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Podcasts, there are millions of them. Some might say too many. I have one already.
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I don't have any, because there are enough. Politics, business, sport, you name it, there's a podcast about it, and they all ask the big questions and cover the hot topics of the day.
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But nobody is covering the most important topic of all. Why is that? Are they scared?
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Too afraid of being censored by the man? Possibly, but not us. We're here to ask the only question that matters.
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We try and say it at the same time, Max. What did you do yesterday?
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What did you do yesterday? That's it. All we're interested in is what the guests got up to yesterday.
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Nothing more. Day before yesterday, Max? Nope. The greatest and most interesting day of your life?
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Unless it was yesterday, we don't want to know about it. I'm Max Rushden. And I'm David O'Doherty.
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Welcome to What Did You Do Yesterday? Hello, everybody. Welcome to Series 3, episode of What Did You Do Yesterday?
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Midweek Mayhem. David O'Doherty is here. Welcome, David. Bringing you all the news from around the world in the last 24 hours.
1:13 - 1:19
In Lebanon, our current... It's a change of tack. It is a change of tack.
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Lise Doucette joins us. With all the latest from Trump's Washington. Although, actually, actually, on that...
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A friend of mine who is in the advertising world, David, he's got his toe in the door with...
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I'm sorry to bring them up so early. I wasn't planning to. It was a lower down the running order with Lululemon.
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He's fishing around to find out what our numbers are. Obviously, I said they are, you know, they're stratospheric.
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Stratospheric, yeah. And he was like, sorry, I'm a bit behind. Because I was saying last Mayhem was quite heavy on this.
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And people start emailing saying, could you please go to talking about shitting again? Because I just don't want to...
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And he said he was a bit, you know, behind because of world events, you know, and those sort of podcasts taking up his time.
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And I said, well, I, you know, we fixed Iran last week on Midweek Mayhem.
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And he said, was the supreme leader of the guest. So do you have Cheerios, Ayatollah?
2:20 - 2:27
Do you, after that, you're doing the school run. He's like, oh, then I've got to take there at different schools.
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It's a nightmare. I never learned to drive. Just like Mark Watson. I listened to the Mark Watson pod in preparation.
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Oh, did you now? Anyway, anyway, should we get some feedback? Oh, no, for the tape.
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This is worth, this is good for the listeners. Just before we came on air, David said he had an amazing day yesterday.
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So it's something he said, don't you worry about a thing. He's got a day for the ages, which we will come to.
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I did use those words. Just before we begin this, how much correspondence do you have there, Max, regarding BBC Morning Live, which must be their new breakfast show, has a guy, I don't have his name,
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but I've been sent clips. I've got some info, don't worry. He's some sort of, the clip that they've shown is him talking about what temperature a washing machine needs to be at to get out various stains.
3:25 - 3:35
And he looks exactly like you. And lots of people saying Default Man 4. And here's the thing.
3:35 - 3:52
His name is Alexander Gerald Van Hoogenhoek-Tulleken. He's a doctor and he's best known for presenting the CBBC children's series Operation Ouch with his identical twin brother, Chris, Default Man 4 and 5, clearly.
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But here's the thing. I mean, for a Default Man, he said he's descended from Jan Van Hoogenhoek Tulleken, a Dutch rear admiral who was later raised to the nobility with the title Jonkier,
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it's the equivalent of a baronet. So he has that title. He's a baronet. He's not a Default Man.
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He's a baronet, for goodness sake. But I don't know. The thing that I found funny was I was genuinely interested in what temperature you should be washing your clothes.
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I don't know about you. I'm a 40 degree guy. I'm just like 40, yeah? And in the clip, he tells you that 40 is madness.
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It's neither hot enough to really, really, you know, bust the stains, but it's not cold enough that you're now repeating what Default Man 4 said.
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But it's like, if you even go 10 degrees colder, you save a lot of money in terms of the energy and it's good for the environment.
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So I have literally just put a wash on to go on the night and I went down from 40 to 30 because of Default Man 4.
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We're a tribe. We follow each other. Yeah, I thought we were going to just acknowledge that he looked like you and move on.
5:06 - 5:16
But instead, you're absolutely wrapped by the stuff that Default Man 4 is like. Maybe because he looks exactly like me.
5:16 - 5:20
He's just one of those generic faced men that you can get out of a box.
5:20 - 5:27
I was just like, oh, this guy sounds intriguing. There's also a kid's entertainer. There's an absolute spitting image of me.
5:27 - 5:34
Someone will know, isn't it? I get that message all the time going, I see you've worked drying up, mate.
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It's like a clown nose and some puppets. You're like, okay. Anyway, here's some good feedback from Robbie McKinnon, who says, Hi, Max and David.
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Yesterday, my beloved dog Buddy sadly died while surrounded by his family and loved ones.
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You have our sincere condolences. He says he was an old dog of 14 and he went quite quickly in the end.
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I was very sad throughout the day, but I thought to myself, it's Wednesday and I know what will help.
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Cue my second favorite of Max's podcasts, which I knew would give me a good laugh.
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It was only a few minutes into What Did You Do Yesterday, number 26, when Max brought up putting people's dogs to sleep.
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How this pod was the perfect soundtrack for vets. This cruel twist of fate took another turn when Max mentioned the time, 8.19 a.m. to describe something else he did, which happened to be the time yesterday that Buddy died.
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It's the podcast, actually the center of the known universe. Keep up the good work.
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Everything is showbiz. Thank you, Robbie McKinnon. Thank you, Robbie. It is because, let's not forget, you taught your son, who at this point is a sponge of knowledge, that the sun travels around the earth.
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I did, yeah. You didn't want to get into the complex astrophysics of it. So, yes.
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And at the very center of this earth, which is the center of the universe, is this podcast.
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So, rest in peace. The trouble, rest in peace, buddy. The trouble is having first sent him down like the wrong way scientifically.
7:06 - 7:11
Within a week, Ian is now a mad conspiracy theorist and an anti-vaxxer, which is a problem.
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But, you know, we've got work to do to bring him back around. We spoke of Chris Holton last week, David, the man who made the spreadsheet of wake-up times.
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Yeah. But he recently posted a graph of when did you wake up yesterday. He's worked out, he basically, it's like, you know those sort of weird flow videos you sometimes see on Twitter,
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which is, you know, like producers of cocoa beans through the ages and, you know, Venezuela goes up and goes down and, you know, you're like, oh, I'm just completely mesmerized.
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I can't stop watching this. Like, why do I care? You know, where cufflinks are designed.
7:44 - 7:54
You're like, oh, Switzerland's up. Anyway, it's got one of like, he's progressively worked out when all our, by which time all our guests are awake, which is obviously, you know, 11 a.m. Jamali Maddox.
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But he says half past seven is the most popular wake-up time. This is from series one and two.
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By 7.30, 52% of all guests are up and about. By 8.30, 84% of guests are awake, which is not impressive for a bunch of comedians, I think.
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You know, I think that's good. 7.30 is the time I wake up. That's when the Helen Copter gets us up.
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And don't start. I was thinking of you. I'm saying nothing. Someone said, David, who's mild foxing on blue sky, sent this cartoon that I can't stop thinking about comes up our relationship and the Midweek Mayhem versions of this podcast,
8:35 - 8:41
which is a Will McPhail cartoon who I've met. He lives in Edinburgh. He does cartoons for The New Yorker.
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And David has rebranded the three characters or the four characters in it. One is a couple with a pram.
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So they've written you, Mrs. Rushden, Ian, as the three of them. And they're just walking with the pram.
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And I, I'm in a top hat and no trousers and I'm standing beside a goose.
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And I'm saying, well, I'm going to follow this goose for a while and see where I end up.
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That's our lives, mate. That's so funny. Eamon says, this is some Tim Key confusion.
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Hey, while I'm really enjoying the recent Tim Key episode, I thought you might enjoy how he and my daughter completely managed to confuse each other.
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While I live in the small seaside town of Betty's Town, just north of Dublin, my daughter now lives and works in the thriving metropolis known as London.
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She knew of my fondness for the work of Mr. Key and coming up to Father's Day last year, she saw an opportunity to get me a gift I would greatly appreciate.
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She went and bought Tim's latest at the time book and then went to one of his shows with the intention of getting him to sign it for me.
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The first I knew of this was later in the evening when she rang me, totally confused, wondering how Tim Key knew me.
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It seems that when she approached him and asked him if he would sign the book, he was more than happy to oblige.
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He asked who he should make it out to and my daughter replied with my first name, Eamon.
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Tim then used his knowledge of famous Eamons to quip, it's not Eamon Martin, is it?
10:09 - 10:16
Referring to the English long distance runner from the late 80s and my daughter had never heard of and a classic Tim Key reference.
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The confusion then kicked in off in earnest as my full name actually is Eamon Martin.
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So my daughter replied with a surprise, yes, how did you know? Tim did not expect that reply.
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So I sought confirmation by asking, the one who used to run Marriott marathons, as coincidence would have it, about 15 years ago, I did a couple of charity runs.
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So my daughter could only confirm that I was the Eamon Martin who used to run marathons.
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Tim was not surprisingly shocked that he happened to guess the right Eamon Martin and asked my daughter to send me his best.
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My daughter obviously said that she would, but had no idea how Tim knew me or guessed the right name.
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So 10 minutes later, my daughter called me very impressed that Tim Key seemed to know me, but I'd never mentioned it.
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I'd also like to think that Tim Key later might have said to someone, you'll never guess who asked me to sign a book.
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Keep up the good work. Remember, everything is showbiz. They're just normal cheeses. All the best.
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Eamon Martin, not the long distance runner or the Archbishop of Armagh and primate of all Ireland.
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Yeah. It's not beyond Tim Key to know everyone in the world. Like he's such a curveball personality in some ways that for him to have a photographic memory of everyone he's ever had any encounter with.
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But a good base, you know, like a good base level of middle distance runners is very useful to just have at the back of each half Peter Elliott, Steve O'Vett and Brian Whittle at the back of you.
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I mean, to be fair, Whittle majored on more of a 400 metre runner before the pedants.
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Yeah. Can he touch? Well, Ireland's golden event in the 80s was the mile slash 1500 metres.
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Really? Let's not forget there were 10 Irish winners of the landmark Wanamaker mile, the big indoor one in Madison Square Garden in the 80s.
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Wow. You've got Eamon Coughlin, you've got Frank O'Mara, you've got another guy who I can't remember.
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Ah. And you all had to just run around Zoe Wanamaker until you'd done a mile.
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Craig says, Hi guys, this is road testing the what did you do yesterday sleep method.
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My wife had an early flight today and had to wake up at 4am. I got up with her but when she left at 4.30 I went back to bed.
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Even though I was tired, my mind was quite alert so I thought I'd run through my yesterday as advised by the pod as a going to sleep method.
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Yes! When my wife woke me with a text at 7am, all I can recall from my reminiscing about yesterday was that I'd gotten as far as breakfast.
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The system works, says Craig. Yeah, you have to assume our voices to truly interrogate the day because if you just do it on your own you'll be like, I woke up,
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I had some toast, coffee, you know, whereas you need interruption, you need full on what sucks.
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I think it is, hopefully, it's only if you think of your own yesterday do you think you've fallen asleep, not if you're ever listening to anyone recounting their yesterday because that does have an implication for this podcast.
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This may risk our Lululemon sponsorship, David. Oh, shit. Comedian friend of the pod, Barca Jim, has been in touch and you may bleep this parental advisory.
13:16 - 13:30
I've started listening to Midweek Mayhem as I work. I've always wanted to say this, if you have any children in the car, maybe it might be an idea just to leave them at the side of the road just to put wherever you are,
13:30 - 13:38
just pull over the car and just tell them to stand there and make their own way to wherever you're going.
13:38 - 13:45
Okay, great, Max. Continue. I've started listening to Midweek Mayhem as I work, opening the Lululemon website and checking the Boxer Short page.
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You pair of Tory fucking c**ts. While the quick-drying fabric does have an appeal to men of a certain age, 60 pounds for three pairs can get f**ked.
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Barstow Gym, I got five pairs, but only four arrived and then they refunded me the wrong value of the missing fifth pair.
14:10 - 14:27
So while they were expensive, they were still probably only a tenner each, which is not far off what you, Barstow Gym, are no doubt paying for just regular Marks and Spencer's ones that do not dry and when you urinate yourself,
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keeps it close to the skin which makes a baby unhappy as I know from Pamper's Arts.
14:32 - 14:43
Thank you. Killian in Cork. This is more Life Synchronicity Exhibit 2 following the Buddy RIP.
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Hi Max and David, I love this podcast so much. Thank you. I was listening today as Max was talking about doing connections while I was also doing connections and look at what the first line was.
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Blue, goat, jack, Swiss. Kinds of cheeses. All just normal coincidences. There's Killian. I feel I should just raise Anthony Cozart.
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Yes. Have you seen his correspondence in San Francisco? Listeners, if you are near a desktop or a laptop computer now, too fiddly on your phone, go to Anthony Cozart, Anthony with a T-H,
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Cozart with a Z, dot github.io. He's gone back through every episode of our podcast.
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And what he has found, like this is PhD level sociology. Every single guest, he divides them into 10 things they do with their lives, personal care and hygiene, family and childcare,
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meals and food, work and professional activities, a house of maintenance, entertainment media, sleep and rest, social and cultural, transport and travel.
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And you can check. Everyone has like a colored line of it. It probably has a name and graphing what he's done, but it is a sensational piece of PhD level research.
16:08 - 16:19
And yeah, that's why he has won a scholarship to the recent chair of yesterday at Cambridge University.
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He said it took him 10 hours of coding, but we should put it on our Insta page or whatever.
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If you scroll along or maybe just go to the, and you can find it.
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If you scroll along at each point. So if you scroll along Nish Kumar and it says time 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
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Duration, 60 minutes, exclamation mark, time estimated. Category, personal care and hygiene. Original category, personal hygiene.
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Nish took a shower using Sanic soap and curl shampoo and conditioner. There's so much detail.
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It's absolutely. Yeah. So thank you, Anthony. I got you and Chris muddled up with the nerds, with the sort of nerds who are doing the donkey work here.
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So if we could bring you guys together, it would be like the large Hadron Collider of yesterday.
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It would be mad. But I'm all for it. Aileen says, Hi, Max, David and Mars Bar and Jamie, Ian, Willie and the Helen Copter.
17:13 - 17:22
Thank you for involving, including the whole family. I was listening to the brilliant Justin Morehouse episode when he mentioned a fact about Vimto named from Vimtonic with Vim meaning vigor.
17:22 - 17:28
This interesting fact made me think of another podcast I listened to, the Jason Manford show on Sunday morning on Absolute Radio.
17:29 - 17:35
Where he has a hit me with your best fact segment. I thought I'd send him this to see if he would read it on the radio.
17:35 - 17:39
You should be listening to talk sport at that hour. I would just point out that's okay.
17:39 - 17:45
I excitedly sent an email with the Vimto facts and mentioned I got this from your What Did You Do Yesterday podcast.
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Lo and behold, he read it out. I was so excited to hear my name on the radio.
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So thanks to your podcast and Justin. He didn't, however, give credit to this pod or Justin.
17:54 - 18:02
So I wonder how far this cross-pollination could go. You might want to pull him up on the submission and reclaim the fact for yourselves and read my name out again.
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He pronounced it correctly. Love the podcast. Please do some live shows and please, please come to Glasgow.
18:06 - 18:13
All the best, Aileen. Do we have beef with Manford? Well, we haven't asked him to be on it yet.
18:13 - 18:19
I just figure he's always gigging. So he's always playing paddle on his on his Instagram.
18:19 - 18:26
He's just playing paddle. He's obsessed with paddle. You could certainly ask him, but. Well, now I don't know if we should.
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Maybe he should be our first lifetime ban for not. Bringing us up on his Max Morehouse.
18:32 - 18:48
I was looking at Justin Morehouse's Instagram this week. The Citroen adorable coffee van that plays accordion music as the dog leaps in and out of it as he drives in morning traffic with people in Land Rover is trying to overtake him
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and beeping at him needs a new gearbox. Yes, unfortunately, there'll be no van on the park for the next few days.
18:54 - 19:00
She needs a new gearbox. Sorry for the inconvenience. So, yeah, it's not buddy levels of rest in peace.
19:00 - 19:07
The van will be back. And it's a van. It's not a dog. Oh, buddy.
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Oh, buddy passed away. When Justin Morehouse Joe says, dear David and Max, I'm a big fan of the show.
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It's the perfect background podcast while I'm cooking so good that I even pause it while the kettle is boiling so I don't miss anything.
19:29 - 19:35
Exciting. I've just listened to the Cariad Lloyd episode where Max introduced the newest character to the pod, Lord Percy of Digbat.
19:35 - 19:45
We'd love to know what he got up to yesterday. It'll be a perfect midweek mayhem episode to ask Max to perform on the spot and really test his improv credentials.
19:45 - 19:50
Anything to not have to listen to him complain about his coffee order again. Just order a normal coffee.
19:50 - 20:06
Lord Percy of Digbat has begat truth. Two children, a three-year-old and a 12-week-old who rise considerably early.
20:06 - 20:11
Max, sorry, is this just your regular day and a stupid voice? That was it.
20:11 - 20:18
I felt like you'd taken me back to the Dingbat era. A couple of quick things before we get to They're Just Normal Countries.
20:18 - 20:24
On the lyrics to Antiques Roadshow in the Sooz Kempner episode, you were speculating, do they have lyrics?
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Well, a lot of people got in touch. Adam and Joe did this. Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish did this.
20:29 - 20:34
Oh, wow. The funny thing is, they did it on Six Music and it's really funny if you go and we'll put it in the show notes.
20:34 - 20:38
It's the sort of thing Adam would do, but we won't. But just go and find it.
20:38 - 20:44
It's really funny and it's good because Adam just raps a little bit at the bridge.
20:44 - 20:52
But actually, the version that we just improvised sounds quite a lot like it because, of course, they both sound like the Antiques Roadshow thing.
20:52 - 21:05
Anyway. Charlie says, Hi, Max and David. I'm a gardener and after getting Mark Watson to sign my chainsaw bar, a.k.a. Mark Chopson, for reasons I decided to rename my tools after other comedians,
21:05 - 21:13
mainly out of boredom, allow me to introduce you to Strimkey and David Hodoity. Doherty, excuse me.
21:13 - 21:19
Yeah, they are. I mean, they look very much like normal tools. They're just normal tools, but they have comedians' names.
21:19 - 21:26
David Hodoity and Strimkey, which is nice. I'm sorry, Max. I'm sorry you're not in there yet.
21:26 - 21:30
No, no, no. I'm not a comedian. It's been well established. I'm happy with that.
21:30 - 21:37
Otherwise, I'd demand a tool to be named after me. Okay, they're just normal countries.
21:37 - 21:48
Welcome to Incredible Jingle, this AI Chesney to They're Just Normal Countries. I am the one and only.
21:48 - 22:01
What country could I be? I am the one and only. Where in the world could our listeners be?
22:01 - 22:17
Okay, so previous guesses so far. Madagascar, Namibia, Costa Rica, Uganda, North Korea, Guyana. Let me just repeat so you may not be aware of what this is.
22:17 - 22:24
We're looking for countries around the world. This is like when you explained who Dion Dublin was, but you know, everybody knows.
22:24 - 22:35
Carry on. This would be like what's the most beautiful basic game show? They still do explain whatever the incredibly...
22:35 - 22:44
Yeah, on every episode of Pointless. So you're right. I'd say you are right to constantly stop and say, for people who don't know, Nigel Havers is this person.
22:44 - 22:49
But I quite like the assumed knowledge and if you don't know, you would just go along with it anyway.
22:49 - 23:02
Okay, fine. I won't explain it then. David suggests there are six countries that at the time of when this was established by producer, they've only ever had one listen to this podcast.
23:02 - 23:10
One listen. And so you can guess your country and its winner stays on. So really, you don't want to get the first one right because then you have to stay on and get,
23:10 - 23:14
imagine if one person got six in a row. Anyway, Jody O'Sullivan. Hi Max, David and Mars Bar.
23:14 - 23:22
I'd like to prefer my guess for one of the countries for your soon to be titled segment that as of yet has no proper name that does have a marvellous sting.
23:22 - 23:32
I write to you from the glorious tropical Pacific island of Saipan. As I was running along the seafront last week, past the football field that cost Ireland glory at the 2002 World Cup.
23:32 - 23:38
I was listening to the pod and wondering where these countries could be. Then it struck me that I have a VPN on my phone.
23:38 - 23:51
So normally it would look like my downloads are made in Japan. However, maybe one day I had inadvertently turned the VPN off and it actually registered as a download from the Northern Marianas Islands.
23:51 - 23:59
So that's my guess. I'm the only Irish person on the island. I'm not sure the only English person would be au fait enough with Soccer AM Glory Years to give the pod a listen.
23:59 - 24:04
Though I may be wrong and if I am, I'm going to start the Saipan branch of the podcast fan club.
24:04 - 24:09
Love the pod, keep up the good work. It's very topical, isn't it? Just before we get the answer.
24:09 - 24:17
Yeah, so this is the week when the trailer of a movie based on the biggest thing that's ever happened in Irish sport.
24:17 - 24:38
The Irish football team were really good in 2002 and we qualified for the World Cup and our best player was the temperamental Manchester United midfielder Roy Keane and in blazing rags with the manager in the pre-tournament warm-up camp on Saipan he left and went home.
24:38 - 24:47
Ireland ended up doing pretty well still in the tournament but you do think how much better we could have done if he had been there.
24:47 - 24:57
We would have done the same. We lost in a penalty shootout to Spain. We would have got that and then beaten South Korea in the quarters and I can't remember who we would have played in the semi-final.
24:59 - 25:09
And so it's this tiny island that is etched in the consciousness of a significant portion of the Irish population.
25:09 - 25:17
Also, the other fact that I know about it is so it was the only thing anyone was talking about in Ireland at the time.
25:17 - 25:27
It was leading on all of the news bulletins. Bertie Ahern, the Prime Minister of the time said he was going to talk to Roy and try and get him to go back.
25:27 - 25:33
It was massive. And the team were all in this island and they had no idea.
25:33 - 25:39
They'd get phone calls from home, but it was impossible for people to get across how huge a thing this was.
25:39 - 25:46
But there was one computer in the foyer of the hotel that connected to the internet.
25:46 - 25:52
Sent to queue up. This is 2002, so none of them knew how to get on the internet.
25:52 - 25:58
There's a scene in, is it Zoolander, where they have a Mac and they're all just hitting it.
25:59 - 26:09
They're all just punching it. And then it turns out there was one player, Matt Holland, I believe, who knew how to do computers.
26:09 - 26:18
And he simply put Ireland News into Ask Jeeves or whatever the big search engine was in 2002.
26:18 - 26:28
And what came up shocked the entire team because it's leading on every bulletin. It's the entire front page of every Irish newspaper.
26:28 - 26:34
Six separate stories on it. So that is all I know about the internet on Saipan.
26:34 - 26:40
And now we will find out if anyone has ever listened to What Did You Do Yesterday.
26:40 - 26:49
We will. Matt Holland, who I've spoken to many times, I'm not surprised that he was the player who knew how to use the internet.
26:49 - 26:54
We should get Roy Keane on. I think he'd be a good guest. Let's get Roy Keane.
26:54 - 27:00
Okay, so over to producer Mars Bar. The guest is the Northern Maritime Rihannas Islands.
27:00 - 27:10
Thank you, Mars Bar. What I will say very quickly is I think it's the best guest we've had so far.
27:10 - 27:17
It did have listens. So the ones that have got zero, I think, don't really count.
27:17 - 27:23
That's a miss. But that area of the world has only had four listens in total.
27:23 - 27:35
They're probably all him. They're probably all Jodie, aren't they? No, hang on. Just as regards future guests, should people be thinking in terms of archipelagos?
27:35 - 27:42
Come on, no clues. Really? Absolutely. Strike that question from the podcast or I will never...
27:42 - 27:50
You must know better than that by now, David. Have you known Max? I will be no part of this podcast.
27:50 - 27:58
I will walk away from this thing which has become quite important to me if we're to get a clue about archipelagos on They're Just Normal Countries.
27:58 - 28:09
Just normal archipelagos. Okay, it's your day, David. Before we do it, here is an email from Lawrence in Cambridgeshire who says, Hello, David, GenericMan3 and Michael.
28:09 - 28:15
I've been a listener from the start. Love the pod. Can't help feel as though I'm chasing those heady days of Richard Osman's undisclosed dinner.
28:15 - 28:21
As a purist of the format and the oath to tell the full truth, I was appalled by Mr. Osman's refusal to share.
28:21 - 28:27
But I've since realized that when this anger dissipated, it turned into an appreciation for the mystique of aspects of our everyday lives.
28:27 - 28:32
This has often led me to wonder what David or Max have got up to in their fallow week.
28:32 - 28:44
I have a controversial suggestion for the midweek mayhem episodes. Random selection. Max and David could give a tantalizing overview, a kind of theatrical trailer of their day, then toss a coin to determine which day we hear about in full.
28:44 - 28:49
You might think this sounds like a terrible idea, but I have three compelling reasons why you should adopt it.
28:49 - 28:58
One, it will introduce an obvious but small quantity of peril, which can only liven up what otherwise sounds like a, quote, pretty boring podcast, Wife of Man from Halifax.
28:58 - 29:09
Two, Jamie will never know whether or not it's Max's turn, which guarantees the It's My Podcast Week treatment on a weekly basis.
29:09 - 29:18
Three, producer Mars Bar no longer has to make massive sacrifices like planning the specific date of his proposal purely to help massage the rota between Max and David.
29:18 - 29:24
In fact, the only argument I can think of against this idea is the massive jeopardy it would bring on Boxing Day 2025.
29:24 - 29:38
Thank you for your attention to this matter, Lawrence and Cambridgeshire. Very interesting point. Yeah, all I will say to it is based on your last 10 yesterdays, it'd be hard to come up with a trailer for that where people would be going like,
29:38 - 29:53
I wonder if she breastfed a child sitting on cold concrete on a miserable Melbourne morning as opposed to my life where I'm just chasing a goose around a field.
29:53 - 30:01
You could say, did I cycle around Phoenix Park or not? Fine, yeah. Anyway, David, it's your day.
30:01 - 30:11
6.11. Whoa, this is big. Yep. Is that the cat? Wake with, yes, we are still minding the cat.
30:11 - 30:17
Oh, good stuff. That will be the big theme of this one. Meow, French word for honey.
30:17 - 30:24
Interestingly, meow, meow is one of those words, it's the Irish word for honey as well.
30:24 - 30:29
And so towns in Ireland like Clonmow are the place where the honey was made et cetera.
30:29 - 30:38
Meow, who I think might be behind me, is, had a slightly reddish hue when she was a kitten.
30:38 - 30:45
Now it's just standard green, lizard-y, greeny brown cat. You're allowed to say lizard-y cat, but you know what I mean?
30:45 - 30:51
That sort of- A green cat? Camouflage-y. Yeah, green-ish-y. I don't know any green cats.
30:51 - 31:00
You know, loads of green. They're not solid green. They're that camo- David, are you thinking of frogs?
31:00 - 31:12
I woke up with 300 tadpoles in my bed. You're wondering why this frog doesn't want any Sheba.
31:12 - 31:36
Miel is operating on a different time to us. Miel's very mysterious. While we have got closer over the last week, it's kind of- It's like a cop buddy movie where a cop who doesn't like dogs is given a dog and the dog slowly-
31:36 - 31:40
What was the one with Tom Hanks? Was that Turner and Hooch? Is that what happens in that film?
31:40 - 31:46
Turner's- I can't remember. And Hooch presumably is the dog. Yeah, you wouldn't call a dog Turner.
31:46 - 32:01
Robert Turner. This is my dog. Yeah, Miel's just sitting there making this kind of like the- the sound and feeling- Is it ribbiting?
32:01 - 32:09
Ribbit, ribbit. That a phone makes, a Nokia makes when a text is coming in.
32:09 - 32:22
Ah, diddly-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. On silent, yes. Okay. Yeah, okay. Like that. So, I don't mind it, to be honest.
32:22 - 32:30
It's something- No, lovely, it's lovely. It's very comforting. But it is 6.11, nonetheless. We are therefore awake now.
32:30 - 32:36
I seem to be poor at getting back to sleep when I'm awoken with a start like this.
32:36 - 32:51
So, I just decide to lie there beside the soft-breathing Helen Copter and go through this show I am working on for the Edinburgh Fringe that is coming together, but I'd done a run through the night before.
32:51 - 32:56
Not great. It was- We'd had a big step up the previous week. This one wasn't great.
32:56 - 33:03
So, let's just try and think our way through it. Alarm goes off, 7.30, Helen Copter, it's her turn.
33:03 - 33:08
So, hang on, sorry, interruption. That's sort of 90 minutes, 80 minutes of just going through this show.
33:08 - 33:15
Yeah, I mean, I might have dozed off for a bit. That doesn't bode well for the show, does it?
33:15 - 33:29
Not in the show. The cat also, every time I think it senses that I might be losing interest in the cat, like the cat doesn't like to be petted, particularly,
33:29 - 33:35
but the cat likes to be kind of crushed very gently with your hands on either side of it.
33:35 - 33:48
And sometimes it'll walk. Weirdly, it doesn't seem to want to wake Helen Copter. So it does this walk around my body above my head in that tiny gap between the headboard.
33:48 - 33:57
And yeah, it's lovely because it's only for another week or two, I think, before Helen Copter's brother comes back from his holidays.
33:57 - 34:02
You weren't going to give him back? Well, we'll see over the course of this day.
34:02 - 34:13
Helen Copter makes breakfast. It's a pita. It's got peanut butter on it. It's got banana on the peanut butter.
34:13 - 34:21
It's got some honey on that. And then Helen Copter's secret little touch, a little of salt on it.
34:21 - 34:29
Delicious. Great stuff. The way you made the salt noise, it did make me think she just grollies up some flame.
34:29 - 34:41
Crawly. I've never heard that before. Is that what we're calling it? It did sound exactly like that.
34:41 - 34:49
Could you just, I love the pita. Could you just, yeah, just leave the, just leave the gob, would you, Helen?
34:49 - 34:54
Let's hold that. Can I have that on the side? I'd like the gob on the side, please.
34:54 - 35:04
Yeah, like it is a disgruntled fast food employee who's underpaid. She gobs in every bit of food that she makes for me.
35:04 - 35:19
Clunk, clunk. What's that? Something's come through the letterbox. I go down and it's a parcel that they've been able to push through the tiny letterbox.
35:19 - 35:30
Six pairs of socks. So the same thing that's happening to my balls and dick and ass is now going to happen to my feet as well.
35:30 - 35:38
They are going to be absolutely just dressed up to the nines in new socks.
35:38 - 35:47
Where are we getting these socks from? Similar to the underpants from an unnamed brand.
35:47 - 35:51
No, no, no. I didn't get them from them. I don't trust them with socks.
35:51 - 35:57
I don't trust Lululemon with socks. Don't tell that. Don't listen to that bit. Sponsors.
35:58 - 36:04
They're, you know, they're an athleisure wear brand, but the sock is a different thing.
36:04 - 36:15
The sock goes in a shoe to be punished throughout the day. So I ordered from a famous German sportswear brand.
36:15 - 36:26
That's all I'll say. Fine. Six pairs of Adidas socks. For those of you that don't know, Adidas is
36:28 - 36:44
Stop over-explaining everything. They're in three different colors. There is a dark blue, a light blue, and one where I do wonder why they made it in that color, a sort of porridge-colored sock.
36:44 - 36:51
Yeah, yeah, I know the one. It just looks like someone has strained, you know, a cake through a sock.
36:51 - 37:02
Which, yeah, I guess was the plan. the Helen Copter, goes off to work. Sorry, do you immediately put on a pair of the new ones?
37:02 - 37:11
No, that'd be mad, because... Oh, I think that's exactly what I'd do. Because I have a podcast coming up, and I would never podcast in socks.
37:11 - 37:20
Ah, is that right? Yep. I have a podcast outfit, which is generally slip-on slippers.
37:20 - 37:28
Yeah. A trouser, because I podcast in the basement where it's always a few degrees cooler.
37:28 - 37:39
than upstairs. And then I enjoy a zip-up kind of... Not cardigan, because it's like high-performance Patagonia thing.
37:39 - 37:43
And then I unzip that. You'll know the podcast... Oh, like when you're coming on the pitch.
37:43 - 37:48
You take off your train top, turn it to one side, take a swig of...
37:48 - 37:52
You just spray some water over your face, throw that over your shoulder, and then you're on.
37:52 - 37:58
Yeah. I rub... I'm real early 2000s in that I rub Vicks on this sort of...
37:58 - 38:04
sort of chest plate off my jersey as well. And you've got a nose... You've got one of those Robbie Fallon nose things on as well.
38:04 - 38:14
Huge reverations to this podcast. Helen Kupter goes to work. I'm excited to record our podcast that we recorded yesterday, Max.
38:14 - 38:26
Boy, am I excited. I'm in all of the gear. You've organized a great guest who I don't think I will mention because it'll be nice when he or she comes on.
38:26 - 38:37
Yeah. So it's never happened before, but it's me and Mars Bar in the whatever the software we use to record this.
38:37 - 38:51
And then the guest arrives and this has never happened before. And we dark humor sets in that you have been taken by wildlife on your way from the house to the shed.
38:51 - 38:59
An anaconda. Well, there are brown snakes in Melbourne. There are. Yeah, yeah, they are.
38:59 - 39:05
You risk life and life by coming out here to do this podcast twice a week.
39:05 - 39:13
It's true. It's true. And so there was a discussion then of whether we would all go to the funeral.
39:13 - 39:26
Look, I'm sorry. We were discussing topics like I would have to go, but I could probably read a message then from our guest who you had booked and Mars Bar.
39:26 - 39:31
You know what I mean? But I'd probably be buried in the UK. I don't know.
39:31 - 39:37
Would I? Would I? It's a lot of effort to repatriate a body. I was, sorry to interrupt your day.
39:37 - 39:44
When I was flying to Australia for the first time to try and woo the current Mrs. Rushdie.
39:44 - 39:49
Just were you pretending to her that, that's funny, I'll actually be in Woolloomooloo next week.
39:49 - 39:57
That's amazing. I then immediately try to book it like Matt Holland. She was aware that I was coming and I had two weeks off the way Saturdays fell during the glory years.
39:57 - 40:06
And then, Heathrow froze over, right? So I got to Heathrow and it froze and all the planes were grounded and they were just like, go home, go home.
40:06 - 40:14
Nothing's leaving. I was like, oh, it's annoying. But on that day of Soccer AM, Graham McDowell had been on, right?
40:14 - 40:21
Golfer. Irish golfer. Yeah. And I like, I just said, because the snow was bad and he was like, oh, I'm going out in town later.
40:21 - 40:23
And I was like, oh, well, if I don't, if the flight doesn't go, I'll text you.
40:23 - 40:30
So I texted him and said, look, what are you doing? He went, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to Nobu and I was like, I was like, all right.
40:30 - 40:38
And I said, you never know. I might get this for nothing too. I like Graham McDowell seemed like a nice guy, but there was no way to get, there was just no way to get back into London.
40:38 - 40:50
But I ended up jumping in a taxi with this family who were going back to Wembley because they were planning to fly to Lahore with their uncle's body.
40:50 - 40:58
So they were, so they were trying to repatriate the body. Fortunately, they didn't have to take the body back to Wembley.
40:58 - 41:04
That was left, that was left in storage at Heathrow. In a locker. So just in a locker.
41:04 - 41:12
They just wrapped it in cellophane. One of those, just one of those ones. So anyway, I jumped off at Wembley and then went into town and went to Nobu.
41:12 - 41:17
And it's still not my place. It was a bit fancy for me, but me and Graham and Dale got quite drunk.
41:17 - 41:26
Wow. So no, you're probably right. I'd probably, I'd probably repatriate my ashes. You know, I'd do the ashes here and then send the urn back.
41:26 - 41:38
Few things. I love the idea that in the Soccer AM glory years, still the only person you knew who could operate a computer to see if there were any other flights was Matt Holland.
41:38 - 41:46
You have to get him out to Heathrow to check because there's only like three computers in all of London.
41:46 - 41:57
I did think you were going to say Graham McDowell had a jet and he was like, I'll fly you nonstop to Melbourne and you just party all the way there.
41:58 - 42:12
Wow. Just eating the Wagyu beef solidly. And then creepily turn up at the kindergarten where Mrs. Rushden is teaching and enroll yourself in as a student.
42:12 - 42:19
And they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. What a mix up this has been. Just turn up and just like, do you know Graham McDowell?
42:19 - 42:22
And she's like, no. I said, well, I'm afraid he's part of the group now.
42:22 - 42:30
And we've been living together, the three of us, ever since. Anyway, so look, so you're having these conversations with Charlie.
42:30 - 42:33
I'm still nowhere to be seen, but it's your day. I know where I am.
42:33 - 42:47
I'm sitting right here, but it's not my day. Yeah, so word starts to filter through because it's actually difficult to get in contact with you because it turns out there's been a storm,
42:47 - 42:57
some sort of flash flood. The Lord is unhappy that, what's the show called? What's the six o'clock show?
42:58 - 43:08
The Lord is unhappy that the project is ending, so has sent a great storm to Melbourne, which means that the internet is effectively not working.
43:08 - 43:17
There is an outage. There's an outage, yeah. Yeah. And I've got backup Wi-Fis. Nothing's working.
43:17 - 43:23
And I'm not frantic because I'm like, it's David and he's all right. And it's guest who we won't name.
43:23 - 43:27
He's all right. Miles plus five. It's like, there's nothing we can do. There's nothing.
43:27 - 43:33
Yeah. And then Miles Bar brought the axe down on the record. Yeah. We sat there for about half.
43:33 - 43:45
Well, our guest was very patient and he has some amazing kind of golden age of showbiz cannon and ball, little and large type tales.
43:45 - 43:53
So we were talking about those. I have my one anecdote that's about cannon and ball and hair flick from Aloe Aloe.
43:53 - 43:59
And I told him that maybe it'll come up when we record. We're going to try and record it again next week.
43:59 - 44:08
Yeah, Mars Bar axes it at about, I'd say, half an hour of checking on you.
44:08 - 44:13
Sorry about that. I'm sorry for the internet outage. It's fine. Melbourne's in the north.
44:13 - 44:24
I believe you. The others didn't, Max. That's all I'm saying. I believe you. So I decide I'm going to get a haircut.
44:24 - 44:31
That's what I'm going to do now. Yep. Okay. I've got big plans for this day and I have an unexpected hour now.
44:31 - 44:42
So I go to two places and they both have, because I don't have an appointment obviously, and I'm not prepared to DIY like yourself.
44:42 - 44:52
They have men sitting on the bench. They have men in the seats and men sitting on the bench.
44:52 - 45:03
And I can't bring myself to joining the queue because it could be 45 minutes. Like, they're always a bit shady as to how, like, they'll never say it's going to be a 45 minute wait.
45:03 - 45:11
You know, so you just sit there for ages looking at a copy of a car magazine from 2018.
45:11 - 45:17
Thinking, really, I could do, 2018 David could do with an Astra. Is what I was thinking.
45:17 - 45:27
Well, it's interesting that you mention that because the next task is me and dad are going to get him a new car. Great.
45:28 - 45:37
A new car, wow. A second-hand car, but a new car nonetheless. Okay, this is good for you petrol heads out there.
45:37 - 45:51
Hybrid heads, please. Hybrid heads out there. I had done the hard yards the week before. I had found the car we want. One that comes with a warranty.
45:51 - 46:18
Low mileage. 2018. 1.5 litre. Yeah! Feel the power. Yeah. It is cool. So we get there and yep, it's all being organised and the car is there. The boss of the dealership very kindly does the deal and... Does he know you?
46:18 - 46:28
Does he want you to take a photo for his TikTok? Yes. I take a photo with my dad for the...
46:28 - 46:35
I have to see if it's... if they've put it up yet. Oh, did you ask for copy approval or are you just happy with any old photos? This is exciting.
46:35 - 46:41
Because your dad's also a thing, you know, he's a mover and shaker too. So it's double O'Doherty.
46:41 - 46:56
This could really see Toyota Prius is flying off the showroom floor. My dad wrote many of the TV theme musics of our childhood and he's very nice.
46:56 - 47:05
And get this, is there any greater endorsement for a car? The boss of the dealership says, dad's like, is it a good car?
47:05 - 47:25
In the same way that we always ask Mars Bar, is the podcast good? Dad said, is the car good? And the car has got like 30,000 miles on it. And boss of the dealership says, is it good? Let me just say, it's my mother's old car. Wow.
47:25 - 47:33
Yeah, yeah. It's really good. It's tricked up. It's got many of the great accessories.
47:33 - 47:47
We're shown the various things that my father will never use. Like explaining Bluetooth to my dad as my dad just turns the fan up and down like absolutely delighted.
47:47 - 47:56
And why does his mom want to get rid of the car? Well, I couldn't ask that now, Max. It's possible we have a buddy type situation.
47:58 - 48:02
My fear would be that that was because the brakes had failed, you know, and this would you know.
48:02 - 48:13
What's the Spike Milligan line? I want to die peacefully in my sleep. Not like the other passengers, not screaming like the other passengers in my car.
48:13 - 48:27
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an absolute beaut. The car is cool. I would say it's got many of the functions that are just come standard on cars now.
48:28 - 48:37
Wheels. It's got a camera that comes on when you're reversing. Yeah, BBB. It's the BBB age, isn't it?
48:37 - 48:45
I know it's the BBB age, but with the camera as well. Like, you could film a sketch using it.
48:45 - 48:53
I mean, yeah, a limited sketch, but you're right. As you're driven I think you have to be reversing.
48:53 - 49:10
It would put a real time constraint on whatever the sketch is. It's got... Does the Subaru do this? When you lock it with the button the wing mirrors automatically go in as well. Is this all cars now? Are they all doing this?
49:10 - 49:13
I don't know if that happens with the... I don't know if that happens with my wing mirrors. I'll have to check.
49:13 - 49:16
I'll check and get back to you. Do you want me to check now? No, it's fine.
49:16 - 49:28
I drive a... So my father's very conscientious and he has organized his insurance on the car that kicks in at 2pm.
49:28 - 49:41
Well, you need to get it home from the dealership. But I have an open insurance that operates on all cars. So I say, I'll drive it. And then my dad says, pull in. And I look at my watch and it's like one minute past two.
49:41 - 49:48
I'll take it from here. It doesn't... Just to turn this into a car podcast.
49:48 - 49:53
She... I think... Do we call the car she? If you call it whatever you like.
49:53 - 49:59
We'll say they. They don't have much poke the car. From an acceleration point of view.
49:59 - 50:11
But I will say this. Those 1.5 litres mean that you're going faster than you think. Yeah. And it's all you need, really. I mean, what's your dad trying to do? He's not trying to win the, you know,
50:11 - 50:19
the Azerbaijan Grand Prix. It's unlikely to tip up there, is he? At Bahrain. He's fourth on the grid alongside Max Verstappen.
50:19 - 50:37
That's Mr. O'Doherty. We showing Max Verstappen the little camera that comes on when you reverse them. That's an old trick in Formula One. They're like, here, throw it in reverse and let's see if it has a camera just as it's about to start.
50:37 - 50:48
Everyone else goes forward and my dad shoots back. But we do get to see a graphic detail the carnage as he reverses into Ralph Schumacher.
50:48 - 51:09
Rubens Barrichello is furious with him. He tries to rip his helmet off. We drive back. It's a it's a sense of job done. Absolutely delighted. Yeah, well done. This is great all round. Yeah, we take an adorable picture for the O'Doherty family WhatsApp of
51:09 - 51:21
mum and dad beside the new car. Oh, lovely. Which, and the only other transport based picture that I can ever think of my mum in.
51:21 - 51:31
My mum was a hot lady. My mum is a hot lady. Yeah, I've never wanted to say it, but I've always thought it.
51:31 - 51:59
My mum was a hot lady in the hubba hubba in the 60s and her father was a dealer for Lambretta mopeds, the classic not Vespa, the sort of cooler ones than Vespa that the mods used to drive. And my mum appeared in promotional material for Lambretta
51:59 - 52:13
and it's her sitting on a Lambretta in and you wouldn't have these anymore a tiger skin coat of course, holding a baby tiger.
52:13 - 52:24
Really? Fuck off, fuck off, really? Yeah. So killed the mother, wrapped it around your bum and then said, hold the tiger, baby tiger.
52:24 - 52:32
A Netflix documentary that. Mother, raise that tiger and that's who you're talking to right now.
52:32 - 52:45
A fully sentient tiger. Great. Job done. New car. Gotta work on this show. We gotta work on this show.
52:45 - 53:01
Come back here, sidetracked. Miel, the cat, is very much ruling the roost and is doing figure of eight still between my legs. I'd be been told Miel doesn't want to play, so
53:01 - 53:11
in an attempt at procrastination I get a twig, I tie some string to it, and I get a small piece of polystyrene and just bob it up and down for a while.
53:11 - 53:18
Cats love this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love how you just discovered things that cats like.
53:18 - 53:26
No, Miel has no interest. Oh, really? Miel's just watching, like, what is he doing?
53:26 - 53:40
Does he think that, that this is what we enjoy? I get a text from my niece who is in university. She lives around the corner. She says, football now.
53:40 - 54:00
Oh, that's a great text. One of the great text messages. Yeah, she's really good at football. She's good at keepy-uppy, and so that's what we're going to do. I sent her a picture of the cat just staring at the bouncing piece of polystyrene,
54:00 - 54:09
and she responds, OMG, she suffered a cat bereavement last year, so she's like, thinks I've got a cat.
54:09 - 54:15
And I explain, we're minding the cat. She goes, I must come over and meet it. She comes over.
54:15 - 54:30
So my brother is in the park at this point, waiting for us, and she says, I've come over. I just want to meet the cat. The cat, when she arrives, is gone. Completely we go right round the house twice.
54:30 - 54:44
There is the fear that I have lost the cat. My niece then fails to believe that I have the cat, and I just photoshopped. You know how good I am at photoshopping. You are good at it, it's true.
54:44 - 54:50
Have you tried shaking the cat biscuit? The cat doesn't really have interest in food.
54:50 - 54:56
This is what I mean. Raised by dogs, everything about me is wrong. So I'm like, meow!
54:56 - 55:04
Like, come on! I'm shaking her bowl and stuff, and she's just like a little French cat that's like, no, no, no.
55:04 - 55:14
So, yeah, Millie fails to believe that this cat exists, but we go to the park then with the football.
55:14 - 55:24
Right, so you're like, we might have lost the cat, but don't care. Yes, but there is a window is left ajar for the cat, because the cat poops in the garden.
55:24 - 55:34
So, but the cat isn't in the garden, it's a small garden. It's a mystery, but not what, I text Helen Copter, and Helen Copter is just like, don't worry about it.
55:34 - 55:42
You know, it's fine. We're off to play football. We're going to football. In football, three people in the park.
55:42 - 55:50
Classic games include someone stands with their legs open a distance away, you have to roll it through their legs.
55:50 - 55:57
Uh-huh, nice. Headers and volleys? Yeah, we'll just keep you up generally. Oh yeah, yeah, good.
55:57 - 56:08
The rule that we have is we're trying to get 10, but 10 it only counts as one if you shuffle it around to yourself a few times. Oh, it's got to be one touch.
56:08 - 56:17
This has got to be one touch, guys. 10 transfers of ownership within it. That's the goal, which we only achieve when we're not counting.
56:17 - 56:32
You know, there's something about the aspect of counting that brings a little too much pressure. We then kick it really high up into the air and try and trap it, which I have the one that I always like to do, which is ball goes up
56:32 - 56:50
really high. Rather than just trap it under my foot, I bring it down onto my foot. Yeah, yeah, lovely. Which causes the ball to bounce off towards various people who are just trying to have a nice sit down on this nice day in the park. Interruption. Just in
56:50 - 57:04
case our man who surreptitiously films me, he would want to know that lots of Sunday, and I've said to the gaffer, if I play, if you take me off, I can never come back on again because my body seizes up.
57:04 - 57:09
Play holding midfield the first half with 3-0 up, job done. We've won the game.
57:09 - 57:14
I come off at halftime, sitting in the sun. It's a really lovely winter's day.
57:14 - 57:17
We're 4-0 up, whatever. And then I'm like, ah, I really want to play a bit more.
57:17 - 57:24
So I come on up front for the last 15 minutes. And the last minute, in the last minute, a cross comes in.
57:24 - 57:31
Michael Owen, not that one, goes for a diving header. It evades him. It's a ball's a bit away from me, but I stretch to get it.
57:31 - 57:41
Come on. Do I score in the last minute? Or does my hamstring just go, but dying! And do I collapse like a sniper has shot me?
57:41 - 57:46
And I roll off the pitch, and maybe my season is done. That is a possibility.
57:46 - 57:51
Oh, no! Hamstring? Hamstring. I think it's our cycle today. I think it could be alright.
57:51 - 58:03
Got a game in two, I've got two more games before, well, I'm not going to play this weekend. But then after that, there's two games, so it's possible I could get one game in before coming back to the motherland.
58:03 - 58:21
Did you, by any chance, make contact as your hamstring ringed? No, that was the noise. You score the goal and then have to be taken off on a stretcher, just arms raised to the crowd. Yeah, there was no stretcher, there was just some limping
58:21 - 58:33
and I think it was safe to say no sympathy when I returned home. In fact, I was doing a pram walk half an hour after getting home, which was, I would say, suboptimal.
58:33 - 58:48
But, you know, them's the breaks. Anyway, your day. I'd love if you were doing the pram walk with two members of your team on either side of you who are just holding you up as you really slowly Still in kit.
58:48 - 58:57
I'm still in kit like that. Yeah. The pram's basically just against my belly and they are just there.
58:57 - 59:07
I'm just hopping with them, crying, weeping, knowing that my season's over. We have a lovely kick around on a beautiful day.
59:07 - 59:19
On the way back, we pass a pet shop. So, cat niece says, get some catnip that will entice the cat back.
59:19 - 59:33
So, I get a small duck that has, I don't really know what catnip is, but I just know it from the phrase, like catnip, as in a thing that cats like.
59:33 - 59:39
I bring it back, and the cat's just there in the hall, just like, oh, hello, good to see you again.
59:39 - 59:49
You know, like, just pure mystery, pure absolute mystery. Fine. I'll do a little bit of work.
59:49 - 1:00:05
At six o'clock, a terrifying thing happens. This is the first time I've been here at six o'clock. Miel, the cat, has an automatic bone that you put a big sack of cat pellets into it.
1:00:05 - 1:00:25
It turns out, and so I haven't been here for this any other day, a recording of the cat plays as it knocks down a few, whatever, half a pound of fresh cat pellets.
1:00:25 - 1:00:43
It goes like, meow, meow, meow, meow, that it's her that they have recorded. Yeah, I don't know what to think. Part of me is because it's clearly a recording of a cat. So it's like the cat's been running a ham radio or so.
1:00:43 - 1:00:54
The cat's been using this podcast equipment to record podcasts with other cats. Does by any chance Nadia Shireen just pop out of the food dispenser?
1:00:54 - 1:01:07
Mars Bar returns out and is producing this podcast for cats where they discuss what's new in cats this week. Great.
1:01:07 - 1:01:27
I have a dinner date at 645 with the Helen Copter and Connor, my friend, a listener to the podcast, of course, who lives in New York and is back for the summer.
1:01:27 - 1:01:39
Uh, he we're going to a concert. We're going to see like probably one of the seminal figures in my life.
1:01:39 - 1:01:45
Max, before I met you was when I was in university. Yeah. Is it nowhere in the whale?
1:01:45 - 1:01:59
Uh, it's from the jazz realm. So there we go. It's someone who is would be up there.
1:01:59 - 1:02:15
You won't know his name, but the small proportion of our listeners who like jazz will know who Brad Meldow is probably the most innovative piano player in jazz over the last 20 years.
1:02:15 - 1:02:27
When I was in university, he found himself in Dublin and my friend Ben and I befriended him.
1:02:27 - 1:02:34
And we used to get him to play these tiny crap gigs in the university. Like it was so clear.
1:02:34 - 1:02:50
He is touched by greatness. I don't know what genius is, but he could hear a thing and play it and then improvise around it and immediately have an innate understanding of everything.
1:02:50 - 1:03:11
He had recorded one record at this point. And on a tiny label in Barcelona that my dad had got somewhere. And just because jazz is full of these seminal figures who bring the art form in a slightly new direction.
1:03:11 - 1:03:33
Your famous ones. Brand new heavies. Being Louis Armstrong. You know, Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, and the names may be less well known because jazz probably isn't as popular as it once was. You got Chick Correa, you've got Keith Jarrett,
1:03:33 - 1:03:42
and you've got Brad Melda. And this is the point where he was just forming as a incredible artist.
1:03:42 - 1:03:50
He is now one of the biggest names in the music. He was playing in the National Concert Hall.
1:03:50 - 1:04:04
Like 1,200 people. And we're in touch. You know, we took the odd time, and he said, come and let's hang out.
1:04:04 - 1:04:16
So yes, we had me, Helen Copter, and Connor had a delicious ramen around the corner from the place, and then went.
1:04:16 - 1:04:22
I love, like, this is just my thing. I mean, obviously, I love this podcast. This is my thing.
1:04:22 - 1:04:30
But it would be difficult for me to watch a live version of this podcast, because I would be in it, you know?
1:04:30 - 1:04:48
Until Duchovny signs, of course. It would be spooky as well, where I'd watch me doing, well, it'd be annoying with Duchovny in it, but it would be, because I'd be like, this is very like my yesterday as well. I would be thinking that.
1:04:48 - 1:05:09
The program of the concert, I mean, I'll stop talking about it now, but he just, he put so many different moods, like it was an hour and 20 straight through, two encores, people absolutely loved it, all stood up at the end. You know, I realize it's the story
1:05:09 - 1:05:25
of my life. I hated jazz when I was little. I realize it just sounds like wank to most people, but when your ear kind of attunes to it, and you know what they're like, every night they're trying to turn this music in
1:05:25 - 1:05:43
side out and put it back together and have fun with it and react to each other doing it. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I absolutely love it. And we go backstage afterwards and reminisce about when I was his promoter, because
1:05:43 - 1:05:55
I then put on his Irish concerts, my friend Ben and I did for a few years, and we were the worst promoters in the history of promoting.
1:05:55 - 1:06:07
I mean, the most memorable one was Diana Krall, who's now married to Elvis Costello and is the biggest singer in jazz. Her and Bublé would be the two big dogs.
1:06:07 - 1:06:25
We booked her for her first Dublin gig. The rider was very clear. You hire a Mercedes van with blacked out windows and Diana needs it parked outside the terminal building of the airport.
1:06:25 - 1:06:32
So she doesn't have to walk with and she has all these boxes of outfits and everything.
1:06:32 - 1:06:45
And I am in charge of logistics and I go, yeah, don't worry about that. So I hire a Toyota minivan and park it in block F level three.
1:06:45 - 1:07:03
So me and me and Diana are in the lift. I've just got like hundreds of dresses under my arms, crushing them all together there. She's like, what's going on here? And I'm like, yeah, sorry, just couldn't park it outside. And then I forget what color the van that
1:07:03 - 1:07:17
we've hired is. So it's me walking around block F with the bleeper, just hoping the lights will come on on a car. She realized in fairness that, oh, this is what I'm dealing with here. A well
1:07:17 - 1:07:37
meaning, passionate music fan that is a terrible promoter. We ended up having a great time. She did two concerts. Anyway, Brad, we have similar tales of just absolute slackness on my part at the time. We got him to do a master class in Dublin and
1:07:37 - 1:08:03
every young, aspiring jazz musician in Dublin was there expectantly holding their flutes and trumpets and we had failed to get a key to open the piano. So yeah, I'm better as a podcast slash comedian than I ever was as a promoter. We say goodbye to Brad and
1:08:03 - 1:08:22
say goodnight to Connor, my friend who combines he's a professor in a fancy university in New York, but he's also a killer DJ as well. Back from my DJing era. Like that guy who does the BBC Explainers and Glastonbury.
1:08:25 - 1:08:39
He is exactly like Ross Atkins. He's your favourite. He can explain what's going on with Hezbollah and he can really knock out some Groove Armada on the, you know, pyramid stage.
1:08:39 - 1:08:55
We get back here. It's been a busy day. So we go to bed. We fail with the simplex Irish Times crossword.
1:08:55 - 1:09:15
We do connections. Helen insists on doing the New York Times mini. I am just dozing off to sleep when I hear from the garden the sound. Initially, I think it might be in the room of meow, screaming.
1:09:15 - 1:09:26
Oh, wow. Okay. Scream meowing. And yes, I bounce up out of bed. And go down.
1:09:26 - 1:09:34
She is standing on the back wall now. And she's looking down into the lane behind her house where I think foxes live.
1:09:34 - 1:09:43
I don't. My worry is that she has been murdered by a fox. But she seems absolutely fine.
1:09:43 - 1:09:55
And I say, meow, you have to come in. And meow says, shut up you piece of shit. I'm standing on the wall. So Helen Copter says, just leave her there.
1:09:55 - 1:10:05
She's doing her thing. And yeah, I mean, she is fine in that she woke us up again this morning. Many foxes are dead. Sam Fox, Dr. Fox.
1:10:05 - 1:10:33
Ruel Fox. They're all there. Not Ruel Fox. Strewn across the garden. It takes a long time to get back to sleep after you've heard the terrifying sound of a cat's like I think I think she was just territorial pissing more than anything else.
1:10:33 - 1:10:39
Yeah. And that was my yesterday. Hey, it's a big day. Nice day. It did go on a bit.
1:10:39 - 1:10:48
Well, I was looking at the clock, but that wasn't only because Mileswell says a tight hour and we're 115.
1:10:48 - 1:11:03
Not because I wasn't entertained. And then I was thinking, I wonder because I was enjoying your love of jazz, made me almost think I should listen to some jazz. That's how far it was. I'm going to look up this guy for my next pram walk.
1:11:03 - 1:11:15
So I do a pram walk to Brad Meldoe. That's what I'll do. Yeah, so listen to, he does a version of, a good place to start he does a version of Blackbird by the Beatles.
1:11:15 - 1:11:28
Listen to that. That will ease you into his oeuvre. Does he do a version of I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado? Then I can go that would be a gateway from me. If you'd like to get in touch with the podcast,
1:11:28 - 1:11:44
here's how. To get in touch with the show, you can email us at whatdidyoudoyesterdaypod at gmail.com Follow us on Instagram at yesterdaypod and please subscribe and leave a review if you liked it on your preferred podcast platform.
1:11:44 - 1:11:52
And if you didn't, please don't. Hey, thanks David. Let's do it again. I'm in it for life.
1:11:52 - 1:12:00
Now I'm Like a Bird by Nelly Furtado is just going around I'm like a bird, I can fly away. Yeah, jazz that up.
1:12:00 - 1:12:11
Thank you very much. Unlike Nelly Furtado, I know where my home is. It's on the What Did You Do Yesterday podcast. Thanks, Max.
1:12:11 - 1:12:12
Thank you.