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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to What Is This, Dave?
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This is kind of, if we call these years now AW after Willie, the birth of Willie Rushden.
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Hopefully, like his grandfather, he will be a mainstay on Through the Keyhole in 30 to 40 years' time.
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This is episode one of AW Midweek Mayhem. Or does that confuse things further? Yes.
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I mean, the counting system, the fact that there was a series. We don't understand why there was a second series.
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Because we didn't pause. We didn't acknowledge it. You, however, have had another child. Correct.
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This is your seventh, eighth, ninth? I've lost count. I'm not Boris Johnson. I'm the Boris Johnson of football broadcasting in every way.
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On behalf of all of the listeners, and I include myself in that number, unlike you, we say congratulations, Max, and many happy years of fathering in front of you.
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The thing is, it didn't happen yesterday. So as soon as it was the day after Jamie had given birth, whenever she said something, I'd have to say, I'm sorry, it didn't happen yesterday.
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So these are my new rules that I live by. Wow. That is brutal. This podcast has really hardwired your brain.
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Here's a note from producer Marsburn. This week, we had more emails than we've ever had before.
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By that time, we had more emails than we've ever had before. By that time, we had more emails than we've ever had before.
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However, 90% of them were just people emailing the word Malteser. Now, if memory serves me correctly, I was concerned that no one was listening to the second paternity episode.
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So I said, could you just send a word Malteser? It appears that people have.
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I think we should explain to the listeners the reason we're so full of vim and vigor is firstly, because you've had a child.
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And secondly, we took two weeks off from it. And so we're now returning like almost, like first day of pre-season and it's great.
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What a relaxing two weeks it's been. I've been in Dubai. Been licking steak from salt bae's eyes, haven't you, David?
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We went on warm weather training in Dubai. It's the place that we really like to go to.
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The listeners just don't appreciate that for every one midweek mayhem they hear, we do six training ones then.
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Rebecca said. Yes. Hi, Max and David. While listening to the What Did You Do Yesterday, number five episode of Midweek Mayhem, I was both horrified and intrigued by the story of David's fusion cooking.
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Yes. My brother and I once tried to make pizza wontons by putting tomato paste, cheese, pepperoni, and capsicum inside wonton wrappers, closing them up and then steaming them.
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They were delicious, but as my brother worded it, we felt we had simultaneously destroyed the cuisine of two different cultures at once.
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We never made them again. I wonder if David's Italian burritos will ever make a return, Rebecca.
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An Aussie living in Wellington in New Zealand. You've started something, David. Actually, I can't remember.
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Maybe it was Mrs. Rushden. Someone said they didn't actually believe you did it. The only reason you did it was because you were on the podcast.
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You were doing the podcast the next day. No one would ruin a ragout. No one would ruin it.
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This is like you not being able to ask Mrs. Rushden about the birth or anything.
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Because it didn't happen yesterday. And me, I'm just destroying my life here in Dublin for content.
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No, that's not what is happening. Becky says, I'm asking David. In answer to David's question about fusion cooking, a few years ago, my boyfriend attempted to fuse our two favorite meals into one superfood, tikka masala and lasagna.
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I think this could work. Yeah, well, she says this led to a series of culinary experiments with the theory that anything can, can be successfully lasagnered.
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The theory proved correct. Chicken satay lasagna, banoffee pie lasagna, Sunday roast lasagna, careful with liquid proportions for that one to avoid sloppiness, Thai green curry lasagna, unlimited options, you're welcome.
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Wow. And what is a viennetta if not a lasagna of ice cream? That's a very good point.
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I once handed, during Soccer and the Glory years, Geiske Mendieta a viennetta, just so we could say, a viennetta or Mendieta?
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And he obviously had no idea what was happening, but it was nice to see him holding it.
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There's a fascinating series of photographs, which are particularly around the era of the Soccer AM Glory years, when a foreign footballer would come to England, they would make them pose for a sort of publicity photo,
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like eating spaghetti out of a saucepan, like at a press call, or like a giant pizza that's clearly just a frozen pizza, someone has got, and like Zola is holding it and pretending to eat it.
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Yes, I mean, it is like signing Roy Keane and making him hold a potato, isn't it?
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I mean, that's sort of, it's like that, isn't it? It's like, we've got an Italian, what can we do?
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Let's just give the mum a special sauce and some rigatoni. My friend Matt's been in touch, David, and say, I once saw Russell Howard in a coffee shop too, he says.
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You didn't see Russell Howard in a coffee shop? And actually, Matt sent me this message before he'd got to the denouement of the Russell Howard's in Bergen.
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He says, Russell Howard stole my takeaway coffee. So he drank a coffee with Matt written on it, and I had one with Russell written on it.
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Which does, you know, that can't be the only person that's been given the coffee of a celebrity by mistake.
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You know, for that small time, my friend Matt was Russell Howard, drinking Russell Howard's coffee.
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If that's happened to anyone else, please do let us know. If I know crime, it's not the only crime that Howard will have committed as well.
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That's for sure. It's a real gateway. It's a way crime as well. So who knows where he went from there?
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Like Daryl O'Brien, the way he does a murder at halftime in all of his shows.
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He goes out onto the streets, just ends someone, and then does a jolly second half.
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What's the journey? If the first crime is just taking the other coffee. Yeah. You know, and someone says, Matt and Russell Howard says, you know, I'm fed up of being Russell Howard.
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I just want to be Matt. I just want to be an ordinary Joe for five minutes.
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And he takes that cup, and he's walking the street going, God, this tastes good.
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This normal life tastes good. And then the next thing he's, what's he doing next?
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Putting your rubbish into other people's wheelie bins. Taking someone else's suitcase from a carousel.
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Oh. That's the next step. Howard's done all of these things. To open up, going, who can I be today?
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He's like the talented Mr. Ripley in many ways, isn't he? What an awful person he is.
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He's an absolute shit, isn't he? Bethan says, I'm genuinely concerned for James Buckley's health.
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And it's not a funny message, it's just genuine concern. What do you mean the first sustenance of the day is a 660 milliliter bottle of Stella?
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How is he alive? I do think he'd be less knackered and unmotivated if his diet had literally anything that wasn't someone's 3 a.m. curry van order.
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Jaw-dropping. I've really thought about that a lot. Yeah. It's the fact that, so he does his podcast.
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We've established podcasting is the most tiring activity a human being can undertake. Then he goes and like walks a dog afterwards.
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You know, at no point is he going into the red zone of critical sustenance needing and just plows on.
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Like, imagine if he did eat more healthily. The output that that man could, imagine how many cameos he'd be doing if he had a salad.
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The thing is, I don't think I'm like a massive lightweight, but I'm intrigued to know how drunk I'd be if I ate nothing.
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Until 11 a.m. and then drank two massive bottles of Stella. I think I'd be so squiffy.
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I reckon I'd be in a great mood. I'd have a terrible hangover at like day half two.
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But like for a little bit, I'd be so giddy. It really was a dinner for the ages.
9:14 - 9:20
Regarding Natalie Cassidy, Ed Gamble got in touch with you to say, where did this come from?
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Max just told Natalie Cassidy to film flushing her Dodgers toilet. That's good stuff, man.
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I don't recall that bit. It's a special moment. Natalie Cassidy, yeah. So there was a lot of conjecture as to, because it was a mysterious four hours to her afternoon where she couldn't tell us what she was doing.
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And then the fact that Natalie has been on Bake Off, but last week Natalie was on, The Masked Singer UK.
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So which one of those, was she possibly rehearsing both simultaneously, you know, while dressed as a butterfly making a ragu?
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Or do you think she entered the, The Masked Singer is so silly, isn't it?
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Yes. Oh, shit. The best bit is like, who's the giant kumquat? And then you've got, I don't know, like Sharon Osbourne going, I think it's Peter Mandelson.
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And they're like, you don't know, we know you've been fed the Peter Mandelson line.
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Come on. We've been down this road before with your Through the Keyhole thought, whereby, so Through the Keyhole, listeners, was a show where Lloyd Grossman would guide, Lloyd Grossman, who unbelievably made the move from guiding you through celebrities' homes in the 90s to pasta sauce.
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Yeah. There's no bridge there whatsoever. Did he do MasterChef? Did he do MasterChef? Did he do MasterChef?
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As a contestant or as a host? No, he was like a sort of, you know, an urbane host of MasterChef when it was a slightly different, I think it was less shouty.
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And to my knowledge, there were fewer complaints made about Lloyd. But my point is, Willie Rushden, grandfather of your latest son, would be on the panel and it would be...
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Great-grandfather. He's Willie Rushden, my grandfather, of course. Okay, I'm sorry. The house would be...
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The home of maybe... Willie Carson or someone like that. Chris Akabusi or something. And there'd be very little clue that it would be Akabusi's house.
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And yet all three celebrities would guess it like they just knew. Yeah. There was one.
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I need to find this. Give me one second. Hey, you know the way we're meant to be really scared about AI, but I haven't really found a reason yet to be scared.
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As listening to our number one competitor podcast yesterday on the train. Yeah. The rest is politics.
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Yeah. And Rory Stewart took some photos of his sitting room. Yeah. Okay. Wherever that would be.
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Where does he live in London? Buckingham. Buckingham Street. Yeah. And he put that into one of the AI models and he said, who would live in a house like this?
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Wow. Okay. And the model said, Rory Stewart. No. No way. And it was because they had seen that this rug on the wall comes from Oman.
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There's some books on the foreign office here. You know what I mean? And this is in five seconds.
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The thing is, they'd never get me because I'm such a cultural desert. They'd just be like, it's an AI bot lives here.
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I just found it. The best ever through the keyhole was when David Frost. So it's David Frost was hosting.
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And he went from Frost Nixon to the keyhole. What the hell's that? Anyway, Lloyd Grossman has done his tour.
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You know, here is the... Vicar Bobby did it so well. Here is the living room, blah, blah, blah.
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And he throws back, David, it's over to you. And then David says, now, you know, for the viewers at home, let's see whose house it is.
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They're shadowed, aren't they? Like sort of Andy McNabb. And then they're lit up. And I've got it here.
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And it is Ian and Shirley Richter, former Iraqi hostages. How is Floella Benjamin to guess what they've got in their house?
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To suggest they are. How could you even go, hmm, it looks a bit hostagey, you know, round of applause.
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Anyway, Matt says, hi, David and Max. After a string of comedians, I wasn't sure the Natalie Cassidy episode would suit the vibe set for the show so far, but it was a welcome relief to hear a somewhat normal family day juxtaposed with a potentially sinister
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secret four hour window. An even better surprise is that he took a break from the Brighton bubble to accuse a national hero of being in prison and to trivialize the achievements of every grade,
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one piano students everywhere. Best episode. You just wait, listeners, till we've exhausted all of these comedians and then we're really going to strike out.
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It's going to be Nobel Prize winners. It's going to be Malala this week. Yeah, as yet, NASA have not got back to me.
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Probably the people who were Iraqi hostages, they'll probably be on it soon as well.
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I think so. Barry says, David, I love you both. I think the music at the end of this, this podcast is the music that they use on Shannonside FM for the death notices or at least eerily similar.
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I thought I should know that every episode is both a joy and reminder of my mortality.
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Keep up the great work. Thank you, Barry. That's kind of you. I wanted to read one more before we do.
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What did you fondue yesterday? Curdle. Oh, yeah. This is from Roger. Hi there. I'm a fan of the pod and it's ruffian charm, he says.
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You ask what people do while listening to the pod and herein lies my problem.
14:56 - 15:02
About the 23rd of December last year, it became, it became evident that a small rodent had died somewhere in the room I use as a study.
15:02 - 15:07
I clearly needed a new podcast to listen to while demolishing the room looking for rotting corpses.
15:07 - 15:15
I fixed on yours after Googling who Max was, obviously, and listened to all the available episodes as I cleaned out cupboards and looked behind bookshelves for hours on end.
15:15 - 15:22
By Boxing Day, the stench was worse, but I concluded the animal was out of reach under the floorboards and I just bought some smelly candles instead.
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The corpse stench has finally gone, but now in a Pavlovian way, whenever I start a new episode, I catch a distinct whiff of dead mouse in my nostrils.
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Can you suggest other smells I can associate the pod with to break this link?
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All the best, and congrats on the new baby, Roger. Congratulations, Roger, for that beautiful message.
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I guess fusion cooking, you know, like what's too quite smelly? A fish pie, just fish pie.
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We'll go with a fish pie that... I don't think you can claim fusion for suggesting fish pie days.
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I thought I'd put fish and pie together. I thought it was the first verse.
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Hello, dragons. I'm looking for a quarter of a million pounds in return for 20% of my business idea, fish pie.
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Tuga Silliman wants to drill down on the numbers. Should we play Curdle? Yeah. It's been a while, hasn't it?
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It has been a while. So should we reintroduce the concept of it? I mean, I tend to believe that, you know, if you weren't listening at the start, you don't deserve to know, but I think maybe as the more generous of the two, yes.
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I bought the cheeses for the O'Doherty family Christmas and Max is making the listeners try to guess what they are using the mastermind, not the TV show, but rather the board game.
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And thus far, we've got one. We've got one, yeah. I need a pronunciation check.
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How would I pronounce the name? M-E-A-D-H-B-H. Maeve. Okay, Maeve, okay. Yeah. Yes, hi, Donald and Max.
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This is from Maeve. I'd like to suggest another name for the cheese quiz. Who wants to brie a millionaire?
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Okay. Really good. Very strong. So yes, we had, if you remember Ian Cade, he has Cashel Blue.
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He got that in the first position. First ever guess. First ever guess was Cashel Blue.
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That is in the right position. Since then, we've had one more guess, I think.
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It's going to take a long time. Two more guesses. Yeah, I think there's been two more and they have not got a single, not even a splash, as we say in battleships.
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The jingle comes in. Ladies and gentlemen, let's play Curdle. What did you fondue yesterday?
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Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Two. One. I've got cheese! This is cheese! I've got cheese!
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Iris is our next contestant Would you like to buzz her in, David? I haven't done this.
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I'm so excited. It's really good. I didn't want to build it up. I just wanted to spring it on you.
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Yeah, it's better that way. Yeah, Iris, what have you got for us? Oh my God, it's so good.
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Hello, Max and David Maltesers. Of course, we're still listening, says Iris. I generally listen to the podcast while I work, but I've also listened to the podcast while submitting my PhD application.
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Good luck with your PhD. What's it in? Let us know. For Curdle, Master Rind.
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Oh yeah, Master Rind. What did you do fondue yesterday? Here is Iris's guesses. Okay.
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Cashel Blue. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Cheddar. But it's not that basic. Camembert. Manchego.
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Oh, bing. Okay, so that's the sound, meaning it's there, but it's in the wrong place.
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Right cheese, wrong place. Yeah, right cheese. We have a right cheese, wrong place. It's so exciting.
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Focus, the Manchego's somewhere, but it's not there. It's somewhere not in pot one, though.
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Remember, it's not in pot one, which is Cashel Blue. It's not in pot one, yeah.
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Mozzarella. I don't think you put it on a cheese board. This is exciting. So now we've got Cashel Blue and we've got Manchego somewhere, right cheese, wrong place.
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So if you want to get your guess in, you have to guess. When you guess, you have to put Cashel Blue at the start.
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We can't accept it. Well, you don't have to, but then you're not going to be right.
20:06 - 20:13
But you have to guess five cheeses. And without giving too much away, one has to be Cashel Blue first and then Manchego's got to go somewhere.
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Yeah, so to use wordle colors, Cashel Blue is green and Manchego is white, I think.
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Yellow, is it yellow on the bottom? Yellow. Manchego's yellow. Okay, fine. Mars Bar has a suggestion for cheese game submissions once you're done with the game.
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Okay. Well, basically, this is a rather cynical way of harvesting more reviews for the show, which will feed the algorithm and boost us up the chart position.
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Ah, yeah. From here on inwards, I will only be accepting cheese game submissions if they're submitted in the form of a five-star review on Apple and iTunes.
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And they will be cherry-picked from there. It won't be the first one. We'll pick one at random.
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So if you want to be in with a chance of playing the cheese game, you have to submit a five-star review with your guesses on Apple.
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This guy. Yeah, he's so on it. He did not come down with the last shower.
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No. And then in five years, they're like, and how did you eventually topple Rogan?
21:08 - 21:16
Well, we gamed the review system with a cheese-based guessing game. And then from then on, it was just, we couldn't believe it.
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We're just riding the wave. We're waiting for the bubble to burst. We're still grounded.
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Rogan fires back then with, you know what I mean, what veggies do they get?
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Actually, Rogan wouldn't be getting veggies even with the cheese. This Thanksgiving turkey. No way.
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There's other beasts. Right. Let's do so much correspondence, but we don't have time because we always go on too long.
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We know people only want a short little midweek hit of this gold. So it's your turn, David.
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It's difficult this because we're recording your evening, my morning. We're actually on different days right now, which is pretty wild.
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So this is your yesterday, which is quite a long time ago for you. So you've got to actually use your memory for this.
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And so Sunday is exciting. Isn't it? We're looking at a Sunday for you. I just flew back to Dublin a couple of hours ago.
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So I'm on tour at the moment. Hence this slightly raspy voice. I'd say it's a lovely voice, David.
22:09 - 22:17
It's brought a real road, road dog quality to this podcast. I woke up in Birmingham yesterday morning.
22:17 - 22:27
Wow. Okay. Having Hotel Duval, Hotel de Birmingham. Was it? Well, it's interesting because the tour is quite budgeted.
22:27 - 22:34
So I, I tour solo with my novelty plastic keyboard in a sports bag because it's a very simple show to do.
22:34 - 22:48
I'm very happy to do that and to get trains like Michael Portillo. And then I'm very lucky to have an agent that organizes it all and just sends me pages of this is the time your train is,
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this is the time your flight is, your sound checks at this time and you're staying in this hotel.
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So there is always an excitement as to sometimes, I think there's probably a budget for each day.
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And sometimes it's a lower quality three-star hotel, a double tree by Hilton, for example.
23:04 - 23:17
Fine, but just basic. But it happened to be Malmaison. Whoa. Yeah, which it was me and the Newcastle United football team.
23:17 - 23:25
Great. We're all staying there. Did you breakfast with Joe Willock? This is exciting. The old gag.
23:25 - 23:29
No, because I hadn't paid for the breakfast. Right, okay. Breakfast is wasted on me.
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It's nicer just to lie on after the gig the night before. So we wake up probably at about nine.
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I mean, the Helen Copter and living with her has really reformed my old decadent lions.
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Even when I'm on tour, I still wake up what I would consider to be quite early.
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She rules with an iron fist, doesn't she? Doddles up, you get. It's 5 a.m.
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Cold bucket. Get a water on your head. So I had a journey to make to Bath, but the train wasn't going till 12.12.
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Got it. So I had a nice two and a half hours in there. This is what your life is like, Max, where you're like.
24:15 - 24:20
Three, two hours. I can't imagine it. I can't imagine it. What did you do?
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Did you just sit there just reveling? We've covered this before, but I love a bath.
24:25 - 24:29
Yeah. And what sort of a bath do I love? A hot bath. Oh, yeah.
24:29 - 24:40
Oh, good. We're in dangle territory here, everybody. Strap in. My Maison's got like an open, is it like a flake advert bath?
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That's what I'm imagining. Orbs and things and streamers. And it's full. It's like, oh, it's brimming.
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It's just cascading down the hallway of my Maison, and you're just there decadently lowering yourself sack first into the hot.
24:56 - 25:07
Sorry, carry on. Sack first. Jeepers. Did you have to say that? No, I think, look, obviously this podcast is very successful.
25:07 - 25:14
We know that, yeah. So Ed Gamble, for example, his tour is very successful as well.
25:14 - 25:22
So he's Hotel Devan, which is like, I'd say the next one up. And that I feel will be more like a flake advert type of a hotel.
25:22 - 25:28
Mine's more of a standard room, I would say, in this. It's still a great hotel.
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It's still a great hotel. And yeah, I make it too hot. And then I spend ages just lowering myself into it.
25:37 - 25:43
While you were lowering yourself, were you thinking about the podcast? Yeah, it has affected.
25:43 - 25:47
There's a lot of things I've said on this that I never said out loud.
25:47 - 25:56
And I've realized, I just thought everyone did that, really. But to listeners who weren't aware, I slowly dunk my balls.
25:56 - 26:01
Well, I dunk the whole. I dunk the whole chassis. They just come first. I mean, you can't help it, right?
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They do. They come first. I think ninjas can suck them up, can't they? You can train yourself to pull your balls up into your body so that then you can't be kicked in the balls.
26:11 - 26:16
If I told you this, me and some friends were at the 2006 World Cup, just as fans.
26:16 - 26:22
I didn't work in the industry at that point. And we were just playing cards in a pub.
26:22 - 26:28
And these other England fans were just being really unpleasant. And just because we were playing cards, they were just.
26:28 - 26:31
They were just yelling like abuse at us. And it was just like, this is tiring.
26:31 - 26:37
And they were incredibly horrible. My friend Ollie was just like, it would be so great to be a ninja, right?
26:37 - 26:43
Because then you could just turn around and say, I'm really sorry, but I don't really like the way you're behaving.
26:43 - 26:48
And I am a ninja. So if you don't stop, I'm just going to have to break all your arms.
26:48 - 26:56
I don't want to do it, but that's just what is going to happen. But then we Googled how long it takes to become a ninja, and it's ages.
26:56 - 27:02
Oh, really? Yeah, it's hard. It's not easy. It's no quick fix. Can you do a night course over a couple of years?
27:02 - 27:08
Yeah, I've gone down to four days a week, and then on a Friday, I'm just trying to be a ninja in his bed.
27:08 - 27:10
So, I mean, I'll see where it goes. I'll try and, you know, I don't know.
27:10 - 27:14
I think I'll probably keep my normal job and then just do a bit of ninjuring on the side.
27:14 - 27:28
But you never know. It could become something. There's an amazing confidence to it. I have a friend who is a boxer, and he obviously just has these great powers, but he never leans on them.
27:28 - 27:38
But just the fact that you have them in your back pocket, I just always feel like, not that I don't feel safe normally, but when you're walking along a drunken street,
27:38 - 27:42
you know what I mean, where some part of you is like, something mad could happen.
27:42 - 27:46
Well, when I'm with Andy, it's just like, I think it's going to be fine.
27:46 - 27:57
It's going to be absolutely fine. I have a little bath and then pack up all my bits, which is a two-step process where I pack my bags.
27:57 - 28:16
Now, my bag is overfilled. I play a three-foot novelty keyboard, but over the last few months since Brexit, I've always enjoyed buying obscure cycling stuff on various eBay or Facebook marketplace.
28:16 - 28:24
But now you get hit with 20% import charges or something. If I buy it in the UK and have it sent to Dublin.
28:24 - 28:33
So I now have it sent to my agent's office in London, and then my agent had arrived a couple of nights before with these four parcels.
28:33 - 28:40
Right. And I didn't remember what the things were. It's a trouble with you foreigners just trying to bend the rules.
28:40 - 28:47
We got our country back specifically so you couldn't get cycling paraphernalia for its normal price.
28:47 - 28:56
And here you are circumventing the rules. So have you ever fallen in love with a specific pair of jeans, Max?
28:56 - 29:05
I wouldn't, I wouldn't say like falling in love. It would have been one of those loves that just grew in the sense that I wore them every day and I never,
29:05 - 29:11
they were always on the floor and I put them on, but I never like expressed it or I never like outwardly felt it, but it was there.
29:11 - 29:21
But were they a specific like Levi's 753 orange tab or whatever? I think I had a diesel.
29:21 - 29:28
I had some diesel years. Very soccer. I had some diesel years in the, the 2000, tens.
29:28 - 29:33
Yeah. You used to wear your t-shirt backwards and had a picture of a lady and a bra on it.
29:33 - 29:44
I remember. So my trousers are a 2017 Levi's for a short time made commuter jeans.
29:44 - 29:55
Now, what are they? Springy. Are they springy? I'm wearing a pair at the moment, so I'm going to take you around us and hopefully the listeners will join me on this journey.
29:55 - 30:07
So they look like normal trousers. They do just for the tape. David has now put one knee up on a bit like Vic Reeves would put on when he was trying to sort of flirt with the female guest on shooting stars.
30:07 - 30:13
He's got one leg up. Okay. Yeah. First thing you'll see, I'm going to put my butt towards the camera.
30:13 - 30:21
Yeah. Yeah. I can see it there. There's a reinforced gusset, which is from cycling.
30:21 - 30:30
You can wear out the gusset bars. Yeah. Yeah. It's reinforced. There's a strap, or a kryptonite lock.
30:30 - 30:37
It's right there. A kryptonite lock can go there. Yeah. I see it. Where your trousers turn up at the bottom here.
30:37 - 30:46
There's a reflecty bit here. Okay. And they are all, they're made in a slightly springy material that is also waterproof.
30:46 - 30:53
Now the world ran out of them a few years ago. So I now buy cruddy old secondhand pairs.
30:53 - 30:57
Amazing. And yeah, I managed to track these down. How many pairs have you got?
30:57 - 31:03
Maybe, maybe about six. Okay. I would say all my trousers, all your trousers are those.
31:03 - 31:14
That's amazing. The problem is, yeah, Max, they're too warm for post. I'd say the 15th of April on the 15th of April, you got to put them in one of those bags.
31:14 - 31:23
You vacuum and shut, you put it away till Halloween. So interestingly, I wear the same pair of shorts for sort of like about nine months of the year now.
31:23 - 31:28
And then when I get to London for the summer, I put them back on and they are, I don't know what the opposite of a real, and they have an uninfluenced,
31:28 - 31:38
and I'm really, are they crotchless? They're getting that way. There's, I don't need to sort of, there's a sort of, I need to show this to you.
31:38 - 31:44
You know, you get that little hole that's getting there. And then I noticed that one of the back pockets is sort of falling off.
31:44 - 31:53
So they're quite a thin material. Right. Yeah. You know, they're comforting. So I walked down to Birmingham new street train station.
31:53 - 32:00
Then I need to eat, find something. I ended up going, to giraffe, which is really disappointing.
32:00 - 32:04
That is a five out of 10 old, unless this podcast is brought to you by giraffe.
32:04 - 32:10
And which goes bing, bing, bing right now. Yeah. You go there with kids because they've got coloring pencils.
32:10 - 32:26
I think the portions aren't even big. Really? Okay. Nothing. Okay. But I'm doing an important task while I'm there the day after tomorrow, I have to do a table quiz for the Irish rugby team who are at the moment.
32:26 - 32:32
Yes. And they've asked you, yes, to formulate the quiz. So I've been working on this.
32:32 - 32:37
I've been stockpiling. That's why I asked you if you had any good spare quiz questions.
32:37 - 32:42
I sent you my quiz. Well, there's only three questions in your quiz is the problem.
32:42 - 32:49
Have they made it? Well, I'm still writing it up. I think the one about what is the longest animal on earth that might make it in.
32:49 - 32:52
Isn't the problem that they've all listened to the podcast and we did this quiz.
32:52 - 32:56
I believe we did. It was cut out that bit. It was so dull. Yeah.
32:56 - 33:02
Yeah. Wow. I really thought that was some gold. I should listen back to this.
33:02 - 33:06
Is any of my staff stay in? What's the longest animal? That's a great. Everyone listens.
33:06 - 33:09
Like I want to know. We can't tell you because it'll be cut out again.
33:09 - 33:16
Okay. It's exciting. Email in. If you think you know what the longest animal is.
33:16 - 33:23
So then straight on the train to bath and bath is so funny. Did you have a nice trip?
33:23 - 33:32
How was the train? Was there a train was fine. I was working away. It was a, a classic slightly too full English train.
33:32 - 33:46
Yeah. It's funny. The delusional gap between what I imagine train travel to be like to what it is actually like, you know, I imagine myself just like smoking a Marlboro light at the window,
33:46 - 33:52
you know, just really thinking about your part. And then the scenery is always beautiful countryside.
33:52 - 34:00
You're never just depots. It's never just depot after depot after depot, but the reality, is it's a lot of depots.
34:00 - 34:10
Yeah. And it's basically staring at your phone as it goes five bars, actually four, then E, then four.
34:10 - 34:19
We're going to five. It's a tunnel. We're down to nothing. That's effectively what it is for two hours.
34:19 - 34:27
I have to change in Bristol to then get to bath bath. Like bath is just too nice.
34:28 - 34:45
Particularly on this tour where, you know, it's not all glamor English towns, but I always think bath is like, if Americans designed an English town, what they think England is like is pretty much just this.
34:45 - 34:58
I think it'd be funny if instead of Pompeii being like covered in ash and the people being frozen, if it had been bath as another Roman town and then to find them just doing hilarious,
34:58 - 35:08
middle-class English things, even in the second century BC, just this person is perfectly preserved buying their second pair of Hunter Wellies.
35:08 - 35:21
There you are. Yes. Now I will say this about these tours because you know, it's quite solitary.
35:21 - 35:30
I do enjoy that aspect of the day sometimes, but then it turns into too many people from, from eight o'clock for two hours then.
35:30 - 35:42
So I do like to sometimes just slightly disengage from people for the afternoon. And yesterday afternoon, Ireland played Scotland in the rugby.
35:42 - 35:50
And that I decided I will watch that not in a pub, but just lying in bed, just lying on the bed.
35:50 - 35:58
When you were watching the game, were you thinking, I bet he, that number seven with his big cauliflower ears, I bet he knows what the longest, animal is.
35:58 - 36:09
Were you like thinking about the quiz? My initial thought was Chris Hoy, Britain's greatest Olympian brought out the ball for the start of the match.
36:09 - 36:15
Okay. Something that would never happen in your, in your football. And I know Chris Hoy.
36:15 - 36:23
So I texted him a slightly threatening message that he wasn't allowed to stare at any of our players.
36:23 - 36:32
And then what was really nice was about 10 minutes later, it showed him up in a box watching the match with his wife.
36:32 - 36:38
And he was looking at his phone and then he texted me a minute later.
36:38 - 36:50
So it's possible that he had been caught live texting on the BBC. You could have started saying, do this, you know, just put one, you know, do the teapot, do a little teapot.
36:50 - 36:54
And then he'd know that he was, there's Chris Hoy like that. And he'd know that he was.
36:54 - 37:03
Ireland, killed him. It was a very good performance by Ireland. So thank you. Thank you very much.
37:03 - 37:12
And who knows how much better they're going to be when I've, motivated them with the quiz as well.
37:12 - 37:20
Are you doing the quiz like just before kickoff? Is it like, like, so the Kiwis do the hacker and then you come on with your keyboard and then you just go,
37:20 - 37:28
what's the capital of Uruguay? Is it A, B or C? Montevideo. It is. It is correct.
37:28 - 37:34
Thank you. What's the longest animal on earth? That's a really good question. That's definitely going to be one of them.
37:34 - 37:38
The worst would be if you asked them, what's the longest animal on earth, but you didn't tell them until halftime.
37:38 - 37:44
And then the whole first half, they'd all just be there. They just wouldn't be focused in the line out because they'd just be thinking.
37:44 - 37:51
They'd be like, I wonder, it's surely a blue whale, but maybe. I don't want to bring in trick questions into it.
37:51 - 38:01
No. But I am thinking a lot about like how, tell me, this, so what's the fastest mammal?
38:01 - 38:07
The cheetah. No, it's a bat. There's a bat that goes like twice as fast as a cheetah.
38:07 - 38:14
But is that an annoying, a classic, you know, where, where the group was just like, shove it up your hole.
38:14 - 38:26
Yeah, exactly. Interestingly, there's a season here where at about six in the evening, the bats do a sort of migration, like the wildebeest in the Serengeti from just one side of our garden to the other.
38:26 - 38:31
They are not the fastest. They're going, like Jimbo, the jet set. They're literally going at one mile an hour.
38:31 - 38:36
They go very, so quite mesmerizing because they're big. And then they all eat the mulberry bushes.
38:36 - 38:41
She's got a mulberry tree. Is it? Oh, I don't know what it is, but I eat them and they shit all over our garden.
38:41 - 38:51
So it's not as romantic, but yeah, for, for some month of the year, we're just, you know, when people say it's batshit crazy, actually batshit isn't that crazy.
38:51 - 38:59
It's just really, it's really annoying. It's actually should be batshit annoying because you know, sometimes it's like, weeks down the window.
38:59 - 39:06
Anyway, so these are flying foxes. These are enormous. Big bats. I think fruit bats.
39:06 - 39:12
Maybe they're not fruit bats. So they're eating the fruit and it's not, it's not, it's not going down very well.
39:12 - 39:18
Maybe they're meat bats and they're just eating too many mulberries. You don't want meat bats.
39:18 - 39:27
It only is meat bats. That's two of the worst words to put together. It's easy to forget that.
39:28 - 39:45
I'm shitting bricks at my. You know that whenever the BBC starts, you know, the search for the new Atmura, you will just be furiously sending your little emails off.
39:45 - 39:54
I actually, I've bats in my garden. So I think I'd be, I'd probably be the most qualified person to.
39:54 - 40:12
There are two types of bats. Bats and meat bats. Anyway, this show has really changed since planet earth.
40:12 - 40:23
They have. So we watched the match. The match kicks off at three, but I then watch a lot of analysis.
40:23 - 40:32
I then watch some football afterwards. I can't remember. I think Aston. That would have been, yeah, that would have been terms defeat to Aston Villa.
40:32 - 40:38
Yes, that's what it was. And then I had to go off in a bit of a mood then to do the sound check.
40:38 - 40:53
Sound check is 6.15 usually on my gigs because the gigs at eight. So the techs always think the sound check is going to take much longer, but I don't really, because I can't really sing and I play the piano quite badly.
40:53 - 40:59
It just doesn't matter. So if the sound's coming into the room, I'm like, that is, that is crystal clear.
40:59 - 41:12
So we're in bath. We're in comedia, comedia, comedia, K-O-M-E-D-I-A. It's a beautiful old music hall type thing with a balcony.
41:12 - 41:18
And we do the sound check. Now the problem is there hasn't been much food in this day.
41:18 - 41:27
There was giraffe. And then I ate all the biscuits in the double tree by Hilton.
41:27 - 41:39
You know, those, really sugary, sweet, shitty hotel biscuits. So that's all we've had. And then I make a terror.
41:39 - 41:47
One of the number one rules of standup comedy, Max is never get food in the restaurant right beside the venue.
41:47 - 41:57
Cause you meet the entire audience who some of them are sneakily taking photos and other people are.
41:57 - 42:03
Do you think they're taking, photos to see if you've, or if you've created a few new fusion discs from the, from the menu?
42:03 - 42:15
There's just a sense of, there's a sort of a NAF excitement that I am in five guys that is sort of like teacher during the summer holidays vibe.
42:15 - 42:21
Cause cause everyone's like, we're going to see you. And then they'll normally say something like, you better be funny.
42:21 - 42:29
You know, just some day. Yeah, no, well, absolutely. When someone says that to you, you want to say, Oh, just fuck off.
42:29 - 42:44
It'd be great if you did. He's a miserable bastard. Yeah. Also a guy did the, the, the absolute classic and he definitely thought he was the first person ever to be like,
42:44 - 42:51
me and my wife have loved you since we saw you in the it crowd, Chris.
42:51 - 42:59
I doubt. And then, and, but I, I think the best way to deal with that is I just, I go, Oh, thank you very much.
42:59 - 43:06
So it just appears like I wasn't really listening. Like, I think I'm meant to be like, Oh, you got me again.
43:06 - 43:27
But I ordered too much. Five guys still yummy. I know it is. They've started printing the calories on the, and the, my tipple is the bacon cheeseburger and it's twice as many calories as the other ones.
43:27 - 43:37
Right. It's the worst. Even the normal one is like 25 million, isn't it? Yeah. You'd have to start running as soon as you finished it and never stop until death to run it off.
43:37 - 43:44
Sort of what they're telling you. Do you know the worst part is I in for a penny and for a pound at where I'm like, sure, I'll get a, I'll get a milkshake then.
43:44 - 43:52
What's the point in anything? But you're not quite full for the gig. I, you know, yes, it's a really, really bad idea.
43:52 - 43:59
Okay. Uh, but it's delicious at the same time. Yeah. Uh, gig starts, uh, eight.
43:59 - 44:05
There's a woman sitting in the front row with her arm in a sling and she won't tell me, uh, what happened.
44:05 - 44:13
I'm not a chatty Kathy type of comedian, but it's a very, it's a bright green, um, sling.
44:13 - 44:21
And, uh, but we wear her down at the start. She's going for the, she goes, I'm a stunt woman, et cetera, et cetera.
44:21 - 44:27
And again, I just, I don't have those O'Brien skills where he would really dig into it.
44:28 - 44:32
So if someone says I'm a, uh, I'm a stunt woman, I'm just like, oh, for fuck's sake.
44:32 - 44:40
I just carry on with the gig. Eventually we get back to it. Uh, I think we come back to it three or four times.
44:40 - 44:47
Turns out it was a skiing accident and she's done her rotator cuff. Uh, I see.
44:47 - 44:52
And you want to say, why don't you just tell me that? Yeah, no, we got some crack out of it.
44:52 - 44:57
We tried to work out where it had happened and audience made guesses, et cetera.
44:57 - 45:02
Now, big ends. And I'm thinking, all right, I'll go back to the double tree.
45:02 - 45:09
But it turns out, uh, a woman who works for my agent who organizes all these tours.
45:09 - 45:17
One of my agents who I'd never met before is there. And so she says, no, I think I said to her, let's get a pint afterwards.
45:17 - 45:25
That'd be nice. We'll go for a quiet pint in Bath, maybe England's greatest town for a quiet pint.
45:25 - 45:37
Yeah. Problem. Most pubs all seem to shut at like half 10. It's, it's still like they're still on Roman time and all of the late ones.
45:37 - 45:43
And this is only, this is only about 11 are all decked out in American flags because they're showing the Superbowl.
45:43 - 45:50
Uh, yeah. Yeah. So we go to one of those and it's the whole Superbowl.
45:50 - 45:58
So you're there for 17 hours. They're trying to make it into a Superbowl type of thing.
45:58 - 46:05
You know, that special menus with nachos and I don't know whatever else you're supposed to eat while you're watching the Superbowl.
46:05 - 46:13
I hadn't watched a game of American football since the previous Superbowl or possibly the one before that.
46:13 - 46:22
It seemed like it was the same teams and most of the same guys. You've got like a one really old coach and one really young coach.
46:22 - 46:33
And then there's a, like the buildup, Holy cow. Just for no, no reason. Well, you'll just have Bradley Cooper there being welcome the Eagles.
46:33 - 46:40
And so end up watching the entire first half of that and drink four pints.
46:40 - 46:45
Right. Oh, it's too much. Cause also the thing about the Superbowl is you're never going to get to the end.
46:45 - 46:49
Cause it's so, so you, if you do watch it at home, you wake up at like 5.
46:49 - 46:51
AM with a quick neck on the sofa going, well, I don't know who won.
46:51 - 46:55
So you might as well just not watch any of it. Cause you're just never going to get through it.
46:55 - 47:09
Here's my big question though, Max. So we enjoy sports, you and I, but are the sports that we enjoy as stupid as American football?
47:09 - 47:23
Oh yeah. They're all stupid. No, but no, no, but it's the, so many rules and the, so much just, you know, I love to think that like football is just a very basic.
47:23 - 47:34
It's like the first sport you'd think of if you were to invent a sport where, as American football is maybe the 6 millionth sport that you would think of.
47:34 - 47:47
I mean, I think you're right, but I suspect if we were to, you know, avuncular jock Americans doing what we did yesterday and we, we would say the same thing.
47:47 - 47:51
We just, cause it's whatever you're brought up with, I guess, isn't it? I guess.
47:51 - 47:57
But here's the thing, little Ian, I think because quite often I'm watching football when I should be playing with him.
47:58 - 48:06
He doesn't like football and I can't force it on him. He's only two. There is that, but I don't think he's going to play for Real Madrid.
48:06 - 48:16
I've just, you know, I just don't think it's going to happen. And if he does, he can play this back to me and say, in your face, you can't have any of my 550,000 euros a week,
48:16 - 48:22
dad. If there was a team that were sponsored by either tractor, Ted or hot wheels.
48:22 - 48:33
Yeah. It's probably some non-league team has got a, the, the tractor Ted deal. So I delightfully stroll back.
48:33 - 48:45
We watched the halftime show, Kendrick Lamar. The kid did very well. You had Kendrick surprise appearances by Samuel L.
48:45 - 48:51
Jackson and one of the Williams sisters there as well. I mean, you would have to know Kendrick's work.
48:51 - 48:58
I, cause I, I, I kept thinking, Oh, a middle of the road, classic rock guy is going to leap.
48:58 - 49:11
Now, you know, that Billy Joel was going to just the late group. Leonard Skinner would just suddenly appear, but it didn't happen.
49:11 - 49:28
Uh, enjoyed it. Nonetheless, walk back in the rain to the double tree by Hilton and then lay there just slightly loose after my, uh, few chaotic pints with Emily, my agent,
49:28 - 49:36
and her friend Bailey. And then, uh, ended up watching the entire second half then.
49:36 - 49:42
Oh, wow. Yeah. Nothing. It was the, so the really good player didn't play well.
49:42 - 49:46
Like it seems like a lot of American football is about the quarterbacks, about this one guy.
49:46 - 49:54
And he, he just didn't, he wasn't really in the mood maybe. Uh, so the result was just before the game.
49:54 - 50:03
That was his problem. And, uh, fell asleep, uh, just as the Superbowl ended. That was my yesterday.
50:03 - 50:07
What a day. Lovely day. It was a good day. Yeah. The gig was fun.
50:07 - 50:14
I should, I should, there's too much focus when you're on tour as to how the gig goes.
50:14 - 50:22
And that will dictate a lot of your mood to the point where there's towns in England where I'm like, Oh, I love that place.
50:22 - 50:26
Like Stockton on teas being a classic one as sort of an under loved town.
50:26 - 50:31
But I always had great gigs there. So I, I always think also one of my favorite places in England.
50:31 - 50:44
Absolutely. And the gig was super fun in Bath. And yeah, unfortunately I only left room for five hours sleep before my journey back to Ireland, but that's not relevant because it happened today.
50:44 - 50:49
Sorry, Max. Well, that's your day. We're done. That's lovely. What a nice, I feel like, you know, we're back on the horse.
50:49 - 50:54
We're back in the horse. We've done well. And we've got an episode this weekend with someone who knows who it is.
50:54 - 51:07
You seem similar. You know, I was worried that, your whole personality might've changed now with the great weight that a second child brings to you, but you seem more or less the same guy.
51:07 - 51:14
I don't feel I've changed, but who knows, you know, give it another week. They lull you kids.
51:14 - 51:19
You've got it nailed. And then they actually, they turn around and say, this is not how it works anymore.
51:19 - 51:23
Is it the case that the first one is now just looking after the second one?
51:23 - 51:28
That's what they say, isn't it? If you have one child, it's a lot of effort, but get a second one.
51:28 - 51:38
And you can just go back to your old life again. Just went to the cinema yesterday and we just said to Ian, just look after just making some spag bol.
51:38 - 51:46
He did. Okay. For someone who's not three yet. It's great to be back. Yes.
51:46 - 51:54
And here's how you get in touch. If you would like to get in touch with the show, you can email us at what did you do yesterday?
51:54 - 52:00
Pod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at yesterday pod. And please subscribe and leave a review.
52:00 - 52:05
If you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.
52:05 - 52:24
And remember the only way we accept curdle guesses is now through five-star reviews. And also to anyone who listens to Shannon side FM, that tune will have reminded you of the mortality.
52:24 - 52:35
It's the death notices music. So we can't end it like we just did. It's all right.
52:51 - 52:58
See you soon everyone.