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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
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Do you want to carry on? I'm recording it. Okay. That's how we should start, maybe.
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Because my son is learning counting, we could get into that market, you know? Some people say this podcast is too niche.
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And so if we just add an educational element into it, it could help. Welcome, everybody, to Midweek Mayhem.
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From the people who brought you What Did You Do Yesterday? It's a similar podcast.
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David O'Doherty is there. Hello, David. Welcome to Series 1, Episode 1000. It's a big one. It's the Millennium episode.
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It is. So we've got Lorraine Kelly, Bruce Forsyth, and Les Dawson. Oh, my God.
1:52 - 2:05
Through the magic of AI, we have various guests. We have a medium. And Lorraine is disappointed that she is saying, why am I the only living person who's been invited onto this?
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But that's just the way the booking works for this show. I once did a UK tour, and you're always interested in who is at roughly the same level as me.
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Who's playing these rooms? And it's particularly disappointing when it's a cover band. Yeah. You know, especially when doing multiple nights because you're still not as big as, not Fleetwood Mac.
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Was it Mace of Base, where they would cover everyone in mace and hold maces, but still sing all that she wants?
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And I saw the sign, of course. Medieval reenactment versions of Ace of Base. When my mother got her last car, a 2003 Yaris, in the cassette player was, I think it's called Happy Nation.
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The Ace of Base. The Ace of Base album on cassette. Oh, wow. Yeah, I listened to the weird sort of wonky ska reggae.
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Anyway, I did this tour of the UK and almost every night, the next night after me was Psychic Sally.
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Ah, yeah. Good old Psychic Sally. It was like she was following me on the tour.
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Is she like the Poundland Mystic Meg? Yes. Okay. I believe. There was an incident with Psychic Sally at her gig in Dublin where people who were sat near the back near a box could hear what Psychic Sally was about to say
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moments before spoken by a man in the box who was obviously checking people's Facebook pages and cross-referencing them with their names on the credit card details.
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And I think after that, Psychic Sally, had to have a sort of disclaimer on her poster that was like, not actually magic, just for entertainment purposes.
4:04 - 4:14
Just really fucking nosy. My point is, if I was doing two nights in Nottingham, Psychic Sally would be doing two nights in Nottingham.
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If I was doing three nights at Aberdeen, she'd be doing three nights at Aberdeen.
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And then I, after the UK tour, went to Australia and New Zealand to do some gigs there.
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And who is on? Stop it. Granted, the week after me, but Psychic Sally, same thing.
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Two nights in Adelaide, you know what I mean? One night in Sydney. And then in Brisbane, it was all square after this tour.
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And then they'd put a sign up that said, a second night of Psychic Sally has been added due to, but the line was unprecedented demand, which you would think is the one thing Psychic Sally would She could use her skills to organise the tour.
5:01 - 5:11
Totally precedented demand, obviously. Hey, first of all, you know, we must congratulate Mars Bar again on getting engaged.
5:11 - 5:19
Ed Carter says, Mars Bar, what a guy. Tamsin says, just listening, and you're both saying congratulations to Mars Bar, but absolutely no mention that she said yes.
5:19 - 5:30
You might want to check that. So to anyone who missed that episode, our producer, Mars Bar said, hey, I'll do my yesterday.
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And we were like, all right, OK, fine. Slightly mystified as to why he was so enthusiastic to do it.
5:38 - 5:50
And then it turned out the day before he had proposed on top of the Empire State Bill, concrete jungle where dreams are made of.
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Actually, when he said, is she King Kong? Yeah, that was bad. Funny line. That was very funny.
5:58 - 6:06
Yakal Asari says, very romantic episode, but with the right amount of loo discussions for it to be, what did you do yesterday?
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The funny thing is, we, you know, we've tried to move away from that. But what is apparent is either it's our fault or that just life always ends up back in the toilet.
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Well, it does. It does. And as O'Brien said, people seem reluctant to talk about, fiddling with themselves on the podcast, but they love talking about shitting.
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Reggie says, I just finished listening to the Rob Beckett episode. I was left feeling that maybe everyone needs to treat this a little bit more professionally.
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Drinking or drug taking on the job seems a tad irresponsible. Everyone seemed a little bit off.
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In particular, David seemed to be slurring his words. What? I wholeheartedly apologise for this judgement.
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It was only after the next podcast had started that realised something was wrong. And somehow, I was listening on 0.75 speed.
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That must have been a bumper long episode to listen to then. Yeah, just imagine.
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Just imagine. I mean, they're too long as it is. Don't slow them down, for goodness sake.
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Reggie and Bulara, Victoria, Australia. I presume you've played the RSL there at some point, David.
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This is from Matt, who says, it's an iTunes review. It's mainly about me. Oh, no.
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It says, Max Rushden, a media powerhouse. Oh, yeah. A number of years ago, I was compelled to text into TalkSport to congratulate Max on his broadcasting talents.
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After, on consecutive days, he proclaimed, elephants are big and giraffes are tall. Is this your son?
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Is this a message from Ian? I was excited to see that he'd started a new podcast, but was deeply concerned that a number of years later, the magic he had previously delivered on TalkSport may have diminished.
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I needn't have worried. He's exactly as insightful as he once was. No more, no less.
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Can you remember the context in which you uttered these incredible, what will be your epitaph?
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Elephants are big, giraffes are tall. I've always thought, you know, I'm urbane, you know, I can be one of those guys that gives lectures and there it is.
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It's a sort of Bloomsbury set type dinner and everyone's sitting around and you take a sip from your coupe of champagne and put it down.
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Well, of course, as they always say, elephants are big, giraffes are tall and then have another sip.
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And everyone nods and goes, oh yeah, the man talks sense. He really does. We must have him to ours for dinner too.
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Absolutely right. Sam says, Hi Max and David, you wanted to know what listeners did when listening to your episodes.
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Yesterday I was listening to your podcast while projectile vomiting into a toilet due to gastroenteritis.
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I then proceeded into a cycle of throwing up and micro-sleeping for 10 minutes all whilst listening to your soothing voices.
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Overall, I would recommend your podcast to any friend with gastroenteritis. I hear it's being prescribed in some cameras.
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But would you end my yesterday after my first micro-sleep or force me to describe each bout until I finally fell asleep for good if I were your guest?
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There is part of me that would love to get someone on the day after a bout of food poisoning.
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I think it would be such a funny episode. Fair play to them if they said, look, here's what I woke up.
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My stomach had gone. Oh, it'd be fun. It does remind me of, one of the very first ever peak performance type clips that went around Instagram, which is some business bro talking about how he gets up at 3am and he works until 8, I think,
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straight through. And he says, so before you even got up, I've worked a full day.
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And then he has his breakfast. He has like a deer or something for breakfast.
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A live deer, of course. He works nine to five. So he's got two days in while you've just got one.
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But then preposterously, he has his dinner and then works like six to midnight. Like there's a terrible flaw in this.
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But he's working three days for every one day you work. And that's why he has such an impractical watch on.
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Ian says, it's written J-A-N, but pronounced Ian Hi gentlemen, I live in Prague where for two years I had a personal trainer in a gym who also could not count.
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He would also tell me to do 12 reps and after I'd already done 13, he would say 11 all the time.
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As Czechs usually do know how to count, I'm wondering whether this is some secret method taught to personal trainers in courses to make their clients go the extra three reps.
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It sort of reminds me of when you're encouraged encouraging a child to eat more of their boring dinner and you say, three more bites.
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You know what I mean? And then they are like, I had three more bites and you're like, no, no, no, another three.
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Like, is it just that? I mean, maybe it's why Ian, spelt like Jan, is so ripped.
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Possible. Jonathan and Deal, says hi guys, just paused midweek mayhem after David's hand luggage confession.
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At the turn of the century, a bunch of us flew easy jet from Gati, he says, Gati, chaps, we go to Gati, from Gati to Ibiza.
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The mission was to theme up, privilege the world's biggest club. Okay, so they were doing something.
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We had about 100 kilos of decorations and tools and not much money to pay for excess baggage.
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I feel pretty safe in saying neither David or I ever went to privilege the world's biggest nightclub.
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It would not have been a privilege, I'd like to point out. Although I once, did have a very good night in a nightclub in, in Prague that was known as the largest nightclub in middle Europe.
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Oh yeah. Just by the Charles Bridge, you know the one by the Charles Bridge?
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Yeah, I've passed it. I was too scared to go into it. Yeah, it was big.
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It was big. Yeah. I can't guarantee I've not been to all the clubs in middle Europe to know.
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I'm imagining Ace of Base was playing when you went in. Oh, if it was, I was happy.
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Anyway, Jonathan continues, we didn't have a lot of money to pay for excess baggage, but it turns out surfboards go for a set 20 quid.
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So we crammed all our stuff into a surfboard bag. It took two of us to push our baggage trolley with the board bag laying across it and the wheels squeaking in pain.
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We had to clean and jerk it onto the conveyor belt. At the other end, two guys manhandled it out of the back, puffing and sweating.
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I don't know if anyone was looking into the X-ray machine, watching pliers, screwdrivers, drills, surfboard shaped pieces of plywood going past.
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It must have been like a combo of the generation game and DIY SOS, he says.
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So good. We got away with it though, saving hundreds of pounds and same happened on the return journey.
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Shout out to Trace and Rupert. Thank you, Jonathan, for that. It was a wild era.
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I remember taking my bike on some flights around that time where they would be like, oh, a bike, 100 pounds, please.
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And you would just, you appeared like a student because that's what you look like.
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And you'd also just go, could I please not pay that? The person would be like, very well.
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You know, I feel there was more of a lax attitude to it as opposed to now where, I don't know, it's rare that you can sweet talk anyone into doing anything.
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What a sad thought. You can't just slip someone a fiver and go, I said I'd like the pink biscuits, five pounds.
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Please take this huge bag of heroin on board for me. Georgie Bingham, the broadcaster, says I break my Twitter hiatus to inform you that I was under the impression that hosepipes,
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sprinkling water in the landing zone of a high diver is so they can see where the water level actually is on their way down.
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You were suggesting something else, David. Yeah, I was suggesting it keeps the water moving such that it's not as hard to hit than if you happen to belly flop or whatever.
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Shall I look it up? Hang on. No, no. No. Finally, before we get onto the cheese game, this is from, how do I pronounce this?
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Oh, Emma. I know how to pronounce this. Sorry. Emma, P-M-M-A. Because it's an Irish.
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There's a low moment there. These Irish names. No idea how to say them. Emma.
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Emma. Good morning, gentlemen. I hope this email finds you both fit and well. I'm contacting you regarding your request for information on where people listen to the podcast.
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I listen to Midweek Mayhem, this one, on my drive to work. Said work is teaching singing to an order of monks in an idyllic monastery in rural Ireland.
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I find the podcast puts me in a suitably reflective mood before entering the monastery, which, to be honest, is a slice of heaven on earth, just like yourselves.
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Emma English, and then it says Barry on Ard, Scoil Cheol, Chathair, Louie Maynig. Should I send that to you?
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Should I post that? It sounds like she's saying like Liminoc, which is like Limerick in Irish.
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I'll square a little bit. So, yeah, I mean, I've put it in the WhatsApp group.
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Oh, my goodness. So I wasn't allowed to Google why high divers have Scoil Cheol, which is the singing school, and Chathair Liminic, which is the city of Limerick.
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There we go. My Irish is not good, but I was able to translate that.
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It's okay. O'Brien and the Helen Copter both have good Irish to the point where they sometimes speak Irish to each other, probably saying stuff about me.
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Wow. Can you imagine? Do you think they're in a WhatsApp group together, O'Brien and the Helen Copter?
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Do you worry about them? I wouldn't say so, no. They both went to the same affiliated secondary school.
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So I think they reminisce about teachers and stuff like that. Ah, okay. I didn't know that.
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Now, before we play Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, Amanda in Heathmont says, with the title Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, as I sat in bed at 6am with a cup of coffee and the latest episode of What Did You Do Yesterday,
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I unconsciously punched the air and laughed out loud to find the third cheese fourth in place in the DOD cheese board had been successfully guessed.
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I was then plunged into a state of concern, fearful that DOD might be allowed to give a clue to the remaining two cheeses, thereby potentially cutting short what is perhaps tragically the highlight of my week.
17:18 - 17:30
I have bought all the so far revealed cheeses and look forward to the day, hopefully within the expiry date, when I can finally assemble the famed five cheese board.
17:30 - 17:38
If DOD could please go into detail on any accoutrements, pickles, etc. to complete the final presentation, legions of fans would be most grateful.
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No guesses for me. I'm just in it for the thrills. Perhaps my favourite message from anyone, Amanda and Heathmont.
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Thank you, Amanda. Guess the accoutrements will be the next game after who wants to be a billionaire?
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And it was a can of WD-40 and a boxing glove. OK, it's time to play Curdle Master Rhymes.
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What did you fondue yesterday? Who wants to be a millionaire? Two... One... Two... One...
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Oh, no, cheese! This is cheese! Um, it is still a two-cheese board, isn't it?
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Last week, Helen guessed Cashel Blue, Manchego, Reblechon, Comte, and Goat. Yes. And Goat was right cheese, wrong place, if I remember correctly.
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Was it? OK, but Comte is right cheese, right place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Oh, wow. But it's still a two-cheese board, but presumably, if the person was listening correctly, they just will move Goat into the right position.
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So... Yeah. I'm expecting to end in a one-cheese board by the end of this, at the very least.
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This could be the moment, guys. I don't know if we're going to get a bejoying.
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You were, before we came on air, talking to producer Will, who is sitting in for Mars Bar, who's in marital bliss, and you were talking about whether the transcript...
19:39 - 19:46
You were talking about how do you spell bejoying. This is your idle chit-chat before we actually do the podcast.
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Hey, Will, how do you think you spell bejoying? I don't know. What do you think?
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I don't know. To the listeners, this is strange, this is a strange moment just before we record this because inevitably Max appears, his little jovial face on the recording, and then he goes,
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I have to do a wee. Max goes off, but he's still got his earpods in.
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So he, although he can't contribute to the chat, it's important to remember not to say anything rude about Max because he's listening.
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Yeah, I was worried that it would toggle to microphone in my earpods and then you'd hear me doing a wee, but it doesn't.
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Like police account of me. Okay, so this week it is the turn of Mark Dossett in Cambridge.
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Ah, one of my people. The mean streets of CB1. I hope you got out like I did, Mark, because it's a tough place to grow up.
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What are they called again? What's the nickname of the Cambridge football team? The U's.
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The U's. The U's. Meh. As I've said before, David, and you know, I'm a man of the people.
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Life was tough. We didn't even have a full-size harp in the music room. Okay.
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It's a pitty little thing. It was terribly out of tune most of the time.
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Anyway, Mark says, love the podcast. I'm reluctantly submitting a cheese guess as a part of me never wants it to end.
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But if it inevitably is going to, I'd like to be the one who closes out the feature and becomes the first and probably only Curdle Hall of Fame member.
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There's going to be a prize. Max, there's going to be a prize for this.
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I said Nissan Micra. I don't think Mars Bar loved that. No. That I was offering a Nissan Micra as the prize.
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What about two tickets, VIP tickets to our first ever live show? What? Wow. That's news to me.
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Depends what VIP is and we haven't booked it yet, but we're thinking about it.
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VIP, would we want them to meet, would we want them in the green room before the show or would that be too much?
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We'd say, we'll have a pint with you after. We give them the five cheeses.
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We present it to them. Yeah, okay. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. Cash on Blue. Bing, bing, bing, bing!
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Manchego. Bing, bing, bing, bing! Goat's cheese. Bing, bing, bing, bing! Compta. Bing, bing, bing, bing!
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Oh my goodness! This could be it! The pressure's so enormous, isn't it? Wow! Stinking Bishop.
22:12 - 22:26
Wow! Okay, so it's a one cheese board, everybody. It was obvious that Mark was going to get four, but as every bing, bing, bing, came in, it felt like when the wordle all goes green,
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but like a thousand times more. I was so euphoric. And the thing is, I don't know the cheeses either.
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You put them in the WhatsApp group, I asked you to delete it, I didn't look at it.
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I do not know what the cheeses are. So I am like you. I'm living this like you.
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All I know is T-J-N-C. They're just normal cheeses. I think that'll catch on if we just keep saying it.
22:48 - 22:55
It's quite hard to think about it. T-J-N-C. T-J-N-C. They're just normal cheeses. Now, we weren't sure whose day it was, but it is your day, isn't it?
22:55 - 23:01
But just a note from David Squires, the Guardian cartoonist, who is a genius, it is worth pointing out.
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One of the greats. Midweek mayhem, he says, Max, has made me so familiar with your Monday routine that I know for a fact, and he messaged me this on Monday at about 2 p.m.,
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I know for a fact you're about to have a nap having worn yourself out screaming at the producer of your A-League show for not bringing you a single dodo egg on a gold platter to accompany your five-eighth full crystal goblet of flat white.
23:20 - 23:32
You are the woke Clarkson is what he says. Ah, the woke Clarkson. David Squires has done it again.
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And can I just say this? Can I just say this before we do your day?
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Yesterday, I was doing the project on Channel 10 in Australia. I'd say loosely it's similar to the one show.
23:41 - 23:45
And everyone there is lovely. And there's a guy called Brad who's amazing. He's sort of the fixer.
23:45 - 23:49
You know, if you need a park, he'll get you your ticket. If you need some food, he'll get you some food.
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Like, I bought my wife's birthday present in because it was, you know, last November and he found me a hamper to just, like, he's just got everything.
23:58 - 24:05
Like, he's just this guy. Like, he's amazing. Anyway, it was like 2pm and we had to do a pre-recorded interview and so I rang him to say, look, I've got time.
24:05 - 24:07
I'm happy to go and get my own coffee. He went, no, no, it's okay.
24:07 - 24:10
I'll go and get it. It's a strong three quarter flat white. He knows it.
24:10 - 24:15
Great. When it arrived, it wasn't strong. It wasn't his fault. There was a weak coffee.
24:15 - 24:22
Couldn't have it. And it was too late. The cafes had closed. So I just think it's important to, I got another wrong coffee.
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I couldn't be angry with Brad because you can't be angry with Brad. It was there.
24:25 - 24:36
But anyway, it's your day. You have just hung Brad out to dry. I see why you're, you're using this podcast in the same way Alex Ferguson uses various books.
24:36 - 24:46
Just needless to say, I had the last laugh. No, I think I pointedly didn't call out Brad there.
24:46 - 24:49
I thought I was saying it was not his fault. He did everything he was meant to do.
24:49 - 24:54
He can't taste the coffee. You can't get round the coffee machine and see the barista.
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Can you? You've got to trust them. And like, he's never let me down before.
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I will say he didn't seem to give a shit when I was like this.
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I can't drink this. He had other shit to do by then. And I was like, okay.
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So there we are. Anyway, it's your day. The day begins 7.30am. Oh, okay. So hang on a second.
25:16 - 25:25
Interruption. Helen Copter's not going to the gym or she slept through booking the class or I'm not saying your day is as predictable as mine.
25:25 - 25:30
Yeah. But I know what's happening and she's not booked the class. This is a good day.
25:30 - 25:42
A lot of different stuff happens in this day. Helen Copter has decided to try the other Pilates place around the corner and the class there is at 8.30am.
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So she'll do that on her way to work. So it's all changed Do you think she's doing that because she's aware of how sad her waking you up at 7 has made you?
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I wonder if it plays a role in it because it is an awful thing that she wakes me up that early and I make I make a meal out of it in a sort of a no, no, no, it's fine.
26:08 - 26:13
I don't mind. I don't mind. Like in the most annoying possible way. Just for context.
26:13 - 26:20
Right. Sometimes, let's say we finish. Let's say the latest I finish when the clock says what they are is half past midnight on a Sunday.
26:20 - 26:24
I will then go to the day bed. Right. It's the first bed I get to.
26:24 - 26:29
Okay. Right. Because there's a three-year-old in the next room and then it's our room.
26:29 - 26:35
Yeah. And there's a baby in there and I don't want to wake up the three-year-old with the squeaky floorboards and I don't want to get in bed and wake the baby.
26:35 - 26:44
Right. So it's the right thing to do. But when the baby wakes up for a feed, Jamie, and I'd probably say quite rightly, but I'm like, please just let me sleep through.
26:44 - 26:56
She will phone me and say, it's 2 a.m. To be like, we're on. So the Helen Copter, like waking you up at 7 a.m., I'm afraid the sympathy levels I'm giving you are low.
26:56 - 27:01
They are low. Now, just for the tape, because this is the first thing I've ever done that my wife does listen to.
27:01 - 27:08
Jamie, I love you. And she does occasionally, she does a whole feed and resettles without waking me sometimes.
27:08 - 27:15
And they are beautiful things. I'd love to get a transcript of all of those phone conversations.
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They're quite short. We get up at 7.30. It's my turn to make breakfast. I've bought a large thing of Greek yogurt.
27:26 - 27:32
I try to trick it up. I put honey into it. I put chia seeds into it.
27:32 - 27:43
I put granola, peanut butter granola into it, which possibly undoes all of the health benefits of the low-fat Greek yogurt to begin with.
27:43 - 27:47
No, that's good. Interestingly, I'm on a Weetabix journey. What would they say in Australia?
27:47 - 27:51
A Weetabix journey. Yeah. But I do like to cover it in your hemp and your flax seeds.
27:51 - 27:59
And I'm putting more of those in. The more comedians we talk to who are our age, who are trying to be healthy, I'm putting more of those sort of grim things in.
27:59 - 28:08
But then I do like to cover it with granola so it tastes nice. Weetabix covered in granola.
28:08 - 28:18
Yeah. Come on. Who are you kidding? This is a joke. It's better than just having a bowl of granola, which would be really yummy So then I go downstairs.
28:18 - 28:27
This is the first real twist in the day. Wow. It was the Helen Kupter's birthday at the weekend.
28:27 - 28:38
And I really thought a lot about what to get her. And in the end, I got her two things.
28:38 - 28:49
Okay. I was thinking you made her a Thai green burrito with ragu. Parmesan tagliatelle.
28:49 - 29:03
Okay. No, I got her what looks like a bag of not shit, but decomposed cow turds.
29:03 - 29:12
Okay. And I got it from the mushroom man who has a little place around the corner from where we live.
29:12 - 29:23
He's called the Mushroom Butcher. This is a bag of ready-to-go oyster mushrooms that haven't appeared yet.
29:23 - 29:28
So you have to cut two slits in the top of it, put it in a dark place.
29:28 - 29:36
I've cleared a cupboard and put it in there. And three times a day, I have to go with a spritz bottle and spritz the little holes.
29:36 - 29:45
And in 10 days time, when I say the lads are going to appear, there's a YouTube about how it works.
29:46 - 29:51
Max, a kilo of mushrooms are going to come out of this bag. A kilo, have you any idea?
29:51 - 30:03
That's as heavy as possibly a human head. Yeah, no, I mean, I normally go for 500 grams, sort of your normal white mushroom unsliced.
30:03 - 30:12
So I've got a really good concept of what a kilo of mushrooms is. The question is, will we know when the time is right to harvest these mushrooms?
30:12 - 30:21
Also, will the mushrooms be so big they will smash out of the cupboard? To the walls, like the Triffids.
30:21 - 30:31
Yeah, that's the fear at the moment. But at the moment, kind of like AI, I think I can control it just with my little spritz bottle.
30:31 - 30:40
Question, question. And there is always a danger, especially when you are hosting such a successful podcast vehicle as this.
30:40 - 30:48
Yes. Is that the reason you bought the present was because you know this is sensational content because we can revisit this once a week.
30:48 - 30:53
Even when it's my day, we can always do a mushroom check-in because I think people will want a mushroom check-in.
30:53 - 31:02
And you know now that those people that were wavering, going, I love the idea, but actually I'm just a bit, you know, and the curdle's coming to an end.
31:02 - 31:06
They're now like, I got to hang on until I find out when the oyster mushrooms come.
31:06 - 31:18
I'm excited. I'm offering Ellen Copter fashion advice, obviously, as she gets, puts her gear in the bag to go off and do her class, etc.
31:18 - 31:29
I have a slight moment of longing and it's fine. My life is fulfilling and good, but this year I am not with you in Melbourne.
31:29 - 31:50
I'm not doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival. And yet someone added me to one of the joys of that festival is there's a strip of grass behind the boat sheds by the Yarra and that's where every second day people doing the festival have a semi-spontaneous game of football,
31:50 - 31:56
really low quality kickabout, jumpers for goalposts, etc. Interruption. Are you still in the group?
31:56 - 32:10
Yeah. Could you say, can you ask if Max can play? You, I have a fear though that you're going to arrive full kit vibes.
32:10 - 32:17
You're going to absolutely stick one on someone in the first minute. You're going to deny everything.
32:17 - 32:24
But also, yes, I can. You can. Just like, I probably won't be free. I'm quite busy and getting out to play football.
32:24 - 32:30
You know, I've sort of done the negotiations for playing football. The season starts in two weeks for the University of Melbourne Old Boys.
32:30 - 32:36
And so I probably won't have the time, but I'd like to just, I don't need to be in the group.
32:36 - 32:39
I just need you to message me and say, this is where the game's happening.
32:39 - 32:47
It's on. And I'll represent you. I'll play as you. I'll represent you. Now, the last time I played in that match, I, for the one and only time in my career,
32:47 - 33:02
and this will give you an idea of how serious a game it is. I did a scorpion kick where I was in goals and the ball came in high and I let it go over my head and then centipeded.
33:02 - 33:09
Is that what that's called? Caterpillar down onto my chest. Centipeding is different. I certainly wouldn't do it in public.
33:09 - 33:17
And my heels shot up and kicked the ball miles, down the pitch. Wow, well done.
33:17 - 33:20
It's that sort of a game. I was at the game when Rani Higuita did that.
33:20 - 33:28
No way! I was, I was like a teenager and I've written about this. It was totally fraudulent because in the warm-up, it's all he did.
33:28 - 33:36
He must have done it a hundred times before the game. Really? Yeah, so by the time you saw it and also the offside flag had gone up, I think Jamie Redknapp put the ball in the box.
33:36 - 33:40
By the time he did it, you're a bit like, yeah, all right, we've seen that, mate.
33:40 - 33:49
And it's one of the iconic moments of sport. Wow. It is. You're a real zealot and a big figure that's been at all these important moments in the history of sport.
33:49 - 34:00
You name a moment in sport and history and I was probably there. When Pushkus pulled the ball back and then scored in the 1952 European Cup final.
34:00 - 34:07
Yeah. You were there. Correct. You were in goals. I was, yeah, I was. I just don't like to talk about it a lot.
34:07 - 34:13
Okay. So I don't want to hog this group, but it's nice to be on it, to be on it.
34:13 - 34:25
Even though, you know, I'll put it on, I'll look at it occasionally and see Emma Hollands playing, who played for Queensland at underage football.
34:25 - 34:32
You know, there's some good footballers in there. Question, how many guests, podcast guests are in the group?
34:32 - 34:40
There's definitely going to be a few. Nish is going to be there soon. Amy Gledhill, I don't know if she's going to be playing in it.
34:40 - 34:53
God, just in looking this up, I happen to, on another football group that I'm in, but have muted just because Chloe Pets is in the group.
34:53 - 34:58
John Kearns is in the group. Guy Montgomery. Yeah, we got to get him on this podcast.
34:58 - 35:08
He's in there. What I'm saying is they'd know who you were. Tom Cashman, who sometimes does the project, the Aussie show that you present sometimes.
35:08 - 35:14
Anyway, I just want to make my presence known and make it known that I'm watching.
35:15 - 35:34
I'm going to use my Photoshop skills to superimpose my head on the head of Diego Maradona from the meme from the last World Cup where Messi is standing on the pitch looking up at the sky and Maradona is in a cloud just looking down
35:34 - 35:43
and I'm sort of applauding him being like, go on my son. So while they're the Messi's of this, I am the Diego Maradona.
35:43 - 35:56
You're really good at Photoshop, by the way, because I don't know how to, when I say here the new pod is out and I've got Rob Beckett's face, I've Googled image search Rob Beckett and then I've made that square.
35:56 - 36:02
I can't make it just his head. I can only make it a square. So I'm just very impressed with your skills for that.
36:02 - 36:12
I then go in to my office and I begin writing my new show for Edinburgh.
36:12 - 36:27
This is the actual moment where this blank page blank page. It's blank to an extent, but the first job is because I write down everything, every idea I have, every cry roll over in the night and mumble stuff into my phone.
36:27 - 36:41
The first thing to do is collate this disparate menagerie of words onto a list and hopefully whatever the show is will spring forth from it.
36:41 - 36:58
So the initial job and, we're happy that the Helen Kupfer is gone to Pilates at this point, is just me pressing play on a voice note and it's, imagine if eggs were made of brass and it just clicks off then.
36:58 - 37:14
It's absolute batshit stuff. But yeah, we've started that process. Oh, congratulations. I then have to come downstairs and do an episode of the What Did You Do Yesterday podcast with a forthcoming guest.
37:14 - 37:18
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't say who they are, but. You can say who it was.
37:18 - 37:23
It happened yesterday. We did an episode of the What Did You Do Yesterday podcast with Joel Dommett.
37:23 - 37:45
We did with Joel Dommett. Who is an interesting figure because he came from the same cruddy comedy background as me, but now is a glamour, shiny floor presenter of mainstream ITV shows with celebrities where they all dance on stage as the credits go up.
37:45 - 37:52
But with Joel, what I like about him is it's entirely consistent for him. It's like when you see someone like Bradley Walsh.
37:52 - 37:59
You know, Bradley is really into this quiz. You know, Dommett is really into who is the mask singer.
37:59 - 38:03
Who is the kumquat? Yeah. It is a show that shouldn't work, but it does.
38:03 - 38:09
And he's a big part of that. And because I think, you know, this will go out before that episode.
38:09 - 38:18
I am nervous that for part of the episode we break the rules of the podcast for reasons that will become apparent.
38:18 - 38:22
I didn't. Because Joel and I have a shared history. You don't think it's a big problem?
38:22 - 38:36
I think it's fine. I think part of it is how you guys once met in hilarious circumstances and something to do with Beverly Hills 90210.
38:36 - 38:40
And I've sent you the photo of me dressed as William the Conqueror. Haven't I?
38:40 - 38:44
But anyway, that's on the Joel episode. OK, so we do that, don't we? Yes.
38:44 - 38:49
It's a good one. It's a good one. I take my mum for lunch then.
38:49 - 39:02
How's Mama Glendale? Someone has taken her car keys so we can't drive anywhere. So we just walk to the quite expensive local hotel across the road.
39:02 - 39:10
We just get soup and a couple of starters. And the main topic of conversation is how expensive this is.
39:10 - 39:15
Yeah. Do you have some soda bread? It was a sort of a brown bread with it.
39:15 - 39:26
Oh, you're thinking because of Ireland. Yeah. Yeah. I think you're imagining a sort of pig in a poke type hotel where there's a traditional music playing in the corner.
39:26 - 39:33
Yeah. And maybe a fight going on over the other side and people just clomping pint glasses of Guinness on the bar.
39:33 - 39:46
It's just a boring three star hotel. Got it. Okay. Right. Okay. Although we discuss how expensive this is, mum makes no effort to offer to pay for it afterwards.
39:46 - 39:56
So I do that and then cycle back. Hang on. You said in the WhatsApp group your mum enjoyed an episode of this podcast.
39:56 - 40:06
She likes Joe Wilkinson. Okay. Joe's a very nice boy and once sat beside her for an entire show of mine.
40:06 - 40:16
Ah, okay. And really had good chats with her and dad. So... Does Mark Glendenning show...
40:16 - 40:23
Glendenning? My apologies. Yeah, it's the second time you've called me. It's only because I've met Mark Glendenning and so I'm picturing a similar...
40:23 - 40:29
Not all Irish people are the same. No, I know. But you know, like middle-aged Irish person's mum.
40:29 - 40:35
I'm really sorry. Mark O'Doherty because I get on famously with Mark Glendenning. My apologies.
40:35 - 40:38
Barry will be on the pod soon. Not as a host, David. As a guest.
40:38 - 40:44
Oh, great. I'm being slowly bumped out of this. Does she say nice things about me?
40:44 - 40:52
She does say nice things about you, yes. I think we come across well. I don't know if she listens to these ones, to be honest.
40:52 - 40:56
Right, she's one of those. We know who they are. We know who you are.
40:56 - 41:02
We know there's a little bit of a dip. I would say my parents, can I just say, thought this was the stupidest idea ever.
41:02 - 41:06
I was like, I've got this idea to go. And they were like, what? That is a podcast?
41:06 - 41:11
That's ridiculous. You know, they're sort of coming up with other things. You know, why didn't we do, you could do this.
41:11 - 41:16
That's a good idea. I don't know if they've listened to a whole episode. Oh, right.
41:16 - 41:20
That listens to the radio. It listens to me on the radio because he knows the radio.
41:20 - 41:24
He's, he checks the radio times. He's the last person to buy the radio times.
41:24 - 41:29
Yeah. And he sees I'm in the radio times and he texts me to say you're in the radio times.
41:29 - 41:41
But Max, I would have thought that for someone like your father who pitches shows, which is like, uh, the contestants have to guess what year these famous battles took place.
41:41 - 41:53
Yeah. Yeah. These kind of ideas. I thought, I thought this would be more closer to his idea of prestige radio than say your football work on the radio, which is,
41:53 - 41:57
you know, more like who do you think's got the biggest feet in the championship?
41:57 - 42:07
Text in. That's a good question. I do know what I didn't do the Rob Beckett phone in the one about I can't remember what it was about.
42:07 - 42:11
Would you rather win the Carabao Cup or Europa League? It was such a boring question.
42:11 - 42:15
It was just so like every other show will do that question, but I will do these at the weekend.
42:15 - 42:22
I will do both the Rob Beckett question and then I will ask on behalf of David, who do you think has the biggest feet in the championship?
42:22 - 42:30
That's a great, great question. Some big clod hopping goalkeeper. But anyway, carry on. So we come back.
42:30 - 42:38
I've got a click in my headset. That's a bicycle thing. So I come straight back, fix that.
42:38 - 42:48
It's about a 10 minute job. I got all the tools and I leave the tools out because we have a heat wave in Dublin at the moment.
42:48 - 42:54
It's really nice. It went up to 16 degrees or something yesterday. I know, I know.
42:54 - 43:07
But I went for a cycle in my T-shirt. But the thing is, it's like when you live in Melbourne, you go soft.
43:07 - 43:17
So when it's 16 degrees, everybody's in like coat and jeans and like bubble hats. And like, the first year I was here, I was like, what are the fuck you all doing?
43:17 - 43:22
And now I'm like, I'm still in shorts because I've decided I'm not going to put trousers on in Australia.
43:22 - 43:25
Like it's a sort of like point of principle. I watched Home and Away as a kid.
43:25 - 43:31
I know it's always sunny unless it's really cold. But like everyone's in like puffer jackets and bubble hats.
43:31 - 43:37
16 degrees here is freezing. And like a heat wave, a heat wave is like 40. Yeah, sure.
43:37 - 43:44
So it's the first cycle I did this year with just a T-shirt and obviously trousers.
43:44 - 43:52
Also, but you're very happy with that. nice. That is nice. Yeah, I guess we are just used to different things.
43:52 - 43:57
It's not going to rain and it's the first time this year I could say conclusively it's not going to rain.
43:57 - 44:09
So I leave the tools out because as soon as Helen gets back from work, BTW, I have spritzed the mushrooms for a second time.
44:09 - 44:16
Good, good, good. How many a day? How many spritz a day? Three. Okay. Three evenly spread out spritzes.
44:16 - 44:21
Do you want a listener to remind you on social media just three times a day?
44:21 - 44:29
If someone could volunteer just on blue sky, seems like a blue sky place, just three, every day for the next three months, please.
44:29 - 44:37
If you were to do the reminder on Twitter, it would be like, imagine the abuse you would get.
44:37 - 44:44
These better be a psychotropic drugs because they are the future of controlling the mind back from the Bill Gates.
44:44 - 44:53
So when the Helen Copter gets back from work, I take her bike because this is part two of her birthday present.
44:53 - 45:00
I'm giving it a mega service. Spokie dokies. I'm not giving her Spokie dokies. I'm really spritzing that bike.
45:00 - 45:04
I really need to service my bike. But this is not a service I'm giving it.
45:04 - 45:11
I'm giving it essentially a rebirth, you know. Okay, okay. The renaissance of the Helen Copter's bicycle.
45:11 - 45:20
Yes, to the point where last night was I fixed the mudguards because they were rattling, which took a surprising amount of time.
45:20 - 45:32
My hands are disgusting because this is a bike that commutes the whole time. And then today, immediately after this, I'll ride it up to the bike shop because we need to get a couple of parts.
45:32 - 45:46
To get it actually serviced. To get it actually serviced. Helen Copter during this time is making the most delicious meat in the meal that I've had in such a long time.
45:46 - 45:57
Oh, okay, great. Because she lived in Italy. She's lived in a lot of places around the world and has brought elements of that to the pan.
45:57 - 46:14
It's like a slice of Tuscany in the heart of Dublin. You know, someone said that this podcast, one of the ads they insert before it plays in Australia is an ad for the Irish tourism.
46:14 - 46:19
It is, yeah. I feel that is the sort of thing that it probably is.
46:19 - 46:27
A slice of Tuscany in the heart of Dublin. The adverts like, from Giant's Car's Way to the Cliffs of Moher.
46:27 - 46:37
Ireland, the place to be or whatever it happens to be. And they got you to do that voiceover because they were like, yeah, that's close enough.
46:37 - 46:53
There's a legendary episode of Captain Planet, the late 80s early 90s children's cartoon set in Belfast where Captain Planet sorts out the troubles.
46:53 - 47:03
Oh, does he? What about you? Planet. And there are no Irish people doing the voices on that episode.
47:03 - 47:07
I haven't mentioned the last ever murder. I didn't realize it was the last ever.
47:07 - 47:15
It's called like the Emerald Celtic thing. Amulet. The last ever murder she wrote is absolutely amazing.
47:15 - 47:23
The accents are so amazing. It's like surely there were like eight Irish people who would have been up for this.
47:23 - 47:31
Like, come on. Television will never be bettered. Yeah. A lot of those big American series used to do an Irish episode.
47:31 - 47:37
I guess Irish America is probably less of a big thing now, but 20, 30 years ago, it was a really big deal.
47:37 - 47:43
So it made sense to have an episode in the outside or whatever they say.
47:44 - 47:52
There was an episode of Remington Steele. Oh, good. Pierce Brosnan's pre-Bond, sort of Bond ripoff show.
47:52 - 48:04
It's a bit like hiring the new ACDC lead singer from an ACDC cover band to be the lead singer of ACDC in getting Brosnan to who was Remington Steele.
48:04 - 48:13
I mean, what a name, Remington Steele. But also Pierce Brosnan, great name. And he appears to me, imagine getting him on this.
48:13 - 48:17
Just imagine. Pierce Brosnan. I'd be more excited than finding out what Elton John did yesterday.
48:17 - 48:23
He has done a strange thing. Oh, has he done? No, no, no. It's all good stuff.
48:23 - 48:30
So he left Ireland at a young age and kind of lost his Irish accent.
48:30 - 48:45
And it seems like because he's played a few Irish roles over the course of his life, Taffan being one set in Wicklow in the late 80s, which contains the memorable line,
48:45 - 48:58
well, maybe you shouldn't be living here. Then he's in a new film where he's Irish, but it seems like he's relearned his accent from watching the Captain Planet episode.
48:58 - 49:05
That's great because he is actually Irish, so you can't say your Irish accent is shit, even if it's shit.
49:05 - 49:18
That's amazing. It's shit. It's so shit. Yep. Early in our romance, I said I would make her a chicken pasta.
49:18 - 49:28
And so this is how on the ball Helen Kupter is. Helen Kupter goes, chicken, there is not a pasta with chicken in it.
49:28 - 49:41
Like, there are four pastas and there can be slight variations on them. But like, what I was basically saying to her was, I'm going to chop up a burger and put it between some lasagna sheets.
49:41 - 49:46
That's what it seemed like. So she's not snoozing, snooty at all, but she makes this last night.
49:46 - 49:55
Oh my God. It was the large, ribbony pasta. Okay. You know, the one that looks like tickets.
49:55 - 50:00
So bigger than tagliatelle? Yeah. Wider than tagliatelle. Like a wide tagliatelle. Almost like an old bus ticket.
50:00 - 50:09
Yeah. Okay. Right. Okay. Bus ticket-y tagliatelle. Okay. And she put in lemony stuff and loads of capers.
50:09 - 50:20
What do you call the green things that look more like peens than eggplants than what do you call the green ones?
50:20 - 50:27
Courgettes. Courgettes! Right. They should be the emoji that's used. Are they that rare in Ireland?
50:27 - 50:33
No, I just couldn't remember what they were called there. No, you're right. Yes, they should be the emoji.
50:33 - 50:42
It's a good point. The more modest gentlemen. No one's walking around with an aubergine, for goodness sake.
50:42 - 50:47
You're not kidding. You're not kidding. You're not kidding anyone by putting that on a smutty message, are you?
50:47 - 50:57
I'm fixing the bike while she's making the dinner. It's a very domesticated traditional scene for this.
50:57 - 51:00
It is lovely. It's lovely. I've been making a lot of dinners recently. Can I make that clear?
51:00 - 51:16
But she's so much better than me when she does it. And we eat that and then retire to the sitting room to watch the grim, grim news of tariffs and
51:16 - 51:24
things like this that I wish weren't a part of my life. So Helen Copter nods off during this.
51:24 - 51:31
I mean, we're up to 10 o'clock now. The day's really winding down. I take this opportunity to go on eBay.
51:31 - 51:35
I was going to say to go and fiddle with yourself in the bathroom. Sorry.
51:35 - 51:42
If the guests won't do it, one of us has to. Buy a pair of breaks from 1983.
51:42 - 51:48
Really good idea. I did a part-for-part rebuild of Steven Roach's 1987 Tour de France winning bike.
51:48 - 52:02
What annoys me about it is the brakes that I put on it, the Cabagnolo Delta brakes, are actually the brakes that Roach won the 1987 World Championship with, but I want this to be a repro of his Tour de France winning bike.
52:02 - 52:09
And every time you stop at the traffic lights, you'd know. Someone shouts it from a car.
52:09 - 52:15
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This should be Cobalto brakes. So I buy a set of the Cobalto brakes.
52:15 - 52:24
I won't tell you how much. Oh, please go on. 179 euros plus 22 postage from Italy.
52:24 - 52:33
I used to buy a lot of stuff from the UK, but because of Brexit, it is too much import stuff now in that and export.
52:33 - 52:37
I mean, I'm bored of people trying to tell me Brexit was a bad idea, you know.
52:37 - 52:49
Think of the brakes, Max. The fact that it's had a brake exports. Whenever I complain about Brexit, I do it less and less now because there's other things to complain about.
52:49 - 52:56
But the number of people said, you don't even live here. You lost your, you don't have an opinion anymore.
52:56 - 53:13
Fine. I understand. I like to send a message sometimes because the bike community, I feel, even on eBay, Facebook Marketplace in particular, like they're very honest folk, as in a lot of the time if there's a scratch,
53:13 - 53:21
they'll put a big photo of the scratch. Oh, that's nice. But these ones, the guy said, ultimo perfecto or something like that.
53:21 - 53:30
So I didn't even have to Google translate what he was saying. And so I grazzied him back and yeah, they'll be here soon.
53:30 - 53:44
I gave the mushrooms a final spritz of the day, got the Helen Copter up to bed and we actually managed to do the simplex crossword from the Irish Times.
53:44 - 53:54
And as we were struggling with the connections, I realised I wasn't given it sucks because I was falling asleep and we went to sleep.
53:54 - 54:00
Do you know what's perfect is we've almost, we just sort of bang on an hour.
54:00 - 54:08
I don't know we only made you half an hour, but that feels good. It feels good that as you ended, it just went 59, 20 seconds.
54:08 - 54:14
But it's a lovely day. You've had a lovely day. No proposals this week, unfortunately.
54:14 - 54:21
I mean, that would have been good. That would have been really good if you just said, I've just got to rush this through because Mars budded it last week.
54:21 - 54:30
And then you panic and so you end up proposing to Denmark's third most. Yeah, I'm marrying Thomas Sorensen next week.
54:30 - 54:36
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I have to propose now so that my yesterday is actually the wedding of the year.
54:36 - 54:44
Me and Thomas Sorensen photographed by Hello Magazine Australia. So I've got a lot to get through because I've got a lot to rush the divorce through because I want to do this properly.
54:44 - 54:48
I've got to really put the work in with Thomas because I don't spend that much time chatting to him.
54:48 - 54:59
You know, it's really hard to really form a romantic bond when you're talking about Perth Glory's form, you know, so I know, but you with all your Brexit talk desperately want an EU passport and
54:59 - 55:05
this could be your way in. Ah, yeah. Are Denmark in the EU? I think they're an affiliate member.
55:05 - 55:13
Are they in a zone? They're in the Schengens. They're one of the shingles. I think they've kept their own currency, but they're in the EU.
55:13 - 55:25
Yeah, they are in the EU. I mean, the real twist that will put legal tongues a wagging is if next week I propose to the giant oyster mushroom that has grown.
55:25 - 55:40
Do you know what it sounds a bit like? Is when there was the marriage equality referendum in 2015, someone would have been like, what people will be bloody trying to marry mushrooms next.
55:40 - 55:43
That's what's going to happen. Well, I'm going to be the test case for that.
55:43 - 55:56
If you went double-barrelled, would you be David Mushroom O'Doherty or David O'Doherty Mushroom? Imagine the wedding at the dance, at the reception.
55:56 - 56:05
You know, there's just various pots with static oyster mushrooms. Would there be just oyster mushrooms or would you think there'd be a whole selection of other mushrooms?
56:05 - 56:10
We have to see what comes out of the bag, really, won't we? No, but I mean, at the wedding, surely they're friends with other mushrooms.
56:10 - 56:17
They like, it wouldn't just be relatives. Obviously, all the oyster mushrooms would sit at the front at the wedding, but then, you know, at the back, you'd have just some others.
56:17 - 56:22
A button, a couple of buttons. We got a portobello in there. Barry Button. Barry Button.
56:22 - 56:29
He's virtually family. He's just been friends with them for years, hasn't he? Do you know what I would call that, Max?
56:29 - 56:36
This is a good pun to end this podcast. I'd call that the Champignons League.
56:36 - 56:45
Really nice. Thank you. Thank you very much. If you'd like to get in touch, I'm stuck on fun guy and I can't use that, can I, for goodness sake.
56:45 - 56:54
If you'd like to get in touch with the pod, here's how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.
56:54 - 57:01
Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
57:01 - 57:09
And if you didn't, please don't. Remember, of course, it's a one cheese board. Yeah.
57:09 - 57:19
And they're all, they're just normal cheeses. T-N-T-T-J-N-C. Do you want a clue? Will I put it for people who have listened to this?
57:19 - 57:39
Stop the podcast right now. Stop it this second. We'll be back next week.