0:00 - 0:11
Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
0:11 - 0:20
I don't have any because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it. There's a podcast about it and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
0:20 - 0:25
But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
0:25 - 0:34
Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
0:34 - 0:37
We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
0:37 - 0:43
What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
0:43 - 0:49
Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
0:49 - 0:55
Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
0:55 - 1:05
Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, and welcome to the latest episode of What Did...
1:05 - 1:11
I forgot what it's called. I was going to say, what did they do yesterday?
1:11 - 1:15
But it's not. It's what did you do yesterday, isn't it? Yeah. I'm not starting again, David.
1:15 - 1:21
I think we've, you know, we're warts and all on this podcast. Oh, Mike, this is going to be the worst podcast.
1:21 - 1:30
The, yeah, and you didn't even try and number us. That's the thing. It's now gone into, like, the Dewey Decimal System in libraries.
1:30 - 1:36
It's too complicated to know what number this podcast is. It's too complicated to know what the name of it is, even, Bex.
1:36 - 1:47
Listen, we all make mistakes. Reminds me of, I've said this before, you know, first soccer game of the season and we're outside and, you know, we're playing the first big show,
1:47 - 1:55
big first show, and I just, the camera, it's sort of, you know, I might even be on a gym, you know, it comes down to me and I go, welcome to the park arc.
1:55 - 2:01
And you're like, oh, God, this season's going to be a long old season, isn't it?
2:01 - 2:10
Today's guest is the brilliant comedian, Huge Davis. Now, for the record, we forgot to do this intro bit.
2:10 - 2:20
And so David isn't here when I do some sort of joke about the fact that Huge Davis is, you know, the pioneer of being a comedian who also has a keyboard.
2:20 - 2:25
It would be an easy joke and David would have reacted in a lovely way, but he's not here to react like that.
2:25 - 2:32
Huge is out on tour. You can go to his website. Website, hugedavis.com. D-A-V-I-E-S.
2:32 - 2:44
Huge, spelt like the word huge. To find out where he is and go and see him, he, like many guests previously, has been on all the shows that they all go on.
2:44 - 2:52
Yes, it's a fun episode and I'm afraid we do return to excrement, but not human, not of the human form.
2:52 - 3:08
Here is Huge Davis' Yesterday. Huge Davis, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Thanks for having me, guys.
3:08 - 3:18
You say there's no prep for this, but there is prep. Okay, how so? We then have to live the day before as if you're doing a podcast for the whole day.
3:18 - 3:22
I was so aware of everything I was doing because then I'd have to talk about it the next day.
3:22 - 3:32
Because I was thinking of like a TK Maxx-type distressed wooden sign that said, today, like you're recording, what did you do yesterday, tomorrow?
3:32 - 3:43
I literally, Joss Norris literally said that to me yesterday. I was like, I think it might be good to have, if you have a sense of you're recording everything next day for a podcast,
3:43 - 3:50
then you probably have a better life. I got the sense there that we perhaps ruined your day because you had to overthink everything.
3:50 - 3:59
No, actually, my day didn't change that much. Enough happened in the day that I was, but I was considering doing something crazy, like going to the Natural History Museum on drugs or something like that.
3:59 - 4:03
And I was like, that's trying too hard. Because I've always wanted to do that.
4:03 - 4:13
But I'm in my 30s now. You can't really do that. Last week, we recorded with Giles Brandreth that hasn't gone out, and he took acid and rode the Diplodocus.
4:13 - 4:22
He did. He slid down his neck like Fred Flintstone going to work. Yeah. Right, let's cut to the chase here, Hugh.
4:22 - 4:30
When did you wake up, please? Okay, I woke up at about seven o'clock. Wow, I thought you were a chill guy.
4:30 - 4:35
I thought we were going to get a very different vibe to some of the CEOs we've spoken to on this.
4:35 - 4:41
I'm a lot like Kevin Hart. Five a.m. I get up, work out. Yeah.
4:41 - 4:44
It's because of the animal in my room. You know, the animal woke me up.
4:44 - 4:53
Yeah, there's a cat. Max, how many episodes now, you might be the third or possibly fourth person to have been woken by a cat.
4:53 - 4:59
What is the point of these things? Having a cat. Well, it's not my cat.
4:59 - 5:06
I don't get a say in it. Interesting. It's my housemate's cat. And I actually dislike the cat a lot.
5:06 - 5:11
The cat loves me, but I dislike the cat. Who lived in the flat first, you or the cat?
5:11 - 5:18
Great question. The cat came first and then I came in. So I'm kind of tromping on the cat's territory.
5:18 - 5:28
Cat won't leave me alone. My aunt moved into a house a few years ago that came with a tortoise that lived in the garden.
5:28 - 5:34
It would have been too traumatic to move this 50-something-year-old tortoise to a new place.
5:34 - 5:42
So we just had a routine where he... I remember once we were having a barbecue and he was like, oh, a barbecue.
5:42 - 5:49
And the grass was only 10 meters long and it took the whole meal for him to walk towards it.
5:49 - 5:55
It sounds like someone's gaslighting a tortoise there. Oh, you couldn't possibly leave this house.
5:55 - 6:01
No, no, you couldn't possibly go. You have to stay in this gun. Maybe the tortoise wants to see the world.
6:01 - 6:10
Maybe the tortoise would like to meet another tortoise in its 100-year-long life. Oh, no, you couldn't possibly fucking leave it.
6:10 - 6:20
It's going to be fine. Take the tortoise out. No, I think tortoises... You know the phrase, you can't teach an old tortoise new gardens.
6:20 - 6:27
Right. And I think this might be an absolute example of that. That's on the kitchen next to the Live Every Single Day.
6:27 - 6:35
Like you're on David O'Doherty's podcast. I'm a meme generator. A lot of people listen to this podcast just for my memes.
6:35 - 6:39
It's the youths are listening in like it's like the agents in the Cold War.
6:39 - 6:45
You know, trying to find the next trend. So, seven o'clock, Hugh. The cat just wakes me up.
6:45 - 6:49
I can't close the door. It scratches at the door and meows until I wake up.
6:49 - 6:55
It knows me too well. What's the specific thing the cat's looking for? Is it just looking to lie beside you?
6:55 - 7:00
Food, food. It's always food. Can you not just give it the food and then go back to bed again?
7:00 - 7:06
Imagine if I'd missed that out on this podcast. Imagine if I said, David, he said, what time do you wake up?
7:06 - 7:09
I say, 8.30. And then I later go, and you're like, when do you feed the cats?
7:09 - 7:12
I was like, oh, I actually woke up at seven o'clock and then went back to bed again.
7:12 - 7:16
You'd see that as a betrayal of the podcast. You see what I mean? It's true.
7:16 - 7:20
We've been betrayed before. And so I appreciate your honesty. So it's pretty much seven.
7:20 - 7:24
How quickly do you just get up, give the cat some whiskers and come back to bed?
7:24 - 7:32
Pretty quickly. I used to delay. And now I do it straight away because I know that it's just going to get worse and worse and worse.
7:32 - 7:40
Because then two of them will come. They're also very disabled, the cats. So they look, when I open the door and the two of them are sat there, they just look so pathetic.
7:40 - 7:46
They're like, we can barely walk and you just live in us hungry. So some observations here.
7:46 - 7:56
They're your housemates' cats. It's a fair imposition. Where has the housemate gone? They have both gone to America for a premiere, a film premiere.
7:56 - 8:06
All right. They actually go away quite a lot. Half of me thinks that they only asked me to move in so that they don't have to get someone to look after their cats whilst they're away at premieres.
8:06 - 8:10
Do they own the house? They do own the house, yeah. Right, and do you get mate's rates?
8:10 - 8:15
Oh, yeah. Are you paying nothing? Are you paying nothing for this? No, I'm paying something, but I ain't paying nothing.
8:15 - 8:20
Right. Is this an exclusive part of... Sorry, this is my journalist bit. It's okay, no, it's fine.
8:20 - 8:26
You're an exclusive part of town? No. Oh, right. Would you consider the end of...
8:27 - 8:33
The tube line an exclusive? Because a lot of people think that's a great one to be on, like the end of the line.
8:33 - 8:39
Yeah. Because it's always announced on the tube, and then you hear it, and you're just like, that's my town, that's my place.
8:39 - 8:47
Do you live in Heathrow Airport Terminal 4? Yeah, I live there with Tom Hanks. Two cats.
8:47 - 8:58
Me, Tom Hanks, and two cats. That's who's gone to the premiere. You're younger than me, but the good thing is that if you go out late and you fall asleep on the tube,
8:58 - 9:06
because I used to live in Finsbury Park, and I would fall asleep and wake up in Cockfosters or Tottenham Hale or whatever it was.
9:06 - 9:16
I've done that twice in one day once. I've done it all night. I come back from, I think, Reading Festival, and I fell asleep going down the Northern Line, like in a morden.
9:16 - 9:21
Then I woke up again, fell asleep again, got to the top, got pretty near the top as well.
9:21 - 9:36
I, when I was 19, was the mobile floor cleaner in a German supermarket, distributor with specific responsibility for sausages in jars when they fell off the rutsche, the air belt, they would smash.
9:36 - 9:43
And I had to put on a hard hat and I had a buggy and reverse backwards and forwards over the broken glass till I'd sucked it all up into my undercarriage.
9:43 - 9:51
That's not the point though. The point is I had to get the Cologne, whatever the little train is called that takes you across the city.
9:51 - 10:00
And because my job started at six o'clock and I was 19, I would get to bed at about four a.m. and just lived on two hours sleep for the whole summer.
10:00 - 10:12
It was fine, but I used to fall asleep on the train and one time woke up with two guys directly in front of me and they looked like tough guys.
10:12 - 10:24
They looked like German neo-Nazis, to be honest. And so immediately they were staring intently at me and I was like, so it ends here on the Cologne light rail system.
10:24 - 10:39
And one of them, one of them just said Kermit Klein because I was wearing a T-shirt, a novelty fun T-shirt that had a picture of Kermit the Frog wearing Calvin Klein underpants.
10:39 - 10:46
I know the T-shirt. In the waistband of it, it said Kermit Klein. And then the two of them just walked off.
10:46 - 10:55
Okay, so you've fed the cats. Are they eating like little biscuits that look like cat litter or are they having like one of those horrible meaty...
10:55 - 11:01
Is kibble the word for those things? There's a specific word for little cat that looks like sheep shit.
11:01 - 11:05
Oh yeah, no, these cats get the best of everything because these cats are so disabled.
11:05 - 11:14
They basically don't have very long lives. So the owners are basically like, just we give them the best of everything because they're going to be dead in a bit.
11:14 - 11:23
So they have like this incredibly luxurious cat food that's like, it's like real, it's like a breast of chicken that's been like...
11:23 - 11:30
Marinated. It's like pulled pork but chicken. Wow. And they gather every morning and the evening and they get like tuna and shrimp.
11:30 - 11:40
Oh my goodness. Yeah. Would you consider eating it? Yeah, I have. Yeah. In fact, when I feed the cats, you'll be interested in this, I sing them a song when I do it.
11:40 - 11:46
Oh yeah, okay. Do you want to hear the song? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if you get the copyright, we'll be okay with this, but it's...
11:46 - 11:50
I'm worried now because if I sing it, because they know it's a trigger for them.
11:50 - 11:56
Okay. I'll be watching them in the background to the listeners. They've gone, they've gone, they've gone.
11:56 - 12:09
Okay. Sing it, sing it quietly then. Feed the cats, feed both my cats. Chicken, tuna, straight from the can.
12:09 - 12:15
Like that. That's lovely. Is that from Oliver? Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins, Tuppence a Bag.
12:15 - 12:23
Listeners to this will know that I had a tough upbringing. Growing up in central Cambridge was tough and rough and CB1 is a tough place to grow up.
12:23 - 12:29
But when one of my cats died, when Sprog died, Willow was very sad about it.
12:29 - 12:35
And somebody recommended to my parents that the way that cats get over grief is smoked salmon.
12:35 - 12:41
And it worked a treat. A couple of bowls of that, she did not give a shit.
12:41 - 12:48
She had forgotten about Sprog. Can you know a cat's forgotten about another cat? How do you know a cat stops grieving?
12:48 - 12:54
This is such a profound question. I suppose grief never goes away. It just changes you.
12:54 - 13:00
And what we understood was that Willow, they've still been deeply grieving Sprog, but she had a spring in her step.
13:00 - 13:05
The hole never leaves. You just have to fill that hole with smoked salmon. Exactly right.
13:05 - 13:16
Do you think every time you're in a cafe and you see someone, say for brunch, having a scrambled egg and smoked salmon, just go over, just put a hand on their shoulder and just say, I am so sorry.
13:16 - 13:20
I'm sorry for your loss. You take the bacon away, take the cream cheese away.
13:20 - 13:26
No, you don't need that. You'll eat it from the plate with no hands. What are you?
13:26 - 13:31
What are you wearing when you go up to feed the cats? Because the cats don't really care.
13:31 - 13:36
Like we are going through something of a cold spell at the moment. So what I really want to know is.
13:36 - 13:43
I thought you meant the conversation. What are you sleeping in? What gear are you sleeping in?
13:43 - 13:51
I'm sleeping in a t-shirt and boxers. If it gets really cold, I'll wear pajama bottoms, but just normally, and I'm alone.
13:51 - 13:56
So that's okay to do that. Yeah, go down. They don't really care what I wear.
13:56 - 14:01
And that's. That's what I like about them. It's true. They don't give a shit.
14:01 - 14:04
So then you go straight back to bed for how long, please? I normally go back for an hour.
14:04 - 14:12
I normally either try to go back to sleep by watching some YouTube. So I watched some YouTube when I got back into bed.
14:12 - 14:18
Oh, interesting. Do you want to know the videos? I'll note them down. Yeah. Amazing assists that get better and better on Sky Sports.
14:18 - 14:24
Oh, good. Is this going back through history? Yeah, it was throughout the Premier League.
14:24 - 14:31
So to the listeners and assists, is in football when someone passes to someone else who then scores a goal.
14:31 - 14:40
That's a good definition of one. You're presuming here, David, that all the listeners, you've brought them all with you and there are none from my footballing background there.
14:40 - 14:49
And none from mine. Yeah, exactly. I am not presuming anything. All I'm saying is this podcast sometimes needs...
14:49 - 14:59
No, you're right. Just a regular guy. So otherwise you nerds just get too technical talking about rondos and panenkas.
14:59 - 15:06
With me and David here today, I assume the majority of the listeners for this episode will be keyboard idiots.
15:06 - 15:21
What's better, small or big? Who's going to win the fight? People are overlooking, I feel, the fact that only one of us has played the EastEnders theme on a clarinet while Dion Dublin plays the dube on Saturday morning television.
15:21 - 15:27
Wow. It's true. It's a big moment. Max, what grade did you get to with your clarinet?
15:27 - 15:35
I got all the way, David. Did you? Yeah. Can you play, you know, the start of that Gershwin piece?
15:35 - 15:48
That's a hard one. What's that called? Rhapsody in Blue? I don't know. I can do that apart from the first bit.
15:48 - 15:54
This doesn't matter. Hugh's asleep and I want to know when he's waking up. So I just list the YouTube videos I watched.
15:54 - 15:58
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, please. First off, we had Amazing Assists that Get Better and Better.
15:58 - 16:08
Then I watched I Added Animals into My Giant Canopy Vivarium. And then I watched, finally, I watched Man Behind Disastrous Willy Wonka Experience added to Sex Offenders Registry.
16:08 - 16:15
These videos are not going to help you get back to sleep. Can I say that?
16:15 - 16:25
Well, you don't know. You don't know how I get to sleep. These chaos dreams that these videos are about to provoke.
16:25 - 16:34
Like, what is, the mixture of this? It's animals getting assists while running a Willy Wonka sex farm.
16:34 - 16:44
You know what I mean? Yeah. This is not calm stuff at all. You don't understand how at peace I felt when the man behind the Disastrous Willy Wonka Experience was added to the Sex Offenders Registry.
16:44 - 16:49
I said to myself, this is why the registry exists. What was the second one?
16:49 - 16:56
Adding animals to a what? I added animals into My Giant Canopy Vivarium. This is a guy called Ant Canada.
16:56 - 17:01
I've been following this guy for about, I'm addicted to YouTube, by the way. I've been following this guy for about four years now.
17:01 - 17:06
He just has giant ant farms in his house and he films them documentary style.
17:06 - 17:13
He's really good. He's really passionate about his ants, but he just adds things to his ant farm, basically, to sort of test the ants.
17:13 - 17:19
So like sometimes he'll flood the cage and then he'll see, well, not the cage, obviously that'd be, no, the tank.
17:19 - 17:25
You can't flood a cage. Yeah, you can't. I mean, it would require a huge quantity of liquid to do it.
17:25 - 17:30
But also cages have holes in them and you can, it would be, yeah. It'd be ants everywhere.
17:30 - 17:34
You'd have to flood the house then, wouldn't you? Hang on, you could flood it with hummus.
17:34 - 17:40
You guys are presuming flooding involves classic water, but I don't know how the ants would react to that.
17:40 - 17:48
The ants carrying big batons of carrot into the... It doesn't sound like he loves the ants.
17:48 - 17:52
He's kind of making a point that you can throw anything at ants and they'll always survive.
17:52 - 18:02
Like the colony always manages to make it out. It's great. Put a big animal in there or something that you think will eat all the ants and the ants just overcome every problem by killing that animal.
18:02 - 18:10
It's pretty cool. I don't think he's a good guy. He bought himself a big house, a mansion, because he's so rich now.
18:10 - 18:15
He's got like six million subscribers or something. And he bought himself a house and one of the floors of the house is just for ants.
18:15 - 18:19
That sounds like someone who cares about ants. No, you're right. It's a fine line.
18:19 - 18:32
My favorite ant colony video is a man once poured cement into an ant colony and then dug all the earth out.
18:32 - 18:43
So what you got to see was this sort of heliopolis city of different chambers and areas because the cement obviously hardened in all the different.
18:43 - 18:51
How fucking dare you go off to Ants Canada when you say your favorite video is basically fucking Pompeii for ants.
18:51 - 19:00
They're all trapped in their houses in cement. I can't believe it. You can't. Horrible.
19:00 - 19:13
My obscure YouTube hole. So we've got various obviously bicycle refurbishment videos. Fine. People are saying I would expect nothing less of you.
19:13 - 19:25
But the thing that I love is it's called mudlarking and it's nerds wearing GoPros on their heads and they go to rivers at low tide.
19:26 - 19:36
And find old tobacco pipes. What's ridiculous is they find like one tiny chip off a plate and they'd be like that's a Roman plate.
19:36 - 19:44
I found a bit of a Roman plate. You can see it's a bit of one of those plates where it's all divided up where you have baked beans one bit and then mash.
19:44 - 19:55
For my friend's stag party they got dead Killian Murphy's arm from the props department of a movie that he'd been in.
19:56 - 20:08
And they hid it. They were going boating like one of those awful hungover punting around a lake and they hid the arm in the shrubbery at the side of the lake.
20:08 - 20:15
So the stag himself they row towards it and one of them is like oh my god what the hell is that?
20:15 - 20:31
And he's like it's probably nothing. He's not in on the joke. And the rest of them are like oh my god it's an arm and he's like do not touch the fucking arm don't touch the arm and so
20:31 - 20:44
someone touches it. So everyone else is like oh my god our fingerprints are on it now shit we're gonna have to bury it and the others are like phone the police we have to phone the police and the point at which they revealed it was Cillian Murphy's
20:44 - 20:52
arm they'd stolen from a props department was when the man whose stag it was said this was supposed to be my stag but it's turned into the worst day of my life.
20:52 - 21:06
Hugh did you fall back asleep yesterday you just watched YouTube. I fell asleep during the amp video because I always sense me off so I actually didn't really find out what animals he put into his giant canopy vivarium I woke up to disastrous experience I had in the
21:06 - 21:17
sexual industry and then it was 930 cats came upstairs they got into my bed and then I did some admin I did my just my general admin which took like half an hour so
21:17 - 21:24
like some gig things and invoice stuff few just like emails concerning other stuff just ran you know just normal stuff.
21:24 - 21:37
And your inbox is down to zero then or have you got 28,000? People see sometimes my inbox and they see how many unread emails I have and it causes people like a lot of stress like they can even seeing like my phone and seeing how many numbers
21:37 - 21:44
are on just the home page of the phone is like people just can't look at it like I just haven't opened a lot of my emails and texts.
21:44 - 22:04
I also have the desktop of my laptop computer is maybe 500 different files just sitting there and occasionally when I've used my laptop in a public setting at a gig the software I'm using will crash and people will just get a glimpse of and it's like someone's seeing
22:04 - 22:12
inside your laundry basket or something you just see the true chaos that you're pretending not to have in your life.
22:12 - 22:19
Yeah. Admin's done. What's happening? Are we getting dressed? Are we having some breakfast? We're going down getting some coffee at 10 o'clock.
22:19 - 22:27
I'm getting some coffee. I'm preparing for the podcast record. I've got 11 o'clock which is the Northern News podcast with Amy Gledhill and Ian Smith.
22:27 - 22:32
So they asked me to prepare a story for my hometown. So I had to try to remember.
22:32 - 22:38
I did that pretty quickly. That took two minutes. So I just chilled out on the sofa with the cats and played with the cats.
22:38 - 22:54
And then it's 11 o'clock. I then do the podcast. Do the story exactly as you did it and we will try and rush this one out before them and really find like exclusive huge James anecdote about the town where he grew up.
22:54 - 23:00
In there there's like a local newsletter kind of magazine that goes around and there's a photo of the month on it.
23:00 - 23:08
There was like a photo of this really it's like the captures like strange mystery woman with giant dog and that was my mum.
23:08 - 23:16
Because I had deer hounds when I was a kid. They're really big dogs. Yeah they're big dogs.
23:16 - 23:23
And my mum is like five foot and she wears like very strange clothes. So I took a photo of her in the common and they were like who is this fucking creep?
23:23 - 23:31
And it was my mum. So yeah that was like the big news story and my mum was very proud of that even though I'm basically like you know they're saying you look weird.
23:31 - 23:37
What age were you when this was taken? Probably about eight. Eight is better than fifteen I would say.
23:37 - 23:42
Yeah. And how big are these hounds? Like what are they? Wolf hounds or something like that?
23:42 - 23:50
They're wolf hounds yeah. Well they're deer hounds. They're pretty similar to wolf hounds. But my mum is so small they kind of look like someone's photoshopped a dog to the size of a horse.
23:50 - 23:57
It looks like she's about to ride the dog to do the big shop on the dog.
23:57 - 24:12
Did she have the sufficient like discipline over the dogs that they never messed with her or would they sometimes be like we're taking you to a maxi zoo or wherever dogs like to go?
24:12 - 24:18
If the dogs the dogs could take her away and I think that you know that's part of the adventure of having dogs.
24:18 - 24:27
My grandmother rest in peace have some smoked salmon have some salmon. That sounded like you didn't really want her to rest in peace.
24:27 - 24:45
It sounded the opposite. She had Dachshunds before they were hipster dogs like your classic sausages and one thing I really appreciate from them was you take one for a walk and it'd be like don't really want to go for a walk you're grand and you'd be
24:45 - 25:02
like come on come on they'd be like all right and then after about maybe 100 meters that's enough walk and it would just lie down you would have to pick it up like it was BA from the A team holding an Uzi and just walk back holding the sausage
25:02 - 25:14
dog we had another dog a smaller dog and he was so lazy that I had to when I went to walk him I'd have to pick him up take him to the common put him in the middle of the common and then put him down and then he
25:14 - 25:23
would walk home from there that's the only way he would walk is if he could go home it would be interesting if that dog was so small that the local news paper then
25:23 - 25:36
took a picture of your mother with it and it was like who is this giant with this normal sized dog yeah okay so we've done the admin that's been a success you've had a coffee have you had any breakfast you've got no you had no breakfast
25:36 - 25:53
no I've just had coffee wow okay I normally have porridge with peanut butter and honey but I didn't have that today because I didn't feel like it so it's 1130 yeah and then 1130 I get a text from my friend Harry Griffin who is so
25:53 - 26:05
he sent me a picture that he's taken of me for his art gallery that he's having I think it's in Sunderland okay he's Joe Lyser's tour support and he takes loads of photos of people he sent me a picture that he was having of me in the
26:05 - 26:14
exhibition which was nice and then I watched a video of him talking to Joe advertising the exhibition and I was happy oh that's nice worried you haven't eaten anything it's half 11 and
26:14 - 26:24
you've not had a morsel not had anything I then am distracted I've just seen the cats have done a big poo on the carpet oh no so they'd have learned by now
26:24 - 26:34
because so they're disabled so their back legs don't work so they do a poo in the in the cat litter and then they have like this weird thing where they try and
26:34 - 26:46
cover up the poo yeah but their legs don't really work so they don't do that and sometimes they just jump out and then it comes out with them so this was the occasion in which a poo would come out with the cat so I then
26:46 - 26:54
had to clean up cat poo I was gonna say did you think their owners are back tomorrow so I could just leave it yeah I did think that but then
26:54 - 27:06
also I was like if they come back and they and then the first thing I see is just poo on the floor you know I don't want to outstay my welcome do you know what I mean I'd say it's also an appetite suppressant as in if
27:06 - 27:18
you were very hungry or starting to be hungry and then you have to move a poo it smells like poo that's why I knew I noticed because it would smell like poo and I was like it would be insane to stay in the house for an extra day
27:18 - 27:33
just so someone else could pick up poo I'm a proud person but I'm not going to not clean up poo to stop myself smelling poo it's like another one of my old sayings no matter how expensive the cat food you're buying poo smells like poo yeah
27:33 - 27:49
my whole house is like a live love laugh but it's just things that David O'Doherty has said so how did you approach this rubber glove and some wet wipes or because carpet is the worst of the flaws you know so I texted my housemates to see
27:49 - 28:01
what they normally do about it and then they they told me to put the poo in the bin and then they've got like this carpet cleaner under the sink so I did I was doing that and then you have to wait for it to kind of to soak
28:01 - 28:14
and then you have to clean it off I had about half an hour to wait for it to soak so I played FIFA I got I was playing FIFA just for the time to go over I was like this is a good amount of time because then I
28:14 - 28:26
can limit myself as well to be like you only get to play this amount of FIFA which could be a problem because you can go overboard I haven't played FIFA for a while I was sort of more Emlyn Hughes international soccer on the Amiga but is there a
28:26 - 28:41
setting on the newest FIFA 4 amount of time it takes for a catch it to dry game you can set I should have maybe set the whole time is like a half an hour long game and then it's you know or maybe I should have set it to
28:41 - 28:54
half time and then half time I have to go clear out the poo but I didn't get to there because two charity workers then rang my doorbell oh my goodness and so I opened the door I didn't know they were charity workers but then
28:54 - 29:11
they were starting to talk to me there were two teenagers I basically said I wasn't interested yeah and then one of them said but I can see you're playing FIFA through the window if we beat you at FIFA will you support the blind oh this is amazing
29:11 - 29:26
is that real yeah that was real that is amazing and I said no oh wow oh come on imagine this podcast this really could have started to elevate here so the thing is though is that I have two controllers one of them is I know is out of
29:26 - 29:35
battery because I use that one and then I use the other one so what would have happened is if I would have got two children into my house and then
29:35 - 29:52
they say let's play the video game you promise and I said there is no video game just floor on the floor so you know I didn't want to give it because it's like you know that's what that is the reality of the situation that's really quick thing
29:52 - 30:03
because I would have been like actually that seems like a fair game and I wouldn't have thought it through it's because I was cleaning the poo and I was like I hope no one sees this and then
30:03 - 30:19
immediately the bell rang so it was in my fresh in my head and fresh on the floor my house is the first house on the road so every trick-or-treater charity collecting general election candidate will always call to my house before they kind of run out of steam
30:19 - 30:36
a little further up and so I get a lot of calls between five and eight in the evening so I always say I'm with my baby I don't have a child I have 19 bikes but a lot of the time I am fixing one of those bikes and my
30:36 - 30:58
hands are absolutely disgusting your hands are like completely black from bike dust and then they're like yeah although maybe if they called you out on it you could say that you were building a child like in Edward Scissorhands from bikes although we had a charity worker today actually
30:58 - 31:11
knocked on the door and I'm always nice and I always say I will look and I do this because you know I'm not just lying because we're on a podcast I will always look up the charity and decide whether I'm going to add it to my extraordinary portfolio
31:11 - 31:31
what charities have you said no to who doesn't deserve the money guide wasps for blind sparrows so the charity workers leave it gets to one o'clock my friend Janine calls me we're just having a catch-up chat you've cleaned up the poo actually not checked on it since
31:31 - 31:45
so Janine calls me we're having a catch-up so whilst she's catching up with me this is about one o'clock I start to have my lunch now this is a lunch that I don't like basically and I'm sorry to talk about the day before that I ordered Chinese takeaway
31:45 - 32:00
and they gave me the wrong order and they refused to get me the order I had I normally wouldn't ring because I normally am just like I'll just on the occasion this does happen I'll just take whatever I'll have a new experience but the Chinese food that got
32:00 - 32:19
given to me was maybe the worst Chinese food order of anyone of all time it was three boxes of black bean with beef and then two large egg fried rices that's great I don't like black bean with beef I don't like it I think it's the only thing
32:19 - 32:33
from a Chinese takeaway that I'll pass on trick it up you could trick it up you've got do you have culinary skills I ordered aromatic dark I ordered crispy shredded beef I ordered salt and
32:33 - 32:49
pepper chicken crispy chicken it's so far from what I wanted and also I make my own rice so the fact they've given me two giant boxes of rice is just really annoying to me because I already have I've already made that fresh this is interesting this is interesting
32:49 - 33:05
though so when you're getting a Chinese you make I mean is there not a touch of you know bringing popcorn from the supermarket into the cinema it's just not quite as good so listen I make rice to a standard of which I think it's as good as restaurant
33:05 - 33:24
rice and I have a rice maker so like a person who makes the rice for you yeah the cats I get the way the cats do so basically if a rice is between four pounds and six pounds from a takeaway I can take that off my order and
33:24 - 33:34
then get something else do you see what I mean interesting yeah another black bean and beef now I have the situation of now I have to get rid of this food so
33:34 - 33:50
I'm having begrudgingly beef and black bean sauce for my lunch whilst I'm talking to Janine but I like really I just hate the lunch and I don't want to throw it away obviously and I have I've technically paid for something so as someone who's been on bake-off
33:50 - 34:12
obviously I know all about cooking yeah so I recently bought a gadget that's basically just a very sharp scissors and I think you could have shredded that oh I see what I was miming the scissors there sort of two fingers and so
34:12 - 34:27
loads of balloons stop stop doing it I was trying to make a really serious point you could have shredded that beef you could have fried it you could have thrown some spices on us and then
34:27 - 34:38
you would have had a completely like an incredible you basically could have hacked that meal huge it's not a bad problem to have no one wants to eat at lunch they don't want to eat I'll say that much no but
34:38 - 34:48
also you got three boxes of this right so I mean you've got that for days right yeah yeah because I don't want it to go off so I know there's a matter of time before it yeah anyway I hope you have something else for dinner but
34:48 - 35:04
I'm worried that you're gonna have that for dinner too yeah sure we'll get to that I then have a wash I clean myself I clean the kitchen too I clean the kitchen at 2.30 I do that I then at three o'clock I gather my equipment for the gig
35:04 - 35:24
tonight so I've got showbiz showbiz so I've got to pick up a number of things so I have the keyboard I have to pick up my bluetooth wireless jacks I have to pick up my vocalizer thing that I use for a joke and gather all that then 3.30
35:24 - 35:44
I leave my house to meet Joss Norris who is a comedian because I left my glasses at a sitcom the day before yesterday I was reading doing a read through for a sitcom and I left my glasses at the read through so Joss picked them up afterwards
35:44 - 36:01
and we met in London before the gig was it a classic sitcom in the sitcom I'm a bit nervous actually because I have to there's a sex scene and I'm having this it opens with me cheating on my fiance with someone I work with so that so I'm
36:01 - 36:17
quite anxious about filming that I guess but I did meet the person I'm going to be having sex with on camera and she's very nice and I think it'll be fine I have done one before what have you done sex scenes before oh my goodness yeah it was
36:17 - 36:26
one it was a really it's I think it's the worst kind of sex scene there is in which the scene was someone brings me home on a one night stand and then
36:26 - 36:40
it's revealed to her that she's like in a tiff with her boyfriend and she's only brought me over to make him jealous and then they're like having an argument like a classic couple's argument while she's like with me and that's the joke of the scene yeah and it's
36:40 - 36:58
a terrible deal it was death and paradise was this the good life or keeping up it was Poirot's last case I have a question about your glasses because I had a friend who recently lost his glasses at halftime in a Tottenham match and just couldn't see the second
36:58 - 37:09
half and then couldn't really get home I just wonder if you only had one pair of glasses have you not been able to see anything while you're watching ants YouTube and the cats no so
37:09 - 37:21
these glasses are for long distance so normally I can see without them if I'm indoors but only for outdoors so like if I want to see like the tube or whatever it was actually when I first got them everything far away is blurry and I went to the
37:21 - 37:32
opticians and they were like why have you come and I was like everything far away is really blurry and I have a constant headache and I put the glasses on and I was like that's fixed the headache and they were like how long has this been going on
37:32 - 37:52
for and I was like about 10 years and they just thought I was a fucking idiot like you 10 years and I was like yeah sometimes it's okay for things to be blurry in the distance I'm just going to close the door because my housemates have arrived home from
37:52 - 38:04
oh wow welcome back yeah we've got the glasses I've met Joss in a boot by the way Joss says hi I told him that he'd be on a podcast the next day and Joss said to wish you well
38:04 - 38:19
thanks Joss he said hi did you tell the charity collectors that they would be on a podcast too no I think for Joss it's not to explain to Joss that I'm doing a podcast the next day in which I would include him is enough because Joss understands
38:19 - 38:34
this crazy showbiz world for sure for these two children yeah to say if I said to them can we come in to play a game of FIFA I'd say no there's people on the floor by the way you're in a podcast bye I mean that's you know
38:34 - 38:43
it's a lot for a lot for them to handle also on the Ringo as well so yeah the gig is it a bit of a track bit of a schlep to this gig now
38:43 - 38:55
so there's a massive gap my stage time is at like 10 o'clock I now it's like now about 4.30 ish 5 oh this is an awful gap you've left too big a gap no but
38:55 - 39:07
I've already thought about this so I'm now going to near the gig so the gig is on Clapham I go to Clapham picture house and I watch gladiator 2 yeah so
39:07 - 39:21
that's a perfect amount of time for me to fill it in I had quite a strange snack in the cinema I bought two samosas from a corner shop and I was eating them during the movie cold or warmed up cold yeah was it a classic six people
39:21 - 39:34
in the cinema 5pm a showing yeah what was quite annoying is I picked a really isolated spot in the cinema and then two people came in as the film was starting sat really close to me and then
39:34 - 39:48
started immediately talking and also I was like boxed in so the only way to leave is through them so I couldn't like go and leave so I was just I really annoyed by that and they were laughing for the first five minutes of the movie that's one of
39:48 - 40:00
my pet peeves a lot of people's pet peeves I guess is people talking in the cinema no one loves us no one loves us did they quieten down they did quieten down but they were laughing at bits in the movie where they shouldn't be laughing did you
40:00 - 40:15
turn around and spit samosa all over them I did stare at them for a bit hoping they'd see me but they didn't they were too busy being friends I wonder about the etiquette of a samosa in a cinema I'd taken a full Chinese takeaway into a cinema
40:15 - 40:26
because I was watching a film called The Raid 2 it's an Indonesian film it's really good it's one of the best action films I've seen in my whole life The Raid 2 The Raid and
40:26 - 40:32
The Raid 2 and it was in a cinema during the day when I was at university so it was like an 11 a.m.
40:32 - 40:48
showing I knew no one was going to be in there so I did bring a full Chinese takeaway I think that's okay it's too fiddly there's a reason they don't serve like popcorn they serve they do not serve like aromatic crispy duck you have to make
40:48 - 41:00
the pancake in the dark it's too fiddly no what you do is you get the pancake and you shove that in your mouth and you push all the ingredients in and then squirt hoisin in yeah squirt hoisin yeah I don't like that well it's traditional
41:00 - 41:13
David that's how we do it at any point in the movie are you thinking about the gig or are you just like it's total escapism great question no I don't think about gigs until about two minutes before I go on stage wow yeah I don't think about it
41:13 - 41:29
ever my goodness and do you think about it afterwards either or are you just like the two minutes before and after are quite intense and then I just forget amazing question as a keyboardist with battery-powered keyboard do you worry about the keyboard going off in a situation like
41:29 - 41:42
the cinema because that's always a slight fear of mine that someone will hit the demo tune or whatever yeah I mean you've seen me perform I love it I think that thank you I think that there's like if the batteries run out that might be better
41:42 - 41:54
for the gig stop do you know what I mean no but it's like because it's chaos when I order someone to go into the shop and buy a battery that's always fun that's really you know even though I have batteries on that's always fun and then I get
41:54 - 42:06
someone to sometimes if it runs out I'll get them to change the batteries like it's almost like a Formula One driver in a pit stop yeah that's lovely you know like I'll go up to it's good fun and it means that I mean when you saw
42:06 - 42:18
my show last I don't know how I don't because the shows are a bit different yeah I don't do that much of the show like it's just like a lot of telling people they're very bad audience members etc etc yeah or pointing out that it was
42:18 - 42:34
going really badly the night that Daryl Brian and me were sitting beside each other in the audience that's what I remember from it oh yeah sure yeah coming in to steal my jokes yeah so I never think about the gig really and where you on the bill
42:34 - 42:49
normally in a comedy gig does the host you're definitely not the host because the host needs to have this open energy just be like hey everyone are we gonna have a good time and you have never asked a group of people whether they're gonna have a good time
42:49 - 43:04
I've never hosted a gig in my entire life I have hosted a few but they've never been asked back yeah I've been offered money to host and I turn it down because I'm like are you wouldn't want that it could go really well or it could go
43:04 - 43:18
really really badly like you would you would set the laugh train home at a pretty obtuse angle you know and it may not be on the tracks to use that metaphor I was closing the gig great so it was yeah big time so
43:18 - 43:28
I that yeah I'm on last the gig is the audience are quite quiet the MC draws attention to this and this is a weekly gig so I was like okay so
43:28 - 43:39
this is a particularly quiet gig quiet one by the time I'm on the room is kind of warmed up I'm doing really well and then I do the last bit I take a bit of a risk because I feel like I'm going well I do the
43:39 - 43:55
Pokemon song that you've seen they react very badly to the Pokemon song explain a little bit of it to Max so the Pokemon song is I basically say that my grandmother had a really tough life growing up and she used to sing this all the
43:55 - 44:04
time to me when I was a little boy and then I start the song but the song is like on a there's a pedal that I use which changes my voice so
44:04 - 44:18
it splits my voice into five different harmonies and then I'm singing about my grandmother basically being in the world of Pokemon and how she has to be sent out to capture wild animals and make them fight each other and she has to do it for
44:18 - 44:33
money and it's it's just it's just a ridiculous it's kind of like pointing out that how ridiculous the Pokemon thing is where they're like 10 years old and just basically cockfighting while the animals for money and now do you think the reason it's not landing is because they don't
44:33 - 44:48
know what Pokemon is they could be too old or too young you know what I mean yeah that could be the issue or are they just like we've enjoyed you up until this point but this is too weird until last night I didn't know this bit could
44:48 - 45:03
fail I'm concerned you haven't had dinner I can see it etched on your face we've only eaten beef and black bean you didn't want to eat shall I show you a picture of what I ate yeah I even took a picture of it wow because I sent
45:03 - 45:16
this to my flatmates about the meal I was having look how big that is so what are we looking at here you're looking at a salad bowl full of rice when did you have this post gig so this was lunch oh that's the beef and black bean what
45:16 - 45:27
I don't know if you can really see yeah that but like look at the size of some of the things around it there's a wooden spoon in it can you see how the wooden spoon looks like a normal spoon yeah no that is a good point but still
45:27 - 45:40
that's all you've eaten you've had a very sad day on a plate because you didn't even want to eat that listen Max I don't I don't like this from you the cats have eaten better than you no this is not true I had a giant Chinese
45:40 - 45:52
takeaway for my lunch I then went to the cinema I had samosas oh you did have the samosas forgive me so to tie me over and then I've I finished the gig I get on the train after the gig there's a guy in the who's from the crowd
45:52 - 46:07
in the front row who refused to get off his phone he asked me for directions he was on his phone for the whole game it became it became quite funny yeah it's a point where I I just kept pointing out whenever he got back on his
46:07 - 46:16
phone again he's from Estonia it turns out and he didn't know what was going on really right yeah so fair enough that he's on his phone I know there's often a reason for us you know and
46:16 - 46:29
I say this as someone who is infuriated by people checking their phones no because he'd been doing it so much they'd asked him and he just kept saying he was checking the time so that's the wrong if you're ever in an audience by the way and
46:29 - 46:40
you know you're you check your phone and the comedian catches you and they ask you what you're doing on your phone I think the worst thing you can say is checking the time yeah it is but he just kept I bet he wasn't checking the
46:40 - 46:50
time so he was also I can also see what's on his phone he's texting someone but it became a point by the time I got on it was funny to address that he was always on his phone because of how much he was doing it became like
46:50 - 47:07
the theme of the gig basically so what I want to know and what the listeners want to know right now is what is your mental state of mind on the channel because the problem with gigs let me tell you max is that you could have absolutely roofed
47:07 - 47:21
it for 16 minutes but if the end doesn't go according to plan that's lodged in there yeah here is that what's going on here is that wedged in there or do you not give a shit I think if the crowd were really great and I would
47:21 - 47:34
be feeling a bit more guilty but because they took so long to get on board and they almost won't respond to anything the MC was saying okay I felt like maybe they were they deserve like they did it was like not that they deserve the bad gig
47:34 - 47:49
but I was like I actually don't mind they've got on four minutes of stuff they didn't necessarily enjoy they got what they deserved yeah on the way home I listened to a podcast about gladiator to right weirdly you've met the guy who's on the podcast because we went
47:49 - 48:00
for a drink in Melbourne once and then remember I brought along a guy who's a from a podcast I listened to in Australia yeah and it was so it's his podcast the pod is called the weekly planet but they talk about film films okay so I was
48:00 - 48:11
listening to them talk about gladiator 2 so what I love to do is I like to watch a film and I love to hear those two guys talk about the film I've just seen because it's like a little you know sometimes after a film you
48:11 - 48:22
have a debrief with a friend sure that's my debrief so these guys just talk about the movie what do they make of it do they feel the same way you do and is that why you enjoy their opinions normally I'm pretty on point with them they said
48:22 - 48:34
that they enjoyed the movie I enjoyed it maybe less than them I thought it was the movie was very rushed Denzel's so good in the movie he's great I sometimes find that I watch a movie and I really like it and then I read the Guardian review
48:34 - 48:48
that says it's bad so I have to change my opinion of the movie yeah that's always frustrating I'm pretty good with this I saw I've seen weirdly I've seen the 100 worst rated films on Rotten Tomatoes Wow so you start with 3% and then you get all the
48:48 - 49:02
way down to 0% I would say most people have never seen a 3% rated wow are they so much worse yeah like it's like you've no idea how bad that like people say they've they'd see a bad film if you check on Rotten Tomatoes that film is when we've
49:02 - 49:17
got 60% 50% 40% maybe four maybe even 40% on one of the worst we've seen to watch a 3% film is like a totally different game in which the acting is bad the writing is bad the directing is bad the film is too long the plot doesn't make sense like
49:17 - 49:28
so many things are wrong with it there's almost like it's almost like exhausting to watch the movie because there's like nothing to grab into like often a film you don't like you'll be like I didn't like this actor's performance yeah you can grab onto the
49:28 - 49:41
special effects you can grab onto the story there's another actor in which you're enjoying their performance with these films it's like you're falling down the stairs and there's there's just more stairs wow there's no comfort there's no respite is it like it's so bad it's good or
49:41 - 49:52
it's so bad it's just bad no because then those films get bumped up so the films are so bad they're good they get bumped up because they there's like it's like the room I don't know what the rating for the room is because the
49:52 - 50:04
room is so famously bad it's not like this beautiful experience where everyone watches the film together and throw spoons and Tommy Bezo is there and does a Q&A it's like it's not that thing this thing is it's like these films are so bad that you're almost like
50:04 - 50:17
you can't believe what's happening and it's did you say you've watched a hundred of these though I only managed 30 and then I had to stop for my mental health and are you are you sad when they're watching are you feeling sad for the people doing it it was
50:17 - 50:29
a YouTube series which is this does exist but I would get a comedian to come on and watch the film with me and a lot of the comedians would like not look me in the eye afterwards Helen Bower walked out of her so
50:29 - 50:44
yeah she was watching a film called Dungeon Siege and it stars Jason Statham and he's a farmer called farmer and he has a boomerang that cannot not be good so that film is actually so bad it was good but I'd say about 80 90 percent of the
50:44 - 50:59
films are like that almost you can't even understand what's like happening it's like a fever dream the last one of those that I had was again for Guy Montgomery does a podcast where he watched Fast and the Furious 10 10 times yeah and he's like Fast and the Furious
50:59 - 51:12
nine nine times Fast and the Furious eight it's a podcast called the worst idea in the world and I had to watch Fast and the Furious I can't remember it was seven or eight it wasn't he'd already seen it five times or whatever yeah and I
51:12 - 51:27
hadn't ever seen any of them so I had no context for any of these things that were happening or the various beefs that were evolving would you watch more of them no no no no I'm done I just I get it I totally get it and yeah I
51:27 - 51:42
couldn't walk out though because you're also watching with two people because they have seen us eight times before aren't particularly enjoying it either and that was a strangely nightmarish situation also it's 11 o'clock in the morning in a hotel room somewhere okay so
51:42 - 51:56
is this what's on your mind as you're getting the trial you're listening to the review of gladiator 2 I'm listening to the review but I'm also kind of babysitting a man who I quite dislike yeah the Estonian yeah the Estonian he for some reason doesn't know
51:56 - 52:04
where he is what he's doing even though he did say he lived in London he was asking me how to get to Waterloo so I have to go to Waterloo to get home and then
52:04 - 52:15
he's there and then he's like asking me what I'm like come on Matt like come on yeah did he try and tell you that he had enjoyed the show afterwards he did yeah he said I love the show and he said and then
52:15 - 52:26
he's and then he said I'm from Estonia so you could have gone further I don't know what that meant so I went yeah I could have gone he said I'll be at the next one and I said I don't know what that means either I don't
52:26 - 52:36
know whether he meant like he'll be at that gig the next time or he'll be at the next gig and that's something that I'll find out very soon he might knock on the door asking you to give money to something I challenge you to a
52:36 - 52:50
game of FIFA well he didn't know what the show was so I might be like maybe the next show is cleaning up cat poop so I go home I get to my house the cats are crazy in a situation in which I have to go to a gig
52:50 - 53:03
they get fed late so by the time I get home they're like standing by the window they're waiting for me to come back when I get in it's crazy they they're jumping on stage well they're not really jumping they're disabled they're jumping about they're trying to jump
53:03 - 53:16
I thought cats unlike dogs could just be left with a large quantity of food and they would just take whatever they needed I always thought that was one of the essential differences between cats and dogs no not these cats I mean the the cats that
53:16 - 53:29
I've known in my life but actually my ex used to have a um I would do long distance with her and she lived in Fife and when she come down to London to see me there was a robot that would feed the cats and what I don't know
53:29 - 53:42
you can buy a robot a Scottish robot yeah from from the kingdom of Fife wow and it has a camera on the robot so you can look inside the robot on your phone and you can see whether the robot is working or not so the robot will
53:42 - 53:52
deploy food what interestingly I was having breakfast in Sydney a couple of years ago you know I ordered and then the food will come to your table I wasn't really paying attention because I was working and then
53:52 - 54:06
my food was served to me by a cat robot and that really took I was taken aback yeah this this cat this robotic cat on wheels sidled up with my order and it made a little ding ding ding and I looked down and
54:06 - 54:19
there was a robotic cat and no one else seemed to find this weird or see it I was really looking around for affirmation but no one else did and everyone was just like this is what happens in this place and it was not mentioned and no one said
54:19 - 54:40
anything afterwards and then Max just started softly kissing Max you go meow meow meow thank you for this meal meow meow meow so we fed those little fuckers and then it's time to feed me oh dear beef and black bean isn't it it's beef and black bean
54:40 - 55:00
sauce again oh god it's huge again yeah again it's who orders three portions of one dish who orders that it was a 45 pound order of black bean you don't have to have it it's 45 pounds worth of beef and black bean sauce huge savings financial you've come out
55:00 - 55:17
in the positive because there's no way your meager little duck was going to be that expensive what's the worst thing about this is that when I ordered that because I again I don't spend money on the rice I've managed to get myself under 25 pounds worth of food
55:17 - 55:31
in which I'm having a variety of different flavors that I enjoy to be slapped in the face with someone who doesn't care about how much money they spend on food and to have that food also be the worst selection of food you could possibly order from a restaurant
55:31 - 55:47
I'm so angry eating this food television is dying but I still think there might be room for a cooking program where the wrong order arrives and you then wash the black bean sauce off the beef you fry it up you know what I mean yeah you sort of
55:47 - 56:02
pimp it you re-up the dins no? I think that my morale is so low by this but I just I just don't have the energy and also it's like midnight I don't want to cook at midnight put it in a smoothie put it in a Nutribullet
56:02 - 56:17
blast it up have it like a cereal with milk yeah I've got a feeling if you haven't pimped it up at lunch you're not pimping it up now but my big question is do you manage in this sitting to get rid of it all or is there still
56:17 - 56:36
a portion left well lads it's 11.40 it's about one hour from lunchtime guess what's on the menu oh no yeah do we put on Aunt Canada again while we're eating this no I start watching Lord of the Rings oh basically I also suffer from quite bad insomnia
56:36 - 56:49
like chronic insomnia I've had it for like 10 years oh man the only way to get to sleep for me at this point is to have quite a lot of recreational drugs so I get very high and then start watching Lord of the Rings whilst I'm eating this yeah
56:49 - 57:02
I then make an observation during Lord of the Rings which I can't tell is an observation that I think is very funny because I'm high or because it's actually not a good observation go on yeah so in the opening scene when they're in the Shire
57:02 - 57:18
in the extended edition I think there's like a scene in which there's a hobbit with a cow right yeah but the cow is in proportion to the hobbit so it's a mini cow oh so I'm thinking is that cow to everyone else a Labrador sized cow
57:18 - 57:31
back to your mother this is back to your mother yeah again so I was having a really big chuckle at that going is this like a mistake or are all the hobbits things just small as well
57:31 - 57:45
do you know what I mean yeah I found out that that's not as funny as a observation as I thought it was last night you popped it up on blue sky and you're like these nerds will love if there's a platform that's been designed for a nerd observation
57:45 - 57:57
like this come on this guy yeah it's the first time ever on blue sky people were just like fuck off back to twitter you prick how much of the Lord of the Rings do you watch because that I mean you could still be watching it now
57:57 - 58:14
and the extended version I'm astonished that that exists yeah I mean it was something to do whilst I was having my food and then I transferred it this is naughty I transferred it to my laptop and then I went upstairs and went to bed and then I watched
58:14 - 58:25
it in bed and I fell asleep whilst watching Lord of the Rings why is that naughty because I was heard you're not meant to really watch television right before you go to sleep it's like bad for you but I just felt like at that evening
58:25 - 58:37
I wanted to watch Lord of the Rings in bed I fell asleep at a roundabout when the hobbits get into the Brandybuck Tavern they're not for me and I once went on a big roundabout on TalkSport about how much I hated Lord of the Rings
58:37 - 58:55
and the boss messaged me and asked if I'd ever considered being that exercised about football at any time I unfortunately had listened as a child to the BBC4 radio series of Lord of the Rings and so
58:55 - 59:09
my platonic ideal of all these characters were what they sounded like and the general vibe of it was purely audio and then when I saw them I was just like this is all wrong this is wrong I think I'm familiar with that series is it true that
59:09 - 59:24
Ian Holm who plays Bilbo in Lord of the Rings also plays Frodo in the audio version yeah I think that is yes I think that may be correct so that already is like a complete mindfuck for you to be like to get over the fact that the guy
59:24 - 59:36
your Frodo is playing Bilbo is already like you've got the right guy but he's playing the wrong guy to listeners that's a bit like when Lucy came back as Lucy in Neighbours but it was a totally different person and no one yeah oh okay
59:36 - 59:52
so it's a regular people who like football exactly football and Neighbours and 90s music and this is for the football crowd when they're in the fellowship to get together they're in a 4-4-2 formation when they go over the big mountain yeah how do you feel
59:52 - 1:00:05
your day went do you feel it was a good day I think it was like a very normal day more things happen in the day than I thought that would happen but maybe that's because I was manifesting things to happen for this podcast like the whole
1:00:05 - 1:00:19
the charity thing with the poo and they asked me to play FIFA the strange audience member Gladiator I will say I'd always planned to do that for this day so that was always going to happen so I wasn't going to change that for you you know even though
1:00:19 - 1:00:31
there was probably like a three hour gap in which I could have been doing something fun to talk about oh well thank you Hugh thanks for sharing your day with us have people said that before live every single day like you're recording a podcast about the day before
1:00:31 - 1:00:47
hosted by David as I see it Max no I think that should be a thing I might get that framed because sometimes we only ask the guest at 10 or 11 o'clock at night so they have they know a priori knowledge that they were going to
1:00:47 - 1:01:00
have to talk about this but you asked me early because you were like this guy needs a run up yeah and look what I achieved I didn't do anything I went to work I picked up a poo I picked up a poo I did a podcast
1:01:00 - 1:01:11
I went to work I watched all of the rings high do you know what I mean it's not you know it's a good day and also we I think we think this is if we ask people ahead of time because it's manifested in your day we're actually changing
1:01:11 - 1:01:28
history and not many podcasts are achieving that we're changing how the world carries on it's interesting that you have this whole philosophy that you're changing the world and yet you're doing it in this way instead of killing baby Hitler a lot of people talk about killing baby Hitler
1:01:28 - 1:01:44
when they change in the history but you guys are just finding out at what point I fell asleep to Lord of the Rings it's baby steps it's baby steps yeah I think what this podcast could mean though is like when you were 70 years old and you think back
1:01:44 - 1:02:03
on this incredible period where your comedy career was really going off you will kind of misremember it the whole time as you know you and various pop stars attending awards ceremonies things like that whereas in fact what is life if not just getting annoyed at people
1:02:03 - 1:02:16
while eating samosas in a cinema while you watch a mediocre film at five in the afternoon this podcast is a very be real energy do you know what I'm talking about of being like people are sick of Instagram because it's like a specific version of your life
1:02:16 - 1:02:28
that you're putting out there whereas be real is like you're in the moment you have to take a picture of whatever's happening at that time this is the podcast for that it's the podcast where people decide finally I'm happy with my life I'm happy in this disgusting Chinese
1:02:28 - 1:02:58
for a third time for a third time and soon to be a fourth oh no yeah Hughes Davis thank you very much thank you thanks very much guys I can't get over the third beef and black bean David I just wouldn't have committed to that I hate the
1:02:58 - 1:03:14
to be this guy but I feel it is trick upable like you could do something with it you could put it in a burrito add a few bits to it you can't just accept that this is your fate I mean is this the profound philosophical moment
1:03:14 - 1:03:29
of this podcast listeners don't accept that your life is just like six meals of the same thing that you hate yeah it's like prison when you think about it isn't it not that I've been but
1:03:29 - 1:03:46
yeah this again with the addition of the cats with their fancy you know whatever they pasta with a with gurnard in it you know they were they were having a great time the cat thing you love the cats a few things we're learning from doing this podcast
1:03:46 - 1:04:06
the amount of people who do struggle with phones generally yeah I mean to be honest huge wasn't one of those in this if anything he seemed to have mastered it by finding his incredibly specific YouTube channels to watch and I do love an incredibly specific YouTube fetish
1:04:06 - 1:04:21
do you think we've made a mistake here because we are yet to let's be honest I haven't seen a penny and there's a man who's just killing ants in progressively horrible ways he's got a mansion in Thailand so what's happening here I'm in it for the life
1:04:21 - 1:04:40
and I'm in it for joy I need a Thai mansion that I can flood with ants what yeah the mansion and there's a floor of his mansion dedicated to ants I didn't love that fact because famously ants don't like to just stay in the one place
1:04:40 - 1:04:53
of all animals there may be the least chill Max is that fair if you just say just stay on the second floor they're not going to listen to you I've got this whole floor for you they are they might creep up to the third floor unless you're
1:04:53 - 1:05:07
very open about the finances and how well they're doing and they're maybe they just do what they're told up until a point but there'll be a meeting there'll be a union and there'll be a meeting they go guys I know at some point we've got to break out
1:05:07 - 1:05:21
from Mount Canada because you know he doesn't have our best interest at heart yesterday he just threw a bear in here to see how we'd get on he's not in it for us you know that's what I think but yeah a full day a full day
1:05:21 - 1:05:32
and do you think he should have played FIFA with those I think he made a good point he was very quick to realize that if he did invite those kids in to play FIFA and they would just catch it on the floor and they couldn't actually play FIFA
1:05:32 - 1:05:51
that might have gone badly I think he didn't put a foot wrong in that day and I do also relate to immediately before fully having formed an opinion on something particularly like maybe not so much with the Gladiator 2 but with a more complicated film
1:05:51 - 1:06:07
it would just be like just before I state publicly how I feel about this let me just see what several of the newspapers of record and then thereafter you can't even remember what you thought of it does this show me to be a weak person
1:06:07 - 1:06:21
there was one film called it had Robert Downey Jr. in it and he was like a lawyer and he went back to his hick town yeah and he sorted his dad out called the judge or something Aaron Brockovich it was like that and I thought
1:06:21 - 1:06:37
it was absolutely amazing and then I read like so many one star reviews I was like yeah I have to change my opinion of that Max I I've made this mistake on aeroplanes a few times where something happens to my judgment at altitude where I think every movie
1:06:37 - 1:06:55
is absolutely brilliant and then I have a look and see what the Guardian said and they were like anyone who likes this is an absolute piece of shit anyway if you'd like to get in touch with the show if you've maybe eaten three beef and black bean
1:06:55 - 1:07:12
if you just progressively had that meal successively more than Hugh this is how you get in touch to get in touch with the show you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review
1:07:12 - 1:07:32
if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform and if you didn't please don't anyway David that'll do for today thank you live each day like tomorrow you're recording an episode of what did you do yesterday that's actually I like that that could be
1:07:32 - 1:08:05
our first piece of merch yeah thank you Hugh for giving us that mantra