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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.
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And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode 17 of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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David O'Doherty, welcome. That's my lucky number. 17. Great. It's a great year. Do you want some feedback?
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No, let's talk about 17 some more. This is big, though. This is from Rob, who says, Dear Max and David, Hello from Rob, Steph, and our new addition, Finlay, from West Sussex.
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Long-time listeners, first-time emailers. We wanted to show our gratitude to you and promote to others the scientifically proven benefits of listening to the What Did You Do Yesterday pod while in labor.
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Wow. Yeah, I know. After being in hospital for 20 hours, listening to a frankly despicable mix of U.S. sadcore pop and the latest nonsense chart hits, with no sleep and an excruciating pain,
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I'd had enough. I snatched the control of our portable speaker from the wife and put on the only thing I could think that might boost her oxytocin levels through the roof.
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Listening to Max recount his knowledge of the East Coast mainline railway stations while quizzing Ed Gamble about his train journey home from Newcastle.
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Within mere minutes, bracket six to seven hours, the plan worked and our son Finlay was welcomed into the world with an expression that can only be explained by the knowledge he had spent the previous hour sickened by the fact
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that David had tried to manipulate the content of the pod and even suggested Ed Gamble commit a homicide.
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He really is increasingly desperate to get those three-star reviews into fours. Thanks for the laughs.
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Keep up the good work and to clarify, absolutely zero scientific proof that listening to this podcast shortens Labour times in case you need this disclaimer for any future legal issues.
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Rob Hinchcliffe. We've had our first baby, David. Congratulations to us and to all of the listeners.
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It's your baby, really, listeners. Yeah, and the thing is, like, that does, we've got to think of ways to increase the audience and it's gone up by one because of young Finlay.
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You do wonder, you know, the thing of, like, I know people with kind of hippie patterns and so they had a specific song playing as the baby came into the world.
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You know, The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. Yeah, exactly. Tub Thumping, Chumbawamba, that kind of thing.
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Imagine if, yeah, so what happens towards the end of that? Oh, it's him and his partner are just scrolling through TikTok.
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Welcome to the world, Finlay. It's an endless place of possibility. Ed Gamble's having another shit.
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On a similar note, you know, because normally the feedback is pretty light, but this is, I would say, as big as a birth.
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Big Steve says, Chez David et Max. I brought my daughter to Paris to celebrate her 15th birthday last weekend.
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We explored far and wide, taking in the famous Bon Marché animated Christmas windows along the way.
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This year, the theme was dancing crustaceans to a Parisian backdrop. My daughter's face lit up with delight and festive joy.
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I, however, had listened to the, do-si-long episode and could only see David's boiled lobster-colored nutsack dancing around the eye for a second.
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Or as I call them, your ice caps. Yeah, it's affected bathing for me. You know the way people are talking about this podcast affecting their, when they think back on their yesterdays and what they're going to do when they reflect on it tomorrow.
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I had a bath last night and for the first time ever considered, my technique, I started to observe.
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Yeah, it's like golf in the fifties. You know, Arnold Palmer, if you ever see him, it's just a little sort of wristy tap of the ball.
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But suddenly the coaches came in and started being like, yeah, it was like that.
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But in many ways, you are my coach. Just standing there with a whistle and a stopwatch and set up some cones.
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Like John Anderson from Gladiators. I'm like, David's left testicle, you will go on my first whistle.
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David's right testicle. You will go on my second whistle. And how did you change your technique?
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Well, it was just the fact that I was observing it myself as I did it.
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I'm not sure it changed the technique. But for the first time, I was consciously aware.
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Oh, I do do it exactly as I described it. Where it starts as a sort of a squat.
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And then the squat gets lower. We don't need to go into it again. And then the glorious moment where you let your legs fully out and you slide under.
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I'm now in. The ice caps have submerged. Purdy says, I can't believe you overlooked the fact that Josie Long said she put jeans on and then did yoga.
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This needs clarification. Did she change into yoga gear immediately after dressing? Did she take the jeans off and do yoga in her pants?
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I'm disappointed in Max's journalistic skills letting him down here. P.S. I bloody love this podcast.
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Purdy, it's a very good point and I can only apologize. I overlooked that and we will never know.
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My trousers of choice are, are a 2017 Levi commuter trouser that are jeans. They've got a reinforced gusset.
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They've got a reflecty strip up the side if you fold the side up. And they're also sprayed with a light waterproofing agent.
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However, the fourth cycling aspect, what looked just like normal trousers are a slight give, a slight lycra in the denim.
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So it's possible. I can't speak for Josie Long, but I certainly will ask her, but maybe she had a stretchier denim.
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Do yoga and be fashionable at the same time with David's stretchy denim. Pete says, excellent podcast and welcome antidote to the high performance podcasts of this world.
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I've been a listener since the beginning, usually while doing the washing up on a Sunday evening, but I hadn't felt compelled to leave a review.
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However, I've just listened to the Josie Long episode and the image of a young Max Rushden wanting a chew back a costume for his birthday, but instead ending up roaming the mean streets of Cambridge,
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dressed as bungle from rainbow has pushed me. I have asked my mom for some photographic evidence of said chew back a outfit, but I got a lot of, I got a lot of feedback about chew back.
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I feel like I can't dress him now as a 45 year old man, but it was hot in there.
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I'd never thought about those parallels between star Wars and the children's program rainbow before, you know, the humans being the humans.
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And then instead, of the robots C3PO and R2D2, you had the one with the zip.
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Zippy. Oh yeah. Zippy. In Ireland, he was called the one with the zip. Zippy had already been registered as a trademark somewhere else.
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What was the pink? George. Oh, was it George? Yeah. And bungle was the big old guy with Rod, Jane and Freddie as sort of storm troopers.
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I imagine. Yeah. And then occasionally Sir Alec Guinness, just appearing in episodes. Trust the numbers.
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Another bit of a feedback on the Josie Long episode. This is from FCHL 1987. One tiny, some might say crucial point of correction.
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Capoeira is a Brazilian martial art. Capybara is a giant rodent. As a fan of both in quite different contexts, the idea that Capoeira performers are burrowing under gated communities with their powerful kicks.
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It's going to be happy all day. Thanks guys. Yeah. I think I, I received five pieces of feedback for mixing up Capoeira and Capybara to the listeners.
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I'm sorry. We aim for 100% accuracy on this podcast. All mistakes will be, what do you say in a newspaper?
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We'll, you know, the apologies. Oh yeah. We'll have corrections. Yeah. We'll have a corrections page.
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Yeah. Yeah. If anyone at the end of the end, yeah. When we stopped doing the pod, we'll do a corrections page after our deaths.
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Our tombstones will be big corrections pages about Capoeiras and Capybaras. DJ LKP regarding the Ed Gamble episode says very funny, made funnier by the fact that my friend is the general manager of the hotel Duval in Newcastle.
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I could find out exactly how many Capybaras they cook. This is where I want this podcast to go.
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Yes. Find out. I wanted to ask on that particular day, how many capsule coffees did he have?
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I want to know everything about that state. Have they kept the sheets in a Ziploc bag?
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Bag. Let's go through them. Let's find out everything. Get in touch, general manager. And my friend Anna says, and it is back to a subject that we talk about a lot in the intro,
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and we're talking about getting people who aren't comedians on. And, you know, I've got quite a good in with Sakhir Starmer.
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He came on Guardian Football Weekly, came on Talk Sport before the election. He's probably busier now and has less to publicize.
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And I don't know if he'd want to forensically go through his day. Anyway, my friend Anna says, I do think the length of discussion of DOD's balls has lessened the chance,
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of Keir Starmer appearing on the podcast. Imagine if Keir Starmer has a bath, and I'd have to say, look, this is awkward now, Mr. Prime Minister, but what's your technique?
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Well, yeah. Anyway, today's guest is Marcus Brigstocke, comedian, podcaster, author. You will know him from sort of everywhere, I would say, wouldn't you, David?
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You know him from everywhere? He is one of those. One of those people who, I guess he's probably 20 years into this very successful career on radio, television, and then doing live shows, doing stand-up shows,
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also doing some quite weird live shows as well. I once met him on the street in Edinburgh, and he was dressed as Satan.
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Oh. So you just, you don't know what you're going to, who will he be dressed as today, Max?
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Yeah. He also does a hit podcast with his wife and fellow comedian, Rachel Parris.
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How was it for you? So listen to that after you've listened to this, of course.
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Here's Marcus Brigstocke. And what he did yesterday. Marcus Brigstocke, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Thank you so much for coming. How are you? I'm very well. Thanks for having me.
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Are you quite prepared to be grilled in as much detail on yesterday? There's a lot to defend from what I did yesterday.
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Oh, wow. There's a lot to defend. I won't give in to shame, but I do feel embarrassed.
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Do you feel it could be incriminating, some of this? Do you think you might hoist by your own petard because of this podcast?
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Just behind what you can see here, a team of two lawyers, barely a team, but two lawyers.
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And one of them, her task is simply to nod or shake her head. If she thinks I'm in sticky water, she'll shake her head.
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Sticky water, by the way, is some of the worst water there is. Yeah, awful water.
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As regards prompts for... For a situation like this, where we wouldn't be able to see the lawyer, I can't remember his name, but do you remember the chess player during lockdown who got unexpectedly good?
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He beat Magnus Carlsen, the chess number one. Yes. And then he started to play matches.
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They were said, you're obviously using a bot to beat us. Yeah. And then he would do a thing where he would bring his hand over the chess pieces.
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So experts watched it. And one of the theories was that he was getting a message.
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As to which piece to play via anal beads. He'd get a little zap. That's right.
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Yes, I remember. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. What a way to communicate. Maybe that's what's going to happen if we just see your eyes sort of shoot up in your head in the middle.
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I mean, really, the important thing to say is, Marcus, it doesn't matter how many anal beads you've had in today, because all we care about is how many you had yesterday.
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Yesterday was yet another bead free day for me. I'm on what I call. A streak.
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I'm on a 16 day streak. Bead free. Wow. Yesterday. When did it begin for you?
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What time did you wake up, please? Yesterday. I overslept yesterday. And why that matters to a comic.
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Oversleeping is a nebulous notion. But I have to say, we do have a two year old.
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Oh, me too. Terrible idea. Terrible idea. So oversleeping literally means ignoring the plaintiff cries of a child.
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And it's a note. My lawyer is shaking her head. She says, this is a note.
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She says, this is negligence. Yeah, that is a bad way. Well, oversleeping is an interesting term because you and my co-host, I would say the primary host of this podcast, Mr. Rushden, both have these two, three year olds.
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And so when he tells me of his dramatic oversleeping, very often it's till like 7.38 a.m.
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You're lucky if you made 7.38, I'm talking 7.20. So you've no idea. He could have been.
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He could have been awake for hours. Could easily have been five, six hours. By the time I found him, he was very still and just staring glassily at the wall.
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Oh, my goodness. He had a beard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somehow he had the same shoes on that we put him to bed in, but he had grown.
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I think that's what woke him. He befriended a beach ball and he had a massive.
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Yeah, that's it. I went in his room and he turned away from me and shouted, Wilson.
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And I thought, this isn't good. This isn't good. So what time was that exactly for you?
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7.20? It was about sort of 7.20, 7.30. Good Lord. I mean, 7.20 is when I get up for my second wee wee of the night.
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Yes, exactly. How many do you average a night now? A man of your vintage?
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Firstly, thank you for that. And thank you for the question, giving me the opportunity.
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The problem is it's. It's quite warm at the fringe at the moment. So my method of hydration isn't with your classic salt bombs or whatever you should take.
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I drink lager after the gig. Not many, just maybe three last night, which it's got to come out sometime.
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I got home at about one. We won was maybe 3.30. We two about 7.30 and then nicely slept until 11 then.
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And I realized I can see both of you. Your faces as I say that.
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And I am sorry. Look, I'm in a room with some goldfish that the people who have rented this flat off for the month have just left here with no instructions about how to keep them alive.
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So I'm doing everything I can, putting a falafel in every hour, whatever you're supposed to do.
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So I know what it's like to be in charge of a human. So I got Billy sorted.
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It was all okay. He was happy enough. I got milk in him. He likes a croissant.
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With raspberry jam and actual raspberries on the side as well. He's developing really good, great taste.
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And I've been fairly resistant to the air fryer phenomenon, but I've got to say putting a croissant in an air fryer for 30 seconds will turn a shop bought like, you know, your cheapo croissant into one where you're like, what a crumbly delight you are.
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Wow. That's a crispy. Yeah, it's just got those thin flakes. It's pastry you get when you buy one from a proper boulangerie or something and you're like, that's a good croissant on that.
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I haven't gone down this road yet, but like if there's a cryptic crossword you can't do, just put it in the air fryer for 30 seconds, it just comes out done.
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Yeah. Next year for me, next year's Edinburgh show, I'm not going to even begin to write it until mid-July and then I'll make two notes and stick it in the air fryer.
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Okay. So you've made the raspberry two ways. Billy is eating a raspberry two ways.
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Raspberry two ways. Yeah. Yeah. Air fried croissant. Are you consuming at the same time?
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Are you even dressed, Marcus? What's happening? Yeah. Yes, I was dressed. I tend now to get dressed straight away and yesterday I actually put on a slightly marginal pair of shorts.
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They're a mustard yellow short and I've got two pairs and the big pair I've got is too big and the pair I wore yesterday, I'm going to say slightly too small.
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Okay. A sort of three bears approach. To fashion. Yeah. Very much so. Yeah. So I'm a big fan of Uniqlo as I think all men of my age are.
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Plain block colors, pastel, lovely. But the gap between their large and their extra large is absolutely vast.
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I got a pair of trousers from them and I told them my actual measurements, which is 36 of waist, 29 of leg, which is a curious combo.
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And the guy just said, that's not a thing. He just said, that's not a thing.
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Yeah. Little legs. They're little. Little legs. Pointing at my own legs. Okay. So we have fueled the child.
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We've made some great fashion decisions. And arranged a handover. So the handover was in part Rachel, but in part Billy as someone who looks after him because I had arranged, having not seen him for a couple of weeks, to go out and have
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a walk and a coffee with my best pal. Great. For a parent of a toddler, that free time.
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It's dreamy. Was the walk sort of upwards of 15 kilometers? What? Were you going to milk the time you had?
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I think what it is, is I've said the word walk and you've misheard it, thinking I meant walk.
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What I meant was... The Camino. You did the Camino. Yeah. Enough walking to get to where there's coffee.
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Right. Okay. So you've walked into town and you've met your best friend. Okay. Now, what am I talking about?
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That's not even true. Uh-oh. You see, my first lie. Yeah. Yeah. My first... My first lie.
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I've misrepresented. Why did it matter that I'd woken up late? Partly the handover for Billy.
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I had to do a topical recording yesterday morning. I went to do a thing called paper cuts.
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That's where I went. Coffee came later. Right. Sorry. Listen, I want to be clear.
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That's okay. Yeah. Honesty matters on this. Both lawyers are now looking at me, just shrugging, going, we can no longer help you.
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Is this a Radio 4? No, this is a podcast called Paper Cuts. My first thought with topical recording, is it's a dermatological skin condition.
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That's right. That's right. They have to measure where I've put the cream on and whether I've applied it accurately.
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I got on the tube from here. We live in Balham. So it was a dash to Balham, pretty warm, and the shorts fairly tight.
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So a dash to Balham, Northern line, and then the Stockwell switch, which is... Noted.
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For the people outside London, just to be clear, the Stockwell switch... A lot of the stations on the Northern line are the same as the stations on the Victoria line,
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but if you make the Stockwell switch, you'll get to those stations way quicker. There's never a moment where it doesn't please me.
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As someone who does not live there, when you hear people's tales of travelling around London, it sounds like, I don't know, living in Chicago in the 1920s.
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Son, you've got to get the Stockwell switch. You've got to spend the afternoon staring at them Great Lakes.
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It's insane how affected I am. I love London, really love the place, but if I'm on a tube platform and the thing indicating how long the train is going to be says four minutes or above,
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I'm basically, like, personally aggrieved. I'm like, what the fuck? We may as well move house. We may as well move.
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Three is fine. Apparently, I live in Stockwell now. Great. Bicycles, that's the key to London.
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Sure, but on a hot day in ill-fitting shorts. I mean, you've just defined the Tour de France right there, Marcus.
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But they do. Hot days. Surprising I don't get asked to work on that one.
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Hot day, ill-fitting shorts, that is the Tour de France. We won't go through the topical podcast because completists can listen to it to get a pure 45 minutes of the day.
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But what was the main topic covered on it? Well, with regret, it's the unpleasant riots.
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And we sort of tried for a while to look at ways of not talking about that too much because it's so grisly.
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We managed to talk about an article in The Independent about cheese being good for you.
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And I speak as a, I have a qualification in cheese and I am an international cheese judge and neither of those two things are a lie.
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And the article was bollocks. I mean, one of the big problems with it was that it said, can cheese be part of a healthy diet?
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But they had genuinely left the letter T off the end of the word diet.
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So it simply said, can cheese, can cheese be part of a healthy diet? I think if people are looking at going to Switzerland to end their life, but decide to stay here and do it with cheese,
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I respect that. Unless you did any cheese judging yesterday, we just have to leave it.
22:08 - 22:12
No, no, no. I did no cheese judging yesterday. Fine, fine. None, none. I understand.
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I wish this was a different podcast sometimes, but unfortunately we're stuck in yesterday. No, no, listen.
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Yesterday was a perfectly good day. I didn't judge any cheese, but those days can still be good.
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Which is lucky, I'd say, for most listeners. It is good that you can have a good day.
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Yeah, yeah. I'm not saying you will, but you can have a good day if you don't judge any cheese.
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Exactly. And then I picked up at Angel in Islington, there's a Pret right next to where the tube station is.
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I quite often go for their Birkenmuesli. They're like overnight soaked oats, but they've got a new one.
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I think it's called the Big Apple. Oh, yeah. And it's got a layer of quite dense apple and cinnamon stuff in the bottom, quite a dark brown, then a thin layer of yogurt,
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some grated green apple and a sort of granola on top. It moves straight up the rankings to one of my favorite on-the-go breakfasts.
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You will not believe this. Yesterday, I was going for a meeting with a boring person that I didn't want to go on too long.
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So I didn't want to eat with them. So I called into this same place, ordered that exact thing, made a terrible mistake though.
23:25 - 23:31
Nowhere on the lid does it say, swoosh this around before you eat it. You've got to swoosh it.
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Yeah. So I added a delightful yogurty apple mix and then get to the bottom, where there's just this sort of like toxic cinnamon tar.
23:40 - 23:51
Too much on its own, way too much. That would be like nibbling ice magic off the top of a bowl of ice cream and leaving the ice cream out.
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But otherwise, it's pretty good, right? I mean, this podcast, I imagine soon me and Max, like it'll be difficult because we'll make so much money from it.
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It'll be difficult for us to relate to ordinary lives with stuff like, oh, I have this new breakfast they have in Pret.
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So in a way, it'll be nice for me to be able to listen back to this when I had an ordinary life and not just a line of butlers with cloches every morning who come to my bed, lift the cloches while I decide which one I'll have.
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I love the idea that one of your butlers would lift the cloche and it would have...
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have a little plastic tub of Pret's apple thing and he just leans in and goes, I've pre-swooshed it.
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And then steps away and you're like, oh, this is pretty dreamy today. Delivered with one of those two-dimensional balsa wood spoons.
24:41 - 24:47
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be tremendous. Wow, so you've had a great morning, you've done some work, you've eaten your Pret.
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Cracking morning, crucially done some work, yeah. And then got the tube to Clapham Common where I then did meet my friend for coffee.
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Yeah, great. And how did that go? Oh, mate, it was great, it was great.
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My friend and I, I think, are shining beacon examples of the importance of male friendship.
25:06 - 25:18
So we meet up at least one morning a week, often two. We have a bit of a walk, sometimes, you know, a few miles, couple of miles, and a coffee and a chat.
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And the chat we have is not about mental health, it's listing things we liked from the past.
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LAUGHTER It's listing films that have been remade where the remake was all right. It's listing albums that were important to us.
25:36 - 25:45
It's sometimes listing meals we've had elsewhere. Occasionally listed shoes we've had where we were really sad when they reached the end of their life.
25:45 - 25:51
Wow. You know, so, like, really good man stuff, just listing things. It makes us very, very happy.
25:51 - 25:55
And in amongst that, I think, if anything's wrong with either of us, we'll make...
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We'll mention that and go, oh, yeah, yeah, I feel very, very depressed. Still, Disintegration by The Cure was a hell of an album.
26:03 - 26:12
Yeah, yeah. Do you use prepositions or anything in the conversation or is it just 15 different class pulp, 14 The Bends?
26:12 - 26:23
Yeah. We never establish the framework. It just begins. We'll meet up and he'll go, I was listening to Rio by Duran Duran yesterday.
26:23 - 26:31
That's an incredible record. I mean, it's basically just a collection of singles, at which point we're immediately like, yeah.
26:31 - 26:35
I mean, that first Tracy Chapman album's the same, isn't it? It's barely an album.
26:35 - 26:49
It's just a collection of extraordinary singles. You wonder in 20 years' time when Andrew Tate is done talking about supercars and babes, he'll just have mellowed then and he'll be like,
26:49 - 26:55
I once had a pair of campers and they lasted for three years and that's one of the best things.
26:55 - 27:01
That's ever happened to me. Exactly. And, you know, my hope for him is that that day comes soon.
27:01 - 27:06
Look, I've never met Andrew Tate, but he seems to me like he's in a bad place.
27:06 - 27:11
In a pickle. Yeah. Because the only thing I listen to is Fern Cotton's Sounds of the 90s.
27:11 - 27:16
Lovely. Baby Bird comes on and you're gorgeous. And I think, oh, those were the days.
27:16 - 27:20
I remember the tank top you bought me. You wrote you're gorgeous on it. Yeah.
27:20 - 27:26
Part of me wonders if it's just an existential crisis that I'll have from now until, well, death.
27:26 - 27:34
Is that meeting part of the sort of same thing? Yeah. I mean, I hope you're not worried about that.
27:34 - 27:44
I'm not even faintly worried about that. If this is it now, for how I spend my time between now and when death just comes for me, that is fine.
27:44 - 27:54
That's fine. I suppose there's a risk of us running out of things to remember, but then I suppose we'll probably just get into like remembering the last time we remembered something.
27:55 - 28:01
As this cognitive function goes, the whole issue of remembering stuff gets more and more difficult.
28:01 - 28:07
You know, we hold out against looking stuff up on our phones, often for upwards of three or four minutes.
28:07 - 28:14
And there's just two men in their fifties going, oh, what was that? Die hard.
28:14 - 28:22
That was it. I feel to make this podcast more interesting, I should jump in here with a counter opinion.
28:22 - 28:27
But the truth is I listened to two, Huey Lewis albums in their entirety yesterday.
28:27 - 28:38
So sweet. Four was obviously one of them. Which was the other? Sport. Yeah. And again, when we talk about, I think there were seven singles off four.
28:38 - 28:47
If this is it, please let me know. I think we are just three dudes of roughly the same age.
28:47 - 28:57
Now just discussing the life of Huey Lewis. David, I'm worried when you said, you know, if I was to try and make this more interesting and I think you, actually quite sensationally achieved making it less,
28:57 - 29:06
which I think it was virtually impossible. Yeah. Yeah. But you did. But we've all now got hip to be square running through our heads and loving it.
29:06 - 29:12
So, okay. You've had the nostalgia with your friend. Had the nostalgia. That was very, very nice.
29:12 - 29:20
After coffee, we walk some of the way together and some of the way, you know, like it's always quite hard.
29:20 - 29:24
Do we head towards his house and I veer off? Yesterday he came as far as the tennis courts.
29:25 - 29:29
With me. Okay. Don't know how much detail you want. Probably not too much, but.
29:29 - 29:38
Lots. Okay. Well, there's a pretty low quality public toilet by the side of the tennis courts on Clapham Common.
29:38 - 29:45
It's not one of the ones that's frequented by the chaps. Yeah. On Clapham Common.
29:45 - 29:52
Let's go outside. Yes. But I did have to use that public loo and it was definitely a, I wonder if I can make it home.
29:52 - 29:59
No, I can't. And part of the reason, that I couldn't make it home is because I'm a devil for it.
29:59 - 30:11
I cannot stop brambling. If I see a BlackBerry, it doesn't really matter if my forearms get shredded or even if it's still June and it's clearly going to be the sourest thing on earth.
30:11 - 30:18
I'm having it. If it's even dark red, let alone black, I'm having it. So you're going straight out, straight in the face.
30:18 - 30:26
You're not bringing them home? Yeah. A hundred percent. Wow. Double raspberry sun. Imagine that if you just opened a Tupperware, and look what I found.
30:26 - 30:30
Yeah. Look at these. The pissiest part of the common. I brought you some BlackBerrys.
30:30 - 30:36
I mean, I'm tall, 6'2", so I'm able to get pretty high BlackBerrys, you know?
30:36 - 30:42
How many do you reckon you ate? About 30. About 30. Wow. And I'd say two were good.
30:42 - 30:49
Two were ready. Was this while you're with your friend, or is this like you've said goodbye and then you just like have a rummage and take them?
30:49 - 30:55
Listen, there's no way I'm doing this while I'm with him. He's also tall and I'd miss out on some of the best crop.
30:55 - 31:07
Got it. Okay. There was a really famous cut scene from Twins with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito where they devoured a blackberry bush in Clapham because they were just perfect.
31:07 - 31:10
It was just like they could get absolutely everything from it. Yeah, they could clear them out.
31:10 - 31:14
DeVito having to make do with a lot of the ones that dogs have weed on.
31:14 - 31:19
I mean, that very much sums up the microcosm of the film. That's exactly what Twins was.
31:19 - 31:25
It was. So what time do you get home then? You've got stained blackberry fingers Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:25 - 31:34
Red face, cut knees and quite torn up hands. I got home at about half past twelve-ish.
31:34 - 31:38
I didn't clock it but I know it was then because Billy was in bed.
31:38 - 31:45
How long's his nap now? Down to one nap I presume, two year old? Yeah, down to one nap but we've just got back from holiday so it's quite a lengthy nap.
31:45 - 31:49
Oh, that's good isn't it? I mean, good for him. He can do two hours.
31:49 - 31:54
Yeah, we've cut ours to one. And it's so sad because I really love the nap.
31:54 - 31:58
Yeah, and I'm going to be sad when that goes. Okay, so you come home, that's good.
31:58 - 32:04
Billy's asleep. You know, what's your plan? Presume you've got a handover, right? Unless you're just Mr. Patriarchy.
32:04 - 32:12
No, no, no, no. There's a big handover. So the first thing when I got back was that someone came and took the table away.
32:12 - 32:21
It is fair to say we have misjudged what furniture we need, fits and can afford.
32:21 - 32:29
Are they bailiffs? Well, it feels like it. There are slightly more things being removed from the house than there are being delivered at the moment.
32:29 - 32:40
So the first thing I did when I got in was go, oh, okay, they haven't come for the chairs, but now we've got a circle of chairs and no table.
32:40 - 32:46
It looked so much like an AA meeting. I sat down and identified myself straight away.
32:46 - 33:02
I'm Marcus and I've compulsively bought too many tables and chairs. So no, the first thing I did was when you got the two tables, they're like little fold-out table things that my mum has lent us until we get a new table.
33:02 - 33:08
So I went and got them because they're heavy. Trassels, we're calling them trassels. But with these, you can't fold the legs in.
33:08 - 33:13
You can't fold the legs and you can't remove them. You know, that's a village hall table, isn't it?
33:13 - 33:20
It's fates. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you're saying is your mum has given you some real shit stuff and she should be ashamed of herself.
33:20 - 33:26
She's fobbed us off with quite nice tables. Oh, mum, thanks so much for tables.
33:26 - 33:31
Those are great. It's a real pain. It turns out you can't take the legs off.
33:31 - 33:41
And she immediately went, don't take the legs off. I want those back. So I'm going to have to rent another van and get these leggy tables back to my mother when we eventually get a table,
33:41 - 33:50
which we just found out yesterday will be in November. When I was about 10, we got a new dining room table.
33:50 - 34:03
I would definitely say if I wanted a bike for Christmas, I'd mount a campaign where I'd be leaving brochures around the place and just casually mentioning conversation how much this specific mountain bike would improve my life or whatever.
34:03 - 34:11
And I tried to put forward a theory and I still like it in a way that we should get a pool table and eat our meals on it.
34:11 - 34:19
But I was overruled on this. I mean, having a long torso and short legs, as we've already covered, I think I could have happily sat under it.
34:19 - 34:26
You'd have been fine. Yeah, I was going to say like the depth to allow for there to be pockets, you've got a long back and short legs.
34:26 - 34:37
It would have been absolutely perfect. Also the beautiful ASMR of that sound where you put the coins in, push it in and you hear the balls being released into the innards of the table.
34:37 - 34:42
That is delightful. So you did, even though it was for your own home, you did still want it to be coin operated.
34:42 - 34:54
I mean, I'm just saying there were other options there. Would you have had cutlery, David, or would it have been like just big chopsticks?
34:54 - 35:06
Like the cues? No, because the food I would have been advocating at this time in my life would not have required cutlery because it would have been chips, burgers, chicken,
35:06 - 35:11
things like that. Fish fingers. We could just eat it in the medieval style on a pool table.
35:11 - 35:15
And I don't know what the problem with that is. It's a really good idea.
35:15 - 35:28
No, there's no problem at all. I mean, I think you'd have to be careful with any food items you ate that were crumbed because they could affect play later So where are we now?
35:28 - 35:32
You've come in. There's no table, right? So I've come in. I've put the two tables in.
35:32 - 35:37
I've arranged the chairs around the table. It's all good. A bit of peace then, actually.
35:37 - 35:44
Billy was still having his nap. So I did my Duolingo. Oh. What language? French.
35:44 - 35:51
Oh, la, la. Où est le moutarde? Oui, le moutarde est là-bas. Is that a sheep?
35:51 - 35:55
Dans la cuisine. Is that a sheep? No, it's the buffalo. Là-bas, over there.
35:55 - 36:05
So what point are we at dans le course? So I was filming in Guadeloupe, which is a department of France.
36:05 - 36:09
Are you the murderer in Death in Paradise? That's the only reason you must be filming in Guadeloupe.
36:09 - 36:23
I simply am not allowed to tell you. All I will say is I was filming in Guadeloupe and the fact that you've asked that question should tell any keen and avid fans everything they need to know.
36:23 - 36:32
Let's be clear about this. It is, bar none, I don't know about you because with a toddler I have no brain space for anything very deep, a happy murder show.
36:32 - 36:40
Death in Paradise, honestly, I absolutely love it. I love it so much. I can't tell you.
36:40 - 36:46
I love it. They start and you're like, so much is happening on Sainte-Marie. The Tour de France is there.
36:46 - 36:52
It's insane how many things are happening and the prison must be overflowing with murderers.
36:52 - 37:09
I love it. Busting with... Pretty violent murderers. Yeah. Really difficult prison conditions. But I read a thing that said, unlike Paris and places in France, people in Guadeloupe are genuinely hugely appreciative if you speak to them in French.
37:09 - 37:20
Right, okay. Which my experience has been when I've been to Paris, for example, if you try as an English person to speak in French, they sort of look at you with a mixture of disdain and pity and then reply in English and that's it.
37:20 - 37:26
And then you just feel embarrassed. And so I really tried and I started to do a lingo on the flight out there.
37:26 - 37:32
I thought, I'm going to just try this. Lots of people say it's good. And I'm on an 83-day streak.
37:32 - 37:40
Now, David, what do you reckon Marcus's character? I'm going to say he's a businessman, but things have gone awry, right?
37:40 - 37:47
They all have to say, well, of course, he owed me a lot of money, but surely you don't think I'm capable of murder.
37:47 - 37:53
Oh, I'm so jealous. Max, they've gone real complex and darker in the new series, you know what I mean?
37:54 - 38:00
He's a businessman. He's running a giant tax-dodging scam. He's been run out of six countries.
38:00 - 38:06
He's Belgian as well. He's in a Mac, and we don't understand why he's wearing the Mac all the time.
38:06 - 38:15
He meets up with his best friend for coffee in a public place at least two mornings a week where they then go for a walk.
38:15 - 38:20
Yeah, but they've already done the crypto mining murder. I've seen that one. But hang on.
38:20 - 38:34
Sorry to just go back in this particular death, this particular paradise. If I did a murder, okay, in a park, and I came back with effectively bloodstains on my tight mustard shorts,
38:34 - 38:39
I would say I had been blackberrying. You know, like it's exactly what I would say.
38:39 - 38:48
Blackberrying is always a pretty decent cover for violent crime. Once again, it's possible this entire podcast will be played in court.
38:48 - 39:00
That's all I'm saying. And the question is, will that add more subscribers, Max? You know, if this podcast formed the central plank to the Bridgestock murder case that eventually he goes down for.
39:00 - 39:05
Oh my God. Will people want to listen to the Sam Campbell episode? That's true.
39:05 - 39:12
I think a true crime podcast where the podcast has been recorded in advance of the trial.
39:12 - 39:18
Really good idea. That's good stuff. And the podcast itself is admissible evidence. That's the good stuff.
39:18 - 39:29
I'm worried that the eight figure deal that we've signed with Pret. They will be slightly nervous being around homicidal maniacs like Marcus Bridgestock.
39:29 - 39:38
Their sponsorship deal where once every two or three months we get an unstirred Big Apple breakfast dessert could be withdrawn at any moment.
39:38 - 39:47
I think Murder He Podcasted is a great alternative title for this one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:47 - 39:51
So we've done the Duolingo. You're sitting here having a peaceful time before Billy wakes up.
39:51 - 40:00
Yeah. And then Bill wakes up and then, you know, everything changes. I mean, he's just turned three actually and he's a very dominant force in the house.
40:00 - 40:10
He's a very dominant force and Rachel and I sort of do lots of stuff, all three of us, and I've got big kids as well so they help and chip in.
40:10 - 40:14
But if you want to achieve anything you have to top and tail and stuff.
40:14 - 40:23
So first off we went outside and bounced on the trampoline. We were going to attempt the sandpit but the sandpit, it's huge.
40:23 - 40:32
Like it's such a big thing to take on. You're looking at a change of clothes before, possibly during and after the pit.
40:32 - 40:35
Did Billy want the sandpit and you just couldn't be bothered or it was a joint decision?
40:35 - 40:50
No, no, no. We did decide not to but there's a little card game we picked up on the journey back from our holiday actually and it's got different pictures on each card and you put the two down and you see if you could,
40:50 - 40:56
yes poker, that's it, that's the one. And we're teaching our three year old different pictures on each card, all in.
40:56 - 41:02
No, you've lost again, Bill. Bad luck. You've got to know when to hold them.
41:02 - 41:06
Know when to fold them. Know when to walk away and know when to run.
41:06 - 41:14
And please, you never count your money when you're sitting at the table. Trust me when I tell you, you're three.
41:14 - 41:20
There will be time enough for counting when the dealing's done. Sorry, look, I know we're getting sidetracked now.
41:20 - 41:30
What's the argument again counting at the table? I thought like if you're a paying a builder in cash, which I would never do, they will always count it in front of you to make sure you're not ripping them off.
41:30 - 41:35
So what's the thinking of not counting at the table? That's a very good point.
41:35 - 41:45
I haven't considered that closely enough. I mean, there is time enough for counting when the dealing's done, but just because there's time enough for something later doesn't mean you shouldn't do it now.
41:45 - 41:53
I would just make sure that the dealer is not ripping you off. Max, as a prominent sports podcaster, I feel this should be in your wheelhouse.
41:53 - 42:02
I would like you to steam in here. I did once beat Steve Davis, Teddy Sheringham and Abby Titmuss in a celebrity poker match.
42:02 - 42:09
And I was transferred into round one of like the poker million, like the official poker million.
42:09 - 42:14
And it was televised. Like it was one of those where you put your cards with the camera underneath it.
42:14 - 42:19
And I'm absolutely hopeless. I just got really lucky and good cards. And then I had to play against professional poker players.
42:19 - 42:26
They're all really odd because they don't see daylight. One of them was just fiddling with his chips and I was too polite to say, I've already been playing for like four hours.
42:26 - 42:34
I'm totally wrecked. I just want to get out of here. I know if I win, I win actually money, but I just can't face this anymore.
42:34 - 42:40
But I didn't count my money. So with a million pounds at stake, you just were like, ah, do you know what?
42:40 - 42:45
Well, I think I'd have to win at least another. I think this was mainly to get into the repassage.
42:45 - 42:54
Okay. That's quite a long way away from the million pounds. Well, we played very similar to poker, lower stakes, a game called double.
42:54 - 42:59
You put the two cards down and you'd say, now, are there two the same?
42:59 - 43:04
And Billy would go, no, there aren't. And then you'd go, are there two dragons?
43:04 - 43:12
No. Are there two light bulbs? No. Are there two clouds? No. Are there two snowflakes?
43:12 - 43:18
Two snowflakes! And then he won. Great. He won the cards. It was great. We played it for ages.
43:18 - 43:32
I was really impressed with his concentration. Double, I suspect you might get worse. at it over the age of about nine because it involves looking at 10 objects on the card and spotting which one of those is on the other card.
43:32 - 43:50
I feel as the adult mind hones in on singular objects, whereas possibly the buzzing confusion that Joyce talks about that the child sees, I think that might be the, if Double is in the Olympics and I believe it's only a demonstration sport,
43:50 - 43:56
then I think our team should be no one above the age of nine. I totally agree.
43:56 - 44:05
And I think it's great that the IOC have included Double. There are critics, you know, the sprinters have said, what the hell?
44:05 - 44:15
We train for years for this. We get one shot and you've got eight-year-olds looking at two circular cards with pictures of snowflakes on.
44:15 - 44:25
They're like, shut the fuck up, runners. These are gold medal winners right here. And also like the issue will be nine-year-olds on EPO and steroids.
44:25 - 44:31
And we just have to watch out for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But, you know, worth it for a gold for little Bill.
44:31 - 44:37
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen, whatever it takes. The Chinese start them identifying cards when they're newborn.
44:37 - 44:42
Yeah. Newborn. First thing, they have to find two portcullises or they can't meet their parents.
44:42 - 44:49
What happens now? What time are we at, Marcus? We're at about 5.30. God, so sorry, you've done three hours of Double?
44:49 - 44:56
Yeah, every day, three hours. Pretty much Pretty much. You've had your sleep. You've had your sleep.
44:56 - 45:06
Sit down. We're playing another round. You're like the Williams sisters' dad of Double. We also stacked wooden animals.
45:06 - 45:17
Great. He's more interested now in, instead of identifying the animals and the noises they can make, lying them on their side because they're wooden, like they're flat on their sides.
45:17 - 45:29
It's just seeing how many animals you can pile on top of one another. It's somewhere, between a really bad butcher shop and the worst zoo you've ever visited in your life.
45:29 - 45:36
I got my niece a set of just plastic animals in a corner shop recently for two quid.
45:36 - 45:43
But whatever had happened to them in transit, the animals all appeared to be getting it on in the bag.
45:43 - 45:53
And it was impossible not to imagine the curious outcomes, say when a turtle and a giraffe managed to...
45:53 - 45:59
Create an offspring. Christ, imagine a turtle with a neck as long as a giraffe.
45:59 - 46:06
Yeah. Or indeed, a giraffe with a shell. It's hard enough for giraffes to run, but with a shell.
46:06 - 46:14
It's like me in my yellow shorts yesterday. Just ungainly, ridiculous. Okay, it's 5.30. It's 5.30 and there was a division.
46:14 - 46:20
So Rachel had done a load of... We're trying to get on top of the house we've moved into and organise things.
46:20 - 46:25
And she just hit the wall and I said, look, let's do a switch. I said, I'll run the hoover round.
46:25 - 46:33
And I went into a hoover spiral where I started hoovering a bit and two hours later, I was still hoovering.
46:33 - 46:50
Magical. Are you cordless? No, no, no, no, no, no. We're corded. It's very basic mistake there from my co-presenter because if you're cordless, one of the nice things about it is you can only do 15 to 20 minutes max of hoovering because then you got to return to base.
46:50 - 46:56
Yeah, so you're right. I wish we were cordless for that reason. I genuinely went a bit hoover mad.
46:56 - 47:03
But it's satisfying, right? It is satisfying. Yeah, it is. And I opened the thing and got the little attachment out and did each stair.
47:03 - 47:11
Wow, really good. And then had to use a different attachment for the side of the stairs because the carpet doesn't go all the way to the edge.
47:11 - 47:20
There's an attachment I've never understood, which is bristles going up. So I understand what the narrow one, like the dentist puts in your mouth.
47:20 - 47:28
I understand what this sort of saliva, sucking one is for. I understand what the one that's just like the normal thing, but mini.
47:28 - 47:33
I understand what that's like for a powerful, you know, removing dandruff or whatever from a horse.
47:33 - 47:45
But what the heck is bristles into a tube for? I used it yesterday. On the side in our bedroom was a thing that was so dusty.
47:45 - 47:50
I had to sort of brush it and hoover it at the same time. That's what I used it for.
47:50 - 47:57
I think they might be for curtains, those. They're not like grabbing the curtain. Yeah, yeah.
47:57 - 48:05
Look, I don't know. All I know is I did so much hoovering. By the time I had finished, I needed a shower.
48:05 - 48:13
Because it's a sweaty business, right? It's a very sweaty business. This is your first shower of the day, by the way.
48:13 - 48:20
Yeah, it is. Yeah, there wasn't time in the morning. Yeah, OK. So and by the time I'd finished that, my daughter had arrived.
48:20 - 48:24
So there was great excitement because Billy, hasn't seen her for a couple of weeks.
48:24 - 48:30
That was all lovely. It was so nice. It was a golden bit. We all sat in the garden and Billy played around.
48:30 - 48:36
She's 19. He's just turned three. So he shows off so much for her benefit, you know.
48:36 - 48:43
You haven't eaten a lot, Marcus, today. No, I haven't eaten much. I must have had lunch at some stage.
48:43 - 48:57
It feels like an important detail. Oh, yeah, that was it. While Billy slept, when I came back from my walk with my friend, I went via Mr. Chad so Mr. Chadwick is not a Dickensian character.
48:57 - 49:09
It's our local butcher, right? And when I go in, I always say, morning, Mr. Chadwick, because I like how Dickensian it is that I know my butcher by name.
49:09 - 49:17
So I went to Mr. Chadwick's and I bought two thin minute steaks. We had minute steak and salad for lunch.
49:17 - 49:26
Even though I had cooked Rachel's steak for twice the length of mine, I had to recook hers, as is always the case because it's never cooked enough.
49:26 - 49:31
She likes a charred steak. Good. It's good to just tick that off. It must be bedtime for Billy soon.
49:31 - 49:44
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So what happened is I started cooking dinner. So I do 90% of the cooking and I'm, hands up, freely admit this, I'm the worst backseat cook.
49:44 - 49:53
If you cook something, even not in my home, even in a restaurant, probably, I'd lean in and go, you're putting garlic in now.
49:53 - 49:59
Okay. You're not even eating the food. You just sort of put your head through people's windows.
49:59 - 50:05
Yeah, literally just, yeah, gosh. Oh, pasta's been in a while. Up to you, up to you.
50:05 - 50:15
Wow, these new neighbours are a pain in the arse. He keeps leaning over and with extra long tongs, turning our barbecue meats over.
50:15 - 50:21
I'm like, well, look, it's up to you. You know, you set about cooking chicken on a barbecue.
50:21 - 50:26
That needs turning on a regular basis. So I started the cooking and we had.
50:26 - 50:34
What you do? What are we having? So miso glazed aubergine. Wow. Oh my. And stir fried courgettes.
50:34 - 50:41
My friend, Thomas Chalk. Another Dickensian character. Yeah, Thomas Chalk. Morning, Mr. Jack. Morning, Mr. Chalk.
50:41 - 50:48
My friend, Tom Chalk, who used to be the technician for the sketch show I was in.
50:48 - 50:55
First ever Edinburgh in 1996. Tom was our technician and stayed so for years. And he's just the loveliest man.
50:55 - 51:04
He makes the most amazing chilli crisp. Stunning chilli crisp. So I did courgettes in Thomas Chalk's chilli crisp and miso glazed aubergine.
51:04 - 51:11
But here's what happened. Rachel came in and backseat cooked me and she said, why don't you and Em go and put Billy to bed?
51:11 - 51:19
I'll do this. And I sort of buzzed around the kitchen feeling nervous and panicky for a bit going, all right, don't worry though.
51:19 - 51:25
I'll do the courgettes when I come back down, which I did. But she did an excellent job of the miso glazed aubergine.
51:25 - 51:39
Really, really good. Great. I had a revelation yesterday. I was hanging with an American and somehow emojis came up and they say eggplant for aubergine.
51:39 - 51:54
Oh yeah. Australians. Yeah. But you guys, the classic horny Willie emoji is the aubergine, which they refer to as the eggplant, which sounds to me much more like a slang term for the lady wang.
51:54 - 52:07
That's a good point. The eggplant. I think certainly in a new relationship, if you pointed between a woman's legs and said, that is a beautiful looking eggplant.
52:07 - 52:12
I don't know. I think it'd be hard to move forward from there. I'm just saying.
52:12 - 52:21
I am just saying. Listen, we're just asking questions. I'm not sure if you ever used that phrase and put anything on the end of it.
52:22 - 52:28
It would be well-received. I don't know. It's not anything that I've ever tried to compliment in such a direct way.
52:28 - 52:34
Anyway. Yeah. But we're having courgettes with aubergines. Are they not essentially the same thing?
52:34 - 52:50
Vaguely. They're in the same ballpark. They were prepared very differently. So the miso glazed aubergine goes really soft and sort of like kind of wet, sticky fudge just held together by the skin.
52:50 - 52:56
And the miso is really sweet and quite a lot of umami. And then the chili crisp is quite punchy.
52:56 - 53:03
Okay. And I fried the courgettes very hot. So they were still quite crisp. So texture wise, they were very different.
53:03 - 53:09
Sounds a bit sloppy to me. Anyway. Billy's asleep by now. He's had a great bath.
53:09 - 53:22
Yeah. We had some issues getting the cast of Moana out of his bath. Billy is a massive fan of Moana, which by the way, we found out across Europe, having just been into,
53:22 - 53:34
to continental Europe is called Moyana. Not because of a language thing, but because of some, I think in Italy, there's a very famous porn actress called Moana.
53:34 - 53:44
So they call her Moyana there. But anyway, Bill is as big a fan of Moana or Moyana, the Disney cartoon character.
53:44 - 53:58
I do want to make that clear. He hasn't seen an Italian actress's eggplant. He got a Maui, a Heihei, a Pua, a Tamatoa, and a Moana that can all go in the bath.
53:58 - 54:03
So getting him and them out of the bath took a while. Right. So he's out.
54:03 - 54:11
He's asleep. He's out. He's asleep. He's very happy. We sat out in the garden in the late afternoon, early evening sunshine.
54:11 - 54:20
Edelic. Eating good food, good food. And then Rachel, my wife and Em, my daughter both had a bowl of ice cream, but I don't do the sugar.
54:20 - 54:25
So unless I've, I've ever made my own ice cream is no ice cream for this lad.
54:25 - 54:35
I had disappointingly underripe apricot. And I'm saying that in the context of the blackberries I'd had, which weren't just underripe.
54:35 - 54:44
They were not fit for human consumption. An underripe apricot. And if anything, a slightly overripe nectarine.
54:44 - 54:55
I mean, a fear I had when we were at the bushes there earlier on was that we may be here from these blackberries again later on in this episode.
54:55 - 54:59
If you know what I mean, it was instant. I thought they might reappear out your bum bum.
54:59 - 55:10
The blackberries stayed in my system for no more than three minutes. Straight three. They effectively turned my entire body into a flume.
55:10 - 55:18
Wow. It's very much the enema of the fruit world, aren't they? Okay. So you sit in the garden, just chat away until bedtime.
55:18 - 55:24
Sit in the garden, chat away for a while, catching up on, my daughter and her plans and all the rest of it.
55:24 - 55:32
And then I got a text from my brother saying, would it suit for me to drop round Billy's birthday present?
55:32 - 55:37
And he's very overworked at the moment. He's so busy. And I said, you know what?
55:37 - 55:43
If I run M back to her mom's house, I could pop by. So that's what we did.
55:43 - 55:47
We made a plan. And at nine 30. So late to leave the house. It's pretty late.
55:47 - 55:52
It's pretty late at nine 30. M and I got in the car, took her back.
55:52 - 55:57
Popped over to my brother's picked up Billy's birthday present and a housewarming gift for us.
55:57 - 56:02
I should mention a chair. I wish I wish whatever it was. It's already been removed.
56:02 - 56:08
Bayliffs have been gone. Any idea what Billy's present is? Were you tempted to ask?
56:08 - 56:14
No, it's still wrapped. It's still wrapped and on the side. He didn't spot it this morning, which is good.
56:14 - 56:20
Cause it means when he gets back from nursery today, he'll have something exciting. If I haven't opened it, we don't care.
56:20 - 56:25
Cause it's not yesterday. But is his birthday today? No, no, it's not. It was last week.
56:25 - 56:34
Yep. That would be bad for him. If we opened it on the podcast, you know, in 20 years time, Billy would hear this podcast.
56:34 - 56:42
That's what he'll be doing. And go, oh, so that's what happened. He'd be in rehab after all the double drugs that he'd taken.
56:42 - 56:55
So dad, that's why you claimed that my uncle and aunt had simply given me some hard blackberries, which even at age three, I thought, it was weird and they were covered in blood.
56:55 - 57:02
So I popped over, saw my brother and sister-in-law. And by the time I came back, Rachel was exhausted.
57:02 - 57:12
In fairness, it is dust free the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's possible that what's been keeping her awake for the last while has been her allergies, but now it's pollen free.
57:12 - 57:18
So we went up to bed and I had not finished my Duolingo cause I'd run out of time earlier.
57:18 - 57:24
So I said to her in bed, I said, look, do you mind if, if I finish my French lesson?
57:24 - 57:34
And she's no, no, no, no, that's fine. That's fine. She's pretty knackered. And after about 10 minutes, she rolled over to face me and said, will that be much longer?
57:34 - 57:43
Yeah. Does Duolingo, you effectively talk to your phone? It's a mixture of having to type things, which is the hardest question to answer.
57:43 - 57:51
Okay. Repeating things they've said. That's the easiest. And that's about it really. And sort of sometimes multiple choice type things.
57:51 - 58:00
Lucas, are you having an affair with a French woman? And every time that Rachel hears it, you're like, it's simply the lesson.
58:00 - 58:10
Oh, mon chéri, c'est la première eggplant dans la France. Yeah, this is awful.
58:10 - 58:21
It's so brazen. It's so brazen right in front of her. If I'm having an affair with a French lady, then all that French lady has talked about for the last week and a half is things to buy.
58:21 - 58:33
To buy in the supermarket. And whether she prefers, elle préfère faire du course au supermarché ou au marché.
58:33 - 58:39
The market or the supermarket. It's the big question in French life on any given day.
58:39 - 58:51
Could be a euphemism. Yeah, yes, exactly. Or a clandestine meeting place. So your wife turns to you and says, and it would be annoying if someone was bleating out French words.
58:51 - 58:56
They're trying to go to sleep. Yeah, really irritating. And to be honest, fairly sinister.
58:56 - 59:07
Me, as quietly as possible, going, Oui, j'aime bien les fraises. J'ai acheté les fraises au supermarché.
59:07 - 59:10
So then she says, go to bed and you go to sleep. Is that basically what happens?
59:10 - 59:22
I'd say we went to sleep with things feeling just a tiny bit tense. Because we're both comics and so different times, one of us is gigging, so we often have different energies.
59:22 - 59:34
When we are both at home and able to go to bed at the same time, that should be nice and should involve a better level of connection than me talking to a French lady.
59:34 - 59:43
I just think that Rachel needs to understand, c'est la vie, c'est la vie. Absolument, c'est vrai, c'est vachement vrai.
59:43 - 59:47
You've done the course, David. A man of many talents. What time did you go to sleep, please?
59:47 - 59:55
I eventually gave up on completing the challenge. Uh, just before 11. And that was it?
59:55 - 59:58
It's not a bad day. It's a good day. It's a good day. It was a good day.
59:58 - 1:00:05
It's a very summer day. I mean, I'm thinking in my head, the amount of things you did in this day, you couldn't really do in the winter.
1:00:05 - 1:00:13
You know, they would all be slightly different. A lot of great outdoorsy stuff. We got the walk, we got the blackberries, et cetera.
1:00:13 - 1:00:21
We've got the apple pot from Pret that having now mentioned four times, I believe they put another zero on.
1:00:21 - 1:00:27
The end of me and Max's deal for that. So I've really enjoyed this day.
1:00:27 - 1:00:34
I'm definitely a seasonally affected guy. You know, like I really liked the adjustment between the seasons.
1:00:34 - 1:00:39
And yes, I mean, God, if this was in the winter, the shape of that day would be wildly different.
1:00:39 - 1:00:48
You throw Mr. Chadwick half a crown. A badger. You boy, is the big bird still in Mr. Chadwick's window?
1:00:48 - 1:00:56
You send little Tom Chalk, who's withering away. To get the bird. Yeah. Well, we should get you on in the winter to find out how sad your life is.
1:00:56 - 1:01:02
That would be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's bleak. We all woke at around midday.
1:01:02 - 1:01:10
Billy had been awake for, we believe, seven hours. Thanks for coming on, Marcus. Hey, thanks for having me.
1:01:10 - 1:01:29
So, David. That was Marcus Brigstock's day. Do you know, I was excited about that episode because I feel he might be the first person we've had on who hasn't slept in your flat.
1:01:29 - 1:01:36
I might be wrong. We're moving into new groups of people now. And I found the Duolingo thing very interesting.
1:01:36 - 1:01:43
That, the lying in bed while doing it. I can't see how anyone would be like, yeah, that's fine.
1:01:43 - 1:01:50
I'll just doze off while you're putting on this preposterous accent. Also, the murder that was just simmering below the surface.
1:01:50 - 1:01:56
I mean, that was incredible. Detective work from you. I think you might have cracked the case as to why he was in Guadalupe.
1:01:56 - 1:02:00
Once I found out someone's been in Death in Paradise, I must admit, I go a bit giddy.
1:02:00 - 1:02:05
You know, I don't want to be like starstruck, but instantly, you know, I was playing it cool until then.
1:02:05 - 1:02:11
But then once I discovered he'd just been in Death in Paradise, I was just too excited to know what scenario it could possibly be.
1:02:11 - 1:02:21
How many scenarios could they have on San Marie? He had his murder plotline as well then with the meeting of the guy, the coming back covered in fruit stains.
1:02:21 - 1:02:25
Oh, well, thanks, David. Have a lovely rest of your day, whatever you plan to do.
1:02:25 - 1:02:30
I enjoyed that. And yeah, I'll try to have a day as good as Marcus Bridgestock now.