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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? David O'Doherty is now recording.
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And that means we can start midweek mayhem. And it's a great shame that David didn't start recording a minute earlier because he was trying to estimate how much a bath...
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Okay, no, no, no, no. Also, I hate to start on this note. We have to stop talking about shitting.
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We have to. Do you think so? Well, I listened back to last week's midweek mayhem.
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Ooh la la. Yeah, actually, we have got some feedback on that from Michael Gregory 75002 on Spotify.
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What's he saying? Referring to bonus episode 22, The Cascade of Negligence. Just awful. Absolutely dreadful.
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I regret giving this my time. Seriously. Counting farts with a clicker and monitoring a child's potty training is considered entertaining.
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And when I read that in the cold light of day, David, I did think, I'm worried what this has become.
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I'm worried what this has become. There was a bit where there was a succession of, we love our feedback, but where one would be just a tale about a dump and the next would be a dog shitting in a washing machine and the turd coming out.
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Then the next one is, don't teach a cat to shit in a dishwasher. And then the next one would, you know what I mean?
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But we can't help where the feedback goes. And maybe, you know, we have become the sort of, this is the repository is the wrong word for these people who want to get these.
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It's tails off their chest and there's no way. You can't just ring up Five Live.
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You can't ring up Nicky Campbell and say, he's never saying, what with all in the world today, has a dog and a vet, have you ever accidentally thrown an entire dog turd in a washing machine?
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So maybe this is what we're to become. We can't control these things. We're just a conduit to the messages from the people.
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Okay, well, hopefully the feedback, I don't think there is one bit of feedback on that, but I can overlook it.
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Ashley wrote this, must have listened to the Gary Lineker pod. Steve wrote, Lineker had a longstanding impact on Japanese culture with marshmallow-based treats.
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Many other people got in touch with us. As the Japanese ambassador to the UK, Hiroshi Suzuki, shortly after the Gary Lineker wagon wheel episode, just tweeted a picture of him saying, tea cakes for breakfast,
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with the emoji smiling with the tongue hanging out, and a picture of a very friendly-looking Japanese man with one unwrapped tonic tea cake and two wrapped in front of him with a Paddington toy.
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I would say, for me, a terrible coffee, but we don't need to go there.
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Thank you so much for everyone suggesting that the Japanese ambassador to the UK is listening to the podcast and therefore being influenced, knowing that Lineker had such an important part to play in Japanese football and has taken that on.
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Shame it wasn't a wagon wheel. Oh, so this wasn't a Photoshop picture. This was an actual picture.
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Hiroshi Suzuki is eating three tonics tea cakes for breakfast. I mean, literally, pretty much the day after, or maybe three days after.
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The Gary Lineker episode was released. It can't be a coincidence. Maybe wherever Lineker's been around the world, in Catalonia as well, they just eat marshmallow-based breakfast treats.
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If anyone's ever had breakfast in Catalonia, was it a marshmallow? Yeah, let us know.
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Text in now. Now, David Squires does a warm-up photo before he does his cartoons for The Guardian.
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He is excellent, of course. And he wants out this to me today, and he has drawn, with reference to the, the Cariad Lloyd episode and my incredible knowledge of improv,
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he drew Lord Percy of Dingbat. The more I've really been ruminating on Lord Percy of Dingbat, David, I think it's a perfectly acceptable Jane Austen character.
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And I haven't read any Austen since we did the podcast, but I think I was unfairly cast as a sort of ignoramus, whereas I think Lord Percy of Dingbat could quite easily have existed.
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And thank you to David for bringing him to life. To people who haven't, heard the Cariad Lloyd episode.
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It's a lovely episode. But Max decides to do his own, because Cariad is a master of improvised comedy.
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Max delves into the genre and comes up with this character, Sir Percy of Dingbat.
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Lord Percy, not Sir Percy. Let's be real. Doesn't scare, doesn't work. It's just the fact that you come up with it.
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Lord Percy of Dingbat. And I just don't think that would work. On stage in the West End.
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You just wait. You just wait. Look, I understand. I can't just walk in there.
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I've got to tread the boards. But maybe my improv career is just starting. My friend Clive has been in touch, David.
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To say, our house are big fans of Duolingo. Following a recent upgrade, Duolingo has introduced a strong bejoying of encouragement.
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If you get five or 10 correct answers in a row, delighted to see the influence of David, think he has some IP to monetize.
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If I can just go back to bad improv. One year in Edinburgh, there was a terrible improv crew and they would walk around with a boom box to publicize their show with it going,
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and they'd be like, over there is a man with a cat. He looks quite happy with the cat on that.
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Evidently, they were too loud every day. I think they might have had little mics.
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Last day of the Fringe, they walked past one of the venues doing their rap for their last show and the front of house staff and the actors involved just came out and were like, fuck off,
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shouting at them, which was nice. But they were like, there's people over there not happy that we're rapping.
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Well, at least we're not doing some crapping. And they walk up the street doing their loud booch, booch, booch.
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And in one of the greatest incidents ever, not Basil, Fawlty from the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience rushes out, which is a show in Edinburgh, rushes out from the restaurant where they do the Fawlty Towers Dining Experience with a bucket of water and throws it over them,
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followed by Not Manuel, who has a slightly smaller bucket of water. And he throws it over them as well.
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And the street applauded. Now, on the subject of David O'Doherty, the unconscious narcissist, this is a very sweet message from George Nixon.
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He says, Dear, what did you do yesterday? I too have been known to sing to myself a lot, in particular about my lovely cat, Sydney, and how he's the nicest boy in the whole world.
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It interrupts the intrusive thoughts I sometimes struggle with and focuses me instead on something positive.
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However, I had to have Sydney put down a couple of months ago because of ailing health.
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And now this habit has gone from helping me to hurting me, as when I burst out with songs about having such a lovely boy, they're just not true and it makes me sad.
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Your podcast has inspired me and from now on, I will instead sing to myself about how cool David O'Doherty is and what a reasonable number of bikes 18 is.
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I might even throw in something about the correct volume in millimetres of a three-quarter flat white.
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Love the pod. Looking forward to all the yesterdays to come. Yours, etc. George Nixon.
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Well, you have our sympathies, George. It's wonderful to know that other people will say...
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This is conscious. He's conscious. He's awake and he's just going to sing how great David O'Doherty is.
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I'll feel it. I'll feel a little tingle when you're doing that. Thank you very much.
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This one is from Neil. After hearing a listener mention recently that they sometimes Google a guest before they listen to an episode, I decided to take a look at the Google Trends chart for a recent guest to see what impact,
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if any, an appearance on the pod had on their search frequency. Gary Littaker. Check Gary Littaker.
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It's probably not us. No, no. The results were staggering. As you can see from the chart below.
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Caesar chart. Searches for Pierre Novelli increased a hundredfold in the day following the release of his episode.
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This seems like a great metric to use when trying to attract new guests. For instance, the world's most Googled person, Donald Trump, has 139 million hits per month.
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There's no way he's turning down the opportunity to turn that into 13.9 billion. All the best, Neil.
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Shall we approach the comms team of the White House and see if Donald Trump would come on What Did You Do Yesterday?
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I must say, it would be insane. I mean, I'd only do it if we organized between us a real ambush, like they did with the President of South Africa Zelensky.
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Yeah. I think we just have to ask, we couldn't do that. We just have to ask him about his day.
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We just have to go from the beginning and ask him about his day. Hear about his coffee pot.
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I think we should try and get him. I agree, it doesn't necessarily reflect the tone of all the other guests, but that would be a pod drop on a Sunday morning,
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wouldn't it? Yeah. My terrible photoshopping of Donald Trump. What Did Donald Do Yesterday? Yeah.
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And the intro would be funny as well. Because it'd be like, and now our first guest from the G7.
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I think that's how we might phrase it. Then you'd have to guess. Do you reckon the highest level politician we could get is?
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Someone like Ed Balls. Ed Balls. Not a working politician anymore. I don't see why they would.
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I mean, maybe if they'd had a scandal recently and wanted to get across they're just a normal cheese.
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Exactly. Yeah, yeah, totally. I went and bought a pint of milk, which incidentally is 82p.
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You know, could jump all that in. Could be PR gold. And I'll email Sakir's team and see how we get on.
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Regarding our dreams aloud on what did you do yesterday. Hi, Max, David and producer Mars Bar.
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I was recently talking to my brother about the various funny reasons we'd heard over the years of people calling in sick to work.
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Apparently a few years back when he was manager in a company in Sydney, someone called him on a Monday morning to say they wouldn't be in because they'd had a nightmare.
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Anyway, my question is, do you allow dreams or nightmares within the context of someone's yesterday?
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I appreciate that hearing about other people's dreams can be tedious and boring, but either one would be interested to hear if, say, Gary Lineker was chased through a packed train by a giant wagon wheel that's throwing dog shit bags at him.
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I certainly appear in other people's dreams sometimes because they tell me about it, but it's nearly always in the context of me doing awful stuff.
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You know what I mean? Or like murders. Like that Nicolas Cage movie. I don't think I murder people.
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It's almost like I've got a bull whip or something. I'm just being a meme.
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Just to be clear, there wasn't a Nicolas Cage movie where he played you doing terrible things in people's dreams.
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Con Air. Con Air is about me. FarmerPalmer says, non-moving pivot, which is obviously the football position I play, describes Max's podcasting style.
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Hashtag Mr. Cellophane. Hashtag DefaultMan3. Love the podcast. Sorry, on that subject, could we have an update on the Melbourne Bohemians?
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Quentin looked like he might be out for last week's match and I, for one, was worried.
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Yeah, he was out, I was out. Were you on compassionate leave because your partner was like, stop playing so much football?
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My knee wasn't 100%, Jamie, but I did tell you that. But no, because I had to work in the morning because it was the day after the A-League grand final where Melbourne City had beat Melbourne Victory,
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where I did the greatest parallel park of all time. You haven't really acknowledged that.
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Yeah, I'm sorry about that. So you did send it to me and you posted it on your socials.
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Very good numbers. Better numbers than anything I've done in a while. If I can describe it to the listeners, you've got the Subaru and you've got maybe 10 centimetres slash six inches at either side of it.
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Yeah. Now, presumably the Subaru has all the BBBs on it for, parking. It's got a camera at the back, BBs at the front.
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And are you telling me you didn't hit either of those cars or even just gently kiss them?
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So I have told this story on the radio and another podcast, but it would be remiss of me not to tell it again.
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Yeah, I haven't heard. I arrived and there was this space and I just, I probably overestimated how much space there was.
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And I swung in once and it wasn't perfect, so I drove out and then I swung in again and I was like, oh, BBB, BBB, BBB.
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And I was like, wow, the car behind is really in my boot. And anyway, so I parked and I was like, that's not bad.
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And as I got out, the owner of the car in front, she was just coming out of her flat, I think to get something for her car.
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And she looked at me, she looked at the car and she went, it's a pretty good park.
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And I was like, I was like, damn it, it was a good park. So I then walked like 20 yards to the front door of the studios and Thomas Sorensen, Denmark's third greatest ever goalkeeper.
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Exactly. He was like, how are you? And I said, I've got to show you something.
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And he's not easily impressed to Sorensen. We're going to be real about this. So I walked him down and I said, look where I've put the Subaru.
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He was blown away. Anyway, we carried on with that. We went back to the front of the studio.
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As we got there, Archie Thompson, my other co-host, A-League legend and the man who has the world record for the most number of games scored in an international match when he scored 13 goals for Australia against American Samoa.
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I said, since you're here Archie, I've got to show you this. And so I walked him down and then he was impressed and I was like, okay, now I should probably film this.
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This is like, this is a real, not just because of the content, I just think the world needed to know.
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And honestly, the euphoria I felt was totally wonderful. And then the real sadness was when I got there after the show, the car behind had moved.
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So I didn't have the like, because a lot of people were like, you ain't getting out of that son.
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And anyway, then on the radio, I talked about it and then people honestly sent me photos of their greatest part from like 2006.
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People had them to hand. Honestly, it was a wonderful moment. It was a wonderful, wonderful moment.
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Anyway, the point being that because I'd had to go to work that morning, if I take the morning and the afternoon off, that's quite a lot of parenting for Jamie to do.
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So I forewent the football. We lost 3-1 to Roxburgh. 1-0 up at halftime and we had to win second half, but they were young.
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But you know, I'll report on Sunday, Caroline Springs we're playing and I'm hoping to start.
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Sorry, just back to the park. Yeah, absolutely right. We should talk about this a lot more.
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There is a distinction between, between what we call the old First Division era and the Premier League era in parking as well.
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Because parking in the pre-Beebies era. That's a good point well made. It's a very good point well made.
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Look, I'm not trying to diminish this. I'm saying what you did may not have been possible without the immense levels of technology that are packed into that Subaru.
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You can only play the game you can play. That's what the great parkers of the world say.
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Yeah. Would Lewis Hamilton during the Sterling Moss era would he have been a great driver then?
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Probably. If we were both 20 we'd be YouTubers but we're not and that's the point.
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We live in the BBB age of parking so I can only park my best Subaru in the BBB age.
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One more question. Yes, David. And this would really impress me and I am impressed already and if Thomas Aronson the man who played in a World Cup was impressed was there someone coming up your arse like that would really add another level of
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No, it's a very good question. That would take the cake. Yeah, like imagine if one-handed you just swung in.
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Of the trams of Melbourne who are the most vociferous beepers I think on the planet one of those was behind you.
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Ding, ding, ding, ding. They're really honestly because they can't turn corners they're just so they're like really pent up frustration stuck on these lines ding, ding, ding.
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Honestly. There's a warning on Melbourne tram that I love which is is it three rhinos?
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There's a picture of three rhinos I think which is the weight of one Melbourne tram as if the prospect of being hit by a tram wasn't enough.
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It's to be like if you think this is a polystyrene tram it in fact weighs as much as these rhinos.
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And it's a good point because you sort of think well I would push this pram into two oncoming rhinos but now you've made it three I'm going to really give this a second thought.
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Tom says Dear Max David and especially Mars Bart each time Max or David mention that a new game of What Did You Fondue Yesterday etc will commence again on Boxing Day 2025 I often wonder whether that episode of Midweek Mayhem is due to fall on David's Yesterday.
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If it didn't would you have to adjust the rotor of whose Yesterday it would be or would we have to wait even longer for David to set a new cheese board master ride in which case your continued assertion that round two will start on Boxing Day would be
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a bold faced lie. It appears as though Mars Bar has already anticipated and rectified this potential dilemma as I calculated that David's Yesterday is in fact due to fall on Boxing Day.
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However this is only possible because Mars Bar selflessly booked a trip to New York and proposed to his girlfriend on a particular day that enabled him to have his own Yesterday thus forever altering the usual rotor and avoiding any awkward apologies to the listeners because of course
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if it didn't happen yesterday Max, David and the listeners don't want to know about it.
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I bet Max and David hadn't given this level of thought what it requires before setting the start date for the new game of Curdle so Mars Bar has really stepped up and planned his important life decisions to benefit the structure of this podcast.
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He has mine and hopefully now Max and David's full appreciation love the pod. Tom, sensational.
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Once again, thank you. Mars Bar is 20 steps ahead. Mars Bar is Kasparov and you and I are the children on the front of the box of Hungry Hungry Hippos.
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He didn't even want to propose. He's not that into it. But he was like there's no other way.
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There's no other way that David's day yesterday won't be Boxing Day and then so therefore he has changed his whole life for this podcast and for that Mars Bar we salute you.
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It's time for Mars Bar's they're just normal countries. The one and only Mars Bar writes we've had lots of guesses.
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Thank you for sending and keeping them coming. It is worth clarifying that only single country guesses will be eligible.
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Some people are still playing the wordle just normal cheeses format with all six guesses.
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This is not allowed. Big shout out to the one listener who did submit six countries and incredibly got three of the six in one go.
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Sadly he says they will never know. Single guesses only. Winner stays on. So if you guess correctly you get to guess again the following week.
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On the subject of what it should be called Chris says the country's quiz should be called six of one and have a follow-up quiz called a half a dozen of another where we identify countries that have notched more than five but
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less than seven listens. Dermot from Kilgore Kenny says dear guys my suggestion for the name of the new slot is you are Taiwan and only love the show that's good isn't it.
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Anyway this is perhaps the nicest email I love this email this is from Ben and this is our they're just normal country's guests I believe.
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Dear Max David and Masba for the last seven years I've been living and working in a small town called Moshi in the foothills of Mount Kilimanjaro Tanzania.
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Several times a week I run a sunset loop through the surrounding coffee plantations along the fast-flowing Karanga River and up the long red dirt track home all in the majestic shadow of Africa's highest peak.
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Oh my goodness. Many a time I've endured the disapproving looks of local farmers heading home from a hard day in the maize fields shaking their heads as my thunderous laughter shatters the idyllic scene.
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Picture the indigenous fauna running for cover my incongruous howls echoing across the pervading bush unable to contain myself as tales of excessive pineapple consumption rampant mushrooms and far from normal cheeses fill my ears.
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In April I had the privilege of tracking the endemic primates in some of the remotest areas of neighbouring Uganda somewhere between trailing chimpanzees in the ancient Kibale National Park and tracking gorillas in the far reaches of the windy impenetrable forest.
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I pulled over to wait out a torrential downpour the rain turning the dirt road into an impassable quagmire.
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What better way to pass the time than an episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Omid Jalili's forensic retelling of his explosive diatica bebida inspired colonics and colonic evacuations the perfect oral accompany to the untouched timeless beauty of the cradle of mankind itself.
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More importantly is Uganda one of the famous single listen six and might I be that only Ugandan listener?
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Thank you for making me laugh. What Did You Do Yesterday is the perfect tonic to a world gone mad where you forever dance in the moonlight.
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Ben. Wow. Amazing. Amazing Ben. We did ask didn't we David? Could you be the person who's done the one listener?
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He lives in Tanzania. He was in Uganda for one listen. The Omid Jalili episode.
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Is that the one listening in Uganda? Are there more? Shall we go to Mars Bar David right now and find out?
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And just to say the winner of this wins. It's a green Ford Fiesta that Max and I have filled with all of our old underpants.
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The really starched crotchless woods. It's brimming with them. So before we go to Mars Bar that really what's the difference?
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Something into a cock tat like many of our other I mean that had a brief scatological reference in it.
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It did. It was only in the context of the listening to the episode. Like I was seeing especially as he laughed flamingos just rising you know from lakes.
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Yeah. God I hope Uganda is one of them. Yeah. I mean what we are meant to do is paint pictures with words and there Ben has just he has done a great service.
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I mean I just love the you know different people just listening in different way that dude you know delivering milk in South Carolina.
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Yeah. Here's this guy running through this barefoot through the Serengeti listening to various comedians.
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Shit. Mars Bar. Welcome. Hello. Thank you for arranging a wedding that you didn't necessarily want in the interest of the podcast.
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But let's get to the serious business. I am slightly worried that people are going to track where Hugh Jackman was in the world on that day and realize.
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He actually wasn't in New York, so it's all a bed of lies. Is Uganda one of the six?
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Oh, no. Turns out we're huge in Uganda. Who knew? It was win-win for us, David.
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We couldn't walk the streets of, what's the capital of Uganda? Kampala, is it? We couldn't walk the streets of it because of how big What Did You Do Yesterday is.
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But thank you, Ben. I'm sad for you, but I'm happy for our popularity in Uganda.
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You know, when you're coming in from the airport, just outside possibly Kampala, there's hand-painted huge signs of What Did You Do Yesterday.
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And it's you and I and just for some reason we're like as Luke Skywalker and Han Solo from Empire Strikes Back.
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You know the way they always go off on a solo run with their promotional posters.
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Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We should maybe do a live show of that. Yes, Mazma. While you're doing your yesterday, I will find out the stats for Uganda so we can circle back at the end.
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Yes, let's find out. We'd like the Ugandan stats. There's a reason to keep listening, isn't there?
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Okay, my day, David, isn't it? It's my yesterday. Max Rushden. Yes, David O'Doherty. What did you do yesterday?
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It's a great question and I'm glad you asked. So the day begins at 6 a.m.
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This is, I mean, you cannot knock that everybody. That is, that's as good as it gets.
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Everyone's awake. Willie's awake. Ian's awake. Jamie's awake. I'm awake. And I'm in bed with Willie and Jamie has taken Ian to probably the playroom to play train sets.
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That's the division of labour at this stage. Now, I decide early to FaceTime mum and dad because we are travelling back to the UK in about six weeks and we are going to stay in a little village near Heathrow Airport for a few days
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to sort of get over jet lag in private because it's just so miserable. A little village near Heathrow Airport, some people call London Town.
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Yeah, of course it is, where the streets are paved with gold. It's not called that, but it's quite small.
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I'm not going to divulge what it is yet. I mean, I don't really mind if you see me there.
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That's great. It's got a waitrose and a pub that sells bitter. Beast Hounslow. Yeah, there we are.
25:47 - 25:55
We're doing the Hounslow's. We're doing all the tour of the Hounslow's. So I've said to my parents, I messaged them saying that why don't you come down on the Sunday?
25:55 - 25:59
You know, I haven't seen you in a for a year. You've never met Willie Rushden.
25:59 - 26:03
And mum is absolutely bang up for it. And dad is like, you know what?
26:03 - 26:15
I'll just give it a week. See you in London. You were trying to organise a Pierre Novelli-esque family meetup.
26:15 - 26:20
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe my sister will come. It sounded lovely. And they were just like, it's a bit of a way.
26:20 - 26:24
Public transport's bad. And we've got this interesting thing where my Google map says it's an hour and a half.
26:24 - 26:28
Theirs says it's two and a half hours. And I'm like, my dad's 86. I don't want to drive.
26:28 - 26:31
I'll just get a taxi. It's fine. But taxis, they're not going to spend their money on a taxi.
26:31 - 26:35
I said, I'll get the taxi. But still, dad's just like, it's all right. I'll see you in Hackney.
26:35 - 26:39
Don't worry about it. I quite like that sort of attitude to life. It's very funny.
26:39 - 26:48
But it's interesting. I miss them terribly. But then after like 10 minutes of a logistical conversation about this, I'm like, oh, this is going to, the whole thing is going to be logistics.
26:48 - 26:53
Why did I even mention it? I could have said we're arriving a week later.
26:53 - 26:59
Anyway, I say goodbye to my parents. They're doing very well. They're off to play in a string quartet, almost certainly, or that's what they've just done.
26:59 - 27:06
Do they both play? Yeah, dad's on the cello, mum's on the viola. Would we ever trio it up with the clarinet then?
27:06 - 27:11
I think it's been a long time since that has happened, if has ever happened.
27:11 - 27:17
Yeah. Yeah, I need to find the clarinet because, you know, if we are opening the live show, we're dancing in the moonlight.
27:17 - 27:23
Yeah. It's in a box in London. But I will, don't worry, I'll make sure the ligature is, I'll make sure I've got a couple of reeds in there.
27:24 - 27:31
Don't you worry, Dave. I escort Willie to the living room where Ian is eating some play notes.
27:31 - 27:42
He's basically standing inside the television watching an episode of Just In Time. He sort of leans on the TV table and then his head is basically in the TV.
27:42 - 27:48
And you don't want to sound like a parent by saying, I think you're a bit too close to the TV there, Ian, but he's not really listening.
27:48 - 28:03
Interruption. I wish to apologise publicly for the in the Cariad Lloyd episode where she was like making puppets with her children and all the rest of it.
28:03 - 28:09
And you were like, here's what I do. I'll put them in a box and leave them in a cinema for three days with a lot of popcorn.
28:09 - 28:15
I didn't wish to imply that that's actually what you do. You guys are wonderful parents.
28:15 - 28:23
Also, I have 18 bikes, so I don't know necessarily what this situation is like. No, I was not offended at all.
28:23 - 28:35
Yeah. You've never offended me, David. In fact, I would say the most you've upset me was in the latest recording that we did where you had the front to suggest I didn't really care about coffee.
28:35 - 28:40
And I think I've made it abundantly clear that I do. But anyway, it's OK.
28:40 - 28:50
Matt, with respect, this is not an apology for you. Yeah. This is an apology for the other member of your household who listens to this podcast.
28:50 - 28:54
But we know that Jamie is a great mum. And, you know, she's a great mum.
28:54 - 28:58
She's constantly rotating the toys. I just wanted to say it. OK. No, no, it's OK.
28:58 - 29:02
Either she hasn't listened to that episode yet or she's not judged you. It's fine.
29:02 - 29:08
She can judge me. And that's perfectly acceptable. Ian is watching Just In Time, which is on YouTube.
29:08 - 29:16
And it's a Pirates episode. He's a bit scared of Redbeard the Pirate. But, you know, spoiler alert, Redbeard the Pirate isn't all that he seems.
29:16 - 29:23
He's only charging their boat because he wants a haircut. And Olive is the best hairdresser on the Seven Seas.
29:23 - 29:30
So... What happens in Just In Time? What's just very roughly top line? Yeah, top line is he's in his bedroom, Justin.
29:30 - 29:34
It's just a dude, little kid. Or he's in the garden. And then he uses his imagination.
29:34 - 29:39
Yeah. And then he goes off on these wild fantasy trips. And then he comes back to his garden.
29:39 - 29:42
It's Mr. Ben. It's really lovely. It just sounds like Mr. Ben. There are elements of Ben.
29:42 - 29:46
I think that's fair. Anyway, Ian needs a bath because he didn't have one the night before.
29:46 - 29:55
So I get him in the bath, which is, you know, I'm not unimpressed. Jamie has taken Willie for a nap He might have woken up at half past five.
29:55 - 29:58
So he needs to get out of the house at seven to have another sleep.
29:58 - 30:03
So I'm in there with Ian. He's in the bath. He's blowing bubbles through a straw.
30:03 - 30:08
And we're really exciting this. We're having a great time. I need to brush Ian's teeth.
30:08 - 30:12
Oh no. He is not having a bar of it. I tried Blippi's teeth brushing song.
30:12 - 30:24
I tried the Wiggles teeth brushing song. There's nothing I can do. It's sort of that thing where you think I really need to brush his teeth because if his teeth fall out when he's like 15, he'd be like, yeah, you were 46, I was three.
30:24 - 30:37
It was incumbent on you to make this happen. And I think during that time he won't understand quite how difficult it is to brush the teeth of a three-year-old who is like swaying away from you like Lloyd Hunnigan in his peak.
30:37 - 30:44
You know, there's just nothing I can do. And it's interesting when his mum says it's time to brush his teeth, he just sits there and opens his mouth and I think,
30:44 - 30:53
you gaslighting. That's why we are starting the new teeth for Ian Rushden fund here to send him to Turkey when he is 15.
30:53 - 31:03
To get big monster Jimmy Carr teeth. Yeah, exactly. Huge veneers. We've got a crowdfunding, justgiving.com slash huge veneers for Ian Rushden.
31:03 - 31:07
Because he's going to need them. So anyway, get him out of the bath, get him dressed.
31:07 - 31:10
We're having a good time. We're doing a bit of train set, a bit of colouring in.
31:10 - 31:24
A bit of colouring in some rocks that we found. How's his colouring in? Because, you know, sometimes, and I hope you're coming down hard at him here, because sometimes three-year-olds just colour in the vicinity of the thing, and
31:24 - 31:29
everyone's like, oh, that's so good. But I'm always like, come on, we could do better than this.
31:29 - 31:37
No, I am very much like, I'll go over the edges too, even though I know where the edges are, because I've learned all my parenting from Instagram reels.
31:37 - 31:48
You're trying to encourage freedom of expression, and he shouldn't be confined. If he's scared of making the mistake of going over the lines, maybe this wonderful artist within will not emerge.
31:48 - 31:53
And so I very much, it's fine. You colour whatever you want. Not the walls.
31:53 - 32:05
That's sort of where we draw the line. So this is why England haven't won a World Cup since 1966, because of exactly people going, do it up to the line, no more, no mistakes.
32:05 - 32:13
No, I thought what you're suggesting was because now parenting has gone soft, and I'm not taking an iron belt to Ian if he goes over the line.
32:13 - 32:18
That's why all the artists are foreign. That's the problem that we've got in this country.
32:18 - 32:26
Then Sophie arrives, so that's great. We love Sophie. And Jamie is meeting a friend of hers, Sarah.
32:26 - 32:30
We love Sarah as well. They're meeting for coffee, so I've got a bit of a free morning.
32:30 - 32:38
I've got a bit of work to do, but I'm going to go for a run, David, because I haven't been for a run since April the 23rd because of the football season.
32:38 - 32:47
Because like Ledley King, I play my knee balloons, but I haven't played. I want to test the knee, so I do a little three-kilometer run, which I would describe as so
32:47 - 32:52
incredibly slow. It's sort of to the point where people are stopping me to ask directions.
32:52 - 32:58
It's that slow, you know, but I get through it unscathed. It's fine. I just do three and a bit kilometers.
32:58 - 33:04
You know, it's nothing to write home about. I'm a bit embarrassed to put it on Strava, but still my friends give me kudos, so that's nice.
33:04 - 33:10
Is there anything to be said for running on grass? Does it matter the surface you run on?
33:10 - 33:21
It's much more tiring. Oh, yeah. But it probably would be better. I just go up the sort of, there's like a long cycle path just at the end of our street, which is just dead straight because, you know,
33:21 - 33:26
turning corners is tricky for the knee. Try and just run in straight lines as a footballer, it's tricky, but it's all good.
33:26 - 33:33
I get home, I have a bowl of porridge because I'm on a health journey inspired by all the middle-aged comedians that we have.
33:33 - 33:36
And I've, you know, I just think, right, if I start with porridge, that can only be good.
33:36 - 33:42
It's a step up, I think, from Weet-Bix. It's interesting that Ian has been listening to so many episodes of the podcast.
33:42 - 33:47
He's even gone healthier because he's done away with milk or any sort of liquid.
33:47 - 33:52
He just piles it in like a tree being put into a wood chipper and just...
33:52 - 34:01
He's so dehydrated. Honestly, he looks like a shriveled-up prune. That and a dry Rye Vita.
34:01 - 34:06
I then, I cycle to a cafe and I get a long black. It's great.
34:06 - 34:14
Uh-oh. And I then post a story about, ladies and gentlemen, Jamie Bruce's debut children's book.
34:14 - 34:21
I don't know if you're aware of children's books, but Jamie has written a kids' book.
34:21 - 34:27
She got a publishing deal. Of her own accord. I'm very proud of her. It's called Dog by the Bakery Door.
34:27 - 34:33
Please just Google it and buy it. So it becomes the next Gruffalo. And then I can take more time off.
34:33 - 34:47
I love you said by her own accord, like you as the host of this podcast and the other podcast would have just been able to ring up Penguin or Random House and be like, all right, mate, we got it.
34:47 - 34:54
Do you remember Soccer AM? Well, my wife's written a really charming book about a little kid going to a cafe with her mum.
34:54 - 34:59
Do you know what? I think people might think that everything is totally linked in the entertainment industry.
34:59 - 35:05
And obviously I have absolutely no contacts in books. I have one friend, Bethany, who works in publishing and that's it.
35:05 - 35:12
But I think people might presume everyone has access to, you know, just people just wandering around in the creative world.
35:12 - 35:28
And no. Let me add another layer to that. The picture book genre of which Jamie's book is part of is the hardest for fucking job because like every goon thinks they have a picture book in there.
35:28 - 35:44
Yeah. Whereas they're incredibly hard to write. Like, sure, the word count may not be enormous, but every picture needs to pay off and there needs to be a sense because everyone's looked at what's the famous hat one by John thing.
35:44 - 35:49
Where's my yeah. I've been like, I could do that. I could do right five of those in a day.
35:49 - 36:02
You absolutely couldn't. They are murderous to write. The illustrator of my children's books, Chris Judge, does it and it takes much longer to write than to do one of my half novels or novels.
36:02 - 36:13
And that's why it's an incredible achievement. Congratulations, Jamie, and sorry for criticizing your parenting at the episode, but hopefully you haven't listened to it.
36:13 - 36:24
Anyway, so I post all that and I, you know, because my Instagram game is, you know, is not amazing, but I'm trying to, you know, like just get everybody to all the people that follow me to buy it.
36:24 - 36:32
And they're all like 25 year old football fans from Wigan. This is not necessarily the demographic, but I'm just forcing it down their throats.
36:32 - 36:38
Anyway, I do that. Jamie is having a tough time getting Willie to sleep. She has not had breakfast.
36:38 - 36:43
This is a problem. So, Han, I'm lost here. She went off with her mate.
36:43 - 36:46
Yeah, she went with her mate and that was fine. So he went down for a nap.
36:46 - 36:51
They have a coffee. That's fine. Now she's back out on the, she's doing the next nap walk.
36:51 - 36:57
Okay, fine. Because I've got some work to do. I'm trying to write a column, but she messaged me going, he can't stop crying, but she hasn't had breakfast.
36:57 - 37:02
And this is a problem if Jamie hasn't had breakfast. This is not a secret.
37:02 - 37:08
I think she would accept this, that if she somehow hasn't had breakfast, then this things could spiral.
37:08 - 37:14
So I close my laptop. I say, where are you? And I just get there as quick as I can.
37:14 - 37:20
And I take the prayer and I say, just go and eat something. Whatever you do, wherever you go, just go and eat something.
37:20 - 37:24
As chance would have it, she's been pushed around for an hour and he has done absolutely nothing.
37:24 - 37:29
I literally turn the pram around. The guy closes his eyes out like a light.
37:29 - 37:35
So I sort of feel like the baby whisperer, but actually she's just done all the hard work and I've come in here and lifted the trophy.
37:35 - 37:45
So she's gone off. That's great. I then go and I just rock him outside a cafe and I have a strong food court of flat white, which is perfect, which is great news for me.
37:45 - 37:51
It's not as great content for the podcast. I understand that, but I can't manufacture getting the wrong coffee.
37:52 - 37:56
As I'm leaving, I buy some cheese scones and a salad from the cafe that we might have for our lunch.
37:56 - 38:03
What an intriguing mixture of things. That's really one foot on the accelerator, one foot on the brake there.
38:03 - 38:12
I just thought, you know, get some vegetables in, get them out of the way, and then you can eat your cheese scone lathered in butter and you can feel justified in doing it.
38:12 - 38:19
I'm trying to write a column about the head of FIFA, Gianni Infantino, who I'm not a massive fan of.
38:19 - 38:25
He has, and you remember, do you remember all the heights and weights of all the people in Panini 84?
38:25 - 38:35
85? So, in the Panini album for the Club World Cup, the president of FIFA, Gianni Infantino, has made a sticker of himself.
38:35 - 38:43
Like, it's just, oh my God, can you imagine, like, like, oh, it just makes you want to like hurl into your own face.
38:43 - 38:49
It's like, when we were growing up, you weren't going, oh yeah, I've got Chris Waddle, but where's Sir Burt Millichip?
38:49 - 39:04
That's who I want. Where's Graham Kelly? Where's the set blatter shiny? Honestly. So he has become this big personality in a sport where you never really thought about these people.
39:04 - 39:12
He's also cosied up to Trump. He sort of cosies up to everyone and tries to have no real political standpoints on anything.
39:12 - 39:17
He was given a medal of friendship or something from Vladimir Putin, which he hasn't given back.
39:17 - 39:24
Right. You know, I'd probably give that back, wouldn't you? Just have a look at what you've been up to and maybe I'll just give it back.
39:24 - 39:37
And part of this is he won't do any press conferences or interviews with anyone, but he has done a sit down with a YouTuber called I Show Speed, who is, you know, a gazillionaire like 25 year old who sort of sits on a gaming chair and
39:37 - 39:48
says, damn right, and whoops. And it's quite a fascinating half hour. And obviously I'm not the demographic for YouTubers, but at one point there's a sort of lull in the conversation and he turns to Jenny Infantino and says,
39:48 - 39:54
hey, I'm going to show you my back flip. And then he just stands and does a back flip.
39:54 - 39:59
I was like, what a vehicle to get out of tricky interviews. Why did I not know this during the Soccer AM Glory Years?
39:59 - 40:02
For a moment I could have just said, you know, this chat's not going great.
40:02 - 40:07
Let me just show you my back flip. But, you know, I understand, like, this is probably what makes a good YouTuber.
40:07 - 40:16
Let's vow now, Max. If we get Trump for the regular What's U do yesterday, we both have to back flip during it.
40:16 - 40:21
Just in a lull. You know, we're just, you know, there's that sort of just after lunch lull.
40:21 - 40:27
In the episode, because we realized we've talked too much about what he wears to bed and his breakfast choice.
40:27 - 40:31
And we've really gone on and on. He's told some great stories. There's been some flight of fancy.
40:31 - 40:36
And now we're like, Donald, we've got to rush this on. At that point, one of us goes, wait, we've got to show you our back flips.
40:36 - 40:46
Very good back flips. Great people. Great people. Great back flips. We get home. We have a bit of a tactical discussion about who's doing what.
40:46 - 40:50
Jamie is going to take Ian to gymnastics. I'm going to take Willie on another nap walk.
40:50 - 40:57
He's pretty tired. He had his four month shots on Monday. I know we don't care about that because it's Wednesday we're talking about, but he's still a bit sleepy after that.
40:57 - 41:05
So I go for a walk. I pop into the local grocers. I buy a carrot and a ginger shot because I'm on a health kick, right?
41:05 - 41:14
So I eat my carrot and I feel incredibly virtuous. I'm listening to the Beautiful South's Greatest Hits because I want to stay on brand and it's a great carrying on the charts.
41:14 - 41:21
Great album. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. What's your favourite track, Arnott? I like Prettiest. I like Old Red Eyes' Back.
41:21 - 41:25
That is a great song. I like Prettiest Eyes as well, but Old Red Eyes' Back.
41:25 - 41:31
Song for Whoever is a great one. Yeah, also lovely. Get home, get the salad out of the way, really eat the scone.
41:31 - 41:36
You know, the salad has oranges in it, which I think actually adds to it.
41:36 - 41:40
But, you know, some people, not sure about fruit in a salad, but, you know, it covers up all the lettuce.
41:40 - 41:51
Is it complicated when you get the carrot and the ginger and have to mail it off to the food in the box people so they can then send it back to you with instructions for it?
41:51 - 42:00
How to eat them? I raw dogged this myself, I believe is the phrase. I looked at them and obviously eating a raw carrot is quite tricky.
42:00 - 42:07
I googled a few recipes for raw carrot. There's a Delia one that I really liked and so that I ate the carrot.
42:07 - 42:15
Once Delia had told me how to do it. And the ginger shot was very much just, I treated it just like a bottle of water and then to all intents and
42:15 - 42:20
purposes it was the same, just slightly more painful as I swallowed it. But I thought this is hurting me so it must be good.
42:20 - 42:29
That was my general feeling about the ginger turmeric and other things. And it was called something like, you know, what was it called?
42:29 - 42:34
It had a word that's really... Grenade. Health grenade. No, no, no. It wasn't health grenade.
42:34 - 42:39
It was like protect. You know, it was something like I'm not going to get flu for 50,000 years now.
42:39 - 42:48
Thank God for this. Yeah, it's like men's moisturizer products always have very different names to ones that are marketed at women.
42:48 - 42:53
Yeah. It's always like laser-proof outer layer. Yeah. Or whatever for the lads. That's what I want.
42:53 - 43:07
Bulletproof. Yeah. Okay, so we have our salad. Ian then, and with apologies to Michael Gregory 755002, is still struggling to poo in the potty and it's sort of slowed down his number two.
43:07 - 43:12
So he does his first poo for two or three days. It really adds an aroma to the whole house pretty quickly.
43:12 - 43:20
Interesting. Where are we with the potty training journey? Is he sleeping in a nappy and then by day?
43:20 - 43:26
By night nappy he's by day undies and he's absolutely nailing wheeze. Like he's really good at it, does it himself.
43:26 - 43:32
The pride you feel when he stands by a toilet and does a little tinkle is honestly, I can't tell you.
43:32 - 43:41
Does he have a special box to lift him? So there is a little, for a wee he'll just stand there and he'll just, you know, manage to lean over the bowl.
43:41 - 43:50
The idea is he does have a little staircase sort of commode type thing for the toilet, but he still uses the potty mainly and he's not doing number twos there.
43:50 - 43:57
So we get that out of the way and then we hang out a bit, which is nice, and then he's running along and hits his head on the floor.
43:57 - 44:01
I was sad about that, but that's fine. I'm back on the road again. It's another walk for Willie.
44:01 - 44:05
Do you want to see how many steps I did yesterday? Yeah. Quite incredible, I imagine.
44:05 - 44:20
I'm saying 12k. Oh, I'm miles above that these days. Wow. Because like the new thing on a lot of the videos I'm sent by the Algo are like, oh, going to the gym and running his old hat.
44:20 - 44:35
What you need to do is walk. Yesterday, 23,186. Whoa. I was about a 10,000er until Willie was born and I've sort of doubled it or maybe up to about average over the month, 16,000.
44:35 - 44:44
Wow. So yesterday was a big day because I did three big nap walks. So we reconvene at the library where we are books are on delay.
44:44 - 44:55
So Jamie and Ian have taken the tram. I've pushed the pram down there. I'm listening to a 90s compilation album I remember called Crush, which had a red box and a broken heart.
44:55 - 45:01
It's got some absolute classics on there. The long pigs, bit of radio heads and suede, James, all the things you want.
45:01 - 45:07
Now in the little kids bit of the library, there are lots of cushions. Ian makes himself an obstacle course and runs along a few times.
45:07 - 45:14
And then I build a house for Ian and his friend that he's just made, Izzy, and we're having a great time.
45:14 - 45:18
So we build a house. He's in and out of the house. He's sad when Izzy knocks a door over.
45:18 - 45:22
I say structurally, we're going to have difficulties with this house because they're just cushions.
45:22 - 45:28
They're just normal cushions. He's a bit sad about that, but he sort of understands it ultimately, which is good.
45:28 - 45:35
I like that he, at the library, builds a house and then afterwards you take him to the soft play and he just sits reading a book quietly.
45:35 - 45:42
So we all get the tram home together. Jamie looks at me and says, you look dead.
45:42 - 45:50
And I am tired. That's worse than generic man three. Just dead man one. Dead.
45:50 - 45:56
I look dead. Anyway, it's now must be quarter to five. Willie needs one more nap walk.
45:56 - 46:04
So I'm going to do it. I'm going to do the nap walk and let me get the playlisting for Crush.
46:04 - 46:13
This is Mo Farah number of steps in a day. Granted, he was going faster probably than you with the exceptions of it where you were running.
46:13 - 46:19
But yeah, it's remarkable. Quite often, I think it's fair to say Mo Farah is running faster than I run.
46:19 - 46:23
Okay, so I get him out and the idea is can we just get 20 minutes in for Willie?
46:23 - 46:33
So he is sad. Yeah. And when he's sad, you have to rock him a bit, put him back in the pram, then he's sad, spits out the dummy, you have to pick him up again, rock him again.
46:33 - 46:49
I rock him for On and On by the Long Pigs, High and Dry Radiohead, Loveful by the Cardigans, 500 by Lush, Female Out of the Species Space, The You and Me Song, The Wanted Eyes, The Frog Princess, Divine Comedy, Huckleberry Grove, Ocean Colour Scene, From the Bench of Belvedere,
46:49 - 46:55
Boo Radley's and the whole of Champagne Supernova. And by the time we get to Cast Walk Away, I think, I've just got to go home.
46:55 - 47:03
This is a total. That's a lovely, sorry, mix that like the You and Me, I haven't thought about You and Me song for a long time.
47:03 - 47:13
What about you and me always? And then Loveful, which is another classic of a vaguely similar genre.
47:13 - 47:20
I'd say you were loving it. I was really enjoying the music, but I had one ear in because you have to listen to the crying to feel alive.
47:21 - 47:27
I get home and just say, this has been a failure. So Jamie takes Willie, gives him a bath.
47:27 - 47:31
He loves a bath. Like he's suddenly giddy with happiness. I'm like, you weren't like this a while ago.
47:31 - 47:38
I go and play Trains with Ian and we're pushing a tractor around the train and that's going well.
47:38 - 47:42
I think Jamie's made chicken nuggets and chips. I'm feeding him some chips. Good for him.
47:42 - 47:54
You know, it's been a long day. Jamie takes Willie to bed. I run a bath and Ian does not want to bar having a bath but like this will fill 20 minutes if I could get him in there.
47:54 - 48:02
So I say there's a race between a rubbish truck and a tractor and I run and he follows me and he runs straight into the bath.
48:02 - 48:06
This is a wonderful move. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You say this is happening out on the street right now?
48:06 - 48:08
No, no, no. I say right now I've got a rubbish truck. He's got a tractor.
48:08 - 48:16
I say, oh my God, it's the rubbish tractor race. Let's go. So we run and he wins and then he's by the bath and he says, can I get in?
48:16 - 48:19
I'm like, of course you can get in. Let's get in the bath. He gets in the bath.
48:19 - 48:24
He won't brush his teeth, but you know, anyway, that's fine. There's nothing I can do.
48:24 - 48:28
He has the bath. Jamie's in there putting Willie to bed. So I'm doing bedtime.
48:28 - 48:37
This is exciting because you know, even though we have sort of crossed the Rubicon and I'm allowed to do it, normally if Jamie's in the vicinity, he will not let me do it.
48:37 - 48:42
So we're in his bedroom, close the door. Jamie, I presume, is in the kitchen now.
48:42 - 48:48
Willie will be asleep making dinner from a box. So don't judge us with time, Paul.
48:48 - 48:56
No judgment. But some judgment. I'm doing bedtime, but he has insisted on bringing one of his battery-powered motorbikes into the bed.
48:56 - 49:02
Whenever he presses a button, it goes, burn rubber, baby! And then plays 10 seconds of, like, thrash metal.
49:02 - 49:10
It's his version of one of those white noise machines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he keeps doing that.
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And then I have to say that there's no... And it doesn't have an off button.
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To get the batteries out, you have to unscrew it with a Phillips, and I haven't got that with me.
49:17 - 49:29
So I'm like, he's keep stressing it. I'm like, okay. But eventually, and then he wants mama, but we read a book about a worm wanting an apple, and at the end of it, this girl eats the apple with the worm in it, but
49:29 - 49:38
the worm's happy because the worm's in the girl's stomach with the apple, but he hates the end of it, so I suddenly change the end of it and just, we don't read the last three pages.
49:38 - 49:48
So I read that three times. He falls asleep. I thought what you were going to say there is when the girl almost inspires you and you just swallow the motorbike and then coming from...
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From your internals while we're trying to record this podcast is just burn rubber, baby!
49:54 - 50:06
Actually, sometimes because I do all, you know, I do the radio from this room as well, and there are some, they're called toot-toot drivers kicking about, and there was once when I was doing a show and
50:06 - 50:11
I could just hear this sort of noise. I kept emailing, messaging the producer going, is there a noise?
50:11 - 50:23
And it was like this toot-toot driver, but his batteries had run low, so it starts sort of going toot-toot driver, and it was like in a box, and it was just like really,
50:23 - 50:30
it was really disconcerting, while I'm trying to have serious conversations about, you know, Nottingham Forest's owner invading the pitch or whatever.
50:30 - 50:35
Anyway, he's asleep. I lay there for a bit. I extricate myself. You did us.
50:35 - 50:42
And I open the door. Now, we've got, the door we've got in his bedroom is old and incredibly loud, and it's a really, you know, if we just had a door that was silent,
50:42 - 50:47
it would be so easy, but we don't. So anyway, there's always a risk he's going to wake him up, but we don't wake him up.
50:47 - 50:54
Where's the door allowed? The latch goes clink, clink, and it's like a new door, can't be mounted by a new door, et cetera.
50:54 - 51:00
Anyway, so every time there's a bit of a jeopardy there, but I get through, I get to the kitchen, Jamie's nowhere to be seen.
51:00 - 51:06
She's fallen asleep with Willie. So there's no dinner in a box. She's made half of it.
51:06 - 51:14
We're going to have to have the pork dumplings and turmeric soup tomorrow. So I put the soup in the fridge because I think Jamie's asleep.
51:14 - 51:19
I make three pieces of toast, one which had a cheese, two with peanut butter.
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I'm over the moon. The dead man needs more food. The dead man's done 22,000 steps.
51:25 - 51:31
He's done more steps than Mo Farah. Yeah, but that's what I get. Then Jamie messages going, oh, I fell asleep.
51:31 - 51:34
I come out and make the dinner. I'm like, I said it's too late to make the dinner.
51:34 - 51:40
I open the fridge. I take two squares of lint, mint intense. I pour myself a glass of red wine.
51:40 - 51:47
I come to this shed and I switch on my laptop and there you are talking to Guy Montgomery and I've got two squares of lint.
51:47 - 51:52
Because this is what we did yesterday. Oh my, I'd forgotten about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:52 - 51:58
So I eat the lint and I drink my glass of wine, do a lovely podcast with Guy Montgomery.
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It'll be out soon, I imagine, if it's not been out already. That goes well.
52:01 - 52:08
I don't want to tell everybody what happens in the episode. Yeah, it was a lovely episode, but I have no concept while we're recording, you know.
52:08 - 52:19
I've been through, I've walked, I've walked a marathon before this. There you are. You've just sung some songs to yourself about how great you are and just wandered down to your basement.
52:19 - 52:28
Well, that's all right. You know, Dr. Footlights, as my old co-host of BBC London Breakfast, Joe Good, said, who used to star in Crossroads, you know, Dr.
52:28 - 52:34
Footlight, when the light goes on, you've just got to deliver, despite five hours previously being told I look dead.
52:34 - 52:48
Pod finishes, I brush my teeth, I get into bed, I'm in the daybed, I do the wordle, get it in four, I do the squaredle, lights off, 10.45pm, 10.46pm, Ian wakes up.
52:48 - 52:58
I get into bed with Ian, I fall asleep, Lord knows when I wake up then, but you know, then the night has begun.
52:58 - 53:08
That is the yesterday. I've learned a valuable lesson here, which is you never know what a person is going through.
53:08 - 53:17
You know, like if you're in the bank and someone's just being a bit of a jerk, and I'm not saying you were a bit of a jerk at all last night, you were wonderful.
53:17 - 53:24
That's so nice. Why is Max hosting this episode like a jerk in a queue at Lloyd's Bank?
53:24 - 53:29
Going, you can open that other cashier. There's another. There's five of them. Just open that.
53:29 - 53:39
I can see you behind the curtain. Open the, there's five of them here. I apologize again.
53:39 - 53:43
No, that's all right. Don't apologize. You know, we're all just living our lives. Daisy, should we finish with a really nice bit of feedback?
53:43 - 53:47
And I, you know, I'm not here for effusive praise. I don't know about you, David, but it's really lovely.
53:48 - 53:53
And we did read out Michael Gregory's. This is terrible. Although to be fair to Michael, I feel he had a point.
53:53 - 54:00
Daisy says, dear David and Max, this isn't a listener submission as such, but I wanted to say a huge, huge thank you.
54:00 - 54:05
Your podcast brings me the most enormous amount of delight. And I'm always very, very happy when I'm listening.
54:05 - 54:12
This is going to sound obnoxious, but I mean it sincerely. I ran the London marathon and what did you do yesterday was the soundtrack to my training.
54:12 - 54:15
I don't think I could have done it if you hadn't been in my ears.
54:15 - 54:25
I'd still be crouched on a pavement in Deptford weeping. I think it's a truly magical thing you're making and it feels deliciously rebellious to listen to something truly joyful when joy is in short supply.
54:25 - 54:31
And no other podcast would reference Samuel Beckett and the anal application of Nando's Paranase.
54:31 - 54:39
This should get you some sort of award for excellence in broadcasting. I'm not going to say keep up the good work because I hate it when people say that.
54:39 - 54:42
The point of this email is to say you've already done so much good work.
54:42 - 54:46
I'm so grateful that it exists and I can listen to it. Thank you, Daisy.
54:46 - 54:56
Thank you, Daisy. Daisy. Yeah, I love you, Daisy. Well, if you would like to get in touch with the podcast and you don't have to write an email like Daisy's, but
54:56 - 55:06
we really enjoyed the guy who was basically reenacting Toto's song Africa. One of 58,000 listeners we have in Uganda.
55:06 - 55:15
We don't have 58,000 listeners. I don't think we have 58,000 listeners, David. So in Uganda would be quite a stretch.
55:15 - 55:19
Mars Bar, let's bring him in. All our listeners in Uganda. How many Ugandan listeners have there been?
55:19 - 55:25
So since we started this podcast, we have had a total of 59 listens in Uganda.
55:25 - 55:40
59! Yes, go on Uganda. If you're in Uganda, please get in touch with us. Look, we will welcome emails from other people, but if you're in Uganda or if you've listened to us in Uganda, we'd like to know as much information as possible.
55:40 - 55:52
Here's how you get in touch. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com, follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod, and please subscribe and
55:52 - 55:58
leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform. And if you didn't, please don't.
55:58 - 56:06
So there we are. I'm enjoying this, David. I have a lovely time. I don't think you're dead.
56:06 - 56:11
I don't think you look dead. My eyes go so, honestly, like my eyes go deep.
56:11 - 56:17
And do you know what? This is not relevant because it's tomorrow, but like Friday's my day off and I've just been asked to host the project.
56:17 - 56:24
I'm not against hosting. It's quite a big TV show in Australia. Yeah. But I was so ready for a long lunch and just to lie down.
56:24 - 56:32
And now I've got to put a suit on and some makeup and look sprightly about, you know, what's happening in somewhere in Australia.
56:32 - 56:38
Yeah. I'm so tired. I can't think of one place in Australia. R.I.P.
56:38 - 56:44
Max. R.I.P. R.I.P. Look at my eyes. They've disappeared. Hey, thanks, David.
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Look, just as long as you remember that everything is showbiz, that's the way to get through these things.I did forget that recently, but, 22,000 steps, you've just reminded me. Yep, 22,000 steps is showbiz. Thanks Max. Thanks David.