S2 EP4: Rhys James

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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Hello, David. Hello, listeners. Today's guest is Rhys James. And you will know Rhys James.

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I presume he's stayed in your flat, David. He actually never has. He never has.

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Do you hate Rhys James? Wow, what's up, my dear? He is. I think maybe there's a slight generational, like he's in his early 30s, I would say.

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I'm now, you'd have to say, in my mid-30s. Mid-40s, 49. So, yeah, no, he hasn't.

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But if he would like to come and stay, let me reach out to him through this podcast.

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There's a place for you in Dublin. He is a Mock the Week staple, isn't he?

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Like, I see him a lot on Instagram walking into the middle to do the funny, that's the walking into the middle, the Hugh Dennis role, the Hugh Dennis role.

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And he's very good on that bit, but you'll have seen him on Virtually Famous, Live at the Apollo, his latest stand-up show, Spiltz.

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Milk is available to watch now. You can find all the info on his website, reesejames.co.uk.

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And here is Rhys to tell us what he did yesterday. Rhys James, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

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What an honour. What a privilege. I had such a crazy day. Did you really have a crazy day?

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No, not at all. It was just a normal day for me, really, because you sort of forget you're doing this, so I'm mostly just my normal charity stuff, fending off babes, just what I would get up to any other day, really.

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Did the thought cross your mind? Sometimes we book people the night before, having lived the day through, but you literally knew this was coming, so was it exerting a lot of pressure on your every waking moment?

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I was sort of in unchangeable plans that were quite dull. Oh, that's ideal. I recommend the other method more, so I thought, I mean, I don't know why it ended up this way instead of the way you're normally describing, and when I've listened to people, they're

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like, well, then I got the call, like they're a doctor, like, you've got to come in and do the podcast, we need you.

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I thought that would make me too anxious. I don't think I said that. I don't think you did this to accommodate any anxiety of mine.

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I think it's just the way it worked out, but when I heard people do that, I was like, oh, I'd hate that, and then yesterday, I was like, oh, no, it's just the same level of anxiety.

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Yeah, you see, with someone like Daryl O'Brien, I followed him around for months until I found a day that looked like it was going to be interesting enough for him to talk about,

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and then the call came in. What time did you wake up? Hang on a second.

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Sorry. I've just been thinking, between the three of us, I don't know if I've ever had to fend off a babe.

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Oh, it's tough, man. It's tough, especially when there's a few of them at once.

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They just, because they get catty. They get catty with each other, you know? They want the goods.

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And I tell them, there's enough Milhouse to go around. I just don't know in my life, I'm just sort of such a sort of beta male to have never been in a position where I've, I just don't think I've had to fend a babe off.

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Yeah, well, just to clarify, obviously neither have I. No, I know, I know, I know, I know.

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I do notice that David's being stoically silent throughout all this, as a babe fender.

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Every time a new episode of this podcast drops, I have to go on full fend, I dress in a suit of armor and stand outside my house.

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No, babes, please. Okay, David, start with the real question now. I'm sorry to interrupt you.

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What time did you, Rhys James, get up at? Got up around 8.45. Woke up, I'd say 8.15.

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Okay. Au naturel, or did you use some sort of technology to get up at that specific time?

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There would have been a iPhone alarm. System. My cat would have also probably been part of the process.

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She sets the alarm. And my girlfriend went to work, and she normally works from home, but got up and went to work.

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So probably some noise of that happening would have stirred me a bit earlier than that anyway.

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So you wouldn't make her a cup of coffee? Nothing like that? A little bit of toast?

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A little peck in the cheek? Go on, my darling. No, I'm a feminist, so I sort of believe, you know, every woman for themselves.

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Is that what it means? I never understood what feminist meant. She does all the DIY in our house.

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She does absolutely everything. And it's because of feminism, really. And what time would she, do you reckon, have gone?

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She probably left actually around like 7.30 or something. So it's like I wasn't in REM sleep at 8.15 when the alarm went off.

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Interestingly, Mrs. Rushden does do all the DIY in our house because I'm not very good with a drill.

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Oh, yeah, that wasn't a lie. That one was true. She likes her projects. I was trying to drill a box that we were putting together to put the shoes in by the front.

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I wasn't like forceful enough with the drill. I have since subsequently got better at the act.

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She had to say, come here, and just she put it together. There's something incredibly infantilizing and emasculating about that, isn't there?

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When that happens to me, I'd say most days, that sort of thing. So in the kitchen, which is directly above where I'm talking to you, there's currently a chair that I've clamped back together,

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having glued it in position because it went a bit rickety over Christmas that I got in Little or Aldi the other day.

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And I can't believe I'm sitting here with two cooks and I am the Bob the Builder here.

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Well, that's why you're the one fending off all the babes, I guess. Okay, so from 8.15 to 8.45, we have this kind of, you're lying in bed.

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Are you, as a lot of comedians we have discovered, like to keep their phone far away?

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And are you thinking about life or are you just doom scrolling for this half an hour?

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I'm not mentally healthy in the way some of your guests have been. So I am instantly, I wake up, I check if I've gone viral.

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I haven't, but that can be a good thing to not go viral. So you're taking it rough with the smooth there.

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On your viral check, do you go Twitter, Instagram, blue sky? What's your journey? It always starts with Instagram.

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It's just the bleakest start to the day, but it is how every day starts.

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Twitter, I'd say, used to be first and is now. Way last, because basically no notifications happen on there now anyway.

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But I had reposted a previously viral TikTok the day before this, which I know is a not allowed context.

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So I was then looking at TikTok and kind of analyzing this thing that previously had 10 million hits.

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I was like, I basically was in a bit of a slump, and I wanted some followers on there before the ban.

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So I was like, let's see if it goes viral again. You know, it hadn't.

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Rhys, I am so, so sorry, but we're going to have to ask you, just what was the essence of the clip?

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I know there is nothing that shrinks a boner quite like having to describe a funny clip you've made, but can you just give us just a little taste?

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It is, thankfully, it's a clip of a TV show called Comedians Giving Lectures. That show was on Dave, now you and Dave, and it was like you get given the lecture of an actual existing TED Talk,

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and then you have to write a comedy lecture about it. And mine was called I Stalk Strangers Online.

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And so in my lecture, there's a, there's a guy in the front row who I keep saying like, oh, I recognize some of you because I Stalk Strangers Online.

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Isn't that right, Dan? And he's like, my name's not Dan. And I'm like, ah, whatever.

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And I keep getting his name wrong. And then at the end, it reveals I know everything about him.

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I've got all his details on the screen. And actually it's revenge because he once tweeted me something horrible.

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And mostly it goes viral because all the comments are people arguing about whether or not it's real and going, well, this guy's mic'd up.

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This is all in reverse. Literally the end of the lecture is me going, you're probably wondering how this guy's here in the front row and mic'd up, but that's all the time I've got.

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So I do kind of reference, oh, well, obviously something's at play here. And it's mostly just Americans arguing with Brits about, actually you get quite a lot of sound guys in the comments of that video

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saying like, it's actually really easy to place a mic quite near to this guy.

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So it would sound like he's mic'd up, but actually just get him here. And then you have people arguing over what GDPR laws are.

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So like, how could I have got this info based on his email, on the ticketing website and all of this sort of stuff.

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And I sort of want to just go, it's a TV program. So do you think, maybe there's something going on here?

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There's also the fear that if these people did all come to see you on your tour, you know, it'd be the oddest mix of like sound guys with bum bags.

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You know what I mean? And then other like incels with briefcases who just sort of sit there with the briefcase on their lap for the whole gig.

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Exactly. So last time I noticed there were phases of it. So like the first batch of people watching it, like, wow, remind me never to tweet something negative.

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To a comedian again, in case this happens. And then as it went on and got more views, people would say things like, well, stalk me.

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What are you going to find out about me? And I think, oh God, once we got into that territory, they're the biggest freaks of all.

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But did the re-TikTokking not go as well as you hoped? It was upping the follow account disproportionately to how many people were watching it.

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So it was kind of evidence that it's just like, I've had other clips do better that no one followed me off the back of.

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So it felt like it wasn't disposable at least. You know, it always feels pretty sad when you're reposting something that's previous.

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It's like the thing next to it is that exact clip pinned from the last time I posted it.

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So if you go on my page, it's just the same two clips. Pretty embarrassing stuff.

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And just to explore this, do you check those before you say, look at WhatsApps from family members?

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Or the news in the world? Oh God, yeah. Are you mad? Of course. I'd say since the death of topical comedy panel shows, I don't look at the news.

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I don't look at the news ever. Who cares? If I don't have to think of angles on it.

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I exist only as a conduit for comedy. You're still like Boris Johnson. Is anyone ever going to get him out of that Conservative Party?

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Is that the era? Well, exactly. You can't have a leader with silly hair like that.

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You know, the Trump stuff will just come back. He doesn't know how many kids he's got.

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What an idiot. Okay, so we have half an hour of this. 8.45. Half an hour?

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Oh yeah. I'm scrolling around and then you're just sort of like, it has to get to the point for me to actually get out of bed.

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It has to get to the point where it has become so mind-numbing and like I'm dragging the refresh and nothing new is coming up.

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Yeah, I mean, I have been not so much with this kind of thing, but I've definitely stayed in bed sometimes and been hungry for breakfast, but then unfortunately stayed in bed for so long that I've no energy to get up.

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And so you think to yourself, this is probably what happened to Charlie's grandfather in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

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He just never stopped. Yeah, he was scrolling. I thought you were going to say, I've been hungry for breakfast, but I've stayed in bed so long, it's become lunch.

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Oh, right, yeah. We've certainly done that on a hangover, surely. Yeah, definitely. When I wake up, because all my family and my friends are, they've had their day, there's actually quite a lot of,

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I wonder what's happened in the WhatsApp groups. So I've got that. And I've also got a small child who wants my attention.

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So I really, trying not to just see if, you know. Oh, sorry. I should say I've got a one-year-old.

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Oh, great. I just let them do their own thing. No, I'm joking. One, I don't have to focus on.

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But, okay, so you don't have a one-year-old. Okay, that's fine. No, but I just thought it'd be funny to sit and scrolling on your phone, checking if you've gone viral while your child cries in the other room.

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I think at one, it's okay. Max, if there's an episode of Tractor Ted on, okay, and you and Ian Rushden are sitting there watching the carrots being harvested once again, and you attempt to take out your phone,

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would, would little Ian Rushden be like, Oi, here's a good bit here. You know what I mean?

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No, I try not to look at my phone while I'm with him. But if it is 5.15 a.m. and Tractor Ted's on, I may sit him on my lap and then have my phone on his back.

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You know, it's a sort of handy rest so I can look at the football news or maybe watch a football match because that is work at the same time.

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So I've sort of got that to, maybe I might have football on the laptop, but I am slightly concerned that, you know, I'm watching football with an AirPod in and then he's going to see, you know,

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because like young people wear an AirPod in the office. You're like, come on, mate, that's ridiculous.

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But that's learned behavior because I've quite often got that in because I want to hear the football commentary while he's watching Tractor Ted.

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Does he understand if you were to say to him, this is work, I have to do this, this is work, does he go, well, fair enough.

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That doesn't work with anyone I say it to in this house. No. I think it's fair to say.

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Of course not. Okay, so it's 8.45, what happens? I stand, I walk to the bathroom, I shower.

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Great. There we go. Thanks for having me on. It's been an absolute treat. Back to bed.

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Get out of the shower, dry my hair with a hairdryer. Interesting. That is interesting.

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Every day, always, every day. You'd have quite a sensational look. Because you don't get this kind of lift.

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Yeah. What happens if you don't hair dry? I need a haircut, so at the moment, it would just be like, I would look, I already look a bit like a sort of teenager,

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a bit pathetic. And if I don't, then my hair goes down into the sort of old school look.

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You look like Alex James from Blur. Yeah. Like, it's amazing. Yeah. Basically, I'm getting ID'd more often if I don't blow dry it.

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Right. This wasn't yesterday, but recently I got ID'd for one of those little miniature bottles of wine and ingredients for a spaghetti bolognese.

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And having to say the phrase, it's clearly a cooking wine, to a woman who wouldn't accept that I was 33.

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I like it. It sounds like a scam. Yeah, it's like what you do to get served.

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You buy all the ingredients to a meal that needs red wine, just so you can get a little ryokka.

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I remember someone in my school once buying like a copy of Playboy in a newsagent, but then saying the trick was ask to get it wrapped then, like for a birthday present.

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Obviously, it's not for me because my head is already filled with these kind of images, whatever they are.

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Obviously, I don't, I wouldn't look at a magazine like this. How bleak is the unwrapping of that alone?

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Also, what newsagent are you going to that offers to gift wrap porn bags? Who's doing it?

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Would you like a gift wrap, sir? If you're buying Amiga Power or Wapcar, they're not going to gift wrap those, are they?

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Right, so you, that's, do you enjoy that? Because like, I'd only ever use a hairdryer if I was in the gym and I saw it and just thought, oh, I might as well dry my hair with this. Like, I'd never

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ever use one. And when I do it, I think this is a really pleasurable, you might do your armpits, you might think, oh, this is a lovely way, this is a nice way to dry yourself.

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Do you start drying the rest of your body with the hairdryer? Occasionally I will dry a t-shirt that isn't wet, but because I was told years ago that it's like a quicker way to do like a 50% iron of some clothes. Just get it

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hot with a hairdryer and it will sort of uncrease. On this day, I have a clothes steamer next to the hairdryer, and so I steamed a t-shirt instead.

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So many appliances. This is incredible. Yeah, I'm an appliance guy. Anyone who's ever sort of been backstage with me at a gig or on tour knows that I steam and I lint roll religiously.

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But this really goes against the grain of pretty much every guest we've had so far, which is I looked at the clothes that are on the floor and I put them on. Yeah, but these guys,

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again, it's rough with the smooth, because these guys are up and out of bed and they're like getting sunlight as soon as possible and they're not looking at their phones, they're not checking their notifications. I'm desperately seeing if I've gone viral and then steaming a suit.

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It's all presentation. Okay, great. We are creaseless. We have beautifully coiffed hair. Have you steamed trousers too, or have they... I wore trousers I'd worn the day before that actually were fine.

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They were cords, they don't crease in the same way. They were alright, they were good to go.

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Do you hang them on a hanger? Sorry, that's a question from the night before, so let me rephrase it into this day. Do you take the cords off a hanger?

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Very well done, David. They weren't on a hanger actually, they were neatly folded on, as tidy as I've made myself sound, and as organised as I've made myself sound, you're sort of imagining a Marge Simpsons wardrobe.

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It's not quite like that, it's actually messy. It's all outward presentation and then I'm sort of like, open the cupboards and everything falls out, kind of thing.

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It's all fake. I see, I see. Everyone has to be clear about this, you are painstakingly making it clear that everything about you is superficial and fake. It's completely, this is a wig.

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But I know what you mean about the wardrobe like, very occasionally I think I'm going to get this word, but really it's just, can you throw it in and close it before it opens again? And before all there's a cascade of t-shirts and shorts just

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falling out. So the cords were rested on top of a leather hold-all bag that I haven't unpacked since coming back to London from Christmas.

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That is just on the floor. So they were just like, kind of folded on top of that with lots of other clothes that are folded on top of that that need to be sorted that haven't been. Max, the only people who ever say leather hold-all are criminals.

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It's always a leather hold-all of cash. Well, wait till you hear what I do next.

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Then, next thing, I'm downstairs. Porridge. It's Quaker's Oats. I'm a pacifist. And it's a coffee.

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But I've got to leave the house quite soon. So this is all quite quick. I'm eating the porridge. It's too hot, etc.

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Is there anything in the porridge? A little bit of honey on top. Okay. A little bit of squeezy honey. Then, I'm checking the markets.

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What? Excuse me? I'm checking the markets, baby. Billingsgate fish market. See what the price of mackerel is.

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See how the trout stock's doing. I'm checking the crypto markets. Wow! Wow! First crypto guy on the podcast.

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I'm checking the markets, baby. I don't do that every single morning, but I dabble in a little bit of crypto, and it's a good morning this morning because Fartcoin is up 62%.

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Is that your way of saying you did a massive fart? I went for a shit, yeah.

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Every time Fartcoin goes down, I search it on Twitter to see how people are reacting to its slump, and everyone just replies saying, don't worry, hot air rises.

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Every single time. Sorry, is there actually a crypto called Fartcoin? I'm not joking. There is a crypto called Fartcoin, and yesterday it went up 60%.

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And I have a little tiny amount of that that I've just thrown money at.

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Wow. So can I ask what percentage of your worldly wealth is in cryptocurrency? About 300%.

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That feels a lot. I've borrowed. You've leveraged. The steam has leveraged. I'm deep in my leverage.

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Is that too personal a question? A nominal amount. It's not different pressure wise to checking TikTok to see if the video's gone viral.

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How long are you staring at that? For 10 seconds. And feeling nothing. Either way. That's so interesting.

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Even the 60% rise in fartcoin? What that actually amounts to financially is... Go on, put an amount on it. Go on. It's so little.

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60%. It's probably only about 70 grand. So it's not even worth talking about really. No, no, no.

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It's probably 200 quid. Okay. Do you dabble across the crypto? Have you got Hocter coin? Yeah, I got scammed in the Hocter.

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I was the main guy. I don't have any of the dumb ones, really. I've got the classics. I've got a bit of the Bitcoin.

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Euretherum. Ethereum. Ethereum. I've got a little bit of those things. The reason there's fartcoin involved is because those ones, their swings now feel like nothing.

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Even though it would be like 50%. 15% in a day, which compared to any other investment is insane.

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It feels like nothing anymore. It's like, right, fartcoin, because that can go down 4,000% in a minute.

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Do you know any crypto bros? I'm sceptical of the crypto bros. He's a crypto bro, Max.

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We're literally talking to him. Hot air rises, Max. Do you know actual crypto bros?

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I'm not in a crypto WhatsApp where people report their findings like, the GameStop, all of that lot.

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What are they called? WallStreetBets. I'm not in that Reddit thread. But there's a few different comedians who do crypto-y stuff.

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And I'm pally with a couple of them. But we don't talk about it. It's not like, this is the first time I think I've ever said it out loud.

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But I did do this. I did look at the markets and fartcoin had gone up 60%, so I was excited.

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I appreciate your honesty. Yeah, that's good. Well, congratulations. And obviously then I withdrew the money, gave it to charity, as I say.

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Sorry, last question on this. Is the difficulty with crypto not taking it out and putting it back? I mean, maybe you just want to reinvest in other crypto, but it strikes me that one of the issues with it is no one ever cashes out.

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Yeah, they make it quite hard to do that. Very easy to deposit. Right, yeah.

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Very difficult to withdraw. So another comedian recently backstage at a show said to me, look at this, and then showed me a portfolio on an app. This is someone you wouldn't think was a crypto person. I won't expose them here.

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And then said, how do I withdraw that? And I then looked for about 20 minutes and was like, I don't have any idea.

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You can only get it back in Tesco vouchers. That's the problem. I'm trying to think of the comedian I'd least expect to have a portfolio of crypto.

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I think there's a chance you would expect this, but for very different reasons to sort of why I'm saying.

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In my mind, Jimmy Carr is like 100% crypto. He's pure crypto. Me? Me? I'd say I'm very unlikely to have crypto.

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And I say that knowing me. I don't think I'm granny. Do you look at old people like us, Rhys, and think, why do they not have crypto?

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These guys, they're going to lose everything with their normal banking setup. Absolutely not. To me, the crypto bro is someone who's being like, this is the future. It's decentralized.

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You've got to get out of the rat race and the matrix and do it all yourself because the banks can control it. I'm not one of these people.

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I'm a gambler. Right. Because in my mind, the one thing I know is there's just a man who's got a hard drive under a skip with £25 billion and he can't find it. That's the crypto that I'm aware of.

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Then the footballers that say, buy this NFT. John Terry bullying various Chelsea youngsters into buying these weird monkey pictures.

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I'm more just like, I like to bet on football games and stuff, like nominal amounts. It's not even the same as investing. It's not an ISA.

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I've got an ISA as well. I'm pleased. Maybe this will go crazy. It's not like, right, actually it's safer to put it all in here because the man can't get it. I think it's just a different man,

24:41 - 24:47

isn't it? How's your ISA faring? What has this become? I feel nothing about the ISA.

24:47 - 25:07

The ISA goes up pathetically. There's no 60% mornings with the ISA. Sometimes you'll see in the financial section of a cheat newspaper, it'll be me and my money. And it's just someone I have never wondered how D-Reem spends his money.

25:07 - 25:17

Why is this here? We don't want this podcast to descend into that. Most days, your podcast gets close to descending into off-menu because you spend ages on meals.

25:17 - 25:21

So I thought I would do the rest is money today. Yeah, really nice idea.

25:21 - 25:27

Okay, so you've checked that. That took 10 seconds, but fortunately we spent like 25 minutes talking about it.

25:27 - 25:33

Well, then I've got to do the minute cryptic. Do you do the minute cryptic? No, I can't do that. Oh yeah, the minute with the Aussie guy.

25:33 - 25:39

I was trying to think of the name of it the other day. Who's teaching me how to do cryptic. Yeah. That's the same with me.

25:39 - 25:47

So I would get the videos of him. He basically tells you yesterday's one cryptic crossword clue and he sort of explains how it is. The answer is what it is.

25:47 - 25:51

And from just watching those videos, I was like, I think I know how to do cryptic crosswords now.

25:51 - 26:01

And now I do it myself every day. And I don't need his explanations. So Rhys, I haven't taken it into the real world yet. I'm still watching his videos. Be brave.

26:01 - 26:13

I'm about to, though. So Max, it's just a handsome man from Australia. Above him is a grid with however many letters and below him is today's clue.

26:13 - 26:25

Great idea. It'll be something like even though I'm not here, I am around. And he'll be like, OK, so we know that even means every second letter.

26:25 - 26:33

And you're like, oh, there's all these tricks to this. Round means it's probably got an O as the first letter.

26:33 - 26:46

Oh, you know, this is what I'm learning. Have you got an answer in mind for what this clue is? No, I just I was riffing there. I was like this could be the most intelligent bit of improv I've ever heard in my life.

26:46 - 26:54

I bet one of the listeners will be smart enough that they'll be able to work out to give you an answer for that clue or whatever that was.

26:54 - 27:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so you said you had something exciting to do now. Not that eating porridge and checking crypto hasn't been exciting.

27:01 - 27:18

Where's this Monaco Grand Prix go? Well, it's not necessarily exciting. I just have somewhere to be, which is I am going to Edgware Road, which is the other side of London for me, because I have a work commitment, which is I'm helping the comedian Tom Rosenthal.

27:18 - 27:29

Yeah, nice man. Crypto head. Well, he's a crypto head. Jim would look down on that. Jim's not a crypto head. No, you don't think so. You don't think he's been poisoned by the Tom Mind virus? I don't think so.

27:29 - 27:43

To get into crypto? Are you about to explain to some listeners who don't know that Jim Rosenthal has assumed knowledge? So Tom Rosenthal listeners, people will know from Friday Night Dinner, his father, Jim Rosenthal,

27:43 - 27:59

most memorably in my life, was a sports presenter. And one of my earliest football memories is Tottenham Hotspur winning the 1984 UEFA Cup Final on penalties with Tony Parks as the sub-goalie.

27:59 - 28:17

And afterwards, Jim Rosenthal weirdly was in the dressing room, like they're fully splashing him. I think there might even be like steam coming off the shower and he is trying to do a five-minute broadcast from in there. And I bet he didn't mention crypto after that match.

28:17 - 28:31

No, but you know, that's because he's got that 80s broadcast money. He doesn't need 60% swings. This guy just wants to keep it exactly as it is. So the son of that man, you have now gone to visit. What are you doing with him?

28:31 - 28:45

I'm helping him with his, he's writing a tour show and I'm just helping like do a little bit of work on it. You know, I've watched a video of him do a preview of it and I've got some notes. Oh, I've got some notes. And he's

28:45 - 28:54

I'm sort of co-directing it. So we're sort of doing a day on it in a flat that belongs to the Rosenthal estate.

28:54 - 29:01

It's got a big picture of Jim Rosenthal's head. And the front door. And sheepskin coats everywhere. That's more Motsen, I guess.

29:01 - 29:11

Guys, this is another rude question. I don't mean to ask these rude questions. Is this a service that you offer? If I was doing a show, you would give me a day rate or are you just helping because Tom's a mate? Wow. And this is what comedians

29:11 - 29:16

do. I don't know the life of comedians. For the right amount of fart coin, I'll do anything.

29:16 - 29:25

It's a crypto deal. It's not a crypto deal. It's just a normal deal. Right. Me and another comedian called Pierre Novelli. Yeah.

29:25 - 29:35

Which of course is French for Merry Christmas. Are helping Tom with his show. So then the three of us, I mean, and it's the second day in a row. We've got a block of two days and we're meeting up for

29:35 - 29:39

the second day to sort of, you know, go through the show and go, I don't know what you mean there.

29:39 - 29:47

Or why don't you say this? And is it like the sort of Leonard Bernstein movie where you're really making breakthroughs?

29:47 - 29:51

You know what I mean? It's like Stephen Sondheim comes to you. It's all montage.

29:51 - 29:57

Yeah. Do you feel you're getting somewhere with it or are you delivering a lot of shit sandwiches?

29:57 - 30:11

As in compliment, intense criticism, compliment. Are we supposed to do that? I didn't know you were supposed to soften the blow. So I've just been saying Tom, start again. This is no, well, a lot of the work's been done.

30:11 - 30:16

So he's sort of way ahead of schedule. The show's already in great shape sort of before we've got involved.

30:16 - 30:33

So really it's just like polishing. Yeah, polishing and finding like, what are you really actually trying to say there or whatever because maybe that bit's not clear and so it's more just that and then actually he's sort of got too much stuff. So there's a lot of saying

30:33 - 30:37

let's pick the bits that we all don't like as much and get rid of them.

30:37 - 30:42

Do you ever think, I've got a really good line here, but I don't want him to have this because I've thought of it?

30:42 - 31:00

No. Wow, that was a wink, listeners. I'm a professional. Of course I don't. Or even worse, are you offering this service to all the comedians and they're trying to make their shows worse to get you to the top of the comedy tree?

31:00 - 31:07

Instead, I just suggest the same line to every comedian and then watch as they accuse each other of stealing it. Because everyone forgets.

31:07 - 31:17

So my experience is that once you've done a routine sort of three times, it doesn't matter if someone else suggested a line for you, even after a gig, you sort of forget and just assume it's yours. Even if I were to say

31:17 - 31:27

oh, say this joke, they won't remember. That's the one Rhys gave me. Right, yeah. As soon as they get the laugh for it, they'll be like, I've got a great joke here. So if I can just make everyone fall out with each other while

31:27 - 31:43

I run through the middle and win the race. Clever. It's interesting, this process because we had Dara O'Briain on the podcast and he somewhat pretentiously stated that he does all his writing now on stage as in, I think he might come

31:43 - 31:58

up with a bit of a list beforehand but generally it's problem solving on your feet but I think that's because he's been doing this for over 3,000 years. Yeah and he's sort of one of the best improvisers I've ever met. Sure.

31:58 - 32:10

He's one of the best ball in the air comedians, not to blend your podcast Max, but he's one of the best ball playing comedians there's ever been. He's a real he's a real Klinsky.

32:10 - 32:19

He knows what he's doing. That's the magic of Darrow, right? I want to see him riff. Yeah. Whereas Tom, God write it down boy, learn it.

32:19 - 32:28

Don't go off book Tom for goodness sake. It's quite draining doing this work so I'd say you can only do it for a short time.

32:28 - 32:36

Yeah and actually given it was the second day of this, it ended a bit earlier than the first and we were just sort of like oh there's that bit we could look at but

32:36 - 32:47

should we just go? Yeah. Everyone was a bit like yeah okay. I feel like it might be like five in the afternoon. Well there is a twist. There are some twists to this day. Okay big because I want to

32:47 - 32:51

know is this an all day affair or is it a morning affair? What's going on with Tom?

32:51 - 33:01

I think I arrived about ten and as soon as I left the house there was a sort of buzz in the air in the street yesterday. I don't know if you remember because I was going to be on QI that night and people were mumbling and they were

33:01 - 33:09

saying oh my god this today's the day you know and so it was I think it was hard for Tom and Pierre to get that out of their heads the whole time you know just we're in we're in the presence of a

33:09 - 33:23

legend. You're going to be on it. Are they broadcasting it or are you recording the app? Oh broadcast broadcast yeah I mean if we were recording it that day and I was helping Tom with his show I think I'd be like that's

33:23 - 33:29

too much confidence. I'd be pacing around nervously going oh god. What am I going to say about these facts?

33:29 - 33:35

So I got there about 10.15. Got about 10.15 okay. He lets us break for lunch. So he's good like that Tom.

33:35 - 33:38

He lets us go and get some lunch and stuff. We don't have to work straight through. So I'm interested.

33:38 - 33:45

I'm thinking Pret. I think it's another Pret. Now had we done this the day before Pret would be correct. Okay.

33:45 - 33:51

But we mix it up. M&S Food Hall. Okay interesting. Did you get a meal real? No.

33:51 - 33:56

I got quite a weird lunch actually. I think I got sushi like California rolls.

33:57 - 34:08

Three chicken drumsticks and a brownie. Oh my goodness. That's terrible. Cold chicken drumsticks. There's something so grim about a cold sort of sloppy chicken drumstick.

34:08 - 34:16

I announced as we walked into M&S we're in a flat. We're not just like in a writer's room in an office. We're in a flat. We have oven access. We could get anything.

34:16 - 34:37

And then I get the most road food horrible service station picnic imaginable. Yeah. It's interesting that one who has Steve deemed his hair and clothing that morning would then put such utter shit into his mouth at lunchtime. Well, that's what I mean. It's all outside. Okay. Inside.

34:37 - 34:44

Don't care. My inside of my body is like the inside of my wardrobe. It's all just stuffed in there as long as the outside looks alright.

34:44 - 34:50

The cesspits. Do you get through three chicken drumsticks? I feel like Any Beyond 2 is sort of Henry VIII level though.

34:50 - 35:04

Chicken drumstick. It was a pack of four. I ate three. Okay. I did. I ate up the fourth for about an hour afterwards and thought, you can't have four. Did you eat the skin or peel the skin off? Because the skin on a cold chicken drumstick is

35:04 - 35:10

just really, it's one of the grimmest things. I'll be honest, I didn't know that this would be that controvert.

35:10 - 35:18

I mean, you're really upset about this. I thought the crypto stuff would be slightly more bad for the environment.

35:18 - 35:24

No, I ate the skin. I'm not a wimp. Okay. Fair. Am I wrong here, David? I don't know what you think.

35:24 - 35:36

I think the cold skin on a refrigerated chicken drumstick is sad. Like, I mean, how long did you spend, like, traipsing around M&S that you came up with this? Was there like, it feels like you'd only do that in a

35:36 - 35:40

kind of, you've got a minute and Dale Winton is saying, get on with this.

35:40 - 35:52

I wouldn't have minded longer, but the other two were sort of already waiting outside. Right, okay. By the way, insane selections. I can't really remember what Pierre got, but Tom just got a big French stick,

35:52 - 36:04

like a big baguette and a thing of hummus that he just dipped, like, fully in it and then just eat like a toddler. Like the largest one you can imagine and he was just like pushing it into hummus, like a plunger, and then just biting the

36:04 - 36:14

whole thing. And a kilogram of pineapple that Pierre Novelli described as an amount of pineapple from a guy who's doing an experiment with his own semen.

36:14 - 36:27

How much of the kilo of pineapple did Tom Rosenthal get through? 750 grams. A lot of it. He just sort of constantly, eating it for the rest of the day.

36:27 - 36:34

Here's a clue to the twist. At lunchtime, Tom then says, oh, you guys go back in. I need to phone.

36:34 - 36:40

He'd announced, I'm going to phone my mum at one, or my mum's calling me at one, so I'll just need to speak to her for a bit.

36:40 - 36:48

And I didn't think anything of it. Fast forward to 3pm-ish in a day where we've just been sat in this flat. Yes, we're straight up over to three.

36:48 - 36:52

We've just been sat in this flat writing jokes, editing jokes. It's been a pretty normal day.

36:52 - 37:06

You've heard what his lunch was. And Tom is suggesting some sort of joke about young people. It may be about TikTok that involves the words these young people are getting sad because the Harry Styles album wasn't up to scratch and then something about Jake Paul. And me and

37:06 - 37:15

Pierre are saying, you sound like you're 100 years old. These references are insane. And then he says, well, to be fair, I am 37 today.

37:15 - 37:28

Wow! Okay. And I fully spiral because I'm like, this can't be your birthday. This can't be how you spend it. This is absolutely unacceptable. No, good for him.

37:28 - 37:34

Good for him because the kids take their birthday off and I'm like, it's just a day.

37:34 - 37:46

Just get on with it. I'm fully behind Tom Rosenthal here. If it was, if Tom was like, I've got to go and do this sort of thing, he invited us there to do the work on this day specifically. Yeah. And

37:46 - 37:53

then we didn't tell us. And so there was no, like, we couldn't like sneak off in M&S and buy him a Colin the Caterpillar.

37:53 - 38:02

Wow, yeah. We couldn't do anything. We just suddenly found out it was his birthday when it was far too late. It was now getting dark outside. I was like, what are you doing this evening? And he was like, oh, I drive back to sort of Gloucester

38:02 - 38:18

and I don't know. Now, Rhys, is it because 37, with the possible exception of 43, is the duddest age of all? Like the ultimate who gives a shit? I appreciate it's a prime number, but that's about all it has going for itself.

38:18 - 38:24

Yeah, there's nothing to it, is there? Is it famously a bad year, would you say? I can't remember.

38:24 - 38:38

That's the saddest part of it. 37 It doesn't seem to have any much significance. Maybe it's one of those ones where, you see, professional football has played a role in my life, particularly as regards these ages.

38:38 - 38:54

So up to 36, you will still find a few professional footballers, such that you're able to say to yourself, it still could happen for me because of this Jairilio Gomez or some old keeper, you know?

38:54 - 39:02

Even the goalies are out by 37. The goalies are gone then, yeah. If your team signs a 37-year-old goalkeeper, then you support Tottenham Hotspur.

39:02 - 39:14

But I think you may have witnessed history here, Rhys. I wonder, do you reckon anyone has ever consumed more than 750 grams of pineapple on their birthday?

39:14 - 39:30

I mean, I'd love to see the chart of, you know, birthdays and pineapple consumption and where Tom sits. Not specifically 37. There's no doubt he's the, that's the most a 37-year-old has ever eaten on their 37th birthday.

39:30 - 39:36

But I reckon, who's eating a kilo of pineapple on their birthday? Maybe the man from Del Monte himself.

39:36 - 39:52

It's possible, yeah. Well, the thing that upsets me is like, there must, there's probably a moment deep down in Tom's subconscious as he walked around M&S and picked up his big baguette hummus and pineapple, where he thought no, go on, I'll treat myself.

39:52 - 40:00

It is my birthday. And then picked up the three saddest possible things. So it was revealed because of the phone call with the mother?

40:00 - 40:08

It was revealed because his joke made him sound like a boomer, that he then announced well, I officially am a boomer as of midnight.

40:08 - 40:14

And like Sherlock, I'm playing back all these things going, there were all these clues along the way.

40:14 - 40:20

There's all these party poppers in here, for example. He keeps asking us to sing happy birthday.

40:20 - 40:32

Did you suggest let's go for a pint or anything? Under no circumstances. No, I was like, when I said, oh, what are you up to? It was sort of an invitation to be like, well, yeah, I don't know. And he was like,

40:32 - 40:38

well, I've got to drive back. It was like, when you leave, I'm going to have a bath and drive to Gloucester. And then my girlfriend will get a pizza maybe.

40:38 - 40:45

But I would have been like, oh, we can go get a burger and get a pint if you want. But it seemed pretty shut down pretty quick.

40:45 - 40:51

This is the worst birthday ever. That was it. And I said, so we left his house around sort of four.

40:51 - 40:58

And I said, are you leaving straight away now? And that was sort of me saying, or do you want to get a pint? He said, no, you need to have a bath and then I'm going to go.

40:58 - 41:04

So you're going to have a bath so that you just get yourself up to rush hour and then travel back at rush hour on your birthday.

41:04 - 41:13

And he said, yes. Yeah, with a giant turd made up of pineapple and baguette. Totally tropical turd.

41:13 - 41:22

Waiting, bursting to get out. Yeah. What an awful birthday, Sam Rosenthal. A kilo of pineapple, have a bath and drive to Gloucester.

41:22 - 41:30

No one's done that on their birthday. Ever. Oh, that's magical. I interviewed the man from Del Monte once.

41:30 - 41:43

Stop. I'm serious. And all he wanted to do was invite me to play cricket for his cricket team, which is a cricket team of actors. And I ended up playing for a couple of seasons for the man from Del Monte.

41:43 - 41:49

Increasingly, it's starting to sound like the man from Del Monte is Tom Rosenthal. That's what Tom does.

41:49 - 41:56

He has an annual cricket game that he makes actors from comedians play in. Hang on, Max. I think you've made a category error here.

41:56 - 42:09

That was the actor who played the man from Del Monte. As opposed to, you know when you see the Wolf of Wall Street, then Leonardo DiCaprio isn't Jordan Belfort.

42:09 - 42:14

No, but you see, that is a man playing a man, right? That's different. That's different.

42:14 - 42:23

It's like the man from Del Monte was not a biopic, David. Was it? You know, we weren't seeing this is what the man from Del Monte...

42:23 - 42:34

He was the man from Del Monte. I mean, he wasn't Mr. Del Monte but I don't believe there was a man. He was the man in the linen suit who picked up a pineapple and went yes. I don't believe there

42:34 - 42:38

was a man in a linen suit that he was he wasn't method for this.

42:38 - 42:45

I don't think. You were being a method interviewer though. Are you the world's first method where you only interview people as their roles?

42:45 - 42:52

No, actually interviewing people in character is really... I've had to do that. It's one of the hardest.

42:52 - 43:00

Very rarely is it good when someone's playing a character and you have to interview them. Did you ask him what was the audition like?

43:00 - 43:16

Because did you just have to pick from an invisible branch? To listeners who may not be aware, I feel I have to do this job again. Del Monte are a brand of... What's the Venn diagram of people who don't know Jim Rosenthal or the Del Monte adverts?

43:16 - 43:19

This can't be anyone. So the man from Del Monte used to sometimes do the FA Cup draw.

43:19 - 43:30

Basically he would pick the balls from a tree. Okay, you can look up the Malcolm Del Monte yourself. Fine.

43:30 - 43:39

Okay, it's four o'clock. You've sent off Rosenthal to have his bath to try and sweat out some of that citrus.

43:39 - 43:46

There's so much vitamin C pulsing through his system right now. He won't get scurvy for a thousand years.

43:46 - 43:56

Maybe that was it. Maybe he was scared about sort of aging. That he was like as of today I need to be fending off any sort of maritime past illness.

43:56 - 43:59

You know there's the man who's trying to live forever by taking so many supplements.

43:59 - 44:07

I think this is a really bad version of trying to live forever by just eating as much pineapple as you possibly can.

44:07 - 44:15

Put them next to each other. Let's see who lives longer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So despite your efforts, you're not spending Tom's birthday with Tom.

44:15 - 44:19

No, and they're pretty minimal efforts really. But I sort of have already spent quite a long time.

44:19 - 44:28

So I leave. I go home. Get home. Must be sort of 5pm now. There's a tube journey.

44:28 - 44:31

Do I give up my seat for an old man on the tube? Yeah, just a bit.

44:31 - 44:40

Of course I do. Did you ask? No, but it needs mentioning. Because people think I'm a piece of shit because of the crypto stuff and they need to know that I'm actually a great guy.

44:40 - 44:48

Did you make a big deal out of it? You know what I mean? Did you stand up and motion for him to sit there and just solemnly, with your eyes shut,

44:48 - 44:56

nod your head? As he stared at me I went, ugh, fine. And stood up and said for fuck... No, I...

44:56 - 45:05

It was one of those ones where sometimes someone who gets on who looks so old that it's like, obviously they need to sit here, but I can't catch this guy's eye.

45:05 - 45:12

I'm desperately trying to and I think I then eventually had to get up and sort of tap him. But I'm also going, I don't want to scare him so much that I kill him.

45:12 - 45:19

I don't know how much pineapple this guy's had. So I don't know how prepared he is. And so I did have to sort of tap him and say, sit there.

45:19 - 45:24

But then it puts pressure on him if he was like, I'm trying to see how long I can stand on the... or whatever.

45:24 - 45:32

Yeah. Have I told this already David, that I was, when I was at BBC London, one story I was doing was trying to work out who was nicer.

45:32 - 45:43

North Londoners or South Londoners. And one of the things I did was I secretly mic'd myself up and got on the tube with crutches to see if people would stand up for me.

45:43 - 45:51

He's wearing a wire! That prick's wearing a wire! And nobody got up for me in North London.

45:51 - 45:59

I'd never go south of the river. But in South London I got on the tube and a man stood up and I sat down and I went, thank you very much. And he went,

45:59 - 46:04

I've just had a triple heart bypass, but you need it more than this. Oh my God!

46:04 - 46:12

Wow. And I was stuck! So I just got off at the next stop. I said, you can have your seat back.

46:12 - 46:18

It was a great bit of radio. It was important. Use of the licence fee.

46:18 - 46:25

What I would like, yeah, is what's the summing up then at the end? And so we have proven beyond doubt.

46:26 - 46:34

South Londoners. Back to you in the studio, Moira Stewart. I think so. I wonder who was presenting breakfast at that time.

46:34 - 46:46

Might have been Andy Peters. He gave me a cashmere sweater. There's surely no evidence that the people on the modes of transport that get you out of South London are from South London.

46:46 - 47:04

That's true. Great point. Great point. There wasn't this sort of debrief after the show. Yeah, you didn't expect scrutiny of this level. No, I didn't think in 20 years time, I'm actually finally going to get the scrutiny that this shit idea deserves. I think you might actually

47:04 - 47:17

you might need to wake up tomorrow and check your phone and see if you've gone viral in sort of the papers saying woke BBC presenter forces man after triple heart bypass to stand in name of license fee. Okay.

47:17 - 47:29

So you've got QI coming up, Rhys. Would you say to your girlfriend, I've made us a lasagna and then we're going to settle down and watch me on QI.

47:29 - 47:41

Absolutely not. She's actually staying overnight for work. Okay. Free house. You've got a free house. Free house. So obviously having a huge birthday party for my other friend.

47:41 - 47:55

No, I got home. Cat's been in all day. Cat's crazy. So instantly her eyes are black. She's like wants to do backflips and play and go nuts and go out and she's got a post she scratches when she wants a treat.

47:55 - 48:11

She's scratching that non-stop. Interestingly, I'm like, you know, I've been at Jim Rosenthal's flat so I've not been for a number two all day and I've had three chicken drumsticks. Is this because you refuse to shit in the house of a national sports broadcaster? You've never

48:11 - 48:25

defecated Des Lynam's house is what you're saying. Exactly. It just wasn't happening in that moment. I'm not, I don't normally fear this sort of thing. It just didn't happen. But there's something psychological that unlocks something in your body the second a key goes into your own door.

48:25 - 48:30

It just goes, okay, let's go. We can do whatever we like all of a sudden.

48:30 - 48:42

I didn't take a dump in my school until the age of 16. I remember taking a dump when I was 16 being like in 15 years of education.

48:42 - 48:48

No, not that many. 12 years of education. This is the first time I've ever sat down on one of these things.

48:48 - 48:57

I'm of a generation where the Facebook group when I was at school was sort of the way to go viral to make a funny Facebook group.

48:57 - 49:04

There was a very popular one in my town called Whoopis which stood for We Unashamedly Poo in School.

49:04 - 49:12

It was a sort of club set up by a girl called Maddie trying to get rid of the stigma of pooing in school.

49:12 - 49:17

Now, a couple of years earlier me and a friend of mine called Aaron had been in the toilets. This is what would happen.

49:17 - 49:23

This is why you were right not to. We were in the toilets and noticed there was someone in the cubicle and it was locked and was in there for a while.

49:23 - 49:32

It obviously was pooing. We were sort of like, let's leave the toilet so they think it's safe so they can come out and reveal themselves.

49:32 - 49:40

Stand outside and then we'll know who it is. It was a boy called Alex Finnegan and when he emerged we called him Alex Poop again for the rest of school.

49:40 - 49:48

But not to him. He didn't know that. We just referred to him privately as, oh there he goes, old Alex Poop again. Hot air rises baby.

49:48 - 49:57

So I get home and suddenly the floodgates are open. I'm allowed. I go for one, come downstairs and see identical schedule with the cat.

49:57 - 50:01

She has gone in the litter tray while I was upstairs and done the same thing. That's beautiful.

50:01 - 50:17

That's lovely. That synergy. All I know about playing with cats I have learned from this podcast. David asks a lot of cat questions. James Acaster has a Snoopy suitcase and a sort of a fishing rod type of a thing.

50:17 - 50:23

There's generally a set up where he has four activity areas. Well he has four cats.

50:23 - 50:31

So he has them basically running laps. What do you do to take some of the energy out of this cat?

50:31 - 50:48

Did James' cats not go outside? He has a catio. Yeah he has a catio. Ah so my cat does just go outside and like sort of jumps up on the fence and runs around a bit herself. She likes water so she likes to chase the hoes. That's H-O-S-E.

50:48 - 50:55

We're both fending off babes I'm afraid. But it's too cold for that at the moment.

50:55 - 51:07

So she sort of crashes into paper. Yeah. So that like any packing paper I'll roll up smaller bits of paper, throw them and then she just like skids into big bits of paper and stuff like that. Oh that's fun. And sometimes she'll go on the

51:07 - 51:13

sofa I'll throw things up and she sort of back flips to try and get them. Yesterday it was mostly that. I wasn't using any traditional toys.

51:13 - 51:17

She does have those but wasn't interested. So I was mostly just throwing balls of paper for her to chase.

51:17 - 51:35

So hang on. Your cat goes out into the real world. Yeah. And then comes back. Oh interesting. So do you think the cat has a double life during the day you know as a tough London cat? Well she goes out only when I'm there. She's quite small

51:35 - 51:41

so occasionally there's a little bit of beef going on in the garden and I have to come out and get rid of a bigger, a larger cat. Okay.

51:41 - 51:49

Do you think you know in time you will sort of let the cat live their own life or will you always be a chaperone for the cat?

51:49 - 51:57

I suppose ultimately we'll always be part of each other but she's a teenager now at some point I'm going to get emptiness syndrome.

51:57 - 52:08

Yeah. You're really projecting Max. Has the cat ever brought back say a live rat or something like that? On two occasions the cat has brought a mouse in.

52:08 - 52:17

I've not noticed. She's in a bit of a routine where she comes in, if she does come in herself through the cat flap or whatever she sort of jumps up on the sofa and sort of says hi then runs off to get food

52:17 - 52:25

but she was just suddenly really obsessed with this like corner of the room and so I went to look and there was a little small vole or something there.

52:25 - 52:37

Shit. I moved a paint can that was in the way of this vole to try and get it to free it and then she just immediately slapped it under the bit where the TV is on. Yeah. Which is sort of too hard to get under. I tried to

52:37 - 52:45

locate it and get rid of it for about two hours. Failed. It disappeared and is for all we know still in the house. Oh no.

52:45 - 52:53

And then that was about six months ago and then that happened again three months ago. Shit. So quarterly, quarterly voles.

52:55 - 53:02

Yeah, exactly. Alright, so this is, how long does this playing with the cat takes? What, you do an hour of that?

53:02 - 53:08

Ah yeah, maybe half an hour and then she wants to go out and stuff like that and then I go to the gym. Okay, wow.

53:08 - 53:14

And I'll be honest, I was a bit tired and couldn't be bothered and this is where the podcast came into play. Okay.

53:14 - 53:25

Because if I didn't it would be like, well then it's just sit down and all that's happened is it's Tom Rosenthal's sad birthday. Yeah. Went to the gym, to be honest, quite uneventful. I was pumping iron obviously. You guys look at me and you

53:25 - 53:35

associate me with this certain like hench ripped build and you don't just get that by accident. You have to be going to the gym. So I'm there sort of eight, nine times a week. Are you secretly ripped?

53:35 - 53:40

Are you secretly packing? Oh yeah, it's called sleeper build and I'm hoping to get one.

53:40 - 53:55

No, I'm not secretly ripped. I think it's quite public. Wow. Yeah, get online, David. You'll see. No, I'm not ripped, but unfortunately you know, you get past 30 and you've got to go do this to maintain even run to stand still. I mean, exactly.

53:55 - 54:02

But it's January, so obviously the gym's horrible. There was a man on the treadmill walking with a bum bag on with his hands in his pockets.

54:02 - 54:17

That's the January gym goer, isn't it? It's like, what are you practicing for? Hey, any exercise is good exercise. Yeah, fair enough. Who am I to judge? What was quite fun actually about the gym experience is a punch bag was being delivered.

54:17 - 54:30

It was delivered and had been left upstairs in the gym on arrival. So it was in its wrapping, but it was obviously a punch bag. And when I went downstairs the punch bag area where the existing punch bag was, was really busy and people were sort of queuing.

54:30 - 54:39

And everyone obviously has walked past this delivered punch bag to get in. So you can see in their eyes they're thinking about going upstairs and just punching the wrapped delivered punch bag instead.

54:39 - 54:43

But no, I'm pumping iron so I pump my iron, I get out of there.

54:43 - 54:55

The delivery of the punch bag to me implies it's changed my perception of this from just a boring chain gym to like a really edgy inner city boxing gym. You know what I mean?

54:55 - 55:09

Where the old former Commonwealth middleweight champ gives you all a pep talk at the start and you have to get and spar with the champ for three rounds. You know, it's that sort of thing.

55:09 - 55:17

In order to get your membership. Yeah, completely. Someone pulls up in a limo in a mink coat gets out and punches a bag in an Armani suit.

55:17 - 55:22

That's the vibe I'm getting from it. Ringside, we've got Jim Rosenthal. He's asking us questions.

55:22 - 55:33

The man from Del Monte is watching us. It is, alas, a chain gym. It's one of the chain gyms with the you know, the ones with the tube you enter through. What?

55:33 - 55:38

Like, take me out. It's Paddy McGinnis there. And then your lights go off. Okay.

55:38 - 55:43

It's exactly like a take me out tube, but you don't go down. You just go through.

55:43 - 55:48

So you enter a code that is your access code and half the tube opens. You then stand locked in that tube.

55:48 - 55:55

And then the other half opens. Yeah. Are they fumigating you? It's half. Take me out.

55:55 - 56:03

You're Paddy McGinnis and half. You're Interstellar. Wow. Yeah. I went to one of those gyms once, the Muscle Works.

56:03 - 56:08

It's called Muscle Works. When I was doing my six pack challenge in 2011 or 2012, I can't remember.

56:08 - 56:14

And everyone's neck was bigger than their shoulders. It was like the weights they were lifting were just absolutely ridiculous.

56:14 - 56:28

It was like weight upon weight. It was like cartoon weights. But it was a lovely sort of feeling there. It was a really nice community of incredibly, just incredibly enormous people. But they had two sort of signs that had been like just printed out. And one

56:28 - 56:42

just said, please do not spit out of the windows. And one was like, please do not shave your pubic hair in the shower. So I was a big fan of both those signs.

56:42 - 56:48

You wouldn't put those signs up unless they were things that were happening. You're not launching with those signs.

56:48 - 56:55

Opening day. They're not like we respect our staff be nice to our staff signs.

56:55 - 57:01

Are they? Fast forward to Max furiously shaving his pubes out the window to get around. This is so confusing.

57:01 - 57:11

And who, Max, did you conclude was Hencher? North Londoners or South Londoners? Good question. All right. So you palm your arm.

57:11 - 57:15

What were you listening to in the gym, please? Not to get too meta, but I was listening to this podcast.

57:15 - 57:24

Okay. Which app? Sam Campbell. Yeah. Were you listening out of research or because you're just a big fan of the podcast? Out of respect.

57:25 - 57:36

I was listening out of respect for Sam Campbell, frankly. I was listening to this podcast and it was quite hard to get anything done after I had listened to that. I just had this overwhelming urge to use Shopify.

57:36 - 57:43

So I was just straight out and I was setting up a new business so that I could use Shopify on your recommendation.

57:43 - 57:49

It might not be a host read, actually. Maybe it's not a host read. I think it's a host read. At least someone's advertising.

57:49 - 57:59

I don't know if you're aware, but you're advertising Shopify. Do you have any idea what you're plugging on this podcast? Because ads are localised on podcasts. Yeah, so that's my algorithm.

57:59 - 58:03

Imagine if I'd said Playboy or something like that. We will wrap it, don't worry.

58:03 - 58:13

That's the way. Individually we'll wrap every Playboy that this podcast is brought to you by gift wrapped. And I just went home and because of your podcast I just used Pornhub all night.

58:13 - 58:31

Because you kept recommending it to me. There's an incredibly specific ad that my algorithm has decided that I want. And often it breaks up episodes of Off Menu or whatever. And it's don't buy your children a scrambler for Christmas.

58:31 - 58:41

It's an amazingly specific government warning. It's a classic don't buy advert. Yeah, it's like a motorbike, a little motorbike.

58:41 - 58:49

I think it's quite an Irish thing. A lot of people seem to be in recent years buying motorbikes for children.

58:49 - 58:54

And they're trying to get out in front of it. No, no, no. Do not do that.

58:55 - 59:07

So it's like a public service announcement. Yeah, I have not bought a scrambler for a child since hearing that ad or before hearing it. It works. It just works. Do you shower at the gym?

59:07 - 59:13

Oh, God, no. Yeah. What about me suggests that I have the confidence to do that? Of course not.

59:13 - 59:24

He couldn't shit in Jim Rosenthal's house. He's not going to wash himself at a gym box, is he? The tube just closes and starts to fill with water then.

59:25 - 59:41

We have detected that you need a wash. No, I go home via, as I often do on the way home from the gym, the Chinese supermarket, which is just a little bit out of the way. Lovely. Because I want to get a drink called Pocari Sweat.

59:41 - 59:54

Oh, I know Pocari Sweat very well. I don't know Pocari Sweat. Sometimes on flights to Australia actually, Max, there'll be ads for Pocari Sweat. I think it's a popular drink in the Middle East. Is it still blue? Is it a blue

59:55 - 1:00:09

can that looks a bit like a Coke can? Blue can or clear bottle, and it's sort of like an ion, what's the word I'm looking for, drink? Electrolyte. Electrolyte drink. It's a Lucozade sport. It's a Lucozade sport,

1:00:09 - 1:00:20

but it's cloudy, and I was recommended it by a man in the band Foles, who said it was the only thing on their rider. It sorted them out post-hangover, and

1:00:20 - 1:00:33

so I then got into it off the back of that. Chinese supermarkets are obviously also, fortune cookies are at the till. Got myself a fortune cookie, and it said you will meet an A-list celebrity from Hollywood next month.

1:00:33 - 1:00:41

Oh, wow. Now, I find fortune cookies generally are kind of like, hope is just around the corner, but they keep it vague.

1:00:41 - 1:00:58

Not as specific as next month, the rock. Did you look at your sketch and see any possible situation where, I mean, you're about to be on QI, your entire career could be about to change this very night, and then

1:00:58 - 1:01:10

Vin Diesel will be rigging you up and being like, hey, I really love that episode. Wanna come to LA? It would be a bad time to go to LA, to be honest. Yeah, that's what I'm glad it said next month.

1:01:10 - 1:01:18

This month would have been a bit threatening, wouldn't it? Taking in a lodger. Vin Diesel contacts you, can I come and live with you?

1:01:18 - 1:01:28

There's nothing in the diary that suggests this is possible. I mean, like, look, we've all got access to Brett Goldstein Yeah, maybe it's Brett. I've met him before though, so I don't know if that'll count.

1:01:28 - 1:01:40

Maybe it might be on Cameo. Maybe actually next month, David, you and I, don't tell Rhys we should get on Cameo and get Danny Glover to send Rhys a message. I'm too old for this shit. Do you think Danny Glover does that on Cameo?

1:01:40 - 1:01:52

He must do, mustn't he? Must make a killing. Max, Cameo seems like the sort of thing that you would have considered at one point. Are you on Cameo? I've told you this, haven't I? No. No, my aim is to be on Cameo.

1:01:52 - 1:02:04

I really wanted to do this, but set my price at £85,000 in the hope that billionaires all got together and got drunk and wanted to see who the most expensive person was.

1:02:04 - 1:02:08

Well, can I give you some insight on doing that? Because I did do that. What? That exact thing.

1:02:08 - 1:02:20

Yeah, so when it was launching, I kept getting emails through the email address attached to my Instagram from a guy called Steve who kept claiming to be the CEO of Cameo. I was like, well, stop cold calling saying, join Cameo, it's this, it's this.

1:02:20 - 1:02:28

And it was so annoying that eventually I went, okay. I just replied saying, okay, I've joined. And I set myself as the max price that you can, which at the time was $1,000.

1:02:28 - 1:02:36

And on Cameo, because so few people were on it, the most expensive people on Cameo were just me and Caitlyn Jenner.

1:02:36 - 1:02:42

And I would get loads of messages from people who were trying to put me on Cameo who would go, who do you think you are?

1:02:42 - 1:02:47

You think you're worth a thousand pounds for a message? And I'd be like, no, it's a deterrent. I'm joking.

1:02:47 - 1:02:56

And then newspapers started picking up, there's this thing called Cameo, you can get these messages from celebrities and they would do sort of rankings with pictures of all the British celebs and

1:02:56 - 1:03:02

comics who are on Cameo. And they would all really lay into me because my picture would be the most expensive.

1:03:02 - 1:03:08

I think I've got a quote from The Guardian which says, Rhys James charges 37 omidjililis.

1:03:08 - 1:03:18

That's exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to be, because when I got on there and I set up a whole profile and it was like a thousand dollars, that wasn't enough.

1:03:18 - 1:03:24

I thought it had to be like 50,000. It had to be so ridiculous that people were like, I don't know.

1:03:24 - 1:03:30

Mark Zuckerberg goes, he's got to be offering something good for that. It's going to be some real business advice.

1:03:30 - 1:03:36

They did change it. I think they've now changed it. You and I, for example, can only charge a thousand dollars maximum.

1:03:36 - 1:03:42

Because of people like us, they've made it so that Floyd Mayweather is 10 grand, I think.

1:03:42 - 1:03:46

Right. Because he needs the money as well. Yeah, of course he does. Bless Floyd.

1:03:46 - 1:03:50

Okay, so where are we now? I'm lost. Have we had dinner? We're sitting down for dinner.

1:03:50 - 1:03:56

No, no, no. We haven't had dinner. We've had the gym. He's weirdly for me, it's too late to drink electrolytes.

1:03:56 - 1:04:02

I feel they might affect my sleep a tiny bit at this time. But you're a younger man.

1:04:02 - 1:04:08

It doesn't bother you at all. What have you got in the plans for dinner, Rhys? It's quite sad.

1:04:08 - 1:04:17

I mean, these are two quite terrible meals, really, in my day. More drumsticks. I had access to 250 grams of pineapple.

1:04:17 - 1:04:30

And so I had salmon and rice and avocado. Now, bear in mind, for lunch, I had had sushi, which was salmon and rice and avocado.

1:04:30 - 1:04:33

And I hadn't considered this, so I was having the hot version of my lunch.

1:04:33 - 1:04:40

But what I will do if I'm having salmon, rice and avocado is I'll just basically mash it all up into one big thing of cat food.

1:04:40 - 1:04:45

Put mayonnaise and hot sauce on it and just sort of like shovel it in.

1:04:45 - 1:04:50

If my girlfriend had been home, I would have cooked something nice because she wouldn't accept that.

1:04:50 - 1:04:57

That's not too bad. It's reasonably healthy. You know, there's a touch of superfood. There's a lot of bleakness to it.

1:04:57 - 1:05:05

The blending together, yeah. The mashing it up is not great, but then everything just tastes of hot sauce and you just go, great, I like that. I like hot sauce, so

1:05:05 - 1:05:12

I'll get that down. That and a Pocari sweat, half a Pocari sweat. So me and my wife will discuss what we're going to eat through the day.

1:05:12 - 1:05:22

So if I've had eggs for breakfast, then eggs will be off the table. We'll make a point, you know, once for lunch, I'll say eggs are off the table. But if I haven't had eggs, eggs will be on the table.

1:05:22 - 1:05:36

And if you had, you see the process, it's really well thought out. So that way we avoid, you know, if we know we're having China masala for dinner, we will make a point of saying we can't have China masala for lunch, because that would be mad.

1:05:36 - 1:05:54

Yeah. If you'd had this sort of process, you wouldn't have doubled up on the same food. Typically I will do that. But weirdly, there's something about it that feels the sort of weird mashed salmon rice avocado with hot sauce feels so far removed from sushi

1:05:54 - 1:06:00

to me. Plus I'd had the Henry VIII amount of chicken drumsticks as a palate cleanser. No doubt.

1:06:00 - 1:06:06

It's quite a crypto bro dinner, to be honest. It's almost like you've disrupted dinner.

1:06:06 - 1:06:14

Laptops open, numbers are going up and down like it's a Bloomberg. And then you're just shoveling it in looking at Fartcoin.

1:06:14 - 1:06:20

Yeah, it was all just efficiency. It was that or Huel, I couldn't decide. Do you check Fartcoin?

1:06:20 - 1:06:25

Do we have another little glimpse? Do you want to know what it's... No, no, no, don't care about today.

1:06:25 - 1:06:34

No, no, no, no. The way something like Fartcoin works is that 60% would have been very short-lived and it will be back down.

1:06:34 - 1:06:50

It'll be now like I've lost all of that plus 100% more. I would imagine you're doing something else while you eat this as opposed to just savouring every sad... I hope you're eating it from a Tommy Tippy plastic child's spoon as well.

1:06:50 - 1:06:59

Are you watching something on TV? I watched two episodes of Mad Men, which I quite like, but not really.

1:06:59 - 1:07:11

And also I'm very aware, you know, Mad Men's quite a crypto bro choice. So sort of like, yeah, I just watched an hour of the Andrew Tate podcast and went to bed.

1:07:11 - 1:07:20

I'd had my electrolytes, I'd checked my Fartcoin and I've got to get up at 5am famously to you know...

1:07:20 - 1:07:36

I liked Mad Men, but that was 2011 so it's hard to know because so much water has gone under the bridge since then. It was probably the first ever long form series of 4x12x1 hour that I had watched.

1:07:36 - 1:07:46

It's also inextricably associated with the relationship I was in at that time. So I've never gone back to it. I never watched the last series of it. It was just...

1:07:46 - 1:07:50

You were going out with a high-flying ad exec. I was going out with Don Draper.

1:07:50 - 1:07:59

Is this the Don Draper? I've not seen it. So the only thing I can contribute to this is that Don Draper was once a guest on TalkSport before TalkSport moved to the Shard.

1:07:59 - 1:08:08

Once again, Max. It was the actor who played Don Draper. I still don't understand what you mean. It was Jon Hamm.

1:08:08 - 1:08:21

It was Jon Hamm. Okay. So he was coming into TalkSport. Why? Why was he doing that? It was before we moved to the Shard. So it was like in the back streets around Waterloo and all the toilets were right outside the front door

1:08:21 - 1:08:33

of TalkSport. And there's just a lot of men who work at TalkSport. Someone had done a poo that felt so bad that the person who was bringing Jon Hamm in felt so bad that they brought him into the fire escape.

1:08:33 - 1:08:45

So he just came through the door. Wow. It's more salubrious these days. David and I are picturing TalkSport. There's one person in our mind of who did that.

1:08:45 - 1:09:00

There is one former Spurs who's capable. I mean, actually there's a lot of suspects at TalkSport who could have done that, but there is certainly a lead suspect is what I'll say.

1:09:00 - 1:09:05

I think so. Although he may have left by that. I can't remember. There are a few possibilities.

1:09:05 - 1:09:10

So two episodes of that. Where are we now? 9pm? It's approaching QI, isn't it?

1:09:10 - 1:09:18

Yeah, QI's coming up. QI's at what? 9.30? Oh, I probably watched Mad Men 3 when QI was on. I certainly didn't watch that. I'm not really a fan of comedy.

1:09:18 - 1:09:33

Not my sort of thing, that. I sort of curse. Are you not intrigued as to how much of your funny things they've taken out for the edit? At some point, I may watch it if it's on double speed or something like that.

1:09:33 - 1:09:41

The thing with that compared to, say, a topical show is that it was filmed ages ago. I'm not attached to anything I said, and I don't remember any of them.

1:09:41 - 1:09:54

Whereas, you know, Mock the Week used to be like, okay, think of some things, then say the things, and then, oh my god, I've improvised some funny things, and then a day later it's like, oh, what? They cut all those great things. Who else was on your QI?

1:09:54 - 1:10:05

Okay. Joe Brand. Yep. Lovely. Ishan Akbar. Sandy Toksvig. Yep, famously. Alan Davies. Oh, great. And did you have a good time? I mean, you would remember that much about it. It was really good. I really enjoyed it.

1:10:05 - 1:10:14

It was great fun. It was a good, fun record. Was there a bump in social media? Well, I was still going viral from the day before, so it's hard to know.

1:10:14 - 1:10:18

Like, that would have been blended in with my other notifications. I don't think so.

1:10:18 - 1:10:26

Not really. Did any friends message you? Did any friends, or maybe you've just done so many panel shows that nobody, oh, Rhys, you're on this because you're always on them.

1:10:26 - 1:10:30

So, like, the first one, people are, like, excited, and now they're just like, oh, you know.

1:10:30 - 1:10:40

No, my girlfriend messaged me. She was watching it. Okay. I would say that's quite rare. Yeah. But so little to do, staying away at work. And maybe potentially, like, you know,

1:10:40 - 1:10:50

staying away at work, I'm sort of assuming an affair is happening, so she's maybe trying to prove that, like, no, I'm doing the exact opposite, or me and this guy are watching you on QI. I was going to say, that is

1:10:50 - 1:10:56

really harsh, isn't it? To say, now, let's watch this schmuck. If the text is said, like, we're really enjoying it, I'd have been like, hang on.

1:10:56 - 1:11:15

Something slipped here. Actually, yeah, Gareth said you shouldn't have done that gag. I wouldn't generally watch TV shows that I've been on. My parents would, will always tell me that I'm on them, but I did watch, I was on Travelman last week.

1:11:15 - 1:11:32

And I did watch that because that's a very interesting one where you just go hang out for a couple of days with Joe Lycett, and then the entire show is assembled basically in the edit, and the voiceover is so funny that they make for it.

1:11:32 - 1:11:39

A lot of the stuff you've said becomes punchlines to jokes that they have written in the voiceover, if you know what I mean.

1:11:39 - 1:11:50

So it feels like quite an interesting one to be on. That's the first time I've watched me on a thing for a while. Were you satisfied with it, or were you saying,

1:11:50 - 1:11:53

that's not how I wanted to come across, that's not what I meant? They misrepresented me.

1:11:54 - 1:11:59

The way I cooked those sardines, there's no way I would have tilted the sardines towards the fire like that.

1:11:59 - 1:12:03

No, they did a great job. I was like, yeah, I was good on that.

1:12:03 - 1:12:12

That's fine. I didn't embarrass myself the way that... Did you get any texts from friends? Yeah, I did. It got quite a lot of feedback, to be honest.

1:12:12 - 1:12:20

Oh, right. So I thought the sort of feedback train was dead, but I must have had a shocker on QI that everyone's going, oh, don't mention QI.

1:12:20 - 1:12:25

I got a few messages saying, you're lucky you're not in the UK anymore, because we should have just...

1:12:25 - 1:12:38

Oh, my God. I remember, I probably went on TV for the first time in about 2008, 2009 on Nevermind the Buzzcocks when, you know, 8 million people used to watch it or something.

1:12:38 - 1:12:52

And in the early days of social media, everything would be filled up. If you had a website, the website would crash because everyone would be like, where can I see this guy on tour? And I was once on... This will really

1:12:52 - 1:12:57

date it. I was on the Nevermind the Buzzcocks X Factor special with JLS. Oh, good.

1:12:57 - 1:13:03

So suddenly I became associated with a boy band. It was a very different time, you guys.

1:13:03 - 1:13:15

And look at me now, talking to you deadbeats on here. And were you flooded with texts and stuff after that? Was texting around yet? Yes, texting was around. Oh my goodness.

1:13:15 - 1:13:20

How many telegrams did you get after you were on? They must have been faxing you non-stop.

1:13:20 - 1:13:35

The town crier was hoarse from all of those messages Okay, so you have now watched two episodes of Mad Men, post-gym so we're up to 9.30 10 o'clock. I suppose actually I missed out.

1:13:35 - 1:13:41

Post-gym I eat dinner, then sort of shower. More time has passed, so then sort of shower.

1:13:41 - 1:13:47

I think before I cooked dinner I watched a bit of a golf video and fell asleep for 10 minutes.

1:13:47 - 1:13:55

Interesting. What golf video? Miracle at Medina? No, actually Tubes from Soccer AM. Wow. Maybe you've heard of it.

1:13:55 - 1:14:05

And his brother and sometimes Jimmy Bullard have a golf channel and I watched Tubes and Ange try and break par on some fancy golf course.

1:14:05 - 1:14:11

Good golfer. Very good footballer. Good golfer. I don't want to spoil it. Okay, okay. Don't spoil it. I won't spoil it.

1:14:11 - 1:14:19

But I fell asleep. Not because of the quality, because I hadn't had my electrolytes yet and I was running on empty from all the birthday excitement and pumping iron.

1:14:19 - 1:14:29

So I watched that. So time has gone. So by the time I watched sort of two episodes of Mad Men, it's maybe 10.45 and I am retiring to bed.

1:14:29 - 1:14:37

But bear in mind, you know, you heard how I woke up. So by retiring to bed, it's like I will lie on my side looking at TikTok for maybe 45 minutes.

1:14:37 - 1:14:47

Perfect. The best way to calm the mind, isn't it? Exactly. Did you like retweet anything so you could wake up today to find out?

1:14:47 - 1:14:53

No, because the virality was still ticking over from the previous, so I just sort of let that run, start the cycle.

1:14:53 - 1:15:03

Start the cycle again tomorrow. You know, it's only once that really dissipates that I have to add anything more. As long as there's something there ticking over, you know, going viral for me, then I don't mind so

1:15:03 - 1:15:07

much. I don't need two viral things at once. You know, that's hard to manage. No, that's too much.

1:15:07 - 1:15:16

So you didn't put up like how my northern mother and my southern father reacts to me passing the driving test.

1:15:16 - 1:15:31

Oh, Luffy, you've got a lovely driving test there. You know, one of those that's what I associate with the genre. My wigs haven't arrived from Amazon yet, so I can't my tea towels are too dirty, so I can't yet do any sketches with women in.

1:15:31 - 1:15:42

Once they do, then you'll see some real viral hits. But until then, I really want you to do some POV videos, David. I'd enjoy them. I'm just too old.

1:15:42 - 1:15:51

I see what the kids are doing and I love it. Those videos where people just confidently point into space and information comes up written there.

1:15:51 - 1:16:08

I couldn't do that. That's mad stuff. You know, sometimes you see someone claiming to be a GP doing that. Have you ever seen that? When it's like, doctor tells you advice on diet advice or whatever and it's someone who's bought a doctor's costume who's bought scrubs

1:16:08 - 1:16:21

and a mask and a stethoscope and just pointing and nodding to dance music. And you think, is this what the NHS has been reduced to? Is this why we can't get appointments because they're all busy doing TikToks pointing next to them? So when you go to bed

1:16:21 - 1:16:28

do you just eventually... The scrolling is just too much and you just drift off? Or do you have to think of anything?

1:16:28 - 1:16:41

Ordinarily, it would be that my girlfriend is there and she's gone to bed like hours before me. And so my going to bed process is normally great and I can get to sleep immediately because I have to basically be as quiet as possible and as still as

1:16:41 - 1:16:53

possible because I'm conscious of disturbing someone so I wouldn't look at my phone. So I'd get into bed, lie there, lie still and just fall asleep because she's not there and whenever she's not there and I can sort of do what I want I just do the most

1:16:53 - 1:17:04

brain rot things and will just sort of scroll on TikTok, try to get to sleep for 10 seconds, oh it's not working, I'll look at my phone again then. Drink some more electrolytes.

1:17:04 - 1:17:15

Yeah, exactly. Maybe I don't have enough electrolytes in me to get to sleep. So it was quite a bad one actually. Ended up getting in bed at 10.45, not to sleep probably until 1 something.

1:17:15 - 1:17:23

Oh no. Yeah, pretty bleak. Pretty horrible stuff. Wow. But you got to sleep? Sure. I hope.

1:17:23 - 1:17:31

Yeah, exactly. Normally by way of putting a nice ending on this, I go, that was a pretty nice day when you think back at it.

1:17:31 - 1:17:44

But looking back at your day that was awful, really good. It was a jagged little day with from your drumsticks to the weird non-birthday thing.

1:17:44 - 1:17:48

I mean, you got a bit of gym in. At least you got out of the house.

1:17:48 - 1:17:57

There's just enough in there to sustain this conversation, but it wasn't very few positive things happening.

1:17:57 - 1:18:08

It didn't feel like a terrible day to me, apart from food-wise. I think your choices seem fine. Like you say, it is quite galling.

1:18:08 - 1:18:13

I listened to Sam Campbell talking about how he gets up and he goes, he needs to see the ocean.

1:18:13 - 1:18:21

He doesn't look at his phone in bed. He doesn't do any of this stuff and he's up and about. And also he seems to know everyone in the street. He's like, oh,

1:18:21 - 1:18:34

this guy who I met a year ago who was a COVID. And you're like, well, I'm like, what are you talking about? Aren't you just making your world smaller every second by checking your own notifications on a device you hate and then going to see your friend, your

1:18:34 - 1:18:40

close friend on his birthday that you're not even aware of. And once you are aware of just saying, cool, see you later.

1:18:40 - 1:18:54

And then going home alone. Mashing up salmon into avocado. Falling asleep to a golf video and then waking to watch two episodes of a series you don't like.

1:18:54 - 1:19:14

Rhys James, thanks for coming on. What did you do yesterday? Thank you. Ah, there we are, Rhys James' day.

1:19:14 - 1:19:22

Max, it was the first time we've ever done one where after we stopped the recording, Rhys said, I wonder if that was a wake-up call to myself.

1:19:22 - 1:19:33

Do you know what, though? I think it's good. Like I said to him afterwards, and I should have said this during the show, I don't lock my phone in a box.

1:19:33 - 1:19:46

I don't think I have such a problem with it. I think it's good for the podcast because, you know, occasionally people say, you know, all your guests are the same.

1:19:46 - 1:19:52

They don't live like us. It's good that someone came on and said, I spent my whole day doom-scrolling, because that's what we're all doing.

1:19:52 - 1:20:03

You know, my phone's not in a box. It's under my pillow. And so I like that he... I'm not accusing the previous 20 or so guests of dishonesty.

1:20:03 - 1:20:13

Sounds like you are. Big old liars. I think Rhys is... I think he is representing a large swathe of earth.

1:20:13 - 1:20:20

That's true. But everything is showbiz, so, you know, ultimately, that's how we look at it.

1:20:20 - 1:20:34

And we did have... Someone not... We should get Tom on. Tom Rosenthal. We have to book him just to check if he... A, to see if he eats 750 grams of pineapple every day, and

1:20:34 - 1:20:43

B, to see if he eats it on the day ahead. Maybe we should book Tom when it'd be a late booking, so he doesn't know for the pineapple control.

1:20:43 - 1:20:52

There's no way you're supposed to eat that much pineapple. My system would... It would be havoc, I think. Let us know what's the most amount of pineapple.

1:20:52 - 1:21:04

Pineapple you've eaten in a day, please. Here's how to get in touch. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:21:04 - 1:21:13

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod, and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.

1:21:13 - 1:21:22

Yeah, so please email us, because we like them, as we especially need them now for midweek mayhem, of course, to fill up that show.

1:21:22 - 1:21:30

Dairy farmers. It seems like a significant proportion of the listeners are you dairy farming as you've listened to this?

1:21:30 - 1:21:34

Let us know what you're doing while you listen to it. I mean, actually, that's important.

1:21:34 - 1:21:40

Pineapple and dairy do not go together, do they at all, I think. Anyway, thank you to Rhys James.

1:21:40 - 1:21:47

As I said, you can catch his stand-up show, Spilt Milk, available to watch now.

1:21:47 - 1:21:55

Find out all the info on his website, rhysjames.co.uk. And that'll do. Thanks, David. That'll do. That'll do. We'll be back for Midweek Mayhem in midweek.

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