EP18: Kerry Godliman

0:00 - 0:11

Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

0:11 - 0:16

I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it.

0:16 - 0:19

And they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

0:19 - 0:25

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

0:25 - 0:34

Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

0:34 - 0:38

We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

0:38 - 0:43

What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

0:43 - 0:49

Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

0:49 - 0:55

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

0:55 - 1:04

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode 18 of What Did You Do Yesterday?

1:04 - 1:10

18! Happy birthday, David O'Doherty. Yeah, it is. It's the, um, I mean, can we say this?

1:10 - 1:18

It's the 18th of December. It's my birthday. And it's the 18th episode. How did you think back to your happiest birthday?

1:18 - 1:28

Do you know what I'm looking forward to? It's my 49th year. And I'll be introducing a podcast about what a comedian friend of mine did yesterday.

1:28 - 1:35

Firstly, it's my 18th birthday. Oh, yeah, sorry. And thank you very much. Max, there's no one I'd rather spend it with.

1:35 - 1:41

Oh, that's very kind of you. Cheers. Cheers to you. I've got a bottle of water.

1:41 - 1:45

There you are. Thank you very much. Do you want some feedback? I mean, it's going to ruin my birthday.

1:45 - 1:50

No, no, no, it won't. I promise you it won't. This is from Robert Bryce of Perth, who says, Hi, both.

1:50 - 2:00

I found the Marcus Brigstocke episode some sort of bizarre parallel universe experience. Either that or it was a stark example of the mundanity and predictability of my existence.

2:00 - 2:13

Yesterday, I traveled to Dublin for work. And as I drove to Edinburgh Airport, I was idly thinking not only about how crap a night's sleep I'd had, which started with my wife telling me off for doing a French Duolingo session before sleep.

2:13 - 2:25

238 days straight, he says. But also how the last time I'd been in the city was a few weeks ago for a dinner which was duly hosted by Marcus and his wife, Rachel Paris.

2:25 - 2:33

Anyway, I parked up and after security went into Pret for my usual breakfast. On a whim, I thought I'd try the apple rather than the berry bircher bowl for a change.

2:33 - 2:39

It was okay, but I don't agree it's game-changing. Imagine my surprise when I finally dug it up from my headphones and fished for the first available podcast.

2:39 - 2:46

On reflection, I couldn't decide whether it was an unusual coincidence, I'm incredibly dull average, and so is Marcus.

2:46 - 2:54

Well, my money's on the first one. It was enough to write this on the plane home where there were no further Brigstock and or Pret-related coincidences.

2:54 - 3:00

Take care. That's quite a lot. Duolingo, Pret, and having been at a thing that was hosted by Marcus Brigstock.

3:00 - 3:09

Seems like a lot of coincidences. Max, he came to Dublin, he stayed at my house, and really slowly dunked his balls into my bath.

3:09 - 3:22

While I was in it. While I was in it. The Guardian cartoonist, David Squires, who is brilliant, got in touch regarding Marcus Brigstock and the Pret-Bercher muesli.

3:22 - 3:33

He says, I ate that apple cinnamon Bercher Pret thing every day of the week I was in London in September, only having listened to the latest What Did You Do Yesterday that I learnt you're supposed to stir it.

3:33 - 3:39

Every day, on the last spoonful, I was like Mike Parry in the Cinnamon Challenge.

3:39 - 3:48

That to the listeners. I think it's one of the top five YouTube videos ever.

3:48 - 3:59

The guy who tries to consume the full spoon of cinnamon. It's the fact that at the start, he clearly hasn't tried it before they've filmed it because it appears like he's...

3:59 - 4:06

He's dying. I did a radio show with him once and it was quite an experience.

4:06 - 4:11

I'm not sure we dovetailed. I think we dovetail well, David. I'm not sure me and Mike Parry did.

4:11 - 4:16

In fact, I don't think I said anything. Anyway, this is from Liz. Says, hello.

4:16 - 4:26

Whilst listening to the episode with Josie Long on my drive home from work, she mentioned how she became lost in researching prehistoric animals and how there were wombats in Australia the size of a saiyat ibiza.

4:26 - 4:33

This wouldn't normally amaze me. From today, when I was following a saiyat ibiza, what are the chances?

4:33 - 4:41

I was going to take a photo to prove it, but I couldn't risk losing my license and explaining why I was taking a photo of a car in front.

4:41 - 4:45

I don't think anyone would have either believed me or thought it as coincidental as myself.

4:45 - 4:50

I also then spent my time following the car, thinking about how the wombat would look.

4:50 - 4:54

Was it curled up the size of a saiyat ibiza? Would it get bigger when it stood up?

4:54 - 5:00

Anyway, loving the podcast. Can't wait for the 80th year episode from Liz. Thank you, Liz.

5:00 - 5:11

How wonderful. I mean, isn't the saiyat corporation owned by Volkswagen? And so the ibiza is actually the same chassis as the Volkswagen Polo.

5:11 - 5:21

You're talking to a man who has failed two Top Gear auditions, but actually, well, one audition and one they really thought about.

5:21 - 5:24

Do you know what I was going to do? I don't know if we've mentioned this before.

5:24 - 5:31

When Clarkson and that lot left, I pitched. He had to do a 30-second video, and I'd actually been banned from driving by the BBC because I'd crashed as many radio cars.

5:31 - 5:41

I was going to take a Kombi van, like a van of love, and go to all the places where they'd been casually racist and just apologize and give people lifts.

5:41 - 5:48

And they thought it was a good idea, but then they went with quite a serious car show.

5:48 - 5:55

But anyway, I have no interest in cars. So you're talking about chassis. I don't really know what the chassis is.

5:55 - 6:03

Well, look, my point is this. If someone says a Wamba. A prehistoric Wamba was the size of a Seat Ibiza, you're like, ooh.

6:03 - 6:10

But if you hear it's the size of a Volkswagen Polo, you're like, nah, it's not as exotic or interesting as a car.

6:10 - 6:14

Got it. Yeah, no, no, I see what you mean. And yet they're the same, is what you're saying.

6:14 - 6:20

I think they're dimensions. I mean, I can almost hear my inbox filling up right now.

6:20 - 6:41

The central fence. Never listening again. Unsubscribed. But also, you know, what genuinely successful podcast seven minutes into an episode is comparing the chassis sizes of a Seat Ibiza and a Volkswagen Polo.

6:41 - 6:55

Not even car podcasts are doing that. That's what I'm saying. Last week, when I put out our podcast, when I am promoting it on my social media, I'll say, fun to listen to while you're, whatever,

6:55 - 7:03

harvesting your crops or some funny thing. Because, Max, we are interested in what people do while they listen to it.

7:03 - 7:13

However, this week, I got a message from Caroline O'Dea. Hello, Caroline. She said, I listened to this while milking my cows this morning.

7:13 - 7:20

Genuinely, she was. Yeah. So I don't know if she's a time traveler. Would you think most cows are?

7:20 - 7:26

What we don't know is, was she, like, just hooking up 12,000 cows to an industrial milker?

7:26 - 7:41

Or was she sitting in, like, a petticoat with just one cow called Ursula, you know, like, carefully caressing each teat to just get enough to make the family porridge of a morning?

7:41 - 7:51

We don't know, do we? Tell us. I loved petticoat there and also just the family porridge.

7:51 - 7:57

This is why I do a podcast with you. No one else is using those exact words.

7:58 - 8:06

Hang on, Max. I'm going on tour after Christmas. I get in awful trouble from my agent because I never say what I do.

8:06 - 8:10

Send your agent to me. Send your agent to me. He's not interested in comedy anymore.

8:10 - 8:17

He's a podcaster. He's not interested in touring. He's not interested in comedy anymore. All he wants to do is podcasting.

8:17 - 8:25

So just get off his case, all right? Unless, of course, you become part of promoting the live shows for What Did You Do Yesterday?

8:25 - 8:30

Then it will be a great pleasure to meet you. Do you foresee live shows?

8:30 - 8:36

Do you foresee a time when we'll be like, subscribers get first dibs on tickets?

8:36 - 8:50

You'll be able to say things like that? Carnegie Hall is 90% sold. But if you're part of the Patreon, then you can still get, you know, if people give their tickets back, you can still get them.

8:50 - 8:57

It'll be fine. We'll fit you in. We'll fit you in. The Rose Bowl in Pasadena is, they've opened the top tier.

8:58 - 9:09

So imagine those poor Patreon to get like the unedited version, you know, cause we do over record this sometimes.

9:09 - 9:17

And Mars Bar, our producer does have to knock it down into a podcastable hour and 20 minutes or whatever it is.

9:17 - 9:26

But imagine paying money to hear the three hour absolute shit. Also like the last half an hour, it's quite late for me.

9:26 - 9:35

And I'm just so exhausted. The video of just my eyes descending into my, you can't see my eye by the end of, by the end of the episode.

9:35 - 9:44

I'm just like, yeah. And what, when was Ben? So yeah, but it's interesting. Here is a question for the listeners, which is, is there David and I are going to do a Christmas special and we want to

9:44 - 9:53

know if there is, is there an appetite for a little midweek, me and David just doing a short little, what did you do yesterday about our days and about feedback from you,

9:53 - 10:04

but we need content and neither of us can be bothered to provide it. Or there is a fear that if we keep going on and just talking about what we did yesterday, people will realize not just like, Oh,

10:04 - 10:11

aren't the lives of the rich and famous a bit like mine. They'll be like, fuck, these two are so boring that we should stop listening to anything.

10:11 - 10:18

We don't want it to be counterproductive, but is there, would you be interested in a little half hour midweek episode of this?

10:18 - 10:23

Can you email us with questions, thoughts, feelings? And the email address is what did you do yesterday?

10:23 - 10:30

Pod at gmail.com. I'm expecting an avalanche of people saying, yes, we demand more, but if you think it's a bad idea, we'll also accept that.

10:30 - 10:43

Yeah. Also, I would include in that. I mean, do a lot of the listeners 15 seconds, 15 seconds, 15 seconds, plus, plus, plus for this bit, because they want to hear what our incredible guest has been doing.

10:43 - 10:52

So, I mean, it would mean that we probably get into the guest quicker and put all of this flim flam into a mess around.

10:52 - 10:56

I don't know. I think it's a nice idea. I'm up for it. Do people want it?

10:56 - 11:09

Yeah. Do we want, do you want an extra? A bit of us. Do you think the chemistry between me and David is strong enough to sustain an extra podcast, which has even less content than the actual episodes have is the question.

11:09 - 11:20

And Max, I've just got a message in the staple center has sold out. So we're going to be running a screen in radio city musical for the overflow.

11:20 - 11:27

And that's where the after party will be. So the people at the overflow will get first dibs on the after show tickets.

11:27 - 11:36

This is the first part. That we'll play the whole Serengeti and standing only. All right, let's get to the episode.

11:36 - 11:49

Today's guest is Kerry Godliman, award-winning comedian actress. I loved this episode, David. You will know her from being in Derek and afterlife with Ricky Gervais.

11:49 - 11:54

She won season seven of taskmaster. She has been in all those shows that they all bloody well do.

11:54 - 12:03

This line again, but she is, she's, she's great. It's great. This one. Yeah. She is capable of doing any gig in the world.

12:03 - 12:10

Something that I can't do with my stupid novelty comedy. Kerry can just walk into a bus station.

12:10 - 12:16

And after 15 seconds, everyone is applauding her joke. So it's a pleasure to have her on the podcast.

12:16 - 12:22

It is her new standup tour. Bandwidth is on sale. Now, please go to KerryGodliman.com.

12:22 - 12:37

And here she is to tell us what she did yesterday. Kerry Godliman, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday.

12:37 - 12:43

Hello. How are you? I'm all right. I'm good. I am very excited. I mean, are you really?

12:43 - 12:48

I'm pleased you are. Yeah, no, genuinely I am because I know what we're going to talk about.

12:48 - 12:56

Whereas normally on a podcast, you're like, oh, I really don't know where, you know, or you're going to go over things that you've gone over before, or you're going to have to try and sell something.

12:56 - 13:01

But this is the podcast. It's the kind of clarity and bullet-pointed odyssey that I'm available for.

13:01 - 13:07

Bullet-pointed odyssey. That's one of the best descriptions we've ever had. Yeah, this is how I like to go about life.

13:07 - 13:22

Max, can I make an observation? Kerry seems really excited about whatever happened yesterday. No, not especially, but I'm excited about just that kind of going through micro detail and not having to do jazz hands.

13:22 - 13:26

Yeah. This is the kind of pedantry that I'm available for. Well, here's the thing.

13:26 - 13:39

I don't say this out loud, Kerry, but I believe why this will end up being the only podcast is that people are fed up of trying to think of their dream surveillance island or whatever it is.

13:39 - 13:46

Their best meal or their last meal or all that stuff, their favorite thing ever.

13:46 - 14:00

I'm like, no, let's just go over what you did yesterday, please. Yes. Kerry, I just think we got an interesting window into Max's mind there, where he tried to think of an idea for a podcast and what he could my best surveillance island.

14:00 - 14:05

I don't think that's been done, Max. There's a gap in the market there, I think.

14:05 - 14:15

This may explain why every meeting I've had with a TV executive for big TV shows, none of them have come off yet, because I start with, what about?

14:15 - 14:20

They're not ready for it, though. They're just not ready. You're ahead. Hear me out, guys.

14:20 - 14:27

Hear me out, guys. Kerry, regarding this bullet point odyssey, let's start with the first bullet point.

14:27 - 14:35

What time do you wake up at? Well, every day is different, but yesterday, I reckon I woke up about half seven, approximately.

14:35 - 14:46

Can I say that's great? Because too many of these comedians, these so-called comedians that David books, because I haven't booked any guests yet, they're always waking up at 10 o'clock.

14:46 - 14:52

And I think we may be losing, you know, in the same way the Democrats lost the people for the US election.

14:52 - 14:58

I feel we're losing the people because all the people we hang out with are getting up at 10 o'clock.

14:58 - 15:03

Who are you hanging out with? Because they clearly haven't got children. I agree. Or they're young.

15:03 - 15:08

They're young. They're vampires, aren't they? They can sleep in the day and rock and roll through the night.

15:08 - 15:17

That is over for me. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. I mean, no, we've had, I mean, Amy Gledhill wakes up, you know, with basically a pajama party going on around her.

15:17 - 15:24

She's young. I know she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want it to be known and said that I had all that when I was young, but that's over now.

15:24 - 15:29

It's over now. We also have no way on this podcast of verification. I'm not verifying that because it didn't happen yesterday.

15:29 - 15:35

Yeah, exactly. It isn't what did you do when you were young? Yeah. It was what did you do yesterday?

15:35 - 15:45

Yeah. Okay. It's 7.30. Is that an alarm or are you waking up naturally? I have a really lovely husband who brings me a coffee.

15:45 - 15:51

Stop it. Most mornings, most mornings. Wow. Yeah. I've smashed that, mate. So what coffee did he bring you?

15:51 - 15:56

I have a black coffee with two sugars. Most days he brings me a coffee around that time.

15:57 - 16:02

Unless I got in very late from a gig, not a rave because I don't do those anymore.

16:02 - 16:08

But if I get in super late, then I'll have a lie-in or if I've got to be up for something worky, I'll get up earlier.

16:08 - 16:13

But most days, if I'm at home, 7.30 thereabouts. Is it a capsule coffee? What's a capsule coffee?

16:13 - 16:21

David lives in space and he only eats capsules. You've blown my mind. Everything he gets is from a capsule.

16:21 - 16:27

All his bicycles are capsules. It's like Meghan Markle in space. One of the ones.

16:27 - 16:33

Or you put a thing that looks like a UHT milk into a pod, a pod machine.

16:33 - 16:40

No, old school. Cafeteria or that thing on the hob that bubbles. The Pizzetti. Is that what that's called?

16:40 - 16:45

Yeah, one of those. I don't know if it is, but we call it a Pizzetti for reasons I can't quite explain.

16:45 - 16:50

Yeah, I don't want another machine. I haven't got room on my kitchen surface for any more machines.

16:50 - 16:54

I hope we get to the kitchen surface to go through the machines at some point.

16:54 - 17:02

But if you didn't look at them yesterday, we can't ask. Okay, so you get your coffee and does Mr. Godliman have a coffee too?

17:02 - 17:11

Or is he just his servant? The latter, to be honest. He might have had his coffee early, like upstairs, downstairs, when the staff eat separately from the main family.

17:11 - 17:19

He's ironed the newspaper. Yeah, exactly that. He's gone to the hen house to find the best egg.

17:19 - 17:26

Yes. He does get up earlier than me and he tends to sort of potter about for a bit before I get up.

17:26 - 17:32

But sometimes he'll have a coffee. He'll have a coffee with me. It depends. We're both sort of freelancers, so we have this kind of life where no day is the same.

17:32 - 17:41

I feel, and I very rarely would drink a coffee. I don't think I ever drink coffee in bed.

17:41 - 17:47

I feel it's hot and hot. I'm hot in the bed and the coffee is hot.

17:47 - 17:53

Oh, but it's winter here. Well, I'm aware of that. So it's all snuggly to have a coffee snuggled up in bed.

17:53 - 17:57

Maybe open a window and allow a wintry breeze. Yesterday was quite a frosty day.

17:57 - 18:03

Frosty morning, if I remember. So it was quite nice to have a coffee in bed on a frosty morning.

18:03 - 18:07

You see, this is the thing, Kerry, because Max is in Australia. Yeah, it's summer there.

18:07 - 18:18

His mornings are, you know, just awoken by koalas tapping at the window, just air blowing, surfboards collapsing, you know, people screaming.

18:18 - 18:26

Good day, Adam. It's just different. When you say frosty morning, you just saw a sort of a nostalgic look come across his face there.

18:26 - 18:35

Yeah. I'm woken by Alf Stewart putting his head through my window and yelling you flaming galah every morning.

18:35 - 18:45

You flaming galah. I've never been to Australia. You're very welcome. Thank you. That was exactly the outcome I was hoping from this whole podcast.

18:45 - 18:51

I'll pay for the flights. You're welcome. Do you do anything else while you're drinking coffee?

18:51 - 18:58

Are you doom scrolling or are you just enjoying the coffee? No, I'll either be chatting to Ben, the husband who bought me the coffee.

18:58 - 19:02

We tend to chat a lot, so he'll bring me a coffee and we might talk.

19:02 - 19:07

Or what I try and do, if I haven't got in late and I can get up, I like to get up and see the kids before they go to school.

19:07 - 19:16

And they leave about half eight, so I would have got up about quarter to eight with my coffee and come down and had some breakfast with them.

19:16 - 19:21

That's what I did. I'm presuming your children are older than, say, five and six.

19:21 - 19:31

Yeah, they're 17 and 14. I'm not really that needed. I like to get up and kind of see them before they go out for the day.

19:31 - 19:36

Yeah, I was worried about a Daily Mail headline of Kerry Godliman doesn't even dress her children.

19:36 - 19:41

She says, I don't need to see them. I don't care. I'm hands-free, mate. They're up and running.

19:41 - 19:47

But I don't like it if they go and I haven't seen them, so I do try and get up.

19:47 - 19:53

I mean, they're pretty monosyllabic with me and they don't care, but I care. So what was the chat with the kids?

19:53 - 19:59

That's really specific. I love it. I really think it might have been about the weekend.

19:59 - 20:06

It probably was about what's happening at the weekend. Are they around planning things and, you know, stuff like that.

20:06 - 20:14

Organising them. Do you think, Kerry, they are actually going to school or do you think they're bunking off for the day?

20:14 - 20:23

Yeah, because I've got a tracker, David. I've got a tracker. I've got a tracker on my phone and I can look at where they are right now and I know they're at school, unless they fiddle the tracker.

20:23 - 20:28

I thought you meant like one of those guys off Hunted who's like their follower and following them from a distance.

20:28 - 20:33

If I didn't have an app, I'd pay for that guy. I'd just get a guy to follow them and loop me in.

20:33 - 20:41

Sorry, Kerry, this is very modern. Is it like a device on their phones then that's following them or have you made them swallow AirTags?

20:41 - 20:50

Yeah, B in answer to A or B. No, it's all built into the Apple phones, I think.

20:50 - 21:02

I think it's all got it in it because I'm not brilliant at that kind of tech stuff, but other parents that are more cloying than me have explained this technology is available and they've shown me how to do it.

21:02 - 21:07

And actually what I'm amazed at, unless I'm being naive, is that the kids let me do it.

21:07 - 21:12

I mean, my daughter's nearly 18, so I wonder if when she turns 18 she'll be like, that's it now, I'm an adult.

21:12 - 21:18

I think it gets me off their back. They're like, well, she can track us, therefore she's not ringing us or worrying about us.

21:18 - 21:33

I can just see where they are. Here's what I would do. If I was your daughter, I would sneak my phone into the backpack of a nerd and then, go off into Chicago, get involved in the parade that happens there, sing Twist and Shout.

21:33 - 21:43

I basically follow all of Ferris Bueller's day up. I would follow every single, leading up to where the headmaster then comes to the house, freaking out.

21:43 - 21:48

Through the dog flap. Exactly, thank you. You're saying that's what I would do, okay?

21:48 - 21:53

I am with you, and that's what I would do, but they're a different generation, David.

21:53 - 22:01

They're doing things very differently and I suppose, presumably, they're just a dot, so you can't see what they're doing, you just know where they are.

22:01 - 22:05

They're a dot with an avatar that seems to be them, so I think it's them.

22:05 - 22:09

I think they are at school. In answer to your question, they are at school.

22:09 - 22:16

I don't know how I feel about this whole tracking thing, because when I was their age, I did bunk off now and then, and I went round Daniel Naska's garage and smoked,

22:16 - 22:20

and my mum and dad were none the wiser, and I think that probably was okay.

22:20 - 22:30

Where is Daniel now? I don't know, I've never looked him up. He was a funny old dude with this garage that we used to just hang out in, and he used to pour petrol fluid on his hand and light it.

22:30 - 22:37

This is what happened before the internet. Were you in Jackass 1? You were in that movie.

22:37 - 22:42

We were like, let's go round Daniel Naska's garage, he might pour petrol fluid on his hand and light it.

22:42 - 22:47

People say that the young people are being ruined by the internet, but not really.

22:47 - 22:56

Not really. Health and safety's gone mad. You can't even set your own hand on fire anymore.

22:56 - 23:01

Where is the world? What time is it? Are we about eight o'clock and you've gone downstairs?

23:01 - 23:07

They would have left about half eight. They'd have left about half eight. So I'd have potted about with them in the kitchen before they went to school.

23:07 - 23:12

That's what happened. Are you dressed? No, no, no, no, no. But you're clothed in some sense.

23:12 - 23:16

I think for your teenage children, that's important. Oh, I've definitely got clothes on, yes.

23:16 - 23:22

I've got clothes on. We're not that relaxed. No, I'm sort of in kind of, I don't know, lounge wear.

23:22 - 23:30

Post-pandemic, I'm much more comfortable with an elastic waist. Oh, yeah. I wear like the same pair of shorts.

23:30 - 23:35

Now I'm in Australia for about seven months. Yeah, and they're kind of half bed shorts.

23:35 - 23:40

They're half lounge wear. Like you just wear them all the time. And they're a bit like a husk now.

23:40 - 23:47

Like I'm a 45-year-old man. They're a sculpture. They're a sculpture of your undercarriage. They are, yeah.

23:47 - 23:52

Yeah, it's true. Which I'm hoping to get on the fourth plinth in Trafalgar Square, but it's not.

23:52 - 23:56

No, you see, you might have to queue up because I'm going to get one of my sons.

23:56 - 24:06

My son, who's 14, just sort of, he leaves these little sculptures in his room of his pants nestled neatly into the undercarriage of his jogging bottoms.

24:06 - 24:11

Oh, yeah. And I'm like, oh, if I did a laser scan on that, I could get a sculpture out of that.

24:11 - 24:19

And that'll get on the fourth plinth. Yeah. I remember that the perfect figure of eight of undies and trousers where you just sort of step.

24:19 - 24:26

Pull them down neatly. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's like in the morning you could step back into them and then using strings.

24:26 - 24:33

Yeah. Pull them back up. Have you seen that Pixar film, the wrong trousers where one of the main characters is just a pair of trousers.

24:33 - 24:37

I struggled with that, but that is what my son's bedroom looks like. He's the wrong trousers.

24:37 - 24:45

Several pairs of them around the room. Yeah. I mean, 14 is tricky, but in the sort of pre B.O.

24:45 - 24:51

era, I think I just used to wear the same clothes all the time. Like, you know, up until you're about 12.

24:51 - 24:56

I'm an eco warrior though. They do say launder less. So there you go. You're safe.

24:56 - 25:04

It wasn't called the wrong trousers. It was called something else. It was about a dad that died and then his trousers came back and parented the children.

25:04 - 25:08

Anyway, there's no way that's the film. That is the film. That is the film.

25:08 - 25:13

That is the film. That is worse than Max's surveillance Island podcast idea. No way.

25:13 - 25:17

Look it up. It wasn't the wrong trousers. Cause that's Wallace and Gromit. It was a film.

25:17 - 25:29

Not that long ago. I went with the kids to the pictures and it was about a dad that died and they brought him back, but only from the waist down and his trousers or the lower half of him parented them for the duration of the film.

25:29 - 25:36

And they were on a quest. That's the film. It's like a gritty reboot of Wallace and Gromit where Wallace is killed.

25:36 - 25:43

And then the trousers just look after Gromit. Yes. Yes. Yes. That was the film.

25:43 - 25:48

That was the film. How was my surveillance Island not being commissioned when this is a proper movie?

25:48 - 25:54

Exactly. Exactly. When I came out of that film, I was like, you sit through some crap with your kids, right?

25:54 - 25:59

Some children's films. Sometimes they can, they can be batshit boss, baby. No, thank you.

25:59 - 26:04

And that one, I came out livid. I was like, that's ridiculous. I draw the line.

26:04 - 26:10

It's ridiculous. So I don't have to watch shit films with my kids anymore. That's good.

26:10 - 26:15

So it's eight 30, eight 30. They've gone to school. They've gone to school. So there's peace and quiet in the house.

26:15 - 26:23

I waved them off like mother Walton. Oh, that's lovely. So now you're free. Where do you go?

26:23 - 26:26

What's happening? I'll tell you what's happening. This is when you might not like it is I did.

26:26 - 26:38

Another podcast. I'm sorry. We can just go over it quickly. I did parenting hell because I'm promoting a tour, which we may or may not get into, but I am promoting a tour.

26:38 - 26:46

So I did another podcast. I'm sorry. There are other podcasts. Now, Max has been on parenting hell.

26:46 - 26:52

I have. He knows what it's like to those guys grill you to those guys really go through you.

26:52 - 26:58

I don't have any children yet. So I've never, I listened to it. I mean, that's bad.

26:58 - 27:03

They are my friends. Those guys, you know, I listened to obscure bicycle repair podcasts instead.

27:03 - 27:07

We've all got our own niche. Thank you. Do they go through you for a shortcut?

27:07 - 27:16

What happens on that? Is it like mastermind name occupation? No, absolutely very much. Not the vibe.

27:16 - 27:20

I think we spent the first 10 minutes talking about Josh's duvet. It was very relaxed.

27:20 - 27:25

It was very relaxed. It isn't the sort of loosely about parenting, but it kind of deviates.

27:25 - 27:32

So yeah, like all, all great podcasts, you deviate from the main subject. I'm sure that happens in your cycling ones.

27:32 - 27:42

No, no, no, no, no, not this one. My feeling was the two hosts, they had a quite a good chemistry and I felt like it could go somewhere.

27:42 - 27:50

I thought that podcast had potential. If those two lazy sods would just only push it a bit and get off their asses and walk a bit harder.

27:50 - 27:57

But you know, when you're like us as experienced podcasters, David, you see those rough diamonds and you think, good luck lads.

27:57 - 28:05

What I'd love to do is like, you know, occasionally you're scrolling on Instagram and it says masterclass and, you know, some sort of debonair person is in a suit going,

28:05 - 28:14

this is how, you know, you can do a symphony orchestra. I'd love to just take those two and just really talk to them how to make a successful podcast.

28:14 - 28:20

That would really help. They have got a lot to learn. Just last question on what happens on Parenting Hell.

28:20 - 28:26

Presumably there's talk of parenting, but how big is the hell aspect? Are they both dressed as Satan?

28:26 - 28:37

Is this kind of screaming in the background? Is there flames? And to recreate Hellfire, they've employed this guy who covers his hand in petrol and just sets fire to them.

28:37 - 28:43

He's just on the Zoom call. If I really didn't know Naska's parents, I'd know what he was doing in that garage.

28:43 - 28:48

Okay. So you do that podcast. That takes an hour. So what time were you at now?

28:48 - 28:53

So the podcast, I did that from nine till 10. Okay. Now here's an interesting question.

28:53 - 28:58

When you closed down the Zoom call or whatever, did you think, I was good on that podcast?

28:58 - 29:03

Ah, interesting. Or did you think that was fun? Or did you just move on with your life and think, well, that's done.

29:03 - 29:11

Okay. No, you panic. Do you do this after a podcast? Sometimes you panic and go, ah, I might message someone to ask them to cut that bit out.

29:11 - 29:22

Because the delicate thing about talking about your children is, especially now mine are older, is that kind of slight concern that you maybe shouldn't have said certain things.

29:22 - 29:26

So there was a little bit of text activity where I was like, ah, maybe leave that.

29:26 - 29:33

That bit out or this bit out because of their privacy. So there was a little bit of post pod panic.

29:33 - 29:48

Yeah. Let's call it that. So will the episode be five minutes long? No, it was very, very tiny things where I just sent a couple of texts saying, ah, can I just maybe request that bit maybe comes out little things like that.

29:48 - 29:54

So that's what I did immediately after. And then you worry that you're over worrying and then you're in a kind of, you know, worrying hole.

29:54 - 30:03

So I had a little worrying hole after, Yeah. Kerry, my colleague, Max has got around that by maybe it was a blow to the brain at an early age.

30:03 - 30:07

I think it's the reason why he's so good at doing this podcast. Stop it.

30:07 - 30:12

He never thinks about the past. As soon as he's finished, he just moves on.

30:12 - 30:18

He's in the now. Continues doing Australian things straight afterwards. I really admire that. He's in the now.

30:18 - 30:23

100%. This is what this podcast is about. It's very Zen. Yeah. I do a lot of podcasts.

30:23 - 30:29

I don't have time. The real truth, David, is if I, I think an episode of anything I do, isn't great.

30:29 - 30:40

I find someone else to blame. Me. I don't know if it's generational. I think I am still attached to that notion that everything you put out is like a piece of work.

30:40 - 30:45

Whereas now people that are just posting and podding and whatever, they're not like overthinking it.

30:45 - 30:49

Do you know what I mean? So I think I'm still locked into that overthinking.

30:49 - 30:56

I don't know if that's a generational thing. I think that's interesting. It probably comes from sort of your craft, right?

30:56 - 31:06

And what, what you've done in your career as well. Yeah. Sometimes you think, well, if I put a show together that is crafted, but a podcast is so like, it's very much thrown out there.

31:06 - 31:18

And then afterwards you go, Hmm, that bit was a bit, you know, I hear you, but like my dad is a jazz musician and I know most people hate jazz,

31:18 - 31:24

you know, Miles Davis. Oh God. But the beauty of jazz is, and I feel it's also the beauty of podcasting.

31:24 - 31:28

The best thing in the world, the best thing in the world could be about to happen.

31:28 - 31:31

It's the improvised bits. Yeah. It's the fact that they're making it all up. Yes.

31:31 - 31:38

I love that. Anything could be about to happen. Now it probably won't happen in the case of this podcast.

31:38 - 31:41

No, but if you don't try, you won't find out, will you? Thank you. Yeah.

31:41 - 31:46

Yeah. Yeah. I'm much happier now, David. I knew this would happen. You would reassure me.

31:46 - 31:53

Podcasting is like jazz. Yeah. And imagine if we pitched this podcast as that, no one would ever listen to it.

31:56 - 32:04

I've come around to jazz. Jazz is something, well, not for you because your dad was a jazz musician, but it's definitely something that comes to you as you age.

32:04 - 32:10

I think like you come around to it. I think so. I like a bit of jazz now, but I didn't when I was young.

32:10 - 32:18

In a world of processed things, of processed food and processed television. I like the clunkiness of it.

32:18 - 32:25

I like going to gigs where like they literally, before the song, they turn to each other and they go, what will we do next?

32:25 - 32:34

I love that. Yeah. And then they decide what key to do it in. One of the best music gigs, it wasn't jazz, but years ago, one of the best music gigs I think I ever went to was Badly Drawn Boy.

32:34 - 32:40

Yeah. He was literally just noodling about. I mean, there was some really crafted bits, don't get me wrong.

32:40 - 32:47

Sure. Between the songs, he was noodling about like banging instruments and just playing. For lack of a better, he was just playing.

32:47 - 32:58

And honestly, it was one of the best music gigs I've ever seen. But I can't help thinking, I would never actively go, I'm going to put on some jazz without doing it for comedic effect.

32:58 - 33:03

Do you know what I mean? I'm there now. I'll stick on some jazz and do it earnestly.

33:03 - 33:12

Wow. Probably not sit and listen, scratching my chin, but I would be enjoying it and not be like ironically listening to jazz.

33:12 - 33:19

The only jazz tune Max would listen to, Kerry, is the only song he knows is Dancing in the Moonlight by Toploader.

33:19 - 33:27

So if someone were to do a slight jazz cover of it, do we dance in, Dancing in the Moonlight?

33:27 - 33:37

I'll have you know, David, I played the shoehorn blues on my clarinet in assembly as a 10 year old.

33:37 - 33:42

That's very impressive. I fucking rocked that. Yeah. Did you say that at the end?

33:42 - 33:50

I fucking rocked that. Hang on. This is what happens, right? Kids have left. We've deviated to finish the podcast at 10.

33:50 - 33:56

I sent the post-pod panic attack text. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They've gone out. The reassuring texts have come back.

33:56 - 34:03

Yeah. Not as reassuring as David's jazz metaphor, but comforting. Nevertheless, they said they'd cut out the bits that I was worried about.

34:03 - 34:07

So that's where we are. It's about half 10. Sorry. I need to just admit, Kerry, I did.

34:07 - 34:13

Of course you do. Yeah. I did a podcast recently. It was a sort of a group email set up with the various producers.

34:13 - 34:21

Oh, I just remember writing, very happy for you to bin that episode, which I think is after everything.

34:21 - 34:24

The whole thing. Yeah, just get rid of it. The whole thing. Not even little bits.

34:24 - 34:33

Just dump it all. Utterly shit. Yep. Yep. Not this. Obviously not our podcast. I really hope that doesn't happen after this.

34:33 - 34:40

No. You message me and say, very happy to bin that. Okay. So I forgot.

34:40 - 34:49

I'm sorry. It's my fault. I can tell you post-pod. That's what I did. So I podcasted and then I had a little break and then I did an online shop.

34:49 - 34:57

Oh, cool. Yeah. I am interested, but we've missed breakfast. Unless you haven't eaten anything.

34:57 - 35:04

Oh yeah. Oh, I sort of had a bit of toast. I had a bit of toast earlier on, like with that coffee when the kids were pottering about, I had a bit of toast with them.

35:04 - 35:08

What was on the toast? Right. This is really controversial. And my friend teases me for this.

35:08 - 35:13

Anyway, I'm just going to put it out there. I had sunflower oil, just pure and neat sunflower oil.

35:13 - 35:20

Tahini. Tahini. Did you say tahini or tahini? I had tahini. I grew up having tahini.

35:20 - 35:25

My mom called it tahini, but I've since learned it's tahini on toast with a bit of salt.

35:26 - 35:29

Now I stayed with my friend and she had tahini because she uses it to make shit.

35:29 - 35:33

And I said, oh, I'll have some of that on toast. And it blew her mind.

35:33 - 35:38

Tahini is one of the ingredients of hummus, right? Hummus. That's right. She uses it for hummus.

35:38 - 35:43

So does it sort of taste hummus derivative then? I've never thought to have it on its own.

35:43 - 35:50

I can't recommend it more. I can't recommend it more. It's a lovely toast condiment with a little bit of salt.

35:50 - 35:54

That's the most bizarre part. It's just like you've had half a thing on toast.

35:54 - 35:58

Do you know what I like? I put some self-raising, self-raising flour and a raw egg on toast.

35:58 - 36:06

It's absolutely delicious. No, no, no, no. Absolutely not. No, I shut that down. You can put tahini in all kinds of things.

36:06 - 36:10

You can put it in a cake. You can put it in some dressings. And yet, sure, stick it in a hummus.

36:10 - 36:13

Why wouldn't you? And hummus, I say, because my mum said it like that. But it's hummus.

36:13 - 36:20

The things my mum said growing up, I now just say. So I say hummus and pita bread because that's what my mum said.

36:20 - 36:26

My dad calls it hummus. He really goes for it. He really goes for it.

36:26 - 36:33

There's no reason why. He's not Greek. He just goes, some hummus. I would say I'm not pro it.

36:33 - 36:37

I'm not against it. I just think it's too early. Judging me. You're not judging me.

36:37 - 36:43

That's like a lunch on the go, not a breakfast. No. Okay. No, no. And I admire you for sticking to your guns.

36:43 - 36:47

Until you've done it. Yeah. Until you've done it, I'm not prepared to take your feedback.

36:47 - 36:52

Come back here when you have. When you've tried it. And I tell you what, you won't look back.

36:52 - 36:55

So you've had your tahini on toast. This was before. Now we're doing an online shop.

36:55 - 37:00

Okay. Now I'm doing an online shop. Can we know it's a Waitrose? It's an Ocado.

37:00 - 37:10

Sainsbury's. Okay. Interesting. Okay. And why do you choose Sainsbury's? I'm just a creature of habit and I've just always used Sainsbury's and I'm not great at online shopping.

37:10 - 37:22

I don't do it. It's not my regular shopping. I'm quite happy to do real life shopping, but we've got some friends coming around on Sunday for, and I'm going to say this word and I'm not comfortable with it, brunch.

37:22 - 37:30

Okay. Oh yeah. So I needed to. Is it true that your father pronounced it as broonch?

37:30 - 37:40

My parents never used the word brunch when I was growing up. I've only embraced the word brunch, I'd say in the last five years and I've never sat easy with it.

37:40 - 37:46

Do you like the people who are coming over? Are they your friends or are they Mr. Godlyman's friends or both?

37:46 - 37:51

They're my friends. They're very old friends from like my kind of drama school, uni dimes.

37:51 - 37:58

And every year we have like a Christmassy meal and this year, everybody was too busy to get a proper whole proper lunch in.

37:58 - 38:04

So we've just squeezed in a brunch. That's what we're doing. And I'm going to make those huevos.

38:04 - 38:09

What are they called? Huevos? Rancheros. Yeah, yeah. Wow. We're going to do that. Oh, that's nice.

38:09 - 38:15

Never done that before. We don't have Sainsbury's in the Republic of Ireland. Oh, do you not?

38:15 - 38:25

However, it is in Northern Ireland. So once a year someone would drive up. And I think I imagined it as much more of a treasure trove of delight.

38:26 - 38:30

Than you would. Like anything would say is written on it. You'd be like, ooh.

38:30 - 38:40

Your Sainsbury's is like my John Lewis. Yeah. Yes, exactly. That's what it is. We intriguingly didn't have Argos in the Republic of Ireland.

38:40 - 38:46

But it was in Northern Ireland. So occasionally a brochure would come down. And you'd go through the stuff.

38:46 - 38:52

Or blow down like in the wind. It's all downhill. It's all downhill from all the way up to the Republic.

38:52 - 39:03

It's just downhill, isn't it? Just roll down. Like propaganda flyers. So I imagined that Argos, all the stuff was on display.

39:03 - 39:09

I didn't realize until I went there myself. The sort of flying monkeys element of it.

39:09 - 39:15

Where it's monkeys flying around the warehouse getting things off shelves. Yeah. And my friend had been to it.

39:15 - 39:20

And it's still the best ever description of it. He said it was like a bookies.

39:20 - 39:27

And then he amended that to like a bookies for stuff. And that's true. That should be the slogan for Argos.

39:27 - 39:32

That you fill in a slip and go up to a window. And they say good luck and you watch the big screen.

39:32 - 39:42

See what you win. I never get involved in Argos. But Sainsbury's, I'm happy to go to a real store and do a bit of that.

39:42 - 39:45

But less so over the years. And now I'm more leaning into the online shop.

39:45 - 39:49

But my husband, Ben, he does not like an online shop. He likes to touch the stuff.

39:49 - 39:54

He likes the whole kind of real life experience. Yeah. I like an open-minded supermarket.

39:54 - 40:02

If you have time to be like, I'm just going to... And then you come out, you spend 150 quid, and you can't make one meal from what you've bought.

40:02 - 40:07

I still like to go to a sort of proper fruit and veg store. Do you know what I mean?

40:07 - 40:14

Like proper... In my head, I like to imagine I'm in Call the Midwife. And I have a basket and a scarf on my head.

40:14 - 40:17

And there's a little parade of shops. And all the things I need are there.

40:17 - 40:21

But then sometimes I realize that's not reality. And I do an online shop. So, question.

40:21 - 40:28

Do you have, when you log in, like a repeat shop? That you can just press and it just goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

40:28 - 40:35

And you've got everything. Oh, great question. No, because every time I do it, it will be like, for example, this brunch thing.

40:35 - 40:40

I need the specific things for that recipe. So, I will do those things first.

40:40 - 40:43

Like in this instance, it was lots of eggs and some peppers and loads of tomatoes.

40:43 - 40:49

So, loads of that. And then when I go to check out, it will go, you might have forgotten these things you normally get.

40:49 - 40:55

And that's when I go into the pre-list. Whenever I go to a supermarket, I panic.

40:55 - 41:01

If I don't. I have a list. And I end up just buying more. I think it's called mint source shower gel.

41:01 - 41:09

I don't even put it into my trolley or my basket. I get home and I've got this foul.

41:09 - 41:12

And you eat it. You have to eat it on toast with a pinch of salt.

41:12 - 41:19

Huevos mint source is the sort of eggs that I just keep putting it into all meals.

41:19 - 41:24

Try and get rid of the 36 bottles of it that I have. Yeah. What a horrible condiment.

41:24 - 41:30

Yeah. Quite often. I will go to the supermarket. I'm constantly trying to be healthy and failing.

41:30 - 41:39

So then my way of doing it is by buying a kilo of carrots. And then I've forgotten that I've just recently bought a kilo of carrots.

41:39 - 41:45

And we don't row a lot. But the main topic of conversation is, will you please stop buying?

41:45 - 41:50

We don't need any more carrots. We have a lot of like food-based bickering now.

41:50 - 42:01

My thing is that the kids and Ben sometimes, they don't seem to have the assertion to throw things out that are clearly rotted or finished.

42:01 - 42:05

Like, why haven't you thrown that away? And then they'll be like, we thought you were saving it.

42:05 - 42:10

And I, why would I be saving that? The floppy celery. It's been there for three weeks.

42:10 - 42:16

What did you think I'd be saving that for? Let's go through what that could be.

42:16 - 42:20

So we have a lot of that. I will say this about carrots and onions.

42:20 - 42:25

I'm really looking forward to this. I will say this. I'll put my neck on the line.

42:25 - 42:34

I will. I will say this about carrots and onions. They take up a lot of physical space for how cheap they are.

42:34 - 42:43

Onions, for example, I am never not shocked by how cheap onions are. I'm talking about the big, crappy, cheap onions.

42:43 - 42:58

When I was about 25, my friend Rachel had a birthday party where you had to bring her the largest physical object you could get for a tenner, which is still, it's a very good basis for a birthday party.

42:58 - 43:09

Oh, man, that's great. So I remember one person got her a tenner's worth of big Spanish onions is a big sack of onions, like a year's worth of onions.

43:09 - 43:16

My friend Ben got her a huge thing of garden compost. But I actually won, you guys.

43:16 - 43:25

The cheapest thing you can buy that takes up the most space, I bought her the tiny polystyrene balls that go in a jar.

43:25 - 43:31

If you go in a bean bag, you can get a huge Santa sack of them for a tenner.

43:31 - 43:40

So, yeah. Environmentally, all those things are not good. The onions are fair enough. We're not doing peat anymore.

43:40 - 43:44

That's phased out. We're not doing peat? No. What are we doing? I'm a gardener.

43:44 - 43:49

I tried to grow onions once, and it was much easier to just go down the shops and buy.

43:49 - 43:55

Off on the way, isn't it? Yeah, quite. But yeah, you can't use peat-based compost now, so that's out.

43:55 - 44:02

But polystyrene barbarians make five million years to decompose those guys. You've made a fatberg underneath Dublin.

44:02 - 44:07

I like your party idea, but you're going to have to make it more eco-friendly.

44:07 - 44:10

This was the 90s. We didn't think about it. You're not allowed to have a good time.

44:10 - 44:16

When they said, you know, have you forgotten this? Did you go a bit wild at that point, going, oh, fuck it, yeah, I'll have some creme fraiche?

44:16 - 44:28

I was like, oh my God, yes, flour, butter, all the normal stuff, coffee. So yeah, I did a kind of like, I did my focused shop, and then I did my grocery, normal shop.

44:28 - 44:35

And presumably that is to be delivered... Tomorrow morning. Wow. Okay, that's exciting. Yeah, yeah, so exciting.

44:35 - 44:48

You haven't got to the stage yet, because obviously one of the most fun parts is when they go, and my friend Clive, if you remember, David, in a previous podcast, was like number three in the UK for tinned tomatoes or something, from Sainsbury's.

44:48 - 44:52

Yeah, he was. I think it was him, in terms of, we didn't have this.

44:52 - 44:57

He tried to buy six all-butter croissants. We didn't have this. So we've given you some multivitamin tablets.

44:57 - 45:06

Yeah, that's the gamble. Unless we do this podcast the day after tomorrow, we will never know if they had everything or if they didn't.

45:06 - 45:12

Oh, yeah. We'll never know. You have to liken it to jazz. That's how we do an online shop.

45:12 - 45:16

You don't know what's going to come out. That's the only way of dealing with it.

45:16 - 45:19

We thought you wanted that, but we didn't have that. So we've given you this.

45:19 - 45:25

It's jazz shopping. The Frenchies sit around in the morning. They have du café et le multivitamin.

45:25 - 45:32

I like a ham and cheese multivitamin, personally. Okay, so you do that, log off, that's done.

45:32 - 45:37

Is it lunchtime? Where are we at now? It's about half eleven, coming up for twelve.

45:37 - 45:44

So that's where we are in the day. Okay, great. What's the next task? Next task is I've got to get ready because I'm going out at twelve.

45:44 - 45:49

Okay. So what happened yesterday is I had, I'm jumping ahead so that you can understand the context.

45:49 - 45:55

I had a gig last night in Norfolk. A corporate gig, an award ceremony thing.

45:55 - 46:00

I was picked up at twelve to go to Liverpool Street to get the train to Norwich.

46:00 - 46:09

Right. Tractor of the year. What is it, Norfolk? What are we going for? It was the East Anglian Press Business Awards.

46:09 - 46:13

So it was all the businesses in that county. Wow. You know how niche awards are.

46:13 - 46:24

I've done the pitched roof awards so I can be really niche. So this was everything from pitched roofs to jars and shredding.

46:25 - 46:36

Accountancy and the railways. Shredder of the year. It was pure Norfolk jazz. Okay, so how long is the taxi to Liverpool Street?

46:36 - 46:40

So I was about an hour in the cab on the way to Liverpool Street.

46:40 - 46:44

Okay, so questions. Was it the right temperature? Too hot? Too cold? Oh, it was lovely.

46:44 - 46:48

Lovely car. This is the nice thing about those kind of gigs. They look after you, don't they?

46:48 - 46:56

You get a taste of a life that is a bit of a treat. So they put me in a nice car and loads of wires, like all the charging, bits.

46:56 - 47:00

You should have brought like your leaf blower, your Kindle, just plug them all in.

47:00 - 47:10

Charged everything up, a generator, everything. The car stops at the lights and then just can't drive on because you've sucked all the electricity out of it.

47:10 - 47:17

Yeah, I should have done that. I'm going to do that next time. Did you talk to the driver or did you?

47:17 - 47:20

No, no, plugged in, put my headphones on, plugged in. And what did you listen to?

47:20 - 47:31

Now, this is very meta. I listened to, now I'm going to sound really weird, I listened to an audio recording of a work-in-progress gig that I did the night before.

47:31 - 47:40

Yeah, this is fine. Fair enough. Yeah, Ellis James called me the Pep Guardiola of comedy because I listen back to my gigs.

47:40 - 47:45

Yeah. He thought that was an incredibly nerdy thing to do. But it's the only way.

47:45 - 47:51

It's the only way. When you're in the work-in-progress phase, Carrie, as you well know, you need to move the thing forward.

47:51 - 47:54

You need to make it 10% better each time. You've got to have the progress part.

47:54 - 48:03

Yeah. The progress part is listening to your own, I don't mean your incredibly annoying voice that's like, meh, meh, meh.

48:03 - 48:11

Yeah. It is horrible listening to your voice back. But actually, I'd had a gig in Guildford the night before that was a bit more, let's call it subdued.

48:11 - 48:17

Yeah. And there was a bit of value in it because the audience weren't, they weren't hating it, but they weren't going bananas for it.

48:17 - 48:25

And it forced me to work a bit harder. And when I listened back to it, I was really like, ah, I could see the show.

48:25 - 48:34

Yeah. It had a lot of clarity to it. Yes, yes. So I was listening back to the show because they weren't a giddy audience that were just happy to be out of the house.

48:34 - 48:40

They were like, well, we'll see. And it forced me to kind of properly understand what the show is and all the mechanics of it.

48:40 - 48:45

And I listened to it in the car. And I was really glad I did because it did shift things.

48:45 - 48:52

Max, something that you and the listeners who are not comedians, I believe there are some listeners who are not comedians.

48:52 - 48:57

In one review early on, someone did describe me as a comedian. So I'm going with it.

48:57 - 49:03

But do carry on. Do carry on. So sometimes when you do a work in progress, I mean, nowadays I just record it on my phone.

49:03 - 49:09

But in times past, you might have recorded it, say, on a recording device off the desk.

49:09 - 49:15

Now the issue with that, the desk that the mic goes through, you don't get any of the audience sound whatsoever.

49:15 - 49:22

Oh, no. Oh, my God. And the most deranged part of it would be a lot of the time.

49:22 - 49:30

So you're slightly falteringly delivering new material and you leave a gap for laughs. And if there's no laugh, you just sort of hear like.

49:30 - 49:43

I don't ever want to go through that because the laughs or non-laugh or being able to hear the laughs or non-laugh is part of the music of it.

49:43 - 49:48

So you're kind of like, oh, if I can't hear them, I really am. That is existential right now.

49:48 - 49:54

I think it's so interesting. Obviously, we've had a lot of comedians on and a lot who've done gigs and gigs that have been good or gigs that haven't.

49:55 - 50:08

Just the stress of it is wild. Obviously, the thrill of it and like the football podcast I do, Football Weekly, we do some live shows where I'm definitely trying to be funny the whole time, but it's not like a prerequisite, right?

50:08 - 50:14

It's not like that is the reason for people going. And so if you're not hilarious, it doesn't matter.

50:14 - 50:21

And so the pressure isn't on. And I would say the two of you seem incredibly normal for comedians.

50:21 - 50:25

That's a compliment, isn't it? It is. It really is. I'm having it. You seem normal.

50:25 - 50:35

You seem normal for comedians. It really is a compliment in the same way that I think for a presenter, I am like on the wild ego scale of which it's obviously on it,

50:35 - 50:47

like not wildly up it. I don't think, it's not for me to say, but it's a real insight into the fact that even when you get as established as the two of you, you are still like, if this is a shit gig,

50:47 - 50:55

it's like, it's so immediate, right? Like even on the radio, it's not like you can do a show and you go, as we've established, I come off going, well, that was great.

50:55 - 51:03

Yeah. Shake it off. Yeah. If it isn't, it's like, at least they could tweet me and tell me I'm terrible, but they can't look me in the eye and, or not laugh, you know.

51:03 - 51:11

Max, me and Kerry are the matadors of human emotion. We get bounced around on the waves, but you are right.

51:11 - 51:15

You know, in some jobs you retire after 40 years and they're like, you've always been shit.

51:15 - 51:28

Whereas in our job, from moment to moment, you are exquisitely aware what, every single person in the room thinks of you.

51:28 - 51:34

Yeah, I do quite like it. I am enjoying this work in progress-y kind of experience.

51:34 - 51:39

Sometimes, you know, not so much, but this time I kind of am. I know it's flawed.

51:39 - 51:45

I know it's not there yet, but I'm in this kind of nice sweet spot where it's kind of creatively fun.

51:45 - 51:51

I'm not bored of it yet. I'm still exploring it. So you're going on tour in March then?

51:51 - 51:56

Yeah, March. So I've got a few more work in progresses to do. Yeah. It's kind of nice.

51:56 - 52:00

It's like a rehearsal thing. It's like, you know, they're previews. So I quite like it.

52:00 - 52:04

I appreciate that question, David. And it was important to plug Kerry's tour, but it's nothing to do with yesterday.

52:04 - 52:11

So it can't make the edit. No, fair enough. So I listened to that on the way to Liverpool Street.

52:11 - 52:15

And you get to Liverpool Street. It's not Euston. It's not terrible, but it's not.

52:15 - 52:19

Oh, it's quite groovy now. It's got a bit groovy. There was a guy playing blues and I thought, oh, this is nice.

52:19 - 52:28

So we're on the 10 past two to Norwich. I was on the 1.30 to Norwich. Okay.

52:28 - 52:32

So I went and got some food from Pret for the train. Oh, what did you get?

52:32 - 52:38

I got some macaroni cheese, like macaroni cauliflower cheese. That's a good one. No, it wasn't.

52:38 - 52:42

Oh, really? It was not enough cheese. Okay. Not enough cheese. It wasn't cheesy enough.

52:42 - 52:48

Oh, wow. I was quite cross about it. Yeah, no, because it's 6.25 now probably? It's not cheap and it's a treat.

52:48 - 52:52

And I was really looking forward to it and it was not cheesy enough. What else did you get?

52:52 - 52:55

Did you get a fun bar? No, I didn't get a fun bar. I agree.

52:55 - 52:58

Did you get a green juice? I got a green juice. How did you know that?

52:58 - 53:01

How did you know that? Because when you get to Pret, you just, you know.

53:01 - 53:10

Am I that readable? Are my algorithms that transparent? Kerry, what's even crazier is Max is in Australia, so he's like an alien that misses his home planet.

53:10 - 53:18

Oh, I do miss Pret. I miss Pret. And just remembers all the different aspects of the different London train stations.

53:18 - 53:24

That's amazing. Yeah. Right down to the green juice. God. I miss home. That's okay.

53:24 - 53:27

Okay, right. So we get the Pret. Do you eat it in the Pret or on the train?

53:27 - 53:34

I ate it on the train. I didn't have much time. I did have to do a bit of a speed walk to the Pret, get the food, then get through the barrier.

53:34 - 53:39

I'm still amazed by the QR code on the phone. Me too, yeah. That still looks like being in the future.

53:39 - 53:46

I did that, and then I got on the train, and I was going to save the food, but I ate it straight away before we'd even pulled out.

53:46 - 53:54

Perfect. Kerry, have they got you a posh train ticket? I was really hoping that because it did say first class, but when I got on it, it wasn't a fancy train.

53:54 - 53:58

So first class, I was like, what am I getting here? What is this? Oh, yeah.

53:58 - 54:01

Literally, it was normal, but it just said first class on it. And what did you do on that journey?

54:01 - 54:06

Read anything? I am listening to Sally Rooney's latest novel because I've got a book group.

54:06 - 54:17

So I listened to, what's it called? Intermezzo. Intermezzo, yeah, yeah. Yes, I was listening to that because I'm trying to push through that because I'm meant to be doing book group tomorrow, and I haven't read it.

54:17 - 54:20

It's the first time I've done an audio book. And how are you enjoying the audio book experience?

54:20 - 54:26

Yeah, I've never listened to an audio book. What's it like? I've never before. I reckon now I've done it once, I don't think.

54:26 - 54:32

I still like reading, but it has been interesting doing it this way because I've got loads done.

54:32 - 54:46

Like I can get on with my life whilst listening to a book. It's a multitasking opportunity, whereas if I'd sat and read it, I wouldn't have like walked the dog and cleaned out my sock drawer and done all these other little tasks.

54:46 - 54:56

But Kerry, is it not the case that you listen to it for half an hour and you think you're listening to it, and then the next thing happens and you're like, oh, I didn't take in any of that,

54:56 - 55:05

and then you have to go back and listen to it again? There has been a little bit of that, but I still think I've got through more of it quicker than I would have if I'd tried to sit and read it.

55:05 - 55:09

How many people do you think have listened to episodes of this podcast and have had to go back?

55:09 - 55:23

I can't remember any. Not as crafted as a Sally Rooney. How dare you? I think I might listen to audiobooks if they had sound effects on them.

55:23 - 55:36

You know what I mean? As in, in Sally's book, if it was like, and then she opened the door, you know, like proper old goon show, like sounds of trombones and stuff.

55:36 - 55:40

Have you done the audios of your books? Yeah. And do you put sound effects in?

55:40 - 55:53

No, my main memory is you sit in a tiny booth, there's a person staring at you, and you try to read the first paragraph of a 200-page book, and you make six flubs in the first paragraph.

55:54 - 55:59

The expression on the producer's face is sweet Jesus. We're never getting out of here.

55:59 - 56:06

We've booked six hours in for this guy to read this, and it's just taken him 10 minutes to do the first four lines.

56:06 - 56:10

Oh God, surely that's just a kind of, you know. You get into it then, yeah.

56:10 - 56:14

Warming up, yeah, and then you get into it. Okay, so we arrive in Norwich.

56:14 - 56:18

I'm arriving in Norwich. Okay. Very pretty Norwich, I haven't been there for a long time.

56:18 - 56:24

Yeah, lovely place. And then I have to go and get a cab, so I go and get some cash out of the ATM, because I know that I've got to get a cab to,

56:24 - 56:28

to this venue, which is like a race course. It's kind of out of town.

56:28 - 56:34

And they still only take cash in Norfolk. I mean, God, yeah. I was quite pleased with myself that I preempted that I was going to need some cash.

56:34 - 56:40

Good. Yeah. Okay, so what was the venue? What was the race course? I mean, it was dark and very foggy.

56:40 - 56:46

Really foggy yesterday. Wow. Felt like I'd gone back in time. Sounds like a Richard Osman novel.

56:46 - 56:50

Yeah, I did think, oh, I might die. Fakenham? Was it Fakenham? No, do you want me to look it up?

56:50 - 56:54

Do you need this level of clarity? No. Oh, look at you. David moving things on.

56:54 - 56:59

I've waited for this moment. Here we are, Norfolk Showground. It was at Norfolk Showground.

56:59 - 57:05

Yeah, that's where it was. The Norfolk Showground. Wow. Must be so close to Pleasurewood Hills.

57:05 - 57:11

So exciting. Okay. And then I had a rehearsal. So you arrive early in the afternoon to do a rehearsal where you run it.

57:11 - 57:19

That's how these things often go. And then it's like the big event. You do a kind of dummy run so you can do all the timings and the pronunciations and all that stuff.

57:19 - 57:23

And they all toke you. Now, I hate rehearsals. I try and never rehearse anything.

57:23 - 57:28

And I don't think you should ever rehearse anything. Did you just nail the rehearsal and you're like, ah.

57:28 - 57:38

It would be quite hard to fuck one of these rehearsals up because you're literally just reading lots of pre-scripted business names and sponsors and stuff like that.

57:38 - 57:45

Carrie, is there a lot of production involved in it? Do you have to come out like Stella off the top singing, this is the moment.

57:45 - 57:52

Yes. I feel like Marty Cain. I'm just like, oh, Spaghetti Junction. These things are so high tech.

57:52 - 58:05

This one. Yesterday they had circus performers dangling. Stop it. Yes, these things can go bananas when there's pyrotechnics and a band and then this one had circus people dangling.

58:05 - 58:11

It was mad. And we're doing the best jar in Norfolk, the best shredding machine in Norfolk.

58:11 - 58:16

It was all the businesses in Norfolk. It was this huge. All of them. It seemed like it.

58:16 - 58:23

It felt like all the people of Norfolk were there to celebrate the businesses of Norfolk.

58:23 - 58:28

Okay, so you do the rehearsal and then you go to? A premiere in. I went to a premiere in.

58:28 - 58:34

Someone took me. Premiere in, okay. Yeah, so they took me off because you have hours to spare between your rehearsal and award ceremony.

58:34 - 58:39

So they took me off to a premiere in and I went and sort of hung out.

58:39 - 58:44

What did I do? I did a bit more of Sally Rooney, potted about, and then I went for a meal at the pub.

58:44 - 58:50

There was a little pub next door. That's nice. What did you go for? It was not nice.

58:50 - 58:57

Oh, no. Oh, good. I like shit pubs. Tell me everything that was wrong with this pub.

58:57 - 59:02

The menu was just, it was one of those like microwave, you know that everything's coming out way too quick.

59:02 - 59:09

Oh, no. Ominously quick. As a veggie, that's tricky as well. Is it vegetable lasagna or something like that?

59:09 - 59:14

There was like a green Thai curry that had sweet potato in it and I shut that right down.

59:14 - 59:19

It was one of those menus that as a vegetarian, you're like nothing on here is going to work out.

59:19 - 59:23

So I had a side salad and some chips and a coleslaw. I made a little meal.

59:23 - 59:28

That was three sides. Right, okay. Oh, good idea. Yeah, tapas. Danny Baker was doing a phony.

59:28 - 59:39

I can't remember what it was. And they were talking about, you know, microwaves. It was like late 80s and someone rang in to say there was a restaurant, I don't know where, it's probably in London somewhere,

59:39 - 59:47

and proudly they put in the late 80s a big sign outside that said, all our food is microwaved.

59:47 - 59:54

Including the sushi. Because it's for the future. It's the future. Five years, all of it.

59:54 - 59:59

I'm going in there. I have a microwave anecdote. Have I told it on this podcast, David?

59:59 - 1:00:05

Because I've told it so many times. Does it involve Trevor Nelson? It does. You've never actually told it.

1:00:05 - 1:00:08

I just know that it exists, this anecdote. It feels like this is the moment.

1:00:08 - 1:00:18

The listeners that have come from me will go, oh, for fuck's sake, Max. Not the Trevor Nelson microwave anecdote.

1:00:18 - 1:00:23

Because I only have three anecdotes, but it feels appropriate since we're on the subject.

1:00:23 - 1:00:31

I don't think we've been on it yet, this series. It's Christmas 2012, I think maybe, and Trevor Nelson lives next door.

1:00:31 - 1:00:46

Sorry, to listeners who may not be familiar with, Trevor Nelson would have come to my attention as an MTV VJ back in the day, but was a sort of like godfather of soul and R&B music in the UK.

1:00:46 - 1:00:49

Is that the best way to describe him? I would say he's a national treasure.

1:00:49 - 1:00:55

And he hasn't said he won't come on, but he doesn't reply. He doesn't reply as quickly as I want him to, to this podcast.

1:00:55 - 1:01:01

He doesn't reply as quickly as someone trying to plug a tour. You're not saying you're not doing this for the love, Kerry?

1:01:01 - 1:01:09

How could you? I'm having the best day. So when I bought my flat and then somebody who ran a cafe went, oh, Trevor Nelson is on that street.

1:01:09 - 1:01:18

I was like, yeah, whatever. Anyway, it turned out he did. And I didn't really know Trevor, but he came as a guest on Soccer M when I made the biggest gap in my TV career,

1:01:18 - 1:01:21

which is when he was talking about Stevie Wonder and he'd lost Stevie Wonder's number.

1:01:21 - 1:01:24

So I turned to camera and said, Stevie, if you're watching give us a call.

1:01:24 - 1:01:36

And everyone took a second. It was a classic Soccer M lineup of Trevor Nelson, Keris Matthews and Blackpool striker Brett Ormerod sitting there next to each other.

1:01:36 - 1:01:40

And then I just walked off set going, oh, this is so embarrassing. Anyway, so Trevor and I, obviously we'd see each other occasionally.

1:01:40 - 1:01:44

He had a slightly bigger flat with me with more vinyl in it. It will not surprise you.

1:01:44 - 1:01:55

It's Christmas 2012 and I'm hosting Christmas. And Auntie Gay has turned up with a Christmas pudding that needs microwaving and I don't have a microwave I don't need a microwave.

1:01:55 - 1:02:00

Don't believe in them. So I ring Trevor Nelson and I say, because everyone else has gone for Christmas.

1:02:00 - 1:02:03

I'm like, have you got a microwave? He's like, I've got a spare one. Of course he has.

1:02:03 - 1:02:08

And I'm like, brilliant. I go to Trevor Nelson's house and I borrow his microwave and I take it home.

1:02:08 - 1:02:12

And then I realized I haven't got enough chairs. So I ring up Trevor Nelson and go, can I have a spare chair?

1:02:12 - 1:02:18

And I go around and Trevor, I love Trevor Nelson. What a guy. He's listening to Trevor Nelson's Christmas special on OneXtra.

1:02:18 - 1:02:23

Very excited about that. So I borrow his chair. I give the chair back. I've never given the microwave back.

1:02:23 - 1:02:30

It did explode a couple of years ago. I mean, it was old when he lent it to me and then I had it for 12 years.

1:02:30 - 1:02:33

Because obviously when I was young, he was just like the coolest man on earth.

1:02:33 - 1:02:39

The fact that people would come around and I could point and go, that's Trevor Nelson's microwave gave me so much pleasure.

1:02:39 - 1:02:45

It's a Panasonic. It was a Panasonic. It's the worst hard rock cafe that's ever existed.

1:02:45 - 1:02:52

That's Max's flat. Yeah. But the thing is, I tell this story all the time.

1:02:52 - 1:02:56

And quite often he's listening to talks. When I'm telling it again, he's texting me going, for fuck's sake.

1:02:56 - 1:03:03

How are you living with this? Like on Instagram as well, if ever he posts and I just see it, I will just comment going, can't see a microwave there.

1:03:03 - 1:03:08

And he just normally just totally pies it going, this is fucking ridiculous. Fair enough.

1:03:08 - 1:03:16

Anyway, that doesn't help us get through your day, Kerry. My apologies, especially to you, David, because I've criticized you in the past for that sort of behavior.

1:03:16 - 1:03:20

Where are we now? What got us into the microwave? You're in the pub. You're in the pub.

1:03:20 - 1:03:24

Oh, I'm in the pub. You've got a trio of sides. In the loo of a main.

1:03:24 - 1:03:28

I've got a trio of sides. But I did get rid of the coleslaw. It was gross.

1:03:28 - 1:03:34

What's the vibe in the pub? Who's there in the afternoon? A few Alco's? Yeah, definitely that kind of Alco vibe.

1:03:34 - 1:03:38

A lot of high-vis, a lot of high-vis. So I'd say sort of laborers, workers.

1:03:38 - 1:03:44

It was probably early evening by now, like between five and six. So probably people come in after work for a pint.

1:03:44 - 1:03:47

And did you have a couple of bottles of white wine ahead of the kick?

1:03:47 - 1:03:53

Yeah. No, no. I'm not drinking. I don't drink now. I can't. It's just that.

1:03:53 - 1:03:59

It's over. Fine. Every time I think, oh, it's Christmas. Have a little Baileys. There's this other voice that goes, don't.

1:03:59 - 1:04:03

Don't have a Baileys. So yeah. And anyway, you wouldn't have a drink before a gig.

1:04:03 - 1:04:10

So I had my sad little triptych of sides. Carrie, it's so funny that you just said you wouldn't have a drink before a gig.

1:04:10 - 1:04:17

And Max is literally swigging from a can of lager as we record this. But it's the evening there, isn't it?

1:04:17 - 1:04:21

This is my Friday night out. This is socializing for me. I've got a two and a half year old.

1:04:21 - 1:04:26

I don't ever go out. I used to love that in pandemic when we were doing loads of these online things.

1:04:26 - 1:04:30

I used to love having a glass of wine with a Zoomie. It was fun.

1:04:30 - 1:04:39

Carrie, what time do you need to get back to the race course at? So I go back to my premier in room, start getting ready, put my makeup on and my glittery dress.

1:04:39 - 1:04:46

I love having an excuse to put on because I don't, I think I only really wear glittery things for conference.

1:04:46 - 1:04:52

So it's fun. It's like dressing up. Nothing says glittery dress like Norfolk's best photocopier, does it?

1:04:53 - 1:05:00

Exactly. And it's getting Christmassy now and there's circus people dangling about. So nothing commands sequins more than this situation.

1:05:00 - 1:05:08

So I get dressed up. I put my glittery dress on and my glittery shoes, and then they collect me and take me back to the race course.

1:05:08 - 1:05:16

And then the show starts at 9.30. Do you have to like hobnob with the mayor or anything?

1:05:16 - 1:05:22

No. They just put me in a little room at the back and then they do a raffle and a few little events and then it's showtime.

1:05:22 - 1:05:29

Then it's. It's the awards. Right. 9.30 is danger time. As in, this is the night of night.

1:05:29 - 1:05:35

They're drunk. Yeah, exactly. For the sign painters of Norwich. And they've been on it since five.

1:05:35 - 1:05:42

Yeah, they've been drinking for a while. But then you're right. But it is the main reason that they're all there is these awards.

1:05:42 - 1:05:48

So there's a bit of focus. And there's loads of like pyrotechnics and things to distract them.

1:05:48 - 1:05:56

I'm intrigued by this now. This is amazing. Are you worried at any point that a fire eater might, fall from a trapeze onto you or anything like that?

1:05:56 - 1:05:59

No, I felt really safe. I felt like they were all over health and safety.

1:05:59 - 1:06:06

Also, there was this other thing that was quite potentially dangerous. Because it was the 35th anniversary of these awards.

1:06:06 - 1:06:16

They were doing these birthday cake things with fireworks in. Wow. So just before the awards, they brought out all these cakes that had, what's that stuff that you, is it Blumenthal?

1:06:16 - 1:06:32

When that chef bloke. Yeah, yeah. Heston Blumenthal, yeah. That's right. So there was all this smoke coming out of these cakes, with like fireworks, and the waiting staff just swept out with all these like flaming smoky cakes and gave them all out

1:06:32 - 1:06:45

to celebrate 35 years of this award thing. When I'm listening to newscast or the rest is politics or something like that, everyone tells me that the UK is a total bin fire and my friends are like, oh, you're better off out of it.

1:06:45 - 1:06:52

But it sounds like business in Norfolk is booming. It's booming, mate. It is absolutely thriving.

1:06:53 - 1:07:08

So much so they're sticking fireworks in cakes. Amazing. Semtex cakes. They sound incredible. It's funny because you really have to commit to the fact that, like if this was a normal gig and everyone in the audience suddenly pulled out a cake that was on fire,

1:07:08 - 1:07:13

you would be like, this gig's unplayable. It's like your book, Danger is Everywhere. There you go.

1:07:13 - 1:07:21

Danger was everywhere, David. You just blow on with your presenting of the evening, ladies and gentlemen.

1:07:21 - 1:07:34

Blow out your cakes. Let's begin. Yeah, there was a lot of excitement. And like you'll know, I mean, I don't do comedy clubs as much now, but the more giddy the audience are,

1:07:34 - 1:07:43

back when I used to do junglers and headliners or whatever, before the show, they would like play a laser show and start sort of putting the chemical brothers on.

1:07:43 - 1:07:52

And you'd be like, can we just dial this down? Like, honestly, that would be, tonight's going to be a good day, you know.

1:07:53 - 1:08:03

Jump around. Let me entertain you. Sometimes they play jump around, which is the exact opposite of what you want the people to do.

1:08:03 - 1:08:16

Just sit there and just shut up. Yeah, don't jump, don't jump. So it did have that kind of pre-giddiness that you have to kind of, you know, be a part of.

1:08:16 - 1:08:22

Read this award ceremony. My main question is this. Are people doing speeches when they've won awards?

1:08:22 - 1:08:25

No, they did the thing that I, I've never come across before. Normally there are no speeches.

1:08:25 - 1:08:31

People just come up, get their award, have a photograph and go. But this one, I had to ask them a question.

1:08:31 - 1:08:39

So it was like Miss World, where I'd be like, how do you feel about winning the Sustainable Business of Norwich Award?

1:08:39 - 1:08:45

And then they'd have to answer me. I've never had that before. I didn't have great mic technique.

1:08:45 - 1:08:50

I kept having it on the wrong mouth at the wrong, my turn, your turn, my turn, your turn.

1:08:50 - 1:08:55

So yeah, it was a new experience. There was a lot of, it was a very nice gig.

1:08:55 - 1:09:05

I enjoyed it. I had to host the Sky Call Centre Awards. And if it was ever flagging, you could just yell, Doncaster!

1:09:05 - 1:09:12

And they would just go wild. Or Stokely, East Kilbride. Fuck! And they would just go wild.

1:09:12 - 1:09:18

Max's presenting of award ceremonies really depends because he opens with the Trevor Nelson microwave anecdote.

1:09:18 - 1:09:25

Yeah, I do, yeah. Well, that's solid. That's a solid three minutes. Am I to buy it off you?

1:09:25 - 1:09:29

Can I buy the Trevor Nelson microwave anecdote? Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. You can have it for nothing.

1:09:29 - 1:09:38

So you're done. You're finished. Good night. Round of applause. Nailed it. Nailed it. I don't know if I nailed it, but I had a nice time and I wore a glittery dress.

1:09:38 - 1:09:42

Straight to the premiere inn? No, I didn't stay over. I got driven home. Amazing.

1:09:42 - 1:09:47

I know, fancy. They did say, do you want to stay over? And I was like, I knew I was doing this with you guys today.

1:09:47 - 1:09:51

Oh, thank you. I wouldn't have got back in time. And also, it's quite nice to go home, isn't it?

1:09:51 - 1:09:55

But it is a fair old drive. I live in South London, so that was a three hour.

1:09:55 - 1:10:00

But more Sally Rooney. More Sally Rooney. And I did doze off. So I do have to go back over those chapters.

1:10:00 - 1:10:05

So what time do you get to the door, the front door? 2am. 2am, wow.

1:10:05 - 1:10:11

So thank you for getting up for this. Yeah, the gig finished at about 11 and I dozed off in the car and I pulled up at 2am.

1:10:11 - 1:10:16

Are you jazzed when you get in still? Or are you, you know, sometimes you just need to decompress.

1:10:16 - 1:10:22

You need to sit at the kitchen table. Do Wordle. Yeah, exactly. Is this an ageing thing?

1:10:22 - 1:10:30

That kind of adrenaline, I don't get as much of that. Post-gig, I'd have to kind of like come down and sort of, I'd still feel the adrenaline.

1:10:30 - 1:10:39

Not so much now. Also, you have had a three-hour drive from Norwich. Like, I mean, if you haven't come down by the end, it would have been some awards ceremony.

1:10:39 - 1:10:43

Yeah, exactly. No, I was just half asleep and just came in and went straight to bed.

1:10:43 - 1:10:48

Did you brush your teeth? I brushed my teeth. I took my makeup off in the car before I dozed off.

1:10:48 - 1:10:54

You know what I did that I've never done before and I really am quite pleased with myself is I took one of those long haul...

1:10:54 - 1:11:00

Pillows. Cushions. Yeah, right. Yeah. I thought ahead because I was like, I am going to want to sleep in that car on the way back.

1:11:00 - 1:11:05

That's genius. I know, I feel really cocky about it. Wow, that's great. Yeah, maybe that's the future then.

1:11:05 - 1:11:10

Maybe that's what I need to start doing that, even just for like a Ryanair flight to Luton.

1:11:10 - 1:11:17

I think take it on a bus. Yeah. Why not take it on a dog walk and you can just have a neck rest while you go about your life?

1:11:17 - 1:11:22

I don't know why more people aren't using them all the time. There's an... Consistency, right?

1:11:22 - 1:11:28

I have to fly to the UK with a toddler. That's really far. Oh, it's just that.

1:11:28 - 1:11:31

That was my whole episode of parenting hell. See, that's why I've never been to Australia.

1:11:31 - 1:11:37

Don't blame you. It's fucking miles away. And those pillows, I just... The hit rate is not high.

1:11:37 - 1:11:41

What do you mean? Like quite often, it's not that great. They just don't work.

1:11:41 - 1:11:46

And you're like, oh, so you buy another one and that doesn't work. And before you know it, you're bankrupt and you have to start a podcast.

1:11:46 - 1:11:55

It's like jeans. You're like searching for the perfect pair of jeans. You're searching for the perfect neck rest and it doesn't really exist.

1:11:55 - 1:12:03

Yeah, Instagram thinks that the main thing it's going to be able to sell me is variations on neck pillows.

1:12:03 - 1:12:12

I think maybe Instagram can tell that I travel around a bit, but the bonkers one is one that you go forward with it.

1:12:12 - 1:12:18

So it kind of looks like you're in prayer or something. Yes, you're wrapping like a wall around your head.

1:12:18 - 1:12:24

So you're literally encased and then you can... Even just in theory, I know the one you mean because we did a long haul flight.

1:12:24 - 1:12:31

I went to Japan in August and I really shopped hard for that neck pillow because I was terrified of that flight.

1:12:31 - 1:12:45

That's the longest flight I've ever done. All that neck brace is saying is, hey person inside me, you will not be peeing for the next eight hours because I'm going to be in conclave here deep in this foam thing.

1:12:45 - 1:12:56

They don't deliver. You can get inflatable footstools so that you can raise your... Trying to get comfortable on an economy seat on a long haul flight, there's a lot of money to be made in that little area, isn't it?

1:12:56 - 1:13:02

All I get on Instagram is this bit of cloth. If you just lay this on the seat, your two-year-old will fall asleep.

1:13:02 - 1:13:07

They fucking won't. And it's not true, is it? No, exactly. They're just selling you a load of shit.

1:13:07 - 1:13:16

Who would have thought that the internet was selling us a load of shit? And the only other thing I get advertised is t-shirts to make middle-aged men look not quite as fat as they are.

1:13:16 - 1:13:22

Yes! Do they work? I haven't bought them. Good for you. Max is buff. He doesn't need that.

1:13:22 - 1:13:31

Another thing, it'll be called something like The Bison Diet for Men in Their Forties, which is sort of like a raw meat diet book.

1:13:31 - 1:13:34

And I'm never going to buy that either. They don't know what I want. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:13:34 - 1:13:39

Anyway, you're asleep, Kerry, so we're done. That was it. That was my day. I think you had a great day.

1:13:39 - 1:13:42

I don't know what you think. You had a great day, yeah. I had a nice day.

1:13:42 - 1:13:48

I had a really lovely day. Because I knew we were doing this today, I was, like, mindful of my day.

1:13:48 - 1:13:57

It was quite interesting like reflecting on the day in a way that I wouldn't normally have done because I was like, I'm going to have to talk about this so I better remember what I'm doing.

1:13:57 - 1:14:04

Normally, I don't remember what I do. Well, because it's so good for your journey of mindfulness, we've actually booked you for the next 46 days.

1:14:04 - 1:14:13

It's like a course. It's like a course, isn't it? It's like a meditation course where I have to be present for every moment.

1:14:13 - 1:14:18

I've enjoyed it. It was a lovely day. Thank you for sharing this beautiful day with us, Kerry.

1:14:18 - 1:14:34

Pleasure. Wow, what a lovely person and what a lovely day, David. It's what I conclude from that.

1:14:34 - 1:14:39

Yeah, I think her loveliness as a person, because she is lovely as a person.

1:14:39 - 1:14:44

I don't think you'd find anyone in the world who wouldn't be incredibly positive about Kerry Godliman.

1:14:44 - 1:14:50

And then the fact that she managed to an afternoon of travel, a glamorous, evening.

1:14:50 - 1:14:57

You know what, Max? Maybe we're used to the glamorous world of showbiz because we are podcast billionaires.

1:14:57 - 1:15:03

I haven't checked yet. That's true. But I think we are. Yeah. But that was a little glimpse into showbiz.

1:15:03 - 1:15:11

It's not all glamour being driven by a limo to a train station. I don't think where people think show business and think jazz in Norfolk.

1:15:11 - 1:15:16

But in a way, everything is show business. Oh, wow. This is an interesting thought.

1:15:16 - 1:15:19

I don't think that's true at all. No, but it's quite late where I am.

1:15:19 - 1:15:28

And I've had three cans of Vietnamese lager. Wow. In a way, everything is showbiz.

1:15:28 - 1:15:35

That was like, Max has just had his first joint as an 18 year old. It was the first time.

1:15:35 - 1:15:44

It's rare, actually. And I get annoyed with broadcasters just say shit. And what was important there, David, was you stopped and you went, what was that about?

1:15:44 - 1:15:53

Because frankly, what I was saying was just total nonsense. And it was more, um, a bit sleepy, quite in a way, want to finish this.

1:15:53 - 1:15:59

But I did love that episode. You know, I would like to be invited for brunch at Kerry Godliman's house.

1:15:59 - 1:16:03

If you would like to get in touch with the podcast, here is how you would go about that.

1:16:03 - 1:16:11

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:16:11 - 1:16:19

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:16:19 - 1:16:54

And if you didn't, please don't. Subscribe, listeners. It's so meaningless. It's so meaningless, isn't it?

1:16:54 - 1:17:05

Whatever showbiz things you're doing now and for the rest of your day. And I hope someone somewhere was trying to get to bleep listening to this.

1:17:05 - 1:17:13

And it was all calm until Max lost his mind and started shitting on about everything being showbiz.

1:17:13 - 1:17:21

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I don't know where that came from. From me, David O'Doherty, and from my colleague, Max Rushden.

1:17:21 - 1:17:27

Till the next time. Have a sequence of great yesterdays, which is what life is.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

No results found

Search Error

Everything Is Showbiz

How to Search:

Popular Search Ideas:

Everything Is Showbiz

EP18: Kerry Godliman