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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Max is gone.
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That was me. Sorry, Max, you're going to have to unmute yourself. I thought I was muting me and turning my video off.
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Apologies. Wow. What a blow at the start of a podcast to be muted and your screen taken away by the producer, David.
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How should I feel about this as we enter episode whatever it is of midweek mayhem?
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You know, sometimes we talk about who will replace one of us if one of us is unfortunately in an awful accident.
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Yeah. Well, that could have been producer Will attempting to just show any idiot could do this.
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If Max Bygraves had appeared on the screen at that exact moment, you'd have known.
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And soon it'll be Max Bygraves and David Duchovny hosting What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Anyway, some feedback, David, on the Adam Buxton episode. We begin with this from Rachel in Cornwall.
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Dear David and Max, I was listening to the Adam Buxton episode on the train just now on my way to work.
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Headphones on. Headphones on and gazing out the window when my Bluetooth connection dropped at a highly inopportune moment.
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Adam, talking about his bravery in the face of giving blood, shouted, just as my headphones stop and the audio blasts out of my phone.
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You can stick it in my knob if you want to. Keep up the good work.
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Yours, blushing on a train, Rachel in Cornwall. I would like to apologize personally to the people.
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Involved in taking blood from Adam and my suggestion that they could have been Transylvanian.
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I feel, you know, if you were, if you're a phlebotomist or whatever it is, is it that is a phlebotomist?
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If your phlebotomist is speaking another language, I'm sorry, my comedic brain just goes straight to, well, they're obviously vampires and they're speaking in Transylvanian.
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Imagine if that's what we were cancelled for. What a moment it would be front of the Daily Mail on a slow news day in.
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July, that'll be it. They'll trawl back, won't they? There has been plenty of Adam Buxton reactions, specifically on his gut, on his flatulence, on your flatulence.
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This feedback in the form of a voice note from someone called Jamie Bruce, who happens to be Mrs. Rushden.
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Your silence, i.e. farting, on the Adam Buxton episode is deafening. It's deafening. Now, a few things there.
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First thing, immediately, is there was a solid hum in the background as she was talking, which I would like to think is you just letting a 30-second foghorn from your arse.
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I think when she sent that, it was before I'd told the Galapagos story about letting rip on the most silent dinghy in the bull rushes of St. James Island as we searched for the long-lost skate or something, like the blue-footed booby.
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But at that time, it was interesting when you two were talking about fart walks, and I was thinking, well, I mean, I'm just a good listener, David.
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I don't always need to put my own stamp on things. You know, sometimes every step of a kilometer journey, I could be just letting them go.
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Also, an intriguing wrinkle to your and Mrs. Rushden's relationship, where she seems to be sending you voice messages during her...
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During her listen to it, which is a lot of effort, where she has to pause the podcast, go to voice notes, send you one, just nonstop updates.
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I mean, to be fair, I think she had a point on that note. I mean, when it's my yesterday, and it's not mine today, I don't...
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Maybe next week on my yesterday, I should take a note of every time I pass wind.
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See where the clock counter gets to. Can you imagine? I have thought about that, Max.
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If someone... If someone put all of my... In fact, we do have scientists who listen to this.
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Now, I'm not sure there's ever been any research done on this particular one. But if you put all the farts you've ever done in a continuous tone, how long would that last?
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And would it have a discernible melodic quality? Would it be like a symphony of the butt?
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I really hope when it all comes together that I have farted cigarettes without realising it.
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Well, Max, when you asked about why when you're having an ice pop that you squish up from the bottom, do you remember your theory that turned out to be because one of the world's foremost ice food measurers...
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Calipo doctors, yeah. The calipo doctor. Someone's got to have numbers on lifetime duration of farts.
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I think so. I think so. Maybe I'll note them down next week. Jim got in touch to say, if ever there was any doubt about our phones listening to us,
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Instagram served up this advert from The Independent, which said, what the heck is a fart walk?
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Why does practice is being held as the secret to healthy ageing? Literally, as he's listening to you and Adam talking about whether you walk along to minor or major chords or arpeggios as you're trumping up the street.
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Absolutely brilliant. James says this, please pass on, to Adam, to solve his persistent flatulence issue.
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That's when guests come on. They think once they've said it, it's kind of done.
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We're not going to revisit. We can revisit this thing. So yes, this is Adam Buxton's persistent flatulence.
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Flaxseeds also make you shit heaps if you're not careful. Adam is basically pouring metamucil, whatever that may be, on his breakfast each morning and wondering why he can't control his arse.
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In return, please ask him, if he can hook me up with a CD signed by a member of East 17.
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Preferably the guy who wore those outrageous hats. Thanks for your stunning podcast, James. You see, it's different.
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I would want the autograph of the guy who had too many baked potatoes, fell out of his car, and then the car rolled over himself.
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That guy from East 17. No, I'd go the main guy, Tony. He featured on Sounds of the 90s, my favorite podcast.
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And it seemed like an altogether top guy, Tony Mortimer. If we're going to get into it deep, you can't be that as a song.
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And Steam's also got, you know, bobs along, doesn't it? There's a lyric about where he goes, we'll have a spongy bath.
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And he goes, yeah, we'll have a good laugh. And I've just never, I just don't think it's romantic.
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Cole Porter never put that into what it is. It's real life, isn't it? Imagine if my lifetime of farts, sorry to go back to this, but if we did, you'd get the sound and you sped it up.
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You keep speeding it up. Do you know the sound it makes? And it just finishes, I die.
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And that's what they say when Peter Sissons is doing the news report and says the Irish comedian, David O'Doherty has passed away at the age of 92.
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I mean, Peter's doing well if he's still reading the news at that stage. And his final message was, here's a message which thankfully moves on from Adam Buxton and farting.
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Sadly, it moves on to Omidulilian shitting. So anyway, Amanda from Lewis in East Sussex says, hi, Max and DOD.
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I've been listening since the start of What Did You Do Yesterday? And I love it.
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Keep it going, boys. I enjoy the chit chat that comes up from all your conversations, both with guests and between yourselves.
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Ended up laughing throughout. A week after Max's comment for an episode in March when he was observing people in their 30s coming out of what he thought were much nicer houses than his with,
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how are you in there? I agree. Yes, much emphasis needed on all those five words equally.
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I am, I'm sure you'll be interested to know, a sufferer of on and off constipation.
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Thank you, Amanda, for getting in touch. People really do tell us their whole lives.
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So after listening to the Omidulili episode when he talked about a certain tea he drinks every night to help things move along, I thought I would try some.
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This is where... It is important to point out, these are just generally comedians who don't know what the fuck they're doing in their life.
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This is not one of your grifting, high-performance type podcasts. They're just... They're just normal comedians.
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They're just normal comedians. I thought I'd try some. I purchased some natural leaf diet as bebida and had a brew at about 10.30pm one night.
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Then in capitals, Christ! How long? Yeah. By 3am. I was pooing for England and Australia and a bit in my pants when I later went out for a walk around 10am-ish.
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I tried to hold it in, but no banana. Up to ears, it did empty me out.
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But this tea is a very strong laxative. It's not a long-term solution. Do you think Ombid knows this?
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I mean, he's not an idiot, is he? Or is he? Is an intervention needed to prevent him drinking it every night?
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If he carries on long-term, his bowels may forget how to push a poo out naturally.
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His sphincter will become extinct. Okay. My final words are that I absolutely love Max's voice.
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Sorry, David. It's like heaven. I would listen to him all day long reading the shipping forecast.
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I have no interest in the forecast of anything. Please get Tim Key on. Love him.
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Try again with him, David. Manda from Lewis in East Sussex. Thank you, Manda. So I am the one that has to reach out to Buxton and tell him it's the flax seeds and then reach out to Ahmed
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and tell him he's overdoing it from a Bebito tea point of view. Fine. The follow-ups.
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Back to Adam Buxton on the breakup pube wig stalactite of sadness. Is that right?
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Is that what it's called? Yeah. Seamus writes, Dear Max and David, a consistent theme of your pod intros.
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Are you asking what people are doing when listening to your pods? I typically go for a longer run on Sunday and listen to the latest episode, distracting myself from the torpor of running with lighthearted chat.
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I was on a run when listening to the Adam Buxton episode and was tackling a particularly long hill when the discussion on clearing the shower drains of your ex's hair came up.
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I was so nauseated by the discussion around this, in particular the reference to the stalactite that I had to stop to take deep breaths as I was so worried about throwing up.
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When I recovered and I thought I was safe, I had to stop again at the mention of the special gel.
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Each time, stopping midway uphill to steady my breathing, I subsequently turned off the episode and listened to the rest when cleaning the windows later on that day.
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Totally revolting. Love the pod. Keep it up. That's from Moses Kiptenui, who was going for the world marathon record, and we ruined it.
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Claire in North Wales writes, I've just finished listening to the Adam Buxton episode, and my enjoyment was marred by David's suggestion that riding a bike can cause your bum hole to inhale.
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And Adam, in response to this, said, Possibly. I hope he was just being polite, because the idea you can breathe through your bum is both ridiculous and dangerous.
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Have you not considered the impressionable children who may be listening? What if they believe this nonsense and try something dangerous the next time they're swimming?
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They think, oh, it's fine to fully submerge their head and just leave their arse above water because it'll breathe in.
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And when a lifeguard has to rescue them, flailing around near to death and give them the kiss of life to revive them, they come around croaking, but David O'Doherty said you can breathe through your bum.
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I feel it's my duty to report this episode to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents and possibly the RNLI too.
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I would say I'm disappointed in him, but I fear I cannot expect common sense or normality from someone who has such a warped idea of what constitutes a normal cheese.
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Yeah, that listener has obviously never done my version of snorkeling, where you just have your butt out of the water and you gulp down.
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A guy in my class in school's sister could, and we'll leave this subject and never discuss it again on the podcast, she could fart at will, but I do remember she had to sit near a radiator and I don't remember why,
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but the heat from that seemed to do something. And then, because she could do little tunes and stuff.
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A few people have got in touch about the Alex Horne football match, which if you remember was the day before the yesterday we did with Nish Kumar last year, so we're a year in to recording these things.
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Laura says, I know what David did yesterday and I saw a whole lot more of DOD than I bargained for. During Alex Horne's charity football game yesterday, David was wrongly accused by Maisie Adam of being the traitor on Team Chicken, which led to a quite visually disturbing defection
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to the egg team when he stripped down to his pants in outrage at the injustice leaving us all on the edges of our seats waiting to hear the revelation of the real traitor and feeling waves of indignation from David's thankfully reclothed body for the remainder
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of the match. The match went on to destruct us with many more of Horne's added football rules and exciting sudden death decider yet I awake today with one thing on my mind. Who are the real traitors? Are you okay now? Says Laura.
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Yeah, you did get down to your underpants didn't you David? Look, it required a big reaction. So there's 4,000 people I believe in Chesham United's ground which was a half hour train from Heathrow it was a wonderful day. Raised money for the club and for various charities. Good, we've
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got that out of the way. Yeah. So Horne, Alex Horne is the task master man and unhappy with normal football he put in several extra rules some of them fine after a goal you get a chance to double the goal by doing a crossbar
14:59 - 15:13
challenge. Okay, nothing wrong with that rolling substitutes, obviously nothing wrong with that. Now it gets a bit tricky you can't go in the D in football there's a small D at the edge of the box and that was like lava, no one was allowed
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into it. Okay, that's tricky during the high stakes, high intensity football that I'm expecting Now, there were some lovely rules that I think your sort of football and Melbourne Bohemians could look at, such as when Wrecking Ball the, is that Katy Perry?
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Whose song is Wrecking Ball? Yeah, that's good enough for me. Came on, two balls were put on the pitch even better than that was when Sit Down by James came on, every player had to sit down on the ground and only the two goalkeepers became active, so they
15:49 - 16:01
effectively had a sort of death match one on one, where they would have to sprint to the ball. Now it turns out that's the best rule. I saw the video of my friend Charlie Baker winning that duel and sprinting away
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and scoring. It was a great moment. To bring it full circle, he at the Euro final or semi-final was sitting behind the lead singer of James who was standing up and
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it's so funny, you're there going, I can't I can't, can I? I can't Sit down mate!
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Oh God, every fibre of your being. So, in addition to those rules, Horn has put, this is in the advertised booklet, there is one traitor on each team who's secretly operating for the other team Now I, because I think you
16:39 - 16:51
or Charlie sent me all the rules and I was like I'm down with this, but actually and like far be it from me to say Alex Horn's had a bad idea, I thought this was a bad idea. Because obviously it would be, if you were
16:51 - 17:01
the traitor and you didn't want to be discovered well you couldn't, obviously just try and score an own goal, it's so obvious. So you'd have to just have like a bit of a shit game and I'd be annoyed that I was having
17:01 - 17:15
to have a bit of a shit game in front of people, like that would annoy me, I'm happy to have a shit game on my own, just shitness, but the fact that that was there would like really, that would be like great with my soul. Let me add
17:15 - 17:37
one more layer to this then in addition to being many of the guests we've had on this podcast and Legends of Taskmaster playing in this match, there was also four professional or semi-pro players from the actual team of the club who were operating at such a higher
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level, you know we go back to the old thing about how the Olympics should have one regular person trying to do the high jump well it was kind of like, well this is why you shouldn't do that, because they are epically faster you know, skillful
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Chesham is down the pyramid isn't it? It's the sixth tier, I believe so they're good, but they're not that good but they are still really good. Like, you can only imagine how much better professionals in the top tier are, because these were some of
18:13 - 18:33
the best players I have ever played with. I was marked out of a game by Yapstam once and that I thought I'd get a kick, but turns out I didn't he was taken quite seriously, he was terrifying Sorry, so back to this with those guys there
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you're only going to have a mediocre game, really, you know what I mean but, however, I thought I was doing really well. They put me in left back, which, left back in the dressing room, lololol but I felt I was doing a good job
18:47 - 19:01
because I think they saw me, a 49 year old, granted with an incredible six pack but as a point of weakness and I repelled way back after wave. And then you got accused of being the traitor. Exactly!
19:01 - 19:15
So, I hadn't thought about this, so it's on the mic in the centre of the pitch with Horn at half time. Who do you think the traitor is? Now, Maisie said she was just going by the fact that pre-game, I had
19:15 - 19:29
said something like, I wonder which one of us is the traitor, which is a classic thing she said that the traitor would say. So Max, I reacted as you definitely would if you were accused of being a traitor in a match where you were trying
19:29 - 19:45
really hard, and tore off my jersey of Chicken FC and my shorts, and just threw them at her feet, and stormed off into the dressing room, and re-emerged moments later in the kit of the other team. Great!
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And the conclusion was, there actually weren't any traitors. Alex Horn had made that bit up. Yeah.
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Of course he had. He's always one step ahead, isn't he? Yeah. Literally, he is playing nine-dimensional chess, and the rest of us are playing tiddlywigs. Tom has a nice review on iTunes.
20:10 - 20:18
What Did You Do Yesterday has rapidly become my favourite podcast. Where else on the internet can you listen to a podcast where the hosts are either determined to unmask a celebrity masturbating,
20:18 - 20:27
or will offer listeners free washers? That's before you even mention the cheese quiz. Please never stop. Everything is showbiz. P.S.
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David, if you've got a five-millimetre outside diameter, three-millimetre inside diameter washer, I'll put a check in the post.
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Now that said, in our last episode of Midweek Mayhem, this one, effectively, where you were described as, is it a generic man three?
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Was it default man? Default man three. You were the default man in a computer game, where you just accept the first available character.
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I do believe I overstepped the mundanity quotient, you know, for us, with my discussion of trying to find gutter brackets.
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I think even our dullest lister may have hit the plus 15 second button there. Has there been a moment where you have forward wound, because the subject matter was so boring.
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You have come to this podcast, presumably because you appreciate mundanity and the banal in life.
21:35 - 21:45
But has there been a moment where you've gone, even I can't. Even I can't get to the different gutter brackets available on Akhil Island off the west coast.
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It makes me want to get even more, you know. As I remember saying, you know, when that Eric in Belfast texted me on TalkSport many years ago, to say, I don't know who you are, mate, but
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you've got the personality of a breeze block. And we did have phoned in on the worst inanimate object to be compared to. But, you know, a washer is pretty down there,
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isn't it? Everything is showbiz, says this review. Thanks, Max and DoD. Sounds like lockdown never ended. Today I heard Edinburgh. That's my favourite bin place.
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Do people find podcasts from reading reviews? Because I don't know if I'd instantly jump to this podcast if I read a review that was saying literally the moment that they could actually remember from this whole year's worth of broadcasting was where our favourite dustbins are.
22:34 - 22:42
But, you know, many thanks anyway for the five stars. Turdloo says I told my friend to listen to his background noise. That was the headline of the review.
22:42 - 22:50
One of my favourite podcasts. Not running or cooking tier, but perfect for background fodder. Not in the running or cooking tier of podcasts. How dare you?
22:50 - 23:03
Perfect background fodder to distract you from the sadness of life. Like a warm glass of milk, beautifully satisfying, yet slightly boring, but in the best way.
23:03 - 23:10
I would like that listener to listen back to last week's gutter segment and write another review.
23:10 - 23:33
Anyway, it's your day, isn't it? Yeah. Okay, this is exciting, isn't it? So, can we start at the beginning? I was pleased because I think nothing happened to me yesterday apart from I was on hold for 45 minutes to HSBC and it was driving me completely fucking mad.
23:33 - 23:40
And the man kept saying, okay, that's all good. I just need to check a few details. And the whole music was a bit tinny. It was so bad.
23:40 - 23:48
And I couldn't, all I wanted was a new debit card sent to me. I just couldn't understand what he's got the address. Like, I've done all the passwords. I've done all the security.
23:48 - 24:03
I've got through everything. Surely it's just, yes, I can. That's what I wanted. I wanted yes, I can. And I didn't get that. I needed to check some more details. As I was talking to him, like Telstra were messaging me going, you've got five minutes left of your
24:03 - 24:12
United Kingdom allowance. I was like, oh, fuck. In a minute, he's going to be saying, is there anything else I can help with? And I'm like, I don't want to be rude, but I need to hang up straight away because I don't want to over, I go
24:12 - 24:20
over that allowance, it'll be like a million dollars for every second or something. And, excuse me, it's the second card I've ordered because the first one hasn't arrived.
24:20 - 24:30
So, like, my direct debits, like my direct debits are being cancelled because I haven't got that card, do you know what I mean? And then I have to like, ugh. I kind of wish it had been your day
24:30 - 24:34
to be honest. I think we could have got a good 25 minutes out of that.
24:34 - 24:54
With HSBC, all I ever, because we don't have HSBC in Ireland, but I was at the Fringe one year and Jenson Button was the ex-Formula One driver, was there there was a cardboard cut out of him in the sort of student bank that was a venue, because everywhere
24:54 - 25:10
is a venue during the Edinburgh Fringe. And he'd made the dreadful error, well obviously in return for lots and lots of money, he was just holding a blank piece of card that obviously HSBC could stick whatever today's offer onto.
25:10 - 25:20
And someone had just written with a black pen, do one. And I just love that. I just love that that's the marketing slogan of HSBC.
25:20 - 25:34
Thanks Jenson. Yesterday, you begin 7.30 I've had something of a up and down-y night because I pranged my back.
25:34 - 25:50
Not so much in the Alex Horne football match but the following day I met Nish Kumar and Jermaine Clement from Flight of the Conchords and we walked around London for hours. We can't go into that.
25:50 - 26:06
Did you book Jermaine Clement for the podcast? Absolutely not. I just, some people people, it's just not as I don't think he, I'd say he knows what a podcast is. He's one of those guys but he just, he operates in a different, you know
26:06 - 26:24
spectrum and I love that. Did I tell you about the, there was three hours where me and the next girlfriend were stuck on a train outside Stevenage opposite Flight of the Conchords before they were anybody and there were just two dudes you know, two hairy dudes with guitars
26:24 - 26:34
we didn't say anything, we were all just, we were just talking about, you know, we were just sitting in silence and then I saw them on an advert for, you know, what was it, Phones for You or something like that? Oh yeah, Mobile Phone
26:34 - 26:50
Oh, they're the guys that were sat opposite us for three hours outside Stevenage and I should have said, in about two decades I'll be doing a podcast with someone called David O'Doherty. I don't know if you knew them then, probably not He's not going to ask
26:50 - 27:00
you to do the podcast but could you, when you're walking around London with him and Nish Kumar, who has done the podcast even though you don't know who Nish Kumar is and I don't know who Nish Kumar is, could you do it?
27:00 - 27:16
But you didn't ask him You're just going to have to live with that regret so I'll say Jermaine, I do a podcast with this guy now, just before the Phones for You ad came out in 2002 do you remember you were on a train
27:16 - 27:27
in Stevenage and he'll be like, oh yeah, there was a guy and his girlfriend, it didn't look like it was going to last, that one, but they were sitting opposite us for hours Didn't he say, what are you up to at the moment?
27:27 - 27:53
What are you up to these days? Look I'm a human boy not just this wooden puppet you have made, Geppetto I have rages of emotions, I have friends that exist in different realms I'm not just the booker for what did you do yesterday But how does
27:53 - 28:14
someone like James Acaster feel? In that you are prepared to risk you know, asking him James Acaster is on one of Britain's most popular podcasts so you're definitely confidently sure he knows what podcasts are There's a cockroach above my head What? Yeah
28:14 - 28:33
What size? Actually I would say like a fun size one It's not one of those big oafs I feel okay, if it drops on me I'll be perturbed but anyway, I apologise for treating you as just a piece of meat With a diary So I've hurt my back
28:33 - 28:52
I got back late the night before I've slept fine but every time I turn over to blast out some late night farts, there we go Yeah, it's a sort of a mid-back It's nearly better Helen Copter obviously suggested that I go and see someone about it
28:52 - 29:06
but by the time you'd make the appointment it would be almost completely better and you would end up just having a little chat I'm with Helen, like on this score I'm like, Jamie you know, is sort of bleeding out of her
29:06 - 29:20
eyes and she's like, I think it'll be fine I'm like, I literally go to the toilet and think I should probably get that I probably should go to the doctor again. Well that's bananas that you then play for a football team where in your own words
29:20 - 29:32
one hip is bone on bone and yet that's absolutely fine yet if you have a slightly scratch ear you're like, better go to the specialist Yeah, well I've got a spot on my head and I think, is that a spot?
29:32 - 29:52
Or is that or is that? Anyway, do carry on We're doing this for life, however long or short we have Wow, that's a bleak extra little caveat that's recently been put onto it Are you worried that the cockroach that's listening to us might be from a rival
29:52 - 30:02
podcast and is carrying a little bit of kind of KGB recording equipment? Who do you think, who are our rivals in this? I mean, it's Nappet, isn't it?
30:02 - 30:14
Do you think that is, Jess Knappett has sent us a cockroach to listen in? I mean, you could just listen to the episode, like it's not a massive difference, is there? It's only if you this cockroach could only hear half the episode
30:14 - 30:26
He can't hear your bits because I've got headphones on. He might just say, could you just just take your AirPods out maybe I should share the air, he's not a big enough cockroach, I could share the AirPod in many ways that would be worth him
30:26 - 30:40
and I don't know if cockroaches have ears but, you know. Jess Knapp, it's perfect day the big rival to Max and David's What Did You Do Yesterday, why not listen to it this week folks, where the special guest is David O'Doherty. Oh, good
30:40 - 30:57
good, you got in on the inside you're trying to wreck it from within. Yeah, exactly kicking down the foundations when she wasn't looking, that's what I tried to do, Lex. Okay, so the back sore, but you're up. The night before I had made my first ever overnight oats
30:57 - 31:10
I'd never done this before so it's time to surprise the Helen Copter with overnight. I'm aware of slop, here we go, yeah it's not the most aesthetically pleasing surprise, is it?
31:10 - 31:37
I have over-sugared the pudding basically, what has evolved during the night is sweeter than the sweetest sweet you had when you were a child that was subsequently banned by the EU. Overnight chuppa chups is what we've got It is so delicious oh my goodness
31:37 - 32:00
and we both get up a coffee and some sweet overnight oats ready to punch a wall, let's go Okay She goes off to work I have an immediate job which is I have to post my job jersey from the Alex Horne football game. I have a friend
32:00 - 32:18
who's a holly who listens sometimes who's a taskmaster obsessive and the shirt says taskmaster on the front of it I do wash it, it's not I'm not sending her that sweet DNA that I've built up from, especially because I scored. Don't want to clone you do you?
32:18 - 32:41
It's happened so many times since this podcast became huge, all sorts of people want David O'Doherty on their podcast. And the thing is right there are millions of clones of me because you just looks like default man three you don't realise You are like do you know saplings
32:41 - 32:52
you know when you want to create a new basil plant you just cut off a bit of the basil and shove it in the ground. That's basically you. If you cut off just one bit of your hair and
32:52 - 33:07
leave it in a cupboard for a week there's a new Max just sitting in the cupboard just laughing on about crew Alexandra's lack of defence or whatever We post. We get back to the house. Now
33:07 - 33:25
I put up on Instagram. I've decided I'm going to do one of my top secret work in progress tryout shows later in the evening. I'm going to do it at 6.30 and the trick I have for this is I just put it up for an hour.
33:26 - 33:42
Maybe. Sometimes I'll put it on the various different social media formats. And when about 30 or 40 people say they'll come, I just take it down. And so the day will be building up to this gig at 6.30. But
33:42 - 33:53
I could spend the whole day working on that show. Do you spend the hour just waiting for the yeses and noting them down? Or do you get on with other stuff and then just check it in an hour to see? Great question.
33:53 - 34:06
I phrase the post such that it looks like there is a list. So it'll be like to get on the list or to get two tickets on the list. Whereas the entire list is fake.
34:06 - 34:11
It's just made up. So the key here is to never let anyone know. Yeah.
34:11 - 34:17
That is a secret I will take to my grave. There is no list. I won't tell a soul.
34:17 - 34:30
It's the asynchronous with me. So what I do is I just leave it up for I might look at it two or three times over the course of the... Sometimes it takes a few hours.
34:30 - 34:37
To be honest, I don't understand how these algorithms work. So sometimes you get 30 people in 10 minutes.
34:37 - 34:47
And other times it takes 3 hours to get 20. But that's all we need because we are at a very early point of my next opus.
34:47 - 34:57
So these are super fans. They're just happy with anything. You could serve them any odd trout. Oh my goodness. The thinking being, I put it on at 6.30. It's free in.
34:57 - 35:13
It's in basically a sitting room over a pub. There's no mic. There's no nothing. The expectations could not be lower. Like I don't want you to plan your evening around this gig. That's why I put it up. You don't play Sigur Rós as you come on stage.
35:13 - 35:30
Really awkwardly at the end of the gig because it's just basically in a large sitting room. I finished the last song and I say thank you and they clap and then
35:30 - 35:38
I just continue to sit there and they just have to leave. Just do Wordle. Get your laptop out. That's a really nice way to finish actually.
35:38 - 35:49
The key however on some of the jazz musicians you don't practice on the day of a gig. So you go in completely fresh full of ideas.
35:49 - 35:59
Bix Beiderbecke was one of them wasn't he? Beiderbecke famously. Never. Wow. More of your. What an obscure jazz figure to be your first jazz musician.
35:59 - 36:06
That it wasn't. I'd say one of the heartbeat of trad jazz in that decade. So true.
36:06 - 36:18
Bix Beiderbecke. Wow. Yep. Just like Bix Beiderbecke. However I don't adhere to the Bix Beiderbecke rule but I need to do some other stuff.
36:18 - 36:25
So I decide I'll put summer tires onto Steven Roach's bike from the 1987 Tour de France.
36:25 - 36:33
I've got a 30 mil. They're quite wide but the pros are riding the wider tire.
36:33 - 36:41
As we've probably discussed before the science around tires has changed and you used to get the narrowest possible tire and pump it up as hard as you could.
36:41 - 36:48
Now they've figured out that you actually there's greater energy. The tire maintains its shape if it's a slightly larger tire. Interesting.
36:48 - 37:01
Loads of the science of cycling that I grew up with was completely wrong. Like the food they ate, they would have steak for breakfast and stuff. That is just a really bad idea.
37:01 - 37:09
So I changed the tires. It does make you breathe out of your ass though if you have a steak for breakfast and you cycle a lot.
37:09 - 37:21
Such are my farts. I don't even have to bring a pump anymore. If I lose pressure I just lower slowly onto the valve and let go. You need the right
37:21 - 37:29
connection though because that little one doesn't you have to get a special one. Oh my goodness.
37:29 - 37:39
Okay. We fix the bike. We start we do the first bit of show which is this is very boring stuff.
37:39 - 37:52
Now it's lunch. For lunchtime Helen really likes complicated recipes by Otto Lange who he's the don of 35 ingredients.
37:52 - 38:07
And I've made enough of these at this point where I figure I think it's ready just to kind of like Big Spider Beck to take the knowledge I have and then
38:07 - 38:14
just not use a recipe and just chuck a load of stuff into the pan. How many ingredients are you using?
38:14 - 38:23
Loads. So there's a bunch of veg on the turn because me and Helen were both away for the weekend.
38:23 - 38:30
There's three packs of green beans. So green beans will be the basis of this.
38:30 - 38:40
I learned recently that the secret to make anything delicious is cream and sugar. Oyster sauce.
38:40 - 38:51
Okay. Oh yeah. I feel I should put in at this point the mushrooms. Last week Helen made a mushroom lasagna. Wow.
38:51 - 39:11
That's one of the most delicious things that I have ever tasted. Now it does raise a question that Helen didn't enjoy hearing which is if you just put socks in lasagna would it be delicious? Because there was like three different sorts of cheese in there. You know
39:11 - 39:21
all of that crispy baked lasagna goodness. It's a good question. I think maybe socks is the line.
39:21 - 39:31
Maybe you're a little creepy low ankle socks. Those words. Sort of bite size. You're right.
39:31 - 39:48
The reason I mention this is most of the messages I get on the Blue Sky app are from Mushroom Spritz Bot three times a day continues to remind me to spritz my mushrooms.
39:48 - 40:01
It'll be sad to see the back of it but just whoever is Mushroom Spritz Bot you can I mean turn off the bot does sound a little bit sad.
40:01 - 40:16
Maybe the bot can just go just find another home. There must be someone else growing it. Someone get in touch if you're growing a mushroom out of like a bag of shit in your cupboard and then we can fix you up with the Spritz Bot and everyone's happy.
40:16 - 40:37
It's like a chain letter. What I'm saying is turns out recipes are a load of bullshit. You don't need them. Once you reach the raw dog point of just throwing things into the pan and then you add in a couple of delicious ingredients a bit of garlic etc
40:37 - 40:51
some oyster sauce it's just this delicious so yeah Helen Copter has gone off to work today with the rest of it so we'll get to be honest we'll get the true review when she has it but I thought maybe because I'm just so
40:51 - 41:05
happy to have made something slightly odd I think yes this is great. Lovely. We have digested our lunch notice we didn't have a coffee with our lunch. Do you normally have a coffee with lunch?
41:05 - 41:19
I'd normally have one after lunch certainly. You didn't. I've decided I'm drinking too much coffee at the moment Okay well how many do you want? I'm on two a day and that was where I draw the line It's hard to know Max because at least your
41:19 - 41:40
annoying coffees are we know the size we won't go into it where I have a tendency just to make a large French press and just keep going back turbo coffee. Yeah sometimes during this podcast I'll just have a big mug of increasingly cold coffee beside me
41:40 - 41:55
and gluggers. I find after the first cup of a French press the second one it sort of becomes like crude oil and then I've got it and I'm like I like it but I know it's just even as it's entering my mouth I'm getting
41:55 - 42:11
a headache and needing the toilet and thinking this. I don't need this. And then what we need to add to that because I am writing at the moment one of my distractions is I go up to the shop at the top of the road and I get a
42:11 - 42:25
bizarre can of Pepsi Max cherry once a day as well. So that's another hoof of coffee. I know. I know. So we're eliminating all of this.
42:25 - 42:43
Okay. I found my sleep has been a little bit jumpy sometimes and I think this could be the reason for it. I'll report back in a couple of weeks. I'm still drinking coffee. I'm just not having I would say six of your little macchiatos or whatever they are.
42:43 - 42:55
Macchiatos as I call them. We go for a cycle then. You gotta get out if you're doing a gig in the evening because it just sort of builds up pointless adrenaline.
42:55 - 43:08
I feel earlier in the day if you've burned a little bit of something, that's a good idea. I cycle to my favorite place up to the Phoenix Park and intriguingly my life double cycles past me.
43:08 - 43:25
Did I ever tell you about the time that I was in the Phoenix Park and on my beautiful, obscure cyclocross bike and this guy comes towards me on basically the same bike.
43:25 - 43:33
I'm looking just like you. You have been cloned. Holly did this. He didn't wash the sweat off.
43:33 - 43:49
He's a little younger than me. His name is David. I mean come on. We both know. I haven't actually said to him we're the same person, but he goes for a ride every evening around this big park that I go for a ride around
43:49 - 44:00
and now when I see him He's doing an impromptu gig downstairs. He does a podcast with D4 Man 3.
44:00 - 44:17
If he listens to this. Wow. Because I don't we're never in any contact other than meeting him a couple of times in the park and then saying hi to him a load of times. His name is David.
44:17 - 44:25
He rides a red Ritchie cyclocross bike from the mid 90s with modern Italian components.
44:25 - 44:34
I won't go on anymore. Oh, please tell us about the components and the thing that is most similar to a gutter bracket while you're at it. Okay.
44:34 - 44:53
Okay. We've met our doppelganger. It's exciting. So the gig is at 6.30 which is early to be honest but as I say I don't want it to be anyone's night out so I just sneak it in there and boy is it good that I snuck it in there yesterday
44:53 - 45:11
because a crowd of 35 people watch me flounder is the wrong word. Is there anything between the cycle and this terrible gig I'm looking forward to hearing? I do a little more work on it and
45:11 - 45:24
I have a sort of smugness I think the mind needs to tell the comic confidence. We really got something here. We've written some cool new bits. Boy is this going to be a fun one.
45:25 - 45:39
And I stroll up and usually there's something slightly transcendent about these gigs in as much as it's just in a sitting room. The expectations are at the start. I always say you get what you pay for and you guys
45:39 - 45:47
will be paying nothing. So it only has to be as good as nothing. And everyone's like, wow, that was really surprisingly good. This one never arises.
45:47 - 46:02
I'm happy in a way that I just stuck to my guns. There were the funniest moment for me was I had the lyrics of some new songs on a music stand in front of me. And
46:02 - 46:16
because my eyesight's going but I refuse to get glasses because that would be admitting that I'm getting older. So I just move closer to the page and in doing so. Like an old lady driving. This is really good.
46:16 - 46:28
I activate whatever the pain in my back is from the football. So the low point of the gig is people aren't laughing at this song.
46:28 - 46:34
And then I lead in to read the next not funny line and go like that.
46:34 - 46:46
Did they laugh at that? Yeah. At any point in the gig did you, when it was really flat and you thought maybe I've got to go there. Did you just stop and go Anyone?
46:46 - 46:56
Anyone? I'll tell you what. Just keep it up. Just listen Keep it in your back pocket.
46:56 - 47:06
I did the fart walk across the stage that went down even worse. That would go down really well.
47:06 - 47:10
I think it would go really well. If you just sat there and just said, listen, it's all science.
47:10 - 47:14
I've heard it's good for you, so I'm not going to keep anything in on this gig.
47:14 - 47:22
I'm going to be enjoying and guff my way through this. Okay. It's fine. The gig.
47:22 - 47:33
These ones. I know we talk about comedy. Too much in this podcast. But when you start doing a new show, there's an excitement that comes with doing it that even if the jokes aren't terribly funny,
47:33 - 47:44
it's like, this is all new. Isn't this great? Whereas this, we're a month into this process now. So it's lost that initial sort of puppy joy. And it was just a not great gig yesterday.
47:44 - 47:57
And then to make it worse, I've said, I'll meet the Helen Copter in the bar downstairs after the gig. And the people are looking at you apologetically going, maybe it's run its course.
47:57 - 48:15
It's like, what's the look you're getting? That is such a harsh like maybe my whole career has just wow, there's no, there's nothing left of the tag. Maybe David, I'm just thinking, maybe you're 49, you're playing a little children's keyboard you got for your confirmation.
48:15 - 48:21
Maybe it's time to draw a line under that. Just get some glasses and be a professional podcaster.
48:21 - 48:33
That's, you know, people people are very nice about it. Some of them don't share. I mean, there is a certain intrigue in seeing what is obviously a work in progress because there's lots of bits of paper and
48:33 - 48:38
I'm asking people why things aren't funny and they're saying things like it's just not funny. That's fine.
48:38 - 48:54
Yeah. I finish it with an old song so everyone sort of goes off being like, oh, well, yeah, it was short as well, whereas the previous ones have been like over an hour. This one's 45 minutes, but I figure it's fine. Let's just get out of here.
48:54 - 49:04
I go downstairs. People are way too positive and you always know they don't really mean it because they begin with a no, I thought it was good.
49:04 - 49:16
Yeah. I've said nothing. Just no. And then they just throw up. That was great.
49:16 - 49:38
Helicopter arrives. We have one pint there. She also refuses to believe that it was as bad as I think it was. And you know, it's the nice thing is I have another gig tonight. So we're straight back on the horse and
49:38 - 49:56
I work really hard on it today using the motivation of it having been a flat so pancake. So yesterday. Great. This is all part of the process. I've done it 20 fucking times before we go to the taco place next door to unshub. Great.
49:56 - 50:06
Great. And I insist that we order too much. How many tacos? I mean, because they say, how many do you need, do you think, David?
50:06 - 50:24
Well, I it's not, it's the tacos themselves, but then we also I order a quesadilla and then do the cheeky thing where at the end of Helen having ordered the correct amount, I go and the nachos with dips.
50:24 - 50:38
as well, please. So that's all the things we've pushed it into the realm of slightly too much now. Yeah, I I've had a pretty healthy day with the veggie thing that I made for lunch.
50:38 - 50:45
So I'd also, I don't know if you can't, you just can't use tacos as a means of escapism like this.
50:45 - 50:57
But we eat too many tacos that tacos to arrive on a plate. And so we order three. So that's six, six little tacos.
50:57 - 51:08
One pork, one beef, one chicken, one fish, one cauliflower. Interestingly, the initial order is one fish, one cauliflower, one chicken.
51:08 - 51:13
And the guy says the chicken tastes the same as the cauliflower. Get one of the others.
51:13 - 51:20
So, yep, they've managed to figure out how to make cauliflower the exact same as chicken.
51:20 - 51:38
So that's positive. We don't get churros at the end. We have one margarita and we return home to watch the documentary about the guy who was the boss of Renault and Renault and
51:38 - 52:00
Nissan cars who ended up running both companies into the ground and then escaping from a Japanese prison in a like cello double bass case or something and now lives openly in Lebanon. It was lucky that he had a really long neck and then
52:00 - 52:12
wide and then like a concave bit. His hips really went out. And he could also, he could make the sound ba-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum and then he would kick the box.
52:12 - 52:20
For years he was practicing it. Yeah, he nicked loads of money from those companies.
52:20 - 52:36
It's very, because it's not that long ago. You would think this would all be difficult to do in the modern world. And then because there's no extradition between Beirut, I think he's in Beirut or Lebanon and other countries. Yeah,
52:36 - 52:41
he's just there living a great life. Carlos Ghosn, I think is his name. It's on Netflix.
52:41 - 52:52
I mean, I may be. The first half of it is literally just about the man who runs car companies.
52:52 - 53:06
And it's quite boring. But then it takes a dramatic twist there. That's good. So we're lying on the couch, but because my back is sore, I'm lying.
53:06 - 53:14
It's an interesting position we've taken up because Helen is lying with her head on one armrest.
53:14 - 53:26
And then normally we should get a wider couch. But normally if you, if the two of us lie beside each other, I have to lie perpendicular to her. Do you know what I mean?
53:26 - 53:36
Forming a perfect right angle where I lie entirely on one shoulder, making this arm go asleep. And she lies like a sardine across from that.
53:36 - 53:54
Whereas we both need to lie on our backs so adorably we've taken up this position where she lies with her head at one end and her legs slightly off. I lie with my head at about her waist with my back flat on the couch and then my legs
53:54 - 54:03
off the end of it. And I'm holding her legs on like we're on a raft having escaped a shipwreck.
54:03 - 54:17
Or like you're sort of a train in Mission Impossible that's falling down the mountain. So you're just sort of there holding on to each other. And she's holding on to a metal bar and you're swinging and you'll climb up her and then you'll lift her to safety.
54:17 - 54:30
Yes. I'm not being dramatic about the back but it's still sore in certain positions. Like when she moves her foot, I go I'm really annoying.
54:30 - 54:44
We go to bed. So the spritz bot tells us to spritz the it's a little bit sad to be honest because we've definitely I've built up a relationship with these mushrooms.
54:44 - 54:50
So they're still going. I thought they'd be old. I thought that mushroom was out and it would have been them done. No, they're gone.
54:50 - 55:04
And so, but I've left the tray that they were sitting on there. So you can spritz an empty tray now? Just like a dog's bed that's sitting there and I'm like it's time to go to bed, Florence.
55:04 - 55:16
Oh, you know, after Florence has passed away. Oh God, that's so sad. Spritzing air would be very sad. Well, it's particularly sad because the spritz bot just marches on relentlessly.
55:16 - 55:24
Spritz bot's just like, dog not dead. Continue to talk to dog. Can't face it. Spritz bot can't face it.
55:24 - 55:35
We often say that spritz bots don't they don't talk about their feelings enough. They bottle them up and this is a classic case of that.
55:35 - 55:46
Spritz bot somehow saw adolescence and was like, oh my goodness we need to have a look at ourselves as a society of bots.
55:46 - 55:56
And so we go to bed. I lose interest halfway through a crossword which is a sure sign that it's time to sleep.
55:56 - 56:06
And then I attempt to go to sleep sort of in a bored type straight down shape so that my back will feel better today.
56:06 - 56:14
Utterly fail at that. But that's today and that's not relevant. It's another story. Good day. Good day?
56:14 - 56:27
No! If the focus of the day is the gig, it's a terrible day. That's why you can't make your gig the focus of the day and so you look at the other positives around it.
56:27 - 56:44
Got to spend time with I mean, when you're a younger man, Max, in your 20s all I had was comedy. No, that's making it sound too dramatic like someone, a blues musician would say about the blues. But
56:44 - 56:59
yeah, 2003 was the year where it was my third Edinburgh Fringe and I had no ideas and nothing to say and almost had some sort of a breakdown that summer just because you're like, what is funny?
56:59 - 57:15
You're looking around. There's a table lamp. There's a mosquito. We do the cockroach and yeah, so the correct thing to do is to have a little more balance in your life and
57:15 - 57:31
trust the process that these ideas will just come and that's why it's nice to have the Helen Copter there and it's nice to have the Spritz bot and all of the other elements that make my life. It's nice to have you, Max,
57:31 - 57:44
and Mars Bar Barr. And it's nice to have a continual tone of all your farts put together because if you don't really get anything by Edinburgh, if you just play that and you say that's it, that's all my work.
57:44 - 57:50
That's every single bit of my work. It will go down a storm. There is no doubt. There's no doubt.
57:50 - 58:06
I believe. Hey, if you'd like to get in touch with this podcast, here's how To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review
58:06 - 58:11
if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.
58:11 - 58:26
Hey, thanks, David. Let's do it again. Maybe at the weekend with a guest. The awful thing about thinking about all of the farts I've ever done and how long that would take.
58:26 - 58:38
I mean, this was a conversation I once had with a friend of mine, but its partner in thought is, would all of the cum I've ever cum fill a bath?
58:38 - 58:43
I know this is the end of the podcast. I shouldn't have just thrown that in.
58:43 - 58:49
Hopefully, many of the listeners stopped listening after the, if you'd like to get in touch.
58:49 - 58:54
But if there is an expert... And how would you lower yourself into that, David?
58:54 - 59:06
I would with trepidation. I must say, I enjoy your company, but I might skip bath time, if that's what was on offer.
59:06 - 59:17
Oh, that is an awful ending. I'm sorry, Max, but let's do it again soon.
59:17 - 1:00:19
Yeah, okay, bye. I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry, Max.