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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello and welcome to episode, I don't know what it is now, season two episode something of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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One thousand. It's the big, it's the millennium. Happy birthday to us. Today's guest is Joanne McNally.
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You will know her from all the things. Oh, no, not this again. This is David.
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She's, you will say now, and I think you're right, you know, she is the thing, the next thing.
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That's what you'll say. Yeah, and she's also the current thing as well. Yeah, she is the thing.
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She's the next thing and the thing. But also in the past, she has been very good as well.
1:39 - 1:51
So she's the past, present, and future thing. She's the Christmas Carol version of this, of comedy.
1:51 - 1:59
She's all the ghosts. I love Joanne. Like, Joanne was always brilliant. And then just post-pando, Joanne's always brilliant.
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Joanne had this show that I think, so it started in Dublin and ended up playing 17 nights in a thousand seater with like various arenas added to that and various other venues.
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She's just so good. And it was like everyone realized she was so good. And now she is following it up, the proverbial difficult second show.
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And she is, I've seen bits of it. It's going to be so good as well.
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So it's going to be on tour. Check joannemcnally.com. And yeah, she's also, my therapist ghosted me.
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People might know her from that podcast and a couple of other podcasts too. I love that we speak to Joanne.
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It's great to have her on our podcast, Max. And we've just done it. And her breakfast is quite the thing.
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Here is what she did yesterday. Joanne McNally, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Thank you for being on. Thank you so much for having me. At last, more Irish people on this.
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Yes, never enough. Tell you why I'm really excited, Joanne. It's because we're actually recording late UK time, which means you're going to have to do a bit more work than most guests to remember what happened yesterday.
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Yeah. This yesterday might come through like the misty eyes of nostalgia because it was so long ago.
3:37 - 3:41
That's what I think. No, no, no. I know. I mean, I wish my life was that interesting, but it's fair.
3:41 - 3:48
Yesterday was a particularly boring day. Yes. Great. And I said, I'm not going to spice it up for the lads.
3:48 - 3:52
I'm not going to spice it up. No. Good. Good. What time are we waking up at?
3:52 - 3:58
Come on. I woke up approximately 5.30am. Wow. Okay. Is this a cat or a dog or a child?
3:59 - 4:08
It's a bladder. Okay. Got it. Yeah. I woke up by accident. I didn't plan to wake up at 5.30am, but I woke up at 5.30am.
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I needed to pee. Yeah. Now, there is a question here as to whether this is the wake up.
4:15 - 4:24
Like, surely you went back to sleep after it. No. What? So I, and I know you don't want to know what happened the night before, so I won't go into the deets.
4:24 - 4:33
Yeah. But I listened to YouTube stuff as I fall asleep and it, it had gone on to this documentary about the future of human civilization and it was grim.
4:33 - 4:39
And I was having these weird dreams about something to do with me and a Neanderthal.
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I don't know what I was doing. And I woke up and I was a bit, I was, I was a bit jarred by it.
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I was having bad dreams based on the documentary because it's saying we're all going to turn into AI, blah, blah, blah.
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And then I needed to pee. And then the brain, it was on and the day began.
4:52 - 5:02
It's interesting because 5.30 is the traditional time Max's eldest, son, as he's now known, wakes him every day.
5:02 - 5:17
Oh! Yeah, so we've got two 5.30 kids here. But you, Joanne, I would have thought you would be able to put even the grim prospects we face as a humanity behind you in order to go for a little bit more sleep.
5:17 - 5:26
Yeah, so I'm a great napper. But also if I'm awake, I will try and ride that wave because it doesn't happen that often.
5:26 - 5:33
I see. I have no real, I have no real sleep structure. It's chaotic. You never know when you're going to, you never know when you're going to be awake again.
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Is that what you're thinking? I'm awake. This is a thing. I better just milk this.
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That's basically it, yes. I was like, oh God, I'm awake. We need to lean into this.
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So what did you do? There's nothing to do at half five. There's loads of stuff to do, Dave.
5:50 - 5:56
Loads. I'm at the 5am club. There's ice baths and runs and protein. I'm joking.
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I don't do any of that. No. So I listen to a lot of radio.
6:00 - 6:04
I listen to podcasts. I'm listening to a true crime podcast at the moment. I'll put on the TV.
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CNN kind of buzzes in the background for company. So hang on. So hang on.
6:10 - 6:14
You didn't do all of that. That's like an overload. If you did all of those things at 5.30.
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Oh, sorry. So this yesterday morning when I woke up at 5.30am. To the toilet.
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To the toilet. Right. And then I went back into the bed and I scrawled.
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Okay. What are we scrolling on? What's the algo? Serving up to Jay McAn at the moment.
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The algo serves up topless men changing shoe horses or horseshoes. But I have to kind of dig in for other information.
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So there's like I scroll. I see if I've had any interaction overnight. I look at the kind of pop culture Instagram accounts.
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I'll check on a bit of news. She's across it all. I'm across it all.
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Yeah. How? I haven't. The algorithm has. Yet to send me topless men nailing metal to the hooves of horses.
7:04 - 7:10
You seem to know exactly what it is. But is that like a real. I mean, is that a really big.
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Is that if I'm thinking about how to branch out because I'm always looking for the next avenue.
7:14 - 7:19
Should I get a horse and some pecs? Farriers are huge now. Oh, yeah. Is that what you call them?
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Maybe for a publicity photo for this podcast. Max, one of us is the guy.
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But unfortunately, one of us is the horse. But yeah, it's that or maybe deep clean a Persian rogue max or something.
7:35 - 7:41
Anything kind of a good, satisfying TikTok content is nice. Yeah. OK, good. So you've scrolled.
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Yes. And how long are you scrolling for? Six hours of scrolling. Yeah. Till now.
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I just stopped for this podcast. I'm flat out. I got up. I'd say I got up at about eight.
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Wow. So what? Two and a half hours of solid scrolling. Yeah. But like within that scrolling, there would be a little bit of work.
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I save. I will look through and I save kind of content for whatever I'm working on, whether it be the new show or the podcast or whatever.
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So it's like, look, I look for topics. Yeah. I'll text back friends. There's life admin and work admin done.
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Yeah. That's interesting because I could never life admin in bed. I would be scrolling in bed or, you know, dealing with a baby being sick on me.
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And then I have to, for admin, I have to be in a cafe on my own and get to my inbox and just work through it.
8:34 - 8:39
Oh, yeah. Well, I am also that person. You need a bit of a buzz in your ears.
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Sometimes I'll turn on. No, I didn't do this yesterday, so it's not relevant. Coffee shop sounds or something so you feel like you're involved in the world.
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Oh, right. I see. I go to an actual one to like really experience it.
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Yeah. Well, I'll do that too. Sometimes I'll double up, you know. Listen to coffee shop sounds in a coffee shop.
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In a coffee shop. Whoa. Extra creativity. Mind blown. You should listen to forge sounds.
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The sound of hot men putting horseshoes onto bulls. Imagine how much work you would do.
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I don't even need to put horseshoes on bulls, actually. I take that back. So do you, sorry, just one further question here.
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You got the gram. Are you going across all the different platforms then? Yeah. I'm not in the book anymore.
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I don't. I'm obviously not in the book. Yeah. The book's a grim place now.
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As a 41 year old woman, I don't say this often, but I'm too young for Facebook.
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It is the truth of it. Yeah. That's somewhere I retire into in about 20 years time.
9:33 - 9:39
But it is nice to find a place. I'm 45. It's nice that there is a place that you're too young for still.
9:39 - 9:51
I know. Yeah. My dad, who's pretty good. He's pretty good on the WhatsApp. But a while ago when he was sort of learning text, I think my sister asked for like a number for his, you know, someone else in the family.
9:51 - 9:58
And my dad sent the number, but wrote the numbers down in letters. In like zz.
9:58 - 10:08
I-G-H-T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seven S-E-V-E-N. And also missed off a number. So sent a full phone number, missing one digit, but written in words.
10:08 - 10:12
This is my favourite ever way to get sent a phone number. Oh my God.
10:12 - 10:18
The hassle of that. My brain would explode. Right, it's eight o'clock. It's eight o'clock, Joanne.
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You've seized the day already. You've done two and a half hours of scrolling and admin.
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Where's the day taking you? I move to the sitting room. I told you, I told you it wasn't a particularly active day.
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Was there an outfit change for this? No, I would have remained in my incredibly sexy night lingerie, i.e. a giant tracksuit.
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Wow, with bottoms as well? Oh yeah, bottoms. It's cold. I'm in a big old flash.
10:48 - 10:55
There's the heating that has to really get going. The floor in the bathroom, it's like walking into a fridge.
10:55 - 10:58
It's Baltic. There's no room for sexiness in there. There's no room for this flat.
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There's no room for sexiness. It's layers. Okay, so Max, we have to really build up the way in some episodes, you know, someone gets on a plane or, you know, but we some have to build Joanne going to the sitting room
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to be like a really big moment in the day. Did you get anything, maybe a water or a tea or a coffee before?
11:20 - 11:25
What I'm guessing is back on the sofa, back on the scrolling. But I mean, it's not for me to guess.
11:25 - 11:30
I'm at the desk now. I'm at the desk. I'm at the desk now. I am a professional person.
11:30 - 11:36
Yeah, okay. This is real stuff. I'm at the desk. I sit at a table that looks out in Clapham Common.
11:36 - 11:44
It's lovely. Oh, that is nice. So I sit there, huge big bay windows, loads of light and I'm pottering, I would say is the best description.
11:44 - 11:51
And I'm in and out to the kitchen and I'm making coffees, several coffees, two coffees.
11:51 - 11:57
Yeah. One, firstly, wake up, huge big thing of water. Yeah, yeah. You got it.
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With electrolytes in it because the body is a cucumber. You need to hydrate straight away.
12:01 - 12:07
It's called the inside shower. Read that in line. I have an inside shower because I don't have an outside shower.
12:07 - 12:14
So I have an inside shower. Great. Got it. Could you put a bit of Radox in the inside shower and get it all done at once?
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Just like deep throw out a toilet brush, just anything to kind of get the system going.
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Okay. Now here's what I want to know about this. So we had Richard Osman on the...
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And he does not fuck around when he sits down at the desk of work.
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In fact, he, Marion Keys had said to him in order for her not to procrastinate.
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And this is a genius thing. I haven't tried it yet, but it's such a good idea.
12:43 - 12:51
She lights a candle and the candle means I am working now. Do you do something like that?
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Oh God, that's such a great idea. Yeah. The only problem is, is if you use an adjective.
12:57 - 13:07
Advent candle. And then you have to sit there for 24 days. Yeah. If it's like a triple wick Joe Malone, you're like, oh God, it's going to take me through to 2028.
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And I do love a candle. That's actually a really nice trick. So I, I find it very hard to focus and concentrate as most people do because I'm a TikTok baby.
13:20 - 13:25
So I take information in, in two minute jolts. Yeah. And so my brain has rewired that way.
13:25 - 13:31
So I do struggle with concentration. The biggest. The biggest gift I can give myself is I delete Insta off my phone.
13:31 - 13:40
Oh yeah. Great idea. Yeah. And then I miss it all day. I'm like a neutered dog going back trying to dry ride the phone to see if anyone's contacting me and there's no app on the phone.
13:40 - 13:49
But isn't it sad when, when you, for example, if you go, maybe if I go swimming, if I take the boy swimming and then I think, well, I haven't been on my phone for an hour and a half now.
13:49 - 13:55
So honestly, my phone is going to be, I'm just so important and interesting that it will be popping off.
13:55 - 14:01
And I've got like two messages and they're both from. This is rushed and saying, can you get some washing powder?
14:01 - 14:06
Yeah. And then when are you back? It's like DHL. Yeah. DHL, your parcel has been delivered.
14:06 - 14:10
My phone was actually lifted out of my pocket. I was, I was, I was going to say I was mugged.
14:10 - 14:14
I wasn't mugged. I was pickpocketed, which is like a gentle mugging at the weekend.
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And so, and I had no phone for like 24 hours and no more than you, Max.
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I was like, oh my God, oh my God, wait until I'm going to be, I'm going to have to take a day off to go through all the correspondence because I didn't have a phone for 24 hours.
14:25 - 14:39
And like that, there was a very... Three messages. Stop it. No way. Well, I'd emailed my mother to say, because she would, if I don't come online regularly, she would be sending a wellness check via the Metropolitan Police.
14:39 - 14:46
So I emailed her to say I'm alive and well, but it was, there was definitely less interaction than I thought there would be for sure.
14:46 - 14:50
Yeah. So we haven't actually, haven't made the coffee yet. This is where we got to.
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You've done your electrolytes. We've sat down. Yeah. We've sat down, got a pot of coffee or just a mug of coffee.
14:56 - 15:00
Mug. I go. I'm a mug. I'm a mug girl. Okay. And now what's happening?
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Work. A zero. Oh yeah. Well, you see, I, and then I'm making eggs and I'm on the, I'm on the Zoom.
15:06 - 15:11
I'm on the AirPod phone calls. Okay. Wow. That's like a business. That sounds like business to me.
15:11 - 15:17
Yeah. All right. Or are you on to a chef and you're like, how do I make eggs?
15:17 - 15:27
Talking to Ainsley Harriet. Joanne's doing well. I'll give Ainsley her egg. How do I, how do I scramble an egg?
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Ainsley. I'm like, Ainsley, what time are you arriving? I want my breakfast. I'm a personal chef.
15:32 - 15:41
How do you do these eggs? That's what everyone wants to know. I go, I ring agents and we go through ticket sales and all that kind of, again, worky admin bits.
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And I cook six eggs. Six eggs! Six eggs. For one sitting. Ten siblings. Six eggs!
15:56 - 16:02
Six. Six eggs. Yeah. Are you having a load of lads over? Are you having a rugby team over or something?
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I know. I'm obsessed with protein because everyone's telling me if I don't eat loads of protein, I'm going to turn 45 and die and lose all muscle mass.
16:12 - 16:19
It just fades away. So I have two yolks, six eggs, two yolks. So four egg whites.
16:19 - 16:27
Do you know what I mean? Like two whole eggs. In what form? Well, Max, so the thing that I don't cook or whatever.
16:27 - 16:32
Like if I cook it, I don't cook. It ends up fucking, there's chicken in the keyholes and all this carnage.
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So I don't bother. Now I keep it real simple. Six eggs into a pan.
16:36 - 16:50
It's done real quick. I just flip it over. I like eggs rock hard. Even boiled poached eggs, like rock hard, like golf balls, which is really hard to get in London because London are obsessed with sending out these gross,
16:50 - 16:55
runny, wet eggs. And I have to send them back. I have to go full Karen on it.
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And I'm like, I'm sorry. I did actually ask for rock. Hard eggs, like tennis balls.
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My wife likes rock hard eggs. And we had a terrible time at a cafe where she asked for poached eggs hard.
17:06 - 17:15
And the waitress said, look, we're sorry. We can't do that. And we were like, you know, when you're in a cafe going, I mean, I think you can, but I'm not going to say it's too polite.
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We just say, look, just try and cook them for longer. So the eggs came back and they were all runny.
17:19 - 17:21
So we had to send them back and say, look, can we just have them hard?
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And they came back again runny. There was three eggs on the plate. There were six eggs.
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And we were like, well, we can't complain again. This is just going to go on forever.
17:28 - 17:35
There'll be no eggs left in London. And so we just wasted six eggs. I had the exact same thing happen to me.
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She was like, sorry, we don't do that. I said, you don't do hard poached eggs.
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Like, is it an ethical issue with the chef? He's just like, I'm not doing that.
17:44 - 17:50
I just don't agree with hard eggs. Electricity, that they can only boil water for that amount of time.
17:50 - 17:54
It's so stupid. But yeah, no, I'm the same. I have to send them back.
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It's terrible. Presumably you at least mix the eggs. Or is it just two yolks bobbing around in a sea of white?
18:01 - 18:05
No, to be honest, it very much depends on where my head's at on the day.
18:05 - 18:12
I could use the spatula to splice it all up and mix it up. Or I'll just leave it fizzing away there while I put the toast on.
18:12 - 18:21
I'm not going to call it a misunderstanding. But when you described this meal initially, you said six eggs and two yolks.
18:21 - 18:27
And this is very Dublin in the 90s slang. But yolks were ecstasy tablets. Oh, really?
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Because of Joanne and who she is and her vibe. I was like, some part of me was like, wow, that is.
18:35 - 18:40
I have six eggs and two ecstasy tablets every morning. And then I get to writing.
18:40 - 18:53
No, Dave, come on. I don't hit the catamon till 11. That's the 11th. But do you know these kind of 5am clubbers and stuff?
18:53 - 19:02
That's you. That is you. It's an accident. It does happen sometimes. Like I say, I have no real sleep pattern as such.
19:02 - 19:07
But sometimes I'll wake up and I'll get up. If the brain is busy, if I've stuff on.
19:07 - 19:12
Because I did actually do some stuff yesterday. I didn't sit around eating yolks all day.
19:12 - 19:21
There was some activity. So what are we writing here? Are we writing jokes? Are we writing a, can you not tell us about it?
19:21 - 19:27
Because it's your forthcoming novel. No, no, no. We're writing jokes. We're writing jokes. Is your forthcoming novel.
19:27 - 19:32
Novel called Eggbound. Because that would. I thought he was going to say my fourth novel.
19:32 - 19:35
And I was like, oh my God, have I written three books already? I'm so productive.
19:35 - 19:42
It's insane. What, how do you do this, Josers? It's difficult writing jokes, I find.
19:42 - 19:51
Because sometimes they arrive fully formed in your brain. And then your only job is to record them as insane voice memos in the middle of the night.
19:51 - 19:57
But sometimes you have half an idea or two half ideas. And it's in the act of.
19:57 - 20:00
Staring at the page, you connect them together. And you're like, oh, that's actually a funny idea.
20:00 - 20:06
How are you doing it? So I'd be like you. I've, again, it won't come as any surprise.
20:06 - 20:11
I've no system there either. So I'll sit and I'll have a good pink. Yeah.
20:11 - 20:18
And I'll write down, like, so I'm, I don't really write jokes as such. I tried.
20:18 - 20:25
I'm more, I more tell stories and try to make them entertaining and funny. So I'll write.
20:25 - 20:32
And at the moment I'm doing a lot of. A work in progress show. So I have like a rolling document for the new tour show.
20:32 - 20:38
So I'll add, edit that and add to that. Or I will, I record them obviously.
20:38 - 20:43
And then I do that heinous thing of having to listen back to myself. It is.
20:43 - 20:50
Yeah, it's awful. It's torture. It's sometimes so torturous that your brain hates it so much.
20:50 - 20:55
The brain, your own brain, it stimulates it to be like, and that's shit. I'll tell you what I would say there now.
20:55 - 21:03
I'd say this. Yes. And then suddenly. Suddenly your hatred of, your self-hatred is inspiring yourself to write more.
21:03 - 21:14
Yeah. Yeah. What's interesting is that it'd be great if all the comedians just published all their voice notes and you just had really impressive, very funny people just going, who remembers the nineties, eh?
21:14 - 21:19
And just going, oh no. And then like, you know, just having existential crises across voice notes.
21:19 - 21:24
You could make a really nice podcast of all of these. I have so many voice notes on my phone.
21:24 - 21:38
It's really funny when you've had a drink or two. And you're, you think you're experiencing some sort of heightened comedic epiphany and you're like, oh my God, I need to get this down, this gold immediately.
21:38 - 21:43
And then the next day you're like, what utter nonsense. Okay. Here's what I'm going to do for the sake of this podcast.
21:43 - 21:51
The last file on my audio recordings is an eight seconder. Okay. So I would imagine it is half an idea for a joke.
21:51 - 21:54
And I'm just, I'm just going to hit play on it and see what happens.
21:54 - 21:58
Oh God. It could be a shopping list. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Oh my God.
21:58 - 22:07
Imagine if it's like kill Max, you must destroy Max. Okay. Here we go. What did you do?
22:07 - 22:22
Shall I play that once again? What did you do? Shall I? So it was an idea for we, if we get Timothy Chalamet on Max, we can call it instead of what did you do yesterday?
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We call it. What did you do? Shall I may? And he would be the only person who.
22:27 - 22:30
He didn't have to just talk about yesterday. He could talk about his life. Yeah.
22:30 - 22:38
We could just, a spinoff would be, you know, when this dries up, we will just, we'll just do him every day.
22:38 - 22:43
Timothy Chalamet every day with us. He seems like a very kind guy, doesn't he?
22:43 - 22:52
I think he'd do it. Like he's, he likes to be working. Okay. Can I, a couple of quick questions, which may not be important, but did you put any salt and pepper on your eggs?
22:52 - 22:57
And what I think you alluded to it, there was toast underneath it. Cause I'm really.
22:57 - 23:01
Obviously this is just a plate of egg. No, no, no, no, no, no. I like to carve up.
23:01 - 23:08
Okay. Okay. Yeah. So there was two slices of sourdough with unsalted butter. Great. Okay.
23:08 - 23:13
The President. What's that called? El Presidente. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one. That's the one.
23:13 - 23:17
Good one. With that. I don't believe in pepper. I don't know what it is.
23:17 - 23:21
I don't want to know what it is. Interesting. Yeah. I'm very against it. Oh really?
23:21 - 23:27
Tell me what it is. Can anyone tell me what it is? I think it's probably that early in.
23:27 - 23:32
In your life, someone shoved it under your nose and it made you sneeze. So you're like, I'm never trusting that again, maybe?
23:32 - 23:42
It adds nothing to any situation from my experience. Do you, when you're in a restaurant and, you know, there are really big pepper pots doing the rounds there.
23:42 - 23:46
Yeah. Are you in a state of, is that sort of your Achilles heel? Is that your kryptonite?
23:46 - 23:52
It's just waiters with enormous pepper pots. Do you know what? Actually, sometimes I'll let that.
23:52 - 23:55
I'll be like, I'll go on because I know that they, I know that they like spinning.
23:55 - 23:58
I know that's kind of their. Stick to your gun. You've got to stick to your gun.
23:58 - 24:02
Sense of occasion. Oh, I've no guns, Max. I've no guns. I've no moral backbone.
24:02 - 24:05
A minute ago, you said you don't believe in pepper and you won't let it anywhere near you.
24:05 - 24:08
Now it is one kind man with a giant pepper pot and you are just, you're anyone.
24:08 - 24:17
Can I just point something out that everyone's thinking? You, you know the way eggs come in a box of six?
24:17 - 24:23
12 now. Well, six or 12. Come on. Yeah. No, but I, so I get, I buy boxes of 12.
24:23 - 24:34
Okay. Well, I buy boxes of six and you've just, but I've never. Cracked just a whole box into like a mad witch.
24:34 - 24:40
Into the cauldron. I know. Sometimes even I am like, wow, I'm going again, am I?
24:40 - 24:50
And then I'll crack another one in. David, do you really think that in, you know, in the court, there were never eggs in the cauldron, you know, witches were never making eggs, were they?
24:50 - 24:55
There were never eggs. They were just putting on a massive omelette, were they? We don't know.
24:55 - 25:03
I don't know. Yeah. I wonder. I wonder if it's like, you know, eye of toad and foot of mute, and then we better thicken that so we'll put some flour in as well.
25:03 - 25:09
It's looking a bit runny. Dave, you're a little older than me. You need to up your protein game.
25:09 - 25:12
You need to get your prouts in. Really? It's all about the prouts now. Yeah.
25:12 - 25:20
Prouts and narcissists. That's what it's all about these days. Will this do you now till, will you have lunch this September?
25:20 - 25:25
Will you lunch now or are you looking at this? Oh, yeah. No, no, no, no.
25:25 - 25:30
No, I don't. I do, I lunch, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. You see, I train, I have a trainer.
25:30 - 25:35
I have a personal trainer. Whoa. When's that? Okay, so, okay, so let's get back to the timeline.
25:35 - 25:41
Eight till when is work, right? When it, and business calls and eggs and coffee.
25:41 - 25:46
When's this? Till 12. Okay, right. And that's looking at the bay windows, a lot of people watching, I'm guessing.
25:46 - 25:56
Yeah. I play instrumental, instrumental, the only music I can work to because my, the second, if there's any music with lyrics, I just, my brain just starts listening to the, as anyone does.
25:56 - 26:01
You just start. You just start listening to the lyrics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you listen to Return to Innocence by Enigma.
26:01 - 26:10
Right, so Return to Innocence has, has lyrics. Oh, it does. Is that, hang on, is that, sa, don't wa, qu'est-ce que tu cherches?
26:10 - 26:15
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And they're foreign lyrics, which means I have to concentrate harder to understand what's going on.
26:15 - 26:21
So I can't listen to that at all. Please accept my apologies. It's like putting on your duolingo in the background for entertainment.
26:21 - 26:26
No, no, no. And what were you listening to? So I listened to instrumental jazz.
26:26 - 26:30
I love jazz music because it's the, oh, I know. I love it. My dad.
26:30 - 26:36
Really? Yeah. Well, yeah. That's it. I know. You've jazz in the blood. You have a bit of jazz in the blood.
26:36 - 26:43
I don't. So it was quite the pivot for me. But I just found it was the only music that kind of kept me a little upbeat.
26:43 - 26:49
Like, my thing is all about feeling like there's a bit of company, like that you're in the world.
26:49 - 26:56
So my flat, there's loads of buses go past, which are like, I like the busyness because when you don't have an office, you don't have that kind of connection.
26:57 - 27:02
You know, so I tried to create it in other ways. So that's why I do radio and the TV.
27:02 - 27:07
And so and then I stumbled upon instrumental jazz. And now quite the fan, I will say, quite the fan.
27:07 - 27:13
Would they be like famous tunes of the jazz canon? No, I just go, Alexa, instrumental jazz.
27:13 - 27:21
And then she takes over. I mean, I would imagine Alexa Chung's life has really been ruined since.
27:21 - 27:31
Like, imagine if maybe I'll try and become a tech gazillionaire. Just so I can launch one and call it Max Rushden, just to ruin your life.
27:31 - 27:38
The thing is, I worked this out on the radio. If you yell when you're on TalkSport, Alexa, play Mike and the Mechanics, you lose all your listeners.
27:38 - 27:46
And they're now listening to Mike and the Mechanics. So when Joanne just said that, all our listeners now who are listening to Alexa will be listening to jazz and not hearing this.
27:46 - 27:51
What I love is, you know, you're really keen for company, but you're in your room on your own.
27:51 - 27:55
But you're sort of dancing along to jazz. And the only people that see you are on the top deck of buses going through Clapham.
27:56 - 28:03
Every day, you see the mad woman dancing in her back window. See, the funny thing is, I'm actually not keen for company.
28:03 - 28:10
You just need, I love being on my own. It's the, what is it? It's like the white noise theory, I guess.
28:10 - 28:13
It's just to have a little something going on in the background. And Max, I can correct you now.
28:13 - 28:18
I'm certainly not dancing to it. How would you dance to jazz? Just sort of like that, sway.
28:18 - 28:25
I'm demonstrating. Oh yeah, you could sway. No, you click your fingers a lot. Did you ever see anything good out the window?
28:25 - 28:32
Did you ever? Like, is there a risk of like, you might see something too exciting, like a murder?
28:32 - 28:45
It's so, sadly, nothing as exciting as a murder. Although I do, there are sometimes the police sticky tape that they put around and then I'll kind of, and then of course I'll get distracted because I go and X and try and
28:45 - 28:56
find out what's the local crime. But there's a lot of people, a lot of running clubs, which can be quite triggering if you're, if you haven't left the house and, you know, they look...
28:56 - 29:01
They look just very fit, healthy and bright eyed. But a lot of people cycling, a lot of people going to work.
29:01 - 29:06
It's the rat race. How do you feel about running clubs? I run, but I have to be alone.
29:06 - 29:15
I've done park run twice and I found it incredibly offensive. And when I see a running club, my instinct is to hate everyone in it.
29:15 - 29:20
And they're all very reasonable people. And it's a community thing and they've come together and it's lovely.
29:20 - 29:25
Same with cycling clubs. Sorry, David. But like, I don't know what it is. And I play team sport and I love that.
29:25 - 29:31
And I love the community of it. It's massive hypocrisy. If I see a running club, I instantly judge all the people in it.
29:31 - 29:38
I know. I know. I know exactly what you're saying. And I am not a member of a running club, although I do kind of fanny around with running is the best description I could give it.
29:38 - 29:43
Like I'm not, I don't have a system, but I have been known. No way.
29:43 - 29:51
I don't believe you. I don't have a system. Would you believe? I do. I like to do a kind of a runny walk run where I run until I've decided I'm bored by it.
29:51 - 29:55
And then I walk and then I'll start running again. And that's where I can't join any sense.
29:55 - 29:58
I can't join any running community. Because they'll see that I'm not really one of them.
29:58 - 30:13
Yeah. Yeah. I go for three runs a year, but I do normally do it in shorts because if I'm not wearing shorts, you can't just walk the last bit home in shorts because it's obvious to everyone what's happened.
30:13 - 30:21
You've given up. Yeah. If you're more athleisure wear sort of vibes. Yeah. Yeah. If I'm just in my Lulu lemons.
30:26 - 30:35
You wear cycling shorts on the bike. I wear an ass pad, certainly. But no, I'm not a real Lycra high performance guy.
30:35 - 30:41
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It is kind of a cry for help, isn't it? When you commit too much to the fashion of the sport, you're like, well, you're brand new.
30:41 - 30:52
I had a, what I believed to be, what I like to do is I'll decide on a new hobby event sport and then I will need all the gear and then I will order it and then I will say,
30:52 - 30:55
well, I can't start until I have the gear. And then the longer the gear takes, the better.
30:56 - 31:04
So say during lockdown, I ordered a load of like weights and then I was like, well, I'll start working out when the weights come and the weights never came because it was actually like a scam.
31:04 - 31:08
So it was only after like four weeks. I was like, actually, I should probably check in those weights.
31:08 - 31:14
But I was delighted. I was delighted they never came. When you suddenly got taken by Formula One, that was an expensive mistake for you.
31:14 - 31:25
Wasn't it? Wasn't it? What time are we at? Are we at midday? 12. We're at 12.
31:25 - 31:29
Yeah. Yeah. 12. So then 12 o'clock I left and I went for a walkie run walk.
31:29 - 31:35
Oh. In the same PJs. In the same PJs. Sorry. No. Sorry. I got dressed.
31:35 - 31:42
Sorry. I forgot about the minutia. I then got dressed. What are we in? Into a workout type outfit.
31:42 - 31:54
Into a workout type outfit. I put on leggings, sports bra, sports top. And I brought a new fluoro yellow armor running jacket.
31:54 - 32:01
So I was bummed. Buzzing to get into that. Yeah. It was cold yesterday. So that's not quite enough clothes.
32:01 - 32:10
Did you wear like a mink over it? So. One of those huge Moscow hats.
32:10 - 32:17
Yeah. Yeah. And then I threw on my scarf ferret, which I never leave the house without.
32:17 - 32:24
My mittens. And I train outside. We train in the common. We train outside. So.
32:24 - 32:28
So yeah, you're right. It was cold. It was. It was very cold. So you went for a runny walk.
32:28 - 32:32
Did you meet your personal trainer in the common too? Or this is just a solo.
32:32 - 32:37
Oh, okay. So I went for my runny walk and then I meet her at half 12.
32:37 - 32:44
Met her at half 12. Okay. And she is, she'd buy a tree and she's strapped some things to a tree and you've got a kettlebell and some cushions.
32:44 - 32:48
Right. No way. It's just you? Just you and her in the common? Just me.
32:48 - 32:51
Just me and her eye to eye. All right. And what did she make you do?
32:51 - 32:56
It's more like an act of confession, really. I just kind of tell her all my problems.
32:57 - 33:04
And I do three squats and then just leave. Okay. So what does Olivia, Olivia works you what, for an hour?
33:04 - 33:10
An hour. Yeah. And she's, it's, it's very Bear Grylls. I'm training for something, but I don't know what, no one knows, the apocalypse maybe.
33:10 - 33:15
And is she, is she kind of, you know, is she a shouter? Like, get down and give me 20.
33:15 - 33:23
Yeah. You're shit. That kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. You're an asshole. Come on. Everyone, everyone says you're an asshole, Joanne.
33:23 - 33:27
Does she say stuff like that? Yeah. She does. Yeah. Why are you so hurtful?
33:27 - 33:33
No laughs. I heard you were shit last night. Yeah. She says stuff like that.
33:33 - 33:43
There's one thing that I used to do where there would be like a 40 kilo massive medicine ball and I would have to pick it up from the ground and put it on a box and he would then
33:43 - 33:51
take it off the box and put it on the ground. I couldn't help thinking how many billion years of evolution have led to this fucking moment.
33:51 - 34:01
What are we doing here? So you, so you do. Now with Olivia, you feel good with Olivia and then we're back home, back on the eggs.
34:01 - 34:09
No, no, no more eggs, more eggs. We want a heart attack at the end of this day.
34:09 - 34:18
You're not having any more eggs, Dave. No, there's no more eggs today. I came home and then I, there was a man.
34:18 - 34:23
So I have a woman who helps me with some bits and bobs around the house.
34:23 - 34:34
And so when I came back, she had. She had a man in the house putting together that giant lamp that you can see, the big yellow one that, Dave, you called a butt plug before we started recording.
34:34 - 34:47
So I failed to see the lampshade on it. So I just saw a sort of, it's like, you know, that Fisher-Price toy that is a bunch of circles that sit on top of each other.
34:47 - 34:53
Yes. It's a bit like my first butt plug, I think it's called. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.
34:53 - 35:04
I give it to all my God kids. Does the lamp, I want to know if it has whatever the light equivalent of a volume is, a dimmer, I guess.
35:04 - 35:10
No, no, it doesn't, sadly. It's just on and off, on and off. Yeah, it's very, it's a six foot, it's quite basic, really, in that regard.
35:10 - 35:18
No, it's nice. It's really nice. It's nice, yeah. So then I fannied around kind of watching that happen for a while, got changed, had a shower, et cetera.
35:18 - 35:30
Josers, can I, let me just step in here. There's not much construction to a lamp, as in, I hope this guy didn't, like, go, oh, that'll be 200 quid.
35:30 - 35:41
I've been here for the last hour putting this lamp together. I also got a, well, the lamp came, see, the lamp was sent from Ireland, and because it's so big, it came in, and also,
35:41 - 35:45
there's an electrical issue there. So that lamp has been sitting there for six months.
35:45 - 35:51
Go ahead. In boxes. Yeah, great. So this, it was actually a huge day for me yesterday in regards to that lamp.
35:51 - 35:58
It was a project that has been ongoing for a half a year. I feel this is, you don't need to do anything else.
35:58 - 36:15
This is such a euphoric moment. I had a- It was huge. I've got, I got married in 2018, and I have framed photos of the wedding that are just underneath a blanket, underneath that blue blanket there,
36:15 - 36:21
and I actually only got them framed, like I ordered them online like a couple of months ago.
36:21 - 36:31
So it's taken me seven years to get them actually, sent, like framed, seven years to get a photo that a photographer, we paid a photographer, seven years, and now they're going to sit on that,
36:31 - 36:40
I'm going to say, for at least another seven years. And then maybe I'll get them, because I don't know how to put up a picture, because there might be electrical wire in every bit of the wall,
36:40 - 36:44
and I don't want to die. You can't risk it. Yeah, you can't risk it.
36:44 - 36:47
So I feel you on that lamp. I think that's such a big day for you.
36:47 - 36:52
There's, you know those jobs that you just put on the long finger, the long finger, the long finger.
36:52 - 36:58
So the finger was, what would we say, shortened. Yeah. Sliced off. I don't know what the saying is.
36:58 - 37:03
Yeah, so it was very satisfying. So I just kind of enjoyed watching that happen and kind of soaked that in.
37:03 - 37:10
And then I got ready to go to the hairdressers. Wow, this is good. I don't know if we've had a haircut yet in this podcast.
37:10 - 37:18
This is, I'm leaning in, I'm leaning in to our first ever haircut. Okay, so do you have a picture?
37:18 - 37:26
Have you brought a picture of, or are you just getting the usual done? I don't know how ladies do it.
37:26 - 37:31
Do you bring in a picture of Meryl Streep and say, could you do this, please?
37:31 - 37:36
Actually, just now I'm in front of Angelina Jolie, and I'm like, whatever that is, give me that.
37:36 - 37:43
Give me that one. I was in Thailand in the year 2000 with my friend Fraser, and we both needed a haircut.
37:43 - 37:53
And obviously our Thai wasn't great, and the hairdresser's English wasn't great. But she had like magazines from the 90s, and we both sat in there and we found a picture of,
37:53 - 38:03
the closest we could get to kind of, you know, just clipper it at the sides and the back and then a bit off the top, was a picture of Mel Gibson in sort of mid-90s movie Mel Gibson.
38:03 - 38:08
And so we said, can we, we both liked the Mel Gibson. And she was like, point to the Mel Gibson, thumbs up, thumbs up.
38:08 - 38:10
And then she had the scissors and the clippers. She said, what do you want?
38:10 - 38:14
And we went, oh, we'll have the clippers. And then we did paper, scissors, stone for who went first.
38:14 - 38:21
And I won. So Fraser went first, and she basically just clippered his whole, all his hair off like a massive.
38:21 - 38:25
And so I sat down and he went, look, we're both in this together. And I went, I'll have the scissors.
38:25 - 38:32
Please. And he's never really forgiven me for that. I had a similar enough story when I was in Vietnam.
38:32 - 38:36
I needed to get my highlights done. I was blonde at the time. I'm brown now.
38:36 - 38:41
Well, since yesterday, I went into a place called Tony and Chai, which is clearly really nice.
38:41 - 38:48
Very well done and probably illegal. But anyway, I went into Tony and Chai and they, you're one.
38:48 - 38:53
She was just, I guess like the Vietnamese women, like they're not, there's not a lot of blondes floating around the town that we were in.
38:53 - 38:57
Yeah. So they were just, they just were. I'd say they were just like, we'll have a go.
38:57 - 39:03
Yeah, Grant. And fried my head. Like, I mean, like bags of it fell out.
39:03 - 39:06
It was like chewing gum for the rest of the summer. It was like burning.
39:06 - 39:10
Everyone's like, what's that smell? It's like, that's my hair. Yeah, it was, it was really bad.
39:10 - 39:16
It was terrible. It's a different world out there for the, for the babes. The hairs, I know.
39:16 - 39:25
Like only once I had to have my hair dyed to look more like my brother because we were in a movie together and we didn't look enough like brothers, even though we're actually.
39:25 - 39:32
We're actual brothers. Was it twins? Was that movie twins? It was twins. Danny DeVito was my brother.
39:32 - 39:49
I am Arl Schwarzenegger. And I had to do the thing where I had to sit in front of like, someone had opened a sandwich press and it, like, I don't know what it, it makes the color stick, I think.
39:49 - 40:00
What? Sorry, what? So they dyed, they dyed my hair. Yeah. And then the, as a device, like, you know, you know, you know the thing you do a toasted cheese sandwich in?
40:00 - 40:07
Yeah. A bristle. Okay. So imagine you'd opened that and then put it on a music stand.
40:07 - 40:14
It's, it's the heater. Yeah, exactly. That's what it is. So I, but I had to sit there.
40:14 - 40:19
I'd never, to me, getting a haircut is always a place of activity. You know what I mean?
40:19 - 40:27
Where it's like, I'm in, I'm talking about whatever. The guy said, you're a comedian.
40:27 - 40:32
I go, yes, let's know. Don't watch it. Just cut us. Now we're done. Here's a fiver.
40:32 - 40:41
Thank you. Whereas this was the first time I'd engaged with the world of sitting there and just is, has this person forgotten about me?
40:41 - 40:46
Am I going to be here for six hours now? While my, while they toasted sandwich my hair.
40:46 - 40:51
Does it change color? Like if they just leave it for so many hours, it just goes blue, red.
40:51 - 41:00
Do you know what it is? It's like, do you know, in Play-Doh where they put a, a thing over your head and then they screw you down into the chair.
41:00 - 41:06
You remember Play-Doh and it forced the Play-Doh up through the person's head into a mold.
41:06 - 41:12
Yeah. That's basically what I'm trying to describe now. And then I love that you called it a sandwich press.
41:12 - 41:16
And then they come over and check, they kind of check on the heatier highlights or whatever.
41:16 - 41:19
And then they whisper to each other and they go a bit longer, love. And you're like, okay.
41:19 - 41:25
Yeah. It's a whole thing. I love it. Did you have that? So did you undergo a dramatic change yesterday?
41:25 - 41:33
I went dark. I'm on the way to darkness because I had my hair. I used to be blonde and I went brunette quite recently and then I was away in the sun.
41:33 - 41:38
So it lightened and my hairdresser contacted me directly and was like, your hair looks shit.
41:38 - 41:42
Get in here. Well, that's very proactive of a hairdresser. I don't think I've ever known a hairdresser to get in touch.
41:42 - 41:48
Yeah. Yeah. With people going, your hair is shit. It's quite a direct form of hairdressing.
41:48 - 41:55
I know. Isn't it? I think she feels because if I'm any, if I tag her and stuff and I think she feels like I kind of represent her and if my hair is,
41:55 - 42:00
isn't up to scratch that I'm embarrassing her. I think that's, she's like, get in here.
42:00 - 42:07
You're making a show out of me. Right. Okay. So you go in and talk us through the, the process.
42:07 - 42:14
Well, she, of dying a brown. No. Do you get a glass of Prosecco? Do you get a fizzy water?
42:14 - 42:19
Yeah. I was like, I don't have that information. I mean, I'm trying my best.
42:19 - 42:24
Is there a guy with his shirt off and he's just slowly putting shoes on a horse?
42:24 - 42:30
She mixes up, shade 60 and shade 69. I don't know. So I went in and my hairdresser called Katie.
42:30 - 42:36
We have a lovely chat. And yeah, I did actually, I did. I don't usually take a drink off them, but I did take a drink off them yesterday.
42:36 - 42:42
I did. I had a little can of white wine for Vinko or something. A can of white wine?
42:42 - 42:48
It came in a can. Okay. What time is this? 1 PM. So yeah, half 12 was the appointment.
42:48 - 42:53
No, sorry. That was Olivia. Sorry. Katie was half three. Half three. Right. Okay. So half three.
42:53 - 42:58
Which I think is fine. Can of white wine. Great. It's got good park bench vibes, doesn't it?
42:58 - 43:09
What do you want? Like a box of wine. I'd say, can I get six Linden Village in 500 mil cans that have been hung in a tree for the whole day in the sun?
43:09 - 43:14
She's like, do you want it for Zach? I'm like, do you have any blue wicket or anything lying around?
43:14 - 43:20
Get the party started. I've only had two yolks. Okay. So then. I need to hold my game.
43:20 - 43:26
So then how, how long does this, these things take? It takes, it takes ages, Max.
43:26 - 43:31
We've no idea. It takes ages. But now it's, it takes a lot longer going blonde, going brown.
43:31 - 43:35
Like the brunette doesn't take as long because it doesn't have to cook the same way.
43:35 - 43:40
Okay. So I was, I had, I had a show, I had a preview in Covent Garden at half seven.
43:40 - 43:47
So I was very aware of that. So I was out of the hairdressers by five 30, I'd say for sure.
43:47 - 44:01
Um, and, and does it sealed in at this point? I just heard a tale recently of someone who'd gone, went to Turkey to get a hair transplant and then had,
44:01 - 44:15
uh, when they got back to Dublin, like basically bumped their head on the roof of the taxi as they got out of it and left, you know, five grams worth of follicles from their arse on the roof of the taxi.
44:15 - 44:21
Yeah. Yeah. But I'm not saying you're having a hair transplant. Not that there'd be anything wrong with you getting a hair transplant.
44:21 - 44:31
Does that taxi now, does that taxi now have like an amazing head? And now that taxi has to go to Turkey every six months to get it updated.
44:31 - 44:39
That poor guy. Oh my God. That's awful. Yeah. It'd be awful because you'd be missing it from one side.
44:39 - 44:52
So you'd have, you've no option other than to go back to Turkey because what would look even more ridiculous than, than just baldness would be just half sort of Phantom of the Opera style,
44:52 - 44:59
half baldness. But sorry, how, how crazy, like where was that driver going? Was it, it's like a runaway car.
44:59 - 45:02
Like how, how mad are you going that you knock out some lad's hair transplant?
45:02 - 45:10
No, he was, he was getting out the door and just the way you'd bump your head off the ceiling of the taxi as you get out.
45:10 - 45:18
I have fake eyelashes sturdier than that. That's crazy. I'd, I'd name and blame and shame that, that, that hair company.
45:18 - 45:24
That's terrible. Okay. So we've got a gig to do, Josers. We've got a work in progress and two gigs.
45:24 - 45:31
Well, hang on. Have you had lunch? Oh, good question. Sorry. So I, I ordered food to the hairdressers.
45:31 - 45:36
Oh, this is great. What did you, what did we go? Did we go for a Leon?
45:36 - 45:40
What did we go for? No, we went for, I think they're called Attica, Atticus.
45:40 - 45:49
Okay. Atticus. Yeah. Eggs. More eggs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Although, I mean, yes, but no, I didn't, I did nothing wrong with it.
45:49 - 45:54
Nothing right now. I've had my protein based. I'm, I'm protein diet, but now what are we having?
45:54 - 46:05
We're having a quinoa, chicken, broccoli, almonds. This is grim. Oh God. Oh, so delicious.
46:05 - 46:12
Oh God. I love it so much. I love it. I'm a health girl now before I go back in the world.
46:12 - 46:20
It feels like a healthy day so far. Are you like grazing? Cause like if I'm at home working, I'm just in the fridge, in the cupboards, just filling myself.
46:20 - 46:23
And if I buy healthy food, I eat those. And then I, I eat the unhealthy stuff afterwards.
46:23 - 46:27
I know it is hard. Cause you know, the way you're just eating out of boredom.
46:27 - 46:35
Yeah, I know. But I, but Olivia very much like we're kind of, because when I was in tour the last time, when the tour finished, I was in quite a bad state.
46:35 - 46:42
Like I'd really done the dog on him. I was really like, I was eating out of petrol stations.
46:42 - 46:45
I was so lethargic. I was so tired. I was wrecked. I had no energy.
46:45 - 46:54
I was drinking wine all the time. Now I'm assuming. So I'm trying to kind of get myself back into a healthy space before I do it all again.
46:54 - 47:02
It's so hard. I'm on tour at the moment. It's so with the best of all intentions, like you're waiting for 50 minutes.
47:02 - 47:08
So you look at the three options and you're like, well, Pratt is the healthiest one of these.
47:08 - 47:14
And then you've eaten the healthy thing and it has made, it has had no effect on your level of hunger.
47:14 - 47:20
So you get a chocolate croissant, you get another coffee, you get the popcorn bar.
47:20 - 47:28
That's got chocolate. You know, it's just so, my life's so hard. It's so hard for us.
47:28 - 47:35
Someone said it in many ways, comedians, it's like boxes. You're like Tyson Fury, aren't you?
47:35 - 47:41
You know, they'll take a photo of you, like just at the end of the tour and you're both like massive falling out, like just wobbling everywhere.
47:41 - 47:47
And then you, you disappear for a few months, you come back and you're like these lean, you're just a selection of V's.
47:47 - 47:52
And then you're like, and then we, and then we ruin it again. Yeah. It's cyclical.
47:52 - 47:56
Okay. So you got home at three 30 and we, the broccoli thing happened at lunch.
47:56 - 48:00
That's fine. You had a little can of wine. You're back home. A little can of wine.
48:00 - 48:03
And then it's. No, no, I was, I didn't go home. I had to go straight to the show.
48:03 - 48:08
Wow. I had to go straight to the show. So do three, do three separate gigs tonight.
48:08 - 48:12
You see if a work in progress and two rego gigs or two gigs in total.
48:12 - 48:16
So a work in progress and then two 20 minute spots. So it's all in top secret.
48:16 - 48:20
So I do my hour in upstairs as my whip. And then I go up to, they have two clubs.
48:20 - 48:25
So I go to Kingston, where whatever it's called to 20. And then I'm a backup story lane into 20.
48:25 - 48:31
Max, a whip is a work in progress. It's just an industry term. I saw that look of bafflement on your face.
48:31 - 48:39
That's a, that's the way I was just talking. I was just thinking about the sort of transit of the whole, that's the sort of awfully tiring evening.
48:39 - 48:46
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And bearing in mind, I haven't napped and I've been up since five 30.
48:46 - 48:55
Yeah. Our lives are incredibly hard, Max. If I could compare it to anything, it'd be like Sir Ernest Shackleton going to the South Pole, but every day.
48:55 - 49:03
So that's exactly it. The first gig is where, excuse me, in Kingston. Yeah. So I leave the hairdressers.
49:03 - 49:05
I go to a bar next door. I get out my notes. I have an agrownie.
49:05 - 49:15
Okay. I write out what I want to definitely hammer in the whip. Okay. I then get a black taxi to Covent Garden because I love a black taxi.
49:15 - 49:26
I love the buzz of it. Okay. It's very London life. I sometimes think the black taxi drivers, they need to sit, in the back occasionally just to get a feel for how fucking uncomfortable it is back there when they go over the speed bumps.
49:26 - 49:31
Yeah, but they leave you alone, which I love. It's like your own office. It's like an office on wheels.
49:31 - 49:38
They don't always leave you alone, but like some of the taxis. But yeah, just, I know that I like, of course the turning circle is miraculous.
49:38 - 49:42
And if they just spin around and around, I'd just be amazed. And I'm trying to up my black taxi rating.
49:42 - 49:48
So I'm kind of spreading it out between Uber and the black taxis just to get the rating back up.
49:48 - 49:54
I understand. It's strategic. Okay. So you get the cab to Covent Garden. And this is where the whip is.
49:54 - 50:00
Yeah. And what time is the whip? Half seven. Half seven. Okay. Here's my question with the whip.
50:00 - 50:07
Is there anything going in that's like so fresh that maybe you just wrote it earlier on that day?
50:07 - 50:10
Do you know what I mean? Is it like. Oh, a hundred percent. That's what I was doing.
50:10 - 50:18
So the more, that morning where I was pottering. Yeah. Was when I was tinkering with the show and then the, the, then, then yeah.
50:18 - 50:33
So I'm trying to run that stuff. Ooh, cool. Fresh bait. Babies, fresh babies. How much of the set is the person you've hired to help you in the house project managing another person building a giant lamp that you haven't had built for six months?
50:33 - 50:41
Oh God, no, sadly not. No, no, no, no. Yeah. Shame. I'm not very observational.
50:41 - 50:45
Ah, I see. And that was really, that is, I mean, that is really observational, isn't it?
50:45 - 50:50
That is pure observational stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Michael McIntyre could pull that off. I certainly cannot.
50:50 - 51:01
No, I need drama. Do we have a, are we working off a theme for the show or is it, are we just throwing bits at other bits?
51:01 - 51:12
We're throwing bits in, but I think at the moment, the theme is very much leaning into single woman life, eating alone, holidaying alone, that kind of vibe.
51:12 - 51:18
Okay. Yeah. Great. Okay. How does the work, how does the whip go? It went, it went quite well.
51:18 - 51:25
And is it, are we on an upward trajectory? Cause I, for me, the most exciting shows I ever do are whips.
51:25 - 51:31
And it's actually the point where you're like, oh my God, this will actually be a thing.
51:31 - 51:40
Like there's, there's the difference between looking, looking for it and looking at it. And then you start to be like, oh shit.
51:40 - 51:50
And now this sort of, it develops its own snowball-y emotion. Well, I don't know about you, but I, the snowball-y thing for me, it's, it snowballs and then it kind of,
51:51 - 51:58
defrosts. And then, and then you're like, oh, I have nothing. I have nothing. There's no point.
51:58 - 52:01
There's just no point. And then the next time you're like, oh, I think I do have something.
52:01 - 52:07
So it's that, it's that, you know, up and down-y stage where sometimes I'm like, oh, I think I have a show.
52:07 - 52:10
And then the next week I'm like, oh, I've got no show. It's like that.
52:10 - 52:19
It's a good description. Yeah. It's, it's, it does swing between, it's like when you start driving between the dramatic overconfidence of like, oh, I've sussed this.
52:19 - 52:24
I've absolutely, absolutely sussed this. And then you nearly run over six children at a bus stop.
52:24 - 52:35
Yeah. That is exactly it. What's interesting though, I think that's the first time anyone has followed through with the snowball analogy to beyond this thing's just got bigger and bigger and bigger.
52:35 - 52:42
Because the snowball will always melt, right? Yeah. Unless the gig is in Antarctica. Yeah, that's true.
52:42 - 52:48
Mine, mine, mine melt quite quickly, but you know, it's a process. It's the artistic process, you know?
52:48 - 52:51
So then you're, you're, in Covent Garden and now you've got to get to Kingston.
52:51 - 52:57
Yes. There's a club called Top Secret. He's got two venues and they're like a 10 minute walk from each other.
52:57 - 53:00
Not even, probably five. Are you allowed to tell us where they are? I mean, I presume.
53:00 - 53:10
They're Top Secret. It's all Top Secret. I know. I kind of forget that. I forget the meaning of the name because I'm in there so often, but yeah, it's, it's,
53:10 - 53:17
it's, it's well, it's a well-known Top Secret comedy club. And so I went down and I was doing, I did 20 in his, in the Kingston venue.
53:17 - 53:22
And then I came back up and did 20. And where I'd done the whip. But not Kingston upon Thames.
53:22 - 53:29
That's where I'm, that's like. No, no, no, sorry. Kingston Lane. It's called, it's a Drury Lane in Kingston something is the name of it.
53:29 - 53:38
Okay. I'm with you. I was very concerned about the amount of travel you had to do and how ill thought through this whole Top Secret affair was, but now it makes more sense.
53:38 - 53:49
Josers, what I'm curious about here is sometimes when you do a work in progress, it's got its own momentum, probably people who are familiar with your work and are excited,
53:49 - 53:58
to see it are there. And it's a different kettle of fish to take 20 minutes of that and do it in front of people who just want a bloody good time.
53:58 - 54:08
Now, did it stand up? Well, so what I was doing with the other twenties was cause the club were like, do you want to just like, do you want to just do the other gigs?
54:08 - 54:14
And I was like, yeah, because I was like, I wanted to do some old material to get it clipped up to use to promote the tour.
54:14 - 54:20
So I was doing old and new. Did you never record the, the old show?
54:20 - 54:26
I mean, it's the most successful show in the history of Irish comedy. Surely you're not like, does anyone have a video of it?
54:26 - 54:30
Does anyone remember what I used to do in the old show? Isn't it so funny?
54:30 - 54:35
So I did record it. I filmed one of the Borgosh gigs, which was at the very end of the tour.
54:35 - 54:42
But because I, and it's pure vanity, it was January. I had had a heavy Christmas.
54:42 - 54:48
I don't, I didn't have the sense to get my hair and makeup done. I look awful.
54:48 - 54:52
I look hellish. I'm hanging. End of the tour. You've let yourself go. We know this.
54:52 - 54:57
You're Tyson Fury. I've let myself go. Oh, I'm long gone. Yeah. I'm long gone.
54:57 - 55:01
And Christmas on top of that. And the big sweaty head and the hair is all over the place.
55:01 - 55:08
I can't do my own hair. And I, I mean, I will use clips from it, but I just thought when they, when they asked what I do the twenties, I just said,
55:08 - 55:13
actually, do you know what? That's a, that's a good opportunity to clip up some stuff where I've, I've brushed my hair basically.
55:13 - 55:20
It's your post Olivia now. And it's all different. You're full of air. My world has changed.
55:20 - 55:25
Yeah. I'm protein now. I'm protein rich. Blasting out these terrible farts the whole time.
55:25 - 55:32
Yeah. I'm a comic, you know, whatever makes them laugh. When did you dinner in all of this?
55:32 - 55:38
Oh, well, when I had the Negroni, I also had more chicken. More chicken. It's a protein-y day.
55:38 - 55:44
What did you have with, was it just Negroni and a chicken breast alone? Or like, was there something?
55:44 - 55:49
There's a place called Bill. So the hairdresser's in Notting Hill. It's called Larry King.
55:49 - 55:57
There's a place called Bill's beside them. It's not, there's two Bill's in London. There's the Bill's that, the kind of the chain Bill's, but this isn't that Bill's, it's a different Bill's.
55:57 - 56:05
And it's really nice. So every time I go to Larry, every time I go to get the hair done, I nip into Bill's for a Negroni and they do a gorgeous chicken salad.
56:05 - 56:09
Wow. Two chicken salads and six eggs today, is it? It's such a sensible day.
56:09 - 56:13
I am a creature of habit. If it's not broke. Yeah, no, fair enough. I don't fix it.
56:13 - 56:19
Yeah. Right. Okay. So you do the gig, gig. Is one 20 minutes better than the other 20 minutes or you're just, everything's been great.
56:19 - 56:26
Yeah, but no, by the last 20 minutes, so I'm closing the last show in Drury Lane and yeah, and I haven't been there.
56:26 - 56:30
Obviously I haven't seen anyone that's on before because I'm down the other place and I'm tired.
56:30 - 56:36
So that wasn't, that was a little harder than the other two gigs. I still have a nice time.
56:36 - 56:43
One of the most famous and popular live at the Apollo clips I can exclusively reveal without revealing anything about it.
56:43 - 56:57
The gig went really badly. And he or she, it's a he, came in the next day and recorded it in an empty Apollo and they recut it with the shots from another comedian of everyone lolling.
56:57 - 57:05
And they did it so well that everyone's like, that's one of the classic TV appearances of the last 20 years.
57:05 - 57:23
Yeah, I remember that. It does raise the fascinating prospect though of if you just stood in front of your fireplace there, Joanne, with the mic, just said jokes into your sitting room and then afterwards just get people to add in like audience applause shots of people cheering.
57:23 - 57:28
That way you wouldn't even have to shoot the clips in clubs. We're so influenced though, aren't we?
57:28 - 57:34
So if something goes wrong in a room at a gig, it doesn't matter how good the material is.
57:34 - 57:40
If the audience, if you don't loop them in the right way and they turn for some reason, it doesn't matter.
57:40 - 57:47
It's the energy. It's all about energy in the room. So that comic, what he did as Apollo thing, the energy didn't hit on that night.
57:47 - 57:53
But the material is still brilliant. So if you just put people laughing then other people are like, oh my God, this is really funny.
57:53 - 57:58
We're so, you know, we're just like little monkeys really. We just look around and see what people are doing.
57:58 - 58:05
It's the same with sport, right? If you see a goal scored by Real Madrid in front of, you know, 80,000 people going wild.
58:05 - 58:13
If you saw the same goal scored in League Two by Walsall on a muddy pitch and the ball looks a bit shit and there's like 10 people there.
58:13 - 58:18
You just wouldn't think it, it could be exactly the same sort of technical ability.
58:18 - 58:29
Yeah, it's pretty interesting. Josers, you've done three gigs. That's tiring. You've legitimately, and especially, I mean, you have had two eggs for every gig that you've done.
58:29 - 58:43
But if you're closing in Drury Lane top secret, it's going to be 11, half 11. You've been up for fricking, whatever, 18 hours now.
58:45 - 58:47
So what do you do? Do you go out after that? Is there a bit of crack?
58:47 - 58:52
No, no, no, no. I don't go out. I don't go out at all. I go, I go, I walk to the tube.
58:52 - 58:58
I walk to the tube. It would be so funny if after this healthy day, you'd just gone to KFC.
58:58 - 59:13
Massive bucket for 10. In five guys, I drop a grand in five guys. Great tube, straight home or any?
59:13 - 59:19
Straight home. No crack. No crack, no crack. There was a girl that came to the show who walked me to the tube.
59:19 - 59:30
She was very sweet. Her name was Caroline and she walked me to the tube and then we parted ways and then, oh, I stopped off in Tesco on the way and I bought two little cans of diet gin and tonic.
59:30 - 59:40
Did you drink them on the tube? Illegally? Yeah. Like a mad bitch. Wow. Okay, and so that's, because the first one you get through very quickly, right?
59:40 - 59:47
Because you finish the gig, you're like, was the first one sort of down the hatch and then you sort of quite, leisurely sip the second as the Northern line goes,
59:47 - 59:52
you know, cascades down to clap them. I nibbled on the second one. Yeah. I nibbled on the first as well.
59:52 - 59:59
It's the adrenaline of the, I've never been one of those comics who can just do a show and then just go, okay, I'm hitting the hay.
59:59 - 1:00:07
Yeah. I don't know how they do that. No, I can't do that. Also possibly, Max, the first crime that we've had on the podcast.
1:00:07 - 1:00:18
Yeah. So just back to the gaff then, Josers, on your own. Back to the gaff, watched two episodes of Amanda Land and went to bed.
1:00:18 - 1:00:24
Oh, Amanda Land. It's the Motherland spin-off. Yeah, is it good? It's brilliant. It's really good.
1:00:24 - 1:00:29
Yeah, it's a great character. Presumably you had another chicken salad though. I didn't, would you believe?
1:00:29 - 1:00:32
Do you know what I had? If you're really looking for a minutiae. I am.
1:00:32 - 1:00:40
I had two packets of sour cream and onion pop chips. Okay. Are they not, has that not undermined much of your healthiness from the rest of the day?
1:00:40 - 1:00:50
I hope not. Is the house, so, you know, we've presented it as this sort of gothic mansion and let's just leave, I don't want you to pick up.
1:00:50 - 1:00:55
Have we? Yeah, yeah. Is it chilly in the night or do you have a cozy for watching a mandolin?
1:00:55 - 1:01:06
Or are you watching a mandolin on the laptop in bed? No, so I have, I have a, a very, my couch is kind of like a bed and I have a duvet out here.
1:01:06 - 1:01:13
Oh, lovely. I have a bed in the separate boudoir area. So I watch two episodes of Mandolin on the couch doing a bit of scrolling.
1:01:13 - 1:01:20
You know yourself. I was looking at maybe buying some new crockery, didn't bother, and then took off my makeup and went, and went into the bed and shut my eyes and that was the end of it.
1:01:20 - 1:01:35
Cockering, the guy who lived in my house before me. What? Yeah, he left a vibrating battery-powered cockering in a drawer upstairs, which is the overriding thing that he left behind.
1:01:35 - 1:01:45
Yeah. He also left his crockery and it's Denby and I checked it recently in a posh shop and it's like 45, 45 quid for a plate.
1:01:45 - 1:01:50
Wow! I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still making money off it. Thank you, Cockering.
1:01:50 - 1:01:55
Cockering, if you're listening to this, if that is your real name, thank you very much.
1:01:55 - 1:02:03
Josers, did you doze straight off or... Because I would imagine you were feeling some tiredness creeping up in you now.
1:02:03 - 1:02:07
I was pretty tired now last night. It was a long day, I would say.
1:02:07 - 1:02:14
But you did say that you, the previous night you'd watched YouTube documentaries on how we're going to be taken over by AI Neanderthals.
1:02:14 - 1:02:20
Did you go back to that kind of YouTube thing to sleep? I always put on, I always play documentaries to go to sleep.
1:02:20 - 1:02:26
So what was it yesterday? Space documentaries, space or kind of history documentaries, anything like that.
1:02:26 - 1:02:36
I think it's because they're so heavily narrated that you don't have to watch it to know what's going on and the voices, they're very, what would I say, soothing.
1:02:36 - 1:02:41
And then I feel like I'm learning. I feel like I'm learning. What was yesterday's doc?
1:02:41 - 1:02:47
It's always something about space or history. And I just put space, history, documentary and then whatever comes up I just hit play.
1:02:47 - 1:02:50
Do you have any recollection of what you were learning? I mean, you say you feel like you're learning.
1:02:50 - 1:03:02
Can you remember what you learned? No. I can't actually, no. No, sorry. My go-to is my podcast colleague, Max, his football.
1:03:02 - 1:03:10
So often I doze off to sleep with him. Yeah. And he does a good, like, you know, he's a great broadcaster.
1:03:10 - 1:03:17
Stop it. John, what can I say? But he does an amazing, amazing thing where when it's a bit boring, he brings a lot of energy to it.
1:03:17 - 1:03:23
So sometimes as I'm dozing off to sleep, he'll be like, oh, another nil-nil. That was fascinating, wasn't it?
1:03:23 - 1:03:29
And I'll be like, and then I remember who I'm dealing with here. You need monotony.
1:03:29 - 1:03:33
You need, like, you need something. You can't deal with anyone who's going to have highs and lows.
1:03:33 - 1:03:39
Since I started this podcast, I've never had to use any sort of thing to help me go to sleep, right?
1:03:39 - 1:03:50
Because I just lie and then go to sleep. But because we've talked to guests who have different ways of doing it, and Sam Campbell's inventing his whole world, like a whole sport with stats and everything,
1:03:50 - 1:03:59
I've started doing this thing where I would go to the alphabet and just be like, okay, I'll do simple foods, right?
1:03:59 - 1:04:05
So I would just go like... So, but here's interesting. A is obvious, right? Apple.
1:04:05 - 1:04:11
You're going apple, aren't you? B is obvious. Yeah. Banana. You go straight banana. Bread.
1:04:11 - 1:04:16
You could go bread. Bread or banana, fine. But it's probably apples, bananas. C? Chicken, chicken, chicken.
1:04:16 - 1:04:23
I'd go cheese, but cheese or chicken. D? Struggle. Terry Lee. Terry Lee Dunkers. Terry Lee Dunkers.
1:04:23 - 1:04:26
See, I ended up going with dates and I've never bought dates. They don't fit.
1:04:26 - 1:04:33
E, eggs, obviously. But like D, I was like, this is... And then I'm awake because I'm going, fuck, I can't think of a simple food that begins with D.
1:04:33 - 1:04:39
It's difficult. You need to get into the you need to get into the ancient civilization documentaries, Max, I'm telling you.
1:04:39 - 1:04:44
You're getting close. Joanne, thank you very much for doing this. Thanks, Joanne. Thank you.
1:04:44 - 1:04:48
I'm sorry I didn't do more, but what can I do? That's my life. Everyone thinks that.
1:04:48 - 1:04:56
Honestly, everyone thinks. Do they? Yeah. I don't think we're ever going to get anyone who's like serving up a whopper day.
1:04:56 - 1:04:59
Yeah. I played Wembley last night. Yeah. I don't think you could have done more.
1:04:59 - 1:05:16
Thanks, guys. That was really good fun. So there we are, Joanne McNally. Another guest booked by me, David, and another writer's success.
1:05:16 - 1:05:26
The way that your tendrils have gone into the whole comedy industry, you just pluck these names out of your Rolodex.
1:05:26 - 1:05:33
Thank you again, Max. I'm learning a lot about stand-up. I reckon, you know, within a couple of years, I will be playing the Apollo.
1:05:33 - 1:05:40
Hey. And I could do, you know, kids, they go, they're tiring. I could do that bit.
1:05:40 - 1:05:45
Someone did make a bingo card for this. That I would imagine you have seen.
1:05:45 - 1:05:53
And it's great. Some of it was frighteningly accurate, which is guest mentions not getting some sleep.
1:05:53 - 1:06:02
Max says that he's been up since 5.30 and then David says he has 19 bikes. Like it was as close to an AI as I've ever seen.
1:06:02 - 1:06:07
Anyway, I thought Joanne had a great day. Six eggs is a lot of eggs.
1:06:07 - 1:06:15
I know. What I think is good is over time, you know, this is the most number of eggs that we've had a guest has consumed during a day.
1:06:15 - 1:06:22
We've obviously had the most amount of pineapple someone has consumed in a day. So like we're building up these records and records are there to be broken.
1:06:22 - 1:06:28
And one day when we get Jeff Capes on and he says, may he rest in peace.
1:06:28 - 1:06:36
When we get Jeff Capes and he says, I had 28 eggs or Andre the Giant or someone like that, may he rest in peace.
1:06:36 - 1:06:43
That would be a huge moment that someone has eaten more eggs than Joanne McNally and I'm looking forward to that.
1:06:43 - 1:06:50
You know, I wouldn't stop listening to this podcast because I'd be like, I keep, I need to know if there's someone out there who's had more than six eggs in one sitting.
1:06:50 - 1:07:01
I think also this could be the reason why you're so bad at booking guests for this because everyone you suggest is no longer with us, is recently deceased.
1:07:01 - 1:07:10
Max's, here's Max's short list. JFK is on there. Mandela would be a great guest.
1:07:12 - 1:07:22
If you'd like to get in touch with the show, here is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
1:07:22 - 1:07:29
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:07:29 - 1:07:37
And if you didn't, please don't. Thank you, David. And thank you for booking Joanne.
1:07:37 - 1:08:13
And thank you for being so great. Thanks, Max. Thanks, Joanne. Bye, everyone.