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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday, nothing more.
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Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life? Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it.
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I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty. Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Just really quickly, I think, are you able to turn your headphones down very slightly, Max?
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Just because I'm getting a bit of bleed. One, two, three, that's even louder. One, two, three, four.
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How's that? One, two, three, four. Is that better? David, could you say something so I can hear it on Max's headphones?
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Max, what the hell are you doing? You look like a sci-fi alien from the 1940s with those headphones.
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Beep, boop, beep, beep, boop, beep, beep, beep, boop. Say, you say I couldn't do improv?
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What about that? Right, that's fine. Thanks. Thank you. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I hope they keep that in because that was a little bit of behind the curtain.
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What did you do yesterday? This is midweek mayhem. As introduced by me, it just feels more natural.
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David O'Doherty's over there. Welcome, David. Hello, Lord Percy of Dingbat. Already. Another one of his characters.
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Did you see that? What did you do yesterday? Instagram account. It popped out, the Lord Percy of Dingbat, David Squires.
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And so I sent it to Cariad, who I don't know at all. We established.
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She sent a heart emoji back. So that was good. Yeah. That's not my way of trying to get into ostentatious.
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I just thought she'd like to see it. So lots of people have been in touch about Justin Morehouse's day.
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I mean, it went down very well, didn't it? Yeah. Stuart says, this is your Ulysses, your Moby Dick, your Mona Lisa, your Sergeant Pepper, a hall of famer, one for the ages.
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Simon says, fucking hell, this had uncut gems level of stress. That's a brilliant reference, isn't it?
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Because at the end of that film, you're just like, you're on edge. It was like, I didn't think I had any psychological problems, but at the end of Uncut Gems, I thought maybe it's given me some.
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There was a few key elements to Morehouse. The fact that he's a vegan trying to get bacon at six in the morning, like the dim half light of the half open Tesco or wherever he's going.
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And then the rising panic of traffic, of rush hour is about to come. And then the other element where he's driving through rush hour in just a little French van.
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So if we had shot this, I think, as a piece of drama, there'd be sounds of cars beeping every time he showed the traffic.
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And then it would just cut to gentle accordion music while he's sitting in the, like it's even smaller than a two CV.
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That is actually, once we make billions out of this, David, that's such a great idea that we take, each episode and we cast the person in it.
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And then we release it as a dad thing. It's Justin Morehouse having to act being in that van, doing exactly what he did yesterday.
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Liam says, that Morehouse episode is mad. I felt tired listening to it. And I was decorating for nine hours yesterday.
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I feel like I should send him some Huel bars. I'm not really sure what's in a Huel bar, but you know, we're the only podcast currently not sponsored by them.
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So I for one have them for breakfast. I've had six Huel's already. The Munt says, like Max, an expat living in Melbourne, listening into Justin describing the coffee van.
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Sounds familiar. A bit of Googling later. Thought I recognized it. Yeah, it's at the end of my brother's street.
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I mean, this is similar to the people who saw Adam Buxton running along the train platform.
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It's when what you did yesterday intersects with actual real life. Well, we have that because Saban Gill, if I pronounced that correctly, and I think you sent this to me, David, says,
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I never normally email, but this literally just happened 30 minutes ago. The most bizarre occurrence to be sat in traffic, listening to what did you do yesterday, midweek episode on a Saturday morning,
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when David O'Doherty literally walked past my car with this bright orange bag and blue hat on his way to Bristol Temple Meads.
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I was lost for words. I couldn't believe he was on my car stereo and walking past me simultaneously.
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But alas, I had nothing, only for all the things I should have said once he had disappeared into the distance.
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So the only time that's ever happened was, for me, was in the depths of the pandemic.
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I was cycling on Ackle Island, and at a little junction, there was a car there, and I heard one of my songs playing in the car.
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Oh, that's really good. Okay. So, like, I've released some albums. They've never gone platinum, or whatever you say.
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No, it was a pity. So, it's obviously someone. So I wave like that in the car, and then the person uncomfortably looks over, and then I point to my ears, which strikes me as the only thing to do,
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and then they just drive off uncomfortably, okay? So they didn't know it was you?
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They didn't know you were singing? So, at dinner that evening, moment passing mentions, oh, they played a song of yours on the radio today.
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Oh, I see. So, they just played it on the radio, and this maniac, and this was kind of at the height of paranoia, of like, don't open your car windows, COVID will get in.
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This guy just appears beside the car. The absolute height of the pandemic. I was in Tesco's, you know, the self-service checkout, and I just got a bit of dust.
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It was just in my throat, and I had the worst coughing fit like I have ever had.
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And honestly, people looked at me like I was a leper. It was amazing. It was just like people running out of Tesco's.
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You know, it was that time when you were like, what's happening here? Are we all about to die?
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I understood the stress, and there was me, you know, just trying to find a toilet roll.
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And the thing is, I tried to hold it in because I was so aware.
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I was like, I mustn't cough, I mustn't cough. I was like, hold on, I'm swallowing it a thousand times.
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So when it started, it was just completely there Chris has been in touch, and we mentioned this on the Tim Key episode, but it's so brilliant.
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He says, all I can say is I'm a very, very bored man. Good to see that season two is moving to be much more in line with the high-performance listenership,
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with the average wake-up time shifting more than an hour and a half earlier. Things are being skewed a little by Tom Rosenthal insisting his day began at midnight.
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He has gone through every episode, and this is something I dreamt of doing when we came up with the concept.
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He's gone through every episode and written down the wake-up time of every guest, and he's averaged out season one 8.14 a.m. and season two 6.37 a.m.
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Oh, my goodness. Okay, Rosenthal at midnight, really dark. You should take that out, I think, statistically.
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I don't know. Well, maybe you're right. I mean, that is when he said he woke up.
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The thing is, in season two, we haven't had any really – we haven't had any late ones.
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And in season one, we had Sanders, 10.15, Matafeo, 10, Acaster, 10.30, Maddox. 11. Still the outlier. It's the latest wake-up is Jamali Maddox at 11.
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And I suppose the earliest wake-up is Tom Rosenthal at midnight. You know, there's a few 5 a.m.s.
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And, of course, Tim Key, famously, 4.35 a.m. by the intruder. But that hasn't made it on the list because it was after Chris did the list.
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But thank you. Thank you, Chris. Is there a trend here? Do you think, Max, are our guests becoming more high performance?
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I think it's too early to say. Obviously, I think – I think we ended Series 2 on Sunday.
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So welcome to Series 3, by the way. Oh, yeah. Warm welcome to Series 3. We're back after a hiatus.
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What have you been up to, David, since Series 2? We've both been busy. Our diaries are so – Honestly, there's so much in my diary, it's insane.
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But, like, it's so great to be back. So nice to see you. I just had my team renegotiating me a much bigger deal.
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For this? For this. For Series 3. Because they were like, you can't have him for Series 3.
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No, you'll have to really have to wet his whistle for him to do Series 3.
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Well, I remember because I was about to get – I was in Los Angeles.
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I'd given the pen to David Duchovny because I thought you weren't coming back. But as it turns out, you're back in.
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And I must admit, David Duchovny was very, very disappointed. But, yeah, well done for getting yourself a million-pound pay rise.
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I haven't seen a pattern yet, but I did have this dream. Chris is clearly – He has nothing to do.
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And he is now our senior statistician. Could he go through some other things? I'm trying to keep this episode out of the toilet.
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But could he go into breakfasts, lunches? Could he see a pattern? Bedtimes? Surely bedtimes is the next one, isn't it?
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Average duration that people are up for could be interesting as well. Because I think eventually we'll give all the evidence to – what's his name?
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David Spiegelhalter. He's always on More or Less. And we'll find out. We'll find out how people live their lives.
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What we need to do, David, is to get guests to weigh all the food they eat.
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Phil Wang weighs his spaghetti. If everybody could weigh everything and say, I had 400 grams of – because guests famously like the fact there's no prep.
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Now he's saying, could you weigh all the peas you ate yesterday? Could you photograph your turds?
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Max. Yes, David. I don't chip in here with – this is – although it's not a format, generally you read through – I read it.
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It's new to your ears, so you get the natural reaction. I've editorially selected what I think is good.
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After Mars Bar, he's got rid of the flotsam. If you're upset your email hasn't been read, it's probably because it hasn't got to me.
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It hasn't passed the high bar of Mars Bar. I've got one for you, though.
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Okay, good stuff. Is it positive? It doesn't sound – the way you've begun – it's okay.
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It's fascinating. It's absolutely fascinating, and it threatens to – take this podcast to its foundations.
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Okay, well, now I'm very excited. I'm going to take a swig of 6% beer for that.
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The reason – 6%? Well, I didn't do it intentionally. Jamie bought me a bottle. She didn't check the percentages.
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But it tastes really lovely. I mean, obviously, in a blind lager taste test, I wouldn't have a clue.
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But I feel like it's my favorite one currently, and it's in a glass bottle, and it says Reserva on it, so it must be posh.
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Well, this email could turn the world upside down such that you're future will just be drinking bottles of special brew under a tree in a small rural town.
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And I hope that's not the case. I'd just say before you get into it, David, recently I managed to kill another TV show, The Project in Australia, which is actually a great shame.
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It's a really good TV show, and I only just stopped getting involved, and now that's gone.
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So actually this podcast might just be a bit of fun to you, actually quite important for the nutrition of my children.
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So let me just go into that a tiny bit. My question is, because you had just joined The Project in the – I mean, death spiral is too strong a word to use.
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I think it was actually flying when I did my first show in sort of mid-August, and it's taken less than a year.
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The irony was not only was I booked to host what is now the final show, and they've actually given it to the main guy, I was actually booked for my first full week of the year of hosting.
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I did a few days just before Christmas, but this is my full week. I was booked for the full week.
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This was great. It's the week after it is no longer on the television, which does bear a striking similarity to the fact that I had an audition for Neighbours on the Friday, and they cancelled the whole show on the first day.
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Oh, no, the angel of death. Let's not give him an audition. I was on The Project twice.
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So I also feel some sense of loss. The main question is, I'm sure they made some emotional montages of the various hosts laughing to each other over the years.
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Oh, yeah. Will I make it? I doubt I'll make it. Exactly. The current hosts were like, well, you are rostered down to host the last one.
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We should get you on. And I thought maybe either I'm on the desk, but I don't say anything for the whole hour, just there, and then I say the last goodbye.
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Or maybe I'm not on, and they just say, and as is customary in these situations, we leave.
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We leave you with Max Rushden singing Someone Like You by Adele. And then a cappella, I'm just there.
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Just one spotlight, and I just belt it out. And like amazing. I can't sing it, but in the next two weeks, I've learned how to sing it fucking amazingly.
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And the people are like, oh, my God, listen to this guy. So anyway, work to do on that.
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Just the clarinet in your hands that you occasionally. I'm never fine. Actually on that, I will say this.
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This is a great story. Fuck knows why I sang that song. It's amazing. Must have been 2013.
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Maybe a bit earlier. I'm not sure. It was during the Soccer AM Glory Years.
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And Chris Kamara had organized. And I love Chris Kamara. He's a great guy. And he has a place in Tenerife, and I think a share in a bar in Tenerife.
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And he was doing a charity thing with the Soccer Saturday lot. So Merce, Leticia, Charlie Nicholas, Ian Dowie, Phil Thompson.
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For listeners who don't know, David will do a separate podcast reading out the Wikipedias of these players.
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Anyway, Jeff Stelling couldn't make it the last minute. He said, look, could you come and be like a sort of...
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I wasn't hosting it. I was doing something. I'm not sure. And I went, yeah, sure.
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Why not? It was one week. I had four days there. And I come back to the last soccer in the season.
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I was off for the summer. Parts of it were quite incredible. I was rooming with Ian Dowie.
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One night, I think we had a few beers, gone to bed. Of course you did.
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I went to bed at about one in the morning. Oh, no. He had peed in your shoes.
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Not quite. But I got up and I was just, I was in the shower.
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And I'd locked the bathroom door. And he just broke the bathroom door and went, come on.
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I was like, what are you, why are you doing this? This is weird. Anyway, and that night he was like, you're out with the party master tonight.
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So you better raise your game. The party master. The party master. Ian Downey. A nice guy, as it turns out.
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Next morning, I was in the toilet, sitting on the toilet. Once again, door. Wait.
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What are you, why are you doing this? I'm just sitting on the toilet. But anyway, Chris Gamara had a bar and he used to sing songs.
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And I was quite drunk. So I sang That's Life, Frank Sinatra. I could do that.
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I can do that. The Blue Rinse Brigade were in there. The audience was incredible.
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It was all like 80-year-old women. They all liked that. Next day, they had a guitar.
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I was like, okay, I've just started learning. I sang. I did sing Someone Like You to a group.
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I don't know why. I sang a couple of other songs. Can't remember what. I mean, I must have been really quite drunk.
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But anyway, Cammy took me aside. He went, like, this place was pretty dead. Everyone was 80.
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And he just came in and went, you've killed it in there. Not in a good way.
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Anyway, I digress. Do carry on. Was he being serious? I think so, yeah. He just sung Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me or something.
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Anyway, I have nothing but total love for that man. He's an amazing guy. But do carry on.
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Hi, Max, David, and Michael. Love the pod. This is from Harry. In particular, I appreciate your policy of needing full honesty, asking the guests to leave everything about their day in,
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warts, farts, sharts, and all. Yeah, good. Okay. Okay. I'd be worried if I was you now.
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Oh, God. So it's fair to say. I was a bit disappointed when I listened to a recent midweek episode to find the same policy doesn't extend to those episodes as well.
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Oh, dear. I was walking my dog through the park a few weekends ago when I saw a game of football being played.
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As any football fan knows, you can't just walk by a game in the park.
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So I stopped to have a watch. It's involuntary. So as I wandered the sideline, what I wasn't expecting was to see one of the world's most iconic players on a random pitch in Melbourne.
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Not Messi, not Ronaldo, but none other than Default Man 3. I watched for about 10 minutes as Max dictated play, not in the style of a Stevie Gerrard, but by literally dictating what his teammates should do.
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Shouting, shape, shape, shape. And Henry, you got to go. As Max himself got his break.
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He took a breath back on the halfway line as the action unfolded around him.
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Okay, here we go. Here's the tricky part. The part of the match I thought Max might bring up was his little moment of petulance.
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Deliberately kicking the ball away from an opponent to waste time and getting himself booked in the process.
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What part of what happened in your match last week that I asked you about thought you could leave out a booking?
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The thing previous guest Gary Lineker never got in his entire career. So Harry goes on.
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A textbook act of shithousery. But not a word on the podcast. This is the content the listeners need.
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Not a truncated count of how many farts you've done during the day. Keep up the great work.
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Everything is showbiz, Harry. Oh, that's great. The ball is not so much in your court, but has been kicked away from your court.
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So I just don't think that was the game where the game fell on my yesterday.
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So I was just giving you the tiny details. I'm surprised I didn't bring it up.
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Yeah, it was absolutely brilliant. They were young. They were fast. We were winning. They got a free kick.
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And it was really awful. It was just awful form. But I just waited until the guy was standing over it, and I just toe-punted it.
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So he's about to take the free. He'd put it on the floor, and he'd walk back a bit, and stuff was happening.
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Some of our players are over 60. We all need a breather. Some of our players like to try and get on with it quickly, and I'm constantly saying, slow down.
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The funniest bit is when he heard, you've got to go, Henry, because, fuck, I've showered that a lot, because Henry, the anaesthetist, he can run for fun, and I can't.
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So if we're on the pitch together, I'm saying, he's like 20 yards behind me. I'm like, you need to go.
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Go over there. It's like a dog. Go over there. Go over there. But, yes, actually, I've been booked twice.
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Twice this season, which I don't think that's ever happened to me before. The other one was when I was not even on the pitch, and I had a word to one of their players.
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It got a bit heated, and I was trying to – he had misheard what one of our players had said and had accused him of racism, and it wasn't that at all.
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And so I just said, look, we wouldn't have someone on our team who did that.
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And the ref saw that I'd gone to that player and ran over laughing and gave me a yellow card.
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And I was like, well, this is ridiculous. Guilty as charged. It's an amazing email.
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Okay, I like. I like that you've just accepted it. But I do have in my mind now, just particularly from the Lineker chat where you bored Lineker by wazzing on about the different positions you've played on the pitch.
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In my mind now, you're like a grizzled 42-year-old Italian who's still playing for Brescia or Bowery or one of these teams.
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You know what I mean? Whose only job is to throw the ball into the crowd, to do the hands-down motion a lot of like, let's – Just slow it up.
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One of those players that you hate him, but you'd love him if he was in your team.
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Hey, well, look, interesting big 2-0 win at the weekend against quite a good team, young team.
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And I played the first half in centre mid with a 2-0 up at half-time.
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I got one assist to Quentin by heading the ball, heading a goal kick, flick on that he then ran on and scored.
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And we kicked them a lot. They were young. At half-time, they were like – I was off the pitch second half chatting to their guys.
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They were like, you know, really? I was like, we're not really. He's like, yeah, you are.
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And I was like, yeah, but you're faster than us. What are we going to do?
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It's kind of the beauty of the game is that – so shithousery to listeners who aren't football fans is generally just bending of the rules.
21:45 - 21:55
But then what I do like about it is that upon the final whistle, there is nearly always just, ah, well, it was what it was.
21:55 - 22:01
I remember playing Finchley away. And that was fucking awful. And there was one guy who literally was like the meanest person.
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Like, there'd be a goal kick, and then he'd just punch you in the stomach.
22:04 - 22:09
Like, he was horrible. It was really horrible. And at the end of the game, he went, oh, good battle, mate.
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Can I have a photo? And I was like, are you – like, he's literally been punching me.
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Like, the refs stopped looking at me. He was like, punch me in the face.
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But I was too polite to say no. I was like, yeah, all right, fine.
22:19 - 22:25
Jim says, on the subject of which politician, the highest level politician who would do the pod.
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He makes a good point. He said, Ed Davis. Leader of the Lib Dems. Would be all over an appearance.
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He'd have probably been hang gliding, skidooing, or such like during his yesterday. It's a good point.
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Yeah, I think he actually admitted it during the last election in the UK, was that no one cares about the Lib Dems.
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So all I can do is set up a press call every day where he, whatever, just goes canoeing at a banana and talks about unemployment.
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Today I'm going to throw, I'm going to throw a toaster over our house to tell you about the electronics industry and our plans for it.
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Carmen says, the podcast is brilliant for sleeping. This is an iTunes review. I just listened to the Joanne McNally episode where Max was discussing how guests attempt to go to sleep.
23:11 - 23:17
His own attempt at gimmicky drop-offs being disrupted by not being able to readily think of food, starting with D.
23:17 - 23:24
Oh yes, I remember. Thought I'd let you know that I now try to go to sleep by playing my own podcast of What Did You Do Yesterday in my head.
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I start with yesterday's waking moment and run through my day I've never yet made it to lunch without falling asleep.
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Preach, we can relate to that. Also validates to not play the podcast while long distance driving.
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Thank you for your joyful and relaxing take on the lives of your guests. I genuinely love your podcast.
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Thank you very much, Carmen. That's good to hear, isn't it? Now, I made a conscious effort and then we did get one really disappointed email about the amount of shit talk there is.
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And that corresponder, has stopped listening to Midweek Mayhem. So I'm going to read it on a weekend pod so he can hear it.
24:03 - 24:11
So hang on, was he disappointed that we weren't talking about shit enough? Or we were talking about shit and farting too much?
24:11 - 24:16
Very much on the contrary. However much he loves the podcast. But I think he said the bath of cum was the final straw.
24:16 - 24:29
But anyway, we... Fair enough. Fair enough. What a great sentence. I was thinking about for our live show, the merch, the t-shirt opportunities is so great but the bath of cum was the final straw.
24:29 - 24:37
Would you wear that on a t-shirt? I'm not sure you would. Anyway, so maybe we limit it to one per episode.
24:37 - 24:41
I mean, most of our correspondence is on this subject. But Julian says, hello there.
24:41 - 24:48
Max's recent flatulence count means he can join Samuel Pepys as one of the great chroniclers of history.
24:48 - 24:56
Pepys recorded that on the 7th of October, 1663, he began to break six or seven small and great farts.
24:57 - 25:06
As Max can outdo Sam on the numbers, perhaps midweek mayhem will be as great an insight into today for future historians as Pepys' diary is for restoration fans.
25:06 - 25:14
We can't stop talking about them now. I just saw a wonderful work in progress show.
25:14 - 25:24
I don't think she'll mind me saying one of my favorite bits. Josie Long is putting a show together, Friend of the Pod, for the Edinburgh Fringe.
25:24 - 25:39
But she just has a throwaway line about how when she's buried, she's going to steal a Mesopotamian helmet from the British Museum and be holding a Mark I iPad and she'll be buried with the two of those.
25:39 - 25:46
Just so archaeologists are like, we knew nothing. We thought we had a handle on these people, but we know nothing.
25:46 - 25:52
That's great, isn't it? Sutton Hoo and a Tamagotchi. You'd be like, what the fuck?
25:52 - 26:00
This is weird. Okay, so here is the shit. Message from Kath. Hello, recently I spent four nights in hospital recovering from hip surgery.
26:00 - 26:09
Despite the numerous consultations with various medical professionals and being provided with a 45-page PDF on what to expect from surgery, not once was the effect on the bowels mentioned.
26:09 - 26:17
Night two, I woke at 3 a.m. with enormous stomach pressure. Unable to tell if it was a fart or a poo, I rang the call bell and got wheeled to the bathroom.
26:17 - 26:32
The poor nurse stood outside the door while I farted non-stop for 15 minutes. The quietness of the sleeping ward with the massive echoing bathroom made the sound absolutely deafening.
26:32 - 26:41
Back in bed, I put on your podcast to help me come down from the sheer embarrassment, only to hear your version of Sigur Rós complete with symphony of farts and be forced to relive the horror.
26:41 - 26:50
Love the podcast from New Zealand. And then I think this may be Gaelic. Is that Gaelic or is that Maori?
26:50 - 26:56
I don't know what it is. It's just the solid tone in the hospital. That is so funny.
26:56 - 27:10
Just this. Cursed sound. They're echoey places, aren't they? They really are. And I'm also imagining it's, I've moved it now to the sort of serengeti of last week's writer who, you know,
27:10 - 27:15
I'm imagining the flamingos shooting up into the sky. It was indeed Maori. Thank you in Maori.
27:15 - 27:19
Thank you, Gareth. Anonymous, hello, Max and David and Mars Bar. I know we're going on a little.
27:19 - 27:23
So this is the last one and we'll do, they're just normal countries. Hello, Max, David and Mars Bar.
27:23 - 27:29
I'm leaving this anonymous as I don't want my sister to realise my mediocre neglect I mind my nephew a number of days a week.
27:29 - 27:35
While he is a delight, his conversational skills leave a lot to be desired. So naturally I have a sneaky earbud in listening to podcasts.
27:35 - 27:41
I laugh. He thinks his mindless car chat is highly entertaining. No harm, no foul.
27:41 - 27:46
I recently misplaced my earbuds and merrily played several episodes of What Did You Do Yesterday over the speaker.
27:46 - 27:50
It should be noted we live near the city centre so there are often helicopters overhead.
27:50 - 27:58
Since his indoctrination into the world of What Did You Do Yesterday, his brain has simply deleted the old file with helicopter in it and in its place he now shouts,
27:58 - 28:04
Helencopter, each and every time they pass. I expect him to start counting his farts any day now.
28:04 - 28:19
Love the pod, anonymous. Yeah, we were in the pub, me and Helen, at the Kilkenny Cat Laughs Comedy Festival a week ago and someone came up to me and went,
28:19 - 28:24
ah, and then just went straight to Helen and said, you must be the Helencopter.
28:24 - 28:30
Jamie said, when we catch up in London, which we will, I said, oh, it'll be nice if the Helencopter comes.
28:30 - 28:39
And Jamie just said, I'm going to call her Helen. Hey, let's play They're Just Normal Countries.
28:39 - 28:44
Can I go and get another beer? Does anyone upset if I just go? Leave that in.
28:44 - 28:53
You can edit this bit out, Marismar, but just leave that bit in. Okay, let's just, I have a beer now.
28:53 - 29:00
Let's just do They're Just Normal Countries slash the one and only. 6%. It's only two, and they are, how big are they?
29:00 - 29:06
I think they're just 330. Yeah, they're just 330. It's 6.4, though, pretty wild. It's meant to be a non-drinking day.
29:06 - 29:11
I'm just having such a good time, David. Producer Marismar says, please do a pronounced intro to this section feature.
29:11 - 29:17
I can play the new Sting music for the game. Thank you. Okay, can I do it like afternoon on Smooth?
29:17 - 29:30
So Thursday evening, coming up to about five past eight, we've got hits from Sade and The Lighthouse Family, and Kate Bush, of course, one of our favourites here on Smooth.
29:30 - 29:37
Just winding down to the weekend. Hope you've got something fun planned for tomorrow and come Friday afternoon.
29:37 - 29:42
Then you can tune in to Dave Stringer with all the hits taking you into the weekend.
29:42 - 29:46
And I tell you what, I cannot wait. It's been a tough week. I can't wait.
29:46 - 29:54
Sorry, Max. Dave Stringer, he's just been arrested. Not another one. Happens to all of them.
29:54 - 30:00
Anyway, let's just, before we do that, let's play our brand new quiz, They're Just Normal Countries.
30:00 - 30:14
I am the one and only. What country could I be? I am the one and only.
30:14 - 30:28
Where in the world could our listeners be? Okay. Hey, guys, this is Stephen the Sloth providing some sleuthing regarding your Costa Rica listenership numbers.
30:28 - 30:35
I work for a big Irish exotic fruit grower and distributor. I'm in charge of straightening up the bananas amongst other things.
30:35 - 30:44
Everything about this is great so far. I travel to Costa Rica several times a year and always listen to your podcast when I'm there.
30:44 - 30:49
I've also got some Costa Rican and other overseas colleagues based there to tune in.
30:49 - 30:53
Pura vida, Big Stephen. So there we are. That's why we're big in Costa Rica.
30:53 - 30:57
I'm not as big as we are in Uganda, of course. Suggested name from Dave Stringer.
30:57 - 31:05
David Gunn. Where in the world is Carmen Yester-Diego? Really good. So look, previous guesses.
31:05 - 31:17
Madagascar, David. No. Namibia, Max. No. Costa Rica, Katie. No. Uganda, Ben. No. We'll put them all pinned to the top of our Instagram so you can see what previous guesses there were.
31:17 - 31:26
And now this is which country guess. Oh, you did get a message. Someone said we should call it Worldle, which is obviously very clever, but I believe that already exists where you get the outline of the country.
31:27 - 31:31
And you have to guess what country it is. So we don't want to get sued by the Worldle people.
31:31 - 31:36
Dave says, Good morning. Just want to say before anything that I love this podcast.
31:36 - 31:43
It's a beautiful piece of art about the mundanity of modern life and it's moved very near the top of my podcast priorities list.
31:43 - 31:50
With that in mind, I wanted to have a guess at the countries with one listen and would like to submit North Korea.
31:50 - 31:57
My theory is an underground group of rebels managed to hack through all the firewalls and find the archive to this podcast that doesn't exist.
31:57 - 32:02
It documents the normal day-to-day life of your average Westerner. One of them was tasked with listening to it and report his findings.
32:02 - 32:09
Unfortunately, he chose the Nish Kumar episode and the group have now decided that totalitarian rule isn't so bad after all.
32:09 - 32:16
Keep up the good work, Dave. So we go over to Mars Bar with the guests of North Korea.
32:16 - 32:36
I mean, I was just more thinking practically the stats probably not readily available. But yeah, you would think Kim Jong Un, like he's saying, would let, this would be the one podcast people would listen to because they would hear what life in the decadent West was like.
32:36 - 32:44
They'd be like, this sounds awful. We've actually got 25 million listeners in London. Actually, you have to listen to it.
32:44 - 32:52
You haven't listened to it, you get 20 years in the gulag. You know those bit where they all march with all the weaponry past Kim Jong Un?
32:52 - 33:00
That's what's playing on the speakers. It's that and singing. But sadly, they don't really advertise things.
33:00 - 33:05
You know, this podcast is brought to you by the nuclear testing capabilities of North Korea.
33:05 - 33:17
Stick that next to your NordVPN, guys. Come on. Anyway, David, it's your day. Don't rush it because these things can never be rushed.
33:17 - 33:24
You're only saying that because you've just opened a second beer and you don't want me to whip through this in five minutes.
33:24 - 33:27
No, no, I want to enjoy this. I want to sit back and enjoy it.
33:27 - 33:35
David O'Doherty, what time did you wake up yesterday? I woke up, classic helicopter alarm, 7.30.
33:35 - 33:42
I woke up. So I know this has been going on for six months now, but, you know, I've been working on my sleep position.
33:42 - 33:49
Oh, yes. And I got a new pillow the other day that I think is part of the solution.
33:49 - 34:00
Okay. I know what the problem is. The problem is, did you ever see the position that Egyptian, the pharaohs are buried in, which is, yes, exactly.
34:00 - 34:09
So on the back. Hands on shoulders. That's basically, except I think I fold my arms further up, but then bizarrely sleep on my front.
34:09 - 34:15
So my head to the side. So the shoulder pain I'm getting is coming from this.
34:15 - 34:19
I mean, head to the side is good if you're on your front, I would say.
34:19 - 34:26
So we're getting closer to working this out. Helen Copter bounces up. It's her turn to make breakfast.
34:27 - 34:34
She makes a sort of granola, Greek yogurt, peach thing. Oh, that's nice. Like chopped up peach.
34:34 - 34:40
Yep, yep, yep. That'll do us. Clang! What's that from the hall? What? I run down.
34:40 - 34:53
What's happened? It's a book has arrived. It's Pierre Novelli's book. Why Can't I Enjoy Things, I think is what it's called, which is about the life of a comedian with autism.
34:53 - 34:56
And did you order it or did he send it to you? I ordered it.
34:57 - 35:01
Yeah. Now that makes me feel bad. I was about to make Pierre feel bad, but now I feel bad.
35:01 - 35:14
Now, Helen goes to work. It's a very, very nice day. Clanging around my head is a not great work in progress that I'd done the night before.
35:14 - 35:17
Another one. Oh, dear. Yes. Do you want my notes? Do you want to meet in a gallery?
35:17 - 35:24
There's been some good ones since then. And it's no harm. In a way, it's no harm.
35:24 - 35:30
I say this at the remove of a day. Because there is definitely something to be working on.
35:30 - 35:34
In fact, there's a lot of things to be working on. But you learn more from your defeats than your victories.
35:34 - 35:41
You would if you didn't spend pretty much the rest of this day just procrastinating horribly.
35:41 - 35:55
Now, I've been working too hard recently on various gigs and various other things. So it's no harm to have the day that is about to unfold.
35:55 - 36:02
Clang! Is that another parcel? Wow. It's a parcel. And they've crushed it through the letterbox.
36:02 - 36:14
Great. Is it an anvil? It's four pairs of Lululemon boxer shorts. Which is a real throw ahead to the Guy Montgomery.
36:14 - 36:21
I'm going to throw ahead. It's just a little Easter egg. Tease, isn't it? He said they were the best undies he's ever had.
36:21 - 36:30
And we know that my undies are reaching a crispy. Canvas has gone like an old sail of a ship.
36:30 - 36:46
They're like crumpled parchment. Yeah. Dead Sea Scrolls is what I'm wearing every day. And then some of them, the actual bars has gone out of them, leaving my balls just to dangle freely.
36:46 - 36:55
Of course. So I'm excited to order a five pack of Lululemon boxer shorts. All the same color or have you gone for a mix?
36:56 - 37:02
There were two lots available. They're really expensive. I know because I've just bought some.
37:02 - 37:15
God, we should be sponsored by Lululemon underpants. We really should. I'm desperate to find out what they're like because I bought six.
37:15 - 37:19
I'm enjoying them. Are they good? Are they? So can I ask what size you went for?
37:19 - 37:25
XL. I've gone for L, but I think that might be right. I'm a 34. Yeah.
37:25 - 37:32
This is a podcast. It's a conversation I would tap out of if I was just in a cafe with you.
37:32 - 37:39
If we were having this on the bus, someone would lean forward on the seat behind and just be like, can you please shut the fuck up?
37:39 - 37:49
Now, here's what's interesting about this, Max. Tell me. I've ordered a five pack for 77 euros.
37:49 - 37:56
Okay. So put that into your sterlings, 62, 63, something like that, maybe. Okay. That's a lot.
37:56 - 38:04
That is a lot. I think mine a bit cheaper. Well, if you've been listening to what I've said carefully, four have arrived.
38:04 - 38:15
They've under-panted me. They've under-panted. You've been under-under-panted. Lulu Levin is having a laugh. Come on, Lulu.
38:15 - 38:25
Shape up. He wants five. You've given him four. You can't under-under-pant David O'Doherty. So this is in the spirit of the procrastination that will riddle this day.
38:25 - 38:32
I'm going straight on the web. Yeah, okay. Lulu's website has a chatbot. Okay. It's not Lulu.
38:32 - 38:37
No, it's Sabrina. You open it and it goes, and you're like, oh, come on.
38:37 - 38:44
That's a great reference. Thanks. Before Sabrina arrives, I say, yes, I want to speak to the chatbot.
38:44 - 38:53
And this is how high class the Lulu Levin website is. The website says, you've been put in a queue to chat to one of our educators.
38:53 - 39:00
Educators? What? You want to defill in Lulu Levin pants. That's what you get out of this.
39:00 - 39:18
Sabrina appears. I mean, I know Sabrina is not real. Sabrina is just AI, but I'm imagining her sitting at her computer, like nursing a coffee with two hands, you know, in athleisure wear,
39:18 - 39:23
onto those chairs that don't have a back on them. You sort of kneel forward.
39:23 - 39:30
Your back is really good. That's how I imagine. She's singing Boys, Boys, Boys by Sabrina.
39:30 - 39:37
That's a horny Italo disco song from the 80s. She wasn't in Lulu Levin. She wasn't in barely anything.
39:37 - 39:44
Sabrina says, I'm sorry to hear this, but this is a real chatbot thing to say.
39:44 - 39:48
Please allow three to five minutes for me to look at this order for you.
39:48 - 40:00
Three to five minutes. Come on, Sabrina. She's a teenage witch, and she needs, she needs that much time to consult the spells.
40:00 - 40:08
But I've written a good, I've just written a straight up one. And I've also, the chatbot allows you to upload a photo.
40:08 - 40:18
So I have taken a photo. This is not a pair of pants. Yeah. This is a photo of four pairs of pants.
40:18 - 40:27
Note, not five pants. And in fairness to Sabrina and Lulu. She comes through. Does she?
40:27 - 40:33
Yeah. I'm sorry to hear that you're missing one boxer. She calls them sounding like a dog that's been lost.
40:33 - 40:38
I'm gonna, she says, I'm gonna go ahead and refund the value of one boxer.
40:38 - 40:44
19 euros. Oh, that's good. Yeah. But let me tell you, I paid 70. You want the pants?
40:44 - 40:51
No, I paid 77 for five. Sabrina doesn't know that I got them on sale from the website.
40:51 - 40:59
You're making money out of Lulu. Yeah. So 77 euros for five is, 15 and a half euros each.
40:59 - 41:04
Therefore, I am 360 up on this. So in many ways, we are sponsored by Lulu.
41:04 - 41:14
And then we follow this with this ceremonial throwing out of some parchment pants. Oh, that's great.
41:14 - 41:19
Yeah. Because it's a one in one. Straight in the kitchen bin? Or did you throw them in the bin outside?
41:19 - 41:24
What do you do? No, I put them in them. They wouldn't burn. That's how old they are.
41:24 - 41:30
You'd have to find... You'd have to fire them into space. Completely rusted. They're completely rusted over.
41:30 - 41:35
I put them in an oil barrel and leave them in the middle of the desert.
41:35 - 41:47
Okay. Now, it's a really nice day in Dublin. Yeah. And as I say, I have to do work on this show.
41:47 - 41:54
Now, in fairness, I listen back to it. And as always, it's not as bad as you think it was.
41:54 - 41:58
Like, there is a thing where it is getting... It's incrementally better every single time.
41:58 - 42:05
But then what makes you a good comedian is your standards are very high. That's why I haven't made it as a good comedian.
42:05 - 42:16
It's like the Beatles saying that, George, we're not recording your songs. I'm all for Beatles at any one given moment.
42:16 - 42:23
Okay. That's quite a bit of a big goal there. All for Beatles. Is that good?
42:23 - 42:28
It's the pants that are doing it. Also, yes. Sorry. I don't wash the pants.
42:28 - 42:34
Would you? No. Straight on. Straight on. Yeah, because that's the first wear is the best wear.
42:34 - 42:41
I can't wait to podcast and wear both in Lululemon. Because I don't step up.
42:41 - 42:51
Seriously. Particularly, Whoop tried to step up and offered us free whoops. And all we'd done was mock Rob Beckett for having an annoying watch.
42:51 - 42:59
So I need to work, Max. So obviously, first thing I do. Complete computer desktop cleanup.
42:59 - 43:07
My computer desktop is chaos. Did you just put everything in the bin? Or did you actually put things into documents?
43:07 - 43:18
No, I save everything to the desktop. Be it a whimsical photograph, a meme, a funny interaction on the internet that I'm sending to other people.
43:18 - 43:23
Because that really slows down your computer. Is that the case? I wonder if that is actually the case.
43:23 - 43:27
You should put them all in documents and then you can't see them. And it's quicker.
43:27 - 43:33
Okay, so we need to do work. So the next thing we do is we read some of Pierre's book.
43:33 - 43:44
Okay, is it good? Yeah. Some very good metaphors to describe. The line that stays with me, I've just read the first couple of chapters, is being autistic.
43:44 - 43:51
Like he says he was always very good at fitting in and acting like he wasn't.
43:51 - 43:59
He compares it to a saltwater fish living in freshwater. Interesting. Whereby, you know, it's all very uncomfortable.
43:59 - 44:09
And so when people say, are you disabled in a conventional sense? He's like, well, I wouldn't be if I was a saltwater fish living in saltwater, etc.
44:09 - 44:15
Very interesting stuff. Yeah. We need to work. So the next thing is we do is we buy leggings for Helen.
44:15 - 44:22
From Lululemon? No, there goes the sponsorship. No, because I bought some tracksuit trousers as well.
44:22 - 44:27
From them? Yeah, because my tracksuit trousers that I'm in at the moment are also, there's a hole in them.
44:27 - 44:32
So if I'm wearing my husk pants and my husk trousers, really, I'm just naked.
44:32 - 44:37
Is that from, do you grind as you podcast? Because I don't grind as I podcast.
44:37 - 44:40
Thank you for asking. I just have had these tracksuit trousers, I think, for a decade.
44:40 - 44:47
I think we're all enjoying you saying tracksuit trousers here. Two words that I've never put together.
44:47 - 44:58
Although I used to go out with an American girl in my early 20s. And her favorite, she had two things that she loved that I said, one was waist paper basket.
44:58 - 45:03
I guess they call them trash. I don't know what you call the little one in your bedroom.
45:03 - 45:08
And the other was tracksuit bottoms. She'd be like, have you got your tracksuit bottoms?
45:08 - 45:17
When Jamie moved to the UK, she stayed for a bit with her aunt, Pat, who wasn't her aunt, but was just a friend of the family who was old.
45:17 - 45:23
And Jamie said, you know, like, can I put a wash on after about a week?
45:23 - 45:27
And Pat was like, yeah, sure. Yeah, she said, because Jamie said, yeah, I've only bought, I'm here for two years.
45:27 - 45:33
I've only bought one pair of pants. And Pat was most confused. It's a diff of their trousers, aren't they?
45:33 - 45:39
But one pair of pants for two years. Not saying Jamie's grubby, but that's not enough pants, isn't it?
45:39 - 45:52
Do carry on, David. The other great mix up with Sarah Crow, we're still great friends, was she thought bookmakers, when you would see the one on the street, actually made books.
45:52 - 46:02
Because Ireland being like quite a literary country, she was surprised by the number of how there were bookmakers on virtually every main street.
46:02 - 46:09
A lot of first-time novelists. Yeah, it's interesting, all those bookmakers as well. They're a certain type, aren't they?
46:09 - 46:19
Smoking with their tiny pens. Must be a special. Must take a long time to write the first draft with the tiny pen on those tiny bits of paper.
46:19 - 46:26
Just a little sheet. I need to work, so we sweep the kitchen. Good. I need to work, so I get it.
46:26 - 46:32
I get a text from my friend Eva, and she says, passing in a minute, let's go for lunch.
46:32 - 46:45
Great. Oh, great. We go for lunch. Eva is also a smarty pants, so I decide I will unload some of the, like my brain's been running a little loud recently,
46:45 - 46:58
which tends to happen when you're writing a show like this, because everything is potentially, you could spend every waking moment, even while, while you're talking to your mom, actually thinking,
46:58 - 47:04
how could I improve the bit about if I was a politician or whatever it is.
47:04 - 47:11
Sure, sure. So we need to quieten that down. Eva is a writer and has many insights.
47:11 - 47:16
Her main one is don't drink coffee first thing in the morning. Interesting. Yeah. I don't buy it.
47:16 - 47:24
She clearly doesn't have two kids under three. I know. I know. I'm sorry. And I do feel this way when I do my weeks.
47:24 - 47:37
Like I know who I'm talking to here, and so very often my week is just like, and then I lay on a chaise longue and complain that the quality of banana leaf I was being fanned with was too brusque.
47:37 - 47:47
Hey, everybody's journey is different. That's fine. No, but then we hear your one, and it's just like there was shit exploding into the coffee shop.
47:47 - 47:53
Do you know what? I do have a coffee anecdote. I know we're running long from yesterday.
47:53 - 47:55
Do you want it now, or do you want it at the end of your day?
47:55 - 48:04
I love it. I love it now. So yesterday, I know it's not my day, so my apologies for lovers of the format, the pure lovers of the format.
48:04 - 48:12
I'm meeting quite an important person in television tomorrow, a deal maker. This is like Tim Key.
48:12 - 48:16
Yeah, it's like the Tim Key. Yeah, he could change my fortune. Important person. Wow.
48:16 - 48:25
So I get to a cafe opposite the hotel that he's staying. Harvey Weinstein. I'll name the cafe because I'd recommend you go there.
48:25 - 48:31
The coffee's good. The food's good. It's called Postal Hall. Okay. I go in there, and I'm an hour early, but I've got work to do.
48:31 - 48:35
It's fine. I'm 40 minutes early. So I order a coffee. Strongly got a flat white.
48:35 - 48:40
It's great. My phone's got 10% battery, and I need to know if he's going to be there or not.
48:40 - 48:42
So anyway, I said, look, could you just plug this in? Have you got an iPhone for charger?
48:42 - 48:47
They went, oh, yeah, sure. Plug it in. Fine. So I drink my coffee. I'm halfway through my coffee.
48:47 - 48:52
Been about 15 minutes. I've done some work. I want to get my phone, text him, say I'm here.
48:52 - 48:55
And I go up, and it's not the person who I gave the phone to.
48:56 - 49:00
It turns out to be the owner. And I say, oh, I've just left my phone there.
49:00 - 49:04
Can I just get it? He just turns around, picks up the phone, hands it to me, says, this is not an office.
49:04 - 49:12
So I'm slightly taken aback. But I'm like, OK, fine. I just sort of feel a bit confused.
49:12 - 49:18
But I've got things to do. He might be having a bad day. Fine. The guy I'm meeting turns up.
49:18 - 49:21
There's a slightly bigger table. It's a small cafe. It's a bigger table at the end.
49:21 - 49:27
So I go and move to that table. And the guy I'm meeting comes. I order a coffee for both of us.
49:27 - 49:31
We get those coffees. We chat for maybe 40 minutes. Meeting goes well. We get on our couch and fall asleep.
49:31 - 49:38
Great. We've got to go. So then we leave together. And then he goes. And I think, actually, the chicken schnitzel sandwich in there look good.
49:38 - 49:43
And I've got a tiny bit more work to do. So I'm going to pop back in, have that sandwich, finish the work, go home.
49:43 - 49:47
So I come back in. And I see the girl who I've given the phone to.
49:47 - 49:50
I say, look, can I have the chicken schnitzel sandwich? She went, are you going to sit back where you were?
49:50 - 49:53
I went, oh, yeah, yeah, sure. So I sit back down. I've ordered the sandwich.
49:53 - 49:56
I've got a knife and fork. I'm back on my laptop. Owner comes up to me again.
49:56 - 50:03
He says, you can't be here all day. And I sort of say, I've just ordered a sandwich.
50:03 - 50:11
And he went, yeah, I'm just saying, you can't be here all day. I'm like, so I'm really sort of, this man has told me off twice.
50:11 - 50:17
And I don't really know why. I think I've been really polite. And I said, do you want me to not have the sandwich?
50:17 - 50:24
I said, do you want me to not have the sandwich? He's like, no. I'm just planting a seed.
50:24 - 50:28
So I'm sort of a bit confused. And I'm not very confrontational. I can't really do confrontation.
50:28 - 50:34
But I'm inwardly thinking. So you want me to stay for the sandwich? He's like, yes, but you can't be here all day.
50:34 - 50:38
I'm like, I don't want to be here all day. Can I have the sandwich?
50:38 - 50:45
So then he wanders off. So I do my work. The sandwich is great. And I am really like, this is really odd.
50:45 - 50:50
Yeah. Had you done anything previous to this? Had you marked your card at the start?
50:50 - 50:54
Had you come in with a coffee from another place? Or something like that? No, I hadn't done anything.
50:54 - 51:02
I mean, I had done nothing but be polite and order coffees. So then as I leave, 90% of me is, I'm just going to go.
51:02 - 51:11
You know, who cares? But I'm intrigued. And I say, look, thanks so much. I just wondered, why do you keep telling me off?
51:11 - 51:20
Oh, that's good. This is like when you get to about 17 and you finally confront a grown-up.
51:20 - 51:23
Yeah. Why do you keep telling me off? And he's like, I didn't tell you off.
51:23 - 51:29
And I said, well, first you told me this is not an office because I just had my phone charging.
51:29 - 51:33
And then you told me to get out of here when I'd ordered a $16 sandwich.
51:33 - 51:41
Seems odd. That's a pair of Lululemons. Then he said, people come in here all the time and they sit on their laptop and they nurse a coffee for hours.
51:41 - 51:45
And I say, well, I totally get that. But that wasn't me. Like, I wasn't.
51:45 - 51:53
I did have a laptop. And then he said, when you sat with your friend, you sprawled across the table, your bags were everywhere.
51:53 - 51:57
And I was like, and he was like, no one else could sit there. And like, there was no one else.
51:57 - 52:03
There was like two other people in the cafe at that time. And I was like, well, there was, I was like, anybody could have sat there.
52:03 - 52:08
They just had to ask. And there was loads of other tables. And he went, I just, I run a business here.
52:08 - 52:14
We're here to sell coffee and serve food. And I said, but I bought coffee and I did the things.
52:14 - 52:19
I did all the, I did everything you're asking from me. Why are you telling me off?
52:19 - 52:27
And then I left shaking my head and I don't know if it was, and I then went to check if there'd been lots of mean reviews on Google.
52:27 - 52:30
They hadn't. So maybe he was just having a bad day. I don't know. Wow.
52:30 - 52:35
Sort of stood my ground a bit. Yeah. The more I do this podcast, the more I think I'm the asshole.
52:35 - 52:50
I really think I was polite in this instance. I feel it's a real development from old Max who, when finding hair in pasta, simply at the pasta and then left the hair parallel line with the knife.
52:50 - 52:56
Why have you been telling me that? You're totally intriguing. Anyway, sorry. It's your day, but it was a coffee anecdote.
52:56 - 53:00
I thought I'd share it. Okay. This day really steps up now. Got it. Where are we?
53:00 - 53:08
2 p.m. 2 p.m. Yeah. So we've had an attitude makeover. We need to. This is the problem.
53:08 - 53:16
Essentially, at the moment is I've become a little disassociated from the world because I'm thinking about this show too much.
53:16 - 53:22
You know, you need to ground yourself a little bit more in it. And also that's where more.
53:22 - 53:27
Many things will come from, et cetera. I walk back. I better do some work on this show.
53:27 - 53:40
I meet Rala, my neighbor, sitting on the neighbor's step. And he said he's about to go to Woody's or B&Q or one of those places to get some patio cleaner.
53:40 - 53:44
Oh, this is now I'm in. And I say, well, do you have a power washer?
53:44 - 53:49
Because that's the way to go. He goes, I actually don't. But I'm going to get a yard brush.
53:49 - 53:56
But like Rala's doesn't need to be doing this. Rala's in his late 70s, you know, a wonderful neighbor.
53:56 - 54:01
So I say to him, I'm going to sort this for you. You're going to say, I've got a show to work on.
54:01 - 54:05
So I'm going to power wash your patio. I'm going to power wash your patio.
54:05 - 54:15
The one question to any big power washers listening is you need to know what sort of tap are we working off here?
54:15 - 54:19
Yeah. Is it an outside tap? Forgive me. Is it surely it's a turny, turny tap?
54:19 - 54:26
And there ends the list of taps. You need to open your peepers and see there's so many different.
54:26 - 54:35
The turny, turny isn't where the rubber hits the road with a power washer. You need a thing that clamps onto the end of the power washer so that the water is gushing in.
54:35 - 54:44
Rala doesn't have an outside tap. Rala, come on. But he's got a kitchen tap that's kind of like two separate bathroom taps.
54:44 - 54:50
Turny, turnies. Two turny, turnies. And I say, I'm very busy. So therefore, I'm going to go to the hardware shop.
54:50 - 55:03
I'm going to get the special. That will work for that. And I'm going to reappear in 10 minutes with the power washer, a hose, and an extension cable as well.
55:03 - 55:08
So you have a power washer? I have the one from the center aisle in Lidl that I got about 10 years ago.
55:08 - 55:13
And it's been one of my great purchases. Have we discussed this already? I know you have a leaf blower from there.
55:13 - 55:20
I didn't know you had a power washer from there. You're so tooled up. I am tooled up.
55:20 - 55:30
So we arrived. I arrive back and I put on dirty shoes, which is the key to anyone new to power washing listening.
55:30 - 55:41
It destroys your shoes. Rala invites me in and his patio is enormous. It's most of the garden.
55:41 - 55:50
So the deal with power washing is, have you ever done it, Max? You know, I think I've absolutely aspired to it, probably more than anything else.
55:50 - 55:55
And I think I would love it, but I don't. I think I am a power washer virgin.
55:55 - 56:07
So you've basically a rifle in your hands. Yeah. And, you know, I'm pretty sure that Musk would approve of it as a thing that young men should do.
56:07 - 56:12
You know, join the army, do coding and do power washing. They're the three things.
56:12 - 56:22
The power washing rifle sends out a sort of full stop of intense water. So what you need to do is go along.
56:22 - 56:33
In lines. It's very therapeutic. There's no shortcuts here whatsoever. But as we will find out in a minute, Rala's patio hasn't been cleaned.
56:33 - 56:46
I would say it's nine years. Okay, great. And it's a granite slab patio. So as you clean it, because it's a beautiful day, the sunlight catches the quartz and the granite.
56:46 - 56:56
Oh, my goodness. It's like a Hollywood soundstage from the golden era. Is it like the satisfaction of like, maybe even more so?
56:56 - 57:01
But you know, when you hoover up the pine needles from a Christmas tree, there's a real joy in that.
57:01 - 57:07
Is it a similar type of joy? I'd put it up there with painting a wall white.
57:07 - 57:21
Never done that. It's just so obvious when you're done, you're done. Now, we go into the kitchen and we have a real 10 minutes of panic because I have exuded this calm.
57:22 - 57:30
Which is like, I got this. I got this, you guys. And we then find out that the attachment doesn't quite fit his specific tap.
57:30 - 57:39
So initially, when I attach it on and I put the tap on, water shoots out like in Laurel and Hardy.
57:39 - 57:46
Like fully in my face. And then I turn around and it's like hitting kitchen units.
57:46 - 57:52
And then it fills up the whole kitchen and you and Rala have to get on one of those upy downy things on a train just to escape.
57:52 - 58:00
That is the absolute fear. And then you add to that, Rala and Dixie are my neighbors.
58:00 - 58:15
I love them. And Rala for 15 to 20 years occupied this key role in Irish sport where he was the bag man for the Irish rugby team and for the British and Irish Lions.
58:15 - 58:26
So on the walls around me are, you know, these various team photos. And like the wild celebration of the first Grand Slam in 50 years.
58:26 - 58:37
There's a like a letter from Prince Andrew or whatever. No, not Prince Andrew. The one that Prince William being like, thank you for all of.
58:37 - 58:42
I think he's the patron of the line. You know, there's real good stuff around you.
58:42 - 58:44
If you had a letter from Prince Andrew, would you put it on your wall?
58:44 - 59:03
And I'm now dousing all these priceless artifacts. No, no, that's my fear. So I ask him for a towel and I managed to sort of bind the thing onto the tap with the towel.
59:03 - 59:15
So that's impressive. That's impressive. We've got it in now. And there begins two and a half hours of power hosing.
59:15 - 59:18
Is it great? Is it all great? Or an hour in and you're like, okay, I've had my fill.
59:18 - 59:25
No, because it's like driving across the country. You know exactly where you are with the project.
59:25 - 59:40
There are no shortcuts here whatsoever. And because I'm also procrastinating, it's absolutely ideal because like I can't even turn the power hose off because there's a chance when the pressure drops, the towel that I've tied the thing to.
59:40 - 59:44
I'm amazed it sticks for two and a half hours. That's amazing. Prince Andrew will get doused then.
59:44 - 59:51
So I just have to keep going. And because it's such a nice day, you do a bit.
59:52 - 59:59
And 15 minutes later, you look at it and it's dried off and you see the shiny silver magic of it.
59:59 - 1:00:08
I'm very pleased with the whole job. I haven't flooded the kitchen. He's very happy at the last thing you do.
1:00:08 - 1:00:14
So there's a point in power washing because he fired all this muck up off the patio.
1:00:14 - 1:00:22
It's gone all over the walls of the house where he is definitely thinking, while it's very nice that you did this, you have.
1:00:22 - 1:00:35
I have destroyed my house. So the last thing you do is you put it on a very low setting and you just kind of hose the walls and they come up even more pristine than they were before.
1:00:35 - 1:00:45
And it's really good. And because we're now up to maybe 536, there's still time to do a little bit of work.
1:00:45 - 1:00:50
Of course. So I get back to the house and immediately decide I need to go on a cycle.
1:00:52 - 1:00:58
Even though I've clearly had. You must be tired from that. Yeah, from two hours of that.
1:00:58 - 1:01:07
Oh, absolutely. No, this is pure procrastination. I bet in my head that I want to take out one of the summer bikes because we're getting near to the Tour de France.
1:01:07 - 1:01:16
Tour of Italy is just finished. I really should, as a tribute to those brave riders, take out the Colnago Olympic.
1:01:16 - 1:01:22
And I go for it. You never regret a cycle. How many times have we said that?
1:01:22 - 1:01:28
We cycle right around the Phoenix Park. It's brilliant. It's Helen Copter is making dinner.
1:01:28 - 1:01:35
And so it's going to be pretty ready when I get home. So I get back at about seven.
1:01:35 - 1:01:44
She's like, not quite ready. And I say, good, because another thing about power washing is it puts like moss in your ears.
1:01:44 - 1:01:51
Do you know what I mean? Like you are filth. It's actually, it looks like you've had a spray tan, but you pull down your sock.
1:01:52 - 1:02:01
Just dirt there. So I have a wonderful shower and we eat. It is very, very delicious.
1:02:01 - 1:02:14
At this point, you have what's dinner. Helen has done a thing with she's fried pork mince and put in garlic and oyster sauce and fennel and stuff like that.
1:02:14 - 1:02:18
But it's slightly crispy because she's cooked on a very high heat on the pan.
1:02:18 - 1:02:22
Added in some green beans and some other veggie bits. Have it with some. Some rice.
1:02:22 - 1:02:33
It's unbelievable. It is absolutely unbelievable. One of the things that Eva said earlier in the day is she feels because I do drink too much coffee sometimes.
1:02:33 - 1:02:41
And she says sometimes in an attempt to suppress the coffee in the evening, you're inclined to then like eat a pizza.
1:02:41 - 1:02:47
She's a writer, though. So she's used to just sitting still and trying to figure this stuff out.
1:02:47 - 1:02:52
So I feel this is good wisdom because I did have a coffee at lunch.
1:02:52 - 1:03:06
I do stuff my face with rice. That's fine because we are going to watch the new Colin Farrell narrating a really prestige history of Ireland TV show.
1:03:06 - 1:03:16
Okay. It's interesting. Like drone shots of lines of waves coming in, you know, little little monks on the skelligs writing their ornate Bibles.
1:03:16 - 1:03:22
That's sort of a vibe. Do you know Colin? Could you get him on? No, I don't have any in there.
1:03:22 - 1:03:29
Don't worry about it. Yeah. Yeah. I think he used to live on the other end of the road that I grew up on.
1:03:29 - 1:03:35
But that's not enough. Imagine if Jermaine Clement or Jermaine Pennant had been the narrator for the history of Ireland.
1:03:35 - 1:03:50
And then we add one more element to this. It's high budget stuff. And it's good, I think, because sometimes these shows, because all the money for these shows is in American TV networks buying them.
1:03:50 - 1:03:56
So sometimes they pander a little. To the American market. Got it. Do you know what I mean?
1:03:56 - 1:04:02
By making it just a bit American. This has got, it cuts from history. Kevin Costner's not in it.
1:04:02 - 1:04:10
No, no, it's not. It's historians and scientists. We learn some fascinating facts about history.
1:04:10 - 1:04:15
Most Viking raiders, this is only episode one, so we only go up to end of the first millennium.
1:04:15 - 1:04:30
Most Viking raiders aged between 17 and 20. Wow. I didn't know. I didn't know that. That's pretty interesting because now you see kids and it's like, oh, you should be off plundering or whatever when you see them standing there.
1:04:30 - 1:04:40
But yeah, they were utilizing the testosterone of young men to steal. God, I mean, I'm not saying it's easier just to sit in a shed and talk about shitting.
1:04:40 - 1:04:48
Imagine growing up in a fjord and then being sent on a longboat to just, you know, kill another set of people.
1:04:48 - 1:04:53
God. It would be a good yesterday though, wouldn't it? What did you do yesterday?
1:04:53 - 1:05:10
I invaded Dublin. I sailed from Norway to Dublin. I rode. I rode. My mother is an enigma and she would just occasionally give me a thing that I wasn't expecting.
1:05:10 - 1:05:16
And she has given me the previous day a bar of chocolate that she said cost a tenner.
1:05:16 - 1:05:25
And it is the sort of hipster trending chocolate of the moment. And Dubai chocolate is what it's called.
1:05:25 - 1:05:37
Dubai chocolate, good. So we look at the ingredients. It is unspeakably delicious. It's basically a lot of nuts, pistachio type baklava stuff on the inside.
1:05:37 - 1:05:41
Oh, good. We managed to eat half of it, not the whole thing. That's very impressive.
1:05:41 - 1:05:49
While we watch Colin Farrell. That's pretty much it. I think we did a little bit of channel surfing then afterwards because we're up to about half ten.
1:05:49 - 1:05:55
But I've had a good Liam. I've had a good amount of athletic exercise today.
1:05:55 - 1:06:10
Show's done. Show's done. Edinburgh starts tomorrow. You'll be fine. The other fascinating fact about it is they've done DNA testing on early pre-Bronze Age Irish people.
1:06:10 - 1:06:19
People who were here. And they just entirely vanished. Like there is no genetic similarity with the people of Ireland today.
1:06:19 - 1:06:25
Yeah, there were two entire populations. Of Ireland. Probably Ice Ages or something like that.
1:06:25 - 1:06:29
And they just went. They do not exist. Amazing. They do not exist. Yep. Yep.
1:06:29 - 1:06:38
Then went up to bed and failed to complete the Irish Times simplex crossword. I blamed it on the fact that I was starting to feel tired.
1:06:38 - 1:06:50
And then set off on another exciting night of sleep. Attempting to not sleep with my arms folded face down in a pillow.
1:06:50 - 1:06:58
But we'll never know. So concludes. That day. I think it's a great day. And actually, I think I'd like a day of procrastination.
1:06:58 - 1:07:03
As I will say after every one of your days. Oh, no. Fuck, I'd love a day of procrastination.
1:07:03 - 1:07:16
I knew this was going to be it. There was certainly a sense of accomplishment from it.
1:07:16 - 1:07:26
And then also a sense. I've got to work very hard on the show. And almost taking the day off yesterday gives me a little bit of distance.
1:07:26 - 1:07:39
Some philosophical insight. I mean, this show is going to be good. Unless, of course, you know, Dave, who lives next door to Rala, says, you couldn't power wash my patio.
1:07:39 - 1:07:44
I love the way you open the door and then suddenly it's like, why do you have a six mile patio?
1:07:44 - 1:07:49
That can't even fit with the size of our gardens in this street. But it just goes on forever.
1:07:49 - 1:07:53
I think it was a lovely day, David. I know we don't care. We don't care about what happened today.
1:07:53 - 1:07:59
But when I sent the Helen Copter off to work this morning, Dixie was coming out of Rala and Dixie's house.
1:07:59 - 1:08:06
And she said, we had to sleep in sunglasses because our patio is so shining.
1:08:06 - 1:08:11
What a good neighbour. What a good neighbour. And also you got to like humble brag on a podcast.
1:08:11 - 1:08:20
So many people about what a great neighbour you are. Yes, I did, Jamie. Well, I think we should carry on doing this podcast.
1:08:20 - 1:08:27
This is now we're deep in series three. I'll be honest, Max, I didn't realise we'd done this many.
1:08:27 - 1:08:37
But the man who compiled the document, I think it might have been an Excel spreadsheet, even of all the times that our guests have woken up.
1:08:37 - 1:08:41
We've been doing it for a while now. I mean, it's so because it just happens.
1:08:41 - 1:08:45
I don't really. Are we new? Are we up and coming? Are we established? What are we now?
1:08:45 - 1:08:52
It still does an ad for our podcast that sometimes gets played after other podcasts, which we describe it as a new podcast.
1:08:52 - 1:08:59
Do we have to say that now it's a staid, just run of the mill, like all the others.
1:08:59 - 1:09:09
This is prestige podcasting. 66 episodes, says Michael. We're seasoned, but not veterans, he says. This is the absolute peak now.
1:09:09 - 1:09:22
This is the peak. No, because we're like Yamal. Ah, we're living Yamal. As in we played a lot of games, but we still have this freshness, this carefree attitude.
1:09:22 - 1:09:26
that we're bringing to it. It's like we're podcasting in the park with our friends.
1:09:26 - 1:09:32
That's what it's like. If you'd like to get in touch with us, here's how.
1:09:32 - 1:09:47
To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:09:47 - 1:09:58
And if you didn't, please don't. And please do get in touch with us because your feedback is essential, especially for the first half of these episodes.
1:09:58 - 1:10:06
If anyone has seen Max do anything untoward, don't let him see it. Just send it directly to me.
1:10:06 - 1:10:13
That's really, really good. That's so funny. An absolute spot on. I mean, I'm in it for life, so of course we'll do it again.
1:10:13 - 1:10:17
But you know, it's great to get Series 3 up and away. That's what I think.
1:10:17 - 1:10:53
Everything is showbiz, even power washing. Thanks, Max. Thank you, David. Thank you.