having me guys. Podcasting. I'm not going to say royalty max because we'll put that with the Rory Stewart's of this world.

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Yeah. You know what I mean? Up there. He's one of the minor crappy Royals.

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Do you know what I mean? I'm going to dispute that. I think I've been around way longer than Rory Stewart in the podcasting world.

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That is true. He has. I'm like a very, very old king who's lost most of his power.

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Are you Fergie? And Rory Stewart is like an up and coming Prince George. No, because Fergie married in.

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Fergie married in. Rory Stewart's more like a Fergie sort of Meghan Markle figure. Yeah, that's true.

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I think I'm the king. It's pretty good. Well done. You're the king of Norway or somewhere like that where you have a real job as well.

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You're a parking attendant by day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Look, we didn't invite Ed on this podcast.

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To insult him, David. All we want to know is what you did yesterday. Everything else is off the tab.

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And I believe, Ed, you're a regular listener. Is that going too far? I am.

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No, no, no. I've listened to this podcast a lot. Of course I have. I think it's very good.

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I think it's a wonderful concept that you stick to too rigidly, I would say.

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Even there, you're trying to discuss things that I've done in the past. And Max has swung in and said, no, we don't care about that.

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So, I mean, if we're really sticking to the format, we probably can't mention anything I've done previously or that you, you know, me or that we've arranged to do this podcast.

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We simply have to suggest I've woken up yesterday and that's my first day on earth.

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Yeah. It's tricky. You know, I think probably as this podcast gets more, as we franchise it off into other countries and there'll be more fundamentalist versions of it with people like technically,

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are you even allowed to speak this language? Cause you didn't learn it yesterday. So in the purest version of this podcast, it's just us going like, for an hour.

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Here's what I'm interested in because sometimes things that you do the day before yesterday influence what happens yesterday, right?

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Yeah. True. So how rigid would you be with that? If I said, well, I woke up yesterday in hospital and one of my legs was missing.

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Are you just going to go, right? What did you have for breakfast? Yeah, we are.

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We never are. Yeah. Oh no. Listen, we don't need people's picking holes in this concept.

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Because we're very much just embryonic stages of taking over the world of podcasting. But you make a good point.

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I think on that note, and if that did happen, you're remarkably upbeat. Yeah. I would have cancelled.

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I'll put that out there. All right. Come on. Let's cut to the chase here.

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What time did you wake up, please, Ed? 8 a.m. On the dot. Thank you.

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Oh, wow. Is that using technology or is that just what time you wake up at?

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That was using technology. That was using my telephone alarm. So I woke me up at 8 a.m.

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Would you like more details? Yeah, I'd like to know the alarm. What's the noise?

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Oh, yeah, that's a good question. Default, I think. It's the default alarm tone on the iPhone, which have you ever heard someone use that as their ringtone and it really completely messes with your head?

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When you hear that go off and you're like, well, it's time to get up, you have a sort of horrible sense memory of it.

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I had the, you could set, I'm sure you can still do this, but we've sort of lost the joy of trying to invent new things on phones.

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For a while, my alarm was Wilco's song. Maybe the sun will shine today, which seemed like a nice idea.

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But now whenever I hear that song, obviously, I just, I get angry. People used to be a lot more ambitious with ringtones, I think.

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I think it's something that we've really lost. As technology's improved, for some reason, we've lost all our ringtone ambition.

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I'm going to say the first time I could choose a ringtone beyond the sort of stock Nokia 8210s, I went for quite a, not an orchestral version, I would say.

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The phone wasn't that good of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. You know, Indiana Jones.

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Yeah, yeah, that one. And then I gave my phone to my dad, who happened to be a professor of medicine.

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Then his phone would go off during tutorials. Tutorials, and he didn't know how to turn it off.

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And, I mean, I don't think it was an issue, but I think some people trying to become doctors would wonder why this old man had Indiana Jones as the issue.

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Well, Indiana Jones was a professor, wasn't he? So he was giving lectures and stuff.

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So even worse, they probably thought, your dad thought he was Indiana Jones. That's true.

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Although, weirdly, every time my dad came home, he would roll into the house, and the door was like a shutter.

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He'd just grab his hat. He'd just grab his stethoscope just from under the door.

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Yeah, exactly. Okay, so it's 8 o'clock. Yes. 8 o'clock is interesting, I think, because it sounds like it gives me the sense that you're a very purposeful, organized human being.

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And I'm not saying every guest we've had so far has that. As a listener, let me just say, some of the comedians have been getting up at times that I consider to be criminal.

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Really feel like they've even thought themselves out. Are we talking James Acaster waking up at 10.30?

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That sort of a thing? Acaster, Jamali Maddox are two of the ones that have surprised me the most.

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Interesting. What I would say is I do tend to get up around then anyway, but here's the big reveal.

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I was in Newcastle. Wow. Big twist in the pod already. That is a twist.

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So are you in a holiday inn? Are you in a boutique? He's doing better than me.

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Yeah, he's doing all right, Max. He's got an espresso in that room. He could still be very grounded, you know?

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No. I'm not grounded at all, no. Right. You're in a four-poster waterbed. This is so exciting.

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I was in what in England we refer to as the Hotel of Wine, but officially it's known as the Hotel Du Mar in Newcastle.

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That's where I was. And correct, David, there was an espresso in the room, which will come into play almost immediately.

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All right. Now, the flaw of this chain, in their attempt to appear sort of fake quirky, they haven't given the rooms numbers.

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So your room, is called Beaujolais or something, because they've also built the hotels in a fake quirky way.

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They have to be like, go up the creaky stairs three steps, go along for 10 metres, come back the way you came, knock on a door and ask for a guy called Jean-Pierre,

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and he will let you into Beaujolais. Some of them are so quirky that they still have metal keys.

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Really? Yeah. Like they don't even have just the cards. You have to take a big metal key, up the creaky stairs and walk past Jean-Pierre and then unlock the door with a big piece of metal.

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Not in the Newcastle one, I should say. And the room I was in was Henley Vineyards.

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Henley Vineyards. Wow. Yeah. I mean, it makes me feel like you can't not be a massive dickhead if you're in Henley Vineyards.

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You can't say this this early in the podcast. He could still walk. He could still walk.

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I'm sorry, Ed. It just came out. It's like if I see someone in a Lamborghini, maybe that's been their dream forever, but I can't.

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Were you tempted when you saw it was called Henley Vineyards to say, could I please be in and out?

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No, because we're not really, there's not like a Jacob's Creek room or anything. Also, I must stress, I'm not calling the Hotel Divan Newcastle and saying, please make sure I have Henley Vineyards this evening.

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It's just allocated. Could I please stay in Echo Falls, Pinot Grigio, $7.99, please? I once stayed in a Hotel Divan room and it had two baths beside each other, like a football dressing room from the 1960s.

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I couldn't understand why. What was the best thing your room had, Ed? It had a bath within the room, which I don't, I mean, I'm not a bath guy.

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I rarely bath. If I was to bath, I wouldn't want to have a bath next to my bed.

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I don't feel like that's as fancy as they think it is. That just feels like something that, the Bucket family might have in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

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It had a big shower with, the shower tray was stainless steel. Oh yeah. It's sort of fancy, but then you do sort of feel like you're in a car in an abattoir.

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Well, let me tell you about the Hotel de Van Tchane. It's just a French family and they had a big yard and it had some metal buckets and some abattoir equipment.

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So they were like, let's go to Newcastle and just build a hotel. Build all of these bits.

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Yeah, it's very authentically French, the whole thing. It's sort of, I'd put it on a level with Café Rouge.

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This podcast is brought to you by Hotel de Van. So when you woke up, were you alone or was there anybody with you?

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I was. Tabloid noodles there, run back. Go on. I am a journalist. I think if I was going to go on tour and cheat on my wife, I probably wouldn't do it on the day.

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I think that I had to remember everything from the podcast. But we'd value your honesty.

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Yeah, yeah, exactly. I would always tell you the truth. If that had happened, I would absolutely tell you what had happened.

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I was alone in my room. Have you got a rate that includes breakfast? Yes, the rate does include breakfast.

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Oh, is there a delivery option? And did you consider ticking the things? I find ticking the things and hanging it on the doorknob late at night, some part of you,

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because it's happened many times, that it hasn't been collected. The doorknob menu with the tick boxes has not been collected.

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I don't think I trust that it's going to happen. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to sleep if that was the case.

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I'd be like Christmas and you're a kid. I'd be checking the door every hour or so to make sure Santa had been and collected the little egg slip.

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I went down for breakfast. We're not quite there yet, but I went down for breakfast because my tour manager was in a different room.

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I can't remember which room he was in. So we breakfasted together. Can I just apologize to, Ed, because during the summer when we were in the UK, Mrs. Rushden, myself and young Ian Rushden,

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we went on holiday to Devon and we stayed in a sort of agricultural, is it agriculturismo?

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Whatever that is, sort of farmhouses in Devon. And we did stay in a room called Southley Wood and I did pick it.

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So I feel like if I didn't mention that, I would be considered a hypocrite.

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It's amazing that you thought anyone could find that out, Max, as well. That you thought you were going to be there's a smear campaign.

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Max is really anticipating this podcast really exploding. And you know what those paps are like?

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They go through your bins. They hack into your iCloud. They find out what the name of the room you stayed in last July was called.

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TMZ are relentless, Max. You're fair enough. OK, so you get straight up. What happens?

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I'd say there's probably five to six minutes of sort of rolling around, maybe looking at my phone.

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I try and get straight up because otherwise, next thing you know, it's four hours later and you're doing the wordle.

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It's feet on the floor. I think that's the most important thing for me to wake up.

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Get your feet on the bloody floor. Oh, good. Do you wash straight away? Do you pack all your things before you go down for breakfast?

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I presume I'm expecting some transit today and I'm excited about it. Or do you go down for breakfast and then back up?

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I'm out of bed. I've got up deliberately an hour earlier than I'm having breakfast.

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What? I always do that, though. This morning, I got up at eight because I need at least an hour to have a coffee and have a think before I interact with anyone.

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Interesting. So you just move across the room of Henley Estates. You move across the estate.

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I pirouette across the room. I'm downing some water immediately, first thing. I'm then brushing my teeth and then I'm having a coffee because my dentist really got in my head a couple of years ago about having coffee and then brushing your teeth.

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What's wrong with that? Apparently, the teeth are very poor so if you have a coffee and then immediately brush your teeth, you are pummeling coffee into your big spongy teeth.

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That's how I imagine it. Anyway, it's not exactly what he said. Wow. No, I have hard teeth.

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My teeth are among the hardest parts of my body. So, yeah, I saw an Instagram reel recently on teeth and it was a doctor.

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But like, if you start to think about it too much, you're just going to be brushing them five or six times a day, really.

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I don't know what your toothbrush is like, Ed, but I wouldn't be surprised if you had, do you know those ones that go like the metal ones that whatever shape your mouth is plays a different sort of didgeridoo type tone?

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You're definitely an electrical toothbrush guy. Actually, interestingly, I am at home, but on the road, I'm acoustic.

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Wow. Okay. Straight back. My electric toothbrush is pretty heavy duty, but I don't know where I'd charge it necessarily on the road.

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Even at home, it's a bit annoying to charge because the charging port's upstairs and the bathroom's down some stairs.

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So I never have it charged at the right time. So I'm rocking an Oral-B on the road.

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Actually, probably the greatest thing about the move to Australia was in the house, there's a charger in the bathroom.

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So whereas I used to charge the toothbrush in the living room, just on the floor, and I had to unplug something that was going to charge the laptop.

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This, it has its own bespoke. It's always plugged in. It's ready to charge at any time.

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I believe there are different electrical rules in different countries. Like you can't have a plug socket in a bathroom, I'm pretty sure, in the UK or Ireland, unless it's one of the low voltage old Razer plug-ins.

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So this is why we're all charging our items in different parts of the house.

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No questions. No questions on that. Let me just put that out there. OK, brush your teeth.

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And what coffee? You're having a coffee in the Nespresso. Nespresso machine. Nespresso machine. Two pods, one cup.

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Let's do this. Oh, interesting. So my technique, I've never really learned how you're supposed to do it.

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No one's ever read the instructions. So I just keep zhizhing more boiling water down through the same pod to fill up a reasonable sized mug.

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And then I throw in two UHT milks on top of it. Is that what you were doing, Ed?

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No, I'm not a milk boy. So I'm black coffee all the way. No, I'll go pod.

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Yeah. Take it out. New pod. Go through. So like a double podded shot. Because I feel like if you're pushing water through it all the time, it's a bit weak and watery, David.

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Wow. For Halloween, I put an espresso pod on my pet rabbit's head and pretended he was a Victorian industrialist.

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Would you put that down as a successful Halloween? Used or new? A new pod?

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No, not a new pod. And the hat would have a silver underbring rim on it.

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You know what I mean? No, you just want the classic stove pipe. Isenbard Brunel.

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That's what he was going as. You could leave the silver one on next time and it's a bit more steampunk, isn't it?

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Yeah, it is. What's that thing in America where the people build a city in the desert?

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It's more like that. Burning Man. Burning Man. Yeah. Okay, so you sit there for an hour with this coffee.

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It's a full hour of this? It sounds sad, doesn't it? It's so sad. Look, no one's heard the Nish Kumar episode yet.

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We're approaching similar territory, I suspect. Once I've had my water, brushed my teeth and had my coffee, it's time for the first big toilet.

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Whoa! That's the problem of the double pod. That's why I'm sluicing the same pod through and through.

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Well, that's how I feel. The potential of going down to breakfast having already cleared the systems, you are going to absolutely pummel food into your face then.

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Well, that's the dream, isn't it? If you're completely empty, you're skipping down to breakfast, you can't wait to get your...

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Get your money's worth. But a whole hour. Some more things happen in this hour, Max, I will say.

24:29 - 24:32

Right, OK, that's what I want to know, otherwise I'd be worried for you. Yes.

24:32 - 24:37

So I've had my big toilet. I do watch some YouTube, don't worry about that.

24:37 - 24:42

I text James Acaster and I do have a shower at 8.38. Why can't we worry about the YouTube?

24:42 - 24:46

I want to know what you watched on the YouTube. Yeah. Oh, my God, my algorithm is so boring.

24:46 - 24:51

I get obsessed with things over sort of six monthly periods and it's all that my YouTube gives me.

24:51 - 25:01

And I'm sad to say at the moment it appears to be luxury watches. Is it taking them to bits and putting them back together again?

25:01 - 25:09

There's a lot of that going on. There's a lot of self-made documentaries by watch dealers about the crazy life of being a watch dealer.

25:09 - 25:14

And let me tell you, it's not crazy at all. But it's perfect YouTube fodder.

25:14 - 25:18

It just sits on in the background. But yeah, I'm well aware that that is incredibly boring.

25:18 - 25:25

But then also I get some horror film stuff as well. So I'm sort of, I'm watching videos, they're sort of on in the background.

25:25 - 25:41

I'm texting people. That's my whole first hour. So yesterday, my girlfriend and I were tidying up and I went upstairs and used it as an opportunity to watch some bicycle repair videos, which is my version of this.

25:41 - 25:46

But I forgot that. So I was like, why is the sound not coming out of my phone?

25:46 - 25:53

Obviously, it's not because I've Bluetoothed it to the big sound system in the kitchen area.

25:53 - 26:00

And I think she would have been happier if I was watching like sexy vids.

26:00 - 26:06

That is such a boring version of what could happen in that situation. That's such a sitcom storyline.

26:06 - 26:15

And it's bicycle repair. Do you have any of these watches? Is it aspirational? You just like looking at expensive watches?

26:15 - 26:23

I like looking at them. And also a lot of the people involved in the luxury watch world are awful people from what I can gather.

26:23 - 26:29

So there's kind of a reality TV feeling when you're watching it and you're like, God, these people are terrible.

26:29 - 26:36

They're so obsessed with wealth and luxury goods. I have a couple of watches, but I'm not falling over on the Antiques Roadshow.

26:36 - 26:44

Right. I was going to say, it always, I mean, advertising generally baffles me, but just the thought of going, ah, Roger Federer's got that watch.

26:44 - 26:49

That's the one I need. It just totally baffles me. Why do I, why would I care?

26:49 - 26:56

Why is he so punctual? Like what? He's got to be on court too, but a lot of people have got to be at work.

26:56 - 26:59

That's why he's such a good tennis player. The ball's coming. It's on the other side of the court.

26:59 - 27:08

He checks his watch. He's like, I should be over there now. It's 3.26. I can do a double-handed backhand.

27:08 - 27:14

Yeah, you're right. I hadn't thought it through. I went to Switzerland a few weeks ago to do a gig in Zurich.

27:14 - 27:23

And in fairness to Switzerland, I feel if you're coming to Ireland, you don't just see ads for like Guinness and Aranjumbo.

27:23 - 27:33

Aranjumpers. Whereas you go to Switzerland, it is watch city, baby. And how many watches does anyone need is the question.

27:33 - 27:40

I mean, I'm a swatch man myself. So I really felt it was nice to bring the bad boy home back to Switzerland.

27:40 - 27:44

But it was like you were doing who do they think you are for your watch.

27:44 - 27:51

And they were like moody shots of him just walking up like a canal in Geneva or whatever.

27:51 - 28:01

Did your watch sort of run? It ran emotionally towards two big wall clocks. No, that's the Nicky Campbell, Davina McCall one.

28:01 - 28:17

Where there's another watch sitting in a cafe waiting for this watch to arrive. My question is, was there a debate even just for a moment when they set up swatch as to whether they were going to call it Witcherland?

28:17 - 28:23

You know what I mean? Like the other rather than go Swiss and watch. Yeah, right.

28:23 - 28:35

Okay, we're going to go. Witzerland. Witzerland. Guys, I'm just here asking questions. I think even you got halfway through that and you knew there was no debate.

28:35 - 28:43

I just think in the meeting, someone boring in the meeting had gone, I think the other one has watch in it.

28:43 - 28:48

I don't want to piss on your chips here, but I think we should go with the one with watch on it.

28:48 - 28:53

Okay, so you've spent this hour. We've learned about luxury watches and horrors. Horror movies.

28:53 - 28:58

You've had your coffee. You've been to the toilet. Have you got dressed? I presume you got dressed.

28:58 - 29:04

Yeah, I got dressed after the shower. Dried myself down aggressively. Brush my hair. Moisturized.

29:04 - 29:09

Pop my clothes on for the day. So I feel good because I pop my clothes on for the day pre-breakfast.

29:09 - 29:22

Great. We're touring here. Are we bringing a lot of clothes? Sometimes the flaw that I make, and this has been commented on on this podcast by Jen Brister, once noted that I went to do four gigs with her and had seemingly brought no clothes.

29:23 - 29:28

My argument was I had the tiny keyboard with me and undies were wrapped around it.

29:28 - 29:33

At least that's what I told her. Have you brought a big old sack of gear with you?

29:33 - 29:38

No, because, I mean, I don't know how much detail I'm allowed to go into, but I was only away for one night.

29:38 - 29:45

It was an awfully scheduled piece of touring where we drove up to Newcastle on Sunday.

29:45 - 29:52

Sorry. Oh, that's the alarm because you started mentioning the wrong day. We've installed this alarm.

29:53 - 30:02

That's what your house said. We drove up on Sunday, did the gig on Sunday, stayed in a hotel on Sunday night, and then I went back to London on Monday.

30:02 - 30:07

So I had one night stuff. Okay, so you've packed all your stuff. Have you packed all your stuff to go downstairs for breakfast?

30:07 - 30:12

No, no, no, I'm doing that post-breakfast. I'm giving myself a little treat. I'm packing after breakfast.

30:12 - 30:19

It is such an insight when you have to write down everything you do when you realise you do live like an 80-year-old man.

30:19 - 30:29

Like, my little treat was packing my stuff after breakfast. See, I feel it's a treat if I've got everything ready, and it's just there, and I'm just like, I don't have to go back up to that room.

30:29 - 30:32

I understand what you mean, but I'm not living on the edge, you know. I'm still giving myself plenty of time.

30:32 - 30:39

You've agreed to meet the tour manager down for breakfast at nine, I'm guessing. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

30:39 - 30:49

So we toddle down. We go down the creaky spiral staircase, down the special lift that an elephant pulls its trunk and lets you down.

30:49 - 31:02

The milking of the vash is taking place. So the Hotel DuVern, I believe that to be a continental style, choose your own with a limited menu of bits.

31:02 - 31:08

Yes, the cold items are on a delightful buffet format and the hot items you order on a menu, yeah.

31:08 - 31:14

Right, so what's your plan? Well, the plan is as the plan always is in the Hotel DuVern.

31:14 - 31:25

Quick yog from the buffet, peach on this occasion. Wow. I also put a small amount of peanut butter in the bowl that I'm going to put the yog into to mix with the yog.

31:25 - 31:32

Nice. No. No? Nice with a plain yoghurt, but not with a peach yoghurt. I agree.

31:32 - 31:37

And here lies one of my issues with the Hotel DuVern. No plain yoghurt available at the buffet.

31:37 - 31:43

That's why we refuse to take their money for sponsorship. Slip that. Yeah, for ethical reasons.

31:43 - 31:46

I don't think clipping it out of context is going to make it any different.

31:46 - 31:50

I think leave it in context, it still makes me sound like a total prong.

31:50 - 31:57

So what I'm interested in here while my colleague is interested in the details, I'm interested as always in my inset.

31:57 - 32:05

Are you going in there to punish this hotel chain by eating so much food, you're going to have to go back up and take another dump?

32:05 - 32:12

No, but let's not preempt what happens. No, no, I'm not in a punishing mood.

32:12 - 32:26

Also, because the buffet format is quite high carb, I am type one diabetic. So if I punish the buffet, I'm also broadly punishing myself Okay, so you have the yogurt,

32:26 - 32:29

peach yogurt and peanut butter, which I think is an interesting combination, but is it nice?

32:29 - 32:36

Yeah, it works. Yeah, it's not the first time I've had it. And I agree, I would have preferred a natural yog, but you know, you work with what you got.

32:36 - 32:41

Absolutely right. And then what? And then you order for the hot? Order for the hot, baby.

32:41 - 32:53

And as I was ordering it, and I have ordered this many times before, I was imagining David's reaction in my head, because I think David has a particular idea of what I'm like,

32:53 - 32:59

which I think is simultaneously ripped for some reason, and also like a Regency Prince.

32:59 - 33:09

Yeah. Yeah, that's what he's like. So as I ordered the grilled kipper, I did worry about what the reaction was going to be.

33:09 - 33:17

I just see, there's so many things on a breakfast menu. Like I would say that's the last thing I could possibly conceive.

33:17 - 33:23

If someone brought me a grilled kipper, I would be probably sad than I've ever been.

33:23 - 33:28

Yeah, but I wasn't because I'd ordered it. No, no, I understand that. People are different.

33:28 - 33:44

That's what I'm learning from this podcast. People are different. I thought they were just, the only purpose of kippers was in PG Woodhouse novels, someone would like hide one in someone's golf bag so they'd lose the tournament because they stink out the whole locker room

33:44 - 33:49

of the posh Kent golf club. They do stink. Yeah, they do stink. Yeah. But yeah, it was delicious.

33:49 - 33:55

Lovely grilled kipper. It had her butter, and I popped two poached eggs on the top of it as well.

33:55 - 34:00

Oh, okay. You got no toast? No toast. Keeping off the carbs this morning. Understood.

34:00 - 34:07

All protein, bit of sugar in the yog. But the thing about like a kipper and an egg is it's just, it's all soft.

34:07 - 34:13

It's all, there's nothing there to soak. I believe a lot of listeners are nodding along with me now.

34:13 - 34:19

You're both looking at me like I'm mad. Yeah. There's too much sludge and not enough cement in that breakfast.

34:19 - 34:25

I mean, you can tell you've not eaten kippers before, Max, because they are, they're a meatier fish, especially when they've been smoked.

34:25 - 34:29

I agree. There's nothing really to soak up the egg, but I don't mind that.

34:29 - 34:40

I don't mind. I'll eat eggs all alone, as in me and the egg. I just feel the, for as much of the fake French theme that Hotel de Vannes loves to lean into,

34:40 - 34:48

le kipper is maybe the least French. I cannot imagine anyone in France is having a smoked kipper, to be honest.

34:48 - 34:53

I don't think so, but that's fine. I don't mind breaking the theme just, for a delicious breakfast.

34:53 - 34:56

Do you have a coffee with it? Do you have another coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

34:56 - 35:03

I'm having two coffees, mate. Load them in. Yeah, fair enough, fair enough. And also, you're in Newcastle, you're a long way from France.

35:03 - 35:08

It's not like, if this Hotel de Vannes was, you know, in Sussex. It's a long way.

35:08 - 35:14

So do you think that sticking to the French theme should get more and more accurate the closer you geographically get to France?

35:14 - 35:21

100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, completely. Yeah. If you're in Dover, I mean, that thing should be as French as they come.

35:21 - 35:24

Yeah. That's what I think. That's what I think. Okay, so you've had the kippers.

35:24 - 35:30

Once again, I'm conscious that we're two thirds of the way through the podcast and we haven't finished breakfast and we need to work this out, David.

35:30 - 35:36

Yeah. It needs one of you to just move it along a bit. That's all it takes.

35:36 - 35:41

Yeah, I think that's my job. I believe that's what I'm here for. Max, let's just have another learning moment.

35:41 - 35:51

Okay. Episode 12 of Off Menu, did it ever get to the point where you hadn't even done Papa Dom's or bread yet and you'd been doing it for 45 minutes?

35:51 - 35:58

That does happen. Now and again. But also what I would say is it's built in to the format that there are courses.

35:58 - 36:04

James introduces the courses so he can at any moment go, okay, and now what about this course?

36:04 - 36:09

Whereas here, a day, it just feels you can't really go. And then what happens at 12?

36:09 - 36:13

You can't like completely push it along every time. No, you can't. How about this?

36:13 - 36:21

Cock-a-doodle-doo! That's the 11 o'clock hen. So you think just hit that even if someone's halfway through a sentence.

36:22 - 36:30

And also, I think most hens are sort of, they're up and about before 11. I think we've thought of the wrong animal at the wrong time.

36:30 - 36:36

Depends if the hen's a comedian or not. Absolutely right. Okay, so you've had your kippers.

36:36 - 36:46

You're sitting with your tour manager. Who's your tour manager? Tour manager is Paul Brown, but we gave him a Halloween name, which I think is sticking around, and his Halloween name is Spooky Richard.

36:46 - 36:51

So I think... Okay. Spooky Richard it is. And do you sit with each other?

36:51 - 36:56

And what do you discuss? At this breakfast? We catch up. We just, you know, mainly talk about how did you sleep.

36:56 - 37:02

Spooky Richard's just moved into a new house, so we'll talk about... He'll show me some pictures of some wallpaper that he's thinking of getting.

37:02 - 37:08

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's fine. We'll just maybe ruminate on the previous evening, which we obviously can't do here, but it was discussed.

37:08 - 37:14

Yeah. Uncomfortably, Spooky Richard is attempting not to react to the awful smell of kipper.

37:14 - 37:22

Oh, yeah. He does a terrible job. And then we're wondering why everyone has left le chambre de dining dans le...

37:22 - 37:28

Hotel de Vannes. Could it be because you've ordered a fucking entrail for breakfast, I wonder?

37:28 - 37:37

We have a good joke as well. We're like an old married couple at this point, so he doesn't like eggs, but he'll order the avocado toast, which comes with poached eggs.

37:37 - 37:41

And then I'll order the kipper, which doesn't come with poached eggs, but I'll order poached eggs.

37:41 - 37:48

And Spooky Richard will say to the waiter, he's having my eggs. So we have a good sort of back and forth, a repartee.

37:48 - 37:51

Yeah, that's nice. That's nice when you've been together for so long that you still have, like, jokes.

37:52 - 37:57

Between you. Okay, so then I presume you say, let's meet back here in 10 minutes and we'll get in the car.

37:57 - 38:04

Well, what normally happens at breakfast and did happen that morning with SR is I'll say, I've got to go now.

38:04 - 38:08

Then I go to the room for an immediate second big toilet of the day.

38:08 - 38:13

Fine, fine. Good for you. Desperately trying not to ask questions about that, Max. No, no, no, no, no.

38:13 - 38:18

That's okay. I mean, I'm happy with you doing it. I'm very similar. Two or three in the morning, nothing in the afternoon.

38:18 - 38:24

That's just how it works. Here's what I want to know. Okay. Yeah. What time are you getting chucked out of the room at?

38:24 - 38:33

Because sometimes that can put some pressure on the D-U-M-P. Yeah. But presumably you're getting thrown out at 11 o'clock is checkout time.

38:33 - 38:40

That would be checkout time, but we are leaving pre-checkout time, which is always sad because I've got to go and get the train.

38:40 - 38:45

I'm getting the train today. We're not driving. Look how happy Max is. Yeah, I am.

38:45 - 38:49

Well, it's a Monday, isn't it? So there are loads of them and it's a good line.

38:49 - 38:52

You can't knock whatever, L-N-E-R, whatever it is. It's a good line. It's beautiful. It's beautiful.

38:52 - 38:56

It's good stuff. And also, all I'm doing is going home. There's not a gig.

38:56 - 39:00

So there's nothing to rush back for apart from me relaxing for the first time in six months.

39:00 - 39:05

So does Spooky Richard give you a lift to the station? Let me just cut in here.

39:05 - 39:11

Max, I'm sorry. I know we're trying to make up time here, but this is something I'm very interested in.

39:11 - 39:15

I'm beginning to see who the problem is, by the way. And I asked him to do this.

39:15 - 39:18

If I'd done it on my own like David suggested, we'd have been done and dusted dead.

39:18 - 39:25

I'd have done it in 10 minutes. Could get on with our lives. So the phone call comes up.

39:25 - 39:34

It's 10 past 11 where they say, are you checking out today? Yeah. Because they never say get out of the room.

39:34 - 39:42

The cleaner is standing outside. What do you say in that situation? Because I have a specific thing that I say.

39:42 - 39:47

I'm interested to see what you say. I don't think, David, and this might blow your mind, that I've ever been in that situation.

39:47 - 39:54

If I'm told that I'm checking out at 11, I will be leaving the room at, 10, 59, and 59 seconds.

39:54 - 40:05

Wow. That is a good boy behavior. Do you know what David does? He, on the other side of the room, he's just there doing sit-ups and he yells, I've got type 1 diabetes.

40:05 - 40:10

They don't touch him for another hour. That's a good excuse. I think, is that your trick, David?

40:10 - 40:16

Yeah, I've got type 1 diabetes and I had a calzono for breakfast. I'm desperately trying to work it off.

40:16 - 40:28

I'll be in for the next six hours. Well, Sam Campbell, inside baseball fact, Sam Campbell did this podcast in the bathroom of his hotel approaching 11 o'clock.

40:28 - 40:31

Like that, I wouldn't be able to be terrifying chill enough to be on this.

40:31 - 40:43

But no, my trick, whenever they say, so sometimes if I'm trying to motivate myself, say I've got to train at 12, so I'll stay in the room till maybe 10 past 11.

40:43 - 40:50

And then when they ring, I say, I'm just leaving. I actually had to come back into the room to get this call.

40:52 - 40:59

That's good. Yeah, it's good. That's really good. And then you just keep them on the line so you have a bit more time in the room, yeah?

40:59 - 41:07

Then I wake up and I start packing. Exactly. So is Spooky Richard giving you a lift?

41:07 - 41:18

Yeah, Spooky Richard's giving me a lift to Newcastle Station, yeah. Right. Is that annoying for him because he's got to go sort of further into town and then he can get on his way because it's central, that station.

41:18 - 41:22

Or is he cool with it? Or is that, if you're the tour manager, you just got to do this stuff for the talent?

41:22 - 41:29

I think that's it. I mean, look, I feel consistently guilty and then he does have to keep reminding me that that is the exact job description.

41:29 - 41:37

And also he's got to drive back to Cardiff. So he's driven up from London the day before and now he's got to drive back to Cardiff.

41:37 - 41:40

So he's got a big drive, but he's dropping me off at the station, yeah.

41:40 - 41:49

Do you have your own carriage for trains like the way the Queen used to and just Spooky Richard couples it on to the back of the regular train?

41:49 - 41:53

Or do you have to just sit there like a norm? I sit there like a norm.

41:53 - 42:01

I would absolutely love my own carriage, but only if it was the size of one seat and it was tagged along behind a little pod, a little train pod.

42:01 - 42:12

Like a sidecar, like a motorbike sidecar. That would be sweet. Although I think if you had that, because that train rattles along, I think it could get quite scary at times if you were in a tiny little pod.

42:12 - 42:23

I think you're better off ensconced in the whole train. I'm guessing you've booked the train early, you've got first class, and you can actually get quite a good deal on that if you book early enough.

42:23 - 42:29

And Spooky Richard's booked it as well, so he's across these things. He is an expert travel booker.

42:29 - 42:35

So yes, I am in first class, I'm sorry to say. No, that's okay. And here's an interesting thing.

42:35 - 42:43

You're going to get another free breakfast, but you've had a breakfast, but it's really hard to turn down a free breakfast on a train because you're not, you used to be normal, Ed.

42:43 - 42:46

You used to be in the shit seats where there wouldn't be a free breakfast.

42:46 - 42:49

So now you're getting a free breakfast, you're like, I need to have the free breakfast.

42:49 - 42:57

Well, I don't take the free breakfast. And it is hard, but also I'm thinking about health a little bit today.

42:57 - 43:06

That's at the forefront of my mind. So I'm not taking the free breakfast. I am having about four or five coffees across the journey to try and make up for the fact that I've had a lot of coffee.

43:06 - 43:10

I've had a lot of coffee on this day. Oh, we are counting those coffees.

43:10 - 43:17

Yeah. What's interesting about Newcastle to London is you could get a Doncaster Newark Grantham.

43:17 - 43:23

You could get a Just Stops at Stevenage. It's a lottery, isn't it? It's quite exciting.

43:23 - 43:29

What have you... Well, we're getting a Durham, certainly. Yeah, okay. There's a North Allerton thrown in there as well.

43:29 - 43:34

Hang on, are these the names of the different shits you do after you've had this much coffee?

43:34 - 43:42

All right, now, are you forward-facing? Have you got a table? Have you got anyone sitting opposite you, next to you?

43:42 - 43:48

What's the vibe? Single seat. It's one of the single seat ones. I am backwards-facing.

43:48 - 43:52

Doesn't bother me. I don't mind. I think a lot of people are quite specific.

43:52 - 43:55

They feel... They're sick if they're not looking forward, but no, I'm facing backwards. Don't mind that.

43:55 - 44:01

Got my little table. Got my whole set-up ready to go. Marvellous. How do we spend this journey?

44:01 - 44:05

What are the sort of things you get up to? Making friends with other pachos?

44:05 - 44:13

I downloaded a film. Interesting. Because I'm normally not very prepared for train travel, and then I don't even have podcasts that I'm ready to listen to.

44:13 - 44:19

I've not brought a book with me because I'm not a nerd. So I'm just a bit wishy-washy.

44:19 - 44:23

I don't know what I'm going to do, but on this occasion, I've downloaded a film I'm ready to go.

44:23 - 44:42

I've got the whole journey planned out. The making of the Casio 1. Do you, as a spooky film lover, would you ever feel I shouldn't really watch this spooky film on this train while other people could look at my screen and see spooky stuff?

44:42 - 44:47

Yeah, there is that worry. I didn't get a horror film for that reason because I didn't want to watch a big, gory film.

44:47 - 44:52

But the film I do choose actually has a couple of sexy moments in it that...

44:52 - 44:58

I'm using that skip forward 15 seconds button a few times. What, to get to the sexy bit as quickly as possible?

44:58 - 45:07

Get through all this dialogue. What's the movie? The Lover's Guide. Kneecap is the movie.

45:07 - 45:14

Oh, yeah. David, you must have seen Kneecap. Yeah, I have met those fellows. I have not seen the movie yet.

45:14 - 45:24

I have to see the movie. It is fantastic. If you're in posho class and you go for a pee, just probably leave the laptop sitting there.

45:24 - 45:29

Yeah, damn right. Wow. Oh, I'd leave it sitting there in any part of a train.

45:29 - 45:33

Come on. Yeah, so would I, I think. Really? Yeah. In the regular part of the train?

45:33 - 45:37

If you're on the move, I wouldn't do it if I was stopped at a station.

45:37 - 45:50

Yeah. Because then someone could grab it and hop off. If we're in between stations, I'm doing that because almost my fantasy is someone steals it while we're still moving and then I have to go down the train and find out who's stolen and get it back.

45:50 - 46:03

Oh, nice. This I'm interested in. Sort of like Murder on the Orient Express but a much more low-budget version which is who stole my laptop on the Newcastle to London line.

46:03 - 46:10

It would be so time-consuming because presumably the person who nicked it wouldn't just have it open continuing to watch Kneecap, would they?

46:10 - 46:16

They'd put it in their bag. And so you've got to have that awkward conversation with so many people.

46:16 - 46:28

And like, if you said, did you steal my laptop? You'd say no. Yeah. And then you'd have to say, can I check all your bags Well, what I'd probably do, in my head what I'd do is I'd push one of the members of staff out of the way

46:28 - 46:34

and get the tannoy. Oh, nice. And I'd be like, I know one of you sons of bitches has stolen my laptop.

46:34 - 46:40

I'm going to shut my eyes for 30 seconds. If it's in front of me when I open them, no harm, no foul.

46:40 - 46:44

Yeah, yeah. If no one hears it, I'm tearing everyone on this train a new one.

46:44 - 46:57

Wow. So my technique is different to yours in that I do that, but I also, I have mugged one of the assistant people, conductors or whatever.

46:57 - 47:06

I'm like, hey, come in here, you know, and then, and then it's one of those edits where it's flips around and I come out in the outfit.

47:06 - 47:12

Why? I mean, you've got me on an Indiana Jones thing from what happened at the Staircase podcast.

47:12 - 47:20

I'm now dressed as the train marshal or whatever. But why does that help? Please just stay with this.

47:20 - 47:26

In fact, David, it slows you down because, then you have to check people. So anyone who got on at York, then you have to do all of that.

47:26 - 47:33

Yeah. And also then you're the criminal. You've then committed a crime. Look, here's the cool bit, right?

47:33 - 47:40

I do a whole carriage and ascertain, start at the back, obviously. I ascertain it's not in this carriage.

47:40 - 47:50

Do you know what I do then? I decouple that carriage. The train's getting shorter all the time as I get closer and closer to the thief.

47:50 - 47:58

Or I would, just use find my iPhone slash laptop thing and just go up to the person and go, sorry, I know you have it.

47:58 - 48:08

Please give it back to me. I do quickly want to say, I did have a coffee on my table and then there was the lady with the trolley and then another lady who was working on the train tried to squeeze past the trolley,

48:08 - 48:17

but her butt nearly knocked my coffee off the table. That was probably the biggest moment of the thing, watching a lady's butt just sweep a coffee off the table, but I caught it, the coffee.

48:17 - 48:20

But the film is an hour and a half. You've still got two hours left.

48:20 - 48:26

You know, we're not even in Newark, are we? Now, I do a bit of napping afterwards, if that's what you want to know what I did after the film.

48:26 - 48:34

I don't think I've knowingly been on a mode of transport that I am not in control of where I haven't had a nap in the last 15 years.

48:34 - 48:38

I nap every day. So do I, Max. I'm with you. I'm with you, brother.

48:38 - 48:45

Do you? I love it. And I love it so much. And actually, I have an issue where my son is dropping his nap.

48:45 - 48:51

And as my wife always says, I am not ready to drop mine. And that is a bone of contention.

48:52 - 49:00

I need him to sleep so I can sleep. I can't believe I'm doing a podcast with a nerd where we talk to other nerds.

49:00 - 49:10

I'm graffitying and cool shit like that. Now, Ed, how do you started receiving texts from me at this point that said, please do something interesting?

49:10 - 49:24

Yeah, I was going to bring it up. I don't know how, Max, you feel about this, because obviously I think this podcast is quite an interesting experiment, really, that you almost don't want the day to be sullied with either thinking about doing the podcast the day after.

49:24 - 49:35

But that's hard to do, because you have to book it in advance. And I have to say that later on, I probably do some things that I wouldn't necessarily have done just so I don't feel ashamed when I'm talking to you two.

49:35 - 49:49

But also, definitely, what you might not enjoy is one of the co-hosts of this podcast deliberately trying to affect what was discussed on the podcast by texting me, and I would say texting me more than he's ever texted me in the past.

49:49 - 50:02

Wow. Yeah, I would, in fact, I believe we had this with the James Acaster episode, was I was in London at the time, and I was staying near where he lived because I saw him at a cafe in the previous weeks.

50:02 - 50:08

I was like, if I see him the day before we're recording, obviously he didn't know who I was, so it would be fine.

50:08 - 50:19

Yeah, that's enough. But if he had, it would have been like, you know, the doxing, the docking back to the future, and I would have jumped into a bush so as to not affect the purity of the podcast.

50:19 - 50:24

So I will be having words with David in the debrief. So tell me if you think this affects the purity.

50:24 - 50:30

1052, I get a picture of David with the words remember everything written across it. I think that's fine.

50:30 - 50:38

I think that's okay. Yeah, that's okay. That's fine. Once I'd say that's fine. Because then I'd just look at that, look at that, fine, move on.

50:38 - 50:43

It's not affecting anything to do with my day. It's just a meme. You know, remember everything.

50:43 - 50:51

That's what people say to each other sometimes. 1205, I get a picture of David next to, is it like a table rugby game you've got there?

50:51 - 50:56

Yeah, it's a beauty. Subutio Rugby. Subutio Rugby with keep remembering written upside down on the bottom of it.

50:56 - 51:03

Again! It's just a meme. It's just a coincidental meme that you have received. Then I get, I mean, we're skipping ahead more here.

51:03 - 51:12

1326, I get a picture of David from, I think, 1992. And it says, keep on keeping on, Ed, in capital letters.

51:12 - 51:20

We get more later on, don't you worry. I would imagine that there are some guests who, you know, in the WhatsApp group, they're like, well, they're a bit flaky.

51:20 - 51:26

They might not turn up. But, you know, you're not. No, no. So I think David is, you should feel let down by David.

51:26 - 51:39

Well, what it made me think was, what sort of day is David having? I'm glad we're not talking about David's day because he's just sat by his phone and at regular intervals is making memes to send his guests.

51:39 - 51:46

Right, so you've, also, how does Sabutio Rugby, like, they're never going to catch anything.

51:46 - 51:55

Man, come on, you've been drawn in. You can't blame me. We were talking about Hoover nozzles last week.

51:55 - 52:01

You cannot blame me. If he had an Instagram that actually put out clips, the Hoovering clip would have been in there.

52:01 - 52:06

It was strong. Okay, so you've napped. Please tell me, Bing Bong, we're approaching King's Cross.

52:06 - 52:16

Please tell me that. No, no, no, we are. Great. I would say that in an attempt to not ruin the format of this podcast, but almost take it down a layer of reality,

52:16 - 52:26

what I decide to do is to listen to your podcast on the day where, I will have to be discussing what I did.

52:26 - 52:34

Okay, this is interesting now. Okay, so is this on the train post kneecap? Yeah, a bit on the train post kneecap and post napki.

52:34 - 52:39

Which episode did you listen to? Jamali Maddox. Okay. Did you enjoy it? Yeah, very much.

52:39 - 52:50

I like you two. I like Jamali. Were you intimidated by it? Because, you know, sometimes, Ed, I've been on other people's podcasts and I listen to another episode of it.

52:50 - 52:56

Generally, you listen to a classic episode. Sure. And you're like, oh, shit, this is so good.

52:56 - 53:02

I'm just going to demean this great brand. No, no, you. No, I didn't think that.

53:02 - 53:07

No, because I think you two are such generous hosts. So I was like, they're not going to, you know, it's not intimidating.

53:07 - 53:13

I don't feel like I've necessarily got anything to live up to. I don't feel it's an intimidating time.

53:13 - 53:17

No, also, he got up at 11. Like, so I'm already feeling on top of the world.

53:17 - 53:22

The highlight of the first half of that episode was he went down a hill holding a cup of coffee.

53:22 - 53:32

What are we doing? What are we doing? But he was mildly disappointed about the hill.

53:32 - 53:37

So, you know, there was real emotion in that. What facial expression did you have, Ed, while you were listening to it?

53:37 - 53:42

That's interesting. I don't look at myself in the mirror or my reflection while I'm listening to podcasts.

53:42 - 53:52

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd imagine quite blank and not because of the quality of the podcast, just because I don't tend to deliberately make a facial expression when I'm singing.

53:52 - 54:03

It's that listening to something I don't think. I do have a sourpuss default face sometimes because people have said to me, cheer up, son, you'll be dead soon, you know, that kind of a thing,

54:03 - 54:10

while I'm just happily listening to my favorite music on headphones. Okay, so you've listened to the Jamali Maddox episode.

54:10 - 54:15

You've enjoyed the podcast. Whoa, Max, you've added that. I think you've added that. No, no, no, no, I enjoyed it.

54:15 - 54:24

I enjoyed it. Okay. You enjoyed it and you were completely unintimidated, which is, I'm pleased, I don't believe, to intimidate at this stage, you know.

54:24 - 54:30

It's not the Proud Boys of podcasting this, is it? I just, I don't think it is, you know.

54:30 - 54:34

Imagine if I'd listened to it and then messaged David going, I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow.

54:34 - 54:42

I'm just too intimidated. Okay, so look, we're approaching King's Cross. I'm presuming that you don't live in King's Cross.

54:42 - 54:48

Maybe you do, but like, otherwise you've got more journey to do. More journey, but I don't live too far.

54:48 - 54:54

It probably took me 20 minutes to get to the area where I live on the, and then maybe 15 minutes walk.

54:54 - 55:02

So I'm back home within 40 minutes of the train arriving. Lovely. He's like Paddington. Where are we?

55:02 - 55:06

Is it three in the afternoon, four in the afternoon? About two, yeah, 2.30, three o'clock.

55:06 - 55:16

Okay. Amazingly. Well, first things first is my TikTok screening, which I get every day when I'm at home because I'm not on TikTok and I refuse to be on TikTok.

55:16 - 55:23

My wife is on TikTok. So what she does for me pretty much every day is collects all of her favorite TikToks from the day and then does, does a special screening for me.

55:23 - 55:28

Just on the phone or does she put it on a, do you get it on a big TV?

55:28 - 55:31

Just on the phone, sat on the sofa. She'll say, I've got some videos to show you.

55:31 - 55:36

I gather around the screen and then we watch five to six TikToks. Great. Were there any good ones?

55:36 - 55:45

Very cat based, the screening, but there was one where someone put a Batman mask on a cat and initially it looks a bit annoyed and then it sort of stands up and looks off into the distance like it's actually Batman.

55:45 - 55:54

Big fan of that one. Do we have a plan for the afternoon now that we're back or are we just going to just, hang out in the Gamble Castle?

55:54 - 56:01

Hanging out is the main plan. I've got something at 5.30. I've got to leave the house at five o'clock for something at 5.30.

56:01 - 56:08

So there's a bit of just hanging out, considering putting a wash on, which I then eventually do at 4.30, a proper wash on.

56:08 - 56:15

I should say as well, this whole day makes me sound bad. It's slightly awkward when I get back because the cleaner's there.

56:15 - 56:22

Okay. Yeah. You never want to be in when the cleaner's there. No. So we just have to hide out in a room to do the TikTok screening.

56:22 - 56:28

And just panic and sort of like real middle-class guilt every week. Yeah. Just hiding from the cleaner going, right.

56:28 - 56:34

If I can't see her, then it means I've done it myself. Yeah. How long is the cleaner there?

56:34 - 56:38

Two hours? Is it a two hour house? 12 hours. That's the thing about these people.

56:38 - 56:48

Absolute pricks. Again. Clean it again. No, she's probably there for three and a half, I think.

56:48 - 56:51

Okay. Three and a half hours. And our house is not big, by the way.

56:51 - 56:59

We are just, dreadfully disgusting. Okay. But is it when she's left? Is it just for that five minutes when the house is clean?

56:59 - 57:06

Fucking amazing. Yeah. And it is five minutes as well, because then I'm pulling all my dirty clothes out.

57:06 - 57:15

I'm popping a wash on. I do go up and lie on the bed briefly, at which point the cat decides he likes me and jumps on the bed, sits on my stomach,

57:15 - 57:21

falls asleep with his ass in my face. Great. For about half an hour. Cats are lovely.

57:21 - 57:25

It's lovely. It's really nice. Okay, that's nice. It's a pottery afternoon. We don't really do much.

57:25 - 57:29

As in I'm not making pottery. No, no. Okay, so are we at the five o'clock?

57:29 - 57:32

Are we at the five o'clock? Yeah, we're at five o'clock now. Yeah. What have we got?

57:32 - 57:36

What have we got on, Ed? I'm off to exercise. I'm off to CrossFit class.

57:36 - 57:45

Oh, wow. Okay. Now, this is another learning moment for me. What is CrossFit? It's a few different things, isn't it?

57:45 - 57:57

There's lots of different movements, a lot of different disciplines. There's normally a strength portion where you'll do, like, squats or bench press or cleans or snatches, something like that.

57:57 - 58:04

And then there'll be, like, a workout of the day, which is a more intense sort of cardio and strength-based, almost circuit-type thing.

58:04 - 58:16

But today is a big circuit, really. Riddle me this. I have a friend who once did, I think it was CrossFit, but it was explained to her at the start that you were all going to be friends now

58:16 - 58:28

in this group. Like, we'll be sharing the highs and the lows. And she was absolutely not because she wanted an anonymous form of dirty sweat time.

58:28 - 58:34

You then just go home and resume your normal life. Are you like, keep going?

58:34 - 58:41

You know, this sort of thing as you punch a lady in the stomach to build up her glutes or whatever.

58:41 - 58:49

I don't know the terminology. No, that's exactly right. You've got that exactly right. No, ours feels more anonymous at our CrossFit box, which is what they call the gym.

58:49 - 58:55

I know people there, but only through regularity of going and there are a lot of nice people there and I get on with them.

58:55 - 59:05

But the worst thing for me would be if you're the last one doing the workout because there's normally a time cap and then people finish earlier if they're like fitter and faster.

59:05 - 59:10

The idea of being the last one to do and everyone crowding around you going, come on, you can do it.

59:10 - 59:16

I'd get so angry. OK, right. So it's 6.30, you walk home, it's seven o'clock. The evening is upon us.

59:16 - 59:27

The evening's upon us. I have slightly earlier on and this is again shameful, but I've ordered groceries on Deliveroo to cook a meal because I'm away so much at the moment.

59:27 - 59:37

Don't have the groceries in. I need enough for one meal. Order it on Deliveroo because I decide for the soul I have to cook something rather than get a takeaway.

59:37 - 59:43

So it's right. I'm making a terrible chicken curry. Oh, great. A lot of choice of things to choose to make.

59:43 - 59:55

But do we shower before we begin the cooking? No interest in this. Wow, because I'm getting back at seven, maybe just gone seven after I've waddled home and I just want to eat.

59:55 - 1:00:08

So I'm not wasting time showering. I'm cooking stinky. Yeah, yeah, I love it. You can use the salt from your brow to add more seasoning just by dunking your head like that into the pan.

1:00:08 - 1:00:12

And my sweat stinks of cardamom as well. So it actually works perfect. That is lucky.

1:00:12 - 1:00:19

Yes. Are you cooking for two or just for yourself? I'm cooking for two, despite my wife saying she doesn't really want curry.

1:00:19 - 1:00:23

She's not particularly hungry. But I say, come on, I've got this podcast to do tomorrow.

1:00:23 - 1:00:31

Let's pretend we eat dinner together. Okay, really good. Because quite often, me and Mrs. Russian will eat completely different dinners at completely different times.

1:00:31 - 1:00:44

Oh God. I mean, we rarely eat together. She doesn't want what I'm offering. Oh, I should also probably say, while I'm doing CrossFit at quarter past six, I get a picture of some chicken cooking in a pan from David and it says time to eat.

1:00:44 - 1:00:49

Do you think that's what inspired you to then do a chicken curry? No, no, no.

1:00:49 - 1:00:53

I'd already ordered the ingredients by then. So obviously what I wanted to say was I'm having chicken too.

1:00:53 - 1:01:00

I wanted to save that as a surprise for the pod. Oh, thanks Ed. Let me tell you what I did.

1:01:00 - 1:01:13

I was making cold chicken noodle salad type thing. Just loads of veggies with cold chicken and with nice sugary soy sauce stuff on it with a new mandolin that we got this week.

1:01:13 - 1:01:21

And I, the term removed the top of my finger. I've never really understood it before because it sounds too dramatic.

1:01:21 - 1:01:39

And then... Well, I've got a large plaster on it now. But the special thing, the mandolin, basically 80% of the literature with the mandolin is like always use this thing that again looks like a little top hat that you use the veggies to scrape them against the mandolin thing.

1:01:39 - 1:01:46

I was like, yeah, I guess you could use that. But what I like to do is just feel the cashews directly against...

1:01:46 - 1:01:59

Hang on, you're mandling a cashew. I should also say that in my current tour show, I have a long story about me absolutely wrecking my thumb with a mandolin and having to have eight stitches in my thumb.

1:01:59 - 1:02:04

And I also, I rejected the small top hat. Yeah. I threw it in the dustbin.

1:02:04 - 1:02:08

I was like, this isn't part of the mandolin as far as I'm concerned. Wow.

1:02:08 - 1:02:16

It's interesting that this will be the... So this is, of all the podcasts we've done, this is the one we've done with the least amount of David O'Doherty in it.

1:02:16 - 1:02:23

What do you mean? There's less of you. Oh yeah. But he's made up for it by texting, me, throughout the day.

1:02:23 - 1:02:32

Yeah, yeah. Do you do this with all our guests, David? Do you think that my chicken influenced your chicken?

1:02:32 - 1:02:38

No, because I decided on the chicken curry when I was on the train. Stop saying that your chicken influenced my chicken.

1:02:38 - 1:02:45

You said time to eat, Ed. You sent this picture and then I said stop controlling the narrative and then you said do a murder.

1:02:45 - 1:02:53

I thought that he might do a murder, Max. So what I've done by sending him these messages, I was just guessing him.

1:02:53 - 1:03:01

It was drip, drip. Yeah, exactly. And then kind of like stage hypnotists, he didn't realise, but I was now controlling his brain.

1:03:01 - 1:03:08

So do a murder was what I, which I mean, I'm not proud to admit that, but I did think it was really.

1:03:08 - 1:03:15

I think you would be charged as well, David. With it? Yeah. With aiding and abetting or something like that.

1:03:15 - 1:03:21

And I'm thinking about chicken influencers and if that will become a thing. Chicken influencers.

1:03:22 - 1:03:27

Well, there was that guy, the YouTube guy who reviewed chicken shops. He did well.

1:03:27 - 1:03:31

Yeah. Do you remember that guy? He was probably the first chicken influencer, I would say, yeah.

1:03:31 - 1:03:36

No, no, you're probably right. I was thinking more specifically actual chickens. Oh, okay. Yeah.

1:03:36 - 1:03:41

Yeah. We have some live next door and they're always getting out. They're always getting everywhere.

1:03:41 - 1:03:49

Do you think they could be influencers? Are they quite like attractive? Yeah, they're constantly, what they put on Instagram is not their real life.

1:03:49 - 1:04:00

Yeah. actually their life is pretty mundane, but when you see it on social media, they do give a different, makes it look more glitzy.

1:04:00 - 1:04:06

Their peak performance podcast. I listen to it sometimes. Did you say peak performance? Peak performance.

1:04:06 - 1:04:15

Right. So the curry, you're cooking the curry. It's not going well, but you're cracking on.

1:04:15 - 1:04:19

I sort of knew it wouldn't go well because I'm not using a recipe. I'm going off instinct.

1:04:19 - 1:04:27

Love it. So anyone, if any South Asian heritage would probably find my curry dreadfully offensive.

1:04:27 - 1:04:33

Borderline criminal, I'd say. I'm building flavor in the pan. I'm trying to get as much in as possible.

1:04:33 - 1:04:39

It's a tomato based curry. I'm not cooking any rice. I'm having a patak naan from the oven.

1:04:39 - 1:04:45

It's thrown together pretty hastily, but I'm happy with it. It's filling. It's got enough flavor to sustain me for sure.

1:04:45 - 1:04:48

Right. And did you have that in front of the telly or at the table?

1:04:48 - 1:04:52

Telly, never on the table. Why would we do that when the telly's there? Yeah.

1:04:52 - 1:04:59

What did you watch? A Korean cooking show called Culinary Class Wars on Netflix, which I would highly recommend.

1:04:59 - 1:05:05

It is fantastic. Wow. Is it a reality based show or is it a scripted show?

1:05:05 - 1:05:14

It's a cooking competition show. It's a team of Michelin star chefs versus a team of more sort of local chefs and they go up against each other in various challenges,

1:05:14 - 1:05:21

but it starts off with like 100 contestants and gets whittled down. It's like Squid Game, but real and cooking and no one dies.

1:05:22 - 1:05:26

Wait, and how many episodes of that do you watch? Just one. I think they're quite long and we're on episode eight.

1:05:26 - 1:05:32

We're eking it out and then we stop and watch a few more TikToks. We're a very modern household.

1:05:32 - 1:05:40

Another screening. Yeah. Okay, so there's a second screening of TikToks. That's nice. Yeah, we also watch a YouTube video, which is a compilation of bad music videos.

1:05:40 - 1:05:46

Ah, what's in it? So what, like 80s ones and whatnot? There's a lot of 80s ones in there.

1:05:46 - 1:05:48

I can't remember the name of the account now, but they do a lot of these things.

1:05:48 - 1:05:58

There's a lot of sort of really horrible, cheesy, cheap metal ones as well. But a lot of them are like independent artists who probably shouldn't be doing music, but they've paid all their money to make a music video.

1:05:58 - 1:06:04

Oh, interesting. It's funny when you first watch it and then it makes you feel a bit sad because you just think, what's the point of doing anything?

1:06:04 - 1:06:09

Because these people are trying to live their dreams and they've done something, which is what we're always told to do.

1:06:09 - 1:06:14

Just do something off your own back. And then we're sat here eating a curry and laughing at it.

1:06:14 - 1:06:22

God, it's so hard. The era of crap music videos that I love is the big budget 80s era where people put...

1:06:22 - 1:06:34

Probably the budget was like a million quid to make a... There's a Glenn Frey video for a song that I'd say he spent less than five minutes writing called Sexy Girl.

1:06:34 - 1:06:42

And in the video, this is how 80s it is. It's like a five minute video for a three minute song.

1:06:42 - 1:06:48

And he's sat at the piano and you see him, he's like drinking coffee. He's chugging a beer.

1:06:48 - 1:06:55

It's time lapse. He's just trying, he can't get an idea. And he looks out, through his real 80s Venetian blinds, just clicks them open.

1:06:55 - 1:07:03

And there is a sexy girl out there. And he just goes back to the piano.

1:07:03 - 1:07:11

I will now sing the first verse. She moved in next door to me and she showed me her world.

1:07:11 - 1:07:17

Thanks for the, oh, hey there neighbor. Thanks for the favor. She's a very sexy girl.

1:07:17 - 1:07:26

Chorus. She's a sexy girl, sexy girl, sexy girl. Very sexy girl. And so the rest of the video is filled with classic 80s shots.

1:07:26 - 1:07:33

Like there's an old Italian man who lives on the block who's got his hose out and he's hosing his roses.

1:07:33 - 1:07:41

But when he sees the sexy girl, bizarrely, like water just spurts out of the hose, this sort of a thing.

1:07:41 - 1:07:49

And it's a more shameful era because huge cash has gone into it and it's utter dirge.

1:07:49 - 1:07:59

That's why we need to respect these independent men. Yeah, we do, definitely. So the story is he can't write a song, then he sees a sexy girl and immediately writes a song.

1:07:59 - 1:08:06

About the sexy girl, exactly. But I don't think in that scenario she's shown him her world at all.

1:08:06 - 1:08:13

Yeah, not yet. He's writing the song. He's written that after looking at her through some Venetian blinds.

1:08:13 - 1:08:25

Well, let me tell you, in the 80s when you were wearing shades trying to write a song, you then moved the shades a little further down your nose and looked down with your normal eye over the top of the shades.

1:08:25 - 1:08:30

Something significant has happened there. Yeah, that was enough. And it could be true love.

1:08:30 - 1:08:38

I don't know. I never followed the story up to see if it would turn out to be Mrs. Frey and this was their origin story.

1:08:38 - 1:08:48

I don't know. I'm just saying it's a terrible video. The tragedy, Ed, of the people who've made those videos that you're now laughing at watching a curry is like with all creative pursuits,

1:08:48 - 1:08:53

after you finish, they go, that's a wrap. Someone would have said to someone else, do you think that was all right?

1:08:53 - 1:09:02

Do you think that was good? They go, yeah. And then they go, when in 40 years time, two people will be sat in a curry laughing at us and the next day,

1:09:02 - 1:09:11

three people will be laughing about this. So they go, was that all right? And it makes you wonder, what will three people be doing about this?

1:09:11 - 1:09:16

About this, yeah. In 40 years time. And we go, was that all right? I think it's going all right.

1:09:16 - 1:09:20

It feels like this is a good episode to me. Look, I'm having a lovely time, but look, this is the thing to think about.

1:09:20 - 1:09:26

If you denigrate other people's work, if you laugh about people behind your back, you will always be worried that people are doing the same to you.

1:09:26 - 1:09:40

Does that stop me doing it? Absolutely not. I am willing to take the horror and fear that I live with every day that other people are making fun of me behind my back for the joy of making fun of other people behind their backs.

1:09:40 - 1:09:44

Wow. The thing is, when you work in football, most people don't do it behind your back.

1:09:44 - 1:09:49

They just tweet you straight away. So you're just sort of used to it. It's the modern way, you know.

1:09:49 - 1:09:57

I say it to people's faces, you know. I vouch for this. Not only do they say it to their faces, they also say it to other people who are tagged in the same tweet,

1:09:57 - 1:10:03

such as little old David O'Doherty. Well, I've shown you my world, David. What can I say?

1:10:03 - 1:10:10

You're a sexy girl. All right. So we've done that. We've done the YouTube. Is it sort of nearly bedtime?

1:10:10 - 1:10:16

What are you guys thinking? You've had a long day? Washing up. Got to do the washing up, haven't I?

1:10:16 - 1:10:24

Not before receiving a text from David at 9.39pm saying warning. Please do something interesting now.

1:10:24 - 1:10:26

And that was as I was doing the washing up, so that didn't feel great.

1:10:26 - 1:10:34

Why do you want people to do these interesting things? The best thing about this, David, is the mundanity.

1:10:34 - 1:10:47

I know. I just, I felt that the fact that Ed had listened to previous episodes of this, I felt it might be fun to lean into that attempt to distort the past from the future.

1:10:47 - 1:10:58

I felt like the puppet master and I'm controlling him. But you didn't control me at all, but you seemed obsessed with the fact that your chicken influenced my chicken, which I can't stress enough it didn't.

1:10:58 - 1:11:13

But it was a very interesting day knowing that you're going to talk about it publicly the day after, because even though it wasn't a hugely interesting day, I think I did do things like put a wash on exercise and cook because I thought that would sound better

1:11:13 - 1:11:19

to talk about. At least I've done that. On other days, you know, I've just got back, like you said, I'm tired from traveling and being on tour.

1:11:19 - 1:11:27

I might have just done takeaway, not exercised. But then when you've heard the Jamali Maddox episode and he's saying, I'm getting into bed now.

1:11:27 - 1:11:32

And David said, I'm not sure you've burnt enough calories today. I was like, there's no way I'm going to be in that situation.

1:11:32 - 1:11:41

Look, he did a thing that you haven't done. At 12 o'clock in Jamali's episode, he's like, well, I've got to get ready because they've got jujitsu coming up at six.

1:11:41 - 1:11:50

So I'm like, oh my God, I cannot wait for this. And then at about eight o'clock, he reveals that he just hadn't gone to jujitsu then.

1:11:50 - 1:11:57

So at least you never trade that for us, you know? Because I might have done that had I not been talking about this.

1:11:57 - 1:12:07

And you know what? I think in the future to get more stuff done and I genuinely might do this, this podcast might be a thought experiment for me where I am doing something during the day and I go,

1:12:07 - 1:12:17

no, imagine if you had to speak to David and Max about this. So what you're saying is I now have to text you eight times a day every day to remind you to do something interesting.

1:12:17 - 1:12:21

No, the texts were never helpful. They weren't helpful when I was actually doing the podcast.

1:12:21 - 1:12:27

They wouldn't be helpful. Which it's simply my own brain saying, imagine if you had to speak about today on a podcast.

1:12:27 - 1:12:31

I think you're going to have to do it every day and then you would do the things.

1:12:31 - 1:12:38

My text took so much effort. I kept having to set the alarm reminder to be like to send him the next one.

1:12:38 - 1:12:50

I mean, I could easily have forgotten. Reminder, 1847 text Ed saying, do a murder. I'm more thinking poor Jamali who woke up that day thinking I'm going to turn over a new leaf and start this whole new healthy way of living.

1:12:50 - 1:12:55

Right at the end of it, David, just absolutely kills him. Well, you haven't burnt off enough calories today, mate.

1:12:55 - 1:13:01

I'm sorry. What turned out to be a light exploration to people's yesterdays is actually a body shaming podcast.

1:13:01 - 1:13:08

That's what we're here to do. It's the only way people will get healthy is right at the end we go, actually, I think I don't think you did enough today.

1:13:08 - 1:13:12

You've eaten an awful lot of lamb and beef in the same dish and then not got the jujitsu.

1:13:12 - 1:13:21

Exactly. Gillian McKeith comes along and we've actually blocked up all of your toilets and I've got them all on a table.

1:13:21 - 1:13:26

All of your dumps we poke them with sticks. Is it bedtime yet, Ed? Where are we at?

1:13:26 - 1:13:33

What's going on? Is he the hope in his voice? It's always good when you're on someone else's podcast and they're like, fucking hell, is this the end yet?

1:13:33 - 1:13:41

I have a shower. Of course I do. I have a shower. I give myself what I like to refer to as the full service.

1:13:41 - 1:13:47

So it's all your standard shower business, but also hair wash, shave, you know, proper polish.

1:13:47 - 1:13:54

Wow, it's too late to wash your hair. You're going to go to bed and end up with sticky up hair because your hair will dry.

1:13:54 - 1:14:04

What do you think? It's today. Is it sticky up? Well, I see on your right the little quiff is possibly, yeah, it looks like a little slug sticking up there.

1:14:04 - 1:14:09

But I like the little slug. I've had the little slug cut in. No, but I'm drying the hair.

1:14:09 - 1:14:14

I am, you know, aggressively drying the hair before bed. I'm brushing it so it's in some sort of shape before bed.

1:14:14 - 1:14:21

Okay. And also, clean has been. So is it clean sheets, clean, I mean, that is, you're going to feel so great.

1:14:21 - 1:14:25

We don't make her do the sheets or any washing. That will be, to me, that's beyond the pale.

1:14:25 - 1:14:31

I feel guilty enough already. So not clean sheets, but they're fairly clean. Filthy, filthy sheets.

1:14:31 - 1:14:38

Filthy sheets. And I'm popping a YouTube video on and then I'm shutting the laptop and I'm pretty much going straight to sleep, I'd say.

1:14:38 - 1:14:49

Hang on, you popped a YouTube video on. Oh, and with the, just listening to it and with the laptop an inch open, that old trick so you can put a hand on it to pop it down when you're dozing off.

1:14:49 - 1:14:53

No, I'm sort of lying on my side. My wife goes to bed later. So I'm alone.

1:14:53 - 1:15:01

I'm on my side in bed and I've got the laptop in front of me so I'm watching it sideways like that and that all gently makes me go to sleep and then I shut the laptop.

1:15:01 - 1:15:06

Is this more watch stuff? Is David O'Doherty live at the Apollo? Yeah, no, I don't want to go to sleep that quickly.

1:15:06 - 1:15:15

Is it clips from Soccer AM the glory years 2008 to 2015? Is that it? Yeah, you know me, I love my footy.

1:15:15 - 1:15:25

Yeah, good. I actually watch a video which is my friend recommended to me amazingly before I go to sleep.

1:15:25 - 1:15:35

It is the history of jump scares in horror films from the first ever jump scare which was in a film called The Cat People right through to the film Smile.

1:15:35 - 1:15:40

Right. And is that someone like hiding behind a wall and going, ah, or is that not a jump scare?

1:15:40 - 1:15:45

The first ever jump scare was a bus arriving. Right. What do you mean? A bus arriving.

1:15:45 - 1:15:52

A bus. A bus. A bus. It's deaf grandpa over there. A what? Deaf sexy grandpa.

1:15:52 - 1:16:00

How can a bus arriving? Is that just a factor of this? Well, it was in the 40s.

1:16:00 - 1:16:03

So they'd never been, imagine there'd never been a jump scare before in a film.

1:16:03 - 1:16:11

You're watching a film and a woman thinks she's being chased and she looks over her shoulder and then suddenly from the other direction a bus screeches up.

1:16:11 - 1:16:15

That's what a jump scare was in the 40s. Wow. So it's a jump scare.

1:16:15 - 1:16:20

Sorry, just to put it in terms I understand. That is a jump scare in Jaws, isn't it?

1:16:20 - 1:16:23

Yes. Where the face appears in the hole in the bus. At the bottom of the boat.

1:16:23 - 1:16:31

That was even on the video. Yeah, so that is a jump scare. So tension's built and then when you're least expecting it something happens and you go that's the jump scare.

1:16:31 - 1:16:37

And that's not what you want just before bed. No, I didn't think so but I slept absolutely fine.

1:16:37 - 1:16:42

There was a couple that really shook me up. There's one from I think The Exorcist 3 which really scared me actually.

1:16:42 - 1:16:50

Right. Even though I had seen it before. Yeah. But it's just, it's interesting. So unless I'm working me and Mrs. Rushden will go to bed at exactly the same time.

1:16:50 - 1:16:59

So when, your wife comes to bed do you wake up or is she very, is she quiet as a mouse and so you, you don't have that disturbance?

1:16:59 - 1:17:04

She's pretty quiet. I mean, we're so used to that routine now. She's just a later person than me.

1:17:04 - 1:17:14

So I'm asleep by probably just gone midnight, quarter past midnight and then she's probably coming to bed at like one or two maybe.

1:17:14 - 1:17:23

Two? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. That's insanity. Yeah. I live with a vampire. But yeah, so even if I do wake up, I don't remember it.

1:17:23 - 1:17:27

And also, I guess it's not relevant to this podcast. No, it's not. No, I apologize.

1:17:27 - 1:17:36

Unless you want to do a double F. I've been trying to figure out how to end this podcast with a jump scare because it's a jump scare.

1:17:36 - 1:17:48

It's a difficult thing to do in the purely audio realm. Yeah. You need to be actually in the next room to Ed and then jump into his room and go,

1:17:48 - 1:17:52

oh my God, that would be scary. No, I think I've got it though. Thank you very much.

1:17:52 - 1:18:00

Thank you very much for sharing your day with... Has anyone shat themselves? Anyone? Yeah.

1:18:00 - 1:18:06

Yeah, but I did that. I shat myself 15 minutes into the recording of this podcast, but I didn't want to say anything.

1:18:06 - 1:18:12

That'll be on tomorrow's episode. Thank you, Ed. Thanks for coming on. We appreciate it.

1:18:12 - 1:18:18

I think it was a great day. The thing that people don't understand is doing the jokes.

1:18:18 - 1:18:24

I mean, we don't know what you did the night before, but I would imagine it was a gig, and that's why you were in Newcastle.

1:18:24 - 1:18:29

Like, we never obviously went into it. Yeah, I don't tend to have a tour manager for holidays.

1:18:29 - 1:18:39

For a day trip. Spooky riches there going, why am I here? I don't want to be here.

1:18:39 - 1:18:52

I've got my own life. And I feel it was successful. You've got to relink yourself from the heady heights of showbiz with the regular world, and I feel you did a great job.

1:18:52 - 1:18:58

You did a great job of that. You've got your running around gym sesh. You've got your chicken curry.

1:18:58 - 1:19:04

You've got your sitting there and watching things. Yes, I did a good job yesterday.

1:19:04 - 1:19:10

I was very happy with my day, but I don't know whether it was that sort of day because I knew I was going to talk about it.

1:19:10 - 1:19:16

So genuinely in the future, I will think to myself, what would I do if I had to speak to David and Max about this?

1:19:16 - 1:19:31

And I'm going to get that on a massive wristband as well. Yeah. W-W. I-D-I-H-T-S-M-A-N-D-A-T.

1:19:31 - 1:19:36

I think at some point, anyone who wants to listen will have to get that tattooed.

1:19:36 - 1:19:44

Yeah. And if they don't have the tattoo, they can't listen. They can't listen. Before David goes through the whole day again, I'm going to say thank you, Ed.

1:19:44 - 1:19:49

And you may leave if you'd like to. Thank you very much. I'm going to go to the toilet now.

1:19:49 - 1:19:53

Thanks, Ed. I'll keep you updated with what I do today. Thank you. Thank you very much.

1:19:53 - 1:20:15

No need. No need. I'll text you in a minute, David. No, please. So there we are, Ed Gamble's day, which I would say, David, was 80% discussing Hotel Duvin and 20%.

1:20:15 - 1:20:24

I feel I am getting unnecessary quantities of blame here as the one. Who probes.

1:20:24 - 1:20:29

This is probing. This is what I'm doing. No, you're right. I'm trying to be a real journalist here.

1:20:29 - 1:20:35

We're both real journalists trying to find the news. Yeah, I hope you didn't think I was ganging up on you.

1:20:35 - 1:20:48

Well, no, because you're the one that then asks similarly ridiculous questions. Kippers is, that's one of the most mind blowing because I've often looked at kippers on hotel menus and just like,

1:20:48 - 1:20:56

they probably don't even have any kippers. It's like the carrot sticks at McDonald's no one's ever ordered the kippers unless you meet the guy.

1:20:56 - 1:21:03

I think you're right. Yeah. Oh, well, I really enjoyed that episode. So thank you to Ed Gamble and thank you to you, David.

1:21:03 - 1:21:08

Is it bad that I kept texting him telling him to do interesting things? I won't do that with any of the other guests.

1:21:08 - 1:21:13

No, I don't think so. I think, because I don't think that is going to affect people.

1:21:13 - 1:21:22

I don't know if you have that power. That's what I think. So I'm not in a position, I don't think, I don't feel like I want to tell you off and I'm very,

1:21:22 - 1:21:29

I'm very honest. I'm not going to leave the Zoom call and then like be furious when I'm brushing my teeth.

1:21:29 - 1:21:42

I'm not going to be raging about it. I would say follow your heart. If you want to text a guest and you know, when we have Neil Webb on and when we have David Bardsley and Jan Staschka,

1:21:42 - 1:21:51

I'll be texting them. More like. I'll be texting them or Martin Scorsese, yes. But you know, when we have my friends on, maybe I'll be messaging them.

1:21:51 - 1:21:58

I'm maybe I'm just jealous. It could be that. And I don't want there to be any jealousy in this podcast.

1:21:58 - 1:22:02

If you want to get in touch with the program. Program? Is that what this is?

1:22:02 - 1:22:06

No, I don't think this is the program. I think you forgot what genre we're operating in.

1:22:06 - 1:22:12

You thought it was the glory days of Zachary Ebbinger. If you get in touch with the podcast, here's how.

1:22:12 - 1:22:27

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:22:27 - 1:22:40

And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. Thank you, Ed Gamble. And we'll be back next week and every week for the rest of our lives. Have a lovely yesterday, listeners, and also have a lovely today.

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