S2 EP15: Joel Dommett

0:00 - 0:11

Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

0:11 - 0:20

I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

0:20 - 0:25

But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

0:25 - 0:34

Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

0:34 - 0:38

We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

0:38 - 0:43

What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

0:43 - 0:49

Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

0:49 - 0:55

Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

0:55 - 1:06

Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Welcome to season two, episode something of What Did You Do Yesterday?

1:06 - 1:15

David O'Doherty, welcome. I don't even comment on that anymore. But today, do you think we might have our most handsome ever guest, Max?

1:15 - 1:22

Joel Dommett is coming on. Oh, that's a good question. Is he the most handsome guest we've had?

1:22 - 1:32

We are handsome, but we're always here. So people almost overlook our handsome. And maybe we're sort of dad bod handsome.

1:32 - 1:41

What the hell are you talking about? We are handsome in just conventional handsome lads.

1:41 - 1:47

That's what we are. Although my phone recently just said, you know, memories of 2014 or something.

1:47 - 1:54

I did look much younger. I had more joie de vivre. I just looked more awake and alert.

1:54 - 2:01

There was some pepper amidst the salt on my head. That was pure. Is that what you're saying?

2:01 - 2:08

It's just salt. And no one ever goes, oh, salt, do they? People go, oh, salt and pepper, but they never go salt.

2:08 - 2:17

It's your phone. It's bad when it shows you handsome pictures of you in the past, but it's even worse when the facial recognition is just like, who the fuck are you?

2:17 - 2:25

I'm the same guy, please. I'll never tell you the worst was when, you know, it said your memories of just sort of plinky plonky memories of piano music.

2:25 - 2:33

But it was a time when I'd got hives and it was just lots of photos of my body with like a rash across it.

2:33 - 2:43

Raindrops keep falling on my head. And hives. Happy memories of 2019. Anyway, Joel Donnett is on tour.

2:43 - 2:48

New dates are just about to be announced. Amazingly, this is a guest that I booked, David.

2:48 - 2:54

And we're very excited to see what he did yesterday. For the tape, we've just finished it.

2:54 - 2:59

I think it's a good day and I've enjoyed it. He is also on the podcast.

2:59 - 3:09

Never Have I Ever with Hannah, his partner. And a funny man, a man who can present, you know, between the two of us.

3:09 - 3:19

It'd be like if you got the two of us, Max, and smushed us together and kept the same level of handsomeness because we are very handsome.

3:19 - 3:36

David O'Maxity. This is what Joel Donnett did yesterday. Joel Donnett, welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday?

3:36 - 3:46

What a great idea, firstly, for a podcast. Thank you. What a great pairing. DOD and Max Rushden together is not a pairing I anticipated.

3:46 - 3:53

It's not a pairing I thought I wanted. Yeah. And I've got it and I absolutely adore it.

3:53 - 3:58

It was a process of elimination. We each tried to do this with every other person in the world.

3:58 - 4:03

This is what happened. This was the only one that worked then. It's fantastic. It's fantastic.

4:03 - 4:12

One of my favourite comedians and my third or fourth favourite broadcaster. I mean, we go back a long way, Joel.

4:12 - 4:18

And in a way, I'm sad that we can't talk about how we met and those things because it's quite extraordinary.

4:18 - 4:24

Can we, though? Can we please? Well, you can't, but I can. The rules are you can only say what you did yesterday.

4:24 - 4:30

Oh, okay, okay. Well, I'd love to hear it from your perspective. I'm intrigued. I'm intrigued by this.

4:30 - 4:35

Okay, well, let's hope it comes up over the course of... We can't plan it, Joel, yesterday.

4:35 - 4:42

Okay. David, all you need to know is it involves Lee Ryan from... That's all you need to know.

4:42 - 4:47

How many times have you told the Lee Ryan anecdote? Because I reckon I'm into the millions.

4:47 - 4:53

It's my favourite anecdote to tell. What? It's my favourite. And yet we cannot tell it on this podcast.

4:53 - 4:59

No, I know. It's deeply frustrating. We should have thought this through. Hang on. Lee Ryan could appear...

4:59 - 5:05

In Joel's yesterday, though. And then that would open up the gateway to whatever the Lee Ryan from Blue.

5:05 - 5:17

So to listeners who may not know, Blue... Everybody knows Blue. Come on. I mean, for me, Blue and Five really do just smoosh together in my brain.

5:17 - 5:30

There is sort of a mid-table boy band from the 90s. One of the best jokes we did during the Soccer M4 years was there was a guest who had just done some abseiling.

5:30 - 5:37

And then I turned to the camera and said, I hate abseiling. And then it cut to me and abs from Five on a lake in a boat.

5:37 - 5:42

I absolutely love it. And me having a shit time. And then it just cut back.

5:42 - 5:50

I absolutely love that. Isn't that incredible? That's what telly was in 2007. Do you know what I mean?

5:50 - 5:53

You would come up with an idea and they would go, yeah, yeah, let's do that.

5:53 - 5:57

And abs is up for it. Give him 500 quid, he'll do it. That's so fun.

5:57 - 6:02

What time do you wake up? What time do you wake up, Joel? Yesterday. I'm very much a man of routine.

6:02 - 6:08

Very similar days. You know, because our lives are all over the shop. Every sort of day is very different.

6:08 - 6:12

So I try and control the things I can control are exactly the same. Oh, yeah, that's good.

6:12 - 6:18

7.15 every day I wake up. 7.15 is the time that my son wakes up. He goes to work.

6:18 - 6:25

It's where the klaxon rings out from the colliery where you send him off every morning with his little pasty in a lunchbox.

6:25 - 6:31

Yeah. Weirdly, he works for Lee Ryan from Blue. I've got a story. Oh, no.

6:31 - 6:41

So he wakes up at 7.15. Lovely. He's a good lad. And then he comes into our bedroom, mine and my wife's bedroom.

6:41 - 6:46

You know, we share a bedroom. I think that's okay. He's getting serious. So, yeah, it is.

6:46 - 6:51

Yeah, yeah. We've got to that stage. And then we read books, which is great.

6:51 - 6:58

There's this book that we're reading at the moment. I think it's quite a famous book called… The Hungry Caterpillar.

6:59 - 7:10

You read all of the Bible every day. Wow. It says a lot about both of you, that D.O.D., you picked the Bible and Max Rushden picked The Hungry Caterpillar.

7:10 - 7:20

Which is my Bible. It is your Bible. It is my Bible, yeah. Every Saturday, I eat a cherry pie, an ice cream, some Swiss cheese, and then I'm really full.

7:20 - 7:29

Then the caterpillar turned his cherry pie into wine. I don't know. I haven't read the Bible, but I've read the Bible.

7:29 - 7:38

I've read The Hungry Caterpillar a lot. You'll notice having children makes the children get obsessed with books for like a short period of time, and then they'll move on to the next one.

7:38 - 7:48

So you read the same book 50 times a day, and then three weeks later, they'll move on to the next one, and then you're on to that one for 50 days.

7:48 - 7:51

He's on this one at the moment, which is We're Going on a Bear Hunt.

7:51 - 7:59

Oh, yeah. Michael Rosen. That's a classic. It is a classic, but I just find it very odd.

7:59 - 8:03

Yeah, me too. Like, why are you going on a bear hunt with your whole family?

8:03 - 8:08

Oh, my goodness. Maybe he's from the Midwest, sort of getting them into hunting early as possible.

8:08 - 8:15

True, true, true. Maybe he's sort of a Joe Rogan fan. Max, what are you reading at the moment?

8:15 - 8:21

Is there a specific text that you and Ian Rushden? Trucks and Diggers. He likes that.

8:21 - 8:26

There's, you know, a thousand things that move, and I'll be honest, I don't go through every one of the thousand.

8:26 - 8:31

And like, when do you do a thousand things that move? Quite a lot. Some of them are kind of like military jets.

8:31 - 8:39

And you're thinking, I just don't know if I need to show my three-year-old all of these killing machines, you know, tanks, armoured cars.

8:39 - 8:46

Then it goes, you know, and it gets to that point where there's, it's gone past what you want to teach your child.

8:46 - 8:52

Do you know what I mean? So I've got a book, I'm literally looking at it right now, and it teaches you words from every letter of the alphabet.

8:52 - 9:01

And it goes through all of this, and it has all the classic stuff that you go like, oh, this is a nice thing, J, it'll have Jack, and you're like, that's a nice thing to teach a child.

9:01 - 9:11

You know what also is on J? Jodhpurs. There is no instance that my child needs to know the word jodhpur.

9:11 - 9:21

I'd never seen it written down before in my life, I'm 40. What do you think the youngest acceptable age for somebody to know what jodhpurs are?

9:21 - 9:28

And even if they were, you know, a horsey family, five maybe? Yeah, I mean, I literally learned it when I read that book.

9:28 - 9:32

Yeah. It's got a mysterious H, hasn't it? That H is in a funny place, isn't it?

9:32 - 9:43

Can I just ask a question? Didn't even know it existed. Yes. What are jodhpurs as against just normal tights you might wear for a workout or to go cycling in?

9:43 - 9:50

What is a jodhpur? Where does trouser stop and jodhpur begin? They're tight. Jodhpurs are tight.

9:50 - 10:03

They might have hoops that go under the foot. Is that possible? Right, right. The thing is, we have, you know, you are a kid's author and we've very poorly reviewed a kid's book moments ago.

10:03 - 10:12

And now here are three men who definitely don't know what jodhpurs are, who between us have never worn jodhpurs, trying to work out what jodhpurs are.

10:12 - 10:17

But we don't know this. I mean, all three of us haven't revealed our bottom halves.

10:17 - 10:23

Imagine if two of the three, two of the three. What a reveal. What a reveal.

10:23 - 10:30

Hang on. I've got the Wikipedia page for jodhpurs up here, which I'd say not many, people visit.

10:30 - 10:39

Jodhpurs are named after Jodhpur, which is the second largest city in the modern Indian state of Rajasthan.

10:39 - 10:49

So, you know, they're an Indian thing. They're a modern form of tight-fitting trousers to the ankle, but they end in a snug cuff and are worn primarily for horse riding.

10:49 - 10:58

So if nothing else, we've all learned what jodhpurs are. What were the, this is going to sound very off-piste, what were the ones that Hitler wore?

10:59 - 11:03

Well, those ones where it's like big at the top and small at the bottom.

11:03 - 11:08

It's like MC Hammer as well. The two real pioneers of that trouser, Hitler and MC Hammer.

11:08 - 11:20

They never collaborated, did they? They never did a collab. That would have been... If Hitler did his march on the spot, then it would have very much been...

11:20 - 11:29

I think that's what I assumed jodhpurs were. It's funny that when Hitler annexed the Sudetenland and they tried to talk about it, he...

11:29 - 11:37

Hitler was the original one who said, you can't touch this. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

11:37 - 11:44

So it's 7.30. Are we saying 7.30? How much time is spent reading books? Yeah, so I'm going to say 7.30 or so.

11:44 - 11:51

Then we go downstairs every morning. I don't know what other parents do, but we have the same breakfast every day.

11:51 - 11:58

And I don't know whether other kids have much more of an exciting childhood, but we just have...

11:58 - 12:03

We make porridge. The night before, so he has overnight oats. Oh, great. With like a chia seed.

12:03 - 12:10

And I put a little bit of something else extra on top. Maybe, you know, a special day will be peanut butter.

12:10 - 12:15

Wow, okay. He absolutely devours that. I go, what do you want now? Do you want a berry?

12:15 - 12:22

Do you want banana? Or do you want kiwi? And I give him the three options, and then he points to the one he wants, and then he eats that.

12:22 - 12:30

What does he go for yesterday? Yesterday he went kiwi. Wow. This morning, I know you don't want to know about this morning, but this morning he went nana.

12:30 - 12:36

He went nana. How old is he? He is 17. It's a classic joke. We all enjoyed it.

12:36 - 12:45

A year and a half, 18 months. Interesting. Wow. Interesting, because young Ian is three, and a year and a half ago he would be brave.

12:45 - 12:53

And now he wouldn't even have porridge. He'll just have plain oats. No, not even any water or milk.

12:53 - 12:57

What? Just a teaspoon and some oats. Wow. And most of them go in his mouth, and some go on the floor.

12:57 - 13:05

But porridge, none of that. It's just plain oats. As if it's like drywall. Packing substance.

13:05 - 13:12

It's a bit like the cinnamon challenge. He just shovels it in, and then oats are flying out of his nose for a while.

13:12 - 13:32

Does he just like cough at it? He's like a magician, like David Copperfield. When he takes a dump, is it like when you put the Hoover on reverse and just loads of dust shoots around the house He's like a cement mixer.

13:32 - 13:39

You put that in, you put the water in, and then you turn him round, and then the poop comes out, and then you can build a house with it.

13:39 - 13:45

Exactly, we are. We're doing a reno at the back. It's just his shit. That's what we're building.

13:45 - 13:53

It's a small outhouse. Unbelievable. That's incredible. Yeah. Wow. So yeah, he has the porridge.

13:53 - 13:56

That's really nice. It's a kiwi. Wow, that's a kiwi. Yeah, he likes a kiwi.

13:56 - 14:01

I cut it up for him. It's almost the first time that he's really enjoyed.

14:01 - 14:05

He sticks his fork in and then puts it in his mouth. He's enjoying doing it himself now.

14:05 - 14:14

It's one of the all-time... What's the opposite of writing checks you can't cash? Because from the outside, the kiwi looks shit.

14:14 - 14:24

It looks like a hairy egg. You're thinking, at best, there'll be some brown sludge in this, like a gone-off avocado.

14:24 - 14:31

And then you open it, and you're like, holy cow. Unbelievable. That is pretty delicious.

14:31 - 14:37

I can't think of another fruit that comes across as badly as the kiwi initially.

14:37 - 14:44

I also... This is controversial. That's the way I say that word. Is it? That is controversial in itself.

14:44 - 14:51

That's why I do it that way. Okay, good. It's controversial. I eat the skin of kiwi.

14:51 - 14:55

I'm one of those. Me too, me too. Yeah, it's honestly not out of enjoyment.

14:55 - 15:01

It's just out of pure laziness. Yeah, okay. I don't do it with the skin of the orange.

15:01 - 15:05

I wouldn't be too lazy to go. No. Or do you not even approach an orange because you just can't be bothered?

15:05 - 15:17

I can't be bothered with... Because an orange is too unpredictable for me. Okay. Because some of them, they have pips in and some of them are like not nice.

15:17 - 15:21

You know, whereas kiwi is like... I don't think I've ever had a kiwi I don't like.

15:21 - 15:24

This is fucked. Would you... Do you just chomp into an egg like an apple?

15:24 - 15:38

This is awful. It's like Velcro. It's hairy. It's literally nature's way of saying, don't eat this because it's a nasty little...

15:38 - 15:47

It could be an animal. It could be a beast of some kind. Yeah. If I was to have time in my life, I would pre-shave them.

15:47 - 15:52

Right. So you wouldn't take the skin off. You'd just shave the hair off and have the skin.

15:52 - 16:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, right. I see, I see. I'd clip them and then I'd prepare them or to be devoured.

16:00 - 16:10

The bald kiwi is what you want. Okay. You know those ads for men's intimate razors for doing your pubis, presumably?

16:10 - 16:19

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you think anyone buys them? Like even if you did want to shave your pubis, surely you would just use your classic stuff.

16:19 - 16:29

Yeah, it's a weird one, isn't it? I used to do a joke on stage about basically going like, oh, I've now made enough money that I...

16:29 - 16:39

I use a separate clipper for my beard and my pubes. Yeah. And that's like a point in your life where you suddenly go like, oh, I'm not going to use the same one for both.

16:39 - 16:42

To be fair, I lost one of them, so now I've gone back to one.

16:42 - 16:49

See, I'm not a pube shaver. I now use the same one for my beard, my pubes, and my kiwis.

16:49 - 16:55

I was once interviewing Mickey Gray, the former Sunderland left back on Talks, but we were doing a show together.

16:55 - 17:06

And for some reason we got on to, you know, shaving down, downstairs grooming. And he said that once a month he squats down in the shower and gets a Bic razor to his arse.

17:06 - 17:20

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've never done it. Presumably it comes back with real anger then, were you to go on that particular bear hunt, as they say.

17:20 - 17:30

No, thank you. Joel, I would imagine you have well-sculpted pubes. No. Not really. Not really.

17:30 - 17:38

Look, this is too graphic, but I do, I Bic it. Bic it. What bit are you Bic-ing?

17:38 - 17:47

I Bic the bit. And then I also Bic the bit. I don't know what bits they are.

17:47 - 17:55

I Bic the basket. Right, yeah. And then I also, I Bic the baguette. You Bic your penis?

17:55 - 18:02

Just like, because you have strays. Do you not have strays? Wow. I'm not talking cats.

18:02 - 18:12

I'm talking hairs. There's little strays. And also, look, I was very much against this, and I just did it once, and it's a revelation.

18:12 - 18:15

And this is weird as well. Look, this is weird. I don't think I've ever told anyone this.

18:15 - 18:22

I also do it, like, with no shampoo. There's nothing. I just do it. Are you in the shower?

18:22 - 18:30

I'm in the shower. He's in a library. He does it in a library. To be fair, I am quiet, and there is no rule.

18:30 - 18:39

There's no sign that says no shaving pubis. I would say to you, please try it.

18:39 - 18:50

What I do do, and I just feel like it gives it some, like, takes off the severity of the razor, is I use my wife's old Bic razor.

18:50 - 18:54

She uses it on her legs. Then I take it, and then I do it.

18:54 - 19:02

And it feels fantastic. And I implore you to try it. Okay. It's a well-trodden path that you're picking up a razor that's been around the block.

19:02 - 19:08

Yes. Sort of dulled down, I understand. It's been around the block, and then it's about to go around.

19:08 - 19:15

Anyway, unless you did this yesterday, we can't really delve any further. No, I did.

19:15 - 19:21

I'm so sorry. No, that's okay. Don't apologize. What a strange thing to have apologized for.

19:21 - 19:29

So your son's had a kiwi. He's had a big, hairy, old kiwi. Kiwi, kiwi, kiwi.

19:29 - 19:35

That was nice. He had the lovely kiwi. And then this is something I have to do every morning.

19:35 - 19:44

Currently, he is obsessed with hoovering. Okay, yeah. Obsessed with hoovering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves to hoover.

19:44 - 19:55

Right. And so he won't rest until I've got the hoover out of the cupboard, and I hold his hand, and then I have to hoover the house.

19:55 - 20:08

Is it a Dyson ring? Dyson cordless. Great. Every morning, I hoover the house. Young Ian has his own little Dyson, the toy one, so he can follow me around.

20:08 - 20:14

When I've got the big normal one, he's got the toy one. Literally, this used to be my office, and as you can tell, it's no longer the office.

20:14 - 20:19

He's holding up a teddy, everyone. I'm holding up a teddy. It's like I'm surrounded by toys.

20:19 - 20:28

Here's a little one that I showed DOD before we got on the record. I ordered this teddy thinking it was cute on the website.

20:28 - 20:39

Yeah. It looks like an electrocuted Rob Beckett. Actually, you can get that doll. Yeah, you can get the Neanderthal electrocuted Rob Beckett because there are so many different Rob Becketts you can get,

20:39 - 20:58

and that one is flying off the shelves. Yeah. Joel, I don't want to criticize your parenting here, but for me, the most fun aspect of hoovering as a child was the cord, was the sheer aggression.

20:58 - 21:05

The aggression with which the plug, you know, bounded around corners and thumped against the machine.

21:05 - 21:12

Like, I remember the first time we got a hoover with that, and I was like, this is an absolute game changer.

21:12 - 21:23

Yeah, it's so true. I haven't even thought about that. Like, it would blow his mind, the idea of having that button that you would press with your foot, even just with your foot.

21:23 - 21:35

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. When I struggle with, you know, when you see a new mind-blowing piece of technology, like, say, I mean, Shazam is the one that I still,

21:35 - 21:43

even though we've had Shazam for 10 years, I can't even begin to imagine how it works.

21:43 - 21:49

But then again, I'm still amazed by how you can take a dump on a train.

21:49 - 21:57

That's still phenomenal technology. And secondly, the speed with which the plug shoots back into the hoover.

21:57 - 22:02

Here's a quick question. Do trains just dump it out the bottom, or do they keep it?

22:02 - 22:09

Max, you deal with this. Another area of expertise for me. Thank you. I'll field this one.

22:09 - 22:20

I think there was a time when it went straight out the bottom. And I've been on trains in other countries and foreign lands where that is still the case, but I believe they keep it,

22:20 - 22:25

especially in the ones now with the door that, you know, takes 45 minutes to close.

22:25 - 22:31

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're not sure of it. It's totally locked. You feel like you're on blind date.

22:31 - 22:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. A slightly sort of lower rent blind date. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

22:37 - 22:43

Standing outside. Yeah. Toilet in a packed train, an LADR train. I can. I absolutely can.

22:43 - 22:51

Yeah. So where are we now? So you've done some hoovering. So are we about half eight?

22:51 - 22:55

We're about half eight. Also, I need to point out, I didn't even preface this, if that's how you say it.

22:55 - 23:00

Okay. A real boring day that I've picked. Yeah. No, that's fine. It's not a vintage.

23:00 - 23:03

I'd say that. But it's a normal day for you. It's a normal day for you.

23:03 - 23:08

So I've been very busy and since January, like crazy trying to sort my tour out and do all that stuff.

23:08 - 23:15

And literally last week, after I finished Comic Relief, I'm still on tour, but now my tour show's written.

23:15 - 23:20

It all feels, for like two or three weeks, I've just got really great weeks.

23:20 - 23:27

Like it's just really nice. So two or three weeks ago, if you asked me, oh my God, it would be absolutely smashing.

23:27 - 23:32

We'd be like, look how cool and popular I am. Joel, this is what we want.

23:32 - 23:41

We've already had Nish Kumar's glamorous life where he takes six dumps and watches a Manchester United match and orders a Nando's.

23:41 - 23:53

We know what the glamour life of celebs is. This is why we're interested in you unnecessarily hoovering a house for the fifth time in five days.

23:53 - 23:59

I did a travel show with Nish Kumar and that boy really, he can go.

23:59 - 24:08

He can go. Some listeners, real big fans of the podcast now, refer to it as going for a Nish.

24:08 - 24:17

He's delighted with that. I went on this travel show where we went around and we went to all these sort of tribes all over the world.

24:17 - 24:25

It was incredible. It was amazing. So we did two series for Comedy Central. There was places that we would go where we literally had a hole in the floor to go in.

24:25 - 24:35

I was very intimate with Nish. I knew his routine. Did you ever bick him while he was down there, while he was crouching down?

24:35 - 24:39

You were like, let me take care of some business here. There's that famous phrase, bick him when he's down.

24:39 - 24:54

There is that famous phrase. No, I've never bicked Nish Kumar. And actually that was something that genuinely we got to the end of the two series and I could not believe that I hadn't seen his penis.

24:54 - 25:02

Like it was amazing. There was somehow we basically lived together. For two series in this mad places doing all this weird stuff.

25:02 - 25:12

Somehow we managed to sort of avoid each other's genitalia wonderfully. It's a funny one because in school I would have seen everyone's peen.

25:12 - 25:23

I went to an all boys school. The class was small, so I would have known everyone's handwriting and I would have, if someone, and it would have been a weird exam to have put on,

25:23 - 25:30

matched the peen with the student. I definitely would. I would have been able to do that.

25:30 - 25:38

But since then I've really lost touch and even among my best friends now I have no idea what's happening down there.

25:38 - 25:44

Apart from, of course, my football team. So there was a while where me and my housemate played for the same team.

25:44 - 25:48

So on a Saturday after the game, we'd be in the shower naked, totally fine.

25:48 - 25:55

But at home, if either of us, we'd never have walked around. It was absolutely just a completely ridiculous idea.

25:55 - 26:00

It would be disgusting. But in the shower at football, totally fine. Chatting away about life, whatever.

26:00 - 26:05

Suddenly, you know, if he's in the bathroom, I'm not going in the bathroom. Yeah, it's interesting, isn't it?

26:05 - 26:12

And rightly so. The place is really key here of like where you are. As we established, the library, of course, is fun.

26:12 - 26:20

Again, library, absolutely fun. No signage. No signage at all. So we do the hoovering.

26:20 - 26:26

That's really fun. And then me and my wife, we do a podcast called Never Have I Ever.

26:26 - 26:35

So we recorded that. So our producer arrives at our house and we record it in this room, which has become like the, we call it the toy room.

26:35 - 26:49

It's just like a sort of playroom thing. It used to be the office. So now this lovely producer has to come around our house and essentially move these toys and teddies in order to put recording and cameras up.

26:49 - 26:55

And even yesterday, it was just, it's so embarrassing how she sits in the corner with her laptop.

26:55 - 27:00

And then she had her laptop placed on top of, like, a Brio train set.

27:00 - 27:08

Like, that's the sort of level of professionalism that we have. Our podcast, we used to do a new thing every week.

27:08 - 27:13

That was our thing. We'd do a new thing together that we'd never done together before.

27:13 - 27:22

When we had a baby, that became quite a difficult thing to do. So now we just, we genuinely feel like we don't really talk to each other unless we're doing our podcast now,

27:22 - 27:27

which is quite nice. That's actually a good idea. So we actually use it as like a chance to sort of catch up with each other.

27:28 - 27:33

What me and my wife do is just like get the diary out and go, I'd like to go for a swim on Wednesday morning.

27:33 - 27:39

Can that possibly fit that in? Yeah, yeah. Seeing Oliver and Emma on Thursday. Is that what you just do?

27:39 - 27:45

That's it for 45 minutes. And so tune in guys, it's great stuff. And I really enjoy doing that podcast with my wife.

27:45 - 27:49

She's really great. So we finished that. It was really fun. Hang on, question. Yes.

27:49 - 27:55

Where's the child during the record? Child is holding a boom over the two of them.

27:55 - 28:02

Yes, yes, yesterday. We had childcare yesterday. Okay, great. We have childcare twice a week.

28:02 - 28:08

I fit as much of my meetings and work and stuff in on those two days as I possibly can.

28:08 - 28:13

Be real, Joel, they're great days, aren't they? Oh my God, great days. Oh God.

28:13 - 28:19

Great days. He's weeping at drop off and you're like, oh, just going to get a coffee inside.

28:19 - 28:32

I love my son so much. Like honestly, it's the best, most incredible thing. But you know, when you just have a moment to yourself and you're just like, yeah, it's fantastic.

28:32 - 28:39

You miss them when you're away from them. But when you're with them, you're just like, oh, just, I would love to just have a moment.

28:39 - 28:43

Just love to have a moment where I could just have a Kiwi by myself.

28:43 - 28:50

I could just clip her a Kiwi. I could just clip her a Kiwi. That'd be absolutely fantastic.

28:50 - 28:56

I have the time, but unfortunately I don't have the time to clip her. I've just got to shove it straight in, like full hair.

28:56 - 29:00

If only now I could hang out with one of blue, that would be so good.

29:00 - 29:07

That's it. By one of them, I mean Anthony Costa. Yeah, of course. Big Spurs fan.

29:07 - 29:13

He set up Costa Coffee, didn't he? Yeah, he did. He's done well. Yeah, and of course the other one, Simon Starbucks.

29:13 - 29:24

I didn't know Denzel Nero has done pretty well as well. So hang on, have you had anything to eat yet, Joe?

29:24 - 29:29

Oh, good point. I mean, I, with my son, when he has breakfast, I also have porridge.

29:29 - 29:36

So I have, again, boring every day. Same thing, basically for the last like 15 years, I'm going to say.

29:36 - 29:45

Porridge with raisins on it, raspberries, a bit of peanut butter. I feel weird if I don't have it.

29:45 - 29:50

I know you're a fitness man. I think you might be responsible for all our previous guests going on fitness journeys.

29:50 - 29:55

I think it's all because of you. Do you make your porridge with milk or water?

29:55 - 29:59

Great question. I do it with milk because water does feel odd. It feels odd.

29:59 - 30:09

Yeah, it does. It feels too much like a smoothie. Milk from what? I sometimes find the overnight oat nicely sweetens with the oatier milk.

30:09 - 30:18

Breast. Excellent choice. My wife's breasts. I did actually, I tried breast milk. Oh dear.

30:18 - 30:21

But this is the weird thing, Max Rushden. It's like, you've got to do that.

30:21 - 30:26

No, you don't. You know, I did it from a pouch. I didn't do it direct from the source.

30:26 - 30:32

Yeah. What sort of pouch? Sorry. Kangaroo. He was in a kangaroo. I found it.

30:32 - 30:36

I just found it in a kangaroo pouch. You and your wife thinking, we've got to think of something new every week.

30:36 - 30:41

What about I drink your breast milk? You've got to drinking breast milk from a kangaroo's pouch.

30:41 - 30:45

Fair enough. Joel, what does it taste like? What does it taste like? It's better than oat.

30:45 - 30:50

I'll tell you that much. That's not saying much. It's not saying much. It's not saying much.

30:50 - 30:56

It's better than oat. It's a very strange, very sweet, sort of a mixture between oat and coconut, I'd say.

30:56 - 31:01

Oh, delicious. It's very. It's very odd, but it's odd in the same way that when you try any new milk, it's odd.

31:01 - 31:06

You know when you try almond milk and you're like, what? Like, I'm not saying I'm getting used to it.

31:06 - 31:10

I just, I did it once. I made a flat white out of it. Stop.

31:10 - 31:16

Yeah. Max thinks it should have been a latte. That's an absolute waste. It's a Cortado milk.

31:16 - 31:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the difference is, right, you try a new oat milk, but like you can buy oat milk by the litre in supermarkets.

31:24 - 31:28

My wife is breastfeeding at the moment. You cannot buy litres of Jamie's breast milk.

31:28 - 31:49

In the fridges of coals. Well, you've clearly never been on the dark web. What I'm intrigued by here is, in order to make our podcast interesting, Max and I have moved the farthest distance apart and enjoyed opposite seasons to each other.

31:49 - 31:57

You know what I mean? This is the lengths we've gone to. Whereas with your podcast, you live in the same house.

31:58 - 32:04

And have often the similar experiences. Do you know what I mean? It is genuinely quite difficult, actually.

32:04 - 32:11

Because kind of the beauty of most podcasts is two people telling something to each other that they don't know.

32:11 - 32:16

Yeah. And so the reaction is like, Oh my God, yeah. Oh, I can't believe you did that.

32:16 - 32:28

Whereas like... Yours is just like... Yeah, nodding. You have to like get home and go, I'm not going to tell her what I did.

32:28 - 32:35

because I'm going to save it for on air. I see the mistake, Max. Max thinks all podcasts are about what you did yesterday.

32:35 - 32:43

Oh, I see. Are they not? Right. Those are the words. Basically, our podcast is actually What Are You Doing Tomorrow?

32:43 - 32:49

That's essentially what our podcast has become. It's very different like that. That's kind of why I quite like it in a weird way.

32:49 - 32:56

Because it literally is just two people who are married, who have a child, talking to each other.

32:56 - 33:00

You know, and it's funny and fun but it isn't like us telling a story.

33:00 - 33:04

And if we do have a story that we tell together, we tell it together to our producer.

33:04 - 33:12

Genuinely, it's like a moment for us to catch up and for us to, it's like a scheduled in chat for an hour.

33:12 - 33:18

It's sort of a date almost, but not. That's what our podcast is like too.

33:18 - 33:23

Me and Max going on a date. Nothing's happening, but we still just keep, we meet again.

33:23 - 33:26

Yeah, I guess. Why are we always inviting someone else? That's what I don't understand.

33:26 - 33:30

The guest gets in. In the way of the romance, I always think, you know.

33:30 - 33:41

I don't know how far I'm getting with you, David, because there's a guy also on the screen talking about bicking his penis, and that's getting in the way of the love chat I want to have with you.

33:41 - 33:48

Okay, so the podcast finishes, your producer packs up, goes away, you're free. I have a bit of lunch.

33:48 - 33:53

Oh, what do we have? Oh, yesterday, I tell you what, this is a bit bougie.

33:53 - 33:58

Again, don't know how to spell that, just like I don't know how to spell jodhpurs, but bougie.

33:58 - 34:06

Bougie, there's these pouches you can get from Waitrose from this place called Dale's. It's again from the same pouch, from Dale's Food.

34:06 - 34:13

And Dale's Food, if you don't know it, it is this very posh sort of farm shop in the Cotswolds.

34:13 - 34:21

You can get these like pouches, and it's like ready-made meals. And I think it's like a terrine or something like this.

34:21 - 34:26

And it's like chicken, bean, like it's really nice and really easy to cook. Is it baby food?

34:26 - 34:33

It's basically expensive baby food. Baby food, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And do you suck it up like a Capri Sun, like you're in space?

34:33 - 34:37

I basically should do that. I should just, it comes in like this Capri Sun thing.

34:37 - 34:43

And then I put it in the pan, I heat it up. But I could probably do it, you know, cold straight from the packet like a Capri Sun.

34:43 - 34:52

Great. And is it the three of you just staring at each other again? Absolute silence, just a loud clock ticking in the background.

34:52 - 34:59

Have I got it right? That's exactly it. So Wild has lunch too. And I had to go off and do some work.

34:59 - 35:04

This is where the day gets spicy. Okay. I forgot about this. This is big.

35:04 - 35:11

I then drove to Winchester. Oh, wow. I drove to Winchester. I've never really been to Winchester properly before.

35:11 - 35:15

Neither have I. I've done comedy there a little bit. Beautiful. It has a cathedral.

35:15 - 35:26

It has a cathedral. And it was really nice weather. And I went and I met up with a running YouTuber and we ran 19K in the countryside.

35:26 - 35:31

What? Okay. So first of all, when you're driving to Winchester, what are you listening to?

35:31 - 35:36

Oh, I think, no offense to you guys, I listen to Parenting Hell. Oh, God.

35:36 - 35:43

Those fuckers. I'm really sorry. How is that podcast doing? Because we support new up-and-coming podcasts.

35:43 - 35:48

We really hope we can give them a leg up. I worry about them. I worry about them.

35:48 - 36:02

If any of our listeners are looking to try something new, there's a great podcast called This American Life, also Parenting Hell, and probably one of the best podcasts is the Brit Royals has got another podcast where they just took shit with another posho.

36:02 - 36:09

So that's our recommendations. Who was the guest on there? I listened to the Sian Welby one, which was great.

36:09 - 36:14

You know, it's fun because, you know, I'm friends with those guys and it's nice just to hear their voices and hear what they're up to.

36:14 - 36:21

That's okay. That's what podcasts are, isn't it? Max is raging, just quite dismissively. I'm sorry.

36:21 - 36:27

We go back, me and Joe go way back. We go back so far that I thought he'd just immediately consume all of my content.

36:27 - 36:36

Yeah. Before going to, you know, Beckett. Even though I'm not in any way interested in sport, talk sport is where I like to go.

36:36 - 36:46

And I listen to all of the archives of the Rushden stuff. What I am interested in is how you guys met because it does seem like it goes back.

36:46 - 36:55

And did it involve a third wheel, maybe a pop star? It is one of the weirdest stories.

36:55 - 37:03

Genuinely, Max, what I love about this is that we don't speak very often. And when we do speak, it's a kinship that cannot be broken.

37:03 - 37:10

Exactly. I think we are very much on the same page. I like the cut of your jib.

37:10 - 37:15

Wow. Is that a phrase? Yeah, the cut of your jib. Shall I tell the story?

37:15 - 37:23

You can tell the story. Yeah, I mean, the funny thing for me is that I, at no point in my life, have ever been in showbiz circles.

37:23 - 37:27

Like, ever. And this was the only time that I sort of fell into it.

37:28 - 37:36

And it was just hilarious. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Max, you play the clarinet on Amy McDonald's album.

37:36 - 37:42

Well, there is that. Do you play the clarinet? Of course, yeah. Why didn't you whip that out?

37:42 - 37:47

I don't know. In the showbiz circle? You would have... We need to tell the story.

37:47 - 37:52

Okay. So I'm going to tell it how I know it, and I feel like you might have a different version of it.

37:52 - 37:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, I'm interested in this. So there was this... Let's not be specific.

37:57 - 38:07

There was this... There was this American lady who came to England. She was sort of obsessed with England, and she was in this big American show at the time.

38:07 - 38:15

90210. 90210. She was 90210. The remake. Yeah, exactly. It's very easy to work out at this point.

38:15 - 38:24

She comes over to England, and basically she was single, and she was going on all these television shows, and I assume you interviewed her at some point.

38:24 - 38:30

Did you interview her? She came on Soccer AM, yeah. Right. She came on Soccer AM, she came on my show that I was on at the time.

38:30 - 38:34

It was one of the first shows I did. It was called Paw Patrol. It was on BBC Two.

38:34 - 38:42

Paw Patrol. Wow. You and Chase used to go off and try and solve crimes.

38:42 - 38:53

I'm not exactly sure. Sorry. I don't think they solve crimes in Paw Patrol. I doubt, like, they found, like, a bloody glove and a dagger, you know.

38:53 - 39:01

It's got the dogs on this. Oh, you've eaten all the clues again. It was actually a really good premise for a book.

39:01 - 39:10

I love that. So she was interested, I think, in an English suitor. Yeah, I think that's true.

39:10 - 39:20

Wow. A man in jodhpurs. Yes, please. All these shows she went on, you know, she would get on with the host and then she was sort of courting all these hosts.

39:20 - 39:29

Then there was various different ones. David Dickinson. Yes. Andy Crane. Henry Kelly. Yeah. All of these guys.

39:29 - 39:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Richard Littlejohn. Trevor McDonald. Eamon Holmes. Michael Parkinson. It was, everyone was there.

39:40 - 39:46

Yeah. But what we didn't anticipate, which I think is more of an American thing, maybe, I don't know.

39:46 - 39:56

She sort of went on dates, I think, singularly with a few of us. Whoa, this is a love triangle.

39:56 - 40:00

Yeah. It's more than a triangle. It's like an octagon. Oh my God, there's so many people involved.

40:00 - 40:08

So the first time she invited me out for dinner. Yeah. And I arrived and there were like 15 people there.

40:08 - 40:11

I can't remember if you were at this one. I was like, this is fucking weird.

40:11 - 40:18

Anyway, I was sort of trying to work out if I was her date and everyone else was just like part of the thing.

40:18 - 40:26

And then there was like one spare chair and then like Steve Jones, you know, the sort of Welsh Adonis, walked into the room.

40:26 - 40:33

I was like, oh, I'm fucked here. And it was that kind of thing. It was like it's sort of a Henry VIII time.

40:33 - 40:48

Yeah. It was like we were in like Love is Blind or something, some sort of like, you know, reality love show where there was like The Bachelor, but like she would be at the head of the table and then it would just be like nine different TV presenters

40:48 - 40:56

who all thought they were there alone. Yeah, exactly. And this is 2009. Everyone is sitting in their best ironed super dry shirt.

40:56 - 41:04

Yes. Yes. Yeah, I had the All Saints shirt on that had the wire in it where you could like lift it up.

41:04 - 41:11

And I mean, to cut a long story short, there was two very specific moments that I remember.

41:11 - 41:18

One of which was again, somehow she kept us all interested because she was so nice and so beautiful.

41:18 - 41:24

And so we were like, okay, here's another meal. You're idiots. Total idiots. It was kind of like a pyramid scheme.

41:24 - 41:36

It was like we all felt that like we were working our way up the pyramid when in fact- I have a photo of the three of us wearing like Norman chain mail.

41:36 - 41:39

Yeah. Oh my God, I forgot that one. What is that? I forgot that one.

41:39 - 41:49

What is that? She made you go on a crusade. We killed thousands. We massacred in order to get her love.

41:49 - 41:55

I want to win her favor. We went to this like, oh my God, I forgot that.

41:55 - 42:05

Please say jousting. Please say jousting. Yes. It was near London Bridge, near Tower Bridge, where it's like one of those old, you know, those meals where you like, you eat chicken legs.

42:05 - 42:15

Have mead from the goblets. And you have these actors who come to the table and go, oh, hello, I am Sir Cornfloss from the- The worst.

42:15 - 42:19

And then they have like a sword fight in front of us. So we did that.

42:19 - 42:25

That's fun. We also did karaoke together. Hang on, as a trio, the three of you went with her?

42:25 - 42:30

There might have been others. I've no idea who else was there. This is why we became friends, because we were very much realised.

42:30 - 42:34

This is a total fuck up. It's so ridiculous. We were like, have we got a chance?

42:34 - 42:40

Have we not? And so we ended up sort of connecting. But then you went on a date.

42:40 - 42:45

Didn't you kiss her at some point on Hamster's Heath? I got papped on Primrose Hill.

42:45 - 42:51

Yes. And I remember seeing it and being so sad. It's in the Daily Mail.

42:51 - 42:57

And it's like, is this person going out with sports pundit Max Rushden? And then she was asked.

42:57 - 43:03

She asked about it in interviews and laughed it off. No, not at all. I was like, oh, that's a pity.

43:03 - 43:06

It seemed like quite a good day. I thought I'd had Richard. Laughed at the rest.

43:06 - 43:10

But anyway, we were invited to another one of these dinners. And by this time, I've lost the will to live.

43:10 - 43:15

But you're still thinking, oh, you never know. Can I? Can I? Could I? Maybe I can get rid of all these thousands of people.

43:15 - 43:19

So we turn up this dinner. And I'm like, I'm just like, OK, I'm just going to be normal.

43:19 - 43:21

I'm just going to sit wherever I sit. I'm going to try and sit next to her.

43:21 - 43:25

But I arrive, and there is like a seat for me. I don't know where you are, Joel.

43:25 - 43:29

I think you arrive late. I can't remember. There's a seat for me. She's at the head of the table.

43:29 - 43:33

And then Lee Ryan from Blue. Lee Ryan from Blue is opposite me. And I'm here.

43:33 - 43:41

Yes! Right? Yes! I remember he says, she said, I live in LA. And he went, I used to live in LA.

43:41 - 43:51

And then bad things happened. And he said, this is a direct quote. He said, and Heath Ledger died, and they made me take Ritalin.

43:51 - 43:59

I've never forgotten his sentence. What does it mean? Who did? Where's this from? I don't know.

43:59 - 44:06

It was so, it was so weird. Then do you remember, then, there's a full table.

44:06 - 44:11

I'm going to say 12 people, something like that. Everyone chatting. Everyone sort of, you know, blah, blah, blah.

44:11 - 44:18

Then Jesus says, one of you will betray me tonight. It did feel like that.

44:18 - 44:23

You know, she was Jesus at the head of the table. And then, so everyone's chatting.

44:23 - 44:27

Everyone's having a nice time. And then Lee Ryan. Lee Ryan gets an email on his phone.

44:27 - 44:36

Cool. He goes, I've just been sent a backing track. And everyone's like, okay. And then he just plays a song on his phone.

44:36 - 44:43

And it's really loud on his phone. And slowly but surely, everyone stops talking. Because you're like, what is this weird music?

44:43 - 44:51

And then he's just then just holding a phone. And then there's like 12, 15 people around this table, just like listening to this backing track.

44:51 - 44:55

And he's just holding it up. And then we listened to the whole song. Inside.

44:55 - 45:02

In silence. And then he sort of finishes and he's just like, cool, right? But how does this end with the late?

45:02 - 45:06

Does she go, you've wooed me with this, Lee Ryan from Blur. Well, that's the thing.

45:06 - 45:16

From Blur, sorry. From Blur. Didn't he talk about writing a movie where, a horror movie where everyone comes around and then she's for dinner.

45:16 - 45:20

And he was going to eat her for dinner. And then he said he wanted to travel.

45:20 - 45:27

He recommended Lake Ghana in Northern Italy. I was like, okay. Then he said, we're all sitting around.

45:27 - 45:32

He's moved to the other end of the table. And as the bill come around, he just shouts over to her and goes, it's all right, I've got yours.

45:32 - 45:38

And then he says, should we leave for the paps? And she went, yes. And I'm going, what paps?

45:38 - 45:47

There are no paps here. This is ridiculous. It was a realization moment for me that this was not the world I wanted to be in.

45:47 - 45:54

Yeah, yeah. I think it was the same thing for me, actually. It was like a real moment where I was like, oh, I don't think I fit in in this madness.

45:55 - 46:04

Really fascinating. And obviously it was so exciting and like interesting and going like, oh, this is this mad LA world.

46:04 - 46:09

Yeah. Because I was such a young comic and I was like, oh my God, this is so cool that I'm sort of wrapped up in all of this.

46:09 - 46:17

Is there still a slightly competitive frisson between the two? Like, is it like, are you both trying to sort of woo me now?

46:17 - 46:29

Have I moved into the role of Shannon Doherty from Beverly Hills? Just remembered one other bit was with, Steve Jones when we'd finished dinner and she said, I want to go dancing.

46:29 - 46:34

And I said, why don't we go to the Roxy, which is on Rathbone Place, like plastic cups would play like, like a prayer.

46:34 - 46:39

And Steve Jones said, I'm a member of the Groucho. So then we went to the Groucho Club.

46:39 - 46:42

I'd never been here before. And she was like, oh, I'm so hungry. And the kitchen was closed.

46:42 - 46:45

And he just sort of walked into the kitchen and came out with some ice cream.

46:45 - 46:48

And I was so shit faced. I just took it off him, ate it and went home.

46:48 - 46:58

Oh my God. You guys. It was unbelievable. What an amazing time. Sadly, none of that can stay in because it's nothing to do with what we did yesterday.

46:58 - 47:06

Damn it. So where are you now? Where are we now? So I left you on the bombshell that I just meeting up with a running YouTuber.

47:06 - 47:11

And I ran 19K in winter. 19K. So I'm training for the London Marathon right now.

47:11 - 47:17

Okay. Okay. When is that? That is the end of April. So I've got four weeks, basically, just less than four weeks.

47:17 - 47:23

I'm trying my best to run a sub three hour marathon. Okay. It's very tough.

47:23 - 47:32

Very tough to fit it all in and all that. But yeah, it was nice just to sort of get some tips and stuff and then just run around the Winchester countryside with a very accomplished runner.

47:32 - 47:36

So you're saying to fit it all in as in you just, you don't have time to do a four hour marathon.

47:36 - 47:41

So you have to just, you've only got three hours to do it. And have you done the marathon before?

47:41 - 47:45

Have you done, are you an experienced marathon runner? Yeah, I've done about five before.

47:45 - 47:50

Okay. One marathon that I've done, I did longer than a marathon when I did that show with Nish.

47:50 - 48:01

I did a marathon in Mexico, like there's this amazing tribe that. That run like barefoot and they do long distances, like hundreds of miles for the telly show.

48:01 - 48:07

We said, oh, we're going to run 30 miles. They all laughed at us because they, it was so short.

48:07 - 48:15

Well, yeah, I know. And it was absolutely horrific. Nish found this amazing energy drink that they make naturally.

48:15 - 48:19

It has all this stuff and it's supposed to give you the energy for the run.

48:19 - 48:24

I downed it because I thought that was, that's what you're supposed to do. Turns out you're supposed to drink like a tiny amount of it.

48:25 - 48:34

And so the entire 30 miles, I was absolutely, completely shitting my pants. Like shitting my pants to the point where I was like, this is happening.

48:34 - 48:39

This is just, this is part of my, you know. And you did it. You did 30 miles.

48:39 - 48:44

I did 30 miles and then just got through to the end. This is how mad they were because it would be like four mile loops.

48:44 - 48:48

So we kept on doing this four mile loop of up and down the mountains and all of this mad stuff.

48:48 - 48:56

They would have this guy who was like the mayor of the town and he would basically had these stones to indicate the different people.

48:56 - 49:00

And when you cross the start line and do a loop, he would put a stone.

49:00 - 49:13

So he knew how many laps everyone had done. And then in the town, because it's like a festival, they just get so hammered whilst you're running that he just stopped doing all the stones and he didn't know how many loops anyone had done.

49:13 - 49:19

And so I knew how many loops I'd done, but like everyone else was counting on him.

49:19 - 49:25

And so no one knew. And then, so they just did like extra loops and they just carried on after he finished.

49:25 - 49:35

Bear in mind, I'm against 60 year old men in jeans. I'm wearing like the traditional garb thinking that they're all going to be in the traditional sort of dress that they wear.

49:35 - 49:42

They're running in jeans. They're wearing in jeans and like ACDC t-shirts. It's going to chafe after mile 27.

49:42 - 49:51

Matt. Joel, have you got those, those runners that are meant to make you go faster?

49:51 - 49:56

Have you got those, the big ones that look like glam? Rock platforms. Yeah. Yeah.

49:56 - 50:03

Yeah. Like the, um, the trainers. Yeah. They've like carbon fiber in them. That sort of bounces you along a little bit.

50:03 - 50:08

Are we allowed to wear those? I'm allowed to wear them. And it really helps to be honest.

50:08 - 50:15

And it's fantastic because you put them on and you, you do feel like a good runner, but you also secretly feel like Gary Glitter.

50:15 - 50:24

They're Heelys. They've got little wheels in the back. They've got little wheels and I've got very small feet.

50:24 - 50:29

As well. So I've got a size seven feet. Wow. That's tiny. We're absolutely tiny.

50:29 - 50:37

Could cost you a place at the finish line. Couldn't it? Cause he's, if it's a photo, there's rarely a photo finish at the end of an marathon.

50:37 - 50:42

Wilson Kipkater might just edge him to a fifth place in the marathon. I've done it twice.

50:42 - 50:51

I did it, you know, I think I was six and I was seven London and I'm not designed for running the first one.

50:51 - 50:57

I went to Goa and got dysentery and that was bad, bad training for a marathon.

50:57 - 51:01

At the start of the marathon? About five weeks before. So it did affect training.

51:01 - 51:10

Did they say ready, steady, Goa? They didn't sadly, because no, they didn't know. They didn't know.

51:10 - 51:16

I didn't like tell the starter and I wasn't right at the front. So there'd be like, you know, somebody who's like 30,000th back.

51:16 - 51:24

And I got overtaken by, I mean, somebody who looked like Mr. Miyagi's great, great, great granddad at about.

51:24 - 51:30

And I was overtaken by a cream bun on the mat. Like genuinely someone dressed as a cream bun.

51:30 - 51:39

Are you sure you weren't hallucinating at this point? But now it's so bad because I'm running so much.

51:39 - 51:44

My legs just hurt all the time. Yeah. And I just can't really sleep because of my legs hurt so much.

51:44 - 51:48

So I'm just like lying in bed and my legs are like all the time.

51:48 - 51:52

And it just feels awful. I just can't wait to get this marathon finished. And then I have a solution.

51:52 - 52:02

Don't. Just don't. Just don't do it. It's absolutely fine. Are you doing it for charity or for a cause, Joel?

52:02 - 52:07

I'm doing it for a charity called Brain Tumor Support, who are brilliant. They're really great.

52:07 - 52:10

They really helped me and my wife when my wife's mom had a brain tumor.

52:10 - 52:14

You got to do it then. You got to do it. I'm sorry. I've changed my tune now.

52:14 - 52:22

What are you doing even here? Get out there. Put on your giant stupid boots and let's get this thing done.

52:22 - 52:28

Okay. So we drive. Back from Winchester then? Yeah, we drive back from Winchester. In silence.

52:28 - 52:36

No podcast on in the car at all. Just wind whistling through. I listen to the solo albums of Lee Ryan all the way back.

52:36 - 52:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the backing tracks. Just the backing tracks. I get back and then my son is having dinner.

52:43 - 52:48

So I play with my son for a bit. That's fun. There's this house being built down the road.

52:48 - 52:54

There's diggers currently in there. So it's so fun, man. Construction is everything. It's so fun.

52:54 - 53:01

Just take him to there and watch his diggers. And he watches the dugger, dugger, dugger.

53:01 - 53:08

What is it with, you know, there's a phenomenon in Italy of old retired men who stand watching construction.

53:08 - 53:16

Like it's an actual thing where you'll just see them just enjoying watching a building being built slowly for hours.

53:16 - 53:21

But there's something about small boys then as well. I don't think I had this.

53:21 - 53:26

I'm fascinated by it. I could watch a building being demolished and remade for hours.

53:26 - 53:31

I remember once when I lived in Elephant Castle, this is when I first met you, Matt.

53:31 - 53:36

I remember once the road was being resurfaced and I just stopped and I watched it for about three hours.

53:36 - 53:47

It was absolutely fascinating. Just seeing it being peeled back. Something being done is so fascinating to watch because our lives, it's mental, isn't it?

53:47 - 53:54

Like you might put loads of effort into like a script or a joke or like something.

53:54 - 54:00

And then you go to a gig and then that joke doesn't work. And you're like, I just spent all day working on that bit.

54:00 - 54:12

It's pointless. It's all pointless stuff. It's not pointless, but it can be pointless. There's nothing pointless about moving dirt from one place and putting it in a fucking road.

54:12 - 54:21

You've run 19K and done a podcast and hoovered and yet all you've had is a tiny Capri Sun of chicken.

54:21 - 54:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a porridge. He had a porridge. I know. I had to porridge.

54:24 - 54:32

Look at this guy. He needs to fuel that furnace. We stopped at the cafe at the end and I bought myself a chicken wrap.

54:32 - 54:36

Okay. Was it good? It was good, actually. Yeah, it was really nice. Delicious stuff.

54:36 - 54:48

I was very thirsty after the run because it was quite warm and I drank an unbelievable amount of water because I was thirsty and I drank too much water.

54:48 - 54:54

It made me feel mental. What? Can you give us an approximate? Was it fire water?

54:54 - 55:02

Fire water, a.k.a. vodka. It turned out it's been pure vodka. And you didn't notice for two litres.

55:02 - 55:11

You're like, this water is... That's how hardcore I am. I know you guys know me and you know I am a big drinker.

55:11 - 55:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much water are we putting away after 19k in the sweltering spring?

55:16 - 55:22

I'm going to say I did two litre. Yeah? Just down the hatch. At least two and a half, maybe.

55:22 - 55:26

And then it just made me... It made me feel really like, oh, God, I'm so full and weird.

55:26 - 55:32

And so in the car, I felt odd. Then this is, again, I thought this day wasn't exciting.

55:32 - 55:37

It's actually quite exciting, but it's quite a bougie day. 19k, I felt kind of all right.

55:37 - 55:44

My legs were a bit stiff, but not too bad. Got back, played my son a bit, took him to the house being built next door.

55:44 - 55:48

And then I put him to bed at seven o'clock. It's when he goes to bed.

55:48 - 55:55

My wife and I, this is what I sort of got my wife and I for Mother's Day.

55:55 - 56:08

There we go. This is when the freshly bicked comes into play. No, no. I got us both a masseuse to come to the house.

56:08 - 56:16

Oh, okay. Bow, bow, bow, bow. Bow, bow, bow, bow. They came to the house.

56:16 - 56:23

And this is a lady we've had before. It's great, right? So it's on this app called like this urban app or something.

56:23 - 56:29

This lady comes to your house and she sets up the bed and stuff. She does it in this room.

56:29 - 56:35

So there's like kids toys everywhere. You have your massage. I don't like massages. No, no, I don't.

56:35 - 56:42

Because I don't like the unpredictability of it. It's expensive. And then sometimes you get like an unbelievable thing.

56:42 - 56:47

And sometimes you just get someone who's like, like sort of lightly dusts your back.

56:47 - 56:49

I'm like, I'm not into that. But you've got to pay the same for it.

56:49 - 56:55

So we found this lady who's unbelievable. And so basically once a month or something, we get her to come to the house.

56:55 - 57:01

She massages my wife first. And then, then it's my turn. Does she use violence?

57:01 - 57:09

She doesn't use violence. You know, does she like use her elbows on your... Oh, I thought you meant sort of like, maybe like a handgun.

57:09 - 57:16

She's like, bend over, put your nose on the ground now. Put your face in the hole.

57:16 - 57:22

Put your fucking face in the hole. No, I meant the, you know what I meant.

57:22 - 57:29

Is it deep tissue? Is it like, are you saying, is it quite... Because you mentioned I quite like, the reason I don't like massages, I find quite a bit uncomfortable.

57:29 - 57:35

I find sometimes if they get near the inner thigh, I'm not relaxing. I'm just tensing up as to how far they're going to go.

57:35 - 57:39

And actually all I want is like a kitten to stroke my back for half an hour.

57:39 - 57:45

That is my absolute dream. I just want to be rubbed softly. So I would be really happy for a light dusting.

57:45 - 57:50

I'd get, if there was an app for a light duster to come and erect the bed and just dust me, I'm all in.

57:50 - 58:02

She gets into the tissues, does she? Gets into the tissues. I'm sure there is a subsection on this app for pussycats to come around to your house and give you a light dusting.

58:02 - 58:11

I'd love that. Get into the tissues sounds even more like a wank now. Are your nips okay after the 19K?

58:11 - 58:16

Have you sussed that or have you sort of firmed them up because you run so much?

58:16 - 58:22

They're like calluses now. I've now got sort of, they're no longer nipples anymore. They're like sort of thimbles.

58:23 - 58:28

I still do get it sometimes with certain tops, but if you wear the right top, then it's generally okay.

58:28 - 58:31

But for the marathon, I'll tape them up. Good idea. Or Vaseline them up, you know.

58:31 - 58:41

Just put Vaseline everywhere, but generally for the marathon. My nips have been okay recently, but it's so odd when you do have, when you bleed a little bit from the nipple,

58:41 - 58:50

it's such a weird pain. And it's like got like a little sort of black dot on the end of your nipple then when it sort of goes over.

58:50 - 58:57

And so it looks very odd. So your nipples then look like, eyes. And then you can draw a nose and a mouth.

58:57 - 59:02

Your belly button can be the mouth. And then you can just have fun all day on your own.

59:02 - 59:09

The shocked emoji. Again, my son is really obsessed with nipples right now. Like he is obsessed with nipples, belly buttons.

59:09 - 59:15

If you want to make my son smile, get your belly button out. He loses his mind.

59:15 - 59:33

If you were to hoover your own belly button, he would lose his mind. The only nips difficulty I've ever had is sometimes I've been roped in to play for other people's football teams who have a shirt where the badge is sewn in on the back.

59:33 - 59:43

You know what I mean? And then if you're not used to this and you're not wearing one of those cool Italian type vests underneath it, then it can cause problems.

59:43 - 59:47

Or one of those things that they wear now for football. You know, they wear those.

59:47 - 59:52

The bra things. The bra underneath. Yeah. Very interesting. I'm not at that level, you guys.

59:52 - 1:00:00

Me neither. I made it sound before like Juventus had signed me and I've played one game for them and gone, this jersey is too uncomfortable.

1:00:00 - 1:00:06

And then just come back and played for Do Never FC on Ackle Island in County Mayo instead.

1:00:06 - 1:00:12

Okay. So we've had the massages. Had the massages. Unbelievable. So I feel a bit sort of like woozy after that.

1:00:12 - 1:00:21

Yeah, nice. Whilst my wife was having her massage, I cooked. We had that stuff that's, you know, that stuff that gets sent to you in a box.

1:00:21 - 1:00:29

Yeah. That is like, has the menus in it. I get these. And David is, I would say, he hates this more than he hates anything else on earth.

1:00:29 - 1:00:37

So, look, I just get a Ratatouille vibe off it where the rat is just telling you what to do.

1:00:37 - 1:00:52

I feel it's like an Airfix kit with a rat in your hat. However, in the last week, a change has happened, which is I noticed that a lot of podcasts are getting sponsored by idiot meals for food.

1:00:53 - 1:01:07

Fucking idiots in a box. So, I've decided to really tone down my hatred of them and instead be like, mmm, curried barramundi in plastic.

1:01:07 - 1:01:15

If only there was some way of doing this without getting it delivered in a shoebox to your house like a piece of shit.

1:01:15 - 1:01:21

So, I am now not going to be critical of them anymore. No, no, it sounds like it or not.

1:01:23 - 1:01:30

What's in your box? Last night, it was like a chicken. Tell you what, odd, never really had it before.

1:01:30 - 1:01:35

We get it a few times in this recipe box thing. What is bulgur wheat?

1:01:35 - 1:01:39

Where did that come from? It's like couscous, isn't it? It's like big couscous. And it's great.

1:01:39 - 1:01:45

You've been eating it for like three minutes. It's dark. Bulgur wheat. Yeah. Bulgur. Yeah.

1:01:45 - 1:01:51

When they name foods, they should really think about making it not words that you don't want to put in your mouth.

1:01:51 - 1:01:53

Do you know what I mean? I don't want to put it in my mouth.

1:01:53 - 1:01:58

I didn't put a bulgur in my mouth. But you did, right? I did. I had plenty of bulgur.

1:01:58 - 1:02:03

Chicken, how have they spiced it? Presumably they've given you something. Yeah, some sort of spice.

1:02:03 - 1:02:10

I don't know whether you have the same ones in Australia. You probably don't. We have quite like if they're interested in sponsoring this podcast and they're excellent.

1:02:10 - 1:02:21

Fuck's sake. If we do have to do one of those awkward two-person reads of the ad, you can just do all of the chatting, Max.

1:02:21 - 1:02:31

That's okay. That's fine. That's the other way of doing it. All I'll do is offer this, mm-hmm, just quite a judgmental mm-hmm, which is probably not what quite like want.

1:02:31 - 1:02:38

I don't know if you've had this with your podcast, Joel, but the producer did say, if you go well in America, you do get offers from guns.

1:02:38 - 1:02:42

And I'm just all in favor of this podcast is bought to you by Uzi.

1:02:42 - 1:02:49

Shoot people you don't like with Uzi. I've just started and it's great. I don't know about you.

1:02:49 - 1:02:52

Give it a try. If you're not into guns, why not give it a go?

1:02:52 - 1:03:02

Joel, I have an important question. You've put this meal in motion. You've then gone down to the playroom to get fiddled with by a stranger.

1:03:02 - 1:03:10

Is part of your mind not, oh shit, the bulger is going to start flying across the room like popcorn soon?

1:03:10 - 1:03:17

I ate my one whilst my wife was doing hers. Oh, okay. Which I thought was actually a bit of an error, to be honest.

1:03:17 - 1:03:29

Quite a heavy meal before a massage. Yeah, that is silly. It was silly. She was pushing on my sort of lower back, and I felt like maybe bulger was going to come back.

1:03:29 - 1:03:34

Oh, yeah. Bringing bulger back, which I think was a Justin Timberlake album. It was good.

1:03:34 - 1:03:41

So I then made that, and I ate that, and then I left one, a plate for my wife when she'd finished hers.

1:03:41 - 1:03:47

Nice. Yeah, we finished the massage, and it was fantastic. You know, you feel just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, afterwards.

1:03:47 - 1:03:55

My son sort of, he's usually pretty good at sleeping, but he cried a little bit, and so I had to go in and hug him for a little bit, and that was nice, and then put him back down.

1:03:55 - 1:04:02

Again, after a massage, it takes away all of the relaxing nature of the massage when you've got a crying child.

1:04:02 - 1:04:14

It sort of counteracts the £65 that I'd spent on someone to rub me. You're saying it's not relaxing when a child is screaming while you're blasting adolescence on the big screen across the room.

1:04:14 - 1:04:22

Yeah, yeah. While shitting bulgur out of your ass like ping-pong balls. All right, and are we nearly bedtime now?

1:04:22 - 1:04:26

Strike me as an up till 1 a.m. type of guy. I love early bedtimes.

1:04:26 - 1:04:32

If I'm not touring, then I like to be in bed by like 9. Love it.

1:04:32 - 1:04:37

Why would you go to bed any later? People stay up late to watch telly.

1:04:37 - 1:04:51

What are you doing? Go to bed. Go to bed. And I know I should probably be promoting telly because I'm on it in a very similar way to David with his sort of packaged menu.

1:04:52 - 1:05:04

Stop talking about that. I should encourage people to stay up and watch telly. A lot of the time on this podcast, I will tell people how nice it is to take your headphones out and just go for a walk or a run.

1:05:04 - 1:05:09

Don't listen to podcasts. Just do not. You don't need to listen. It's just waffle.

1:05:09 - 1:05:15

It's just blah, blah, blah. Leave it, listeners. I can't wait for your new podcast called Silence.

1:05:15 - 1:05:20

And it's literally you go, hi, welcome to Silence. And it's an hour of silence.

1:05:20 - 1:05:28

And then that's it. And it's brought to you by Jodhpurs. Yeah. It's the only bit that's not silent is in the middle.

1:05:28 - 1:05:36

You're like, have you tried HelloFresh? Really convenient meals sent to your door. Hi, it's David.

1:05:36 - 1:05:40

I hope you're enjoying the podcast. This episode is brought to you by Smith & Wesson Pistols.

1:05:40 - 1:05:46

All right, so is it straight up to bed? Is it, you know, all the classics, brush your face, brush your teeth?

1:05:46 - 1:05:51

Joel, presumably you have to have a shower after a massage. I didn't. Is that bad?

1:05:51 - 1:05:57

Because I've probably made it. I've made my sheets quite oily. Yeah, you did. Yeah, and I've just bought new sheets, actually, so I haven't thought about that.

1:05:57 - 1:06:06

I've just got new sheets, which are fantastic, because I've really been, I've had a problem where I move quite a lot in my sleep, and I roll a lot.

1:06:06 - 1:06:11

And when I roll, I then take the flat sheet off the bottom. Oh, yeah.

1:06:11 - 1:06:18

It pings off the corner. Yeah, yeah. It annoys me so much. Valance? Is that a valance, like Holly Valance?

1:06:18 - 1:06:25

Is that what it is called, a valance? No, I don't think so. I think this is just, the sheet, he's talking about just the sheet, you know, the fitted sheet.

1:06:25 - 1:06:29

No, he's got the one with the elastic around the four corners. That's not a valance.

1:06:29 - 1:06:33

That's not a Holly Valance. What's a valance? A valance is just a bit off the end of the bed.

1:06:33 - 1:06:43

It's just like a bit of extra sheet you don't need. Oh, maybe a valance is the one that hangs down like the sort of haunted curtains in a house.

1:06:43 - 1:06:46

Yeah, they're pointless. You're talking about the actual sheet. So how have you rectified this?

1:06:46 - 1:06:54

So, bought new sheets. Turns out there's ones that you can get that have like a rubber, rubbery bit on the elastic.

1:06:54 - 1:07:02

Incontinence sheets. Incontinence sheets. And then plastic around your crotch. Yeah. And it holds on and it's worked, man.

1:07:02 - 1:07:06

I've had them for a week. Wow. And they're fantastic. They haven't pinged off once.

1:07:06 - 1:07:14

Oh, I'm delighted for you. Honestly, revelation. This episode is brought to you by sheets that don't ping off.

1:07:14 - 1:07:21

Are they a bit warm though? This is interesting. What would you pick, right? When I ordered these new sheets, I had a choice.

1:07:22 - 1:07:30

I had cool and crispy. Yeah. Gross. Or smooth. Smooth and rough. Smooth and rough.

1:07:30 - 1:07:37

Smooth and like, you know, like warm. Like that sort of vibe. You want cool, but you don't want crispy is not what you want your sheets to be.

1:07:37 - 1:07:41

That's your sheets at university, isn't it? That you don't change for a whole term.

1:07:41 - 1:07:50

That's crusty. It depends what temperature room you're running. So the obvious question is, Joel, do you run a warm bedroom?

1:07:50 - 1:07:56

Well, this is interesting because I'm fascinated with this because we have a monitor in my son's bedroom.

1:07:56 - 1:08:05

I'm fascinated with the temperature and what it is. Apparently the sort of perfect temperature for a child is between about 16 degrees, which feels quite cold.

1:08:05 - 1:08:15

16 degrees and about 21, 22 degrees. So last night we were on the edge of 22 degrees and I was thinking maybe we need to go to the sort of the lower tock.

1:08:15 - 1:08:21

But I like to run it cold, man. I like to run it cold. I get so warm in the night.

1:08:22 - 1:08:26

And we as humans are supposed to have cold. We're supposed to go to sleep cold.

1:08:26 - 1:08:32

Right. I don't know about this. I like a cold pillow. A cold pillow. Flicking the pillow and it being cold.

1:08:32 - 1:08:38

That's nice, isn't it? What tog are you working with, Max Washington? No idea. I just put the duvet on.

1:08:38 - 1:08:43

You're in Australia. So do you have air conditioning? We don't have air conditioning in our bedroom, no.

1:08:43 - 1:08:48

If it's hot at night, it's just a sheet. It's just a sheet. Because some nights are just like, come on.

1:08:48 - 1:08:53

We can't have 38 degrees. This is ridiculous. Would a sheet just be... It's considered no tog.

1:08:53 - 1:08:59

Yeah, good question. Yeah, a tog only is a thing, I think, in the colder parts of the world.

1:08:59 - 1:09:05

I feel like I'm aware during this podcast that I don't know anything. But I've been asked many questions as if I'm an expert.

1:09:05 - 1:09:14

Brought onto this program to answer questions about Michael Rose and Jodhpurs and togs. And I have to admit, I'm just not the guy.

1:09:14 - 1:09:26

This is the kind of chat that really got the lady from 90210 involved. I think this is why she realized that other people were maybe for her.

1:09:26 - 1:09:30

When we were at a dinner party going like, what tog are you working with?

1:09:30 - 1:09:35

And the other one going, this is interesting, actually. I know this is genuinely interesting stuff.

1:09:35 - 1:09:40

This is interesting, okay. I've got an intimate question just as we doze off here.

1:09:40 - 1:09:46

Please do. For a man who has run a lot today, what position do you try?

1:09:46 - 1:09:55

And there's a degree of peak performance to Joel Dommett. I want to know is what position in the bed is he trying to sleep in?

1:09:55 - 1:10:04

Well, I often fall asleep fully on my front. I like to sleep on my front as if I'm shot in the back of the head.

1:10:04 - 1:10:12

Face down. Like I'm face down, like arms by my side. Like I've literally, that's the vibe that I've go for.

1:10:12 - 1:10:17

Then something obviously happens while I'm asleep because I always wake up not in that position.

1:10:17 - 1:10:23

So either I've moved or someone has moved. The dead body that has been shot.

1:10:23 - 1:10:32

It's your son. He comes in at night with a little digger. What are you working with, DOD?

1:10:32 - 1:10:42

What's your vibe? Similar to you, I have a dream. And the dream is that I just lie on my back with my arms by my sides, just staring upwards.

1:10:42 - 1:10:49

However, at some point along the line, that dream becomes reversed. I go on my side initially.

1:10:49 - 1:11:01

And then as Max... Max is sick of me talking about, during the night, I seem to fold my arms under me like a dead body in a coffin that's been turned over.

1:11:01 - 1:11:08

And so I wake up with this sort of pain in my shoulders. Like, it's a large bed.

1:11:08 - 1:11:14

Me and the Helen Copter have the biggest bed currently available on the market. In Ireland, the biggest bed in the world.

1:11:14 - 1:11:24

Which weirdly is still only Queen. During the night, I think... We might have a cattle prod or something.

1:11:24 - 1:11:29

That's the theory I'm working on at the moment. That awful deeds are happening during the night.

1:11:29 - 1:11:38

What do you think of to go to sleep? Or do you have enough tiredness in the system now from the run and the massage and the day generally?

1:11:38 - 1:11:44

No, I fall asleep quite easily. And I like to think of... Some people don't like to overthink to make them sleep.

1:11:44 - 1:11:50

I really love... I often think of my tour show, what I can improve. Oh, yeah.

1:11:50 - 1:12:00

I like to think... I like to think of running, what I need to do to do there, like those weird sort of quite monotonous, repetitive thoughts.

1:12:00 - 1:12:09

And then I'm asleep. Then I'm done. Whereas my wife needs me to put a YouTube video on for her to fall asleep.

1:12:09 - 1:12:15

She can't just fall asleep with her own thoughts. Right. So I have to put a YouTube video on where we watch it together.

1:12:15 - 1:12:21

The problem is she can fall asleep immediately. So I can literally put a YouTube video on, 30 seconds in.

1:12:21 - 1:12:26

And she's asleep. My kind of mind, I have to watch to the end of a YouTube video.

1:12:26 - 1:12:33

Hopefully you haven't picked, you know, last year's London Marathon or, you know, let's just see how Comic Relief went.

1:12:33 - 1:12:38

I'll watch that. I picked the whole of Lord of the Rings Return of the King extended edition.

1:12:38 - 1:12:49

Damn it. This is four and a half hours. So that's annoying. So then I'm off and starting and I'm like, why did I pick one that's 35 minutes, Joel?

1:12:49 - 1:12:54

Yeah. Why? Can't you just say? Jake, I'd like to delegate this to you. I don't need a YouTube.

1:12:54 - 1:13:03

You roll over and watch YouTube and I'll sort myself out. Yeah. Then she says that she can't hold the phone properly and then it doesn't make her full asleep.

1:13:03 - 1:13:07

So we could get her a little tripod. We could get her a little. I should get her a little bed tripod.

1:13:07 - 1:13:13

Some great suggestions here and maybe a new sponsor for our podcast. Yeah. Bed tripods.

1:13:13 - 1:13:20

Bed tripods. Yeah. I don't know about you, Max, but whenever I'm in bed, I get tired from holding the little screen.

1:13:20 - 1:13:28

Yeah. So this episode is brought to you by a bed tripod. I'd like to be able to play Squaredle without holding the phone.

1:13:28 - 1:13:35

Just one finger going round and round and round. I would love that. I think it could be hanging from the ceiling like a sex swing.

1:13:35 - 1:13:43

Yes. And so it's there in front of you and you set it on a timer and then it rises after 10 minutes.

1:13:43 - 1:13:51

That's nice. Either that or you put the phone on the bed and then you are in the swing.

1:13:51 - 1:14:03

Yeah, nice. So the whole bed drops. You sleep in the swing and you're just about a couple of inches away from the bed and your eyes, you can then put the phone on the bed and you're just slightly there and then you sleep like that.

1:14:03 - 1:14:06

You get a much smaller bed just for the phone, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:14:06 - 1:14:11

And then you don't need to worry about togs because the phone doesn't. This podcast is brought to you by bed phones.

1:14:11 - 1:14:17

A little bed for your phone. So look, you're asleep, Joel. So that's it. Thanks for coming on.

1:14:17 - 1:14:23

Yeah, it's absolutely fantastic. Was that a good day? We don't judge these things. We don't judge.

1:14:23 - 1:14:31

We don't judge. We're here just as a news gathering exercise. But I think you ticked a lot of boxes there.

1:14:31 - 1:14:38

There was a degree of love. There was a degree of massage. The big two.

1:14:38 - 1:14:44

The big two. And you also got off your arse and ran through the countryside as well.

1:14:44 - 1:14:50

Yeah. Reasonably well, I think. Did some parenting. Did some good parenting, didn't you? Yeah.

1:14:50 - 1:14:53

Yeah, it felt good. It felt like a good sort of a balanced day, actually.

1:14:53 - 1:15:01

You know, it's classic sort of day off, I suppose, for me. Parenting, bit of running, bit of bougie at the end.

1:15:01 - 1:15:05

Did you take any photos yesterday? It's a question we occasionally ask. Have you got your phone there?

1:15:05 - 1:15:11

Yeah, I took some photos when we were running. You're bleeding nips, just soaking through.

1:15:11 - 1:15:17

So that was nice, in the countryside. And one outside Winchester Cathedral, which is absolutely delightful.

1:15:17 - 1:15:24

Because it's all I know about Winchester, I imagine you're run. And it was just you doing laps and laps and laps of the cathedral.

1:15:24 - 1:15:29

Yeah, yeah, up and down, inside, actually. Finishing with a sprint up to the altar.

1:15:29 - 1:15:38

We just basically did sprints up and down the aisle. And they've got this big, huge, sort of embroidered The Hungry Caterpillar there.

1:15:38 - 1:15:43

And a man in a cassock reading it. That's what happens at church. That is what happens.

1:15:43 - 1:15:47

Yeah, it was fun. It was a nice day. I really appreciate it. It's been nice to go through.

1:15:47 - 1:15:54

You know what? Sometimes you can take days for granted. There you go. You know, you can take days for granted and you just move on to the next day.

1:15:54 - 1:15:59

It's nice to sort of go back and revisit. You know, it's nice for me.

1:15:59 - 1:16:04

I don't know whether it's nice for a separate listener. Yeah, it is. Phone lines are jumping.

1:16:04 - 1:16:09

You'll always have this day. You'll always have this day. It'll always be here. Yep.

1:16:09 - 1:16:17

I've got this at the end of my new tour show. Basically, I read out diary entries that I wrote in 2004 from my real diary.

1:16:17 - 1:16:27

And then at the end of the show, I do this lovely diary. I do this diary entry from today's date and sort of going like, oh, if you could see yourself now in 2004, blah, blah, blah.

1:16:27 - 1:16:36

And it's a really lovely thing. Every night, every night, I forget to remember what the date is.

1:16:36 - 1:16:49

Yeah. And so this beautiful end, which is really sort of bringing everything together, loads of lovely callbacks, always starts with me going, opening my diary and going, sorry, what day is it?

1:16:50 - 1:16:58

And I have like an audience of however many people just go, oh, it's the 31st of the 5th.

1:16:58 - 1:17:03

So it really sort of ruins the end, really. But I've really appreciated talking to you guys.

1:17:03 - 1:17:08

What a pairing. Thank you very much for sharing your day with us, Joel Dobbert.

1:17:08 - 1:17:15

It's been an absolute pleasure. Have a good rest of your day. Both of you, Max, I don't know what time it is with you.

1:17:15 - 1:17:21

It's quarter to 10. Quarter to 10. If you notice me flagging in the last half hour of this, it's because, you know, it's past my bedtime.

1:17:21 - 1:17:26

But, you know, I don't let people know that because everything is showbiz. I've just kept right on it.

1:17:26 - 1:17:31

I felt the flag about three and a half minutes in. Oh, for God's sake.

1:17:31 - 1:17:39

It's been more flag than unflag. Okay. Thank you very much, Joel. Thanks, Joel. Have a lovely day.

1:17:39 - 1:17:56

Love you guys. So there was Joel. It was day, David. Now, we need to save for the tape because listeners will be thinking there was part of this that didn't happen yesterday.

1:17:56 - 1:18:03

And I don't know how I feel about that being broadcast, even though how Joel and I met was very odd.

1:18:03 - 1:18:10

And it still remains the oddest few weeks of my life. It's very odd. The whole glory years of Soccer AM.

1:18:10 - 1:18:17

Soccer AM. The whole glory years of Soccer AM. Soccer AM. It probably is a thing, actually.

1:18:17 - 1:18:24

Great radio station. Yeah. Surprised I don't have breakfast on that. Come on, give me mid-mornings on Soccer AM.

1:18:24 - 1:18:34

Yeah, nothing surprises me about that era. You've just told me so many things. In a way, you've forgotten how ridiculous they were.

1:18:34 - 1:18:41

Yeah. But was it wrong of Joel and I to tell that story? Because it does not fit with the remit of the podcast and we've always been very strict.

1:18:41 - 1:18:49

Yeah, I think it was very skillfully done by me because It was. You know, you guys didn't just start telling it.

1:18:50 - 1:18:55

It was really like Frost versus Nixon. Yeah, you were full Dimbleby. You Dimbleby'd us.

1:18:55 - 1:19:02

Yeah, answer the question. Answer the question. That's what I was like. But thank you so much, Joel.

1:19:02 - 1:19:08

Lovely man. I don't want to tureen out of a pouch for lunch, but we're all different.

1:19:08 - 1:19:18

Imagine running 19K. For me, that would have played a much bigger, not a bigger role in the day, but at one point he'd forgotten that he had run 19K.

1:19:20 - 1:19:28

And that is not something that happens with David O'Doherty. It's never going to slip my mind doing a half marathon, is it?

1:19:28 - 1:19:32

Oh, yeah, and there was that. It was, you know, like some guests are like, oh, no, I did have breakfast.

1:19:32 - 1:19:38

Yeah. Oh, I did have a coffee. Oh, yeah. I did do the Marathon des Sables across the Sahara for six days.

1:19:38 - 1:19:42

You're right. I don't know why I've forgotten that. Anyway, if you'd like to get in touch with the podcast, here's how.

1:19:42 - 1:19:49

To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:19:50 - 1:19:57

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod, and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:19:57 - 1:20:09

And if you didn't, please don't. So, yeah, please, we do really rely on your content and emails, especially for the midweek mayhem pods, because otherwise they don't.

1:20:09 - 1:20:14

It's just a cheese. Not just a cheese. Don't be ridiculous. It's not just a cheese game.

1:20:14 - 1:20:23

They're just normal cheeses. Did you get that when I WhatsApped that acronym? T-J-N-C. I just messaged that to you.

1:20:23 - 1:20:29

They're just normal cheeses. T-J-N-C. It'll catch on. People will be like, T-J-N-C? What's on this cheese board?

1:20:29 - 1:20:35

T-J-N-C? Of course. Anyway, thanks, David. Let's do it again sometime. Oh, let's do it again.

WDWDY #74: Hoovered Under The Duvet

S4 EP22: Briony May Williams

WDWDY #73: I'm Eating Bullets

S4 EP21: Ben Elton

WDWDY #72: The Montenegro Tease

S4 EP20: Shane Daniel Byrne

WDWDY #71: I could go on You Bet!

S4 EP19: Amy Annette

WDWDY #70: In The Air Tonight

S4 EP18: Paul Williams

WDWDY #69: Caught with a Kumquat

S4 EP17: Waleed Aly

WDWDY #68: I am Poo Poo

S4 EP16: Lloyd Langford

WDWDY #67: I HATE NATURE

S4 EP15: Isy Suttie

WDWDY #66: Busted knees and ruptured spleens

S4 EP14: Mel Giedroyc

WDWDY #65: Max & David's Woke Daydream

S4 EP13: Chris Addison

WDWDY #64: It's 6am in Texas

S4 EP12: Bilal Zafar

WDWDY #63: Faulty Bike Seats

S4 EP11: Tom Cashman

WDWDY #62: Dublin Show Post Mortem

S4 EP10: Phil Ellis

WDWDY #61: Exceptional Perineum

S4 EP9: Marjolein Robertson

WDWDY #60: Yesterday waits for no man

S4 EP8: Fern Brady

WDWDY #59: Fun Facts and Days Before

S4 EP7: Michelle Wolf

WDWDY #58: Y.E.S.T.E.R.D.A.Y.

S4 EP6: Susie McCabe

WDWDY #57: Sandwich and soup combo

S4 EP5: Richard Herring

WDWDY #56: All my troubles seemed so far away...

S4 EP4: Vittorio Angelone

WDWDY #55: A Soapy Explosion

S4 EP3: Christopher Macarthur-Boyd

WDWDY #54: A Yesterday Like Any Other

S4 EP2: John Kearns

WDWDY #53: Do yesterdays dream of electric cheese?

S4 EP1: Bret McKenzie

WDWDY #52: Duelling Cheeseboards

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 3)

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

S3 EP27: Rob Auton

WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

No results found

Search Error

Everything Is Showbiz

How to Search:

Popular Search Ideas:

Everything Is Showbiz

S2 EP15: Joel Dommett