S3 EP2: Tom Basden

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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.

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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.

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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?

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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.

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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?

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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.

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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?

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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.

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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Welcome to Series 3, episode not sure of What Did You Do Yesterday?

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David O'Doherty's there. Hey, David. There it is. There's the intro. It's great to be back.

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It's great to be back. There is an issue, David, that we recorded maybe two or three episodes of this podcast before we realized we'd ended Series 2.

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So they'll be in Series 3, but we won't have made a fanfare about it being Series 3.

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But we're now very much, we're really like knee deep in Series 3 now. I don't know.

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I don't think the listeners are as caught up in the mechanics of what number it is as you in particular.

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I'm only interested in the listeners who are interested in the mechanics of Series 2 to Series 3.

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I did like, two people did say, oh no, come back soon. And then two people said, we'll see you on Wednesday.

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And no one else gave a shit. This week, we've got a lovely episode. Good episode.

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Yeah. For the tape, as you always say, we have just recorded, even though no tape is involved at any cost.

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For the tape, it has just finished, yeah. We're speaking to Tom Basden, who is the writer and star of the same film, The Tim Key from recent times is in The Ballad of Wallace Island.

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Tom is one of my old friends from stand-up comedy who it turns out, can do loads of other stuff.

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He has an amazing acting career. Yeah, where he's been in, well, Peep Show, but stuff like Romance and Afterlife.

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But I think it's as a writer, he's probably been earning his crust now for the last 20 years.

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He made Plebs. That was his show, Fresh Meat. Did he write Ghosts, or was he just in?

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He goes, he's incredible. And he's written, yes, this beautiful film, The Ballad of Wallace Island.

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He did Plebs, of course, with my friend Sam and Tom Rosenthal. Did Tom write that as well?

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Famously, the PDF, what did you do yesterday? If you're new to the podcast, you should go back and find Tom's episode because it's quite extraordinary, the PDF episode.

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Tom, I think, will also, forever hold the unbreakable record of he got up earliest of any guest we've ever had by getting up at midnight.

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Yes, that's true. And also, he holds a record for eating the most pineapple in someone else's podcast.

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Anyway, this is Tom's. And yeah, it's a really, I'm great at- You just said Tom, meaning Tom Rosenthal.

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Now I'm back to Tom Basden. We're back to Tom Basden again, great. It's like you care about the mechanics of the podcast, something you famously said you didn't care about two minutes ago.

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So yeah, look, we did talk about The Ballad of Wallace Island with the Tim Key episode.

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The film is still brilliant. Next week when we have Kerry Mulligan on, we will still talk about The Ballad of Wallace Island because it is a brilliant movie.

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This is what Tom Basden did yesterday. Tom Basden, welcome. Welcome to What Did You Do?

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Yesterday. Thank you for having me. I know, Max, you booked Tom as you book most of the guests.

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But Tom is in my phone and I have been communicating with him recently. And for some reason, his name on my phone is Fucky McBasden.

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And I think you must have put it in there, though. Well, of course I didn't.

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Well, like, it strikes me you might be trying to get across more of a bad boy vibe.

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Right, OK. And you think the way that I'd do that is just take people's phones when they're not looking and change my name on their profile.

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Yeah, I don't remember doing that. It's possible. It's possible. I think that it will have come from that weekend we spent together when I was throwing up because you fed me that toxic burger in Dublin.

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So probably while I was doing that, you were just a bit bored and you thought you should just have a play with the names of your phone.

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It was a horny time. Yeah. What time did you wake up yesterday? Okay, so yesterday morning I woke up at 7.15, I'd say.

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It's not exact because the radio comes on at 7.10 and then that creeps into my dreams for a bit.

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So I have a bit of the last bit of my dreams is always kind of Today programme flavoured.

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I just get a bit of Amarajan talking about Ukraine or something and then my dreams take a sort of sharp left turn into that.

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And then my brain will go, no, that's the radio, it's time to wake up.

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It's not a perfect system, but it's... I think it's slightly better than the alarm.

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I don't like a harsh alarm. You know, the equivalent of sort of being shaken awake.

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I don't like that. Yeah, and none of the alarms are good. You could scroll through every alarm and none of them...

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There's no... They haven't found one. Because the purpose they serve isn't good. That's true.

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Yeah, that's a good point. Do you know what I mean? It's like they're being a good gun.

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It's like if it's going to do that job, it's going to be quite abrasive, isn't it?

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Because I'm a very high-performance guy, so when my alarm goes off, I'm like, yes!

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Love it! And I high-five the phone before jumping into my cold plunge pool. Do you?

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We're very different in that respect, then. The other thing I should say, though, I slept very badly on Sunday night because I started watching the new Adam Curtis series on Sunday night,

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and that... So my dreams are already really weird. Yeah. Yeah, and then so how long do you lie in bed listening to Radio 4?

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Well, not long because my daughter will be in a... Usually both kids are in the bed, but often it's just our daughter, and she will then...

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We made the mistake in about, I think maybe around sort of October time of trying to explain to her that it's only morning when it gets light.

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Okay. Because then the daylight hours were kind of roughly aligned with when we should be getting out of bed, and she's stuck with this, and now we're in June.

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So if it's like 4 a.m. and it's bright sunshine, she runs in going, it's morning time, it's morning time.

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So we've been slightly... Fucked by our own sort of lack of foresight there. So she's often awake anyway and in need of attention and the toilet and stuff.

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Right. The kids like Radio 4 as well, I presume. The kids, yeah, they like Nick Robinson a lot.

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So they're hoping for Robbo. It's just in the web. Not fucking web. Yeah, if it's web, then it's a bad day.

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It's a bad day in the household if it's web. Do your children call you Funky McBasden?

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No, they call me Dad. I mean, what I really like is the little one who's three calls me Dad rather than Daddy.

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And I'm really proud of her for that because I feel like it's just a bit less pathetic.

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But my son's experimented with calling me by my first name and I don't like that.

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Sometimes my three-year-old, Ian, he calls me by my first... Full name. Wow. Christian name and son name.

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Like he's telling you off or just... I don't know. Or just like let me ask you a question.

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I'm not sure why. Yeah. There's no sort of... There's no moment where he would have...

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I don't know why he would have ever even got that. But I think Jamie has sort of said that's my full name so sometimes he will say that.

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Sometimes he'll just say, I don't want to talk to you, Dadda. Go away. Like first thing.

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Like straight off the bat. I'll tell you that. Maybe he's listening to you on the radio, on TalkSport, whenever Max Rushden to taking you through to the midnight hour.

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That's your show, right? Basically, yes. No. But like sometimes they do... The man who does the...

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They've got someone with a very deep voice, probably Finchie from The Office, to do the kind of, you know...

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And sometimes it says... It's just all like alliterative stuff. It'll just go, you know, occasional opinion.

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You know, angular accuracy. And like, well, come on air, guy. I don't know what.

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What is that? What are we meant to do with that? High-octane speculation was good.

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So hang on. Sorry. This is... We're about to talk to Tom about his day.

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Just in the middle of nothing on TalkSport, a man says high-octane speculation. No, so the news will finish and then they'll just go high-octane speculation.

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It's the warm-up with Max Rushden and Charlie Baker or Barry Grudenick. And then it'll come on air, which is some ska music going, I don't understand what that...

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I think you're not meant to really analyse what the man has yelled, but sometimes you think it'd be great if that man had listened.

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But the man isn't in the studio sitting next to you. Like live continuity. No.

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Wait, you're just like, hang on, hang on, Derek. Just yelling things. Once, and we will get to your day, once it was the final of the US Open tennis.

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And for some reason, the bosses had got former British tennis player, Myles McLagan, because we didn't have the rights to sit in the studio with me and Barry Glenn, to watch it just there.

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It sort of came on air going, Barry, what do you think of Myles McLagan?

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He's like, I don't know the guy. I was like, well, he's just there. And we just had to cross to him occasionally.

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It was an odd thing to put into the studio, but you know, you had to, you just went with it.

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Your life would be easier if you could hear the narration, you know, like meanwhile, David's made another one of his characteristic balls ups, you know, that would, like it was sort of, you know,

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the wonder years. I do think about the wonder years a lot, which is, and it was the last time I would ever say this.

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Would you prefer that kind of wistful, like nostalgic narration or like a toilet time for David?

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What would you prefer? I think I would prefer if I could hear the incidental music.

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Right. Because then, you know, you'd hear the Jaws type, you know, John Williams. And you'd know something awful was about to happen then.

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Okay. So you'd rather just have the implication rather than like, this was the point when David died kind of thing.

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You wouldn't like that as you're walking down the street. Yeah. And it would be the last time he looked at a bus.

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You'd think this is not going to be good. Right. So we're in bed. How long are we in bed for, Tom?

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Oh, no, not long. Yeah. But because my daughter is such a difficult sleeper, and my wife usually deals with most of it at night, she'll usually, you know, just cling on to as much sleep as she can.

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I'll get up, get my son up, and just sort of try and get the day going, get it on track.

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Yeah. You know, it's not, I'll be honest, yesterday was very boring from this point of view, just like get them up, get them eating granola.

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My son had some homework to do. Then we did piano practice. What? You know, it's that kind of thing, yeah.

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But like really squeezing. We're talking like 10 minutes maybe. Okay. So we can definitely get an hour out of this 10 minutes.

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The granola itself, are you going, what level are we at? Is it sort of waitrose own or is it one of those nice Jordans?

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Well, it's a good, it's a better question than it sounds because we've got a lot of artisanal sort of bakery cafes near us that sell their own granola.

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Oh, good. And it's like, it's honestly like 20 pounds a, 20 pounds a bag. It may as well be some gold flakes or something.

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And I have bought that occasionally because obviously it feels like it's going to be better and, you know, more healthy, I suppose.

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And it's, it's disgusting and the kids won't eat it. So I have, so we now have gone back to Jordans, the country crisp, is it crispy, crunchy?

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I don't know. You can get your continuity announcer to have a taste of that.

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But, and, and I think my, my wife's not, loving that I think there's the, you know, she's quite into the sort of healthy food movement, the sort of Antelican brothers don't eat things out of packets with 400 ingredients movement.

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But I, it's the only thing that my kids will actually, you know, put up with. So I don't really know what to do.

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Whereas you come down in your honey monster costume and just start loafing into a whole box.

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Yeah. I just dig my face into a big box of caster sugar. Actually, do you know what I do this?

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And I did do this yesterday and I did it today is like at some point in the morning, I'll go outside with a bowl and I'll pick some raspberries because we've got a really prolific raspberry plant.

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What an idiot. It's pretty good, isn't it? Yeah. It's not bad. We've got an absolutely tiny garden, but this raspberry plant doesn't seem to know about that.

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Like it doesn't realize it's not in the countryside. So it's just doing incredible work for us. And I, yeah, I think we're probably getting in, you know, my son's very,

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very keen to work it out, but probably about like six pounds worth of raspberries a day in monetary value. Yeah.

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They are expensive. Max, beware of anyone that says, we just have a tiny garden and then talks about raspberries.

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Like there's probably a stream that runs through it, that the whole family gets into and just.

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There is a stream. A water wheel. A water wheel. Otherwise, otherwise this stream would go brackish.

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Yeah. But public right of way, of course, on some of the heath land. That is annoying.

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We try and seal it up, but they aren't very persistent, those people. But you allow fox hunting. So that's good.

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No, we insist upon fox hunting. What's the, what homework Tom are we doing here?

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This is, so what's this? He's year three. It's like, I tell you what it is.

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It's inverted commas around dialogue. Okay. That's what it is. It's, it's, it's punctuation, but I had quite an interesting conversation with one of the dads at the school about like the spellings that they're learning and the punctuation they're learning. And he said, cause you know,

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they're never going to need it. And I was like, what do you mean? He said, well, they're never going to write anything down as adults.

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It's not a good way to approach us. I feel education. No, it's not, but it's, it's quite chilling though, isn't it?

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That you're kind of doing this stuff with your kids as though it's 1995 and learning these things that we learn. And you're like, what are they going to, is that going to be a thing?

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Are they going to have to remember inverted commas? I get them a Parker pen.

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And you know, and, and do some proper nib work. Yeah. I think nib works on the way out.

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I think it was on the way out when we were kids. So look, hardly a day goes by when I don't need to do calligraphy.

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Someone will be like, can you draw up a legal document in the medieval style?

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Well, it's, it's interesting you say that I, that I, I'm not often asked for an autograph, but when I have to give one, it's so shit.

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My signature is so terrible that I kind of hand, get over it so apologetically that I'm really embarrassed that it's that bad.

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And I wish I did have like better handwriting to do something that's more with a flourish.

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I'd have a lot of criticisms of Trump. I'd like to make that clear, but it's a powerful signature. Have you seen it?

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I bet he practiced that for about 18 months straight. Yes. It, it looks like he's done it with a thick, you know, one of those texture pens you get high off.

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Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it just goes up and down and like he's coloring in a box or something.

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Like a sort of like a Geiger counter. Yeah, exactly. This is how MAGA gets you, David. This is the gateway.

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Few weeks. Why were you, why were you asking him for an autograph, David? Good point.

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What's the piano piece? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So at the moment he's, he's doing a thing called Tocatina by a guy whose name I can't pronounce.

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And it's really, really like fiddly. And it sort of goes. So there's a kind of, there's a slight air of madness about the house at breakfast time that this is our soundtrack.

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Getting everyone ready to get out of the house. We did. It does feel a bit like being inside a beehive.

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It's the incidental music to your family. Very much so. That's yeah. His teacher just sent the music that he needed to provide us to make sense of our morning.

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Do you know what I'm going to say here? What's the point of learning that?

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I mean, he's never going to use it. Just he'd be like, Hey, I write me a slightly Spanish sounding classical piece.

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You think he's not going to be entertaining thousands of people at the Edinburgh festival with his Casio keyboard when he's older, for example.

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If this piece of shit goes near the festival with a small keyboard, you'll run him and Funky McMaster out of town.

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I hope for your sake, as much as his, that you're, you're doing something else though, when you're like 75.

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I also think that, I also think, you know, with all the fears of AI, if all of the AI just goes into replacing David's performing, it'll be bad for David. I understand that, but it might be good for the,

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it might be good for the world. If it really lasers in on comedians with tiny keyboards.

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But yeah, I guess my, I don't know a lot about it, but my understanding is that they not just targeting David, but it's like, it's quite general.

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Right. You know more than me. I wish I was smart enough to be scared by AI because everything I hear, I'm just like, Oh yeah, that'd be, that'd be brilliant.

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I know there's bad stuff coming down the line, but the idea of, you know, ordering a car to your house that no one's driving.

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I know that's not technically AI, but it sort of is look, I'm almost, all modern things are connected. Thank you.

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Yeah. Good summary. I think you should go on radio for that kind of insight.

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Talk to our technology correspondent, David O'Donoghue. We should do David is don't tell anybody that's what you've done. Right.

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So just in about a year, disappear for a year and come back as radio force technology correspondent.

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The people who listen to radio for are so old with the exception of Tom Bastard. It could be like time may be up for your facts, machines. It'll be stuff like that. Okay. So we've done all that.

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We've done a, we've done a good work with the breakfast homework. That's very much, but it's all against the clock stuff. It's kind of, you know, just, just, just getting, getting the necessaries done. And then,

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and then when they go to school and my daughter's child, when it comes to take her out on a Monday and then it's just quite peaceful and I can do a bit of admin.

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I stayed at home yesterday and I just dealt with a few emails and the stuff. And I had to stay in. I had to, I couldn't, I usually leave the house to work,

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but I had to stay in because Yanni was coming at 11, who is a sort of mechanic body shop guy who was returning the car after my wife had reversed into the front door and not the front door.

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And bear in mind, she was in, the car was stationary parked in the drive at the start of the maneuver.

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Good. Yeah. So it's, it's sort of the classic thing you, you think you only see in films of people looking forward and then reversing.

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And she, she did that. Did she go right through your house into the back garden and kept going and suddenly raspberries were all over.

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Then she went through a chicken coop and loads of feathers were stuck to an eggs were stuck to the raspberries.

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Yeah. All of that. It was basically a bit like that scene in Bugsy Malone where they go back through a barn, can I just ask you a question about the car that Mrs.

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Basden has reversed into the front door. Is it a BP BP? Cause like my car, I'm famously I did an excellent reverse park recently, which did some good numbers on Instagram.

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It's a BP BP. So like, you know, I'm in Australia. It's the most popular after the ute.

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Everyone's driving. No, what I mean is if I was to start reversing into my front, door, the car would start beeping at me to tell me to stop doing it.

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Surely your car has got BP BPs. Oh, I see what you mean. Yes, of course the car has got BP BPs, but I think my, I think my wife just disregarded them.

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Right. But like, I think to be fair, it happened very quickly. The other thing I should say about the car in her defense is it's got one of those. And I think it's honestly called a lozenge rather than a gear stick.

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Do you know what I mean? It's like, it's like a sort of little like, you know, sort of, rectangular piece of plastic that's really it's, it's small.

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It's like half the size of a credit card in like it's a conference. And then you, you'd like push it forward to go forward and push it back to go back. And a lot of, a lot of cars now seem to have these.

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And so it's quite easy to just find you've pushed it the wrong way. Sounds like the DeLorean to me. It sounds like the most futuristic car.

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Well, it's a, it's a Skoda Enyaq. If the, if you want to get specific.

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How's Yanni done with the repaneling? Oh, fantastic. Absolutely brilliant. I mean, I didn't think it would be possible and he's done an incredible job.

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What came off worse, the door, the car or the front door? Well, so bear in mind that there were about 25 bricks that were knocked out as well on route. It was a really impressive thing. I mean,

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what was quite interesting is that on the night that it happened, I was about to go into, I was about two minutes away from going in to see something in the theatre.

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And I get a call from my wife and she's so distraught and all over the place.

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I honestly thought someone had died. That was, that was my first thought. So I raced back and then got the measure of what had happened.

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And I was calling around and all of my phone calls with these tradesmen around North London just basically involved them just laughing as I was explaining what had happened. They would just,

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they would just be laughing and they'd laugh in a way that it would become a bit sexist. And you go, can you actually come and fix this? And like, no, no, no, no, no.

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So I just had quite a few, like phone calls like that. And then eventually a guy called Jeff came and he put, he managed to get the door back attached to the bottom.

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Was it Jeff Capes? It was Jeff Capes. Yeah, it was Jeff Capes. And he is famously very strong.

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You got the right Jeff. That's right. No tools at all. Just, just his bare hands.

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Just, just, just hammering nails in with his, with his fists. Okay. So Yanni comes over. The panels look great.

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Is that your hand job or do we, is it a... I don't, he can't say that.

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I mean, this is terrible. Yeah. You can't do that, mate. And also, and for the record, it wasn't, it wasn't.

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Actually, we are, this podcast is brought to you by the HMRC. That's right. For all of our friends that's up in Cumbernauld, it was very much invoiced and VAT payable.

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Question. Has Yanni seen the bar? The Ballad of Wallace Island? Or do you think maybe he has seen it and he was playing it cool that he was dropping a car back to one of the stars of it?

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I mean, if he has seen it, he was playing it so cool. I suspect, I suspect he hasn't seen it.

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But you've got to bear in mind, Yanni is, he's a, he's a mechanic who used to run a car wash and before that did close protection for the special forces.

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So I don't know that he's definitely our target demographic for the Ballad of Wallace Island.

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Is that a natural career progression? I guess it is if you're like... When you're in the special forces, you're thinking, if I keep doing this well, I'll get to the car wash.

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Is that an idea? I think you've got to think about like those skills and then sort of peacetime in the UK, how you're applying your special forces skills.

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Because you're not going to get paid to go around like assassinating, you know, oil magnates or something.

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I don't know. I don't know what they do. But you might, you will get paid to fix, you know, cars that have been pranged by ideas.

25:58 - 26:02

Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, so Yanni leaves and you're free at home still.

26:02 - 26:13

Have you had you? Oh, yes, David. So we spoke to co-star of The Ballad of Wallace Island, Tim Cheese, recently on this podcast.

26:13 - 26:26

He was checking the internet a lot to see how it's doing. He compared himself to a emperor penguin and the film was the egg between his legs.

26:26 - 26:32

Are you tempted to do that or are you more laissez-faire about the whole thing?

26:32 - 26:46

I think I'm a bit more, I think in parenting style, to use the sort of the Attenborough, you know, obvious equivalent, I think I may be a bit more like an eagle or something,

26:46 - 26:54

one of those ones where the birds nest in the clifftops and then they come back every few hours to sort of like be sick into the mouth of the baby.

26:54 - 27:03

Yes, okay. And then otherwise. They're doing their own thing. So I'll spend a few hours not thinking about it and then I'll come back and I'll just vomit all over the film.

27:03 - 27:10

Furiously repost anything about the film and then I'll go off for a few hours and do something else.

27:10 - 27:21

That's a very good analogy. Okay, so Yanni Lees, what are we doing now? Well, this is a bit of a, I don't know if I'm allowed to mention this because technically it's something that happened on Saturday,

27:21 - 27:26

but the reason I bring it up is because it's on the kitchen table, where I'm working.

27:26 - 27:41

I then have to move my wife's recent correspondence from Ireland, where she's just been granted, I guess, not awarded, her Irish passport.

27:41 - 27:50

Welcome. Okay, I thought you'd like that. Is it from David? It is. Well, there's a very elaborate signature, so I assume it's David.

27:50 - 27:57

It's from David O'Trump. Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Fucky McMaston. Thank you. At the Cade Meal of Fulcher.

27:57 - 28:05

Yeah, it's been a long-term project. Yeah, so that actually arrived on Saturday, but it's still currently on the desk where I work.

28:05 - 28:12

Well, can I just say, not after every meal do you have to purge hair.

28:12 - 28:18

Do you puke your guts up? I'm not referring to the film thing. I'm referring to the last time you were in Ireland.

28:18 - 28:24

Aha, yeah, that's right. Although there is a strong vomit theme, isn't there? In this podcast.

28:24 - 28:35

In this podcast. In my life. Actually, no one's been sick yet. I mean, don't tell us yet, but if you were at some point yesterday, that'd be really great, just to tick off all the boxes of bodily functions.

28:35 - 28:40

It's possible. I ate one of my raspberries, one of my wild raspberries this morning.

28:40 - 28:49

After eating it, I discovered there was a spider in the bowl. Okay. And so that obviously gave me, you know, pause.

28:49 - 28:56

That's fine. I don't think you should be worried about that at all. All right.

28:56 - 29:01

Is that how the English Spider-Man became Spider-Man? It's a sort of three-year version. Yeah.

29:01 - 29:09

And what does he do? He just hangs about in the bath, and then people have to put him under a big glass and get rid of him.

29:09 - 29:26

That's Daddy Longlegs, man, which was one of the Marvel Universe's least successful characters. He's just on the roof of the bathroom, mildly scaring like maybe a third, a third of the population,

29:26 - 29:34

or just annoying them more than anything. Yeah. Okay. So you move aside the good news that you're back in the EU.

29:34 - 29:38

The Basdans are back in the EU. Yes, the Basdans are partly back in the EU.

29:38 - 29:42

We've got one foot in the EU now. Excellent, excellent. Yeah, which is very exciting.

29:42 - 29:51

And then I'll just – I mean, to be honest, I think on a day like yesterday, I knew I wouldn't have like a full run of it work-wise, which is kind of what I often need to write,

29:51 - 29:54

is I need to know I've got like a good four hours I can write in.

29:54 - 30:00

Otherwise, just – psychologically, I sort of convince myself it's not worth it, which is a terrible attitude, but that's often what I do.

30:00 - 30:10

And then I listened to Tim Keyes' What Did You Do Yesterday. Oh, wow. What did you make of it just as a podcast format?

30:10 - 30:17

The first thing was I didn't realise that he had – I think I knew he was doing your podcast.

30:17 - 30:21

I didn't realise it was so close to mine to be the one directly before.

30:21 - 30:33

My first thought was, you guys are crazy. Why are you doing this? Because you're going to have like – it's like having two people talking about the same film on different episodes of Graham Norton.

30:33 - 30:42

We love The Ballad of Wallace and Grammarine on this podcast. That's great. But your listeners must surely get very frustrated by this.

30:42 - 30:46

No, but we love the movie, but we're not putting out this episode until 2034. Oh, fine.

30:46 - 30:52

Okay, well, that all makes sense then. Don't worry about it. The AI stuff will not update it at all.

30:52 - 31:02

What you should know is that before this one goes out, we're talking to the woman in the shop, the guy who rode the boat, all of the other small characters.

31:02 - 31:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah, good. So am I right in thinking that series three of What Did You Do Yesterday is entirely Wallace Island themed?

31:08 - 31:13

Yeah, that was the start of series three, wasn't it? Yeah, we're deep in series three.

31:13 - 31:19

It is, yeah. We did both really separately enjoy the film. Congratulations. Oh, thank you, thank you.

31:19 - 31:24

That sounded sarcastic, but I really loved it. Well, I listened to Tim's and I went.

31:24 - 31:28

You didn't sound sarcastic on his one. So, you know, I'll take that. I'll remember your tone of voice for that one.

31:28 - 31:36

Nope. What has changed since then is that we have expanded the Wallace Island cinematic universe.

31:36 - 31:43

Yeah. And we've, with the help of AI, written feature films about all of the most minor characters.

31:43 - 31:47

I love it. So where are we in the day? What's happening in the day now?

31:47 - 32:01

Yeah, so Yanni came around at 11 and then I was sort of dealing with him for a bit and then I was doing some admin and then, oh, I know why I was listening to Tim's episode because I was walking to the barbers

32:01 - 32:07

and I decided yesterday was the day to have a haircut. And I've been feeling it for a while.

32:07 - 32:14

It wasn't specifically because I wanted to have something to say when talking to you guys that wasn't just about like eating granola in the morning.

32:14 - 32:20

So I walked to the barbers and thank goodness they were open on a Monday because a lot of them aren't.

32:20 - 32:27

Yeah. And now how regular are you? Every five weeks? What did you say? No, honestly, I'm kind of once a year.

32:27 - 32:42

Once a year, wow. But the thing is I've just in the last, in recent times I've just relied on different acting jobs to get a free haircut and then not really think about my hair in the intervening time.

32:42 - 32:48

And I haven't got anything coming up because I haven't got an acting job on the horizon.

32:48 - 32:57

I sort of thought I need to actually deal with this myself or I could, like ironically my hair could get so long I'm ruling myself out of loads of parts.

32:57 - 33:03

Right, but ruling yourself into sort of Lord of the Rings based things. Yeah, Life of Jesus type thing.

33:03 - 33:09

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I was the same. I was at Channel 9 in Australia for three years, free haircuts.

33:09 - 33:23

I look so sharp now. It's just everywhere because, you know, I just. Max, on your show, on that show you were doing in Australia, it would always say Max is dressed by Dunbar menswear or whatever.

33:23 - 33:27

Did you get to, after that show ended, did you get to steal any of those?

33:27 - 33:36

No, no, I didn't. None of them? When Channel 9 got rid of me, I knew they had, so I literally took bags of clothes with me.

33:36 - 33:45

During the Soccer AM Glory Years, they were all mine. And then I'd have like monthly giveaways with my friends for, you know, Lyle and Scott polo shirts.

33:45 - 33:52

But now I'm very much in the same blue. If we ever put any video clips out, you'll notice I'm wearing the same blue hoodie.

33:52 - 33:56

And are your friends, do you, are they still your friends? Or do you think that was, that was all to do with the clothes?

33:56 - 34:09

We're still in touch. It's less and less frequent. It is true. Some of them like, yes, you can come, but do you have a lorry load of big Germans?

34:09 - 34:17

You're just going to buy them yourself now. You always know Max's friends because they're dressed in the most 2006 t-shirts.

34:17 - 34:23

Like, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Well, we wouldn't really wear that t-shirt anymore these days.

34:23 - 34:29

Yes, well, you might in Australia. I just have a t-shirt saying this hasn't aged well.

34:29 - 34:35

That's what I have. Okay, so you're at the barber's. Is it, you know, sit down and just wait for a seat?

34:35 - 34:38

Can you go straight in or do you have to do a bit of waiting?

34:38 - 34:43

Oh, this is very much, I don't know how busy this barber ever gets, but I've never had to wait.

34:43 - 34:49

Okay. She's always, well, it was me and her. It's pretty much table for one.

34:49 - 34:55

And she's just on her phone. I think she knows me by now I've been there a few times.

34:55 - 35:04

She acts like she does. She might not remember me. Right. But you're not her only customer in the sense that when you arrived, she sort of covered in dust from a year ago.

35:04 - 35:14

I've got to be honest, it's not impossible that I'm her only customer. But the only other thing to say is there is a photo of Damien Lewis on the wall.

35:14 - 35:24

So I think he must have been a customer as well at one point. Was the photo of Damien Lewis him in the barber or is it just a photo of Damien Lewis?

35:24 - 35:39

No, it's not like a photo of Mao in a Chinese family's home in 1960. Well, a lot of barbers I've noticed have your classic Rat Pack Frank Sinatra picture.

35:39 - 35:48

And there's no way that they ever, or Muhammad Ali, none of them were ever in my local barbershop is what I'm saying.

35:48 - 35:57

Yes, yes. I'm pretty sure Damien Lewis was in the barbershop or... Or what's happened is some kind of green screen and she's made it look like her shop.

35:57 - 36:03

I don't know. I'm pretty sure. I mean, I know that he's local, so I'm pretty sure that he's been in there.

36:03 - 36:09

Respect. Were I to do the green screen thing, I might have picked a bigger star than Damien Lewis.

36:09 - 36:14

No, Lewis is really clever. It's really clever, Lewis, isn't it? Because you wouldn't make up Damien Lewis.

36:14 - 36:23

Whereas if you put Mandela there, you'd be like, I'm not sure. Mandela! Mandela got a skin fade, like a perfect fade.

36:23 - 36:37

Mandela just comes in wanting the Declan Rice Turkish fade. Okay, Baston, what do you say when you order the haircut?

36:37 - 36:44

She's like, what do we want today? Well, I'm saying grade six on the sides and then just quite a lot off the top.

36:44 - 36:49

Look, it's a very boring haircut that I've basically had since I think I was about six.

36:49 - 37:00

And I'm not changing it now. The thing that happened this time that has never happened before and slightly threw me, but I think on balance I'm fine with it, is that at the end,

37:00 - 37:03

when I thought it was over, I went to stand up. She went, no, no, no.

37:03 - 37:11

And she sat me back down and then she trimmed my eyebrows. Okay. Have you had that?

37:11 - 37:14

Yeah. Could you come forward to the camera so we can have a look at them?

37:14 - 37:19

I've never really talked to you before, so I don't know what your eyebrows were like.

37:19 - 37:26

They're going to look quite normal now because I've just had them done, but I mean, I didn't think they were long.

37:26 - 37:33

Did you look like Norman LeMond yesterday? It was very LeMond, Dennis Healy. I basically looked like any number of chancellors.

37:33 - 37:50

They were big, bushy rainbows yesterday. Yeah, yeah. Whereas today, well, they've been trimmed. But I've never had that done before and I sort of felt a bit like, oh, she obviously sees me as sort of an older man.

37:50 - 37:57

You know what I mean? You wouldn't do that to like a 25-year-old. Just go, let me just check your nose hair and your eyebrows and your ears.

37:57 - 38:02

I'm very manly. Yeah, you're quite her suit, David. Is it all coming out of your ears and your nose?

38:02 - 38:10

Yeah, it's coming out of everywhere. You've got to keep it in check. If I let all this go, you wouldn't know if I was coming towards you or walking away from you.

38:10 - 38:16

It would just be a solid, like a bushel of hair moving in a direction.

38:16 - 38:22

I see. I think you should give that a go. Let it all hang out.

38:22 - 38:29

Have you ever had the one where they put fire in your ears? Oh, hang on.

38:29 - 38:33

Is this an earwax thing or a hair thing? No, it's like a Turkish barber.

38:33 - 38:38

I've had that one. Because I've had the hoppy ear candles, but that's for wax.

38:38 - 38:43

Yeah. Did you think that was a success? I didn't think the hoppy ear candle really did a whole lot.

38:43 - 38:47

It took a long time. No, I didn't think it was a success at all.

38:47 - 38:52

I thought it was nonsense. But I've not had the kind of like creme brulee thing.

38:52 - 39:02

Yeah, creme brulee ears. I've not had that. Do you, what's the conversation? Do you, because when I go to the hairdresser, I have young children.

39:02 - 39:13

The thought of sitting somewhere for maybe 20 minutes in silence is great. And I don't want to talk to the slightly mad woman who is at the barber who sort of talks about,

39:13 - 39:19

but it really gives you, basically it's like she's doing a monologue and you just join when your haircut starts.

39:19 - 39:26

So you haven't had the backstory from the previous. You need sort of the pre, previous person in the chair to tell you where she's got to and then she goes on.

39:26 - 39:32

Yeah, like previously, previously on the haircut. But when you sit down, it skips recap automatically and you're like, oh, bugger.

39:32 - 39:37

So I just close my eyes and hope that I can just do it in silence and think, whatever they do to my hair, it's going to be the same.

39:37 - 39:43

So I just don't, I'm not going to be checking it. I'll just open my eyes when it's done and hope they haven't locked it all off.

39:43 - 39:50

Well, we did, I think because we're in June now, we're close enough to the summer to mean that can dominate all conversations in hairdressers, I think for the season.

39:50 - 40:00

So it was all about, well, her not getting a chance to go back to Lithuania to see some of her family, but she will go to Spain and we might go to France.

40:00 - 40:07

And it was that kind of, it was all, it was generic summer stuff. There was a barber I used to go to when I was a student who was quite rogue.

40:07 - 40:13

He was a really good barber, but he'd say things like, like you'd sit down and he'd say things like, you ever been in love?

40:13 - 40:22

And stuff like that. Yeah, so I had to stop going to him because the haircuts were great, but it was just too much.

40:22 - 40:28

Like he'd open up with like those kind of 3 a.m. sort of house party questions.

40:28 - 40:41

The podcast, he sounds like a madman with Adam Buxton. Is the Lithuanian woman pretending she hasn't seen the Ballad of Wallace Islet?

40:41 - 40:46

She, again, she is keeping up the facade that she doesn't know who I am.

40:46 - 40:50

I did, I stood next to Damon Lewis's picture and said, do you want one of me?

40:50 - 40:57

And she didn't understand why why she would. You had your guitar and you did the song from the end of the film.

40:57 - 41:06

That's right. Yeah, she's, no, she's doing it. She's keeping her powder dry there. How much are we talking?

41:06 - 41:17

How much, how much for the haircut? And this, again, this is, this threw me because I've been caught out before with always forgetting that it's cash only in a lot of barbers.

41:17 - 41:25

And it's a long track to cash point. You've already weighed Yanni in. Yeah, completely, completely.

41:25 - 41:35

So, and I brought cash and it used to be 16 pounds, which I always thought was quite a good number because then, you know, she knows she's getting four pounds tipped.

41:35 - 41:42

She knows. She knows, yeah, really good. But she's, you know, she's now raised the price to 20 pounds.

41:42 - 41:50

Okay. So there's, I didn't really know what to do there and I ended up not tipping her, which I feel bad about.

41:50 - 41:57

But then like, if it's 20 pounds, like, I'd have to break another note. I only had 20 in the 10.

41:57 - 42:08

Well, that was Tom Ballaston on What Did You Do Yesterday. Now we're just going to play some library music for the remaining 20 minutes.

42:08 - 42:14

I get it. I do get it. I get that. But I know the idea because you sort of go, oh, can I have two fivers?

42:14 - 42:21

And that feels a bit, that feels a bit awkward. Yeah, but also the price was 16 pounds not long ago.

42:21 - 42:27

That's quite a hefty high. It's like, that's like way over inflation. When you say you go once a, it's only once a year you go, Tom.

42:27 - 42:32

That's what you told us. That's true. And also the eyebrows. She spent ages on those eyebrows.

42:32 - 42:38

I know. So let's just talk about this facial hair arrangement you have. Okay, yeah.

42:38 - 42:43

I like it. It's given you a lot of presence. I looked at it in the cinema.

42:43 - 42:52

Yeah. Big, big 15 feet face of yours, smaller in real life. Yeah. Are you keeping it?

42:52 - 43:03

Is it here for good? Well, no, I don't think so. And the problem with my facial hair, as you can probably tell, is that different bits grow at a very different rate.

43:03 - 43:11

So what happens is on the sides, it's basically like a 17-year-old on the sides and a 70-year-old at the front.

43:11 - 43:16

And so I can develop an incredible goatee in the space of about five hours.

43:16 - 43:22

But if I want any coverage on the side, that's like three weeks' work. So I need to kind of work out how to do that.

43:22 - 43:31

Yeah, you do have the advantage compared to David and I, which is it's still dark, whereas if I grow a goatee, it looks – I have to just pretend I just haven't rubbed the sun cream in.

43:31 - 43:41

No, it's just completely white. But, you know, with respect, I think it's quite attractive, isn't it, to have the silvery – the salt and pepper beard?

43:41 - 43:46

Well, so this is the thing. Salt and pepper was good when I was early 30s.

43:46 - 43:52

Oh, you think it's just salt these days? I think just salt. It's just AXA cooking salt.

43:52 - 43:58

It's not – that's just never seen as – oh, that's salty. The salty look is not quite as – Yeah, okay.

43:58 - 44:07

It's more Jeremy Corbyn after a while. It is, yeah. Yeah, it's a doomed Antarctic explorer is what it becomes after a while.

44:07 - 44:19

When I get into the – when I go swimming with my son, when I go – when my hair gets wet, it looks like it's gone dark again, and he says, you look young again, which is really nice.

44:19 - 44:25

Oh, oh. Yeah. Hang on. How old is your son? Three. I think he's got that from Jamie.

44:25 - 44:32

So is he just thinking you look like you did three years ago? Parenting has been hard for me, Tom.

44:32 - 44:37

It must have been. I have a tipping story because tipping is interesting, isn't it?

44:37 - 44:52

And I once was – I used to drive a Y-Reg Clio, and I went round to Helen Chamberlain's house, who was my co-presenter of Soccer M, and at the time she was going out with one of the greatest darts players of his generation, James Wade,

44:52 - 45:02

right, who just won like the World Championships or something. But he used to be a mechanic, and I was having trouble with the Cleo because it was really old, and he fixed the – when we were over there,

45:02 - 45:10

he just tinkered with it and fixed it, and I went, oh, thanks. And Helen gave me a lot of stick for not like slipping him 20 quid to say thanks.

45:10 - 45:17

But he had just won like half a million pounds at the World Darts Championship, and it wasn't like it was a mechanic.

45:17 - 45:21

It was just something like – it was like my friend's partner. How did it come about?

45:22 - 45:27

Did he offer, or did you say, oh, James, I don't suppose – I can't really remember.

45:27 - 45:31

I think he was like – I can't – I don't imagine I would have said, could you have a look at this?

45:31 - 45:37

But maybe I did. I don't know. But I wasn't – I thought handing a 20 to like – would have been ruder.

45:37 - 45:44

But maybe not. Well, I think sort of like backhand slipping a 20 is quite rude in that context.

45:44 - 45:48

But I think – I mean, the ideal thing is to give him a bottle of wine, isn't it?

45:48 - 45:52

That's what my granddad always used to say. It's just try and give someone a bottle of wine if they've done some something nice for you.

45:52 - 45:55

Yeah, but I didn't have a bottle of wine with me. Well, no, this is it.

45:55 - 46:04

This is it. And these days, actually, you don't often have cash. Yeah. And then you're sort of seeing if James Wade takes contactless for fixing his spark plug.

46:04 - 46:09

Has he got a taffy-taffy machine? Has he got a Zettel? He didn't have a Zettel.

46:09 - 46:13

Right. So there you go. Well, if I do see him again, I'll give him 20 quid.

46:13 - 46:20

I'm more than happy to. Yeah, well, he might need it now. It was probably 10 years ago, so the moment's probably gone.

46:20 - 46:25

So have you had any? Have you had any lunch? Oh, yeah. So what did I do for lunch?

46:25 - 46:29

I walked into – I walked down to – oh, I know where I went.

46:29 - 46:40

I walked through Kentish Town and to this lovely Chinese, like Sichuanese noodles place in the market there in Camden, and I had that, and I loved that.

46:40 - 46:43

I think I go there once a week. That's good. What did you order? What's your order?

46:43 - 46:53

This is the Sichuan mala broth with fried tofu and vegetables, and it's now – it's like the closest thing I've got to a regular order where I just – I don't have to order it now.

46:53 - 46:59

They know what I want. Oh, really good. So you feel a bit like someone in the cast of Cheers at that point, getting my noodles.

46:59 - 47:09

And do you two-stellar with that? Just two – you know you've got a problem when it comes with just two half-litre bottles of Stella arrived with it as well.

47:09 - 47:16

Yeah, get the two-stellar, but then just pocket them for later, so I'm just walking around with them in my pockets.

47:16 - 47:29

Yeah, that was – I had that. No, nice. That was a nice lunch, and then – Well, okay, on Mondays I have to get back quite early because I have – this is looping back to the piano practice.

47:29 - 47:39

I have to take my son to music directly after school. So I have to wrap up what I'm doing at about half two, and I was just sort of – what was I doing?

47:39 - 47:42

I was doing a bit of – oh, I was doing some admin about the film.

47:42 - 47:55

I was doing a bit of – we've got our press day coming up for Here We Go Series 3, so I've got to kind of figure out what clips to put in the tray and stuff like that and sort of, you know, do that kind of thing.

47:55 - 48:08

And then, yeah, and then heading back to sort of meet my son after school and then begin the negotiations for what he can have from the corner shop.

48:08 - 48:14

This is exciting. Yeah, yeah. You've got all this to come if your son is three, or I assume you have.

48:14 - 48:21

You're probably not sort of like giving him nerds now. Not yet. Not yet. He does not switch to this stage.

48:21 - 48:39

Exciting. Okay. Oh, my God, it's so boring. It's just most of my life now is sort of I'm in an episode of The Apprentice and I'm just arguing with a seven-year-old about what legitimately counts as confectionery and what is in some way like wholesome food.

48:39 - 48:45

And he just wears me down. He wears me down. And does he talk to you like you're in The Apprentice?

48:45 - 48:48

Does he go, well, you're project manager, so if this doesn't work, it's on you?

48:48 - 48:55

Basically. Yeah, basically. He flits between peers. Being like an underling who wants my job.

48:55 - 49:05

I'm Sir Alan. So I feel I did learn a lot about mathematics. I learned a lot about mathematics from darts because we had a dartboard at home.

49:05 - 49:09

So you were always trying to work out what double and triple 17 were, et cetera.

49:09 - 49:24

That was really good. Thank you. And from Scrabble a lot of the time because we would always notate the Scrabble where you would add the score to the last score.

49:24 - 49:38

You know what I mean? To keep the totals coming in. And then the third element of that, I feel, was when I would be in the sweet shop, their local shop, 25, mum would say, here's 30p or whatever.

49:38 - 49:49

And so then, because the big polystyrene banana was probably 3p. The classic blackjack or fruit salad, they were 1p.

49:49 - 49:56

And 2p were the ones. They were shaped like flying saucers and had a toxic sugar.

49:56 - 50:05

Flying saucers. Flying saucers. So I feel that I did learn a lot because you'd be trying to maximize your resources.

50:05 - 50:10

Are you holding back his mathematics by insisting that he buys a big red apple?

50:10 - 50:20

It's a very good question. I think these days, though, I'm not aware that it's done like that anymore, where there's like penny values.

50:20 - 50:26

They just come in packets. This is the problem. It's like, well, I haven't been to a sweet shop for a very long time.

50:26 - 50:32

I know that there's one in Macunliffe, because I remember it very vividly when I was there, where they've got the big glass jars.

50:32 - 50:39

Yeah, a course of lemon bonbons. Yes. And then you get the sweaty gentleman reaching in with his bare hands and taking out sweets.

50:39 - 50:48

Roald Dahl is queuing behind you. Yeah, exactly. I don't think those, I haven't seen those shops in a very, very long time.

50:48 - 50:52

I suspect they don't really exist, certainly not in London. They might sort of like.

50:52 - 51:01

Like, you know, at the end of the pier somewhere on the coast. What was the point in voting for Brexit if we couldn't bring back the big sweaty and jar shops?

51:01 - 51:06

Yeah, well, this is exactly the reason I've got my European passport now. Good for you.

51:06 - 51:10

Or my Wi-Fi, anyway. Okay, so how do the negotiations go? What does he end up with?

51:10 - 51:15

He ends up with a Twister lolly, and then my daughter wants a Twister lolly as well.

51:15 - 51:21

And the problem there is that she's got her first ever ballet slash tap class.

51:22 - 51:29

Wow. It's in the same facility as his piano lesson. Okay. So it's very efficient parenting.

51:29 - 51:38

And then it becomes how do we prevent her from getting Twister all over her sort of pink business that she has to wear for this ballet slash tap class.

51:38 - 51:45

Right. And how does that go? Because she's badly, badly. Yeah. She sort of ruins it a bit.

51:45 - 51:53

But we're just finding stuff in the car that we can drape over her like a Tesco, like for life, just sort of over her lap.

51:53 - 52:04

My friend, who's a very good actor now, she, the local community center. Is it Angela Lansbury?

52:04 - 52:14

Variety of activities on there. No, okay. She saw kids coming out in judo, in karate suits.

52:14 - 52:23

And she said, I want to do that. Please, can I do that? Karate. And her mother looked up and saw a sign that said, it's a drama that was behind them.

52:23 - 52:31

And she turned up at her first ever drama class when she was six or seven, believing she was going to crack some skulls.

52:31 - 52:37

And instead they all to pretend to be waves. I'll just say ballet and tap are very different there.

52:37 - 52:44

I would say one is almost the opposite of the other, where you clomp in one and you don't clomp in the other.

52:44 - 52:50

What like potholing is more like the opposite of ballet. Yeah. Paintball. It's paintball and ballet, isn't it?

52:50 - 52:55

Yeah. I was in. Riverdance. I know what it's like. Were you really? Oh, okay.

52:55 - 53:03

No, of course. Just because I'm Irish, don't presume I was in Riverdance. That's not that kind of elaborate a lie though.

53:03 - 53:09

I could see you, you know, puffing and panting next to Flat Lake. It's quite an elaborate lie.

53:09 - 53:24

Is it? Just on the end. Okay. I guess it depends whether or not you mean like, because when you said I was in Riverdance, I thought you meant I sort of did Irish dancing as a kid rather than I performed next to Michael Flatley at that Eurovision.

53:24 - 53:38

I toured the world for 25 years. Yeah, yeah. Daniel Kitson, a comedian, once tried to spread the rumor that I played the keyboards on the Irish version of The Weakest Link.

53:38 - 53:48

And because it's just mundane enough to potentially be believable that I played, you know, when the people come out and the lights go off.

53:48 - 53:58

But also the idea that that's live. The Weakest Link has live music. So you have a choice, Tom.

53:58 - 54:04

You have to decide whether to watch the piano lesson or watch the debut ballet and tap.

54:04 - 54:10

Or can you flip between the two? So here's the thing that made that decision very easy.

54:10 - 54:19

You're not allowed to watch the ballet and tap. Right. And I think the reason for that, or part of the reason might be, is that afterwards I said to my daughter, like, what did you do?

54:19 - 54:26

And she went on to describe. And bear in mind, she's three. So it took a long time, the kind of thing they were doing.

54:26 - 54:33

And we realized after about 10 minutes that they were doing grandmother's footsteps. So it's not, it's neither ballet nor tap.

54:33 - 54:41

I mean, you could, I mean, tap would be hard for grandmother's footsteps. I mean, tap would be, it's exactly, it's the opposite of tap.

54:41 - 54:50

Now that is the opposite of tap, David. What the hell is tap? You both seem to think that everyone knows what grandmother's footsteps are.

54:50 - 54:55

What's grandmother's footsteps? Is this not made it across the Irish sea then? No, yes.

54:55 - 55:00

No way. Okay. So you go, well, strike me something. In 20 years. This is going to be huge.

55:00 - 55:08

This is going to change Ireland forever. Okay. So what it is, is you, is you, hang on a minute.

55:08 - 55:13

Am I, is it the same as what's the time Mr. Wolf? Yeah, it's the same as what time Mr. Wolf, I think.

55:13 - 55:19

What the fuck is what's the time Mr. Wolf? Stop comparing things to other things that I also don't know.

55:19 - 55:24

I'm trying to work out how you do it, but like you, kind of say like, what, what?

55:24 - 55:28

So basically one kid is facing the other way. This is it in essence, right?

55:28 - 55:32

And the other kids have to turn around. And he's up against a wall. He's up against a wall.

55:32 - 55:41

And the other kids have to creep. And you start at the other end and you've got to creep towards the person who's facing the other way and they can turn around suddenly.

55:41 - 55:47

And if you're moving, then you're out. In fact, it's in Squid Game. Have you seen Squid Game?

55:47 - 55:55

In like the very early episodes of that, it's like the first time. Like challenge they do and people get killed where they're caught.

55:55 - 56:01

If they haven't frozen when the person opens their eyes, then they're out. And in Squid Game, they're killed.

56:01 - 56:08

It's important. It's important. Well, put it this way. There were a lot of ambulances were called and my daughter made it through.

56:08 - 56:16

So I don't really care what happened in there. It's true. But I don't know how.

56:16 - 56:20

I remember you say, what time is this? And he goes, it's four o'clock. Oh, that's it.

56:20 - 56:25

He goes, it's five o'clock. Keep walking. And if he says, it's time to eat you, that's when you have to be still.

56:25 - 56:32

Dinner time. It's not, it's time to eat you. It's dinner time. Okay. I don't remember what grandmother did with the grandmother's footsteps.

56:32 - 56:39

I've made you a quilt or something. No, she doesn't. You don't have to make a quilt when you're facing the other way.

56:39 - 56:43

Otherwise the game would take such a long time. What does grandmother, what does she say?

56:43 - 56:48

I think, I think that what it is, is it's like, it's what's the time, Mr. Wolf, for younger kids.

56:48 - 56:53

And there's no dialogue. I think there's no, there's, there's no kind of like performance element.

56:53 - 56:57

You just face the other way. And then the kids creep towards you, you turn around.

56:57 - 57:02

If they're, if they haven't frozen, they're out. And then you keep doing that until one of them touches you.

57:02 - 57:06

I think that's what it is. It's not the bullshit. It doesn't sound like the bullshit.

57:06 - 57:10

Do you know what I mean? I don't imagine they're doing that as they're warming up at the bullshit.

57:10 - 57:26

Are they in tutus? Is she in a cute ballet outfit? She's in, well, look, this is the thing is that I wanted to slightly resist the whole kind of pink, this sort of explosion of pink and sort

57:26 - 57:34

of princess style stuff that comes with having a, having a baby girl. And it's proven very, very difficult.

57:34 - 57:46

So I would say that family and well-wishers have sent over something like five or six ballet and tutu combos over the years.

57:46 - 57:55

So it's slightly led the witness towards like this. And now she's. She's really into the kind of tutu and pink, the whole pink thing, pink little shoes thing.

57:55 - 57:59

Doesn't feel very progressive. I mean, you know, I guess, I guess it's what she wants.

57:59 - 58:02

So like, you just gotta, you gotta give them what they want in that respect.

58:02 - 58:07

Is it CSI, the show that ends. When they're all in tutus? I don't think so.

58:07 - 58:18

That ends suddenly. And the name that always, it says executive producer, Dick Wolf. That's the, that's the card you see.

58:18 - 58:22

The reason I mentioned it is just that he's the original, what's the time, Mr. Wolf.

58:22 - 58:30

The cast would always be asking him. It's CSI time. Do you think they say that before every day's filming?

58:30 - 58:38

Yeah, that was their warmup. Mr. Wolf was there. Okay. So, so how's the piano lesson then?

58:38 - 58:50

You've, you know, that's where you are. Yeah, fine. I would say fine. He's, you know, he, because at the end of the day, he gets quite tired and he's prone to get a little bit distracted in his piano lesson.

58:50 - 58:54

I was going to ask you, David, did you, how did you learn the piano as a kid?

58:54 - 59:04

Did you come to it later? No, my father is a piano player. So he had had to teach many reluctant children how to play the piano.

59:04 - 59:13

None of whom ever liked playing the piano consequently. So his thing was he would only show us how to play piano.

59:13 - 59:21

If we asked him, how do you play the piano? So I grew up hating jazz.

59:21 - 59:32

And just trying to play loud hip hop and indie music to annoy him. And then at about the age of 16 or 17, I was like, all right, how do you play the piano?

59:32 - 59:38

Right. Interesting. Cause I, I sort of didn't really learn as a kid and I came to it late myself.

59:38 - 59:45

And I wonder if like actually getting kids to learn an instrument young is a surefire way of them hating music for the rest of their lives.

59:45 - 59:51

That's what I'm slightly worried about. I really enjoy playing the piano still. And I do wish I'd had.

59:51 - 1:00:00

Really boring stuff like sight reading kind of beaten into me as a child, because then I would just be able to sit down and play fly shit.

1:00:00 - 1:00:07

But as it wasn't, I don't know, but maybe I would have hated playing the piano.

1:00:07 - 1:00:12

You might have hated that and the people who were insisting you did it. Yeah.

1:00:12 - 1:00:17

I used to, for piano lessons, I used to like one week, I'd forget the music the next week.

1:00:17 - 1:00:24

I'd say I've learned just the left or the right hand. And then you could, you could really, you could like, just like stretch out one bit.

1:00:24 - 1:00:35

I deliberately excluded you from the piano conversation. Yeah, and considering I was second clarinet, came to County Youth Orchestra in 2001, 2003.

1:00:35 - 1:00:41

One of those guys. It is a strange oversight on your behalf. He's sucking a reed right now.

1:00:41 - 1:00:51

He's always got one in his mouth, just moistened up, ready to. I thought I shouldn't ask you because I know that you hate sort of boasting and it's very hard to talk about music without,

1:00:51 - 1:00:57

just becoming a kind of like, you know, you see about how incredible you were as a young man.

1:00:57 - 1:01:03

I like to keep my credible musical talents very quiet. So we won't include this bit in the show.

1:01:03 - 1:01:11

For our first live show, I am trying to convince David that the two of us play Top Loaders Dancing in the Moonlight on clarinet and keyboard.

1:01:11 - 1:01:15

I think I've got him to do it, but I'm not sure if he's totally up for it.

1:01:15 - 1:01:18

So you would do the do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That would be you on the piano.

1:01:18 - 1:01:25

Lovely. That's going to bring the house down. I mean, definitely. What's it, what do they play on in the original?

1:01:25 - 1:01:33

What's the instrument? Oh, good question. Maybe a sort of glockenspiel. Yeah, there is definitely a glockenspiel.

1:01:33 - 1:01:40

But that's a cover. Their version is a cover. Is it now? Yeah. It's originally the much folkier, much more low-key.

1:01:40 - 1:01:45

It was the Wu-Tang Clan, I think. It was not the Wu-Tang Clan. I think it was King Crimson originally who did it.

1:01:45 - 1:01:50

Wow. Do you feel the urge to join in, you know, as your son plays?

1:01:51 - 1:01:59

Oh, the beatbox. Yeah, as you're sitting there watching us. I've resisted the urge to beatbox, thus far.

1:01:59 - 1:02:05

I feel like you really want to do it, though. Do you know what? It's terrible.

1:02:05 - 1:02:13

I feel like I get more of an urge to just slip the old phone out and check on the film in those moments and to vomit all over the baby birds.

1:02:13 - 1:02:20

So that's what I'm dealing with, is kind of like being invested in the piano but also thinking about other stuff.

1:02:20 - 1:02:38

Imagine how... Imagine how much pressure there is on the music teacher, though, who has obviously seen The Ballad of Wallace Island and knows that basically Elvis has entered the building and is attempting to hold it together while giving your son the lesson,

1:02:38 - 1:02:45

knowing that you were just judging. He was very jittery yesterday. His hands were all over the place.

1:02:45 - 1:02:53

He broke into one of the songs from the film as well, by mistake. Yeah, bless him.

1:02:53 - 1:02:57

Do you know what, though? There were a couple of parents who've seen it now.

1:02:57 - 1:03:05

So when you're there in the music centre going through the corridors, I did have a couple of people stop me.

1:03:05 - 1:03:12

But it's very North London. They'll say like, oh, enjoyed the film, in the way they might say like, oh, that was a good bit of parking.

1:03:12 - 1:03:21

You know, it's like very like kind of... It's not like that kind of thing you might get like, you know, when you're, you know, sort of...

1:03:21 - 1:03:25

out on the sticks and people are like, oh, my God, what are you doing here kind of thing.

1:03:25 - 1:03:31

It's all like, oh, enjoyed your film. You know what I mean? That's sort of the way the interactions like that go in North London.

1:03:31 - 1:03:35

Yeah, and I mean by that, they really loved it and they were really impressed.

1:03:35 - 1:03:43

Oh, yeah, I know. No, it's the most you're going to get. But, you know, beyond them just sort of like committing ritual suicide in front of you, it's the most you're going to get.

1:03:43 - 1:04:01

We get a very peculiar sort of faint praise for this podcast a lot. People are very nice enough to contact us or leave reviews, but often it's like, good to listen to you after I put my dog down or something like that.

1:04:01 - 1:04:08

I've never had gastroenteritis like it, but three episodes really got me through that kind of thing.

1:04:08 - 1:04:14

I see, I see. So it's mainly for people with ailments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:04:14 - 1:04:25

It's not palliative. Is it prescribed? Please, it's chronic, not palliative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It won't make you laugh enough for it to actually aggravate your injury.

1:04:25 - 1:04:38

But it might make you smile while you await death. So do you scroll, do you see, because you're yet to vomit over the film yet, and I'm interested to know how.

1:04:38 - 1:04:43

What, during the day you mean? Yeah. No, it's little and often. It's little and often.

1:04:43 - 1:04:50

I'm sort of, you know, just, I'll abandon the bird being sick metaphor, I think, in case it's confusing.

1:04:50 - 1:04:54

But I would check. I'll check on the film, like, you know, every couple of hours as the day goes on.

1:04:54 - 1:05:00

What are you doing? Because Tim was going on Rotten Tomatoes, and then he said you were going into cinemas saying, could you put this film on, please?

1:05:00 - 1:05:05

Oh, yeah, I have done that. I have done a bit of that, like, sort of cold calling.

1:05:05 - 1:05:13

Like, basically, like a sort of, you know, a travelling salesman going around with my suitcase, taking out my film.

1:05:13 - 1:05:25

Two huge reels of film. You guys show movies here, huh? Yeah, I did do that to the Everyman in Hampstead, but it worked.

1:05:25 - 1:05:29

They did a Q&A for us on Sunday, and they were very happy to.

1:05:29 - 1:05:38

I feel like once you get over the initial awkwardness and desperation of the people who've made a film coming to the cinema and sort of inquiring about their own film,

1:05:38 - 1:05:45

people have been very lovely about it. It's obviously just such a weird thing to do because, you know, Hugh Jackman's not doing that.

1:05:45 - 1:05:54

Yeah, actually, the thing I didn't understand was, I sort of think once the film is out, there's nothing you can do, but you actually, like, it gets, it gathers a momentum and I just presume that momentum was just in...

1:05:54 - 1:05:57

Why do you think I'm here, Max? Why do you think I'm talking to you two?

1:05:57 - 1:06:03

Well, because you want to tell us what you did yesterday. I presume you just want to get out of your testimony yesterday.

1:06:03 - 1:06:12

But yes, but I suppose I understand, like, promoting the film, but, like, checking on it, like, I don't know what you can do apart from just go, oh, people still like it, that's good.

1:06:12 - 1:06:16

But, like, it can sort of, it can go up and up and up and up and up.

1:06:16 - 1:06:32

Tom, let me step in here. Max has a strange relationship with his output, with his art form, the art form of radio and podcasting, where he just does it and then never thinks about it again.

1:06:32 - 1:06:40

It's just, he just moves into another realm afterwards. I think that's quite zen. I mean, I try to do that.

1:06:40 - 1:06:47

I think with most of the things I do, I will try to kind of do it and then, like, slightly obsess about it while I'm doing it.

1:06:47 - 1:06:51

And then once it's out, never think about it again and never watch it again or anything.

1:06:51 - 1:07:02

There's a lot of stuff I've never actually seen properly finished. But I think the film feels a bit different because there is the sense that, like, you can maybe agitate a little bit.

1:07:02 - 1:07:10

When it's on cinemas, you can sort of agitate to sort of, like, you know, just encourage people to see it or just...

1:07:10 - 1:07:19

But as you say, it's mainly... It's mainly kind of, you know, like whispering in a shopping centre, equivalent of, like, actually spreading the word about this film.

1:07:19 - 1:07:24

But there's not much you can do. So I need you to know that I'm doing my bit.

1:07:24 - 1:07:33

I was in Exeter last week. Go on. And there were two films on, on whatever, outside the cinema where I was.

1:07:33 - 1:07:47

There was your film, Ballad of Wallace and Gromit Island. And then next to it was a film that's clearly a rip-off of your film with the woman from The X-Files in it, Gillian Anderson.

1:07:47 - 1:07:55

It's called, like, The Ballad of Some Other Island or whatever. Well, it's funny you say that there is a rip-off where they've taken Gromit out of the film.

1:07:55 - 1:08:11

No. Yeah. That version exists and is out there. The reason I mention this is there were people reading the small print on the Gillian Anderson film and I tapped your poster and I said,

1:08:11 - 1:08:18

this one's excellent. So there you go. Good man. Well, The Salt Path is all set in Devon and Cornwall, you see.

1:08:18 - 1:08:24

Is it really? Oh, yeah. Yes, they're walking the Devon and Cornwall coastline. That is The Salt Path.

1:08:24 - 1:08:30

That is nice. So they're obviously trying to make that regional connection as big as possible down there.

1:08:30 - 1:08:37

But what they don't know is that my family all live in Devon and, yes, and that network.

1:08:37 - 1:08:51

It's become a bit of a Peaky Blinders episode with my family going around marching people into the cinema and making sure they're not seeing The Salt Path and they are seeing The Ballad.

1:08:51 - 1:08:57

Yeah, but I can totally see because this is such, because it's so, like, personal to you guys, I guess.

1:08:57 - 1:09:05

And it's like a film in a cinema. I'm not saying, you know, us sitting on a Zoom call, you know, asking people if they had Weetabix isn't high art.

1:09:05 - 1:09:16

But I reckon if I did, if I had got, if I did write a film and was in a film and I'd written the soundtrack for the film and it was really good, I probably would check.

1:09:16 - 1:09:23

Yeah. No, I appreciate that. I think it's the other thing is, though, is it just becomes a slight habit, doesn't it?

1:09:23 - 1:09:28

It's a bit like smoking or spitting, that if you do it a lot during the day, you just keep doing it.

1:09:28 - 1:09:35

So I now have to like, because I've never really been one for social media really at all in any meaningful way.

1:09:35 - 1:09:46

And I think once the film is out of cinemas, I have to get off, I have to get, like, get off the train and work out how to sort of return to not thinking about it and sort of like posting things and reposting things.

1:09:46 - 1:09:51

Because you're aware that it does take up quite a lot of your thinking time.

1:09:51 - 1:10:00

It sort of occupies, it just sort of has a presence in your head that, like, is sometimes unwelcome if you're trying to, like, concentrate on your son's piano lesson, for example.

1:10:00 - 1:10:08

Right, so we leave the piano lesson and we leave the grandmother's footsteps and we're home now.

1:10:08 - 1:10:17

What, five o'clock? Okay, well, but the thing to say there is I have to take both kids home because my wife has to go off because she's got to go and do a Samaritan's shift.

1:10:17 - 1:10:24

So she's doing that and I have to take both kids home and sort of bath them and get them ready for bed.

1:10:24 - 1:10:34

Yes, so dinner? Dinner we've had. We had takeaway pizza in the sun after the music things.

1:10:34 - 1:10:40

That was really good, actually. Yeah, you feel a bit like you're sort of letting yourself down just giving pizza on a Monday.

1:10:40 - 1:10:50

Do you know what I mean? I think it's perfect. But as the week goes on, you sort of earn the right to, like, not cook and just be a bit more dissolute.

1:10:50 - 1:10:54

But on a Monday. On a Monday, I felt a bit like that's not perfect.

1:10:54 - 1:10:59

What are you getting, stuffed crust? What are the pizzas? They will only countenance a margarita.

1:10:59 - 1:11:06

Okay. My son takes the cheese off. My daughter eats the cheese. They're quite an efficient team in that respect.

1:11:06 - 1:11:14

We found it just two days ago, right? Now, Ian, young Ian Rushden, has refused to eat cheese.

1:11:14 - 1:11:23

Like, sort of just don't like cheese, don't like cheese. And then my wife sort of got the whiff of the fact that he was eating cheese at kinder, and we weren't sure how this was happening.

1:11:23 - 1:11:30

And then she just – we brought some pre-grated cheese, and we put a bowl of pasta next to the cheese, and he just ate the cheese in front of it.

1:11:30 - 1:11:35

Like he'd been gaslighting us for a year. You were like – Hang on, what were you doing before?

1:11:35 - 1:11:39

You were giving him, like, an entire wheel of Parmesan and just hoping he'd just get stuck in.

1:11:39 - 1:11:51

The cheese bought a brie and blue. Yeah, blue, big, stinky, Cashel Blue. He had great cheese into his food, and he just wouldn't have it.

1:11:51 - 1:11:54

And then he just – just this thing next to it. It was just a real moment.

1:11:54 - 1:12:07

We just couldn't believe that he'd done it. Tom, have you done that thing where you're like – where your daughter's like, oh, margarita pizza, and you're like, it's not a margarita pizza when we're telling mummy it's a poke bowl,

1:12:07 - 1:12:17

and that is a caprese salad. That's what these are called. I'll tell you what did happen to me on Sunday.

1:12:17 - 1:12:26

So, again, I don't know if this is allowed, but I'd – my kids like this sort of kombucha drink that they sell near where I live.

1:12:26 - 1:12:32

I know. And I was walking with my daughter, and I'd taken it off them because they were arguing about who was going to have sons.

1:12:32 - 1:12:42

I was like, just cool down, and we'll figure it out later. And my daughter, who's three, was just yelling at me, Daddy, I want my kombucha, really, really loudly across Asken Heath.

1:12:42 - 1:12:47

I know. I know. And that's the kind of thing where you're like, oh, for God's sake.

1:12:47 - 1:12:55

I don't have a lot of credibility anyway. But that's nice. I nearly asked her to step out of the cargo bike.

1:12:55 - 1:13:05

Yeah, exactly. Oh, dear. Bath, are we bathing, or are we just? I gave her a bath because she was all over the place.

1:13:05 - 1:13:13

She was very tired, and she had slipped while walking on the wall after I'd asked her not to walk on the wall, and she slightly grazed her leg.

1:13:13 - 1:13:20

So I gave her a bath, telling her that would help, and it didn't. And then it was just that.

1:13:21 - 1:13:35

The negotiation with my son again about bedtime, encouraging him to do some reading. Sorry, just for your daughter, in Tour de France, a lot of the time if they have a bad road crash,

1:13:35 - 1:13:54

you have to not let the scab form because that will restrict movement. So every night in the shower, you have to get a nail brush and rub off the scab as it's forming so that you and then so that, you know, you can ride.

1:13:54 - 1:13:59

So that's maybe that's what she needed. But surely the wound will just keep weeping if you do that.

1:13:59 - 1:14:09

Yes, but the movement isn't because when the scab forms, your leg movement, because generally it's on the knee, is slightly restricted.

1:14:09 - 1:14:15

So I'm just saying maybe that's what she needs. Well, that's quite interesting because I had cut my hand.

1:14:15 - 1:14:24

This is similar to the kombucha thing. I'd cut my hand on a can of Pirello olives, if you know these olives, do they have these olives in Australia?

1:14:24 - 1:14:36

Well, I come back often enough to know the Pirello olives, of course. Okay, so I was, and the reason I did it was because I'd opened the can and then put it in recycling and then I was punching down the recycling bin

1:14:36 - 1:14:44

to make more space and I just punched straight into the can. And I had quite a big cut on my hand.

1:14:44 - 1:14:55

You probably can't see this on this one actually, it's here. And because I kept moving my fingers, I was having to play guitar at the time in Texas when the film was on,

1:14:55 - 1:15:01

they wanted me to play a song. So every time I was playing guitar, it would just keep opening up and it was impossible for a scab to form.

1:15:01 - 1:15:12

So it was really difficult and I was bleeding like a lot. I mean, I guess it was a bit like that Brian Adams thing of playing till your fingers bled, which is only possible if you've got your hand on some Pirello olives before.

1:15:12 - 1:15:17

Is that what Brian Adams did? Yeah, but you can't put that in the song.

1:15:17 - 1:15:23

Can we just run the numbers on this? Yeah. Just very briefly run the numbers.

1:15:23 - 1:15:31

I know we're winding this down. If that's the summer of 69, okay, he is 16 presumably then.

1:15:31 - 1:15:38

Yeah. So he's born 53, which now makes... I think it checks out. I think it checks out.

1:15:38 - 1:15:48

73? He's 73 now. Yeah. Have you seen him? He's back doing arenas again. He looks... I'm just going to get the age of Brian Adams.

1:15:48 - 1:15:53

Like I said, we are winding down, but we do have to... I'm going to actually fact check how old Brian Adams is.

1:15:53 - 1:16:00

No, otherwise his legal team will be in touch. He's 65. He's 65. Oh, what? How old was he in 69?

1:16:00 - 1:16:10

10. No. He didn't play until his finger was bled and he was 10. So it should be the summer of 75, should it?

1:16:10 - 1:16:16

Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. How weird. He can buscan a bit still.

1:16:16 - 1:16:20

It's not terrible. Why would he do it? No, but it can't be that he was 10 because they get up to mischief, don't they?

1:16:21 - 1:16:27

He's going out partying with his mates and sort of, you know, isn't he drinking in the truck and all that stuff?

1:16:27 - 1:16:31

I can't remember the lyrics. Is it possible that not all music is completely autobiographical?

1:16:31 - 1:16:40

I don't know. Yeah, but there's sort of non-autobiographical music. Like, I don't think the Beatles actually lived in a yellow submarine, for example.

1:16:40 - 1:16:50

Hang on a second. And then there's just, like, dates that don't make sense. Well, that's an easy fix, Brian.

1:16:51 - 1:16:58

Yeah, completely. Could have just moved it forward a tiny bit. The whole edifice that we've been living our life on is now shattered, isn't it, with this news?

1:16:58 - 1:17:10

Like, a 10-year-old wouldn't be, you know, would be interested in other things, would be interested in, I don't know, what are you interested in when you're 10?

1:17:10 - 1:17:19

Like, obsessively remembering the name of every FA Cup winner for the last 50 years. You know, those were the best days.

1:17:19 - 1:17:26

I mean, also, because he says, you know, we, you know, we started a band and we tried real hard and then, like, Jimmy quit and, like, some...

1:17:26 - 1:17:35

Jodie got married. I think I was married at 12. Kenny. Yeah, that's true. Hang on, maybe they were Mormons or something.

1:17:35 - 1:17:37

Do they get married young? I don't know. I'm not an expert on these things.

1:17:37 - 1:17:47

I guess maybe it's possible, but even so, it feels like the parents should be referenced in the song if that's what's happened.

1:17:47 - 1:17:59

It would be like Jodie's dad insisted he get married, wouldn't it? Again, it doesn't scan along with the audience.

1:17:59 - 1:18:05

No, it doesn't scan. This is the problem. Yeah. Okay, so we've had a bath.

1:18:05 - 1:18:11

Is he practicing piano some more? No, no. He's reading. Come on, give the guy a break.

1:18:11 - 1:18:17

He's reading. I've got him to read a bit of Wimpy Kid. I'll take that as a win.

1:18:17 - 1:18:23

I'll tell you a great one of that genre. There's a book called Dangerous Everywhere by David O'Doherty.

1:18:23 - 1:18:29

Now, I've heard of him. He might really enjoy. Do you know what? He would enjoy that.

1:18:29 - 1:18:38

Yeah. Okay, all right. I'm going to get him on that. There's a book called Dog by the Bakery Door by Jamie Bruce, and I have no connection to her apart from she's probably- What's it called?

1:18:38 - 1:18:46

Dog by the Bakery Door. She's probably watching Netflix in the house, this house right now, but there's no connection between me and her.

1:18:46 - 1:18:51

That's a picture book, though. Well, that might be good for my three. Three-year-old, then.

1:18:51 - 1:18:56

Yeah, it would be really good for a three-year-old. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Are you trying to undermine my wife, David?

1:18:56 - 1:19:00

It's like, no, Tom doesn't mind my book. It did feel like that, didn't it?

1:19:00 - 1:19:04

Yeah, it did. That's a shit one. I thought he said it was, yeah, but that's a shit book.

1:19:04 - 1:19:12

He's very excited about it. It's very similar to what he's doing with the salt path, just going around bookshops going, not that, not that one.

1:19:12 - 1:19:17

Have you not seen the play about Roald Dahl? He's got some extreme genes about things.

1:19:17 - 1:19:23

Okay, they both are sleeping. Have we managed that? Yeah, I got them to sleep.

1:19:23 - 1:19:33

That's fine. I got them to sleep. And then just, oh, I know. I watched half of, because I didn't have time to finish it, the new film by The Pin.

1:19:33 - 1:19:42

You know The Pin? Yeah, the sketch guys. Ben and Ace. They've got a film with Orlando Bloom, Bryce Dallas Howard, Nick Mohamed called Deep Cover.

1:19:42 - 1:19:50

That's really good fun. I was watching that. Wow. And wanted to see what other films were out at the same time as ours.

1:19:50 - 1:19:55

Do you know what I mean? It's very different to our film. It's great. It's very funny.

1:19:55 - 1:20:03

And then my wife came home and we watched more of Adam Curtis and just got in a really weird mood before bed again.

1:20:03 - 1:20:09

To sort of go full circle. Did you consume anything after the pizza? Because that's quite a long time ago.

1:20:09 - 1:20:14

Oh, yeah. Okay. So I did because my nephew had been staying on the weekend.

1:20:14 - 1:20:23

And he, listen, this is going to, tip us into another slightly lengthy anecdote, but it's quite good.

1:20:23 - 1:20:33

He had ended up staying two nights rather than one because on the Friday he was meant to go and get a flight to Italy where he'd got a job that he was going out to do for a few days.

1:20:33 - 1:20:43

But what had happened is he'd taken his mum's passport from home. So he'd gone to the airport and then they'd obviously seen that he's not his mum.

1:20:43 - 1:20:49

And then he'd had to call his parents who live famously in Devon, as I've established, and they then send it up to him.

1:20:49 - 1:20:52

He then has to get it. He has to get it on Saturday and go on a new flight.

1:20:52 - 1:21:00

And because of that extra night staying at ours, he gave us a big box of chocolate Leibnitzes.

1:21:00 - 1:21:07

Oh, lovely. So I was just chowing down on the choco Leibnitzes while I was watching this film.

1:21:07 - 1:21:15

And just to be clear, he is older than your kids. When you said nephew, it did imply he was maybe five or six.

1:21:15 - 1:21:21

And then he's been sent to Italy to gather those olives. He tried to kill you.

1:21:21 - 1:21:25

Yeah, it does feel a bit like that, doesn't it? No, don't worry. He's actually nine.

1:21:25 - 1:21:32

He's 19. He's 19. This is like Brian Adams. It's the best days of his life. It is.

1:21:32 - 1:21:42

So it's nearly bedtime now, Tom. So then eat those biscuits. Eat my biscuits. Eat my biscuits.

1:21:42 - 1:21:48

I have got some cheese from the weekend. So I had a bit of cheese just to kind of just add to the Curtis kind of weird dreams thing.

1:21:48 - 1:21:53

Good stuff. This is good. Lots of cheese. He's disturbing TV show and then bed.

1:21:53 - 1:21:59

And then I try to go to sleep, but it's too hot. So I'm thinking about Adam Curtis.

1:21:59 - 1:22:05

Well, rather, I'm thinking about his documentary rather than him. And that doesn't go very well.

1:22:05 - 1:22:13

But, you know, I'm doing my best. I don't remember it being like a problematic night's sleep, but it wasn't great.

1:22:13 - 1:22:20

It's quite an early time to go to bed. So maybe you don't feel the tiredness yet.

1:22:20 - 1:22:33

Yeah. But I think that's possibly true. I think we're trying to sort of adjust to, like, the fact that our kids will wake up a lot and will wake up very early and therefore reduce the amount of waking hours at the other end of the day.

1:22:33 - 1:22:37

You've got to get to bed as early as you can. I know, but it's hard, isn't it?

1:22:37 - 1:22:43

Because then what can happen is that you get them to sleep and then it's like, well, we're going to bed in, like, 25 minutes.

1:22:43 - 1:22:48

And then your life is just crap. Yeah, but then what kind of life are you living?

1:22:48 - 1:22:52

None. Well, you're watching, like, a third of a film and then you're like, okay, forget it then.

1:22:52 - 1:22:59

But we haven't done a film in. Apart from your film, I think that's probably the only film I've watched in the last three years.

1:22:59 - 1:23:04

It's the only one you need to watch. No, I completely agree. And when you get time for another one, watch it again.

1:23:04 - 1:23:14

Oh, yeah, I absolutely will. Yeah, good. Yeah, it's demoralising. But, you know, I think that the early bedtime is kind of the only way through at the moment.

1:23:14 - 1:23:19

Was that a good day? Yeah, I think it was a good day. There we go.

1:23:20 - 1:23:36

There's Tom's day. It's a good day, wasn't it? I enjoyed the reversing into the front door was fun.

1:23:36 - 1:23:49

Yeah. Wasn't it? That was quite unexpected. Easy enough thing to do, I guess, in this day and age with the automatic car, with the electric car as well, I think, because you probably, you put your foot on the gas,

1:23:49 - 1:23:56

and there isn't that slow to, am I wrong? I don't know. I doubt that car didn't sound like it had a choke.

1:23:56 - 1:24:07

You know, that's, and also the fiddly gear stick was an issue. But also, you know, the fact that Tom, you and I, between us, unearthed the fact that Brian Adams is a fraud,

1:24:07 - 1:24:22

I think is, you know, that's a big learning from today's episode. It's something, Justin Moore House, imagine if he'd driven into the front of his house in the old French coffee wagon, that would have been even worse, because not only

1:24:22 - 1:24:27

would you have broken the front door, but coffee would have started filling the house through the letterbox.

1:24:27 - 1:24:34

Yeah, but the image I had of that van, the whole van would just fall down like a, it's made of sort of balsa wood, like a clown car would just go.

1:24:34 - 1:24:46

Anyway, if you'd like to get in touch with this podcast, we love hearing from you, especially for the Midweek Mayhem episodes, which is basically you telling us things without that episode.

1:24:46 - 1:24:49

It would be thinner, it would be thinner, David, wouldn't it, without the excellent interaction?

1:24:49 - 1:24:59

from our listeners. Here is how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com.

1:24:59 - 1:25:06

Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod. And please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.

1:25:06 - 1:25:14

And if you didn't, please don't. Hey, thanks, David. I had a nice time. I'm in it for life.

1:25:14 - 1:25:19

I just really enjoy hearing about people's days and considering what this podcast is about.

1:25:19 - 1:25:31

This podcast is, I think it's probably quite good. If you developed a late-in-life allergy to yesterdays, that would be the only way this podcast could end.

1:25:31 - 1:25:36

And I don't see that happening. So let's do it again. We can go again. See you next week.

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The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 2 )

The Great Christmas Bunny Emergency (Part 1 )

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WDWDY #51: In Fairness To Lube

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